The Hat and The Hair: Episode 95

by | Sep 5, 2018 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 289 comments

 

That was no white-power hand signal at the Kavanaugh hearing, Zina Bash’s husband says

Donald lay across this desk, tracing the cracks in the Oval Office ceiling with his finger.

“Look at that one,” he said to the hat. “See, it looks like a wheel barrel.”

“A wheel barrel?” asked the hair. “What’s a wheel barrel?”

“Zina,” Donald crooned softly. “Zina.”

“A wheel barrel,” the hat said. “You know, a wheel barrel. It’s got a wheel and you put things in the barrel to carry them around.”

“Did you see the signals she was sending me?” Donald asked. “They were secret signals, just for me.”

“She was just scratching her arm, Donald,” the hat said.

“A barrel with wheels? What the fuck are you talking about?” the hair asked.

“No, it was a signal,” Donald insisted. “She also tucked her hair back over her ear. Classic flirting.”

“A wheel barrel,” the hat said. “Look it up, idiot. Google it. You’ll see.”

“That crack in the ceiling looks nothing like a barrel with wheels,” the hair said excitedly.

“When women touch their hair that means they want The Donald,” Donald said, still tracing cracks in the ceiling. “Or when they blink. And women blink around me, like, all the time, I tell you.”

“It looks like a cart,” the hair said framing out the series of cracks with his tendrils. “A little cart.”

“Blinking is winking with both eyes,” Donald whispered.

“Wait… It’s a wheelbarrow,” the hair said scornfully. “Barrow. Not ‘wheel barrel.’”

“Wheelbarrow‽” the hat exclaimed. “That’s not a real thing.”

“Zina…” Donald said. “I hope she gives me a thumbs-up today…”

The hat grumbled and the hair fumed and Donald hummed to himself. In the quiet Oval Office, they could hear the West Lawn being mowed.

“So, like, we’re just not going to talk about Woodward at all?” the hat asked.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

289 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    I love H&H. And first.

    • Spudalicious

      A calm relaxing day inside the Oval Office. SugarFree normalizes The Donald and H&H.

      • Spudalicious

        First, second and third.

      • Mad Scientist

        You must be hanging around with OMWC if you can count to three.

  2. Just Say'n

    Would “wheel barrel” Zina

    • AlexinCT

      I think most heterosexual shitlords would. Heck, even a lesbian trapped in a man’s body like me would…

      • Just Say'n

        I also identify as a lesbian trapped in a man’s body

      • mikey

        So, you two should get a room?

      • AlexinCT

        Don’t think it works that way…

      • Sean

        How about getting a VW beetle?

      • Bobarian LMD

        And take each other’s confession?

      • Tres Cool

        Subaru outback ?

      • Just Say'n

        Do you guys even gender theory, brahs?

      • Tundra

        Forester.

  3. Hudson

    Weird.

    I had to look up the wheel barrow / wheel barrel distinction the other day.

    • SugarFree

      I know.

      [dramatic music plays]

      • Hudson

        So do you have a tumor on your pancreas that allows you to read minds or do you get diabetic coma induced visions?

        Wait, don’t answer. It’s probably something much worse…

  4. Old Man With Candy

    I think she’s squeezing a zit on her forearm.

    • AlexinCT

      That’s a gang sign, yo!

    • Spudalicious

      I’m still in bed drinking coffee.

      • Old Man With Candy

        So your wife is squeezing your zits?

      • Spudalicious

        These euphemisms.

  5. Just Say'n

    Jewish Nazis are the trickiest Nazis.

    • Plinker762

      Like Soros?

      • Q Continuum

        Lots of accounts say the kapos were far more brutal than the German guards.

    • Chipwooder

      Yes. The Believer taught me this.

  6. Gustave Lytton

    Once again, SF gives Dick wolfe a run for his money in the ripped from the headlines category.

    I have to say that photo is downright creepy. Empty blank eyes in Kavenaough (whatever). Looks like he’s downloading his instructions.


    Whoa!

    • Suthenboy

      If I had to sit through that shitshow I would space-out too. He is probably trying to remember when the last time he changed the oil in his lawnmower.

      • Hyperion

        You think Kavanaugh changes his own lawnmower oil? Hah! This guy hangs out with billionaires who give the white supremacy sign in salute to him and Nazi president. I bet those Mexican kids trump stole from their parents and being kept in cages mow his law with push mowers, for free. They don’t mind, it gets them out of the cages for a while.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Just look slightly above and to the left of the person speaking. Then you can pretend they are talking to someone else. Common mental trick to detach yourself from what is happening.

      • Bobarian LMD

        He tried the ‘pretend your audience is naked’ trick and immediately fell into a state of shock.

    • Hyperion

      Yesterday, I think he was getting smallpox, but they probably have a secret Nazi cure. So then the white Hispanic Jewess gave the white supremacist sign. And now, what is this? Kavanaugh is giving his best Pie impression isn’t he? He be mad! I totally don’t know what all of this means *goes to DU to find the truth*

  7. Creosote Achilles

    That was strangely soothing and peaceful.

    • Swiss Servator

      DANGER!!! SF is lulling us all into a false sense of security!!!!

  8. Q Continuum

    I’ve decoded it:

    It’s a secret lesbian symbol.

    Thumb on the clit, index finger on the G-spot, middle and ring finger on the taint and pinkie in the ass.

    SOLVED

    • Q Continuum

      Instead of the Shocker, we’ll call it the Zina.

      The Zina Warrior Princess.

      • Suthenboy

        I like. The Warrior Princess for short.

    • Spudalicious

      Ahh, slightly different than the Vulcan Handshake.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Na-Noo, Na-Noo!!

    • WTF

      How in the hell does the “OK” sign equal white supremacy? Other than an obvious 4chan hoax? What sort of moron takes this shit seriously?

  9. R C Dean

    Is it just me, or does Kavanaugh look like he’s trying to sneak one out there without sharting?

    • Just Say'n

      Sharting is not a laughing matter. Many people suffer from premature dumps

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Shart happens ask me how I know….. better yet, don’t.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Have you tried tampons?

      • Lord Humungus

        “I hope that is a fart coming out”

    • Brett L

      Could just be thinking to himself: “What have I done? What have I done with my life?! I have to listen to the stupidest people ever to graduate law school grandstand and call me names? Okay, okay. Look calm. Look like you’re listening. Pretend you’re not getting a chubby thinking about sending each one individually to the gas chamber. Gas chamber. Man, I really should not have eaten fish tacos on hearing day. I forgot I’m not up here all by myself like in a courtroom. No robe to cover accidents.”

  10. Just Say'n

    Needs more pictures of Hope Hicks in a bikini

    • Gustave Lytton

      Needs moar pictures of Hope & Zina without bikinis.

      • Hyperion

        We have to bring back Hope. Her and Zina will be a team. They get to take on the Woke sisters here:

        We Be Woke!

        We’ll have to work out the details, but it has to happen.

      • slumbrew

        We Be Woke!

        “You’ll be broke!”

      • Hyperion

        They should just use that as their campaign slogan. But that would require honesty.

      • Gadfly

        We have to bring back Hope. Her and Zina will be a team. They get to take on the Woke sisters here:

        I would watch that episode of GLOW.

      • Agent Cooper

        It’s TEETH and MORE TEETH.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    “So, like, we’re just not going to talk about Woodward at all?” the hat asked.

    What is there to talk about? Do you ask the crazy drunk bum smearing shit on your windshield at the red light about Federal Reserve monetary policy?

    • WTF

      Woodward is kind of sad, actually. He’s desperately trying to relive his former glory from Watergate, but just comes off as a ridiculous partisan hack.

      • Suthenboy

        They have wandered so far off into the fog they cant see the path anymore. It’s just lies calculated to appeal to confirmation bias now. It’s like a borderline personality disorder…keep pushing the hate until there is no rational thought left.

    • Chafed

      Yes?

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Could just be thinking to himself: “What have I done? What have I done with my life?! I have to listen to the stupidest people ever to graduate law school grandstand and call me names?

    Exactly this.

    I looked at a clip yesterday, and the look on his face screamed, “Why the fuck did I let that bastard Kennedy talk me into this? I’ll kill that guy.”

    • Suthenboy

      The mob chaos he is going through is not as bad as the vicious character assassination Thomas had to endure. This is just monkeys flinging shit.

      • Spudalicious

        Thomas and Bork.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Pubic hairs on a coke.

      • Tres Cool

        Follow me around. I don’t care. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.
        They’d be very bored.

        -Gary Hart

      • Agent Cooper

        I’ve realized I don’t give a shit about political private lives.

    • Naptown Bill

      I wonder how many of these are just that, C-grade law students takin’ a couple free licks at a judge.

      • Suthenboy

        The hecklers in the audience? The only people I can think of who would be motivated to do shit like that would be these:

        http://fortune.com/2017/03/16/trumps-budget-could-cut-200000-federal-jobs/

        A while back I read about someone who visited one of the useless federal agencies headquarters and said it was like a ghost building. Floor after floor of empty offices. I nearly shot my pants reading that. Trump isnt hiring new ones and I remember a fair number quit in protest.

    • Sean

      LOL

    • Suthenboy

      Replying to @Cpatrickis @ABC7News
      I was a blind supporter of Kavanaugh, but this brave and visually articulate man unblinkerd my eyes.

      #MeToo

    • Chipwooder

      Are those condoms taped to xis costume at the shoulder and crotch, and if so, why?

      • Rebel Scum

        I don’t expect people like that to make sense.

      • Chipwooder

        Also, what is that getup? A nipple or something?

      • SugarFree

        It’s a condom with condoms. What if he met a lady condom at the protest and wanted to get it on? Shouldn’t condoms also have safe sex?

      • Tundra

        It was funnier in Naked Gun.

      • The Other Kevin

        What was that movie where the couple put on full-body condoms? Was it Naked Gun?

      • The Other Kevin

        :: High-fives Tundra ::

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well I’m convinced

    • Bobarian LMD

      I sincerely hope there are no breathing holes cut into the plastic. 

    • Hyperion

      That’s so sad that it’s not even funny. Seriously.

    • Playa Manhattan

      I…. uh….

      Does he think Roe V Wade is about condoms?

      • R C Dean

        Does he think

        Apparently not.

  13. ChipsnSalsa

    A friend of mine would say of attractive women, “She wouldn’t be wearing that shirt if she didn’t want me.”

  14. Suthenboy

    As for Zina Bash, I am sure they have her sitting there in clear visual support of Kavenaugh because of what was done to Thomas. Now they are trying to punish her for it. The dirty shit these people are capable of knows no end.

    • wdalasio

      My question is how they can expect anyone to buy it? Thinking that looking like someone’s hands in a vaguely “okay” symbol constitutes proof that they are a white supremacist doesn’t border on “vital bodily fluids” levels of paranoia. It dives in head-first.

      • Suthenboy

        They got nuthin’. Grabbing at straws doesnt really cover this. I mean for God’s sake, the woman isnt even white.
        The only people who will buy it are the nutjobs, their base.

      • Pope Jimbo

        What perplexes me is how they meld “OMG that is a nazi symbol” with “They are all a bunch of crypto nazis”. Wouldn’t the first rule of Secret Nazi Club be “don’t go on TV and flash our secret signs”?

  15. Tundra

    I really want to believe the oval office has a cracked ceiling. Seems somehow appropriate.

    • Bobarian LMD

      But it is clearly a hand-cart and not a wheel-barrow.

  16. trshmnstr

    Blinking is winking with both eyes,” Donald whispered.

    *kisses fingers like Italian making pasta*

    Perfecto!

  17. Scruffy Nerfherder

    OT: Comet TV is favorite channel, there’s just something compelling about schlocky older science fiction/horror

    • trshmnstr

      I watched ZONTAR, ZARDOZ’ cousin from Venus on Comet the other day.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Nice

      • Mojeaux

        I’ve got Zardoz queued up in my watchlist because I’m still laid up. Also, the Nosferatu remake (I forgot who rec’d that; I’m sorry).

      • Bobarian LMD

        The Klaus Kinski one or ‘Shadow of the Vampire’ with Willem Dafoe as Nosferatu?

        Although, Kinski is Dracula in the Nosferatu movie.

        Both good movies; I enjoyed ‘Shadow of the Vampire’ more.

      • Mojeaux

        Nosferatu, the Vampyre directed by Werner Herzog. I just now put Shadow of the Vampire on the watchlist.

    • Chipwooder

      They also show MST episodes

  18. Drake

    In case you shitlords were wondering what else makes you racists – look no further than your beards.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The history may be interesting, but the socio-political conclusions are retarded.

      *twirls mustache, laughs maniacally*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      But the “manly appendage,” as one commenter grandly called the beard, also served a number of important functions closer to home. As historian Sarah Gold McBride contends, beards were one response to a growing women’s rights movement, typified by the 1848 Seneca Falls Convention. Faced with threats to their prerogative, men grew beards “to codify a distinctly male appearance when other traditional markers of masculinity were no longer stable or certain.” The 19th-century beard may have sprouted from a fear of razors and a distaste for black barber shops. But it grew into a symbol that set white American men apart from smooth-faced foreigners as well as powerful women at home.

      So what are we to make of all the other “races” that style themselves in particular manner to distinguish themselves from others? Is it only racist when whites do it? Is it sexist for women to wear push-up bras, because men don’t have boobs?

      This has to be some of the dumbest shit to ever permeate the culture, including phrenology

      • R C Dean

        But the “manly appendage,” as one commenter grandly called the

        I was not thinking that would end with “beard”.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t generally regard dead keratinous extrusions to be ‘appendages’

    • Brett L

      I feel like Neal Stephenson did it better in passing in Cryptonomicon 20 or so years ago.

      • Creosote Achilles

        That was my first thought as well.

    • Hyperion

      Whey is Sloop on the Atlantic?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Curds?

      • Hyperion

        Who put that E in there?

      • Tundra

        Little Miss Muffet?

      • Hyperion

        Miss Muffet is a cunt.

      • Democratic Hitler

        It does work as a cutesy nickname, e.g.: “Saying good morning to Miss Muffet”.

      • Chipwooder

        Hot Shots! flashback!

        Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
        Aide: Crab? I didn’t see any crab, sir.
        Admiral Benson: Don’t tell me, there were two of them! They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis, for crissakes!

    • Suthenboy

      You have a beard! You know who else had beards?! RACISTS! MISOGYNISTS!
      AND ISLAMOPHOBES! …oh, wait

      article was TDL;DR all of it

    • Playa Manhattan

      MY BODY MY CHOICE

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of the teevee- a channel called “Chassy” just came to my attention on the Roku “Pluto” feed. Auto-related stuff. I have watched a couple of very good racing documentaries. One was about the ’83 British F3 championship season- Senna vs Martin Brundle.

    • slumbrew

      Chassy is Chassy Media from Adam Carolla; originally formed to distribute his own racing docs and then expanded to distribute other people’s.

      I really enjoyed his ‘Winning: The Racing Life of Paul Newman’ – such an interesting guy.

      I’m really looking forward to ‘Uppity’, the Willy T. Ribbs biopic. Willy seems enjoyably insane – case in point: Willy himself was pushing for the doc to be called ‘Uppity Nigger’ – “because that’s what they called me”. He took some convincing that it would cause some distribution issues.

  20. Rebel Scum

    She is really signing ‘R.S.’ in cuneiform. Clearly Zina is signalling me for sexy time.

    • Tundra

      Zina. No question.

      • Just Say'n

        You’ve always been really bad at this game

      • Tundra

        Gotta keep the streak alive.

      • Tundra

        Also glad to see the game back!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Agreed! and Zina,

      • Hyperion

        No one here knew who Zina is before yesterday. Then she appears on the intertoobz giving racist signals and now she’s a celebrity around here. Figures.

      • commodious spittoon

        She’s now the face of the Aryan Brotherhood thanks to MSNBC chucklefucks and 4chan.

      • Creosote Achilles

        This is the correct answer.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      College girl looks like she might get stabby

      • Bobarian LMD

        So does Zina.

      • Democratic Hitler

        Zina’s not afraid to cut a bitch.

      • Just Say'n

        I like my girls with spunk

      • Sean

        I like my girls with spunk

        Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

    • Playa Manhattan

      Zina Bash
      HOMETOWN: McAllen, Texas
      AGE: 35
      RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married
      PARTY AFFILIATION: Republican

      They left out turn-ons and turn-offs

      • Lord Humungus

        Turn Ons: Mein Kampf, KKK robes, and Prussian Blue

        Turn Offs: Jews, Spics, and Trump’s small but busy hands

      • Timeloose

        Zina’s a Valley girl. I was at a wedding there once. Your so close to Mexico that the INS check point is 30 minutes north.

  21. Old Man With Candy

    Zina was playing the circle game. You looked.

    /punches you in the arm

      • Ted S.

        Circle gets the square!

    • UnCivilServant

      Separation of Powers? That’s crazy talk!

    • Hyperion

      Now with MOAR ZINA! Sassy be talking, but they be looking at the other sassy.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Great civics lesson that no one that doesnt already know it will listen to it.

      I watched Zina and she had her hands all over the place and uncomfortable. She is a fidgeter and appears she does what others would say is unnatural.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s just what a Nazi would say!

      • wdalasio

        and appears she does what others would say is unnatural.

        Tell me more….

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m going to make my kids watch that. It’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years, just much more eloquent.

    • Drake

      Their would be a lot fewer interruptions if they kept middle-aged fat women out of the audience. They need a nightclub doorman there.

    • kinnath

      If this were a Frank Capra movie, that would be all it takes to fix D.C.

    • Mad Scientist

      That was fantastic.

    • Democratic Hitler

      As if Arby’s signs weren’t inherently racist already.

      • Hyperion

        They got the beef! If that ain’t racist…

      • Agent Cooper

        It’s a cowboy hat. Of course is rayciss.

    • Playa Manhattan

      “was altered some time late Friday night or early Saturday morning”

      There was definitely no alcohol involved. Confirmed hate crime.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It can be the pilot story for the new L&O spinoff.

    • Agent Cooper

      Why is whores inherently misogynistic? There aren’t male whores?

  22. UnCivilServant

    I wish Kavenaugh’s response to DiFi was more along the lines of “What part of ‘shall not be infringed’ don’t you understand?” rather than the lawyer’s answer he gave that ceded too much ground before discussion even began.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Why would she know ancient Sanskrit? Beside the US Constitution is a living document. Sorry can’t strike through. I mean the US Constitution is a dead letter.

  23. RAHeinlein

    Bernie’s new tax – targeting companies with workers on Federal assistance:

    An unusual public spat between Amazon.com Inc. and Sen. Bernie Sanders over workers’ wages escalated Wednesday as the Vermont independent introduced a bill aimed at taxing big companies whose employees rely on federal benefits to make ends meet.

    Mr. Sanders specifically targeted Amazon founder and leader Jeff Bezos, contrasting his vast personal wealth with the compensation of the companies’ lowest-paid workers.

    The senator, speaking at a press conference introducing the bill, noted Mr. Bezos “could play a profound role” in altering the national discourse regarding pay by guaranteeing no Amazon worker receives less than a living wage, or enough to cover rent, food and other basic necessities.

    “This would not only improve lives for thousands of people at Amazon; it would send a message to every corporation in America that that’s where we should be going as a nation,” Mr. Sanders said.

    The legislation is aimed at ending what Mr. Sanders has said is middle-class taxpayers’ subsidization of large, profitable companies owned by billionaires. The bill, co-sponsored by Rep. Ro Khanna (D., Calif.), would tax companies with 500 or more employees an amount equal to federal benefits received by their low-wage workers, effectively forcing them to pay more one way or another.

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/bernie-sanders-strikes-at-amazon-with-new-tax-bill-1536167214?mod=hp_lead_pos8

    • UnCivilServant

      Bernie wants to abolish part-time jobs and block people from working their way off welfare!

    • Q Continuum

      “contrasting his vast personal wealth with the compensation of the companies’ lowest-paid workers”

      In the mind of Bernie: Taking the risk to start a business and then growing that business into a multi-billion dollar, globe spanning enterprise = Stocking shelves.

      Marxism is indeed a mental disorder.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And when they expand benefits and eligibility at the federal level, I assume the corporations would be taxed even more to cover the difference.

      A never ending sucking sound is all I hear.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Just get rid of the welfare state. If the wages are not enough to live on then Bezos has some cost decisions to make.

    • R C Dean

      a bill aimed at taxing big companies whose employees rely on federal benefits to make ends meet

      To be followed by companies firing any employee who takes federal benefits and replacing them with employees who do not.

      • Q Continuum

        Thus getting those fired employees on even more federal benefits. Feature, not bug.

    • invisible finger

      Are companies even legally allowed to ask if an employee or prospect is receiving federal benefits?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sure, if they work for Big Business.

      • R C Dean

        I don’t recall it coming up on the list from HR of Questions That Shall Not Be Asked in Interviews. This isn’t my area, but I’m pretty sure being on welfare isn’t a protected class. As far as I know, you could make every employee’s job conditional on staying off welfare, and firing anyone who takes it. I hate to say this, but the biggest speed bump would probably be the disparate impact on actual protected class members.

      • LJW

        “I’m pretty sure being on welfare isn’t a protected class”

        Bernie Sanders: “Hold my Zhigulevskoye”

    • Rhywun

      that’s where we should be going as a nation

      The government in control of supplying all food and shelter? Because that’s where this leads.

    • Brasidas

      That is close to what I suggest to people who complain about poor people working. I normally tell progs they could really stick it to Walmart and Amazon by setting the income limits on all welfare to $0. That way no taxpayer will be supporting any worker.

      Who cares if it creates permanent underclasses.

    • Agent Cooper

      Oh, Three Houses Sanders is introducing that bill?

  24. Q Continuum

    I think we need one of the lit-Glibs (UCS, Mojeaux… maybe SF if we only want nightmares) to write up some hot Zina/Hope Hicks slash fic.

    • SugarFree

      I see it as a sort of meet-cute rom-com set-up, with raw, honest look at the sexualities presented to modern, open-minded women.

      So, I guess it has to be me.

      • Mojeaux

        Thank you for your sacrifice.

      • Q Continuum

        As long as there are lots of descriptions of that honest look that are so lurid they’d make Larry Flint blush.

      • R C Dean

        meet-cute rom-com set-up, with raw, honest look at the sexualities presented to modern, open-minded women

        *buys rights to TV series*

    • mikey

      I think it should be like those campfire stories. SF starts and ends the first episode in suspense. Mojeaaux writes the next, then UCS. Repeat. No one knows where it’s going or will end up. No fair discussing it among the authors.

      • Mojeaux

        That would be hilarious.

      • Private Chipperbot

        I’m just picturing Mojeaux sighing to herself trying to figure out how to deal with stitches each week.

      • Mojeaux

        Philosophical discussions on why strapons are a thing if women don’t need men.

      • SugarFree

        I’d be up for it. But I shouldn’t do the first installment. I like it in the middle.

  25. Mad Scientist

    In the past, when the right has come up with crackpot theories like this, it’s been confined to email chains and Art Bell’s radio show. Most everyone understood they were lunatics. I have a suspicion that this is still the case.

    • R C Dean

      If your faith in humanity isn’t quite destroyed yet, check out the reaction to Mr. Bash’s tweets telling the OK nutters they are, well, nutters.

      One of the first replies is someone posting the photoshopped ACLU meme, which the ACLU specifically disowned yesterday. These people have absolutely no doubt that Zina Bash was giving a white power signal on command. It is a festival of assuming the conclusion and circular reasoning – she is giving a white power sign, so it must be intentional, and since its intentional, it must be a white power sign. Naturally, the attempts to point out to them that the whole white power OK thing is a prank are completely ignored. I did enjoy the pic of Beyonce giving double OK signs.

      For a change of pace, some of the replies are bitching that her husband, a US Attorney, used an “official” twitter account for these tweets. It could be official, I guess (his handle is US Attorney John Bash), but I don’t even know what would make a twitter account an official government account, or why the government would give prosecutors twitter accounts, much less if this account is official in some way. But, again, assuming the conclusion is the flavor of the day.

      I’ll say this for Mr. Bash – he’s smart enough to stay out of the replies.

      • Q Continuum

        “It is a festival of assuming the conclusion and circular reasoning”

        So a real life example of “begging the question” used accurately!

      • kinnath

        Seeing these twitter replies is depressing. But my guess is these people have always existed. Social media just makes them visible.

        A decade ago, I use to stop at McD’s on the way to the golf course on the weekends. Every morning, there would be one dude sitting in the back haranguing anyone that sat too close about whatever political shit was on his mind after reading the newspaper. Today, that dude would be twitter saying the same bullshit.

        Of course, I could be wrong. It could be getting worse. That’s why I have guns now.

      • Mad Scientist

        The more the crazy gets mainstreamed the more acceptable it is to be crazy. But I still think most people recognize this as unabashed lunacy.

      • R C Dean

        Scrolled down a little more – sure enough, somebody accused him of using a “taxpayer-funded” twitter account. They’re on twitter, so shouldn’t they know twitter accounts are free?

      • R C Dean

        And now somebody is going to file a FOIA request for the text message or whatever was on her phone before she started flashing gang signs. THAT WILL PROVE SHE FLASHED A WHITE POWER SIGN ON COMMAND!!!

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Zina is Q?

      • Chipwooder

        Well, we did learn yesterday that the new white power movement is multiracial, so why can’t Zina Bash be a white supremacist?

    • R C Dean

      I just can’t believe this is actually one of the main things that people are talking about after yesterday’s hearing. What a gift to the Repubs. If I was a candidate, I’d be asking my opponent if they subscribed to the theory that Zina Bash is a white power radical flashing gang signs during the hearing. Its a no-lose for any Repub – brings attention to left lunacy, and puts the opponent in a bind – say “no” and the nutters turn on you, say “yes” and the normies start edging toward the exits.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s fantastic.

        Their in-house lunatics have them by the balls.

      • invisible finger

        And they’re waiting far too long to complain of “false flag ops”. And will try to somehow say its totally different from fake news.

      • Agent Cooper

        Its a no-lose for any Repub

        Do you not Stupid Party, bro?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The first reply is a 4channer, guaranteed.

      • RBS

        OWN. IT.

  26. Chipwooder

    Every time I think Sad Beard couldn’t possibly be any dumber….

    Matthew Yglesias
    @mattyglesias

    Folks, the federal government has the means to create all the money it needs. https://twitter.com/1952_rfp/status/1037385590243844097

    1:06 PM – Sep 5, 2018

    • invisible finger

      He must be of Venezuelan descent.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Says page doesnt exist. Huh.

      • Chipwooder

        what he was replying to was this

        If you are going to frame “progressive governance” as spending more money than you have you are going to loose.

        — Ric Pike (@1952_rfp) September 5, 2018

      • Rebel Scum

        “If you are going to frame ‘theft’ as stealing you are going to lose.”

        This is a fun game.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        His mom called and told him that was too stupid even for him.

    • R C Dean

      He’s technically correct, you know.

    • Brochettaward

      Some of my favorite responses:

      Bro. You might be entitled to a refund from your university.

      Yes. They can create money. They cannot create money.

      Response?

      The US govt built the atomic bomb in 18 months. Is that value?

  27. Ed Wuncler

    Damn it, I love Ben Sasse. Just finished listening to Yusef drives a Kia’s link and he nails the problem right on its head during Kavenaugh’s confirmation hearings but unfortunately it’s going to fall on deaf ears.

    • Ed Wuncler

      If I was a history teacher in a high school, I would sure as shit make the students read the Federalist Papers and drill it into their heads that the government does not grant rights. Our ignorance of the Constitution will be our downfall.

      • invisible finger

        I’m pretty sure history teachers in high school do teach the Federalist Papers and make damn sure to remind their students that these brilliant men were trying to enact socialism before Marx was even born.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I like Ben, but no one who Can do anything , Will do anything, so, Guns.

  28. Chipwooder

    Elsewhere……

    Ian McKelvey @ian_mckelvey

    Women are going to die? Aren’t they already dead from net neutrality, tax cuts, and Gorsuch?

    The Denver Post
    @denverpost
    JUST IN: Democrat Jared Polis says more women likely to die if Walker Stapleton is elected governor #copolitics https://dpo.st/2onVk9H

    10:18 PM – Aug 30, 2018

    • Private Chipperbot

      Should that read “TOS’s Favorite Son, Jared Polis”…

    • Q Continuum

      The best part is that this clown is probably going to win.

      His campaign planks: 100% renewable energy (great, my utility bill is 300% higher!) and universal healthcare (great, the state budget has officially been sodomized!).

      • R C Dean

        Oh, it won’t be the state’s budget getting sodomized.

      • Q Continuum

        Also: I notice no comment section. Funny that.

  29. Q Continuum

    It’s always been my understanding that women thought gay male porn was gross because, well, the male body is kind of gross. This is why women like romance novels that have character development and romance and anticipation, not just a wall of kielbasa flying at you.

    https://pjmedia.com/trending/report-women-flocking-to-gay-porn/

    I’d ask the wimminz’ opinion but since there are no female libertarians I guess we’ll just have to live with the mystery.

    • Mad Scientist

      You mean women don’t get all turned on by randos sending them dick pics!?

      • Private Chipperbot

        It’s seems like a MMF threesome would be a bigger turn on for women that just dudes going at it. /shrug

      • Chipwooder

        Huh. Doesn’t seem to have caused me any problems.

      • invisible finger

        That’s how you know you’re a shitlord.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The very little gay porn I’ve seen seems to trend towards rape/conversion fantasies. Don’t know what that means, but there it is.

      • Chipwooder

        “Very little”…..suuuuuuuure

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Well, the actors were not “little”.

      • Lord Humungus

        I just clicked on that Chicks with Dicks link by accident. Pinkie-swear!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My “first time” was in college. The bootleg copy of Dickman and Throbbin in the dorm was taped over Leave It To Beaver which was taped over some gay porn, it concerned a large yacht, a boiler room, and a lot of oversized dildos. Nobody knew it was on the tape until we left it running one time during a particularly enthusiastic bong and pizza session. Then it was all “DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?”. But we watched it anyway.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        The original Rick Roll

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Nobody knew it was on the tape until we left it running one time during a particularly enthusiastic bong and pizza session. Then it was all “DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?”. But we watched it anyway.

        Which was the set up to the next porn scene.

    • invisible finger

      Even gay porn is demeaning to women and treats women like sex objects, or something.

      • R C Dean

        Worse: Gay porn treats women like undesirable sex objects.

      • Mojeaux

        Gay romance (as written by straight women) reviles women. They are either absent or the villain. No, I am not kidding.

      • commodious spittoon

        You ought to write a piece.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m mulling it over. I have no conclusion except disgust.

      • commodious spittoon

        We do disgust here.

      • Brochettaward

        Women have an amazing ability to make everything about themselves. A guy can’t even suck a little dick without it being about his nagging wife.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        ^Bravo!^

    • Ted S.

      If straight men like seeing hot lesbian-on-lesbian action, why wouldn’t straight women like seeing hot man-on-man action?

      • Mad Scientist

        Not sure if serious.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Mr. Sanders specifically targeted Amazon founder and leader Jeff Bezos, contrasting his vast personal wealth with the compensation of the companies’ lowest-paid workers.

    Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, you are the owner of a business with 10,000 employees; puny, compared to Amazon or Walmart. Let us further suppose you skim off, on average, ten dollars per working day (5 days, 50 weeks, we’ll say) from each of them, which is unrealistically low.
    2500 bucks per year times 10,000 is 25 million dollars, if my calculator knows its business.

    It’s not parasitism, it’s a miracle of aggregation!

    • R C Dean

      If I was in Congress, I would ask Bernie to co-sponsor a bill banning anyone with a job from receiving any federal benefits. Wouldn’t that solve the problem?

      • invisible finger

        How does that punish a rich person?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      LOL

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So that’s Who Sloopy really is……

    • Raven Nation

      Dang, is she really taking a selfie while protesting?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think she was either livestreaming and/or recording it for Youtube or something.

      • SugarFree

        So she was asking the hard questions and putting them up on YouTube?

        (Old, old TOS joke…)

      • tarran

        Oh no! Is 24 ahead?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Eric got a sex change and is now Erica.

      • RBS

        recording it for Youtube

        Just like lonewacko.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      He wins just for that necktie alone.

    • Q Continuum

      Now that’s a skill I’d look for in a Rep. If one of them can show me his auctioneering skills I’m sold.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    I see it as a sort of meet-cute rom-com set-up, with raw, honest look at the sexualities presented to modern, open-minded women.

    So what you’re saying is their cable gets fixed and the pool gets skimmed, right?

  32. Heroic Mulatto

    You know who else was a Mexican Jew?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Miguel Finkelstein?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Juan Epstein?

      • Mojeaux

        Welcome back!

      • invisible finger

        Puerto Rican, sorry.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Just testing Oldster,
        / I have a Note from My Mom.

    • invisible finger

      Salma Hayek?

    • SugarFree

      Ariana Grande?

    • commodious spittoon

      Louis CK?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Sara Paxton. We were looking for Sara Paxton.

      SugarFree still has control of the board and remember the Daily Double is still up there.

      • Q Continuum

        Her mother is Lucia Menchaca Zuckerman.

        How do you square the Latin sexual voracity with the 4 hours of begging?

      • invisible finger

        You asked “was”, not “is”.

        The late Frida Kahlo claimed her father was Jewish in order to get victim cred.

        (He was actually Lutheran.)

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I had no one in mind when I first posed it, to be honest.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ugh, I saw the preview for that. They’re portraying Hart as a principled and upright politician with one fatal flaw.

    • R C Dean

      Leon Trotsky?

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Folks, the federal government has the means to create all the money it needs.

    “We not out of money. We’ve still got checks.”

    • invisible finger

      Venezuela will eventually run out of paper, ink, and operable presses. Then what?

      • Hyperion

        They raise oil prices and the gas station lines are backed up for miles. Oh wait, that was yesterday. So then their new currency fails immediately, like everyone told them it would, more people flee the country, more people starve, and they double down on socialism.

    • R C Dean

      “We not out of money. We’ve still got checks.”

      That’s not even a joke when it comes to the federal government. Checks are promissory notes – the bank promises to pay the check out of your account. Back in ye olden days, the balance in your checking account was the amount you owed the bank. When the feds issue Treasuries, they are issuing promissory notes – the Treasury promises to pay principal and interest. Treasuries are what the Federal Reserve holds as assets backing the issuance of currency (our currency, BTW, is also a promissory note – it says so right across the top of every bill). Exactly what the Fed promises to pay is something of a mystery to me; it used to be that our paper money was redeemable in specie, but not any more.

  34. Hyperion

    NAZIS EVERYWHERE!

    You know, Nazis sure have changed over the years. This one actually looks like your average geek.

  35. RAHeinlein

    Does anyone here use walking sticks/poles – if so, any recommendations? I’m interested in options for urban walking to increase stability and decrease joint wear and tear.

    • Hyperion

      I don’t, but I see them all of the time around here. They look like sticks for snow skiing to me.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Leki, high dollar but they last forever. I’ve still got the ones I bought in the 1990’s.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have the ones with the shock absorbers in them. Extremely useful if you’re wearing a heavy pack on a downhill slope, otherwise they’re probably not worth the extra cost.

      • RAHeinlein

        Thanks, I’ll check these out.

  36. Q Continuum

    I’m of the opinion that you should always know your enemy. This is about as close as you’re going to get for an intellectual argument in favor of the neo-collectivist, Bernie-style wing of modern politics. What the speaker doesn’t seem to understand is that what he’s offering is not new, it’s just Marxism with a new paint job. However, I think it’s worthwhile to try and see what animates the “intellectuals” espousing this crap.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQvt0dkwBQw

    ~1 hour.

    • Hyperion

      It’s incredible how stupid people are. It’s like someone sticks their hand into a cage with a tiger to try to pet it, tiger bites off their hand. So the next person says ‘Well, surely the tiger just didn’t understand he just wanted to pet it, I’ll try it, it will work this time’. *sticks hand in cage, tiger bites it off*. So the next guy…

      It’s really that stupid. And there is no way possible you can reason with these people. Every time someone starts championing this plague on humans, there’s plenty of stupid people to get in line for more.

      Sure, people in poor countries that have already been destroyed my Marxist ideologies and rampant corruption, people have no hope, there are no jobs, so they put their hope in anything, just promise them free shit, you never have to deliver. But in the richest country in history, I can only blame public school and the media. Both need to be burnt down and re-imagined in a light that excludes Marxism.

  37. Drake

    Wow – I almost turned off the Red Sox game when they were down 7-1. Glad I didn’t.

    • R C Dean

      Why would anybody not want to watch the Sox getting their asses handed to them?

      Kidding – if I am a fan of any MLB team, it would be the Red Sox. I used to go to their games when I was in school there. Great fun. Plus, they lost the Series to the Mets while I was there, also.

      • Drake

        Luckily that was the semester I was studying abroad.