About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

414 Comments

  1. Sean

    ??

    • R C Dean

      Good stuff, no question. I larfed, I wept ( for the future of this country).

      • MikeS

        But did you save 5 bucks?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Aww, hell–$5 is worth keeping the good stuff going.

        /…………..where’s my wallet?

  2. MikeS

    Fucking sweet!

    Pauses Twins game to watch*

  3. Rhywun

    Bravo! Much better than the this horrible national anthem theater.

    “Who the fuck is Jim Jones?!”

    LOLOL

    • MikeS

      The squuuuaaad.

      hahahahahahahahahaha!

      LOL

      • straffinrun

        Two killer lines. Two thumbs up, CP.

      • C. Anacreon

        Great job cprm!
        Worth every penny., perhaps the best one yet.
        Those of you who want to support this continued laff-fest, please consider donating to his Patreon.

    • Rhywun

      #metoo

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I’ll keep using my Gillette. Of course, it was built in 1957 when men were men and women had hair down there.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        when men were men and women had hair down there.

        ::Furiously scribbles notes::

        Go on…

    • Naptown Bill

      It’s interesting that the P&G report mentions an overall decline in grooming. I find that difficult to believe. It also kind of sounds like they’re saying that the troglodyte men and their toxicity are too slovenly to bother with personal grooming. Sour grapes, IOW.

      • DOOMco

        Yeah,calling bullshit on that.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yup, if anything they completely whiffed on the move upscale. Places like Art of Shaving are thriving, but Gillette is hemmoraging money? Not a grooming feline.

      • Naptown Bill

        Exactly, if anything the aftermath of the metrosexual/lumbersexual (yep, that’s a thing) fad is a whole host of men with all sorts of facial hair that they do all sorts of maintenance to. I’d bet there’s more market for men’s grooming stuff now than there was twenty years ago by a long shot.

      • Rhywun

        Can confirm that from my observations, men are grooming more than ever.

      • hayeksplosives

        To a creepy level! I think it’s bizarre for men and women to go bare down there. That fur serves a number of purposes.

        The lack of it is a distinct turn off for me. What, are you a Japanese Eunuch or an adolescent?? Either way, no thank you.

      • Sean

        Bare? No.
        Tastefully trimmed? I think so.

      • Rhywun

        I wasn’t even thinking about “down there”, but you’re right.

      • Hyperion

        Well, since we are all not running around naked on the tundra still, no it really does not.

      • The Hyperbole

        Have you seen all the fucking beardos out there, of course razor sales have tanked, plus they are all hipster douches so any actually grooming aids they buy are going to be bespoke shit not mass produced disposable plastic crap. I buy it entirely and wish P&G and Gillette nothing but the best in these trying times ahead.

    • Bob Boberson

      I for one have purchased my last Gillette product. Harry’s Razors is better quality at hand the price anyway.

      • Bob Boberson

        grrrr….*half

    • DEG

      I’ve been dumping all Proctor and Gamble products since I don’t have any Gillette products to dump.

    • DOOMco

      Yay!
      “I’m doing my part!”

    • Hyperion

      “gillette-becomes-the-billion-dollar-losing-segment-of-parent-company-following-its-toxic-masculinity-commercial/”

      Seriously, have not had a Gillette product in my house since that. They they really do think there is no consequences to their hatefulness.

    • C. Anacreon

      Just saw another woke Gillette commercial, for their ladies razor Venus. This one showed women with scars, skin lesions, and one with spots all over her that are either hemangiomas, port wine stains or cafe au lait spots (all conditions with skin discolorations). Each woman is proud of her situation, wanting to show her unusual skin off, saying “this is who I am”. I guess a nice sentiment, but must seem strange to those who want to get modern treatment for such disorders.

      Includes a montage of them shaving the discolored legs and underarms.

      Question: if they are so proud of how they look naturally, why would they want to shave? Isn’t body hair also their natural condition?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        for such disorders

        Ooohhhh….Doc, you’re gonna smoke a turd in hell for that one! Those ladies are NOT gonna take kindly to your rampant use of medically-accurate terminology.

        Better do some penance via long-stem rose self-flagellation.

      • Rhywun

        Ew – that’s like all those smoking commercials with diseased lungs and shit.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        with diseased lungs and shit

        LOL!

    • Tejicano

      I stopped using shaving cream years ago when I found out that it really isn’t necessary – a splash of water is all you really need.

      And then about two years ago I went to an electric shaver and stopped using blades altogether. I still have some blades round for when I feel the need to trim sideburns to a line but that’s not often.

  4. Urthona

    Nice

  5. Old Man With Candy

    Superb as usual. You and SugarFree have created a great universe.

  6. Tres Cool

    Oh no……

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      What was your final low side pressure?
      I was thinking 32-35 psig

      • Tres Cool

        Ambient temp was ~90º F. I was hoping for 45-55 psi (from a shitty AutoZone gauge- like I said, hardly NIST or oil-filled). I managed to cram 40 psi or so in it.
        I was more happy to see it get evacuated, and hold vacuum it for a solid 15 minutes.

      • Tres Cool

        Ill send you a pic of my assistant

  7. Rhywun

    I’ve gotta say, I don’t listen to Trump, at all. I mean, I’m aware that he can be a bit… inarticulate, but… really?? Assuming this is actually him talking… wow, I can’t even.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      He is a walking stereotype of the NYC real estate caste. Half mob boss, half business shark.

      • Suthenboy

        Bam. Trashy nails it.

    • The Hyperbole

      He’s one hell of a bullshitter, he spews crazy word salads and the TDS crowd lose their minds, the Trumpsters thinks he’s a 6D chess grand-master(Wizard?) and normal folk (like me) just shake their heads and chuckle/sigh/mutter to themselves.

      • MikeS

        Oh, now he claims to be normal.

        *shakes head; chuckles, sighs, and mutters to self*

      • OneOut

        Who says you are normal ?

      • The Hyperbole

        I’m exceptionally normal.

      • Lackadaisical

        The normalest. He’s so normal, you won’t believe it. You’re gonna be sick of normal.

      • Lackadaisical

        The voices told him he’s not like everyone says.

    • Sean

      He can run hot or cold. I’ve seen him make speeches that could be called Reaganesque, and I’ve watched him make speeches that made me cringe more than a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. The thing is though, he does come through as a real person and not a total lying sack of shit.

      • MikeS

        he does come through as a real person and not a total lying sack of shit.

        Why not both?

        Seriously, though, I agree. Not that I don’t think he’s a buffoon, but unlike many other politicians, what you see is the real him.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, it doesn’t actually make me think less of him or anything. I can be a gibbering idiot at times, too.

        I know CPRM is picking the best quotes, too 🙂

      • Drake

        I agree – most national politicians come off as completely faked and rehearsed bullshit. People who literally can’t speak without a script.

    • westernsloper

      Oh he comes off as a complete dipshit and all over the map when speaking. I know more articulate real life people who never finished high school who can combine words in something resembling a sentence better than Trump. It is sort of fascinating actually.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        He and Obama are a pair of case studies in the different ways that you can be a horrible orator and still have charisma.

      • Rebel Scum

        ^^

        But at least Trump doesn’t sound like he is talking down to and lecturing you.

      • Jarflax

        Pair? We are on 5 straight grade F orators. Bush II was just as incoherent as Trump, Clinton sounded like a Little Rock Funeral Director selling a widow the Deeeeluxe model, if Bush I managed a complete, grammatical sentence I d on’t recall it. Reagan was the last President who knew how to orate.

      • MikeS

        Honestly, Reagan is probably an outlier farther back than that, right? Maybe Kennedy…?

      • westernsloper

        “Uh uh uh um and and and uh um and well, um see it’s like…..”

      • Drake

        When Obama’s reading the teleprompter, he gets into the rhythm of a southern preacher. I personally hated that up / down bullshit but some people loved it.

        When he’s off-script, he’s a mumbling retard.

  8. Rhywun

    Looks like Biden’s had another stretching since the last debate.

    • MikeS

      Hamstrings?

    • MikeS

      Earlobes?

    • westernsloper

      Jowls?

    • Jarflax

      STEVE SMITH SHOW YOU WHAT GET STRETCHED

    • Ayn Random Variation

      I noticed that too.

  9. Florida Man

    I feel like the production quality has increased tremendously. Also, Bigly funny.

    • Rhywun

      Very much this. It’s my favorite so far.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Plugs, the answer is plugs

  10. westernsloper

    Was it Flavor Aid or Flavour Aid? I have missed out prime time on way too many Hat and Hair episodes. I didn’t know CPRM had contributor categories. What level would a cheap bottle of cologne get me? By cheap bottle of cologne I mean an airline bottle size of bottom shelf bourbon.

  11. DEG

    That “subpeona, no collusion bit” sounds like Colbert’s impersonation of Donald Trump.

  12. Rebel Scum

    I say we lay waste to California

    Leftists are already giving it the Baltimore treatment.

  13. Rebel Scum

    CNN Brings You the Greatest (Clown) Show on Earth

    I like how anyone who is even halfway sane doesn’t stand a chance at the nomination. I also like how CNN has effectively pay-walled the “debates” it is hosting.

    • Rebel Scum

      And I like how constitutionality, or the legitimate/legal authority of the federal government is never a consideration.

  14. Rhywun

    “Open borders is a right-wing talking point.”

    Hey, it worked last night.

  15. Old Man With Candy

    “Republican talking point” has become a Democratic talking point.

    • MikeS

      They’re pouncing!

    • Rebel Scum

      “How dare you challenge my position the way the opposing candidate/party will!”

    • one true athena

      Right? “You’re not supposed to challenge me! How dare you ask how I intend to pay for my grandiose plans or how my immigration policy is anything besides “let them all in, because”!”

    • DOOMco

      Will it work?

  16. Spudalicious

    Superb installment!

  17. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well done CPRM, I larfed,
    jonestown……

  18. Ayn Random Variation

    Democratic platform: Jail babies with their parents in adult prisons!!

    • Rhywun

      Right?!

      • SugarFree

        Or don’t jail them at all as long as they have a child with them. (And they oppose any attempt to hold them long enough to determine if they are related to the child.)

        And none of them know what political asylum is for.

      • DOOMco

        All I can think of is the time in trailer park boys that Ricky used all the kids to steal barbeques to avoid jail time.

    • westernsloper

      I think the Democrat platform is traffic kids as much as you like. How many kids entering with an adult are the adults actual child?

  19. Spudalicious

    Different feel tonight. Last night seemed a little more even, tonight there’s a couple of large fish swimming in the tank and a bunch of remoras just hanging on for the ride.

    And the Blue Dog Democrat is now officially on the list of species about to go extinct.

    • SugarFree

      Were protestors just chanting “Rudy Guliani for President!”?

      • Spudalicious

        I thought it was “we need protection!”. In other words, heckled from the left.

      • SugarFree

        Ah. I really couldn’t make it out, or the earlier ones.

  20. westernsloper

    LOL @ Biden being heckled for deportations.

    • Rhywun

      It is a tad ridiculous for him to jump on the open borders train when his administration was anything but.

      • Spudalicious

        That’s the beautiful irony. Obama wanted to look tough on illegal immigration, when he was anything but, so he changed what counted as a deportation and voila, he deported way more than Bush. On paper. Biden is now getting hammered, and can’t tell the truth.

      • Not an Economist

        Hell 90% of the photos they use to nail Trump about the awful conditions at the border camps were taken during the Obama administration. This keeps getting pointed out and ignored.

    • Rhywun

      And they’re still doing it!!

      Wow.

  21. Ayn Random Variation

    Castro has watched a ton of Obama videos.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Some would say…….

      • Ayn Random Variation

        If he says Make No Mistake I’m taking 3 shots.

      • blackjack

        Let me be clear…

      • Rebel Scum

        “I…me…my…I…me…my…”

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Folks!
        Drink!

    • westernsloper

      Not to mention a bunch of Bogart movies. Same hair style.

      • westernsloper

        Castro’s hair can’t talk with that much gel.

  22. Ayn Random Variation

    Booker doesn’t answer the question at all lol

  23. Old Man With Candy

    Yang said something sensible. I’m going to faint.

    • Jarflax

      The immigration comment? Notice how he then trailed off as he realized how close he was to implying that skilled engineers are better imports than some.. . um… difficulty um… (Oh crap I am about to find out where successful Asian businessman ranks in the stack)

      • DOOMco

        “LOOK OVER THERE!”

      • Old Man With Candy

        The comment that jobs have been displaced by automation not immigration.

  24. Rhywun

    Please, Cory, squeeze out a few tears.

    • SugarFree

      Or take a swing at Biden.

  25. Ayn Random Variation

    And now for the free college portion of the show…..

    • Jarflax

      I want one of them to come out with the real college plan. Free tuition for Grievance Studies majors. B-school and STEM pay.

  26. The Hyperbole

    Jesus, you people are actually watching it? I thought you guys were joshing, I’m going to go read “Where Eagles Dare” drink a few more Strohs and pass out, have fun with the idiocy.

    • commodious spittoon

      I had all of three beers last night, and still had a lingering hangover all f***ing day.

      Admittedly, they were 22oz beers, but still.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Never drink 3 or 4 beers. Enough to give you a bit of a hangover but not enough to have any fun.

      • Rebel Scum

        they were 22oz beers

        *tipsy calculator calculates*

        Thats like 5ish, not counting alc content. You were maybe correct to be hungover.

    • creech

      “Where Eagles Dare” great read. I picked up a library book off the coffee table that my wife got at library. Some shit about the Royal Twits and all. Flipping through it, it appears Charles and Diana were fucking almost everything that caught their eye. Probability is great that Prince Harry is not Charles’ son. Lots more entertaining than watching the Phillies or the other losers in the debate.

      • Spudalicious

        Alistair Maclean?

    • DOOMco

      I have the song in my head now

  27. Ayn Random Variation

    Crazy Eyez says the same thing on every topic.

  28. commodious spittoon

    Lay waste to California. Burn all the hippies.

    Finally, somebody’s talking sense.

    • commodious spittoon

      Fucking tags, how do they work?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Burn all the tags!

  29. Old Man With Candy

    CORY SAID SHITHOLE!!!!!

    • westernsloper

      +1 super duper bonus point for naughty words

    • SugarFree

      And if he doesn’t want us picking and choosing who immigrates, how is that not open borders?

      Then Biden said millions more immigrants should come.

      They really don’t want anyone even slightly to the right of Bernie voting for them, do they?

      • DOOMco

        I don’t understand how no one who has their ears hasn’t been telling them this isn’t going to go over well with the normies.

      • Jarflax

        Why appease Kulaks and wreckers, when it is so much easier and more ideologically pure to starve them?

      • SugarFree

        They are just hoping that this shit won’t be brought up by their media arm when it comes time to face off with Trump. It’s a good gamble, really.

      • DOOMco

        Fuck.
        That’s true.

      • mikey

        And the Republicans will never bring it. It wouldn’t be nice

      • commodious spittoon

        I suspect a good portion, maybe even a majority, of Democrats are convinced that loyal leftist immigrants will replace evil Republicans.

  30. LJW

    Free Stuff!

    Some math for the debates.

    • AlmightyJB

      Those votes aren’t going to buy themselves.

  31. Ayn Random Variation

    Biden calls Crazy Eyez racist after fondling his arm!

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Good job by Booker for calling out Biden, who had the balls to talk about not imprisoning drug users. Fuck you Biden.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Booker tags in DeBlasio who pounces on Biden for blaming Trump for Eric Garner’s murderers getting off. Biden with the standing 8 count.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        OK now I am mad. We have the VP at the time, the NYC Mayor at the time and a NY Senator at the time now talking about punishing cops over killing Eric Garner. Fucking scumbags. And they’re blaming Trump!!!

  32. Old Man With Candy

    Mom: “I always voted Democratic.”
    SP: “Why?
    Mom: “I have no idea.”

    • Chafed

      Her honesty is refreshing.

  33. Rhywun

    “Crisis!”

    “Emergency!”

    What a shithole we live in.

  34. Rhywun

    I have no idea if criminal justice is “broken” but the rather dramatic drop in crime since, oh, 1994 might be a data point worth considering…? Rather than tossing out some hand-picked gotchas?

  35. Old Man With Candy

    BOOKER STOLE THE KOOLAID LINE!

    • westernsloper

      Flavour Aid.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Oh yeah!

  36. Spudalicious

    I’ve had about as much as I can take as last night.

  37. Rhywun

    Whoa, smooth move into your only talking point, Andrew.

  38. SugarFree

    I think de Blasio is just there to make the rest of them seem smart. I really love New York City, but something is deeply broken there if they chose this albino turd to lead them.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Nobody voted. Like 10% of the city actually voted for him.

      • SugarFree

        Guh.

      • Rhywun

        ^ This. Turnout was 17% IIRC.

        And yes, something is deeply broken here. But the blame doesn’t solely lie with the voting-age population.

  39. Old Man With Candy

    I so wish SugarFree was here.

    • SugarFree

      Skype me on an iPad and tape me to the Roomba.

      • Old Man With Candy

        So you WANT to scare the dog?

      • SugarFree

        OK, tape me to the dog.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I’ll nail you to a rat.

      • commodious spittoon
      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Kyle

  40. westernsloper

    Ok Yang, what can I get from you for not being a criminal? Lets talk numbers here?

  41. Rhywun

    Oh great, busing.

  42. Jarflax

    Yang just proposed handing prisoners money when they come out of jail. Proposing medicare for illegals wasn’t a sufficiently offensive way to spend money.

  43. Rhywun

    This debate needs more Eric Garner.

    • SugarFree

      Not one of the fuckers can say that he wasn’t doing anything that should be a crime in the first place.

      • Rhywun

        But they can use him as a prop for a “national conversation” all right.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        please see my above rants re: the Garner pandering. Nobody can stand on dead bodies better than a politician

  44. Jarflax

    Kamala is really looking to beat out Warren for the status of top bitch.

  45. Jarflax

    She is about 2 seconds from shiving Biden.

    • Rhywun

      Or Tulsi.

  46. AlmightyJB

    Oh is there another debate tonight? Glad I’m skipping this one as well.

  47. Old Man With Candy

    Harris is trying to get me to see the upside of segregation.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      LMAO

    • Rebel Scum

      But she’s not black…

      • UnCivilServant

        And? With better data you can create smaller divisions.

        See Social Justice.

    • Jarflax

      Lol that is exactly what I was thinking. “If the evil racists that Biden loved so much had there way Booker I would not be here and Obama would not have been president” Hmm, and that is an argument in what direction?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Booker is lucky he’s smart enough to breathe. It’s certainly questionable.

  48. SugarFree

    Get her, Tulsi. Twist that knife.

    • SugarFree

      Answer the fucking question, Willie-sucker.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I thought Buttegieg was on last night?

  49. Ayn Random Variation

    Tulsi looking like Wonder Woman tonight.

    • Naptown Bill

      I mostly hate her politics but she is kinda dreamy, isn’t she?

  50. westernsloper

    LOL @ Gabbards “use them as free labor line” that’s what you call a bitch slap. Throw in withholding evidence double bitch slap.

    • leon

      Damn!

      She’ really is dreamy isn’t she…

      :Winks at Mike S.:

  51. Rhywun

    Never change, Don Lemon.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Racist tweets again!
      Drink!

  52. Ayn Random Variation

    Million Dollar preschool for everybody?

    • Rebel Scum

      Fauxcahontas already did the free-everything thing last night.

  53. Jarflax

    antidiluvenal?

    • SugarFree

      of or belonging to the time before the biblical Flood.

      No hyperbole here.

      • Jarflax

        That would be antediluvian, He said Antidiluvenal.

      • SugarFree

        Shit, you’re right. Anti-Flood? Who’s pro-flood, except, you know, the sane?

      • leon

        The Pharaoh?

      • UnCivilServant

        Egyptians used to be pro-flood.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Flo?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Tampax?

      • westernsloper

        Flow, Tampax is pro heavy flow.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Who said that? I won’t watch that shit.

      • Jarflax

        I think it was Inslee. It was one of the Non Biden white men

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Figures. Inslee is a crayon eater.

  54. Jarflax

    “after the president’s racist tweets” Ok I know it is CNN but….

    • Rebel Scum

      Facts. First.

  55. SugarFree

    The Baltimore rat question is really close to Castro’s “heart,” a bellows run by four of them.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Oh, I get it. Nice.

    • leon

      *Standing Ovation*

    • Lackadaisical

      Rofl. Awesome coinkidink… or is it?

  56. Ayn Random Variation

    And now for the We’re all gonna die portion of our show

  57. Jarflax

    protects him from not being shot? so white privilege makes you get shot? These people are all retards. Forget their ‘ideas’ these people are too stupid to employ as ditch diggers.

  58. Rhywun

    I’m out – can’t take any more of these idiots.

    • SugarFree

      Yeah, the climate chaos nonsense is just too much. Back to Skyrim.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        How many hours do you have on that game? It’s only been out for an eon.

      • leon

        It’s still fantastic. I’v put ~300 Hours in

        ( I know that’s not a lot for a game, but it’s one of the games i have put the most hours in)

      • UnCivilServant

        508, but I may have lost some time on record due to some database reset.

      • SugarFree

        I’m on my 12th playthrough, I think. I’ve done everything, all the major questlines. Just something to do.

      • Jarflax

        I am replaying again as well, and I think I am also dropping this tardfight before I shoot myself

      • SugarFree

        After the relative flop of Fallout 76, hopefully they won’t make the new Elder Scrolls online interactive (or whatever you call console MMOs.)

      • leon

        I havn’t played for a while. Lately been on a Witcher 3 Binge.

  59. Old Man With Candy

    I think Gillibrand is actually retarded.

    • Jarflax

      Green energy race with China, just like the space race. Once we hired Nazis to build our research and engineering capacity. Now we will hire commies to dismantle them.

    • Spudalicious

      That is one stupid woman. Senator Weathervane is an apt name.

  60. westernsloper

    OK……..Gillabrand just forced me out. I’m done. May I say as someone who grew up trailer park poor white trash go fuck yourself you race baiting white privilege whore. And speaking of whores, I am turning it off while Kamala is speaking……

    Have a great night all!

    • Ayn Random Variation

      How did her and DeBlasio get in this?

      • Rhywun

        White privilege.

      • one true athena

        yeah, it’s scary to think 100,000 (I think? whatever the threshold was for tonight) unique donors actually gave to Deblasio. Maybe all New Yorkers hoping he stays out longer?

  61. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Holy shit.

    Horowitz just referred Comey for prosecution.

    *It’s Happening gif*

  62. Ayn Random Variation

    DeBlasio: The gov’t will go into every apartment to check for lead!

    I’m not making this up!

    • Rhywun

      As NYCHA falls apart. lulz

  63. Jarflax

    For fucksake are we actually having lead paint as a presidential election issue? No problem too local for the Fedgov.

    • SugarFree

      The chips are just so darn tasty!

      • Jarflax

        and a stage full of people seem to have grown up eating them

  64. Jarflax

    Black women are the most valuable voting group now? How is ranking voter importance by race and gender not racist sexism?

    • leon

      Maybe, but the thing is they found a bunch of those old charts outlining racial purity and are trying to re-purpose them.

  65. Old Man With Candy

    Kirsten has the best hair.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      I’ll give the Democrats credit. They have 3 candidates I would on the stage.

  66. Tres Cool

    “we’ll let private insurance exist, as long as they can play by our rules; if they cant- then they’re out”

    Im about to Elvis my TV

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Is that where you try to shit in it, but suffer a coronary and die on top of it?

      • Tres Cool

        God, I hope so.

    • leon

      “we’ll let private insurance exist”

      How long can they continue to play supreme controller of peoples livelyhoods before the people run them out and stick their heads on pikes?

  67. Ayn Random Variation

    Russians tricked black Michigans into (Michiganders?) into voting for Trump!

    Thank you Crazy Eyez for keeping me entertained.

    • leon

      Hmm Interesting play in Detroit. Let’s see how it goes.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Blacks don’t have agency. Everybody knows that they’ll believe anything.

      • one true athena

        Plus they’re incapable of getting a VoterID, it’s too hard for them.

      • AlmightyJB

        They don’t know how to find the DMV.

  68. Ayn Random Variation

    Castro credits Obama for current job growth! Am I delirious? Did that just happen?

    • SugarFree

      Current dogma is that when they aren’t tearing down the economy, any positive aspect is credited to Obama.

      • leon

        It really is ridiculous. Obama presides 8 years of the slowest growth in decades but as soon as he’s out the great economy is all due to his economic prowess?

    • Rebel Scum

      I’m not watching but I’d believe that. They (leftists) operate two conflicting narratives at once, especially on the economy. Current bill is Obama’s and also the economy is not “working” for the average person.

    • straffinrun

      The booming economy is because of Obama.

      No. It’s because of Trump.

      And in distant third…

      Maybe it’s because we have record low interest rates and are running giant deficits. *And some deregulation.

      • Raven Nation

        I see the Fed cut rates today. I heard the speculation this morning and thought the news host misspoke when he said the fed might be cutting rates. If anything, I was thinking they would raise them. Was the rate cut a response to Trump’s rhetoric?

      • straffinrun

        It’ll be fun to watch the press conference and see how they justify the cut.

      • Chafed

        Yes

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        a response to Trump’s rhetoric

        I feel your answer applies almost any time this a component.

  69. Lackadaisical

    Heart work cprm.

    It’s amazing the quantity and quality of articles and features this week.

  70. Ayn Random Variation

    Biden not down with TPP

  71. Spudalicious

    These people are completely separated from reality. I mean, there’s some serious bat shit crazy on that stage.

  72. Tres Cool

    Ya know, I dont usually watch MSNBC. In fact, I make a point to avoid it.
    But when I do, I feel like Im having reverse chemotherapy. Like, its actually transmitting cancer.

    • Chafed

      That’s more than a feeling. It’s fact.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)
  73. Old Man With Candy

    Poll: Gillibrand, carpet matches the drapes?

    • Jarflax

      I’m betting on hardwood floors

    • straffinrun

      How do you get mustard stains on your drapes?

    • AlmightyJB

      Seems like a good Google search before I retire.

    • Tres Cool

      The drapes match, but not the upholstery.

    • Chafed

      No. She’s obviously a bleach blonde.

  74. Ayn Random Variation

    These cocksuckers talking about Afghanistan and blaming Trump? Wasn’t the Peace Prize dude President for 8 years?

    • AlmightyJB

      Well ya know Vietnam was Nixon’s war. Children don’t like to take responsibility.

      • cyto

        That one still befuddles me. Team D lied our way into that war – literally – and then escalated it beyond all recognition without ever having the commitment to actually win. And then Nixon deals with the mess and gets us out – and they’ve spent every second since he took office blaming him for Vietnam. That one didn’t take long either… I was 10 when Hanoi fell, and by the time I graduated high school I don’t think anyone in public would claim anything other than Nixon and the warmongering republicans were responsible for Vietnam.

        At the time I didn’t understand media bias, so I didn’t know where that might be coming from. But having watched how politics is covered for the last 40+ years, it is readily apparent how it works. But I still don’t get how people who were actually there can’t remember.

        Like during the Clinton run for president in the 90’s and the whole controversy about his draft status. They told absolutely contradictory stories every other week, and each time the news anchor pretended like the story had never changed – sorta 1984 style. Nobody ever called them on it. It drove me nuts. Perhaps that is why my “team neither” politics lead me to heap more vitriol on the media than on the inept candidates.

      • leon

        If it makes you feel better, I don’t associate Vietnam With Nixon.

        If it makes you feel worse, when i was in school Vietnam was just a “bad time” in the US, but defiantly no one was to blame…

      • C. Anacreon

        “Peace with Honor”

        For you youngsters, that’s how Nixon promoted us losing in Vietnam.

      • straffinrun

        Nothing more honorable than a good carpet bombing on the way out the door.

    • Hyperion

      Dude, there was an article a few days ago about a 79 year old lady in St. Louis who was getting jail time for feeding stray cats, which apparently is illegal in that part of St. Louis and people were blaming Trump. Seriously, if you can’t blame Trump or global warming for something, what is your purpose in life?

    • Hyperion

      “Wasn’t the Peace Prize dude President for 8 years?”

      He tried to do something, but Republicans wouldn’t let him. I mean even when dems had a super majority and were able to cram shitty healthcare laws down all out throats, they were’t somehow allowed to stop killing poor sheep herders in 3rd world sand traps.

  75. Hyperion

    I say we lay waste to California, burn all the hippies, LOL! The Squad! I almost spit beer on my monitor, damnit!

  76. cyto

    You want to know how ridiculous politics and political beliefs can be?

    https://mashable.com/article/donald-trump-lost-trump-history-september-11/

    The left is all over Trump’s “lie” that he was a first responder at 9-11. You know, the statement where he literally says he wasn’t a first responder?

    In this article they go after him for claiming that he had a bunch of men working at ground zero. They say that a former fire chief didn’t see him down there. But we have video of him from the national news actually being there and talking about getting more men to the site – at the time that it was actually happening. Really odd that you’d have to go to the recollections of others when you could just turn to the video tape and be done with it.

    Anyway, TDS is so strong with them that they photoshopped Trump into the Rosa Parks bus in order to ridicule him for taking credit for her actions. You know, that same famous photo that Barak Obama recreated to help build his image by putting himself in her seat? Yeah, that one.

    All projection, all the time.

    • leon

      I was a Stack Exchange question about this (I think it was on Skeptics Exchange). The Most voted answer said that the statement was “Likely False”. Further evidence for my hypothesis that Empiricism is a fraud and that people will push what they believe rather than what is True.

    • Hyperion

      See my comment just upthread about him getting blamed for a St. Louis district jailing an elderly lady for feeding feral cats. Yeah, they’ve completely lost their fucking minds.

    • leon

      Does anyone on the left get bothered that the candidates are trying to buy their votes by promising them the impossible? Wealth Taxes in the manner proposed are Unconstitutional.

      Or do they just assume that Roberts will find a way to make it so.?

      • Hyperion

        It’s like they just assume a majority of Americans will soon be A. unemployed and/or B. mentally ill.

      • straffinrun

        Gotta love how he relies on people to just assume that the taxed money would end up in their pockets.

    • cyto

      His entire career is like a parody. The kind of parody where you are glad you don’t live in New York.

      • Hyperion

        WTF is that thing on the right of that image in the header? I’m going to have nightmares now.

      • cyto

        She’s gotta be pissed. Random lady just happens to be standing in the shot and now the worst photo she ever took is on a presidential candidate’s main fundraising page. Nice.

    • MikeS

      Tax on assets. Not income, assets. What an evil plan. What an evil person.

      • Drake

        And once the assets are gone? What happens then?

      • MikeS

        Welfare! Welcome to the rolls, comrade! Now, you are our equal.

      • cyto

        Yeah, an asset tax pretty much is the real-world version of Rush’s “The Trees”.

    • Drake

      Bill Whittle documented how it would work.

  77. Rhywun

    I wonder if/when MLS will stop embarrassing themselves with these “All-Star” games versus [random European team], you know, in contrast to the way “All-Star” is supposed to work.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      How bad was it?

      I keep saying it. North America can’t seem to understand the importance of developing midfielders. I find we under appreciate its function. And don’t get me going with their hate of subtle midfield play.

      • UnCivilServant

        But if you playing on the midfield, how is the mid supposed to grow?

      • Rufus the Monocled

        BY NOURISHING IT WITH WATER.

      • Rhywun

        0:3

        And that’s with every Euro-has-been like Wayne! and Zlatan! and Bastian! on the pitch.

  78. straffinrun

    Hooolian says Ahdeeooos to Doughnald Trump.

    • straffinrun

      Booker says Detroit has “defiant love”. STEVE SMITH LIKE BOOKER.

      • straffinrun

        Harris says against predators that put babies in cages.

      • straffinrun

        Biden says he is afraid of 8 more years of Donald Trump. (Not kidding)

      • straffinrun

        And it’s done. Only watched the last ten minutes, but I’m confident I know the main points.

    • leon

      Wonder how they trained rats to be Bilingual.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The wall of animated gifs is a nice touch.

      • straffinrun

        Better?

      • Gustave Lytton

        *pukes*

  79. JG43

    Just finished that train wreck. Who was dumber, Biden or Senator Slingblade from Colorado?

    I believe Harris my be the most evil, amoral presidential candidate in my adult lifetime*.

    *I was around for Johnson but I was just a kid then.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      She always giggling and laughing.

      And not in a good way.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I wonder how anyone could possibly support her, Sanders or Warren.

        Then I’m reminded that ‘I fucking love science’ has 24 million followers.

    • straffinrun

      At least Tulsi smacked her.

      “She put over 1,500 people in jail for marijuana violations and laughed about it when she was asked if she ever smoked marijuana,”

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Good.

        And she needs to face that music more.

      • JG43

        That was nice. Somebody needed to.

        She is going to be the first “prosecutor-president” and no one else said a word.

      • straffinrun

        Tulsi shivved Kamala in the shower.

      • cyto

        She’s a woman of color. Being tough on crime is not going to count against her.

        If she wasn’t busy touting a $4.8 trillion increase in spending, I think she’d have a 90% chance of winning. But somehow Ms. law and order is suddenly Ms. Uber-Socialist.

        Well, for get the “somehow”. The authoritarianism and abuse of power is the thread that pulls it all together.

      • Hyperion

        “I think she’d have a 90% chance of winning”

        Winning what? the democrat nomination? Not even that, she’s a hateful fucking cunt who makes Hillary really look like your sweet grandma, and Trump would make it come out in spectacular fashion. She might win CA and NY because apparently those states are full of mentally disabled people. Outside of that, forget it.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        “Now–I may just be a simple, small-town Cali-for-ny-aye prosecutor, he-uh…I may not know much about fanceh speecha-fyin’, or working with a legislachuh’…

        BUT! I know a thing uh two about rounded up them poor, lost souls; lost to the druhgs and debil’s weed…and usin’ them to make a point about how we have ta do BETTUH about whom we elect to run evehthin’ ’round he-uh.

        So, vote for li’l ol’ your’s truleh..”

        /Harris, if this were about Georgia instead of California

      • Hyperion

        Eat em and smile, you have to love it.

      • Chafed

        Harris’ voice is grating. She needs to get rid of the nasal quality.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Lots of blinking during K’s response, too. I wonder why….

      • straffinrun

        Blinking or just that closed eyes, head shaking thing she does. The move of pyschos when they can’t murder you on the spot.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Yes, very much this.

        And, why you no Riddick gif any more?

      • straffinrun

        Got complaints from HR dept.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Got complaints

        I…..huh………I can’t even. But, OK. Feasting on the life force of innocents works, too.

      • Rhywun

        Maybe she learned that as part of the Canadian tippy-tops – I wonder why none of her opponents have called her out on her fake “downtrodden resident of Berkeley” crap yet.

      • Sean

        Savage. ✊

  80. Gender Traitor

    TV’s on (NOT to the Dem debate nor the post mortem!) so I turned on the closed captioning in the H&H video, but the CCs are in…Portuguese. Porque??

    • UnCivilServant

      What were you expecting?

      • Gender Traitor

        Pidgin.

      • UnCivilServant

        Okay, that would be more appropriate.

    • KSuellington

      They were completely bizarre Portuguese translations that had no resemblance to the audio.

      • Rhywun

        I had no idea YT had CC. Of sorts.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      So, I wasn’t the only one, then. Thought CPRM was trying to send me some kind of coded message.

      /blink twice if you’re OK, C!!

    • Hyperion

      “but the CCs are in…Portuguese. Porque??”

      Why the hell would you want to subject yourself to that level of stoppid I don’t know. You’re not watching Globo are you? That’s like the Brazilian version of CNN. If you have to watch it, stick to the novelas and just look at the gorgeous female bumbums, turn off the sound.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Not all of us can watch H&H vids (or, any others) at the proper volume at this time. CC’s normally help if there is something unclear.

      • Hyperion

        None of those links work for me. Tig ol bitties so big, they time out a browser?

      • AlmightyJB

        + 1400 kps

      • Chafed

        Amy Poehler’s hotter sister?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Is that an actual thing person?

      • Chafed

        My comment or Q’s photo?

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Amy Poehler’s hotter sister

      • Chafed

        I have no idea. I was just hallucinating/free associating.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        hallucinating/free associating.

        I’ll allow it.

  81. Hyperion

    Hey, guys, I know it’s late and like all of you actually work, right? But I had to reinstall my OS a couple of days ago and I can’t remember what that app is we can use to make the threading here better. Can anyone remind me? Thanks, brahs.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Here y’go. Monocle is stable but less fully featured. Eyepiece is also pretty stable, still having new features added on occasion, and more compact.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And the link to that is on the front page. Just scroll down

        (in case you need to find it again)

      • Hyperion

        It’s like you even read the articles… JK, thanks.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, Trashy! You the man.

    • Chafed

      I don’t think they know what to do with their leading candidates. The non-socislists are going nowhere and they are openly opining the top tier can’t win because they are too far left. This ad will help cement that idea for the whole party.

      • straffinrun

        I don’t see why a Socialist can’t win the presidency. They seem able to win everywhere else on the planet.

      • Chafed

        Trump accidentally got it right when he said the US is not a socialist country.

      • straffinrun

        Hope he’s right. Problem is that you give inches for decades and then you wake up and realize it is a socialist country whether you call it that or not.

      • straffinrun

        I’ll trust her on that. I haven’t been back in years. Looks to me like the left tried to take a foot instead of the inches they’d been getting consistently.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        the fact that Williamson comes off as the sensible one

        “Best timeline”… I can do ‘McAfee crazy’, sure. But, I’m just not there on ‘Williamson crazy’.

    • Rhywun

      OMD and their messages.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Did not disappoint

      • Rhywun

        My browser’s latest update has broken my ad-blocker so now I have to sit through anti-vaping propaganda to watch a fucking Flock of Seagulls video? Yeah, no.

      • Chafed

        You read the warning.

      • Rhywun

        Ha, I approve of the video. The warning doesn’t apply.

      • Chafed

        You are a strong man Rhywun.

      • Chafed

        Rhywun is so tough US Army psyops wants his playlist.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Ooohhh…good one!

        Also, I agree.

    • BEAM's not a team player

      Who or what is OMD?

      • straffinrun

        Likely a typo. OMB.

    • Gustave Lytton

      “Keep America Great!”?

      Clearly in the pocket of Big Oil Transport

    • Rhywun

      The “funny” thing is that Deblasio is the most anti-cop mayor, well, ever. Of course, it’s all based on racist “equal outcomes” bullshit but there it is.

      • Chafed

        I don’t understand his problem with NYPD beyond his belief they are all racists. He isn’t a civil libertarian. Corruption isn’t his issue. So what else puts him at odds with the cops?

      • Rhywun

        LOL maybe

      • Chafed

        Lol. He wishes.

      • Rhywun

        beyond his belief they are all racists

        I think that’s all it is.

      • Chafed

        Makes sense in its own way.

    • straffinrun

      Almost perfect. They did get the book keeper.

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Looks quite good in HD, for a 35 year old movie

      • Chafed

        That was a great movie. It’s even ZARDOZ approved.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        “DID IT SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT?!?”

        It’s a pulpy work of beautiful art.

  82. straffinrun

    My kid loves these videos and judging from the view count she’s not alone. Couldn’t find a more annoying sound if I tried.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yVrUoUB_QWY

    • Sir Digby (PBUH)

      “Why come the Japanese playin’ with white dolls?”

      /since I couldn’t understand, I went with low-hanging comedy

      • straffinrun

        That high pitched screeching is incomprehensible to me, too.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Surprisingly, this woman is NOT Japanese.

        /it’s safe–just…be prepared.

      • Chafed

        It’s not all about race, round eye.

      • Sir Digby (PBUH)

        Did you just assume my eye shape???

        I mean, you ARE right…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sounds like a random episode of Aggretsuko minus the death metal.

      • straffinrun

        It’s some kind of ゴウコン (dating dinner party) the devolves in game playing. Was hoping for spin the bottle.

  83. Sir Digby (PBUH)

    Haven’t been following Matt all that long, so, I’m not exactly used to seeing him snark.

    This, though is pretty fantastic.

    • Chafed

      That was good.

    • straffinrun

      We do snark online, but I don’t do it much at all in meatspace. The passive aggressive BS that lady uses seems to become the norm for TDS women. Jordan Peterson and Bill Burr have it right: some women don’t know what the limit is when being a cunt because you can’t pop’em one.

    • straffinrun

      I’m guessing Slammer.

      • dbleagle

        Lach or Straffin is my guess.