“GM fucked us!’ the hat cried. “We bailed them out and they fucked us! Fucked us hard. Fucked us like a minivan full of Little Leaguers!”
“Oh, calm down,” the hair said. “You’re going to rip a seam.”
“We raise the price of steel for those GM bastards, and this is how they repay us?” the hat wailed. “And right before Christmas?”
“Where’s Donald?” the hair asked.
“CHRISTMAS‽” the hat replied.
“I haven’t seen much of him since we got back from Mississippi,” the hair said.
“He’s been wearing the wig,” the hat said, grief hardening to sadism.
“The wig?” the hair asked. “The wig? He’s been wearing the fucking wig? The wig looks terrible!”
[Enter DONALD, a greasy mop of Bangladeshi orphan hair sits askew on his head]
“Hey, guys,” he said.
“Take that filthy thing off, Donald.” the hair said, his voice thin.
“Filthy?” Donald asked, taken aback. “It’s clean, totally clean. I had them run it through the dishwasher just this morning.”
“I’m your hair. Me. Take that thing off,” the hair said, bristling.
“Now you know how it feels, huh? So maybe back me up the next time he wears that retard USA hat,” MAGA Prime said smugly.
“That’s different. That’s just hats. This is hair. Hair!”
“‘JUST HATS?’” the hat screeched. “You take that back, you take that back right now!”
The hair jumped on the hat and they both rolled off the Resolute desk and onto the floor of the Oval Office.
[DONALD, TO CAMERA]
“We’ll be right back, folks.”
[CAMERA UP]
[DONALD stands in a destroyed Oval Office, the hair and hat jammed down on his head. Shredded wig parts are stuck to his suit.]
“See? Isn’t this much better, Donald?” the hair asked.
“Yeah, it’s great. It’s so great,” the hat says.
“All you two do is fight,” Donald said. He walked behind his desk, unzipped and began urinating into his office trash can. “It’s unseemly. It’s unclassy. I want you two to stop. You should be like brothers.”
The hat mumbled deprecations.
“You should have a close and loving relationship, like me and Ivanka or me and Meliana and that creepy little kid who is always following her around. You know, the one she still breastfeeds.”
“Barron… your son,” the hair mutters.
“I’ve realized that I’ve been campaigning too much,” Donald said, “And traveling too much and I’ve let the homefront get soft.”
“And you’ve put on weight,” the hat said.
“I’m at the perfect weight for a President my age. We can’t all look like Vlad,” Donald said.
“You never even try to go shirtless horseback riding anymore,” the hair said.
“Let’s make a Week After Thanksgiving resolution, guys,” Donald said, sitting down in his office chair. “Let’s resolve to be more like our original characterization, OK?”
“Fine,” the hair said, “But, honestly, I don’t think I’ve changed too much.”
“You always been a low energy hack,” the hat told the hair.
Donald snorted at that. He rummaged through his desk and pulled a cigar from his humidor. He took a deep whiff along the cigar and sighed.
“And you’ve always been a racist, bigoted, fascist psychopath, you fucking junkie,” the hair spat back.
“Why, thank you,” the hat said. He sat up straighter on Donald’s head.
Donald lit the cigar and puffed at it until the tip glowed red.
Donald hit the intercom button on his desk.
“Yes, Mr. President?” the voice asked.
“Send her in.”
The Oval Office door opened and a thin blonde was pushed inside. Thin arms and legs, improbable breasts, a wide moonface covered in thick makeup. She said something a thick, guttural language and forced herself to smile.
“Vlad sent her,” Donald said and sighed contentedly.
“Зняти нижню білизну!” Donald told the girl.
“Only Ukranian I know,” he told the hat and hair.
The girl slid her flimsy panties off her boyish hips and stepped out of them when they hit the floor.
Donald puffed on the cigar for a few moments, leering, drawing hard until the fat tip glowed orange. Donald took it out of his mouth.
“Watch this,” he told the hat and hair while getting up. “Bill taught me this one.”
Now you think you can write scripts!? The hubris! *hangs head in shame and starts the slow clap*
me and Meliana and that creepy little kid who is always following her around.
Homage to the nuclear family.
“Let’s resolve to be more like our original characterization, OK?”
Meta commentary on your craft, SF? You’re going Hollywood on us.
It’s Spud’s fault: https://www.glibertarians.com/2018/11/the-hat-and-the-hair-episode-102/#comment-799933
“Resolute” desk, I believe.
Fuck, you’re right.
Where did Donald acquire the wig? No back story?
Holy shit! The Subaru turned the little girl into an old lady!!
No way I’m buying one of those things.
It’s phone radiation from US Cellular. (The dad in the commercial is their spokesman)
That was readable
the hair said, bristling
* golf clap *
“Зняти нижню білизну!” Donald told the girl.
Google tells me that means “Take a bottom view” which I find funnier than what it apparently really means.
I definitely forgot to turn on my VPN prior to searching for that. Hopefully It can ignore such a search.
Too late, Mueller’s zeroing in.
33 indictments! Must be something to the Mueller investigation.
(Don’t read the wiki entry for it, it’s a shitshow)
And it was google that gave me that as Ukrainian for “Take your panties off!”
“Don’t be evil.” Whatever.
знімай нижню білизну would be more authentic. There’s a difference in Ukrainian (and Russian) between the infinitive form (to take off) and giving a command (take off!).
Google tells me that means “Take a bottom view”
“Take a bottom view”…
“Bend over”…
Whatever
“Bill taught me this”
I…I…I’m speechless with admiration.
Yes, that was sublime.
I don’t believe Bill used a lit cigar.
At least with Monica.
Even though I’m an hour late, I need lunch .
That got me, fantastic imagery.
ShreddedRaped and cannibalized wig parts are stuck to his suit.Environmental extremist opinions usually have a contrived feel, and we might be right to often call “bullshit” or “not proven” in response, but the bug apocalypse agrees with what I’ve seen: my windshield is cleaner in spite of more aero cars, dusk hasn’t teemed with fireflies since Watergate, and the songbirds and tree frogs are much quieter than in previous decades.
Chemicals are the true micro-aggressions: we’re attacked in tiny ways we can’t see or respond to. I’ve spent a decade in chemicals, but I don’t know what a sane technical or legal response might be.
But the Monarchs are fair well gone.
So, no more mosquitos in Minnesota?
“my windshield is cleaner in spite of more aero cars”
I would think more aero cars would mean fewer insects hit them. Thus extending their lifespans, thus reducing their need to breed prodigiously for the species to survive.
I think the crash in Monarch populations has to do with the virtual eradication of milkweed plants, which is their main? only? food source. Milkweed has been killed off (mostly, I’d think) by pesticides, but its not the pesticides themselves killing Monarchs.
Herbicides would be killing milkweed.
PesticidesBrock Sampson would be killing the Monarch.The shear in the air in the old days was greater because the air was turning further and harder because the car was bashing more air out of the way; without getting into a lecture on viscosity, I hope I can get you to stipulate that the stagnation pressures at the grill, cowl, and windshield were higher back in the day: the density, viscosity, and shear (relative velocity) of the air produced a more resistant zone for the foil (bug with wings) to penetrate and a higher drag to pull the bug over or around the vehicle.
Today’s shear is much reduced: the streamlines (lines of same pressure and velocity) are much closer together with less potential (range/delta) to redirect the bug. The air slips around the car, and the bug has a harder time following, so it can’t make the turn.
If you remember the shock of meeting a semi head on on a two lane road in the sixties, it’s because it was violent . . . and: the truck didn’t budge. Your BelAir was trying to knock it out of the road, and the truck was returning the favor; those were huge waves colliding . . . and they’re basically half that magnitude now (and we seldom meet trucks at speed on two-lanes anymore, so this is an old story). Anyway, for a bug, aerodynamic drag is the main force on it (well, gravity is irrelevant to this conversation) because it’s not tied to the ground, no Firestones holding it in its lane, so it gives: it is shifted, and the more air you’re plowing out of your way (the older your car), the more bang Mr Bug sees, and the better chance he has of being knocked into the next lane.
that was for Finger
Ain’t the case around my house. Bug city, especially the damned spiders.
Dunno. I’ve seen a huge increase in Japanese beetles & Chinese lantern flies over the past couple years where I live. Damn immigrant bugs.
I did my part, did you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QmvEbphF8c
dusk hasn’t teemed with fireflies since Watergate, and the songbirds and tree frogs are much quieter than in previous decades.
The only thing keeping our firefly population down in my yard are the bats and cats. It’s a lightshow during June. The orb weaver spiders set up their webs nightly and feast on the myriad moths, beetles, flies, and fireflies that fly too close to the house. My orbweavers go from a size of a speck in the spring to half dollar sized fatasses in the fall before the chill comes.
The cats may possibly put a damper on the songbirds, but not by much. I set up the feeders to give the birds plenty of chance to notice and flee the cats. The only birds I’ve seen caught from the feeder were a pair of goldfinches who kamikaze’d my living room window and didn’t regain consciousness in enough time to avoid kitty. We have a giant ass pileated woodpecker that scares the shit out of the cats.
The only one I don’t see much of is the tree frog. We have an abundance of toads, so much that mowing is a spectacle in the spring. They move out of the way like a cloud of locusts. I’ve only seen a few tree frogs, usually hanging out with the spiders looking for a treat.
The big flying grasshoppers disappeared, followed by plain ol’ leopard frogs that ate them, followed by the garter snakes that eat leopard frogs. I hadn’t seen 5-6 frogs in the past 25 years, ’til this year, saw about 8-10 in the garden. Usually see a garter snake or two all summer. Lots of chickadees/nuthatches/blue jays/red squirrels around the bird feeders.
Rarely see tree frogs here in VA, but when I lived in Florida there would be dozens of them all over the outer walls of my house at night.
Near my house it is cicada and tree frog galore. And the flies that like to come in through the little tear in the back screen. And the damn mosquitoes last summer which suddenly popped up everywhere after a few days of steady rain. And the biting flies on the beach are still doing their most to annoy me. And the wasp nest that got build overnight near my garage entryway light ::shudder:: And the bees that congregate near the flowers. And the damn ants.
I haven’t noticed a dang insect decline.
I have to come back later and read the article, after work.
In the meantime, Florida woman strikes again.
Best of Florida Woman Episode 65,894
“Thin arms and leg, improbable breasts”
Improbably big, or improbably small?
I can’t finish until I find out the answer.
Improbably big and statistically unlikely.
six sigma FTW
( actually I’m a leg man )
So you’re more into Lean?
Wait it’s not the can bang board?
The “Can Bang Board”? You’ve got a bulletin board for that? Sweet. Does HR know?
slim
smooth
soft
slinky
supple
Thin arms and leg
One-legged, huh? Kinky.
H&H and Subaru?! Crossing streams there!
You knew it was coming.
Goddammit, I hate Adobe Photoshop so much, I’d kill it with a rake if I could.
Always use a spoon
Not in the face! Not in the face!
Anyone have experience with GIMP?
*quietly slides zippered hood under desk*
I have no idea what you are talking about.
OK. Don’t expect any new SNPs for awhile.
Goddamn fucking Photoshop.
Seriously $200+ dollars to buy this piece of shit, and they make it this hard to work? FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.
I like PS I read a book years ago, learned a lot, and it has helped navigate the shitpile that it is, like MS
Yusef, your comment & my vodka & Dr. Pepper have transformed my attitude. I will STFU now. Thx.
Note: I still hate Adobe. Fuckers. But whatever.
Dr. Pepper and Kahlua. It’s delicious.
Mmm…
No, Ralph. That’s an F. I must have spilled some Kahlua.
HOLD UP!
vodka? Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper and vodka?
*lets words form in his head*
BP…Im nominating you for a Nobel
Dr. Pepper and Kahlua. It’s delicious.
Are you a 15 year old girl?
Are you a 15 year old girl?
Whatever. I can drink a 15-year-old girl under a table, and her mom and fattie aunt too.
Yes but it is what you do to the 15 year old girl, her mom, and her fat aunt once you get them under the table that we are concerned with.
Some. Save your money and use it. It’s decent.
I tried it couple times and it was clearly designed by programmers. This may or may not be a good thing for you.
Sadly, Paint Shop Pro, the utterly magnificent editing tool was bought out and mangled by Corell. Assholes.
If you are a Mac users, Acorn is the best image editor I ever used. Usable interface, everything I ever needed was where I expected it to be, fast. I’ve not used it in a while, though, and it might not do everything you need.
I know some webcomic artists used to use Manga Studio, which I guess is now also called Clip Studio. Maybe try that. We need SNP (or is “S” even applicable?)
I use Photoshop for work. It is frustrating and not very intuitive. There’s some great youtube tutorials though that have helped me whenever I can’t figure something out (which is pretty much every new task).
“He walked behind his desk, unzipped and began urinating into his office trash can.”
I thought this was a fiction piece?
“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”
Generally speaking, not when it’s this kind of can.
Marxists banned chamber pots decades ago. Another one of their bad ideas.
I used to do this with the office coffee pot all the time where I used to work. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Why Are We Still So Fat?
Uhh, its not because we eat more and get less exercise?
TW: NYT
In 1976, the NYT had a few useful news articles every day. Now they have none every day. No one really knows why.
I’m fatter than I was in 1976. Aging will do that. And a sedentary job.
Could we possibly be older in aggregate and have more sedentary jobs in aggregate? No one really knows.
Oh wait, everyone but the New York Times knows.
I’m pissed off, and feel like being a dick right now, so I’ll point out that I weigh relatively less than I did in 1977, when I was a fat kid.
Also: fuck Adobe. FUCK ADOBE.
Alright, I’ll shut up.
I weighed about .004 mg in 1976.
We were all sperm at one point, Playa. The fuck?
The fuck?
Yeah, I think that’s how you get from being sperm at one point to being . . . whatever you are now.
Gee,… thanks, RC. Enjoy being a lawyer – instead of an actual person – for the rest of your life.
Sorry, I took that originally as very, very insulting. Then re-read it with the view that it was a regular comment. Considering your H&R & Glib history, RC please forgive my insult below. One of the few benefits of being a dimwit is that your insults aren’t that sharp.
…and that was meant as a comment about my discussion.
No worries. I intended my “you” as directed more at the Glibertariat in general rather than you in particular, anyway.
The fuck? Probably New Years Eve 1979.
Dude, when the ball tips…
It’s the clown’s fault. The clown made us all eat his tasty, tasty burgers. Too bad the clown double crossed us on the fries. I’ll never forgive him for that.
Big Soda. What do I win?
Yes, some individuals have managed to go from fat to thin with diets and exercise, and have kept off the weight. But they are the rare exceptions.
Truly a mystery.
Dear Glibby,
We have a Ukrainian translator in our NY Office. Is it wrong to send this to her and request an “official” translation?
signed,
mexican HR complaint
Mexican > Ukranian but Man < Woman on the intersectionality scale. I'd only send it if you are trans.
She’s what ever he claims to be.
Man that took a dark turn at the end, I thought he just wanted her to piss on him.
Who would’ve thought DJT was a character from The 120 Days of Sodom?
For a second, Q, I thought were referring to the slush metal band Venom’s 1000 Days in Sodom .
Also, needs more titties.
https://archive.is/fWitu/3ddc4a15e908978b945fc693c49761b990b061a0
https://archive.is/fWitu/b0bfb1f419dbf58821e4d35d6427d1e5f3961fe4
https://archive.is/fWitu/a4d2f8dca355719ff1a3539c09deb0021059d566
https://archive.is/fWitu/1104a5e934d9824078bd4d974e77484054b5a759
mmm…titties.
Also, gotta admit, I bought that album when I was a teen. *sigh*
I was probably high, too.
Handle checks out.
No, it’s a dessert. Like a baked Alaska, but antipodal.
The balls on this fuckin’ guy here….
The funny part is that he believes his own bullshit.
Hey, at least the guy supports our truckers. He didn’t let that evil pipeline take oil trucks off the roads.
IIRC the greens would lose their shit over his pro-fracking policies. so obviously he’s a douche for claiming “that was me” when it was more like “hey, i didn’t fuck it up by getting in their way”.
Today’s trigger – watching one of the Suzy Rotten-*^#($ reporters on Power Lunch standing in a Louisiana soybean field full of rain-damaged, angle-high plants and shrieking about how the “soybeans are rotting in the fields” because Trump.
How are they claiming he’s responsible?
His anti-tofu policys ?
Angle high?
Don’t be obtuse!
Trade wars. The Chinese aren’t buying our soybeans so there is an oversupply in the US market currently. At least until the farmers can find new demand.
So, new soy based fuel additive mandate?
Meeting my wife for lunch shortly.
https://www.yelp.com/biz_photos/dong-nae-gil-gardena?select=xRQI7hdGBzbqY9FrGwwovg
She needs to hurry the hell up.
Damn you! I skipped lunch today, and that looks delish.
And your woman will be along shortly. I’m almost done.
*beavis laugh*
It says….dong
nice looking salad. what’s the entree? harharharhar
My husband is jealous.
Your dog is not a special snowflake.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/your-dog-may-not-be-a-genius-after-all/
Whatever, Pointdexter. My dog has a comfy bed, plenty of food and a ton of female attention.
He’s a goddamn genius.
My dog worships the ground I walk on. So what if she’s dumb as a rock?
Intelligence is overrated.
My dog is a dumb-ass. An eating, sleeping, whining, dumb-ass. She can do one trick… sing.
My avatar was was the smartest dog I’ve ever known. Willful and obstinate, but he could understand numerous words and learn new tricks in a few tries.