“COMEY!” the hat screamed, “YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” His deranged laughter pealed through the staff party like a church bell. The quadcopter he was riding darted toward party-goers at eye level and his bill stiffened whenever someone flinched.
“Fired! Fired! Fired! Fired!,” the hair chanted, hanging from the exposed breast of an intern. She was high on cheap beer and GHB and gently pissed herself every time she laughed.
“Did you see, did you see where if was on the news behind Comey before he’d even found out?” that hat asked no one in particular for the sixth or seventh time.
“Where’s Donald?” the hair screamed over the pounding music.
“How should I fucking know?” the hat replied.
A roar went up when Kellyanne climbed onto a desk and began to gyrate.
“She’s going to break a fucking hip,” the hair said. He squeezed the boob he was riding until the intern screamed and brushed him off. He was scooped up from the floor and passed around.
“Dude!” he yelled to the hat.
“Just go with it, man,” the hat yelled, hovering near the staffer who was DJing with his iPhone. The hat screamed “‘Free Bird!’” at the confused young man.
A woman screamed when she realized she had been passed the hair and tossed it to Sean. Sean placed it over his own hair and threw his empty tequila bottle at a wall.
“Yeaaaaaah! You’re fired! You’re fired!” Sean screamed, pointing at random people. He tried to light a cigarette while he was still screaming and burned himself with the lighter instead.
“Do not set me on fire, you goat-fucking anal polyp!” the hair screamed.
The quadcopter slammed in Kellyanne and she screamed, a banshee wail that everyone could feel behind their eyes. The hat righted the copter and veered away. Kellyanne wooed at top volume and tore off her blouse.
“Ah, fuck, my eyes!” the hat yelled, “I mean, you know, if I had eyes!”
“They look like crushed juice boxes!” the hair exclaimed.
“I really always fucking liked you, man,” Sean said, ruffling the hair on his hair.
“That’s great, Sean.”
“No, I mean it, I really always did. Like from the first time I saw you.”
Sean lurched from side to side, struggling with his belt.
“No, Sean. No. Bad Sean. Bad!” the hair said.
The hat swooped in and turned on the quadcopter’s camera as Sean squatted and starting shitting in an office trashcan.
“crushed juice boxes”
I’ll never see those things the same way again.
Yeah – thanks for destroying part of my humanity, SF.
C’mon. Like anyone here has any of that.*
*And if you do, could you please put that out?
I think you meant to say, “And if you do, could you please put out?”
That’s totally what I meant to say. I swear, Ted S., sometimes you just get me.
The few remaining fragments?
If any of us were anything but empty husks we’d have been driven insane long ago.
Truer words were never spoken.
SF nearly killed my soul during the election – this was just another slice in the death of a thousand cuts, LH.
So…. would?
Depends, what flavor?
Capri Sun or GTFO.
Those are pouches, not boxes. If I’m going to risk sanity by indulging in the crushed angular mammaries of a shrieking bean sidhe, they better be vintage Hi-C ecto coolers.
Pure poetry.
Reminder to self: look in comments first, it’s probably already been typed.
Poetry.
“Ah, fuck, my eyes!” the hat yelled, “I mean, you know, if I had eyes!”
But… how…
Pondering the logic of Nutrasweet’s writing is strongly discouraged. That road will only lead to Nyarlathotep; if you’re lucky, anyway.
Shhh…it’s the PTSD talking. Poor thing has issues.
I mean the hat, not you after reading the story!
*turns haunted stare at Pan*
Might be both.
Trump draining the swamp.
*Any reason to post that again*
The comments are pure gold. (???)
they can do that?
I want to say that the roar went ewwww.
Intersectionality!
“DePaul University has prohibited the campus group Turning Point USA from displaying posters with the slogan “Gay Lives Matter” to advertise a presentation Wednesday by a gay reporter on radical Islam’s discrimination against the LGBTQ community.”
https://www.thecollegefix.com/post/32554/
New posters:
Gay Lives Matter, but not as much as some others?
or
We’re Afraid of Muslims!
Gay Lives Matter, when the object is to use gays as a stick to beat our political opponents with. Otherwise, fuck em.
Right in the ass
You’d think Orlando would have convinced more of the gay community to part ways with the “islam is No 1 on the progressive stack” but nope. They ignore or don’t know any of the news out of the Middle East, and are ensconced in their little bubble of the Meanie Right-Wing Islamophobes. Same as the rad-fems, i guess, and i find it so frustrating. It’s the lack of any level between acceptance of ALL of it, and wanting them all to die. You can support the ordinary Muslims, without pretending that the worst do nothing wrong ever.
This sums it up pretty nicely:
http://www.allenbwest.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/meme.jpg
Perfect
The person giving the speech is the same Jamie Kirchick that was interviewed by Nick 2(?)weeks ago, and who appeared on the 5th column podcast last week
i’m not crazy about the guy’s writing or his political views (i pretty much summed up why in those H&R threads), but i do like the fact that he’s goading the left’s hypocrisy.
The same (((Jamie Kirchick))) that Dalmia implied was alt-right.
The same guy that the H&R retards called “Neocon” because they don’t have any other vocabulary words to describe ‘not-really-non-interventionist-ish’
To be fair, that’s not just H&R being retards, Wikipedia lists him as a neocon too for some reason.
*checks Intersectionality cheat sheet*
Good, I still have Islam trumping gay.
“After three days of occupation by students of Kerr Hall, Chancellor George Blumenthal agreed to give all black and Caribbean-identified students a 4-year housing guarantee to live in the Rosa Parks African American Themed House; bring back the building’s lounge; paint its exterior the “Pan-Afrikan colors” of red, green and black; and force all new incoming students to go through a mandatory diversity competency training.”
https://www.thecollegefix.com/post/32561/
Should have expelled them. You think they’re going to stop there?
If I was the Chancellor, I would have given the students two options: get the fuck out of the building or be arrested and get expelled from the university. If a couple of more chancellors or university leaders use these two options, I bet that this sort of shit would cease.
The moment you start giving in to these assholes is when you have already lost the battle. I think there’s a saying, “If you keep on giving a mouse a cookie, the mouse will eventually ask for a glass of milk.”
Not just a phrase, but a whole book on the perils of giving in to these kinds of terrorists.
I thought it was “If you give a moose a muffin….”
My dad told me a story from his own college years in the late ’60s. He went to St. Bonaventure, which was hardly a hotbed of student radicalism, but they did have some kind of sit in protest once in the administration building. He said that one of the deans came out and started demanding their student IDs, at which point the crowd melted away.
But this is UC Santa Cruz. Outside of Berkeley, not many institutions further to the left.
The shit you see today is practically always instigated by faculty members of those studies departments…
Caribbean-identified students? Seriously?
So Jimmy Buffett would get to live in the new Colored dorm?
I played soccer with a white Jamaican (yes, they do exist) and it was just hilarious listening to him talk. Guy looked like Howdy Doody and sounded like Bob Marley.
This must be real, because if it were satire, it would be racist trash rightly derided by all non-racists.
What happened to all the screeching about Trump’s tax returns?
http://thehill.com/homenews/news/331691-ex-dnc-chair-to-critics-of-obamas-400k-speaking-fee-its-none-of-your-business
It will continue. A lack of consistency has never been an impediment.
A foolishconsistency is the hobgoblin oflittlelefty minds.I still see it used as a gotcha — “So why won’t Trump release his tax returns? it’s because he’s PUTIN’S STOOGE!!”
y’know, because he’s got a W2 from the Kremlin and he’s hiding it from us.
“Look, it is none of anyone’s business what someone who is a member of the private sector decides to accept in terms of compensation,” Wasserman Schultz said.
Frame it, slap it on a letterhead, and send this to every Democrat you know please… Oh wait, they mean only the people they like…
It reflects on us all that reality is truly stranger than anything SugarFree could write.
Listening to Rush for a few minutes just now: good God, Maxine Waters is a risible, contemptible human being.
She has gone full retard and she wants the cake.
I think she’s been there for quite a while.
THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!
James Comey is an unreliable hack for even daring to question the legality of Clinton’s innocent mistakes and throwing the election to Trump, but he’s the only man capable of bringing Trump to justice for crimes no one has bothered to articulate, let alone substantiate.
Makes sense to me.
*eats some more glue*
Oh they’ve bothered to articulate them, it’s just very hard to describe something that doesn’t exist.
If only we could figure out some way to harness the energy from all the Dem spinning on this issue, we could power California for a year.
Unnecessary. California is already powered by unicorn flatulence.
It is more than this issue. There are swarms of these fucking lefty shitbags and all of their causes lighting fires all over the place. All of it is designed to cause strife, division and disorder.
They are trying to tear the country apart.
I see you have been listening to Maxine Waters too much.
He’s the hero they need, not the hero they deserve. Or is it the other way around?