The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: Hillary, The Becoming: Episode 23

by | Oct 24, 2018 | Hat and Hair, Hillary: The Becoming, SugarFree | 259 comments

“Bring me The Vessel!” Hillary called across the blasted plain.

Two burly women stepped through the dimensional gate, each with a hand around Huma’s arms. She was dressed in a white nightgown, filthy, the lace yellowed by age.

“Hillary!” Huma cried and tried to free herself.

“Let her go,” Hillary instructed. Freed, Huma ran to her and threw her arms around her portly lover.

“Where have you been?” Huma asked.

“Shh,” Hillary said, guiding her to the first step of the dais and smoothing her hair behind her ears.

“The Vessel!” she told the horde.

“The Vessel!” they cried back.

Hillary ran her hands down Huma’s body.

“She is fertile and fecund!” Hillary declared. “Our Master will be born through her and He will rule for a thousand years!”

The crone cackled and lightning flashed.

“I’m sort of uncomfortable with the word ‘Master,’” someone in the horde said.

“And I feel like a very unfortunate connotation of masculinity has crept into our conception of the ultradimensional being we worship,” said another.

There were murmurs of agreement all around. Hillary buried her face in her hands. She was about to explain it to them all again when a voice piped up.

“Honey, are y’all about done with y’all’s meetin’?”

Through splayed fingers, she could see Bill’s disembodied head poking through the ragged gash they had torn in reality to travel to the cratered hell plain.

“Billlllllllll…” she began, the old rage inside her.

“Hi-ya, Ruthie,” Bill said, waving to the crone. “Ladies,” he said to the horde and winked.

“Lllllllll! Get the fuck out of here,” Hillary screamed.

“Ah, now, sweetheart, don’t get upset,” he said and smiled.

“Hi, Billy,” one girl said.

The seasoned rake looked back to the horde. “Y’all’s pussy hats are so cute. I like pink pussies a lot.”

Hillary was shaking with rage, spittle building up in the corners of her mouth.

“Anyway, you all finish up with yore meetin’; I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to tell Hills that the chicken fingers for dinner are all done heatin’ up.”

His hand came through the enormous energies of the interdimensional rift and waved to the horde.

“Call me!” said one of the horde as he returned to Earth.

“God-fucking-dammit,” Hillary muttered.

Huma hugged her fiercely. “Strength my love. Show them strength.”

“Look at The Vessel,” Hillary said without much enthusiasm. “I shall implant her.”

About half the horde looked at their programs and gave the reply: “She shall be implanted.”

“Behold,” Hillary said. She dropped her robe. The horde gasped at her twisted form, a few vomited. Her pendulous breasts were covered in a suppuration of sores. Her stomach seemed in constant motion like writhing eels were about to burst forth. Meaty keloids ran down her arms and legs, the remnants of past attempts at transformation–abstract horrors the human mind forced into shapes it could comprehend: faces, fists, inhuman genitalia, half-buried burrowing insects.

“I am woman reborn!” Hillary said, the old fire returning, and let out a plangent howl.

“Reborn!” the ones not vomiting or fainting replied.

Hillary squatted and let out a piggy grunt.

“What the fuck?” one girl said.

“Shh,” said another. “She needs to concentrate.”

Hillary began making hooting noises, interspersed with deep grunts. Something appeared between her legs and it grew.

“Oh, Jesus, oh, fuck,” one of the horde up front said.

Huma brushed the hair out of Hillary’s eyes and kissed her forehead tenderly.

With a final grunt and a scream and a gush of thick black liquid, the pseudopenis slid out, making a sizzling plop as it hit the ground.

“BEHOLD!” Huma screamed, pointing, as Hillary struggled to stand. More vomiting and fainting.

Hillary–standing, smiling, triumphant–spread herself apart and a clicking clatter arose. A brave few, fatally curious, stepped close enough to see that Hillary’s clitoris and vulvular hood had been replaced with a glossy yellow and black beak. Ringed in blind questing cilia, it snapped and gnashed. Huma dropped her knees, the cilia straining for her face, drawing her in, caressing. Huma began licking the beak.

The remaining few of The Pussy Hat Horde still conscious began chanting: “BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE! BLUE WAVE!”

 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

259 Comments

  1. Chipwooder

    Jesus, and I thought the “Senator John McCain, the bravest of warriors and noblest of dukes” shit from the last thread was nauseating enough.

    • Fourscore

      Stop, I’m old, not brain dead. In the name of decency, stop. It wasn’t meant to be this way…

  2. Sean

    *runs back to the safety of the am links thread*

    • AlexinCT

      ^^^THIS^^^

  3. Count Potato

    Why do you hate lunch?

    Can you show us where the sandwich touched you?

    • Jarflax

      I don’t know about SF but the sandwiches touched the rest of us in the larynx, tongue and teeth as they were regurgitated.

  4. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I think I just had a stroke.

    • Pope Jimbo

      That shit made you come after just one tug? Fucking sick bastard!

  5. Old Man With Candy

    This story is difficult to masturbate to.

    • Jarflax

      going with meiosis today?

    • MikeS

      Difficult. Not impossible.

      • Old Man With Candy

        This is why you’re a true Dakota Man.

    • juris imprudent

      But if you shut your eyes, how do you read it?

  6. wdalasio

    Genuinely horrifying, but I couldn’t stop reading it. Brilliant work, sir.

  7. Ed Wuncler

    What have been read, cannot be unread.

  8. Q Continuum

    Excellent use of the word “keloid”.

    • Jarflax

      I think the use of suppuration is in violation of the R’lyehian Exotimes style guide. Sores suppurate, even clintonhide should not be able to produce sores as the product of suppuration.

      • SugarFree

        I was using it as a collective noun, like a parliament of owls or a murder of crows.

      • AlexinCT

        What would a bunch of Hillary fans be refereed as? What works with pussyhats?

      • SugarFree

        A horripilation of Hillary voters, a pusillanimon of pussyhats.

      • AlexinCT

        You sir are a wordsmith!

      • SugarFree

        A votary of verbulations.

      • WTF

        An artiste of abomination.

  9. Tundra

    Fertile and fecund.

    Nicely done.

    • MikeS

      It’s the most disgusting word-of-the-week website I’ve ever seen

  10. R C Dean

    Aaand, I’m out. IT is here and would like a word.

    • Jarflax

      Dude you work at a hospital. IT is just taking you to meet the FDA, EPA, OSHA, and Seal Team responsible for fixing the contamination you caused.

    • Nephilium

      Remember, just blame Russian bots putting malware on your machine through Facebook ads they bought with Trump’s filthy lucre. That should convince them you should stay there… possibly in the psych wing, but you’ll stay there.

    • The Other Kevin

      This is a certified family friendly site. I don’t see why they would have a problem.

  11. Creosote Achilles

    Hillary–standing, smiling, triumphant–spread herself apart and a clicking clatter arose. A brave few, fatally curious, stepped close enough to see that Hillary’s clitoris and vulvular hood had been replaced with a glossy yellow and black beak. Ringed in blind questing cilia, it snapped and gnashed. Huma dropped her knees, the cilia straining for her face, drawing her in, caressing. Huma began licking the beak.

    This is why I am unflappable. I find this poetry allows me to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with equanimity. For what trouble is discovering our entire reporting system has been understating revenue and profits in the face of such sublime horrors?

  12. Pan Zagloba

    The crone cackled and lightning flashed.

    “I’m sort of uncomfortable with the word ‘Master,’” someone in the horde said.

    “And I feel like a very unfortunate connotation of masculinity has crept into our conception of the ultradimensional being we worship,” said another.

    There were murmurs of agreement all around.

    I laughed. This is almost Terry Pratchett-level quality.

    “Behold,” Hillary said. She dropped her robe. The horde gasped at her twisted form, a few vomited. Her pendulous breasts were covered in a suppuration of sores. Her stomach seemed in constant motion like writhing eels were about to burst forth. Meaty keloids ran down her arms and legs, the remnants of past attempts at transformation–abstract horrors the human mind forced into shapes it could comprehend: faces, fists, inhuman genitalia, half-buried burrowing insects.

    Aaaaand this is why he died of Alzheimer’s. Yes, this is so horrible it reversed passage of time regarding cause and effect.

  13. Tres Cool

    Needs more cloaca for the pseudopenis.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re going to need some theme music for that

      • Tres Cool

        And here I was expecting vagina dentata in TEETH

      • Nephilium

        You mean Teeth like this?

      • MikeS

        Not a chance in hell I am clicking on that link

      • Nephilium

        It’s an IMDB link, it’s safe. It’s a decent comedy horror film, with men that appear to be right out of the fever dreams of the progs.

      • Tres Cool

        that’s the one!
        Mike owes it to himself to watch the trailer.

      • Nephilium

        I refuse to be shamed over my love of cheesy horror films.

      • MikeS

        Haha. That looks kinda good.

      • Nephilium

        It’s all sorts of cheesy, it even sets up for a sequel when some bees are infected with the mysterious goo that turned the beavers into zombeavers, meaning the sequel would be zombees.

        If you’re familiar with the concept of rules (the Final Girl, punishment for sin, etc) in slasher films, you’ll probably enjoy it.

      • Luther Baldwin

        The slut gets it first?

      • MikeS

        And the most.

      • MikeS

        OK, fine.

        *watches trailer*

        You people are sick!

        *adds Teeth to must-watch list*

  14. Rebel Scum

    Ew.

  15. Hyperion

    Very vivid portrayal of Hill’s NPC horde, SF.

  16. Bob Boberson

    OT (if that’s possible on a SF story?)…..The news is going crazy over the alleged bombs sent to the Clintons and Obama and I guess now to the NY Office of CNN as well. My coworkers facebook is already blowing up with “This is what happens when Fauxnews and Drumphf!1!!11 constantly agitate their base with lies and hateful rhetoric!!11!!!”

    • trshmnstr

      What are the odds on legit right-wing nutter versus left-wing performance art?

      My thought is that no commie would be that committed to send that many packages in a coordinated fashion.

      On the other hand, the right-wing nutters tend to land their punches.

      • SugarFree

        At least we know it isn’t a libertarian. They would never use the US Post Office.

      • Bob Boberson

        +1 American Letter Mail Company

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Someone is just trying to start a conversation.

      • MikeS

        This will be a good teaching moment for us all.

      • Bob Boberson

        I’m guessing it’s going to turn out to be some half-wit who had no idea what they were doing. They will probably be someone who was a Bernie Bro and then switched to becoming a MAGAn (like the crazy dude who stabbed someone in Portland a while back), not because they have a coherent ideology but because they are nuts and looking for a sword to fall on. None the less, the MSM will spin it as the ever present, vast right wing conspiracy of violent militia members who have a secret telepathic brain link with none other than Drumpf himself.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Maybe the FBI can somehow be involved in egging the person on to.

      • Q Continuum

        One was sent to the White House too.

        I’m leaning toward anti-everything wacko of the same flavor, but more lucid than, the Gabby Giffords shooter.

      • Luther Baldwin

        They have Debbie Wasserman Schwarz’s return addresses. It’s a prank.

      • Rebel Scum

        tend to land their punches.

        And none of these have exploded.

    • AlexinCT

      I am gonna guess this is a false flag operation to give them reason to blame the right wing evul people…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Maybe, maybe not.

        Whoever did it, we’re headed for more of this shit.

      • Naptown Bill

        ^This. I’m willing to believe anything from it being a DNC staffer to a right-wing nut and everything in-between, but whoever it is almost doesn’t matter because whoever it wasn’t will probably get in on the action before too long. We’re at that stage where ten years from now we’ll look back and either see this as a nadir in civil society or the very first murmurings of real civil unrest.

      • kinnath

        https://www.cnn.com/2015/07/28/opinions/bergen-1970s-terrorism/index.html

        Many Americans today are clearly convinced they are gravely threatened by terrorists. According to a January 2015 ABC News/Washington Post poll, 76% of Americans are worried about a “major” terrorist attack in the United States.

        In fact, the real Golden Age of terrorism in the United States was during the ’70s, not in the post-9/11 world. Consider that terrorism in the United States was then a quite common feature of life: There were literally hundreds of terrorist bombings, shootings and hijackings in States during the 1970s. In the 14 years since 9/11 there have been by contrast only some two-dozen terrorist attacks in the United States perpetrated by a mix of jihadist terrorists, neo-Nazis, violent racists and anti-government militants, according to a count by New America.

        During the decade of the 1970s terrorists killed 184 people in the States and injured more than 600 others. In the decade and a half since 9/11, terrorists have, by contrast, killed 74

        Antifa is chicken shit. But they have potential.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Absolutely. From an societal standpoint, it looks a lot like the 60’s right now. It’s only a matter of time before we get a new Red Army Faction.

      • kinnath

        Note that CNN’s “Terrorists from the 70s” were predominately home-grown, left-wing agitators.

      • kinnath

        From my clearly feeble memories, bombings in the 60s and 70s were generally KKK-like groups targeting blacks and left-wing agitators targeting “the man”.

        Europe had its own set of problems.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My observation is more that America looks a lot like 60’s Europe right now. Particularly where the universities are breeding grounds for radical politics.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m also hearing a lot about praxis lately, a very popular term for 60’s German radicals.

      • Pope Jimbo

        People were tougher back then. None of this “Boston Strong” bull shit.

        Consider what happened when another Puerto Rican group detonated a small bomb in a Bronx cinema while a rapt crowd watched a movie called The Liberation of L.B. Jones. When police ordered everyone to leave, an NYPD spokesman complained, the audience angry refused, demanding to see the rest of the movie. When police insisted, “They about tore the place apart.”

      • trshmnstr

        The only thing that makes me wonder is that none of them have actually exploded. Either this nut is really really bad at this, or they’re not meant to kill. Add in the proximity to the election, and I haven’t ruled out performance art.

      • Hyperion

        It was inevitable. And inevitable we will have more of the same. The left’s controllable mob is out of control. There must be damage control. Damage control = it’s the right who are really the violent ones.

    • LJW

      And what about the ricin sent to multiple Republicans? Or the guy shot Scalise? ANTIFA everyday? Soros funded guy that assaulted a Republican campaign manager?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh shush, those aren’t indicative of anything.

      • Q Continuum

        ISOLATED INCIDENTS

      • commodious spittoon

        Too local!

      • Hyperion

        Shutup, you’re harshing the narrative! You have to trust the expert media on which news to report.

      • Naptown Bill

        #whataboutism

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, one of my colleagues mentioned the Soros bomb yesterday in tones of horror saying this is what happen when conspiracy stories are believed, people get bombed. And I responded, “yeah, and they get shot at baseball games” which she completely ignored before mentioning some other right-wing perpetrated horror to which I responded “or they shoot up Focus on the Family” and she moved on to yet another right-wing horror. It was bizarre, like I hadn’t said anything at all.

      • WTF

        She probably thought you were agreeing with her and those were additional examples of right wing violence.

    • Hyperion

      We can never know who exactly it was, but expect numerous spins on it from CNN, NYT, WaPo, etc over the next few days. All spins will have a leak or leaks and unnamed but very reliable sources giving us hints about who the vile right wingers who did this are.

      It’s almost like they planned it.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I hereby invoke the 48 Hour Rule.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Is that the “Wait 48 hours before returning the child to their parents” one?

      • Old Man With Candy

        That’s the other one.

    • wdalasio

      “This is what happens when Fauxnews and Drumphf!1!!11 constantly agitate their base with lies and hateful rhetoric!!11!!!”

      And I’m sure your coworkers will take responsibility for what happened to Steve Scalise? Or Rand Paul’s neighbor’s attacks?

      Sorry, until they do, I don’t see a damned reason for anyone on the right to apologize.

      • Hyperion

        “And I’m sure your coworkers will take responsibility for what happened to Steve Scalise? Or Rand Paul’s neighbor’s attacks?”

        They’ve already splained it to you deplorables. It was different. They had it coming.

      • Bob Boberson

        It’s not my coworkers themselves, it’s their facebook friend. My coworkers skew slightly to the right but stay always stay within the MSNBC to Fox News spectrum. The only days they really piss me off is when we are have decided to bomb some more brown people and they walk around with protruding war-boners.

      • Bob Boberson

        ugh I suck at editing

      • Hyperion

        “The only days they really piss me off is when we are have decided to bomb some more brown people and they walk around with protruding war-boners.”

        That’s hardly the only thing that really annoys me about some on the right. Out of all the bad things they can lay on democrats, they have go on with ‘they want to legalize drugs!’. Then you ask them ‘How many beers or glasses of wine you had this week? That’s a drug. Why should it be legal? Just because it’s ‘your’ drug of choice?’. They will always come back about how it’s different because they can enjoy a couple [15] beers or glass [3 bottles] of wine with their dinner and pot is only for getting high’. It’s very frustrating.

      • Bob Boberson

        Oh sure. I never try to talk things like drug war with them because it’s fruitless. I just make pithy statements to the tune of “if it were up to me you’d be able to buy pot from a gas station and heroine from CVS” and enjoy their baffled looks as they try to tell if I’m serious or not.

        Full disclosure: serious as a heart attack.

      • SugarFree

        I often describe myself as a “Heroin-in-vending-machines libertarian.” It stakes out my position accurately and usually shocks them into silence.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Heroin in the cigarette-vending machine in the Kindergarten.

      • Hyperion

        “Heroin in the cigarette-vending machine in the Kindergarten.”

        Right beside the scary black gun vending machine.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I remember laughing about the vending machine that sold beer right outside some girls’ Jr. High when I was working in Japan.

        I told my coworkers that if there was a beer machine like that in my home town, the line would have wrapped around the block. They were utterly confused because the drinking age was 21. How could underage kids buy beer? That would be breaking the law.

      • SugarFree

        Heroin, beer, dirty panties and a dainty .380 is just the top row.

      • R C Dean

        Heroin in the cigarette condom-vending machine in the Kindergarten.

      • Bob Boberson

        And the same thing for cops…..it’s just not a conversation worth having with most on the right.

      • Hyperion

        One of my favorite things used to be getting into the middle of a fight between conservatives and liberals.

        lefty: Legalize weed!

        Me: Damn right!

        lefty: See, Hyperion is a great guy! He’s not one of them gun nuts!

        Me: I love guns. I should go to the gun range and do some shooting.

        lefty: ???

        conservative: Damn straight, Hype! You’re not like them pot heads!

        Me: I like smoking a couple joints before I go to the range to do some shooting.

        conservative: ???

        lefty: You’re not one of us, you’re a damn gun nut!

        conservative: You’re not one of us, you’re a damn pot head!

    • Ted S.

      But the one sent to the Republican senator’s office (was it Hatch?) is ignored. Proof of that is that I can’t recall which senator it was.

  17. MikeS

    A lot of laughs before the full on vomiting. I was already chuckling, but kinda lost it here:

    Hillary squatted and let out a piggy grunt.

    “What the fuck?” one girl said.

    “Shh,” said another. “She needs to concentrate.”

    • Suthenboy

      Agreed. Easily the best lines. Simple, graphic and vivid. Hemingwayesque. Three short lines and you can see it perfectly in your mind.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Rules for Life #3,738 – Never ever get in the middle of someone else’s divorce.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I’m explaining this to my wife now. One of her best friends and coworkers is about to file. Really shitty situation, and the soon to be ex is mentally unstable and potentially dangerous. Lach’s story has loomed large in my mind.

        We are going to offer to take her shooting and suggest getting a rottweiler without directly tying anything back to her situation. A murder suicide was in our area was just on the news, and while I’m not saying I think the ex would do that, no one be surprised if he did.

    • Naptown Bill

      Based on the pic at the bottom of the article it might be an improvement.

    • commodious spittoon

      A neighbour of the couple Steve Purton, who was upstairs doing DIY at the time

      Barely even a euphemism.

    • LJW

      UK needs common sense gas cannister control.

    • Suthenboy

      “Two of Elaine’s four cats have not been since the explosion”

      I am glad they included that important information.

      • Naptown Bill

        Muffy and Skittles are wanted for questioning.

      • R C Dean

        Its England.

        “Muffy and Skittles are needed to help the police with their inquiries.”

      • Nephilium

        That Elaine was a crazy cat woman?

  18. Scruffy Nerfherder

    In other news, it looks like support levels are being broken on the stock market.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Approaching the last half hour when the PPT really kicks in the effort, down 1.5% right now and looks like it may continue into the close.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And the PPT is getting its ass handed to it

  19. Michael

    “Honey, are y’all about done with y’all’s meetin’?”

    Through splayed fingers, she could see Bill’s disembodied head poking through the ragged gash they had torn in reality to travel to the cratered hell plain.

    I had to excuse myself and step away from my desk for a few minutes. I fear my coworkers might be questioning the mental well being of the giggling idiot amongst them.

    • kinnath

      gash

      Old school euphemism there.

    • Michael

      Aaaaaaand the need to stifle laughter now transforms into an urge to suppress vomit.

      • Creosote Achilles

        Are you slut-shaming the Hildebeast?

      • Michael

        How can one possibly slut shame something equipped with a Lovecraftian trouser snake?

      • Creosote Achilles

        I wasn’t saying you shouldn’t. In fact, that’s an excellent reason to shame Herself.

  20. Hyperion

    I’ve figured out what is going on with the bombs. It’s that Trump playing his 46 dimensional chess again. He’s making them negroes and women afraid to go out to the polls.

  21. LJW

    The White House has to do more than condemn the crazies

    “We’re also going to hear a lot of moral equivalence and whataboutism. Both sides are over the top. Both sides are too partisan. Let me be clear: Only one party calls for its opponents to be locked up, calls the free press the “enemy of the people,” incites violence at rallies, praises an act of criminal violence by a congressman, deploys race-baiting and xenophobia as a political tactic and stokes fear of crime at a time it is at record lows. To be more precise, the president of the United States does all these things, and by and large, Republicans condone or at the very least ignore him. Afraid of their own shadows and of their own base, Republicans choose to turn a blind eye when Trump whips his crowd into a frenzy — and the audience turns its venom on the media covering the event.”

    And the spin is here. These morons live in a bubble.

    • Hyperion

      It’s just conditional reality on display. Conditional reality is a right!

      What happens when we find out that the bomb sender is another loner wacko lefty? Does the Trump admin still have to condemn it?

      • Bob Boberson

        No, then it’s an isolated incident and Trump is pushing false-narrative conspiracy theories if he says anything.

    • Bob Boberson

      Both sides are over the top. Both sides are too partisan.

      “Now let me go on to explain why it’s okay for us but not for them”

      • Bob Boberson

        WaPo and Jennifer Rubin, whodathunkit?

    • wdalasio

      So, Ms. Rubin is taking responsibility for the shooting of Steve Scalise?

      • Bob Boberson

        That didn’t count because reasons.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If only he would bomb some more brown people or start a war with Russia, I’d be happy.

      /Rubin

    • Naptown Bill

      I assume Mme. Rubin has someone to drive her back and forth to the office, because I don’t believe she could see very well to drive with her head so far up her own ass.

    • R C Dean

      Let me be clear: Only one party has attempted to murder multiple Congressmen, harasses their enemies in public, has assaulted a Senator and campaign officials, instigates violence at rallies, riots at inaugurations . . . .

  22. The Late P Brooks

    What are the odds on legit right-wing nutter versus left-wing performance art?

    My money’s on the FBI. None of the bombs went off.

    • Hyperion

      I’m betting on anyone from the left involved. DNC, the Clintons. I don’t see any way this is coming from the right. The Democrats are too desperate to make it ‘I’t really them being violent!’. They know the violence out of their hysterical mobs is going to cost them. Even if they win the house next month, this shit is going to come back to bite them hard. They have to fix it, whatever it takes.

      • Hyperion

        I cannot really empathize this enough. No matter how you look at it, it’s hard to come to any other conclusion. Chasing people out of restaurants, attacking them publicly, dressing up in black and starting riots, that shit is only popular with the far left fringe and their sycophant media. This stuff is scaring people, I mean really scaring them, like in being afraid for their family. That’s the sort of stuff that will not make anyone popular at all, let alone more popular. The left are desperate as hell for a right winger in a Trump hat blowing people up. And if they can’t get it by chance, they’re sure as hell going to make it up.

      • Suthenboy

        That’s my suspicion but without any evidence I am not going to hazard a guess. Anytime you have more than one person you are going to have some crazy, that includes the right. You are correct, it is the left right now that is desperate, not the middle or the right. That seems like the best place to start looking.

    • Just Say'n

      I don’t buy the “false flag” argument, especially without any evidence yet. But, it does seem real curious that all of these bombs were mailed out and arrived nearly at the same time. This would have to be a real sophisticated operation to assemble all these addresses and then mail them at different locales at the same time where the packages would arrive around the same time. And none of the bombs detonating is real strange.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Also lacking: a physical description. I’ll decide if it’s a bomb or not.

        An M1000 in a mailbox isn’t a bomb. It’s a prank.

    • Michael

      My money’s on the packages eventually being found to contain nothing explosive at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if they find a Lite Brite arranged to display SAVE ARE HELTHCAREZ or something equally obtuse.

      • Bob Boberson

        I had this thought too. Rest assured if that’s the case they let everyone know in a 30 second piece aired at 4AM EST.

      • trshmnstr

        I saw a picture of a pipe bomb on Drudge. Idk if it was inert or not.

        Oh for 5 or 6 on detonations is almost unbelievable, especially since the loon supposedly hand delivered the Soros one.

      • Luther Baldwin

        This. My money’s on the whole thing being a prank. If it gets quietly swept under the rug by the end of the week in favor of stories about Kim Kardashian’s latest butt implant, we’ll know for sure.

  23. WTF

    Dear God, SugarFree, what the fuck did we do to deserve that?!
    I will have nightmares.

    • SugarFree

      That which is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.
      —Nietzsche

  24. The Late P Brooks

    I hereby invoke the 48 Hour Rule.

    Have a taste, and if you’re not dead or incapacitated in 48 hours, you finish it off?

    • Q Continuum

      That’s what she said.

    • R C Dean

      Wait 48 hours to send the ransom demand?

  25. The Late P Brooks

    The left are desperate as hell for a right winger in a Trump hat blowing people up.

    There is no reason to pretend there isn’t a “Righteous Fist of God” wannabe out there who could, with a bit of goading from the FBI, be turned into a domestic terrorist. There are an awful lot of people out there on both sides who have allowed themselves to get completely wrapped around the axle.

    I think a truly independent actor mailing bombs around the country would probably manage to hurt somebody, even if it was “just” a mailman or or secretary.

    • Nephilium

      Unabomber 2: Election Boogaloo?

    • trshmnstr

      Supposedly the Soros bomb was packed with black powder, which seems insanely stupid.

      • Suthenboy

        Uh…if you know how to make a proper black powder bomb it can be very bad. Black powder is nothing to fuck around with. It is pretty powerful stuff.
        I am also not going to say how to make a proper one and not a dud.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Smells like chicken around here.

        /ATF bot

      • trshmnstr

        I’m not saying that it’s not injurious. Only that of all the materials available to a would be pipe bomber, black powder is probably not the top choice.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    There is a deep pool of pyrotechnic talent out there, thanks to our Neverending War strategy. There are probably thousands of men and women who have been well trained in the art and science of blowing things and people to smithereens. I believe it’s a testament to the robustness of American culture and society that this country hasn’t seen a string of terrorist bombings similar to the Irish Troubles, considering the lengths some people have gone to to foment dissension and paranoia.

    • Old Man With Candy

      There is a deep pool of pyrotechnic talent out there, thanks to…

      …the Boy Scouts. There was nothing my troop couldn’t and didn’t blow up.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Red Dawn was a call to arms for our troop.

  27. Mojeaux

    @Bobarian, from links thread re shoulder surgery:

    Just had it. I’m 7 weeks out from rotator cuff repair and subacromial decompression. 5 weeks of physical therapy and still some to go, but am happy it’s done. I don’t have full strength yet but more than I had presurgery.

    I need to have my left shoulder done. I dread it because it IS hell for a while, but I’m looking forward to having done it.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Thanks!

  28. Sean

    Wait…now another package found at DWS’s office, but it was addressed to Eric Holder. The address was wrong for Holder and was returned to DWS.

    • leon

      Kinda racist that she didn’t have his address right…

      • Pope Jimbo

        It just said “Back of the bus” but didn’t say which bus?

    • WTF

      Looking more and more like a stupid prank.

    • Rebel Scum

      Maxine Waters seems to have gotten one too.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        With this many sent out it shouldn’t be too difficult to track down the source.

  29. Playa Manhattan

    OMG suspicious package

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re at a transgender parade?

      • Playa Manhattan

        Some letter from the county assessor asking for money.

        HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS

      • Q Continuum

        But did it have white powder?

    • leon

      You know… I’ll be fair. If this had happened to a bunch of Republicans, i think i’d be pretty outraged. So i’ll give the democrats that. I still want to see more about what is happening before i say anything about what i think it is or is not.

      • Playa Manhattan

        There was some white powder mailed to a certain politician a week ago, and it barely made the news.

        All I’m asking for is a little consistency.

      • WTF

        WHATABOUTISMS!!111!!!!!!!

      • leon

        True. And i didn’t get up in arms about it either, cause i realized it was a crazy person. So maybe i’m being to kind, the democrats should realize this is just a crazy person.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        the democrats should realize this is just a crazy person.

        Too useful to be ignored.

      • Bob Boberson

        I’m outraged over this the same way I’d be outraged if whoever did this tried to bomb R’s; but the source of my outrage is that there is a media apparatus that thinks it’s job is to manipulate first and inform second. Narrative-driven journalism, regardless of the underlying ideology, is antithetical to a free society.

      • Hyperion

        I don’t think you can send a pipe bomb in an envelope with stamps. It’s too heavy, you would have to put that in a box and pay postage.

      • Timeloose

        No marking on the stamps either, so hand delivered?

      • CPRM

        Yeah, the stamps aren’t marked, and that doesn’t even look like enough stamps for what I would guess that weighs. Mailing a thumb drive can get marked postage due with 2 stamps.

      • Timeloose

        Is that a pic of Trump taped to it?

      • Timeloose

        Also a pipe is heavy and easily deemed suspicious, the letter was obviously not mailed, and the contents were likely not real. This looks like it was dreamed up to make one side outraged and scared and the other questioning and seeking conspiracy theories. Foreign Third party or creative nutcase? Too early to tell.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Obviously Russkies

      • invisible finger

        More like college prank.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Looks like Brennan…

      • Nephilium

        Ok, whoever it is at least has a sense of humor. Debbie Wasserman Shultz is on the return address.

      • Florida Man

        It looks like it has some image on it. Why not a clear photo, CNN?

      • Q Continuum

        If it’s a “live explosive”, why the fuck are you standing over it taking a picture of it on the breakroom table?

        Something about this stinks to high heaven.

      • R C Dean

        Hard to tell, but it looks like there’s a little ISIS flag on there, too.

  30. wdalasio

    I know it’s human nature to want to speculate, but maybe we could settle on “it’s too early to know a damned thing”? Yes, it could be some loon on the right. Or it could be a false flag. But, until we have a shred of evidence there’s no reason to claim we know who did it or what their motives were. The only thing we can say is that it looks like someone is trying to bomb people and that’s a really shitty thing to do.

    • Hyperion

      I’m not saying it’s leftists. BUT IT’S LEFTISTS!

  31. The Late P Brooks

    OMG suspicious package

    With a return address.

    Wheels within wheels, dude.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I know it’s human nature to want to speculate, but maybe we could settle on “it’s too early to know a damned thing”?

    I’m calling it. Hillary is, in fact, a transdimensional homunculus.

    • Q Continuum

      Transdimensional, transsexual, transspecies.

      • Luther Baldwin

        From Transylvania.

  33. Q Continuum

    Reading more about it, I’m leaning toward Lefty playacting.

    The whole scenario, from the timing, the targeting and the contents of the “bombs” (IMO, never intended to work and/or hurt anyone, but containing BAD STUFF like black powder) seems too much like a Lefty wet dream scenario to be real. And, predictably, because it fits the Lefty wet dream, CNN et. al. is screaming it from the rooftops to try and influence the election.

    We finally found something big enough to wipe the “caravan” from the front page.

    • Hyperion

      Glad I’m not alone and figuring this out.

    • Bob Boberson

      The fact that they used black powder reaffirms my suspicions that whoever did this either

      A) Earnest in their efforts but had no idea what they were doing

      B) Had no idea what they were doing and no intention of those bombs ever going off.

    • Rebel Scum

      seems too much like a Lefty wet dream scenario to be real.

      That’s why I think false-flag until proven otherwise.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They caught him with a .38 and a .357. Only the classiest criminals still use revolvers.

      • Brett L

        I have one of those, too!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Oh shush

    • Hyperion

      CNN guaranteed me a while back that the migrants were only a few women and children. Must be Nazis from Germany.

    • Naptown Bill

      #notallmuslims #notallimmigrants

  34. The Late P Brooks

    To expand slightly on my earlier comment-

    There are four people I see on an almost daily basis who I suspect have the training and expertise to successfully carry out a Tim McVeigh -scale bombing.

    But they don’t.

    • Brochettaward

      I’d guess that none of them are Antifa or even registered Democrats, as well.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Pic of the one “delivered” to CNN.

    I was expecting a black sphere with “TNT” stenciled on it, with a sizzling fuse.

    What a gyp.

      • Private Chipperbot
      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s what I expected,

      • LJW

        Mongo only pawn in game of life.

      • Hyperion

        LOL.

        If this isn’t the left genuinely clowning up an Oct surprise, it has to be 4chan making fun of them again.

    • Luther Baldwin

      In a box labeled “Acme Corp.”

      • Tres Cool

        great minds

      • MikeS

        …and you two

    • Tres Cool

      +1 ACME

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Wouldn’t the stamps be canceled and the package postmarked if it was mailed (it isn’t)? If these were hand delivered somehow it won’t be long before this person/these people are caught.

  36. LJW

    Just heard from ABC news on the radio something along the lines of “One the packages had a return address to Debbie Wasserman Shultz. Law enforcement does not believe she was the one who sent the package”. Hard hitting journalism!

    • MikeS

      But it says so right there on the envelope!

      • Private Chipperbot

        Corroborating evidence!

      • Nephilium

        #BELIEVEHER

    • Hyperion

      And there were no real Ninjas involved?

  37. DrOtto

    Sounds like it’s Huma’s turn.

    • Hyperion

      I’d just like to know what happened to the Twink in the North. I thought he was going to be the real star of this series.

      • Sean

        I’d just like to know what happened to the Twink in the North.

        Maybe there will be a subplot with him getting pegged.

      • Q Continuum

        “Justin dear, what size do you want tonight?”
        “It’s been a hard day. Bring out the Doomcock.”

      • Pan Zagloba

        Maybe SF is saving it for the sweeps.

  38. Brochettaward

    Fuck you people who tell me not to wantonly speculate.

    It’s a false flag. Lefwing bukaki theater.

    • Bob Boberson

      In my mind there is a huge difference between us wantonly speculating and the MSM actively doing it on CNN/MSNBC et al.

      Ours is a meaningless conversation between friends, theirs is pushing a narrative with an agenda out onto a feckless citizenry that takes their word, for the most part, as objective truth.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, it’s speculation with tongue planted firmly in cheek for the most part.

      • CPRM

        Sarcasm, here? That’s ridiculous!

      • R C Dean

        a feckless citizenry that takes their word, for the most part, as objective truth

        Not any more.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        I’m not your friend, pal.

      • Bob Boberson

        I’m not your pal, guy.

      • MikeS

        I’m not your guy, buddy.

    • Sean

      Fake bombs. Fake news.

      Next.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, I’ll be shocked if any of these were even built to explode. This has “prank” tattooed on its ass.

    • Bob Boberson

      its almost like that had the narrative all lined-out in advance

      • Sean

        *adjusts tin foil hat and nods*

    • Rebel Scum

      a former senior adviser to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said it was almost as though the person(s) who sent the packages was “following Donald Trump’s Twitter feed.”

      Because Trump tells people to send (probably pretend) bombs to current and former gov’t reps and/or otherwise says to harass/assault/injure/kill them. . .

      Narrative. set.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Trump better not be saying anything like that. Maxine Waters will sue his ass for trademark infringement if he is

    • Suthenboy

      “You have to ask how much Donald Trump is responsible for the climate that we’re in where things like this happen.”

      Because Trump said ‘kick them when they are down’, ‘we cant have civility’, harass and assault them in restaurants’…etc. Because Trump supporters are running masked in the streets smashing windows, beating people up and setting things on fire.
      Yep, that was all Trump.

      We have seen all of this shit before from the left, in Italy, Germany, Russia, China, Venezuela, Cuba…the list goes on. They are always the same everywhere and all of the time. Same thinking, same behavior, same result.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s fucking weird.

    • Rebel Scum

      I know both sides engage in idol worship but leftists take it to a whole different level.

      • Suthenboy

        I dont get those people. They must have one hell of an empty place inside.
        Face it, everyone is born the same – naked, screaming their head off and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. You have to bumblefuck your way through on the first go, you dont get a practice run. Everybody fucks up. Nobody has it all figured out. Looking for a savior is a waste of time.
        Have some fucking pride. Hold your chin up and just do the best you can.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Hold your chin up

        Yogi Berra tried that and spent his entire life having balls bounce off his chin.

    • Suthenboy

      The cult of personality types make me queasy.

      • Private Chipperbot

        It’s weird. I’m trying to think if I ever was in actual awe of someone. The closest was probably when I was 9 or 10 and played in a charity game against Red Wings oldtimers. This was when actual stars would show up to these things so I played against the Production Line – Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsey, and Alex Delvecchio. Lindsey took a shot from center ice and broke my stick. The dick bought me a new one, but didn’t give me his (which would have been priceless to me).

      • Rebel Scum

        closest was probably when I was 9 or 10

        Well, leftists are basically petulant children. They never grow up, which explains much of their world view.

      • Suthenboy

        Same here. 8 to 10 My heroes were western movie stars. Then I grew up and learned how to shoot better than them.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Fun Facts: O’Rourke, who is often described as “Kennedyesque,” is running against the son of John F. Kennedy’s assassin.

      nice.

    • Pope Jimbo

      My mother has a pic of her shaking hands with JFK during a stop during the ’68 election and she doesn’t look ga-ga at all about meeting him (luckily she looks just as disinterested in a pic with Nixon during the same campaign).

      • creech

        I wouldn’t be too thrilled either, seeing as how JFK’s mouldering corpse was five years old in ’68

  39. Rufus the Monocled

    Blue waves will never be the same.

  40. Enough About Palin

    No one will doubt why I’m now going out into the garage to hang myself.