Through the chaotic storm comes a susurrus composed of insect wings and rubbed skin. Words form slowly, meaning swimming up through cold layers of madness to burst forth, to create sound.
“Wait up you guys, I wanna take a selfie!” Sandy squeaked. She turned her back to the Capitol Building, stuck out her sore-covered tongue, and made a joyful noise like a hare having its flesh torn into by a hawk.
“OMG, you guys, wait up, I said I was taking a selfie!” she called after her friends. She began awkwardly running after them on wobbly heels. “Illy, Sheedy, wait up!” she whined.
“There are cameras!” Sheedy called back to her, trying to straighten her skirt around her tubular body.
“Television cameras!” Illy called back. “We must get there before the Jews hog them all!”
“Wait up,” Sandy called again, “I have to pee!”
“Jews!” Sheedy said to Illy. “Hogs! I get it! You are very humorous.”
Prayers murmur from fissures in the walls in a million languages.
“I want to be on TV,” Sandy whined. “I’ve only been on TV twice today. I have, like, a Green New Deal.”
“I have barely on TV at all,” Illy moaned. “I cannot just be Twitter all day.” Sheedy and Illy tried to press their way to the camera crews arranged on the Capitol steps.
“Oh my God, your English is just so terrible sometimes,” Sandy said, catching up to the women. “It’s soooooo cute. I love it. Speaking so you can be understood is so colonizing!”
Illy ignored her, writing something on her phone.
A lone drum keeping time with the slurred beating of eternity, the gurgling of accursed flutes fill the noxious air.
“Who is at the podium?” Sheedy asked, using the forward-facing camera on her phone to check her make-up.
“Ugh, gross, I think it is Nancy,” Sandy said. “And maybe Chuck.”
“The Jew and his wrinkled sharmuta,” Sheedy muttered darkly, and Illy snorted in agreement.
“They are just both so old,” Sandy said. She switched her phone to her left and used the right to pick her underwear out of her asscrack.
“Are thongs halal?” she asked.
“Not if you eat them, donkey,” Illy muttered.
“Are they done talking yet?” Sandy asked. “Are they done? Seriously, are they done? We’ve been here, like, forever.”
Shapeless dancers, mindless and obscene, spin around endlessly on bleeding feet.
Sandy’s phone bleated. “Oh my God, you guys, it’s Hillary again. Do you get texts from Hillary? I get texts from her, like, all the time!”
“Her gods are not our God,” Sheedy said coldly.
“There is no God but God,” Illy replied automatically.
“Jeez, you guys, I, like, don’t even know what she is talking about,” Sandy said. “‘The nucleus of chaos?’ What does that even mean? ‘Demiurgos?’ Is that even English?”
Sheedy spat on the ground. “Not even a Jew would dare!’
Illy’s eyes widened. “The Sultan of Demons?” She twisted her fingers into a ward of protection.
“Hillary is just so old,” Sandy said, her voice a whine that cut through the crowd. “And her gods are so old. The Old Ones. They’re old! It’s right there in the name!”
Illy and Sheedy both took a step away from Sandy while muttering prayers under their breath.
“Wait, wait,” Sandy said. “I want to take another selfie before we get on TV! #browngirlmagic!”
Sheedy edged closer to Sandy and asked, “What else did the vile priestess say?”
“Hillary? I don’t know, I like, deleted it.”
“You are as dumb as a Jew,” Illy said in guttural Arabic.
“Oh my God, thank you!” Sandy said. “You are, like, so beautiful too!”
In the center of all things, a great eye slowly opens.
Ah yes. Wednesday morning psychic trauma.
WTF did I just read?
I need a drink.
HP lovecraft for the social media age,
I think Lovercraft would be proud of SF.
I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
Now you’re going to make me try to remember if HPL liked other people playing with his ideas… and I seem to remember the answer being no.
HPL loved the spread of people writing within the Mythos. It was the basis of his friendships with a lot of young writers that approached him first as fans.
It’s been a while since I’ve dug deeply into my Mythos history and such. I’ll stand corrected.
No big. I’ve just been reading early Mythos writers lately.
Any recommendations?
I really like Robert E. Howard’s mythos tales, but they are mixed in with his Hyperborea/Kull/Conan stuff (making Conan and Cthulhu one shared universe.) Some people find this objectionable on a purity basis.
Clark Ashton Smith is also very good, writing stories almost as fables (and the best writer of the whole lot.)
Frank Belknap Long is also good, more for story energy than writing skill.
And a lot of people don’t know that Robert Bloch (the author of Psycho) was a mid-early Mythos writer, producing stories in the early 1950s.
This 1969 Arkham House anthology is a good place to start and is still in print: http://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/pl.cgi?34368
Thanks SF.
Nightshade Books released a multi-volume set of all of Clark Ashton Smith’s works.
I have the hardback edition from the very first run. Poking around on Amazon, it looks like there is a Kindle edition. The hardback and paperback editions are out of print.
Everything I’ve heard about the man suggests he was an odd duck with touchy attitudes towards his work, so that wouldn’t be surprising.
Or I could have refreshed the page and just found out.
And her gods are so old. The Old Ones. They’re old! It’s right there in the name.
I should know better than to read SugarFree when other people are around. Now, I’m sure people are wondering why I’m snickering.
This why I was glad when Michael Crichton was killed by a velociraptor.
I love this. It’s like threes company meets the good wife
You don’t wanna knock on that door.
Just sayin’
Aw, c’mon. They’ve been waiting for you.
Wow. This took quite a turn.
“Are thongs halal?” she asked.
“Not if you eat them, donkey,” Illy muttered.
Nasal irrigation by coffee. Refreshing!
” She turned her back to the Capitol Building, stuck out her sore-covered tongue, and made [a] joyful noise like a hare having its flesh torn into by a hawk.”
I’ve been told in the past to “widen my psychic gaze” by moronic Boulderites, but I think they have it backwards. That line above is a warning: narrow your gaze now, for those who see too clearly are driven mad by their visions.
This is why Swiss hasn’t put up more of a fuss about SF’s writing – it’s good practice.
I dunno, I found myself frantically searching Amazon for “Elder Sign”…
Then you just wind up getting the co-op board game with a bunch of dice rolling.
Bastards. You guys have to post this right at bed time, don’t you.
Is this going to make the supply of conditioner go low again tonight and cause the wife to complain?
She hid the bottle. I’m down to using pore cleanser.
The one with the tiny little rocks in it to help scrub your dead skin off? YIKES!
That’s gonna leave a mark man….
My advice is that you buy some “product” and tell the wife that she should use it because scientific studies have shown that it will make women crave sex. She will promptly never touch it again and you will be in the clear.
I have a theory that Straff’s wife is a sex goddess and all his complaining is misdirection to keep people from trying to steal her.
After 19 years of marriage (that’s what straff said they were up to) they are not going to be sex goddesses – unless they are doing it with other dudes – and sex becomes just another arrow int heir quiver of “how do I control the dude that i was not able to change like I thought I would”…..
You have to balance that probability against the known fact that she is a dirty, dirty pervert. She let a filthy gaijin knock her up.
Gob-DAMN but the transition between the first two paragraphs was wondrous.
And being able to sustain that attitude through the whole thing… very, very well done.
Probably OT: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announce their son’s name: Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor
Meghan’s a big Riverdale fan.
But how black is he? /prog
Literally Archie? Not Archibald? Or Archbishopric?
Dipshit kids and their penchant for naming their own kids with diminutives instead of just using them as nicknames.
I guess since he isn’t likely to ever be King, he doesn’t need the other 47 middle names.
I think several come with the position.
I just want to know what Prince Phillip thinks about all of it,
“I just want to know what Prince Phillip thinks”
I just want to know if Prince Phillip even thinks
If HBO made Woke Charmed, a preview by SugarFree.
Please, SMOD.
Your time has come.
Now, I’m sure people are wondering why I’m snickering.
Just tell them you were reading what Elizabeth Warren said about Trump. He’s as good as impeached. Next stop, Danbury.
She did seem a little unhinged in her floor speech yesterday.
She’s working on firebrand as her primary persona.
It’s not the worse idea, there are a lot of Trump-haters out there. The ones that are leaving their husbands because they don’t hate Trump as much as they do, the inchoate woke hate crowd (which is shallow but wide,) the dregs and lees of the Hillary voters, the socialists too “smart” to fall for Bernie hype and the vaporware of Beto.
But it takes a lot of work to keep the crowds frothing until next November, and I’m not sure she can keep it going for that long.
Unless the economy tanks next year, it doesn’t matter who the Dems run. Incumbents don’t lose (excepting Jimmy who reigned over a disastrous economy).
And George the First.
Right. Except George I was actually Ronald III, and no party (since FDR) holds the office longer than three terms.
Actually, he was more Clinton the 0th, but ditto, as they only had 3 terms.
Who had a major recession going on that didn’t end in the critical rust belt stars until after the election.
I wonder if the rest of her pack, Tlaib and Omar, are there as her bullpen, so to speak. When people get tired of the sassy Millenial Latina clap-backs or whatever they rotate in one of those bunch. You’ve got a rotation of Powerful Wamyn of Color to even out the wear.
But it takes a lot of work to keep the crowds frothing until next November, and I’m not sure she can keep it going for that long.
I’m rooting for her. The mass apoplectic die-off when Public Enemy Number One runs the table will be worth the day to day yowling.
Oh man, if she gets the nomination and Trump beats her, I will never, ever stop laughing.
Apparently “Moms” spend over 97 hours per week performing “parenting” jobs – this according to a survey executed by one of our clients. Women are literally spending almost every waking moment parenting!
Does working at a job to pay for everything count as “parenting”, or not?
Not if you are a man – it jobs are double-counted for working Moms since they never stop parenting.
NSP doesn’t have the same ring as ABC though.
/takes away coffee from all of the moms
My wife should get her ass to work then. I’ll bet she doesn’t even hit 60 in a seven day work week. She’ll never make partner that way.
A common discussion that’s come up at the family gatherings recently is between my sister and the girlfriend. The girlfriend thinks she was raised middle class/blue collar. She has never worked a 40 hour week in her life (she’s in her early 40’s now). My sister was a teenage mom who worked as a bartender to pay for massage school, and did massage to pay for nursing school and is now a pediatric nurse.
My brother in law and me just sit with our drinks and laugh during these conversations.
Chick fights?
14 hours a day, every day? That means being with your child every hour they are awake, and actively parenting them or doing parent related activities. I know SAHMs with infants who cook and clean for their families who wouldn’t claim that.
Lol. My kid isn’t even awake that much. She’s awake roughly 10.5 hours per day. Even tacking on 30 minutes a day of cleaning messes and other child related stuff we do when she’s asleep, we’re talking 77 hours, max.
Oh, then subtract out the 1 to 3 hours per workday that daddy becomes primary caregiver and the 50/50 split workload during the weekend.
Yeah, 97 hours my ass. Not that I don’t appreciate my wife, but these “women are victims” studies drive me up a fucking wall. I’d love to spend 70 hours per week with my daughter. It’s a shit ton more fulfilling than pushing meaningless papers 50 hours a week. Yeah, there are downsides to being primary caregiver to a toddler, like being on call 24/7, dealing with an emotionally stunted child, and sucky pay, but it’s a decent tradeoff.
That explains why you look so tired.
I think it explains the heavy drinking…
We were just thinking of you – first morel harvest of the season!
DAMN YOUR EYES!
And your husband just sent me pix to rub it in.
I was hoping for an immorel harvest.
Have you seen the War and Peace (1966, Sergei Bondarchuk)? The Siskel theater is showing all four parts next weekend.
No I haven’t.
To reach a conclusion like that, you have to have an agenda.
I have no idea what that agenda is, but its existence was just proven.
The agenda was linked to this “finding”: 62% don’t have time for a sit-down meal.
Then they are parenting wrong.
I wrote it down, but it seems to have disappeared.
What was the place in The Dells that you recommended?
Wait a minute….
If I take my kids to a waterpark, does that count as mothering?
Only if you breast feed them there…
I’ve stayed at Wilderness. Kalahari is also good.
I’m still trying to figure out how the the Dells doesn’t require a nuclear power plant to run all their water pumps.
That’s the one. Wilderness.
Thanks.
62% don’t have time for a sit-down meal.
Lulz.
Yknow, I laugh, but I’d be curious to do a time audit and see where my week goes. I bet I bullshit away enough time to take on a hobby. I guarantee that somebody spending 97 hours per week parenting their kids could find 12 hours per week to cook and sit down to dinner.
Maybe I’ll do a time audit and write an article.
Bullshitting is a hobby. Sometimes you need to just turn your brain off.
It’s a lock I spend at least 16 hours a week playing video games, but in my defense I tend to do that in place of watching television. Mostly the only times I’m watching TV I’m either doing something else as well, like cleaning, or I’m watching it with my wife and/or daughter.
Sometimes you need to just turn your brain off.
As much as I hate the term, “intentionality” comes to mind. 45 minutes of fucking around on the internet while waiting for a coworker to finish their part has a profoundly different impact on my mental state than 45 minutes of half-watching the toddler, which has a different impact than 45 minutes on the back porch with a beer.
I’m curious if the time audit would expose some of that multi-tasking that I’ve found is the single biggest detriment to mental state.
Try all three at the same time.
Haha, it’s like you’re here! I was out on the back patio with a beer, fucking around on Glibs waiting for an email, and making sure the toddler didn’t fall into the
amphibian breederhot tub.That’s true for me, but it’s not because I’m too busy parenting.
We just started doing that as a thing. It’s not that we don’t have “time” to eat at a table, it’s that it’s usually covered in unfolded laundry, today’s mail, yesterday’s mail, a coat, whatever.
You can fix that by only checking the mail once a week.
Well, in my clip below it is basically women congratulating themselves for doing things. Men don’t correct them because sex.
Also, sometimes when someone’s so wrong there’s just no point in arguing it’s easier to just say, “Ok, honey” and move past it.
Being a Mother
The most difficult job on the planet…
Apparently “Moms” spend over 97 hours per week performing
For Winston’s mom, end the sentence right there.
And yet she still gets an article in every week.
She deserves an…
What is the awards porn queens get called again?
The only way this could possibly be true is if a.) they’re over-reporting using the Spousal Labor Reporting Formula*, b.) they’re counting things like household chores as parenting, i.e. “double-dipping”, and/or c.) they’re going out of their ways to find active parenting tasks to do. That’s like 14 hours a day of actually parenting at your kids. Animals don’t spend that much time caring for their children, and they don’t have books, toys, or television.
*Net Labor Hours = Actual Labor Hours X Number of People Listening to You Talk X 1.5 + (Number of Hours Reported by Spouse for Any Task X .5)
Sandy, as the pseudonym, still strikes me as funny.
It was what she commonly went by in high school and college.
That seems oh so WASPy.
She only recently came out as a Puerto Rican.
Why does sandy have sores on her
Tounge?
Actually… I don’t want to know…
From eating the pussy of somebody who had consumed demonic skin tags.
He said he didn’t want to know. Neither did I, yet I still read it.
trshmnstr,
Your comment made me nauseous. Don’t do that. That’s SugarFree’s job.
Sandy went down on Huma? Does Hillary know.
Why do you think Hil is texting her constantly?
Ahhh.
Did the micro-keg work out for you?
I need to do another batch of beer.
You know, I just can’t imagine Sandy going down on a woman. It’s too friendly of an activity to be in her idiom.
When I said eating, I was being literal.
It’s probably just the italics, but it reminds me of reading the liner notes on 2112
A terrifying new direction.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/05/trump-new-york-state-tax-returns
Mostly linking for the hot-take headline.
I appreciate that the fabulous outfit that thinks It can be the arbiter of fake news on YouTube also has vanity Fair on Google news
These people are insane. It’s been said before, but it bears repeating, Trump really has broken many people’s brains. Their seething hatred and determination to “get him” is revolting.
Really are willing to throw down every law to get at the devil?
https://imgflip.com/i/2igaf7
I think there is truth to this. The progs want to punish/enslave/whatever to us deplorables and Trump is in the way of that.
Question for the powers that be, or maybe I just need to email SP directly:
is the site allowing embedding of javascript into an article? I followed the procedure that was supposed to work for wordpress but thought it might be disallowed. I have a draft article that is only valuable (and it may not be anyway, but I think it is) if I can have the js running inside it.
I don’t want to say anymore about what the article is, but I think it would be useful information for years to come.
” I think it would be useful information for years to come”
You’ve hacked the SS system and written a book on how to start collecting right away?
“One Thing the SS don’t want you to Know”
I know who Sandy and Illy are, but who’s Sheedy?
Rashiba Tlaib, the other crypto-ISIS Rep.