IFLA: The “Zany” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of April 18

by | Apr 18, 2021 | IFLA | 99 comments

Well, this week actually has a couple of things going on.  To begin with, the week begins under the construction of Mercury – Sol – Luna with Mars in opposition.  Now since both the moon and Mercury are supreme sources of instability, when they’re lined up together and empowered by the sun, there should be chaos aplenty.  Mars in opposition shows that such chaos is a reaction to/against or a consequence of, brute force.  Picture Kevin Bacon shouting “All is Well!” or various Python sketches.  Now that is my first reading of the sign, and the one you should conisder primary since I have a highly developed confirmation bias sensitivity to the astral vibrations but honesty forces me to admit that there is a slight chance that this indicates the horrific situation of an army invading a city but failing to secure it.  But that’s probably not what’s going to happen.  That arrangement could also be indicative of a “battle of the sexes” comedy in which the distaff half comes out on top.

Saturday is a much less ambiguous sign — The Sun aligned with both Mercury and Venus indicates that it’s the perfect time for a date night

Aries begins to come down off of its high this week, losing Venus to Taurus.  Said Taurus indicates that this week patience is counseled when dealing with lovers.  The moon is in Cancer, so you should probably get that spot checked out.  And in good news/bad news, Friday should see a sharp dropoff in the amount of backstabbery you have to deal with though any opposition you face will be much more difficult to discern as Mars moved from Gemini to Cancer.

The cards are saying that this is going to be a big week, with some very bad decisions made.

Aries:  Blank – No guidance for you!

Taurus: 6 of Wands – Victory, great news, hope

Gemini:  2 of Coins – Gaiety, recreation and its connections, as news and messages in writing, as obstacles, agitation, trouble, embroilment

Cancer:  Judgement reversed – Weakness, pusillanimity, simplicity, deliberation, decision, sentence.

Leo:  Ace of Swords reversed – Excess in everything with disastrous results

Virgo:  The Empress reversed – Light, truth, the unravelling of involved matters, public rejoicings, vacillation.

Libra:  The Devil reversed – Evil, fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.

Scorpio:  King of Cups – Fair man, man of business, law, or divinity; responsible, equity, art and science, including those who profess science, law and art; creative intelligence

Sagittarius:  The Wheel of Fortune – Destiny, fortune, success, elevation, luck, felicity

Capricorn:  Justice reversed –  Law in all its departments, legal complications, bigotry, bias, excessive severity.

Aquarius:  7 of Coins – Money, business, barter, altercation, quarrels, innocence, ingenuity, purgation

Pisces:  5 of Cups –  Loss but something remains , inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

99 Comments

    • Aloysious

      Trigger warning: stale joke incoming

      You’d stand a better chance of getting it if you were wearing your Firsting Gloves.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t get it.

        I don’t own any such apparel.

  1. Q Continuum

    “The Devil reversed – Evil, fatality, weakness, pettiness, blindness.”

    Wow. I wonder who’s dying?

    • UnCivilServant

      Sounds more like a long game of Mortal Kombat.

    • Cy Esquire

      Not me, I hope.

  2. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: King of Cups – Fair man, man of business, law, or divinity; responsible, equity, art and science

    Well, it looks as if I may finally meet Tres, so…

    Ummm…never mind…

  3. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: The Wheel of Fortune – Destiny, fortune, success, elevation, luck, felicity

    Huh.

    I’ll believe it when I see it.

  4. westernsloper

    The cards are saying that this is going to be a big week, with some very bad decisions made.

    Yesss!

    • Old Man With Candy

      Eh, you know.

  5. CPRM

    This is a badass cover. But, I don’t support the cause. If you’re a rock star and concerned for the livelihood of roadies, either pay them out of pocket or go on tour, don’t beg me to pay them to do nothing.

      • BakedPenguin

        That’s what I thought it’d be.

        Apropos of nothing, Lemmy was a roadie for Psychedelic hard rock band Hawkwind in the early 70’s.

  6. CPRM

    Taurus: 6 of Wands – Victory, great news, hope

    Is the great news that my fucked up feet are MS or that they’re not?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      What would you like the reason to be? You need not answer.

      • CPRM

        I’d prefer that it’s something that is my fault.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        And reversible. I wish upon you a nutrient deficiency.

      • CPRM

        Meh, if it’s something I’ve done, I’ll deal with the consequences. I know the choices I made and why I made them.

      • Chafed

        Lol

  7. mikey

    Virgo: The Empress reversed – Light, truth, the unravelling of involved matters, public rejoicings, vacillation”
    Sounds portentous. I’ll settle for vacillation.

    • blackjack

      When I went to see Black and Blue in 1981, well it’s a long story. My stepdad stole all my money and my mom made him give me back exactly enough to buy two tickets. I promised my brother that I’d buy him a ticket. As I was walking to buy them, I ran into the hottest chick from my elementary school. I told her where I was going and she said, ” That’s so cool! I want to go so bad, but I don’t have anyone to take me. I wish I was your brother” etc, etc. I kept my promise and tried to get her to hang out some other time. Anyway, the deal was that I come up with tickets and he supplies the drugs/booze. When the day comes, he shows up with two crosstops and about 10 bucks for booze. I was pissed, but whatever. SO we hitchhike to Ventura and he goes into the liqour store where they would sell to us minors. I waited outside. After a while he comes out with a vodka bottle that was white like milk! He had a hangover so he bought vodka and filled it half way with fucking milk. Now I was really pissed. I got even more pissed the next day. The concert was violent and chaotic and I lost track of my brother before it even started. The next morning, we got a collect call from my brother asking to get picked up at the jail. On the way up the radio had a news blurb that the concert was a raging success, with only ONE ARREST! In my brother’s property bag was a fucking unused ticket. He didn’t even make it in, the bastard.

      • blackjack

        Anyway, the tie in is the fucking vodka/milk. I tried to cut it down and left out much, but it still seems like.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Damn, you gots more anecdotes than Peter Ustinov. I hope you write them down or dictate them.

        Re above: a Dom drinker drinks that??

      • Old Man With Candy

        Dom is pretty industrial. You’re paying for the name.

      • Not Adahn

        Most is far and away my least favorite major producer

      • Not Adahn

        Goddammit spell check, MOET!

      • westernsloper

        Vodka and milk = throat punch

        That aint right.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Along with motherfuckers in airports who don’t understand the concept of personal space bubbles.

      • westernsloper

        So you have flown out of the lower levels of Dubai. Fed confirmed.

  8. DEG

    Excess in everything with disastrous results

    I’m still going to the Pig Roast.

    • 61North

      How long does the pig get cooked?

      • DEG

        I’m not cooking it.

        I know the people running the roast. I doubt they would undercook or overcook it.

      • 61North

        I used to go to a pig roast every year and they put it on an electric spit and cook it low and slow until the skin spit, usually 36 hours. Which meant 36 hours of guys sitting around the bed of coals drinking beer.

      • DEG

        Very nice.

        These folks raised the pigs themselves. They also have a shooting range on their property. I have not shot at their property.

  9. mikey

    Hey, Suthern. Do you have a side gig writting for Tucker Carlson? Saw his gun conrol rant the other day and, I swear, he cribbed most of it from your posts.
    He can be a bit much sometimes, but this rant was spot on.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Interesting podcast with him and Carolla the other day. He sounds a bit eccentric, and I’m not sure the laugh is phony. I knew a professional straight guy who had an Amadeus laugh.

      • Cy Esquire

        I often wonder if I have some huge tick like this and no one will ever tell you. I know my voice can get somewhat off when I’m excited about something. I also think I can sing. Society can be way too polite.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I laugh too much, in varying volumes, for myriad reasons. Or so I’ve been told.

      • westernsloper

        Whatever Kamala.

    • Suthenboy

      I did notice that Mikey. I may have mentioned that the day after. Yes, it was a good rant. I was a bit suspicious as he used the same language I do nearly word for word. I was very pleased. Those things need to be said to a wider audience than I have access to.
      I suspect commenters like him have research teams scouring the internet for material. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out they steal material all of the time and it wouldn’t surprise me to find out they look here.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I dunno. What media professional could bear to wade through the morass of pizza debates?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        and STEVE SMITH jokes.

      • Gustave Lytton

        If Tucker ends his monologue with “Also, fried chicken”, I’m sold.

      • UnCivilServant

        What was the origin of that?

      • Gustave Lytton

        TOS, but I forgot the context.

      • UnCivilServant

        Despite perceptions, those make up a smaller amount of comment matter than people appear to believe.

    • Suthenboy

      I think he is saying that he believes Lincoln was a raging racist.

  10. blackjack

    Capricorn:  Justice reversed –  Law in all its departments, legal complications, bigotry, bias, excessive severity.

    This has been my horoscope for the last 55 years. Imma just start calling them “Hopelessoscpoes.”

    • blackjack

      What’s my blood type? TYPO.

  11. hayeksplosives

    I’m doing my bit to quell thirst for a hot war with Russia. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

    Otherwise the “no guidance” guidance for Aries is as useful as ever, so I’ll be charting my own course.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      /salutes HS ??

    • rhywun

      “no guidance” guidance for Aries

      Yeah, what the hell. I want my money back.

      • UnCivilServant

        There will be a $25 processing fee for your refund of $0.

        It must be paid in gold or silver.

  12. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Ugh.

    The late night zoom put a serious hurtin’ on me.

    • hayeksplosives

      I wanted to join but was so physically exhausted that I couldn’t.

      Hope you had fun!

    • l0b0t

      Thank you for keeping me company last night and for the sparkling, erudite conversations about first principles that in no way whatsoever would devolve into dog-rape debates.

      • westernsloper

        +1 red rocket

      • The Hyperbole

        I too am grateful that we have the courage and maturity to address these difficult subjects.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        It’s our pleasure l0b0t. No man need stack shelves without the benefit of dog-rape debates. That’s just cruel.

      • UnCivilServant

        Who was your dog raping?

      • BakedPenguin

        Some government drone. He likes gov’t workers, go figure.

        And if, after work some day, you see a Yorkie with love in his eyes and a raging hard-on, make sure you can run faster than your colleagues

    • westernsloper

      I had to depart as I was cross eyed. I hope I didn’t make too big an ass of myself. My left upper glute is sore so I think I fell down at some point later when I was making mac and cheese because when you are blind drunk Kraft is your friend. All TV’s accounted for and in good shape.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        You fuckin’ Neph’d and we didn’t get to see it?

        What the fuuuuuuuuuck?!?!?

      • Old Man With Candy

        He didn’t BrettL, so he’s got that goin’ for him.

      • westernsloper

        When I have trouble structuring a spoken word I leave. And I was bummed because as I hit the leave button I saw Straff signed in. I wanted to discuss the fact that after binge listening to Woods, Malice, and Pete R Q I am coming around to the anarchist side of the coin. but I couldn’t hold a conversation so I saved you people from that blathering nonsense.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Your blathering nonsense probably would have elevated the conversation a bit.

      • rhywun

        Three drinks and I’m done any more. I have to pack it in when my head starts to hurt. OK, last night I had a beer first but I couldn’t finish the 3rd mixed drink.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        My left upper glute is sore

        STEVE SMITH SORRY. HE DRUNK, TOO

  13. Ask your doctor if BEAM is right for you

    Gemini: 2 of Coins – Gaiety, recreation and its connections, as news and messages in writing, as obstacles, agitation, trouble, embroilment

    I just can’t even with these horoscopes.

    • UnCivilServant

      Geminis will read a book.

  14. Not Adahn

    For all:

    First Kayaderosseras match of the season is next Sunday if anyone happens to be in the area. Unfortunately, the couple that designs the stages has decided they’re done with NY and will move to FL full time, so this will be the last season they’re running it. The guy they’re leaving the event to is a first class safety Nazi who tried to have me DQ’d for manually lowering the hammer on my Shadow 2 and told me that there HAD to be a decocker on it somewhere and I just hadn’t read the manual.

    Upside: new personal best string and overall time at SCSA this morning.

    • UnCivilServant

      So what you’re saying is, take the cannolis?

      • Not Adahn

        I’m actually very sad. Bill’s stages were my favorite. Most USPSA stages are just shooting locations with a target array or two at each and barriers used to separate them. Bill had a great 3D sense so that the shooters movement through the stage opened up various opportunities. And to make life easy, he always included one target that had to be shot from a single place so you could use that as a starting point to plan out how you were going to approach the stage.

  15. Not Adahn

    During her potty breaks, Lily managed to flush a rabbit and two pairs of doves. Maybe she’s a hunting dog after all.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m surprised they didn’t clog your toilet.

      • Not Adahn

        New construction. Modern plumbing is the shit.

      • UnCivilServant

        And for pedantry’s sake, around here they tend to be snowshoe hares rather than ‘true’ rabbits.

      • Not Adahn

        I’m pretty sure it was an Eastern Cottontail, but I am not a lagomorph taxonomist.

      • Suthenboy

        Hares are from the old world. Rabbits from the Americas. The common domestic ‘rabbit’ is actually a hare.
        East of the rockies the rabbits are all cotton tails genetically. Their changing coat colors with seasons are determined not by temperature but by length of daylight hours. You can take a cotton tail from the gulf coast and cause it to change to white by manipulating the hours of light it receives.

        Dont get me started on rats, mice and bats. After a dozen hours of. mammalogy one gets sick of rats, mice and bats.

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Cooked up diced corned beef and rice this morning. Is it fried rice or corned beef hash?

    • UnCivilServant

      Was the rice leftover rice, and did you fry it before adding the corned beef?

      Did you use a wok and MSG?

      If not, why not?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, slightly, no, not straight.

    • Gender Traitor

      I think of corned beef hash as having potatoes, so I’m going with fried rice.

      And it sounds tasty.

      • UnCivilServant

        But if he didn’t make fried rice, it might not be that either.

        It doesn’t sound like he made either dish.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s Corned Beef Gustave! A new taste sensation!

  17. westernsloper

    I was never a big Metallica fan. That is changing. That is some awesome.

  18. prolefeed

    An hour or so ago, somebody shot and killed three people, across the freeway from where I was shopping in north Austin.

    Mrs Prole was freaked out that there was someone with a gun nearby.

    Me: “You’re surrounded by people carrying guns. It ‘s the one person using their gun inappropriately that is the issue.”

    • Old Man With Candy

      At the Arboretum? Meh, disgruntled coder.

  19. westernsloper

    Grilling of meats and Vit D saturation complete. Now to finish my ramen broth. I have to take cut up a leek and fry some mushrooms. The store had no fresh bean sprouts outside of alfalfa. Lame. Alfalfa is what you feed food.