Bernie Sanders, at Fox News Town Hall, Says His Wealth Isn’t the ‘American Dream’
“Comity,” said Bernie, his jowls set a’tremble, “Comity is what we need in this country. Delicious comity.”
Bret and Martha looked at each other quizzically.
“What is ‘comity?’” an audience member yelled.
“Well, ah, it’s a kind of, I guess, jam, you could say,” Bernie stammered. “Great on a bialy.”
“Bialy?” Martha asked.
“Jewish English muffin,” Bernie said. “All over Brooklyn. Poor people food. Authentic. Covered in sweet, sticky comity.”
“That’s not what ‘comity’ means, Senator,” Martha said, pressing her earpiece.
“I knew a girl with a sweet Jew muffin,” Bernie mumbled.
“Senator?” Bret asked.
“You both make more money than me,” Bernie said, angry, his skeletal finger pointing at them. “I don’t have any money. I’m like a monk. A Jewish monk from Brooklyn. I watched the Brooklyn Dodgers play, you know. The tickets were only a dollar. I bet you fancy Fox New anchors would be angry if you only had to pay a dollar to see a Brooklyn Dodgers game. Let too many of the poor to sit next to you.”
“Senator,” Bret interrupted, “Your just-released tax returns state that you made over a million dollar in income in both 2016 and 2017.”
“Look, I don’t have a dime, OK. Flat broke,” Bernie said. He turned out his pockets and change, lint, old tokens the subway no longer used, half a fortune cookie, and a few one-hundred dollar bills came pouring out. The change bounced and rolled everywhere.
“See?” Bernie said. “Just the change for the washing machine in my building and a little walking around money in case I meet a constituent.”
“You give money to the people who vote for you?” Martha pounced.
“I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth!’ Bernie shouted hoarsely. He mimed chewing with his mouth open and then stuck out his tongue. It was fish-belly white. “Your words are chewy and taste funny. All I said is that I occasionally give money to my constituents when they need it. I’d never give it to voters.”
“Your constituents are the people who vote for you,” Bret said drying.
“Lies! Lies and comity!” Bernie raged. “I am poor and broke and grew up poor and broke and I’ll be poor and broke forever. Sure, I have millions of dollars. But I wrote a popular book. Maybe you should write a popular book and be a broke millionaire too!”
“That liberal rag, The New York Times, says that you are now a member of the 1%,” Martha said.
“Lies! I am the 99%!” Bernie said. He turned to the audience and began chanting “We are the 99%! We are the 99%!” but only a few joined him and they were half-hearted at best.
Bernie turned to the camera and looked directly in it, grimaced and ran a liver-spotted hand through his thatch of hair. The HD cameras in the studio caught the small blizzard of dandruff that settled onto his shoulders and sleeves and lapels and the floor.
“I saw the Brooklyn Dodgers,” Bernie said. “I’m just like you, America.”
“The Dodgers play in LA now, Senator.”
“LA?” Bernie asked.
“Los Angeles,” Bret said gently.
“No such place,” Bernie said. “Fake news.”
Good lord, it’s time for election coverage to start again, isn’t it?
Time to find another bum to skin and bind the collected 2020 coverage writings.
If you didn’t insist on authentic anthropoid leather, you wouldn’t have this problem. It’s your own standards that are biting you.
Not entirely — if you use leather from a lesser creature, it putrefies into an acidic tar. I don’t want to have to refinish my desk a third time.
I’ll probably drop out of Glibs and what little social media I look for a few months before the election. Last year almost drove me insane.
I remember the old days – sigh – when I didn’t care about politics at all – those college days. “Oh look, a new crook in the office. Yay.”
Whycome you drop out of here? We are a shelter in a Derpstorm world.
Yeah, this is what keeps my out of the tower.
What can I say, I’m an nervous sorta fella. I prefer to take my apocalypses in bite-sized chunks.
You might even get a shout out from Banjos in the links one day.
“It’s a beautiful day for everyone except Lord Humungus, who fucking hates elections.”
Why would text returns say anything about his income? 😕
““I knew a girl with a sweet Jew muffin,” Bernie mumbled.”
So is this why the guy is a raging marxist?
“From her according to her sweet, juicy means, to me according to my filthy, filthy needs.”
That stuff will make men do crazy, crazy shit…
Is it bad I thought of a girl from high school when I read that line?
We all have one of those girls (or more), don’t we?
But yeah, it is bad you went there….
Dude, I went to a public school with so many Jewish students, you’d have thought Yeshiva was an optional course offering.
Many, many princesses. However, so long as their hips and their tits were plenty, I never saw reason to complain.
Hah! you just reminded me of one of my more painful high school experiences. Was talking to this JAP (Jewish American Princess and a redhead with a workout fetish to boot) and she was giving me lip, so I asked her if she would still buy shoes if she had no feet. She thought really hard about what to answer, knowing I was up to no good, but finally answered that it would be a stupid thing to do. So i then asked her why she had bought a bra…
Man never saw it coming, but she kicked me in the family jewels and it was a killer shot. I made her make up for it later however, as I ended up bumping into here some 4 or 5 years later. And she now definitely needed a bra and had a kicking body. We had us a great time for the month i was around. I did have to avoid another kick to the groin when I told her I was shipping out and not gonna be back for a while as she was thinking things had gotten real serious.
“I’m just like you, America.”
A brutal, searing, painful truth.
A pretty fair representation of Bernie’s town hall.
Reads more like a transcript than satire.
He mimed chewing with his mouth open and then stuck out his tongue. It was fish-belly white. He mimed chewing with his mouth open and then stuck out his tongue. It was fish-belly white.
Beautiful.
I can hardly wait for the animated version.
feeling too lazy to make a Bernie just yet, if he keeps the lead sure. Otherwise I could go the route of all the lazy ‘cartoons’ that get more views.
“Comity,” said Bernie, his jowls set a’tremble, “Comity is what we need in this country. Delicious comity.”
But Trump fired him from FBI!
*golf clap*
I was thinking the upcoming election season will offer more than enough comidy already.
That was great! Bravo…..
This is just delicious. The best the “woke” party can come up with is an 80 year old commie from Vermont and Creepy Uncle Joe.
Don’t forget Lizzy “Beerbelly” Warren!
Wait til Hillary stumbles in to save the day.
The subtle ones like this are what I really enjoy.
Indeed, like “Martha pounced”.
Just got back from a morning of bullshit meetings. I was so happy to be greeted by a new Hat and the Hair episode.
Spawn 1 tells me they caught Floridawoman in Aurora. Our national nightmare is over.
Man, she is an old-looking 18.
Yeah, those are some tough miles.
Where the fuck are the threats? Mentally ill chick breaks zero laws, flies to CO and offs herself. Sad, but hardly worth mobilizing the fucking SWAT team.
CNN says she is dead. So potentially she bought the shotgun to commit suicide.
So she was a Kurt Cobain fan.
“The circumstances of her death were not immediately clear…”
She was coming right at us.
BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM?
HUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUT
Spawn 1 tells me they caught Floridawoman in Aurora. Our national nightmare is over.
Did she die in a hail of bullets, before she could spill the beans on her co-conspirators in Moms Demand Action?
Alex Jones, is that you?!?!?!
I don’t think poor impulse control is OT on a Hat and Hair post:
A man and a woman were arrested in Bozeman after allegedly having sex in a local hot springs children’s pool, within feet of children swimming.
Dawn Danielle Klein, 33, and Aaron Hayes Miller, 37, were arrested on Friday and charged with indecent exposure. Klein appeared in Gallatin County Justice Court on Monday. Her bail was set at $5,000.
———-
The hot springs manager and four witnesses said they saw Klein and Miller having sexual intercourse approximately 10 feet from children in the pool. Court documents state one witness reported seeing Klein’s bare buttocks when approaching the couple to ask them to stop.
The reporting deputy said video surveillance from the hot springs showed Klein and Miller engaging in what appeared to be sexual intercourse and that more than once, Klein was visibly not wearing swimsuit bottoms.
The deputy said several children swimming or floating on inflatable toys could be seen in the video within feet of Klein and Miller.
Court documents state that when the couple was interviewed, Miller claimed they were “stretching,” while Klein said they were “dry humping.”
Who among us hasn’t felt the urge to get it on in a pool full of little kids?
Who among us hasn’t felt the urge to get it on in a pool full of little kids?
Cough, cough.
I got 2/3rds of a handy in a hotel hot-tub in high school.
first 2/3rds or last 2/3rds?
This is why fractions are hard.
WOA!
I see what you did there…
So she was missing a couple of fingers?
No, she just didn’t finish. Got weirded out when a bunch of other students got in.
You call her a cock tease?
Was it from your wood shop teacher?
When I was a wee lad, we went to Disneyworld and I have a distinct memory of swimming in the hotel pool after dark, playing Marco Polo; I strayed near an older couple that was off in the corner of the pool and heard some strange gasping.
In retrospect, I still think “WTF were you thinking, go to your room!”.
“allegedly having sex”
We’re uncertain which organ went into what orifice.
Between the size of her ass and the size of his dick, confirmation was visually impossible.
I bet I had to go out to the whirlpool in the Holiday Inn I worked at in high school at least 5 times to tell guests to cool it down or bring it back to their room. Maybe 3 of those times were when some other guest swimming nearby came in and complained.
We never even thought of calling the cops. WTF?
* Worst time cockblocking the guests was when I had to go warn two very large women were bouncing up and down in their guy’s (both of whom were so skinny you could barely see them) lap. The guys sheepishly left the pool area. The Large Marges came to the front desk to complain about me hassling them for “showing a bit of affection for their husbands”. Front desk manager and I spent the rest of the night laughing our asses off.
Gross. These stories are why I won’t use public hot tubs.
*shudders*
Hell, I don’t even use the one in my backyard, but that’s more to do with the amphibians fucking in it rather than the mammals.
Turns out Dawn is Bubbles’ cousin, judging by looks. Now that’s a disappointment, but I suppose 10s aren’t having pool sex in an RV park.
Great work. You really captured the essence of Sanders.
Yep, LOL
I mean as disturbing as it is, you have to imagine that having those tokens in the pants pockets, must mean those pants have not seen the inside of a washing machine for a very long time. Like as long as it’s been since his hair has seen a comb.
I confess I sort of want some NYC subway token cufflinks, even though I haven’t been a New Yorker in decades. They just bring back a ton of memories.
ewwwww!
/teenaged girl
Yahoo headlines:
“Fox News attacks Bernie Sanders day after he embarrasses network with Medicare for All support”
“Strong support for government-run health care at Bernie Sanders event”
Apparently it’s shocking and very meaningful that people willing to go see Bernie talk support Medicare for all.
Just saw those but didn’t click through – how did he “embarrass” the network with a predictable talking point?
May I make a suggestion? We all have a limited amount of time on this earth, and wasting it analyzing the mendacious is… er… wasting that non-renewable resource.
Yes, but ridiculing them is still worthwhile.
Yahoo, living up to its name.
I was really hoping Verizon would have put it out to pasture soon after the purchase, but it looks like they’re content with just letting it amble along as long as it can.
#notAtAllBiased
Totes unbiased. Courageous defenders of free speech. Gatekeepers of truth. What would come of the Republic if all the journalists just happened to be traveling to a conference in the same airplane when it crashed into a mountain?
The survivors would definitely eat each other.
The Bolivian Air Force is flying journalists now?
‘Crazy Bernie’ and ‘Sleepy Joe Biden’ have caught the Donald’s attention and are expected by Donald to be his main adversaries.
Sleepy or Creepy?
He’s a clown. Seriously. That guy missed his calling as court jester. Anyone who saw that debate between him and Paul Ryan has to know what I mean. Ryan couldn’t debate him because the guy is a fucking clown. All he did was look around and grin and laugh like a dork, no matter what the question was. It’s impossible to debate that guy because he’s not going to participate, just make a mockery of it.
Not going to participate, or can’t participate?
Of course, if Joe wins the nomination, he will suddenly be proclaimed to be the most brilliant pol ever (aka Clinton and Obama).
“He’s a clown. Seriously. That guy missed his calling as court jester. ”
isn’t that the function Obama told him he wanted him to fulfill?
Let too many of the poor to sit next to you.
I feel like Barnie would be the kind of person to use the word “poors” unironically
I actually went back and forth on that. I decided “poors” would just be too Twitter for Bernie.
If Bernie is nominated, 2020 will be the ignoble demise the Boomer generation so richly and belatedly deserves.
Too bad we have to be here to experience it.
I’d be fine with dropping both candidates off at opposite ends of a deserted island, arming them with nail studded clubs and telling them where the only boat can be found.
Well, except for Donald. And the fact the Bernie is older than the Boomers.
Born in 1941. Bernie is not a boomer.
Holy fuck. I keep forgetting just how old that geezer actually is.
Double holy fuck. I just looked him up and realized that he was born BEFORE THE US ENTERED WORLD WAR TWO.
He rooted for the USSR as soon as he knew how to pick teams…
That’s a pretty good Bernie. But Bernie will never be as good of a commie as Gulag Barbie. You know why? Because he doesn’t have any good commie handles. What, Bernie is Bae? What the fuck does that even mean? No one even knows what it means. Some retarded millennial made it and doesn’t even know what it means. Chiquita Khrushchev, Gulag Barbie, She Guevara, Karla Marx. You can’t beat that Bernie. Even though you’ve been to Moscow and Gulag Barbie doesn’t even know where that is on a map, you still lose, grandpa. Go take a nap, Bernie, and leave the commieing to the younguns. They’re dumber than you, Bernie. And being that dumb is key to being the best commie. They actually believe that shit, old man. Get off the stage, take a nap.
I thought he was Grampa Gulag long before AOC slithered into the scene?
I forgot about that. Still, like I said. He’s not dumb enough to be a good commie. You need someone really stupid, like Karla Marx.
Lavrentiy Bernia?
Vlermont Bernin?
Nobody needs that many syllables.
Bernie Sandersnista?
You win one internets.
*accepts internets*
“I’d like to thank all the little people at Glibs who made this possible. Especially . . . well, I can’t actually remember any of their names, but who cares? They’re just little people, after all.”
The Sandburgler?
Doing the jobs Americans won’t do.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/day-laborer-assault-745319
Seems on topic for an H&H post.
So, which one of you guys owns this site?
We will bury you
Actually, that site is one of the earlier victims of de-platforming. I seem to recall they got booted off the socials, I guess for being too good at parody and satire, and it actually cost them a fair amount of money.
Goddammit. I get home, take off my boots and the first thing I see is that crazy shotgun lady has committed suicide. Fuck. How sad is that?
Where is the vodka?
Wait… wut?
First I see this
https://www.denverpost.com/2019/04/16/jefferson-county-schools-lockout/
Then this
https://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/local-news/sol-pais-found-dead-near-base-of-mt-evans-ending-massive-manhunt-sources-say
Of course everyone is trying to make hay out of it.
Tips from the FBI and community members led them to her body
FBI agents are calling the tip line? Really?
The FBI tweeted shortly afterward that there was no longer a threat to the community.
This makes it sounds even more like they’re a bunch of mobsters. ‘you know that problem you had? You don’t need to worry about it no more.’
there was no longer a threat to the community.
I’m not seeing how there was ever one.
“she was by herself and died around 9:54 a.m”
I wasn’t suspicious before, but I am now. You can’t get a number that precise from liver temp.
She was 18??? Huh…..doesn’t look it.
Seriously, I would have guessed 40.
43 in meth years.
So you’re saying you had a crush on her?
Who wouldn’t have a crush on a crazy cutie with a shotgun and murderous impulses?
That was exactly what drew me to SP.
And the Fun Dip and Teddy Bears drew her to you?
Oh. We thought it was the fact she was 8 at the time.
That’s the sine qua non, of course.
Better when they get their murder-suicide out of order.
(Assuming she did, in fact, make the threats attributed to her.)
This is what happens when a smart person resists TDS.
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/bret-easton-ellis-tells-spoiled-children-liberals-how-to-deal-with-trump-he-was-elected-president-get-over-it
It almost seems like this could have been predicted, no?
We’re in the collective “gasp of horror” when the toddler realizes that they didn’t get what they want. We’re starting to see the pouty face and the first few whimpers have popped out. Anybody want to predict what the upcoming temper tantrum will look like?
Depends on the kid, really. My daughter hardly ever cried until about two and a half. The crying jags have gotten worse and worse ever since.
You speak of an “upcoming” temper tantrum as if the first one already subsided.
I agree with every single thing he says in that article. I’m going to forward that to several people I know who really, really need to hear that message.
Good luck with that. The D is in TDS for a reason.
It’s always about the D, isn’t it?
That’s what she said!
Ellis has been done with most PC culture/SJW shit since feminists and New York literary taliban flipped their shit over American Pscyho.
“He wrote about it in a novel, so must he must be an advocate of it!”
And he’s living proof that being gay doesn’t keep him from being pushed off the side of the boat for being a white guy.
He’s not the right kind of homosexual, no.
He lacks those intentionalities.
His interviewer in the New Yorker piece seems to be working to the best of his ability to prove him right on everything.
When he was interviewed by Reason and revealed his boyfriend is a Millennial Gillespie started slobbering like a dog at dinner time.
His boyfriend sounds like a moron. I assume he has other assets.
something something horse cock
I’m starting to wonder if what is wrong the current crop of yunguns, is that throughout almost all of human history, there has always been for almost everyone, a daily and constant struggle for survival and now that the struggles has been removed, they feel an overwhelming need to manufacture struggles where none exists.
In that past, you would have had to struggle daily just to get enough food to eat and to elude death by dangerous animals and other humans, and the elements. That is all gone. So they create these struggles in their own minds. Even though the struggles are lame and not really struggles at all. Suddenly, getting enough likes on Facebook is a life and death matter.
But in reality, for many, the struggle has been completely removed. Seriously, where is it?
Struggle for food? There are a dozen competing supermarkets near you, containing a dazzling variety of fresh foods. Afraid to leave your house? No problem, you can get it delivered to your door! Too lazy to cook it? No problem, just buy meals in a box and put them in the microwave for a few minutes! No need to even wash a dish!
Struggle against the elements? No worries, even if you don’t want to work, mum’s basement has you covered. What if mum passes away by the time your 60? Not a problem, by then we’ll have you guaranteed income even if you don’t want to work! And free everything!
It’s more than that. The country was more or less sane in my youth, despite being pretty rich (if not as rich as we are now). It could be we passed some point of critical mass after a few decades of progressive propaganda – so, no one single cause, just a cumulative effect. I dunno.
You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish. Reward freeloading, and you get more freeloading.
What do you think a bunch of freeloading teachers are going to be reinforcing in a bunch of freeloading students? Capitalism and work ethic?
Shit, how many kids even have household CHORES anymore?
“household CHORES ”
Child abuse! Seriously, that is how far down the rabbit hole we’ve went.
“…need to manufacture struggles where none exists.”
See: humans as batteries in The Matrix. Also see: all my ex gf’s who constantly made shit up to be pissed about.
“all my ex gf’s who constantly made shit up to be pissed about.”
A lot of women love drama. And even the ones who don’t, most are too controlled by raw emotion. Men avoid conflict mostly for the reason they aren’t overly emotional, and historically, conflict could get you killed. For women, it’s just a way to get attention they believe they are being wrongly denied.
This is NOT Stoicism.
https://theweek.com/articles/835226/why-are-silicon-valley-billionaires-starving-themselves
It’s typical half-baked regurgitation of a sophisticated philosophy by spoiled, over-privileged morons with no meaning in their lives.
They wouldn’t know Marcus Aurelius if he rose from the dead and punched them in their faces.
JFC I can’t take much more of this.
“Stoicism’s aficionados include Kevin Rose, co-founder of the website Digg, who embraces the philosophy by taking cold showers, not putting on a winter coat”
I wouldn’t be braggint too much about not putting on a winter coat in Silicon Valley. Try that shit in Minnesota and then let us know.
Eh. With the exception of maybe Epictetus — who although born a slave, never seems to have suffered for anything materially — the Roman stoicism that survives (and I do understand why it would be biased to assume this was Roman stoicism as practiced) appears to have been a philosophy of the filthy rich. Even Epictetus’ claim to fame (or faith) was to peace out of Rome when Nero ordered all philosophers to abase themselves and repent or leave. And then he went and opened a school for rich kids in… Turkey or Greece?
I guess my point is that stoicism is a really great philosophy for rich people who don’t want to be eaten by poors. And I say that as someone who is a fan of what work of Epictetus’s made it to our day. Mark A’s journal doesn’t do as much for me.
Jesus. Also, that forehead is chonky.
You know who else worked people to death…
Colonel Saito?
The Director of ‘The Crow’?
The American capitalist system?
Given that was his girlfriend, I assume he was attempting to breed a super-race of large forehead mutants.
An autopsy showed Davis’ skull had multiple contusions, KSNV reported, in addition to multiple rib fractures, and “liver laceration was the probable cause of her demise.
She didn’t die from falling down during a workout. She was beaten to death.
Damn. Did that guy have jaundice? At 26?
I may be a tractor-pullin’ rube, but I’ve never heard of this:
The Unlikely Rise of the Pastel de Nata, and Why It’s Suddenly Everywhere
So…fancy flan?
I lived in Portugal as an LDS missionary and I would say no, not fancy flan. They are much less eggy. I’d say the inside is more like creme brulee, without the brulee. They are quite delicious and the folklore was they could only be made in Portugal, for whatever magical reason.
Okay, that has certainly piqued my interest. I’ll look for some recipes and hope the folklore is wrong.
I haven’t ever tried to make them, but I’d be curious how it turns out.
Except you can eat the bowl!
So… natillas in a puff pastry?
One ofthe best parts of Montreal’s Chinatown is all the shops selling hot egg custard tarts at three for $1.50 Canucki.
It’s like a cultural appropriation onion!
I just read that Brett Easton Ellis thing. I think his books (mostly) suck, but I have a new-found respect for him as a human.
You mean checking out asses, playing practical jokes, and talking in burp sentences doesn’t count?
Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity
Can you imagine if men were writing a bunch of articles about how women could be better women? The internet would lose what little is left of its tiny fucking mind.
Requiring girls to differentiate what they show the world and what they feel inside happens really young. I have a two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter who is already learning what’s okay to scream and shot to get what she wants. A girl grows into that malicious creature to the point where the mask becomes how she thinks of himself. She becomes cut off from her heart.
The first component of emotional intelligence is emotional awareness, something that females lack. But the rules of society mean that girls rarely have to censor what they express, and sometimes the only way to do that is to convince yourself that you’re a special princess. To become numb and detached to others. And if I’ve cut myself off from my own feelings, I’m going to be less perceptive about what you’re feeling, which means I’m going to behave in a relationship with less skill and deftness.
/my quick version
*shouts
*herself
/so sue me
I am of the same opinion as you are LH. I also feel compelled to add that girls, while they have gotten away with so much these days when it comes to interactions with males, develop a lot of their persona because they have to interact with other bitchy women. For some reason many of them then project that shit on men (or just take it out on them because it is safer).
I got into it with a proggie friend of ours when I made the observation that the boys are being abused and marginalized from preschool on. She started going on about privilege and all the other bullshit, so I asked her: “When are girls ever told to behave against their nature?” She hemmed and hawed and the subject was changed. This woman has two sons, by the way.
“When are girls ever told to behave against their nature?”
That time between the third date and the wedding, when she’s already decided how to change you, but pretends she likes you the way you are?
Lol! Perfection.
If there ain’t no one keeping their cool when the shit hits the fan it’s ok, because it means they are all in touch with their feelings.
ATL;DR but it sounds like they just want to turn boys into girls.
Basically. They want boys to express every feeling they have. Forget stoicism, emotional resiliency and all that man shit.
I asked my 11-year-old sorta-nephew about his best friend–because he was sort of “meh” on the kid–what he didn’t like and he went on a tirade about Jack breaking down and crying when he failed to block a shot on goal at a soccer game. Like sat down in the grass, while play resumed and just bawled with all his teammates and the opposing team and the parents watching. And the coach refused to pull him out.
I said, “Man, it must have been weird see Jack cry like that,” and my nephew replied, “He does it all the time. All the time. But not as much as the rest of them.”
What a dark future we have, a bunch of crying 11-year-old boys not playing soccer.
I took my 11 year old and his friends to a taping of Battle Bots last weekend. One of them was whining and crying like a little bitch.
He’s not invited anywhere ever again. This same shit happened last year at Universal Studios.
My wife doesn’t use profanity very often, but even she called him “a little fucking pussy” under her breath.
What sort of 11-year-old doesn’t want to watch robots fight?
“a little fucking pussy”, obvs.
If it makes people feel any better, my nephews are all proper young shitlords;
eldest just turned 18, has a loud-assed car with a manual transmission, assorted girlfriends, etc.
The younger nephews apparently spend all of their time playing various sports (basketball, lacrosse and, yes, soccer), then filling the time in between wrestling with each other.
All is not lost.
Yeah, that man shit is sort of important in beinging able to deal with life.
Working on a list for my five-year old: When is it acceptable to cry?
1) Is your mother or grandmother dead or gravely injured
2) Did your team just win the biggest championship available to it
3) Are you watching Old Yeller
4) Did you just realize that you are married for life
5) Was your first child just born
6) Are you alone in private
3) Are you watching Old Yeller
Brian’s song is also acceptable.
does the end of Watership Down count? I start uh, man misting when Inlé, the rabbit grim reaper, takes Hazel away.
God that movie is fucked up.
Miracle.
Gladiator should be on the list too
Okay, you guys are stretching it with Miracle and Gladiator. If you’re gonna cry at that, you might as well cry during Rocky II.
You cried during Gladiator?
“Oh, he killed the tiger that tried to eat him…*sob* Its so sad.”
…you might as well cry during Rocky II
Like you don’t.
I thought Gladiator was a pretty bad movie, minus the Lisa Gerrard song.
::runs out of room::
wrong. There are only 2 acceptable times to cry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOWr38CXxJM
6) Are you alone in private
Nope. Start crying about other stuff just because you are alone, and your manly essence is weakened.
I would suggest:
6) Tragic boating accident while transporting firearms.
You have to make sure to cry on camera for that.
Always been my notion, that showing your feelings is revealing your weaknesses for others to exploit. And they will. Be it the school bully, your sports opponent, your business competitors or someone more nefarious.
I don’t think my opinion has changed much in that regard.
Your wife, girlfriend, mom, etc…
Boys are just defective girls. It is known.
When I was working at a state hospital we had medical directors and CEOs come and go. One medical director called a meeting every morning where he would ask each of us ‘how do you feel this morning?’.
“I feel ok.” was my answer the first three or four times. The last meeting I attended my answer was-
*looks at watch* “Look, I really dont have time for this. There are patients out there counting on me to do my job. I have to go.”
To this day there are people working at that hospital that cant understand how I got away with some of the things I said and did. They also dont understand what I mean when I say ‘I was the one eyed man’.
Shit in one hand and put your feelings in the other. Which one weighs more?
Requiring boys to differentiate what they show the world and what they feel inside happens really young.
Its called “growing up”. People who have zero filter and are constantly blatting out whatever impulse just crossed their mush-filled skull cavities are, well, not who you want children to emulate. Whether you are male or female.
People who have zero filter and are constantly blatting out whatever impulse just crossed their mush-filled skull cavities are, well, not who you want children to emulate.
WHY ARE YOU DENYING MY LIVED EXPERIENCE!?
Your lived experience is bad. You are bad. You do bad things. You should feel bad.
I tried to slog through that Atlantic thing about boys, but I just couldn’t do it.
That shit just wears me out.
Trow de Svitch!
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/04/17/714289322/scientists-restore-some-function-in-the-brains-of-dead-pigs
First zombie pigs… then sheep.
“Elevate me!”
“Now? Right here?”
Bernie Sanders: Right wing reactionary
https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2019/04/15/sand-a15.html
Oh, good. I was wondering what was taking them so long. This just means that tankie disapproval of Leona Thotsky is imminent.
Not nearly disturbing enough for Sugarfree content. I want my money back.