The Hat and The Hair-Animated Episode 14: Acquiescence

by | Jan 30, 2019 | Hat and Hair | 210 comments

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About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

210 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Shut it down again!

    • Spudalicious

      First, bitches!

      • Swiss Servator

        No, Donald only has one First Bitch…for now.

      • Spudalicious

        Hello? Ivanka? There are two first bitches, it is known.

      • BakedPenguin

        Said it before, say it again: Jeebus, I need to restart SNP.

      • BakedPenguin

        …if only to reinvigorate Swiss relations! We can’t do without chocolate!

        YouTube, give me you crappy Photoshop tutorials!

      • Ted S.

        Postleitzahl, Postleitzahl, Postleitzahl?

      • Rhywun

        I miss the old ones. 97218?! GTFO.

        ES LEBE DIE 8708!

      • Tundra

        I really miss RDA.

      • KSuellington

        +1 Xenu comin’

      • Tulip

        YES! PLEASE DO!

      • BakedPenguin

        Dammit, you guys made me buy another copy of Photoshop.

        I had no agency in the matter.

        At least, that’s what I’m going to say.

      • CPRM

        BP, if you have any photoshop questions just let me know. Of course, I don’t use the full suite, I have the ‘Elements’version IE the cheap one, does good by me.

      • BakedPenguin

        TY, CPRM. I didn’t used to. Then, they fucking changed it. Because they could.

        Bitter? Me? Ah..somewhat. Somewhat.

        But thanks CPRM, I’ll probably avail myself of your services at some point.

      • CPRM

        Oh, if they changed it and you’re using a new one, I might not be of much help, mine is from like ten years ago.

      • Tulip

        Get a patreon account. I’d support it.

      • Chafed

        Yes please.

  2. Tundra

    “Forever war, Donald”

  3. Spudalicious

    Ahh. He’s listening to the USA hat. It all makes sense now.

    • CPRM

      Ayup.

    • Pan Zagloba

      God I hate USA hat so much. He’s the worst. At least John Bolton’s mustache has that animal magnetism.

      • CPRM

        USA HAT: You sound like gosh dern ferner, What’s wrong Pan? How can help ya? I’ll be be in yer dreams. Ayup, jus tryin ta help. In yer dreams.

    • Spudalicious

      How long before VRchat porn is a thing? I mean, I thought that would happen in the first day that Animoji’s came out.

      • Heroic Mulatto
      • Mad Scientist

        Needs more tentacles.

      • Tulip

        I first read that as “needs more testicles”. That was funnier.

      • Rhywun

        Nobody needs more than 23 testicles.

      • Tejicano

        Depends on how big your herd is and how many steers you plan to end up with.

      • Mojeaux

        Did someone say testicles?

      • Rhywun

        Oh my God.

      • Spudalicious

        Software needs to get a LOT better.

    • Soyboy

      Is this the feelsiest Kermit the Frog video? Believe it or not, it has competition.

      • Spudalicious

        Wow. That’s effed up. I approve.

      • Chafed

        I can’t believe Disney hasn’t gotten it taken down. 4.1MM views. They’re slipping.

      • MikeS

        Wow. When he looks at a picture of himself and Jim Henson while singing “Everyone I know, goes away, in the end” made it almost seem real.

      • Rhywun

        I normally pass on Youtube videos but I finally clicked and that was outstanding.

  4. Sean

    Good stuff CPRM.

    ?

  5. Akira

    HAH! I forgot that the characters riff on people’s names when they become patrons… Totally worth it.

  6. BakedPenguin

    Good job, CPRM.

    • Spudalicious

      Congrats on the new handle, Shitlord.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        If it wouldnt be self doxxing, I’d change my avatar to the only photo that can match the grandeur of the new handle. Me wearing an Oscar the grouch earflap hat and holding an AK47.

      • Sean

        I think you should try Obergruppenfuhrer Trshmnstr. Has a more powerful ring to it…

        Oh yeah…add some umlauts.

      • Sean

        I watched that whole thing.

        I now hope you get attacked by moths.

      • Spudalicious

        That was actually more disturbing than Kermit with a nail in his arm.

      • Tundra

        OK. That might be the best use of the internet ever. Thanks, SOt.

      • Spudalicious

        ROFL!!!

      • Soyboy

        That’s brilliant.

      • MikeS

        That Count video is why Algore invented the internet.

      • Q Continuum

        That is art.

      • CPRM

        And it’s an honorary title, so you can still hold office in the fedgov.

      • Spudalicious

        Huh. There’s no images out there of Oscar dressed like Hitler, or Stalin.

      • CPRM

        If you really want one, I can make it happen.

      • Spudalicious

        I just thought that would be the perfect avatar for our newest overlord.

      • Pan Zagloba

        Photoshop Oscar’s face over your own?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Trash minister?

  7. Tulip

    Do you have a patreon account or somewhere else to donate? I missed it before, but would be happy to support this.

    • Ted S.

      Did you read the article? :p

      • Spudalicious

        No one reads the article.

    • CPRM

      Merch Shill

      Patreon Shill

      Youtube ‘smash that like button and subscribe’ Shill

      Twitter Shill

      Links right under the video.

      • Tulip

        Ok

      • Tulip

        Slinks away

      • Tundra

        Hawt.

      • BakedPenguin

        I was going to make a “Tulips” joke, then thought better of it.

        Yeah, I sometimes think better of something, hard as it might be to believe.

        Also, it wasn’t that funny.

      • Rhywun

        it wasn’t that funny

        Whew I’m not the only one

      • Tulip

        Slinks back. All signed up.

  8. Q Continuum

    I am not pro-life or pro-choice. I am pro-abortion. I believe all children deserve death. All government funding across the world should go towards planned parenthood. No more military, no more healthcare, just abortions. Unite all the countries in the world for this cause. Change the UN into the UA, United Abortions. All these silver spoon politicians sitting up in their ivory towers, not giving a single fuck about what happens to the common man? Without us, they are nothing. What about the real problems, huh? The human race needs to be eradicated. That’s just the simple truth. #humanabortion2019

    • Plinker762

      EXTERMINATE!!!

    • CPRM

      Uh, thanks for commenting? *runs away grabs shotgun*

      • Plinker762

        Are misanthropic posts replacing titty links? Thanks Swiss.

    • Spudalicious

      Especially the unnatural fat chicks with duck lips.

      • Spudalicious

        Very brave of you to post a selfie while licking a shoe.

      • Q Continuum

        Mistress Jennifer was very impressed with my cleaning skills.

      • Tundra

        The keto seems to be letting you down, though.

      • Q Continuum

        You should have seen me before.

    • Rebel Scum
      • Spudalicious

        That was awesome.

      • Tundra

        Nice. Reminds me of Thanksgiving.

      • BakedPenguin

        Okay, that was funny.

    • Akira

      As an aside…

      It’s weird how being against abortion is framed as rabid misogyny when quite a lot of women are against abortion themselves. A discussion about it occurred at work the other day among several women who sit nearby; some of the choice quotes included:

      – Anyone who supports that should have to watch a video of it. Did you know they just rip the baby apart??
      – How can someone carry that baby and then do that to it?
      – I would only consider that if I got raped.
      – They should suck Nancy Pelosi into one of those tubes and dump her down the sink! (this one got a hearty LOL from me)
      – There are so many people who would love to take that baby and raise it.

      But no, if you are against abortion in any way (or against forcing taxpayers to fund it) it just means you hate all women. Yep.

      • RAHeinlein

        I’m assuming all the women quoted are vegetarians.

      • Rhywun

        Enh, same as conservative poors (or blacks, or gays, or …). They vote against their interest (they’re Uncle Toms, they’re …). SSDD

      • Soyboy

        That’s easy to reconcile: those women exhibit internalized misogyny.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Walmart, Day 1:
    Sitting at a PC all day, doing modules, and extra for me because food handling, I finished the week long course Today, and missed two questions,
    The active shooter mod goes like this,
    Avoid, makes sense,
    Deny, if you can’t run hide
    Defend, quote “you have the right to defend yourself by any means necessary, don’t fight fair”
    That’s fucking awesome!!!!!
    I might like it there?

    • Rebel Scum

      While the selection is limited, Walmart has plenty of guns and ammo. Just make sure you are the guy with the key to the cabinets.

    • CPRM

      Do they still have the one about an employee sleeping on the job, who just happens to be named Jose? (nice little siesta joke they had, prolly got ruined by now)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No, a jumbled mess of video and flash animation, and a crash prone interface, I would hate do be the IT guy

    • Ownbestenemy

      Even us FedGovs are taught Run Hide Fight. I was pleasantly surprised they actually teach to fight when it comes down to it.

      • Q Continuum

        Run Hide Die.

      • R C Dean

        I pointed out run, hide, fight is also the recipe for an ambush. It just depends whether you run away like a pussy, or run to trouble like a man.

    • The Last American Hero

      Add>alice

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good fun CPRM, keep it going……..

  11. Aus

    Any recommendations for cold weather coat? Can’t seem to find something I like.

    • Tundra

      How cold? For what activities? Dress or casual?

      • Aus

        Single digits to teens, but for only short amount of time outside. If I’m working longer, I’ll put on insulated coveralls.

        I really need to expand my wardrobe, so I need both dress and casual.

      • Aus

        Oh and for employment related activities, I have a couple very nice expedition parkas, but they have company branding. So I need coats for outside of employment activities.

    • CPRM

      I’ve used 2 winter coats in the last 20 years, I’m not sure like ever came into the equation.

      • Tulip

        When it’s truly cold (20 below or more) just go with what’s warm. I had an ugly, Hunter green down filled full length coat that I got at a rummage sale when I lived in Fargo. It was from LL Bean. On me it was ankle length and I looked like a squat evergreen in it. But it was warm. (For $25 bucks it was awesome)

      • Tulip

        Here, I have a fabulous red cloth coat from my mother (it’s about 20 years older than me) with a mink collar and a mink detail down the front. I got it out today. I feel like a million bucks wearing it.

      • Rhywun

        I have a classic wool job that I bought used in college – 30 years ago. Now I’m fat enough that it fits. And the thing is still in perfect condition. I don’t wear it a lot because I prefer short jackets but damn it looks good.

      • Aus

        Heh, good point.

      • Aus

        I’m looking at this. Doesn’t look suitable for the single digits to teens cold, but I only need it for short walks from the car to where I’m going.

        Carhartt Men’s Full Swing Cryder Jacket
        https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BUFCKYM/

        More than I want to spend, but I have some gift cards and I HATE going to stores.

      • Aus

        Don’t hate it at all.

      • 61North

        Right on.

        My friends that work outside all swear by Carhartt, but Duluth Trading stuff is making headroads. I don’t think that they have the range of work jackets that Carhartt does. The DT pants are pretty nice, but definitely made for beefier guys.

      • MikeS

        I have a Duluth Trading vest and absolutely love it.

      • Plinker762

        Probably heavier and more expansive than you are looking for, but this is the coat I’ve been using for winter. I like the detachable hood.

        Carhartt Arctic

      • Aus

        I looked at that too. I will keep it on my wishlist for now.

    • Akira

      I have three winter coats, and which one I wear depends on what else I’m wearing (yes, I’m the kind of man who feels the need to “coordinate”… Fight me)

      – A black leather jacket with a thick removable lining… A clean-cut leather coat, not a biker jacket or something. Makes a great springtime jacket as well if you take the lining out.

      – A brown double-breasted wool peacoat from some no-name Chinese brand on Amazon. One of the pocket seams did split and I had to sew it back up, but other than that, it’s a pretty good coat for $40.

      – A grey wool coat that I got on an online leather store. Not sure what the design is called, but it has four front pockets, epaulets, and that military-style collar. Very warm, and of course the pocket space is great.

      • Tejicano

        If you do get the M-65 jacket be sure to get the liner for it. The liner is a real upgrade.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I’ll go ahead a take that one for the team.

      • Chafed

        You are a true friend.

  12. Q Continuum

    Barack Obama: It is ? I, Barack Obama.
    Kowalski: Mr ??????. Obama? What ? are you doing here ???
    Barack Obama: I have ?? come to exempt my revenge on ?? you penguins for allowing my wife to die ⚰⚰⚰ at the hands ??? of Donald Trump.
    Kowalski: But Mr ??. Obama, we did everything we could.
    Barack Obama: I’ve ? already made up ☝☝ my mind ???.
    Skipper: Mr ????. Obama, don’t do it. This ⬆ won’t bring Michelle back ⬅️⬅️.
    Barack Obama: Nigga ???.
    the penguins’ airship explodes and the penguins scream ? for the help ? of god

  13. CPRM

    MTV once made a show making fun of Boy Bands called 2gether. Chris Farley’s brother was on it. Here is there song ‘U+Me=Us (Calculous)’

    • Chafed

      You are so lucky Ted had his warm milk and went to bed.

    • Rhywun

      I’ve heard that “grew up in the projects” line a few times now. I am curious about that. BRB

      • Rhywun

        Wikipedia confirms. But… I suspect that his experience of growing up in brand-new (((projects))) in the fifties is not exactly the same as it would have been after they turned into ghettoes by the seventies. He would be smart not to push that Bildingsroman – which of course means he will.

      • CPRM

        Wait, if it was (((projects))) that makes it a ghetto, doesn’t it? Warsaw confuses me…

      • Rhywun

        Except these (((ghettoes))) were envisioned as middle-class housing of the Future. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Lingering mid-century fascination with everything commie would be my guess.

      • CPRM

        He didn’t build that.

      • straffinrun

        That’s the whole thread. “The baristas did all the work!” Labor theory of value only includes wiping up homeless dudes’ shit and lecturing strangers on race.

      • CPRM

        Yes, because the job of barista was so in demand before Starbucks. (I’ve never bought anything from Starbucks, I see their existence as a stain on reality)

      • Akira

        (I’ve never bought anything from Starbucks, I see their existence as a stain on reality)

        #MeNeither

        My local coffee shop makes a far better espresso, one that doesn’t taste like they threw the coffee beans in an industrial-grade incinerator. I also have a Moka pot, which makes badass coffee. Hell, Boston Stoker makes better coffee than StarFucks. I don’t see any reason to ever go there unless I want some ridiculously sugary concoction with whipped cream and chocolate shavings and shit (which I don’t).

      • blackjack

        Peet’s Major Dickinson’s blend. FTW.

      • straffinrun

        My go to coffee chain is called Veloce. All the aesthetic quality of toe jam and filled with senile oyajis pouring over the racing forms. ¥210 yen for coffee. It’s great.

      • Tejicano

        The only reason to go to StrayBux in Japan is that they are the only place you can (pay to) sit down for an extended time which has free wifi service. (This may have changed in the last year or so when I got a different job which allows me no time to hang out) Japan is only very slowly coming around to the idea that free wifi for your customers is such a small cost that you should do it now.

      • CPRM

        To be fair, I’ve never bought any coffee ever. But I find Starbucks to be a special stain showing the worst of what the world is.

      • LT_Fish

        See…this is one of those issues where I fall into Neal Stephenson’s “Franchise” rant from “Snow Crash”. There’s something to be said for being almost anywhere in the world (particularly some areas with questionable hygiene, etc) and knowing that there’s a place you can walk into where the products may not be the best, but they’re at the very least consistent (see also McDonalds).

        Especially if you travel or move a lot as I have – it’s great when you can find a nice local joint that fits everything and does everything better – but on the road….I’d rather have a sure thing than take my chances.

        (that said, if the local coffee is a drive-by “cabin” with cute servers, I’ll take that every time)

      • Rhywun

        Schultz would not have been able to [escape the projects] in the fantasy land of Libertarianville where poor children deserve homelessness because small taxes on rich individuals is the most abhorrent crime imaginable.

        LOL

      • CPRM

        Because the projects wouldn’t have existed, he would have become an indentured servant in Libertopia, it is known!

      • Soyboy

        One couldn’t escape what wouldn’t exist?

        My worldview is shaken.

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      Cheee-ZUS, do I hate the “government experience” argument bullshit.

      The people pushing for it are basically arguing for professional politicians; a ruling class that are the only ones qualified to tell the rest of us how to live.

      Yeah, yeah–“feature, not bug”. I know.

      But, I’m here with youz guys, so, why not bitch?

      • Chafed

        Exactly right. We’ll get a few clunkers along the way but we get that now. If we vote them out after a term or two I’d say we are coming out ahead.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        So much this.

    • Pan Zagloba

      Fucking finally someone starts making sense of this decade.

    • Chafed

      There are people I know who would watch that and really think about it. *sigh*

  14. Pan Zagloba

    What a day to be Canadian.

    Tim Hortons to offer edible double-double coffee bar

    The bar will be similar in size to a chocolate bar, but contain no actual chocolate, the chain said. The bar has “a smooth and silky texture with an espresso bean finish,” the chain said in a release, noting that the bar contains caffeine.

    ????

    • Rhywun

      I have no idea what their coffee tastes like but upon reflection I want one.

      • 61North

        It’s okay. Nothing special. Probably around McDonald’s quality, which isn’t bad, but not great.

        But if you grew up in rural Canada and the only option for coffee was shitty diner coffee or PetroCanada swill, then it’s something you remember fondly.

      • Rhywun

        Ah. In that case, I want better coffee in chocolate-bar form.

      • blackjack

        Or, if you were American and visited Canada in the late eighties, everyone you met brought you to Tim Horton’s for donuts and coffee. Literally everyone. Like 5-6 times a day, donuts and coffee.

      • 61North

        I spent a bunch of time on the 401 in eastern Ontario and our car would stop at Timmy’s for a pit stop and we’d get some coffee and Tim Bits. I ain’t like donuts so I’d stick with the coffee. At 7 am with a hangover, it hit the spot. I think we went to the Prescott location the most.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        61North:

        If you’re still around could you send me an email at jemezhobbit at gmail? We’re in the process of planning our trip north and would like your input.

      • 61North

        Yes. Will do shortly.

      • 61North

        sent

      • Pan Zagloba

        It was mostly a “Rah Rah Canada” thing, until someone decided to port over Blue/Red States bullshit as “Starbucks/Timmy’s Voters”…I want to say when Rob Ford (He of the Blessed Memory) was elected.

    • Pan Zagloba

      For anyone that still thinks Ted Bundy is hot, reminder that he used his classic looks and charm to manipulate women into trusting him—which makes him even less appealing.

      Good god, next you’ll be telling me serial killers in jail get all kind of offers by mail.

      • straffinrun

        Ugh. I owe you a coke.

      • Pan Zagloba

        Mmm..delicious coke. And none of that Diet shit The Donald drinks.

    • straffinrun

      “For anyone that still thinks Ted Bundy is hot, reminder that he used his classic looks and charm to manipulate women into trusting him—which makes him even less appealing.”

      /Facepalm

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        I gotta say–I see others on this VERY SITE that claim AOC is somehow attractive.

        Which, of course, garners a, “I guess so. We can each take a nostril around the block, and meet back later for smokes.”

        So, those hosebags not seeing it in Ted Bundy? I kinda get it.

      • Chafed

        She’s a hate fuck plain and simple. Reminds me of a woman I used to work with. She was kind of lazy and only arguably competent at her job. Plenty of guys would go on about her. One day during an office bullshit session I get asked if I want to sleep with her. I said no. My office buddies keep on me because they don’t believe it. I finally relent by saying I’d fuck her but only if I could wipe my dick on her curtains. That explained everything.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Ah, the ol’ Tom Segura treatment

    • Pan Zagloba

      Photo tells the whole story, really.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      was she invited? or the cause?

    • mikey

      “Probably covered already, but…”
      Actually it has already been posted. Forget who but the poster claimed he had found Tundra.
      I don’t think Tundra has denied this.

    • CPRM

      And the guy in the photo is only 21. Meth is a hell of a drug. (that was lie for comedic effect)

      • Rhywun

        You could have said “58” and it would still be unbelievable.

      • CPRM

        Meh, I’m only 35, I wish looked that good. I do a hell of an old prospector voice, I’d make a killing if I looked like that.

    • Q Continuum

      Looks like a real stand up guy.

      • Chafed

        If what he says is true (big if) then he is a hero. Checks wife out a nursing home to get her high and have sex before she dies. The town should make a statue of that guy.

    • PudPaisley

      Metal Health will drive you mad.

  15. cyto

    Up late and reading the news……

    Looks like I’m gonna have to eat crow on the Smollett thing.

    https://abc7chicago.com/video-shows-potential-persons-of-interest-in-empire-actor-attack-police-say/5113489/

    Police have video showing Smollett walking along, he goes out of frame and then when the next camera picks him up a minute later he has a rope around his neck like a necktie.

    Also, his music manager says he was on the phone with him at the time of the attack and heard the “MAGA Country” thing.

    Police have released video of two “Persons of Interest” who were walking on the other side of the street. If they are the assailants, it doesn’t look like they have on MAGA hats.

    But either way, whatever happened was very quick. It had to be less than a minute, and apparently nobody ran away into a camera looking like they just assaulted someone.

    So either Smollett knew exactly where there was no camera coverage to fake his attack – which is extremely doubtful – or his attackers knew where there was no camera coverage – also doubtful… or he got hit with a random attack in the middle of the night with a rope and bleach and it just so happened to be not at all where video could see anything but it all took less than a minute……

    All scenarios seem very unlikely.

    • Chafed

      Have his injuries, if any, been reported? I can’t tell if he is claiming he was beaten or the physical part is solely the rope around his neck.

      Also does video show him running or limping once the rope is around his neck? Either would indicate something happened. If he is just walking then it seems unlikely.

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      I hope the guy is OK. If I’m not mistaken, he was injured (not looking it up), so I hope he heals up quickly.

      Either way, I would like for a few things to happen:

      *Catch the guys, presuming this was a real attack
      *Have some actual conservative MAGA-types reach out to him and disavow the guys who attacked him
      *Have someone in conservative media talk about the possibility that “MAGA” references are actually a great, sort-of false flag thing to say whenever someone wants to divert attention in situations like this.

      Of course, they could really be Trump-ers wanting to gay/black bash. There ARE assholes all over the place, and some are violent criminals.

      • Chafed

        I don’t think anyone here wishes him any harm. It’s more like it’s hard to tell what happened based on the available details. There is some reason to believe he is making up the attack. It’s also possible it happened the way he said. Inquiring minds want to know m

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Oh, I didn’t think anyone was hoping for anything bad on him, if that’s how my comment came across. If it is the case that the attack was “real”, I want what I would hope for in any other situation.

        Of course, there has been enough crying wolf to make most of us suspicious on this, especially since there have been some differing narratives. Or, at least, some aspects that have been called into question. Social media vs. media outlets, and all that.

        just more Team Be Ruled vs. Team Be Ruled shit, it seems.

      • Chafed

        Probably so.

    • straffinrun

      I’d hold off on eating the crow. This story is no where near finished.

      • Chipwooder

        You don’t believe a man would simply wear a noose around his neck for 45 mins?

  16. BakedPenguin

    I was referring to my own joke(s) when it looked like I was going against CPRM. I did not mean to slag CPRM’s stuff.

    I’m not that funny myself (I suspect you’ve noticed). I wish I knew what else to say.

    • Chafed

      I didn’t take your comments as a shot at CPRM.

  17. BakedPenguin

    Thx, Chafed. I’m really tired.

    I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Honestly.

    I’ll assume CPRM is cool, but for the rest of them, grievance point mongering shooting gallery! This is for all of you…

    (+1 black man in substandard job!) (+1 transwoman who dislikes her office!) (-1 Asian woman who can do her bosses job!)

    Shoot well!

    • BakedPenguin

      Dammit, it didn’t come through.

      Ah, fuck it…

      • Chafed

        BP, put down the bottle and go to bed.

  18. Chafed

    All the news about the polar vortex and Chicago temps make me wonder where SP and OMWC are. They can start a Glib exclusive “Where In the World Are….?”

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      Are you stalking other glibs, Chafed? 😉

      I do hope they are OK.