The Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!!11!!1!!! Vol 36: Batty Biden, Spacey AOC, Borin’ Dorian

by | Sep 5, 2019 | Comic, Satire, Secret Nazi President | 271 comments

About The Author

Penguin

Penguin

BakedPenguin is a graduate of some school or another, smells like a homeless person, and has the friendly demeanor of a rabid wolverine.

271 Comments

  1. kinnath

    AOC and the green leap forward. Brilliant.

    • AlexinCT

      I like the way she looks like she just had an orgasm when they mention that people will die…

    • Chafed

      Seconded.

      • DEG

        Thirded.

  2. Tundra

    Actual belly laugh at the singing Biden.

    Nicely done, BP!

  3. Q Continuum

    “A case of the farts”

    Are you sure there wasn’t a little bit of diarrhea mixed in?

    • AlexinCT

      Two tone underwear! Yellow in the front and brown in the rear!

  4. The Late P Brooks

    AOC’s real job is to keep Joe Biden from being the dumbest person in the Democratic Party.

    • AlexinCT

      ^^^MIGHT BE RIGHT^^^

  5. Rebel Scum

    Green Leap Forward

    Heh.

  6. Rebel Scum

    Donald J. Trump✔
    @realDonaldTrump
    · 3h

    Bad “actress” Debra The Mess Messing is in hot water. She wants to create a “Blacklist” of Trump supporters, & is being accused of McCarthyism. Is also being accused of being a Racist because of the terrible things she said about blacks and mental illness. If Roseanne Barr….

    ….said what she did, even being on a much higher rated show, she would have been thrown off television. Will Fake News NBC allow a McCarthy style Racist to continue? ABC fired Roseanne. Watch the double standard!

    • Q Continuum

      Best timeline ever.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m still waiting for the tweet where he thanks G-d for sparing Mar a Lago.

    • Rhywun

      Is also being accused of being a Racist because of the terrible things she said about blacks and mental illness.

      I hope he’s not referring to her guest stint on Seinfeld….

    • leon

      Fun fact: industries creating blacklists is forbidden in the Utah Constitution.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Blacklists weren’t the result of McCarthy. They stemmed from the years earlier HUAC hearings. Hearings that mostly proved correct in retrospect, even if the purpose was st odds with free speech and unAmerican.

      • Rebel Scum

        No, no, no. It is well known and obvious that Senator McCarthy ran the House committee on unAmerican activities and is the evil witch-hunt villain.

    • The Other Kevin

      Yeah, but this is a *new* kind of socialism even though they keep proposing the same things as the previous version.

      • AlexinCT

        Death and misery for all!

    • Tundra

      That’s yesterday’s news. I’ve been hearing about the population crisis my whole life.

      Who wants to guess when they will trot out acid rain again? That was a fun one.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, when’s the ozone hole panic coming back?

      • Nephilium

        I think they have, this time, it’s just Ocean Acidification. Besides, wasn’t one of the complaints about acid rain how it was going to destroy monuments and statues. Seems like that would be a positive now.

      • Tundra

        *boogies*

      • Ozymandias

        Why do worthless pieces of shit who are repeatedly wrong continue to be rewarded and treated like they know anything? (Paging Mr. Krugman! Mr. Krugman to the courtesy phone!) Oh, I KNOW, maybe it’s because it doesn’t matter if they’re right or wrong, what matters is simply that they parrot the talking points. THAT actually makes sense from the available data.

      • Rasilio

        Lets be fair, Krugman does not just parrot talking points.

        He actually develops some of them

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +1 Alien Invasion

    • Q Continuum

      Well since both Warren and Sanders have said no coal, no LNG, no oil and no nuclear by 2035, the “population problem” will solve itself.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Mass starvation FTW!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        We’ll survive on rainbows and solar panels.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Falling in line

    Idaho is one of the nation’s most gun-friendly states. Open or conceal carrying without a permit, also called constitutional carry, became legal in Idaho in 2016.

    Any Idaho resident 18 or older may carry firearms or other weapons without a permit anywhere in the state as long as the person is not a felon or otherwise legally prohibited from having firearms.

    Additionally, Idaho law prohibits cities and counties from banning firearms on public property, with some exceptions, such as schools, jails and courthouses.

    Earlier this year, one gun owner challenged the Canyon County Fair’s attempt to block fair-goers from carrying their guns. Greg Pruett confronted the fair director about the ban on guns, and she told the private security firm working the fair that it could not turn away people carrying guns.

    Private property and business owners, though, are within their right to ban guns from their premises.

    Boise Chef John Berryhill, owner of the Downtown Boise restaurant Bacon, had an encounter with open-carry advocates in his restaurant in February that went viral online.

    One of them was Idaho Rep. Chad Christensen, R-Ammon. The state lawmaker posted a public message that Bacon was “not gun friendly” and called for a boycott of the restaurant.

    Berryhill told the Statesman he was considering posting a sign prohibiting open carry of guns in the restaurant but he opted not to.

    Kroger’s request of customers follows its decision last year to discontinue selling firearms and ammunition in Fred Meyer stores. Freddy’s, based in Portland, operates 132 stores in Oregon, Washington, Alaska and Idaho.

    “Kroger has demonstrated with our actions that we recognize the growing chorus of Americans who are no longer comfortable with the status quo and who are advocating for concrete and common sense gun reforms,” spokesman Jeffery Temple told the Statesman via e-mail Wednesday.

    Try putting up a “no niggers” sign on your private property, and see what happens.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Politicization of business continues. I’m sure this will end well.

      Also, last panel of SNP always cracks me up even though I know it’s coming.

    • Nephilium

      Speaking of Kroger

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Barney was from Cincy

      • Gustave Lytton

        They’re liars. It has nothing to do with safety but instead pushing an agenda to sideline, marginalize, and stigmatize guns and gun owners.

      • Tundra

        Don’t forget putting their customers in actual, no shit danger.

        Dummies.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Oh, more dead bodies to stand on top of and wave bloody shirts from.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Next will be a push for corporate real estate owners and REITs not to lease space to gun shops or companies manufacturing/distributing firearms or firearms accessories.

      • Tundra

        The banks were just the beginning.

        I wonder if these fools are paying attention to Hong Kong…

      • Rebel Scum

        Hopefully Food Lion 1) doesn’t already have this policy and 2) doesn’t follow these ‘tards.

        With Walmart, though, it really seems to not get and/or hate the majority of it’s customers. It is Gillette all over again.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Walmart has reached saturation and sees their growth in non-base areas, I think. Online retailing, geographic areas not served by existing stores, and moving upmarket. They have a bunch of their IT development in the Bay Area and they failed to curb stomp that employee who publicly tried to shame them for selling guns (which they have now caved into). Like most large companies and institutions, they’re getting taken over by progs.

      • Mojeaux

        Walmart’s first big blunder was to take the fabric department out in a bid to Target-ize. That was the only way people in rural areas could get fabric. Wall Street noticed and its stock dipped immediately. Stockholders knew it was a bad idea before its new CEO (who made the decision) did. I don’t believe he lasted long.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Walmart should have known that they’re not Target. The demographic overlap is zero.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Kroger has demonstrated with our actions

      Translation: please don’t come for us! We’re mouthing the correct words!

      • Suthenboy

        Guess what, idiots? They are coming for you. If you don’t stand your ground you will be gibbetted.

      • Not Adahn

        Kroger has always made policy according to the owner’s opinions. I don’t remember exactly, but they wouldn’t sell alcohol or some such thing because the owner was again’ it. It might have been porn, I don’t remember.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      “Private property and business owners, though, are within their right to ban guns from their premises.”

      Freedom of association is OK again. This will change when the principles change

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        *principals

        Obviously “principles” have absolutely nothing to do with any of this

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Gee if only freedom of association could ever be applied to, I don’t know, cake bakers or religious hospitals.

        This is how you know freedom of association does not exist- it’s never, ever, applied equally. Ergo, no one should have to pretend to abide by that principle. Pass laws to destroy these businesses. Fine by me.

      • Tundra

        “Principle-fluidity” is all the rage!

      • Don Escaped Texas

        I’ve crossed swords with brother Glibs over this, particularly when conservative oxen were being gored.

        It’s easy: it’s their property and my money. They do what they want and I do what I want. Market. Happiness.

        Kroger has changed; I’ve followed them all my life for reasons that don’t matter just now, and I watched them come up through the gears on guns. They were under the gun (see what I did there?) to post against carry back when flyover country started going gun happy over the last decade. Kroger refused and were on record as having no opinion on legal conduct . . . they ably sidestepped the entire issue and it quickly went away in TX and TN. It’s worth noting that open carry is the current target; if this were an attack on carry in general, it would have been easy enough for WMT and KR to say so, but they stopped short; and notice that KR followed suit: their bread and butter (wow, I’m on fire this morning) is in red states; they won’t get ahead of the crowd. So I suppose we’re waiting to see whether they eventually post against all carry and who goes through that door first.

        As for politicization: I don’t start fights, but I fire back. I certainly patronize firms that have postures I prefer first and those who are silent second. That is tacit boycotting of folks that I think are gunning for a world I don’t prefer since my money will be gone before they get any of it. I don’t know anyone who goes out of his way to trade with people who oppose him politically, but suit yourself either way.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        WBA just got woke

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Along with this, I’ve seen a lot of lolbertarians mocking people who want to boycott WalMart as a result of this. Saying that a private business has a right to do what it wants and exclude who it wants.

      Ignoring the fact that this is a 180 from the position that this dingbats held just a couple of years ago, there is also the uncomfortable fact that consumers boycotting a business because of it’s decisions is….within their rights as consumers.

      Pro-business is not pro-market

      • Rebel Scum

        private business has a right to do what it wants and exclude who it wants

        And I have a right to shop somewhere else.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The desperation to be liked by the left is palpable.

      • wdalasio

        I was going to ask if you meant “libertarians”, rather than libertarians. But, I realized you’d already made much the same point.

      • Gustave Lytton
      • Rasilio

        Saying that a private business has a right to do what it wants and exclude who it wants.

        That is as long as they bake the cake

    • Raston Bot

      i’ll be posting that on St. Patrick’s Day.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have the original uncut version, it will never get memoryholed,
      /The Sherrif is near!

  8. The Late P Brooks

    They’re liars. It has nothing to do with safety but instead pushing an agenda to sideline, marginalize, and stigmatize guns and gun owners.

    Exactly. They will come right out and say it.

    “We hate open carry and anything which might normalize or habituate the American people to the idea that guns are not intrinsically evil and scary and autonomously murderous.”

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Also- Green Leap Forward gets two thumbs up.

  10. AlmightyJB

    That angry face is kind of hot

    • BakedPenguin

      She looked really good (and like she could actually have fun) in her dance video.

  11. Nephilium

    A double barrel blast of painful derp coming from Paste Magazine (at least their blind beer rankings and bottom shelf liquor reviews are good):

    Videogames aren’t the reason for mass shootings, but they shouldn’t be defended until they’re woke.

    Many then flocked to defend videogames, but the truth is games didn’t need to be defended. Videogames aren’t to blame directly for gun violence, but they’re also part of the problem. Videogames have historically ignored, alienated and demonized marginalized people—especially brown and black people

    Let me explain capitalism to you, and why it’s bad.

    There are essentially two kinds of private property in our economic system: houses and means of production (businesses).

    • ChipsnSalsa

      They must eat a lot of it.

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s a cook book!

    • Raston Bot

      lots of complaining about cronyism and too-big-to-fail. not sure that’s a fair indictment of capitalism.

      and in summation..

      The simple fact that there is a fixed supply of private property and an infinite demand for it creates a feedback loop where private property gets more and more expensive over time, and it consolidates more and more power in the hands of fewer and fewer who can afford it.

      • UnCivilServant

        So… how is it we have more people on the planet than ever and we’re richer than we’ve ever been in history?

      • R C Dean

        Because the only people who are richer are the 1%?

        /crypto-Marxist prog OFF

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        We would have been in communist utopia by now if we hadn’t been seduced by the uber-rich capitalist pigs who brainwashed the masses into buying their useless crap.

      • R C Dean

        a fixed supply of private property

        And, I’m out. Unless you are limiting this to real estate, its so obviously false that you’d have to be brain damaged to believe it.

      • Nephilium

        Yeah… I didn’t want to include that line, but holy shit is that dumb. Especially when you’re a writer, who I assume, believes in intellectual property, which generally would fall under private property.

      • Suthenboy

        They are commies, brother. Of course they are brain damaged.

        I have noticed that the soft commies call themselves socialists, yet once a society starts down that road the soft part begins disappearing. At heart they are hard core communists, they either won’t admit it or lack self-awareness to the point they don’t realize it themselves.
        Once you start central planning in any way it is a slippery slope. Their assertions about the inevitability of end-stage capitalism, like everything else they say, is projection.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Idiots on parade

    • R C Dean

      Videogames aren’t to blame directly for gun violence, but they’re also part of the problem.

      In the same sentence, even. Usually they try to put a little space between their contradictory pronouncements.

      • Private Chipperbot

        I like Seinfeld reruns on TBS. I don’t like Samantha Bee commercials. Her new shtick is “IT’S THE GUNS, STUPID!”

      • Private Chipperbot

        As in, those evil guns get into the hands of virtuous humans and turn them into blood thirsty killers. And she’s serious.

      • UnCivilServant

        I think the punctuatuin is off.

        “IT’S THE GUNS,” – Stupid

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s “The gun’s stupid.”

  12. MikeS

    I find out at 3pm today if I got the supervisor’s position. 3 damn hours…

    I need a drink.

    • UnCivilServant

      Have they not yet decided? Or are they making you wait just for the lulz?

      • MikeS

        I had been told that the decision would be made early this week, so I’m sure this meeting is to give me the good or bad news.

        My current supervisor is in it too, so that either means we will be discussing how to fill my current position (yay!) or discussing the things I need to improve to get the next supervisor position (shit!)

      • UnCivilServant

        Well that’s cruel. There’s no benefit to making you wait.

      • MikeS

        They just got done with an all morning customer visit, so the optimist in me is saying they have to finish getting all the HR related paperwork completed for my new job.

        Whatever, all I know is that I have 2 more hours to sit here and think about it!

      • UnCivilServant

        Find something else to do. There’s no good to be had fixating.

    • AlmightyJB

      Good luck!

    • Tundra

      Good luck, dude!

    • Sean

      I need a drink.

      Spoken like someone in a supervisory role!

    • Lachowsky

      Good luck mike. It took me about a month to find out, so I hope yours goes quicker.

    • Mojeaux

      GOOD LUCK!!!!

  13. The Late P Brooks

    With Walmart, though, it really seems to not get and/or hate the majority of it’s customers. It is Gillette all over again.

    When Sam was around, I don’t think this would have been possible.

    Also, staying in Bentonville probably insulated corporate culture from Cocktail Party Circuit Syndrome pretty effectively for a long time, but my guess is they have succumbed to a cosmopolitan hive mind bubble effect with the growth of corporate HQ and an inexorable influx of liberal employees.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And their IT development in CA, with regular travel between the two.

    • BakedPenguin

      It is Gillette all over again.

      They’ve changed their tune. Last Gillette commercial I saw had a stocky fireman pitching razors. No mention of toxicity.

    • Plisade

      My father retired in a house on Beaver Lake, near Bentonville. As the locals tell it, Sam had essentially forbid then unWokeMart executives from living ostentatiously – no fancy cars, no lake houses, etc. After he died, they snatched up a lot of lakefront property and Bentonville rapidly turned cosmo.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Bentonville is upscale, probably one of the nicest areas I’ve ever been to. Good restaurants, high-end retail, mansions, etc…

      I would say they’re becoming disconnected from the reality of their rural customers.

  14. wdalasio

    I have to wonder, what the hell are the “woke” businesses thinking. In no small part, they aren’t even going with flow here, but actively helping to stir things up. Do they really think their newfound progressivism is going to do a damned thing to protect them from their new “allies”? And meanwhile, they’re actively alienating, not only their customers, but the very people who would support them on principle.

    Do they think making a big stink about guns is going to stop the “Fight for Fifteen”? Do they think it’s going to stop them from targeting them as piggy banks to be raided for their every giveaway?

    • Gustave Lytton

      They think they’re big enough that consumers will have no choice and they have young millennials flooding their ranks who think its perfectly normal to mix politics and business (and their personal lives). Not just mix, but they have a duty to be moral, or what they consider moral.

      • Suthenboy

        “These incidents are concerning and we would like to avoid them, so we are respectfully requesting that customers no longer openly carry firearms into our stores or Sam’s Clubs in states where “open carry” is permitted – unless they are authorized law enforcement officers.”

        Apparently they also forgot about off duty cops gunning down entire families.
        This is a really dumb move.

      • wdalasio

        All that’s true. But, who do they think is going to stand up for them against those millennials who feel duty-bound to impose politics on everything decide they think their profits are fair game to expropriate? Who do they think is going to stand up for them against those millennials decide that shoplifting isn’t really a crime? Who do they think is going to stand up for them from those millennials decide that Wal-Mart has to be unionized?

        On top of it, does anyone here think that the particular sort of woke millennial who’s been screaming about Wal-Mart’s (for example) gun sales would ever be caught dead in a Wal-Mart?

      • Plisade

        “Tell me
        When they come for you
        Who will there be to speak?
        And when they come for you
        Who will there be left to speak for you?
        The final solution’s back in style.
        We are the ones letting it ride.
        I never knew we were so blind –
        Amnesia in comfort, so unkind.”

        -Toad the Wet Sprocket

      • Raston Bot

        who’s going to stop the rioting that guts their stores? sure as shit won’t be me.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      It’s a mistake for businesses (anyone, really) to confuse the loudest extremists with political majorities.

      As Mom told me long ago, the sixties weren’t really about sit-ins and bra-burning. 90% of folks are changing diapers, going to work, mowing the yard. Very few people live by scanning the hashtags on twitter to see what they should think about things; fewer yet vote based on any such.

      • UnCivilServant

        The data suggests a very small population clustered around democrat females are the primary demographic who actually use twitter. Most of the population doesn’t even look at it, let alone interact on it, and it’s not a cross-section of anything.

      • R C Dean

        Always something to keep in mind. However, politics of any kind is driven to some (large?) degree by intensity and commitment. Look at the current Dem party – it is absolutely being driven by a small group of intensely committed people, and while they may be outside the mainstream, the party as a whole controls chunks of the government, and at some point will control the entire federal government. When that happens, the intensely committed will have vastly disproportionate leverage over what is actually done.

        There is a reason why “populism” is a bad word in Polite Society. The People Who Matter don’t give a fuck, and never have, for what most people want.

    • Ozymandias

      What if all of this “wokeness” in business is a part of the Left’s larger 5-D chess move to tank the economy in the run-up to the election in 2020? How many more giant companies do they need to shoot themselves in the foot before it really does start to show up in the broader economy? They’re already on record as saying they’ll take death, destruction, famine, mayhem, and most certainly a recession to help get OrangeMan out of their house. I wonder if they could get Bezos to “take one for the team” and do something just grossly stupid that would trim big chunks of $$ of of his (and the country’s) GDP?

      • Sean

        Does it work like that?

        I might be pickier about where I spend my money, but I’m still going to spend it.

        I mean, I guess it could drop some of the stock market, but would it dip enough overall to really cause any major impact?

        Furthermore, if woke companies were tanking, wouldn’t Trump hammer that point home? You know he would – to packed stadiums, with much applause.

      • R C Dean

        Nah. Men didn’t stop buying razors when Gillette ran the Stupidest Ad in History. They just stopped buying razors from Gillette. The deplorables aren’t going to stop buying guns because Walmart hops on the “Gunz r bad, mmkay” train. They’ll just stop buying stuff from Walmart. Total economic activity won’t be affected at all.

      • Suthenboy

        Mom and Pop gun stores rejoice.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    And their IT development in CA, with regular travel between the two.

    I wasn’t aware of that.

    Poisonous.

    • Gustave Lytton

      https://venturebeat.com/2018/06/20/walmarts-tech-division-to-add-2000-employees-this-year/

      The numbers have an outsized impact in terms of Walmart’s total employment. These are higher status employees that mere stockers or clerks. This is the future of the company, so their execs listen to them. Execs that are also likely to be carpetbaggers themselves even if they’re forced to live in Bentonville.

  16. Rebel Scum

    University Of Kansas Labels ‘My Pleasure’ As Hate Speech

    The University of Kansas has labeled the phrase “my pleasure” as hate speech after students were triggered during a visit to a campus Chick-fil-A. According to reports, one staff member approached a group of students seventeen times during their half-hour visit, just to check on them.

    “He just kept coming over to us like we needed something,” said senior Kelly Davis. “I’m an adult, I don’t need help refilling my soda. That is, unless my mom comes to visit. She usually does that for me, I guess. This guy though, he just seemed too happy to be at work.”

    The worst part, according to the students, was every time the staff member walked away from the table, he said “my pleasure” in response to their requests, as if he actually enjoyed his job. This set the students off so bad that they eventually left their food at the table and walked to the counselor’s office, crying. Other students reported that the staff member quickly cleaned up the mess, packaged the food in case the students returned, and said “my pleasure” to nobody in particular.

    The reason the students were so upset can be attributed to school curriculum concerning employment. According to the University of Kansas, the definition of work is, “a task one is forced to do at gunpoint for a capitalist.” The university defines pleasure as “enjoyment and entertainment; not done out of necessity for a capitalist or fascist.” This seems to indicate that Chick-fil-A employees genuinely enjoy doing their job for a fascist capitalist (and likely, racist).

    “Only a fascist Christian would actually enjoy their job,” a school counselor claimed. “This is the root of fascism and hate. You see these people at work, they greet you, they say ‘welcome to Chick-fil-A, my pleasure.’ They enjoy it. Never in my ten plus years at this university have I met one student who actually enjoyed their job, let alone their career choice. It’s just wrong. These hateful words should be banned.”

    The University of Kansas had no choice but to outright ban the phrase “my pleasure” due to its origins in Christian fascism. Students praised the decision by packing up their anti-Chick-fil-A signs and going back to the dorms to sleep off their hangovers. Chick-fil-A is currently working on rephrasing their greetings to better suit their Kansas comrades.

    • Sean

      The worst part, according to the students, was every time the staff member walked away from the table, he said “my pleasure” in response to their requests, as if he actually enjoyed his job. This set the students off so bad that they eventually left their food at the table and walked to the counselor’s office, crying. Other students reported that the staff member quickly cleaned up the mess, packaged the food in case the students returned, and said “my pleasure” to nobody in particular.

      ROFLMAO.

      On the flip side, if things ever do go hot, it won’t last very long.

    • kinnath

      Fuck. I got to the third paragraph before I realized that was the Bee.

      • Sean

        I didn’t check the URL. It sounded real enough to me.

        *facepalm*

      • robc

        2nd for me, it was the comment about the Mom filling the drink that made me check.

      • Not Adahn

        That’s where I had to check too.

      • Suthenboy

        “…in my ten years at university…” also a flag, but you can never be sure these days.

    • Rhywun

      I read that all the way through without looking at the URL to see if I could decide if it was the Bee or not.

      I couldn’t decide.

    • R C Dean

      According to the University of Kansas, the definition of work is, “a task one is forced to do at gunpoint for a capitalist.”

      Except for the “at gunpoint”, this is probably pretty uncontroversial in a lot of academic circles.

  17. R C Dean

    Thousands to attend BBQ outside home of vegan who sued neighbors over smelly meats

    Cilla Carden made headlines this week for her legal beef, in which she claimed the odors from her neighbors’ barbecues had destroyed her quality of life, 9News reported.

    Now more than 3,000 people are planning to attend a cookout outside her Perth home, organized on a Facebook page called “Community BBQ for Cilla Carden.”

    Awesome.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Good troll work Australia.

      Also, remember part of her beef was that the neighbors kids were playing basketball outside.

      • Tundra

        Lol. Beef.

        Good one!

      • Rebel Scum

        That’s nothing to have a cow over.

      • UnCivilServant

        Right, just moove on.

      • Tundra

        Hoof it, you mean?

      • Gustave Lytton

        All those people at the BBQ, hope they pay attention when leaving so no one gets t-boned.

      • Rebel Scum

        That’s what happens when you wing it.

      • Shirley Knott

        Would we steer you wrong?

      • Fourscore

        Can I horn in here? I gotta milk this for all its worth, before it dries up.

    • wdalasio

      The Jacket’s hot take is pathetic, as could be predicted:

      Nick Gillespie

      Verified account

      @nickgillespie
      22h22 hours ago
      More
      Australian douchebags have nothing better to do than harass vegan

      • The Other Kevin

        Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Ok, maybe not so mighty, but you get the idea.

      • Private Chipperbot

        No mention that she actually sued the neighbors? What a piece of shit he is.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        After said vegan drug her neighbors through the courts and attempted to use the power of the state against them for cooking meat in their backyard.

        Fuck you Nick.

      • Rebel Scum

        Idk. I’d say he gets right down to the meat of the situation.

      • Rhywun

        I bet 10 or 12 show up, tops.

      • Raston Bot

        the cunt used the court system to assault the Aussie tradition of throwing shrimp on the barbie. i put the over/under at 500.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, the vast majority who said they are attending are just trolling.

        Where will this gathering be held? Who is going to supply the chow? If this is a real event with free food, I predict a pretty good turnout because free food.

      • BEAM's not normal, y'all

        Gillespie’s come a long way in the wrong direction from his suck.com days.

  18. Suthenboy

    “Oh, when’s the ozone hole panic coming back?”

    They got what they wanted so the scam ‘crisis’ magically evaporated overnight.

    Most UVB and UVC rays are blocked by the ozone layer in the stratosphere. They are blocked when an Oxygen molecule ( O2 ) absorbs the rays and is caused to ionize ( split into two single oxygen molecules ). The single oxygen molecules then bond with another O2 molecule to form an ozone molecule ( O3 ). It isn’t the O3 that blocks the UV rays, it is O2 that absorbs the UVs. The ozone is just the product of the O2 interacting with high energy UV rays. They played a shell game with the O2 and O3 to get us to believe the depletion of the product of blocked UV rays was the active ingredient, not the actual blocker.

    The ozone layer forms naturally in our atmosphere where the concentration of Oxygen is high enough and there are enough UV rays. The rays strike the atmosphere perpendicularly at the equator. As you move away from the equator towards the poles the rays are striking at an increasingly sharp angle the closer to the poles you get. As the rays angles get sharper they must pass through a thicker and thicker atmosphere. By the time you get to the poles the rays are shining nearly horizontally through the atomosphere. By this time they reach the poles the UV rays have been filtered out before they reach those extreme latitudes. Thus, no ozone there.
    The ozone layer is in a thick band around the earth most highly concentrated at the equator and the concentration falls off (and altitude increases) as you approach the poles where it is near zero. The ‘hole in the ozone’ is a naturally occurring phenomena.

    Hints:

    A) We discovered the hole in the ozone layer the first time we flew over with satellites that could measure it. No one asked if it had always been there, they just immediately declared it man made.
    B) Why is the hole over the poles where no one has an air conditioner and not over the geographic areas where people have lots of air conditioners? No. one bothered to address that.
    C) No one, as far as I know, took vertical measurements of ozone concentrations every thousand feet vertically from the equator at regular horizontal increments moving towards the poles.
    D) No one took equal longitudinal measurements in places where there are lots of air-conditioning and places where there is not.

    The whole ‘crisis’ was manufactured from thin air (no puns, dammit) based on little to no evidence. It was used to ban the use of chlorofluorocarbons, which by the way the government – biggest user of said refrigerants – exempted itself from. They were replaced with much more expensive and less efficient refrigerants. They are still up to it today, moving incrementally towards more expensive and less efficient replacements.
    The entire scam is motivated by malice and greed, just like the current global warming scam, and believe me, the whole thing is just a straight up scam.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      The rest of the world uses R22, efficient and cheap, Made by Dupont of course. You can buy it here, for 100$ a lb. 99 percent of that is tax. Crony Capitalism?
      Yep

      • UnCivilServant

        If I had you change out the coolant on my AC, would it work better?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Depends on the system, overall if it was installed correctly the answer is no, they should never leak, at least for the first ten years or so. If you wanted to swap juice from 410 to 22, the metering device would need changing

      • Don Escaped Texas

        If he’s talking about his car: they certainly leak, so swapping refrigerant would mean re-establishing proper (presuming the best on the part of your mechanic) charge.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, I just want my window unit to cool the way it did when I first got it three years ago.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        ah

        make sure the coils are clean and that the recirc hasn’t been bumped to outside air

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        True about cars, all the vibration in the old days, that’s why they used low pressure R 12, easier to maintain, now it’s 134, higher but still low

      • Bobarian LMD

        My drain pan cracked on my old AC last year. My neighbor (HVAC guy) brought over a new pan to replace it and saw the corrosion on the end caps and nixed the idea.

        Replacing the R22 that likely would have leaked would have cost as much as replacing the system.

        I swung for the fences and went to geo-thermal. Almost a year now with bills between 30 and 120 less than the previous year.

        Tax write-off was nice, too.

      • R C Dean

        At one time we were looking at a new build in the country, and I was fascinated by geothermal.

        The Casa Dean property is basically a thin layer of sand and gravel over granite bedrock, so I’m thinking it wouldn’t be practical here (when the current HVAC finally needs replacing).

      • UnCivilServant

        What? You don’t want to carry the expense of drilling multiple wells into granite?

      • Bobarian LMD

        The other option is a body of water, but here in KY lots of red clay makes a good heat sink for heating and cooling.

      • R C Dean

        The other option is a body of water

        Not in Tucson, its not.

    • Urthona

      Hasn’t the ozone hole stayed roughly static for almost 50 years now anyway?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It “ok” now, it magically grew as the world uses more refrigerant than ever, Science!

      • whiz

        Antarctic ozone has been stable for 20 years, and is a lot lower than the first measurements in the 1950’s. Also, my understanding is that it is naturally lower around the poles because of the cooler conditions.

      • Suthenboy

        Coupled with the much lower amounts of the UVs needed for production.
        The whole ozone hole debacle was beyond stupid and scientifically illiterate.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meijer, who owns the Tanglefoot Building, has rented it out in the past for public events and had agreed to donate the space for the annual Art Prize event, which begins Sept. 7 and ends Oct. 7.

      In August, Meijer told ArtPrize organizers the members of Drag syndrome, a United Kingdom-based group of drag performers with Down syndrome, could not perform at the building, according to the complaint.

      Meijer told organizers allowing the performance could lead to “the potential exploitation of the vulnerable” and that the performers’ “ability to act of their own volitions is unclear,” according to the complaint.

      Bullshit, the tranny-lobby would never go so far as to exploit people who can’t reliably make decisions for themselves.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        How could you type that while doubling over with laughter?

    • wdalasio

      You know, I have my doubts about religion. But, stories like this make me hope there’s a hell where the sort of people who’d demand that others provide for dressing up the mentally handicapped to provide a sexualized spectacle can rot for eternity.

    • Urthona

      Maybe the venue thought it wouldn’t be a huge money maker for them. Just a hunch.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve seen a lot of lolbertarians mocking people who want to boycott WalMart as a result of this. Saying that a private business has a right to do what it wants and exclude who it wants.

    As if anybody cool actually shops at Walmart.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So now I’m not cool?
      Jumps in Kia for Walmart run…,

    • whiz

      I resemble that remark. I’m cool and I shop at Walmart.

      • BEAM's not normal, y'all

        #metoo

  20. Tonio

    Knocked it right out of the park, BP. Well done.

    Love your treatment of AOC. Heh.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    In August, Meijer told ArtPrize organizers the members of Drag syndrome, a United Kingdom-based group of drag performers with Down syndrome, could not perform at the building, according to the complaint.

    Meijer told organizers allowing the performance could lead to “the potential exploitation of the vulnerable” and that the performers’ “ability to act of their own volitions is unclear,” according to the complaint.

    *guffaws*

    I’d call that a self-inflicted wound.

  22. UnCivilServant

    *sigh*

    When I first thought out this story, I had more or less the whole theological debate between the narrator and the priest in my head.

    I waited too long and forgot it. Now I have to think up a new one.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      A variation of Dostoevsky’s “The Grand Inquisitor”?

      • UnCivilServant

        I seriously doubt it.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    So now I’m not cool?

    You’ll always be cool to us, Mister. That’s what the “C” in HVAC stands for, right?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      yes it does, thanks!

      • UnCivilServant

        Wait, it’s not catering?

      • Tundra

        Huh. I thought it was catharsis.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Coolie… it’s coolie

      • Tundra

        Damn, that’s the good stuff right there!

      • Ted S.

        Hymen, vulva, anus, clitoris.

  24. grrizzly

    Who will count more genders?

    The Human Rights Campaign Foundation announced Thursday it will host a CNN Democratic presidential town hall in California this fall focused on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer issues.

    HRC said the October 10 primetime event, airing live on the eve of National Coming Out Day, will feature the largest ever audience for a Democratic presidential town hall devoted to LGBTQ issues. The candidates will take questions from the audience and CNN journalists on specific LGBTQ concerns as well as their plans to promote equality and civility.

    Bonus question: can men get pregnant?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      How in the hell are they going to contain the rampant stupidity that will come out of that one? The soundbites are going to be devastating.

      I can’t wait for someone to ask Biden or Sanders if they ever “experimented” in college.

    • Q Continuum

      “If I’m capable of sucking my own female penis does that make me a lesbian?”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        How many lesbians will you have in your cabinet? And will you be excluding TERFs from consideration?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Joe Biden: “Hell, I’ve got a cabinet full of lesbians in my basement right now!”

      • R C Dean

        “My staff is assembling binders full of gays, lesbians, transgenders, and queers for appointment to my cabinet and executive agencies.”

    • Rhywun

      Queer Reparations Now!!11!

    • Rebel Scum

      The Alphabet People don’t want equality.

    • R C Dean

      Should be a festival of question-begging and sucking up on all sides.

      Trump’s re-election team must be wondering what they did right to have the Dems serving up so very, very many useful soundbites and images. I would think this will provide him with some wedges for peeling off suburban soccer moms.

    • Bobarian LMD

      “Candidate #1, can you please explain, in your own words, what the fuck the Q is supposed to stand for?”

      • Rebel Scum

        what the fuck the Q is supposed to stand for?

        Tits and ass?

      • Q Continuum

        ^^^Truth.

      • Mojeaux

        To be sure, that was the first thing I thought.

      • R C Dean

        This will absolutely be a non-confrontational lovefest of all things sexually fringe and transgressive. They are somehow going to have to come up with questions about a topic that has become inherently self-contradictory and is increasingly abstruse, without making any of the candidates or the moderators look like batshit crazy loons. I’m just baffled by how they can accomplish that.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I’m just baffled by how they can accomplish that.

        By not allowing any electronic recording devices?

    • wdalasio

      If Donald Trump has even half a brain, he’s got a dozen people watching that debate and recording the thing from start to finish. The GOP campaign ads write themselves.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        exactly, the ammo (red flag!) produced by this will be recycled throughout the general election in Deplorable-Land.

    • Raston Bot

      that’s going to be a circus. i expect the Ls to fight the Ts before it’s over.

      • Ted S.

        +1 Martina Navratilova.

      • Rhywun

        I like how she apologized, and then later doubled down. I dunno where she stands now.

    • Suthenboy

      CNN….seven hours of global warming gibberish from the most insufferable people on the planet. Now a town hall (how many hours?) on XYZLMNOPQRS issues?
      They have given up on out-crazying everyone now they are trying to out-tiresome everyone. What a bunch of insufferable, worthless, mendacious morons.
      How many far left extremists actually produce or have produced something useful to humanity in their entire lifetimes? Fucking waste of skin if you ask me.

  25. Urthona

    You know it’s probably really unfortunate that more Americans weren’t exposed to the CNN townhall on climate change last night.

    You had fucking Bernie Sanders — rich guy who owns multiple houses — telling us we should abort 3rd world babies to save the world.

    You had Elizabeth Warren proposing to ban all fossil fuels AND nuclear energy within 20 years.

    You had Andrew Yang proposing that the government have a car buyback program (i.e., confiscation)

    You had Buttigieg suggest that climate change is worse than World War II.

    These people are fucking lunatics.

    • R C Dean

      Trump’s re-election team must be wondering what they did right to have the Dems serving up so very, very many useful soundbites and images.

      • Urthona

        I think my favorite is almost every one of them came down against straws and meat.

        How could anyone think this is wise politics?

      • Bobarian LMD

        They’re all hoping no one is paying attention to the stupid things they say during primary season and tack back to the center during the run-up.

      • R C Dean

        Sure, but video lives forever, and Trump is just the guy to bring this up in debates and force the issue.

    • Suthenboy

      No, they are sociopaths catering to a lunatic base that academia has spent well over a generation building for them. They will say or anything for votes. They don’t believe a word of what they are saying and know very well it is lunacy but they don’t give a shit. I doubt they have any intention of doing any of that. What they intend to do (and thankfully, will fail at) is get elected and then loot the treasury and tax base Obama-style.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    The Human Rights Campaign Foundation announced Thursday it will host a CNN Democratic presidential town hall in California this fall focused on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer issues.

    Bringing us together!

    • R C Dean

      lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer issues

      The catfights have probably already started over the “exclusion” of the rest of sexual nutjob alphabet.

    • Sean

      Will there be punch & pie?

      • Bobarian LMD

        And the Ts are bringing vienna sausages…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cake, it’s what they want, Cake.

      • Suthenboy

        No, cake.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      What rights, exactly, do they lack? Or is this just the usual argument from the alphabet soup lobby that others possess too many rights?

      • R C Dean

        Or is this just the usual argument from the alphabet soup lobby that others possess too many rights?

        I suspect it will be the usual argument that the alphabet soup lobby needs more power. So, yeah, what you said, only with more euphemisms.

      • Urthona

        Not every state school allows boys to play on girls sports teams.

      • R C Dean

        That’s the kind of issue that will hurt the Dems with the soccer moms, who I assure you do not want males in their daughters’ bathrooms and locker rooms, or directly competing with their daughters in sports.

      • Urthona

        Which is where Trump is in danger most. He lost too much of the suburban female.

        But if they keep running their mouths….

      • Tundra

        Oh man, one of the moms here has a daughter who is a very accomplished track chick. She about blew a gasket when I shared the story about the two dudes winning all the HS events in CT.

        The sports thing is a massive miscalculation on the proggies’ part.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      The issue being how to keep this grievance train rolling as they have got most of what they wanted.

      • R C Dean

        They’ve gotten what they said they wanted. What they (and by “they” I mean the activists) really want is power and privilege, and they can never have enough of that.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Will there be punch & pie?

    Cake. They all want cake.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Great minds^

  28. The Late P Brooks

    I think my favorite is almost every one of them came down against straws and meat.

    How could anyone think this is wise politics?

    In that Taibbi thing I linked yesterday, he pretty much says outright, at one point, the Democrats are all desperately jabbering about things nobody sane cares about.

    They apparently believe they will be swept into power by the transgender POC commie vote. They will be rudely disappointed.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The political advisers still get paid no matter the outcome.

    • R C Dean

      They apparently believe they will be swept into power by the transgender POC commie vote.

      Alternate theory: this is all just laying the groundwork for their radical transformation once they are swept into power by ballot harvesting, corruption of the electoral process, and the actual votes of the 40% of the population who would vote for the Dem even if the Dem tells them to their face that they will be put in camps until the mass graves are dug.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I don’t know. The Democrats have everyone thinking Trump is taking away their rights and destroying the planet. And there is the whole “You’ll get free stuff and the rich are going to pay for it thing.” too.

      • R C Dean

        The Democrats have everyone their propagandists saying, and their useful idiots thinking Trump is taking away their rights and destroying the planet.

        But I doubt all that many other people believe it.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      transgender POC commie vote

      All 20 that actually show up to vote?

      • R C Dean

        Like the only votes that will matter are the ones actually cast for Dems by actual eligible voters.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Taibbi, Greenwald, Jimmy Dore, Michael Tracey, Aaron Mate, Tulsi, etc.

      All of these guys (and one adorable lady) are far-left antiwar types who want their own socialist paradise. But, it’s disturbing how more sane they are than mainstream progressives.

      None of them believed in Russia Fever Dreams, none of them were fans of Hillary, and none of them seem all too enthused about identity politics (preferring class warfare).

      Christ, we’re going to get to a point where we yearn for the days of old school Marxists

      • Raston Bot

        the principled Marxists vs the insufferable Maoists.

      • Suthenboy

        “…we yearn for the days of old school Marxists”

        At least back then there was an open season on them.

    • mindyourbusiness

      Don’t know where that artwork(?) came from, but I’d like to have it!

      • Mojeaux

        No idea. Saw it on StalkerBook.

  29. Sean

    In my 401k, I have some EKWAX stock.

    Anyone here familiar enough with precious metal funds to tell me why it’s suddenly performing well again? It’s been a dog for a while and I’m pondering if I should keep the %, or dump some now that it’s gone back up in value.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      China is devaluing their currency, everyone else will be following suit.

      • Sean

        So, dump some as soon as Trump’s tariff war is over?

    • Lackadaisical

      They charge a 5.75% front load? Highway robbery man.

      • Suthenboy

        Buying gold hoping to make money is silly. Buying gold to hold in case other currencies become worthless is not a bad idea.

      • Sean

        Thanks!

  30. kinnath

    Trump’s Reign Of Terror Continues Unabated

    If President Donald Trump’s transformation into a cartoon environmental villain isn’t complete yet, it’s getting close. After weeks of proposed rollbacks to environmental regulations designed to moderate harmful emissions and thus combat climate change, the Trump administration is now taking aim at energy efficiency standards for lightbulbs. The White House announced it is undoing lightbulb efficiency standards first introduced by President George W. Bush and then built upon during the Obama administration. The efficiency standards resulted in the majority of lightbulbs sold in the U.S. being switched over from the iconic, century-old incandescent bulbs to LEDs or fluorescent bulbs that can last as long as a decade.

    • Suthenboy

      Jeebus. The market will take care of that. LEDs are so much better than anything else and getting cheaper all of the time. Who is gonna go back to inferior light, shorter life span and higher electric bills?
      He could shit can every single regulation on light bulbs and it would have no effect.
      Also worth noting the LED was developed independent of government fiat. The incandescent and those horrible fluorescent screwy things were doomed all along.

      • Akira

        My biggest struggle with LEDs is finding one that isn’t a fucking sickly blue color that makes my house look like a goddamn computer lab. Even the ones labelled “natural light” or something are still blue.

  31. kinnath

    FBI’s terrorism watchlist violates Constitution, judge rules

    A federal judge concluded an FBI watchlist containing more than 1 million “known or suspected terrorists” violates the constitutional rights of the U.S. citizens in the database.

    Wednesday’s ruling from U.S. District Judge Anthony J. Trenga of the Eastern District of Virginia came in response to a lawsuit from 23 Muslim Americans who were included on the watchlist.

    “There is no evidence, or contention, that any of these plaintiffs satisfy the definition of a ‘known terrorist,’” Trenga wrote in his decision. “None have been convicted, charged or indicted for any criminal offense related to terrorism, or otherwise. Rather, Plaintiffs are included in the [database] because they have been labeled as ‘suspected terrorists,’ a determination that this Court has found ‘to be based to a large extent on subjective judgments.’”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s good news, at least until the court the next level up overrules it.

    • Raston Bot

      the 4th Circuit could uphold upon appeal from DOJ but i expect SCOTUS to cite FYTW clause.

    • Ted S.

      So they’ll be getting rid of the no-fly list and the red flag laws?

  32. Nephilium

    Alright. That’s it. I’ve lost faith in humanity. Why the fuck would you need a homebrew Hard Seltzer recipe kit?

    • kinnath

      Someone in the local brew club asked about seltzer recipes. I posted a mead recipe. They said “no the girls want to drink seltzer”. I posted water, vodka, sugar, fruit juice, and force carbonate.

      Who the fuck would ferment corn sugar just to get a plain alcohol base?

      • Nephilium

        $20 for corn sugar, dry yeast, and a mineral pack (because they recommend you use RO water). Hell, just hook up a keg of tap water to a keg, and spend that $20 on a bottle of vodka.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Uhhh, you’re not ready to come out of the closet yet?

  33. Raphael

    Wonderful comic again, BP. That gave me some damn good chuckles and oh wow, Marta is muy caliente.