Courtesy of the masterful CPRM
The estate’s proximity alarm began to scream from Wartimus’ communicator. He scooped the space dildo in the bucket and dragged Simon out of the pit. The spotlight on the helicopter followed them.
Under cover of stand trees, Wartimus looked his communicator and disabled the audible alarm. “Back to the house,” he grunted, “Someone is attacking the estate.”
The two boys began to run through the woods together, zig-zagging to elude the helicopter’s questing light. Wartimus estimated they were close to halfway back when the helicopter shut off its searchlight and quietly turned back in the direction of the crater. He and Simon crashed to the ground.
“Are they gone?” Simon gasped as Wartimus checked the communicator again.
“No,” he said in a rough whisper. He began flipping through the security camera feeds. “The far west wall has been explosively breached and there are several large armored vehicles in the front yard.”
“It’s so big,” Simon whispered. He had picked up the dildo from the bucket and was studying it. “Like huge. Why would it be this big? And so heavy?”
“I don’t know,” Wartimus replied absently, typing out a message for his father.
Simon held the dildo up next to Wartimus.
“It’s bigger than your entire forearm!”
The message to his father came back as undeliverable.
Simon dug in his backpack noisily and brought out a flashlight. Carefully shielding the lens with his fingers, he turned it on.
“And there’s some sort of socket on the end. Metal. A metal socket,” he said.
“Simon, there are armed men on the property. It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does,” he said, shaking the dildo at Wartimus. “They are obviously here for this. Why would they be after a dildo? And why did it fall out of space?”
“Simon, we’ve got to get back to the house,” he said. He stood and shrugged out of his backpack. “Leave your pack. We’ve got to travel light. Even the flashlights, Geiger, everything.”
“But…”
“We can come back and get them in the morning.”
Simon nodded and turned off his flashlight. He dropped his backpack beside Wartimus’ and said, “I’m ready.” He held the dildo out to his friend.
“You can carry it.”
“It’s so warm,” Simon said, “And kind of slippery.”
“Simon…”
“I know,” he said morosely, “More running.”
“We’ll just walk the rest of the way. We need to be quiet and keep our eyes peeled.”
As they started off, Simon used the nickname he used so rarely and asked, “Warty? Why do you do think it’s purple?”
“No clue,” Wartimus admitted.
Simon didn’t say anything about how his friend was guiding through the moonless night without flashlights and concentrated on walking quietly. Wartimus dialed the light down on his communicator and silenced it. He tried to resend the message to his father again only for it to fail again. He was looking through the network settings when he realized Simon was no longer behind him. He had to backtrack almost a hundred feet. Simon was giggling in a small clearing as he swung the dildo around, making lightsaber noises.
“Simon,” Wartimus hissed. “We have to get back to the house.”
“It’s a weapon, Warty,” the boy said dreamily. “I can feel it. It’s doing something to me.” He had a two-handed grip on the dildo from outer space and a faraway look on his face. Wartimus could see that Simon’s pupils were fully dilated.
“Give it to me, Simon.”
“It’s a weapon,” he repeated. “Watch.”
Simon pointed the dildo at a nearby tree and twisted the base sharply until there was a muted click. A gout of fire arced out of the tip and hit the tree trunk and stuck, burning with a bright blue flame as it ran down to the ground like a thick fluid.
“Holy fuck!” Wartimus shouted in a hoarse whisper.
“It’s telling me how to use it,” Simon said and laughed. He twisted the base again and tossed the dildo to Wartimus. It writhed in his hands like something alive and he almost dropped it. When he looked closely he saw that dozens of tiny tongues had broken out all over the surface and lapped blindly at the night air like an erotic rash.
“Maybe you better hold on to it,” Wartimus said and tossed it back with a shudder of revulsion. It seemed to slap itself in Simon’s hand.
“It knows you, Warty Hugeman,” Simon said in a distant voice. “It thrills at your touch.”
Wartimus blinked a few times and then turned for the house without bothering to check if Simon was following.
*****
Wartimus crouched at the edge of the forest and lawn. Three helicopters hovered over the house, their spotlights playing over it, not bothering to run silently like the one that had followed them from the crater. Someone on board was shouting over loudspeakers, words that just ended up sounding like the feedback howls of faulty equipment. He hailed his father on the communicator, the network connection stronger here. Either the attackers were blocking communications on the estate or his father was blocking theirs to hinder coordination. Maybe they were both pumping electronic chaff into the air. He set the communicator to scan for active channels.
Wartimus turned at the crack of a twig to see Simon walking calmly toward him out of the woods. He cradled the purple dildo in the crook of his left arm and stroked it like a beloved pet.
“Get down, Simon,” he told his friend.
Simon ignored him and stepped out of the edge of the woods and onto the manicured expanse of lawn.
“SIMON!” Wartimus called but the boy continued walking at an unhurried pace. One of the spotlights on the helicopters picked him out. All three angled away from the house and came to hover over the boy, the grass flattened around him in three huge overlapping circles.
Wartimus’ communicator squealed angrily over the cacophonous noise of the helicopters and lit up. He had to jam it close to his ear and heard a babble of unfamiliar voices.
“The readings are clear!” someone said, the sound of helicopter blades echoing strangely. “He has the out-time object!”
“Who the fuck is this?” Wartimus screamed into the communicator.
“Take him!” the voice said, just an angry crackle.
“STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!” the helicopter loudspeakers shrieked. “WE WILL USE LETHAL FORCE!”
Simon stared up into the sky unmoving.
“SIMON!” Wartimus screamed again, useless in the hurricane of sound. He broke from the wood line on instinct, running toward Simon. He covered the distance in seconds, his muscular legs tearing up clumps of grass as he accelerated. He tackled Simon and covered him with his body.
“You’re going to get yourself killed!” he yelled in Simon’s face.
Simon smiled serenely and jammed the blunt end of the dildo into the exposed skin on the back of Wartimus’ hand. He felt a sharp sting and he rolled off of Simon in surprise. He could see in the actinic light of the helicopters that his hand was bleeding.
Beside him, Simon clambered to his feet and held the dildo aloft. It flashed once, a searing purple light that left a clear outline of it in Wartimus’ vision. As he raised his bloody hand to shield his eyes, thick snakes of electricity arced from the bulbous tip of the dildo in Simon’s hand and all three helicopters exploded simultaneously.
I am imagining something like this at the end:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dJolYw8tnk
MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING HAS PERMANENT ERECTION SAYS DOCTOR
Two more to go!!!
dozens of tiny tongues had broken out all over the surface and lapped blindly at the night air like an erotic rash.
well that image is seared on my mind’s eye for all time.
*pours bleach on mind*
Obviously a dildo crafted from shoggoth plasm.
Have you seen the trailer for the 2013 game “Eldritch“?
“Summon a shoggoth. No, really, summon a shoggoth. It’s not your friend. It’s going to kill you. Why would you do that?”
Never saw that one. Might need to check it out.
I can’t do the Minecraft visual style, but I loved the goofy take on Lovecraftian horror they were putting forward in the trailers.
I know this only encourages you, SugarFree, but well written stuff.
Your masochism has been noted.
Hey, take out the Hellraiser-like dildos and you have a first rate boys’ adventure story.
Replace it with an eldritch sword, and it’d be worthy of Moorcock.
A dildo that feeds on souls… Hmm…
… ar souls?
Maybe one that makes a gobbling sound when you use it.
We might have to wait until phase 2 of the merch rollout.
That’s the one with a line of animatronic ‘lifelike’ toys?
I might need to boycott your store to maintain my sanity.
Wha? Who wouldn’t want a life-size Old Man With Candy for their living room? It will have over 27 modes of lecherous behavior!
Wait, only 27? Needs software work, where’s Warty?
The standard build is 27. As you explore your potentialities, you get power ups and unlock codes.
It’s an AI sort of thing then.
Might even be indistinguishable from the real thing.
What can you do when despite not being an AI, you still have that “Uncanny Valley” vibe?
You know if you allow the OMWC bot to access the internet, you’re gonna get a visit from the FBI or Chris Hansen eventually.
Will it drive a Tesla?
Stormbringer is a (barely) metaphorical penis replacement for unmanly Elric. If he wrote it today, it’d be a Doomcock.
When he looked closely he saw that dozens of tiny tongues had broken out all over the surface and lapped blindly at the night air like an erotic rash.
KILL IT WITH FIRE.
*Hands Titor the rest of the bleach*
The fire only makes it stronger.
I fear we may never know what to oppose it with…
Alum.
Hillary’s hoo-haw
*matter-antimatter explosion*
We have determined that she has a convertible pseudo-penis. SugarFree can show you the proof.
I think it’s already been identified as a clitdong.
I find myself looking forward to these every day. Wow, I’m sicker in the head than I thought.
Right? I’ve been stuck in meetings and couldn’t wait to log on and find out what happened.
This story convinced me to buy a bottle of whiskey for that homeless guy outside. Anybody else need anything from CVS?
Um…a lot of cough medicine. You know, the good stuff. I am thinking I need the Purple Drank to cope with this story.
*puts Swiss down for bottle of Alizè*
Anyone else?
Dammit, Freddy Mercury! This installment totally needs a Queen soundtrack!
So, Doomcock wasn’t destroyed in Tunguska Explosion/Great Sasquatch Purge but sent back in time? Or is this an Infinity Gems/Rings of Power-type situation, with multiple cosmic-powered dicks existing in the universe and Doomcock is but one?
The Doomcock was built by Man, this was built by…something else.
The Doomcock from Beyond The Stars?
*pours one out for AC*
There’s one for every universe in the multiverse, and their nature is such they can travel between separate universes, but may not coexist in the same universe with another without great conflagrations and space-time distortions.
One Doomcock is enough for any reality.
More than one would be … unwise.
Fantastic stuff as always.
On another note, has anyone else watched the new Seth MacFarlane space show? It was… weird. I’m not sure what to make of it yet. It was 75% a spot-on clone of (homage to?) early-run episodes of Next Generation with noticeably worse production value, 15% poorly-acted romantic dramedy, and 10% traditional MacFarlane “edgy” humor. A friend loved it, but it felt like a complete trainwreck to me.
I was wondering about that. I was hoping he was going for straight Star Trek parody but apparently he didn’t get there.
Even parody might have been interesting. This was like watching MacFarlane playing Star Trek in his backyard with some friends.
It didn’t seem to know which way it was going; if they figure it out, it could be good.
/More humor…Star Trek has already been made.
Yeah, I’d agree with that. There were some funny bits here and there, I thought, with some tightening up and going for full humor it could be fun. Doesn’t have to always be parody humor either, that’ll get old quickly, but there’s a lot of humor you could mine out of Trek-type situations — arguing ambassadors, holodecks, warrior races, all that.
Unfortunately making it an hour drama/dramedy is stupid and will kill it. McFarlane’s goofiness would work as a half-hour lead, but not dramatic hour long lead, he’s just not a good enough actor. And his vanity is gonna get his project killed. Which is too bad, because Trek needs to have the piss taken out of it once in awhile, especially if we’re soon going to get subjected to Trumpian Klingons vs the Intersectional Utopia Federation.
Wait wait wait…are you telling me something produced by MacFarlane is poorly done?
Captain, it’s the sarcasm detector… we’ve got a reading.
“You can write a vague pop culture reference with a bad punchline, you’re hired!” -MacFarlane.
Full confession, I find Family Guy very enjoyable but I know it’s nothing more than fart jokes and throwaway gags. Macfarlane himself understands how low brow FG is and he flat out admits it every third episode if you have half a brain and can read between the lines.
This is one example of how FG throwaway gags can be funny: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eeg4J8yNk4g
It lost me at “Seth MacFarlane.”
I watched the first half, and agree, 75% star trek parody, 25% obnoxious McFarlane crap.
25% obnoxious McFarlane crap
Which is 100% too much for me.
He. is. not. funny. ever.
The reviews I saw were unkind and covered the things I figured would be awful about the show, but I know I’ll still give the first episode a shot and then be annoyed I did.
It was weird. Almost an earnest attempt at a serious sci-fi show with his Family Guy jokes tossed here and there.
The ads for it made it look perfectly awful. Not gonna watch.
It was discussed a little bit earlier this week. The general view was “OK.”
Nate silver thinks the GOP are in trouble cause the dems flipped two state rep seats last night (ignore the special elections for us congress he got wrong with polls)
The dem guy who won in New Hampshire did so because previously the GOP guy who won in November resigned due to misogynistic posts or something
The turn out was 78 percent lower than November
It baffles me why he sees this as an indication as most people don’t give a shit about state reps…in my opinion people only vote for them when there is a midterm or presidential election
People don’t really care to go out of their way to go vote for meaningless no name state reps
Proggy Daily Kos types get super-excited about no-name state legislature victories in special elections mainly because that’s where their loss count was the most insanely high during the Obama administration. It says a lot that the only way that the lefties can compete in special elections is if they sneak in because nobody is covering an election in the media.
Which is unfortunately backwards from the way the Founders envisioned the country. The State and Local politicians were supposed to be the important ones and you were supposed to have a hard time remembering who your Senators were
Those state reps don’t have virtually unlimited funds courtesy of the Treasury and Fed.
It’s possible that Democrats could win back the House. I think that they will get pretty close, but the Democrats’ worst enemy is fellow Democrats. All the Republican has to do is play a commercial of Joy Reid and Hillary Clinton talking and the Republican candidate jumps up fifteen points in the polls (in most parts of the country).
Now, the likelihood of reclaiming the Senate is somewhere between 0% and hell freezing over.
I think it depends on what happens in California: a huge amount of Dem House targets are there. I think that a bunch of the House district margins (and the Presidential margin) were distorted there last year because of the top-two primary. In 2016, two Democrats locked up the Senate ticket, and with a guaranteed Democratic victory in the state’s electoral votes, a huge amount of R voters failed to turn out. If the Reps unify behind two candidates for Gov. and Senator, turnout levels will head back to normal levels.
I don’t see since they appear to go full on commie and identity politics
Agreed. One difference between these special races and midterms is that millions of dollars are on the line and the Rs have a huge fundraising advantage right now. I also see the R base being unusually energized relative to the position of them having the presidency, because the Deplorables are starting to understand that everybody in the establishment is against them, not just the Left. I therefore expect massive primary turnout (relative to normal years) and several GOPe incumbents falling to nu-Right opponents.
Yea and it was a special race for a state rep….not a federal congress rep
I have no idea who my state reps are or what they do
Mine is a Donkey, and exists to extract money from me, and give it to others.
The GOP is 4 and 0 with all congressional seat special elections for national level that were previously GOP in November
Anyone here watch game of thrones? Hillary compares herself to a character That is apparently a dictator and mass murderer
https://mobile.twitter.com/DailyCaller/status/908026021944971264
And is insane and ancestuous. and blah blah blah.
To be fair, she only compared herself to the part where Cersei has to March through the town naked and is mercilessly mocked. What a complete narcissist to think of herself as a martyr.
Of course the reason for Cersei marching is because she decided it was a smart idea to allow the church to re-establish its militant wing without thinking about the potential use and abuse of them. Clinton making bad decisions that have consequences that ruin her in the long run? Fairly appropriate actually.
She compares herself here, because she plans her revenge by burning all of us in her green fires.
She is painting herself as the victim in every single scandal, crime, etc.
It is insane. She specifically said that she is not to blame for losing the election.
When was she marched naked thru town and mocked? Lol
She seriously thinks she was owed the presidency and the peons should gravel at her feet
That’s hilarious. I stopped watching the show after Season 2 because it’s…not that good (*bypassing long rant about it*) but the entire point of Cersei’s character in the books when she’s in power is that she is profoundly incompetent while extremely arrogant. She makes decisions without thinking about the long term consequences and as a result it leads to her public humiliation and fall from power.
You know what Clinton, that’s probably a good comparison.
because it’s…not that good
But but, muh sex scenes and gratuitous violence!!!
(I’ve never watched the HBO show of the year and I don’t feel like I’m missing out one bit )
I’d trade the entirety of Game of Thrones for just one season of something like Rome or Deadwood.
This. I wish they didn’t kill Deadwood.
Did you watch Boardwalk Empire? That was an HBO show I liked a lot.
She is quite a spectacle. Pure sociopath on full display and completely unself-aware. Everything that went wrong is everyone else’s fault. What is even more nausea inducing are the scores of morons defending her.
The bit I saw this morning where she made the Benghazi debacle entirely about herself was…I have no words.
It’ll be even funnier when her undiagnosed neurological disorder starts to worsen and she loses more inhibition.
I hadn’t thought of that.
Are you suggesting she will march through town naked?
Hope to hell it isn’t MY town.
I never thought the comments on a SugarFree fiction post would be more horrifying than the post itself.
Yet, here we are.
Sugarfree merely facilitates the nightmare. We are all capable of creating it.
Cersei Lannister is actually a perfect metaphor for Clinton. She was promised power at a young age, married into royalty, lived like a spoiled hellchild, had a bunch of incompetent, self absorbed children, botched a power grab, and had the masses turn on her the moment she slipped.
And her kid(s) weren’t fathered by her husband?
And Hillary’s one kid is less likeable than Joffrey.
The perfect mix of Hardy Boys, Star Trek and Peter North vs. The Planet of the Amazons.
So here’s an ethical question:
The hospital parking lot is notorious for never having any spaces open after 7:05AM. Unless you happen to be a Doctor then your parking lot doesn’t fill until 10am. One exception is the motorcycle parking which isn’t as full and understandable for its existence given motorcycling’s popularity among Veterans.
So as I grabbed something from CVS I passed through the parking lot and found somebody park their Polaris Slingshot in motorcycle parking. Even though it is legally classified as a motorcycle because it has fewer than four wheels, its the size of a small car and takes up two motorcycle spaces. Its a $25,000 toy for the well to do, so I doubt it belongs to a patient. Is the owner an asshole?
I’d say yes. For the same reason moto owners are (IMO) assholes when they park in full size spaces and moto parking is available.
They’re just asking for their bike to be vandalized in that situation.
Did you get a second interview/job offer?
I’ll find out in a couple of days. I think the fact that I am not a CPHC will kill my chances.
*Certified Professional Healthcare Coder
Bummer. Is this a job out in the real world or another VA position?
^^That. Right there.
Tell me that’s sarcasm, because if it isn’t it’s precisely why we’re utterly fucked.
Gilmored?
Its a private sector employer. The announcement only listed the cert as a preference but would consider healthcare compliance/auditing experience in lieu of it.
I was referring to the need to be a Guild Member of the next Esoteric Branch of Coding.
Because if it exists, I’m in the wrong business. I need to create a “Certified Professional Financial Systems Developers” Guild and set up apprenticeships and a proper program of shakedowns here in NYC.
@#6: Understood.
@Sharpshooter: Did you get the idea during the interview that even though they had it as optional in the job req, they wouldn’t accept someone without it? I hate it when places do that.
Yes and no. They did mention they need to have the new hire in pace by next month, so they might go either way.
I was referring to the need to be a Guild Member of the next Esoteric Branch of Coding.
ICD-10, HCPS and CPT coding. Its drives for billing for healthcare services.
The Priests of the Temples of Syrinx called – they wanna make sure we haven’t found any guitars lately.
I swear, this stuff is enough to make me go postal. Every component of a system may only be crafted and inspected by the duly anointed, whose position is vouchsafed by paying a tithe to a bunch of freelance extortionists.
“Don’t let some unwashed coder from ‘outside’ anywhere near this, they have not been initiated in the Mysteries of the God Xanax”.
Real moto parking? Narrow white lines? a “M” symbol? Or the: We promise not to ticket and tow your vehicle if you park in the odd corner that has yellow hatching, unless we are having a bad day, or missed quota, FYTW. Once upon a time we used to park the MC’s right next to the bicycle racks, not blocking their use, but because that was on a concrete slab, and on hot days you will drive the sidestand though the tarmac if you don’t bring your own pad. Every now and then someone would bitch, and when that happens, yes we are going to take up one full car space each.
It is designated motorcycle only, under covered parking with white lines wide enough one could reasonably fit a Goldwing.
I figured that in this case.. my reply was more to Q Continuum on the quality of moto parking in some places.
I would rate my asshole decision on the on the slingshot to how full the MC was… if I knew it was never more than 75% full, then no.. if moto’s normally needed all of that space, then yes.
It’s a roadster. Yes they are an asshole.
Asshole status: confirmed.
It’s bad enough when people do that with harley trikes but this is a whole nother level.
Is the owner an asshole?
Yup. Anybody who takes two spaces to park a single vehicle is an asshole.
This^ And it’s not just bikes. Same goes for assholes in brand new corvettes who diagonal park across two spots as well as assholes in giant pickups who can’t take the extra 5 seconds to back-up and straighten out so as to get their land yacht between the lines.
Have you seen this? You might like it.
Ha! Awesome.
*makes note to start carrying Oxy-Acetylene torch in back seat.
I will contend that there are a few valid cases for taking up two spots:
Vehicle with trailer.
Truck with snowplow.
Thats about it.
Yes, but if they have two good legs I’d hope they’d have the courtesy to park their over-sized vehicles towards the end of the lot.
I always park far away from everyone, regardless of which vehicle I’m driving.
It’s because i hate people.
I do that too, but for reasons besides hating people. Also because I don’t want some asshole in in an old beater dinging my door or parking 6 inches from me on the driver side.
In my experience you have less to worry about from the dude in the beater and more from the chick driving the Escalade.
Well, I guess I wasn’t making too much hay of it. I’ll reasonably certain one of the busybodies here will call the cops since he doesn’t have a parking pass either.
The owner is an asshole in the same vein as people parking RV’s, bobtails, straight trucks, or even pickups, in those spaces at truck stops and rest areas designated for semis. Nothing worse than being tired after a long day on the road and some knob playing Billy Big Rigger has used a valuable space for their small vehicle.
No, and I’m sure someone else will bitch if the tadpole is parked in the regular lot taking up a space there. There’s a difference in taking up two spaces because the vehicle is oversized vs taking two because you can’t park/want buffer space. If it were me, I’d split the difference and park at the furthest spot in the moto lot no matter how many spots are open closer in.
I just can’t get over the fact that people shell out money for those.
OT Since Morning Lynx are basically dead:
http://www.khq.com/story/36357865/deputies-responding-to-shots-fired-call-at-freeman-high-school
School shooting in Spokane, WA.
Sounds like they need common sense gun control in WA.
Maybe this time we’ll have a national conversation about guns.
Can we change the rules this time so WE get to scold them like they’re four year-olds for a change?
Must have been guns brought in from (insert nearest red state here).
No doubt some Nazi gang from Idaho.
I’m sure it’s been posted about already, but I just saw it today. Anyway, Bernie wrote up a single payer ‘medicare for all’ bill and every single Democrat who’s supposed to be running for POTUS in 2020 has already jumped aboard that train, Warren, Harris, all of them. The Dems have now tied themselves to single payer healthcare and there’s no way out. Not sure if this was a good idea politically, but they won’t be able to deliver on the promise. They also are going to run with free college and $15 an hour minimum wage. Where’s all this money coming from? A 50% minimum payroll tax? I doubt that’s even enough.
Bernie plans to roll out the taxes in another bill at a different time
“Hey all of you people only making $7.50 an hour, we’re going to get you $15! Oh yeah, we’re going to have to take $7.50 of that for taxes to subsidize the $15 we got you.” /derp
Of course he will. Lets create the entitlement first, implement it, let everyone bitch about it for a year or two and then cross that bridge of figuring out how to pay for it. Assuming it can ever be paid for.
Terrible idea. Colorado (which has steadily gotten more blue the past 10 years) voted against single payer healthcare by a 65% margin last year.
Even CA, the most lefty state in the union, had to scrap their plan for single payer when they realized they can’t pay for it. Also, polls showed that 70% of CA residents were in favor of it. Then they revealed the massive tax hikes (which were probably underestimated by more than a little) to pay for it, and support dropped to around 40%. I thought that all Democrats want to pay more taxes? What happened there?
There’s also major polling differences depending on whether you call the program single-payer or “Medicare for All”, because currently existing entitlements will always be popular to a plurality of people.
The problem with comrade sanders he wants more coverage than current Medicare with no deductibles or copay
JFC
He said his plan during the campaign was would save 324 billion a year on drugs…in 2014 the entire US spent 309 billion
Ummmmmm
There’s no conflict there. Those companies are rich, and can afford to absorb the shortfall by taking money from all those piles of hundred dollar bills they have arranged in piles in the secret floor in the basement where all the finance people hide it.
OK, they’ll have to fill their swimming pools with sawbucks instead. Boo fuckin’ Hoo.
And California shot it down
And Vermont
Due to cost
But according to sanders it will be high quality for less because ummmm
Ah, now I understand why Vermont strangely elected an R governor last year. Medicare for All sounds just amazing until you actually have the chance to see the bill.
You have to pass the bill before you see what’s in it.
Do you even legislate brah?
Talking about Pelosi, what the hell is wrong with her? I saw that recent video of her and she behaves like she’s having a stroke.
Weekend at Nancy’s.
Having?
Had.
And they say CA is the 5th largest economy in the world and they can’t pay for it. How are we going to pay for it when you have to include states with low incomes and large populations of obese and unhealthy people? The US and Mexico are the fattest countries on earth and half of Mexico is here now. Doesn’t look feasible to me.
High quality? If high quality means severely rationed and overly bureaucratic, then maybe.
The problem they know they have is that if it is only implemented at the state level, then businesses and taxpayers will leave, they aren’t allowed to institute border controls at the state level.
At the federal level, you can’t leave, or it is a much higher opportunity cost. They have also implemented capital controls at the fed level. Isn’t it interesting that all of these schemes require the Berlin Wall to keep people in.
We should add that to the Iron Laws: If you need a rule/wall to keep people from leaving, you are wrong.
It was an 80/20 split wasn’t it? I remember that bill got crushed. The minimum wage hike was pretty close as well, even if we did end up getting that.
The Rich will pay for it. Thence leading to my political platform which states that each person in the top quintile has to adopt 4 other persons and care for them.
Yeah, I know, the middle class = the rich when it comes to tax burden. But hey, at least we get to eliminate the middle class. Gotta start somewhere to get to equality, right?
I’m cautiously supportive of the idea with two conditions.
1) I get to choose which 4 I support via a rigorous program of interviews and ‘chakra interventions’
2) As an early adopter, I have 10% of my share of the gross national debt eliminated every year until Uncle Sam and I are quits.
Do I get to pick from the FLBP menu?
If you get in line behind me, sure.
I think the free shit brigade only works for Bernie as a candidate, not for anybody else, because that’s actually what his brand is built on, not on the mainstream party’s intersectional pyramid and identity politics. To everyone else, especially Booker and Kamala, hopping on Bernie’s train looks like little more than pandering to kookier primary voters.
I saw a poll and I know it’s way too early for that, but Bernie was in a huge lead over everyone else. He was at 27% and Harris at 6%, right behind Zuckerburg at 7%. I think the closest person to him was either Biden or Warren at around 12%.
The candidate that wins the 2020 primary will need Bernie’s coalition to do so. The only question that I have is who can unite them other than Bernie, since I put his odds at about 40/60 that he’ll want to run. Because so much of the mainstream party put all of their cards on Hillary last primary, there’s precious few individuals that supported him from the outset and have a shot at the nomination.
Bernie is “The High Sparrow” and Hillary is Cercei, the “Queen Mother”. A bunch of feckless followers vs. a cold, hard bitch and her apparati. Why did they both lose? Hubris. I hear that Upstate and Vermont both get Canadian-level cold in a few months so maybe they’ll retreat to their respective dens and never emerge come the Spring. Food for worms, voles, ravens and other small creatures, fertilizer for the trees.
The Left loves high taxes when someone else is paying for them. It’s unbelievable how many people I’ve talked to actually think that the wealthy and corporations have all of this money that they are hiding from the American public.
They aren’t.
A handful of new taxes on the rich, not to fund the programs, just to punish them for being rich then you crank up the printing presses. The ensuing inflation will get the effective minimum up beyond $15 per hour toute suite
I always ask, ” so what do you mean by paying their fair share and how much would they have to pay in taxes for them to pay their fair share?”
Never got a straight answer.
What I’ve found is when people are social signaling, lying like hell is not a hindrance. Like “I’m a one percenter and I want to pay more taxes” or “Last night I went out with 3 of my gay tranny friends, because you know, most of my friends are gay trannies because I’m so liberal, no one is more liberal than me, and then some Nazi with a Trump hat walks up and calls one of my friends a bad name, and then I totally like kicked that Nazi’s ass and he cried.”
I hate the, “I’m rich and I wouldn’t mind paying more taxes,” line. Do it. Pull out a fucking checkbook and write the IRS/Treasury Department a check. Oh, and it has to be with no deductions.
I also remember reading someone’s FB post saying that someone said something racist to them and they poured their Starbucks drink on them. What a crock of shit.
Yeah, they really like to make up stories to signal to their comrades. I remember one over at DU, some person made up this story about being in the grocery line and the person in front of her said something bad about illegal aliens. So she just lost it, told the person off and then threw him over the check out line and everyone in the store were applauding her.
Almost every progressive on the internet is a one percenter who wants to pay more taxes. There’s a thousand of them just on WaPo alone.
I’d feel bad for these people if they weren’t New Yorkers.
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/09/12/550459135/-fyre-festival-of-pizza-drew-long-lines-thin-slices-and-now-a-state-probe
It was only a matter of time before the scheisters (sp) figured out it would be easy to play on hipsters.
Shysters. Or (((Shysters))) if you’re alt-right.
Which we all know you are, Tuco!
$74 and standing in line for this?
PIZZA
Sounds just like NYC to me.
pizza
I know the link is right this time…
Barnum’s Rule. Gets ’em every time.
Sounds like East Williamsburg to me (after looking up the location). Those assholes have been pretending to represent “NYC” for too long now.
Why would anyone pay that much money to decide whether deep pan is better? Least of all if you’d lined up on the sidewalk by a grotty carpark with half a dozen event canopies with no food under them.
Oh yeah, ‘cos they’re morons.
Now, for those who had signed up and paid in advance, sure, but that’s what the courts are for. But dear god, who drives from Albany to Brooklyn to eat pizza AND pay up to $74 for the privilege. An idiot – that’s who.
Somebody drove from DC to pay $75 for pizza. Wrap your noodle around that one.
Looks down, frowns ….
Do you even euphemism, dude?
So NOAA is giving up to date satellite imagery of the keys to help people determine property damage. A great idea, except I am really worried now because there is a conspicuously absent section that corresponds with where the eye made landfall. Guess where our house is?
https://storms.ngs.noaa.gov/storms/irma/index.html
Yeah. I’m looking at that for work. Unusual that Big Pine Key has nothing. There’s no way they don’t have that aerial imagery.
My guess is that’s where one of the chemtrails aircraft that they use to steer hurricanes crashed there. That’s why Irma went so far off course. 😉
You guys, people love this! PEOPLE. LOVE. THIS!
It’s sooo weird, y’all! Stereotypes, amirite? In reality, most dads are like, “Go for it, bro, do whatever you want – she’s just a girl.”
THE REASON IT IS GOING VIRAL IS BECAUSE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE THINK THIS IS GOOD AND PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS ARE NEVER WRONG ABOUT ANYTHING
First of all, square this circle: 1) “my little girls” and 2) “daddy to act like a creepy, possessive badass”. To me, a non-creepy, non-possessive goodass wouldn’t refer to the womyn in his household as “my little girls”.
Second, I assume this #WokeDad has some boundaries in mind for
his little girlsthe young womyn in his house, and I would bet the ranch that if one of them decides to go well beyond those boundaries, all that feminist-empowered social media gobbledygook goes right out the window, usurped by white-hot rage.#NotAllDads, eh? And where in that TOTALLY AWESOME POST is there a specific response? Nothing was cited, nothing was quoted – basically, a classic Take That! should address something specific.
I will say, though, he’s not wrong about women not needing men to take care of them. But his post seems to suggest that kids don’t need their parents to take care of them, which is crazy. Sure, when kids get older, they should have more privileges when they’re younger. And when they’re dating, of course they shouldn’t need their parents to take care of boyfriend/girlfriend problems. But I think of my niece who, three or four years ago (she was about sixteen), had this friend who wanted to be more, and he got weird and stalkerish on her. To hear #WokeDad tell it, that whole episode should have been handled by my niece.
I’m not saying they’re not brilliant. I am saying that nothing in this piece has shown me that they are brilliant. I mean, here on Glibs I interact with many brilliant people, and I don’t think of them that way simply because they exist. (No, I’m not naming names. You all think too highly of yourselves as it is)
/rolls eyes, makes wanking motion
You keep using that word “brilliant”. Also, I don’t have FB – is 11,000 a lot? Does it meet the typical standard of viral?
Anyway, don’t you all love it? Don’t you want to share it and viral it some more?
I can’t wait for the college part gone wrong call home.
“Daddy, he raped me!”
“Well, did you explain your rules to him? Were you clear about the no rape part? That’s very important honey!”
So problematic.
Given that FB has well over a billion daily users I would not call 11,000 very many at all.
That said while he has somewhat of a point, the dad with the shotgun meme generally is about preventing his daughter from having sex by threatening the boy into being too afraid to try and that probably needs to go he is dead wrong in thinking that parents should not be interfering in their teens love lives because lets face it most teens are assholes who will unintentionally abuse each other without even realizing they are doing it or knowing why if they do realize it.
My older daughter turns 15 in 2 days while I would rather she wait a couple of more years (especially in her case since she has learning disabilities and some mental health issues) if she decides she is ready to start having sex I have no plans of stopping it, I am just going to insist she be on birth control (which she already is to help address some of those aforementioned issues) and use condoms (can’t have diseases creeping into the picture) and be discrete about it.
However if I see the person she is dating mistreating her or if they ever lay a hand on her in anger that relationship will be over and that person may quickly end up without a hand. If I do manage to control myself assault charges will be pressed.
I have it figured out if I have a daughter. I am going to be the nicest guy ever when he comes over. “Hey buddy, whats your name? Sit down. Wanna beer? It’s cool with me. So you like video games? Awesome!” Be really really nice. And then about 10 seconds before they walk out I am going to pull him aside and very calmly and quietly state ‘Oh btw, if you mistreat my daughter in any way, they will not find enough of your body to hold a proper funeral.’ Then smile real big and wish them a fun night.
I think I saw that movie!
I married into the Russian Mob
Good movie, but a bit bloody at the end.
A girl I knew told me a story that she was dating a kid in high school who’s father was someone fairly high up in the mob. They were all eating lunch together one day and she started bitching about a particular teacher and how much of an asshole he was to her. The dad turned to her and was like ‘Want me to burn his house down? What’s his name, I’ll burn it down tonight.’
The best way to be a teenage lady-boner killer is to like the boyfriend. Pals. Buddies. Take him out to a hockey game or whatever. She will drop him so fast he’ll think he fell down a well.
Put our daughter on birth control at 16. And explained that this was not permission; it was insurance.
PSA starring Kinnath.
he is dead wrong in thinking that parents should not be interfering in their teens love lives because lets face it most teens are assholes who will unintentionally abuse each other without even realizing they are doing it or knowing why if they do realize it.
Makes me want to watch Endless Love (the Brooke Shields version) again.
The best part is that they think a guy NOT telling young horny teenagers not to rape or exploit his daughters is somehow #winningfeminism.
I wonder if that was his actual intention? He might be really embarrassed right now with people proclaiming him a feminist hero. I’d have facial reconstruction surgery, change my identity, and move to some really remote place on the planet.
This is just the modern way to be the “cool” dad. That’s never ended well in the past, and it’s not going to end well for this guy either.
– Buying daughter one of these.
– Teaching her how to use it.
Problem solved.
Look, you’ll never be a feminist hero if you continue with this toxic masculinity.
SugarFree inspiration theory:
Opens top drawer to look for pair of socks and finds big purple behemoth. Realizes he can’t compete so uses as prop in his perverted story.
He was originally going to write in the vibrator as the villain that stole his fiance, but the story gradually evolved over time.
Stole his fiancé? So this is gay erotic fiction?
I imagine sugarfree as the living embodiment of the sexual spectrum.
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Sugarfree: the cure for excessive virility.
So the dildo shoots jit?