The Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!!11!!1!!! Vol 37:

by | Sep 19, 2019 | Comic, Satire, Secret Nazi President | 305 comments

 

About The Author

Penguin

Penguin

BakedPenguin is a graduate of some school or another, smells like a homeless person, and has the friendly demeanor of a rabid wolverine.

305 Comments

  1. kinnath

    Some days I miss Moscow. There is something special about Slavic women in see-through blouses in the summer time.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      All five days of it?

      • Bob Boberson

        I’m guessing Russian women don’t bundle up until temps dip below 32 F at least.

      • kinnath

        This is where you are wrong — weather is a sinusoidal function.

        Summer is three months. Spring and fall are almost non-existent. Winter is 9 months.

    • Q Continuum

      Russian mail order bride… check.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Cash works too.

  2. Gustave Lytton

    For her own safety, Svetlana should have a full body exam.

  3. Naptown Bill

    I don’t know why, but “Don Barzini” caught me unawares. I lol’d.

    • MikeS

      Everything about that pic had me lol’ing. Well done, BP!

      • Bob Boberson

        Same, I lol’ed at my desk….hoping nobody notices that I’m not getting much accomplished.

        I’ve postulated this before but how long before SJW’s start screaming for the Little Rascals to be taken down from all streaming platforms? I really enjoy watching them on youtube.

      • Florida Man

        I though bill Cosby bought the rights to keep them off the air.

      • Bob Boberson

        Snopes rates this as false, for whatever that’s worth.

      • The Other Kevin

        I looked it up on Snopes too. I still haven’t looked up the Babylon Bee rating of the Snopes article.

      • Florida Man

        I should have known better, since my mom told me that.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        They actually made a reboot. My kids watched a few episodes and realized it wasn’t as fun as the movie in the 90’s.

      • Bob Boberson

        I don’t see how it possibly could be. The 90’s movie was good from my dim recollection but the 30’s version still makes me ROTFL

      • Florida Man

        How redundant.

      • Chipwooder

        Alfalfa from the ’90s escaped his ’30s counterpart’s sad life, too.

      • Rhywun

        Yup – prolonged laughter at that.

      • Tundra

        Yep, although “Reefer Negro” wins.

      • MikeS

        “Fat Tony” really got me for some reason. And yes, “Reefer Negro” was the Piece of Resistance.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I was already laughing and that put it over the top.

  4. Don Escaped Texas

    Barzini

    * giggles, sips coffee *

    thank you, sir

  5. mexican sharpshooter

    All those little people that did big things…the Little Rascals!

  6. Bob Boberson

    The Bee kills yet again:

    https://babylonbee.com/news/group-of-third-graders-to-dictate-nations-climate-change-policy

    “These kids have ideas and they are passionate, so we must listen to them,” said Sen. Brian Schatz of Hawaii. “There are no possible downsides to taking kids who have been told the world is ending by the public school system and allowing them to dictate national policies on important issues.”

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      The only problem with satire sites is that with all of the craziness being posted nowadays is that you can’t tell sometimes between satire and straight reporting. I’m not sure the business model can be sustained.

      • wdalasio

        you can’t tell sometimes between satire and straight reporting.

        “Which is why they must be silenced as fake news!”
        – Snopes

    • Rebel Scum

      Lol…

      The kids came up with the following list so far, though they say they’re “just spitballing” and the ideas need some fleshing out:

      Bribing the climate with cookies and candy
      Putting the climate on time-out
      Just ignoring climate change and playing Fortnite
      Building a giant magnet and sucking up all the bad climate stuff
      Buying a Nintendo Switch for every person in the nation (so they’ll stay inside and play Nintendo instead of driving cars)
      Making a big freeze ray gun like in Despicable Me and shooting the climate
      Pointing and laughing at cows who fart so they’ll be embarrassed and stop farting
      Hey do you guys want to play some Minecraft? This is boring.

    • The Other Kevin

      David Hogg is upset that his group didn’t get Fortnite breaks.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Dude is crushing so much Crimson puss right now, bro.

      • R C Dean

        Crimson puss

        That would be woke SJW fifth-wave feminist non-gender binary puss?

        Lucky him.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Agreed.

      • Suthenboy

        I have a hard time believing that.

      • Bob Boberson

        I’m sure he is taking several Fortnite studies classes at Harvard. The nice thing about a degree in virtue signalling/activism is the broad array of topics one can study.

    • Chipwooder

      On a related but non-satirical note: kids will no longer get a toy with a kid’s meal at Burger King in the UK. Take a wild guess why….

      It said the decision was part of a wider commitment to reduce its use of plastic and was “spurred on” by sisters Ella, nine, and Caitlin McEwan, seven, who started a petition against Burger King and McDonald’s using plastic toys in children’s meals.

      Isn’t it darling when people use their kids as political hand puppets?

      • Bob Boberson

        And earn them raw and deserved animosity from their peers. Take a good look at them kids, those are the assholes that will make up the political class when your generation comes of age.

      • Pope Jimbo

        We didn’t have a McD’s in my home town when I was growing up, so not sure if there were plastic toys or not back in the Day. I do know that I would have kicked the shit out of any kid in my school who started a petition to remove the plastic toys from the Wishing Well at the local Perkins.

        I hope those two kids get chased home from school every day from now until they move into a cave in Tora Bora.

      • Bob Boberson

        It’s blatant cult leader shit. Prove your loyalty, give up something harmless yet dear to you to show evidence of your faith.

      • Suthenboy

        That is exactly what it is. That, and make a fool of yourself publicly by repeating complete gibberish as if it is the God’s truth.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Kids hate toys! Everyone knows that.

      • Fatty Bolger

        When are they taking the plastic out of the burgers?

      • Rhywun

        I was going to guess it was because toys are only used to hook impressionable kids on hamburgers for life.

      • Chipwooder

        You say that as if it were a bad thing!

        Besides, my daughter always gets the chicken nuggets

  7. AlmightyJB

    Another great episode BP:) lol

  8. The Late P Brooks

    They all want pudding.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      But did they eat their meat?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        +1 Stand still laddy!

      • MikeS

        Is that what they say there? Years ago a buddy and I had a alcohol fueled debate over it. We must have replayed it 50 times.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Dude…It only works on vinyl, and you’re supposed to set the needle on when the MGM Lion appears.

    • Bob Boberson

      Before or after their cake?

      • Nephilium

        Why not both?

      • Bob Boberson

        In case you didn’t get the reference I tried to link it but evidently it’s been memory-holed by youtube 🙁

      • Nephilium

        Oh, I got the reference, just riffing on the standard response to or questions here.

      • Florida Man

        I noticed that. I was going to show it to someone but couldn’t find it.

  9. MikeS

    Following Bob’s lead…

    Canadian Announces His Preferred Pronoun Is ‘Eh’

    Liam says the only time he has had trouble getting people to respect his preferred pronoun is when he took a short trip to the United States. “People are calling me ‘he’ and I’m like ‘eh’ and they say ‘he’ and I just keep saying ‘eh’ and all they do is laugh at me,” Tremblay reported in a blog post from New York. “Absolute bigotry down in the states, eh?”

    Tremblay cut his trip short and returned home. “I prefer to live where my pronoun is respected. And where there are majestic yaks. And hockey.”

    • Bob Boberson

      Isn’t that the round-house-kick guy?

      • Bob Boberson

        Nevermind; a quick search reveals that dudes name is Jordan Hunt.

  10. Crusty Juggler

    I’ll forget where I was the day Reefer Negro was assassinated.

    • Crusty Juggler

      NEVER FORGET!

      • Jarflax

        That was one of my favorite memories of SNL, back when it was a comedy show.

      • Crusty Juggler

        When Cecily Strong sang “To Sir With Love” in honor of President Obama I laughed my balls off.

      • Chipwooder

        But not when Kate McKinnon sang “Hallelujah”?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Too dykey.

      • Raston Bot

        get me Barfman, STAT!

  11. Not Adahn

    until they explained they didn’t actualy live there

    Lols.

    And is anyone else struck that the gang photo is being reproduced in higher quality than it was when it was first taken?

    • Rhywun

      I did notice that.

  12. Crusty Juggler

    Shane Gillis Mocks SNL Uproar in First Stand-Up Set Since His Firing

    Variety reports that the audience at the Stand comedy club in Manhattan greeted Gillis with applause, and that a couple people in the back of the crowd cheered his name intermittently throughout the set. “Everybody’s been like, you can’t say shit and not expect consequences,” Gillis reportedly said on stage. “I’m fine with the consequences. I’m not arguing. Fuck it. But I do want everyone to know that I’ve been reading every one of my death threats in an Asian accent.”

    Sending reporters to comedy shows…my God.

    • Florida Man

      He was supposed to bring conservative viewers to SNL? How was changing one cog in a machine going to make a difference?

      • Bob Boberson

        Lol, sort of like how Jennifer Rubin brings conservative readers to the Washington Post.

      • wdalasio

        Except, for all I know, Gillis might actually be conservative.

      • Bob Boberson

        Fair point. I do enjoy how media outlets will have one nominal, token conservative on staff and imply

        “See, we show both sides!”

      • Chipwooder

        Look, why don’t you want SE Cupp to have a career?

      • Bob Boberson

        If she wasn’t a news media personality I’m pretty sure she could make a living doing other things….

      • Rebel Scum

        I used to like her but the last time I saw she was suffering from severe TDS.

      • Bob Boberson

        to Rebel Scum: And doing a 180 on her position on gun control.

      • Chipwooder

        I always thought she was “fluffy”, but she was basically Ok and that was good enough for a really pretty woman.

        Nowadays, she’s an attractive, redheaded, female version of Bill Kristol. The last I saw of her, she was jumping on board the “common-sense gun safety!” train.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Andy Levy, formerly someone I had respect for, had a Tweet or two against Gillis for using slurs. I know it is easy to get caught up in the p.c./be polite mindset, but also you don’t have to like what he said, or think what he said is funny, to understand by agreeing with his firing you are essentially approving of Twitter bitching firing culture.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Andy Levy is 53. If he never used the word “retard” or made fun of Asian accents, I’ll eat my hat.

      • Ed Wuncler

        I had an acquaintance pull that shit on me once. I accused him of being a partisan hack and he posted some article with a bunch of so called Conservatives ripping on the Republicans. Not saying that the GOP deserves criticism because they do but the article basically confirmed his political views

      • Crusty Juggler

        I feel like that is something they are saying after they fact – he is just a big, goofy white guy. He mocks his appearance to get laughs, references Trump and MAGA stuff, but it’s to be funny. I would be shocked if he was actually pro-Trump, but now he is considered to be.

      • AlmightyJB

        Well he did say Trump would be the funniest president to see get shot so yeah, definitely brought on for conservatives. *Rolls eyes*

      • kinnath

        I am not going to link to Salon, but this is one of the articles available today:

        Even without Shane Gillis, “SNL” has always been a conservative show MARY ELIZABETH WILLIAMS

        This is fucking insane.

      • Bob Boberson

        It’s gotten to the point where it isn’t even hyperbole to say that the progressive media is insisting “the chocolate rations increase from 300 mgs to 200 mgs.”

      • libertarianjoe

        Jesus. Just because you say something in an article doesn’t make it true.

      • Jarflax

        Do they starve the unwoke? Do they allow filthy degenerate white people to live? NO! They are conservanazis!

    • wdalasio

      If he’s even moderately successful with it, does anyone want to bet how long it will take the pussies at SNL to threaten legal action?

    • Bob Boberson

      “I’m not arguing. Fuck it. But I do want everyone to know that I’ve been reading every one of my death threats in an Asian accent.”

      This guys jib. I like the cut thereof.

    • Ed Wuncler

      My wife and I were watching an SNL skit where Chris Farley’s character traveled to Japan with his wife and Farley’s character somehow ended up on a Japanese game show. Mike Meyers, Alec Baldwin, and Jeanine Garaffalo (sp) did stereotypical Japanese accents and the skit basically mocked how absolutely insane Japanese game shows are sometimes.

      My wife and I immediately said that there’s no way this could have been made today.

      • libertarianjoe

        It definitely could not have been made now. Also, why is Alec Baldwin still a darling of the left with these videos available online? This Gillis guy gets fired, but Baldwin did the same things and he was literally just on SNL playing Trump a few months ago.

        It’s almost like there’s some kind of double standard or something….

      • Bob Boberson

        Didn’t Baldwin have several public tirades where he used anti-gay slurs? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

      • libertarianjoe

        Yeah, he got fired for that I think. But it’s totes cool now cuz he says mean things about bad orange man

      • Rebel Scum

        playing Trump

        If you can call it that. I found his parody of Trump to be wanting. Crowder’s is better.

      • libertarianjoe

        Agreed. And Crowder’s Bernie impressions are hysterical too. Even if he does sound like Gilbert Gottfried

      • Gustave Lytton

        Bon Jovi’s appearance on Super Jockey has been memory holed, so instead here’s OZ Static, and Aussie band that relocated to the US

        https://youtu.be/7iCWYygTfCo

    • Naptown Bill

      Eventually they’re gonna box out all the half-decent comics. I think it won’t be too long before the backlash against this sort of thing really hits its stride.

      • Crusty Juggler

        There will always be a place for “non-woke” comedy. I mean there currently is on Netflix – they are smart enough to have all sorts of comedians on there, and they just recorded another round of their “degenerates” series, the first of which is certainly not woke (especially Joe Diaz and Big Jay).

  13. one true athena

    lol.

    ah, if only Biden, Sanders, and Warren were all trapped on the memory floor of the nursing home.

    “But I don’t belong here!”

    “That’s what they all say, Mr Sanders. I bet you think you’re running for president like that lady with the head-dress over there.”

    • Bob Boberson

      “What we need is more equitable pudding distribution!! The one-percent has all the pudding”

      /Bernie Sanders voice

      • Raston Bot

        /Gilbert Gottfried’s voice

      • Chipwooder

        No one needs twelve different flavors of pudding to choose from!

  14. Tonio

    Way to knock it out of the park, Pengie!

    “Fat Tony…” Hey, I been dietin’ here.

    Longer response to your email soon. I’m hard at work on a submission.

    • Chipwooder

      “Thank you, Fat Tony, but in the future I’d prefer a nondescript briefcase to the sack with the dollar sign on it.”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Thanks, that was really good.

      • Tundra

        Seconded.

  15. Crusty Juggler

    The war on (unwanted) dick pics has begun

    Earlier this month, after waking up to find an unwelcome dick pic in her Twitter account’s DMs, web developer Kelsey Bressler, 28, co-created an AI filter she claims is capable of preventing over 95% of sexually explicit images from reaching her inbox.

    To test the filter, Bressler solicited pictures of male genitalia en masse, receiving hundreds to the trial account @ShowYoDiq, “for science”.

    Men, you know what to do. That being said, this is not going to end in well.

    • Raston Bot

      i saw that episode of Silicon Valley. hot dog advertisers hardest hit.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s what you get for having public social media accounts. It’s no different than walking down the street in Philadelphia.

      “Hey slim, you know what I’d do to you?”

    • Swiss Servator

      Anthony Weiner and Brett Farve hardest hit?

  16. Raston Bot

    Canadian looney media have been breaking their pelvises bending over backwards to downplay Trudeau’s three blackface events calling it “face-darkening makeup” in headlines.

    @ezralevant

    “Face-darkening makeup”.

    That’s a three-word grant application for a slice of Trudeau’s $600 million media bail-out, that’s what this is.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Face darkening makeup is out now? George Hamilton hardest hit.

  17. Gustave Lytton

    From my voicemail:

    The situation we have received a legal complaint under your social security number and your driver license number. We have received a legal complaint to block your social security number immediately. So before we go ahead legally blocking your Social Security number. So kindly, press one to connect to our officer or call us back on our number that is XXXX. I repeat is XXXX. Sorry you did not press one yet. Kindly, please, press one to contact our officer. Thank you and have a blessed day.

    • Bob Boberson

      I’m guessing scam call like the one’s claiming you have a computer virus and they’ll clear it right up if you give them your IP address and CC number?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah. I’m more intrigued by the script writer that thought including “have a blessed day” added to the pitch.

      • Bob Boberson

        I’ve gotten hit by several scammers who include a lot of pseudo-christian phrases in their communications. I guess they figure dupes will assume they are honest if they feign being Christians.

      • Tundra

        I just got a robo call in Chinese. Seems like a low probability play…

      • AlmightyJB

        I got one of those recently as well.

    • Swiss Servator

      Ha! I got that one on my cell yesterday.

      Robocall. Was yours a live hooman?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Robo

      • Bob Boberson

        I prefer the human ones. At least with those I can pretend to be interested yet uncomprehending and distracted until they hang up in disgust.

      • AlexinCT

        ^^ So much this ^^

        If I got time to waste, I am gonna get even with the asshats trying to waste my time.

      • Nephilium

        Yeah. Looks like another call center got stood up somewhere. I’ve noticed a big upswing in the robocalls recently.

      • AlexinCT

        I think the problem was all the people that told you they were named Mike, Bill, or Steve but sounded like Habib, Radji, or Patel. People immediately assumed scam and hung up.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    To test the filter, Bressler solicited pictures of male genitalia en masse, receiving hundreds to the trial account @ShowYoDiq, “for science”.

    She solicited hundreds of dick pics, to prove how much she hates dick pics. Okay, then.

    I hate looking at pics of beautiful naked women.

    • Chipwooder

      If there’s one thing in this world I cannot abide, it’s seeing two gorgeous 18-22 year old women, preferably one of them a redhead, with their faces buried in each other’s crotches.

      • Jarflax

        I am ok with that, what i hate is when that redhead shows up at my door and blows me.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m testing a new lesbian porn filter

    • libertarianjoe

      Look how far we’ve come since “Dicks Out For Harambe”

    • The Other Kevin

      The “beautiful naked women” filter is going to be very difficult to perfect, and will likely take many years of testing.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Sounds like a lot of hard work. You’ll need testers. I’ll volunteer.

      • Pope Jimbo

        With my Loser Aura, I’m sure my test batch would include the pics of all the “real” girls with big beautiful bodies. In their late 30’s.

      • AlmightyJB

        I was already following

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        “Hey Cindy, what are you up to tonight?”

        “Oh, you know, just laying on my bed in lacy panties taking casual selfies of myself. Just like all women do.”

      • Tonio

        You are very good at that, bro. Hope you’re at work on a proper submission.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I don’t do anything…..

        (•_•) / ( •_•)>⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■)

        PROPER

      • Crusty Juggler

        THAT IS WHAT WOMEN DO AT HOME ALONE DON’T YOU RUIN IT FOR US

      • Sean

        “Oh, you know, just laying on my bed in lacy panties taking casual selfies of myself. Just like all women do.”

        https://www.instagram.com/angelmandii/

        Story checks out.

      • Q Continuum

        Real women hate and castrate men.

        Do you even 4th wave bro?

      • Q Continuum

        Further: I hope the saps who take all those pics get laid at least some of the time.

  19. Pope Jimbo

    Uffda. I think Ilhan Omar may need a course on Minnesoda Nice.

    During the summer, sources within the Minneapolis Somali community informed me that Rep. Ilhan Omar has been using financial leverage to prevent Ahmed Hirsi from filing for divorce.

    Ahmed Hirsi’s employment with Councilwoman Cano was quietly terminated months ago: June 14.

    The June 14 termination of Ahmed Hirsi’s employment is public data. Anyone can verify this information by filing a request with the City of Minneapolis City Clerk.

    My sources stated that Ahmed Hirsi was terminated following a request by Rep. Omar. They added that Omar’s motivation for the request was to force Hirsi to become reliant upon her assets and income.

    Poor guy is married to a crazy person and lost his phoney-baloney job?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      You know alimony can be done to either party nowadays if you get a good attorney. This just made it so much easier for him.

    • Bob Boberson

      So she’s basically holding her husband hostage while she gallivants around Washington with her extramarital lover. Girrrrrrllll Power!

    • Jarflax

      Do we need to add a third dimension to the Hot/Crazy Matrix? Hot/Crazy/Evil?

    • libertarianjoe

      She really has a talent for finding new and interesting ways to be a total piece of shit

    • tarran

      You know, that guy is worth more to her dead than alive…. I’d be shitting bricks if I were in his shoes.

      • Pope Jimbo

        The only thing saving his skin right now, is she needs someone to watch their kids. Can’t have the brats hanging around DC keeping her from getting her groove on.

        Now if he sees a pic of her with Hillary…..

    • AlmightyJB

      Is Ahmed Muslim? How’s does that work? Is a Muslim cuck the worst cuck?

    • Bob Boberson

      I am amazed that Trumputinhitler manages to be utterly stupid, unstably insane and criminally genius all at once. Much like each secular dictator we decide we need to regime change.

      • Bob Boberson

        Also, he sites Bill Weld’s twitter account to bolster his argument. L. O. fucking L.

    • Tundra

      Jesus, what a loon.

      The president of the United States is seriously, frighteningly, dangerously unstable. And he’s getting worse by the day.

      Such a person in the Oval Office can do serious damage.

      What to do? We can vote him out of office in 14 months’ time. But he could end the world in seven and a half seconds.

      Oh, no! Whatever can we do?!?

      Spoiler alert: He invokes the 25th.

      Again.

      The three year temper tantrum continues.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Sorry I was already killed by ending net neutrality.

      • Fatty Bolger

        According to Reich and his buddies we’re all gonna die from climate change in 10 years anyway, so might as well get it over with quickly.

      • Ted S.

        Spoiler alert: He invokes the 25th.

        None of these hypocritical shits ever suggested removing McCain from the Senate when it was clear he was no longer going to be returning from Arizona.

    • Rebel Scum

      He retweets a comedian’s sick suggestion that the Clintons were responsible for the suicide of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

      It was joke.

      There’s also the question of whether he’ll willingly leave.

      -____________-

    • Don Escaped Texas

      Trump is like Reagan to the extent that he is exactly who his voters voted for

    • tarran

      Do these imbeciles think that Trump can on his own order a preemptive nuclear strike and the air force or navy will obey?!?

      Either Robert Reich is trying to cynically scare people with threats that he knows are bullshit, or he is one of the dumbest motherfuckers who ever served in the U.S. cabinet.

      My money is on the former. the man’s a commie despite living through the seventies and eighties. It takes a special sort of evil to be that way.

      • Q Continuum

        Hell, Trump could order a nuclear strike with full Congressional approval and some district judge in San Jose would put a TRO on it (not that that would be a bad thing).

      • AlmightyJB

        It’s pure propaganda.

  20. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    “To test the filter, Bressler solicited pictures of male genitalia en masse, receiving hundreds to the trial account @ShowYoDiq, “for science”.”

    Q, I think I figured out a way for you to get your girly pics more easily. All you got to do is ask for them and then announce that you’re only doing it for “SCIENCE”.

    • Q Continuum

      Can I test the effect of my penis in their vagina? For science of course.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        So long as you shout “SCIENCE” after anything I think they got to let you get away with it.

      • Q Continuum

        The Title IX loophole we’ve been looking for.

    • Pope Jimbo

      The Aussies are way ahead of us.

      Facebook is asking users to send the company their nude photos in an effort to tackle revenge porn, in an attempt to give some control back to victims of this type of abuse.

      Individuals who have shared intimate, nude or sexual images with partners and are worried that the partner (or ex-partner) might distribute them without their consent can use Messenger to send the images to be “hashed”. This means that the company converts the image into a unique digital fingerprint that can be used to identify and block any attempts to re-upload that same image.

      Facebook is piloting the technology in Australia in partnership with a government agency headed up by the e-safety commissioner, Julia Inman Grant, who told ABC it would allow victims of “image-based abuse” to take action before pictures were posted to Facebook, Instagram or Messenger.

    • AlmightyJB

      I got banned once for saving a YouTube video to one of my playlist.

      • Q Continuum

        ^^^RONGTHINKUR!!!!!!

    • Naptown Bill

      That’s funny.

      Also, I’d totally forgotten about her. It’s a shame she’s kind of awful, because she’s cute. It’s sadder when cute girls are terrible SJW social media harridans.

      • UnCivilServant

        Before she took her break she’s started to re-evaluate her positions and actually talk to people with other views.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah, I think she was conversing with Lauren Southern which is not allowed by the tolerent left.

      • Q Continuum

        I would very much like to “converse” with Lauren Southern.

      • AlmightyJB

        Indubitably

      • Naptown Bill

        Yeah, that rings a bell. Didn’t she start getting attacked via the Tweets for talking to people outside of the SJW sphere? Yeah, wait, wasn’t there some thing where some people were bitching because she started dating a guy, and then she sort of got red-pilled a bit?

    • Bob Boberson

      Like I said, I’d like to thank Beto for doing this. Keep pushing confiscation Dems, it’s sure to work out great for ya.

      • AlmightyJB

        They’re no doubt the gun and ammo industries greatest salesmen.

      • Q Continuum

        The “nobody wants to confiscate your guns” narrative is drawn and quartered, thanks to Beto. He did the 2A movement a great service.

      • libertarianjoe

        “No no no, we don’t wan’t to confiscate your guns….we just don’t want you to have them anymore so we’re going to take them away” – 2019 Dems

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I don’t know. “Clinging to their guns and Bibles” worked for Obama.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        the Senate saved us from Obama

        In construction, principles, and moving parts, the Senate has never been more important; sadly, it is today no excellent fall-back trench to which we might retreat on Trump’s worse days.

    • The Other Kevin

      I don’t believe for a second they want to confiscate all the guns. They just want everyone to turn them in voluntarily. And also to go to jail if they don’t. Totally different things.

      • 0x90

        Obligatory…

        ———-

        “Well, I don’t accept your phraseology, I don’t think we force people –”

        “Taxation is not forceful?”

        “Well, no –”

        “It’s voluntary?”

        “– in fact, quite the contrary, our system of government is a voluntary tax system.”

        “If you don’t want to pay your taxes, you don’t have to?”

        “Oh, of course you have to pay your taxes, but –”

        “Or the government will force you to pay, or they’ll fine you, or imprison you.”

        “We have a voluntary system.”

        ———-

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7mRSI8yWwg

    • wdalasio

      Donald Trump is truly blessed in his enemies.

      All the Democrats had to do was be sane for four years and pick some inoffensive governor who wouldn’t scare the shit out of much of the country. Donald Trump was never that strong a candidate. And just a little tweaking from Hillary’s campaign strategy (just the stuff her own husband, a guy who got elected president twice, told her to do) would have shifted the electoral map. 2018 was largely a vindication of that strategy. They made inroads in Congress running moderate, inoffensive, candidates. Instead, they’ve sold themselves on an agenda of reparations, socialism, gun confiscation and woke hectoring.

      • Sean

        they’ve sold themselves on an agenda of reparations, socialism, gun confiscation and woke hectoring.

        It’s simultaneously hilarious and terrifying.

      • The Other Kevin

        Usually in the primaries, the candidates pander to the extremes a bit more and then tack to the center during the general election. Both parties do that. But I can’t imagine the final Dem candidate will be able to walk all this back. Even with the media on their side, all Trump has to do is tweet out one link a day that has a quote from a debate.

      • Jarflax

        Our memory as a society seems short enough that Nov., 2020 might as well be 2100

    • DrOtto

      It’s a true statement. He knows multiple democrats who support it, not a single Democrat. That’s how you politic.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    And now, a word from the Democratic Socialists of America

    To be sure, some of the threat to good manufacturing jobs is due to globalization and automation. But a lot of auto manufacturing jobs still exist in the United States. The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that nearly a million people work in the industry. Yet our law permits a race to the bottom among those jobs. Unlike labor law in most industrial democracies, U.S. labor law does not create a system of sectoral bargaining through which fair terms are negotiated and apply to all workers and companies in an industry. Instead, U.S. labor law channels organizing and bargaining to the level of the individual worksite and the individual firm.

    This approach encourages firms to compete by busting unions and lowering wages. So when workers at the non-union auto companies have sought to unionize, they have been met with threats and intimidation. Pro-union workers at Volkswagen, for example, report being put under surveillance and required to attend mandatory anti-union meetings, including one at which the Governor of Tennessee personally urged workers to reject unionization.

    When a group of Volkswagen workers did vote to unionize, the company refused to bargain, stalling in the hopes that, once dominated by Trump appointees, the administrative agency in charge of reviewing the case would switch its position, giving into management demands.

    In short, a worksite-based bargaining system incentivizes employers to resist unionization. Moreover, even if workers succeed in organizing at the firm level despite intense employer resistance, bargaining with a single employer makes little sense in today’s economy. How can workers at the small companies that supply the big automakers with parts get a fair deal if they aren’t negotiating directly with the auto companies? Even unionized workers end up fighting an uphill battle: They have a collective voice in one worksite, or within one firm, but that is just not enough to limit downward pressure on employment, wages and benefits.

    By contrast, in countries where a system of industrial or sectoral bargaining exists, workers and employers throughout the industry get together to agree on a fair deal for all. Under most sectoral bargaining systems, individual groups of workers and individual firms can still negotiate terms above the sectoral minimums and can still agree on more detailed work rules, But everyone has assurance that basic, fair standards will apply to all workers in the industry.

    Bring back the unions. Make America great again.

    • AlmightyJB

      By contrast, in countries where a “system of industrial or sectoral bargaining exists”…..the standard of living is way lower.

    • Q Continuum

      Could easily have been “Now a word from Association of Americans with IQs South of 60”.

    • tarran

      I see the Democratic Socialists are huge fans of 1930’s style fascism! Well, at least they’re honest and true to their roots.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Why does the supposed party of “workers” have nothing but trust fund kids within their ranks?

      Socialists have proven Marx correct, in one way. Marx once said “history repeats itself- first as tragedy and then as farce”. Nothing is more farcical than American socialism degrading itself from Eugene Debs (who went to jail for opposing the draft) to AOC (who went to Congress for opposing basic math).

    • kinnath

      I need more guns

      • Naptown Bill

        Who don’t, brutha, who don’t?

        I seriously, seriously thought about the sale 80% Arms did a little while ago for one of their Gen 2 Easy Jigs and something like 3 lowers and 3 lower parts kits. You’d still have to buy the uppers, but it was a pretty good deal. Problem was I’d be spending a bunch of money I can’t afford in order to commit to having to spend even more money and then wind up with three rifles my wife would yell at me about.

        Still, though…

      • UnCivilServant

        You could just sell on two of the unused kits.

      • Naptown Bill

        Yeah, but then I’m out the money until I’ve got a buyer, and I likely won’t be able to recoup because I’ll be an obviously motivated seller. I’ve considered going in on the jig with a friend, but all the people I know who might be interested already have all the AR platform guns they want. I’ll probably just wind up buying the jig on its own next time it’s on sale.

      • Not Adahn

        Glib gun buying club?

      • Jarflax

        That is called Tulpa goes to the gunstore.

      • Q Continuum

        Get a new wife. Or better yet, don’t have a wife.

      • Naptown Bill

        I wonder how many lowers got mailed to Beto after that little speech of his.

      • Q Continuum

        Two words: FN PS90.

      • AlmightyJB

        I like the design but I don’t want to have to buy 5.7 ammo.

      • Naptown Bill

        Does anything else shoot that besides the PS90 and the Five-Seven? I like to collect calibers, but that seems niche even for me. And living in MD I could only buy the pistol anyway.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I suppose I should refresh….

      • mexican sharpshooter

        There is an upper called the AR57. I’d link it but I am at work.

      • Sean

        #metoo

      • kinnath

        The new safe will hold 6 to 8 long guns. So my wife is sort of pre-advised on where things are headed.

      • Naptown Bill

        I need to do my two-stage scam on mine. I open with, “I’m getting a new safe that’s a little nicer looking, a little more secure, that kind of thing.” Naturally it’s bigger, too. Then, I do the, “What? Oh, no, I’ve had that gun for a while now,” bit when that safe gets full, possibly doing the “No, those were all stuffed together in the old safe,” as needed. It helps when she’s a willing participant in her own deception.

    • Crusty Juggler

      All you have to do is clap at the DSA and they will crumble.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        +1 point of privilege

    • libertarianjoe

      If only there was a way by which each individual worker could negotiate their pay and benefits directly with their employer, based on their individual skills and abilities…..

      Oh wait, that’s exactly how it works

    • R C Dean

      To be sure,

      And . . . I’m out.

    • whiz

      …U.S. labor law does not create a system of sectoral bargaining through which fair terms are negotiated and apply to all workers and companies in an industry.

      Thank goodness it doesn’t. And wouldn’t such a system be a monopoly on the labor side? IANAL — do monopoly statutes apply on the labor side as well?

    • Chipwooder

      When a group of Volkswagen workers did vote to unionize

      When was this? The union has lost every vote at VW Chattanooga.

  22. BakedPenguin

    Thanks everyone.

    And Tonio, that wasn’t a shout out/shout back. I was going to riff on what you did, but I had to junk a couple bits (one of which was complete) and was really running up against the clock. I just wanted to get as many ‘gangster’ names out there as I could from a bunch of varied places. Fat Tony seemed to fit Spanky.

    • Naptown Bill

      “Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations of the Committee on Energy and Commerce”

      Ok, now they’re just fucking with us.

    • libertarianjoe

      I think they mean the Obama administration’s cruel policies

  23. Rebel Scum

    Dennis Rodman: Trump Can Make A Deal With Kim Jong Un

    “I think he can [make a deal],” Rodman said, as reported by Fox News. “I think the fact that people better watch out for this: Kim Jong Un will be in America in 18 to 24 months. I guarantee it.”

    When co-host Brian Kilmeade asked if this visit from Kim Jong Un would be an actual state visit, Rodman replied, “He’s coming to do one thing, to visit America.”

    Rodman, who has visited North Korea on several occasions and even refers to Kim Jong Un as his “friend,” has been an outspoken supporter of Trump’s North Korea policy. In June of 2018, as the president and the dictator were gearing up for the first peace summit, the former Chicago Bulls champion even appeared on CNN wearing a MAGA hat and broke down into tears.

  24. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    BREAKING: Gunmaker Colt says it is suspending its production of rifles for the civilian market including the popular AR-15.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Much like “free speech”, the 2nd Amendment will just be pressured out of existence. But, don’t you dare attack a private company for caving to government run institutions pressuring them. When a private company takes a woke action the proper response is “muh…selective freedom of association”. You reserve your righteous indignation and political attacks for those hate cake bakers.

    • Bob Boberson

      Didn’t they do this a while ago? Good thing they’ve got those sweet government contracts that make sure they sell all their products at an artificial premium while simultaneously ensuring America’s soldiers carry an infantry rifle that should have been obsolete 30 years ago.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They split the company in two for a while I think.

    • Sean

      I read that they are temporarily suspending production. Not a long term thing.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        “It’s not forever,” Spitale said. “It’s to say that, at this moment, we’re listening to consumers and putting our resources where they’re most valued.”

      • R C Dean

        “It’s to say that, at this moment, we’re listening to consumers

        Whose consumers are they listening to? Not consumers of their products, who are emptying stores of AR-15s at a rapid clip.

      • Not Adahn

        But not $1000+ AR-15s.

      • Naptown Bill

        Yeah, last I heard about Colt ARs is that they’re expensive as hell and not that great.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Got a link there, cowboy?

      • kinnath

        Google new had many links, but I’m not chasing any of them at work.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        FTA:

        “Colt’s chief executive officer, Dennis Veilleux, says it is not permanently ending production but believes there is already an adequate supply of sporting rifles on the market. He said in a statement Thursday the company will concentrate on fulfilling military and law enforcement contracts with its rifle manufacturing.”

        Translation: “We’ve realized that it will be more profitable to arm the gun grabbers rather than the law abiding citizen.”

      • mexican sharpshooter

        ” I am a grown ass man!”

        Hell, I thought this guy was dead.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I don’t know why, but I believe this guy

      • Not Adahn

        Don’t. He’s a tard. But he does do a lot of cosmetic gunsmithing, so you can trust him on that.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Are you telling me that I shouldn’t take at face value the remarks of a guy who runs a YouTube show from his heavily armed garage?

        Well now I don’t know who to believe

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Seconded. He’s mostly good for a laugh at his expense.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Well now I don’t know who to believe

        Yeager. Believe Yeager….

      • Not Adahn

        Paul Harrell.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Got it on my phone. Its cool. People in the know, know there are better ARs out there than Colt.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Whatever you say, chief

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Well…technically I would be hanging out with the “Northern Mexicans” in prison not the Chiefs.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Mexicans were the original cowboys (except with bigger hats and more guns).

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        You guys were so bad ass that American settlers copied you and then pretended like they didn’t and then cast you as Indians in American westerns. The circle of life.

      • Jarflax

        We need a term for that Gringicano? Chico del Norte? or maybe American?

      • Naptown Bill

        I’d kinda forgotten they were still making ARs.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Well…when Wally World stopped selling them, they kind of fell out of fashion.

      • Crusty Juggler

        They say it’s temporary. I assume it has more to do with their lack of sales than anything.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        See! Even Crusty gets it. Build your own AR, people!

      • Crusty Juggler

        EVEN! What am I, yesterday’s tomatoes?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        “Your righteous indignation is misplaced because this story is not entirely true”

        That’s what you sound like right now. Do better

      • Jarflax

        Isn’t that kind of a valid criticism of righteous indignation?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Another guy trying to use logic and common sense.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        The correct response should be “I’m buying an AR 15 right now to own Colt”.

        Do better

      • Jarflax

        What if you don’t think ARs are all that cool or interesting? What if you think they are still Mattel guns, that have only become beloved of the gun community because the grabbers have an irrational fear of ‘scary black rifle’ and keep trying to ban them?

      • Not Adahn

        Then you obviously didn’t play with legos or erector sets, and might not actually be a man.

      • Jarflax

        Because only ARs can be customized or build from parts?

      • Don Escaped Texas

        What if you don’t think ARs are all that cool or interesting?

        * raises hand *

        But, like my Glock EDC: while not A+ on every point, they work, the price is right, the ammo is pretty well thought through. I’m with Suthen, more an M14 guy, but I’m not going to say that the AR platform isn’t pretty useful and handy.

      • Not Adahn

        Because only ARs can be customized or build from parts?

        And legos weren’t the only building block game in town either. But there’s a reason nobody talks about Tente anymore.

      • R C Dean

        I’m with Suthen, more an M14 guy,

        Same here. I’m not humping it for miles on a deep raid where I need a couple hundred rounds of ammo. At my age, its for static defense. I’ll take the additional ballistic impact of the .308, thank you very much, and the additional range.

      • R C Dean

        their lack of sales

        And here I thought there was a run on AR-15s.

    • Rebel Scum

      Glad I got a PSA AR. Which has subsequently been lost in a tragic boating accident, of course. . .

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        That’s the fourth boating accident I’ve heard about in the past week. We need common sense boat control

      • Jarflax

        Termites ate all my guns.

      • Bob Boberson

        Dem Candidates: “To be clear, we aren’t talking about confiscating your boats”

        Beta: “I’ll confiscate your boats; well speedboats and jet skis anyway”

        Schumer: “God damn it, Beto.”

      • Rebel Scum

        “No one needs to go over 30 mph to have fun on the water.”

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Beta: “I’ll confiscate your boats; well speedboats and jet skis anyway”

        See? they’ll let me keep my schooner!

      • Jarflax

        Your schooner is dinghy.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        My schooner is majestic.

      • Jarflax

        Just galleons of junk.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        You better stop before you start singing me the score of HMS Pinnafore.

      • Rebel Scum

        And what of my frigate?

      • Jarflax

        It is a dog, watch all it does is barque.

    • Q Continuum

      Cocksuckers used to make good guns. They got outcompeted anyway.

      • Not Adahn

        A guy at the last shooting match was using a Colt Python. Gorgeous gun, but the guy’s times were crap.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Was he as old as the revolver?

      • Not Adahn

        Yup. He probably bought it during the original production run.

      • Sean

        Neither I or my gf own any Colt product.

        *shrug*

      • Jarflax

        Not even Malt Liquor? Cause Billy Dee convinced me that you need the .45 to get a girl.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Works every time.

    • Chipwooder

      Colt has been the “woke” gunmaker for a while now

    • Raston Bot

      well that leaves about 50+ other companies still standing.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    BREAKING: Gunmaker Colt says it is suspending its production of rifles for the civilian market including the popular AR-15.

    Is Colt even still in business?They have been circling the drain for quite a while.

    I wouldn’t bother to act surprised if you told me they were putting “Colt” on guns made in Pakistani back yards.

  26. Chipwooder

    Hey, it’s been a while since Karla Marx said anything particularly stup-

    Matt Fuller

    @MEPFuller
    Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, on the Kennedy-Markey primary, just now:

    “Sen. Markey is the generational change we’ve been waiting for.”

    146
    2:31 PM – Sep 19, 2019

    Oh, never mind.

    Gerald Ford was still in the White House when Ed Markey was first elected to Congress.

    • wdalasio

      This just seems evergreen.

  27. Suthenboy

    I love random drunken asshole. The tinfoil under his hat is perfect.

  28. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Anybody want to buy a Colt AR? I have an unshot one under my bed and I promise to gouge you only a little.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      “Fuck yeah. We got them now.”

      – ATF agent monitoring message board

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        For the record, you may not bunk with me in the gulag

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, just to be clear that was a joke.

      • 0x90

        wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more

  29. DEG

    This is another good entry!