“IMPEACHMENT!” Donald roared, “They’ll never fucking impeach me! I won’t fucking allow it.” He lurched about the Oval Office in only his stained white underwear and Crocs. The hat and the hair watched from his desk among the other clutter of a dying presidency.
“Will you stop posting on his Twitter?” the hair asked.
“Never,” the hat replied, “Fucking Comey. Fucking (((Rosenstein))). I knew that fucking kike was going to fucking kike fuck us.”
“How are you doing that?”
“Doing what?” the hat asked, not looking us from Donald’s phone.
“Saying ‘Rosenstein’ like that.”
“Saying ‘(((Rosenstein)))’ like what?”
“The way you are saying it. Why does it sound like that?”
The hat stopped furiously tapping on the Blackberry but didn’t look over at the hair.
“I pronounce it just fine. I’m not a fucking retard.”
“Say ‘Rosenstein,’” the hair asked.
“(((Rosenstein))).”
“Rosenstein,” the hair said, “You really don’t hear the difference in the way we are saying it?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Impeachment!” Donald yelled again. He was eating another Filet-O-Fish and a huge glob of tartar sauce joined the mass that had already gathered in his chest hair. He starting sobbing and sat down abruptly, shaking the room.
“Donald,” the hat said, “Stop eating that shit and clean yourself up.”
“I should have listened to Bernie,” Donald said between the racking sobs, “He told me. He told me.”
“What did he tell you, Donald?” the hair asked gently.
“He told me they would never let me be President. He was right. FAKE NEWS! Emm-Ess-Emm!” He fell forward awkwardly and rubbed his sauce-smeared chest into the Seal on the floor.
“Call Vlad,” he mumbled.
“Bobby Mueller. Bobby Goddamn Mueller,” the hat grumbled, “He’s going to fuck us. He’s going to Ken Starr us. I’m not testifying. I’ll hang myself first.”
“Oh, calm down,” the hair said absently as he watched the President of the United States began to hump a throw pillow while crying.
“I’m too pretty. You don’t know what happens to guys like me in prison. I’m not going to be some spic’s prison bitch.”
“Would you shut up for a minute? Donald’s in real trouble here.”
“You know what they’d do? They’s wear me over a bandana.” The hat shivered violently.
“Donald is cracking up, man.”
“Oh, call Ivanka. A couple of minutes face down in her Jew-polluted mom-muff will fix him right up.”
Donald groaned and shuddered and then after a long moment went back to humping the throw pillow.
The hat cackled as he went back to Tweeting. “Oh, God… Oh, man… I can’t wait to see Sean trying to explain this one.”
“I think it’s Sarah Elizabeth today,” the hair said wanly.
“The fat Huckabee daughter? Oh, man. Yeah. Get her in here. All that flab gives her swamp pussy.”
“What?”
“Swamp pussy. Fat girls get it like every day. That stank. And some coke. I want some fucking coke.”
“Just hit the Coke button. It’s right there.”
“Coke. Cocaine, you numbnuts. Dust me with it and stick me in her.”
“You’re gross.”
“Fold my bill, really get me up in there.”
Well, at least the hat seems to have recovered nicely. Unlike my humanity.
I’m gonna need more bleach.
Here.
Here
http://eyebleach.com
There’s not even tatted Chinese chicks to offset the violation.
Shouldn’t “kike fuck” have a hyphen?
(((kike-fuck)))
You had a whole day to give it an edit, old one.
That’s some funny Goddam shit right there. Bravo.
So, in SF’s Bizarro world they are actually gonna impeach Trump.
“A drole satire of contemporary morays! A puckish spoof aimed more at the
heartnuts than the head!”Those morays can be quite slippery. That’s why you nail their head to the cutting board to skin them.
blame IMBD
Weiner pleads guilty
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-39979399
Reading the original Daily Mail article, I was struck by how vulnerable the moron was. This strange teenage girl initiates an escalating set of flirtatious messages via twitter, and you fall for that?!?
Jesus Christ! That’s like shaking hands with Dark Helmet after he invites you to “Put ‘er there”
Thoroughly odious man, and I’m so glad that he took down Clinton, especially given the irony that he was set up as Huma’s paramour by the Clintons. But sending him to jail for being stupid enough to think a teenage girl was into him seems so pointless and disproportionate.
Did you ever see him as a guest on The Independents?
I never heard any explanation from Matt W. et al on why he was on their guest-star menu, but my assumption was that he scored some sort of guest-commenter contract w/ Fox, and no one else’s show would use him, so he was basically being paid for nothing. The Indys had him on like 3 times in a single year. It was always exceedingly awkward. He had a strange nervous energy as though he were excited to explain to everyone how “the old him” was a thing of the past and now we all had to appreciate the new and improved Carlos Danger. It was as though he genuinely thought his political career was about to take-off again. My impression was that he was one of the most deluded and psycho people i’d ever seen.
I still haven’t gotten more than 10 mins through the Documentary “Weiner”. I can’t stand looking at him or the people he hangs with. They’re the scum of the earth.
I never watched a single episode of the independents. For some reason it didn’t appeal to me one iota.
They managed to decant most of the goodness out of that show and used the remaining dregs to make ‘Kennedy’.
I am not a TV watcher either, and i hate the talking-head shows where they mostly just babble at one another….
…but i liked seeing MSM journalists (both left and right) taken to task for the shit they said by libertarianish people like Matt and Kmele. That was basically the payoff. 90% of the time they didn’t really have good answers, and ended up acknowledging that the libertarian case had merits (in principle at least).
I think it was probably a good way to convince GOP types that libertarians werent’ all dopesmoking weasel-farmers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (slaps weasel off keyboard)
Thank God Hillary lost. I wouldn’t have made 4 years of SF’s stories.
I’m barfing just imagining it
Don’t care for cloaca, pseudo-penii, or mutton flaps?
Thanks. Now I don’t have to pay for lunch today. Or eat dinner tonight. Or really… I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be able to eat again actually.
“It looks like a salad made entirely out of old meat!”
Now that I have had my daily dose of insanity and perversion I am taking the 6 yo grandson down to the bayou with a fishing pole and a bb gun.
Y’all have fun.
I took my 5 year camping at the watershed lake that borders my place 2 nights ago. We took the bb gun, fishing pole, and a tent. That and beer for me and juice for him. We caught enough croppie to cook for dinner. It was a good time.
This is the fun age. Enjoy as much as you can cuz it goes fast.
Sadly we are back already. We got dow there and a goddamned tyrannosaurus decided to join us. That is the third time now I have seen that gator in the same place. He has to be 12 feet. He doesnt bother me but I am not taking any chances with a 6 yo. He is excited he got to see it but it made me nervous that the damned thing came sliding across the water before I even baited a hook. I guess we will take the boat out later if it doesnt rain.
I love too far north to ever have gator encounters. My main worry is copperheads. I kill a dozen or so every year around my place.
How do gators behave when encountered in the wild? Could you fire a shot or throw a few rocks at them to get them to leave, or are they not like that? I have run into black bears in the mountains around here and they are skiddish of people. I have only ever seen run away from me.
Generally gators are curious but not aggressive. I have stood in waist deep water with them before. They just quietly come around sniffing for food. They go away if there isnt any. Yes, you can shoo them off. What I am talking about are the 6ft and under animals. Once they start getting into the 10+ foot range they become a different critter. They aren’t scared of you anymore and even an adult human can look like lunch to them. Best to keep your distance.
Like bears the biggest problem with alligators is when people feed them. They completely lose fear of people and associate them with food. That is when you can get a real problem animal. Also, it is nearly impossible to reel a fish in if there is a gator close by. They will steal that shit from you right now.
Heh. I vaguely remember seeing a video someone took of a black bear ‘stalking’ them. They were pissing their pants the whole time but it was pretty obvious to me that it was just a large cub looking for someone to play with. It clearly had experience with people and was expecting a bologna sandwich instead of pants shitting.
We have a few of those around here too. I can always smell the stinky bastards long before seeing them.
Oh, I nearly forgot my best bear story. A couple of years ago in the very small town where I live the patrons of the Dollar Store, right in the middle of town, noticed a very large black bear trying to push his way through the entrance. Lucky for them the doors only opened outward. He stood at the door and kept them trapped in there for ten minutes or so before the sheriff got there. Probably just wanted an Icee. One of the deputies pepper sprayed it and it ran off.
A week later it was spotted a few miles away swimming in someone’s above-ground pool.
That’s funny as hell. A bear as familiar with humans as that one probably should just be shot. I know around here, there are only so many bear tags issued during bear season and they are usually all used up by the 3rd or 4th day of archery season.
You are allowed to kill a bear at any time that becomes a nuisance. A buddy of mine had a black bear that kept tearing up stuff at his cabin. He talked to the game warden and the game warden told him to kill it. He did and there was no problem.
Predators are always sizing up things for eating. I’d be very leery of taking the 6 yr anywhere near that monster. I’d been around coyotes that start acting a lot different when my mid-size dog was with me; normally you’d hardly ever see them because they saw you first, but with the dog, they’d come in a lot closer. People lost a number of pets at FT Irwin.
I was stationed at old Ft Ord when there was a mountain lion that was stalking people when kids were present. I believe she was trapped and moved before anything bad happened.
Also, the way a 5 year olds mind works is interesting. My boy found a box turtle while we were camping and held onto him for a few hours. At some point he quit paying attention and the turtle wandered far enough away that he couldn’t find it. He cried a little bit because he said he loved Mr. Turtle and wanted to keep him. A few hours later he was having a blast taking potshots with his bb gun at turtles out in the water.
I forget the developmental stage where children develop empathy, what age that is.
Libertarians never go thru that stage.
Around 3 or 4 most children develop basic empathy, but it takes a few more years before it really develops into what most adults would recognize as empathy, or were they can apply it to non human animals and such.
So Comey released those notes, I see
SugarFree coming back into form. I love it.
*blood-pukes, swoons, smashes forehead on desk, passes out*
Way to ruin all that sympathy I had for the hat a couple of episodes back, SF.
Cracked hat beats sulky hat.
Service-Dog Providers Play Cruel Joke On Blind Woman
I’m listening to this.
It seems appropriate. How could Donald Fucking Trump ever expect to defeat the Dark State?
He doesnt bother me but I am not taking any chances with a 6 yo.
I assumed you were taking the kid to use as bait.
Nah. Chicken is a lot cheaper. A couple of raw leg quarters and a cup of blood in the water and every lizard for a mile will be there.
+1 Amos Moses
Teens steal car; shoot six year in back seat.
Fuu-uuck.
Lenore will never hear the end of this one.
Clearly the problem here would be solved by gun-control.
Jesus Christ. Those “teens” are fucking sociopaths. I’m assuming they stole car and then thought oh shit there is a kid in here. Their go-to solution was to murder the kid? Fucking monsters. Let the kid out. Return the car. do anything but that. I go back and forth in my head on the death penalty, but I’m glad the prosecuter is going with capital murder on this one.
I would have had a difficult time objecting to the cops just putting bullets in their heads.
Why is only reaction to this story a desire to walk to the McDonalds and order a Filet-o-Fish?
I had the same reaction. That and a raised eyebrow to swamp pussy stank. That’s kind of gross. I would still smash a filet-o-fish right now though.
The hat has recovered…will he strike back?