The Hat and The Hair: Episode 88

by | Jul 18, 2018 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 265 comments

Trump-Putin Summit Is Over. The Head-Scratching? Not So Much

“And I have single-handedly revived the posterboard, marker, wooden stick, papier-mâché head and protest permit industries. Obama didn’t do that. George Bush didn’t do that. Crooked Hillary didn’t do that. Me. I did that. ME. That’s all, good night,” Donald concluded.

He walked away from the bright noon sun in the White House Rose Garden, leaving dozens of screaming reporters sweating in the swamp heat of July in Washington.

“Give them one last smirk,” the hat urged from his coat pocket.

“Too much,” the hair said.

“It’s never too much,” the hat snapped. “We are the reason they all have jobs. Without us, journalism would collapse and they would have to go back to sucking dick under a wharf to make ends meet.”

The assembled reporters started booing behind them as they walked away. Donald shook the hands of a few shell-shocked White House staff members. They all had the thousand-yard stare by now, and most spent the day numbly mumbling to themselves. Their hands were dead and limp in Donald’s hand but he pumped them up and down vigorously anyway and smiled.

“They all love you, Donald,” the hat said. “They all love you so much.”

The Secret Service agent that opened the door for Donald glared at the back of his huge head as the trio walked into the cool darkness. His hand moved to his weapon reflexively. He just adjusted his jacket instead and swallowed bile.

“Just tremendous,” Donald said to no one as he walked down the deserted hallway to the Oval Office. “Fabulous time in Finland. Great country, just great.”

“Put me on, Donald,” the hat whispered from his suit pocket.

“It’s rude to wear a hat indoors, Donald,” the hair said.

Donald walked past the secretaries outside the Oval Office and waved to them. They might have been different women since the last time he walked by. He privately called them all “Carol” and daydreamed about most of them having some variety of erotic incontinence.

“Diet Coke, Carol,” he told the last of them, the oldest one, totally hideous and sexless, a wizened crone, maybe even as old as 32, and she nodded and said, “Yes, sir,” with the strained voice her bruised vocal cords could still make.

“Big Diet Coke. 20 ounces,” he said, spreading his hands vertically to indicate the size of the bottle.

“Yes, sir,” the woman who wasn’t named “Carol” repeated.

“Yuge Diet Coke. Maybe a one-liter. Do we have any of the one-liter bottles left?”

“I’ll check for you, sir.”

“And a 20-piece McNugget. Barbeque sauce. No, Honey. Honey,” Donald said. “Or Honey and Barbeque sauce.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I want a pie,” the hat said.

“Apple or cherry?” Donald asked.

“Sir?” not-Carol asked.

“Apple or cherry, Carol? I need an answer,” Donald said.

“Uh, sir, I’m not Carol…” not-Carol said.

“One of each,” the hat said, laughing.

“Four apple pies and two cherries,” Donald said. “Add that to the order.”

“Yes, sir.”

Donald started into the Oval Office and then turned back, “And don’t forget that Diet Coke.”

“No, sir. I won’t, sir. And, sir, the National Security Advisor is waiting for you in your office.”

“Dammit, Carol, you should have told me that first thing!”

“Yes, sir.”

“And make it four cherry pies. Vlad could eat three cherry pies all by himself, I bet. Wait, no, I don’t bet, I don’t bet. I KNOW he could eat three cherry pies all by himself.”

“So, three cherry pies, sir,” not-Carol asked.

“Four. FOUR PIES. So, eight pies. Four. Four each,” Donald said angrily, holding up seven fingers, then six, then all ten. He turned and grimly stalked into the Oval Office.

“Johnny!” he called, the hair squirming on his head.

“ROOSIANS!” John Bolton’s mustache bellowed. “You let us get cornholed by the gotdamn ROOSIANS!”

Donald shut the door to the Oval Office and paused, a huge and knowing grin on his face, for the studio audience to finish laughing.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

265 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Roosians!

  2. Swiss Servator

    Without us, journalism would collapse and they would have to go back to sucking dick under a wharf to make ends meet.

    Huh. I thought we were sticking to fiction here?

    • AlexinCT

      I second that emotion.

    • jesse.in.mb

      Hey now, at least it’s honest work.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s a valuable service that people are willing to pay for.

      • Gadfly

        I don’t know, the “under a wharf” part makes it sound kind of skeevy.

      • R C Dean

        Twenny bucks is twenny bucks.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Wolf Blitzer would have to blow 10 people to get $20.

    • Pan Zagloba

      H&H keeps trying to be fiction and ending up as prophecy.

  3. Riven

    He privately called them all “Carol” and daydreamed about most of them having some variety of erotic incontinence.

    Rule 34 and capitalism strike again!

    • Q Continuum

      “erotic incontinence”

      I can’t decide if he means incontinence of erotic tendencies, ie: uncontrollable expression of sexual urges, or actual incontinence. Maybe both simultaneously.

      • Spudalicious

        Yes.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Doesn’t matter, I laughed out loud in the office

  4. Old Man With Candy

    Goddammit, now I want cherry pie.

    • Count Potato

      “Ingredients: Sweetened Cherries (Cherries, Sugar), Enriched Flour (Bleached Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Palm Oil, Modified Food Starch, Sugar, Contains 2% or Less: Trisodium Citrate, Sodium Alginate, Dicalcium Phosphate, Dextrose, Salt, Sodium Bicarbonate, Locust Bean Gum, Hydroxylated Soy Lecithin, Caramel Color, Artificial Flavor, Food Starch, Red 40, L-Cysteine (Dough Conditioner), Citric Acid, Yeast Extract, Enzyme.”

      I’ll pass.

      • Mr Lizard

        Ah yes the song that killed the hair bands. How ironic

      • Bobarian LMD

        There is no way a 1 armed drummer could keep up with that beat.

      • Mr Lizard

        Woops my response belongs below

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I hate you for thinking of that before me.

      • Chipwooder

        That’s ok, I hate myself for remembering it in the first place.

        Chick was fine, though.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ratt was better. plus they had Milton Berle

      • Chipwooder

        Talk about random – guess Uncle Miltie had some bills to pay or something.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I seem to recall Miltie having some connection to the band?

      • Chafed

        I think he was their manager’s uncle.

      • Old Man With Candy

        That was remarkably awful.

  5. invisible finger

    I can’t decide if the cherry pies look like the hat or the hair.

    • RAHeinlein

      I initially thought hair, but now you made me go back and look I can’t tell. It’s like a cherry pie Rorschach test.

    • Hyperion

      You don’t want to eat either.

  6. commodious spittoon

    Do you have these collected somewhere, SF? And all the election coverage? Because I really want to share these with dad.

      • commodious spittoon

        You are a national treasure.

        Work filters that page, sadly.

        Category Blocked: Entertainment

        Hard to argue that.

      • Bobarian LMD

        So… your work considers scat porn to be entertainment?

      • Brett L

        I forgot how rough the HIllary slashfic was. Damn. Hat & Hair is like the YA version.

      • MikeS

        That sounds like a dare.

      • Brett L

        I’m trying to get through it all during this one meeting. I’m pretty sure I can feel my soul dissolving as I read. It’s awesome!

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I’ll take the physical challenge.

      • UnCivilServant

        Congradulations! You’ve drawn the dual mercury switch challenge! You get to carry this barbell plate across the tightrope without tilting it along either axis. If either switch gets tripped the rope will be cut and you’ll get dropped into the vat of acid.

        but hey, that’s still less scarring.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        – What is the acid?
        – How heavy is the plate?

      • UnCivilServant

        To be honest, it’s vinegar. Our insurance guys wouldn’t cover liability if we went with something dangerous. Just play it up if you fall in.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think maybe you blocked instead of forgot.

        *PTSD attack*

      • tarran

        It really needs to be turned into an epub and a mobi document. You could even sell it digitally on Amazon.

    • AlexinCT

      I am not clicking on that…

      • Chipwooder

        It’s YouTube, how bad can it be?

      • UnCivilServant

        If it’s Lefty, pretty bad.

        If it’s muslum, pretty bad.

        If it’s conservative, pretty tame (and could get banned even then).

  7. mexican sharpshooter

    “It’s never too much,” the hat snapped. “We are the reason they all have jobs. Without us, journalism would collapse and they would have to go back to sucking dick under a wharf to make ends meet.”

    Quoted for truthiness.

    • AlexinCT

      At least it isn’t scheisse porn…

      Yet.

  8. Gustave Lytton

    erotic incontinence

    Piss hookers confirmed!

  9. Don Escaped Texas

    High praise: this has a Catch-22 quality.

    This Trump reminds me of General Dreedle with hat and hair serving as id or superego like Dreedle son/aidedecamp. Also Carol reminds me of “what kind of a name is Yossarian!?” And this Trump also has that take-him-out-and-shoot-him quality.

    Harvard should give me a PhD for exploring this…..I’ll propose such a thesis.

    • Q Continuum

      “Harvard should give me a PhD for exploring this”

      Just make sure to include some buzzwords about intersectional, transgender, South Asian, feminist sex work and you’re a shoo-in.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Harvard should give you an StD for exploring this.

      /FTFY

    • Hyperion

      It stuck for yesterday and part of today. That’s almost a record. But tomorrow is coming and there’e no way retards have that long of an attention span.

      • commodious spittoon

        The Kavanaugh hearings are coming up. That’ll be a whole new chapter in autistic wailing.

      • Hyperion

        Oh man. Russians are going to hack our SCOTUS to appoint this deplorable!

    • Gustave Lytton

      My wife has been pointing this out for a while, and she thinks Trump is an embarrassment. She thinks if Trump was dirty in any way, it would have come out by now and that nothing has is a pretty clear vindication of him.

      • Chipwooder

        It’s a simple point, but an effective one – given how much the political establishment and the media loathe him, if there were something to bring him down it definitely would have come out by now.

      • Viking1865

        The NSA was spying on the campaign from, at the very least, May 2016 when he clinched the nomination onward. There’s no way in hell they didn’t have a solid 5 months of reading every email and listening to every cell phone call, at a minimum. If they had something, they would have used it in late October to push Herself over the top, and all they could come up with was GRAB EM BY THE PUSSY.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, but… he lost, she won, by 3 million votes! It still amused me every time some brain addled moron says that. They really believe that their ignorance of the way our system works, is going to change anything? It’s like if I my football team just lost and I said ‘But they won! They scored more times!, or they had more yards!’.

      • invisible finger

        Exactly. Nixon was brought down faster.

    • Spudalicious

      Nope. His poll numbers have gone down 1-2%.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Speaking of evidence, it’s pretty clear why anyone not a deep state POS shouldn’t trust the IC. Those shitheals have been violating the law & principles of this country for years with zero repercussions. The lampposts along the road to Ft Mead & Langley should be filled with the traitors that infest the IC.

    • Creosote Achilles

      Nope. The only people upset are Dems who are two years in to an eight year long temper tantrum about Her Vile Gashness loosing in 2016 and some actual Neo-Cons with war bones like McCain. And the more over the top they go with it (comparing it to 9/11, claiming its a matter of national security) the less impact it is going to have.

      I feel like I’ve entered the Mirror Universe. The Dems are upset about detente with a rival Russia with an aim to avoiding conflict when their “interference” in the election was at best incompetent, and certainly far less than other foreign entities like George Soros have done.

      • Creosote Achilles

        And are also singing the praises of the FBI and CIA as if they were God’s Own Intel Messengers. I forgot that part of it. I mean, the people that brought us investigating MLK, jr and the Bay of Pigs are now utterly trustworthy? Who couldn’t even find traitors in their midst who were sharing actual intel with the Russians? Who got WMD in Iraq wrong?

        Cracker, please. It’s all TDS.

      • Hyperion

        Just look at some of the left’s heroes over the last year. James Comey, Meuller, John McCain, Olympia Snowe, some washed up ho, I mean pretty much anyone who says something mean about Trump is their newest idol. Stupid, foolish people.

      • Chipwooder

        Instapundit had a line today about how Trump is truly amazing: he has gotten Democrats to turn into McCarthyite Russophobes AND to sue to prevent tax hikes.

      • Hyperion

        The tax hikes thing is truly derp worthy. I thought that Democrats said that higher earners should be taxed more? So that’s basically what is happening here, and now they’re mad? No way they’re hypocrites, right?

      • Viking1865

        Yeah funny how quick the RAISE MY TAXES crowd went away when they couldn’t deduct state taxes from their federal taxes. Almost like the whole thing was a bullshit talking point

      • AlexinCT

        The tax hikes thing is truly derp worthy. I thought that Democrats said that higher earners should be taxed more?

        The problem is that they say one thing but more often than not do exactly the opposite. There was a time that team blue could accuse the team blue of being the party of the rich, but that changed some 30 years ago. Slowly team red became the [arty of the millionaires, while team blue became the party of the multi-millionaires and billionaires. People have just not caught on yet.

      • Viking1865

        I really do think the dividing line is much more about WHERE your money comes and WHERE you live from than HOW much your income is.

        A plumber in rural Ohio who makes 75,000 a year is a comfortable middle class family man. He votes Republican because hes the guy that’s paying for the boondoggles and who has to make new regulatory compliance every time the Democrats decide to soak the rich some more.

        A teacher who makes 75,000 in Los Angeles isn’t able to live the lifestyle she wants, because shes got a bachelors and a masters in loans, and taxes are high in CA, and TEACHERS DESERVE MORE. So she votes Democrat.

        A CEO of a midsized corporation making 175,000 votes Republican for the same reason the plumber does, and the president of a public university making 175,000 votes Democrat for the same reason the teacher does.

        It’s why Trump never had a chance of winning VA and neither does Stewart have much of a chance of beating Kaine. There’s too many rich people in Northern Virginia who are rich precisely because they are courtiers, not captains of industry. Yeah they may drive BMWs and wear designer suits…..but those are paid for by Uncle Sugar, and no one votes to cut their own gravy train.

      • Creosote Achilles

        More succinct than my long-winded ass. Instapundit is a national treasure

    • Brett L

      Its a brave litigator who describes himself as “a truth-teller”. Or you know, a run-of-the-mill liar.

    • MikeS

      Actress and political activist Alyssa Milano joined the protest and urged protesters to call on their senators to block Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh from being confirmed.

      “Each one of you have your own platforms, whether it be the office water cooler or your dinner table. You need to go home, you need to spread the word, everybody needs to do one thing every day,” she said. “Go in, call your representatives and try to block this man from being appointed on the Supreme Court. It will affect every single aspect of our lives and it will potentially protect Donald Trump from being prosecuted for his criminalized administration. So we have to stand tough on this.”

      *sigh*

      • commodious spittoon

        Dumb leading the dumb.

      • Hyperion

        So when’s the last time that woman starred in anything? Had a role in anything? I wouldn’t even know, but asking because, well it’s probably perfectly clear why I’m asking. Recent ho activity in evidence.

        Anyway, I also wonder what she knows about Matt Kavanaugh? Has she read about any of his work or any of his decisions? Does she even know what his opinions are on any possible future cases? I most seriously doubt it. I bet if she were put on the spot she would say something almost identical to ‘He’s going to overturn women’s rights and set this country back 100 years!’. Ok, no way she could say anything that articulate, but you get the idea.

      • Chipwooder

        Charmed, I’m guessing? Which was at least a decade ago.

      • AlexinCT

        I thought her last show was when she showed up to a anti-gun rally with armed guards and made an ass out of herself? Speaking of gun control, this is what it looks like.

      • MikeS

        Looks like some show called Mistresses on ABC (although it appears she only was in half of the show’s episodes). And it appears she lands fairly regular bit roles in various shows, via her IMDB page

        Until I looked I was with Chipwooder; Charmed would have been the best guess I could have made.

      • Viking1865

        ” ‘He’s going to overturn women’s rights and set this country back 100 years!’”

        Per The Most Qualified Woman Ever, it’s actually going back nearly 170 years. The Republicans are planning to go back to the 1850s now. Maybe next week the Republicans will want to turn back the clock even farther, to before there was a Republican Party.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Wait, Matt Kavanaugh got nominated?

      • Hyperion

        We’re still waiting on the Russians bots to confirm this.

      • one true athena

        She doesn’t need to — she’s married to a CAA bigwig. There was a brief glorious moment when Rose McGowan slapped her down because of her husband’s connections to Weinstein, but she’s mostly just an ignorant rich Hollywood lefty with too much time on her hands.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Tony Danza did a terrible job on her.

      • Creosote Achilles

        Well, he did have to spent lots of time holding Elton John Closer.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s so sad when the silicone implants are smarter than the host.

    • mikey

      I read that as “Someone is low on WOKE.”

  10. UnCivilServant

    I’m sitting here, fretting over the estimate of how long a book is going to get when I have all of two thousand words of it down. It has the potential to run long, but I have no way of knowing if the story will flow that way. (or if I’ll get sick of the setup before it gets there and want to find a way to shorten it).

    • Brett L

      You should do like Neal Stephenson, write a doorstop’s worth of exposition, get bored with it, wrap it up with a bunch of bullshit.

      • Hyperion

        Now that books have come up, I need to thank whoever recommended The Forge of God to me. Reading it right now, keeping my attention so far.

      • commodious spittoon

        You mentioned Vernor Vinge last week. Which of his would you recommend I start with? I’ma hit up some used bookstores this week.

      • Hyperion

        A Fire Upon the Deep. I think it’s a 3 set series with A Deepness in the Sky being the 2nd one, which I just realized recently that I haven’t read yet, so it’s on my list. But a Fire Upon the Deep, for me, outstanding writing.

      • commodious spittoon

        Thanks! I’ll keep an eye out for them.

      • robc

        The theme of Deepness is literally, “Fuck off, slavers”. You should read it. I still need to read the 3rd.

        Technically Deepness is a prequel to Fire, but they can be read in either order. There is a funny bit at the end of Deepness that is only funny if you have read Fire, but otherwise they are totally unrelated.

        Also, I love Fire.

        And Forge of God. Avoid Anvil of Stars, which is the sequel to Forge, it blows.

      • robc

        A Fire Upon the Deep may have my favorite alien life form. The tines are awesome.

      • Brett L

        Don’t. Just don’t read the 3rd. Its full of disappointment.

      • robc

        Rainbows End won the Hugo, but I thought it was “meh”.

      • UnCivilServant

        Before or during the reign of Social Justice at the Hugos?

      • Brett L

        Well before the Puppy fight. In 2010 the Hugos were normal, by 2015 they were a fucking disaster. And I blame the then President of the SFWA John Scalzi for letting it happen.

      • Hyperion

        “Rainbows End won the Hugo, but I thought it was “meh”

        This is why I never read reviews by critics, any so called professional reviewers of any kind, and totally ignore best selling lists and rewards. I do 2 things, read reviews on Amazon and if something gets my attention, I try to get a sample read on Kindle. That’s what I did a few nights ago with The Forge of God. I read the sampler, then immediately clicked to buy.

      • Hyperion

        “rewards” Awards. I’m on a roll today and haven’t even had a beer yet.

      • Timeloose

        That was me. Greg Bear is a great hard sci fi writer. The sequel was even better in some ways. The city of Angles and Eon by him were significant contributions to my love of Sci Fi.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, I’ll check those out also after I knock this one off.

      • robc

        See my comment above, I can’t stand Anvil of Stars.

        I have read most of Bear but have never read City of Angels. And I cant get past the first 50 pages or so of Slant.

        Blood Music, Eon, Forge are excellent. I also really like Moving Mars.

      • robc

        Eon is probably horribly dated at this point, right?

        Soviet vs US novels just don’t hold up well. And I guess the 1996 Atlanta-Kiev exchange never happened (Russia nuked Atlanta, we nuke Kiev in response, detente took hold before it could escalate).

      • Viking1865

        “Soviet vs US novels just don’t hold up well.”

        *Drops collection of Tom Clancy novels on robcs head*

      • Timeloose

        There is the possibility of parallel universe alt history case to be made. i won’t clarify due to spoilers.

      • UnCivilServant

        The framing device for the novel actually allows for a lot of different stories to be told.

        Basically, back in Shadowboy the Army upstaged ATOM in the ‘fighting space aliens’ game, and ATOM desperately wants a win before they get deemed irrelevent. So they launch an expedition to go out and attempt to recover as many of the people who had previously been sold into offworld slavery as possible, to prove that they are relevent and should still be funded. Unfortuantely, as the narrator puts it

        “ATOM didn’t exactly attract the best people. Most of its volunteers were geeks and xenophiles. The wash-out rate for failing to meet physical standards was downright embarassing. They tended either too fat or too skinny, and all were too weak.”

        And they had to put together an interstellar expedition with very little lead time using scrounded parts. So the Liberator is a kludge of a ship using a mix of human and alien parts, has psychokinetic worms for a propulsion system, and a crew the regular military would regard as dregs at best going from system to system looking to free people.

  11. Brett L

    I’m confused, does Pie get to eat any of those pies or does she still reject hand-feeding?

    • SugarFree

      You can feed her by hand, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

      • Hyperion

        Certainly not, she looks angry!

      • MikeS

        Hangry, no doubt.

      • Hyperion

        Maybe the Donald keeps eating all her pie *euphemism disclaimer*

      • MikeS

        I think a *vomit-inducing disclaimer* would have been appropriate, as well.

      • Chipwooder

        Likely to lose fingers, yeah.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I assumed she had regularly scheduled feeding times like all Trump employees.

      • Hyperion

        If she’s been obedient enough all day, she gets to get on all four and bark like a dog while Donald throws McNuggets she can try to catch in her mouth.

  12. Brochettaward

    It would take a Unibomber style manifesto to lay out the entire list of ways Trump’s…critics…on Russia are completely fucking full of shit/hypocrites. There have been some good brief summaries put out on right wing media, but it’s only ever partial. From the fact that Clinton Inc. had very close ties to the Kremlin and took vast sums of Russian money (not to mention the Podestas who did the same exact god damn thing Manafort is accused of – only while their girl Hillary was Secretary of fucking State) while pushing for a ‘reset’ in relations right after Putin had invaded Georgia to their mockery of Romney/the GOP in 2012 to the shit that went down during and after the election. To America’s own willingness to interfere in elections worldwide (even those of allies) to their absolutely insulting talk about democracy being compromised because Russians allegedly posted information that they didn’t like/released real, actual emails.

    I mean, the people who scoffed at the notion that Hillary compromised national security with her unsecure email server are the same ones who consider the DNC’s emails being hacked a direct threat/attack on our democracy.

    They talk as if offering to let Trump build a hotel in Moscow (something that they just pulled out of their asses, anyway) is an obvious conflict of interest, but Clinton Inc. taking tens of millions of dollars from Ukrainians with direct ties to the Kremlin and Bill taking hundreds of thousands for a 20 minute speech isn’t. This while she was Secretary of State.

    DC needs to be burned to the fucking ground. Swamp doesn’t go far enough in describing just how god damn awful and devoid of any value that place is.

    • grrizzly

      There have been some good brief summaries put out on right wing media, but it’s only ever partial.

      This is the biggest political scandal in the US history. It is not over yet. It’s too early for a complete account.

      • creech

        Maybe Brian Dougherty can write “Dare Call it Treason?” If the account is written by a Coulter or an O’Reilly, it will be dismissed out of hand.

    • Hyperion

      Nice, she has 3 nicknames now. Che Guevara, Pot Twat, and Karla Marx. Excellent. The occupy airports thing is derptastic. I’d like to see them try it though. My wife works in security at an airport. They don’t have time for any non-sense and neither are they going to put up with it. And if they try getting violent, well, let’s just say they’d better stick to the streets in Berkeley or their safe space on campus.

      • Hyperion

        ‘She Guevara’

      • UnCivilServant

        Two of those aren’t even on the list, and you left off Commie Barbie.

      • kinnath

        Commie Barbie is still in the running.

      • Q Continuum

        Pot Twat was a latecomer to the race, but I think I like it the best.

      • Q Continuum

        “My wife works in security at an airport. They don’t have time for any non-sense and neither are they going to put up with it.”

        There’s a reason why you avoid doing anything stupid at the airport in GTA; one false move and the alert instantly goes to 5 stars.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I have thought of the one small good thing that’s come out of the TSAing of our airports- it has chased off the Hare Krishnas and Moonies.

        “Hello, today is Gentleman’s Day!” /pins flower

      • Chipwooder

        “Scientologyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”

      • Brett L

        I was thinking about that last time I was in an airport, how people even 10 years younger than me probably don’t remember being panhandled and harassed at airports just like it was a bus station.

      • Trolleric the Goth

        I still think Pol Thot is the best one

      • R C Dean

        There’s also Titler, and one other I can’t recall.

    • Hyperion

      Hah, the Limey’s expecting the big one, are they? I mean after a 2.7, what’s the BIG ONE going to be, a mighty 3.0? Someone may be able to actually feel that!

      • Gadianton

        LOL I grew up in the L.A. area. I don’t even wake up for less than a 4.

  13. Brochettaward

    Tesla was taking $1,000 deposits for its new electric car, the Model 3, priced starting at $35,000. And Reynolds had to have one. He managed to land near the top of the waiting list.

    Flash forward more than two years, through much-publicized production delays. Reynolds is still waiting.

    And now, like others in the U.S. on a waiting list of about 420,000 worldwide, he worries that the looming phaseout of a $7,500 federal tax credit will put the cost of the car out of his reach.

    “The tax credit was going to be huge,” says Reynolds, 45, who works in digital advertising, lives in Laguna Hills, California, and drives a 9-year-old Audi A3 compact car.

    The bottom is finally coming out.

  14. AlexinCT

    Oh joy. Idiots demand single-payer proggie healthcare, then discover that shit is gonna be hella expensive! Why must all that free shit proggies want always cost so much?

    • UnCivilServant

      Proposed by a man named ‘Jealous’?

      Is this parody?

      • UnCivilServant

        Worse, he’s Ben Jealous. for some time, evidently.

      • Hyperion

        +1 commie with appropriate name

      • Naptown Bill

        There’s also a local judge running for re-election by the name of Crooks. Can’t make this shit up.

      • commodious spittoon

        Benvious.

      • Hyperion

        “The analysis, drafted by the state’s Department of Legislative Services and released to The Baltimore Sun, said Maryland would have to levy a 10 percent payroll tax against every business and charge a $2,800 fee for every man, woman and child to pay for a new health care system in which doctors bill the state instead of private insurance companies.

        The fee would replace payments residents now make toward health care costs, meaning Marylanders who pay more than $2,800 annually could save money under a single-payer model, according to the analysis.”

        No, no, no no no, just no. And hell no. The figures here are not even close. Double those numbers, and then we’ll see. If this guy gets elected, I’m the fuck out of here. In fact, I’m out of here whether he gets elected or not.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Y = C + I +……

        If something is 16% of income, then it’s gotta be 16% of spending. In the tradition of free shit for some paid fpr by others, it’s gonna cost folks with jobs a metric Fuckton more than that 16% to carry everyone else.

      • robc

        The fee would replace payments residents now make toward health care costs, meaning Marylanders who pay more than $2,800 annually could save money under a single-payer model, according to the analysis.”

        You know, except for the 10% additional payroll tax on the employer, which in no way whatsoever would effect your earnings or hours or future raises.

      • R C Dean

        a $2,800 fee for every man, woman and child

        Marylanders who pay more than $2,800 annually could save money under a single-payer mode

        Of course, you are going to have to be a single adult who pays more than $2,800 a year for this to work. If you have a family, that’s $2,800 per family member.

        And it won’t be $2,800, because the po’ can’t pay that. So it will be more than $2,800, probably a lot more, per person who can afford it, and multiplied again by the number of family members. And it will be progressived again, so that the bill at the top level of income earners is going to be even higher.

      • tarran

        Will there be algorithms to ensure maximum utilization of expensive capital equipment and to avoid expensive wasted capacity? Will there be rationing by queue?

      • UnCivilServant

        They’ll use modified VA queueing – not writing down the names of people on lists so that they can brag of how little time people are on waiting lists.

    • Hyperion

      That stuff is hilarious. I remember a few months ago, someone was doing interviews on campus and finding that most students supported single payer. When asked what they were willing to pay, they were like ‘Well, I mean it’s free, right, but I’d pay $100 a month’. Yes, that is how far detached from reality they are.

      • AlexinCT

        One of the most evil lies told was that single-payer meant free and quality healthcare. It means exactly the opposite.

    • commodious spittoon

      Not to worry, applicants will pay for it with their UBI. And in order to pay for the UBI, they’ll attract more companies to Baltimore with tax incentives. And to pay for the tax incentives, they’ll rage wages for municipal employees, thereby expanding the tax base. And to pay for that, they’ll simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes

    • Brochettaward

      The fee would replace payments residents now make toward health care costs, meaning Marylanders who pay more than $2,800 annually could save money under a single-payer model, according to the analysis.

      Of course, if you are paying $2,800 out of pocket for healthcare, chances are you are going to be in the tax brackets that are paying for the scheme. The people already getting handouts/not paying anything will be the ones benefiting. And odds are that even if you don’t love your current insurance to death, you’d be far happier with it than the government coverage you’d be forced to get. People tend to like their private insurance – especially before Obama fucked it all up.

      • Hyperion

        The funny part is that they are somehow pretending here that they wouldn’t have to raise income taxes on individuals significantly. Even Cali admitted that. And if I remember correctly, they were going to slap a 30% income tax on TOP OF what they already have, so close to 40%. That’s more in line with reality. So, this Jealous guy, he’s full of shit with those numbers. Those numbers are just the bait, vote for me, then after my election, you get the switch, good and hard. And why bother with this guy, we can just elect Bernie in 2020 and then everyone gets free healthcare that’s really free. Why do you think Bernie doesn’t even bother to talk numbers? Because it’s free, duh!

      • UnCivilServant

        Bernie doesn’t talk numbers because he only knows one number – “One Percent!”

      • Hyperion

        He should know that one, he’s one of them.

      • Hyperion

        Well, and of course, by 1%, what they actually mean is all those filthy rich making over 40,000 a year, IOW, all the people we can actually tax. Because to get your free pony, everyone that can be taxed, must be taxed and taxed good and hard. Bernie knows this, so do they all. But you gotta let the true bleevers keep beleevin.

      • AlexinCT

        I thought you were gonna say three…

        Like in three brands of deodorants, or the three houses him and his crooked ass wife own…

    • commodious spittoon

      The fee would replace payments residents now make toward health care costs, meaning Marylanders who pay more than $2,800 annually could save money under a single-payer model, according to the analysis.

      I’m thinking of a term, it starts with d and ends with eath spiral.

      The Jealous campaign — which has pledged to create a universal health care system without waiting for the the federal government to take the lead

      That, at least, is an admirable quality: rather than bankrupting the system nationally, he proposes to make a harrowing example of Maryland in particular. Good on him, would that California had followed suit.

      • UnCivilServant

        What does the Derleath Spiral have to do with… that’s not what you meant, was it?

      • Brochettaward

        State Dems will never pass this stuff. They can’t even rubber stamp it in California.

        “Ben Jealous and I agree on a vast majority of progressive ideas to move Maryland forward, but a state-based single-payer health plan is not one of them,” she said. “While it is a worthwhile discussion at the federal level, it is too expensive and unworkable for a state to take on individually — especially for Maryland, given our unique situation with the long-standing federal Medicare waiver that establishes an all-payer system for our hospitals.”

        Damn it, Jealous! We can’t print our own money like the Feds to pay for this shit!

      • Naptown Bill

        I’m hopeful that Hogan will get re-elected. The only reason people are talking about Ben Jealous are because of his skin tone and his relationship with the NAACP. He’s not even from Maryland, he’s from California; Hogan’s a native, and that does count around here. Also, Hogan gets love from all but the most rabid watermelon-type environmentalists because he signed a law banning fracking and generally says nice things about the environment. Hogan’s really popular, even among Democrats, and I don’t think Jealous can pull enough votes away from him to win.

    • Chipwooder

      They’re still flogging this bullshit, too – “we’re bending the cost curve!!1!”

      In other words, what we’re spending now on private health insurance may not be so far off from $24 billion, and the efficiencies and bargaining power of a single-payer system might narrow — if not eliminate or exceed — the gap.

      • R C Dean

        Replace “single-payer system” with “monopoly” and see if you still believe that. Because a single payer is a monopoly.

    • mindyourbusiness

      Because these clowns refuse to understand what TANSTAAFL means.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s not but I’m confused as to why the author pads out the article during the second half instead of discussing something relevent.

    • Brett L

      The same way porn isn’t?

      • Q Continuum

        I had a great idea once (not a jump to conclusions mat).

        Since porn =/= prostitution since the actors are being paid by a production company for a “performance” rather than quid pro quo for sex, what would stop someone from setting up a porn brothel in a place where prostitution is, de jure, illegal? Here’s the set up. Johns come in and sign a release to make a “porn” in which all the sex is filmed. The man pays a “production fee” at the front desk, then chooses a girl and does his thing. The girl is paid by the “production company” and the John leaves with the single copy of his sexual encounter to do with as he pleases. I’m sure the authorities would find some way to shut it down through the FYTW clause, but I can’t see how it’s technically illegal.

        Or just legalize prostitution.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re leaving your profit options narrow. As part of the terms, keep the distribution rights to the works and if any are actually worthwhile, sell them. All the one that don’t get distributed you write off as “Bad takes during filming” when challenged.

      • Q Continuum

        Congratulations, you’ve been selected as COO. One of your duties is test driving every new “actress”.

      • AlexinCT

        That’s what Harvey Weinstein used to say to himself…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Clicking thru to her website, she sounds like she’s made for the glibs?

      http://beopenandhonest.com/services/

      My interests include

      Cock worship
      Medical roleplay (urethral sounding, examinations) (OMG NO)
      Mommy/incest roleplay
      Male chastity ritual
      Religious roleplay
      Teacher/student roleplay
      Office boss roleplay
      Erotic humiliation
      Sensual domination
      Pegging
      Prostate play
      CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
      SPH (small penis humiliation)
      Disabilities
      Golden showers / piss play
      Spanking bench / whips chains crosses / bondage / sensation
      Shadow work / profane sex / dark side exploration
      Sissification / feminization / transgender self-actualization
      Lingerie dress up

      • Q Continuum

        Best “therapy” ever!

      • Brett L

        Is it me or do the first and last not really fit with the rest of that list? I mean, I’m not really sure I’m up on all the sub-fetish terminology there. Also, I’m assuming transgender self-actualization is where she lets him bring his dress and lingere? People are weird. But I also don’t give a shit.

      • Creosote Achilles

        Can’t click cause I’m at work, but I presume that she is a switch and basically saying she’s down for playing both sides of the coin

      • Q Continuum

        The “disabilities” is also puzzling to me. Like she’ll role play having a disability or she’ll fuck people with disabilities? Or fuck people with disabilities while role-playing having a disability? Or let her mentally retarded cousin watch while shoves a dildo up your ass and then sounds your urethra?

      • SugarFree

        I think it means that she treats the john as their professed gender in order to help lead them to feeling acceptance as that. Passing play, in essence.

      • SugarFree

        Also, this seems like something it would be pretty easy to get for free: SPH (small penis humiliation)

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        People have the strangest turn-ons.

      • AlexinCT

        Tell me about it…

        Been told I am too vanilla because all i could think of doing when dared was to woodpecker her.

    • UnCivilServant

      a new peer-reviewed study suggest that college masculinity programs may be “damaging” to the romantic prospects of male students.

      In other words – “Mission Accomplished”

      /Director of Diversity Training Development and Dissemination to Non-Disadvantaged Demographic Students

      • Don Escaped Texas

        That’s excellent. For the complete win, Can you come up with a department whose acronym is DCKLSS ?

      • UnCivilServant

        Department of Counter-Kakistocratic Learning for Select Students

    • Don Escaped Texas

      Chicks dig big guys doing big guy stuff….or at least a third of them love love it….for the past 300k years or so that I know of.

      Otherwise I’d be 5’6″ …..same as the average gal.

      First wife wanted big guy to give her a big baby…..she got it. Normal as rs2in.

      • Q Continuum

        I hate it when sitting down in the stall it hangs down into the water.

      • AlexinCT

        I have that problem when peeing off bridges….

    • commodious spittoon

      Good thing I’m gallant af. I always offer to hold the door or pull her chair out so I can stare at that caboose.

    • Naptown Bill

      I don’t know if it’s an age thing or a generational thing or what, but I notice strong backlash against the betafication of men among women in their mid-30s on up. Allegorically, it seems like women in that range dig on muscular, masculine guys. Some pajamaboy walks past and they don’t even notice, but a guy with a fitted shirt who has lifted a weight in his life may as well be a lone gazelle limping past a pride of hungry lions. Or, to quote Trick Daddy, “She want a thug.”

      • Q Continuum

        Note to Women’s Studies Departments: you can’t wish away evolution.

      • AlexinCT

        That’s all women studies is about: wishing away evolution.

      • Hyperion

        I remember a few years ago, I was on a college campus and I stopped in a cafe that students frequent to grab a quick take out for lunch. It was around noon and the place was pretty crowded. I remember a lot of effeminate looking young men, some standing around looking meek and just generally staring at the floor. The one masculine looking guy I saw was surrounded by females. Poor soy boys. I remember thinking that I wish it was like that when I was in school, I would have been like a little kid in a candy shop with all the available poon. Back then though, there was stiff competition. Oh to be a young man today among these beta boys… drifts off day dreaming…

      • Hyperion

        “there was stiff competition”

        (no pun intended)

      • commodious spittoon

        (no pun intended)

        Then you are truly lost.

      • R C Dean

        Pedantic quibble:

        Those meek, feminized men aren’t “betas”. They are “gammas” or “omegas”. Betas are the layer just below the alpha, and they are jockeying for position. This is the group that is aggressive, that fights, that challenges the alpha, that leaves the pack to found their own. Gammas and omegas are the ones that are submissive for life, never breed, and generally get the scraps.

    • robc

      The cops helped instead of shooting the guy with the knife.

      • MikeS

        And the dog escaped unscathed and with a new toy.

        *wipes away single masculine tear*

    • Q Continuum

      “An Alabama man walked almost 20 miles for a blow job. When his boss found out, he gave him one.”

      Better headline.

    • Brochettaward

      I can’t imagine the lack of shame it would take to be the editor of Buzzfeed and to attack the journalistic standards of, well, anyone.

      • Hyperion

        I can’t even imagine the lack of shame it would take just to be an editor at Buzzfeed.

    • MikeS

      Mr. Smith’s assessment of the Daily Caller’s journalistic standards was echoed by Lydia Polgreen, the editor in chief of HuffPost.

      I wonder if Lydia knows the definition of irony?

    • Hyperion

      From another article on that site.

      “Four Democrat-controlled states, upset that President Trump’s tax reform plan will expose how ridiculously high their state and local taxes are, are attempting to persuade a federal court to declare Trump’s tax plan unconstitutional.”

      Hmm, I guess I was wrong when I said that Democrats never see a tax they don’t like. And to cap off the hilarity of it, it’s a tax on the wealthy! You can’t make this shit up.

      • Q Continuum

        So Trump has gotten Dems to advocate for war with Russia and sue to raise taxes on the middle and lower-middle class. Maybe he does have magical powers…

      • Hyperion

        Even better, he’s gotten them to go completely insane and show it in public for everyone to see.

  15. Brochettaward

    “It is totally repugnant and hypocritical of the fundamental conservative ideology which they preach — the limited federal government, respect state rights,” said the governor, a second-term Democrat seeking re-election in the fall. “This tramples on their own theory. And it is politically motivated.”

    The legal argument leans on interpretations of the 10th amendment — states’ rights — and the 16th, which established federal powers of income taxation, arguing that the new law effectively overturns longstanding precedent that “the federal government’s income tax power was and would remain subject to federalism constraints,” according to the suit.

    It also argues that the limits on the deduction, and the potential economic damage as a result of its implementation, “deliberately seeks to compel certain states to reduce their public spending.”

    Today has been a good news day.

    What they are arguing for here is for a few states to be able to tell the feds what federal tax policy should be. It’s a bold move.

    • Q Continuum

      *retrieves popcorn from cupboard*

      If this actually succeeds, could it then open the door for states to sue for complete exemption from the income tax?

    • Gustave Lytton

      States have powers, not rights.

    • Q Continuum

      Also, comments conspicuously absent from that article. Could it be that the NYT knows even its own fart-sniffing, ultra-elite prog readership can see that Dem governors suing to raise taxes on the middle class looks absolutely terrible from an electoral standpoint?

    • Viking1865

      They are trying to argue that the 10thA, ratified in 1791, and the 16th A, ratified in 1913, protect the state income tax deduction which was created by Congress in 1964?

      That’s genuinely hilarious.

      • robc

        The original 1913 Income Tax form included a deduction for local taxes, so the 16A argument isn’t entirely out of left field.

        Of course, that form also included a deduction for ALL interest paid – not just mortgage interest. I am sure Visa would love to get a precedent set so that they can sue to get that deduction included. Can you imagine the Visa advertising? Run a balance, don’t worry, the interest is tax deductible!!!

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t see the Nazgul ruling for the states in this case.

      • robc

        I don’t either, I could see a 9-0 decision, in fact. Actually, I don’t see it get to SCOTUS.

      • UnCivilServant

        I do not have that much respect for the judicial merits of the 2nd Circuit. While not quite the 9th, they’re not exactly originalists…

    • Hyperion

      “The fight over the deduction also became a potent political talking point last fall for Mr. Cuomo, who called its supporters traitors and has continued to use it as a reason to vote Republicans out of office in November.”

      It only affects a few wealthier voters in highly taxed states, which already are deep, deep blue. While the actual cuts affect a very large amount of American tax payers in the middle class range. I don’t see how this idea pans out for Cuomo and this merry band of robbers, or how it’s a winner in any way for Democrats. But whatever.

      • robc

        Democrats arguing against taxing the rich.

      • Hyperion

        The sky is falling.

    • invisible finger

      There’s a difference between respecting the state’s right to tax – which isn’t being restricted at all – and encouraging it.

      In other words, if you like taxing the shit out of your residents, you can keep taxing the shit out of your residents. If your residents have other ideas, take it up with them.

      I can find nowhere in the documents where states have the superior right to a resident’s income and the fed’s taxation is only secondary. For example, if California taxes its residents at 50% of income, and Los Angeles County taxes its residents at 50% of income, it doesn’t follow legally that the Fed can only tax the remaining percentage (zero) – a resident of Los Angeles county with no property would HAVE to short-change one of the taxing bodies. The first one to get short-changed would be the first to take the case to court – ultimately the state and lower courts would have to gamble that the US Supreme Court would either not take the case or not rule in the Fed’s favor.

    • R C Dean

      He’s not impinging on any state rights or powers. They can set their taxes however they want.

      Of course the lawsuit gets slapped down. Dunno if the 2nd Circuit is up to the job, but I can’t see SCOTUS going along with this.

    • Ted S.

      And when the lawsuit fails Cuomo is going to sue again, just like he’s going to sue when the Supremes overturn Roe v. Wade.

  16. Gilmore

    Brendan O’Neill, generally right as always

    Meanwhile, Nick Gillespie interviews Bill Weld, and Will Wilkenson adds new dimensions to his retardation.

    • Brochettaward

      I have nothing to add to that besides Ash Sarkar – would.

      Well, I mean, at least based on like a third of the pictures of her. The other 2/3’s she has a masculine face and even just the few tweets that showed up with a quick search are off putting even for me.

      • Q Continuum

        I used to think South Asian girls can either be heart-breakingly beautiful or shapeless masses with lousy skin. Ask Sarkar seems to be the exception to that rule in that she’s just “meh” to me.

      • Gilmore

        “”Ash Sarkar – would.””

        Only if you scream “CAPITALISM ALWAYS WINS” when nutting in her eye

      • SugarFree

        Or, at the very least, make her pay you to fuck her.

      • SugarFree

        Gilmore should only do what Gilmore feels comfortable doing. His ass, his choice.

      • A Fuggin White Male

        “Would you care to seize my means of reproduction?”

      • R C Dean

        Oh, I like that.

      • A Fuggin White Male

        Or as our president so aptly put it “Grab them by the pussy”

    • Raven Nation

      Hah! “A spectre is haunting Europe. The spectre of a fashion mag for children.”

  17. UnCivilServant

    Weird question – in a zero gravity environment, what factors would determine the amount of time elemental mercury would remain in colloidal suspension within another fluid?

    • Brett L

      I’m going through the factors in my head, and the only thing I can think of that would matter less would be density. Do you have an example of a colloidal solution of elemental mercury on earth? Maybe one of Robert Hooke’s tonics?

    • AlexinCT

      What other fluid? and at what temp?

      • Creosote Achilles

        That’s a dangerous question on a Hat and Hair post.

      • AlexinCT

        Precisely why it needs to be asked sir!

    • mexican sharpshooter

      What’s the other fluid?

    • UnCivilServant

      The other fluid is a fictional material ‘Red Primordium’ which is unstable when not buffered by collods of mercury. That’s why I was asking about factors that might come into play.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Mercury is a metal. Consider other metals and how they interact with certain fluids. It will react more readily in a fluid that has an ionic charge, like water, as opposed to one that has no charge like motor oil.

        As far as temperature and pressure are concerned: higher temperature means more energy, therefore it will be more reactive. Higher pressures typically mean higher temperatures, though I assume zero-g means this is in space so I assume this is in close to atmospheric conditions–or not at all.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m trying to decide what state a device’s power supply is in after drifting through space for decades. (a malfunction meant the whole stage didn’t activate)

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Mercury has a freezing point of -38.8C . Unless is somehow gets colder than that, its a liquid.

        It can however, oxidize and in that state it appears to be a solid, but per the link will revert to elemental form at 400 C

      • R C Dean

        And its being smuggled in breast implants, right?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Why not?

      • UnCivilServant

        Because it’s the fuel for a soviet-era space probe that got lost.

    • Not Adahn

      Zeta potential

  18. RAHeinlein

    Good opinion piece regarding out-of-control judiciary. I do think there is a difference between judges blocking a new law or executive order versus historically tested policies.

    The issue here is not the wisdom or silliness of a given federal policy. The bigger concerns are the scope of lower-court judges’ authority and the integrity of the judicial process. Under the Constitution, lower courts are empowered to decide cases for particular parties, not for the whole nation. In his concurrence last month in Trump v. Hawaii, the Supreme Court ruling that upheld the administration’s travel ban, Justice Clarence Thomas expresses skepticism that district courts have the authority to issue national injunctions and urges his colleagues to address this judicial adventurism sooner rather than later.

    “These injunctions are beginning to take a toll on the federal court system—preventing legal questions from percolating through the federal courts, encouraging forum shopping and making every case a national emergency for the courts and for the Executive Branch,” Justice Thomas writes. “If their popularity continues, this Court must address their legality.” The same concern is echoed by a growing number of legal scholars, who worry that the national-injunction trend will result in the Supreme Court reviewing hastily considered lower court rulings that never had the chance to work their way up the system.

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/when-district-judges-try-to-run-the-country-1531868155?mod=hp_opin_pos2

    • Q Continuum

      When this all started happening, my slippery slope mind immediately went to:

      “So I guess this means we’ll have powerful, national lobbying groups filing lawsuits in bumfuck jurisdictions because they know the local magistrate will render the ruling they want and apply it nationwide.”

      If that’s the way it’s going to be, the Federal court system would collapse from being overwhelmed and we’d end up with an impenetrable morass of contradictory rulings. Maybe that would actually be a good thing.

    • one true athena

      It should be a law/rule that any action seeking an injunction against the Federal gov’t applicable to the country as a whole (and maybe something about touching national concerns, or whatever the wording would have to be to tailor it more narrowly), must go through the DC Circuit, period, Because Thomas is right — this forum shopping garbage of getting one district court judge to issue an injunction against ICE or whatever, is ridiculous and unsustainable. Immigration law is for Congress, not some random judge somewhere to decide.

    • R C Dean

      The jurisdiction of the federal courts is subject to Congress. We don’t need SCOTUS to eventually get around to setting a vague and partial standard. Congress can just pass a law saying that no court may issue an injunction against the federal government as a whole except SCOTUS and the DC Circuit, and maybe setting up an expedited appeal process to get cases to the DC Circuit.

  19. AlexinCT

    HAH! Shit, do grunts not know you boink them but don’t marry them?

    • Brett L

      From all available evidence, it looks like a good portion of enlisted of all services go to the shittiest truckstop/strip club they can find, pick the girl with the biggest ass and the worst attitude, and marry her immediately.

      • R C Dean

        I would have thought that was more of a Marine thing, but if the other services are catching up to the Marines, well, its about damn time.

      • AlexinCT

        I have plenty of stripper stories, but I don’t recall ever saying to myself “I should marry this one”. I can’t think of any amount of alcohol and fun romping that would have made me go there.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Think this through. Surrounding most bases are titty clubs, liquor stores and used car lots.
      A lot of kids going through basic and onto their first assignment are on their own for the first time of their 18 year existence.

      Stripper smiles and bam! In love!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Sorry, I jut click on dru do nex page

  20. Pan Zagloba

    The more degenerate and evil The Hat becomes, the more I love it! Should I be worrying?

  21. Brochettaward

    Party of science.

    The origin of the movement to ban plastic straws may come as a surprise: It began with a 9-year-old boy named Milo Cress and his 2011 campaign, “Be Straw Free,” which launched to raise awareness about plastic waste.

    His big finding? Americans use more than 500 million drinking straws daily, enough to fill 125 school buses. That figure has become highly touted since, referenced in straw ban coverage from The New York Times and National Geographic to reports from the National Park Service (and USA TODAY).

    • AlexinCT

      So another leftist trope based on more hysterical nonsense and exaggeration like AGW is?

    • commodious spittoon

      That’s incredible, as in very much not credible.

  22. Brochettaward

    This oft-repeated conservative falsehood, shared by everyone from Herman Cain to Ben Carson, stems from the willful misinterpretation of a 1939 letter Sanger wrote wherein she outlined her plan to connect with prominent leaders in the African-American community and allay their possible fears concerning family-planning clinics. Sanger wrote, “We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population, and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members.”

    While Sanger did dabble in eugenics, PolitiFact has repeatedly debunked the claims that Sanger bore great racial animosity against African-Americans. The fact-checking website cited Jean H. Baker, author of the biography Margaret Sanger: A Life of Passion, who maintained that Sanger “was far ahead of her times in terms of opposing racial segregation,” as well as author Edwin Black, who wrote in his book critical of the eugenics’ movement, War Against the Weak, that “Sanger was no racist.”

    I love the denial that she didn’t bear “great racial animosity.” The Politifact articled cited even goes as far as to defend eugenics as a movement. Those progressives just wanted to make people better (even if against their own will). Most didn’t believe in creating a master race!

    But this gem takes the cake, just for the complete lack of self-awareness:

    “After reading the script, you realize no, this isn’t opinion, this is lies and propaganda that they’re trying pass off within some historical context,” a crew member on the film, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told The Daily Beast. “With the Margaret Sanger quote, they twisted it and used it to discredit everything that she possibly did. It’s similar to what the right-wing media is doing now: they take one thing that someone said—or even half-said—and then they turn it into something that isn’t true in order to discredit everything they’ve ever done.”

    It’s those right wingers out there always leading lynch mobs to end peoples careers.