Trump Is in ‘Very Good Health’ Following His Annual Physical, His Doctor Says
“I’m the hardest working president ever,” Donald gasped.
“Donald, hurry up in there, we need to review the 2020 Democratic field,” the hair called.
“Let him concentrate, dammit!” the hat.
“He’s been in there forever!” the hair protested.
“Ten minutes is not forever!” the hat replied.
“It’s happening!” Donald gasped, leaning forward and groaning.
“Maybe you need more fiber in your diet,” the hat said quietly.
“Fiber makes you gay,” Donald said.
“Fiber does not make you gay,” the hat said.
“It makes you gay and impotent,” Donald insisted.
“Hurry up!” the hair called.
“This is my executive time!” Donald screamed.
“When was the last time you took a shit, Donald?” the hat asked quietly.
“When did the shutdown end?”
“That long? Donald, you need to go to the doctor!” the hat said.
“No doctors! I’m the healthy president ever!”
“You have a meeting with the joint chiefs after this!” the hair said.
“A little bit is poking out!” Donald replied.
“Shut up! You’re going to make him prairie dog,” the hat said. “He really needs this!”
“I feel like I’m splitting in half!” Donald groaned.
“Breathe, Donald,” the hat crooned soothingly. “In and out, nice and slow.”
“Aw, Jesus Christ, shut the fucking bathroom door, Donald!” the hair said. “It smells like you’ve got a dead bum up your ass!”
“C’mon, Donald, you can do it,” the hat said.
“A healthy human shouldn’t make a smell like that, Donald!” the hair said.
“Ungh,” Donald replied. “Yurg!”
“Use the air freshener!” the hair told the hat.
“OK, OK, don’t get your hairnet in a wad!” the hat shot back.
“Hurry! You know these windows don’t open!”
There was a prolong spssssssssst of an aerosol can and the scent of someone taking a shit in the wildflower meadow of a pine forest wafted into the Oval Office.
“You eat too much McDonald’s!” the hat yelled.
“NEVER!” Donald roared. “NEVER!”
The hair winced at the agonizing scream that followed. “You’re killing him, you’re killing him,” the follicles cried.
“Nonsense,” the hat yelled over the horrible splashing sounds. “This is the healthiest man to ever be President of the United States of America!”
Donald’s scream cut off abruptly.
“What’s happening in there?” the hair demanded.
“I think he passed out,” the hat said. “Yup, oh yeah, he’s out. He just slid off the shitter and slumped to the floor.”
“Is he alive? Is he breathing?”
There was a soft fwump in the silence of the bathroom and the hat made his way into the Oval Office in his inchworm fashion.
“He’s down,” said the hat. “He’s out, but there’s not much blood.”
“Should we call the doctor? The Secret Service?”
“Eh, give him a minute. It was a huge shit. Epic. Just amazing really.”
“I think I should call the doctor. I don’t want him to go down in the history books as the president who shat himself to death,” the hair said.
“And I don’t want to be Mike Pence’s hat,” the hat said glumly. “I don’t even think he wears hats.”
The hair walked on flagulate follicles to the intercom and was about to summon help when a groggy voice spoke from the bathroom, “Where’s my phone?”
“Donald,” called the hair. “Are you OK?”
“Where’s my phone?” he asked querulously.
“It’s on the magazine stand, Donald,” the hat supplied.
They heard the elderly man stand, bumping and crashing into various fixtures in the bathroom.
“Get the Secret Service,” Donald said hoarsely.
“Are you OK?” the hair asked. “Are you in danger?”
“Tell them to come clean me up,” Donald said quietly.
The hat was laughing when they both heard the shutter sound of Donald’s camera phone.
“Donald?” the hair asked. “What are you taking pictures of?”
“Nothing!” he shouted back, words slurred like a drunk.
“Donald, are you taking pictures of the huge dump you just took?” the hat asked.
“No,” Donald told them, but they heard the shutter sounds again and the Presidential Shitter lit up with repeated flashes.
“Don’t you dare put that on Twitter,” the hair warned.
“I’m not,” Donald said. But the hat and the hair were already scrambling off the Oval Office desk to stop him.
I…
…made the mistake of reading an article?
I made the even bigger mistake of reading it and posting about it while on the throne….
You’ll read them or else, UCS!!11!!!
Else what?
Say, here is a suggestion….maybe not comment on pieces you refuse to read.
Or, remain petulant and a one-note flute on this.
Your choice.
::toot::
That is …an unfortunate sound, considering the story above.
Else that.
You are free not to read and not to comment, you tedious piece of autistic shit. You know, like everyone else does when you write something.
Someone mad.
/goes back to staring at lunch…..ponders where it all went wrong……
Speaking of lunch, I just ran across a place that has deep fried burgers. I can’t say the idea had ever crossed my mind. One of the esteemed assholes here has to have tried one at some point. Is it worth it?
“One of the esteemed assholes here has to have tried one at some point.”
My, we are pleasant today, aren’t we?
Brochettaward gonna Brochetta.
He tried to get me banned last night.
Oh?
Imma go look.
Spud expressed a preference for tater tots.
Tater tots would be my answer, but coming from a Cowboys fan, I now have to reassess that.
Ah, I see that.
Now I have to wait and wait for the famous Mike S tater tot casserole. Lucky I have the time
My wife makes the best EVER. If I make it down for the honey fest I’ll bring some, for sure.
Well, when people fly off the handle on me and never apologize…
Dude, you’re the one with the ax.
And that’s how you know it’s series when I suggest someone may have some anger issues.
Linky?
We can be rather cruel to each other ’round here – I’ve been in a rotten mood and have gotten pissed at a few members. But I usually sleep it off and forget by the next day.
https://www.glibertarians.com/2019/02/tuesday-afternoon-i-uh-thought-someone-had-these-links/#comment-896466
This one:
https://www.glibertarians.com/2019/02/zardozs-friday-night-advice/
Don’t know how to link right to comments. Go to the sub-thread under comment #5
Thanks Mojeaux and MikeS.
Also can’t tell if Brochettaward was being sarcastic or not. But my sarcasm-meter is rotten.
I think around this place it’s always best to assume sarcasm.
I always assumed he is the resident agent provocateur (along with Hyperbole). I think he’s funny.
I assume terrible manners and being a jerk. But he has managed to avoid banning…so far.
These things aren’t mutually exclusive.
“We can be rather cruel to each other ’round here – I’ve been in a rotten mood and have gotten pissed at a few members. But I usually sleep it off and forget by the next day.”
What are you even talking about? This place has gotten bland and boring. I want Eddie and John back. Fight, right, fight!
the resident agent provocateur (along with Hyperbole
Sure, but I’m much better at it than Brochette, who ( let’s be honest ) is only good at
acting likebeing a jerk, whereas I add a modicum of class around here.Meh.
I miss Eddie’s articles and his differing viewpoint, but he was just too goddamned brittle.
I can’t remember if John contributed anything.
I have much respect for those with thick skin. UCS and Winston take crap that would get people banned if it were lobbed at other commentators, and they generally don’t whine about it.
Well, Winston sucks. But not as well as his mum! Hahahahaaa!
This. And I don’t recall any sort of rebuke for anyone when UCS could hardly make a comment without getting shit about his driving gloves.
Wait… wut? Driving gloves?
UCS has gloves for every occasion. Probably made from human skin.
He wears driving gloves on road trips because he says his hands get sunburned if he doesn’t.
It would be a shame if that got revived again.
*struggles to suppress laughter*
DOES HIS ICKLE WIDDLE FINGYTOES GET COLD??
They’re beige and they’re completely ordinary!
I love this place.
“He wears driving gloves on road trips because he says his hands get sunburned if he doesn’t.”
In the winter? Can’t he just close the moon roof?
It’s deep fried. Is that even a question?
Not sure about a burger, but I could go for chile rellenos.
Tots over onion rings, though? Who even are you?
Tots in the a.m.
Onion rings after noon.
The etiquette is clear.
There is a burrito place near campus that makes the best tater tots. Super crispy, maybe two minutes from burned. And an excellent chipotle ketchup to go with them.
Nom nom nom.
Put some New Mex red sauce on those, and you have perhaps the finest dish ever concocted by man.
Is this one of those white after Labor Day rules I’ll never understand?
Yes.
I can only assume it’s because Labor Day started as a socialist holiday, and the Red Army defeated the White Army, so getting caught in white after the holiday…
No, no, I don’t think that’s right.
I’ve had deep-fried burgers. I didn’t like them very much.
If they are the breaded kind, the taste of the breading overwhelms the beef taste and hot grease comes running out of the meat and is kind of gross. If unbreaded, deep-fried ground beef gets dry before a crust forms, so they are either dry and browned or cooked medium, but pallid and flavorless. Very hot and very fast is the key to ground beef burgers and frying is neither hot nor particularly fast.
(Chicken-fried steak works, but then you only make that with beef that is otherwise not worth doing much with. And most places still cover it in gravy.)
SUGARFREE! Thank you, Sugarfree!
You’re welcome.
*Suddenly has nostalgic longing for chicken fried steak. The good kind. At a place that has awesome fries for sipping in the gravy*
Dyer’s burgers in Memphis has good burgers that are fried in grease that is over 100 years old.
So how many Courics was the dump?
Donald IS the dump – why do you think he needs to be controlled by the Hat and the Hair?
I wonder if Trump ever met Bono…..
I’ve never seen them both at the same time and place…
That’s a corny theory.
NONE OF THAT!
*narrows gaze*
Yes! A narrowed gaze! They’ve been a little hard to come by lately. I would hate to see them go away.
You people are KILLING ME in this thread.
You are getting a little buried.
Maybe he just needed to get
woundwarmed up.That does pile it a little high and deep.
HEY?!
*narrows gaze*
It is a pretty shitty theory.
STOP!
*narrows gaze*
Relax Swiss and just let it come out.
Et tu, Colonel?
Swiss is narrowing his brown eye at all of you.
^^^Winner, winner, chicken schwarma dinner.
*STRONGLY NARROWS GAZE*
I don’t care how strongly you narrow that gaze, STEVE SMITH will find a way.
STEVE SMITH ENJOY CHALLENGE!
Someone look to see if Bono was let out of WH..
Oh, dear God….
*nods slowly in agreement*
Anal-tearing stories aren’t for everyone.
This is making me rethink some of my life decisions.
Eat moar fiber?
That’s one of the few things I have no problem with. I’ve made Riven jealous.
Whoa…
I’ll shext you my output from tomorrow morning. You’ll be impressed.
NONONONO!
Woah – (((scat))) porn!
Dude, he’s Swiss, not German.
““Fiber makes you gay,” Donald said.
“Fiber does not make you gay,” the hat said.
“It makes you gay and impotent,” Donald insisted.”
I am done with fiber.
Come for the enlightening political discussions, stay for the scatological humor?
It’s more likely loiter for the myriad varities of humor and occassionally stumble into more profound discussions.
Or get yelled at.
You’re getting close to being that guy People put a lot of effort into posts. We wouldn’t let people shit up your posts with petulant little comments implying it is beneath them to notice. Show the same courtesy.
Okay. It appears what I intended in one tone is coming off in another. I did not mean to be insulting, and I appologise.
Now kith.
I am willing to acknowledge a wrong. That is a step too far.
I took it as you being dryly facetious and not serious, same as the one that got the cat-butt. You strike me as a person who makes wry observations as a form of humor and I read that into your text.
Usually intended. But I can see how it can also be read in another light, and I’d rather put out the fire on the bridge than stand on the “I meant it in a humorous manner” hilltop when multiple people have said it doesn’t sound like I had intended.
Respect for that.
The sheer repetition, and curiously enough, heaviest in SF’s writing pieces, has caused a number of us to cry “enough!” (P.S. NOT including SF).
Repetitive one-note jokes are kind of a glibs thing, aren’t they O friend of the CLAN SMITH?
*squats moar*
*tells Tulpa to fuck off*
Sounds like something Tulpa would say.
At least neither of these had a John-o
OR
You know who else didn’t like repetitive, one-note Jokes?
I knew there was a reason I liked that guy.
Tomorrow, Jussie Smollett is going to put himself in front of a camera and fake cry for the first time since he’s fabricated account of a MAGA-inspired attack.
Even just the snippet of the interview shown is cringe inducing.
I’ll defer you your assessment. But I thought this guy was supposed to be an actor. Shouldn’t an actor be able to convincingly cry on demand?
I mean, his credentials were playing in a few movies as a kid, and then getting in on the identity racket game to land some roles as an adult in 2012. Seriously, he’s a gay black male with connections to the movie industry. He’s like a unicorn when you’re trying to pad your diversity numbers. And he’s even a Jew!
Also, I had no clue that Smollett was the kid from the Mighty Ducks. The one who ran around calling everyone a cake eater which was always a rather ambiguous insult, but which I took as the Disney way of calling someone a faggot.
In my defense, I never heard of him before this hoax, or the show he was supposedly famous for. I should have remembered that ability to act stopped being a requirement for employment in front of the camera.
He dies in a somewhat phallic manner in Alien: Covenant while having hetero shower sex.
“Cakeeater” in my neck of the woods means a rich person who can’t be bothered with little people’s problems. (i.e. “Let them eat cake.”)
A “cake eater” is a Minnesoda term for someone who lives in or comes from a rich suburb called Edina. Or you are trying to link them to Edina.
The hatred for Edina comes from the fact that they built one of the first indoor year round hockey rinks for their high school team. This gave them a huge advantage in the State Hockey Tournament. That was back when it was a one class tourney and everyone played everyone.
People were enraged that the rich people in Edina were “cheating” by having that rink. No one who isn’t from Edina has ever rooted for an Edina team in the Tourney.
Someone came up with the tag “cake eater” for them and it stuck.
Actors do what directors tell them to do. It very rare for an actor to be able to direct himself/herself with any success.
You mean he’s making a statement without a Lawyer?
Didn’t even bother to click on the story, but Slate gives us this header:
GREEN NEW DEAL
There’s Nothing Ridiculous About Trains Replacing Planes
Sure, as long as they’re flying trains.
Well, they did tow cargo gliders… (and troop gliders, etc)
But I don’t think it was for efficiency. Mostly so the cheap glider could be dropped with the contents and the more expensive plane could skedaddle out of the warzone.
Mostly so the cheap glider could be dropped with the contents and the more expensive plane could skedaddle out of the warzone.
Exactly this. Not enough aircraft to go around, as well.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertrain
Because I would just love my yearly trip to South Carolina take 15 or more hours – adding all the station stops it could even be longer than that.
And what in the hell is it with lefties and their godamm choo-choos.
Why, you’d think they were Atlas Shrugged fans or something …
They really do love them some century-old technology.
Centuries? This morning they were fawning over nomads with solar panels on their ox-drawn carts. They’re going for hunter gatherer level tech.
Um. Planes and automobiles are century-old technology too.
High-speed jet aircraft that can carry hundreds of passengers? I think not.
What they like about trains is the same thing everyone else dislikes about trains: they remove your autonomy. Someone else decides when and where it leaves from, when and where it arrives, how much space it will have, etc.
Remember that what they mean is that it is essential and good for the plebes to be limited to trains. It allows the plebes to quickly know who the elites are – the people still on planes – and who the serfs are: the low lives confined to the cattle cars.
Yes. They really want us to remember our station in life and not forget who our feudal overlords are.
Cool video of 24-hours worth of US air traffic. Trains? I don’t think so.
https://youtu.be/Vik-jsSwVf0
The train from New York to London should be interesting.
…Cmon man.
Phoenix to Las Vegas: 302 miles. Not taking a train…I’m driving,
Something, something, broken windows, something.
Of course. The Chinese government has a unique ability to make Chinese take whatever mode of transportation the Chinese government determines to be most correct.
Such as?
Ah, here’s the real issue–It would work if the right TOP.MEN are in charge.
What in the everloving….oh, Slate.
I do think an intercity high speed rail connector could be viable. Step on in LA, blast up the central valley, be in SF 1 hour and 15 minutes later. That’s absolutely viable.
But that was not what was planned. What was planned was a typical train line with 15 stops in the first phase, including 5 inside LA. That doesn’t work. You sacrifice the speed which is the whole point of HSR.
What is marketable is a train, that is full of seats and nothing but, that people show up, pay your fare, and in less than 90 minutes you walk out the door in the other major CA city. You get two trains. One leaving at 4 AM each morning going in each direction. So 4 AM, 530, 7, 930, 11, 1230, 2, 330, 5, 630, 8, 930, 10, 1130, 1, 230. Goal should be if someone walks into the train station at minus 10, they can make the train with no hassle or worry. Walk in, swipe your credit card, find a seat, and woosh blasting away.
Step on in LA, blast up the central valley
Assuming of course, that the tracks and tunnels have been repaired since the last earthquake.
“it might have, if we’d done it right”
Ah, of course, we’ll get it right this time because the right people. Sure.
The window of opportunity for high speed rail in this country passed. Mostly due to localities seeing the railroads and land tax piggiebanks making it ever more unprofitable to run passenger service, leading to people abandoning any attachment to the trains, and thus no maintenance/expansion of the necessary infrastructure to scale with technology and population.
So you could say this dream died by the close of the Eisenhower administration.
A system that depends on excellence in administration for success is a broken system.
To be successful, a system must be succeed in spite of bad administration.
Cleveland to Vegas is over 2,000 miles, the flight is about 5 and a half hours. So what is the average speed of this train going to be in order for it only take a couple more hours?
If you can maintain 300 mph average, that’s 6:40, so 1:10 longer. That’s not impossible, and the great plains are kinda flat and open.
When they hit an animal crossing the tracks it would be…interesting.
“Is there a reason your train design calls for armored prows?”
“Yes. Cows.”
Cow Catcher II from Whammo!
Not impossible, but highly unlikely. Considering that the fastest trains (as of a 2016 article, although a quick Google did find some that were faster) was hitting 267 mph. I also assume there would probably need to be multiple stops.
I agree, it’s never actually going to happen.
“Stop! My penis can only get so erect!” /Thomas Friedman
Unfortunately, the software update that was just automatically rolled out to your electric car limits the range to 200 miles.
That’s okay, the rolling blackout means he only has enough charge for three.
At least I will not be the only one in Kingman, AZ cursing out Elon Musk.
A prog suddenly cares about profit?
To quote my favorite movie in the world, Real Genius:
Lazlo: “Lately I’ve come to realize that I have certain materialistic needs.”
If they really want to lead the way, they’ll close all the airports in California first.
if passengers are willing to sacrifice
While they are upfront about trains not being as good as planes for the passengers, I don’t recall the Green New Deal giving passengers any options. They will sacrifice speed and convenience, but they won’t be given a choice, if Ocasio-Cortez and her ilk have anything to say about it.
Oh, that one was rich. From the article:
A broader lesson is that the greatest threat to a progressive national agenda lies with its own incompetent administrators.
I wonder if it occurred to this guy that maybe, just maybe, the competent administrators were the guys telling anyone who would listen that it was a boondoggle a decade ago?
Of course not, the answer is always “prog harder”.
Incompetent administrators? Quick – give them more money and power. How could that backfire?
Even Hitler would admit that just loading 900 untermensch onto a cargo plane and then opening the floor doors halfway across the Atlantic is more efficient than his old-fashioned way. Faster, no chemical mess, no disposal issues. Why do American socialists hate the environment???
If you made the drop zone the habitat of some endangered shark, you’d get Greenpeace’s, PETA’s and the WWF’s buy in.
Oh, my.
I laughed, I cried, hell, I outright guffawed.
I farted.
That seems… appropriate, in this case.
A fart is just a laugh your butt makes.
Farts are shit without the mess. /Carlin
Where do sharts fall on the shit-o-meter?
They are a gateway expellation.
I fell off the toilet and lost consciousness for a short period of time.
The suspect in the NYPD shooting… had a fake gun. The cops all shot each other.
https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/nation/nypd-2-officers-shot-during-apparent-robbery-in-queens/
Muzzle awareness and cops don’t go well together.
Except it isn’t. You idiots are poorly trained buffoons who panic fired and killed one of your own.
SOP for the NYPD. See link below, and that’s far from the only incident.
“Make no mistake about it, accidental discharge aside, it is because of the actions of the shooting victim that he’s dead.”
“accidental discharge”
The sharting sub-thread is the next one up.
Negligent discharge, not accidental.
At least they didn’t hit any innocent bystanders this time. NYPD: 9 shooting bystander victims hit by police gunfire
“The cops all shot each other.”
No, no, no. Don’t you know how to interpret cop actions, which are different from us mere peon actions? Those are the king’s men!
The officers weapons ‘discharged’, hitting several individuals who are currently unidentified. News at 11, or not.
“A weapon was discharged causing an officer to be injured.”
That’s what you get with a 12lb trigger.
So, in possession of a FitBit doodad that I received as a gift (against my gut-feeling of wearing a surveillance device), Ive given it the 1-week try out that I promised the giver (Jugsy). Im not really happy with the generic charts and what-have-you that it gives me as output of the collected data. In fact it looks like some garbage in a powerpoint presentation you’d see in a sales meeting. In order to fine-tune what its collected, I can get the data as a *.JSON file and I’m told it can be manipulated around in excel. Anyone have any experience with such things ?
Ignore that. Ive found a number of YT videos on the subject, so I’ll suss it out on my own.
So, what are you going to do with that data? I know a lot of people who wear one, but all of them only use it to track how far (how many steps or distance) they’ve walked for the day. I’m probably getting one too because I want to track the same thing. But I could care less about any data or apps, because what am I going to do with it?
I’ve read that if all you care about is steps, you are better off getting a clip-on style as opposed wrist-worn. Cheaper and more accurate.
I have one. I used to use it religiously, as it rewards you when you get to a certain number of steps. I need to dig it back out of the mothballs and hope it can keep a charge.
How does it reward you?
Burger King coupons.
It buzzes every 20% of your goal. To me, it’s validation that I am progressing toward my goal instead of not being able to see the end in sight. All I have to do is strive for the next 20%.
ah, I see.
Though I admit commodius’ answer got a chuckle.
I beer for every 20%.
That’s only 5 beers.
Not enough.
But you probably give 200%.
Teledildonics?
Wave of the future, man.
Seems 10,000 steps is the current IN number. It’s what my fit bit wearing comrades do. How the hell does anyone walk that far when they have other stuff to do? I have one co-worker who gets up very early to do half of that and still walks an hour or so during the afternoon. I wonder if I can get one of those two wheeled thingies the cops ride around on to go faster to get my steps in? Is that cheating?
It’s not cheating, but the machine won’t register any steps doing that either.
I could have one of my orphans wear it and run along beside me?
That would be cheating.
@Creosote Achilles: You said you knew somebody who could boss me around if I were into that. Met a guy once who told me he was a “Master.” Derp me went WTF does that even mean? “No man’s gonna master me.” He kept saying it with an odd stress: “I am a MASTER.” So I went googling and decided I didn’t need a Master.
I know women who refer to their husbands as “Sir.” I don’t judge; it’s just not my cuppa.
Dammit. That is not where I meant to put that.
I thought both Anthony Ainley and Roger Delgado are dead at this point.
I know women who refer to their husbands as “Sir.” I don’t judge; it’s just not my cuppa.
I’m lucky if I’m not being referred to as “asshole”
But doesn’t look as stylish and woke. Which is why people wear it. Did you know there are different color bands so you can switch them to match your shoes? Totally NOT woke I see.
I got the black one. And I’m white.
The Versa also shows text messages, caller ID, calendar notifications. It tracks heart rate. It has an NFC chip for wireless payment. GPS to track your run/bike routes. Waterproof and tracks your swims. Holds like 300 songs and syncs with Bluetooth headphones so you can go running without your phone. Has quick switch wrist bands and you can get leather, metal, rubber ones to dress it up or down.
It’s a pretty nifty bit of kit honestly, at less than 200 bucks.
Thats whats on my wrist. And I dont plan on even using 1/10 of that stuff.
Only on the “Special Edition” version. Just in case anyone is shopping for them and wants that feature; make sure you’re getting the SE.
How much for the one without the “I stood too close to the machine and accidentally charged the wrong account” chip?
For the “Charge 3” I bought it was $20 less, IIRC.
I’m more concerned with making sense of the heart rate data over time, to show resting rate and during workouts
A JASON file?!
RUN!!!!
Welp, we broke Switzy, he’s punning.
Pun or not, running from anything associated with javascript is sound advice.
I once had an instructor for a class I was taking say ‘I love javascript’ to the class. I said ‘What’s wrong with you?’.
I somehow made an entire IT career off of UniBasic and then Progress. And .awk and .ksh commands.
Darn, I only know half that.
It makes me money, so I begrudgingly like it, but I chalk that up to Stockholm syndrome.
“JSON: At Least It’s Not XML!”
True, but thats the same as “Republicans: at least we’re not Democrats! “
An aged Swiss Servator, his expression forever clenched in a narrow gaze, struggled against the bonds of his straitjacket. Even though he didn’t know it, the padded gimp cell in SugarFree’s basement was still the safest place for him.
Warty’s Dungeon, plz.
this is basically about the great progress of humans over the last two centuries and how SJWs espouse a pessimistic alternative history.
https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/2/12/18215534/bill-gates-global-poverty-chart
anyway, check out this derp!
Using the percentage of people in poverty is misleading, and we should instead focus on the absolute number of people in poverty
an “anthropologist” suggested that. it gets better.
The chart erases the toll of colonialism, particularly in the 1820 to 1981 period. “The world went from a situation where most of humanity had no need of money at all to one where today most of humanity struggles to survive on extremely small amounts of money,” Hickel writes. “The graph casts this as a decline in poverty, but in reality what was going on was a process of dispossession that bulldozed people into the capitalist labour system, during the enclosure movements in Europe and the colonization of the global south.”
i skimmed the rest. appears that Pinker and some others gang up on the anthropologist and then give little concessions so it’s not a complete shutout.. which is what you do when playing football against your little siblings.
*facepalm*
I want to give him partial credit in that subsistance farmers and hunter-gatherers didn’t need currency. But societies of both types had currencies, especially to trade with other tribes/villages (when not warring with them).
Back in hunter gatherer times, there wasn’t too much competition for resources. It was likely most of the time that you and your band of 20 siblings and cousins may never even see another human outside your clan. If you did happen to run into some other human critters and those other humans were grubbing up all the roots and picking all the good berries, you could just grab some rocks and smash their brains out, problem solved. So yeah, no need for currency.
Even then, the tribes that controlled the good flint sources would trade for things their hillside didn’t have, and currencies arose. They would start out as commodity currencies, then the ‘ooh, shiny’ standard got adopted. And so on.
There was a lot moar GAMBOLING back then!
You’ve been talking to my wife, I see.
“The world went from a situation where most of humanity had no need of money at all to one where today most of humanity struggles to survive on extremely small amounts of money,”
If progressives weren’t so unbelievably ignorant, they’d be Distributists. They are pretty much trying to make a defense for Distributism here. Gonna be fun watching progressives argue “Actually, the working class had it better during the Medieval Ages” while simultaneously arguing “Christianity is literally Hitler”. I fear they don’t understand why those two statements are incompatible.
I’ve tried to make the argument to progs that the lowest earners in middle class USA right now are better off than the richest king was just a few hundred years ago. They always come back with something like ‘That doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is the wealth gap. Billionaires today are more richer than you are than a king was richer than peasants a few hundred years ago!’. This is seriously how fucked up their thinking is.
And this hurts me how?
IT’S NOT FAIR!!111!!!
Seriously, if I’m doing well, what the hell do I care if other people are making 10 times more than me rather than just 5 times more?
It doesn’t, but it somehow hurts braindead progs. I think it’s called envy.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/diocese-reverses-course-clears-covington-catholic-high-school-students-of-wrongdoing-after-investigation-of-viral-incident-on-mall/2019/02/13/c11195f8-2fa7-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html?utm_term=.1624891ea777
“Diocese finds no evidence of ‘racist or offensive statements’ by Covington Catholic students during incident on Mall that went viral”
“The report, prepared by Greater Cincinnati Investigation, Inc. and dated Feb. 11, employed four licensed investigators for approximately 240 hours to take statements from students and chaperones, as well as to interview third-party witnesses and review about 50 hours of video. Investigators were not able to interview either Phillips or Sandmann in person and instead reviewed the student’s written account.”
Would be nice if the series of lawsuits launched by the students would lead to more “journalist” layoffs.
more “journalist” layoffs
The world needs more coders and prostitutes.
Not everyone can code.
Have you seen these “Journalists”?
Wait, they’d still have clientele. Assuming they can learn basic economic principles fast enough to lower their rates and take whatever people will pay for them.
correction: “sex workers”
When a bunch of former journalists occupy the ranks of the street walker, then NYT and WaPo will start referring to them as “sex workers” rather than “prostitutes”. I fully expect colleges to start adopting courses on “sex working” after that happens, of course.
Then the next dreaded step – they unionize.
You no longer get to negotiate with the person of your choice, you get whoever’s up next, and first up goes to the member with the most seniority.
“And that, my friend, is how the sex trade ended”
Can you really call it ‘work’ if you just lay there and sweat?
From what I understand, escorts put in “work”. You get what you pay for, I suppose
I’m just saying, you probably ain’t gonna get a lot of work out of someone of Dave Wiegel’s ilk.
@Creosote Achilles
How do I get my wife to refer to me as “sir”?
Without adding: “You’re making a scene”
Co-star in a stage play where you’re a knight?
I’m not sure how you get those types of relationships rolling.
Then I guess I’ll just have to get use to my current nickname: “Hey you”
Honestly, that sort of arrangement without the kink factor is just kind of creepy to me.
Earn a knighthood?
Become a Mormon?
I generally call my husband “honeybunny,” which, now that I think of it, isn’t so far off from “Sir.”
Not at all. I was just joking about the “sir” thing. “Honeybunny” is an adorable nickname.
Honey Bunny ?
Shhhh. Mr. Mojeaux has never seen that movie.
Whaaaa?
Inorite?!
Change your name to Sir Mix-A-Lot?
Non-flippant answer?
If you’re interested in some type of authority transfer/power exchange/kink the best way is to have a conversation about it. Tell your wife what you want and why and ask if she’s interested in trying it. Also ask her to tell you about things she’s interested in that she might not have let on about. Go slow and be prepared for it to not work out.
Flippant answer?
Be alpha as fuck.
I’m going to be honest. I went to twelve years of Catholic school. Our health class in high school was mainly watching “NFL’s Greatest Hits” and “Toughest Players in NFL History”. My knowledge of “kink” is very, very limited.
That’s fair. I think ‘kink’ is kind of a moving target to define. I’d almost say it is ‘any sexual activity that seems outside the norm to the people considering it’. So, you know, that could be having sex without a sheet between yourself and your beloved. Depends on the baseline.
My wife is my mistress. For a few minutes a week.
Is Creosote gonna have to slap a bitch?
@Mojeaux I was funnin’ you. And I think you had mentioned before you were aware of and had talked with people into the whole thing. I hope I didn’t cause offense.
But, oh man, those guys and some gals like that piss me off. The more someone has to tell you how dominant they are or how much of a Master/Mistress they are, the less likely it is true.
I run a munch which is an event usually in a bar or restaurant that’s meant to be a non-kinky setting for people to socialize. had a guy show up one time and doing the introduction thing and he says, “I’m MasterJimBob.” Me: “Nice to meet ya, JimBob” Him: “No, my name is *Master* JimBob”. Me: “Look, JB, that shit don’t fly here. You got to earn that. You’re JimBob or you are gone. You pull that shit with a newb and you’re gone. We clear?” Him: “Yes, sir.” I refrained from giving him a ‘Good boy’.
Oh, no, not at all! I LOLd.
Yes, I know quite a few writers in the lifestyle and I know a few folks who are polys. I sit back and watch and listen. It’s interesting to observe.
I did write a couple who vaguely play at it, but she’s explicit about being too lazy to be a sub and he’s explicit about being too lazy to be a dom. They finally boil it down to really rough sex.
Alright, you 2 knock it off with the kink stuff, this is a family friendly site!
Did you seriously just post that on a SugarFree tale?
Get your mind out of the gutter! You have to read SF material with a pure mind!
I thought maesters were supposed to be celibate.
What is this word, “pure,” please?
It’s the state you want your drugs in before adding the cutting agent. Contaminants throw the rest of the process off.
My mind is as pure as the driven on snow.
Puerile
…and we have the badge to prove it!
Oh good.
And that couple probably isn’t far off from the truth.
I run a munch
Anyone else, and I’d think that’s some kind of typo. With Creosote, I figure its some kind of kink slang I don’t nuthin’ about.
It’s a fairly mundane derivation.
Years ago, on the west coast, someone started having the type of event I described; non-kinky socials for kinky people to meet one another and chat. They had it at a restaurant and would have food. For whatever reason, people would say they were going to go munch on some food without any double entrende at all. And voila! it started being called a munch. It’s actually disappointingly mundane.
Now explain “crumbs,” if you would be so kind.
Short for breadcrumbs. used on FetLife, a social media site for kinky people as a way to alert one’s friends & followers of a picture or writing one thinks will edify them. IE: I am leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for you to follow
Pie’s productivity report, day 2, Graz business trip
I made it to the top of the hill with the view and had a nice glass of Austrian Riesling, the weather being 12 civilized degrees and quite sunny.
Then I went to this fusion restaurant where I had the tuna black and rare with romanesco crispy nori wasabi and ponzu miso glaze accompanied by a glass of blaufränkisch
Afterwards went to a bar for a glass of Big Jon cuvee followed by a dram of Glencadam 21
Also goddamn the Lakers stunk recently
Switch to the Dubs if you want to watch good basketball.
I ate a tator tot after it fell on the floor.
+5 second rule
You’re having the best week ever
America, fuck yeah!
Better than a seeet potato fry.
“Sweet”
mmmm…Sweet Potato.
Was it off someone else’s plate?
I was alone in a silent, dark room lit only faintly by the glow of a computer screen drinking Icehouse Edge. Even my dog wouldn’t come in.
That disloyal bitch. I keep her alive.
So you were in a darkhouse with a spear waiting for a northern to check your decoy, eh? Good luck but remember the minimum is 24 inches.
“followed by a dram of Glencadam 21”
What the hell is a dram? Is hat some sort of Euro commie shit?
No, It’s a real unit of measure from a real system of measures.
It’s for measuring volume of Scotch.
Oh. Well that’s easy. They should just say glass, half full.
Four ounces? That’s a wee bit more than a dram.
/guy who lost his shot glasses
Measure? Why? You just pour some in a glass and drink.
I have to assume he’s at a bar and they bill by the unit.
As in, “Dram! You call that a glass of Scotch? Keep pouring!”
“Tell me when.”
“Till I’m drunk.”
Going to do any waltzing? Eat some pastries?
We would attend various family functions when I was a kid. This being the eighties in the Midwest, it meant that quite a few in attendance were my Eastern European uncles of varying degrees of separation. Believe me without question when I tell you that there is absolutely no worse stench in the world than what you experience when walking into a bathroom after a 65 year old Polack slathered in Old Spice had just used it.
+1 Poo Pourri
In keeping with the theme, yet possibly the greatest poop story I’ve ever read.
I think we need to hit that mf’n theme music!
Look upon these stories and despair.
That was delightful.
the scent of someone taking a shit in the wildflower meadow of a pine forest
I’ve never understood the attraction of perfumed poop odor. Do people think it actually helps?
Is a match better?
My Grandmother used to say “burn a rag!”
“Burn a rag”. I wonder what the etymology is behind that? I guess it could just be a unique phrase of hers.
It seems to. My theory is that some smells (like phosphorous) deaden the olfactory sense while sweet scents activate it — making the unpleasant odors worse.
I am not a biologist of any kind so am likely completely wrong.
Exhaust fan FTW.
This thread has really went way down hill.
From a Hat and Hair story?!
That is the direction shit rolls.
He sounds like he’s down in the dumps.
BURN THE HERETIC
https://pjmedia.com/trending/a-transgender-hero-breaks-ranks/
OT from the poo fest: Has anyone ever used bitters for mixed drinks? The local watering hole makes a fantastic Manhattan that uses some brand – I’ll have to ask the bartender – that turns the drink into something that approaches the gates of heaven. It’s like the days when I used to smoke – that feeling of a hard drag when the smoke hits the back of the throat.
Yes, I use just run of the mill Angostura bitters in an old fashioned.
I like Peychauds, Angostura and Fee Brothers. They are all excellent, and very different.
I was going to pick up a bottle of Angostura – seems to be the go-to brand.
I use a walnut bitter. It’s fantastic. Running up to check name…Fee Brothers Black Walnut bitters. Excellent.
much thanks – getting into whiskey / bourbon drinks lately. I must be turning into an old man because the idea of drinking beer (at least in large qtys) doesn’t have the same appeal as it used to.
Ugh. Same. I will hit local store for a unique beer or two a week. No more six packs. I’d rather take the calories from whiskey than an iffy beer.
Yes. Some of the local cocktail bars make their own bitters. I generally keep the Angostura standard, orange bitters, and a small bottle from one of the local cocktail bars. Bitters are like the salt of cocktails. You can make a decent meal without it, but it’ll be flat. To make a great cocktail, you need to use the right amount and the right type.
Bitters are one of those odd products (like extracts) that can be sold in grocery stores that otherwise aren’t allowed to sell highly ethanolic liquids. I’m sure the cost keeps them from being a way for juveniles to get drunk, but do you have any idea if there would be any health issues if the attempt were made?
I don’t see why not, bittering agents are rarely toxic at those concentrations. I doubt it would be a fun way to get drunk, but probably not much worse than drinking Listerine back when it was 100 proof.
I remember getting carded long ago when trying to buy bitters and getting the sale cancelled because I was underage. No problem buying vanilla or other extracts.
I doubt it, as I’m sure the ingredients are all food safe. And you can do shots of it (although there are much better tasting things to do shots of). It would be one hell of an expensive drunk though, as most bitters are only in the 90 proof range or so.
I had an old fashioned recently that used black pepper demerara syrup and Trinity bitters.
It was spectacular.
I usually have Angostura on hand. I think it is always a solid choice.
Angostura is fairly standard, like everyone is saying. Fee Brothers also makes a Cherry Bitters that is very good in a Manhattan.
Another tasty trick is rehydrating dried cherries in the rye or bourbon you normally use and putting a few of them on a spear instead of a Maraschino cherry. Just keep a little jar of them around, they basically last forever.
Instead of the chair, I squeeze a piece of orange rind over the cocktail and rub the rim with it.
F’ing autocorrect. “Cherry”.
Getting hit with a chair is a traditional chaser for a pan galactic gargle blaster on some worlds.
+1slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick
You can also flame the orange peel by twisting it over a flame, then char it with a torch to add some more flavor as well.
Peychaud’s for rye, Angostura for bourbon. A Manhattan would be Rye, sweet vermouth and two dashes of Peychaud’s. At least that, what goes in my glass.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/02/mitch-mcconnell-senate-green-new-deal-vote/amp
Vanity Fair sez: Green New Deal actually popular!
Who did they poll and what was the question asked?
They polled all the “men” who read Esquire and asked “Do you support the New Green Deal or are you a Nazi?”
“This poll sponsored by Gillette: ‘Buy our razors, misogynist'”
Damn, this joke sucks now, because it’s from Vanity Fair, not Esquire. Screw this. I’m out of here
Of 100 LA residents polled.
Q: Do you want to die from climate change? Please answer yes or no.
The hot dog cart operator outside their Manhattan building re: whether he has mustard.
“Do you support the full implementation of the Green New Deal in exchange for a $5 Billion funding for Donald Trump’s wall with Mexico?”
>>Trump isn’t necessarily the political genius he imagines himself to be
But somehow he became president even though he was outspent. Damn those Rooshinz!
They found Pavlov’s secret experiments in mind control.
I don’t know what Trump is. I’ve learned to stop even judging after I was so horribly, horribly wrong before the Trumpening.
He beat out people who have planned most of their lives to run for president. Ted Cruz, Hillary, and a host of others. They didn’t just end up in that situation. Trump is a guy who was taking a shit one day and said why the fuck not do it as more than a publicity stunt this time and won.
No, he’s floated the idea at least twice since the 80s. I didn’t think he’d go through with it this time, and I don’t think he did, either, but then he started gathering momentum and said, “Go big or go home.”
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
Sadly, I had to go home.
Major Western Cities Becoming Uninhabitable Hellholes.
http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/rats-public-defecation-and-open-drug-use-our-major-western-cities-are-becoming-uninhabitable-hellholes
It’s the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.
HEY Q…..I AM ALREADY LIVING….IN AN “UNIHABITABLE” “HELLHOLE”
https://archive.is/2K5fT/4902a99848cccfaba77807896347eb2a1ffd4f5d
Thank you for that.
>>First, the obvious: The Denver City Council has voted unanimously to decriminalize a number of offenses, including defecating in public. Also, urinating in public. Camping on public or private land without permission. Panhandling. And lying across public rights-of-way, such as sidewalks.
Germans happiest.
Say what?
Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.
Don’t judge the unwilling to work! It’s not their fault!
https://www.wired.com/story/green-new-deal-just-vague-audacious-goal-we-need/amp
Wired likes the Green New Deal:
Bonus slobbering over China
>>but they serve as organizing principles to marshal the resources of more than a billion people.
Yikes. Gulag and mass starvation here we come.
Progressives seem to have all but given up on restraining themselves from saying the quiet parts out loud.
WW2 was a war that needed to be fought, but god damn if it didn’t fuck this country up mentally. Not in a PTSD sort of way, but in the top men really know what they’re fucking doing sort of way. It cemented big government progressivism as the core of American politics upon which all other aspects of ideology would grow. The big ideas that made this country didn’t fucking come from an entrenched government implementing policy in a top down manner.
Yes it did: Conscription and the War Economy made central planning look good. And how do deal with the veterans?
Don’t forget WWI and the Civil War as well.
Remember all of those people that took bullshit classes and majored in anything that didn’t involve math and science? A cat shit in their ear and now they insist on making policy about economics and science.
The less you know about something the easier it looks.
So slavery is back end Vogue? A billion Chinese want a word…….
His bio reads like a bullshit artist’s.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zachary_Karabell
But this tidbit stuck out:
Previously, he was President of Fred Alger & Company, a broker-dealer, as well as Executive Vice-President, Chief Economist and Portfolio Manager at Fred Alger Management, a New York-based investment management firm.
Who in their right fucking mind would invest in anything this asshole picks?
There was a prolong spssssssssst of an aerosol can and the scent of someone taking a shit in the wildflower meadow of a pine forest wafted into the Oval Office.
Ah, so you’ve been to my office.
Shit at home, people.
Great line, though.
I get payed hourly. I prefer to get paid to shit.
Dude, I don’t want that shit in my house!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_Publications
Starting to wonder if the old quote about “capitalists selling the rope that will hang them” may have been right after all…
Ram Owner Named Assman Sticks It to The Man
A true
AmericanCanadian Hero.And a twit from California refuses to yield.
Warren Terra
@warren__terra
I’m sorry for anyone burdened with a difficult to explain name but the government is right and he is wrong. His name is identical to a sexist and misogynist term and its public display without explanation and context is offensive, and not something the government should abet.
Sounds like she got sand in her Regina.
Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.
Assuming that “ASSMAN” is only about male-on-female attraction? How heteronormative of you, shitlord.
Canadians are really bored, aren’t they?
“Dick Assman” Really? ‘Hi, I’m Dick Assman’. I totally WOULD NOT burst out laughing at that, because I’m a nice guy.
Isn’t there a David Asman that works for Fox news?
I had a good friend: Dick Hoar… Jr.
TX drills up more oil than in 1970s
Huh, isn’t that something. I was assured in the 1970s that we’d be totally out of oil within a decade.
Again
Have *any* of the scarcity predictions come true?
Well, let’s see…
Running out of oil in a decade? Nope.
Population bomb? Nope.
Global warming killing us? Nope.
I think it’s just Nope all the way down.
Ozone layer… whales… rain forest…
The Whale Wars guys decided it was more important to sue the hell out of each other than save the whales, so…
My favorite bumper sticker from the early ‘80s was “Nuke the gay, Iranian whales”.
Come on now, who can forget acid rain? It was going to burn us all down to skeletons!
RIP: NASA rover finally bites the dust on Mars after 15 years
It was the same aliens what killed them 2 satellites! Ya’ll don’t think Martians built the pyramids? You’ve been tricked by those Bilderburgermeisters and the lizards!
The lizards are for real man! Haven’t you seen V?
We’re All Gonna Die Man!
Where is Mr.Lizard anyways?
I’ll take two copies of your newsletter.
SPACE SMITH RAPE ROVER RAPE ROVER LET HYPERION COME OVER