As they approached the meeting room for the private summit, Dr. Jill Biden EdD herded her husband down the hallway, pulling or pushing his arm as he drifted back and forth down the hallway. Vlad and Jen and some ex-Spenatz and Secret Service and their translators all walked slowly with him, Vlad fighting the stiff legs of his Parkinson’s and the ex-Spenatz smirking at them both.
Vlad burbled something and his translator said, “Mr. President once again asks how private this meeting will be?”
“As private as you want it to be, Buster!” Joe said definitely. “I-I-I’ll fight you right here in the hallway, you bananapants hornswoggler!
Vlad used a trembling hand to wave away his security and translator.
“Will you be able to survive without your women?” Vlad asked in English, his accent the sort of Dracula-sexy that made Jen squirm.
“I should come with you,” Dr. Jill Biden whispered.
“Let’s go, Jack!’ Joe said, shuffling into the meeting room.
Jen pulled Dr. Jill Biden away, and the translators followed them down the hallway. The four bodyguards pulled the doors of the meeting room shut and secured them.
—
“Is nice, yes?” Vlad asked, craning his stiff neck to look around the room.
“Yeah, yeah,” Joe said. “Russia is pretty in the Spring.
“We are in Geneva, Joe,” Vlad said, lowering himself into a chair.
“I don’t care what part of Russia it is,” Joe said absently, swaying back and forth.
“Maybe you should sit down,” Vlad murmured.
“I can stand up to you!” Joe said, balling his crooked fingers in a fist.
“Not everything is fight, Joe,” Vlad said. “We can be friends. Donald and I were great friends. Why, I even took his hat out drinking one night. Filled it with vodka. It demanded many hookers.”
“I’m not Donald, dammit. You can’t push me around.”
“Joe, sit. I am KGB. A fight would not go so well. Just tell me what you want.”
“I want your hackers to stop with the codes and the ransoms on the emails,” Joe said, warily sitting.
“They are criminals,” Vlad said. “Do you have total control over your criminals? 2020 was all riots we watch on TV.”
“That doesn’t matter, tuff gui,” Joe said.
“You do not seem ready to talk,” Vlad murmured. “Maybe you should have sent your negrityanka instead. She seems to like the spotlight.”
“You leave whatshername out of this,” Joe said. “You’re dealing with me!”
“Then why do we not just wait out our time?” Vlad said. “Do you play chess?”
“What’s chess?” Joe asked.
The two sat in silence for a while, Vlad using his trembling hands to peel an apple that he eventually let drop on the floor.
“We might as well go,” Vlad said. “We stay in here too long and your press will say we are in love.”
They both heard the thump against the door as they approached it.
“What is it?” Joe asked.
“We may be in danger,” Vlad said.
They both listened at the door, grunts and thumping, chuffs of exertion.
“Our security teams may be fighting one another,” Vlad said.
“So your boys attacked the Secret Service? They better not have any counterfeit bills on them!”
Vlad opened the meeting room door open just a crack and sighed.
“Everything is fine, you are just having the fucking,” he said, swinging the door open to a writhing mound of exposed security flesh licking and fucking and sucking and slurping and rimming and ball-gargling.
“This happens all the time since we cut their hooker budget,” Joe mumbled. “Do you have anyone that can bring us a spray bottle of cold water? It’s the only thing that breaks them up.”
What an ending! Bravo Sir!
I didn’t see that coming!
Yes, it was good.
his accent the sort of Dracula-sexy that made Jen squirm.
Does it make her feel all squooshy inside?
Wut? No felching?
Also did not know Putin has Parkinson’s and cancer.
Nobody brought a straw.
Save the turtles!
They don’t need plastic. They could disassemble a pistol and use the barrel.
Eeeeewww!
The REAL Joe would would have sniffed them before asking for the spray bottle! This Joe is a Rushun Plant!
Missed joke, ‘And, I want your ssscammers to stop pretending they’re my grandlover-er-er-er-granddaughter asking for money from jail! Hunter takes good care of her!’
Jokes? There are no jokes!
These are transcriptions, scryed from the entrails of a tortured shoggoth.
Whatever Joe has, I hope it’s not contagious. We don’t need no Golden Age flu ’round here.
Huh, entertaining but fairly tame for a Sugarfree…
“Everything is fine, you are just having the fucking,” he said, swinging the door open to a writhing mound of exposed security flesh licking and fucking and sucking and slurping and rimming and ball-gargling.
GAHH, there it is!!! OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Why, I even took his hat out drinking one night. Filled it with vodka. It demanded many hookers.”
Nice!
Lithes, Damned Lithes! I athked for the hookerth firtht!
So Putin is the first non-orange person to actually communicate with Hatimus Prime?
What makes you think Donald wasn’t there to translate?
The Lost Tales of the Hat and the Hair?
Did the Hat get the hookers to piss on the Hair? Inquiring minds….
Lithen, pith hookerth are talented profethenalth, they don’t need thith patriarchal mailth like you tell them what to do. They are artithts.
And, yeah. Thatth exactly what happened. It was hilariouth.
I like the idea of Hat getting progressively drunker and Donald the consummate teetotaler translating.
I bet Melania communicated with one of them at least once. Heck, maybe even both of them at once.
I remember certain people being able to “hear” the Hat and Hair, but don’t remember who that was, and whether they heard both Hat and Hair. The Hat and Hair seem to always be able to hear human speech. It is unclear to me whether Hat and Hair actually produce sound, or communicate through other means…
Putin has certainly been through the appropriate KGB telepathic training to be able to detect and interpret their thought waves.
I mean, it was mandated in Soviet security forces *at least* as far back as the Jimmy Carter rabbit incident.
People could be pulled into Donald’s world to form a folie à deux or maybe the hat just liked him and wanted to party.
…It demanded many hookers.”
I miss The Hat.
An all new animated adventure is still coming this month.
Looking forward to that.
Does the hair know you’re drinking?
Is this another band camp story?
First time I had heard about Putin possibly having Parkinson’s. I searched and found this.
I found this.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/13253481/putin-cancer-parkinsons-emergency-surgery/
Then I saw the picture of his gymnast chick and lost half an hour searching images.
Putin never breaks character.
I can’t believe they didn’t use this as the example of Putin’s walk.
https://youtu.be/tPqOc4lOYuk
What’s funny is that I have spent so much time carrying a gun on my belt for competition and ccw, that I also have a reduced swing in my gun arm.
Huh. So it’s not just me.
LOL
“Everything is fine, you are just having the fucking,”
Would you like some making fuck……BERSERKER!
“Did he say making fuck?”
I’ll just leave this here. NSFW.
What the…..?
How pounds of MDMA am I gonna have to eat for that song ?
+ many
Imagine watching a whole concert of it. Unfortunately the room was too crowded and my friends and I had to watch it on TV from the upstairs bar.
Someone had to pick up what Front 242 was laying down.
I got a phone number with 242 in it and thought I won the lottery.
It always seemed like industrial dance was going to break big in America but then grunge sort of stamped the life out of it. Lots of video airplay, almost zero radio play didn’t help either.
Grunge stamped the life out of everything but gangsta rap.
Good Lord.
If only the song had some more bass.
I get a vague Kitten Moon vibe from that.
The problem is that the stuff about Joe isn’t even a stretch.
Wait, What happens if they have any counterfeit bills on them? Do they end up like George Floyd?
*OT Sigh*
I’m getting to the point where I just want to shout at people “This outage notice is not me asking your permission! I’m doing the courtesey of telling you what’s going to happen!”
I am sick of repeating myself and justifying the work mandated from on high to each petty bureaucratic fiefdom even tangentially related to the application. All of the principals have already signed off on the work and schedule.
“If you have concerns about this beyond what you have already communicated to the Department during the initial notification and response period during the MoC process, please feel free to contact your management. Wait, you *did* read the initial notification and responded during the appropriate MoC mandated period, right?”
No. These people are barely even impacted, but because it crossed their desks they feel compelled to have their say. This was merely the final notice that the application will be down for two hours.
“Regrettably, the company e-mail, IM, and VOIP systems will also be down during the time leading up to the outage, starting…now. *CLICK*”
What usually happens here is the people barely impacted (management), sign off on the notice without ever bothering to ask or even notifying the actual users.
“Hey, IT, why doesn’t the my query work anymore?”
“Oh, that functionality isn’t supported anymore. We asked your Boss about it 6 months ago.”
This is how the Army tried to convert pay and personnel systems to DIMHRS 20 years ago.
Leadership: “COTS sounds like a good idea, lets do that.”
We’re still waiting on those changes to take place.
They stopped paying for Siteminder. We have to migrate off. There is no staying.
PeopleSoft is a stable and accommodating system, the contractor/sales rep told me so.
Indeed! We have a highly customized implementation from 1998 still running!
…because they let all the in-house knowledge wither, so it costs a fortune to upgrade.
The state-of-the-art steel mill I worked for relied heavily on AS400.
Granted, it was a decade ago, but Id bet they still use it.
Let me introduce you to our Siebel implementation.
Or should I say, “Siebel”, since it doesn’t resemble anything that company sold anymore.
Wait, you *did* read the initial notification and responded during the appropriate MoC mandated period, right?”
It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.”
The tertiary notification node is for secure communications.
Tucker is saying the things a lot normals are thinking.
https://theconservativetreehouse.com/blog/2021/06/16/tucker-carlson-outlines-the-primary-threat-to-our-nation-the-corrupt-intelligence-apparatus-which-includes-the-fbi/
He is mostly just saying what everyone already knows. What we have are people who acknowledge it and lying sacks of shit who pretend it isn’t true and fool themselves into thinking people believe what they say.
I will say it again for the thousandth time: 999 times out of 1000 things really are just what they look like.
Vlad and Jen and some ex-Spenatz and Secret Service and their translators
Not SMERSH?
I think Vlad would want to have slightly younger security folks, considering SMERSH was disbanded in 1946.
That’s what they want you to believe, yes.
How about KAOS?
Fleming replaced them with SPECTRE, and it was all downhill from there.
We could do with a little disbanding around these parts too….yeah, I am looking at you FBI.
Replaced with “Sternly worded letter to spies”?
Compromise and turn double agent.
“and a delightful cup of polonium tea.”
Have you considered a career in drafting error messages?
“kindly do for me the needful thing”
“Find broken part and fix them.”
“Error is not happen – log file left disk.”
That sounds like the help desk has taken a bathroom break.
No, that’s when you flush the logs.
Obligatory:
[HD] All Your Base Are Belong To Us
🙂
At a factory where I used to work, we used to get crates of parts from Korea that were stamped with the words “inspection completely“.
This means a blonde named Katya turned The Hat upside down and Sveta literally filled it with vodka, right?
I imagine the vodka isn’t even the really intoxicating part, it’s when the vodka solubilizes all of the built up residue in the sweatband of whatever creams/tonics/poultices/oils/unguents are required to make Donald so beautifully orange. It all blends with the Commie potato juice to overwhelm whatever passes for Hat’s central nervous system.
…go on.
Isn’t that butt-chugging?
Donald and I were great friends. Why, I even took his hat out drinking one night. Filled it with vodka. It demanded many hookers.”
Beautiful.
Good news! Hotel rate threshold to trigger an exception has been increased. Now if only accounting would just say what the threshold is in their travel policy doc. Instead had to tease it out by spending 20 minutes with dummy expense reports in concur. The threshold is not $300, but $300.01.
The chocolate ration go up .01grams as well?
If they told you what the exception was, then you’d try to get as close to it as possible, costing the company money!
I just want to fly under the radar and avoid staying at the Super 4.
The travel policy says I should treat the company’s money as if it was my own. As if everyone was frugal or miserly.
Who doesn’t love getting back from a nice long exhausting business trip and itemizing every single line item on their hotel bill, reconciling it, inputting into Concur and trying to get the corporate AmEx card paid before the nastygrams start?
Bonus points for the personal liability. When Enron spectacularly imploded there were a bunch of folk that AmEx decided to make personally liable. I never found out if they were successful, but in my next job have so far been successful in not getting a corporate AmEx card. If I’m going to be liable I should at least get the points on my personal card.
Exactly. Personal liability on a corporate card I have no benefit and can get in trouble for using for a personal purchase is bullshit.
Many moons ago, when I worked at a porn/marital aid/stripper clothes & shoes store in the French Quarter. I had a male customer come in with 4 dancers from a local Gentlemen’s Club. He sat while they modeled outfits and rubbed up against him. He ended up spending about $5000 on shoes, clothes, bongs, N2O chargers, and toys. He paid with a credit card, some sort of FedGov card with the USN logo on it; as was store policy for ALL non-cash purchases, I photocopied his driving license and attached that to our copy of the receipt/charge slip. Wouldn’t ya know it, about 3 months later the G-Men show up. Actually, it was some fellows from the Navy. Apparently, a DoD contractor who was authorized to use a Navy charge card embarked upon a wild, wild weekend all over town.
Was it Scott Bakula from the Naval Criminal Investigative Service?
Reason # 10,394,201 I like being self-employed.
Down side: My boss is a real asshole.
We don’t have a fixed threshold in concur, but there’s some algorithm that looks at the cost within the search results and compares your selection to the average, or median, or some percentile or other, and triggers an exception if you go over that. For instance, if I specify I want to fly from, say, PHL to PHX on a particular date, but don’t specify a time range or airline, I’ll get dinged if I go over whatever the algorithm calculates, including flights with 4 or 5 stops, a 10 hour layover, etc. However, if I specify a time range, number of stops, and an airline, I have more leeway.
Same with hotels, although at least with hotels, my company has preferred rates with several good chains, so we don’t have to stay in ratholes. But sometimes you have to get creative with the search radius or Concur will get pissy about you staying at a hotel that is a block away from your destination rather than 35 miles away on the other side of the city, if the more distant one is very much cheaper.