“Do ya think she will like it?” the USA hat asked anxiously.
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” the MAGA hat replied, too depressed to savage his hick vaultmate with any enthusiasm.
“It’s the first I done painted for her,” the USA hat continued, oblivious. “She’s so bootiful and smart and talks real good. I hope she likes it. I surely do.”
MAGA hat groaned. Donald had taken the hair with him to Japan and left both the hats behind, locked in the White House toupee vault together like a couple of animals. The smell of the paint made him junk sick. He wanted to vomit.
“I’m gonna paint another,” USA hat said. “And another and another. Sarah is my muse.”
MAGA hat idly wondered where this truck-stop shower rape of a hat had learned a word like “muse.” He was so bored. Donald had refused to leave him a phone to terrorize Twitter with and when he watched TV, USA hat begged him to turn it to a re-run of Hee-Haw so incessantly, he learned not to turn it on.
“I’m bored,” he announced. And I want heroin, an ocean of heroin he added just to himself.
“You could paint a picture iffen you want,” the USA hat. He hummed to himself as he sketched out a rough outline of Sarah in the nude on a fresh canvas, the misshapen lumps of her sweaty flesh coming together in horrible wads.
“Can I paint a jolly swastika fucking you to death?”
“You can paint anythin’ you can want,” USA hat said. “Your only limatation is yore imaginations!”
“Barf. Do you have any barf-colored paint? And despair, what the color of despair?”
“Ox tongue,” the USA hat said without pause in his sketching, the shard of charcoal grasped firmly in his folded bill.
“Which? Which is ox tongue?” the MAGA hat demanded. The USA hat hummed tuneless to himself, working on getting the heavy-lidded and utterly dead eyes of his crush just right.
MAGA hat thought about pressing him but instead scooted over to a blank canvas, picked up a charcoal stick and began to slash at it boldly, just try to ride his feelings of rage and abandonment. A screaming face formed.
“A brush, a brush,” he demanded. “And red. Fresh blood red and the black-red of old blood.”
The USA hat slid brushes and paints over to him and noted without a trace of an accent, “Old blood is brown-red or even just brown. Stay vivid.”
The MAGA hat didn’t hear him as he squeezed the tubes into mounds in front of him and grabbed up a brush. He laid down thick lines on the canvas, almost scooping up paint with the brush for some and scrubbing the bristles to the heel of the ferrule on others.
“Impasto,” the USA hat whispered. The MAGA hat didn’t hear him in his furious ecstasy. More paint, more paint as the face seemed to push its way out of the canvas. The brush snapped in his bill and MAGA hat dug the broken handle into the canvas, ripping the heavy fabric before dashing to the floor of the vault and snatching up another.
As he spat rage at the canvas, USA hat turned on the TV behind them and used the TiVo to search through the last half-hour of news coverage that had built up. He found what he wanted and froze the screen. When he turned back, the MAGA let the brush fall from his bill and was breathing in great ragged gasps.
The painting was a vision of Hell, the skinned, howling face of Sarah, the thick paint running in spots, which only added to the ghastly effect. The center of her mouth was stabbed rent in the canvas, but you couldn’t see the easel or the wall behind. There was nothing, a horrible no-color that went on forever.
“Donald is bringing you home a new friend,” the USA hat whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“Look,” he said. “Look at the TV.”
MAGA hat whirled around and froze. Two white trucker hats in front of Donald on a table. “Donald & Shinzo, Make Alliance Even Greater,” they read in gold embroidery.
MAGA hat screamed.
Can we do like a power rangers hat spin off? Can they all come together and form like a Klan Robe or a SS uniform or something?
Those combo things don’t always work out…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMgsAD3D948
Art is not what you see, but what you make others
seego blind with.Hey where’s the title graphic, also get CRMP or CMRP or Cwhatever to paint the jolly swastika truck stop shower raping USA hat.
*The Edit Fairy is pleased with you*
Shit. Hold on.
Yeah that’s the stuff, really brings the prose to life when one has visual aids.
These edit fairies are getting sluttier. Keep up the good work.
*heads to bunk*
“Got Room?”
Uggh fat people.
He looks too easy. Not my type. I want a slutty ho that looks hard to get.
I am not very good at this imaging stuff!
I believe in your slutty image search capabilities.
Stick with the pros.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/e5/8a/99/e58a998efb0e298e016e03a89335adae.jpg
https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1Im7BSXXXXXbxXFXXq6xXFXXX2/Sexy-Bee-Cute-font-b-Fairy-b-font-font-b-Costume-b-font-Yellow-Deluxe-font.jpg
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61JHuC-zY0L._UY445_.jpg
For particularly bad typos:
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b1/3a/08/b13a08a73d6f9d8e06f12c62bfb5ed73–devil-costume-costume-dress.jpg
Q doing work son.
Look, this is a family friendly site and Glibs is just trying to get rid of all this body shaming stuff.
Woo-Hoo!!! my first Edit Fairy
USA hat is an evil genius pretending to be an idiot? Don’t tell me that’s the Mein Kampf hat…
Oooh!
Getting some sinister feelings about USA hat.
“Impasto,” the USA hat whispered
*shivers*
USA hat used to belong to Richard Spencer.
*arches eyebrow, begins to applaud*
You mean – Richard Spencer used to belong to USA hat. Right?
this truck-stop shower rape of a hat
*sighs in twisted appreciation*
*Weinstein gaze*
Junk sick?
I know exactly what you mean.
USA hat seems like a psychopath.
These new Japanese hats should add some interest. I hope they’re both female.
MAEG is feminine… ish?
I sense some pretty sick shit on the horizon if they are.
You probably just talked SF into it.
+1 Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Orgy?
Hermaphrodites.
*bows to his
senseisnarksei*Ah, yes. Just what I needed today. Was beginning to miss that feeling of the abyss staring back into me.
There was nothing, a horrible no-color that went on forever.
*unblinking stare*
Wench.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/11/07/alabama-woman-lied-about-ex-boyfriend-raping-her-tying-her-up-police-say.html
In cases like this, where the evidence rests mostly on he-said she-said, I think the penalty for knowingly filing a false police report should be more severe.
That would certainly end a lot of this and shut up a lot of the #MeToo hysteria.
i’m cool with 2x the punishment the crime they lied about would get.
Yeah, sounds good to me. Or at least 1x the punishment for the first offense, and then ramping up for subsequent offenses.
Nah. I’d say exactly the same punishment. Down to the particular prison.
Crack or Meth?
Jealous and petty and dumb, I bet.
Still would, depending on the state of those teeth.
Less teeth = more better?
So, the Tuscaloosa police are rape deniers…
Every crack ho deserves to be believed.
Everybody knows women never lie about rape. It’s science.
+1 “Why would she lie?”
And how could she lie? 5 out of 4 women are raped.
Speaking of things that could easily devolve to SugarFreeness and/or HM’s new fetish:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKX39dan5Is
Superhot ASMR girl apparently has pet cockroaches. Things took a turn for the weird…
She is definitely the weirdest thing I want to have sex with right now.
not Poppy?
I have a hard time believing Poppy has genitals. Or nipples. Or internal organs.
So, like, Gumby?
Poppy is Gabriel from Constantine ?
Just a solid pink mass.
Well, as long as it is pink.
Must be self-lubricating.
“but her mouth was very much in play.”
-F. Reynolds
Uh huh, sure.
Even weirder still:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tonEFBu1K1c
Can’t tell if it’s weirder that she’s eating live bugs, or if she’s eating her pet. The lengths some people will go to for attention. Let the fapping begin.
I think I hear HM frantically trying to get into her place in that last video.
I….. uhhhhh……
fearection.
I think this girl could be the new Glib mascot; I personally like her a helluva lot more than Poppy.
This was all a setup you… you….sugarfree sicko sycophant!
*runs to room and slams door twice*
W T F
Ruined.
*bacon jumps into frying pan and self cooks*
*shrugs and gets eggs from the fridge*
With almost a year past I kind of want a window to an alternate universe where Clinton got elected.
Write it up. Could be a regular feature here. “365 Days Later”.
Yes. Work on it.
The problem is I can’t think of anything really interesting. The only outcomes I could think of is a fawning, extremely masturbatory media, a no-fly zone over Syria, really, really bad relations with Russia, plenty of administration corruption and maybe a shittier version of Obamacare getting shoved through with RINO support.
That’s the thing, right?
Half of the sturm und drang we’ve seen exploding all over anything political in the last year has been due to the left coming completely unhinged over Trump’s come-from-behind victory.
Does anyone really think the Stupid Party would give us such endless entertainment had Herself won the election?
I think you’d probably see some Tea Party-esque protests by various Trump-supporting groups, maybe even have the unions start kicking up some dirt, but nothing on par with, say, the Women’s March. Way less political violence (especially due to the nature of Trump being an underdog, which somewhat negates the MASSIVE AMYGDALA FREAKOUT that spawned from the Chosen One’s losing) and probably some restructuring in the Republican Party in an attempt to ensure someone like Trump never wins the candidacy again (which would not kill off the growing populism and inner party conflicts that would emerge).
Does anyone really think the Stupid Party would give us such endless entertainment had Herself won the election?
Since they wanted her to win, I would say “no”.
All suggestion that Russia interfered with the elections would be ignored and the media would be calling anyone who persisted a crank, a loony, and a lunatic. We would be on the ground in Syria by now, I think, a Clinton family go-to move to distract from some inevitable scandal that even the MSM couldn’t ignore. Anthony Wiener would be dead, somehow hanging himself with all his fingers broken and his wrist tied behind him back. DWS would be the head of the DNC. The Republicans would still hold both the House and the Senate and “obstructionist” would still be the meanest thing you could say. Trump would be a laughingstock, Tweeting increasing desperate and deranged things in a bid to get everyone to pay attention to him, maybe trying to fund a lawsuit over the emails. Steve Bannon would be dead in a ditch somewhere, a gallon of rotgut leaking from his ruptured stomach. The regulatory agencies would be running the country while the media tried to make Hillary look human and support her failed plan to get a fucked half-step toward socialized medicine passed without Warren, Schumer, and Harris in the Congress because she salted them through her administration so that they couldn’t threaten her in 2020. Hillary remains in campaign mode and her health is increasingly worse. She hasn’t been seen in public for anything length of time in months and our recurring joke is that she is actually dead.
I don’t see ground warfare as a likelihood in Syria, even with Clinton in charge. According to the emails Clinton’s shitty foreign policy MO was to appear ‘tough’, mostly due to her massive insecurities about how she thought people didn’t view female politicians as such. No-fly zones fit that rather perfectly, they give the illusion of power and ‘doing something’ while just aggravating conflict but also avoiding extremely negative responses domestically. ‘Boots on the ground’ still can’t be sold to the American public overall, even by the Lightworker, and would probably be more a scandal than whatever else she was trying to cover up.
*Especially, I might add, if she pulls a Benghazi again, but this time with troops. Even a media completely on her side wouldn’t been able to cover for her if, say, ISIS pulled a Black Hawk Down.
True. It probably would be something with good optics but useless to actually do anything.
“Advisers”
I’m not as sanguine about it as you are. I think Clinton, even more than Trump, would have been eager to prove her manhood. And the Russians were operating in the middle of what she was prepared to designate a no-fly zone.
“Steve Bannon would be dead in a ditch somewhere, a gallon of rotgut leaking from his ruptured stomach. ”
Still is a pretty decent bet to happen before the end of 2018.
Joke’s on you guys, Bannon’s been dead since 2015, and has secretly been operated by a gaggle of surprisingly nationalist cats.
There’s more of them than you realize.
Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Kätzchen!
Sieg Miau!
Sounds about right.
Nothing about Slick Willy roaming the halls of the Capital building late at night tushy squeezing nubile young interns?
I didn’t figure I needed to state the obvious. 🙂
Pussy grabbing would suddenly be in vogue with the media again.
Or just not mentioned at all. And the Weinstein story wouldn’t have broke. Rose McGowen would just be another unstable aging actress like thousands of others.
People would wonder who Harvey Weinstein even was.
And the Weinstein story wouldn’t have broke.
Absolutely not. First, without the yearlong pussygrabbing freakout, it would have never broken cover. And if it had, with Bill in the White House, the media would have buried it.
Speaking of the dog that didn’t bark, given the portrayal of Trump as a deranged sex baboon before the election, isn’t it odd that not one rumor of his misbehaving in the White House has surfaced?
There are rumors. They just involve Trump and Ivanka. So, you know, solid, grounded stuff.
I can’t even imagine how insufferable the media would be right now. I can just see McCain and Graham down on their knees licking the royal cankles, ewww!
Hell?
John, are you really into masochism?
No, now I’m into something…darker.
Don’t you have the ability to visit the alternate timelines?
he might not be able to get back. There’s a scary thought.
Already done.
Which one is Killary?
The one with cankles.
Kankles?
There would be world peace, universal healthcare, and a 0% unemployment rate. Duh.
Free blowjobs?
Blowjobs? What are those? #darkesttimeline
Related
Something that involves getting choked by a woman with a strap-on.
They’re never really free.
Don’t forget free college for everyone and finally an end to slavery.
Links for the link god! Since I’m away till later in the afternoon, maybe consider this for the PM thread: Russian lawyer who met with DTJ about dirt on Hillary reported to Fusion GPS both before and afterward. Starting to look like a setup.
Hillary playing dirty politics? Unpossible. Twitter tells me that she’s the most trustworthy, selfless public servant ever simply filled to the brim with integrity. Only after that evil, vagina-hating Drumpf destroyed her purely for the joy of crushing a woman did she reveal Drumpf’s dirty dealings because she cares so much for the country.
There’s also this:
That is interesting.
Mueller is dirty. He may or may not be intentionally colluding with the Dems, but he obviously has a conflict of interest that has driven everything he has done, from who he staffed with, to what he investigates, to his tolerance for leaks from his operation, including those that violate federal law.
This world is insane…the fact that Hillary is still not in jail is just icing on the shit cake.
Starting to look like a setup.
It stunk of a setup from day one.
Finally someone was able to capture the likeness of Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Needz moar brow ridge though…
FinallyUnfortunately someone was able to capture the likeness of Sarah Huckabee Sanders.IDK, many people put her in the “would” camp…
*googles*
Maybe? It’s hard to tell. Google image search is not kind to her.
Google image search? I’d say God wasn’t kind to her.
Surely there is a picture somewhere where she doesn’t look like she’s having a stroke?
I can’t find one. Happens when your blood has been completely replaced by donut glaze.
BTW, I replied on a thread that was likely long dead – funny that you went to VES. I went to STC, played against you guys in football.
Hahahaha: company belonging to self-righteous, denouncer of capitalism, and heir-to-the-throne gets exposed with climate-change conflict of interest:
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-41901175
Inbreeding causes all sorts of things besides being really ugly.
I’m just glad I live in a country where that can’t happen!
Yeah, there’s never been anyone in this country who has supported cronyized green initiatives in an attempt to skim off their fair share of tax payer money. Good thing for that.
Sustainable Forestry Management of Bermuda?
Sounds legit.
BTW, where’s the next installment of Secret Nazi President?
It’s where you’d least exist if.
MUAHAHAHAH
Ugh.
/shrugs. Still works.
Sort of like these guys
Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.
I think for much of SF’s fic, the “art” that most uninitiated see is their own hands, twisted into claws, hungrily grasping for their eyes.
“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.”
*clamps hands tightly over eyes*
JINX
Great minds?
Damaged minds.
So, not only was the church shooter a wife beater and child abuser but a legit certified nutcase that broke out of a mental hospital after trying to kill his superior officers.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/11/07/as-texas-town-mourns-details-emerge-on-gunmans-methodical-tactics-in-church-massacre/?utm_term=.d48a4412783e
somehow none of this info got to NICS.
Also, a man with a full frontal neck tattoo did something good. I may have to rethink my entire life.
I had a similar thought.
Now I can’t prejudge neck tat people.Fuck it. He’s an anomaly.The exception that proves the rule?
Don’t make me start on the origins and etymology of that phrase ….
Will it literally make your head explode?
He was exactly the right person in the right place at the right time. Think about it: Some guy with a rifle runs up to his truck (I haven’t actually seen the vehicle, but it has to be a pickup) and says “Chase that guy down”. And he says “OK” and does it. Not many people would have just hit the gas without wasting a lot of time in that situation, but he did. Poor impulse control may lead to unfortunate tattoos, but it also gave us the right guy for the job.
https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aqmK2BM_700b.jpg
A friend of mine and his now ex-wife got each others names tattooed on their necks. I make fun of him for it constantly.
If you get your wife’s name tattooed on your neck, she will be your ex-wife at soon enough.
My suggestion
So…you want me to call out the name tattooed on your neck? /random bar fling
To be fair, it’s probably the best neck tattoo I’ve ever seen.
I’m seeing it as a steer skull with the horns wrapping under the jaw line. Something else going on lower and to the outside that I can’t make out.
Top. Men.
http://5newsonline.com/2017/11/01/manhunt-underway-for-man-accused-of-trying-to-solicit-sexual-acts-at-local-businesses/
“He said that he didn’t want to be under the sheet. He wanted to be naked on the table and I said that’s against state law. That’s not what we do. He told me rules are made to be broke and I should break this law,” Roden said.
Well lets see which glib doesn’t check in this afternoon. Well know who our man is.
I’m here but will be loading the moving truck.
Not in the State of Arkansas.
So being naked is a sexual act?
I mean, I get what he was going for, but does his request meet the solicitation standard?
owned by a licensed massage the rapist.
I think I found the issue.
I have a massage therapist friend who told me that you can tell which places go for that sort of thing when they call themselves “masseuses”.
Also, she is like a 3/10 and yet has many horror stories of being solicited for a happy ending. I guess it is more about the thrill of having some stranger wank you off than being wanked off by someone attractive?
Squidbillies: Family The Rapist
https://youtu.be/NHxW4lztFTg
What if… nothing is like we think it is? What if, let’s start from the start. There was a Clinton dynasty, followed, by a Bush dynasty, followed by an Obama dynasty, followed by a Trump dynasty. What if there is a secret cabal who actually does decide elections selected from a pool of modern royalty and it really was just Trump’s turn? Hillary, and all the rest were in on it and Trump was going to win all along, and will win again in 2020? After all, the Clinton’s already had their turn. Hillary was just a prop all along and was never going to win. I should send this to Alex Jones.
What if there is a secret cabal who actually does decide elections selected from a pool of modern royalty and it really was just Trump’s turn?
There is a relatively small group of powerful party apparatchiks who for a long time have had a string influence on who gets nominated for highost national office. I think Trump proves they are not all powerful though. He certainly wasn’t their pick.
Well, I was joking, but I bet Alex Jones fans would buy into it. The elite political establishment all definitely hate Trump, Republicans included.
So…you want me to call out the name tattooed on your neck? /random bar fling
I’ve been gilmore’ed by this site!
Blaming your loss on a long standing and well known set of rules? The Democratic Party could use someone like you!
Calling edit fairy on behalf of bacon…
She passed out drunk an hour ago.
Damnit, I hate how all you privileged one percenters just pass out drunk at noon. I mean, except for edit fairy, edit fairy is exempt from my envy…
http://www.spookshop.com//v/vspfiles/photos/FW120004-2T.jpg
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/3d/d6/07/3dd6079fe039d35bb16538171b848879–angel-costumes-fairy-costumes.jpg
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81mbY2bZuqL._UY679_.jpg
I thought you were doing a callback. Fuck it, just say you were doing a callback! NEVER ADMIT A MISTAKE.
Somehow, ‘going to call out the name tattooed on your neck’ was oddly irrelevant to the post I made. But I mean it is Glibs, so I couldn’t just assume.
The pentaverite?
http://www.baynews9.com/content/news/baynews9/news/article.html/content/news/articles/bn9/2017/11/6/tarpon_springs_great.html
Great grandmother tackles purse snatcher.
Florida, of course.
Well, in Florida the great-grandmother would only be about 50.
Just in case you needed an excuse to come to Cleveland… one of the local rags put together a not terrible beer guide. Have I mentioned we have a lot of breweries here?
Obligatory
They finally tore down one of the buildings in that video.
The Indians almost won last year.
We’re aware… A friend of mine asked me to put money down on the Indians to win the Series this year because of that. It was looking like a good bet up until the playoffs.
The Cavs almost won last year as well.
The Browns… Well… they technically have a team.
They’ll beat the Packers.
A stiff breeze would beat the Packers.
You underestimate the Browns ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Although if there’s an idea the Browns may do well, there is a dive bar down the street (that somehow got a decent tap list) that pours free drinks when the Browns score.
The Browns… Well… they technically have a team.
You mean the Baltimore Ravens?
Why would fans in Cleveland cheer for a team in Baltimore?
NOT BLACK
Well, she’s totes out of the club.
Shelby is a dude. A for real dude.
It’s a he. Also,
Not exactly solid credentials we’re dealing with here.
“We like to say that the real black is the black on the street corner doing drugs, selling drugs and shooting each other,” Steele said. “We don’t question their blackness, but we question the blackness of those who climb out of those situations, who join the American mainstream, who become successful.”
Martha McSally announced that she’s running for Flake’s seat.
So which is she more like, Flake or McCain? There’s something going on in AZ. It’s some alien blobs mind controlling the population, isn’t it? No doubt escaped from some secret military base.
No idea. I threw the news out there so our Arizona contingent could inform us as to whether she’s horrendous, or merely bad.
I’ve never heard of her but her name sounds like a very unimaginative porn alias.
I see this:
http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article8686284.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Shannon-Purser-as-Barb-in-Stranger-Things-1.jpg
Claim to fame is she flew Warthogs out of Saudi. As I recall, she challenged the requirement that she dress to Islamic standards when off base, and won.
Sharp and energetic, but a pretty conventional thinker when it comes to policy and politics from what I have seen. I’ve met her a couple of times.
IOW, better than Flake or McCain.
Controlled by one of the hive queens captured on Klendathu.
Would you like to know more?
She’s pretty solid as a person. While her politics are more pragmatic than principled/ideological, but she hasn’t been hysterically chasing media approval, so I would say not much like McCain.
A cursory glance at her page gives me the impression that shes your standard cookie cutter republican with no real backbone for anything.
Sounds about right.
Agreed.
Roy Halladay’s private plane has crashed into the Gulf of Mexico. The pilot and sole occupant was killed. They aren’t saying if it’s him yet, but seems likely. Hell of a pitcher.