The Hat and The Hair-Animated Episode 13: Shutdown

by | Jan 15, 2019 | Hat and Hair | 207 comments

Here is the Patreon if you want to help me make more cartoons.

Here is my Twitter if you want to read my stupid thoughts.

Here is the Youtube Channel if you want to go back and watch all the cartoons.

And, here is the Cafe Press store if you want to buy some stuff.

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

207 Comments

  1. DEG

    I liked it.

  2. Rhywun

    Tha Hat! So good to see him again.

  3. Pan Zagloba

    I’ve been telling you people for near-literally years that US Hat was Evil and Wrong, but no one listened! And now his smooth, seductive voice is luring poor MAGA Hat into sin! Using the indubitable power and sexual magnetism of the Mustache, he will be nigh-unstoppable.

    • CPRM

      There seemed to be a hidden brilliance in Tha Hat a few times in SF’s stories, so that got me ruminating on what could be going on.

      his smooth, seductive voice

      You must have loved the clown in Billy Madison. That’s what tha Hat’s voice is based on, with a southern drawl.

  4. Don Escaped Texas

    Greetings from ATL, home of my new employer.

    Any Glibs hereabouts?

    420 is merely okay: fight me.

    • Tundra

      Yeah, I’m here for a few more hours. Yes, 420 is merely OK. And the home of your new employer has a terrible airport, terrible traffic and wonderful people.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      I’ll be visting ATL in Feburary

    • Private Chipperbot

      One of my offices is down there right across the highway from the baseball stadium. I’m usually down there once a month or so.

  5. Suthenboy

    Love the cartoons but you are gonna have a hard time beating the one with Biden feeling up Karla Marx.

    • Count Potato

      Pics or it didn’t happen.

  6. Spudalicious

    I did my first batch of spent grain beer bread today. A little gummy. The recipe called for 3-5 cups of flour and I stopped at 4 1/2. It needs the full five. Great flavor though. I’ll do another batch in the next couple of days.

    • Stillhunter

      I made that once and had a similar experience. A bit doughy, but quite tasty.

  7. commodious spittoon

    Top tier. Well done.

  8. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Where’s the link to The Hat and The Hair sex toy site?

    • Sean

      I think you’re supposed to add “asking for a friend”…

      • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

        Well I’m assuming at least one end of it will be for a friend.

    • Tulip

      Wtf is wrong with you?!

  9. Sean

    CPRM, this was a good episode. ??

  10. Sean

    Is that hair gel on the hair…or mayo…or…ummm…nm

    • Tulip

      We don’t want to know.

    • Count Potato

      artisinal semen

    • Rebel Scum

      I thought they flipped the cushions after the Clinton admin. but who knows.

  11. Tres Cool

    So help me, I do like Bolton’s mustache

    • Sean

      How’s abstaining from alcohol going?

      • Tres Cool

        Chuggin along….

        Jugsy thinks the secret to her doing a keto diet lay in this Carbquick stuff:

        https://tinyurl.com/y9vw7uwk

        Any experience with it?

      • Tres Cool

        Oh…and today marks my 5th month of staying on the (for the most part) <50g-carb/day

      • Akira

        Great job! What kind of meals? I love my carbohydrates (especially home-baked bread) but one thing I like about low-carb is that you can get away with eating a crapload of sausage, ham, and steaks.

        I’m doing a lowER carb thing at the moment in an effort to cut bodyfat. I managed to get my bench press up to where I like it, but I loaded up on protein and gained some fat in the process. Time to lose it now.

        Scrambled eggs with chorizo for breakfast, grilled chicken salad for lunch (chicken marinated in mashed garlic, fresh lemon zest, herbs, and olive oil) and penne with meat sauce for dinner.

        As soon as I finish off this meat sauce, I might change it out for some Italian-style bean stew with my home-smoked ham.

      • Sean

        Yeah…ditch that penne. Also, nix that bean stew.

      • commodious spittoon

        Cauliflower in lieu of pasta. I don’t really miss it.

      • Rhywun

        I hope you can mask the flavor of cauliflower.

      • commodious spittoon

        Cauliflower tastes like cauliflower. What’s wrong with cauliflower??

      • Tres Cool

        I make the fake cauliflower mashed potatoes from time to time. They dont taste like potatoes, but its a really good way to enjoy cauliflower. I use butter, cream, parmesan cheese, and tons of garlic powder.

      • Rhywun

        What’s wrong with cauliflower??

        It tastes like cauliflower. Like its cousins broccoli and cabbage, it tastes like vomit to me. Though I have learned to accept broccoli over the years.

      • commodious spittoon

        You and UCS! Crimony! Cabbage is delicious. As are the rest of them. Raw, boiled, steamed (especially!), fried, it’s all tasty, tasty treats.

      • Rhywun

        I can’t help the way my taste buds work.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        I dig ya, cs-brother, but you should watch more Simpsons

      • Sean

        Zucchini noodles go well with a fatty meat sauce. Just saying.

      • Jarflax

        Zucchini noodles go well with a fatty meat sauce. Just saying.

        Zucchini goes in the trash. This is its only use.

      • Q Continuum

        How much weight loss?

      • Tres Cool

        I’ve cut a solid 25 lbs, with marginal effort. Most of it was the 1st month or 6 weeks. I was spending 20-30 minutes/day on the elliptical, till I bruised my heel. I only got back into it last week.
        Aside from losing weight the weight, it knocked the hell out of my blood sugar. Pre- Aug. 15th I was routinely in the 160s, and breaking 200 a couple times a week wasnt shocking. Now Im in the 110-120 range.

      • Tres Cool

        I should add, that also (up till 8 days ago) includes getting faded on shitty light beer every night.

      • pistoffnick

        “Carbquick stuff:

        Any experience with it?”

        It is a fairly good substitute for bisquick. The only place I could find it was on Amazon and it is not cheap.

        I kind of like this web site for low carb stuff: https://www.ruled.me/keto-recipes/

      • hayeksplosives

        Carbquick is good. Can’t do everything Bisquick can, but you can make chicken and dumplings if you are gentle to the dumplings. Good pancakes, good biscuits.

        My numero uno low-carb friend is Carba-nada brand noodles. Welcome back to my life, pasta! they are kind of in between egg noodles and fettucine. Good with red sauces, alfredo sauce, stir fry, stroganoff…Have to buy on Amazon, but worth it to me.

        You can also find low carb Mission brand tortillas in most grocery stores next to the regular tortillas, and they make good sandwich wraps. I even cut them in triangles and toast them on a skillet for “chips”. Spread a thin layer of alfredo sauce and some pepperoni or salami & mozzarella cheese, and bake them as mini “pizzas.”

        And of course Trader Joes Sprouted multigrain low carb bread.

  12. Rebel Scum
    • Rhywun

      Who dis?

      • Count Potato

        Zach Galifianakis

      • Rhywun

        Huh.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Are You Neglecting Your Meat?

    I am usually pretty good about taking care of it but sometimes the gf needs to be persuaded.

    It turns out the reverse sear is just sous vide without the sous vide equipment, and also without any of the sous vide convenience. Basically you bake a steak at 225 to your desired doneness, then sear it on cast iron. I’m sure it works, but it’s also a lot more time and effort than just teaching yourself how to gauge a steak’s doneness by the finger test. It’s been almost two decades since I last overdid a steak, and my preferred method involves nothing fancier than a Weber charcoal grill with an aftermarket cast-iron grate.

    But that Food Network item did nonetheless have one bit of essential advice: Season Aggressively. The Kitchen Co-host Geoffrey Zakarian says, “When we’re talking about seasoning like a pro, nobody puts enough salt and pepper on a steak. It’s basically salt crusted.”

    I must have been in my late 20s before I figured this out, but it’s so true. A properly seasoned steak should be almost invisible underneath all the salt and pepper. I’ve seen people too many times who, if they pre-season at all, sprinkle a little salt and pepper on top and call it good. But no. Not only do the salt and pepper add to and intensify the flavor, but they help form that perfect crust on the outside. For more tender (but slightly less-flavorful) cuts like tenderloin and ribeye, I usually add a generous helping of both onion and garlic powder before the salt & pepper go on.

    Same goes for dry rubs: More is better, provided of course that you haven’t applied so much that most of it just falls off, wasted.

    That was more tasty than I thought it would be. ///thatswhatshesaid

    • Akira

      A properly seasoned steak should be almost invisible underneath all the salt and pepper.

      I know some people here consider sauce on a steak to be sacrilege, but… Alton Brown had a great steak recipe that involved crusting it heavily with salt and pepper, searing the hell out of it, then building a pan sauce out of cognac and heavy cream.

      • Count Potato

        That’s au poivre. Again, I’d rather taste beef than that much pepper.

      • Rhywun

        Ugh, I made the mistake of ordering that in a fancy restaurant once. Never again.

      • Rhywun

        Nah, pan sauces are fine. People say A1 is sacrilege. I don’t – in very small amounts I like it. Nice acidity.

      • blackjack

        no sauce, but there’s a thing called “kitchen bouquet” I use that rocks. It’s a darkening and sealing agent with some minor flavor to it, but it browns up the outside like nobody’s business. I use it on burgers, steaks, even ribeye roasts.

    • Count Potato

      I worked as a broilerman at a steakhouse. Salt is important, but “salt crusted” sounds like overkill. It’s supposed to taste like steak, not beef jerky.

      • slumbrew

        I can dig it up if need be, but it’s pointed out that steakhouses have totally different goals than the home cook – you needed to get that steak out from ‘fridge to plate within 20 minutes (or less). The techniques that apply there almost never apply to home.

    • Sean

      Learn to dry brine your steaks for at least 24 hours. The difference is signifigant.

    • Rhywun

      It’s been almost two decades since I last overdid a steak

      Aren’t you fucking special?

      • Rebel Scum

        Incidentally, sauces such as A1 come in handy if/when you fuck up.

    • Spudalicious

      There is a limit to salting but to quote a former chef friend of OMWC’s and mine, “the most common mistake a home cook makes when trying to create restaurant quality food is they don’t use enough salt and butter”.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You speak the truth.

      • blackjack

        And garlic!

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, I got to help put together some meals with a real chef in a restaurant kitchen. I was shocked at the amount of spices (and butter). Multiples of what I expected.

        It was great.

      • Old Man With Candy

        And heat. He was adamant that home cooks don’t use enough heat. And once again, he was right.

      • Rhywun

        don’t use enough salt and butter

        Both of which have been vilified for decades – and it’s just ramping up, with nannified menus and shit.

        But yeah, my food got a lot better with much more salt.

      • CPRM

        Never heavy on salt, but when I cook at other people’s homes use generous portions of (salted) butter. At home I only ever cook quick things or chili, butter usually goes bad before I use it. I cook most of my meals at other people’s homes.

    • Rebel Scum

      Gordon Ramsay’s ULTIMATE COOKERY COURSE: How to Cook the Perfect Steak

      I should probably just follow this when doing steaks, at least when doing them in a pan on the stove*. I thought I went heavy on the spices and flavors. He does even more so and it looks delicious. Though I do like my steak medium to medium-well, and I have been using canola oil for cooking red meat as opposed to olive oil.

      *As an aside, I have been wanting to get a stainless steel cookware set, but I have been doing well with and enjoying my cast iron griddle-pan, skillet and grill-pan lately.

      • Tulip

        Stay with the cast iron. What will stainless gain you?

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, stainless isn’t going to get you anything with a steak, other than, maybe, easier clean up.

      • blackjack

        I like my steaks charred rare. Heat a cast iron skillet for about 30 minutes on max (as hot as possible), toss it in and flip it about 3-4 minutes later, remove it 3-4 minutes later. Done. Kitchen bouquet helps too. Keep your salt for the baked potato. Steak’s gotta be around 3/4″ to work.

      • Rebel Scum

        What will stainless gain you?

        Easier maintenance/use. But I can’t justify the expense, especially when I don’t even have a dishwasher, which to some extent negates those benefits.

      • Tulip

        Properly seasoned, cast iron is non-stick. So, I don’t see the clean -up improvement.

      • Rebel Scum

        True. I need to apply more layers, but haven’t gotten around to it yet.

      • trshmnstr

        I’ve struggled to maintain the seasoning on my cast iron. I cook breakfast on it every morning and wash it with warm water and chainmail a couple times a week, but the eggs are guaranteed to stick after I wash it.

      • Tundra

        I hit it with oil after I wash it. Put it on a burner and pour a little avocado oil when it’s warm.

      • Stillhunter

        Heat and oil is the key. Eggs slide off the old Griswold round griddle I got from my grandmother, but not the newer lodge pan, though they will stick to the old pan if I don’t preheat properly or use enough oil.

      • trshmnstr

        It’s the oil that I’m missing. I usually just toss it back on and heat it to evaporate the water.

      • R C Dean

        Tulip speaks the truth. The key to keeping a cast iron frying pan happy is a full pan of bacon a week. Nothing seasons a pan better, and . . . bacon.

      • slumbrew

        Only one a week?

      • Stillhunter

        Clean-up is easier with SS, but not significantly so. Everyone I know that has cast iron has a pet way of caring for it. Some even wash them! The horror! I will dunk mine in the dishwater after a particularly crusty dish to help get the bits off, but typically just scrape it, wipe it with paper towel and hang it until next mealtime. After washing I put it back on the stove to heat it up and add some oil to keep it from rusting.

      • Stillhunter

        +1 I have decent set of stainless. I rarely use the pans for anything besides acidic dishes that are tough on the cast iron.

      • Rhywun

        Dittoes – that site is great. Also the Food Lab book he has.

      • slumbrew

        Every time I crack that book open, I get intimidated. That chili recipe… I don’t have that kind of time, man.

    • CPRM

      Most people over cook steak. The outside should be brown, the inside should be barely above room temperature.

      • Gustave Lytton

        ^guy who lives in Kuwait? 135F isn’t too far from room temp there.

      • slumbrew

        Steak tartare and ceviche with a big Bloody Mary has been the best hangover cure I’ve found. Surf and turf the right way.

      • Ted S.

        In Wisconsin, the alcohol kills off all the bacteria in the food.

  14. Q Continuum

    This needs to go viral.

    • CPRM

      Usually it’s your links that lead to viruses

      • Tres Cool

        *paging HM for some links

      • Spudalicious

        You seriously wanted to throw down that gauntlet?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I erotically inclined to say that almost aroused me

      • Tulip

        Wtf is wrong with you?!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The magic of Marvin Gaye.

      • Ownbestenemy

        To each their own is what I thought

      • Tres Cool

        And he delivers !

      • slumbrew

        That was deeply weird.

      • Spudalicious

        There I go again, clicking on a link when I know better.

  15. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    That is really good. The ending with Bolton was done perfectly

  16. Tulip

    Fuck! My boss sent me my goals for the year. I am one of the few at my job who still publishes, so it’s publish, but in a higher journal, plus add 2 more clients. Fuuuuck!. This is going to suck. I better be getting a big raise.

    • commodious spittoon

      Dang. My boss bonuses me $100 and thanks me for filling out the stupid self-evaluation.

      • R C Dean

        I take some of my annual bonus and give it to my two direct reports. In cash. I swear the Irish one had never seen a $100 bill before she got them from me.

        They deserve more than I give them.

      • commodious spittoon

        But is she… freckled?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      This is going to suck. I better be getting a big raise.

      I’ve seen that video.

      • Tres Cool

        +1 Backroom Casting Couch

      • Spudalicious

        I believe it was a documentary on upward mobility?

    • Tulip

      I published papers from my dissertation, and they were accepted before I went on the job market. Not only that, but, I have 15 citations. That doesn’t sound like much, but the median number of citations for an economist is, uh, …zero. in addition, I have managed to publish work since I got my job. Not in top tier journals like my dissertation, but even some of those have a few citations. I know what can publish, and where. Given the projects I have, I can’t publish higher. My boss is convinced I can, but he’s an engineer. This is not going to be a good conversation.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        My boss is convinced I can, but he’s an engineer. This is not going to be a good conversation.

        I’m really, really sorry. The only advice I can give to you is to only speak in monosyllabic Anglo-Saxon, and use easily understandable hand gestures whenever possible. Also avoid complex grammatical structures, such as relative clauses or verb nominalization.

        Also, is a book or a book chapter possible? Is that considered more prestigious in your field?

      • Tulip

        Uh, not really. Although, convincing the other economists in the office that we should write a book together would definitely impress the boss. Heh, heh. Great idea! Thanks!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Hey, no worries! I’m in the publish or perish ratrace myself.

      • Tulip

        Here’s the thing, I’m not, supposedly. It’s supposed to be a bonus if we publish. But, now, it’s becoming part of my requirements. Also, supposedly, I’m not supposed to be doing business development, but… This really sucks.

      • blackjack

        Rule number 1 on the get rich quick circuit is write a book. Any book. Don’t even matter what’s in it, as long as your name is listed as the author. A large chunk of people will consider you an expert in whatever field the book is based on, without ever reading anything other than your byline. (Not to insinuate you’re not an expert, just relating what I learned working for some “get rich quick” shysters)

      • Tulip

        I believe you.

      • slumbrew

        Good christ, is that true. A former co-worker worked for O’Reilly and ended up as one of the “authors” on one of their “X In a Nutshell” books – which were essentially just the man pages for X.

        He cruised as an “expert” on X for years, despite being fair to middling at best. He got his ass handed to him when he made an internal transfer to a group that actually were X experts and came slinking back with his tail between his legs within the year.

        That book is still the #2 hit on Google for his name, despite being 20 years ago.

      • R C Dean

        “Uh, not really.”

        Does your boss know that?

      • Pan Zagloba

        Flowcharts. Flowcharts with clearly labelled decision gates will help immensely.

      • Tulip

        For the engineer? ‘Cause flow charts make me roll my eyes.

      • Pan Zagloba

        Yes.

        Advantage: it can be as complicated as you want, as long as it has no infinite loops and labels are clear.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Remember, your task is basically using Google Translate to communicate with a China-man with Asperger’s Syndrome. The merest instance of syntactic ambiguity will cause him to rock back and forth in the corner while keening. If you can get him to follow “Me no make article big journal. Data no robust. Me need research program long time, get good metrics. You ok?” Then I’d call it a win.

      • Tulip

        The other complication is that I have been given projects that are…difficult…data wise. Meaning, there is none. I have managed to make the client happy, but these are not publishable. He has been promising me projects with data, but… So, if he wants me to publish, I need data. Not going to be a fun conversation.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Seriously, though, if your boss is a reasonable guy, he should fully understand that you need a certain amount of empirical data in order to have rigorous analysis, sufficient statistical power, etc.. It’s not going to do anybody good if you submit a paper that’s light on findings or just trivial in anyway to a top-tier journal and have it sent back.

      • Tulip

        Lack of data will be my best argument.

      • Tulip

        I plan to get publishing contingent on projects with data.

      • R C Dean

        Damn, HM. That’s rough.

        I’m totally using that the next time I have to “explain” the actuarial basis of our self-insurance funding.

      • Timeloose

        If you want to really impress hi or her make a database

      • Tulip

        Did that two years ago.

      • Not Adahn

        Take some lessons from Boghossian. You’ll be publishing the in the most prestigious journals in o time!

    • Rebel Scum

      I just had to evaluate 2 other people in my department as a part of our yearly review system and I have no idea what the hell they are working on and how well they are doing it most of the time. It is worse than when they made me review the IT guy’s performance and the IT guy is the only one in our office and he has managed to not be fired from what was previously a relatively high-turnover position in our office. So I guess he is doing fine. Otherwise I have little to no way to judge him. Nor should I be because I am not the dept head or the office Prez.

      • Tulip

        I had to evaluate 5 other people this year. I hate evaluating others even more than being evaluated.

      • Hyperion

        Do not give IT guy a bad review. IT guys are closet psychopaths. You’ve been warned. Once in an office I worked in, someone gave the IT guy a bad review one year. No one ever saw that guy again. But a month later someone bought a can of pork and beans at a local 7-Eleven and they found one of that guy’s toes in it! I swear!

      • slumbrew

        IT guys are closet psychopaths.

        Hey! That’s not OK!

        I mean, not _all_ of us.

        Way to generalize, shitlord.

      • Hyperion

        As long as you don’t code, you’re probably OK. But if you code, your brain gets subliminally re-programmed. This makes you weird, it is known.

      • Tulip

        Hah! This is true.

      • slumbrew

        Dammit.

    • mikey

      I get the ads. They’re using the time-honoured recruiting appeal of “Hey worthless young person who doesn’t know what do with your life, get out of Mom’s basement, quit that shit job and do something exciting and meaningful.” The military isn’t expecting any special skills – just their warm body.

      • R C Dean

        “warm body”

        Well, temporarily, anyway.

    • slumbrew

      Wait, is that you? Because, if so…

      • slumbrew

        Also, you could and should edit that down to 3 minutes.

    • kbolino

      It is interesting to see the sociopolitical dynamics play out here. On the one hand, you have a “traditional” job with security, mostly consistent working hours, and relatively high wages (but for a limited number of people). On the other hand, you have opportunity for far more people to participate with much lower barriers to entry (and much lower pay, per mile driven or hour worked). Indeed, the erstwhile taxi drivers are not excluded at all, they just have to accept the different conditions.

      It is “living wage” vs. no (effective) minimum wage being played out right before our eyes.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Indeed, the erstwhile taxi drivers are not excluded at all, they just have to accept the different conditions.

        It’s much more satisfying to use the cudgel of government to beat perceived threats into non-existence, though.

      • R C Dean

        And if the threats are perceived but not real, then the cudgel is guaranteed to be successful!

      • mikey

        With the added dynamic of the taxi people admitting that people drive taxis because they’ve failed at everything else

      • Rhywun

        YT;DW

        But the same is happening here in NYC except they’re mostly jumping off bridges. I don’t know the situation in Korea but here it’s complicated by the monopoly guarantee the city offered, which required sinking your life savings into the scheme as the price of admission.

      • kbolino

        The YT comments imply they have a monopoly in South Korea as well (not sure if it’s national or specific to cities/regions). It’s an evil scheme, and as is often the case they’ve had decades to adapt and yet have mostly refused to do so.

      • slumbrew

        Were there / are there many independent operators in NYC at this point? Boston became (or always was) this ridiculously corrupt system where a handful of politically-connected shitbags owned all the medallions, which they “rented” to the drivers for steep rates.

        The liquor licenses are the second-most corrupt racket here.

      • Rhywun

        I know of one or two major medallion operators who make the news now and then, otherwise not sure. But this being where it is, I wouldn’t rule out titanic levels of corruption. The whole system is still a shitshow that hasn’t resolved itself.

  17. Tundra

    The hat is the hero.

  18. Hyperion

    There was an earthquake. It did something to my toe. Now my toe hurts like a mofo all day. Also, Bolton is an evil fuck and that hat, and the stache. And chick peas, chick peas are evil and so is edamame. Why would anyone eat such a thing? It’s fucking soy beans you know. Cow food, fucking cow food. DON’T EAT COW FOOD FOR FUCK SAKE!

    • slumbrew

      I think someone needs to check on Hyp.

      • Tundra

        It’s cool. His forks are corked.

    • kbolino

      Don’t you live in the Balmer area? I don’t remember an earthquake…

      • Hyperion

        There was one. I think around 6:30pm? I didn’t feel it.

      • kbolino

        USGS says it happened 140 miles off the coast of Ocean City but it doesn’t look anything could be felt on this side of the Bay.

      • Hyperion

        Why’d it fuck my toe all up? My toe felt it.

      • Spudalicious

        Left big toe? Allopurinol is your friend.

      • Hyperion

        It’s the middle one. I can’t even give people the toe now.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      You can do what you want, but when you mess with doubles, you’re messing with my kith and kin.

      • Hyperion

        I just want to know what a coddie is. Baltimore all this time and I never had a coddie. I must have a coddie, damnit!

      • kbolino

        1 tsp. curry
        1 tsp. masala

        This might as well be: 2 tsp. secret spices

      • kbolino

        Good to know, thanks. I’ve only recently discovered West Indian food, I’m a bit more familiar with the (East) Indian kind, but either way getting the spices right seems to be the hardest part for me.

      • Rhywun

        +1 trip to Little India

    • Tundra

      Finally.

      16 wins, but 38 is cute as a bug.

      • Stillhunter

        I see what you did there.

        I wondered what 16 was doing under that bridge…

    • commodious spittoon

      Thank God someone’s finally speaking a language I recognize.

      • commodious spittoon

        #22, end of story. 34 runner-up.

    • Spudalicious

      33.

      • Tundra

        Lovely.

  19. straffinrun

    I’ve got a bad feeling this is all just a build up to introducing Hillary’s merkin.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Angela’s.

      • commodious spittoon

        Lansbury? o_O

  20. CPRM

    Thanks to everyone for watching.

    • straffinrun

      ??

  21. straffinrun

    Massengill needs to come out with a pro MGTOW ad.

    • CPRM

      Morning Breeze.

    • CPRM

      Side Note: I went to Gillette’s page to see if they sell straight razors (because I was going to make a twitter joke) but they had a fucking pop up come up about their new campaign. Didn’t bother.

      • Rhywun

        See, we think this will backfire but I bet it doesn’t. In fact, I bet it succeeds enormously. This is the new world we live in – everything is political, and that politics is woke. Git woke or die.

        See: Nike.

      • CPRM

        Only problem is all them woke hipsters use artisinal free range honey based shaving cream and throw back razors they bought on ebay because they look funky.

        Then again, I bought razors for the first time in years today, because the trimmer I’ve been using to on the parts of my non-bearded parts of my face took a shit. So I don’t know shit about that market.

      • Rhywun

        I think they’re counting on women making a lot of these decisions.

      • slumbrew

        That’s the best take I’ve seen.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        That IS an interesting take on it, Rhy. Not true (so much) in my house, so I wasn’t thinking along those lines, but I can see how it very well could be the case.

        As for me, I’ve been happy with Gillette, and I will be happy without them. No muss or fuss–I’m not bent out of shape. I have been contemplating trying DSC, for a while, but only slightly. So, I consider this a somewhat mild reason to pull the trigger.

      • Rhywun

        I just figure the ladies are a big reason men shave in the first place. That and job requirements.

      • slumbrew

        Further anecdote: I buy my own grooming products (such as they are – libertarian, bro) but maybe a lot of guys just have their wives pick up whatever for them to shave with?

        Thinking about it, I’m not at all wired that way, but perhaps I’m in the minority.

      • CPRM

        Oh, I thought you were talking about the ‘for her’ line.

      • Tejicano

        I went to an electric shaver and stopped buying blades a year or two ago. Blades were becoming too freaking expensive.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Tag line “get the sand out of your clits, snowflakes!”

      • Gustave Lytton

        Should also mention that Massengill has their own history of toxicity.

    • Rhywun

      I dunno about that but the whole thing… if this ain’t 3D chess I don’t know what is.

      • CPRM

        Like with so much of his shit it’s hard to tell if he is a master at trolling his enemies, or if he really is a bumbling crass moron stumbling through it all Mr. Magoo style. I embrace the latter, because it’s better for the cartoon.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think it’s someone who doesnt focus group every statement, every action…so what we see is Donald Trump.

        I think others see that too. It isnt a politician doing things to see if X% of the population agree/disagree…its just him.

      • Chafed

        It’s some of both I suspect.

  22. CPRM

    Two jokes that I’m wondering how they stood up. The risk/games joke and the telling Donald to shut up and stand up for himself. Did those land? Or did no one realize they jokes until I pointed it out? (trying to grow as an artist)

    • Ownbestenemy

      I caught the stand up for yourself and thought that was funny. I’m for dry humor and off-color humor.

  23. Not an Economist

    Proof mainstream media does not have an agenda and lots of fact checkers.

    Nope no bias whatsoever.