HAT HARD: A Hat and Hair Christmas Special, Pt. 4

by | Dec 15, 2017 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 211 comments

 

It was cold on the White House roof and Donald began to shiver. The hat jostled back and forth on his great pumpkin head.

“Hey, I’m Tweeting up here. I’m Tweeting up here!’ the hat said, the swoosh of a sent tweet rustling through the hair anyway.

“Dammit, autocorrect!” the hat screamed. “We’ve got a covfeve situation!”

“Whoa,” the hair said. “Hold on! Oh, shit.”

Donald burped loudly and woke up.

“Where am I?” he demanded. “I’m cold. It’s not too classy up here. Is this the roof? Why are we on the roof?”

“How was your nap, Donald?” the hat asked drily.

“What nap?” the President asked. “What nap? I’m not asleep. I don’t fall asleep. When’s the next meeting? Someone read back the minutes and bring me my goddamn Diet Coke!”

“Terrorists have taken over the White House, Donald,” the hair began.

“Eurofag terrorists,” the hat clarified.

“What are their demands?” Donald demanded. “I don’t negotiate with terrorists. I deal with them. I wrote a book about it. The Art of the Deal. Tremendous book. I’ll send you both a copy for Christmas. Or Hannukah or whatever. Kwanzaa. Are either of you black? Black people?”

“No, Donald,” the hair said. “Neither of us celebrate Kwanzaa.”

“I’ll jump over a broom. I don’t care. Stomp a glass. Do the rumba. I’ll slap an old lady in the balls if that’s what it takes,” Donald said.

“I think the food coma is over,” the hair whispered.

“No shit,” the hat whispered back.

“Go fuck a sock cap,” the hair replied.

“What are you doing?” the hair asked. “Don’t fucking Tweet that.”

“I’m cold,” Donald said, “And my tummy hurts.”

“The helicopter will be here any minute, Donald,” the hat said.

“There is no helicopter, Donald,” the hair said.

“The FBI is coming to rescue us,” the hat said.

“The FBI?” Donald squawked. “They Tweet mean things. FAKE NEWS! NO RUSSIA!”

“Now look what you’ve done,” the hair told the hat.

“What?”

“You’ve got him all upset.”

“I need a phone!” Donald screamed.

“Donald! Be quiet! Someone might hear us up here,” the hair barked.

“I think I hear the helicopter!” the hat said maliciously.

“NO FBI! HURT DONALD!” Donald screamed.

“Find me a firehose, dammit!” the hat roared.

“I’m cold,” Donald said again and the gun dropped from nerveless fingers.

“We’ve got to get Donald back inside,” the hair said. “You know his circulation is terrible.”

“FIREHOSE!” the hat screamed. He began typing on the phone furiously.

“OK,” the hair said. “So I throw you off the roof and you float down to the lawn, because you’re a hat and weigh nothing, and then what? How do you get back in?”

“Get back in?” the hat asked confused. “Why would I want to get back in?”

“Uh, so you can save Melania?”

“Save Melania? I hate that Slavic harpy.”

“Melania was some top-shelf pussy. Grade-A Prime pussy,” Donald said numbly. “It was like sticking your dick in a microwaved pudding cup.”

“Well,” the hair continued, “What about Ivanka? You are always talking about her.”

“She’s, like, 35 and has three little half-Jew kids. Let her 12-year-old husband save her,” the hat said.

“Top-shelf,” Donald mumbled.

“Tiffany’s still young,” the hat tried.

“Who?”

“Tiffany. Tiffany Trump.”

“Who?” the hat asked and made a theatrical yawning noise.

“Well whiskey,” Donald said through chattering teeth.

Gros homme est ici!” a cigarette-hoarse voice yelled from across the dark expanse of the White House roof. A long-haired man in a MAKE FRENCH FRANCE AGAIN hat began to run toward them.

“Donald! Get down!” the hair ordered.

“Is that my Diet Coke?” Donald asked.

The hair made the three of them dive behind an HVAC unit.

“How did they find us up here?” the hair asked.

“They must have Twitter!” the hat said.

“You told Twitter we were ON THE ROOF?!?” the hair screamed.

“Twitter is the only real thing there is, you stupid hairball!” the hat screamed back and he started typing again.

Bullets began pinging off the HVAC unit all around them.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” the hair screamed.

“I’m saving us, asshole!” the hat replied.

 

 

The hat read the tweet out loud in a smug tone.

“You fucking idiot!” the hair yelled. “She was fired! Security had to drag her crazy ass out of the fucking building!”

“I need go pee pee,” Donald said as the gunfire stopped.

“I vant him ALIVE, you fools!” Angela screamed.

The hat twisted around awkwardly. “Firehose! There’s one right behind us.”

“Come out, Donald!’ Angela called, waddling toward them. “I am ze Leader of the Free World now! I promise you fair treatment. Ze Hague is very nice this time of year.”

“I can’t go back to prison!” the hat screamed and clamped down sharply on the hair and Donald’s headbones. Donald and his hair screamed.

“OK! Fuck!” the hair said through gritted follicles and force Donald to duckwalk to the firehose and began to unspool it.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO NUKE THE WHOLE BUILDING, ANGELA?” the hat screamed.

The hair ran Donald to the side of the roof with the firehouse wrapped around his waist. “I promise I will never get on the roof of the White House ever again,” the hat said. “Please don’t let me die.”

With that, the three of them dove off. And landed painfully on a balcony twenty feet below.

Through Donald’s pain and his own, the hair heard the hat typing.

 

“I hate you so much,” the hair whispered.

“How is Donald?” the hat asked.

“Nothing’s broken, but he pooped his pants. Like, a whole lot.”

There was a burst of automatic gunfire from above them, a scream, and a pantsuited body fell past the balcony.

“Boy, I hope that’s not Hope,” the hat said and giggled.

“Will you shut up?” the hair asked.

“Mr. President? Mr. President!” came a loud and deeply male voice from the roof. “Hold on, sir!”

“Is that my Diet Coke?” Donald whispered.

“I think it’s the Secret Service, Donald,” the hair said soothingly.

“Holly McClane!” the hat said in triumph.

“Can you just, not?” the hair pleaded.

 

 

 

 

 

The Hat and The Hair will return in… Bringing Up Donny.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

211 Comments

  1. Lachowsky

    The tweets tie the whole thing together. well done, you demented fuck..

  2. CPRM

    Truly amazing. *puts out riot fires*

  3. The Late P Brooks

    No time travelling Warty? I am disappoint.

    • The Other Kevin

      A Warty/Hat & Hair crossover, hmm…

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Ug, There are too many crossovers as it is. Is nothing sacred anymore.

      • SugarFree

        Soon they’ll demand the next Warty be a Hugewoman.

      • Drake

        No. Just no.

      • Gilmore

        look, groups of women totally collaborate on complex organizational tasks (other than bitching) ALL THE TIME you shitlord.

      • commodious spittoon

        They didn’t learn after Ghostbusters. They never learn.

      • Rhywun

        This is real?!

      • Nephilium

        It gets much… much… worse.

      • Suthenboy

        Notice in that list there is nothing original. They are just badly aping what men already did well.

        No, I am not trolling at all. Not me.

        “If you was so equal how come the things you claim you are better at, like cooking, you know…you aint? All the best chefs in the world are men, like Colonel Sanders.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS_kqEKSOJw

      • mexican sharpshooter

        So its a terrible fem remake of a remake of a Rat Pack movie?

        – They run out of ideas.
        – They want nobody to remember the terrible misogyny of Frank Sinatra and Co.

      • wdalasio

        8/11 = .73 Close enough, I guess.

      • commodious spittoon

        LOL

  4. commodious spittoon

    Now I want a microwave pudding cup.

    • commodious spittoon

      And huckleberry pie…

    • Just Say'n

      I never found Malania to be all that attractive, but now I understand it

      • Tundra

        You’re crazy. She’s smokin hot.

        Even more so now.

      • Just Say'n

        I disagree. Too slavic for my taste. But, now I find her attractive. Thanks, Sugarfree!

      • Rhywun

        Too slavic for my taste.

        I can’t even.

      • Tundra

        Right?

        *shakes head*

      • Just Say'n

        You and your plebeian tastes

      • Q Continuum

        Slavic/Eastern European women are angels sent down just for us.

      • Number.6

        Amen, brother.

      • Number.6

        If only they weren’t so well-informed about their market value.

      • bacon-magic

        Melania is hottest flotus ever. Just say’n’s(?) comment is the Nick Gillespie of comments.

      • The Elite Elite

        I agree. I’d much rather see a nice curvy women without implants than Malania. She’s overrated.

      • bacon-magic

        Elitist

      • Private Chipperbot

        Bully!

      • Tundra

        Chubby-chaser.

    • creech

      So did Bill Cosby.

      • Swiss Servator

        *strongly narrows gaze*

  5. Just Say'n

    “It’s not too classy up here.”

    The dialogue is exactly how I would expect him to speak.

  6. Tundra

    That better not have been Hope.

    • Swiss Servator

      That was Merkel…”pantsuited”

      • Bobarian LMD

        There is the possibility of another pantsuited individual who would attempt to mastermind a coup of the Whitehouse.

        But a lot more SS agents would have been killed.

      • Number.6

        And most of the surrounding city blocks.

  7. Tundra

    #odetojoy is perfect.

  8. Q Continuum

    “I beat them off single handedly”

    Tales from the Boy Scout National Jamboree.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    OFFICE MANAGER MOHAMMED disapproves of your INFIDEL humor, NO LAUGHTER PERMITTED
    /fun stuff SF

  10. mexican sharpshooter

    HO HO HO, Now I have Twitter Account.

    lol

  11. mexican sharpshooter

    Republicans finish tax bill, will release details later in day
    A member of the negotiating committee, Republican Representative Kristi Noem, told reporters earlier the refundable portion of an expanded child tax credit in the bill had risen to $1,400 from $1,000, an apparent bid to win support from Republican Senators Marco Rubio and Mike Lee.

    “I believe we’re in a good spot and should be able to earn his support,” Noem said, referring to Rubio.

    CNBC, citing anonymous sources, reported that Rubio is now on board with the finished bill. Before the expanded credit was circulated, Rubio had noted the legislation would double the child tax credit to $2,000 but only about half of that figure would be refundable to millions of working-class families.

    *checks investments*
    Better, but I’m still down from yesterday. Thanks a lot asshole.

    • robc

      checks investments*
      Better, but I’m still down from yesterday. Thanks a lot asshole.

      All year I have been having internal feuding between wanting to see investments going up and wanting them to stay low for cost averaging purposes. I have 11 years and a few months before I can touch my retirement accounts, so maybe I want to be buying in low and boom later on.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I believe I’ve been buying low of a few pharmaceutical companies, but every time news of this bill comes out they either jump or drop. It’s only a few hundred dollars so I’m not going panhandling later.

    • robc

      I think a simple change to any refundable tax credit is in order (and change the nonrefundable ones this way):

      Make it only refundable against FICA.

      Lets use this as an example. Its a $2000 tax credit. But if you pay less than $2k in taxes, up to $1400 is refundable. Instead make all $2000 “refundable”, but only as a credit against FICA taxes paid, so it is still a tax credit. So, if you don’t pay payroll taxes, you don’t get the credit. But if you ONLY pay payroll taxes, you can still get the credit.

      • robc

        On this week’s EconTalk, Russ Roberts suggested ending the payroll tax and upping all brackets by ~15% instead. Stop treating payroll tax separately.

      • robc

        This looks to be basically what they have done, based on Graham’s complaints.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Is your aim to ensure one would only get the tax credit only if they are working rather than on the dole?

        My ideal setup for a tax system would likely be a reasonable consumption tax (10% tops) and a local property tax. Yeah, it might hurt more if you don’t make much but to be honest if you don’t make a lot of money you probably shouldn’t be spending much on frivolous items either.

      • robc

        This isn’t my ideal tax system at all, I am just saying if you get a refund, it should be from taxes, I am fine with it being from payroll taxes, as its just a hidden income tax.

  12. Q Continuum

    Oo, oo! Now we wanna know what Hope’s pussy is like!

    • Tundra

      Lasered.

    • Spartacus

      Tapioca

    • Number.6

      Pure lavender-scented, Fairfield County, CT.

  13. The Other Kevin

    I understand there is a new version of the Rosanne TV show coming out next year. I would expect nothing less than a fresh, irreverent take on topics viewed as taboo in the rest of the entertainment world, such as how awful Trump and the Republicans are.

    • Rhywun

      I’ll check it out. The original was (often) brilliant.

    • The Other Kevin

      I will too, but after the terrible WIll and Grace reboot, I’m not expecting too much. Every third joke was about Trump. We didn’t even make it through one episode.

      • Rhywun

        The difference is that Will and Grace was terrible in the first place.

      • Q Continuum

        THANK YOU. IT WAS UNBEARABLY TEDIOUS.

      • Just Say'n

        Roseanne is a fairly big Trump supporter, as strange as that seems. Check out her Twitter page. Actually some people have been fretting over whether or not the reboot would be slightly pro-Trump or at least not dismissive of working class people that supported him

      • robc

        If the setting is working-class middle america, it should be fairly pro-trump.

      • Just Say'n

        You’re right. It’s based out of the fictional community of Lanford, Illinois (which is said to be an hour outside of Chicago). If the show wants to be believable, there will have to be more than a few Trump-curious people on the show.

      • Just Say'n

        Also, the only explicitly pro-Trump people that I know are tradesmen- aka the working class. When I talk to these people I sound like a flaming Leftist.

      • Rhywun

        Here’s a novel idea: leave politics out of it.

      • Just Say'n

        They should, but they probably won’t entirely

      • Rhywun

        Well, there was zero politics in the original*. If they know what’s good for them, they’ll keep it that way.

        *some might call out the gay stuff but even that wasn’t played as “political” in the way of, oh, Will and Grace

      • Just Say'n

        That’s not really true, entirely. There were incidences of politicking beyond the gay stuff.

      • Rhywun

        Like what? I can’t recall anything.

      • CPRM

        “Who is going to pay their taxes?” The tax money that wasn’t being payed before they were there? Those taxes? That vacant lot was bringing in so much revenue!

      • Rhywun

        OK you found one 🙂

    • Drake

      No thanks.

    • thrakkorzog

      While I dislike Rosanne’s politics, she has independent mind and would probably slap you silly if you tried to tell her that marching around with a pussy hat was the way to empower women.

    • Q Continuum

      We need a Married with Children reboot.

      • Sean

        Not in today’s politically correct climate.

      • Q Continuum

        NO MA’AM

      • mexican sharpshooter

        This is why it is needed.

      • RBS

        With Rebel Wilson as Al Bundy and that guy from Workaholics as Peg?

      • Rhywun

        I love that it’s on TBS at the same time that I’m getting ready for work and when the BS gets too thick on the morning Pravda show I can flip to TBS for relief.

    • The Other Kevin

      I find this conversation refreshing. I thought in 2017, everything was black and white. Sounds like there’s more to this issue than I thought. Color me shocked.

    • Just Say'n

      https://twitter.com/therealroseanne/

      If you look through Rosanne Barr’s Twitter page it’s basically the opposite of what the #Resistance would be promoting. I’d bet that the show is more friendly to Trump than anti-Trump.

      • The Other Kevin

        “both parties r crooks”

        SOLD.

      • Gadfly

        That’s surprising. She claims to have voted for him, and won’t run for president again (apparently that’s a hobby of hers) until 2024. It seems she has a pro-Israel and anti-establishment streak that edged her into the Trump column.

  14. WTF

    I was just told to go fuck a sock cap. RUDE!

    That one made me snort soda out my nose.

    • Number.6

      Most of Shoe’s stuff is pretty good.

    • Drake

      Yes. She does a good job deconstructing the nonsense.

    • AlmightyJB

      “They fucking love rape!”

      Lol

      • Drake

        Bloom, who has assisted dozens of women in prominent harassment cases and also defended film executive Harvey Weinstein earlier this year, represented four women considering making accusations against Trump last year. Two went public, and two declined.

        Quite a racket she’s running. “Hey, nice career you have there. It would be a shame if something happened to it…”

      • Bobarian LMD

        It is the family business.

        Bloom, who is the daughter of famous attorney Gloria Allred

    • Q Continuum

      “I hope the Moore chicks were well paid.”

      I’m telling you man, “Rent an Accuser” is a million dollar idea.

      • Drake

        “Ok let’s not do this then,” Bloom responded. “We are just about out of time anyway.”

        The woman then texted back demanding to know why there was a deadline. “What does time have to do with this? Time to bury Trump??? You want my story to bury trump for what? Personal gain? See that ‘s why I have trust issues!!”

    • wdalasio

      It’s disgusting that the investigation of Moore is going to utterly disappear. If he was guilty of diddling children, not sitting in the Senate is hardly a suitable punishment (about 150 million guys aren’t kiddy diddlers and don’t sit in the Senate.). If he’s not guilty, I would hope the people pushing this would be brought to justice.

      • Pomp

        I would hope the people pushing this would be brought to justice.

        Haha, oh you.

      • Drake

        Moore is a strange guy, which didn’t help. He actually sounds a 70’s version one those “red-pill” guys today who doesn’t want to marry a slut.

        A successful guy in his early 30’s decides it’s time to get married and start a family. It’s the 70’s and the single women his age a way more “experienced” than he would prefer. So he looks for a younger potential mate who wasn’t at Woodstock – and is old fashioned enough to approach the girls’ parents in the process. In short order he meets and marries his wife. Mission accomplished.

        Never again is there a report of him trying to get with teen girls and no accusations of infidelity at all.

        Every other accusation against him amounts to an ass-pinch that nobody witnessed. Feminists naturally hate those red-pill types so they were thrilled to destroy this guy.

      • Q Continuum

        “But but heez uh peeduhfyl!!”

      • Gadfly

        Statute of limitations. Such crimes can’t (and IMO shouldn’t) be punished if a significant amount of time elapses before being reported.

  15. Gustave Lytton

    MAGAkiya, motherfucka!

  16. Number.6

    For the gun people ….

    Are Springfield Armory just being try-hards now?

    1911-pattern guns, now in 10mm. Only reasons I don’t want one is (1) I don’t like 1911’s, (2) the price and (3) it’s Springfield Armory.

    Other than that, I’d have placed my order.

    • Q Continuum

      10mm is a cool round, but it’s kinda expensive. If I were gonna get one, I’d go ahead and get the Glock just for the capacity. OTOH, if I want that level of stopping power, I prefer .357 anyway.

      • Q Continuum

        Also, how can you dislike 1911s? That’s like disliking Hope’s lasered vulva!

      • Number.6

        Ergonomics mainly, plus I shoot the improved younger brother of the 1911 – the Browning Hi Power – because the grip angle works better for me, I’m a eurotard with no appreciation of that particular legend. Also a stock BHP just shoots better than a 1911 of equivalent price.

        Having said all that, I’d gladly own a Colt Walker Model 1 if we’re talking about legends.

      • Suthenboy

        Hi Power. Ugh. Yeah, ergonomically great. I cant hit a damned thing with mine. It feels great but for some reason I just cant hit with it.

        My 1911s, I cant miss. I found that with a round mainspring housing on the 1911 I can hit much better than with a straight one.

        Go figure.

      • Q Continuum

        Believe me, I’ve put serious thought into it. But that sure is a lot of trips to the strip club…

      • Number.6

        Word to the wise. I know two guys with Coonans.

        They really love them now that they spent a shitload of money at a gunsmith making them work properly.

      • thepasswordispassword

        Single stacks belong in subcompacts.

      • Number.6

        Those are range guns – if you’re gonna pay $1,800 for a gun, you can afford 60c/round for a box or two of ammo every time you take it out on a date.

      • Number.6

        And in other news, I now have that 229.

        I’ll take it out on Sunday, but I’m not completely convinced it’s gonna work for me. After about an hour of dry firing practice, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have big hands, but perhaps not big enough.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Is that right? I have small hands but was considering a Sig reconditioned 229. Maybe I need to look at something else?

      • Number.6

        Well, it’s got the fancy wood grips on it. I’m not going to make a final choice until I actually fire it a fair amount. The seller sent a second set of grips which are slightly thinner, and have some texture, which could help a lot, but I can’t lie, this thing feels like a sculpted club hammer in the hand.

        If you genuinely have small hands, and are not a framer or roofer, it might be a handgun too far.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’re getting a bit desperate trying to recover from the one two punch of reduced demand and their carveout fiasco.

    • AlmightyJB

      Why don’t you like Springfield Armory?

      • Number.6

        I’m taking what I think is a principled stand against their double-dealing in local politics.

      • Drake

        I understand – but they got fucked really hard by New Jersey when the M1A was banned by name.

      • Number.6

        Y’all can come up to CT and shoot mine in spring.

      • Drake

        Does CT know about it?

        Gun companies really have to walk a tightrope to keep their civilian customers happy while not pissing off government agencies they have to sell to.

        I couldn’t do it – I’d offend them all in short-order.

      • Number.6

        Oh yeah, many models of M1As are legal in CT, just you have to use ridiculous 10 round mags.

        Basically, if you choose one with a muzzle break rather than a flash hider, you can own it. Just get really good hearing protection.

      • Drake

        Do they even know the difference between a muzzle break and flash hider?

      • Q Continuum

        “Do they even know anything about the firearms they want to ban?”

        FIFY.

      • Number.6

        That was the fun thing. I was right in the purchase phase for the M1A when the ban came down. I was talking to the guys at the DPSCC who have to interpret the laws, and about 6 of us got on a conference call and they hashed out a working solution.

        The problem was that flashes should not be hidden, therefore, a flash hider would be haram.
        A muzzle brake isn’t designed to do anything about hiding flashes, and therefore doesn’t contravene the intent of the law.

        When it was ll over, I still didn’t feel comfortable becoming a test case, so I waited, and about 3 months later, FFLs were briefed officially from the State DA’s office and provided with a written outline of what constituted a ‘legal’ muzzle device. I guess I could have bought a gun ‘over the counter’ in another state, have it shipped direct to a gunsmith who would saw everything off the end, and then ship it to a CT FFL, but I couldn’t be arsed with that.

        So at least when I got the gun, I knew for an absolute fact it was – at that time – CT compliant. Which is more than I can say for the people buying pre-ban AR15’s in CT today.

      • Number.6

        I could be reasonably sure that the price differential is justified. Being a CZ fanboi, Dan would be my go-to guy for a 10mm 1911 even if I wasn’t so determined to send SA a message.

      • Tundra

        Dang. That’s nice!

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Do you know that kid that would soak a tennis ball in gasoline, and then line it with a bunch of kitchen matches in the hopes that he can throw the tennis ball, get it to catch fire and bounce like the flames from the fire flower in Super Mario Brothers?

      10mm is for that kid when he grows up.

      • Suthenboy

        I never did any such thing.

        *remembers shooting a 5 gallon propane tank with a lit candle on it*

        Ok, I never did that exact thing.

  17. R C Dean

    Well, this is just delish:

    Andrea Ramsey, a Democratic candidate for Congress, will drop out of the race after the Kansas City Star asked her about accusations in a 2005 lawsuit that she sexually harassed and retaliated against a male subordinate who said he had rejected her advances.

    Multiple sources with knowledge of the case told The Star that the man reached a settlement with LabOne, the company where Ramsey was executive vice president of human resources.

    I larfed.

    • Gilmore

      the first 2 heads of Human Resources at my startup british company:

      #1 married the boss.
      #2 slept with literally all the executives (including the married boss)

      this isn’t a joke. one day the IT guy said, “i need to reset everyone’s VM passwords” and we realized it meant anyone could listen to each other’s VM. so we spent the day trolling the bosses VM and discovered that our HR lady was sleeping with 4 of them. Literally scheduling hookups @ hotels. That didn’t end well. Everyone was very polite about it when she vanished suddenly.

      • Q Continuum

        “when she vanished suddenly”

        Did you use the Clintons’ guy?

      • Gilmore

        they were brits. everyone just pretended she had never existed and nothing had happened.

        same women (#2) actually *lost* someone’s 401K. I didn’t think such a thing was possible, but she managed it. It was being transferred from one employer to another, and all it needed was her to shuffle some papers and fwd it to our hosting bank. Somehow in the crucial moment of transfer, she deleted her records/wiped her inbox, and neither sending/receiving institution knew who the hell was custodian of funds anymore. I think they eventually worked it out, but it was the sort of incompetence that takes extra-special retard-skill to accomplish.

      • Nephilium

        At one of the call centers I supported, it came out that a manager was having an affair with one of the call center reps. They set up all of their dates and hookups using the company e-mail and the company desk phones. Both of these things were recorded and tracked, and the manager knew it. Some people just don’t think things through.

      • Psycho Effer

        This sounds familiar.

    • Number.6

      Quite the firestorm the dems released in their rage-fit over Hillary losing, and attempting to reignite Trump Harassment Syndrome.

      Reminded once again of the Hunt for Red October.

      • Q Continuum

        Hey, they got Moore’s scalp; everyone else is collateral damage. And Franken wasn’t gonna resign regardless of outcome.

    • Chipwooder

      #himtoo?

      • Rhywun

        #believehim

      • F. Stupidity Jr.

        #hetoo

      • Bobarian LMD

        #iwoodlikesomealso

    • Pomp

      ugh, HR. Years ago, there was this woman in HR at my employer that was borderline stalker with me. It always freaked me out that she had access to shit like my salary figures, reviews, benefits elections, and shit. I was very relieved when she finally got married several years ago and stopped bothering me.

    • MikeS

      Our former head of HR had to be asked by the CEO to leave the Christmas party last year because she was drunk and hitting on some guys. She was also not taking no for an answer when she’d try and drag them onto the dance floor.

      • Number.6

        Stupid games, stupid prizes. And a load of form-filling down on the dole-queue.

    • Q Continuum

      So Conservative events are going to have to be like synagogues on the high holidays now; great to know that’s the world we live in.

    • wdalasio

      I don’t think that will be coming to an America near us as long as the Second Amendment is in good working order.

    • thepasswordispassword

      I’ve seen gun raffles at several Lincoln Day Dinners and would surprised if at least half of the attendees weren’t already carrying.

    • Number.6

      To be frank, the every Tory in Dewsbury is probably represented in that header photo on the Twitter page. It’s a stultifyingly socialist area.

      • Rhywun

        Are there any tories north of, oh, Milton Keynes?

      • Number.6

        Yeah, but they stand out like street lighting on a North Korea satellite picture. Most of the big cities have one or two dormitory towns or districts where the managerial, C-level and bourgeoisie escape to, to avoid the wasteland of projects and chavs of the inner cities.

        Well, I say ‘tories’, but really, they’re what people should call Blairites, in an ocean of Corbynites.

    • Gilmore

      the “violence of looking away”.

      what they mean is, “the violence of not seeing things our way

    • Rhywun

      Tony-porn. Ugh no thanks.

    • Pomp

      Wow this is way better than the one i found earlier. I found myself not caring much, given how high the lost of living in LA is. Why, I thought California would have solved all these kinds of problems. What happen???????

    • Q Continuum

      “Her pelvic floor was a horrid ruin.”

      Definitely not top shelf.

    • SugarFree

      I was on all Hit and Run first, so that might just have been a day or thread you missed.

      • Number.6

        Did anyone at TOS ever ask ever-so-politely if you could ratchet the content back a bit?

      • SugarFree

        Nope. No comment good or bad from anyone, actually.

      • Number.6

        Back in the before-times, when free speech was honored both in word and deed.

      • tarran

        To be sure, if you allow Mary Stack to post her comments, you should, in all fairness, allow Sugarfree to post his fanfic.

  18. robc

    Anyone seen any leaks of the new tax brackets? I know the top at 37% but that isn’t the one that interests me.

    • Q Continuum

      TAX GIVEAWAYS TO THE RICH!

    • Pomp

      Nope.

    • RAHeinlein

      I’m watching Power Lunch right now and haven’t seen any leaks – I think they are being very cautious about this given the recent market moves. Looks like 5:30 ET is official release.

      On a related note, Andrew Ross Sorkin was literally yelling at Larry Kudlow about the state of education at “the best schools in the country” if this bill passes with SALT eliminations. He was referring to schools New York and California (citation needed)

      • Q Continuum

        You can tell if it’s a good bill based on the people it’s pissing off.

    • RBS

      I hate everyone involved.

    • Rhywun

      We’re disappointed in the decision to gut #NetNeutrality protections that ushered in an unprecedented era of innovation, creativity & civic engagement.

      This might be the stupidest thing I have ever read about NN. Congratulations, Netflix. Now fuck off.

      • Rhywun

        Mine’s better.

      • Rhywun

        You win.

        Also, I wonder if she could fit in another “kill”.

      • robc

        The only comment is sensible.

      • kbolino

        The “civic engagement” bit raises it to the level of unintentional self-parody. What comes to mind when you think of how people used the Internet politically over the past 2 years?

      • Number.6

        Most of the comment on the internet would improve drastically if we let the Norks EMP us.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Netflix has a sad they can’t push off their bandwidth costs to the ISPs. Eat a dick Netflix.

    • AlmightyJB

      Don’t spoil ignorant rants with the facts. And is there a rule at MSNBC that you can’t get hired if you don’t look like a douchbag?

      ://dailycaller.com/2017/12/14/msnbc-anchor-loses-net-neutrality-debate-with-former-fcc-chairman-video/?utm_campaign=atdailycaller&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=Social

      • Rhywun

        LOL, Christ what an asshole.

      • Private Chipperbot

        Haha. That’s fantastic.

      • Tundra

        A true bitch slap. McDowell was properly calm.

      • Breet Pharara

        One of those arguments where you can tell who won just by the tone and body language of the people involved. Excellent.

    • kbolino

      Every time some NN idiot posts one of those adverts for “tiered” Internet they score an own-goal. If you look closely, the prices are way less than what the average consumer pays in the U.S., even when you “have to” pay separately for certain things.

      Oops.

      • kbolino

        Clarification: the base prices and a la carte prices are individually way less, with the result that the total package still ends up costing less.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    And in other news, I now have that 229.

    I’ll take it out on Sunday, but I’m not completely convinced it’s gonna work for me. After about an hour of dry firing practice, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have big hands, but perhaps not big enough.

    Just from looking at photos, the 229 looks like a double stack 225. I have a p6 (German version of the 225) and I quite like it, even though it’s *only* 8+1.

    • Number.6

      The 226, 228 and 229 are direct design developments from the 225. This thing is a work of art, but as I note above, it manages to be both a work or art and a club hammer.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      The M11 (228) is more like a double stack 225. The 229 has a slightly beefier frame since it can also shoot .40S&W.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    ps- as a “1911 guy” I say pfffft to your puny prejudices.

    • Number.6

      Can you imagine that at one of her “HeForShe”.fundraisers?

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The password was ‘BEEF WOMEN,’

    Thicc?

    • Rhywun

      sick burn

    • Q Continuum

      It’s amazing how just calling something “net neutrality” gets so many morons on board. People’s understanding of things is so pathetically surface

      • Rhywun

        It’s “neutral”. Like the Swiss. Why do you hate the Swiss?

      • MikeS

        Next he’ll be saying he hates people that serve.

      • KSuellington

        The one thing I have to hand to progressives is that they are great at thinking up benevolent sounding names for their shitty policy preferences. Affirmative action sounds much better than racial preferences. Single payer sounds much better than government run healthcare.

      • Breet Pharara

        Patriot act. It’s not just progressives.

      • robc

        Who says they arent progressives too?

      • KSuellington

        G Dub and McCain definitely qualify as progressive in my book.

    • robc

      Ummm…how does that shut down his argument?

      • Pomp

        See? It’s a mic drop moment. Why don’t you get it?

      • Breet Pharara

        Uhg. Delete your account.

      • CPRM

        Cuz, see Ted Cruz’s Twitter account once ‘liked’ a porn star, and porn is on the internet, and um will now get slowed down, or go away or something. Duh!

      • robc

        Got it. Thats some logic beyond what I was taught.

      • Suthenboy

        That is what I am trying to figure out.

    • Pomp

      Oh totally. Reckt on the merits of the argument.