Jewsday Tuesday: Because Progressives Ruin Everything

by | Mar 23, 2021 | Food & Drink, Jews | 242 comments

For my earlier overview of this wonderful holiday and the beginning of my mockery, see my post here.

Pesach (Passover for you filthy uncircumcised types) is fast approaching, and that means much preparation in the (((Jew))) household. Modern American Judaism is inextricably intertwined with Team Blue and Progressivism. There’s a lot of history and psychology attached to that, but those of (((us))) who aren’t addled get very clearly that antisemitism in America has largely transmuted to a left wing phenomenon. In (((our))) history, we have repeatedly made the mistake of thinking, “If we go along with our neighbors, ostentatiously show that the whole Jew thing is incidental and that we’re no different than they are, they’ll leave us alone.”

No, they won’t. For every one of these:

there was a thousand of these:

Things are no different here. Despite (((our))) mindless loyalty to Team Blue, we have not had a Corbyn-style reckoning here. American Jews have doubled down in their desperate fealty, and it has resulted in exactly zero positive results. The term “self-hating Jew” is thrown around a lot, and of course it’s bullshit- people tagged with that sobriquet never seem to hate themselves, just other Jews who aren’t ready to ostentatiously confess their Whiteness and renounce their status as Oppressors of Brown People. Tikkun Olam has transmuted to, “It’s all our fault, if we grovel enough and send money, will you forgive us?”

Much of this is reflected in modern American approaches to the Seder and the Haggadah prayers. Let’s look at a few of them, remembering that this is supposed to be a RELIGIOUS service, conducted under traditions with multi-thousand year continuity.

Here’s an example. Besides the continuing instructions to “lean to the left,” I note with amusement that the quotes to be read include such famous Jews as Martin Luther King, Reverend Reinhold Niebuhr, John Lennon… But at least we don’t sanctify the American government by including it as part of the prayers. Oh wait…

According to the State Department, somewhere around 17,000 foreign nationals are trafficked into the United States, from at least 35 countries, and enslaved each year. Some victims are smuggled into the United States across the Mexican and Canadian borders; others arrive at our major airports daily, carrying either real or forged papers…

Some sources, including the federal government, estimated in the hundreds of thousands the number of United States citizens – primarily children – at risk of being caught in slavery each year, yet it is largely a crime that goes unpunished. In 2007, the Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division obtained only 103 convictions for human trafficking, with an average sentence of 9 years…

Seriously, is this the Haggadah or PBS?

Every one of us, every day, touches, wears, and eats products tainted with slavery… Some of them (such as shrimp) might surprise you.

NARRATOR: Shrimp isn’t Kosher.

One student asked the rebbetzin for her opinion about the place of lesbians in Judaism. The rebbetzin suggested that lesbianism was a small transgression, like eating bread during Passover. Something one shouldn’t do, but for which there were few consequences. Some time later, when the Berkeley students were planning their Seder, they chose to place a crust of bread on their Seder plate in solidarity with lesbians who were trying to find a place in Jewish life. Others picked up this story, but struggled with the transgressive symbolism of bread on a seder plate. Professor Susannah Heschel was responsible for substituting a tangerine as a symbol for gay and lesbian solidarity. She then went on to share the story, and as it spread, it changed. The symbol became an orange, not a tangerine, and the focus on Jewish lesbians shifted to a focus on the place of women leaders and rabbis in Judaism. And this is the version that first began to appear in mainstream haggadot. Today, let our orange be a symbol of inclusivity to all genders and sexualities.

NARRATOR: The Torah suggests something quite the opposite, but why worry about that?

 

Here’s a real gem. “Hey, we’re ready for our tattoos now.”

In the wake of the violence, turmoil, colonialist control, and ongoing Occupation, we want to acknowledge the distinction between “mitzrayim” – the narrow place – where the story we tell at Passover takes place and Egypt, the modern-day nation state. We are not conflating contemporary Egyptians with the pharaoh and taskmasters that appear in the Passover story. In the U.S., and worldwide, anti-Arab racism and Islamophobia saturate our media and our culture, and we must be vigilant to oppose it and interrupt it at every turn.

That’s on the first page. A little further, we read

…we eat this olive in sorrow, mindful that olive trees, the source of livelihood for Palestinian farmers, are regularly chopped down, burned and uprooted by Israeli settlers and the Israeli authorities. As we look on, Israel pursues systematic policies that increasingly deny Palestinians access to olive orchards that have belonged to them for generations. As we eat now, we ask one another: How will we, as Jews, bear witness to the unjust actions committed in our name? Will these olives inspire us to be bearers of peace and hope for Palestinians – and for all who are oppressed?

I wonder how this is squared with the whole LGBT thing and what the Palestinian Authority and Hamas do to them?

May this symbolic act inspire us to dismantle the oppressive systems that shatter lives and fracture communities. This Passover, let us commit to sacred struggle, to bring down the Pharaohs of our day, to find true liberation, to enter the Promised Land that is promised to all…This is why we proudly support the Palestinian civil society call for Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) as part of our work for freedom, justice and equality for all people. We join with communities of conscience around the world in supporting Palestinians, who call for BDS until the Israeli government ends its occupation and colonization of all Arab lands occupied in June 1967 and dismantles the Wall; recognizes the fundamental rights of the Arab Palestinian citizens of Israel to full equality; and respects, protects and promotes the rights of Palestinian refugees to return to their homes and properties as stipulated in UN Resolution 194. We believe that the time-honored, non-violent tools proposed by the BDS call provide powerful opportunities to make that vision real. By supporting the Palestinian call, we follow in the footsteps of those who supported similar calls to support struggles in the Jim Crow South and apartheid South Africa.

“Excuse me, Sir, which oven should I use?”

We now end our Seder meal once again with the proclamation “Next Year in Jerusalem!” And so we ask: what will we do to ensure that Jerusalem lives up to its name as a city of peace? How will we respond as the Jewish state increasingly implements policies that claim this holy city in the name of one people only?

Imagine, those (((people))) want to live and pray in their holy city, while allowing mosques and churches. Why can’t they turn it over to the Arabs, who excluded Jews from the city when they were occupying it and will not allow any non-Muslim prayers or Jews on the Temple Mount? Jews are clearly the equivalent of South African apartheid and Jim Crow.

 

Of course, we have to have a Resistance Haggadah. With mentions of Trump, the notorious antisemite. Here’s their version of the ceremony of the Ten Plagues:

The Four Sons doesn’t escape a makeover. And of course, it’s gender-neutral:

         The Four Children of Racism

The Wise Child: Who is considered wise?
In 2006 6.7% of US public school children were Gifted and Talented. However the percentage of white
public school children was more than double the percentage of Black public school children, which
was the lowest of any race/ethnicity. Studies show that white teachers are less likely to view black
students as high achieving and college bound and more likely to expect them to drop out of school.

The Wicked Child: Who is considered wicked?
Studies show that teachers of all races are more likely to punish black children than their white
counterparts. In fact Black children are more likely to be viewed as angry, violent and even older by
white study participants. This has very real and deadly consequences ranging from the creation of a
school to prison pipeline, the physical abuse of children by school safety officers and the murder of
Black children like Tamir Rice.

The Simple Child: Who is considered simple?
Black and Latino youth, particularly boys, are disproportionately classified as students with
disabilities. They are especially likely to be classified with “stigmatized” learning disabilities such as
emotional disturbance, mental retardation or intellectual disabilities and some other categories while
they are underrepresented in categories like autism, speech and language.

The Child Who Does Not Yet Know How to Ask: Whose voices do we listen to?
Are there children who don’t know how to speak? Or are we not listening to the words they’re using?
The language of our Black and Brown children is often devalued. “Speak English” is the common
rejoinder to students trying to express themselves in African American Vernacular English, Spanish
or other (neo)indigenous languages.
But as Teachers College professor Jamila Lyiscott asks, “Who controls articulation?”

 

I’ll leave you with a recipe for Matzo Brei aka (((French))) Toast. I’m sure this is somehow oppressive and racist, but it’s a great breakfast.

4 pieces of matzo

warm water

1/2 tsp salt or to taste

a few grinds of black pepper

1/4 tsp garlic powder

2 eggs

1 tbs butter

Soak the matzos in warm water for 30 seconds. Drain. Beat the eggs, salt, pepper, and garlic together. Pour over the matzo, then mix together. Heat a frying pan to medium-low. Add the butter, swirl around, then add the matzo/egg mixture. Cover, then fry until the bottom is light golden. Flip, then fry for another minute or two. Now it’s time to clog your digestive system.

 

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

242 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    I’ll leave you with a recipe for Matzo Brei aka (((French))) Toast.

    I’d have to find (probably make) matzos if I wanted to make that. I don’t think I’ve ever had any in the house.

    Do you have a recommended method for someone who’s never made matzo before?

    • Ted S.

      Can’t you buy it at Hannaford?

      • UnCivilServant

        pre-made? Is it even a good example?

        Mix? Same question?

        Try from scratch like a madman? Is it difficult?

      • dbleagle

        Most grocery stores have them. They are not as good as fresh, but should work for this recipe.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Purchase. Almost no-one makes it at home.

      • UnCivilServant

        Thanks. I added a jar to this week’s grocery order.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        jar

        I think maybe OMWC is talking about the crackers and you’re talking about the balls that go in soup?

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, it wasn’t too late to edit the order, so I now have both on it.

      • rhywun

        I have a box of matzo meal. That would probably fit it somehow.

      • rhywun

        Fit “in”, even.

      • Akira

        I need to get some of that; I love me some chicken soup with matzo balls.

        I try to be “extra” and cook as much from scratch as possible, so I once attempted to make matzos, grind them into meal, and make them into balls for soup. Nowhere near as good as the Manischewitz boxed kind.

  2. Ted S.

    Eat the matzo French toast with a side of bacon.

    • rhywun

      I made latkes and sausage the other day.

  3. Mojeaux

    Was listening to Jordan Peterson today talking about the taboo subject of IQ because it gets into the uncomfortable fact that all people are not created equal.

    • juris imprudent

      I’m reading Postman’s Technopoly and he has quite a takedown of IQ (which includes the interesting history of how it came to be). It is rooted in the same ground as eugenics.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, to me the discussion of IQ as a metric is irrelevant.

        The thrust of it was: Some people are smarter than others and nobody wants to talk about it.

    • blackjack

      I am an IQ skeptic, personally. I tested out of the entirety of junior high school with an IQ test. I’m not saying I’m dumb or that there isn’t a difference in people’s individual abilities to solve problems or understand new concepts. I just have real doubts that the tests these people create are probably not very accurate. I’m not sure I could do any better, either. I doubt that people just can’t learn or lack the ability to reason they’re way through problems. I think they just don’t care as much as others. If it pertains to something that matters a lot to them, they suddenly have no problems learning it. I don’t trust others to make such judgements. The inner mind is a private place. There really isn’t the tricknology to dig into someone else’s without permission.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Intelligence isn’t everything, and when the focus is 100% on intelligence, people make bad decisions when it comes to other aspects, like maturity.

        Furthermore, intelligence may correlate with being able to do more complex and difficult jobs in the real world, but it contributes exactly zero to job and life satisfaction.

      • Tulip

        And may actually lead to dissatisfaction

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Higher intelligence definitely comes with some costs.

  4. juris imprudent

    Speaking of the oppressed becoming oppressors – I’m going to remind everyone that I did eat crow about the election when the Time article about fortifying came up. I expect a little reciprocation on the matter of Sidney Powell addressing all of you as no reasonable person[s] for taking her at her word about Dominion. A small word (or two) of contrition will suffice.

    • UnCivilServant

      I have rarely seen one person burn so many bridges so quickly.

      • juris imprudent

        It’s a gift.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was talking about the lawyer.

        Wait… that might not be a unique identifier in this conversation.

      • juris imprudent

        So was I. I only aspire to burn a few bridges (but to burn them brightly enough to be visible from space), and my legal training is as ersatz as my handle. I will say that I do know that playing to the court of public opinion, one may be unmoored from reality with little consequences – doing so before a judge in court is an entirely different matter.

      • westernsloper

        The Juris burnt no bridges I am aware of, and I have yet to see anything that proves the Dominion machines aren’t maybe the biggest problem but might just be a side of horse shit. Running the same ballots through the same machines proves nothing. I can’t keep up with it all, but where are the articles disproving the switching of ballot tallies?

      • UnCivilServant

        I wasn’t talking about Juris.

        While the debates got… heated, I don’t recall anyone refusing to re-engage once the topic changed.

    • kbolino

      Well, I never said anything positive about the Giuliani-Wood-Powell clown show to begin with.

    • Ownbestenemy

      She…I don’t know what she was doing. Coming out like that she is had ‘conspiracy madness” or I don’t know. If anything, she is more culpable than anything Trump said regarding the election.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Personally, I think she got fed disinformation from some interested parties.

      • juris imprudent

        Then she was far more gullible than a good lawyer should be.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m not excusing her. I was certainly invested to an extent in her claims. That’s on me just as her Kraken statements are on her.

      • blackjack

        Well, she ain’t the first lawyer who’ll say whatever increases her chances in the instant case. 1.3b would get me to dance as fast as I can.

    • Plinker762

      I find it interesting that the report eventually leads to the 6th and claims that the riot occurred after the rally. And of course the 5 death directly related to the “invasion”

      And yes Powell appears to be a nutter.

    • Gustave Lytton

      John Poulos is still a slimy little shit that deserves a beat down.

    • Sean

      I cannot fathom wtf she did there. I thought she was a serious person. Apparently, she’s worse than a Kardashian.

  5. westernsloper

    like eating bread during Passover.

    New porn hub search term obtained.

  6. pistoffnick

    NARRATOR: Shrimp isn’t Kosher.

    But I like shrimp!

    You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.

    I would add Hawaiian Garlic Shrimp from a questionable truck on the North Beach.

    “…you filthy uncircumcised types…”

    But I like my foreskin.

    • pistoffnick

      Also Shrimp and Grits.

      Why do (((they))) want to cut the tip of your pecker off? Did Jehovah not make you that way? How is cutting it off an improvement?

    • juris imprudent

      Joke’s on OMWC as there are those of us – with no parentheses – that lost the foreskin not for the sake of the (((tribe))). If it was done for the sake of Dr. Kellogg – ha, joke is on you dumbass.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My father likes to remind me that if the apocalypse happens, he’ll have something to use for fish bait whereas I’m screwed.

        Thanks again, Kellogg.

      • Galt1138

        I wonder how many of us goyim were circumcised because of Kellogg’s pseudo science. Was it just a certain number of years that the procedure was practiced for so-called medical reasons?

  7. KromulentKristen

    I wish you coulda met my Ma, OM

    • Old Man With Candy

      Seeing how you turned out… I need to hear stories.

    • UnCivilServant

      I read that as “You should pay for a dedicated victim server.”

      Coming from Vice, it didn’t seem odd.

    • Rat on a train

      Communism Works Beautifully On Our Dedicated ‘Valheim’ Server

      On the dedicated server, everyone is working towards the same goal and everyone can do the thing they like in Valheim without feeling as if they need to worry about the busy work. Emanuel has been working the wall while the rest of us adventure. Jim doesn’t like the home-body life so he’s helping gather resources in dangerous lands. Two other friends are wearing cheap armor and charting the map, leaving a trail of bodies they may never recover.

      If only we had a UBI, we could all do whatever we wanted, including playing video games all day.

  8. Don escaped Cancun

    My parents live in a conservative neighborhood between the synagogue and our prestigious yeshiva. Their neighbors claim to vote mostly Republican, but that’s the local crew. Those from NY/NJ/CT who are here to study tend Democrat.

    • rhywun

      My Brooklyn (((neighbors))) are hard-core Republicans. But they’re mostly Hasidim. The same folks that Deblasio and Cuomo tried to round up for ‘vid testing because they wouldn’t OBEY.

  9. kbolino

    you filthy uncircumcised types

    Uh, about that… I’m gonna guess you’ve not seen many American dicks.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      US dicks are trending more and more uncircumcised.

      • westernsloper

        More hood than helmet Should be our motto. Wait, that might not sound so good.

      • rhywun

        Finally, we’re becoming more like Europe!

      • blackjack

        My kid couldn’t get cut because of the adoption rules. He’s been to the doctor three times for his dick. I got cut at birth and I’ve never had a doctor anywhere near mine except this one girl who later became a doctor, but that’s a different story.

      • UnCivilServant

        Those results are not typical.

    • SP

      I’ve tried to tell him that, but he persists in this weird old belief.

      • juris imprudent

        He’ll do better to figure out if we belong by noses.

      • Old Man With Candy

        You took a survey one night in Zoom Chat. I was surprised that dick pix didn’t come rolling in.

      • Tulip

        I’m glad I missed that. I still have flashbacks from online dating.

      • Chafed

        There’s your next article.

    • Gadfly

      Not just American ones.

      In 2010, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimated 30% of adult males worldwide (aged 15+) are circumcised, with about two-thirds of those being Muslims.

  10. kinnath

    Well, I just ordered 9 more magazine for the M1A and 12 more for the Mini-14.

    They’re still available and affordable, unlike ammo.

    • UnCivilServant

      So the plan is to throw the empty magazines?

      • kinnath

        I have multiple cases in each caliber. Although, I could certainly take on a few more, but not at current pricing.

        As for the magazines, some days you just want to go burn up a car-payment’s worth of ammo in one sitting. Reloading magazines is just too slow.

      • blackjack

        I’m that fool who has expensive assed calibers like .44 mag and .45lc and doesn’t reload. I either burn a car payment at the range or leave very early.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Who needs that many magazines? trying to piss of Bernie?

      • kinnath

        Every time Biden opens his yap to bitch about assault weapons and high capacity magazine, I’m gonna go buy something.

        Fuck Biden.

        I just hope my checkbook can survive.

    • db

      Where did you find M1A magazines?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Seriously! I just checked all of my regular shops for checkmate m1a mags, and they’re all out of stock.

      • db

        I found some at Midway

      • kinnath

        pmag blue steel

        limit 3 at Midway USA

        6 at sportsmansguide.com

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      *thinks seriously about blowing next month’s fun budget early on magazines*

  11. KromulentKristen

    I’m uncircumcised!

    /filthy

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I would hope so, Jeez,

    • Mad Scientist

      Hawt

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Veering OT, Psaki said “He is not going to allow for obstruction to get work done for the American people…But his preference and priority is working with members of both parties.”

    Democracy!

    • UnCivilServant

      “Working with” meaning “the other side goes along with everything I my handlers ask for”

  13. westernsloper

    OMWC’s recipe I need to try. Will Maseca balls work for a Matza replacement? We are lacking in (((you people))) in these parts.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Amazon cut you off?

  14. Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

    Why am I obsessed with cleanliness? Cant I just be Pigpen for a while? It has become tedious,

    • pistoffnick

      You were cleaning your gun and it went off again?

      • juris imprudent

        Phrasing???

      • Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

        Not this time…..

      • Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

        Finally fixed the roof,

    • Tulip

      Because it is harder to get back to clean if you slack off. Plus, a dirty house will make you depressed.

      • UnCivilServant

        *looks around cluttered house*

        *sniffles*

        *sobs*

      • Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

        Thanks Tulip, that’s the best answer, Clean Ho!

  15. westernsloper

    Thanks for the Tuesday Old Man.

  16. LCDR_Fish

    Well, I saw a tweet from the interviewee here a few weeks ago right after he bought his school. This interview is one of the most inspiring things I’ve seen in a while

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJHCz49d5bU

    Need more dudes like him out there.

  17. Scruffy Nerfherder

    (((Jesus Christ)))

    I knew it was bad OM, but I didn’t know that they were reserving boxcar seats for the future train ride.

    That’s some serious cultural self-destruction.

    But hey, Christianity is trying to catch up to you guys. And maybe in a few hundred years, Islam will too.

    • Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

      All Hail The Elon!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It certainly is starting to have some appeal.

        I’m just not sure about the perpetual red landscapes.

      • db

        I could get used to it, definitely. You might even be able to continue your business out there–don’t you do heavy equipment rental or something like that? There will be a market for that and related services there if a real colony starts.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Wonder if I could devise a concrete using readily available Martian materials….

      • db

        It’d definitely need some anti-freeze additives, I’d think.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think the hydraulic reaction might be a negative in a dry environment like Mars.

      • db

        I just read an article referencing a paper (haven’t read the source paper) that the deuterium:hydrogen ratio in the Martian atmosphere and samples from meteorites and those analyzed in situ on Mars indicate that Mars may not have actually lost most of its water to space, as is commonly theorized. Instead, the ratio as measured indicates that between 30% and 90% of Mars’s original water is now locked up in minerals in its crust.

        Because Mars lacks plate tectonics like Earth, and its volcanism is dormant, there is no more exchange between the crust and mantle, which releases water from hydrated minerals. Here on Earth, our continuing plate subduction allows for such release/replenishment of water in the atmosphere and hydrosphere.

      • db

        All that to say that solar furnaces might be used to evolve mineral-locked water from crustal material on Mars. Now that’s some heavy duty terraforming, but possibly do-able.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’d think that the water requirements would make most concrete a non-starter.

        I read some lightweight sci-fi years ago that made a compelling case that the primary building material on Mars would be glass.

      • db

        Given enough silicate minerals, solar furnaces could be designed to produce glass or at least rock-melt bricks.

        Also, rock wool insulation would be able to be produced–it could be blown with compressed CO2 from the atmosphere.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Interesting, so you have to let union goons and union rabble rousers onto your farm in Cali? Looks like a pure intimidation racket to me.

  18. Hank

    There’s more self-flagellation there than…than in an Order of Flagellants.

    That’s depressing to learn about.

    “Today, let our orange be a symbol of inclusivity to all genders and sexualities.”

    Orange Jews!

  19. straffinrun

    For some reason I’m sitting with the other parents at our kids’ desks in the classroom. Elem graduation ceremony is finished and we have to wait here. Uncomfortable to say the least. To make it worse, the are playing recordings of a J pop song the school band performed. Kill me.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Just put some panties on your head and give them the old Golden Power Bomb.

      • straffinrun

        I’m already the only father here out of 30 that isn’t wearing a suit. May as well be wearing panties on my head.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Sounds like a no-brainer then. Remember to take pics and share.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Dance to the music and upload it to YouTube.

      • straffinrun

        Serenity now.

    • Tres Cool

      Punch a dud in the ‘nads and yell “balls up, kingfish”

      • egould310

        ?

  20. Hank

    “March Madness loves a Cinderella story, and this year it’s Oral Roberts University.

    “Oral Roberts, a mere 15 seed, destroyed brackets by toppling No. 2 Ohio State in the first round of the NCAA tournament and now enters the Sweet Sixteen after defeating No. 7 seed Florida 81-78 on Sunday.”

    But we should be very, very indignant because students at Oral Roberts are prohibited from engaging in “sexual promiscuity (including adultery, any homosexual behavior, premarital sex).” Also, students have to specifically reject “illicit, unscriptural sexual acts” including homosexual acts and adultery. Also, if they get married, it has to be to someone of the opposite sex, speaking of which, there’s only two sexes.

    Or to put it another way, the University is out-of-date because the standards of sexual morality it expects of students are the same standards other American colleges imposed up to the hippie era.

    “Now, Oral Roberts is primed to reap the rewards of the work from their unpaid student athletes. On the backs of those hard working kids, the university will seek to rewrite the narrative of their school into one of athletic victory when in fact, it’s steeped in bigotry and an exclusionary fundamentalism. The NCAA gave Oral Roberts that opportunity by allowing them into the tournament. Fans and media, eager to embrace a Cinderella story, helped push that narrative along either without knowing all the facts or willingly burying them as irrelevant.

    “However accomplished its young student athletes are, the school is a hotbed of institutional transphobia, homophobia with regressive, sexist policies. There is no way to separate their men’s basketball team from the dangers of their religious dogma, no matter how many top seeds they defeat.”

    https://ftw.usatoday.com/2021/03/oral-roberts-ncaa-anti-lgbtq-code-of-conduct

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Note I hope ORU wins.

      Just to hear the wailing.

      • The Last American Hero

        According to the article, they can’t win because they aren’t allowed to go all the way!

      • Rat on a train

        It’s the same reason their baseball team hasn’t won a championship. They can’t get past first base.

    • straffinrun

      ORU needs to update to the modern form of bigotry.

    • rhywun

      Oral Roberts is primed to reap the rewards of the work from their unpaid student athletes

      Because non-bigoted universities don’t do this.

      Here’s a crazy idea. Maybe students who don’t want to be submerged in “a hotbed of institutional transphobia, homophobia with regressive, sexist policies” could… choose another college to attend…? It’s so crazy it might work.

      • Tulip

        OMG! Next you’ll expect transpeople that want to celebrate their transition to not ask known conservative Christians to bake them a cake. Or a Satan cake! Where will your madness stop!

      • rhywun

        I have to laugh because does anybody go into that place not knowing what it’s all about?! Hell, I knew that when I was a dopey HS student looking at colleges.

      • Rat on a train

        Where does it rank on the list of party colleges?

      • Rat on a train

        Dammit, I need validation. Now provide me what I want bigot!

  21. Shpip

    Tying up a thread from earlier, America’s favorite (((Captain))), who turned ninety yesterday (no birthdays on the Monday Mourning lynx so no one noticed), had tinnitus so bad that he supposedly considered killing himself.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I overdid it on aspirin about a decade ago and my ears started whistling so bad it sounded like standing next to a jet engine (an exaggeration but not too much of one) with weird electronic keyboard like tones thrown in for good measure. If it wouldn’t have gone away after that sleepless week I had to put up with it I would have considered the same thing myself. Bad tinnitus is a terrible thing to have.

    • Chafed

      I had no idea about the tinnitus. I also had no idea he divorced his fourth wife last year. He is the OG.

  22. Tres Cool

    I dont remember my circumcision, but I know it hurt like hell- I couldnt walk for a year!

    With that, Ill see myself out the door to work.

  23. creech

    Apropos the “Jews stabbed Germany in the back,” I got into it a little this morning with a retired college history teacher about Woodrow Wilson. I contended that had Wilson dug in his heels against Congress and kept the U.S. out of WWI, the British, French and Germans would have been stalemated on the battlefield and concluded an armistice without the penalties suffered by Germany in the Treaty of Versailles. This would have prevented the “stabbed in the back” meme and a certain Austrian corporal would never have come to power. The professor thought there was no merit to this argument; that Germany and the British and French would have soon tangled again, that German Nationalism would have still reared its ugly head, and there is no way to predict that Hitler or some other virulent anti-semite would not have come to power with the U.S. being eventually drawn into a European conflict by 1940. Alternative historical outcomes are fun to argue and, on this one, I think I’m more correct that the learned history professor. Your thoughts?

    • The Last American Hero

      They might have tangled again, or they might have decided the cost was too high after losing so many in the first tangle. There wouldn’t have been the reparations post Great War, but there very well could have been a leader arise during the Great Depression that blamed the lingering economic malaise on (((you know who))).

      Counterfactuals are tough to prove.

    • Tundra

      Excellent question.

      I just listened to CJ Killmer on Counterflow this morning. He contended that our involvement in WW1 fucked up the resolution and made WW2 a foregone conclusion.

      Oh, and Wilson is one of the biggest pieces of shit to ever draw breath.

      • Chafed

        This is known.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      WWI’s not my forte, I never found it as interesting as WWII for some reason, but weren’t the Central Powers in pretty bad shape before we entered? The Allies minus the US would have taken care of the Ottomans and Austria-Hungary and eventually Germany, it just would have taken longer.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Socialist revolution in Britain, falls under the control of Moscow. No special relationship and the Anglophile element isn’t present in modern America. Socialist revolutions in a defeated power vacuum Germany never happen and reactionary nationalist groups never form.

      Hell, go further and German empire continues, the Germanphile element in the US grows, and the media fawns over the actions of the Kaiser’s grandkids.

    • Hank

      I’d say that the prof can’t prove what *would* have happened, but you can look at what *did* happen and make a good guess about the causes.

      Hitler rode Germany’s troubles all the way to power: Versailles and the Depression.

      What if he’d just had the Depression to work with? The point is we don’t know. Maybe someone else would have exploited it.

      We know who *did* exploit it.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Someone here recommended The Second Crusade as an excellent insight into the first world war (The Great European War) and the second world war (The World War). I made it about 2/3 of the way through before I became thoroughly disgusted with the politics involved. Summary: The US should never have entered the European War and could have avoided the World War.

    • mikey

      An interesting debate on whether Britain should have stayed out – there was a good debate in the UK on that for a time. Absent the Brits the French would have lost.
      The Enter side of the debate comes up with a lot not nice things that COULD have happened if Germany had won. None of these were nearly as bad as what we know DID happen. If nothing else the Brits went from being the world’s biggest creditor the the world’s biggest debtor. Oh, and a few million dead.
      The better question is; COULD Britain have stayed out? Likely not. The human capacity to march enthusiastically off to war is too great.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqO5CnnKLtA

      • mikey

        Oh, we should have stayed out – we got noting of benefit from the deaths of those 116,000 Americans. Absent our participation I don’t think anything that COULD have happened would have been as bad as what DID happen.

      • Gustave Lytton

        We’d still be able to yell “fire!” in a crowded theater. Particularly one that was on fire.

      • mikey

        And my elementary school would probably have been named after a different president.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You went to Harding Elementary??

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Well, the French *did* lose. According to The Second Crusade, the Germans were not interesting in Europe in the entirety, but wanted the grain producing areas of Eastern Europe. The beef wasn’t with the west, it was with the USSR.

        So the American socialist and the English socialist allied with the Russian socialist to defeat the German socialist. And Stalin laughed at us the entire time.

      • Plinker762

        It is funny to read how the French communists kept switching between being against the French state and for it depending on who the Germans were attacking during WWII.

    • db

      If the professor’s argument is that Europe still would have seen another major conflict, and that the US would necessarily have been dragged into it, then why in the world would he think US involvement in WWI was a good thing? Basically if nothing else changed, then the US keeping out of WWI would have still prevented the loss of over 117,000 US deaths (56,000 in combat) and 204,000 US wounded.

      So is his argument that over 320,000 US casualties in WWI were necessary to, what, prepare us for another inevitable war in Europe in the subsequent two decades? Especially when the scholarly consensus seems to be that excessively punitive conditions placed on Germany after WWI led to WWII? There would have been that war anyway?

      I’d argue that if Western Europe had bashed itself up but still allowed a moderately strong Germany to exit WWI, there would have been a strong bulwark against any potential Soviet expansion into eastern Europe, and possibly the avoidance of the Cold War. Or perhaps WWII would have manifested itself as a war of Western Europe against the USSR, which probably would have ended better for civilization as a whole than what we got.

      • db

        Where “what we got” was the rise of Nazism and its attendant atrocities, followed by a 45 year stalemate with the USSR which essentially was the fertile ground in which the Deep State rooted and flourished.

      • creech

        Actually, he doesn’t think all that much of Wilson, condemning the idea of lots of presidential rankers who feel Wilson was in the top ten of American presidents. I gathered he thought I was blaming Wilson for bringing on WWII while he thought Wilson had good intentions and it wasn’t fair to blame him in any way for being snookered by Britain and France in piling on reparations. He thinks Wilson wanted to let Germany up easy, which apparently the facts support.

      • db

        That’s fine, but I don’t see how it follows that Britain and France would have been able to force reparations and other harsh terms on Germany, leading to a second major conflict. Maybe the US’s contribution only ended the war a few months to a year earlier than otherwise. It’s certainly possible that another war could have ensued–between Britain, France, and Germany. But what about the Ottomans and Austria-Hungary? If Austria-Hungary had not been dismembered, perhaps the USSR would not have added its Eastern territories to the Communist Bloc following World War II.

        On the other hand, had the Russians/Soviets not suffered the loss of Poland and the Baltic states due to their own withdrawal following the October Revolution, Germany, even if it had fared better in the First World War, might not have moved to expand eastward.

      • creech

        There are a number of historians who believe Britain and France were on the verge of collapse when 1 million American troops showed up in 1918. The Germans were already moving large forces from the Eastern Front, due to treaty ending the war with Russia. Had those additional German forces not had to contend with the fresh Americans, it is probable Paris would have fallen.

    • straffinrun

      We wouldn’t have the peace in our time that we are enjoying now.

    • Gadfly

      In a roundabout way in was actually the Kaiser’s government itself that stabbed Germany in the back. They sent Lenin to Russia to add fuel to the revolutionary fire burning there, and the success of that revolution helped inspire the German Revolution that weakened Germany just as it was heading to the treaty negotiating table.

  24. straffinrun

    I see the gun grabbers are getting even more grabby. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but I just came from an elementary school graduation that was filled with propaganda and forced displays of fealty to the state. Gross. They want you on your knees and to do that they need to take your AR 15s. They are taking your minds, your guns and, even worse, your children. My kid is not going anywhere near a public school again.

    • Gustave Lytton

      They can take my mind. I’m not really using it.

      • straffinrun

        That’s ?

      • Chafed

        I was expecting the original.

      • slumbrew

        I figured I’d skip the obvious, at least this once. I am occasionally capable of doing so.

      • straffinrun

        I liked it. Tried to imagine if I’d like that version if I had never heard the original. Impossible to know.

      • slumbrew

        Agreed – I love the arrangement but is it just because it covers a song I love?

      • straffinrun

        I can test a tune you probably don’t know and see if you like this version. If you like it, I can trust that I would have, too, fellow Gen Xer.

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5RsYraV_Ayo

      • slumbrew

        I enjoyed that, straff.

    • Gadfly

      I thought you were in Japan? Hasn’t Japan already disarmed its populace?

      • straffinrun

        That’s the point.

      • Gadfly

        Gotcha. So, you’re living in our future in more ways than one.

      • straffinrun

        Post nuclear ☢️ bombed country? Possibly.

  25. Gustave Lytton

    What happened to Tanya Tucker? Good lord.

    • Chafed

      Did something happen to bring this on? Without knowing more, I will guess time is your answer.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Saw recentish photos of her. She’s gone from omg to there’s been an accident at the plastic factory.

      • Chafed

        That’s unfortunate. She was pretty. It’s a shame when women do that to themselves.

  26. Chafed

    That stuff is infuriating OMWC. Where did you find it?

    • slumbrew

      We received haggadahs (Haggadot?) in the mail today from my MIL, for our Zoom seder. We haven’t opened the envelope yet but 50/50 chance they’re as bad as what OMWC highlights.

      • Old Man With Candy

        PLEASE share. We’re having our Seder at our favorite local restaurant, definitely 4 glasses of wine each, no Haggadahs.

      • Chafed

        If your MIL is reformed then I’m not taking the bet.

      • slumbrew

        They may have been recommended by the rabbi and her wife…

      • slumbrew

        On the flip side, my MIL may have gone for tradition and sent something Zayde would have been OK with.

      • Chafed

        Lol! Yeah, you know what’s coming.

    • Old Man With Candy

      It’s the inevitable result of Reform Judaism, which sprouted even stupider shit like Jewish Renewal and Reconstructionist.

      • Chafed

        Unfortunately, I have first hand knowledge. You’re preaching to the choir.

        But I meant how did this garbage come into your view? I can’t imagine it was coincidence.

      • Old Man With Candy

        No, I just wanted to write a little piece, so did minimal digging. A quick Google of “progressive haggadah” yields a first page of horror.

      • Chafed

        Got it. You’re a strong man. That stuff makes my blood boil.

    • Chafed

      For what?

      • straffinrun

        Lyrics mostly match.

  27. Hyperion

    Wut? Progressives ruin everything? But those are totally not commies!

  28. Hyperion

    Y’all got all your boat accidents in order yet?

    • straffinrun

      If only there were a tool against government tools.

      • Hyperion

        You mean all those metal pieces at the bottom of the pond?

      • straffinrun

        Odd place to keep your dirty bombs.

  29. Hyperion

    Just found out about this band recently. These guys are fantastic.

    At the Movies

  30. OBJ FRANKELSON

    If the narrator is not Ron Howard… I am going to write a very… or perhaps mildly strongly worded letter.

    • Gadfly

      Hurrah?

      That’s some chutzpah on the part of that Kendi fellow for literally contradicting the words of Jesus Christ in a supposedly Christian church.

      • Chafed

        I’m surprised his ego fit inside the church.

  31. Hyperion

    Has anyone tied the shooter in CO with right wing white extremist racist Nazis yet? It not, why is it taking so long?

    • Plinker762

      Well, the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem was pretty cozy with the Nazis.

      • Chafed

        It turns out actions have consequences.

    • mikey

      The murderer looks pretty pasty to me. Doubt Syrians consider themselve to be POCs.

      • Chafed

        They don’t get to make that decision. The narrative must be obeyed.

      • Gadfly

        Technically, according to the US government, “white” includes people of European, Middle Eastern, and North African descent. Some people of MENA descent lobbied to be considered white back when that was beneficial, and now that it’s not as beneficial anymore there are some people of MENA descent who are lobbying for a separate category for themselves.

    • straffinrun

      At the very least it’s a good thing that you aren’t hearing the “Ragheads!” shit we heard at 9/11.

      • The Hyperbole

        You must not be reading the comments at Brietbart.

      • Sean

        Weirdos and Feds.

  32. straffinrun

    Make your index card of allowable opinion 4 meters by 4 meters.

    • Chafed

      Are you setting up a free speech zone?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thankfully, it’s metric, otherwise, it’s bordering on gross.

  33. Damaged Plastic, it hurts,

    I just Got Stimulated! what shall I buy? I know, I’ll do my taxes and give the “money” right back to the Gov, Winning?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Whatever you spend it on do it before the inflation hits. Booze is always a good investment.

    • PieInTheSky

      I dunno man looks like treehugging hippie crap to me

      • Sean

        I went in a different and random direction this morning. I don’t want to be too predictable.

        I’m guessing you missed me posting my favorite Romanian cover band the other day?

  34. limey

    I’m guessing you didn’t do it on purpose.

    Is your car okay?

    I course-corrected to go around but then the rabbit changed direction. Right under the tire. Was doing about 40. Car fortunately is fine. In tire vs squishy bunny, tire always wins. I had already made an emergency stop for a hedgehog. Those dudes know what’s up. They just freeze where they are and hunker down. You can line up and straddle them but I figured for the little guy’s sake I’d stop and go around. Bunny not so lucky/smart

    Morning, everyone!

    • PieInTheSky

      how did it taste?

      Morning…

      • limey

        A little flat ?

        Morning, Pie.

    • Gender Traitor

      Poor squishy bunny! 🙁 At least you tried not to hit him.

      In situations like that, I always seem to get the indecisive squirrel – “Left! Right! Wait! No…”

      Good morning (or afternoon, as applicable,) gentlemen!

      • Tres Cool

        mornin’ pimp-juice

      • Gender Traitor

        ‘sup, Homey?

    • Tundra

      Good morning!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Not tyre?

      Sorry about bunbun. Apparently armadillos like to jump straight up, thus embedding themselves in grilles.

    • Sean

      Morning.

  35. Tres Cool

    whaddup fam’ ?

    I had the presence of mind yesterday to hit my Kroger and acquire their remaining inventory of TALL MOTEHRFUCKIN’ CANS!

    And since Im off tonight, I aim to be faded by 0900.

    • Plinker762

      Thinking outside of the box is white privilege.

      • Tres Cool

        /thinks of lesbian joke
        /draws a blank

      • Tres Cool

        My ex-wife wasn’t much of a wrestler. But you really shoulda seen her box !

        /recovers

  36. Sean
    • Rat on a train

      Is oatmeal raisin really the most racist cookie?

      • Sean

        White chocolate & Macadamia nut should have been a contender, but no one wants white chocolate…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Alpine White was good.