“Rise,” she told the ocean.
They had crisscrossed the continent in their battered Subaru while she was in the womb, dreaming. They had said the prayers to the gods of the forest and walked in the forgotten places of the desert where ancient cities of the dead clawed at the entombing earth and at the edge of the ocean where potential, dread potential, had filled her mother like a second and dark child.
“Rise,” she told the ocean, her thin arms held out, her hands open and fingers beseeching.
Promises had been made in oath, blood, semen, and sacrifice to connect the child to all the powers that waited for the spreading stain of humanity to recede. Conceived in filth, she had crouched in the womb for nearly two years before splitting her mother open, like a lightning-struck tree. It had rained for ten days after she spat herself into the world, the demons of wind and rain providing a baptism. Two hundred humans had died in the flooding, a gift to the child as she howled in tainted bowers while priests sewed her mother back together.
“Rise!” she told the ocean, tears beginning, quivering on the lower lids, begging permission to fall.
They watched the signs and portents as the child grew. They fed her nightshade and Jerusalem cherry. They fed her crab’s eye and wolfbane. They fed her ragwort and pennyroyal. All the poisons of the earth flowed into her and she grew strong. “I love you,” would whisper the mother as the child rubbed ongaonga in her young flesh and sighed with pleasure.
“Rise!” she told the ocean as her parents, nude beside her, lashed by the growing wind, smiled down at her lisping blasphemy.
When the stars came right, they visited again all the places they had been as she gestated, letting renewing vows with her own voice, gathering blessing and gifts, making sacrifices anew with her own hands and teeth. They drove from atrocity to atrocity until they reached the western ocean.
“RISE!” she told the ocean, her voice cracking like a cloven stone.
The trees of the forest screamed and the sands of the desert howled and the frozen wastes began to tremble and shake. The wetlands bubbled with insane laughter. It was beginning.
Her father cut off his genitals and flung them into the sea. “The blood of the father,” he whispered as drew he bloodied hand down the right side of the child’s face. Her mother reached between her legs and smeared the blood found there down the left side of the girl’s face. “The blood of the mother,” she whispered as she sank to the sand, the languid menstrual flow becoming a spray that spilled her life out onto the hungry beach.
“RISE!” she told the ocean, her eyes wide and white under the blood.
And it did.
If Subaru commercials are horror, what genre are those 30 second acid trips known as Mazda commericals?
Lysergic limelighting?
If you are talking about those “Feel Alive” Mazda commercials, all I know is that they use the same theme music as used by the show “Versailles”, so I can’t see them without thinking about palace intrigue and debauchery.
A Tree of Woe origins story?
I find SugarFree much more Woe causing than mere fixing to a tree…
“Still better than reading SF too much!”
[golf clap]
*solitary tear of blood rolls down cheek*
Well. That’s terrifying.
How can you go cruising around in your Subaru if the roads are all flooded?
Oh no…..here goes lunch
I was wondering if you were going to do that one. Now I’ll be looking for it with, err, new eyes?
I cannot put my figure on what is . . . off . . . about Subaru commercials. The lighting, maybe?
the pretentiousness?
Still better than that fucking aspie going on and on about national parks.
But if you didn’t have some whackadoo condescending to you how would you know there were such things as parks?
I’m not sure if that’s worse than the one that wants you to, you know, not just throw vegetables straight into the garbage after you get them. Or the one that seems to be saying that the key to getting an addict to seek help is to judge the shit out of them.
If you really loved dogs you’d but this outback.
But it or we’ll kill these puppies.
Dan’s Bake Sale, Fort Collins, Colorado, May 22, 1993. Any of these animals not adopted by the deadline will be euthanized.
Worked for National Lampoon.
^ this ^ gets my vote
The slightly washed-out Portlandia effect is pleasing to their targeted demographic.
It’s the non-Euclidian angles you Fool! Don’t you see? DON’T YOU SEE?
+1 stygian atmosphere
“As low as $28,995 after federal tax credit. The Crosstrek Hybrid qualifies you for a federal tax credit of up to $4,500 after purchase. There are a variety of other tax credits, incentives, and discounts offered by state and local governments — even from energy utilities and employers.” — subaru.com/vehicles/crosstrek/hybrid.html
A tax credit to reduce the amount of tax you owe is one thing. It is another if instead of less taxes, they are giving buyers money taken by force or threat of force from others.
Those tax credits raise everyone else’s taxes. A pox on both practices, I say.
Those tax credits raise debt. which everyone
else’s taxeswill pay one way or the other. A pox on both practices, I say.Stupid HTML. I blame Bill Gates.
What raises tax rates are the actions of elected persons.
I get it. “Fuck you, cut spending.”
It isn’t happening.
Many on this site say that. In principle (D in the D), I am OK with redistribution of wealth as long as the money redistributed is voluntarily donated. End taxes.
That shit is becoming cumbersome. I know you’re trying to fit in but “fetch” is not ever gonna happen, Gretchen!
If I was just trying to fit in, then I would mouth the bromide “you, cut spending.”
It’s tiresome. Keep it up and there’ll be a cat-butt in your future.
Am I the only one expecting it to be Hillary ?
Nope.
Well, this is special. Dem Rep. Torres on the House floor:
A shame no Repub stood to say that he, for one, was not sex-starved, and was still opposed to forcing people to perform abortions against their beliefs.
“sure whatever, you’re no longer invited to the DC elite orgy parties.”
Doesn’t the House have rules against personal attacks on your fellow Congress Critters while holding the floor?
“Not in Trump’s Amerikkka.”
/eyeroll
Rules are for the little people. Rep. Torres is a demigod among men by virtue of her position as a Latinx of gender, and cannot be bothered with such jejune restrictions.
She persisted.
She persisted at squeezing the blackheads on her thighs and wondered aloud about the patriarchy and how it kept her in such a state. Later she defecated and wondered why Trump kept so many women from having a pot to piss in.
“I don’t see how I could be sex-starved when I was banging your mom last night.”
That ad is not “Dog tested. Dog approved.” Dogs. “It’s What Makes a Subaru a Subaru.”
So… it’s the official car of the Lychee Festival?
Homer Simpson: Dog meat with lychees. Gaaaaa…
That ad is not “Dog tested. Dog approved.” Dogs. “It’s What Makes a Subaru Ad a Subaru Ad.”
When the squirrelz add an ad to your ad comment
😉
Smart “squirrelz.” Better keep an eye on what they are up to.
Livestream from today’s Glibertarians HQ all-hands meeting.
SP cutting everyone with a rusty can lid?
SP can be seen around the 5:17 mark.
Reminds me that S2 of Aggretsuko is now available.
Sweet!
Thanks, I normally watch Netflix for anime.
The backstabbing “doe” character may be my favorite.
This is free site and seems to have most anything.
https://kissanime.ru/Anime/One-Punch-Man-Specials
Footage of the next morning after a recent Glibs meet-up:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OlXQexNEgzg&lact=7&itct=CCQQpDAYASITCNeBstW16eICFcVJ7QodomMBmzIGc2VhcmNoUhNCZWVyIGZlc3Qgbm90IGFnYWlu&csn=084DXYKnIpOPigSWppp4&has_verified=1
Fever dreams come to life!
“Grade A Tree Care”
SUVs cause climate change. Climate change causes sea level rise. Subaru Outback Crossover SUVs cause pregnant women to use supernatural powers to cause sea level rise. Climate change is the side effect?
Climate change is just the name the infidels give to cthulu’s great purge.
So any coastal city that becomes underwater because of sea level rise will rise once a year like R’lyeh?
It is a real shame that there’s not enough of a market for writing blasphemous ritual scenes to make a living.
SF could be the John Williams of the genre.
OT: First-class trolling
No reaction from the chattering classes yet, but the day is young.
Hotter. Tighter, higher ass. The best First Lady, just amazing…
So Trump is saying that after he is assassinated, she’s going to hook up with a Greek shipping magnate?
Ahem. “Hotter, tighter, higher ass.
OH (nassis) you dint!
Needless to say, the usual twitterati absolutely hate Melania.
Those xenophobes hate the first immigrant First Lady. (An England-born First Lady in the 19th century doesn’t count because England.)
I fucking love you, Sugar Free! If you aren’t making coin from your talent then you should be be getting butt-fucked to death or blissfully receiving the violation. That was poetic and so wrong but so right. Glibs forever!
Hear Hear!
But sixty times she *didn’t* miss her mother: Teen Who Killed Her Mother by Stabbing Her 60 Times Says ‘I Do Miss My Mom’ as She’s Sentenced
That’s “entertainment” news?
Are you not entertained?
It is why I’m here.
Yahoo showing their true colors.
And that’s why you love them.
Like a rainbow.
That’s wainbow.
Surely there was a gun available. It was Indiana.
Firearm not used by teen. Firearm not used by mother.
Are you profoundly autistic or are you just trolling?
I believe Donation Not Taxation is relatively new here and may be unaware of the Indiana guns meme.
Might we have too many in-jokes?
…nah
Between here and TOS I’ve been lurking/commenting along with you guys for over seven years and still only understand about 2/3rds of the in-jokes.
Yeah I’m being harsh but that dnt is starting to grease my griddle. Everyone here has a bugaboo but newbies need to learn their place. Injecting that into every convo pisses the regulars off.
I can’t decide if newbie or troll.
They’re not mutually exclusive.
He’s right. You should listen to the man with a cat anus as his avatar
Pope Jimbo?
I love the expression “grease my griddle”. I’m totally stealing that one.
There’s a couple of cat anus avatars, I suppose
‘Injecting that into every convo pisses the regulars off.’
I don’t know if you were around for the days of Underdogz doing that with his everyone is trying to kill the Jews again! schtick or Don Quixote making every conversation into a segue into his Gamergate spam but yeah, it does tend to wear thin.
I’m willing to chalk it up to being a touch aspy for now. I do think we can be a bit intimidating at times.
One day I’ll regale you with my first interaction with OMWC. If the new guys think they have it rough…Jesus…
That’s why my avatar was “clever”. Before I knew the bounds HM sent me one so I sent one right back. Acceptance! Just like dogs sniffing arses.
Also, fried chicken
who was it with the constant “America’s leading free-speech case” (something along those lines) on every. single. comment. they made?
slumbrew, that was Don Quixote. Every one of his posts always ended with a link about Gamergate, no matter how off-topic.
Thanks – I never clicked through to see what it was about.
That was, indeed, tedious.
So tilting at windmills? Username checks out.
Slumbrew:
I think that was raphaelgolbtrial: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_v._Golb
Oh, Ted gets the gold star. That’s the one I was thinking of.
Imagine that, multiple people on a libertarian site compulsively linking to a pet issue. Seems out of character.
Better than getting a cat-butt, or a visit from STEVE SMITH.
Ted, I’m sure your right but do you remember what Don Quixote hobby-horse was? I’m positive he had one.
Looks like it _was_ ‘Quixote’ but was, as Ted said, not Gamergate –
“America’s leading criminal “satire” case…” with a link to a raphaelgolbtrial WordPress site, shoe-horned into every. single. comment.
(and, after scanning Wikipedia, no way were Golb’s action ‘satire’).
Ah, gotcha. I got my subject matter mixed up with somebody else’s. Now it’s going to bug me that I can’t remember the handle of the Gamergate guy.
The way he always ignores any sub-threads about him really make me lean troll.
Oh its trolling alright, I got my popcorn out already
Hey Yusef. Know anyone who might want to buy my new book?
I am following you on Amazon, but they haven’t notified me of the pre-order yet.
Me
Since we can’t trust that Amazon notifications work, Here’s a direct link
I knew you’d be of like mind, Yusef. Small cans up!
No I heard they shipped them all to Chicago
Tangentially related?: Colorado adopting California car emissions standards:
https://www.westword.com/news/will-california-emissions-standards-for-cars-work-in-colorado-11214579
Read on as some schmuck from the Natural Resources Defense Council questions his opponents’ motives:
“As for why most Colorado dealers don’t more energetically push electric vehicles to their customers (they currently account for only about 3 percent of autos sold in Colorado), Mui has a theory.
“There’s very little maintenance cost for these vehicles, and that’s one of the major streams of income for dealers — that stream of income from having a car break down,” he says. “Internal combustion engines need a lot of repairs, but electric vehicles, because of electric motors and regenerative braking, where you don’t have to change your brakes much at all, have very few mechanical problems that require drivers to bring them back to the dealership for repairs. I think that’s one reason why dealers want to stick with the old way of doing business and not update their models.””
Does this person also think people buy things only because advertisers say so?
People don’t want electric cars, so a salesman who tries to push them will lose the customer.
Well that’s damn near the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard. Every shade tree mechanic knows that electrical problems are the worst flavor of problem for a vehicle.
Don’t remind me. I need another appointment to have them look at the USB port on my car.
Sure, Jan.
It is amazing that people fall for this.
“Smart” people, too.
The “No Nukes” crowd seems hell bent for leather on this Electric car fad.
Poor Colorado. More proof that over-consumption of granola rots your brain.
More proof that over-
consumption of granolaacceptance of Californians rots your brain.FIFY.
California locusts fleeing that state and bringing their shitty ideas with them.
Every time I walked past my generator and see the sticker “Not for sale in California” I laugh. Then I read it again and laugh some more.
Sounds to me like this is a boon for the auto dealers in the surrounding states.
Won’t matter to me, but when does Sacramento order the road-side sniffers and create a punitive tax for whatever threshold they find your car exceeds?
when does Sacramento order the road-side sniffers
Thats gonna cost a ton of money. The kind of money that it will take time to get the graft and cronyism squared away. It could be awhile.
They have all the time & funds in the world for things that will let them extract more money from the citizens, no time or funds for dealing with typhus-breeding homeless encampments.
Are they made by the Biden Corp?
I laughed
I like the question marks. Whoever Marianne Williamson is, she’s missing one.
I’m guessing the joke is that she’s so unknown that putting the question mark over her face puts her at too much of a disadvantage against the rest so she gets a pass.
Klobuchar and Harris are the funniest. I’d love to see the Left come up with something, anything amusing. They don’t seem to have a snarky bone in their collective body.
I showed it to my wife. She said, “They should just have Trump there too. And if he makes you cry, your out.”
Oh man, your wife sounds hot.
Whenever April 15th comes around my wife always gets me all hot and bothered by complaining about how much we have to pay in taxes for nothing.
I ruined it last year, though, when I asked her to wear something sexy, like my Rothbard t-shirt, in honor of tax day. She was a little creeped out
Tulsi got a dove. High praise
Should have been this dove.
Meh, Tulsi pushes a lot of socialist shit, but that can be litigated through Congress. The way our system is run now, though, only the president makes war and ends war. Congress has become insignificant in the matter and they have no interest of correcting that (when Trump tried to pull troops out of Syria, the House passed a resolution CONDEMNING Trump’s pull out of a war that they never declared nor authorized, because their voters opposed intervention).
As unpopular as this sounds, I’d take a socialist that is actually opposed to foreign intervention (not the phony opposition to Republican wars that is en vogue among Democrats) and opposes religious tests (abiding by the literal text of the constitution), but still supports commie shit than I would take a free-market candidate that’s cool with overseas intervention and could care less about individual liberty.
I get what you’re saying, I truly do – but in my opinion socialism is an existential threat far, far greater than almost any amount of “foreign intervention.”
Foreign intervention often leads to terrible laws being passed and rights overlooked at home.
Yes, but socialism always leads to terrible laws being passed and rights being overlooked.
Foreign intervention IS socialism
I understand the disagreement, though
Interesting point, Apologist. However, the Imperial Presidency has not only taken control of warmaking, it has also taken control of big chunks of domestic policy. I wouldn’t be so sanguine that Tulsi’s absolutely horrible domestic policy proposals can’t be implemented without Congressional consent. Or that she couldn’t get such consent from a Dem-controlled Congress.
So, she’s still a “nope, no way” from me.
He’s just keeping an open mind and waiting to make a decision on full balance.
To the extent that we do indeed have an imperial presidency, it was insane to elect a child with no experience or principles: giving the keys of the kingdom to a non-entity, stripping naked, blindfolding oneself, and bending over for who knows what. Compared to that, wait and see makes perfect sense.
I’ll take Trump over Gabbard. Its possible he’ll do something that would make me prefer her, but he hasn’t yet. And it would take a lot.
And this isn’t just lip service (well, except the last part). She co-sponsors just about every gun control bill that is introduced in the House.
I understand what you are saying about Obama, but what about Trump?
I really would rather not have to make that choice if I could help it.
The debates should kick-off with a VW Beetle pulling up on stage and all of them piling out while clown music plays.
Alas, Michael Bennet is my U.S. senator. He was on the radio this morning prattling on about the tyranny of the House Freedom Caucus. He has a new book out that I’m sure is being shipped directly to area landfills.
lol at “Beto is a furry.”
Unfortunately that means the meme wasn’t made by a normie, so it’s not going to have wide enough reach.
Colorado adopting California car emissions standards
The whole state, or just the Front Range. I can see some serious backlash on the western slope.
Whole state. Wheeee!
So much for the off road industry
That didn’t work so well on gun control and bans on fracking. Local governments can only disobey state law if it’s for woke reasons
*the self-avowed classical liberals clap like seals in agreement*
I think its pretty clear nobody gives a shit what the western slope thinks.
I’m guessing the joke is that she’s so unknown that putting the question mark over her face puts her at too much of a disadvantage against the rest so she gets a pass.
Some enterprising individual (excludes me, obviously) should do a mock “police lineup” test, with assorted random citizens and Democratic Presidential aspirants; do man on the street polls, to see if anybody can pick out the Democrat wannabes.
That’s a great idea! Too bad I’m probably even lazier than you and can’t be bothered to pass this along to a good candidate for the task.
This is literally my favorite feature on the site.
#metoo
My wife has a Subaru Outback (she calls it her lesbian soccer mom car). For a while, I was driving that every day to work. I went from driving a 2 door Jeep Wrangler (manual transmission, often without the doors) to driving the Subaru. I got compliments several times a week on my Jeep. Never once heard “hey man, nice Outback!”
Thankfully my wife insisted that I get a Mustang convertible for my car…
So Subarus and stickers go together? right. Older Subarus have more stickers while newer ones do not. I’m trying to come up with the rules for sticker qty for a Subaru.
+2 stickers per 5 years of age.
+1 sticker for every non-profit the owner volunteers for.
+1 sticker for every RAGNAR owner as participated in.
note: parking passes do not count as stickers / decals
I had to drive Wifey’s Nissan Juke to work last night. Goddamn that thing is peppy. When she first bought it I took it out and got it up to 180 klicks before my sphincter called my brain an asshole.
I wouldn’t mind one of these Jukes
I’m used to my truck so the responsive handling and git up and go is a little unsettling (I haven’t had a speeding ticket since 1991).
Not familiar with it, is that one of those baby SUV’s?
Untertitten for my fellow untermenschen.
https://thechive.com/2019/06/14/pillowy-mounds-of-underboob-to-rest-your-morals-on-50-photos/
Ist gut.
#34 – now _that_ is why you get a private jet.
Sure but how do you keep them entertained when ya just wanna zone out for a bit? Cat tree? Random laser pointers? Cans of tuna?
You send them away and have new ones sent for the next flight, obviously.
i’m seeing a very positive trend out there with the younger generations… tank top + braless. at lunch today i saw an early 20s gal sporting the look. it’s breezy here today too so when she walked by i’m about 85% certain i saw nip. smoking hot too. athletic blond. this trend must continue. slut-shaming will be punishable by death.
Every few years a fashion trend comes along that makes me think some undercover shitlord has infiltrated the women’s fashion world.
For a brief, shining moment, many years ago, it was plaid schoolgirl skirts, thigh-highs and choker necklaces – all at the same time.
Our man on the inside may have overplayed his hand that year.
The amount of stupidity packed just into the headline could cause an intercranial hemorrhage.
https://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/nb/randy-hall/2019/06/14/joy-behar-climate-change-could-prevent-joe-biden-curing-cancer
No, dude. Just no. I refuse to give that a click. I’m already stoned and too much brain warp is a young man’s game.
Biden is an Oncologist? Who knew?
He’s close to being an octogenarian.
Carbon dioxide is literally Hitler
So trees are Nazis? They just love them some Hitler
No no, the trees are the Judenrat, the environmentalists are nazis. OMWC covered this yesterday.
The whole logic behind that statement just makes no sense. He’s talking about curing cancer, not curing the causes of cancer.
Like does she think that if we had a cure for cancer, no one would ever even get cancer in the first place? We have a cure for malaria….that doesn’t mean no one ever gets malaria….it just means we cure it when they do
Like does she think
No. No, she does not.
Dayum. That’s like something from Babylon Bee.
Untold Stories From the Glibetariat:
https://mobile.twitter.com/fox6now/status/1139540675509280770
We need a write-up, stat!
I LOL’d: https://mobile.twitter.com/MrBelvederePhan/status/1139567887373492224
Yeah, that was pretty damn good.
Apropos of nothing, there is a new free DLC mission for Borderlands 2 that acts as a prequel of sorts for Borderlands 3. Anyone else playing?
I downloaded it. But Borderlands 3 is dead. I won’t even look that way for years.
Whycome? I haven’t been following the development.
If I had to assume, it is because UCS doesn’t play on consoles and isn’t a fan of the epic store.
Exactly. Epix Exclusive means “Not a dime from me”.
Finishing my playthrough of BL1 Enhanced Edition first, then moving on to that DLC next.
I am still reading the morning link because do you people even work?
Gurda says he is not a socialist nor a Sanders supporter, and yet it bothers him that Republican critics “identify socialism as whatever they care to
If this guy progjects any harder I am going to forcibly tattoo “JVC” to his forehead. No, shithead. Republican/conservative/libertarian/etc. critics of socialism call it what it is, i.e. state control of the means of production. Leftists define it as any particular thing at any particular time, but mostly having to do with welfare and nanny statism.
Do you even Subaru, bro?
Duh.
Sanders says that when he says socialism, he actually means welfare. Then why not call it welfare? Because he actually wants socialism. He’s just looking for a way to sneak it in through the back door.
sneak it in through the back door
Something something STEVE SMITH. But, yea, millions of lives and general destruction but “socialism” still sounds nice to these people as opposed to “welfare”.
Yep. The problem with welfare is that there’s no utopian end state.
I don’t know why people are pretending not to get this.
Late to the party, but that was genius, SF!
Again, I must be getting tougher, as I read it while eating lunch.
The real commercial was more nauseating, really.
And check… I bet your nipple sensitivity has gone down.
*checks*
Well, I’ll be damned!
*goes to look for the big clamps*
I am so happy I ate that Poke bowl for lunch.
SugarFree makes life worth living.
It’s like fucking Hamlet!
Well, I’m sold. Heading down to the dealership this weekend.
Yay! Subaru Horror Theatre!
So very late to the party, but bravo. Very Lovecraftian.