Hat and Hair Animated: Happy Anniversary!

by | Feb 13, 2019 | Hat and Hair | 361 comments

I sincerely thank all of you for giving me a place to do fun creative things and snark.  And Yuge Thanks to those of you who have supported my efforts monetarily.  The written word cannot convey how blessed you all make me feel, so here’s a cartoon! – CPRM

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About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

361 Comments

  1. Old Man With Candy

    As the lesser half of the Libertarian Power Couple, I thank you for a thousand laughs.

    • PudPaisley

      Will you still be in Madison tomorrow night? I’m heading that way to see a jazz duet and I have an extra ticket. Just wondering if you would be interested.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Shit, I would have loved to, but I’m out tomorrow morning. But I’ll be coming back pretty regularly- we have a key supplier nearby with whom I have a great relationship.

      • PudPaisley

        Bummer. Maybe next time.

  2. Ownbestenemy

    Excellent work! Love it…its hugely great!

  3. Lord Humungus

    God Bless America, Glibertarians, Hookers, Porn, Guns, and my right to be a dumb ass.

    • Sean

      ???

    • MikeS

      ??????

      +

      ?????

      • Rhywun

        Is that a cigarette emoji?! That is problematic.

      • MikeS

        More so than the syringe full of blood?

        ??‍♀️

      • Jarflax

        The horse is shooting the guy ejaculating on the pizza woman’s shoe, so you want to add drugs?

      • MikeS

        You get me.

      • Brochettaward

        Wait when did this place get emoticons? Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything?

      • MikeS

        Look, I know this is not up the level of HM’s Cummies (??????????‍?) but a guy has to start somewhere. ??

      • Chafed

        Please don’t conjure him up.

  4. DEG

    I like it.

  5. Spudalicious

    Nice!

    This site has the bestest Shitlords.

    • Rebel Scum

      And better squirrels, according to some posts on this thread.

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      the bestest Shitlords

      That is an excellent band screen name, actually.

      /yeah, I’m still doing that

  6. Count Potato

    Happy Anniversary!

  7. Count Potato

    Has anyone else noticed that some of the avatars, such as Pat’s and JB’s, now appear smaller?

    • SugarFree

      Keep it up and yours will be smaller too.

      • straffinrun

        Shrunken potato head. Do it.

      • SugarFree

        He’ll barely be a peasant tater tot by the time I’m done.

      • Spudalicious

        So, a tater tot?

      • straffinrun

        Hehe. Speaking of which, looks like things got testy on the H&H thread (excellent as always SF). We’re tearing ourselves apart!

      • Spudalicious

        Meh. Chat forums are not a place where I feel it necessary to expend a lot of emotion.

      • Mojeaux

        Sibling spats.

      • Spudalicious

        ^^^^

      • Q Continuum

        YOU GUYS SUCK

      • Brochettaward

        Hey look guy, we all know it is in you that sucks.

      • Jarflax

        Hey look guy, we all know it is in you that sucks.

        Chestburster vampires?

      • Jarflax

        Wow, I was busy this afternoon and missed the fuss. Please don’t ban or drive UCS away, he plays a joke to death and hates everything, but the Glib stew needs the spice provided by his blandness. And in his defense I’d say he is the target of far more hostile and repetitive humor than he dishes out.

        And warnings not to read/told you not to read jokes are a staple of SF stories and HM links.

      • Bob Boberson

        ^What Jarflax said”. I’ve lurked my way through a few Gliberdome treads and it’s almost always a matter of misunderstanding someones intent/tone than someone acting in bad faith. To be honest I am amazed actual trolls haven’t found and bombarded us creating a huge headache for the mods.

      • Brochettaward

        Ahem…there was one person threatened with banning. I can only take your silence as an admission that you would support such a measure. You are now my enemy, Jarflax.

      • Jarflax

        Ahem…there was one person threatened with banning. I can only take your silence as an admission that you would support such a measure. You are now my enemy, Jarflax.

        1. You got called an asshole, which is a badge of honor here, UCS got piled on a lot,

        2. You stir the pot (which is fine, but does mean you sort of ask for people to get mad) UCS just has a schtick, which rubs people from the cantons the wrong way, but which I do not think is meant as hostile so much as it is self mocking.

        3. Get in line, Sean is going to try to kill me at dawn, so we can’t fight until afterwards, and if I am dead not at all.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Uffda. I’ve been busy this week and am just as amazed as Straff at the testiness around here.

        What gives?

        Is it related to the recent Anniversary? Are we having a mid-post crisis or something? Thinking about whether we made the right choice leaving TOS?

        Hug it out bitches! I don’t want to see anyone go.

      • Bob Boberson

        My guess is jus late Winter crankiness. I’ve always thought February was one of the worst months (especially if you can’t ski). Winter drags, Spring is still out of sight, cabin fever sets in.

      • Count Potato

        What? It was an innocent question. I thought there might have been a site bug.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, I’ve noticed.

      • straffinrun

        Innocent joke, too. What the hell is going on around here? We seem to be getting a little….sensitive.

      • CPRM

        Mom is out of town and all the kids are fighting.

      • Spudalicious

        You shut up! Fatty McFatty Face!!!

      • Q Continuum

        I think I need to post more tits. It’s the glue that holds everything together.

      • Sean

        That’s not glue…

      • Mojeaux

        That’s not glue…

        I LOLd.

      • juris imprudent

        Sure, like you could separate the pages later?

      • Sean

        Fuck off, Tulpa.

      • Count Potato

        Speaking for myself, I’ve had a headache for the last three days. It’s starting to wear on me. Fortunately, it hasn’t gone past the tipping point, from regular headache to white-out pain.

      • SugarFree

        I have no clue about the avatar size. I was just ribbing you.

        Headaches are the worst.

      • Jarflax

        I was just ribbing you.

        For his pleasure?

      • SugarFree

        He likes what he likes. I’m not here to judge.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Maybe it is Polar Vortex Shrinkage

    • Fourscore

      Because of the impending GND compromise we are beginning to see a shortage of pixels. If Trump gets re-elected the first thing on his agenda is to bring pixel factories back to the US and continue making America great again, in fact the greatest. Everyone will have pixels, more pixels than was ever thought possible by the previous administration. CPRM will never ever have to worry about running out.

      • Bob Boberson

        Nobody needs 24 kinds of pixels when children are starving in this country. Why do you hate children?

  8. straffinrun

    I imagine it takes quite a lot of time to make these. ?

    • MikeS

      That was my thought. And collecting audio of POTUS speaking at every opportunity, hoping he says the word you need; then remembering or cataloging somehow every word going back 2 years…lot’s of tedious work for a few minutes of laughter.

      • CPRM

        Youtube collects it all. I usually start with a current event, find a video where he talks about it, watch it while pausing to record something I think I link to the story I want to tell. Then once I have all the Trump clips I just let the characters talk to him.

  9. SugarFree

    You are getting really good at stitching the audio together. Great work.

    • CPRM

      Thanks, I still hear every cut and it sounds sloppy to me, but I’m usually my harshest critic.

      • straffinrun

        I didn’t even notice the splice. But I’m half deaf from 20 years of marriage.

      • Rhywun

        Howard Stern’s minions used to do audio bits that were hilarious partly because of the obvious cuts.

        sample

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes! Reminds me of my favorite KMFDM song.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Is it the one where they say KMFDM a bunch of times?

  10. juris imprudent

    A double H&H day, this is a day of days.

    • juris imprudent

      I did not know there was a sand fetish.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      I volunteer to brush the sand off #3

  11. CPRM

    And as I said last night, everything Trump says except for ‘good night and God bless America.’ was from the STOTU, so this is just a glimpse at how my at how my brain works…

    • juris imprudent

      A little disturbing but not anywhere close to AC or SF frightening.

  12. Q Continuum

    I want to take a moment to say that H&H is one of the finest compendiums ever made. I envision an original H&H SF story and CPRM animated feature made into a fully immersive multimedia experience.

    • CPRM

      70 seems to be about the age people start de-aging. After that they start acting like kids again (the senile ones believing they are). Old people want candy and cookies to watch TV and sleep. (I’m not making a joke, I’ve helped many older relatives, I due the shopping for my oldest aunt and uncle and everytime it’s ‘Oh we need more cookies candy and soda, if you bring it during my show be quiet.)

      • Fourscore

        A lot of old folks suffer depression as both the physical and mental capacities diminish. Things that were easy and simple, like going up stairs become painful. The fact that the family is grown and gone and there are few responsibilities makes some question their self worth. That’s why there are cat ladies and those that seem to have turned their pets into their children. Old people need more than cookies and candy, although a trip to Walmart would challenge my assertions.

      • CPRM

        I wasn’t trying to say anything mean, like I said I’ve taken care of a lot of elderly relatives. And this is just something I’ve noticed, along with the ones that got dementia, they most always revert to childhood memories, and think they are kids again.

      • Fourscore

        Young people talk about what they’re going to do, old people talk about what they’ve done.

        CPRM, I wasn’t upset at all, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves, recognizing that things will never be like they were in the past. The human memory is amazing, I’ll talk to my classmates and those that aren’t in the care center talk and laugh about some of the unimportant things we did in high school. I don’t understand that great file cabinet we have that can pull memories from 60-70 years back but I’m glad we have it.

        I always enjoy H & H and appreciate the efforts you put in to keep us entertained. Thanks

      • CPRM

        Thanks. I was just trying be safe, like they’re saying upthread it seems some people around here are on edge lately.

      • MikeS

        Are you talking about me?! You wanna go?!?!

        ??

        Never mind.

      • Soyboy

        Depression in old people (or even middle-aged people) seems to be under-acknowledged, at least relative to that in young people, and I think that’s a shame. More pain, more loneliness, more death, less reason to be even infinitesimally optimistic that things could change, and fewer people consider it tragic or notable at all because one’s much closer (ineluctably) to the end.

        Fuck that. I get the “grumpy old man” trope, and I don’t begrudge them their frustration.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        QFT, Soy.

    • Rhywun

      The good news is that once you reach 51 things start to improve.

      I’ll take it! *almost there…*

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll be 51 in April. If it doesn’t start getting better, I want my money back.

      • Rhywun

        50 in April. Rock bottom, here we come!

      • straffinrun

        What’s not getting better? Turn five-oh this year and am enjoying myself as much as ever.

      • Spudalicious

        Within six months of turning 50, everything started hurting.

      • MikeS

        Holy shit! Are we gonna have an AARP meeting here?

        *Very, very close behind you all*

      • Jarflax

        Fuck AARP. They are communists! That is all.

      • Fourscore

        Another organization I won’t join.

        The 3 most powerful groups in the US. In terms of lobbying power

        The military (Defense)
        School teachers (Education, hahaha, I couldn’t get it out without laughing)
        Old people (SS, Medicare)

        The reason the debt grows and grows

      • Rhywun

        Oh shit, is that at 50? Ugh.

      • Spudalicious

        Depends on how much you beat up your body before getting there. If I had known what was coming, I would have taken better care of myself.

        Who am I kidding? No I wouldn’t.

      • MikeS

        Actually, 55 I think…?

      • Jarflax

        It is 50. I have been getting their damn mailings for a year

      • Jarflax

        Not true.

      • Rhywun

        Rats.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Just turned 52 last month. Hope it picks up steam soon.

    • Count Potato

      That’s not what I was expecting from a Q post called “twin peaks”.

      • Winston

        I was expecting more David Lynch

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s a local judge, right (but I get your point)?

      • Rebel Scum

        So you’re saying said judge can file a national injunction?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Only in Hawaii I think.

  13. straffinrun

    Stare at this for 30 seconds without blinking and tell me what you see when you close your eyes.

      • Count Potato

        I see nothing.

      • straffinrun

        No orange man? No job at buzzfeed for you.

    • Sensei

      Yotsuba…

    • Winston

      Pizza can’t accuse you of sexual assault.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Or accuse you of being transphobic based on whether or not you like sausage on the pizza.

      • JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        What if your partner identifies as a pizza?

      • Spudalicious

        She gets eaten.

      • Winston

        That should be a SugarFree post.

    • Ted S.

      Depends on who the sex is with.

    • LJW

      Better not be any pineapple on that pizza.

    • Sean

      Come back to me when the survey involves bacon and ribeyes. Then, I might have to pause and think. Pizza? Fuck off.

      • Jarflax

        Porterhouse> Strip> Filet > Ribeye. Fight me

      • Sean

        *slaps Jarflax with one of UCS’s driving gloves*

        Pistols at dawn, good sir!

      • Jarflax

        As the challenged party I choose weapons! I choose steakbones. My porterhouse dagger against your ribeye tomahawk!

      • Sean

        Um…was pistols somehow unclear?

      • Jarflax

        Was “As the challenged party I choose weapons!” not a clear explanation? Do we have to fight a duel about the rules of our duel?

      • Sean

        That seems overly complicated. Would you like to share some of this bourbon instead?
        *hands bottle to Jarflax*

      • Jarflax

        Sure!

      • DEG

        While you guys are fighting, I’ll eat them all.

      • Playa Manhattan

        You have that exactly backwards.

        What are the chances?

      • Jarflax

        It is not possible to rank filet or strip ahead of porterhouse with any logic at all. You may be a hipster and think that ribeyes are superior, but you cannot claim that the strip or filet are superior to the cut that contains both of them!

      • Playa Manhattan

        Uneven cooking due to the bone.

      • Count Potato

        Feature, not a bug.

      • Jarflax

        added flavor due to the bone!

      • Sean

        Correctamundo.

        Despite that, I will still happily buy some nicely cut porterhouses.

      • Spudalicious

        Porterhouse gives you a strip AND a filet. Plus flavor from the bone.

        Kids these days.

      • Playa Manhattan

        What a bunch of John Candys.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        OK, I’m watching the back-and-forth (uh-huh), and then a “John Candy joke…?

        Is that an Old 96er joke, Playa? I’m just caught up in steaks.

      • Count Potato

        That’s sort of recursive since a porterhouse contains strip and fillet.

      • Spudalicious

        I’ll be your second. Your list is spot on.

  14. LJW

    Journalists are Victims

    Solution: Don’t be a shitty journalist and the shirt won’t apply to you.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Hi,
      @bloomingdales
      . Apologizing “for any offense we may have caused” is not a sincere apology. This is not about journalists’ hurt feelings. This is about damage done to our democracy when your brand joins in perpetuating and celebrating the idea of “fake news.” Please try again.”

      Never apologize to these people.

      • Raphael

        For real, people are still failing to learn this vital lesson of the 21st century.

    • Rhywun

      For the love of all that is holy do not read the comments.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Why?

        If I hadn’t read some of them, I would have missed:

        Bloomingdale’s apologized? Grow some Bloomingballs

        .

        I don’t care who ya are-that’s awesome.

    • Akira

      I’ve said for a long time that Lefties think of science as a very specific group of human beings. They seem to be working towards a similar transformation with journalism. Look at how frequently they have insinuated that criticism of a journalist is tantamount to an attack on the free press.

      Hell, I’m a bit surprised that they haven’t pushed for occupational licensing of journalists so that they can drum out any journalist who doesn’t function as an anti-Trump activist. I know, I know, stop giving them ideas…

  15. straffinrun

    Was listening to some comedian talk about jokes. Would you rather make the entire room laugh or make 80% of the room pissed off and 20% rolling on the floor? I go for the 1% personally and that 1% is me and my brother.

    • CPRM

      If I was interested in making all people laugh, why would I be wasting my time making comedy for a bunch of shitlords?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      How about the Andy Kaufmann types where 0% of the audience thinks they’re funny?

      • straffinrun

        .0001%. I liked it.

  16. Brochettaward

    It’s really funny watching the guy who broke the “story” that the Senate investigation has no evidence of collusion dance in circles around the fact that this is a Trump victory:

    But Trump has set the bar so high, essentially if he’s convicted in a court of law of conspiring, in his mind he’s innocent. That’s not how many senators of both parties see it, Hallie.

    Never answered is what exactly is it going to take before you morons drop this?

    Talk of 100 contacts with Russians and such bullshit numbers make me think of other proggie talking points like 98% of scientists agree…

    • Bob Boberson

      “….what exactly is it going to take before you morons drop this?”

      A: A Democrat in the WH and nothing less

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just because there’s no evidence doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

      • Rhywun

        Define “it”.

  17. MikeS

    The fact is, we are just. getting. started.

    That was really good, CPRM. Guffaws and snorts.

    • Rhywun

      I think Tha Hat is my new favorite – he cracks me up.

  18. Not Adahn

    The thing that confirms my belief that the creation Glibertarians was a good thing is all of the great art that gets produced here.

    Thank you to all of the creators.

    • CPRM

      The fact that it happened right as I was sick of doing photoshop contests over at Cracked because of they were going down the shitter, and that’s where I taught myself photoshop, made it all feel kismet.

      • Winston

        Did your photoshops ever do well in those contests?

      • CPRM

        I won a few and placed last in a few (which was actually second, because it got featured on the main page and they wanted to start and end well) Made a bit of money, enough to buy some christmas presents every year. I placed somewhere in most of the ones I participated in.

  19. Sensei

    I can’t wait to get out of NYC. Nothing like getting into a pissing match with a jackass who won’t get out of the way of everyone getting on the subway. You are generally good for three or four of these arguments a year.

    On the plus side I’ll be getting a new Japanese teacher. I’ve met her before and she is cute as a button albeit in the too young for me and could be my daughter age.

    • Rhywun

      You are generally good for three or four of these arguments a year.

      I just ignore the jackasses, smug in my certainty that I am a better person. Three or four pissing matches is probably more than I’ve had in 20 years.

      • Sensei

        Problem was she fully blocked the door and refused to move.

        She went off on the guy who came off the train and me who got on.

        Essentially she was looking to pick a fight.

        In retrospect I’d say one or two including NJTransit.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I rode the Air Train between terminals at JFK. That was enough for me.

      • Sensei

        Honestly, the crowding on NYC subways seemed no different to me than Tokyo.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’m sorry. That’s a terrible burden to bear. Your studies will slow and you’ll need extra tutoring sessions.

      In consolation, I give you 50 minutes of more or less self loading sardine cans with no blocking:
      https://youtu.be/uUoAXpo-CLo

      • Playa Manhattan

        That’s the best commercial I’ve ever seen for the Green New Deal.

      • Gustave Lytton

        But wait, there’s more!

      • Rhywun

        I would love to see NYC try to implement the door-pushers. It would last all of about five minutes before the first homicide and/or sexual assault accusation (real or imagined, could be either).

      • Sensei

        Bingo!

      • Tres Cool

        So what is the guy who sounds like an auctioneer saying over the PA ?

      • Playa Manhattan

        Do I have to push with my hands?

      • Pope Jimbo

        I once got stuck on a ride like that. Taking the skinkansen (bullet train) from Tokyo to Kobe on the Friday before a 3 day weekend turned out to be a nightmare.

        They didn’t have pushers, but people were hanging off the rafters. I was stuck in one of the little areas at the very end of the car. Standing there completely wedged in with 20 other people and their bags. Worse was the maniac who worked on the train selling snacks and drinks. She still kept pushing her cart up and down the train.

        Every time she came pack people would have to suck in their guts or somehow find a way to let her pass.

  20. Gustave Lytton

    https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/13/obituaries/lyndon-larouche-dead.html

    He began his political career on the far left and ended it on the far right.

    And how exactly did he end up on the far right?

    And after spending much time in West Germany, he returned with right-wing, anti-Semitic views.

    Oh, ok. Kooky conspiracy theories, railing against war mongering neocons, getting in numerous fights with the Reagan administration must place him on the hard right. And it’s because he picked them up in Germany (the influence of the right wing Natzies).

    • Bob Boberson

      I was informed by a prog friend of mine that libertarianism is “a far-right ideology.” When I tried to protest she stared past me until I finished and replied. “Doesn’t matter, it’s still far-right.”

      Well okay then.

      • Mojeaux

        To a prog, “freedom and personal responsibility” is right wing.

      • Bob Boberson

        That…pretty much sums it up.

      • CPRM

        I do see it as ‘far right’ (as explained by one of my articles) and everything they claim is far right is just barely to the right of socialism. I guess it’s all in how far you think far is.

      • Bob Boberson

        Thx. I was going to ask for link. I missed that one!

      • Jarflax

        meh, it’s the content of an ideology that matters not where you claim it belongs on a made up spectrum. Nazis are assholes regardless of whether you claim they are left wing or right wing. Libertarians want to leave everyone alone, and regardless of whether they view that as a return to the old ways, or progressing to a new future, I say let’s give it a try.

      • Mojeaux

        Progs don’t want to leave YOU alone, though. They want you to obey without question because they know what’s best for everyone.

      • Jarflax

        They just hate those damn evil people who are intolerant. Intolerance is evil because it might lead to hating people for some belief or attribute and they just hate people who are intolerant. This proves that they are tolerant, and therefore if they are tolerant not they are intolerant. q.e.d.

      • Bob Boberson

        I tried to explain the Nolan diagram, ideology vs principle, etc but it fell on deaf ears. Sometimes I think the reason US politics is so hopeless is that the right/left paradigm has gone unchallenged for 50+ years. People simply cannot access politics outside of a linear spectrum.

      • Winston

        Well the issue with the Nolan Chart is that it is based on the assumption that Republican fiscal policies are libertarian while Democratic social policies are libertarian. However the Republicans are big spenders and Democrats now love war and hate free-speech.

      • Bob Boberson

        Sure. It isn’t a perfect model for todays politics but it is sometimes useful for getting people who understand next to nothing about libertarianism (other than we don’t know what A leppo is) to consider the “Y” axis and understanding that libertarians see things in terms of state authority vs freedom rather than R vs L.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That wanting to leave everyone alone bullshit is just a cover to allow you to harm women, minorities, the LGBTQ community, and Muslims.

    • Winston

      Don’t tell the left-libertarians. They are mad that libertarianism isn’t considered “far-left” like it supposedly was before FDR. While this is true to some extent it ignores how old socialism and communism actually are, that classical liberalism has been in trouble since the 1870s, that the US has, unlike Europe, never had a “throne and altar” party or how the Republican Party of 1850s-1880s wasn’t actually a libertarian party.

    • DEG

      Huh. He actually is dead.

  21. Raphael

    Belated of course, but Happy Anniversary to the Glibs. Y’all are truly an oasis in the desert.

    Here’s to more excellent and thicc links, articles, and art.

  22. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Happy anniversary! I’m sorry that y’all have been subjected to my rambling screeds for two whole years. This is the only place on the internet that I don’t get annoyed after 3 days and delete my account.

    • MikeS

      I like your screeds. I don’t always deep dive into them, because I just don’t spend enough time philosophizing (I’ll be damned, spellcheck says that’s an actual word) about things to really get into it. (if that makes sense?) But I still do appreciate the effort.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I’m trying to vary my fare a bit. The next one is a twist on an old fable.

  23. Bob Boberson

    Thank you to whoever suggested “Patriot” on Amazon Prime a while back. I agree that the show is, if not libertarian, at least highly cynical about the efficacy of government. My type of humor. I’ve really been digging it.

  24. Timeloose

    Congratulations Glibs. Thanks from pulling me out of the hole I lurk in to occasionally post and contribute.

    I’ve met a few of you in person and was not disappointed.

    CPRM great work as always. The Hat always reminds me of Master Shake. Was that a happy accident or a source of inspiration?

      • Timeloose

        I think I saw and forgot this. Thanks for the response.

      • CPRM

        Huh, looking at the date of that video, Feb 14 2018, that means I’ve been working on this damn cartoon for a year! What am I doing with my life!?

    • Raphael

      This just makes me love The Hat even more. I was wondering where that familiar feeling was coming from.

      • MikeS

        #metoo! I missed that animation test with the AQHF boys. Excellent.

      • CPRM

        And the Hat’s mouth is based on Daffy Duck’s bill. More so in the older images SF uses than these, that’s why his bill used to be longer.

  25. Gustave Lytton

    What happened to Teri Polo? She’s sporting short hair and tatts. It’s…not very attractive.

    • SugarFree

      She got a little too into that role on Freeform where she was a lesbian cop with a bunch of foster kids.

  26. Timeloose

    Every time I see the Green New Deal abbreviated as GND, I start looking for where to connect the battery.

    • Sensei

      Same thought!

    • Playa Manhattan

      Directly to your nut sack, if applicable.

      • Timeloose

        Does not apply!! Remind me not to let you layout my next PCB or Amplifier. The schematics might get a NSFW disclaimer.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I guess I’m not the only one.

  27. Trigger Hippie

    I’m most assuredly NOT a flower-child. In fact, today I saw a lone flower bravely venture forth from the newly unfrozen earth. It was a poignant example of the assertion among many that life always finds a way…so stomped my steel toed boot down upon it and tore its body asunder. It’s still Winter, bitch. Know your place.

    In all seriousness, I’m happy to help. Keep churning out the content and we’ll call it a fair trade.

    • CPRM

      To the Hat and USA Hat everyone that doesn’t want constant war are hippies.

      • Jarflax

        Hippies are defined by hair that passes the collar. The hair is a hippie!

      • Spudalicious

        People with mullets are hippies? Wait…what?

      • Jarflax

        (Shhh trying to start a coup)

      • straffinrun

        If I could photoshop better, I’d make a Mullet Investigation meme.

      • straffinrun

        Exactly. Now put Bob Mueller’s face on it.

      • CPRM

        Living where I do, I like the Law and Order: DNR idea.

      • Rhywun

        Do Not Resuscitate?

      • Spudalicious

        Lol! I read the link as:

        Law and Order: Do Not Resuscitate.

      • CPRM

        Sometimes I forget you’re all old people.

      • Rhywun

        Lol not that old, whipper-snapper

      • CPRM

        The Hair doesn’t have a collar.

      • Jarflax

        But he passes it every time he climbs down.

      • CPRM

        touche.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I thought that was the Bolton ‘stache.

    • Tundra

      She is a true piece of shit.

      Again, sorry about that, America.

      • Spudalicious

        There’s a whole lot of ugliness in that small package.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Maybe that is what is causing all the angst on Glibs?

        As the Illnoize bloc is breaking down, the rest of you realize that Minnesoda is in ascendance? Omar. Klobuchar. Everything is coming up 10,000 lakes!

    • Rhywun

      Seems like all parties are fighting a proxy battle over something other than Venezuela. I personally would prefer that the US keeps its dick out of there but that doesn’t imply anything beyond that.

      • Spudalicious

        We’re in Venezuela up to our eyeballs. On the plus side, Trump has no interest in our military getting involved. CIA? You betcha.

    • Pope Jimbo

      You think that some of her handlers could have gotten Omar to run through her lines a few times before the hearing, don’t you?

      Maybe get to the point where it isn’t painfully obvious that you are reading the notes that were given to you. Make it seem like you are asking your own questions and know what you are talking about.

    • Chipwooder

      Is anyone in the press ever going to ask her why she married her brother?

    • CPRM

      “Shereshevsky” not even going to look, obvious Russian bot is obvious.

      • CPRM

        he was told off for not taking any notes while attending a work meeting in the mid-1920s[1]. To the astonishment of everyone there (and to his own astonishment in realising that others could apparently not do so)

        Sounds like the first day of class I had with every professor in college.

      • commodious spittoon

        Also, (((Solomon)))? Around here?

    • Akira

      However, a text has offered arguments against such a view and surmised that he had an Autism Spectrum Disorder.[6]

      He’s a shoo-in!

    • Raphael

      He sounds like the prototype for what would be the AGILE CYBORG.

      • Winston

        Why hasn’t he crossed over?

      • MikeS

        He did for a brief moment and didn’t find this place to have quite the right vibe.

      • Mojeaux

        I thought he wasn’t around at all, not even on TOS, anymore.

      • MikeS

        I’ve only gone into the Reason comments maybe 5 times since this place opened up, so not sure.

      • Jarflax

        The AI experiment ended? (I’m still assuming Agile Cyborg was meant literally and that he/it was a Turing machine)

      • Raphael

        He got lost in the inner machinations of his mind and the subsequent vortexes and dimensions none of us could ever possibly fathom. That or some other reason (drink here).

        I do wish he crossed into this land of milk and honey, I would love to read articles/comments from him and become more enlightened on the evolving human condition.

  28. Tundra

    Happy Anniversary, y’all.

    Great job as usual, kid.

    • CPRM

      Just doing all I can to curry favor to lower the price when I purchase your daughter.

      • Tundra

        Nice. A man’s gotta have goals!

      • Pope Jimbo

        Mixed marriages never work out. How would they raise the kids as Vikings fans or as moral deviants who stink of cheese?

      • CPRM

        My brother made it work with his retarded mentally challenged Minnesoda Minni wife.

    • MikeS

      “The president replaced the old system that was there,” a White House official said. “He paid for the new one, including installation, personally. He has not used it since it’s been installed.”

      A source confirmed to NBC News that President Barack Obama had an older, less sophisticated golf simulator.

      Does anyone remember any mention at all of Obama using tax dollars to add a golf simulator to the WH? Yet Trump using his own money to upgrade it is news?

      • Raphael

        >He paid for the new one, including installation, peronally.

        Okay, so why is this an issue? NBC go home, sit in the corner, and think long and hard about what you did.

      • CPRM

        I bet the Obama’s didn’t even pay for that garden Michelle started. You can buy like 100 seeds for a dollar.

      • Raphael

        *personally…doggone it Peronists, get out of my brain.

      • Michael

        NBC go home, sit in the corner, and think long and hard about what you did.

        Reporter suddenly sitting up in bed at 3:00AM: Wait a second! That article made Trump look good! Fuck!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Maybe it’s supposed to be how Trump blew $50K on something he’s never used.

      • CPRM

        And…?

      • Gustave Lytton

        He’s a horrible wastrel. Doesn’t he know people are starving on this country? #fightfor15

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        horrible wastrel

        Damn fine screen name for a Glib.

      • Michael

        Does anyone remember any mention at all of Obama using tax dollars to add a golf simulator to the WH?

        I didn’t even know there was a golf simulator in the White House. I wonder why.

        https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&ei=FOJkXLy5M8besAWB7KLADQ&q=obama+“white+house”+”golf+simulator”+-trump&btnK=Google+Search&oq=obama+”white+house”+”golf+simulator”+-trump&gs_l=psy-ab.3…1614.1614..2217…0.0..0.85.137.2……0….2j1..gws-wiz…..0.DRiXrq_uuSw

      • straffinrun

        Shank.

      • Michael

        I should stop being so lazy all the time. Click here.

      • Michael

        Or don’t. Fuck it. I give up.

  29. straffinrun

    Who are you calling a psycho?!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Lighten up Francis

    • Chafed

      Now that says happy anniversary!

  30. Pan Zagloba

    God dammit, CPRM, you and SugarFree are making me hope for Four More Classier Biggliest Years.

    Luckily I can’t even symbolically contribute to them.

    • Raphael

      You could always do some “colludiing” if you REALLY wanted to.

      • Pan Zagloba

        That sounds like effort. I don’t think that’s The Way of The Donald.

    • CPRM

      So am I, cashing in on this is taking longer than I thought.

      • CPRM

        Yeah, and his crap is still all that shows up for ‘Trump cartoon’ when I search on youtube. That’s a big youtube fail right there, as the kids say.

      • CPRM

        Hell, the search brings me some cartoon called ‘CNN Cartoon – Trump Halloween – 10.29.17″ with 30 hits, but doesn’t show Hat and Hair. WTF do metatags do?

      • The Hyperbole

        Buck up, Buckaroo. You come up second for ‘Trump hat and hair animation’ and animation is to cartoon as graphic novel is to comic book. You are the thinking man’s Trump hat and hair illustrator/expositor.

      • CPRM

        and ‘animation’ isn’t even one of my meta tags. But Hat and Hair now finally returns the cartoons, used to show me Cat in the Hat videos.

      • Jarflax

        You built in a delay on your money. Your Patreon charges only on the first of the next month after a pledge.

      • CPRM

        So next month I’ll be a millionaire? Ok.

    • commodious spittoon

      Wallaby? Wallayou, fuckaroo.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Crikey!

    • Chipwooder

      It’s a python, though, that’s what they do. I find the videos of pelicans suddenly gulping down pigeons to be much more shocking because they’re unexpected.

  31. CPRM

    Now, Darth Trump, that’s some good audio editing.

    • Pan Zagloba

      Damn it, people, Stop. Making.Him. AWESOME!

      Forget Obama. Trump is truly the First Internet President.

  32. mikey

    Nice CPRM. Thanks for these.

    And now for a Prius that this crowd might appreciate

    https://youtu.be/uzLNC-strf0

    • straffinrun

      Kinda weird how the activists don’t protest Black Rifle Coffee considering how many racist shows they advertise on.

      • Spudalicious

        They’re not a soft target.

    • Chafed

      That was great. It’s a perfect commuter car.

      How the hell did they get permission and actually acquire that gun?

      • Spudalicious

        The company is owned by SOF veterans. There are plenty of rich people that have weapons like that. My guess is they borrowed one.

      • Chafed

        Thanks for explaining. I know lots of military surplus, including aircraft, get sold but they are usually disarmed. How do former military get to purchase a post 1980 military grade machine gun? And how the hell can they purchase ammo for it?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Post 86, right? Dealer sample if you’re a Class 3 FFL. I don’t think ammo is generally restricted unless it’s HE or such.

      • Tejicano

        Almost certainly post-86 dealer sample. There were only about 50 registered mini-guns in 7.62X51mm. I’ve never heard of a registered 20mm Vulcan.

      • l0b0t

        ALL of our Vulcans in the 62nd ADA Brigade (I served in the late ’80s – mid ’90s) were manufactured in the 1960s. The only new parts we could get were barrels; we went through those quickly.

    • CPRM

      Ok. Just makes me think of that ‘find someone’ website people were using as evidence about that mail bomber, and every time you clicked on it the info changed.

      • straffinrun

        They’ll be wrong 95%(?) of the time, but that’s not much worse than most of the media.

      • CPRM

        I checked one about myself once, and apparently I have kids. I missed the whole sex thing that entails, so Lilith must be the mother.

    • AlmightyJB

      She was just spotted at a beach house last weekend.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Weekend at Bader’s?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Qtards have to be the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet.

      • CPRM

        calling Q a tard upsets him and LH, where’s a catbutt when you need it!?

      • straffinrun

        Harmless idiots are entertaining.

      • CPRM

        Huzzah for HM! Anime Catbutts are way better than the Swiss ones.

      • straffinrun

        Did I get cat butted? This place is going downhill I tell ya.

      • CPRM

        No, HM catbutted himself, with an anime she-cat.

      • Pan Zagloba

        3D chess move we can all get behind.

      • CPRM

        Q is obsessed with breast cup size, the butt guys need to come up with a measurement. Me, I’m a face guy, I knows it when I sees it, like obscenity.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      When she finally kicks it, I fully expect a Vox article explaining that, not only do we not need to replace her until Democrats control the WH and Congress, we should also look at her record and extrapolate how she would vote on any new cases, then give her a vote even though she’s dead.

  33. Chafed

    Once again, great work CPRM.

    • CPRM

      “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it work, Bob”

      • Gustave Lytton

        20 year anniversary this year

        /kiff sigh

      • CPRM

        I know how you feel. I lost a hat I’ve owned for twenty years today *doesn’t understand emotion things*

    • CPRM

      I haven’t liked SNL for 20 years, but Lonely Island was good.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ve never seen that before. I feel strangely amused.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Bonus points for the California Angels shirt.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ahh.. never delved deep enough to discover that. My favorite of their work, which I didn’t realize at the time:

        https://youtu.be/-A0iftflme4

      • CPRM

        The first time I heard of them was ‘I’m on a boat’ which seemed way too good to be done by SNL writers. And so I watched more of their stuff on youtube.

  34. CPRM

    3 new Patrons tonight. This place is a gold mine!

    • Playa Manhattan

      Nude pics

      • CPRM

        That’s the Ivanka Level.

      • Chafed

        *pulls out Jared Kushner embossed wallet*

  35. Chafed

    I read upthread about some dust up with UCS. I missed it. What happened?

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      Likewise, I think I might have been missed, somewhat, in last evening’s links (even though I was around)…

      You doin’ well, Chafed?

      • Chafed

        Sir Digby! I just couldn’t keep my eyes open last night. I missed you by about 40 minutes. Things are good here. How about you?

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Eh…I’m OK. Work, work, and shit, ya know.

        Just an FYI, I was getting all my online reading done fairly well last night. Then, I come here, and see a John Holmes-sized thread. I usually read through first, depending on what I see, which put me waaaay behind on making an entrance.

      • Chafed

        I know how it goes. I don’t usually check in until about 8 CA time. I usually read to the end before commenting on any of the current content.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        See-I knew we was cousins, or something….Of course, I don’t always hold off on a comment.

    • CPRM

      Swiss Catbutted him for saying he doesn’t read the posts. Like I said, the kids are just getting rowdy because mom (SP) isn’t around.

      • Chafed

        Thanks and I think you are right.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Damn…Catt-assing Chafed? Over non-reading?

        Is there any hope left in our world?

        Also, if $ things play out like I think they are over the next week (when I see my pimp), I plan on being a bit more of a patron.

        So, cross your fingers good and tight…er, that sounds…never mind.

      • CPRM

        Crossing my fingers is a problem, with the Gout induced arthritis, way to other me shitlord! Congrats if things are looking up for you. I’m pleased if you feel like contributing, but I don’t want anyone to feel obligated like their helping out a homeless person. I’m poor, but crafty family maneuvering keeps me in my house, not money…I’ve said too much mom’s Hillary’s Goon Squad is here!

      • Chafed

        SD, I didn’t get cat butted. CPRM was saying UCS got it from Swiss.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        I gotta go and read through the morass. UCS getting spanked? What IS the world coming to?

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        I know understand what happened–just not why (so much).

        Are some of us really the powers-that-be the wrong way? ‘Cause I want to be sure I’m rubbing them properly, so as not to draw unwanted attention. And, late night commenting does have a few benefits.

      • Soyboy

        Many have carried over their droll routines from Reason, where writers got paid for their work, weren’t part of the commentariat, and so it was all a bit more anarchic in the comments section and didn’t matter if commenters made snarky cracks about e.g. not reading the articles (which was common). Here, the staff and contributors work hard for free, it’s a different paradigm, with hurt feelings from the inertia of feigned apathetic snark. I get the hurt feelings, and I get the inertia. None of the latter is sincere, though: know that. We freeloaders all appreciate the hard work put in by those of you who make this place run. But I also wouldn’t want a commentariat without the senses of humor that attracted and sustained my attention in the first place.

        It’s a more fragile dynamic than at Reason, but it’ll all be OK.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        Well, when you put it that way…

  36. CPRM

    Good night Glibs. And God bless you every one.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Goodnight and thank you sir!

    • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

      What? You out now?

      I just got here….

      • Chafed

        Shouldn’t C. Anacreon be checking in soon?

  37. 61North

    Aleutian Islands trip report: Nice day here. Some snow this morning and then the sun came out around noon. Pretty goddamn windy, though. I’ll be here until Saturday. Good thing I brought my own booze out with me; the local stores are almost 3x Anchorage prices.

    • Q Continuum

      Your life is awesome.

      • 61North

        I love what I do, even if I want to put head through the wall when I found out we under-billed people by 55k last year because ‘that’s how we always did it’.

        GAHHHHHH

        The views out here are incredible, too.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Adak?

    • 61North

      A trillion here and a trillion there and pretty soon you’re talking about fiat money.

      • Sir Digby's Contrabulous Faptraption

        ::pffft::-“fiat money”. Like hell….

        Clearly, with that kind of talk, you don’t understand that money is just the word of our Government, which is what we do together. So, it’s consensus money, ’cause the social contract is all about….

        Wait–what were we talking about?

  38. Bob Boberson

    No sleep at all last night. I’m usually a really good sleeper but a couple nights a year its just like my brain won’t shut off. I blame Glib fighting! Can’t we all just get along?!

    /bursts into tears……runs out of room

    On a serious note though I really enjoy that this place is so tranquil. At TOS there was a always a good chance I’d get engrossed in a thread that would spike my blood pressure. Here not so much, I really am grateful for the civility.

  39. Fourscore

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all Glibs, wherever you are! Coffee and Glibs in the morning, does life get any better?

    • Trials and Trippelations

      Beer in the morning?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Mornin’!

      Got eggs and sausage (courtesy of spud’s recipe) on the pan, and am enjoying the sun shining through the window. It’s a good day to be SUPREME OVERLORD.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Banjos has links, she’s just fucking with us.