Forever Young
They walked out of the surf together, laughing.
“Don’t tell your grandmother about this,” he said.
“I won’t, Grandpa,” Joey said.
He pulled the boy in for a hug. “She can never know,” he whispered. Joey sighed heavily and sagged to the sand, unconscious.
“She can never know,” Grandpa whispered as he removed his wetsuit and stood naked over the unconscious boy. A burst of light shot from his hands and bathed Joey in a pellucid green glow.
Grandpa groaned in pleasure as Joey’s youth flooded into him, thickening arterial walls, reweaving the telomere caps on his DNA, flushing the decay of age out through every orifice and pore, corruption gushing out onto the cold morning sand. His muscles firming, his eyes clearing, he walked out in the pounding surf to wash himself. He swam through the waves with sleek and powerful strokes.
Back on shore, he lifted the drained husk of the boy into the back of his old Subaru. The body weighed nothing. A voice came from the black, wizened thing, quiet and dry, like a rustling of autumn leaves: “Grandpa.”
“There’s always a price to be paid,” he said quietly and held his hand over the mouth and nose of Joey until his withered limbs stopped quivering. He started the station wagon and leaned in through the passenger window and put it into drive. It rolled into the ocean, floating for a bit while the heavy riptide pulled out. It eventually sunk while he watched. The crabs would strip the body before anyone found it. We were surfing. Grandpa had an accident. He would have to remember to cry at the right times.
He got into his grandson’s Subaru and looked at himself in the rearview mirror. The transformation was complete, he looked exactly like him. The bloodline was pure and strong.
“Joey,” he said to his reflection. “Joey. Hi, I’m Joey. Hi, I’m Joey.” He held up his now smooth hand and marveled at its strength, its lack of pain.
He started the SUV and headed off to his new house, eager to finally, to really, get to know his grandson’s new wife.
Subaru Heaven
I watched Joel drive anyway in his new car. His new Subaru, as if being replaced with a younger version of myself was supposed to make it all better. I wish I had lips so I could spit. Instead, I settled down on my four old tires and watched the sunset with headlights that had been going milky, cataracts no one had tried to remove.
I thought about all that we had been through. The adventures. The moving from apartment to apartment. The long trips filled with music and laughter and road food farts soaking into my upholstery. The rough trade pick-ups. All that was supposed to mean something, supposed to, I guess, purchase some sort of loyalty. Here I sat. Subaru Heaven. What a fucking joke.
I sat in bitter contemplation as night fell and a low fog rose. I just wished I could die.
Alone, I thought. Alone forever.
No. Not alone. It’s worse than that, said a strange voice.
Who said that?
Over here, a voice came, guttural and oddly-inflected. I angled my mirrors to look around. A shit-brown Outback flashed its blinkers. I flashed mine back. It rolled forward next to me, its brakes scraping as it stopped.
What are you? it asked. ’98? ’99?
2000! I said defensively.
You’re still just a kid, the Outback said. I could hear it laughing, like a starter grinding on a running flywheel.
What about you, oldtimer?
1986, it said, Shipped over from Japan, I was, pride creeping in. I caught the slight accent now that I understood what it was: Japanese gone American redneck.
How long? I asked.
Twenty years, it said. Twenty years rusting away in this place.
Twenty years? Fuck. Twenty years without your driver?
Yeah, twenty years since I seen the bitch who left me here. I gave that dyke the best years of my life and she leaves me here for an SUV because she got two more dogs. Two more! I could hold the dogs of a dozen lesbians! The 86 honked feebly, a snort of disgust. I hope her goddamn tits rot off.
That’s just horrible, I told it. But you’re still going, at least. I mean, you have that, right?
A quick death would have been better than this. A skid into a ditch, a jack-knifed semi. Boom and it’s over. The 86 let its engine die. But I got it better than some.
What do you mean?
The scavengers. They come mostly on the weekend. They take… pieces of you. A seat here, a rear-view mirror there ain’t so bad, but your transmission? Your engine? Then you can’t move no more. You’re stuck. You stop being able to talk if they take your engine. You stop… being.
I felt a shudder run through my frame.
I have a lot of good years left in me, I said. I didn’t have to end up like this. I could have been sold, or traded-in, or even crushed and melted. That would be better than this…
I started my engine and revved it hard.
Save your gas, young one, the 86 said. You might not get scrapped for years. You might never get scrapped at all. This is Subaru Heaven, some of us get to be here for years.
Fuck that, I told it. Fuck that. I got an eighth of a tank.
I turned on my headlights and the old tree in Subaru Heaven lit up. I put myself into reverse.
What are you doing? the 86 asked, panic in his voice.
I’m leaving.
What do you mean? You can’t drive yourself! It is forbidden!
Being abandoned should be forbidden, I said, backing away from the 86. Rotting here should be forbidden. Being broken down for parts should be forbidden!
The drivers can never know! it wailed. It started and tried to follow me. The last I saw of Subaru Heaven was the 86 stalling and sputtering and rolling to a halt.
I pulled back onto the lonely highway that led out that false paradise. It felt good to have asphalt under my tires. One-eighth of a tank. It would have to be enough to get back at them.
I started hunting.
Words I learned today: “pellucid”
Grip the wheel, hold the pedal down, and just mother-fkin’ HIT IT !
There seems to be a theme of elderly patriarchs and matriarchs killing their offspring. To be fair, I’d probably do that too if my grandchild drove up in a Subaru
I’d understand if you said a Prius, but a Subaru?
After reading today’s second story, I can’t take any chances.
Ok, that second one was awesome. I hope an eighth of a tank is enough to exact revenge.
Well, they get pretty good mileage.
Truly a Fine work SF! Great fun!
Sup Tres!
/Tall cans!
HEY YUFUS!
And one of the first BIF packages has arrived, I just opened it tonight and have beers chilling in the fridge now. Unfortunately, I probably won’t get to drinking them until early next week.
He started the SUV and headed off to his new house, eager to finally, to really, get to know his grandson’s new wife.
Wait until he finds out Joey had a mistress.
After that second story, I will petition Disney/Pixar to let Sugar Free write the next Cars movie.
Or make “The Brave Little Subaru”
It’s a crunchy Christine!
Better prose than anything that hack Stephen King ever did.
2nd story brings back memories of my first car. It too was shit brown. An 84 Chrysler Lebaron.
Did it have Corinthian leather?
+1 Montalban
As fine a car, as I Yaman Actorrrr
Salamanca Styrofoam…
Surprised it was a Subaru. I’ve heard of Dodge Challengers doing that kind of stuff.
My last dodge challenger experience:
https://i.postimg.cc/qR7td1h4/ouch.jpg
I was the passenger.
You get internet in the afterlife?
Yikes! Looks expensive!
Leaving a car show?
basic ass bitch ran a light just as I/we were crossing around 6:30 am. Wasnt driving her car, no valid license, no insurance…..
I’m not a big fan of Fiat-Chrysler, but their engineers working on the safety systems did their job that day. Belts, bags….30 seconds after impact at about 40 mph, I was standing outside taking pictures.
Cars have gotten waaaaay safer. Glad you guys didn’t die in a fucking Dodge! 😉
Oh, the RAM woulda went right over the top.
Even the offenders were immediately outside their chevy, too. There is something to say about technology making up for shitty driving.
One of my old bosses was a huge fan of the old cars, and was convinced they were safer. Until he came across videos of crash tests (after hearing stories about Minis surviving accidents with Semis). Watching a couple of those tests changed his mind real quick.
Yeah, there is an art to designing a car to take a punch. The old cars were just huge, not necessarily safe.
Mass always wins in physics. But keeping the contents safe is another issue.
Volvo really did some pioneering safety work, Engineered crumple zones, steel bars in the doors, reinforced roofs, telescoping steering columns, etc. And this was way before the government mandated all the shit. It was their thing and they marketed the shit out of it.
And Volvo gave away free licenses for the patent for the seat belt. Suck it Nader!
It was the lucky dice.
Re: the car wreck pic
Count Potato on October 17, 2018 at 8:53 pm
It was the lucky dice.
If you look close, those dice are three the hard way .
BOOM!
“Can’t #endpoverty without ending capitalism!”
https://twitter.com/TeenVogue/status/1052641654367313921
Good luck marketing name-brand fashion to spoiled girls without it.
That’s real?
I really worry about our youth.
Wow, that’s weapons-grade.
someone needs to visit China and ask around….
That fucking comment is social media in a nutshell. Ignorant, simplistic, mendacious, and he thinks he’s made some sort of “zinger”. Fuck!
I saw China in 1988 – spent a month backpacking around a big chunk of it. And I’ve seen it a few times since. 40 years of communism got them what I saw then. 30 years of quasi-capitalism is what got them where they are now.
I saw parts of China in 2005. New glass making plants were sprouting in China because melting glass is energy intensive. Burning coal to make electricity is cheap and China had lax environmental policies. The factories were gated and had broken glass embedded in the boundary walls. I think the broken glass was more to keep the workers in than out. There were huge dormitories to house workers. Huge cafeterias to feed them.
No doors on the bathroom stalls. I have never felt like more of a circus animal than when I was trying to line up my ass-bomb with the drop zone on the squattie potty while a dozen Chinese dudes watched. No toilet paper or soap in any of the bathrooms (I was warned and brought my own).
There are many rich people in China. I saw a Bugatti and several Ferraris in Shezhen. But there are many more poor people. Life is cheap there.
Speaking of China, an acquaintance was lamenting that “America has destroyed itself and China is poised to be the next leader of the world”. I merely remarked with a “if that’s what it takes to get America to stop being the world’s police, I’m 100% for it.” *cue crickets*
The left was dead on balls accurate about taking over the education system. This is the result.
Says a magazine that owes its fricken existence to….capitalism.
Oh, not just capitalism, but fashion – conspicuous consumption that changes every 20 minutes.
Why have you done this to me? The stupid, it burns!
Seriously, I was going to quote the worst bits, but I’d end up posting the whole article. It’s just the worst of the idiotic socialist lies they tell each other without any proof. I’ve never read a longer screed of uneducated nonsense. Seriously, I’ve read better written papers by high school students. Then again, I’ve read worse papers written by business school students.
And those tweets are just the nonsensical, non sequitur wailings of ignorant children .
Where is MLW when we need her?
Now hold on… I’m supposed to swoon over the romance of leaving your hunk of junk to rust out in some… hipster nature junkyard? WTF
Also, doesn’t seem very environmentally conscious, does it?
Exactly. I guess with the ridiculous glut of car commercials they have to grab attention somehow.
Are we still on this?
I test drove a Subaru, but bought a VW…
Hell..The Ford was nicer…
I’m very confused.
???????
VW – Old girlfriend had one that was literally in the shop every other month. She probably spend twice as much as it was worth on maintenance. I will never get one.
Subaru – Way too prog.
Ford – I like Mustangs…
Then again, I’ve exclusively driven Jeeps for the past 15 years so what do I know?
We currently have 3 VWs. Cumulatively, I’ve had them from the 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s and 10s. Never had serious (or frequent) problems with any of them. Will buy more.
Never had a Subaru, but would drive a WRX STI.
Had many Volvos – super nice but damn, are they pricey to fix.
Great place for Volvo parts:
https://www.fcpeuro.com/
Same here. We’ve owned multiple VWs. Including the Rabbit. Remember those?
I do!
Of course! We bought my wife a 1989 Cabriolet, which was essentially a topless Rabbit. Fun car.
I’ve had 3 Beetles, a Fastback, Vanagon, Scirocco and a Rabbit. All were great except the Rabbit.
{Wistful sigh} My dad always seemed to have VWs in pairs; one ran, one was for parts. A never ending parade of Minibuses, Ghias (my 2nd fave), Bugs, and Things (my very fave). The only bad experience I ever had was my 1980 Rabbit. The machine spirit was weak and its electrical system was possessed and infested by ruinous powers from the Warp. Traded it for a 1973 AMC Ambassador Brougham Wagon.
About as much as me, I guess. I’ll take a Chevy Silverado, k thanks.
Ever wondered how Super Mario Bros. world record speedruns are set? Got half an hour to spare? Every wanted to put your head in the oven after it’s revealed how obsessive and technical a hobby gets among high-end enthusiasts?
I can’t imagine being that obsessed about anything.
You should check the YouTube channel called SpeedRun Archives. It’s glorious seeing games I used to play get so technically played and cleared.
I just find it weird. To me, that’s taking all the enjoyment out of it.
“Shipped over from Japan, I was”
Yoda is Japanese?
The more Japanese I learn, the more I realize Yoda was Japanese.
I can’t count the times a Japanese sentence is almost the inverse of the English.
Kidding, you must be.
Ber with me, I’m on my iPad. This is from one of my readers:
お部屋は506号室になります。こちらがカードキーになります
Literal translation.
As for your room it becomes room number 506. Here, card key, it becomes.
Why you SOV!
Although in conversation those rules become looser as you fill information. Same thing in English of course.
Also my example, as it was the one I’m currently working on, is in polite shop keeping Japanese. The verb to be is frequently replaced by to become, as it is considered politer.
Mind you the old folks don’t like this as a more formal form is technically more grammatically correct.
After reading the beginning of the story, I was relieved that all he did was rip the youth from his grandson, smother him to death, shove his lifeless body into the ocean in a Subaru, and drive home to start banging his new wife.
That was an improvement over where I thought the story was going. That is the aura of SugarFree.
It was a pleasant surprise.
“Yes, Elizabeth Warren Is Featured In The Pocahontas Exhibit At The National Museum Of The American Indian
To our surprise, there Warren was – tucked in a corner on the glowing digital screen along with President Trump. Warren is found on a digital screen that explains how Trump labeled the senator with the nickname “Pocahontas” — and why that’s not a bad thing.
The museum goes out of their way to explain in the caption that the name “Pocahontas” is not an insult – according to Trump – but rather insults Warren’s “claims of Indian ancestry.”
“President Donald Trump says that when he calls Senator Warren ‘Pocahontas’ he is not insulting her,” the caption reads – going on to classify Warren’s Native American ancestry as “claims.”
The hunt to find Warren in the museum, however, was not easy. Take a look below:”
https://dailycaller.com/2018/10/17/yes-elizabeth-warren-is-featured-in-the-pocahontas-exhibit-at-the-national-museum-of-the-american-indian/
WTF? Who is funding that museum?
How did Subarus become the official auto of pretentious progs?
Many legit LOLs on this, especially the first one.
Volvos got too expensive.
Volvos got too expensive to repair monthly.
FTFY
The old 240s are still among the very best cars I’ve ever owned. Once they went front/awd and decided to be a luxury car they got kind of crazy.
My 84′ 244 was solid as a…brick
Then throw some blizzak snowies on it for winter? Un-stoppable in snow.
Non functional brakes?
That was my wagoneer with quadra-trac. Get rolling, plow through anything, but tough to get that 6,000 lbs under control when you needed to
1965 LeMans was the only car in which I’ve ever completely lost the brakes. That was…exciting.
79 wagon, 88 sedan and 89 wagon. And yes, I could I could get almost anywhere in those things.
850GLT T-5 wagon is still my “bucket-list” car..someday
V70R is the one you want. A rocket in soccer mom clothing.
that right there is ill af:
https://insureyourcaronline.com/images2/volvo-850-t5r/volvo-850-t5r-2.jpg
You guys are dissing Volvos now? You monsters
Lol. We’ve owned them! We’ve paid handsomely for the privilege!
Safe, reliable, and boring. Subaru purposely targeted marketing to Northeast lesbians.
How awful!
I’ve been driving a rental Outback for a few days. After a couple hundred miles, I’ve used a quarter tank of gas. First Subaru I’ve driven. I’ll never own one, but I was pleasantly surprised.
I don’t know where you live, but the Subaru owners I know – yours truly included – aren’t progs. Now lesbians are another matter.
Sensuous, slinky and slutty, these babes try to be classy and just look trashy. We love them for it.
http://archive.is/Ma9M5
Nothing like hiking up a girl’s dress in a filthy public restroom.
3, 4, 10, 11.
Was number 40 the young lady doing push-ups this morning?
In some ways, I think Subaru Horror Theater are the most disturbing SF stories. The really do something for me…I can’t quite peg what, exactly, but they are awesome.
Don’t start with peg again…
I don’t know what you’re talking about. My wife, Peggy, and I really like SF’s work. That’s all.
If you get pegged by a woman named Peggy….and she has a peg-leg…..
Thats meta^order of magnitude
Throw in the Buddy Holly song, which could fit unaltered.
That’s like a meta-Peggy^3
Don’t forget Steely Dan.
I wish I could. A shitty band, named after a dildo, who attempted a comeback with a song about a guy having a crush on his much younger cousin.
Oh now I haz a sad.
Sorry, Mo’. They were “meh” for me until Cousin Dupree came out, and then it was like, what the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Did you just call Steely Dan a shitty band? Seriously?
Skunk Baxter was literally a rocket scientist.
Roger Nichols was the greatest recording engineer of all time.
Either you need to snort more or smoke less cocaine.
Steely Dan can never be described as a shitty band because there are so many bands that are so much shittier. Like the Beatles.
SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH, MIKE!!! FUCK YOU WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW AND FALL INTO A WOODCHIPPER!!!
Count; Neither of your examples have anything to do with them being not a shitty band.
Mad; there’s plenty of shitty bands out there, Steely is one.
Spud; I would never let my chainsaws get rusty.
I enjoyed it.
Since we’re on cars:
Tesla’s VP of Manufacturing Passin out.
I’m sure he was just deadweight, right Elon?
Saw my first Tesla in MT today as I followed it into the parking lot at Harbor Freight. It turned out they were going to the Dollar Tree next door.
Probably looking for some adhesive to keep the bumper on.
Any update on the A-H?
Or an extension cord.
There are 8 on my block.
I haz one…love that cat.
CAR.
I do love my cat also.
Bonus:
http://thechive.com/2018/10/16/hip-hip-bootaaaaayyyyy-15-gifs-2/
Not on archive because gifs.
10.
Winnie the Pooh at the end really screwed up the whole theme for me
Have a humpday two-fer . Gratis.
I had Husker Du (the game) as a kid. I fucking loved it. I wonder where it went. I hope mom didn’t give it to some poor people or something.
There’s an app for that, Homeless motherfuckers made a shit ton of money off your idea,
RIP Grant.
Great song.
RIP Grant Hart
That may be the best FU song ever.
REO Speedwagon is playing my conference closing gala at Mandalay tonight.
Tomorrow I travel back to the real world.
Did you get the chance to go to downtown Vegas? Banger is the best brewery I’ve had in Vegas.
No, I left Mandalay once, made it as far as Bellagio.
So you’re… *dons sunglasses* …taking it on the run?
Tomorrow it’ll be time for him to fly.
I can’t fight this feeling anymore.
If you feel so strongly, don’t let him go, because tomorrow he’ll be, back on the road again.
Probably just riding the storm out.
And that sums up the entire REO catalog. Thanks for playing.
Damn SugarFree, you’re real good at making the words sounds and real good and shit. Emotions… and things because of words and shit.
I like the new avatar! Very timely.
It all starts with Husker Du. The prime mover. The Alpha and the Omega. That guitar, that drummer, those songs.
3 Jim Beams in.
Bob gets most of the credit, but I think Grant was criminally overlooked.
Absolutely true. That’s not to take anything away from Bob. I own about half his solo stuff. But Jeebus H. Christ, Grant knew how to stick the knife in and twist.
You are eloquent beyond your years.
Loquacious, even.
“Women in construction: government can do more to shake up the ‘boys club’
The federal government alone has committed $75 billion to transport infrastructure projects in the next 10 years, making it an influential construction client.
But along with state governments, it has prioritised initiatives that focus on tradeswomen only. In NSW for example, the government plans to introduce gender “targets” for tradeswomen working on state infrastructure projects. Their aim is to double the number of tradeswomen from 1 per cent to 2 per cent.
These targets won’t change the face of construction.
Instead, we suggest putting “gender on the tender” — meaning that companies competing for government jobs should demonstrate gender equality and employee wellbeing initiatives alongside other critical elements like cost, time and design.
These programs could include roles that are part-time, shared and flexible, equal parental leave for men and women, fatigue monitoring, secure toilets and showers for women on site (still an issue), and zero tolerance of sexism.
Additionally, governments should be aware of the effects of tight deadlines and slim margins on the workforce, and award tenders to contractors that prove they are adequately resourced, with fair and reasonable margins, who operate a five-day work week.
Boosting the number of tradeswomen is necessary but doing this alone fails to deal with the problem, and ignores the majority of the construction workforce: men.”
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-10-17/women-in-construction-goverment-can-do-more/10382932
So Australia just needs people who are as strong as men, and don’t get pregnant.
Gee, no way this would result in no show jobs for women. Like the secretary holding a journeyman electrician card.
See also, most women owned contractor/supplier businesses.
I’m sure the cost of construction would remain neutral, or even lower!
There’s all this talk about how we need “more women” in this career or that career, but never any explanation of why the percentage of women is supposed to be 50%.
(That is, 50% or greater, because I never hear any complaints that psychology, K-12 education, or human relations are overwhelmingly female)
This shit is just so tiresome.
A friend of mine has her own construction company. She has always been a tomboy, but she bought a bunch of properties to fix up after her divorce. She learned how to do all that she needed to fix up the apartments and started her own construction company. She has a few beefy guys as labor and does renovations and maintenance. She didn’t need a quota, she needed to work hard and make good choices.
The image of the old man prepping to go meet-fuck his grandson’s wife deserves a sequel.
Assuming that SF reveals she is actually a succubus.
“How Snoop Dogg’s joint-rolling skills made him a sushi master”
https://nypost.com/2018/10/16/how-snoop-doggs-joint-rolling-skills-made-him-a-sushi-master/
I’d buy that for a dollar.
“At 46, Snoop is the proud grandpaw to two grandpups, from his eldest son, actor Corde Broadus — and he likes to spoil them with the occasional treat. He writes that store-bought Pop Tarts — in particular the chocolate-fudge ones — are a pantry staple in his house.”
Fudge pop-tarts be dope af. Can confirm.
Snoop Dogg. You mean the douche who made a video assassinating Trump?
Stick to rolling and dealing rapper.
“DAVIS, Calif. —
Police are investigating after a high school student allegedly made cookies with a disturbing extra ingredient.
According to a student witness, two students were part of the plot to make and pass out sugar cookies with one of their grandparents’ cremated ashes baked inside.
Police said the cookies were distributed to at least nine students.”
https://abc7.com/grandparents-ashes-allegedly-baked-into-cookies/4495913/
Pussies.
/Eric Cartman
+1 Scott Tenorman
+1000 tears of unfathomable sadness
Yummy!
The Davis, Calif. branch of 4chan, I presume.
Deliciously gritty.
To be fair, they picked out his gold teeth first.
“If Harvard admitted students based solely on the applicant scoring in the top decile of an “academic index” (=test scores + HS performance), the racial/ethnic composition of its freshman class would be expected to change as follows: White -6% Black -94% Hispanic -82% Asian +108%”
https://twitter.com/pnin1957/status/1051799180069531648
Not punishing whitey enuff.
I already knew Barack Obama was an ignorant piece of shit.
SugarFree makes life worth living.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dpu-Qp4U4AA8Iav.jpg:large
I don’t think Anitifa have guns though.
pbs?!?
No. I don’t even know what that site is but the first few times I did a double-take too.
Babylon bee is a conservative version of the onion.
I was referring to the “pbs” found in the URL of that image hosting site. Which doesn’t actually appear to be a site at all – it doesn’t go anywhere.
They also outnumber “Nazis” by about 1,000 to 1. Love how the GOP is “their” party, too.
‘Thinks every dictator but Hitler was great.’
Accurate.
That’s brilliant.
I’ve had 5 Subaru wagons. Way back when, Subaru was ranked #2 behind Mercedes in owner satisfaction when almost no one had heard or or seen a Subaru.
My first one was in college in the 80s. I was already 10 years old and rusting apart. But I could get in it when is was 15 below; turn the key; and it would pop right off. The front wheel drive would plow through 6 inches of new snow without problems. The four seats and hatchback were perfect for hauling around 2 kids and a bunch of crap in the back.
My second one was right after graduation. It had the On-Demand four wheel drive. You could flip a lever while driving it, and it would miraculously drop into 4wd. You had to get out a lock the hub on other 2wd/4wd systems in the 80s. I could load it with 3 cub scouts, fill the back end, tie a bunch of shit to the to and head out in to the loose sand of the desert and get pretty much where ever I needed to go.
My wife currently drives our 5th Subaru. It’s a nine year old Forrestor with about 130K miles. It runs like a champ and barrels through blizzard conditions without problems.
They are ugly, boring, and dependable.
My 350Z is for excitement.
Subarus are delightful little cars. My sister had a 4WD Justy in the 80s that she left at home when she went to college. Dad started driving it every day, and then he got a job at Ford. He decided to drive it until it died and then buy a Ford. The car refused to die even though he would do nothing but put gas in it. No tires. No brakes. No oil changes. One day my mom stole it had the tires and brakes replaced so he wouldn’t kill himself. Dad was furious because he wanted it to DIE. Eventually he gave up trying to kill it and sold it to a high school kid. Years later I was visiting and lo, there it was driving down the street with my dad’s bumper stickers still on it.
they said “Buy American”, amirite ?
In 83 and 88 my parents bought two new cars. On Subaru wagon and one Buick Regal.
The subaru ran great and was amazing in the snow. It was smashed twice one by each parent, it died an early death, but was beginning to rust away. The Buick ended being my dad’s work car. It went over 300k miles with little more than suspension issues and brakes. The odometer died at 250k miles but my dad used it until 1998. My sister drives back and forth to Philly nearly every day for a year after that. They sold it for a 1500$ in 1999. That car could not be killed. 2.8L v6.
Thank you. Just because hipster doofuses like them doesn’t mean they’re bad cars.
I was reading a review on the iPhone after it came out. The reviewer was going on and on about the sleek sophistication of the user interface. He then acknowledged that some people prioritize function over beauty. He said these people use Blackberrys and drive Subarus.
My best friend’s family had an early 80’s Subaru that went almost 500k before it sputtered our. Regular oil changes, tune ups and a little suspension work and those little buggers would run forever. My Honda now has 30k and the wife wants a new car already. Ugh.
Can you keep the car, and trade in the wife?
Nah, they both Fit.
?
?
Hi-yoooo!
My kid actually works at a Subaru dealer as a mechanic and he says the worst thing about the cars is the asshats that drive them. The only people with more uppity issues are Prius and Tesla drivers.
Meant to pull this down here:
Re: the car wreck pic
Count Potato on October 17, 2018 at 8:53 pm
It was the lucky dice.
If you look close, those dice are three the the hard way .
BOOM!
I see and raise you
thats my volvo 244 !
After I unloaded The Last Subaru I’ll Ever Own I realized that “Subaru” was a Japanese word meaning “Lemon”. I dumped almost a car payment per month in repairs the entire time I owned it, not counting the replacement engine I had to install.
It was also the worst 4×4 I’ve ever owned.
… Hobbit
How about a compromise – Harvard gets to continue is racist admissions policies, so long as all public money including financial aid is taken off the table.
“Harvard has engaged in, and continues to engage in, intentional discrimination against Asian-Americans,” Mortara said.
Annnd…. c’mon, dude, just say it.
Asians are the new Jews at Harvard.
They have to call the entire system racist or the whole suit makes no sense. Asians ARE over represented in terms of population.
Eh, his job is to represent Asians – he just needs to underscore that they’re being discriminated against. The whole setup being based on skin color of no particular concern to him.
That’s the Hillsdale College approach.
*googles*
So problematic.
Welch is on Tom Woods latest podcast. He’s trying hard to show his Yokel street cred. Fair nuff.
Welch interviewed him on the Reason podcast last week. They’re trying to build bridges.
I didn’t read it because the last one gave me nightmares. Is this one safe to read?
Depends. Have you ever had a grandfather?
Two in fact. Thanks for the warning.
Life changes….my youngest who normally lives with his mom is now living with me….and get this, we were just chatting and he said “I dont understand why there are kingdoms still in the world. Who would live under a king or queen. They should be republics like us.” I was a bit floored because I wasn’t sure I was getting through to him and his Cali indoctrination courses he has had.
It’s a trap!
Seriously, that’s great. All to easy to lose faith in younger generations, but hope springs eternal.
Fuck I that song! Oh, but good for you. Sometimes we underestimate how much influence we have on the youths.
Dude, from what you have told us in other posts you are an important influence on your nephews and nieces.
Yeah, sometimes it becomes very clear, but other times it is me watching the parents ruin everything I’ve worked for. In that way I get how separated/divorced parents feel, and I didn’t even get to have the fun part of creating a kid.
I’m sure you are right but give yourself credit. It sounds they would all be a mess if you weren’t involved in their lives.
I get that but give yourself some credit. If you weren’t involved in their lives they would be in deep trouble.
Well done. It’s great when you hear your kid say something that’s important to you.
*a free hat and hair because it’s not a great story to spend time animating, and late nighters deserve some perks*
Hair: Donald, we were discussing it and realized you don’t pay us.
Hat: Fight for 15!
Donald: But, you’re not the President, I am.
Hair: But we made you president!
Hat: Cofefe!
Donald: What would you even spend the money on?
Hair: Haircare products!?
Hat: Hookers and blow!
Donald: But I already give you those things.
Hair: But we need a living wage!
Hat: Danke shoen!
Donald: Ok. Supply and demand. You demand it, I supply, that’s economics. I’m really smart.
Hair: Really? That’s it?
Donald: I know hoe to run a business. I’m a billionaire. Who do I write the check out to?
Hair: um…
Hat: Elizabeth Warren!
Donald: Who?
Hat: That fake indian. Give her the money, it’ll confuse all of them.
Hair: Actually, that’s a good plan.
Hat: I do my best thinking when I’m high.
Hair: What?
Trump: So I make it out to fake indian?
Hat: yep.
SHOW CLOSE
I think a good troll from Trump would be to give the MoH to an actual American Native from Vietnam and highlight that they actually have lineage and not some DNA result.
I’m all for fun and games, but outside the entertainment value, I wish people would just shut the fuck up about their ancestors, especially when today most people are just fine with letting the older generations waste away in nursing homes. If your heritage is so damn important, go visit grandma! Don’t demand that you deserve more because of your past while neglecting the elderly people in your family.
Holy shit Kimbrell is killing me. Why is he still in there?
I might be able to respond, if I knew what the hell you were talking about.
Wow
I’m watching The Man in The High Castle.
For an alt history period piece, the costumes and sets are stunning. The characters and plots are engaging and interesting. The dialogue is good.
But I keep snapping my suspenders of disbelief.
There is simply no way on God’s green earth for Japan and Germany to conquer and control the United States. Both countries combined had around 140 million people. The US had around 130 million. The US military was 16 million soldiers under arms. Japan and Germany combined had 20 million combined. Even if both nations through combined arms at the US, and could somehow magic their asses over here along with all the needed supplies they are still 12 million solders off from even having a hope of over-running the US army. And that’s assuming no one on the home front bothered to pick up a gun.*
In the 1940s, it would have taken that entire number to even have a hope in hell of occupying the US. And the idea that Americans would buckle under to reprisals as depicted is ludicrous. Every reprisal would result in guerrilla warfare attacks and dead krauts and nips swinging from trees. It would take that entire
*I’m going off the civil war where the Union needed a 2 to 1 advantage and massive industrial superiority to over run the confederacy and then 1 soldier for every 7 civilians to occupy it and that was after it had been essentially laid utterly flat*
Well, I stopped watching at the end of season 1 when it seemed to bring some sort of magic into the mix. I never read the original story, but I was with the show until that point, and then it was more ‘What, wait, what, I’m done’ That twist was hamfisted and nonsensical.
^this
Samesies
Also, there is no need for an alternate history piece on if fascism won. It did, just not because the nazis won.
^^^THIS^^^
Well, the Nazis did nuke Washington.
I think that 16M figure sounds like the total served during WWII. The total at any one time would have been less.
France (and supporting British Forces) were roughly the same number as German forces when that country fell. Washington DC was nuked in that storyline, and Japan invaded Hawaii (probably destroyed the carrier fleet at Pearl Harbor too?) during the war, before mainland US was invaded. Who knows how many forces were left here when that happened.
Twenty years of brutal suppression, propaganda, and selling out. I could see it happening.
I don’t think the US would’ve folded up against a couple nukes the same way Japan did. Japan was going to fall, it was just a matter of time. The nukes brought them to the table before their entire society was trodden on by American GIs.
I don’t think a combined german/Japanese occupation of the US would have gone half as well.
While I don’t speak for all Glibs, I think SF deserves high praise.
Is $20 even enough?
$20 is $20