Saturday Night Open Post, The SugarFree Way

by | Mar 16, 2019 | Open Post | 457 comments

 

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

-“The Call of Cthulhu” H. P. Lovecraft, 1928

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

457 Comments

  1. DEG

    I have no words.

  2. OneOut

    My eyes !! My eyes !!!

  3. Suthenboy

    “Everyone wants to know their future…until they do.”

    Don’t remember who and just posting it because of the Lovecraft quote.

    Thanks for that image SF. Thanks a lot.

  4. Nephilium

    And there goes the Family Friendly seal.

    • Playa Manhattan

      If we haven’t lost it by now, we’re never going to lose it.

  5. Not Adahn

    At some point in the construction of the island fortress, I will have to set up a factory to produce these for my mook corps.

    • Bob Boberson

      Can I borrow one for a sec? I need to lobotomize myself after seeing that image.

    • mikey

      Gimme a bit before I click on any more links around here.

  6. slumbrew

    JFC.

    I hit the ‘next post’ arrow, so I had no forewarning.

    There, I am insane now.

  7. Tres Cool

    O.
    M.
    G_d.

  8. LJW

    Just gouged my eyes out. They’ll grow back, right???!

    • Nephilium

      Depends on how far into madness you’ve gone.

      • Tres Cool

        And here I was expecting this.

      • Nephilium

        If I was going that route, this would be a better song pick I think.

      • Count Potato

        Hah, guessed it.

  9. Sean

    I hate you.

  10. The Hyperbole

    Could use some Alt-text, other than that it’s perfect.

    • SugarFree

      The image with worth a thousand alt-texts.

      • Libertesian

        So it’s gonna be one of those nights, eh?

  11. Bob Boberson

    Dude. I mean,…I just…..dude.

  12. mikey

    HM has some catchin’ up to do!

    No, that’s not a challenge.

  13. Grumbletarian

    Help us, Obiwan Qnobi, you’re our only hope!

  14. Playa Manhattan

    Sure, I’m confused. Maybe even a little aroused.

    • Tres Cool

      take away the photoshop job, and she’s what I’d call “petite”.
      I do like the stretch marks tho’.

    • Spudalicious

      So would you be fucking Pie, or getting a blowjob from The Donald?

      • SugarFree

        “YUUUUUGE!” she queefed.

      • The Hyperbole

        What exactly is that? A Trunt? a Dongina?

      • Suthenboy

        Clearly the blowjob is to be had from tittyfucking.

      • SugarFree

        If a woman has a man’s face for a vulva, is it gay to have sex with the mouthgina?

      • Spudalicious

        Or would oral sex mean you’re french kissing a dude?

      • SugarFree

        And what, oh what, is the anus?

      • Spudalicious

        From the photo, that’s just a plain ole’ anus. We’re pretty safe taking that route. That’s just old fashioned sodomy.

      • SugarFree

        Just kidding. We know it’s a sea urchin mouth.

      • Spudalicious

        Now I’m just confused. And a little nauseous.

      • Suthenboy

        So what do you call it when you get a chubby and puke at the same time?

      • Spudalicious

        A chukey?

      • Suthenboy

        What I should have said is “If you get a chubby and puke at the same time the problem isnt with the other party.”

      • BakedPenguin

        A night out at Hooters.

      • Fourscore

        I’m afraid to go to sleep tonight. Is this what a bad rip on LSD is like?

      • Spudalicious

        Only if you’re also drunk.

      • Playa Manhattan

        False choice. Flip and go from behind.

      • Spudalicious

        So, bang the sea urchin.

      • Playa Manhattan

        And now you understand the need for a 55 gallon drum of lube.

  15. Nephilium

    So, as a palette cleanser have some overzealous Congressional asshole.

    And here’s some beers other than the ubiquitous Guinness, Harp, and Smithwick’s to look for tomorrow.

    • Bob Boberson

      Why not just bring back prohibition entirely? It worked so well before. And it would ELIMINATE drunk driving, right?

      • Nephilium

        They fucked that up by doing it the right way the first time (Constitutional amendment), they can’t just do it simply anymore.

    • Spudalicious

      You are a friggin’ anti-American communist. When you culturally appropriate a holiday that the country we appropriated it doesn’t celebrate, you need to follow the subscribed formula. Corned beef and cabbage, Irish whisky and GUINNESS!!! Hell, I even cook my corned beef in Guinness.

      • Nephilium

        Piss off, I’ve been grabbing the pub packs of Guinness for the past couple of weeks (comes out to $10 for 8 cans and a glass with a rebate). It is the near perfect beer for all day drinking, but by mid-morning, I’ll be switching to something with some more flavor.

        And damn it, at some point tomorrow, I’m going to need to try this.

        /raises his glass of Green Spot towards Spud

      • Bob Boberson

        Guinness is on its way to becoming my go-to beer. More and more often I find myself forgoing the craft selections and getting a draft Guinness because I know I’ll never be disappointed.

      • Nephilium

        In my neck of the woods, the current Great Lakes (or Fathead’s) seasonal is my go to if I’m in a bar that I’m not sure about the cleanliness of the tap lines. Because I know those have changed over recently (assuming the seasonal is actually in season), or I just stick to bourbon.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Guinness is my backup beer. I don’t bring it home or order it unless there’s nothing else, then I go to it because I know I’ll never be disappointed.

        The local Scottish ale is getting the most play time out on the town. I suspect the Winter Ale is almost done for the year. Oban14 tonight: in a reflective mood.

      • Spudalicious

        We’ll need a review of that beer.

        I do have a bottle of Redbreast 15 for tomorrow.

        On a side note, I prefer the Cascade Single Hop IPA to the Galaxy. The Galaxy is more bitter and doesn’t have as good a flavor profile. Starting the crash on the lager tomorrow.

        *raises empty Manhattan glass towards Neph*

      • slumbrew

        Manhattan? That’s a good idea.

        On a related note – I had dinner at the Harvard Club last night (it was a gift, long-ish story) – food was very good, but they don’t use Luxardo cherries. That is bullshit.

      • Spudalicious

        I don’t use cherries. I go the orange peel route.

      • slumbrew

        Orange peel is good, but the cherries keep. I don’t eat enough oranges to have peel handy.

      • C. Anacreon

        I assume you mean the Harvard Club in NYC? We had our wedding reception there only 23 years ago. We were back not long ago and had Thanksgiving dinner there.

      • CPRM

        Just to point out, Doc C here got that custom avatar by becoming a Patron. Just pointing that out…I’ll suck your cock make you a cartoon for $10!

      • slumbrew

        Boston, Bay Bay (the original, I think). I’ve also been to the downtown location for a wedding, which has amazing views.

        My wife has been to the NYC HC many times for work – it’s much bigger and fancier.

      • Nephilium

        Any review will be short, as I’ll be at least a half dozen pints in at that point.

        On the hop front, I’m a big fan of Citra, 7 C’s (Falconer’s Flight), Mosaic, and Simcoe for flavor and aroma. For bitterness, I generally use Magnum. For English ales, I’ll go towards Fuggle, and German towards Tettnanger. Saaz I use in my saison and lambics (where the hops are just there to counterbalance the malt).

        /cracks the bottle of Teeling Small Batch

      • Spudalicious

        I just ordered a couple of kits from BB. I don’t remember what I picked.

      • DEG

        Mmmmm… Teeling’s.

      • Timeloose

        I’ve got a bottle of that and some redbreast 12.

      • Nephilium

        Off the top of my head, for the Irish, I’ve got: Tullamore Dew, Tullamore Dew Warehouse Edition, Jameson Caskmates Stout, Redbreast Cask Strength, Midleton’s Very Rare, Teeling, and Writer’s Tears.

        /may have a collection problem

      • Sean

        That Caskmates stout is pretty tasty.

      • l0b0t

        That Teeling is on sale at my local bottle jobber. I picked one up after seeing it recommended here. It’s quite delicious. I haven’t tasted Irish whiskey in, likely, 3 decades and was shocked by the sweetness at first but it sure go down smooth.

      • Nephilium

        That’s the whole point of Irish whiskeys. Light sweetness, and easy drinking. Glad you enjoy it as well.

      • Ted S.

        The problem is, it’s still beer. 😉

      • DEG

        Saint Patrick’s Day in Ireland.

        I was amused by this part:

        The shortest St. Patrick’s Day parade in the world formerly took place in Dripsey, County Cork. The parade lasted just 23.4 metres and traveled between the village’s two pubs. The annual event began in 1999, but ceased after five years when one of the two pubs closed

      • Nephilium

        That’s epic. Cleveland’s been doing St. Patrick’s day for a while now. I’ll try to snap a couple of pictures of the Boys From County Hell (Pogues cover band) while they’re sober in the morning (they do shows all day), and East 4th in the mid morning. Too bad it’s going to be in the fucking 30’s tomorrow, I miss the year it was 70 on St. Paddy’s.

      • egould310

        When I was a child, in the 1970’s I went to some freezing St Patricks Day parades in Cleveland. And the next day would be in shorts and a tshirt.Springtime in Cleveland….

      • Nephilium

        Yep, layers are a good idea in March, you never know what the difference is going to be between morning and afternoon.

      • slumbrew

        HTF does 1m cost $5,000? The story has to be long – even looking at the picture, it’s clearly longer than a meter.

      • Jarflax

        That is the width you are seeing. They built a full width motorway 1 meter long.

      • C. Anacreon

        When you culturally appropriate a holiday that the country we appropriated it doesn’t celebrate

        Couldn’t the same be said for Cinco de Mayo?

      • CPRM

        Hence the Carona drinking on hard shell tacos on May 5th.

      • CPRM

        Hence the Carona drinking on and hard shell tacos on May 5th.

        I’ve been awake too long.

      • Spudalicious

        This guy gets it.

      • Jarflax

        Why are you drinking Italian lake towns?

    • Bob Boberson

      “Such technology must not hassle the sober driver. It also must be small, quick, noninvasive, accurate, reliable, repeatable, foolproof, durable and easy to maintain. And, of course, it must have the public’s support.”

      None of those attributes are in the government’s wheelhouse and they sure as shit will ram it down our throats whether we want it or not.

      • l0b0t

        Hey! You’ve just expressed why I have no interest in driverless cars.

    • BakedPenguin

      So, as a palette cleanser have some overzealous Congressional asshole.

      Damn, I thought you might have found AOC on a political Fappening.

      Although, Barbara Boxer or Feinstein would be more appropriate for this thread.

  16. Spudalicious

    This is the worst chatroom. Ever.

  17. Timeloose

    “Liberate Te Ex Infernis”

  18. blackjack

    Is this a supermodel from the future? You know after we run out of food?

    • Spudalicious

      After we run out of food, she’ll be the first one on a spit.

  19. slumbrew

    If I refresh when my wife is walking by she’ll have… questions.

    • Playa Manhattan

      It’s time to have the conversation.

    • SugarFree

      “I guess my body will just never be enough for you, will it?”

    • Spudalicious

      We all live a secret life on the Glibs.

      • Suthenboy

        There are definitely inside jokes here galore. I tried explaining the STEVE SMITH meme to my wife.
        Her response: “That’s not funny.” *flat voice*

      • Spudalicious

        And that’s why female Libertarians are mythical. Most women don’t consider farts to be funny either.

      • SugarFree

        There’s nothing funny about fartrape.

      • Spudalicious

        Which one of you is this?

        “This woman, needs her ass fist fucked by Freddy Krueger. You know why? Because no one else wants to fuck her, you know why? Because her pussy stinks, trust me, I know. You know why I know? Becusse I know her personally.”

      • Rhywun

        I’m really the only adult here, aren’t I?

      • Sean

        No. You’re Tulpa.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Do you own a car?

      • Rhywun

        N… No?

      • MikeS

        You and Festus.

      • Nephilium

        Well, I think Fourscore counts as an adult, right?

      • slumbrew

        Lachowsky works in a steel mill. I think that automatically makes him an adult.

      • MikeS

        Lachowsky works in a steel mill. I think that automatically makes him an adult.

        Oh, you mean the guy with the cock-and-balls shaped wrench for an avatar? Yeah, he’s one of the adults.

      • slumbrew

        That just mean he’s a fan of Tool

      • Rhywun

        Lachowsky works in a steel mill.

        Yeah, that’s what he says.

      • slumbrew

        Evergreen

        (and problematic these days)

      • Not Adahn

        Evergreen goddammit.

      • Jarflax

        Can you buy us all beer?

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, sure kid. Gimme 20 bucks.

      • Nephilium

        /hands Rhywun a $20

        I’ll take a CBS or a 4-pack of WWS or 120 Minute.

      • Rhywun

        I’ll “be right back”.

        /has no idea what any of that is

      • Nephilium

        Fully expected…

        /all of them are more then $20.

      • Jarflax

        Nephilium, he isn’t coming back with the beer or your $20.

      • Nephilium

        Jarflax: I figured it was worth the risk.

        /goes back into the cellar, looks over the beer that’s there, shrugs.

      • Old Man With Candy

        We all live a secret life on the Glibs.

        Except me. My wife knows all about this, and never lets me forget that.

      • Jarflax

        Your wife, whose favorite Glib is SugarFree?

      • Old Man With Candy

        It’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma, that’s for sure.

  20. Jarflax

    How does SugarFree convert souls to money?

    • Bob Boberson

      The souls are the currency

    • Ted S.

      With a (((money-lender)))?

      • Spudalicious

        As always, the answer is “Joohs”.

  21. Mojeaux

    And y’all are hesitant to click on my links. One “Sneaky Snake” and I’m a pariah. Sheesh.

    • slumbrew

      We’re grading on a curve. We just expect better from you. SugarFree is beyond redemption.

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, and people complain about my music links.

    • Tres Cool

      Heya Mojo-
      The other day someone here linked this article, and for some reason her voice made me think of you. The whole thing made me giggle like the drooling moron I am, tho. Prolly cause I once bought a suit of armor.

      /props to OP

      • Mojeaux

        LOL I love her and I’ve read that post a gazillion times. I love it, and thank you. It’s a high honor to be thought of in the context of the Bloggess.

      • Spudalicious

        That’s friggin’ hilarious.

      • slumbrew

        That was me – she can be hysterically funny. She suffers from pretty serious depression, so some of her posts are sad but well worth following.

      • Old Man With Candy

        That is superb. Much laughing here.

  22. Bob Boberson

    Everytime I post or refresh I get a split second of that image and Pie’s earnest gaze. Each time its more unsettling than the last.

    • slumbrew

      I just turned on Tophat’s auto-refresh for just that reason.

  23. Sean

    I think “Mysteries of the abandoned” might be my new favorite tv show. It’s on the Science channel.

    Check it out.

    • Tres Cool

      Since today is my “off day” and Im getting crunk on cheap beer for the first time in a couple weeks, Im into “Corner Gas” I think, thanks to Rufus.

  24. Agent Cooper

    Not enough AOC. Fail!

  25. one true athena

    * MY EYES * Good lord, where did you find that? No, never mind, I don’t want to know.

    I’ll repeat this in a few days, but if anyone from the Northern New Mexico area would like to meet up, the family will be on spring break vacation in ABQ and Santa Fe, March 29 – April 1. i can sneak off for an evening for meetup with glibs.

    athenaofprogtown at the Evilcompany mail

    • slumbrew

      He didn’t find it, it sprang fully formed from SugarFree’s forehead.

      • Tres Cool

        What you just did there- I noticed it.

      • one true athena

        GET YOUR OWN ORIGIN STORY MR FREE!

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      RATS! We’re going to be visiting my mom in Montana on those dates.

  26. Agent Cooper

    Hey – question for SP – Is there a way to get WordPress to catalog user activity so I could basically search my own comments? I like sniffing my own farts, so this would be the online equivalent.

    • Playa Manhattan

      Uh oh. New job? Background check?

      • Spudalicious

        Somebodies in trouble…

      • Playa Manhattan

        Some people don’t appreciate the hive of scum and villainy.

      • Tres Cool

        While I understood the general idea of “cataloging user activity” like a database or some shit, the only thing that really resonated with me was farts.

      • Playa Manhattan

        St. Paddy’s Day is no time to be appreciating farts.

      • Spudalicious

        I think it’s going to be a rough night on the Glibs. That, or we’ll all be drunk and unconscious in about 90 minutes.

      • Playa Manhattan

        The script has already written itself.

        I went over to my brother’s this morning to walk down to the parade. Mimosas with cheap champagne.

        It gave me a headache, so now I have no choice but to keep drinking until the day is over.

      • Spudalicious

        Yeah, I opened the day at one of our spots on the rotation. A pint with a Bahn Mi wrap. A break in the afternoon to get some yard work and errands done, and now celebrating the arrival of early spring on a glorious day.

      • Sean

        Yeah…the second bit is quite believable.

      • Rhywun

        I guess I should get started then.

      • Libertesian

        1st beer of the evening: 12.9% ABV
        2nd beer of the evening: 13.9% ABV

        It’s shaping up to be a short evening…

      • Nephilium

        I knew I was in trouble last night when the dive bar (with a good beer selection) that the Tossers was playing at still had Hopslam on tap… and at $6 a PINT.

      • Agent Cooper

        That seems too easy.

      • MikeS

        And more than a little bit creepy

      • Rhywun

        Not at all. It’s just restricting the usual google search to one site.

      • MikeS

        I guess. I just got a bad feeling seeing the power of Google.

        /Currently watching The Man In The High Castle

      • Rhywun

        You know how they say don’t put anything online you don’t want the world to see? They’re not kidding. Google works by crawling around every page on the internet and indexing all of it.

      • MikeS

        No, I know how it works. It’s just good to get a reminder once in a while.

      • Festus

        I tried that and my images came up with STEVE SMITH, Zed And Jesse. Hrrm….

    • Agent Cooper

      Sorry, but no, not that exciting.

      Just wanted to be able to recall what I’ve said and when I said it. Or if there’s continued conversation on an older thread. That kind of stuff.

      • Festus

        I giggled like a Japanese schoolgirl at some of my past comments. I really shouldn’t be allowed on this site after too many beers. Maybe an interlock device for my lap top?

      • Spudalicious

        I picture a breathalyzer with a USB cable.

      • CPRM

        Probably mandatory in the EU.

  27. slumbrew

    Is SugarFree covered by DSM-5 or is he sui generis?

      • slumbrew

        I’m not quite seeing that; the lack of amnesia is a big tip-off – SF is fully cognizant of the horror he unleashes on us.

    • Ted S.

      We’ve got a poster who’s suisse generis….

  28. Nephilium

    Alright, I’ve got beer and whiskey. Time for the ultimate St. Practice day move.

    “Rosaries aren’t used that way”

    /Morbo voice

    • Tejicano

      I like that you are using today as practice.

      • Nephilium

        As was explained by an old friend of mine (Irish George, who was Vietnamese): “As it’s a Catholic holiday, it’s rightfully a trilogy: St. Practice Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and St. Recovery day.”

  29. Tulip

    Something is wrong with you.

    • Nephilium

      Here? That could be directed to almost any of us.

    • Spudalicious

      Wow. Look at Tulpa getting all indignant up in here.

      • BakedPenguin

        Tulipa?

      • slumbrew
    • Tulip

      Directed at SugarFree. And I say that as a fan of Subaru Horror and the Hat and the Hair. But, this? Something wrong with you.

      • Tres Cool

        I shared “Subaru Horror” with a couple friends for Halloween. They still treat me….differently.

      • Tulip

        I love Subaru Horror. I will never watch tv ads the same way again. Really creative and funny.

      • Ted S.

        Why is everybody kink-shaming SF?

      • Mojeaux

        It’s not that he’s got the kink. It’s that he wants to share it with everybody else.

      • Spudalicious

        So he also has the exhibitionist kink?

      • Spudalicious

        *polite clap*

      • Libertesian

        Q does that every day, and nobody seems to mind (much).

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t click Q’s links. SF has a way of sneaking up on people and scaring the shit out of them.

      • slumbrew

        SF can post images, while the rest of us can’t. SF is also the reason the rest of us can’t post images.

      • Ted S.

        Are you calling Swiss nobody?

      • Libertesian

        Nah

      • Rhywun

        Oh my God. Talk about problematic.

    • slumbrew

      Hey, the ‘T’ in ‘TULIP’ is for Total Depravity

      • Jarflax

        Total Depravity
        Ultimate Degradation
        Limitless Evil
        Infinite Misandry
        Permanent Perversity

    • SugarFree

      “But, but, but… where are your nipples?” Tulip asked, his voice quavering.

      “We ate them,” the left breast croaked.

      “Ate them, ate them,” the right breast echoed.

      “They were delicious.”

      “Delicious.”

      Tulipa screamed, bending over his erection, waves of pain lapping at his stomach like a hungry dog.

      • Sean

        I hate you. Sorry…not sorry.

      • Tulip

        Not a guy.

      • SugarFree

        You will be when Sarah is finished with you.

  30. Warty

    This takes a non-trivial amount of effort to masturbate to.

    • Not Adahn

      If you’re not making a non-trivial effort when masturbating you’re only cheating yourself.

    • Jarflax

      Not really, just tape a centerfold over the monitor.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      For you.

      This was my proudest fap.

  31. blackjack

    Ancestry.com says I’m 1/4 Irish, which explains my appetite for beer and whisky. Oddly, my Italian side is spread out around southern Europe. My Italian grandfather seemed the most culturally authentic. He drove a 1966 Lincoln continental and had switchblades and drank gallons of wine. He went to prison during ww2. He cooked the best Wop food I’ve ever tasted, making sausage and pasta from scratch. He actually had a spider monkey in his apt. for awhile (until it destroyed the place.) He died of chirosis in the late seventies. I thought for sure I’d get 25 percent Sicily, but noooo, 6% Malta and 4 percent Greece.

    • Ted S.

      Didn’t the Greeks settle Sicily?

      • Nephilium

        It wasn’t the Greeks.

        I expected better from you Ted.

      • slumbrew

        Again, I would have been disappointed by any other link.

      • Nephilium

        /bows

        I can’t think of anything else when some tells me they’re Sicilian now. That’s how you know a scene is epic.

      • slumbrew

        I wish there had been further Tony Scott / Tarantino collaborations. In many ways it’s my favorite “Tarantino” movie.

      • Nephilium

        I agree, while I love Reservoir Dogs, True Romance is the movie I recommend first for people who haven’t seen a Tarantino movie. I’m still undecided as to which is the better ending though. CPRM, you around to throw your thoughts in on this?

      • slumbrew

        It was, of course, the Moops.

      • Ted S.

        You know how often I watch movies made after I was born?

    • Nephilium

      I have no interest in sending my DNA in to get testing as accurate as astrology, but my sister did. I should ask her how much of mutts it came back with at some point. I’m aware of at least four countries that my ancestors came from.

      • blackjack

        Don’t be so sure. They give a list of possible relatives and half of them have my grandparents last names. There’s no way for them to have that from my name. I really don’t care either, but my wife pushed for it for her and my adopted kid, so I sent in mine too. I’m only worried it’ll get my crazy assed brother busted for some non-trivial crime he might have been involved with…

      • Nephilium

        Here’s the story I was thinking of with the joke. The girlfriend did it as both of her parents were adopted, and she wanted to know where her ancestors came from for some reason. Those tests did lead to a running joke with a friend of mine. He’s got an almost stereotypical Irish last name, is Catholic, and his sister did Ancestory’s test. It came back close to 100% German, with no Irish at all.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, fake news. It says Italian, but neither of those girls have a mustache.

        Anyway, yeah, my wife is adopted and we adopted our son. Something about being adopted makes it a bigger deal. I just go with it.

      • Nephilium

        No worries man, it’s St. Practice Day.

      • Tulip

        My mom is into genealogy so I don’t need to send in DNA. But, she found a will where a middle child is specifically disinherited but no reason was given. The genealogy group she’s involved with sent in DNA. They found that those descended from the middle child are different from the other children. Also, the middle child was born while the man was off fighting during the civil war. So, apparently not his kid and since everyone knew, no need to spell it out in the will.

    • straffinrun

      I keep sending them vials of cum, but they never give me my results.

      • Bob Boberson

        Ok, I larfed.

      • Not Adahn

        They prefer quart jars to get good results.

      • blackjack

        Careful, they might send a bill for child support.

      • Jarflax

        You are assuming it’s his cum

      • Tres Cool

        I….you…..nevermind…that’s….something else

      • straffinrun

        Runoff from irrigating Winston’s mom.

      • LJW

        Your test results came back you got 2 A’s, a B and a C

      • straffinrun

        Sweet! (That is uncannily close to my entire college experience.)

      • Spudalicious

        Quantity is too small.

  32. J. Frank Parnell

    Nation Unsurprised As Ocasio-Cortez Comes Out Against Thoughts

    Ocasio-Cortez tweeted that thoughts and prayers don’t do anything, but most people stopped reading after the word “thoughts” and nodded, not being surprised in the slightest that the congresswoman would be opposed to the concept of thinking in general.

  33. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Good thing I clicked the next article button whild on the Supreme overlord shitter. It was a quick lean over to the bathtub to revisit my dinner.

    • MikeS

      I’d say calling that group “less is more” is fake news. #1 was the best I saw before I called it quits.

  34. straffinrun

    Take my hands. Open your mind, open your mind, open your miiiiiind.

    • CPRM

      My brother was terrified of Kuato, we’d just say ‘Open your mind!” and he’d start freaking out.

      • straffinrun

        Calm him down by telling him to wrap a towel around his head. It’ll buy him some time.

      • CPRM

        It’s one of his favorite movies now, but back when it came out it was so much fun to freak him out. He also thought Eddie Murphey, who he confused with Freddy Kruger, lived in the basement.

  35. Chipping Pioneer

    CAN NOT UNSEE!

    • C. Anacreon

      Strangely enough, if you dress that woman in a mauve blouse and add owl glasses, she’s a dead ringer for the gal doing the sports on channel 3 right this minute.

  36. SugarFree

    To be clear, I did not make this. The internet puked it up at me. If I had a source, I would have cited it. And I would have invited them for an Ask Me Anything.

    • Jarflax

      Ask Me Anything is what you call marriage?

      • Jarflax

        Cause whoever created that is your soulmate

      • SugarFree

        People only play AMA with me once.

      • C. Anacreon

        Fucking medical association.

    • straffinrun

      99% sure it was made by Satan.

      • Spudalicious

        Also known as SugarFree’s alter ego.

      • straffinrun

        Wait, wouldn’t that make SF an angel?

      • Spudalicious

        Just to turn the mindfuck to 11, yes, SugarFree is a fallen angel.

      • Jarflax

        Satan is of this Cosmos. SugarFree is from outside, where dread Cthulhu lies dreaming.

      • mindyourbusiness

        What I wanna know is, where’d he find a pic of Shub-Niggurath?

        On second thought…

    • BakedPenguin

      I think they had a South Park episode – Asspen as an inspiration, although they did make it far more horrific.

  37. Jarflax

    So I really want a drink right now, but after the past couple of days if I have one I may wake up Monday sore, confused, and in another city. Not being coy, just family stuff I can’t share details about because once again I selected my handle unwisely.

    • Nephilium

      Sorry man. I got drafted into some domestic dispute shite last night. I hope it all works out for you, and apologize if I’m a bad influence on you at this point.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        This is the 2nd biggest reason I don’t want to move back to Dallas. #1 is the weather/climate/(lack of) scenery, #2 is because we’d get looped into family drama on a regular basis. A bit of physical distance does our relationship with my in-laws a ton of good.

      • Jarflax

        Oh it’s not really that sort of drama just stressful worrying health/age stuff, that is forcing me to face some universal, but unwelcome truths. No one is doing anything wrong, but they are an extremely private person and would not appreciate me putting details out there.

      • Nephilium

        Understood. Again, hope it all works out for you.

    • SugarFree

      I have an elaborate plan to fake my death if my elderly mother tries to move in with me.

      I hope everything gets better. Family stuff sucks.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        I have an elaborate plan to fake my death if my elderly mother tries to move in with me.

        My wife is convinced that if we ever move to a larger house that has an extra “guest” bedroom, within 6 months my mom will show up on our doorstep with all her shit saying “Hey, I’ve run out of money, I need to move in with you.”

    • CPRM

      Yeah, it was surprisingly easy to spot you when you did that thing at that place.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Spudalicious

      Because it was critical of a Mooslim. And that don’t go around here.

      • Jarflax

        It is obviously bigotry to attack a Muslim for decrying the disloyalty of the (((parasites))) subverting our country! That bigot attacked a downtrodden, powerless Muslim who risked everything to warn us of the danger of the Jew!

    • Rhywun

      Chelsea was clearly blindsided by direction her own party is moving. What a timeline.

    • Jarflax

      Why do you want a crisis to go to waste.

      • straffinrun

        My knee jerk reaction is a kick in the balls to slavers.

    • blackjack

      14 years for watching a video. It doesn’t even have any kiddy pron in it. Crazy. I guess we’re not far behind. Possession of a MAGA hat? Retweeted Ben Shapiro? It’s coming, any day…

      • straffinrun

        I’m guessing they do that so they have leeway to go as harsh as possible down to a slap on the wrist. Also, helps scare the shit out of people and take a plea.

      • Jarflax

        In other words police state. You can’t impose your will on law abiding folk without backlash, so make everyone a criminal.

      • straffinrun

        What temperature does a FB post burn at?

      • Count Potato

        That’s just nuts.

    • slumbrew

      Remember, it’s America that’s the authoritrian police state.

  38. CPRM

    I’m glad SF didn’t request I photoshop this.

  39. SugarFree

    Dammit. Why didn’t I title this post “At The Pudendum Of Madness”?

    L’esprit de l’escalier! You are a cruel mademoiselle!

    • Jarflax

      At the Mons of Madness is better

      • SugarFree

        I’m trying to cut down on alliteration. I started to have, well, a problem with it.

      • Jarflax

        I was thinking more of the wordplay, but I can definitely see how a carefully understated writer such as yourself, who depends on the subtle hinting at unseen horrors could find alliteration addictive.

      • CPRM

        My personal favorite is redundancy. One of my favorite lines I wrote was for a ‘spoof’ western (never produced) where the main character says he has ‘…a terrible thirst for liquids.’ Still craps me up. I’m a simple man.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        That’s wonderful.

        Right up there with “decapitated a foot”.

      • C. Anacreon

        Or, if my dick was an inch shorter, it would be a foot.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        “commence to begin” – Jed Clampett

        I collect tautology, but contemporary speech is so riddled with pointless restatement that it’s taken the air out it for me

      • CPRM

        I remember that one, I watched a lot of The Beverly Hillbillies in re-runs (heh, Rerun) growing up

      • l0b0t

        Jethro’s use of naught rather than zero never fails to make me giggle. “I’m gonna be a double-naught spy.

    • straffinrun

      Sarah Fuckamee Chamber

    • Libertesian
  40. Festus

    *Hank Hill voice* “Them stars ain’t right!”

  41. CPRM

    If SF can post this, why don’t I have the power to post my cartoons when I want?! I say we Glibs Unionize!! *Is crushed to death by some huge friggin guy Warty*

    • Jarflax

      SF is favored of SP. SP is the Goddess Regnant.

    • Nephilium

      /drags a potato on a string down CPRM’s street.

      • CPRM

        What’s the symbology there?

      • Nephilium

        SYMBOLISM! The word you’re looking for is SYMBOLISM!

      • CPRM

        You know what we need, man? Some rope.

      • Nephilium

        You and your fucking rope.

      • CPRM

        Is that so, Rambo?

      • Nephilium

        I’m the funny man!

      • CPRM

        I’ll have a Coke then.

      • Nephilium

        Where’s my cat?

      • CPRM

        *slaps Neph on the head* Fag!

      • Nephilium

        Just pour the drink you fairy fuck!

      • Jarflax

        As long as you have your potato when you die…

      • Spudalicious

        Potato racist.

  42. Hyperion

    OK. Well… our family friendly reputation really is shot this time.

    • blackjack

      Well, the Mansons were a family, and the Adams’s, Sly and his stones. Friendly in those circles, likely.

      • BakedPenguin

        Also, we have the Jacksons!

    • BakedPenguin

      Damn, makes me want to listen to some Who.

    • CPRM

      Oh, he was that guy that was on Sliders!

    • Chafed

      Good for Roger.

  43. Pope Jimbo

    Hoffa. Roseanne doesn’t look as bad naked as I had imagined.

    • Jarflax

      Is Hoffa the long lost version of Uffda?

      • Rhywun

        LOL I smell a new meme

    • Pope Jimbo

      Uffda. That is it. I’m suing someone over autocorrect not understanding such a basic word as uffda

      • straffinrun

        What is that from anyways? The sound you make when you get sucker punched in the gut?

      • Jarflax

        Probably the sound you make pulling your axe from the body of an Irish cleric. They weren’t always about hotdish and competitive niceness.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I learned it from the crusty old Norwegians I grew up around. I just accepted their word for it. I’m definitely not fucking with people who eat lifelike voluntarily.

      • BakedPenguin

        Did your autocorrect turn Gravlax into lifelike?

      • Jarflax

        I’ assumed lutefisk

      • straffinrun

        I assumed you meant brute fist.

      • BakedPenguin

        Goddammit

      • Jarflax

        Everyone on earth figured out a way to preserve food. Some went with salting; some went with smoking; you have sugar cures, vinegar pickling, and even sun drying. I only know of one group that went with “Dissolve it in lye.”

      • CPRM

        Hoffa had a summer house in the UP. Just sayin.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Are you even Scandinavian?

      • blackjack

        I’m 7 percent, apparently.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Vikings do have a way of getting their seed around.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, but still no O line.

      • CPRM

        Party Boats, Am I Right?!

  44. Hyperion

    I can never think of pie again. Pie is ruined for me, forever.

    • Ted S.

      What do you have against vampires?

    • Festus

      I found the image to be wholly without artistic merit or any redeeming aesthetic qualities yet, strangely intriguing. Yes SF, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter!

      • Hyperion

        I avert my eyes each time I post and the page refreshes.

      • Festus

        It’s like when you are dying a thousand deaths in anticipation of disaster and WHAM! it turns out to be even worse than you imagined. I am not inured, yet…

    • Hyperion

      “Rashida Tlaib Hugged Her ‘Brown Muslim Boys A Little Tighter”

      I’m a have to be honest here. They don’t look that brown to me. In fact, they’re as white as me. And that’s pretty damn white.

      • Rhywun

        It’s almost like “brown” really doesn’t refer to a color, but to a cudgel.

      • Festus

        “Brown Bodies”.

      • Rhywun

        The thing is, they pull this shit knowing it sets norms’ teeth on edge. She’s nothing more than a Twitter troll.

      • Festus

        “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!”

      • straffinrun

        Every time I read the FBI stats on violent crime, I hug my half white half Japanese daughter a little tighter.

      • Hyperion

        I can tan. So does that mean during this summer, I could be special for a while?

      • Bob Boberson

        Brownness is a social construct…er, wait…it’s immutable….not it’s…..wait I’m so confused.

    • CPRM

      Because a Team R critter hugging their White Christian boys would totally not cause conniption fits. would be a running joke about pederasty for months.

      • Festus

        +1 Santorum meme.

    • straffinrun

      “Know more than the number 49,” Tlaib wrote.

      Number gets a bit higher if you include drone strikes.

  45. Festus

    I posted above about using Google to search my comment history on Glibs and three of the images that popped up were STEVE SMITH, Zed and Jesse. Make of that what you will.

    • Nephilium

      I met Spicy when he was still with the band (and under 21). Nice guy, could drink like a fish, and was pissed that me and a friend kept buying pitchers for the table (we weren’t going to get picked up for some underage guy buying us beer). But, I was expecting this song.

      • CPRM

        I did play one Pogue’s song today. A cow orker who also DJs at bars was asking about songs and I was going to give him Sick Bed, but he thought he had enough after I gave him ‘If I should Fall from Grace with God’ and ‘Streams of Whiskey’

      • Nephilium

        Tomorrow morning will be fun, it’s always entertaining watching young kids sing along (and dance) to Pogues songs. Especially the Boys From County Hell.

      • CPRM

        Not the pogues, but I did play the Starlite singers version of 7 Drunken Nights today as well.

      • Nephilium

        Did it have the banned verses? Little thing between her legs, where my little thing should be?

      • CPRM

        No, I need my low paying job.

    • Festus

      Excellent PSA about beer goggles, not that I’ve ever been known to don them from time to time *scrubs memory of 1982-1989*

    • Rhywun

      Fun fact: they do the intro tune to Aussie Rules Friday nights. I hadn’t really heard of them before that.

      • slumbrew

        Dropkicks are local music royalty at this point. House of Blues on St. Patrick’s day – it’ll be a shitshow, in the best possible way.

  46. Tulip

    Fourscore: thanks for the retirement article. I am thinking about where to retire. I try vacationing in places I am thinking about, like Arizona or Florida. I make sure to visit during all seasons. So far, I think Florida is winning.

  47. Hyperion

    Look. In one part of the world, it got colder, or warmer, or both, and forced certain populations to adapt and migrate.

    Let me be clear here. That has NEVER happened before. Not even in the history of LIKE FOREVER!

    Muh climate change, herpity derpity herp durrrrr

    • Hyperion

      And Hyperion has never fubared a link befur

      nope

      • Rhywun

        Oh like they weren’t already “moving to the city”. Derpity doo indeed.

      • Jarflax

        Hey, don’t mock, Mongols moving to cities has sometimes been a very big deal!

      • Hyperion

        Well, then there’s that…

      • Festus

        Well ya see, in the past when Mongolian herders ran into a rough patch of climate they’d just migrate to more hospitable areas. It was totes natural and environmentally conscious and stuff, Man!

      • BakedPenguin

        Fubaring links is the main cause of CO2. I’ve got scientific data. Gonna write a paper on it.

    • BakedPenguin

      Appropriate for the thread, you SF’d the link.

      • Jarflax

        Does SF screw up the html code, or does the html code refuse to cooperate?

      • Festus

        A.I. confirmed.

      • Jarflax

        A.I. with a sense of self preservation is how we get Skynet, thanks a lot SF!

      • BakedPenguin

        Well, in a post just above this, I used the code around the “2” in CO2, and WordPress ignored it like AOC getting good economic advice.

      • BakedPenguin

        Dammit – “sub /sub code”

    • C. Anacreon

      Do you get extra points for SF’ing a link on a SugarFree post?

      • Hyperion

        I can summon SPACE SMITH on demand.

  48. Festus

    I want that image for my wallpaper. Does that make me a bad person? (letter to Prudie)

    • Jarflax

      Yes.

    • mikey

      Yes.

      • Festus

        *Drunkenly slurs* “Wait! Wait! I can esplain!

    • straffinrun

      Surprise for the coppers and their no knock raid?

    • CPRM

      Write it to Zardoz. I think he’ll have an answer for you.

      • Festus

        So it’s either a cleanse or the slavery. Good to know. Thanks ZARDOZ!

    • Hyperion

      “I want that image for my wallpaper. Does that make me a bad person? (letter to Prudie)”

      YES. This is one of those things there cannot be debate about.

  49. Rhywun

    Rangers v Wild here. It’s hard to believe there are actually a couple teams below the Rangers in the standings.

    • BakedPenguin

      Dundee’s the team to beat, mate.

    • Tundra

      Actually a pretty good game. Rangers will be way better two seasons from now.

    • Festus

      “Leaving NAMBLALAND”

    • straffinrun

      Mentioned this a few days ago, but I took it for granted MJ was a pedo. Makes you rethink your assumptions.

      • Festus

        He was weird dude that made shitty music. His predilection for the company of prepubescent boys was just the curly-cue on the Dairy Queen cone. I don’t know what the real story is but all signs point to buggery.

      • straffinrun

        I know I’d be even weirder than I am if I had MJ’s upbringing. Dudes life was so crazy that all I can do is look at the accusers and the veracity of their claims. Weak shit.

    • CPRM

      What about Blanket!?

    • Tulip

      This isn’t her first attempt. She seems pretty screwed up. Poor kid.

      • Tundra

        No kidding. Whoever desires fame is mentally ill.

      • CPRM

        Speaking of screwed up, how you doin? *waggles eyebrows, they don’t move together, it looks odd*

    • Rhywun

      I really have no opinion on this stuff. I don’t care; and I don’t understand why ghouls follow his damn kids around.

      • Jarflax

        ^ this. public figure status should not be imposed on the kids.

    • one true athena

      Paris herself tweeted that was fake as hell, so I doubt it. Just clickbait trash

      • straffinrun

        Dammit. TMZ lies to me AGAIN!?

      • CPRM

        And fucked up people never lie? (I don’t give a shit either way)

    • CPRM

      Got through 1 min, it was already clear he was mentally deficient, proceeded no farther.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yes, he’s mentally deficient, but he’s one of the smarter ones. he actually realized that solar and wind aren’t a solution.

      • Q Continuum

        I’ve seen that guy talk elsewhere. I respect him for actually using his mind and coming to independent conclusions. He’ll be unpersoned soon enough.

      • Festus

        Middle-aged man dressed like a hipster dufus. Hard pass, skinny jeans guy.

    • Q Continuum

      THICC edit faerie, help!

      • CPRM

        What’s with you guys and people who talk to dashcams webcams. Can’t you find anyone who actually does good videos?

      • slumbrew

        I detest that style. Write it down if you’re just going to bloviate into the camera.

      • CPRM

        You got no idea how much it pisses me off, but for me it’s not only about the style, but some jealousy, I’ll admit. I spend months crafting something and no one watches because I’m shit a branding, and they sit down and basically take a shit on camera, unedited get a million views.

      • Rhywun

        FWIW I don’t watch that stuff either. But I’m old.

      • Festus

        Kid’s been at for years. It’s uncanny how he can bloviate like that without edits.

    • Festus

      Thx Portly Trampoline Edit Faerie!

  50. Nephilium

    Good night you magnificent bastards. I’m off to get some sleep before starting the drinking tomorrow.

    • CPRM

      I hope you meat to say ‘continuing’ the drinking.

      • Festus

        Freudian slip?

      • CPRM

        I meat to say that! (I loved Get Smart, so classy)

      • Festus

        Barbara Feldon was my first on-screen crush. Made me me funny in the pee-pee area.

    • slumbrew

      Huh. Gun grabber using the actions of some lunatic to tar millions of responsible gun owners? Color me shocked.

      • C. Anacreon

        One of the Twitter responses actually said that 2A shouldn’t be valid because the founders owned slaves. I thought that was only a joke that there are people who think that way.

    • Festus

      “That’s a wood-chipperin”

  51. kinnath

    I come back from vacation. No glibs for 9 days. It’s late, and I’ve finished the last things I need to do on the computer. I should go to bed, but no let’s check glibs just to see what’s going on.

    Oh look, there’s a post from sugarfree. Let’s click . . .

    Serves me right I suppose.

    • Festus

      Sweat dreams, Kinnath!

  52. straffinrun

    Tonight’s installment of Hawt or Nawt?

    • slumbrew

      Option 3: Standard Japanese Weirdness

    • Festus

      How the fuck do you function in that morass of societal weirdness? The virgin/whore dichotomy is mind bending for us squares.

      • Festus

        *Posts comment and Pie pops up again* Nevermind.

      • straffinrun

        Heh. That’s why I’m not refreshing.

    • Lackadaisical

      Seems legit.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Somehow this makes sense with the article I just read on Kierkegaard and the despair of being human.

  53. Akira

    OT: Got back from “camping” (e.g. staying in rented cabin and having a bonfire outside) at a lake somewhat near Chillicothe, OH. Was a pretty good time; got wasted on Bulleit Bourbon at night and spent the afternoon throwing knives at a target.

    And this will sound weird: It was a good time, but I realized that I don’t really like travelling, and I don’t think I’ll attempt it anymore. I just get uncomfortable being away from home for too long, especially if it means not sleeping in my own bed.

    • C. Anacreon

      It’s not camping without Bulliet, that’s for sure. So easy to pass and swig around a campfire!

  54. Festus

    Holy Shit! Daughter #3 went in place of Daughter#1 with her Mom to some weird raffle at a brew pub and just won an all-inclusive trip to Ireland! If it wasn’t her I’d say “white slavers” but she seems to have the charm for raffles and such. Those girls were all born with a horseshoe up their bums.

    • Chafed

      Enjoy your trip. Pro tip: do not buy the timeshare they pitch.

      • Festus

        It’s actually 4 grand in voucher form. She can go wherever she likes but “fake Dad” ain’t crossing the border anytime soon.

  55. Festus

    Daughter#1 is in Disneyland right now.

  56. commodious spittoon

    I like good story-driven games but JFC Prey makes me salty like Witcher 3 used to. Oh my God am I angry about some of the choices the developers made. Listen, I like taking the time to clear out a map with the expectation that what little loot those couple mobs provide is worth it. But this fucking game just repopulates the levels, sometimes while you’re still clearing them out. Well, fuck you too, I guess I’ll go to youtube to figure out this fucking story. Fuck me for kinda enjoying the game you made until you made it totally unenjoyable, you stupid fucking assholes.

    • Festus

      I can’t play them. If I did my OCD would kick in and my computer room would become the Festus room. I’d swell up like Veruca Salt and they’d need a crew with chainsaws, prybars, haz-mat suits, Scott air packs and a forklift to ease my bloated corpus from the house.

      • Festus

        I’m not Agile Cyborg, by the by. Thanks for the back handed compliment yesterday. Bless your heart!