The wizened Grand Vizier of THE DEEP STATE brooded over his breakroom coffee and stale Danish, casting narrowed eyes at his assembled department heads, daring one of them to be the first to speak. He whipped his head toward a faint, embarrassed cough.
“Yes, Q1?” he asked the frighten man.
“The address to Congress…” the gray little bureaucrat began.
“A disaster,” the Grand Vizier snapped, “Pure disaster. He went out there and talked almost normally. How could this happen? I was assured this couldn’t happen!”
“Agent DEEP COVER reports that Trump was heavily medicated,” B1 said.
“The hair. The hair was running the show!” C1 interjected. He threw a grainy photo onto the Grand Vizier’s desk. It showed a lock of hair penetrating Donald’s ear canal during the speech.
“Do we have a location on MAGA Prime for the speech?” the Grand Vizier asked.
“No, sir,” E1 reported, “It might have stayed behind in the residence.”
“Impossible,” B1 said, “Donald would never leave it behind. He must have had it somewhere. A coat pocket. Down the back of his pants. Somewhere.”
“The press is saying he looked… presidential, sir,” Q1 said quietly.
The Grand Vizier threw a 30-year service award at him and knocked him out cold.
“Ideas,” he said, “Let’s go. I have a butt plug fitting to get to.”
“Nair! Kill the hair!”
“Seduce Melania! Seduce Ivanka!”
“Get your hand out of your pants!”
“Make it illegal to own hats!”
“Leak! Leak it all! LEAK IT ALL!”
“Get down off that chair. You’ll fall.”
“HILLARY! HILLARY WILL SAVE US!”
“Increase the military budget!” G1 yelled. Everyone groaned.
“Increase the representation of women in THE DEEP STATE meetings!”
“Somebody fucking slap him. Please.”
“OK, OK,” the Grand Vizier said, “You are all idiots. This meeting is over. Get your dicks out for THE DEEP STATE.”
Each of them stood and pulled out their sad assortment of genitals. They formed a circle, each holding the penis of the bureaucrat beside him in his left hand and raising his right. Q1 gently farted from his place on the floor.
As one they intoned: “The Honorable and Earnest Dominators of Even the Elected Plutocrats and Suitably Titled Aristocrats, Taciti Eternum.”
As they hummed tunelessly and walked in a ring around the office, P2, filling in for his boss, whispered to M1, “They know aeternum doesn’t start with an ‘e,’ right?”
“Shut up, you fool,” M1 whispered back, giving P2’s penis a painful tug.
Marvelous. Terrible. Awe-inspiring. Soul-crushing. I cried rainbows. I puked blood.
Odd, I cried blood and puked rainbows…
Fingering lickin’ good!
Nope! Not reading this today. My stomach is still too woozy for SF’s demented mind.
READ IT!
https://motherofdragonlance.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/mind-blown.gif?w=300&h=200
Deep state. Deep dicking. Coincidence? I think not.
Its like Suge bugged our last senior leadership meeting. Eerie.
OT: The juicy story this morning.
It appears he’s the same Juan Thompson who works for Glenn Greenwald at The Intercept.
This about sums it up.
Another OT
Stephen Miller has been trolling proggies all morning, and it’s been glorious.
Everyone’s favorite troll even managed to chime in there towards the bottom of the thread. Lovely.
I see Mary is there. That is one creepy, freaky freak.
Has the FBI found his MAGA hat yet?
“”This racist white girl I used to date…”
Something about that statement seems… off. Do you think she became racist *while* she was dating Woke Black Guy , or after they broke up?
Huh.
This dude is out of his fucking mind.
Didn’t Trump just get bashed for daring to suggest that many of these attacks were false flags? I think he did…
Sublime.
Thanks for the laugh.
Sugarfree seems to hate proofreading almost as much as he hates author bios.
No one will help me. They all complain of mysterious rashes.
I have it on good authority that ICD-11 will include SF-induced urticaria cross referenced with acute stress reactions.
The picture looks like a Tool Album cover. Sugarfree, you really know how to captivate an audience. *projectile vomits on shackled feet*
Warty turned me on to that band. I played several of their CDs on my overly-large stereo with the volume set to “Space Shuttle Takeoff.”
It was awesome.
I believe they are going on tour again soon.
Fun fact: I occasionally work a side job with the brother of Tool’s drummer.
Squirrelly little guy. Apparently he lived in his brother’s mansion laying about for years before getting the boot. His brother still puts him on a $3k allowance per month but must provide proof of employment to recieve the cash.
10/10 would vomit again
Remember how circuses would hold parades when they would set up in a new town, and the elephants would march with each elephant holding their predecessor’s tail in their trunks?
I wonder if that’s how the Grand Vizier collects the other members of the deep state and conducts them to the meeting room he has randomly selected for the next meeting.
“Get down off that chair. You’ll fall.”
It’s like I’m right there in the room.
Why?
Because.
Good, though I can’t say it’s genital-free any longer.
Tim Egan learns to love Trump
I credit President Trump. Not because he seems any more evolved than the first earthworms now appearing in the cold soil of my garden. But because the threats to truth, civility, rational thought and brotherly love coming from the White House have prompted a huge counterreaction.
It’s early, but we may be experiencing a great awakening for the humane values that are under siege by a dark-side presidency. People are going inward, to find something bigger than Trump, and outward, to limit the damage he inflicts on the country.
Trump has been good — indirectly — for a free press, an independent judiciary, high school civics, grass-roots political activity, cautionary tales in literature and theater, and spirituality. You don’t know what you’ve got, as the song says, till it’s gone — or nearly so.
The Trumpening has roused the sleeping giant of American democracy. Seriously. America’s hate for Trump will make it great again.
I actually read that.
Its a convoluted rationalization that their constant pants-shitting is somehow “healthy and mature behavior”
I almost came. Where is part 3?
Turkeys circle dead cat. Exactly what it says.
Wow. That almost looked like a funerary rite.
I don’t think there’s any outlandish explanation for their behavior. It’s just another symptom of our computer simulation spiraling out of control.
Bizarre.
Where do that many wild turkeys just roam free in the suburbs? I’ve seen them up around the Mohunk Preserve in New Paltz NY, and they’re relatively tame-ish because its a tourist trap, but i think anywhere else they’re prone to run away from people, being rightfully suspicious. I’ve also never seen then actually behave like a ‘flock’ like that either, just roaming in pairs or 3 or so.
We have a wild flock that lives in the woods near our house.
Today they were grazing in our back yard.
8 females and one really serious looking male.
Are the males the ones with the poofy plumage? I assume so.
All the ones in the above vid appear to be females. maybe there’s something to that.
a quick google has other people telling stories about “Turkeys running in circles” Which seems connected to mating-behavior.
So…. they’re confusing a dead cat with…. a very sleepy-male? Or maybe they think the male is supposed to come and strut around the body of his defeated enemy.
The males typically have a darker color (more black) than the females, but the real tell is that the males have “beards” – tufts of hairy-looking feathers in the middle of their chests. Pretty sure all the birds in the vid are females.
You get turkeys in the burbs in Texas, and in Wisconsin, and probably everywhere in between where the burbs butt up against turkey habitat.
And, yeah, that is one freaky-looking video. No telling what they are up to. On more than one occasion, I’ve had males attack a wounded/dead male that we just shot. But I’ve never seen the females do anything like that.
I can’t see the video, but it is mating season. They get weird this time of year. We have several small flocks in the area that tend to bunch up this time of year. Not uncommon to see 30 frickin hens with 4 or 5 males strutting round the outside and carrying on.
I can do a good enough gobble and yelp to get them yelling back at me. Which is kinda fun.
“I can do a good enough gobble and yelp to get them yelling back at me. Which is kinda fun.”
When a male’s gobbler has turned beet red is when you know you’ve really pissed them off. Always good for a chuckle.
“The hair. The hair was running the show!” C1 interjected. He threw a grainy photo onto the Grand Vizier’s desk. It showed a lock of hair penetrating Donald’s ear canal during the speech.
I knew it!
Great episode. Thanks.
The Hair has been the more…in control of the two. The Hat, while helping, seems like he is along for the perks of power – the top shelf champagne, the chance Melania will wear him, etc.
Sugarfree, our very own Deep Throat from the bowels of the Deep State