The Hat and The Hair-Animated Episode 12: Allies

by | Dec 11, 2018 | Hat and Hair | 275 comments

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

275 Comments

  1. Riven

    And God bless CPRM, too.

  2. SoberPhobic

    Hey Joe, get a grip on yourself.

    • MikeS

      As soon as he starts to make a move, someone needs to nip it in the bud.

  3. Old Man With Candy

    “That sounds like a sex move.” It is indeed.

  4. Not Adahn

    🙁

    Posting these during the workday is mean.

    • But Enough About Me

      Oh, I dunno — out here on The Wet Coast™, posting them during the workday is about the only way we get to see these things in a timely fashion. Otherwise, we always end up corpse-fucking a dead thread.

      • commodious spittoon

        Facebook has banned thread necrophilia.

      • SoberPhobic

        What’s a “workday”?

      • But Enough About Me

        What’s a “workday”?

        Well, yes, there is that.

        /retired d00d

      • Not Adahn

        Pshaw! People don’t work on the west coast, they just wander around eating from taco trucks and having bonfires on the beach. Sometimes they surf the internet from frosted-glass cubicles in silicon valley.

        /media representation of CA

      • commodious spittoon

        I was promised a great deal of public defecation. Was that fake news, too?

      • MikeS

        If you want shit to get done, you have to do it yourself!

      • But Enough About Me

        I live 30 klicks inland, and in Canada, so I got nuthin’.

      • dbleagle

        Out in Hawaii. Threads are frequently on life support by the time we wake up.

      • MikeS

        Get a job on the grave yard shift and follow along at work like everyone else! (except Rufus)

  5. kbolino

    Top notch supporting cast in this show.

  6. Tundra

    That was great!

  7. Sean

    I enjoyed it.

  8. commodious spittoon

    The trial I might have sat for yesterday was rescheduled for this morning. lol. Oops.

  9. Don Escaped Texas

    Speaking of home-grown content, what topics do we need to cover (or cover more)?

    HM wrote the other day that he preferred we went more philosophical.

    • commodious spittoon

      Could we get John McAfee to guest post an article describing his ten greatest PCP benders?

      • Rhywun

        Jesus… get him on video. That would be epic.

      • CPRM

        Kmele/McAfee 2020

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t come here for philosophy. I come here for the random and varied expertise in real matters represented in the commentariat.

      And the punning.

      • MikeS

        When you pun, you just Plato the base instincts of the commentariat.

      • pistoffnick

        I Kant even…

      • Jarflax

        What the Hegel?

      • Bobarian LMD

        I was gonna say something about making a n ass when you ass Hume.

        But then I took an arrow to the Nietzsche.

        I’ll see myself out.

      • CPRM

        Just go work at the Mill like everyone else and quit complaining that someone ate your sweet roll.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m giving everyone here low Marx for originality.

      • MikeS

        I’m surprised UCS hasn’t Comte pun

      • R C Dean

        But then I took an arrow to the Nietzsche.

        I think we have a winner.

      • R C Dean

        When it comes to punning, the commentariat will definitely bring home the Bacon.

        I expect Swiss will Locke this down soon enough, though.

      • Jarflax

        Definitely a lockdown is in Descartes

      • Not Adahn

        I don’t know why he disapproves of such displays of Wittgenstien.

    • Drake

      Sounds crazy but as I start to think about retirement or at least a career change, I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

      Any farmers or ranchers out there, would love to hear about it. Cash flows, taxes, strategies to be self-sufficient and maybe make some money. And what are the bonehead mistakes a rookie might make.

      • Riven

        Bonehead mistakes a rookie might make: get into hobby farming during retirement.

      • commodious spittoon

        A buddy of mine risked his marriage after he convinced his breadwinner wife to invest in some land about ~40 minutes out of town. Turns out boutique, organic farming doesn’t pay for itself.

      • But Enough About Me

        Yeah, if you think you worked hard before you retired, you’re in for a shock.

      • commodious spittoon

        I guess “risked his marriage” is a little much. It caused a great deal of easily avoidable strain. He’s pretty granola and I think he figured growing pesticide-free, non-GMO turnips or whatever qualified as “doing his part.”

      • Raven Nation

        Huh. One of our neighbors has basically the same plan. They both work right now but the plan is to transition to farming. She’ll keep working from home but…yeah, we’ll see.

      • dbleagle

        Q: “How do you make a million dollars in farming?”
        A: “Start with two million.”

      • Rhywun

        LOL/ouch

      • Riven

        Tell me I’m wrong, Rhywun!

        You can’t. Lol. Real estate, in general, is not a game most retirees are encouraged to enter for the first time after retirement. … Especially when there’s back-breaking labor involved. It’s one thing to be a land-lord (which isn’t recommended due to the work load but can be manageable), it’s a whole other thing to try your hand at farming for the first time (which includes sun-up to sun-down labor, plus running the books after that).

      • Tundra

        Real estate, in general, is not a game most retirees are encouraged to enter for the first time after retirement.

        Could be said for any small business.

      • Riven

        I don’t disagree at all. The beginning of retirement is not the time to be making very large expenditures, in general, especially if you’re robbing your retirement account to do it.

      • Drake

        I would be selling off my NJ suburban home and paying roughly the same amount. I wouldn’t be borrowing significant money or treating it like a business start-up. More like a refuge from the world / compound to keep cranky old guy occupied and out of trouble.

      • UnCivilServant

        I would be selling off my NJ suburban home

        People will pay you to take ont of those off your hands?

      • MikeS

        Drake; If you buy it first and foremost as your new home, and it so happens to come with some acreage that you can do something with, excellent. Go for it. Start small and work your way into something.

      • Drake

        Mike – That would be the plan. Enough acreage to cut wood and maybe eventually have some critters and / or crops.

      • Rhywun

        No!

      • Rhywun

        *sigh* blockquote fail:

        Tell me I’m wrong, Rhywun!

      • MikeS

        That completely depends on what kind of farming we are talking about. And what kind of equipment you have at your disposal. The majority of American farmers haven’t experienced “back breaking, sun-up to sundown labor” in many decades.

      • UnCivilServant

        Every qotient of labor you avoid is another big block of capital outlay.

      • R C Dean

        The farmers I have known would definitely say there’s plenty of sun-up to sun-down labor. Whether its “back-breaking” or not, I couldn’t say, but its not all swanning around on John Deere tractors, I know that.

      • Riven

        I’ll tell the dry-land hay farmers around where I grew up about your experience.

      • MikeS

        I didn’t say they don’t work sunup to sundown. And I didn’t say there was no back breaking work. I said it’s not both, all the time. I’ve lived my entire life surrounded by, related to, friends with, and occasionally working for, farmers. They have my respect and admiration. But they aren’t out there with a one bottom plow and a team of horses anymore.

      • CPRM

        Mike S. thinks the Amish are just a fairy tale.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Compared to what Drake does now (I don’t know what he does) but transitioning from a desk job into farming at retirement age is going to be a struggle physically.

      • R C Dean

        I get it, Mike. I read your comment as maybe more dismissive than you intended.

        Although the periodic mythologizing of “America’s Family Farms” whenever the subsidies start running a little short is irritating as fuck. Some of the shadiest SOBs I know are farmers/ranchers. There’s just too many programs to be gamed, so it gets to be part of the job.

      • MikeS

        Re-reading, I can see how it could come off as flippant. Riven; that wasn’t my intention.

        Few are bigger defenders of farmers than me. But like you said, when it comes to FEDGOV $$, some of the shadiest people I know are farmers. And yet most of them wouldn’t dream of screwing over a friend or a local business. Like you said, it almost becomes part of doing business.

      • Suthenboy

        There is a reason people use the phrase “He bought the farm” as a euphemism for dying.

        “That place wont be nuthin’ but sweat and tears for you boy” – My Grandfather when 10 year old me said I wanted to use the family land as a farm when I grew up.

        I grow trees on it now. Trees are easy. They mostly take care of themselves but even the not mostly part is ass-busting work.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I thought it was simply the serviceman’s life insurance check that went to the wife/parents was big enough to pay off the mortgage.

      • commodious spittoon

        Trees would be ideal except for the never-ending drought.

      • UnCivilServant

        If I paid for farmland, I’d lease most of the productive space to neighbors who actually work it and live on the unleased section.

        I’m not a farmer.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Yeah, you could let people live there and farm the land in exchange for a portion of the crops they grow.

      • Raven Nation

        So, more like a feudal lord?

      • UnCivilServant

        Almost, the people doing the work are unliekly to be serfs or peasants, and more likely to have the capital investments in heavy equipment to make use of the additional acreage.

        But if I ever did swing such a setup, I’d change my handle to ‘UnCivilLord’.

      • dbleagle

        When I was young my family had a ranch in southern Arizona. I joined the Army and went Infantry because it was less work.

      • UnCivilServant

        I should have phrased that to not classify additional heads of cattle as heavy equipment. I was thinking plant growth rather than general agriculture.

        But the point stands.

      • Agent Cooper

        Share .. croppin’?

      • pistoffnick

        …I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

        I grew up on a farm. We raised cows, pigs, sheep, hay, corn and oats. It is a hard way to make money.

        My uncle had a dairy farm with beautiful Holstein cows. He never took a vacation.

        My grandpa lost his hand to a corn picker. He hacked it off with an ax so he could drive himself to the hospital. Later in life he forgot to set the parking brake on his tractor and was run over by it, killing him. I have a slightly mangled pinkie and ring finger

        Advice? Never pay full price for anything. Buy your equipment used at auction. Learn how to fix it yourself.
        Vertical integration. Grow the corn that you feed to your animals. Learn how to do basic veterinary tasks. Dehorning and denutting calves has still left me scarred to this day.

        Even though I hated it when I was younger, I also would like a piece of land. Just enough to have a couple of pigs, some chickens, and a sizable garden.

      • MikeS

        I also would like a piece of land. Just enough to have a couple of pigs, some chickens, and a sizable garden.

        Agreed

      • pistoffnick

        Hes got this dream about buyin some land
        Hes gonna give up the booze and the one night stands
        And then hell settle down, in some quiet little town
        And forget about everything.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zu2pUr8JRVg

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Thicc or not thicc is not philosophical enough?

  10. Drake

    I was drinking a Diet Coke while watching Groping Joe. It enhanced the whole experience.

  11. MikeS

    Excellent. And I got to see my name in a Youtube video that didn’t also include police!

  12. Rhywun

    OT request of the glib hive-mind:

    Some weeks ago there was a discussion of words to not use when receiving a robo-call (e.g. “Yes”).
    Is there any similar suggestion for leaving a voicemail greeting? Right now I just use the default “Your call has been forwarded…” but was considering customizing it so I don’t look like an idiot to potential employers. Any concerns there?

    • Old Man With Candy

      “You know what to do.” beeeeep

    • SP

      “You’ve reached [insert real name here]. Please leave a message and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. Thank you.”

      Also, if you want to keep your real number private from callers, consider Google Voice or similar.

      • Nephilium

        Google Voice also has a very nice feature for blocking sales calls. Any number that you’ve blocked that calls your Google Voice number receives a message that the number is no longer in service. You can also enable Call Recording (just make sure you’re in a one-party state first).

      • R C Dean

        I have a spam-blocking app (RoboKiller) that catches some spam calls. It has a wide variety of amusing pre-recorded answers. I just use the official-sounding no longer in service one.

      • kinnath

        I sent you an email over the weekend.

      • SP

        Yep. Saw it. I’ve been unwell, so just getting back to email today.

      • kinnath

        no problem

      • Rhywun

        Ha too bad I dumped my Google account the other day…. Will keep in mind if that concern arises but currently, not on my radar. Thanks

      • UnCivilServant

        Suppose I’m trying to keep my stuff private from google?

      • SP

        That’s why I use a masked number from Blur.

    • CPRM

      “All lines are busy. Please hold for the next available representative.”

      • Old Man With Candy

        Better with an Indian accent.

      • UnCivilServant

        “Thank you, call again.”

    • Tundra

      Customize. Brief and upbeat.

      Even better, get a celebrity to do it.

      • Rhywun

        Sounds like a great business opportunity for John McAfee.

    • Suthenboy

      I let mine use the automated message thingy. I also dont answer calls if I dont recognize the number. For potential employers I would give them a heads up on it and tell them why. They may see you as a smart guy because of that.

      Just my 2c

    • R C Dean

      “You didn’t make the cut to have a conversation with me. Leave a voicemail so I can ignore you over and over again.”

    • ron73440

      I like the Archer method of fooling them into thinking you actually are answering and something horrible is happening to you.

      Of course, then your family can sit there with a bored expression while you are getting the shit beaten out of you, so YMMV.

      • commodious spittoon

        Mallory: *heavy sigh* I’m done. He’s dead to me.

      • dbleagle

        My son did that when he was in high school. He kept switching the message. I finally had my parents write asking for our phone number because “when they called they always were getting wrong numbers and strange NC messages”.

      • Rhywun

        And I’m an Aries too!

  13. Don Escaped Texas

    I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

    rent, stay small, experiment with specialty crops

    real farming of commodities is a game that hundreds of farmers lose for the last time every year; friends don’t let friends farm

    • Tundra

      Could actually be worse than a bar/restaurant.

      I want a farm/ranch, but only for the space.

      And a couple llamas.

      • kinnath

        The only thing worse would be to do both — grow grapes and make wine.

        I spent $250 bucks to take a 9-month vineyard management course to learn I never want to own a vineyard. One of my friends planted 5,000 vines to discover how much fucking work it is.

        I then spent another $250 to take a 6-month winery management course to learn I never want to own a winery. My friend with the vineyard has opened a winery to get rid of the uncertainty in being able to sell 10 to 20 tons of grapes every year.

        My friend is a 70+ yo retired pharmacist who tells me he’s never worked harder in his life than he does now. And his adult kids (who help alot) have no interest in continuing the business when he passes on.

      • Nephilium

        The legal licensing alone dissuades me from going into any alcohol production business. That’s before the low pay, physical labor, and uncertain income stream are accounted for.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s cheaper to just buy a small third world country and make your own regulations.

      • kinnath

        Licensing can be overcome without that much effort. I have several friends that have made the transition to pro.

        The issue is money. At about $2 profit per bottle at wholesale it takes 20K bottles a year to be a significant income.

        That’s moving around 400 cases a week. It is really fucking hard to move that much booze before you have become really well established.

        Brew pubs may be a bit easier to achieve, but Robc will probably say otherwise.

      • UnCivilServant

        Brew Pub? You’re asking for all the troubles of owning a bar Plus all the troubles of owning a brewery.

      • Nephilium

        Here in Ohio, with the regulations on alcohol pricing you get to keep a much larger share of the profits. If you don’t want to read the laws, there’s a minimum 25% markup on each tier in alcohol sales in the state. Quite a few of the newer breweries opening around me are either secondary locations for an already existing brewery, or going with the tap room model with no plans for distribution.

      • UnCivilServant

        So what you’re saying is, the state of Ohio is making alcohol artifically expensive for its residents.

      • Nephilium

        Yep. Then there’s the Sin Tax on top of that in some of the counties to pay for stadiums.

        One good thing for the breweries here is that the state does allow self distribution, so you can sell directly to the retailers (and to go at your bars). The downside is that you need to pay for your license, and get approved by the state before you can even make your first drop of beer. In order to get approved, you’ve got to have your location built out and ready to go, and then it’ll take a couple of months (minimum) to get that approval. So you’re looking at a healthy investment and money just sitting there before you get any cash flow.

      • robc

        Its hard to fail in the brewery business, but I am exceptional.

      • robc

        I will have to start paying taxes again in 2019.

      • Tundra

        I have a cousin who owns a major winemaking business in CA. He was wealthy before he started and has done really well, but it doesn’t appeal to me one little bit.

      • kinnath

        A baby winery is about a million in startup costs. Ten million is more realistic.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is that a winery that makes wine for babies, wine from babies, or wine from babies for babies?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Make babies, they whine a lot.

      • MikeS

        Don’t be so infantile.

      • kinnath

        baby winery — 10,000 gallons (50,000 bottles) per year.

      • Bobarian LMD

        How many babies does it take to make a gallon?

      • Suthenboy

        “One of my friends planted 5,000 vines to discover how much fucking work it is.”

        That’s no shit.

        To all: Remember when you were a kid dreaming about what you wanted to do when you grew up? Remember the silly things you chose?
        That is what happens to you when you approach retirement: That kid comes back.

        Wife and I are retired. I still do work on our land for the timber but I can do it when I feel like it and if I want to I can walk away for 20 years without consequence. If your retirement is enough to pay your bills then do what we do. Our house is paid for, our cars are paid for (we dont buy things on credit) and we live on an amazingly small amount of money. We dont buy a lot of shiny toys. We eat well but in small amounts because it is just the two of us. Consequently our bank account grows every month instead of shrinking.
        When I go to bed at night I never worry about how I am going to keep the lights on and the water running. Life is good.
        Retire. Enjoy your retirement. Freedom is priceless. Don’t chain yourself to something that will take all of your options away from you.

      • UnCivilServant

        So, basically, you’re an Ent.

      • Suthenboy

        I have always strongly identified with the Ents. I hadn’t considered that I was one. Huh.

        *strokes chin very slowly*

      • Jarflax

        Has it been a few centuries since you saw Mrs. Suthen?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ain’t that the truth.

        My parents are both about 80 and have two large properties that consume money and time for upkeep. I tried to talk Dad into selling one of them and getting a townhouse or something smaller in town for when they come this way, but instead I just got cussed out.

        They’re rapidly approaching the age that keeping the houses is going to be untenable.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Gah, this is my dad. My grandmother is very close to passing, and leaving him and my uncle her estate. He can sell her house and use the proceeds to pay his mortgage off and be debt free. Instead he tells me he wants to buy his brother out and have a rental. It’s not even a good rental location.

      • MikeS

        That is what happens to you when you approach retirement: That kid comes back.

        Wow. It didn’t dawn on me until reading what you wrote, but you are so right. It’s true for me, and I’m still ~20 years away. That kid has been whispering in my ear all sorts of things he thinks I should be doing instead of having a steady job.

      • Suthenboy

        Don’t listen to him. Buy a fishing pole.

      • trshmnstr

        ^^ this. The kid inside tells me that even though it would be tough, at least it’s an honest day’s work instead of this paper pushing bullshit. Bad kid!

      • R C Dean

        The scary white boy speaks truth.

        I’m amazed at how often I run into people who have strip-mined their retirement accounts to open a business or even to fund one of their kid’s businesses.

        Its even worse when you realize how expensive things get when you get really old, and need help just to get through the day. I see people who are on Social Security only who need home health or assisted living, and their options are very bad to non-existent. Its heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time.

      • kinnath

        I can be a contract engineer till I die or get Alzheimer’s. No good reason to turn an enjoyable hobby like brewing into a low-paying, hard-working job.

      • Naptown Bill

        Preach. I’m hoping I actually can retire, and if I do, I’m not planning to do shit. I mean, fish, shoot, drink, go camping, take some road trips and spend a few weeks here and there, sure, but not like anything that requires my doing anything resembling actual work. I don’t want to add any commitments once I no longer have to be somewhere doing something to make money. My new title will be “Gentleman of Leisure”. I will print cards.

      • UnCivilServant

        People who say that end up doing one of two things when they reqire – a: go back to work. b: die quickly.

      • dbleagle

        Preach brother. I retired from my first profession and was hired into my second 45 days later.

      • R C Dean

        I have discovered that there is serious coin to be made doing consulting with businesses (for and non profit) on corporate governance. There’s people out there charging thousands per day for this who aren’t remotely as qualified as I am. I think if I get bored in retirement I know what I can do, although I do plan to put real effort into writing once I no longer do it all day at work.

        Or, Mrs. Dean may finally figure out that I am worth more dead than alive, in which case I will no doubt go with option (b).

      • invisible finger

        The Sanders-istas have people like you in their sights. How dare you not depend on them for survival?

      • Suthenboy

        Have you ever been around a llama?

      • Tundra

        I have. We have similar outlooks on life.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I take it you spit a lot.

      • Tundra

        It’s more the sarcastic disdain.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yup. He is the exact opposite of his wife….

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s a little bit personal, don’t you think?

      • commodious spittoon

        He said around, not behind.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        I thought about working some acreage in Texas hill country. The prices caught me off guard until I learned that it was all hobby farms: guys who were glad to lose money on it so long as they had a place to play on the weekend.

      • Suthenboy

        There is a 5000 acre quarter horse ranch just down the road from where I live. A nursing home magnate bought it when he retired. Three years later one of the horses pushed him through a welded iron fence. He came out of the other side like a potato comes out of a french fry cutter.

        Poor guy. He should have bought a bass boat.

      • R C Dean

        He should have bought a bass boat.

        From what I hear, it seems like every time you take a boat out, there’s an unfortunate accident that leads to the loss of firearms.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        I don’t heal fast enough any more to do anything riskier than golf.

        Everyone gets mashed, kicked, or stomped sooner or later; these people must think that bad things don’t happen to anyone, much less experts The only way to not lose is to never play the game.

      • Urthona

        My dad has one of those Texas hobby farms in his retirement. Enjoys the hell out of it.

        I think it’s hilarious. His parents were North Dakota farmers. He went to college — first one in his family — to avoid that life.

        Now he farms for fun and loves it.

        I guess it’s different when you don’t have to do it.

      • R C Dean

        Pater Dean has a small spread. He leases it out for his rancher buddies to run a few cows on, and cut some hay on. His horses are also out there on their retirements as well.

        He figures he breaks even on leases – fortunately, he doesn’t need to irrigate, but he does need to fertilize and lay down some herbicide periodically. I think the leases also cover the horse feed and whatnot, too.

      • trshmnstr

        I guess it’s different when you don’t have to do it.

        I think that’s the difference. If something is too much work, send em all to slaughter and pick something else less challenging.

        Retiring into a hobby farm is alluring to me. Farming was the family business up to my parents’ generation, and I like the company of plants and animals above livestock.

        I keep trying to talk myself out of it, but the little kid inside of me wants to grow just enough to be a staple at the local farmer’s market.

      • trshmnstr

        Above *people

    • ChipsnSalsa

      I’ve come to the conclusion that most farmers, while perhaps good at growing things, are not very good at business. Some are excellent at the business end and do tremendously well (hunting trips to Africa well) while others have to work a second job to make bank.

      I’m not sure but I think someone could capitalize on some sort of farm business management.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Based on the successful farmers I know, it’s all about farming to maximize the subsidies.

      • dbleagle

        You want to see your blood pressure rise? Type your zip code into the following link and see who and how much farm subsidies your neighbors receive.

        https://farm.ewg.org/search.php

        I live in a suburbia with no open land and have 118 neighbors getting agricultural subsidies.

      • UnCivilServant

        Less than $100,000 in agregate for the whole zip code for 22 years.

      • MikeS

        $79,331,827

      • UnCivilServant

        I live in a city. I suspect you’re more rural.

      • MikeS

        Haha. You could say that.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Right: where you take your mail and cash your checks has nothing to do with where the farm is.

        I’m downtown in a large city; one neighbor rakes in $4,000,000; his plantation fits entirely into a post office box.

      • Suthenboy

        That wont work for me. I live right on the edge of the Red River valley in a rural area. If I drive west for an hour it is nothing but fields. East is timber and cattle for two hours.

      • Suthenboy

        Well I did for fun. 30 recipients. Amounts from 50K up to 4M, most being hundreds of thousands of dollars.
        More or less what I expected.

      • MikeS

        What a coincidence. I also live in the Red River* Valley

        *Of The North

      • CPRM

        There are Red Rivers all over. I blame the USSR.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Mike why not pull a Sloopy and say you live in THE Red River Valley?

      • Nephilium

        Hey! Not everything out of Columbus has The in front of it.

        Although I wouldn’t have been surprised if they did name it with the The.

      • R C Dean

        The farm and ranch families I know almost always have one who works the land, and one who has a job-job, as much for the benefits as the salary.

      • Fourscore

        Pop drives a school bus, Mom has a beauty shop in the spare room, or at least that what it seems for those hobby farmers.

      • R C Dean

        These aren’t hobby farmers I’m thinking about.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        are not very good at business

        Socrates was looking for the wise man and never found one: the cobbler always thinks he should be king. Most experts don’t know much of the world, and almost no one understands money. In this regard, farmers and doctors and a bunch of others are all the same.

        When I worked for the Germans (acht Jahre), I always laughed at the tech guys, told them they did well things that should not be done at all (eg: BMW I drive). The other observation that further endeared me to them was that the DAX returned half the gain as the DJ30: knowing how to use money is an American skill.

        I have both finance and engineering degrees; everywhere I’ve ever work I’ve struggled to keep smart technical people from doing dumb things with money.

      • Suthenboy

        See also: Doctors

      • Jarflax

        Doctors tend to think they are Gods and above petty concerns. Lawyers are the ones who get in real trouble. Litigators ‘deal’ with all sorts of complex businesses (as over simplified in litigation context) and become convinced that they are expert in everything.

      • Suthenboy

        I was in a gun shop once when a doc came in to pick up the rifles he had ordered. I started talking to him. He was paying close to 10K for four rifles. He was buying them to hunt with. After I told him what rifles I owned he asked me which my favorite to hunt with is. “My scratched up rusty old Winchester 94”
        I shouldn’t have said that. He deflated right before my eyes.
        They dont teach economic wisdom in medical school.

      • Fourscore

        Hey, Suthen, I got the knife sharpening kit you suggested. Now all I have to do is use it.
        (Pretends to be really busy)

      • Fourscore

        And thanks, looks like it will make some folks around here really happy .

      • Don Escaped Texas

        You can never explain the W94 to a man who hasn’t toted one 100 miles and put a thousand rounds through it. Mine’s got a lovely tannic patch where I wore the blue off of it before I was 13.

        That said, I can’t think of a round it was chambered for that I’d trust in Africa for all game. Maybe he needs more gun than that.

        The Henry was probably the first assault rifle (leaving aside the modern selective-fire definition).

        PS: I nailed the doctors up there, right off the bat.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Lawyers tend to believe everything can be solved with the correct paperwork.

      • trshmnstr

        *submits affidavit along with statement of truth*

        *wins argument*

  14. SugarFree

    Just fantastic all-around, CPRM. And the credits… Yummy.

    • CPRM

      You honor me with your mighty words of esteem.

      • Tundra

        That final scene with the Oval Office Irregulars sitting there stunned is wonderful.

      • Rhywun

        Ayuh.

        And I’ve never heard her speak before. OMG. The next two years are going to be something else.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, that was pretty painful.

      • Tundra

        That up-talk is nails-on-the-chalkboard bad for me.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        First we learned that nothing should have consequences.
        Later, words didn’t mean what they mean anymore.
        Now tone doesn’t mean what it means.

        I don’t care about the nose-piercings and the tats; it’s the ruination of basic communication that I can’t stand.

      • Tundra

        Like, I think you’re being, like, toxic or something.

        Like.

      • CPRM

        And because of the context of the conversation I didn’t even use any of her really dumb stuff, but even just her speaking at all you can hear the lack of anything of worth.

      • Michael

        She speaks like a panelist on an NPR talk show where no vapid brain fart is too squeaky and requires intermittent pauses to convey thoughtful introspection to the listener.

  15. mexican sharpshooter

    I think I need to donate, I want to be made fun of.

    • CPRM

      If you donate The Hat Trump won’t send ICE after you, so there’s that.

    • MikeS

      I need to up my donation so I can experience the same.

    • R C Dean

      I can’t believe they did that, knowing the cameras were running.

      • UnCivilServant

        The media is part of their TEAM, so don’t expect much ado.

      • Plisade

        I’m surprised npr posted the whole thing.

      • Plisade

        Pelos I kept trying to stop it. She’s so lost off-script.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I can’t believe they were dumb enough to go in there not realizing they were just going to be part of the show.

    • Rhywun

      Oh no. Please don’t shut the government down.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Right? Do it Donny! DO IT

      • Suthenboy

        Or throw us in that briar patch.

      • Tres Cool
  16. Suthenboy

    Oh…RC: I had occasion to meet with that forester again a couple of months ago. I asked him what he meant by ‘scary white boy’. He thought it was funny. He was referring to the amount of manual labor I had put into one particular plot of land over the course of about three decades. He couldn’t believe anyone would do that and was impressed by it. He didn’t see me as threatening.

    I was relieved.

  17. "Baddie Du Jour Apologist"

    https://twitter.com/aaronjmate/status/1072570535459086337

    “Whenever Russiagate peddlers are confronted w/ the actual facts, it doesn’t go so well. Here’s @RepJerryNadler asking Google CEO Sundar Pichai about “the full extent” of Russian meddling activity on its platforms in 2016. The answer: Russian-linked accounts spent $4,700 on ads.”

    Say what you will about the far left like Glenn Greenwald, Aaron Mate (with the Nation), Noam Chomskey, and Max Bluemanthal, but they’ve never bought into Russia Fever Dreams and they haven’t changed their position on foreign policy in order to appease their conspiratorial progressive readers.

    • "Baddie Du Jour Apologist"

      https://twitter.com/willwilkinson/status/1072525078657753088

      That can’t be said for others, like the Niskanen Institute that hosts a conference with Bill Kristol and Jennifer Rubin. But, I’m sure they care about intervention abroad (when it’s popular at their soirees)

      • MikeS

        I have a good name for you: “Constant Name Changing Apologist” Has a nice ring to it, no?

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        I’ll consider it

      • tarran

        The good old Niskanen center. I’m sure William Niskanen would be thrilled to hear that his name is being used by a bunch of fascists who wear it as a “libertarian” suit, like Ed Gein’s “woman suit” made out of corpse-skin.

      • Suthenboy

        That describes the majority of people who describe themselves as libertarian.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It can’t be coincidence that Wilkinson has a Diego Rivera mural as his twitter background.

      • Suthenboy

        Ya’ think?

      • Suthenboy

        Also, he appears to have one uh them secret Nazi haircuts

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        Due note that Brink Lindsey is in attendance. You may remember him for writing a defense of the Iraq War, but it would be unfair to remember him that way. He should also be remembered for defending every American overseas intervention since the first Gulf War.

        He’s the proto-Bill Weld

      • Chipwooder

        And Lindsey has always been awfully fond of government spending for a supposed libertarian, too.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        The alternative that wasn’t

      • Chipwooder

        Bill Kristol is one of the biggest pieces of shit to walk the earth.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        David Frum and the WSJ foreign affairs editorial page are a very close second.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        NYT foreign affairs editorial page too. Actually, the foreign affairs editorial page of every major newspaper…..

  18. Suthenboy

    Kudos guys. This H&H had me laughing out loud. The perfect Biden.

  19. mexican sharpshooter

    Yellen warns of another potential financial crisis: ‘Gigantic holes in the system’

    Yellen cited leverage loans as an area of concern, something also mentioned by the current Fed leadership. She said regulators can only address such problems at individual banks not throughout the financial system. The former fed chair, now a scholar at the Brookings Institute, said there remains an agenda of unfinished regulation. “I’m not sure we’re working on those things in the way we should, and then there remain holes, and then there’s regulatory pushback. So I do worry that we could have another financial crisis.”

    Because the last one wasn’t caused by unintended consequences of the regulations in place? We need more regulations!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There is some crazy shit going on right now.

      Payment in kind loans for only one example.

    • "Idi Amin Apologist"

      Yellen may be predicting the reality, but her proscription is like proscribing poison to a patient with cancer

      • CPRM

        +1 round of blood letting and a dose of Quicksilver

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        I really liked the video, by the way. You always do a phenomenal job.

      • CPRM

        Thanks. There are always the Classiest, Yuegest videos.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        Could you link to the donation page again. I may be able to support the cause to Make Animation Great Again!

      • CPRM

        Here’s the Patreon, that’s a monthly subscription. If you want to support by buying yourself something that is here.

      • Nephilium

        The patient is getting weaker and pale, we recommend more bleeding to strengthen them.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Willis’s niece said she “was dumbfounded” by the course of events. While she might know who had petitioned to have her uncle’s gun taken away, no one else does, because in Maryland, such orders are sealed.

      So much for facing your accuser.

      • R C Dean

        Now that he’s dead, there’s probably no way to unseal the order, so we’ll never know who set him up to be killed.

    • R C Dean

      We are so fucked.

      Confident prediction: if this passes the Senate, the Dems will be in the majority after the next election. If Trump signs it, the Dems will hold the Presidency after the next election.

      These bills are nothing more than allowing secret courts to send SWAT teams to confiscate guns from law-abiding citizens on the basis of a bare accusation that someone is dangerous. If the Repubs don’t realize that will cost them a big chunk of their base, they deserve to be eradicated from the political landscape.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Confident prediction: If it passes, the black market for guns will only get bigger

      • R C Dean

        And the number of unfortunate boating accidents will increase dramatically.

      • Sean

        What happens if you refuse to open your safe?

      • trshmnstr

        You “become irate” and officer friendly regretfully has to pop a cap in your ass.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “The Emergency Risk Protection Order is designed to fill a gap in current law,” Graham said upon introducing the bill with Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal last March. “It can be utilized when an individual has moved into crisis, but has not yet committed a crime.”

      Crisis = Whatever we want it to be

      • Suthenboy

        It is not designed to fill a gap in current law. It is not designed for that at all.

      • R C Dean

        Especially since there’s way too many people who think owning a gun = danger to self or others.

      • Raston Bot

        “crisis” is when their activist, unmarried, insufferable niece has had enough of their stubborn attitude toward the 2A.

      • trshmnstr

        This ^^. This is also why I never tell anybody how many firearms I own. I have had exactly 1 background check, and I will forfeit exactly 1 firearm when the Stasi come around.

      • MikeS

        Graham said upon introducing the bill with Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal last March.

        That was before McCain died. Could we hope Lindsey reconsiders now that he has his balls back?

        ????

    • Suthenboy

      why would Trump sign this? My impression is that he is absolutely pro-2ndA. He has said so a couple of times.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’d be the end of his political support, that’s for sure, and I imagine he knows this. The Reps must be intent on losing the Senate though.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s so much easier for them when they’re the minority

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’ll be super easy for them then because a cave on gun control will result in a devastating loss. Why vote for those pigs if they can’t even hold the line on that?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Maryland, home of “center-right” Republican and Niskanen Center darling, Larry Hogan.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        Who is at their conference, it should be noted.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And confiscation goes from zero to 11 in a heartbeat. They send a SWAT team to take the guns before even attempting to get the person to surrender the firearms of their own accord. Much like no-knock raids, this is just begging for an escalation.

    • Sean

      That is straight up scary Orwellian shit.

    • Raston Bot

      this’ll teach those angry uncles at the Thanksgiving table to listen to their shrieking progressive harpy nieces!

  20. Rhywun

    OT: Geez, even Big Brother let the proles have their pr0n.

    I’m not sure what their thinking is… beyond “everything for the state” which is their motive for everything they do. But do they really think that people can’t watch porn and worship the state at the same time?

    • R C Dean

      worship the state

      Worst euphemism ever.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Porn is for the Proles only. Party members must be pure of thought and deed.

      • Rhywun

        Yes. Perhaps their proles don’t even have the internet.

        Also, $86K average annual salary? That’s either bullshit or yeah, this is only targeting Party members.

      • CPRM

        +1 Junior Anti-Sex League

    • R C Dean

      Headline:

      9-year-old kills self after racist taunts from class: family

      Gives the impression, with the picture of the young black girl, that she was being taunted by whites, no?

      From the story:

      Since the start of the school year, the fourth-grader had been the target of bullying at US Jones Elementary School, where she was teased over her friendship with a white male classmate, according to her family.

      I’m thinking it wasn’t the white kids bullying her.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist"

        Regardless of who was taunting her, though, it was still racist.

      • Rhywun

        For sure. I read that twice and didn’t even come to the alternate conclusion. I suspect a little creative editing at work now.

      • Chipwooder

        Yup, the subtext is definitely one of her taking shit from the other black kids for supposedly acting as if she were white.

        I have an 8 year old and a 10 year old. If something remotely like this ever happened to one of them, I’d make it my life’s mission to ruin those kids. A lot of people would be horrified by that statement, and I understand why, but I know I would not be the merciful forgiving type in such a situation.

      • CPRM

        It is little known that the prequel to Taken was Liam Neeson killing his daughter’s school bullies.

      • Chipwooder

        It may be an indication of something being wrong with me, but I find the mental image of Liam Neeson attacking school kids to be hilarious.

      • Sean

        It may be an indication of something being wrong with me

        *begins emergency gun confiscation paperwork*

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’ll laugh with you brother as long as you promise me that it was hand to hand combat. The image of Liam kicking some snot nosed gal right in the kisser is hilarious.

        But if he’s just machine gunning them down as he spins round and round on the merry-go-round is too trite to make me laugh.

      • Nephilium

        There was a scene in the most recent season of It’s Always Sunny that involved Mac and Charlie beating the crap out of some kids who stole their bikes.

  21. Chipwooder

    The Lutherans are at it again in France – at least one person killed in a shooting at the Strasbourg Christmas Market

    • "Idi Amin Apologist"

      I thought France had gun control? What happened?

      • Chipwooder

        I know – Chocolate Nixon assured us no other Western nation has mass shootings but the US.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Lutherans nothing. It was the Cathars. You can’t trust any of them.

      • CPRM

        This is truth.

  22. MikeS

    Moobs just got on my shit list:

    Trump and Schumer also exchanged zingers over recent midterm elections.

    “Elections have consequences, Mr. President,” Schumer said.

    “And that’s why the country is doing so well,” the president shot back.

    Schumer jabbed Trump over boasting that Republicans kept control of the Senate.

    When a president brags that he’s won Indiana and North Dakota, he’s in real trouble,” Schumer said.

    “We did!” Trump replied. “We did win.”

    • Rhywun

      Remember, Trump is the divider.