Joemala: Episode 67

by | Apr 20, 2022 | Joemala | 216 comments

 

“So I’m not going to be President?” Kamala asked, her unused ducts straining to produce tears.

“Joe says he’s running,” Jen said. The giggle was somewhere down in her stomach, rising; she bit the inside of her cheek to keep it down.

“But I wanted to be President,” Kamala moaned.

“I understand that, Madam Vice President. You’ll be in an excellent position for a 2028 run. You’ll have six more years of a strong Biden economy to make your case to the American people.”

Kamala was turning a purplish color as Jen talked, her right hand stiffening into a hideous claw.

“This entire Administration is behind you 100%,” Jen said. She smiled and peeled off her teeth whitening strip and dropped it into a coffee mug.

“Maybe all this would sound better if you weren’t still wearing that creepy fucking outfit.”

Jen settled the Easter Bunny head back on her shoulders and said, “It’s the only thing that scares him. We have a grade school tour group coming by in a couple of hours. I have to run interference.”

 

 

“I don’t remember posting this to Twitter,” Joe grumped from his grandpa grumping chair, a brown corduroy recliner with fresh dog hair flown in daily.

“I wrote that, Grandpa,” Finnegan said, kneeling, scrubbing piss out of the Oval Office carpet.

“Why is there newspaper all over the floor?” Joe asked.

“Why do you keep not using it?” Finnegan shot back.

“I can’t read that! It’s on the floor!” Joe said.

“I’m sick of you in that grumping chair, all you do is grump when you’re in it!” Finnegan yelled.

“I want a divorce!” Joe yelled back.

“I’m your granddaughter!”

“What’s Twitter?”

“I AM GOING TO SHIT EGGS IN YOUR MOUTH!” Kamala screamed and burst into the Oval Office in Jen’s Easter Bunny suit.

Joe clutched at his chest with one hand and rubbed his crotch raw with the other.

 

 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

216 Comments

  1. DEG

    Jen settled the Easter Bunny head back on her shoulders

    At this point, I was wondering if Jen was baiting Kamala into taking Jen in a dominant, lesbian fashion.

  2. pistoffnick

    Joe clutched at his chest with one hand and rubbed his crotch raw with the other.

    money line!

    I, too, want to go out doing what I love.

    • The Other Kevin

      Money line? This one is wall-to-wall money lines.

      • WTF

        ^This. This one had me chuckling and laughing through the entire episode. Thank God I’m working from home.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I think the term is money shot.

      • MikeS

        Yup.

  3. Drake

    “We have a grade school tour group coming by in a couple of hours. I have to run interference.”

    I wish this was fiction.

  4. ron73440

    Funniest one yet.

    “Why is there newspaper all over the floor?” Joe asked.

    “Why do you keep not using it?” Finnegan shot back.

    “I can’t read that! It’s on the floor!” Joe said.

    Fucking hilarious.

    • Ozymandias

      You can hear the sitcom audience laughter.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Just like ‘Big Bang Theory’, it’s sad without the laugh-track.

  5. R C Dean

    his grandpa grumping chair, a brown corduroy recliner with fresh dog hair flown in daily.

    My fave.

  6. Ozymandias

    I tried to explain to my wife the most recent Crazy Uncle Joe escapades, including the “Ghost handshake incident” and the “Easter Bunny Chief Executive Kidnapping” incident.
    She put up her hand and made me stop, saying “I can’t. I just… I can’t hear about it. Please stop.”
    I didn’t mention that part of the reason I enjoy watching our dementia-addled President’s public misadventures is because I know they’re fodder for SF.
    It used to bum me out, but I’m way past that now; I’m definitely at the “watching it all burn, pointing and cackling” mode.

    • Tundra

      Same. This is behind the looking glass level weirdness.

      I can’t look away.

      • WTF

        If even 10 years ago someone had written this it would be dismissed as a ridiculous comedy/parody, because it’s just too absurd to think it could ever really happen.
        Yet here we are.

      • Drake

        I certainly wouldn’t have believed it 35 years ago,

      • Ozymandias

        Thx, Trshy. Quite busy. “Chaotic” might more accurately describe it, but it’s all good.
        About to pop another lawsuit against the mil vax mandates; also may have found some like-minded legal beagles willing to litigate against the madness (with an eye toward the long haul).
        I’ll know more by the end of the week after some meetings the next couple of days.

      • ron73440

        Good luck, this madness needs to be eradicated.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hooray. After the latest cert denial, I was depressed again at the idiocy.

      • DEG

        Best wishes.

      • Bones

        Yes! Good luck!

  7. WTF

    “I AM GOING TO SHIT EGGS IN YOUR MOUTH!” Kamala screamed and burst into the Oval Office in Jen’s Easter Bunny suit.

    Joe clutched at his chest with one hand and rubbed his crotch raw with the other.

    EPIC!! BRAVO!!!111!!!

  8. Rebel Scum

    “I AM GOING TO SHIT EGGS IN YOUR MOUTH!” Kamala screamed and burst into the Oval Office in Jen’s Easter Bunny suit.

    *sensible chuckle*

    • Sean

      Don’t encourage his scat porn.

  9. Tundra

    “So I’m not going to be President?” Kamala asked, her unused ducts straining to produce tears.

    Now that’s a strong start!

  10. db

    Oh crap–how did Kamala get the bunny costume away from Jen?

    • WTF

      I assume it had something to do with her “hideous claw”.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Jen is currently stuffed into the Presidential Broom Closet™, both weeping and aroused.

  11. juris imprudent

    Kamala was turning a purplish color as Jen talked, her right hand stiffening into a hideous claw.

    Got a little Venom in her?

  12. The Other Kevin

    We were all wondering if that bunny suit would show up today, and damn did it ever. Pure poetry as always.

  13. ron73440

    What did Finnegan post to twitter that confused Joe?

    • rhywun

      I was guessing the announcement that he’s running again?

    • Tonio

      Could have been anything.

  14. Tundra

    I can’t look away.

    Note that she is speaking to adults.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Nope. Nope nope nope. That kind of cringe is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

      • ron73440

        Wasn’t supposed to be a reply, but I guess it works there too.

    • WTF

      Who could have guessed how quickly VEEP would have become reality?

      • juris imprudent

        And how vehemently the fans of VEEP would deny this.

    • Rebel Scum

      “Space is very large. It is full of planets and stars. So basically that is exciting.”

      • WTF

        “And space, since space is all around us and in between us, space connects us all. Space.”

      • Fourscore

        “Needs more science, Ma”

      • Rebel Scum

        “Science is the thing that we are doing and we are doing it every day.”

      • slumbrew
    • Bobarian LMD

      The first response? “It connects her two ears.”

      *Choke-snort.

    • MikeS

      Who the fuck is writing this? Is she writing her own stuff? Do the puppet masters have her speechwriters doing this on purpose to make her look bad?

      Whatever is going on, it’s comedy gold.

      • juris imprudent

        And the most hysterical part is – she thinks she’s doing well.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        And if you think otherwise, well, you’re just a racist.

      • juris imprudent

        How dare you call me a Democrat!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The first sentences aren’t bad, almost like a Sagan intro. The delivery though….

      • Lackadaisical

        I think having a really cool graphic up helps too.

  15. The Gunslinger

    Too local. Looks like Whitmer is realizing she is facing an election in the fall.

    Whitmer to apply for aid to stop closure of Palisades nuclear plant.

    https://amp.detroitnews.com/amp/7379432001

    “Some environmentalists say nuclear power is key to fulfilling the country’s goals of creating a zero-carbon energy market.”

    When did “environmentalists” start to say this?

    • rhywun

      Wow.

      Thank goodness Governor Accident is staying the course in New Y–

      *power goes out*

    • kbolino

      She should have let herself be kidnapped by the FBI (for sympathy points) then pardoned everyone involved (to avoid discovery).

    • Penguin

      James Hansen is a prominent enviro who backs nukes.

      He also conspired with Michael Mann and co. to fudge data. I don’t know if that makes up for it, but I’m going to say no.

    • Tundra

      When did “environmentalists” start to say this?

      When the DNC saw their latest poll numbers.

    • Fourscore

      Fed funding to keep a private business operational? I’m shocked!

    • invisible finger

      The problem is a nuke plant has a 40-50 year life span; the NRC says 60 max. It’s at 50 now. So she should be in favor of commissioning a new plant and begin de-commissioning the current one since they take a while. Doesn’t sound like that is the plan though.

    • juris imprudent

      Some do – like maybe 2 out of 100.

  16. Rebel Scum

    Cancel all Ruskies.

    BREAKING: Russian and Belarusian tennis players have been banned from competing at this year’s Wimbledon tournament because of the war in Ukraine. The move means second-ranked Daniil Medvedev won’t be able to play at the grass-court Grand Slam tournament.

    I’m so glad we have international sports to bring us together in the spirit of friendly competition.

    • Penguin

      That’ll stop the war.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You know who else was all for collectivist punishment of individuals based on nationality?

      • Lackadaisical

        Really? He fought on both sides.

      • Hank

        Symphony orchestras? State liquor stores?

      • DEG

        FDR?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Abe Lincoln?

      • Drake

        The IRS?

      • ron73440

        Cromwell?

    • grrizzly

      The Grand Slam tournaments are mostly ruined this year. #1 Djokovic could not play in Australia and unless mandatory vaccination for foreigners is dropped he won’t be able to participate in the US Open late in the summer. #2 Medvedev won’t play at Wimbledon; he can actually become #1 again by the start of the tournament even though he’s recovering from a surgery right now.

      • rhywun

        Zverev smiles. And thanks his parents.

      • grrizzly

        As long as Zverev abstains from any sexual relations with women and from smashing rackets next to the umpires he should be fine.

      • rhywun

        Well, with Medvedev out someone has to be the bad boy of tennis.

      • Ted S.

        He’s nowhere near as bad as Nick Kyrgios, of course.

      • rhywun

        True.

    • grrizzly

      ATP condemned the Wimbledon decision.

      We believe that today’s unilateral decision by Wimbledon and the LTA to exclude players from Russia and Belarus from this year’s British grass-court swing is unfair and has the potential to set a damaging precedent for the game. Discrimination based on nationality also constitutes a violation of our agreement with Wimbledon that states that player entry is based solely on ATP Rankings. Any course of action in response to this decision will now be assessed in consultation with our Board and Member councils.

      It is important to stress that players from Russia and Belarus will continue to be allowed to compete at ATP events under a neutral flag, a position that has until now been shared across professional tennis.

    • ron73440

      Now we need to get all the Russians out of the NHL.

      • Ted S.

        The so-called goodthinkers who claim Colin Kaepernick was blacklisted seem to be the ones leading the charge against the Russians in sports.

    • Ted S.

      When’s the last time Azarenka was even in Belarus? My understanding is that she’s lived in the US for years.

      • rhywun

        I dunno but she’s a favorite of mine on the ladies’ side.

        I doubt any of the (Belo)russians have lived in their countries of birth in forever. Not when Florida and Monte Carlo are calling.

      • Ted S.

        Back when the FedCup had home and away ties, they were probably in Belarus for those.

        Of course, the ITF and WTA had to go destroy the FedCup, too, even though the women hadn’t forced the issue the way the men did with the Bullshit Laver Cup.

      • rhywun

        aka the “Roger needs a new pair of shoes Cup”

  17. kbolino

    Magnificent.

    OT: Regarding Hunter’s laptop, I’ve been trying to solve a chicken-and-egg problem. Did the press originate the “all the hallmarks of Russian disinformation” narrative or did the deep state (which, for this purpose, includes many “retired” officials) originate it? My general model is that of media-run state, the press tail-wagging the government dog. But that only really seems to apply to the elected/visible parts of government. The massive internal machinery of government, besides being totally unaccountable to elections and elected officials, seems to operate differently. I’m inclined even to believe it operates directly in reverse: the deep state tail-wags the press.

    I’m trying to think of counterexamples and whether there are enough to dispel my perceived trend. Interestingly, Mark Felt (Watergate/”Deep Throat”) is both an example and a counterexample: he was integral to taking Nixon down, but later was backstabbed by the press.

    • Tundra

      It’s difficult not to view the press as a front for the IC. I think you got it exactly right that the narrative is created at Langley and sent out through their distribution network.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I seem to recall the first place I saw the talk was some member of the press actively seeking Brennan’s (or maybe Clapper) opinion on the likelihood of this being a Russian Op.

        Hand in glove.

      • kbolino

        Yes, I can’t discount the possibility that they are already so in lockstep with each other that dog and tail have fully merged into a single organism.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Most likely. It’s been around long enough now that everything has organized into a well oiled propaganda machine, whether they’re fully cognizant of it or not.

        And I will bet that there are a lot of morons in the media who don’t realize that they’re disposable mouthpieces for the regime.

      • Ted S.

        “The creatures outside looked from journalist to Deep State employee, and from Deep State Employee to journalist, and from journalist to Deep State employee again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

      • rhywun

        lol

      • juris imprudent

        the press as a front for the ICDNC

        FTFY

      • kbolino

        Of all the organizations plotting and scheming, with slices of sovereignty and power to carry out their will, I actually don’t think the DNC is among them. The DNC is downstream of other forces. They’re the designated winners of our political system but they didn’t get the power to designate themselves. The DNC is rife with corruption, both standard- and industrial-grade, and it is heavily insulated from political consequences thanks to a cozy relationship with the press, but in terms of “big ideas”, it seems to be moved along with the ride much more often than it ever does any driving.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The Deep State wags the press.

      We know for a fact that the CIA planted stories in the foreign press for decades. It was only logical that they would move that capability into the domestic arena. Beginning with the first Gulf War, the media started selling itself to government for access. That trend only intensified over the following three decades as cable news got more crowded, and the internet started undercutting traditional media.

      The only question for me is how much infighting among the bureaucracy goes on. The FBI, the CIA, and the DOD have always competed for influence and you would expect them each to have their own back channels for pushing stories into the news cycle. We’ve seen that recently with the DOD leaking stories to the press that undercut the rationale for military involvement in Ukraine, while others, probably State, leak stories that promote the idea.

      • kbolino

        DoD faces something like a real, if not very potent, threat of public backlash that the other orgs don’t. DoD employs far more “average Americans” than any other government element, in the form of enlisted troops. While the officership and upper-level NCOs are fully bought and paid for, the grunts aren’t. That discomforts the brass at least a little bit, though in practice it amounts to little more than discomfort and occasional failures to pass readiness checks.

        That having been said, the primary disputes between these agencies are over turf and funding. However, especially since the advent of the GWoT, this innate competition has been largely defused by Congress creating lots of redundancies among the agencies and handing out massive infusions of cash to fund both general and targeted operations. The “rank-and-file” turn more and more into a homogenous NoVa/DC/SoMD blob of overpaid midwits who are good at nothing save rule following and who are never held accountable for anything other than heterodoxy.

      • Swiss Servator

        “While the officership and upper-level NCOs are fully bought and paid for”

        I was, was I? Hmmm. How about Dbleagle? Ozy?

      • kbolino

        I’ve gotten bitten by two 500 errors… let’s try a third time

        AFAIK you’re out and have been for a little while. The pay I’m speaking of is rarely more than the official paycheck. The enemy is part of wave of religious extremism (or at least the closest our weak society can emulate at this time) and bears no shame whatsoever for sabotaging people’s careers. Assuming you weren’t purged just for refusing the vax, you’d be taking constant training and under strong incentives to favor whatever priorities your superiors told you to, and if even if through all of that your command wasn’t fully on board, they’d simply route around it like the Internet (eventually) routes around outages.

      • juris imprudent

        In fairness, you didn’t make it to the truly political level. And as for dbleagle – as with other GOs I’ve known, a good person can survive the selection system even though that system is biased to promoting the worst kind of career types.

      • Swiss Servator

        It didn’t say the political level it was the officership and senior NCOs. Can’t anyone just say “Hey, that broad brush I just painted with might have been just a bit much”?

      • kbolino

        It was a broad brush. Probably too broad. But like the situation with “good cops”, does it matter? There’s probably low-level pushback we don’t see but the arrow keeps pointing the same way and Cthulhu keeps swimming leftward. Some of this perception may reflect a propaganda coup that isn’t entirely real, in which case I will gladly accept even anecdotal evidence that there’s pushback against “wokism” and other leftist religious beliefs from the lower ranks which has actually worked to turn the cultural tide.

        I’ve witnessed many people who should know better fall into lockstep at one point or another (if it wasn’t COVID then it was BLM/DEI, and if it wasn’t that, then now it’s Ukraine). There is dissent but is as far as I can tell impotent and ineffectual.

      • kbolino

        I will grant that I haven’t followed Ozy’s latest travails that closely. I don’t know how successful he’s been. It does look like the courts at least have struck down the military vax mandate, but I don’t know what that means for those who already separated.

      • juris imprudent

        Well, had I said it, I would’ve restricted it to the senior officer ranks and left the poor NCOs out of it.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Ultimately the Military is lead by the civilians in the Executive. Generals (in general) get to be generals because they’re good at playing the political games. CSM are the same once they are at the BDE level or higher. But those two groups are a very small (but very influential) group. Grouping all officers and senior NCOs into one cohort does a disservice to the majority of the military.

        I retired 8 years ago, but I still work for the military.

        Some of the wokism that kb infers about is driven from both the bottom and the top. Leadership codifies some of the excrement driven from the civilian leadership and some youngsters huff the fumes. There is plenty of dissent against this process, but your livelihood often depends on how you display it.

      • Ozymandias

        kbolino – I didn’t take offense to your comment and agree with what I think is the “spirit” of it in large part. Let’s put it this way – how many people in the military quit or refused to enforce the anthrax vaccine mandate? Almost nil.
        It was illegal in almost the exact same way legally – last time they (DoD and FDA) were trying to force an investigational drug into people with exactly 1 (shitty) study to back up the claims of efficacy and safety.
        Who bothered to even look that up and see if the military or FDA were lying? (They both were.) The information was there on the net, available to anyone with enough curiosity or willingness to listen. So where were all the mass resignations over enforcing an illegal mandate then? How about now? Folks are getting crushed – you can’t believe how shitty they’re getting treated over this vaxx bullshit. It makes me want to cry some days how bad they’re treating these kids. Just fucking cruel and inhumane – simply because they wont take it.
        “Bought and paid for” sounds worse, but I took it as slang for “will toe the company line.” Which is pretty much what Twain said: ““You tell me whar a man gits his corn-pone, en I’ll tell you what his ‘pinions is..”
        From him it’s a incisive witticism, from kbolino it’s heresy. (I keed).
        Nobody can believe what happened in Germany in the ’30s – “WE’RE NOT LIKE THAT!!!!” Right. Of course not.
        “They would never turn their backs on their own friends!!” (like they’re doing right now).
        We only speak Anglo-Saxon and have civilizational common roots with them… Could never happen here.
        “It’s nothing personal… I was just following orders.”
        We’re watching it happen while people keep saying it can’t or doesn’t happen here.
        It does. It did. It is.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “Bought and paid for” sounds worse, but I took it as slang for “will toe the company line.” Which is pretty much what Twain said: ““You tell me whar a man gits his corn-pone, en I’ll tell you what his ‘pinions is..”

        This applies generally in corporate settings, too.

        The biggest indicator of how hard the employer has employee X by the balls? Debt slavery. If you want to have the courage of your convictions, pay off your debt. Then you can afford to say “no”. Until then, they have a firm grip on your giblets.

      • Animal

        I don’t remember getting any of that paid-for stuff.

      • kbolino

        By and large nobody’s getting a bonus to play ball. They’re just keeping their regular paychecks and/or promotion opportunities.

        Some higher up says I’m going to publish a report alleging Russian interference played a significant role in the election outcome.

        Does anyone, civilian, contractor, or military, say, I’m not going to participate in that?

        When it comes time to build the next intelligence capability or carry out a military operation, does anyone say, you’re going to need to make actionable promises that you won’t use this for political advantage (whether in the office politics sense or in the national politics sense)?

        The only pushback I’ve ever seen is people quitting, and more people quit because they’re not paid enough than quit because of a moral quandary.

      • kbolino

        Another example is “training”. Everybody takes a dozen “training” courses every year. The topics range from CI/opsec to how to do your job to how to not sexually harass the ladyfolk or insult minorities.

        When you make an offhand comment and you’re not super tight with your chain of command, what happens? You get written up. Get written up enough and you get disciplined. You were trained after all, I have an audit record right here that says you took the training. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to obey it.

        Nobody will lose any sleep for getting you out of a promotion, getting you busted down in rank, or getting you fired. Chances are the person who instigated it won’t even be the person who carried it out (there’s massive principal-agent disconnect across all levels of government). Watch this happen once and the “chilling effect” on others is palpable.

        People have families to feed, needs to meet, and desires to sate. Dying on these hills is just not that important right now. So the enemy conquers the hill and moves on to a new one.

      • juris imprudent

        I’d also point to Ben Rhodes and how he played the press.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And as if on cue, Greenwald brings the goods:

        A group of former intelligence and national security officials on Monday issued a jointly signed letter warning that pending legislative attempts to restrict or break up the power of Big Tech monopolies — Facebook, Google, and Amazon — would jeopardize national security because, they argue, their centralized censorship power is crucial to advancing U.S. foreign policy.

        https://greenwald.substack.com/p/former-intelligence-officials-citing

        I’ll note that it is primarily former intelligence officials that have led the charge on pushing disinformation through those outlets as well as the more traditional media.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The ostensible purpose of the letter is to warn of the national security dangers from two different bipartisan bills — one pending in the Senate, the other in the House — that would prohibit Big Tech monopolies from using their vertical power to “discriminate” against competitors (the way Google, for instance, uses its search engine business to bury the videos of competitors to its YouTube property, such as Rumble, or the way Google and Apple use their stores and Amazon uses its domination over hosting services to destroy competitors).

        But it’s not a propaganda mill, nor are the tech companies totally fascist entities.

      • Plisade

        Domestic censorship is essential to advancing foreign policy? I don’t follow.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        We call on the congressional committees with national security jurisdiction – including the Armed Services Committees, Intelligence Committees, and Homeland Security Committees in both the House and Senate – to conduct a review of any legislation that could hinder America’s key technology companies in the fight against cyber and national security risks emanating from Russia’s and China’s growing digital authoritarianism.

        Choke on the cognitive dissonance of that one.

      • R C Dean

        I love how they go on and on about China and Russia censoring the internet as “digital authoritarianism”, and then pivot seemlessly to how its essential that the US also censor the internet, I mean, “combat disinformation”.

        Let me join the “I hate everybody” chorus.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now you know your role in the machine. You’re just part of the mob that is on call for whatever purpose they have in mind today. You’re meant to get outraged on cue and support the “current thing.”

    • WTF

      While failing to cite any evidence of any such actual “attack”.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Not surgically altering is attacking.

      • wdalasio

        And ignoring the fact that the anti-grooming bill has majority support, even with Democrats.

        Sorry, but this idea that 9-year-olds are LGBTXYZPDQ is just plain ridiculous. Children that age aren’t really sexual, (statistically) normal or otherwise. It really is grooming.

      • Tundra

        100%.

        And kind of stupid for us (well, me anyway) to not see that schools are target rich environments for pedos. I mean, the RC church, Scouts, sports, etc have all been chock full of the monsters, but for some reason I never made the connection in the schools.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        In fact, 9 year-olds talking about sex has traditionally been a marker for abuse leading to CPS investigations.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      LGBTQ children

      This is the problem right here. Children shouldn’t have a modifier in front of it. Kids are just kids unless having been indoctrinated. LGBTQ is an identification for adults or, at youngest with reservations, teenagers. And really the TQ doesn’t belong with the LG but that’s a tangent.

      I didn’t think much of the grooming allegations at first, but damned if the Left isn’t trying their best to make me believe there really is something to this.

      • kbolino

        This is 100% about the “adults”, including teachers directly in the classrooms as well as mandarins behind the scenes at boards of Ed. Calling them groomers is entirely accurate but if anything it doesn’t go far enough. They are neotenous cretins who have never and will never “grow up” and choose to remain in a state of perpetual hyperemotionalism where even the slightest lack of immediate gratification is cause for a tantrum.

        The kids are pawns.

      • juris imprudent

        There’s an interesting asymmetry in play there – if all kids are just who they are, the vast majority (90+%) are simply cis-hetero. And they are of course born that way, just as we are to assume that LGBTxyz are as well. However, the “education” is needed to allow all kids the opportunity to be something other than what they were born – which means we’re really talking tabula rasa. And thus socialization is far more important than genetics! Oooh, isn’t it fun when I flip the coin and say “heads I win, tails you lose”.

      • kbolino

        I’ve thought about this a lot lately. I was never abused, nobody even talked about this stuff until high school and even then rarely, I get along fine with my father, my mother, while at times overbearing, respects the boundaries I set, etc. I think it’s quite possible that homosexuality is not monocausal and consequently there really are “different kinds” of gay (ditto the other letters of the alphabet). A good deal of what’s going on now is forcing; they want more queers and they can shape children’s circumstances so that a larger-than-natural percentage of them identify that way. I don’t know if it’s even possible to get to a cultural equilibrium where only and exactly the naturally-inclined fags are the ones living that way (progressive morality has titled us toward everybody must be queer somehow, and conservative morality, were it to actually reign, would likely tilt us toward many closet cases marrying women).

    • ron73440

      I fucked up and scrolled down.

      There are a few against her, but most are like this:

      Fabwoman7
      @joywomenpsych
      ·
      3h
      Replying to
      @BrianDMcBride
      and
      @tify330
      I’m really gonna miss her.

      Tony Howze-Edge
      @tony_howze_edge
      ·
      3h
      Replying to
      @BrianDMcBride
      She’s a real one

      THEE #2022Midterms?
      @caryn_wallace
      ·
      1h
      Replying to
      @BrianDMcBride
      Another fantastic moment from
      @PressSec

      These laws make me crazy too
      @jrpsaki
      and they make me so mad that I cry as well.

      All Democrats need to pushback HARD on these culture war issues!

      Psaki has no soul.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’d wager a lot of those are bots.

      • WTF

        God, I hope so.

  18. invisible finger

    Rabbits have to digest their food twice, so she first has to eat her own shit-eggs.

    • Swiss Servator

      If you gave it up to Willie Brown to get started, don’t you think she’d gnaw some dung to gain the Presidency?

      • juris imprudent

        Considering how Willie fucked over an entire state – who knows what she was licking off of that.

  19. Certified Public Asshat

    I just had to listen to a guy in the office, who after being vaccinated (boosted) and getting covid a few months ago is worried about a meeting with consultants this afternoon because he doesn’t know all of them, so he thinks it is best to wear a mask to the meeting. He is also worried about having dinner with them later. He can’t wait to get a fourth vaccine dose because any risk reduction is worth it. He also voluntarily decided he wanted to play a large role in this project (which will require a lot of time with said consultants).

    Person listening to him agrees, says they would get a shot “all the time” if they could. Person then ranted about masks not being required on airlines, because small space/shared air/bullshit.

    I hate everyone.

    • Rebel Scum

      He can’t wait to get a fourth vaccine dose because any risk reduction is worth it.

      With no consideration to the possible negative side effects of the “vaccine”, of course.

      • WTF

        Ignore all of the VAERS data, and the fact that long-term effects are completely unknown, all to possibly, maybe, gain a slight increase in resistance (even that seems to not be the case with the current variants) to what is at this point a cold. Humans are stupid, panicky, dangerous animals.

      • Fourscore

        A good friend died yesterday, had the big C but only for a few days before he died. Al and his wife (a classmate) were terrified for the last two years. The masks, the missus wore the silly shield as well, vaccines, boosters. He’d been in a nursing home for just 2-3 weeks. It was apparent that Al’s health was failing and the last few months were truly visible. He caught the C in the nursing home but he died because he was old (85) and poor health. Jeannie is now self isolating, afraid she might be contagious.

        The nursing home is not a spa, it’s a one way trip.

      • Sean

        Sorry about your friend.

      • Tundra

        Seconded.

        Condolences, FS.

      • kbolino

        The nursing home is not a spa, it’s a one way trip.

        And an expensive one at that. I am reminded of a family friend who complained once, while not very sober, that a hospice nurse had killed his relative. Though tragic to lose a loved one, my internal reaction was: isn’t that the point of hospice?

      • kbolino

        … there are days when I wonder if I’m autistic or just narcissistic.

        Sorry for your loss, 4×20.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, my mom died after just shy of two months in the nursing home, and in many ways it was a relief.

        Long-term care insurance should have paid for it, or Medicare since they were supposedly supposed to pay for two months while applying for Medicaid, but everybody wrangled over who should pay, and of course the Medicaid employee was on some sort of disability leave that had him in the office maybe two days a week.

      • Tundra

        My MIL is in a place that is 10K/mo. My grandmother’s facility was 8500/mo. This is something to start planning for.

      • ron73440

        Sorry to hear that.

        Feel bad for the wife, this should be a time to be with others, not self isolate.

        Fearmongering is evil.

      • Sensei

        + 1 on both thoughts.

        Sorry for your loss.

      • MikeS

        Sorry to hear that, FS.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Condolences

      • db

        I’m sorry to hear that. My condolences.

      • DEG

        Sorry Fourscore.

      • Fourscore

        Thanks for the good wishes

        There are few surprises left anymore.

        The smokers left first, then the drinkers and now the old people skewing the averages up

    • ron73440

      I hate everyone.

      Welcome to the club.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Only proper responseresponse

    • CPRM

      Daily Soma Prozium II Boosters FTW!

    • Drake

      Our younger men have been purposefully sissified.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        This guy is…38ish? So yeah.

        He’s also a former college soccer player, so relatively fit.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Soccer player? Will he throw himself to the floor if he gets a sniffle?

      • wdalasio

        I know I keep saying it, but it seems correlated with education.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      they would get a shot “all the time” if they could

      Knock yourself out, but leave me and my family alone.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Please do not have sexual conversation with my children.

      • Drake

        …or else.

    • Grumbletarian

      “You can talk about queerness without talking about sex.”

      I’ve never seen this happen, ever.

      • Ted S.

        If you’re reading something from the 1920s when “queer” was used to mean “strange”, then yes, you can talk about queerness without talking about sex.

        It’s kind of like using the word “ejaculate” to mean “exclaim”.

      • juris imprudent

        Oddly enough, reading Siegfried Sassoon’s Sherston series and both of these words are used as described.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Sure it’s all fun and games now until they grow up to be stormtroopers.

      • wdalasio

        Well, at least then you don’t have to worry about their aim.

      • Rebel Scum

        It’s not their fault that they can’t see.

      • Rebel Scum

        It’s not their fault that they can’t see.

      • Tundra

        Lol.

        Blind squirrel revenge

    • Grumbletarian

      JFC. I hope that isn’t real.

    • ron73440

      That can’t be real.

      I mean, it probably is real, but that can’t be real.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Wonder what the flammability rating is on all that.

    • Drake

      WTF kind of dystopian universe have I slid into? Get me out of here Quinn.

    • DEG

      Still not the most disturbing video I’ve seen out of the Shanghai Lil Rona Panic.

  20. Rebel Scum

    It’s time to probe Uranus.

    The space science community thinks the time is ripe to study Uranus in depth — and they’re being serious. A new report compiled by planetary scientists from across the United States says that sending an interplanetary probe to study the ice giant planet should be considered the top priority for planetary exploration over the next decade.

    Specifically, scientists are calling on NASA to create the Uranus Orbiter and Probe, or UOP. The mission concept would send a spacecraft into orbit around Uranus, along with a probe that would plunge into the planet’s atmosphere. Scientists envision such a mission launching sometime in the early 2030s as long as engineers get started on it as soon as next year.

    If it works, the UOP mission could provide the most intricate details yet about this mostly unexplored world. The only spacecraft to ever visit Uranus was NASA’s Voyager 2 mission, which flew by the planet in 1986, coming within 50,700 miles of the planet’s cloud tops. Voyager 2 unlocked some intriguing secrets about Uranus, discovering new moons and rings around the planet. But Voyager 2 didn’t stay for long; it zoomed by during its exploration of the outer Solar System and kept going, eventually heading off into interstellar space.

    You have to get in there real deep like.

      • R.J.

        SPACE SMITH: “KNOCK KNOCK!”
        Astronaut: “Who is there?”
        SPACE SMITH: “ANUS!”
        Astronaut: “Anus who?”
        SPACE SMITH: “URANUS!”
        …In space, no one can hear you scream…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I saw this movie already, I think it was called Anal Intruders 9, it’s the best of the franchise if you ask me.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’ve heard about the rings around Uranus, but I’ve never seen them.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      That probe’s liable to get shit for data.

    • juris imprudent

      ripe? Uranus? in depth?

      PHRASERS set to kill.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    “This entire Administration is behind you 100%,”

    Now just move a little closer to that window.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’d rather have them in front of me where I can keep an eye on them.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    “You can talk about queerness without talking about sex.”

    That’s rather a queer concept.

    • R C Dean

      Since queerness is about sexual identity/orientation, I think its actually impossible to talk about it without talking about sex. Kinda like how you can’t really talk about swimming without mentioning water.

      • kinnath

        My brother has been a gay rights activist for at least the last couple of decades. I don’t believe he has ever stated that it was necessary to talk to young children about being gay/straight.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    It was definitely Ass Wednesday at the Gym today. Muy bueno, except for the girl in her early 20s wearing a black face diaper. WTF? Over.

    • R C Dean

      + booty shorts, amirite?

    • R C Dean

      the girl in her early 20s wearing a black face diaper

      “You know, that mask is probably making your skin problems a lot worse.”

      • Drake

        I does help me focus on your body, though.

    • DEG

      Over the last two weeks or so, the last of the face diaper wearers at my gym have stopped wearing face diapers.

      • Ted S.

        We’re doing renovations in the office, with the move from one side to the other just beginning. HR lady was the first to move, and when I stopped by her new office space to talk about making certain the right access doors will be open, she was alone in her office, wearing a mask.

        (The side of the office we’re currently on has direct badge access to the outside, with all the other doors to the building on a timer not to open until sometime after the start of shift for a couple of us. It’s going to be a shit-show when renovations of that half begin and we lose access to that door.)

    • Ownbestenemy

      Reminds me…I need to go to the gym to practice my side-eye game.

      • Tundra

        Watch this first!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ahahahaha!

    • DEG

      Ass Wednesday at the Gym today

      Apropos. Might be NSFW.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    No booty shorts- yoga pants.

  25. Tundra

    What the fuck?

    This seems odd. Before anyone asks, I don’t have a baseline for food processing/distribution center destruction so, yes, this may be completely normal.

    Or, you know, not.

    • Sean

      Are you alleging Russian saboteurs?

      • Tundra

        I report, you decide.

      • Rebel Scum

        Led by the infamous Billitriy Gateselhov.

  26. Rebel Scum

    I see the military is no longer interested in fighting/winning wars.

    “The intent of Airmen’s Time is to create a safe space, be present, and ensure that our Air Force culture invites healthy conversation for every Airman…anytime, anywhere,” reads a memo that was obtained by the Washington Free Beacon.

    The memo, which was written by Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force Joanne S. Bass and General USAF Chief of Staff Charles Q. Brown, Jr., states that “building trust and belonging is never a one-time event – it is a daily commitment to those we serve.”

    “To further advance this cultural shift, leaders at every level are entrusted to prioritize time to elevate connection, growth, and enhance the well-being of individual Airmen while building unity within teams,” the memo continues.

  27. Ted S.

    Daily Quordle 86
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