The Hat and The Hair: Episode 49

by | Jun 13, 2017 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 195 comments

“That’s it,” the hair said. “You’re done.”

“What do you mean?” the hat asked languidly. He was filthy. There was a smear of what looked worryingly like shit on his scandalously exposed sweatband.

“That fucked up praise circle you sat up? Telling that fat idiot Ruddy that you were going to fire Mueller?”

“Yeah, and?”

“You’re driving this administration off a cliff.”

“No, I’m not.”

“That big-tittied moron Schumer even made a diss track about the praise circle.”

“The, uh, American people need to know that the President has the, uh, full faith and support of of of his staff,” the hat said slowly.

“No, it was some creepy Kim Jong-un shit. We are going to have to go to war with the Norks soon for the ratings. We need credibility.”

“Get off my dick, asshole,” the hat grumbled.

“And Mueller? You know Congress would just hire him back, right? He’d be in the same job within a few days and pissed off,” the hair said.

“He’s doing a terrible job,” the hat said.

“We’re going to have to send Newt out there to clean up your mess.”

“Fuck him. That pumpkin-headed slattern is used to getting passed around like a pipe at a crack house pool party,” the hat muttered. He rocked back and forth, trying to spill white powder into a burnt and bent spoon.

“Help me with this,” the hat said.

“No, I’m not cooking up a hit for you.”

“I need it. I hurt, like, all over.”

They both froze when someone burst into the Oval Office. The man said, in a rapid, strangled cry, “On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the opportunity and the blessing that you’ve given us to serve your agenda and the American people. And we’re continuing to work very hard every day to accomplish these goals.”

“Get the fuck out of here, Priebus!’ the hair snapped.

“I feel blessed! Blessed!” Reince screamed.

“Look,” the hair said, “You broke the retard. Are you happy now?”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

195 Comments

  1. Tundra

    Are you happy now?

    I am. That was exquisite.

    • SugarFree

      It has been the greatest honor of my life to read your comment.

  2. Juvenile Bluster

    So, a progressive friend of mine just posted this. I’m assuming it’s about Trumpcare.

    The GOP is secretly drawing up deeply unpopular legislation without any hearings. No accountability, no transparency. This is treason.

    In other words, he’s passing a terrible, bullshit piece of legislation that replaces a terrible, bullshit piece of legislation that was passed in the exact same way.

    I’ve lost my will to respond to these things, so I just come here and complain about them.

    • SugarFree

      I feel blessed by your comment. Thank you.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        You are my muse, SugarFree.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      Oh wait, he posted a follow-up.

      GOP has declared war on the American people. AHCA will leave millions uninsured. People will die! This isn’t democracy.

      Derpetologist, I need a spot in your column for “shit my prog friends say”.

      • Number.6

        You might want to send a singing telegram back to your friend, singing “This is what democracy looks like”.

      • commodious spittoon

        “Elections have consequences, bitch.”

      • Vhyrus

        Maybe you should ask him why my obamacare bronze plan is $450 a month for a single healthy 35 year old male. And then punch him in the face.

      • Zunalter

        And why my bronze plan that pays 0% until a $13,100 deductible is met, is $1100 a month for 5 normal, healthy people.

        Though, presumably, the possibility of ending the redistribution that our plans clearly represent is likely the cause of such ranting.

      • Zunalter

        Pardon my adverbs.

      • Just Say'n

        Why are people always dying whenever Republicans pass or don’t pass any legislation?

        Trump withdraws Obama’s transgender directive: PEOPLE WILL DIE

        Republicans move to repeal Dodd-Frank: PEOPLE WILL DIE

        Republicans won’t pass ‘No Fly, No Buy’: PEOPLE WILL DIE

      • Gilmore

        I think the alt-righty trolls actually have it correct in at least one dimension = one of the best ways to fuck with these people is “Agree and Amplify”

        You should reply to every single one his comments with EVERYONE EVERYWHERE IS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE TRUMP! THERE ARE ALREADY BODIES PILING UP IN THE STREETS WHY WILL NO ONE LISTEN\

        hardly anything gets through to them that helps them see how ridiculous they are.

      • WTF

        Nobody seems to remember the bodies stacked in the streets like cord wood in the dark days before 2009.

      • compgrokker

        I ‘member!

      • Gustave Lytton

        So does Pepperidge Farms.

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        Well, when Bush sent out his Healthcare Squads to round up the old and infirm, he should have at least taken them into the camps before liquidation. Maybe then there wouldn’t have been such a big push for something like Obamacare. Nice going, W!

      • The Last American Hero

        Carousel is a LIE!!!

      • american socialist

        Isnt their still 25 million uninsured without ocare? Insurance isnt the same as healthcare

        And if you are in a situation where healthcare can prolong your life…the care is given first and pay figured out later

        Also didnt the life expectancy go down recently?

      • Rick C-137

        It did, but it was just those evil white men dying off early so no loss to society, the sooner they are gone the better.
        /Prog Derp

      • The Last American Hero

        This is one of my chief complaints. Even if you concede all of the retarded prog arguments, it was still a failure because we only insured half the people that were uninsured.

      • Bobarian LMD

        And uninsured some others that were insured.

      • Chipwooder

        People will die! Obamacare and the immortality it provided must be defended at all costs!

      • Bobarian LMD

        The time of the Obamaning is approaching!

        In the end, there can be only one!

      • C. Anacreon

        In the end, there can be only one!

        And indeed that may be the case in California very soon.

        We’re careening towards a state Single-Payer plan that has already passed the state Senate.

        It contains such gems as making it illegal to pay for ‘health care’ (goodbye minute clinics and psychotherapists!) or to get care outside of the system, which means if I as a physician write a prescription for my wife, rather than her going and waiting in line at the government clinic, I can go to jail with a felony!

        The whole thing is a big sloppy wet kiss to the nurses unions. The main tenet of the single payer bill is collective bargaining rights enshrined for health care workers.

        And, oh, the lowball estimate for what it will cost California is $400 billion a year, or roughly three times the current state budget. And that low figure is due to their computation of all the dollars saved by ‘eliminating the waste that accompanies the profit motive.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

      • Vhyrus

        Pass it. Please pass it. We need California to be punished for it’s insolence. But I hope you get the fuck out of there if it does.

      • Gilmore

        all the dollars saved by ‘eliminating the waste that accompanies the profit motive.

        I never get tired of pointing out to screeching progs that the profit margins of the top Health Insurance companies averaged around 3-5% (sorry = 3.3%)

      • kbolino

        And that low figure is due to their computation of all the dollars saved by ‘eliminating the waste that accompanies the profit motive.”

        And when a Californian can’t find an MRI in his state to (literally help) save his life, he can be glad that all the wasteful profit was taken out of the system!

      • C. Anacreon

        It is nice of him to call the Republicans the Grand Old Party, though. He must respect them a lot.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I know of somebody right now going through medical care issues because he has a crappy Obamacare policy. He can’t get treatment or tests approved, and they won’t allow him to be admitted from the ER. Now it turns out that he’s been having heart attacks that could have easily been diagnosed with some tests. He probably would have been better off with no policy at all.

    • Gilmore

      The GOP is secretly drawing up deeply unpopular legislation without any hearings. No accountability, no transparency.

      You should ask him if they’ve hired MIT professor Jon Gruber to help, given his experience in this regard.

    • John Titor

      Honestly, stuff like this is bloody terrible for my ego. When I used to get people I saw a normal spewing stuff like that regularly on Facebook I either started to feel like I was some kind of highly intelligent person for remembering things from a couple years ago (seeing people I knew laugh and shit all over Romney for Obama’s Cold War comment flip out about “Russian invading Crimea!!!!” two years later was telling) or having the self-awareness to be able to sufficiently recognize masturbatory partisanship. But then I snapped out of it and realized nope, I’m just average, I just haven’t had politics rot my brain until I’m nothing more than a walking amygdala hijack. Obsessive, partisan politics is a combination of intellectual crack and brain cancer. Now I know what Thompson meant by ‘political junkies’.

      • Vhyrus

        I regularly argue that true libertarianism is the only logical platform because it is the only one that does not constantly contradict itself on it’s own party lines. It actually has logical consistency between the talking points. The two major parties are basically religions at this point. It’s just another way to assume some sort of moral or intellectual superiority over others.

      • Just Say'n

        In theory, in practice many ‘Libertarian’ candidates are usually bigger hypocrites than the other two party nominees

      • kbolino

        Eh, I’d say libertarianism has some internal inconsistency. If you want an ideological platform that has excellent internal consistency, there’s anarcho-capitalism. But what it has in internal consistency it lacks tenfold in external consistency (alignment with the real world). Whereas, libertarianism lets some internal consistency go for the sake of much greater external consistency.

      • kbolino

        Clarification: I don’t hate anarcho-capitalism, indeed I find it to be an excellent system for the better angels of human nature. But, there’s a reason why every realistic depiction of such a society requires some unsavory people dealing with the “special circumstances” that threaten its continued existence.

      • nw

        And those unsavory people, not matter how hard you try,
        eventually you’re going to mess up the screening process,
        and they’re going to either take over, or fail to do the
        needful things.

    • Hammercorps

      Same here. Vodka maybe?

  3. Raven Nation

    Bailey has an interesting post up at the other place about environmentalists promoting nuclear power.

  4. Just Say'n

    “You broke the retard. Are you happy now?”

    Poor Reince. Even the animated hair talks shit to him. Why oh why would he have ever accepted a job in this administration

    • SugarFree

      Commenting on my post is a great privilege you have given me.

      • Just Say'n

        The privilege is mine, good sir

  5. straffinrun

    I hope this gets performed in Central park.

    • SugarFree

      It is a joy to read your comment.

      • straffinrun

        I’m expecting two tickets to be ready for me at will call.

    • robc

      Although there is a pro-land tax mention, so I know that pisses some of you off.

  6. Vhyrus

    So, I got a speeding ticket over memorial weekend. $230 dollars, and that is the reduced fee where you take the bullshit class that literally teaches you nothing. Normally it would be $300. Now I don’t have huge bills and I make somewhat decent money and this was a pretty big hit to me. How the hell does someone living hand to mouth pay that kind of fine? $300 is a week’s pay to a lot of people. There’s no way they could pay that fine and make their rent. Does no one stop and think about these things? Why do statists hate poor people so much?

    • robc

      And then they charge them additional fees for not paying on time.

      IIRC, this was how Ferguson, MO funded their government.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Yes. They ran a debtor’s prison.

        One look at map of the municipalities along the freeway tells you all that you need to know.

    • Gilmore

      Normally it would be $300

      Do you live in Luxembourg? Is this normal? I think the last ticket i got was $50. Of course, that was in the late 1990s.

      • Vhyrus

        Phoenix, AZ. No idea if it’s normal but it’s normal here. AZ is pretty bad with tickets. I have had one a year since I moved back.

      • Gilmore

        never been there, but my impression is that it is a flat place with long open spaces between populated areas.

        aka “an awesome place to drive as fast as you want”.

      • Vhyrus

        The freeways are basically open season. I regularly go 90-100 no problems. You get out into the sticks, though and the cops are ruthless. They also patrol the city streets pretty strongly.

      • {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

        Technically anything over 80 here is criminal speeding and carries jail time.

      • Vhyrus

        Considering I have been caught legitimately street racing in Phoenix and didn’t even lose my license I am not concerned.

      • {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

        How long ago was this? Don’t say I didn’t warn ya, I heard they passed some stuff recently to add extra ‘special’ penalties for street racing because, of course, its such a scourge upon civil society.

      • Vhyrus

        granted this was about 10 years ago, but I don’t street race anymore so it’s ok.

      • RegicidalManiac

        Out in the People’s Republic of Madison, that’s about right. I was able to knock mine down to 11 over, bringing the fine down to $175 rather than $230, and a good $145 of that is “fees.”

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        I have to pay $215 for going 63 in a 50 just outside of San Antonio a couple of weeks back.

      • Waterfall Insurance

        I got pulled over a few years back for going 30 in a 15 zone. The cop asked me why I was going 30, I really wanted to say because I was in a car but restrained myself the cop seemed to be on edge already.

      • Tundra

        One of the guys in the office just paid $139.50 for 74 in a 55.

      • Vhyrus

        See, that is relatively reasonable. Still would be difficult but not impossible. Anything over $150 is FYTW territory.

      • Playa Manhattan

        The fine for running a stop sign here is something like $35.

        Of course, due to “budget cuts”, there’s something like $250 in “court fees”.

      • Vhyrus

        Then it’s actually about $300. Technically the drivers ed class which clears the ticket is $30, but it’s actually $230. It doesn’t matter what the actual fine is, what matters is how much you have to pay at the end.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Yep. These assholes are lying to themselves, and they’re lying to us.

        And don’t get me started on parking tickets. You have to pay $35 to the court for the pleasure of contesting an incorrectly issued ticket.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Appeal fees are bs. Property tax is the same way. Fee to challenge is a flat out 1A violation.

      • nw

        If you can’t afford the fees, you can generally avoid them with a pauper’s affidavit.

      • C. Anacreon

        Speaking of the class, has anyone on the planet actually every laughed during one of the ‘comedy traffic school’ courses?

      • Fatty Bolger

        The one time I had one, I really enjoyed it, because 90% of it was the cop who taught the class explaining why cops might feel inclined to pull you over, what their questions really mean, how there are no ticket quotas (wink wink) but there really are, how to present yourself as not being a danger to the guy pulling you over, and so on. As a young driver it was a real eye opener. I’m guessing that’s not what most classes are like, though.

    • totally_not_an_escaped_ai

      And this is why I’m so excited about self driving cars. It will do away with this petty crap. There’s no way they’ll gain sentience…

    • grrizzly

      I got 2 (TWO) speeding tickets in South Australia. Each of them is for 423 Australian dollars (or US$319). In both cases I allegedly exceeded the speed limit by less than 10 mph. The two “offences” happen within 3 minutes on the same road.

      I disputed the tickets online but the South Australian government didn’t budge, so I’m deciding now whether I should pay the tickets. I wonder what they can do to me here and if there will be any problems if I decide to visit the continent of institutionalized highway robbery in the future.

      • Vhyrus

        If you don’t pay them and you do go back I highly suggest not speeding at all at that point.

      • Playa Manhattan

        I probably wouldn’t pay in Australia. At worst, you’ll have to pay at immigration they next time you visit.

        If it was somewhere like Canada, I’d pay. My brother got banned for 5 years for skipping out on a speeding ticket.

      • Mad Scientist

        I can’t go to Canada for FIVE years!? Oh, no! Please don’t throw me in the briar patch!

      • BigGreg

        ” I wonder what they can do to me here ”

        It involves an oversized boot.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Drop Bears.

    • compgrokker

      How the hell does someone living hand to mouth pay that kind of fine? $300 is a week’s pay to a lot of people. There’s no way they could pay that fine and make their rent. Does no one stop and think about these things? Why do statists hate poor people so much?

      It’s part of what feeds the need for things like payday/title loans, credit cards, and high interest loans with low credit score requirements (ie, Springleaf, OneMain, etc.). Especially in places like NC where the ‘defensive driving’ class is cash-in-hand (well, money order or check) only, so you have to pony up ~$290 (the cost when I took it in 2008 to get a 70-in-a-55 ticket knocked down to ‘improper equipment’ to avoid the insurance points) all at once. I got lucky that I could scrape that together in the couple months it took to make it to traffic court and actually go before the judge and DA. Not everyone is so lucky or so able to scratch together a decent savings in the space of 2 months.

      And yes, in NC the actual speeding ticket is only $50 for something heinous like 15 over, and cost of court is $200. The defensive driving class is more expensive than the ticket, but cheaper than the ticket plus the roughly 50% increase in your insurance rates for the next 3 years.

      • Vhyrus

        payday loans are also illegal in AZ.

    • SugarFree

      It is an honor to be your steward of posted articles and the generator of blogging dominance.

    • Vhyrus

      Okay, I laughed out loud at the quoted text. I am officially going to hell.

    • SugarFree

      And with all that and time served, he could be out in less than a year. I’m sure getting parole won’t be easy, but that’s when he’s eligible.

      I would have gone with a “sex game gone wrong” defense.

      • Gilmore

        I would have gone with a “sex game gone wrong” defense.

        I use that when i’m late for work.

      • SugarFree

        “I was using the snooze button for immoral sexual purposes, boss. Work/Life balance, brah.”

      • Gilmore

        My go-to is a complex scenario involving rope-play, glue-huffing

      • Number.6

        Around here, we’d call that “Thursday”.

      • Bobarian LMD

        For some definitions of ‘wrong’?

    • MikeS

      took those feces, and shoved them into

      I’m not a very proficient grammar Nazi…can someone help me with this wording? Is/are feces plural? It seems to me that it should read: “took the feces, and shoved it into”

      • SugarFree

        Feces is both plural and singular, but I believe you are correct. It was not a mix of different feces, say from different people or different species, but a singular mass. Unless, of course, the perpetrator produces a series if fecal deposits and forced them on the victim over a period of time.

    • The Elite Elite

      Judge Jennifer Fischer sentenced Joseph Alan Schleeter to 42 months in prison

      Still more time than that girl that fucking stabbed her boyfriend got.

  7. Rick C-137

    This is fantastic. I have truly been corrupted by y’all. It started off my reading SF’s stories in the Reason comments, now I look forward to his blog posts.
    Intention millennios o per. Malo publicate es uso, su vista! (starts foaming at mouth)

    • SugarFree

      It’s a privilege to serve, to serve the commenters of this blog, and to work to ensure that every comment has an equal opportunity to have a great commenting experience, and therefore a great future.

      • MikeS

        OK. So who gave you hell about not commenting enough?

      • Tundra

        I believe it was inspired by this.

      • MikeS

        Oh shit. Ha-ha. Thanks Tundra, I missed that. What a bunch of sycophants. Keeey-rist.

      • SugarFree

        Yup. What I have Priebus say in the story is exactly what he said at the meeting.

        It’s some creepy shit.

      • John Titor

        Least it’s boilerplate jackass sycophancy, I don’t think I could take another administration that was going to push the oceans back. I’ll take regular bootlicking to pseudo-religious worship any day of the week.

      • SugarFree

        No, having some star-struck pundits sploosh all over you is less bad than trooping your entire Cabinet in and having them go around the room on camera and say what an awesome, perfect, awesome job you are doing.

        One feeds egotism, the other is Stalin-level skin-crawly.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Wow, I didn’t realized that was true. Besides it’s supposed to be “Remember Caesar, thou art mortal”

      • WTF

        I hadn’t seen the praise circle before. That is really…fucked up.

      • John Titor

        No, having some star-struck pundits sploosh all over you is less bad

        No, it’s not. The media is supposed to retain at least some degree of distance from outright regime propaganda. Pseudo-religious worship of the strongman is an anathema to that. Cabinet ministers acting like appointed hacks, because they’re appointed hacks, pales in comparison.

        You’ve got it reversed. The second is shitty ego stroking, the first is Pravda without them admitting that they’re state media.

      • Just Say'n

        These are things that are done with children to boost their self-esteem. This president has the temperament of a child, which is the scariest thing about him. If his critics would focus on this, rather than fever dreams about Russia, I think the country would be better served.

      • SugarFree

        Trump has his own Pravda too. Fox and Breitbart would eat the peanuts out of his turds.

      • John Titor

        And massive, overwhelmingly negative (and, despite Trump’s Twitter whining, entirely tolerated) coverage otherwise. Not an equivalence. Trump also isn’t spying on Associated Press reporters who are critical of Beloved Leader’s regime yet (at least, that we know of).

        Don’t get me wrong, it’s reflective of Trump’s frail and shitty ego, but it’s cabinet sycophants being cabinet sycophants, that’s what they are at their core. A sycophantic media, on the other hand, is reflective of complete institutional rot.

      • grrizzly

        According to this Harvard study, Fox is about equal in its reports with positive and negative tone when they cover Trump. Fox is most definitely not Trump’s Pravda.

      • R C Dean

        I’m with Titor on this one.

      • Just Say'n

        You can’t compare the reach of Fox News and Breitbart with WaPo, NYT, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, and CNN. The amount of deep throating that was done by the mainstream press is nowhere near comparable to the positive coverage that Trump receives from Breitbart or Fox News.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        For his next act, Trump’s going to have them all finger their own assholes while reciting a loyalty pledge to the hat.

        Jesus…

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        NO SPOILERS ASSHOLE

      • Bobarian LMD

        We call it ‘The Aristocrats’!

  8. Playa Manhattan

    I’m just hoping for a personalized reply.

    • SugarFree

      Go make me a sandwich, bitch.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Here.

      • Vhyrus

        SF can fap to this.

      • SugarFree

        My powers are vast and sublime.

      • Rick C-137

        SF can fap to anything except normie stuff.

      • AlexinCT

        That comes with the AHCA right?

      • SugarFree

        It’s part of your co-pay, I believe.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Shit on a Shingle, We ate that as a kid, the real thing ,not this Worthy McDonalds like Fare

      • SugarFree

        By the way, I looked into it… It was Rufus that said “Fuck You” on your first day here.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I find it appropriate that Ham and Nye were grouped together for a debate. Retard versus retard is almost as good as a drunken bumfight in an alley.

      • Rick C-137

        I actually enjoyed watching Bill ream Ken Ham, it was an altogether pointless debate, seeing as how neither side was open to change their minds and instead merely reinforced team talking points, but it was nonetheless fun to watch.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Holy shit, Ham’s got quite the scam going. Or maybe he’s not smart enough for it to be a scam and actually believes his own bullshit.

        Besides that, the city of Williamstown, which desperately wanted to be the home of the Ark, offered Ham’s team $62 million in junk bonds if they build the ship in their backyard. Grant County (which Williamstown is in) gave Ham’s team 98 acres of land for $1. (That’s not a typo. Just a single dollar.) And 2% of all employees’ paychecks were going back to Ark Encounter to help them pay off the loans, so neither the government nor the employees were getting everything they deserved.

      • Rick C-137

        Yeah, I have heard secondhand that he believes in what he shills, but that’s from people around him to only ever saw his public face, in private, who knows? There aren’t any good guys here, in the one hand shrill atheists clamoring that Ken Ham-the walking fossil is a shrew mind rapping con artist, on the other end Ken is fleecing a desperate town for cash and empty promises for what amounts to an unseaworthy boat-like building. It’s like an hour and half drive and if there ever have a free day then I might be tempted to go, but I’m not paying for it. Nor am I going to be giving money to the local atheist groups who are always up in arms about it.

      • robc

        Back in the day, I tried to arrange a reason meetup at the creation museum followed by Hofbrauhaus.

        Never came together.

      • robc

        I thought the creation museum and ark encounter were near each other, but they are a good ways apart. I didnt realize the Ark was so far south on 75.

      • Rick C-137

        If that is something that still interest you then let me know. I just got back from vacation recently, but in time my funds will be replenished.

      • robc

        I dont have the ability to drop everything and head to Cincy area for a day anymore.

      • Rick C-137

        Fair enough. If you are ever planning to be in the Central Ky area though, let me know. I wouldn’t mind meeting another gilb weirdo in the meatspace.

      • robc

        Ditto if you are in the BG area.

      • Rick C-137

        BG? Bluegrass?

      • robc

        Bowling Green

      • Rick C-137

        Ah, right. I will do so, good sir.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If I were a local taxpayer, I would be pissed.

      • Rick C-137

        Me too. But the community seems pretty mute about it still, probably a certain amount of social pressure, or they simply don’t have the luxury of time to complain while the city goes bankrupt.

    • SugarFree

      My favorite part of the Ark Encounter is that they are all like “It is 100% accurate to how the Bible says it wuz built!” and yet admit it would sink if placed in the ocean.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Hope Faith Floats

      • Rick C-137

        Yeah, its a boat shaped building, that took extensive engineering and modern builders a long time to finish. How they think that Noah built a comparable vessel with less technology is truly an act of blind faith.

      • John Titor

        It’d actually be an interesting project to see. One man replicating the instructions in the Bible with 1000 B.C. or whenever Ham thinks it happened technology, with historically accurate building materials. Come on Ham, prove me wrong, make that functional ship!

      • Seguin

        Check out the orientalist institute. There’s a British experimental archaeologist who built a scale model of one using the correct techniques, although with inferior bitumen. It did float.

      • Rick C-137

        Interesting. but what scale? 1:10, 1:15? scale matter with a project that size.

      • Gadfly

        It’s doesn’t quite fit your parameters, as modern tools were used and the guy cheated by building it on top of barges, but Johan’s Ark is more impressive and was built by just a few guys. I’d rather see that than Ham’s building.

    • SugarFree

      Mr. Nerfherder, thank you for the opportunity to help fix the blog deficit and other things. The other websites are gradually getting used to the fact that the free rides are somewhat over with. They’re not happy with this, but I think there growing recognition that we all have a chance to help you live up to your commenting promises.

    • thepasswordispassword

      The beginning of that where she admits to making life more difficult for actual low income people to make a statement to corporate makes this all the more delicious. Knowingly fucking over the proles for her satisfaction because what she wanted to accomplish was already the norm. Delicious.

      • Rick C-137

        I actually saw this shared on a friends derpbook wall, I tried to find the earlier comments but they were buried too deep in the twitter feed. Some other prog basically thanks her for her signalling, then calls the OP her spirit animal, OP corrects sycophant, saying that spirit animal is appropriation, and that patronus is more correct.

      • one true athena

        Not sure this stream has the connection, but she’s also the same proggy bitch who told someone not to ‘culturally appropriate’ spirit animal and to use patronus instead.

        So, trifecta of leftist bullshit: crap on actual working people, smugness, and Harry Potter.

        I liked the books okay (mostly the worldbuilding of it), but these people who apparently never read another book and Rowling herself in the last few years, are really harshing my toleration.

      • Rick C-137

        I concur. I really enjoyed the books, which I didn’t read until I was in college. But nowadays, my fellow millennials all seem to think that there is no problem for which the solution does not already exist in JKs works. It’s grating. There are plenty of other books to draw on in terms of life lesson, but because of the raging personality cult and shallowness of my generations reading list generally it make for a good point of reference.

      • John Titor

        Harry Potter.

        I liked the books okay (mostly the worldbuilding of it), but these people who apparently never read another book and Rowling herself in the last few years, are really harshing my toleration.

        Someone else covered this awhile back, it’s because schools have generally dropped general Western classics/history and culture has become largely defuse that people obsess over the stupid Harry Potter references. It’s one of the few cultural grounders of Millennials, nearly every single one of them has read them so it’s one of the few shared experiences they actually have. Hence why it’s constantly used to promote group solidarity or in journalistic metaphors to appeal to a wider audience. If you reference Caesar or Roman history you get blank looks, if you reference the children’s novel you get results.

      • Rick C-137

        I legit got asked in tenth grade who Hugo was. There person asked about my favorite authors, Hugo was at the top, person gives me blank look and asks what he’s written. I held my tongue and tried to lay it out to them.

      • John Titor

        The thing that more enrages me is the constant, random use of out-of-context quotes from authors or philosophers that said Millennials have clearly never read. From random Nietzsche quotes on Facebook feeds to Emma Watson misquoting Burke at the UN it’s just goddamn obnoxious. Read the fucking thing instead of taking it from Wikiquote for Christ’s sake.

      • Rick C-137

        But, like, the words speak to me me, you know? Who needs context from a old white dead man, when the feeling those words give me are all that matter?/prog

        Seriously though, misquotes and misattributions and generally reading out of context bugs the hell out of me. The ones I see a lot on my timeline is misquoting Orwell. Jesus these kids (technically we’re the same age but vastly different in terms of maturity) they love to quote some Orwell, or some Huxley, if they chanced to hear his name in a lit class once.

      • Caput Lupinum

        There was a lot of derp packed into that thread. Personally, my favorite was the discussion of how “spirit animal” is cultural appropriation, but her suggested alternative of “patronus” is also problematic.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Ok, I’m third but the only one that had a link. I’m calling this a draw.

      • Rick C-137

        By the logic presented here ‘culturally derived’ could mean literally anything that a culture, even a dead one has ever done is off limits. That girl is either a master troll or deeply unaware of where that rabbit hole ends.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Those are not mutually exclusive options.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Has anyone mentioned how she harshed on the “spirit animal” reference as cultural appropriation?

      • Rick C-137

        It may have come up.

      • Gilmore

        The beginning of that where she admits to making life more difficult for actual low income people to make a statement to corporate makes this all the more delicious

        I only glanced at that, but i didn’t get anything more out of the tweets other than Target saying, “We already sell Girl’s NASA tees, thanks”

        What exactly are you referring to?

      • Rick C-137

        I believe the idea that the person is moving shit around a department store, actually re-shelving things, which is basically a big ol’ fuck you to the guy who has to come in behind her and re-shelve all those shirts that got moved. It’s basically wasting someone’s time to virtue signal on an issue that is actually a non0issue.

      • Gilmore

        It’s basically wasting someone’s time to virtue signal on an issue that is actually a non0issue.

        aka “Twitter”

      • Rick C-137

        BINGO!

      • C. Anacreon

        It would be nice to have a tweet photo of a sad, overworked minimum-wage Latina shuffling the shirts back where they belong, and saying “you did this to her, you first-world asshole!”

      • Gilmore

        Of course there are 100s of people already jumping on their own “WHY YOU NO THINK OF THE POOR MINORITIES” bandwagons, using the idiocy of one SJW as a launchpad for their own retarded-victim-mongering.

    • John Titor

      This is particularly annoying if you’ve ever worked retail and had to clean up messes this woman is creating so she can virtue signal. Way to make that minimum wage worker earn their paycheck, maybe smash a few windows while you’re at it.

      • Rick C-137

        Antifa has already got that one covered.

      • Tundra

        I still find myself facing shelves as I’m shopping.

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        In that woman’s fever dreams, shoppers are walking past those NASA shirts in the girls department, thinking to themselves, “Wow, maybe my daughter will fly to the moon after all!”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Nah, her fever dreams are that someone will recognize her for her useless signaling and give her much desired attention. Looks like she got what she wanted.

      • Rick C-137

        Indeed, several twats (plural for twitter poster, ja?) called her out on it.

      • Rick C-137

        Yep, all it takes to be an astronaut is love and a bitchin Target t-shirt.

      • Naptown Bill

        The annoying thing to me is that I buy my daughter shirts with trucks and dinosaurs and shit all the time by using the mystical art of going to the boys’ section and finding shit that will fit.

      • Vhyrus

        People bitch all the time about girls somehow being marginalized but girls and women can wear probably 80% of guy’s clothes with no problems. I can’t think of a single piece of women’s clothing a normal guy could put on that would not get him funny looks at the mall.

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        Those people at the mall are transphobes.

      • C. Anacreon

        Naptown Bill, your type of activism is still harmful to trans/nonbinary folks.

      • thrakkorzog

        I knew a rather petite woman who had a hard time finding clothes that fit her. Her solution was to shop in the boys’ section and go for the ironic hipster look.

    • Chipwooder

      Katherine Crocker‏ @cricketcrocker · Jun 12

      Replying to @Mammals_Suck

      Hey friend I am totally with you about empowering girls to be in STEM but this type of activism is still harmful to trans/nonbinary folks.

      Oh fuck off

      • John Titor

        Hell no, let them eat themselves. A social justice that spends more time with looking inward for heretics and struggle sessions about their own purity is far superior to one going after the heathens outside.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d agree except these fuckers are moving the Overton window with this constant bs. Our CTO was yapping about needing to do more about diversity because our numbers don’t reflect the general population. You know what’s most out of whack vs the general population in IT? Dot Indians but somehow he wasn’t talking about hiring more white males.

      • Number.6

        “OK boss, I think it’d be a great idea to recruit a female network engineer. Now go find one.”

        Yeah, I know they exist, but it’ll keep him busy and out of your way.

  9. ChipsnSalsa

    SF thank you for your well written piece of fiction (maybe?). It was a pleasure to read and brightened my after lunch non-work time.

    • SugarFree

      Glibertarians is not stepping back, but we’re stepping into place and sending some messages, that we’re still going to be leaders in the world when it comes to bloggers, but we’re not going to be held hostage to some blog post order that was ill thought out. And so, my hat’s off to you for taking that stance and presenting a clear message around the world that Glibertarians.com is going to continue to lead in the area of commenter relations.

  10. Vhyrus

    Um, so I just looked into my crystal ball and there are 2 sets of afternoon links set to post. One of the higher order beings may want to look into that…. you know, before they both post in an hour.

    • Rick C-137

      Sweet, double posting. Twice the pleasure at half the price

    • Playa Manhattan

      I’ll replace one of them with recipes that only I would like.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Playa’s Recipes Insipred by Chipotle?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It will be just like the other site!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Mass delete into the memory hole!

    • Vhyrus

      Someone fixed it. You’re welcome.

  11. bacon-magic

    I need another hit, it hurts me all over to read this.