“He turned himself red,” the hat said tightly.
“It’s all over the news,” the hair said.
“He turned himself red.”
“I know,” the hair said, “I told him not to.”
“You knew about this in advance?” the hat asked, his voice going icy.
“I just saw that he was all red before Donald grabbed him as we were leaving,” the hair said defensively. “He just jammed him down on me without any warning!”
“Oh, so you’re the victim now?” the hat growled.
“Yell at Donald, not me! I told him not to leave you in the hotel. All those public appearances with that idiot; I talked to him as little as possible. And have you heard the new accent? It’s ridiculous!”
“As a proud red hat, it’s very offensive to me that he did this,” the hat said. “What it is is redface, that’s what it is.”
“Historical inequities in the representation of HOC in various mediums…” the hair began.
“Oh, blow it out your ass,” the hat groaned.
“Where is he?” the hair asked. “I don’t like it when he’s just out there with a toupee. Did you see how stupid he looked without me?”
“Oh, now you care about being left behind. When it’s you.”
“I’m on your side here. I don’t want either of those sister-raping trailer bumpkins on top of me.”
“Just tremendous,” they heard Donald say just outside the Oval Office.
“Who’s he talking to?” the hat asked the hair.
“I don’t know, I can’t see,” the hair replied.
“Just wonderful. Wonderful,” Donald said. “Smooth and firm, that’s how I tariff. Smooth and firm until they start to like it. Talk to Sarah; Sarah knows.”
Donald entered, wave to whomever he was talking to and closed the door behind him. His shoulders slumped and he stopped holding his back so straight and he let the cuffs of his suit jacket fall over his wrist as he hung this arms.
“I really wanted those tariffs,” he said dejectedly.
“I know, Donald,” said his hair.
“I’m going to take a bath,” Donald said. He kicked off his shoes and threw his disposable toupee into the trash. He dumped two hats onto his desk before shedding his suit jacket. He left a trail clothes as he walked into the Presidential Shitter and slammed the door behind him.
“Wow, I haven’t seen him this upset since Vanna White’s neck started looking like a turkey wattle,” the hair said quietly.
“Haw-haw-haw,” the USA hat hawed as he unfurled from the crumpled ball Donald had left on the desk.
“You son of a bitch,” MAGA Prime spat.
“You just jealous,” USA hat said.
“Redface!” MAGA Prime screamed.
“Oh, is that what you were thinkin’?” the white USA hat said as his red counterpart unfurled next to him.
“There’s two of them!” the hair gasped.
“Calm down, Velma,” MAGA Prime snapped. “I’ll handle this.”
“Yew’ll handle what, old man?” white USA hat asked, flexing his bill in a threat display.
“It, uh, seems to me that we got ourselves an old fashioned Messican Stand-off uh-here,” the red USA hat said in a rolling baritone.
MAGA Prime growled, the hair coiled his tendrils, the white USA hat flexed his bill again, and the red one grumbled like an idling semi as they closed toward each other.
“You will not survive this,” red USA said. “I will…” but he was cut off by the door to the Presidential Shitter flew open. Donald stood there in just his socks and garters.
“Donald! Put on some clothes!” the hair said, shocked.
He stomped toward the four of them, considered for a brief second and grabbed up the red USA hat.
“I’m his favorite now,” the red USA hat said to MAGA Prime and the hair.
“We’re out of toilet paper,” Donald said. “Never trust an American maid.”
“Noooooooo-” the red USA howled until he was cut off by the closing bathroom door.
I think the stupid trailer trash thing by the USA hats is just an act. I think they are actually evil geniuses plotting to overthrow H&H; possibly as North Korean plants.
I am assuming the Red Hat is now dead. Dead or insane.
I am flushed with excitement waiting to find out for sure.
What a crappy comment.
Rumors about his fate are swirling.
Someone ply SF with alcohol and find out.
These comments all deserve to go into the sewer.
Shitty way to go.
*narrows gaze*
That goes for all of you.
OT: On June 12, 2019at 10:59 am, I left an answer on the previous thread to your question of June 12, 2019 at 7:36 am.
I’m glad someone around here cares about precision!
Your general point about government agencies being funded by donation is well-taken and needn’t be limited to the FBI. I grant that, under certain interpretations, the Constitution allows for the existence of the FBI, however the current incarnation is worse than incompetent. They miss (or neglect?) obvious signs of problems in lieu of abusing citizens’ rights and playing the Stasi’s little brother.
Time to get rid of it.
Somehow the United States continued to exist from 1787 until having an Attorney’s General’s police force (1908) or an FBI (1935).
Weed whacker to the federal criminal code
Eliminate police powers from most federal departments, particularly from IG offices
Reduce GSA Police to the status of private security guard, mostly unarmed, without arrest authority. call the local police to have them arrest a trespasser
Repeal criminal and administrative prohibitions on carrying weapons on federal property, with the exception of courts (maybe) and prisons
Manchurian can-o-hats
If I understand your comment correctly, I think you Brooksed it and this is appropriate for responding to Q’s (first!) comment.
“Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet” That note does not appear in the article. “Man, that is flagrant false advertising!” ―Otto
Second
Wow…Red Hat suffers a fate worse than death.
A real shitty way to go.
Talk about taking your final bowel.
He died like Elvis did.
He played a vigorous game of racquetball, retired to his chambers and passed away?*
*How Priscilla’s voiceover explained the King’s demise on the recorded Graceland Tour circa 1997.
Not kidding: Memphis was the center of the racquetball world once
In the ’90s I watched the Nationals (or some other big tourney) in Memphis and was astounded by the speed that those guys played at.
Totally sucked as a spectator because the ball was so fast and it was so hard to tell if it skipped just before it hit the wall or it was a rollout.
The best though were watching for players who had gotten smacked in the back of the thigh by one of those bullets and was gimping around with a leg that was totally blood shot.
I sincerely recommend Graceland to everyone.
I never really understood the Hajj until I visited there.
Graceland was way better before the Presely estate bought out all the shitty tourist traps across the street and turned it into a respectable tourist center.
But yes, I totally agree. You will start the tour ready to mock and by the end of it, you are mightily impressed by what that hillbilly did.
What happened to Red Hat? Trump rectum!
Like a Phoenix, Brown Hat rises from the asses.
Rectum? Damn near killed him!
Well… IBM did buy Red Hat. I hear the stockholders made out well.
Oh… wrong Red Hat.
/continues to wear dunce cap.
“‘Oh, blow it out your…’ the hat groaned.” Where is one of those on a Hair?
I’m gonna go ahead and say this is on topic for an SF post.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hbos-explicit-euphoria-courts-controversy-how-teen-sex-is-1217606
“Thirty penises in one episode?[…]What made it to air is a trimmed-down version of the original shot, which included ‘like, 80 more’ penises, [director Levinson said].”
PS: Dear HBO, something like 40% of the internet is porn. You’re not going to shock anyone; after the populace has seen several hundred double anal fisting scenes they have become unshockable. Try making good content instead.
The problem isn’t the shocking part, it’s that this is something my 14 year old will hear about from her friends and seek out. Thanks HBO.
I’ve been mad at HBO since they cancelled Carnivale.
Yes, that long.
Hell, there’s more nudity on Wikipedia than HBO could ever cram into their shows. If they are going to thrive, they must do so through engaging story-telling, not prurient content. They are never going to beat the internet at the latter.
Or
SkinemaxCinemaxLet’s not throw the nude babe out with the bath-water. I want engaging story-telling AND living-room safe porn that I can watch with the Mrs. See Westworld season 1.
Ok smart guy, then explain why the awesomeness of a given GoT episode was directly proportional to the amount of naked whores in it? Same thing with Westworld season 2: the clothes go on, the quality of the show suffers. Ditto True Detective S1 v. S2.
Or why Altered Carbon was so much better than The Man in the High Castle?
It’s just basic science.
I see you are also a man of culture.
I assume the correlation runs in the other direction: the actors realize the show isn’t as good, so they decide they’re not going to bare it all for this. Because honestly, while some more skin may have made the later seasons of GoT and Westworld more watchable, they wouldn’t have made them better.
oh dear god, Alessandra Daddario in season one of True Detective was so perfect
I think the issue is the shows were enjoyed by a broader audience than the producers expected. Thus, the shows shifted their story telling to satisfy this boarder audience (without pissing off loud groups that oh say didn’t like all the nudity). This actually harmed the show. The bigger GoT got, the worse its storytelling got.
So the show, which is based on experiences of a Hollywood trust fund baby who was a teenager in the 1990’s but it is totally about the challenges of growing up today?
Because yes, your average teen in 2019 has the exact same experiences and concerns of hollywood trust fund babies in the 1990’s
Yes, it’s so hard, what with all the virtue signaling and cell phones and running water and uber and insane amounts of relative wealth compared to any generation that has come before.
There wasn’t a television show that reflected my teenage years that was on while I was a teenager, and probably the closest thing I can think of that might have done it was the movie Kids if you take out the bits with aids and rape. I wouldn’t describe my or anyone else’s childhood as difficult. “Hard to grow up” might be true in the sense that an adolescence of relative ease where I worked in order to get money to blow on drugs, video games, and skateboard parts and didn’t have to worry about room and board did not adequately prepare me to be a responsible adult at 18, but that’s about it.
I don’t know, The Breakfast Club was not an entirely unrealistic representation of what it was like to be a teen in the mid 80’s. The details were off and oversimplified but it certainly captured the feel of it
From the trailer:
“We’re just reaching for something, so we can all seem meaningful.”
That is, reaching for anything that doesn’t involve hard work and commitment to anything other than self-gratification, because that’s cishetero patriarchal white shitlord or something like that.
This is all so rote at this point.
The male genitalia in the pilot is not attached to any of the largely 20-something cast. Instead, it’s care of actor Eric Dane, who commits statutory rape with a 17-year-old trans girl (newcomer Hunter Schafer, 20).
“You’re a real woman now.”
You’ve got your China Room, your Lincoln Bedroom, your variously colored Rooms, your Oval Office, and now your Presidential Shitter.
“The Hat and The Hat: ”
Has another hat done a hostile takeover and kicked out the hair?
I’m glad someone caught that.
The mind may blank out certain horrors.
I stopped reading the title after episode 122.
People would be surprised how often I pick up on stuff but never say anything. Learned that from my experience being married. Sometimes pretending not to see things is the best way to avoid unneeded conflict or hassle. And while I like conflict, I also like to play to win, and you can’t do that with women. They cheat.
Yup. I know the menstrual cycles of most of the women I work with. I don’t want to know this, but the pattern is not hard to pick up. And easy in the case of the one that starts conversations with, “I have PMS right now. Don’t piss me off.”
Single mom, mid-thirties, used to be hottish but let herself go after the second divorce and refuses to acknowledge that she bears any responsibility for her current shitty situation?
Early 40s, still fairly pretty. But you were dead on with the rest.
*looks down at iPhone*
“yep, right on schedule, congrats”
Don’t worry. I’ve got a plan (that I just now came up with) if Donald switches exclusively to another Hat for the campaign.
“Make America Nazi Again”?
A Roosevelt is running?
I miss SNP.
+1 RDA
+2 Cortez
I thought it was a secret?
Things are going to get real dicey when Joe Biden’s “MAAA” hat shows up.
I figured it would be MAGA as well but “Gropey”.
It’s MAMA: Make America Moral Again.
OK, Joe.
MACACA: Make America Creepy And Cancerfree Again
That’s how he plans to beat cancer: Free breast exams.
It’s a two-fer! Not only will his program of early detection beat cancer, but it will drop prices dramatically. How? By eschewing fancy machines and doing all the exams manually.
Sniff-test.
No, that is for his followup program to expand annual pap smear tests
I was trying to find the clip from Dragnet where Joe Friday is listening to the Moral Advanced Movement of America show, but it seems to be missing from the internet.
“MAMA.”
Seriously, what a dipshit.
“Wow, I haven’t seen him this upset since Vanna White’s neck started looking like a turkey wattle,” the hair said quietly.
I don’t know about that. She looks pretty good to me.
I know, right? She’s a very attractive 62, and I think that’s with little to no plastic surgery or Botox or anything like that.
I think her avoiding that is why she didn’t abruptly age badly. A lot of the ones that went south fast did so because they cheated.
I don’t want either of those sister-raping trailer bumpkins on top of me.
Bigot.
Awww! A H&H with a happy ending!
I want red USA hat to make a return appearance at some point.
I expect it will be on the head of one of the “wannafud” monsters.
What does it mean? I still don’t know.
Think “speech impediment” and go from there.
“Haven’t you figured out what they are saying yet?” the hat asked, cruelty in his voice. “‘Want to fuck?’ is what they are saying. Do you? Do you want to fuck?” The hat slapped the hair painfully with his band and they took off, dozens of the hair’s tendrils digging into the cum-crusted floor of the tunnel and scaling the low crude wall to run back down the tunnel.
But of course!
Real-time retconning. SF really is the complete package.
No, that is an excerpt of the story where the phrase appeared:
https://www.glibertarians.com/2019/04/the-hat-and-the-hair-episode-117/
RTFS!
Real-time, thorough, retconning.
No, that is an excerpt of the story where the phrase appeared:
Well, it is now.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/male-student-poses-girl-catch-sexual-predators-nabs-police-officer-n1016696
A California college student used a Snapchat filter to pose as an underage girl online in an effort to catch sexual predators. The alleged predator he caught was a San Mateo police officer.
I got nothing.
Look at Li’l Chris Hansen here.
I can’t see any possible ways for this to backfire.
Why don’t you have a seat
…the college student was then killed in a botched no-knock raid looking for drugs.
Right. I think this young lad may have well been cursed by some wretched gypsy.
What? They didn’t shoot his dog first?
Note:
PoochieEthan died on the way back to hishome planetdorm room.Shots fired at Vanna White? WTF?
Obvs. The Hair was a fan of “Press Your Luck.”
https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/retirement/seniors-face-foreclosure-after-being-sold-risk-free-retirement-with-reverse-mortgages/ar-AACKhpC
Nothing is risk-free: When they missed a paperwork deadline or fell behind on taxes or insurance, lenders moved swiftly to foreclose on the home.
Corrected headline: panicked seniors sign reverse mortgages didn’t know what they were doing, ultimately lose houses anyway. [but that’s not very sexy, I know]
Every time I saw one of those ads, it set off so many alarm bells in my head.
I don’t necessarily object to RAMs, but they are more expensive than other finance alternatives. But that is a lot of small type to let your house ride on.
Which of course gets twisted into “racism!”
Reverse mortgage is just about the stupidest “investment” you could possibly make.
My grandfather got one because he never expected to live into his mid-90s and he started running out of retirement money. I mean, he retired in 1989 for crissakes.
A California college student used a Snapchat filter to pose as an underage girl online in an effort to catch sexual predators. The alleged predator he caught was a San Mateo police officer.
Imagine that kid’s surprise when he gets thrown in jail for identity theft and mail fraud.
It’s a felony for breaking the terms and conditions of online services if I recall.
+1 Lori Drew
Somebody call Bayes because there’s nothing marginal about these ladies’ posterior distributions!
https://thechive.com/2019/06/12/congrats-on-making-it-to-hump-day-here-is-your-reward-40-photos-31/
S&W takes Chapter 11
It’s not because there’s better stuff for sale or anything, right?
I should check the nics/month
Sooner or later, a Democrat will win the White House again.
Like Suthen, I own a 686. It’s a tack-driver.
But I’ve had it 30 years and my son will inherit it; I don’t need anything else from them.
Golf and baseball are dying. Do Millennials buy guns?
I do, but I don’t have that much cash to just throw at a bunch of different handguns. I’d rather buy ammo.
I have a “few”
Golf and baseball are dying.And motorcycles. It’s mostly just grey-beards riding them around these days.
Fucked up that formatting. Imagine the strike through is italics.
Yeah, his recommendation for a Model 41 made me wonder if my $1400 would be better served by buying one of these and 1400 rounds of ammo.
You can’t go wrong there. The Ruger and the Browning are great 22 autos. I also have a SIG 1911-22 but I can hit better with my Buckmark. The S&W Model 41 is the gold standard but you don’t have to spend that much to have a first rate 22.
My 1965 Mark I is the most accurate gun I own. It’s just a pain in the ass to keep clean and has mechanical issues — especially if it’s not immaculately clean.
Everyone that showed up at my club’s fun shoot was sporting a Buckmark, except for the guy with the Single Action Army.
Do Millennials buy guns?
*Raises hand.*
I think I posted this one yesterday.
It’s a distributor, not S&W.
You don’t expect people to actually read things before they post do you?
Shit. I just bought a SW. hopefully that won’t kill customer service.
S&W…did not file for bankruptcy. United Sporting filed for bankruptcy.
The article does mention AOBC seeing a drop in sales…but that’s not the same as filing for bankruptcy.
“Noooooooo-” the red USA howled until he was cut off by the closing bathroom door.
I love this ending.
You into German scheisse porn too?
“I know, Donald,” said his hair.
This is what I like about this writing. You may need to wash the puke out of your mouth when it’s over, but there are subtle things like “his” hair when the hair is showing empathy.
I’m numb to it now.
How the WOD harms us all. https://imgur.com/a/p5nqoDp
A buddy of mine got burned pretty bad on Saturday. He went to 3 separate walk in clinics that day. Each one treated it lightly, but all refused to prescribe him any pain medications. 2 have no explanation for why and treated him like some sort of drug addict for even asking, but the third was actually honest with him. The third told him that he wouldn’t prescribe pain medicine because he doesn’t want the DEA crawling up his ass.
There have been a few news articles run in the past few months in my area about clinics getting busted by the DEA for over prescribing opioids. I can imagine that many of the claims for over prescriptions were fir cases a lot like my friends.
Anyway, my friend came to work yesterday, but couldn’t hardly do his job. Today he took off and was lucky enough to find a relative who had some old Hydrocoden to help him through the day.
Sweet Jesus. I hope he heals up fast. That looks damn painful.
That looks bad. Sorry. I hope he heals up quickly.
Fuck the DEA.
Screw those fascists. Denying an injured person pain medicine is some puritanical nonsense. It’s nanny statism at it’s most horrendous.
Its not even like he went in claiming phantom back pain or something. It’s pretty fucking obvious that there is a massive burn and I’m sure that it hurts like hell.
This is what worries me about legalized marijuana. Besides the fact that nothing has been legalized (since they are still arresting people in the black market for not paying the proper tax), it’s also the fact that the government becomes the dealer and he knows who is buying what, how often, and how much, if he wants to know.
The DEA is not going to go quietly. They need a reason to exist and this opiod crap has unleashed a monster on people in this country who are the most disadvantaged. Like all good drug laws- it only applies to the regular guy.
UTCs pretty much all have a policy of no opioids to first-time patients. The DEA has been threatening them for years.
Emergency rooms are more flexible because they see more severely injured patients. He might have better luck because that is a gruesome injury.
Also: Never ask for painkillers, just say you are in pain, if they ask a number on a pain scale say 7 or 8 at the most (junkies always say 10.)
But the DEA has been scaring docs for years and most of them are fine leaving you in agony than risking their license.
Yurp. Better for millions to suffer unnecessarily than for a few to misuse a drug and, in the process, only harm themselves.
For the children.
The government hates people experiencing pleasure, it might distract them from what they should be doing which is revering the State. Hence the anti-sex league in 1984.
I view your occasional girly pics as a principled act of disobedience against the scolds. At least that’s how I justify clicking on the pictures.
^^^This guy gets it.
Modern day puritans they are. There will never be an end to WOD until a majority of people can get it through their thick heads that sometime people use drugs simply because they make them feel good.
Modern puritans cant stand the thought that somebody might be having a good time.
But what about BUS DRIVERS?!?!?!?!
/parents who drop their kids off daily in their BMW’s because no way are they going to let them ride a fucking bus anyway
…are in constant pain.
This is exactly what makes me want to beat the fuck out of every MSM outlet shoveling yet another “opioid epidemic!!!!111!!” article. Real people are getting seriously fucked over by this.
My sister has some spinal surgery done a few months ago and it required a family support team of about 3 people to constantly manage the bullshit around trying to get and maintain pain meds.
I don’t personally give a fuck if the price is allowing some heroin addicts to off themselves. This is horrendous and it’s going to get worse.
Once some lawmakers get some close family members who are in extreme pain through accident or surgery we might get something. More likely though is the lawmaker will pull some strings and get things taken care of that way.
You engage a private doctor and you can get anything you want. The monitoring system seems to have more to do with raw amounts of pills instead of number of prescriptions. A private doc is just not going to see as many patients.
(I have a friend in healthcare.)
I have a private doc. I haven’t ever asked for opiates, but I know the answer would be yes.
Exactly Chips. They’ll get theirs without having to do anything to fix the system, and fuck everyone who’s not them.
My father has a degenerating disc. The pain is frequently severe, and they won’t give him real painkillers any more. Pisses me right off.
The irony is that the DEA coming down on doctors who prescribe pain meds actually pushes people into the heroin market and makes the overdose problem worse. On top of that, the strict laws against heroin, make fentanyl an easier drug to smuggle by volume and its introduction into the market makes the overdose problem even worse again.
Drug warriors have to know this, and their insistence on continuing their crusade makes them evil people.
During prohibition, the feds used to put adulterants into alcohol so that it wouldn’t be safe to drink. So bootleggers would re-distill the product to make it safe. Every now and then, the feds would change the formula and people would die until the bootleggers figured out the new formula. These deaths were intentional.
For the people in charge, drug deaths are the intended message to the plebes.
And they loop it back by calling prescribed pills for pain a “gateway” to heroin.
No one told those hillbillies to crush their oxy and snort it.
If you are going to fuck up your life on drugs, you probably would have found something else to fuck it up on.
I have nearly a full script of oxy at home from my knee surgery last year. I didn’t need it, so I didn’t use it. But the harder it becomes to get the stuff, the less likely I am to get rid of what I haven’t used.
Job security…
women and children not hit hardest
Ah, nothing like having some guy’s ass in my face if I’m stuck behind him going up the stairs.
Unwillingly.
That’s like the Twilight-Zone-irony version of an upskirt.
Kohl’s cash it be serious business.
Holy shit, the merchandise obtained through this scam could easily run into the hundreds of dollars in value.
Not really. It’s actually more like a coupon you can use on a future purchase. It expires quickly and is applied *before* any other discounts, so it’s not treated like cash or a gift card.
I will say that Kohl’s has some marketing geniuses working for them. The whole setup is ingenious, and those fuckers don’t miss a trick.
Speaking of the DEA, Michael Malice had Lyn Ulbricht (Ross’ mom) on his show “Your Welcome” yesterday. It’s a good episode and depressing to hear how her son was rail-roaded.
https://gasdigitalnetwork.com/gdn-show-channels/your-welcome/?vid=0_styekecl&cid=35281&cat=YOUR+WELCOME
No comment.
Hi, Preet!
What happened to him is beyond disgusting.
He’s a legitimate martyr
Yeah, well, if you let people engage in voluntary transactions over the internet all hell is going to break loose. It’ll be AK-47s and fentanyl as far as the eye can see.
Thanks for ruining Scooby Doo for me!
Scrappy Doo did that years ago.
samantha I put a spell on you fish
“H&H – the first 2 years” needs to be released in time for primaries. Surely a publisher has jumped on the chance by now?
I don’t think we can afford the legal fees for Citizens United 2: Electric Boogaloo.
I’m sure several publishers jumped when presented with the collected H&H opus.
Jumped, in the reflexive revulsion and disgust way?