“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TWEET?!?” the hair demanded as the ponderous door of the White House toupee vault finally closed, magnetic bolts firing home loudly.
“His phone was just lying around,” the hat said smugly.
“So you just tweet whatever?” the hair asked.
“Obama tapped our phones,” the hat said, “I know it happened. Jeff knows it happened. I just told the truth.”
“The truth? There’s no evidence that Obama ordered a wiretap!” the hair exclaimed.
“Evidence? Who fucking cares about evidence? Look at how they are scrambling. They pulled Clapper out of his iron lung to deny it. Clapper! He lied to Congress and they think he’s still a credible source.”
“What happens when they find out Obama never ordered a wiretap?”
“They can’t prove he didn’t do something! Did you drink some bad shampoo? Did your IQ suddenly drop? I can say anything I want!” the hat screamed.
The hair sighed loudly and in the quiet that followed, Donald’s collection of ties rustled behind them.
“What was that?” the hair asked.
“It’s probably nothing,” the hat replied, “Don’t be so paranoid.”
“I think someone’s out there…” the hair whispered.
“We are in the toupee vault in the White House. This is the most secure location in the entire world.”
The bolts fired themselves back into the wall like a series of rifleshots and the vault door began to open.
Goddamn, this makes my day.
And mine. Cthulhu bless Sugarfree! *sacrifices orphan(least productive)*
Dammit, SF, I’m on the edge of my toilet here. The suspense is killing me!
Seconded….I almost soiled myself.
They can’t prove he didn’t do something!
I can’t stop laughing. The shitshow has escalated even more quickly than I imagined it would. I was pleased that Trump turned the “We need to investigate this guy for talking to the Russians while he was a Senator” into “We need to investigate every Senator who talked to the Russians”, but this “Obama tapped my phone” is beyond my wildest hopes and dreams.
I mean, he almost certainly did, although I doubt he personally ordered it in writing. But, man, where is this gonna go? Our Masters in DC are in a state of total meltdown across the board. Dee. Lish.
Shitshow RAMPS UP!
All you can do is laugh – I hope this continues to erode the popularity and standing of all three branches of the Federal G.
What amazes me somewhat is how many establishment hacks Trump hired and by extension, how big of pussies much of his administration seems to be. You took a job with Donald fucking Trump. You knew exactly what you were signing up for, yet they seem completely detached from actually defending him. He’s hired people who don’t understand him or what his campaign and getting elected was actually about.
The fact that the White House hasn’t defended Trump on this and was more concerned about not adding fuel to the fire, per Politico this morning, baffles me. Then others who say they’ve communicated with Trump say he’s completely convinced he’ll be vindicated on this.
Trump needs a new mouth and a new communications team.
I had the cut and pasted the moment I read it. Perfect.
A president doesn’t “order” a wiretap
A president would ask DoJ to see what they could get, and DoJ would request electronic surveillance of a US citizen by submitting an argument to FISA that it was necessary (if its a national security investigation).
FISA would be the one to actually “order” a wiretap.
It doesn’t seem to me you need any proof of anything the White House did. If the above actually happened (and it seems it did – that FISA did in fact receive more than 1 request) you can be damn sure it happened w/ the knowledge and approval of the White House.
Ironically, for Democrats falsely accusing Attorney General Sessions, perjury and conspiracy to commit perjury, as well as intentional violations of FISA. Rather shockingly, no law currently forbids misusing the power of the presidency to spy on one’s adversaries. What the law does forbid is lying to any judicial officer to obtain any means of surveillance. What the law does forbid, under criminal penalty, is the misuse of FISA. Both derive from the protections of the Fourth Amendment itself. Under section 1809, FISA makes it a crime for anyone to either “engage in” electronic surveillance under “color of law” under FISA without following the law’s restrictions, or “disclose” or “use” information gathered from it in contravention of the statute’s sharp constrictions.
FISA, 50 USC 1801, et seq., is a very limited method of obtaining surveillance authority. The reason for its strict limits is that FISA evades the regular federal court process, by not allowing regularly, Constitutionally appointed federal judges and their magistrates to authorize surveillance the Fourth Amendment would otherwise forbid. Instead, the Chief Justice handpicks the FISA court members, who have shown an exceptional deference to the executive branch. This is because FISA court members trust the government is only bringing them surveillance about pending terror attacks or “grave hostile” war-like attacks, as the FISA statute limits itself to. Thus, a FISA application can only be used in very limited circumstances.
All of that was supposed to be blockquoted.
and there i thought you were just a spontaneously-erudite legal analyst
All of this frothing hysteria grew out of Trump’s campaign statements to the effect that Putin is a strong leader and Obama a weak one, a completely true assertion. It went from a feeble excuse for why Trump was able to mop the floor with Hillary’s ass to this, a DC meltdown.
Congrats ruling class. You would rather destroy the country than see yourselves demoted.
I just watched a MSNBC clip in which some news guy I have never seen before was breathlessly claiming Trump LIBELED the Ascended One.
Just when you start to think the world can’t get any dumber…
Our Masters in DC are in a state of total meltdown across the board.
How will they Get Things Done?
Gridlock is killing millions of Americans, as we speak!
If you die from gridlock, chances are that you needed killin’…
I mean, he almost certainly did, although I doubt he personally ordered it in writing.
SCENE: The Oval Office. Obama and a small group of his most trusted aides and associates are gathered in front of a bank of teevees, watching a simultaneous array of news feeds. Trump predominates.
Obama: “What do you suppose that is is up to, now? I mean, seriously; who wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall in his office, right?”
In Unison: “Right, Sir. Absolutely.” *nervous laughter*
*Several aides exchange knowing glances*
The notion that the FBI/DOJ would try to wiretap a Presidential candidate and/or President-Elect without any kind of sign-off from the White House, and the President specifically, is ludicrous. Either he knew and approved, or his administration was completely out of control; there’s no other option. If it happened, which seems highly likely to me given this administration’s enthusiastic use of wiretaps AND the volume of anonymous leaks about the Trump campaign and transition staff, then it is catastrophic for the Obama administration.
Hell, even hearings on this that don’t really turn up a smoking gun would be catastrophic, if competently done (given that its the Repubs, this last is far from a given).
I think its sort of odd to refer to an “administration” which no longer exists in the present tense.
Which is funny, because thats what i was saying last night Obama was doing, trying to stay in the political limelight. He doesn’t want to relinquish the mantle of power.
If there are investigations of the previous admin, i think its ultimately “catastrophic” for Rule of Law. As i said before, its incredibly dangerous when people start weilding the institutions of govt as political weapons. Obama may be the one who “crossed the line”, but i think the dangerous thing would be to make the use of the DoJ/CIA/IRS etc. commonplace weapons of politicians.
Technically, you’re right – there isn’t an Obama administration any more. In reality, though, there are lots and lots of people in the federal government acting as a de facto Obama administration.
If this is handled right (long shot, I know), I think it will be healthy for the rule of law. Refusing to respond to illegal activities of the previous administration, especially when they are directed at political enemies, would be worse than using the legitimate tools of law enforcement to enforce the law “without fear or favor”. My main concern at this point is that our agencies are too far gone to be legitimate tools of law enforcement any more, and that Congress is too castrated to serve in its proper oversight role.
fucking words- how do they work?
—“I mean, he almost certainly did, although I doubt he personally ordered it in writing.”—
Will no one rid me of this troublesome Trump?
Are we about to see another sentient garment make its debut?
This is just too good:
On January 20, 2017, the NYT ran a headline above the fold that “Wiretap Data Used In Inquiry of Trump Aides”.
Now, the NYT, right down to the same freakin’ reporter, claims there is no evidence of a wiretap.
Meant to add the quote:
American law enforcement and intelligence agencies are examining intercepted communications and financial transactions as part of a broad investigation into possible links between Russian officials and associates of President-elect Donald J. Trump, including his former campaign chairman Paul Manafort, current and former senior American officials said.
*snip*
One official said intelligence reports based on some of the wiretapped communications had been provided to the White House.
The article seems to suggest that it was the Russians that were wiretapped, not the Trump campaign. That could only be determined by subpoenaing the original orders though.
That’s a distinction without a difference.
You need to recall the way current “wiretapping” works
NSA collects 100% of all network traffic. FISA allows people to search it if they can claim there’s a national security angle.
So they go fishing through every overseas call that Trump’s offices make. Is that “wiretapping trump”? OH NO (says NSA) WE JUST LISTENING TO THE FURRINERS.
The ‘russian’ angle is simply an excuse to target political opponents.
Distinction without a difference is the name of the game in DC.
One wonders what the NSA has on contacts between the Hillary team and the Russians during the campaign. They were old buddies, after all. Hillary had helped them out, big time, on a couple yuuuuge deals. I find it hard to believe they weren’t in touch during the campaign.
Listening to the Russians and anyone they talk to, and all of the calls made/taken by the second category just in case those people then talk to Russians the NSA doesn’t know about. Bulletproof rationale for listening to the Trump campaign.
Only works if they did the same thing for the Hillary campaign and perhaps even the minor candidates, as well. That’s why the request will be interesting. If it singles out, in any way, the Trump team, then the statement that “The Obama administration wiretapped the Trump campaign” will be unequivocally true.
Maybe not illegal, but disastrousin any event for the Obama shadow government.
The current (unconfirmed) story is that the administration went to FISA for a Trump wiretap in June, was rejected, and went back with an amended request at the end of the campaign.
It will be interesting indeed to see the rejected request, the approved request, and the resulting order.
Last night, the media was reporting that Comey wants the DOJ to deny wiretapping claims.
A) because Comey and the FBI burned their credibility with the handling of the Clinton “investigation”?
B) they don’t want to perjure themselves?
C) they want the DOJ to cover themselves with this shit and own it so the DOJ flunkies have an incentive to bury the truth on wiretapping?
D) all of the above
Of course, if the DOJ made a FISA request to do some wiretapping, that’s gonna be hard to do.
i’d be pretty letdown if barry DIDN’T put some kind of surveillance on trump.
He’s a product of the Chicago Democrat machine. Of course he plays dirty. He reminds me of what Albert Brooks said in the movie Broadcast News”
“What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around?….. Nobody is going to be taken in by a guy with a long, red, pointy tail! What’s he gonna sound like?…He will be attractive! He’ll be nice and helpful. He’ll get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation. He’ll never do an evil thing! He’ll never deliberately hurt a living thing… he will just bit by little bit lower our standards where they are important. “
No one my age will be able to run for office.
Feature, not bug?