About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

362 Comments

  1. Yusef

    There not in the oval office, and we are, great work! lots of work damn!

    • Yusef

      It takes a lot of work to find, edit and all those clips into something coherent and Funny as Hell, Bravo!

      • CPRM

        Thanks.

      • TARDIS

        Agree> Well done. Watched it twice to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

  2. Count Potato

    LOLOLOLOLOL

  3. Count Potato

    What happened to the black guy from The Shining?

    • CPRM

      Scatman is dead, sorry to tell you….Oh you mean the non-Spartacus POC that’s running? He’s next to Biden.

      • Rhywun

        Scatman is dead

        That whole subplot was unforgivably bad. I cringe every time.

  4. C. Anacreon

    Not a good joke, a Dane Cook joke!
    Classic.

  5. commodious spittoon

    Poor Dane Cook, the Dane Cook of comedians.

    • hayeksplosives

      Best comment ever.

    • hayeksplosives

      Best comment ever.

      • Sean

        X2

      • hayeksplosives

        Da squirrels have infiltrated!!

      • Tonio

        Let none to speak ill of the squirrels.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      the first, and only, time I watched Dane Cook was at a party. all of the normals were cracking up and I felt like an alien.
      He’s just running around making faces and yelling
      how is this funny?

      • Ayn Random Variation

        it’s like that puppet guy comedian. all of my friends thought he was hilarious and I didn’t get it. oh Dunham.
        I like comedians who tell jokes. Youngman. Dangerfield. Pryor. Chappelle. McDonald. Wright.

      • Sean

        I even like the red neck comedians. Including larry…

  6. Trigger Hippie

    Yo! My Patreon payment went through yesterday and I should be back on schedule. Just need to get you a quick lump sum to get you squared.

    Anyway, I’ve got a few episodes to catch up on before I watch this. See ya soon!

    • CPRM

      Saul Goodman.

    • commodious spittoon

      I get the impression the DNC really doesn’t t want these people debating substantively until the last possible second. Platitudes blathered out over forty-five seconds are fine. Back and forth exchanges like Inside the Actors Studio is just going to give them problems.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Actually letting these lunatics spell out their idiotic and unconstitutional solutions to non problems seems like a bad play to me as well.

        They will all already have a hard time in the general election making themselves palatable to the majority of Americans who work for a living and aren’t vindictive professionals grifters as it is.

      • blackjack

        Ain’t no bottom to the stupidity of American voters.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        This is true. See: the entire span of 20th century American politics.

      • Hyperion

        My wife has her Citizenship Oath Ceremony on Friday, and I told her ‘Congrats, you now know more about the Constitution than 80-90% of native born Americans’. Seriously, I’d wager that more than 80% of publicly educated Americans cannot point out the state they live in on a map.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I agree. It’s incredible how poor public education is in this country. Its almost like throwing MOAR GRANTZ at the problem doesn’t work.

        Our Republic needs educated citizens to function and now we develop our collective political understanding by reading Instagram rather than Livy and Plutarch and Thucydides.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        And I guarantee that your wife indeed knows more about our country and government than most Americans.

      • Hyperion

        I was fortunate to be educated in the system when it was still about education and not indoctrination. Those days are long gone. Math is now racist and you need to learn that there are 23 genders, today, tomorrow, maybe there are 46, but that’s what is important.

    • Tonio

      Ohhh, Tulsi Gabbard made the cut. Shame she’s at far (house) left (aka stage right).

      • commodious spittoon

        Way to bust those stereotypes, Ton.

  7. Sean

    A Dane Cook joke. ?

    • The Hyperbole

      Inorite, what is this 2008?

      • CPRM

        I haven’t watched much stand-up in the last decade, except Doug Allen.

      • Sean

        My boss went to rehab with Greg Giraldo.

        2 narcissists…they did not get alng.

        Wait, what were we talking about?

      • Sir Digby

        Does anyone in rehab really get along with anyone else?

      • Chafed

        Sadly we no longer have Greg Giraldo.

  8. Count Potato

    “Kids are getting sick from eating vaping cartridges full of liquid nicotine

    Doctors in Kansas are sounding the alarm over a vaping-related trend where young children get a hold of their parents devices and consume whole cartridges full of liquid nicotine, a report said.

    “We’ve had kids eat the cartridges, drink the solutions and get sick,” Dr. Stephen Thornton, medical director for the University of Kansas Health System Poison Control Center, told KMBC.

    The poison center fielded nine in the past few weeks calls about youngsters getting a hold of e-cigarettes or vaping pods, the report said.

    ”Parents are calling saying, ‘Hey, I found my kid holding the vaping product,’ or ‘I found the kid with the e-cigarette pod in their mouth,’” Dr. Elizabeth Silver, clinical toxicologist with the University of Kansas Health System Poison Control Center, told the network.”

    https://nypost.com/2019/10/02/kids-are-getting-sick-from-eating-vaping-cartridges-full-of-liquid-nicotine/

    https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1179381948537606144

    Better give them lighters instead.

    • Rhywun

      JFC this moral panic is getting stoopid.

      • Count Potato

        It skipped right past retarded to zombie hoard.

    • commodious spittoon

      Imagine the freakout when they find out people stash poison products under the sink.

    • Tonio

      Tide Pod Challenge, redux.

      Sorry your kids are that stupid, but they would have otherwise wrapped their cars around lampposts or looked up during a rainstorm and drowned like (perhaps apocryphal) domestic turkeys.

      • Sean

        I put a car into a telephone pole during a rain storm…

      • Ayn Random Variation

        I didn’t need a rainstorm lightweight

      • Spudalicious

        All I was doing was riding in the back of the pickup truck.

      • Sean

        ’71 Formula 400 Firebird. ?

      • Timeloose

        I’m sad for you and the Pontiac.

      • blackjack

        That does suck. Those 2nd gens are really taking off in price lately. I used to badly want a ’73 sd455 trans am. Shoulda bought one while they were get-able.

      • Timeloose

        That’s a great car. I always wanted a GP from that era. My dad’s 68 GTO Conv was great. He sold it for a Pinto in 75 however.

      • blackjack

        I, no shit, once put a telephone into a car in the rain.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. lots of them over the years. No telephone poles so far.

      • Sir Digby

        I put a car into a telephone pole during a rain storm…

        Is this a euphemism for reverse cowgirl, or, something?

    • Mojeaux

      I can beat that.

      My kid got into a bottle of iron pills.

      That was one panicked call to the poison center, lemmetellya.

      • commodious spittoon

        That’s easy. Use a magnet to guide them back up the esophagus.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Darwinism in action

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Better give them lighters instead.’

      Nah, just tap out your chameleon glass and say ‘hey kid, grab my stash and fill this up.’ As long as you don’t let them lick their fingers after breaking it up they’re relatively safe.

    • blackjack

      Getting “sick.” When a doctor says this, he’s lying. What kinda sick? Like dying sick or not feeling well sick?

      • Caput Lupinum

        Not feeling well. Nicotine is perfectly capable of killing someone, but it is metabolized pretty quickly, so they were suffering from acute but non fatal nicotine poisoning. They should have recovered after a few hours. Depending on the size and potency of the cartridges they could very easily contain enough nicotine to make a child very ill, possibly enough to kill a very young kid. A lethal dose for a child would be somewhere around 100 mg, but much it would take far less to knock them on their ass for a few hours.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, that’s true. If they had said “acute nicotine poisoning” I’d be more inclined to believe them. The diagnosis is rarely, “you’re getting sick.”

  9. hayeksplosives

    Off topic (not that that is too hard around here):

    Great romantic song remake recently shared to me by a treasured friend. It’s Kiss from a Rose, but instead of missing the mark as Seal’s original version did, it makes women’s panties fall off.

    Enjoy the wonders of Marc Martel.*

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs9dvKDqe9g&list=RDXs9dvKDqe9g&start_radio=1

    *actual descendant of Charles “The Hammer” Martel who fended off the Muslim invasion of France in the 8th century

    • Mojeaux

      Well that was a bit dreamy, particularly the lack of AutoTune.

    • CPRM

      Meh, songs not the same without the piano.

    • Ted S.

      it makes women’s panties fall off.

      Pics or not real.

      • hayeksplosives

        Don’t tempt me, man

      • Tonio

        Oooh, has someone been slimming down? Good for you, hon.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      I will test your panties off theory and will strike you with furious indignation if said panties don’t fly off.

      • Sir Digby

        Harsh, man!

    • Animal

      That’s as may be, but Charlie Rich’s Behind Closed Doors is the most romantic song ever written/performed.

      • blackjack

        Ahem! Imma go with

      • blackjack

        this one.

      • Gender Traitor

        Not strictly romantic, but there’s something about this song that just turns my knees to buttah.

      • Gender Traitor

        …but for pure romance, I jump in the way back machine.

      • Sir Digby

        Look–if we’re going to do romantic songs, why not start with the Master of the genre?

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, my heart’s a-flutter! ::SIGH!!::

      • Sir Digby

        C’mon–Master Exploder, or GTFO

      • CPRM

        That’s Low Hanging Fruit Sir Digby!

      • Sir Digby

        OK, not a bad compromise

        Also, BOLO for some Tenacious D in my weekend post

      • Mojeaux

        Those are both lovely.

        Along the lines of your Drifters, try this.

      • Gender Traitor

        …When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind…

        Uh huh. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

    • Sir Digby

      Hmmmm….”Marc, Son of Hammer” has a nice ring to it.

      /I know…it’s still a cool title

  10. Tonio

    Is that a young Fidel I see in the matrix of thumbnails? Nice.

    • Not Adahn

      I’m little amazed he’s not getting the hype.

      • Tonio

        Me?

      • Not Adahn

        Castro. As un hombre de ceño, you’d think that there’s be more interest in promoting him over some of the paler males. He must have some ridic skellies in his armario.

      • Count Potato

        Florida is a major swing state.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        +1 hanging chad

      • Rhywun

        Plus he looks like a wax dummy.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Unfortunately for all the non-Obama candidates the prog elites paternal attitude towards minorities shows through again. They (the three old white septuagenarians leading the rest) know what’s best for all the oppressed people in this country.

  11. Florida Man

    That is the best one yet. Bravo!

  12. Trigger Hippie

    Ahhh, I’ve never binged a block of those before. I started audibly giggling by the time Donald was glib-bombing the other two and yeah, the Dane Cook line sent me into hysterics. Bravo.

    • CPRM

      I do put them in a playlist, so you can sit back re-watch the whole run if you want. I do myself from time to time to compare and contrast, see what I did right or wrong in past episodes.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Well, as others have stated before, the audio, editing, and animation have definitely improved. And I think when he’s transitioning from talking to others or a crowd and when he’s addressing H&H is much better to discern than it used to be, at least for me. Great stuff!

  13. commodious spittoon

    This is brutal. Dumb geese, not building houses and shopping malls to avoid being eaten by foxes and ravens.

  14. Spudalicious

    Bravo! Nicely done. Love the Biden kicker at the end.

    • Rhywun

      A simple thumbs down and the entire crowd shut right the fuck up.

      Uh… I didn’t detect much of any “shut right the fuck up” myself. That said, she clearly knows her fans.

      • The Hyperbole

        So she didn’t nip it in the bud?

      • blackjack

        Pointed comment!

      • The Hyperbole

        Just trying to make the breast of a bad situation.

      • leon

        Boooooo(bs)

      • Spudalicious

        They’re a bunch of boobs.

      • blackjack

        You gotta support your bra, brah!

      • blackjack

        That last one wasn’t very good. I was trying to milk it too hard.

      • Spudalicious

        Sounds to me like you’re tits up.

      • blackjack

        I’ll show her my tattoos in exchange. It’ll be tit for tat.

    • CPRM

      Imagine if something like this happened to a guy? Some male reporter walks in front of a crowd and everyone starts yelling at him to take his cock out?

      Well, if he had an entire instagram account focused on showing off his bulge…

      • Mojeaux

        Some male reporter walks in front of a crowd and everyone starts yelling at him to take his cock out?

        I’m not seeing the problem…?

      • TARDIS

        Tits are not genitalia?

      • TARDIS

        “No I don’t have feelings cuz feelings are gay”

      • Mojeaux

        How lovely.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL

        “to get to the other vagina.”

        *headdesk*

      • CPRM

        And lest I leave you with impression Jon Lajoie was a one trick pony with his comedy songs…Have You Ever Been High As Fuck?

      • Sir Digby

        I’m happy to see Jon get a mention in an H&H post

      • commodious spittoon

        Chicks don’t have to deal with performance anxiety. Or shrinkage.

        Also: nobody wants to see that.

      • Mojeaux

        nobody wants to see that

        *raises hand*

      • Gender Traitor

        ::glances about furtively:: #metoo

      • commodious spittoon

        I mean, no shit. I, too, don’t want to see that. Nobody wants to see that.

      • Mojeaux

        Am I missing something? I hear all the time that penises are ugly, but I don’t think so. I must not be girling right.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh…ummm…I thought she meant she DID want to see it.

        Never mind. ::slinks away::

      • Mojeaux

        That is exactly what I meant.

        ComSpit is twisting it all around to make it seem like I agreed with him, which is so mainstream media. I didn’t expect to get that treatment here. I’m going to tell Meghan Markle on you.

      • Gender Traitor

        That is exactly what I meant.

        Oh! Whew! Now I feel better!

      • commodious spittoon

        I was going to make thumb penis joke, as in someone pushes a thumb out the pant flap as a pretend penis, but the image search for thumb penis is really awful.

      • Gender Traitor

        Accept no substitutes!!!

      • Mojeaux

        the image search for thumb penis

        That?

        Yes, I went there.

      • blackjack

        Is that what the girl meant by thumbs down? So lost.

      • Tres Cool

        Mine is so pretty an beautiful, bitches suck it with the light ON!

        /Tracy Morgan

      • Rhywun

        …and was reporting from a gay soccer stadium.

      • Count Potato

        Her IG is like a never-ending Q post.

    • Jarflax

      Why should this make me feel sorry for her?

      • blackjack

        Well, it makes me want to feel her.

    • Rhywun

      Sometimes I think the complete inability of the woke crowd to understand how people actually function means we have nothing to fear from them.

      Other times I think it’s pretense – because nobody is THAT stupid – and they’re just evil cuntes.

    • Suthenboy

      The author’s name is Gay Pat? Really?

      *facepalm*

      • Mojeaux

        I love Bruce! He is awesome.

      • commodious spittoon

        Much like 9/11 and the Alamo, I forgot to be angry about his banning until I remembered to be angry about it.

      • Mojeaux

        How could you forget the Alamo?

        Dude. Srsly?

        SMH

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      I was once informed by some Napoli fans on the train to Pompeii that they were going to cut me if I wasn’t a Napoli fan. I believed them.

      Have been a Napoli tifoso ever since. FORZA NAPOLI SEMPRE!

      • Rhywun

        They are my Serie A team.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Nice!

        Somehow we shit the bed against Genk tonight in the CL and played down to a draw. Oof.

      • Rhywun

        Shit, missed that. I watched Liverpool squeak by (somebody), in Spanish.

        I’m not following Serie A as much I used to since it became a one-horse race. This year seems to be breaking that trend, surprisingly.

      • Jarflax

        Soccer fans are my chosen rebuttal to Euroweenies telling me how Americans are all uneducated redneck boors. We have maybe 2-3 actual injuries a year from fans getting rowdy, in Oakland or Philly usually, you folks have full fledged riots with multiple deaths. Also, I have met Welshmen, German tourists, and Spaniards. Y’all have
        uneducated boors and rednecks, you just don’t know it.

      • Rhywun

        Enh, it’s far, far worse in S. America and Africa. And I will defend the Bundesliga against such charges – in Europe the worst you’ll see seems to be in England or Italy.

      • Jarflax

        Fine but I don’t hear Africans or South Americans calling us out for being uncouth. They call us out for being imperialist which is much cooler.

      • Rhywun

        Agreed. The Euros are full of shit on that score.

        I once attended a NY Red Bulls versus Tottenham match and everyone was mixed together in the stands and having a blast. Granted, that was a friendly but it’s really not any different with league matches.

        Contrast that to most of the rest of the world where you have to have 50 feet between each set of supporters populated by rent-a-cops.

      • Jarflax

        and wait a minute… THAT is what you are going to challenge me on? Ignoring my utterly unprovoked attack on the Taffys?

      • Rhywun

        LOL I’m not Welsh – I just have an interest in the language and appropriated a common word for my handle.

    • blackjack

      Ah, dark humor!

    • Rhywun

      I can’t believe the potato-head guy I don’t know his name is still hanging on.

    • mikey

      I’m proud of myself for not knowing who all those people are.
      Your depiction of Tulsi as compared to the others is noted.

  15. Timeloose

    That was funny as hell. The best one yet.

    “Well it’s time to get a real job then”.

    • Hyperion

      “The best one yet.”

      By far, excellent work.

  16. Hyperion

    LOL, that was great. Corn Pop shall live forever.

    • straffinrun

      Nice. I’m sending this to snopes.

      • Hyperion

        I’m sure they’ve already certified Corn Pop as mostly fact.

      • Count Potato

        You can’t be cereal.

      • Rhywun

        “Snopes needs your help!”

        Oh noes!

      • blackjack

        Really? ‘Cause I got this. Apparently corn flakes are made for cray-cray folks, not the soon-to-be-blind.

      • Jarflax

        From a poolchain beatdown?

      • The Hyperbole

        Obit doesn’t say, mentions his family was by his side so I’m assuming it was an illness not something sudden. he was 73 so could have been anything really, heart trouble? the big C?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        the big C?

        Clinton had him whacked?

  17. Hyperion

    Wifey made Caldo Verde. Which is basically Collard Greens and Potato soup. Damn this stuff is good.

    • KSuellington

      Love me some caldo verde. Did she throw in some linguiça?

      • Spudalicious

        Mandatory.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Enjoy it now. Once she turns ‘murican, it’s meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

      • Rhywun

        I see nothing wrong with this scenario.

      • Rhywun

        Oats? Um… huh. That seems wrong.

      • Jarflax

        And no more brazilian.

  18. Tres Cool

    “Im gonna wrap this chain around your head”.

    Sums it up for me. Nice work.

  19. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    My favorite line:

    Bolton: “I’ve been making war since before you were married to Marla Maples.”

    Trump: “And now you’ll get a real job.”

    • Tres Cool

      That’s aces too.

    • Jarflax

      Chivvying America into stupid wars is a time honored field of employment.

      • CPRM

        Some may say the oldest profession in the USA.

    • blackjack

      All those fat ladies finally sang.

      • Jarflax

        You harass the ballerinas not the mezzo sopranos

    • Mojeaux

      FTA:

      Several women said they took extreme measures to avoid Domingo, hiding from him in dressing rooms, not answering their phones or asking male colleagues to walk them to their cars so they wouldn’t be alone.

      And that’s how you do it when you can’t punch him in the snout.

      • blackjack

        Remember, when the perp is rich and famous, the odds of it being a lie go way the fuck up.

      • Jarflax

        I’m not a woman obviously so maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that in any group of 3 or more guys the white knights outnumber the rapists. Now you still have the issue of the white knights deciding they are owed something for their virtue… and that is why Sam Colt should be the ultimate feminist icon.

    • straffinrun

      There’s a reason he’s not called Flaccido Domingo.

    • CPRM

      “One singer, Angela Turner Wilson, told AP that Domingo reached into her robe and forcefully grabbed her breast in a makeup room during a 1999 production at the Washington Opera. Another singer said when she worked with Domingo at LA Opera in the mid-2000s, ”

      Hell, I’m only in my mid 30s, and I’d have trouble remembering if I did or didn’t do something that long ago.

    • Chafed

      I would have thought she would get about 20 years.

      WTF is with the judge giving her a bible?

      • Sir Digby

        Well, it IS Texas…

        /never heard of that, especially in Dallas. I have a cousin-in-law who is an criminal court judge in Dallas Co. I wonder what he thinks of that

  20. Chipping Pioneer

    13 years ago, my Edmonton Oilers are in the Stanley Cup Final. Early in the series, our starting goalie goes down. Our backup, clearly not up to the task, gets us to game 7.

    Watching game 7 :

    Wife :”I hope the a Oilers don’t lose”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Wife: “Because the goalie will feel bad.”

    ~~ fast forward 13 years ~~

    Local educational support worker union is threatening to go on strike for some reason.

    Caller to radio show: “My son is autistic and needs his ESW. What am I supposed to do if they go on strike? Leave work and pick him up?”

    Eife: “Yup. Your kid, your responsibility.”

    “” I’m very proud of how far she’s come.

    *sheds single tear

    • CPRM

      You own the Edmonton Oilers?!

    • Suthenboy

      “Most Americans, it’s common sense, if you need a license to drive a car you should have a license to buy and possess a firearm.” – Spartacus, 2019
      Uh…no, not common sense but that is one hell of a non-sequitur.

      “This is about gun safety, this is about lives being lost every day”
      Uh…no, it’s not. If it were y ou would be concerned about what actually causes lives to be lost and not targeting specifically people who don’t cause harm and targeting the guns used in the vast majority of crime instead of the ones the sniveling pols are afraid will be used against them.

      Fuck, I am not going to parse that any more. Here is where the conversation ends. The answer is no. You are not going to disarm the American people, motherfuckers.

      • CPRM

        I think most gun owners would be ok with Gun licencing being the same as Driver’s licencing. I don’t know anyone who wants to shoot a gun on a public road, so no licence required.

      • Caput Lupinum

        I don’t need a license to own a car, I need one to legally drive on public roads.

        I don’t need a license to own a gun, I need one to legally transport one concealed in public.

        They seem pretty comparable already from where I’m standing.

      • Akira

        I think most gun owners would be ok with Gun licencing being the same as Driver’s licencing

        Driver’s licenses are on a shall-issue basis and can only be revoked in a court of law… That’s more than can be said for most blue states on gun rights.

      • Sir Digby

        What an excellent point. Of course, Caput captures the technicalities of this compare-and-contrast thing very well.

  21. blackjack

    Motherfucking retard union had a “day of action” today. They were celebrating the killing of uber and Lyft in CA and demanding the unionization of a few of the airline’s groundcrews. They had Kamala Harris and Jesse jackson speak. The suckers I work with used vacay hours (meaning they paid a couple of hundred bucks each) to go. About 25 % of us ( the smart ones) sat it out. I can’t even imagine being in a crowd listening to Kamala and jackson. Shudders at the thought.

    • Jarflax

      Kamala likes brown willies.

    • Rhywun

      The thing I don’t get about the killing of Uber and Lyft (same happening here in NYC) is… who the fuck is going to take it anymore now that most people can’t afford it? I only take it for emergencies or when it’s on the company dime.

      • Jarflax

        Walk prole!

      • blackjack

        Watch the DUI’s get way more common.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Oh no, not more income for the state! Heavens! *searches for couch on which to faint*

      • Rhywun

        Pretty much.

        The endgame of Uber et al. here is that it’s just a replacement for the phone call or walk to the nearest limo storefront that used to be standard – the ride itself being just as expensive as it always was. Yay.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I was sitting behind a car with Lyft stickers coming home tonight and noticed that the exterior had scrapes all over. Not a single side like it was one accident (and recent). That sort of thing used to not be acceptable.

      • blackjack

        They’re just that dumb. they think the drivers will get to make more and nothing else will happen. It’s retarded. We actually have drivers here that are pissed. They like being able to turn down rides and make their own hours. They CHOOSE to drive a few hours here and there, for a couple of bucks. It’s all over in CA, now. Can’t possibly survive, absent a court injunction.

      • Jarflax

        Good news! The union has lobbied and the legislature has passed the 12 hour pay for 3 hour workday act! Additionally the minimum wage is now $20/hr, so all of you will be making $280 per day, with the ‘overtime’ hours!

        Bad news, the greedy company has offshored all of your jobs.

        These facts are in no way connected.

      • Chafed

        Uber is making a weird argument they comply with the new law. It won’t work. Uber and Lyft will spend mightily on a ballot initiative to be exempted. I have no idea if that will work in CA. I agree with you they are toast if it fails.

      • blackjack

        I heard they were desperately looking for a loophole. They oughta be desperately looking for a new home state.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Except for the part where it affects them, I’m guessing that most of Uber’s leadership and board are true believers™ or connected.

      • Chafed

        The former I think.

      • Chafed

        When did you start working again?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Gee, I wonder why airlines mostly operate those as subsidiaries (United Ground Express, McGee, DGS) or outsourced.

      • grrizzly

        Only if you live in a small market.

        *flies from one major airport to another*

      • Gustave Lytton

        Uh, it’s done that way at major airports too.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ground handling, not flights.

      • Gustave Lytton

        United Ground Express, DGS, and McGee are strictly ground handling.

      • grrizzly

        Should have realized you were talking about ground handling.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hah! No, I realized i wasn’t clear after I replied the first time.

    • straffinrun

      *Him. I blame SF for that.

      • Jarflax

        The Huma question, lick the tentacles. maw, or beak?

    • CPRM

      I know what’s what, I’ve been eyeing that presser. I don’t have a plot yet though.

      • straffinrun

        I don’t think he does, either.

    • Chafed

      Tits sell. News at 11.

  22. Chafed

    Nice work CPRM.

    • Sir Digby

      Ditto.

      What??

  23. Gustave Lytton

    Razorfist better start pacing himself. He’s going to hurt himself if he keeps ranting this much.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Testing a reply.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ok that worked. But I can’t reply at the bottom.

      • CPRM

        Go ahead, contact SP, I dare you! *watches as she prepares her rusty tin can lid collection*

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m shy and I don’t like jagged edges.

      • SP

        Nah, that’s specially reserved for OMWC…

        I DID have occasion to sharpen them today.

      • Mojeaux

        The recipe maker doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s an admin thing SP has to deal with.

      • SP

        Yeah, it’s been giving me that recipe maker update thing for like 3 months. Never actually updates. Fuck’em.

      • Jarflax

        If you can’t reply at the bottom, maybe you are the bottom?

    • CPRM

      That doesn’t look like Jim Jeffries.

    • Chafed

      You are joking aren’t you?

  24. Pan Zagloba

    Welp, now we know who gave Bernie heart attack. Dammit, CPRM.

  25. CPRM

    Very good CPRM, you’re the best! *STADIUM APPLAUSE*

    • Sir Digby

      That dude rocks! You ever met him?

    • Caput Lupinum

      Get off the stage, you hack fraud! Needs more world famous actor, Rich Evans.

      • CPRM

        Since I am a fellow Wisconsin film-maker and owner of many bad movies, I did send them a letter and some DVDs; but I never heard back from them; although, I’ve seen several things they put out afterword that could be a nod from them to me, or maybe I’m just paranoid…

      • Sir Digby

        “Nods”? Could be…

        /quick, get the big butterfly net-thing!

      • Caput Lupinum

        It warms my heart that they have a special hatred for pennsylvanians.

      • CPRM

        I had a tentative deal with one of those shitty DVD companies to sell one of my movies…but production never got finished.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Woo hoo! It works! In like flint.

    • Sir Digby

      Not enough pachinko machines.

    • Mojeaux

      Do they not have a Japanese word for “coin laundry”?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Lots of foreign loan words in Japanese, even when there’s a Japanese word/term already.

    • Mojeaux

      One medical malpractice suit, coming right up!

    • CPRM

      I remember when a girl getting the pill was proof she was boning. Now it’s akin to going to the nurses office?

    • Chafed

      JFC. That’s unbelievable.

      • Sir Digby

        And, it will get worse before it gets better…if that is still possible.

    • CPRM

      Not better, but more accountable. They can be voted out.

    • Sir Digby

      So, now proggies will agree… Consensus!!

      • Sir Digby

        He is a mouthful….so I’ve been told

      • CPRM

        That doesn’t look anything like the Charles in Charge house, and -1000 for no Buddy.

      • Sir Digby

        I’m rather surprised you didn’t go to Zapped.

      • Mojeaux

        “Get off this summer! with Zapped!”

        I see what they did there.

      • CPRM

        I thought I was so sneaky watching that instead of porn when I was 8…I wasn’t very bright then…or now…

      • Sir Digby

        Eehhhh…it was risque enough for the pre-pubescent.

      • Chafed

        Poor Willie Aames. He really screwed up.

      • CPRM

        I dunno, maybe he got a really hot christian wife. If so, good for him.

      • Chafed

        Last I saw he was on a celebrity weight loss show and in serious financial difficulty.

      • Mojeaux

        Thanks for the earworm, GL.

      • Chafed

        Mo did you see my answer to your question about the bbq a couple of nights back?

      • Mojeaux

        I think so. It turned into kind of a nonevent?

      • Chafed

        That’s about right. Just wanted to make sure you got an answer.

      • Gender Traitor

        That was heartwarming. This site has truly expanded my musical horizons.

  26. CPRM

    I am sad no one noticed the Sharpie marks on the enemy board, making fun of Sharpie Gate.

    • Sir Digby

      That Sharpies were a “thing” in politics isn’t surprising any more, but I have no recollection of it.

  27. CPRM

    I’ve been thinking of doing a ‘How it’s made’ type episode about doing the cartoons. But, I’m wondering if my Patrons would be upset that it isn’t exclusive content, and 2: I don’t really want to inspect all the screen caps to see if there is any identifying info, because man making stuff like this can lead to a personal backlash the likes of which didn’t exist before 2016.

    • Sir Digby

      I for one, would love to see it. However, you do what you think is best IRT too much info and doxxing and whatnot

  28. Sir Digby

    Hey…don’t leave C hanging here! That was a fantastic episode…get back here and praise him moar!

  29. SP

    Sweet. Bolton’s Mustache was excellent!

    • Sir Digby

      C knows how to bring lip hair to life.

      • SP

        HAHAHAHA

        But you all don’t know my Super Secret Real Life Identity!

        Maybe I need a cocktail.

      • Sir Digby

        Well, we could all use some beverages!

        Also, the laugh is intriguing and funny. Although, a bit on the scary side. But that’s why I’m on nights, I suppose.

      • SP

        I’m waiting on a follow-up call from a friend currently located off Africa (trying not to doxx us both), so I’m just sitting around waiting, not getting too involved in any projects. Except my MIL just got up and wandered through the kitchen to the living room.

        I need a bar and fridge upstairs!

      • Sir Digby

        That is the life, you know–booze pretty much anywhere…

      • Sir Digby

        Also, not trying to doxx, but, is the Africa reference about a ship, or landmass?

      • Plinker762

        Probably a reference to Toto

      • Sir Digby

        Plink–I love you, and want you to have my kids.

        No, really–take them and add to your orphanage.

        /no kids here

      • Plinker762

        I can use them in my fab shop. They can clean welds and debur cuts

      • Sir Digby

        As long as it isn’t a “fap” shop. That would be problematic.

      • Plinker762

        That doesn’t sound very woke. Are you shaming the latest qwerty letter?

      • Sir Digby

        No, sir Xir–no kink-shaming here!

  30. Tejicano

    I’m really getting pissed about the new Real ID / driver license requirements. I don’t need Real ID because I have other forms of ID which I can use for flying in the US but I want to renew my driver license – but the state where I file/pay taxes won’t let me renew without proof of an actual residence in the state. Yeah, I could get am international driver license based on my Japanese license which would allow me to drive but I can’t buy guns without a current driver license from New Mexico. So I am paying state taxes but have lost my right to buy a gun.

    • Sir Digby

      Are there any other states that would allow for this w/o taxing you? No State tax here in TX (which, I’m sure you know), and maybe FL… Then gain, I think TX is Real ID compliant…not sure.

      • Tejicano

        It’s not the tax issue I’m having trouble with. It’s the lack of a way for expats to renew a driver license. It just sux that I pay taxes to NM (I am a resident to them for those purposes) but when I need to renew my driver license I’m no longer a resident. And even if I can get by with my Japanese license I am losing my right to buy a gun.

      • straffinrun

        That sux. I just don’t have a license in the states. But I almost never go back, so it’s not a problem. Talk to a lawyer. Unfortunately, that always seems to be the only solution for these things.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That sucks. Usually residency has been defined as more than just physical residency, such as if you consider X to be your true home even if you’re physically out of it at the moment. Paying taxes would be more than enough proof of that until Real ID.

        Federally mandated 50 state reciprocity would look like Real ID, sooner or later.

      • Tejicano

        Every state that collects income tax considers its tax slaves to be residents until they physically move to another US state.

        It seems that all (or at least most) states are issuing a non-Real ID driver license as well as the Real ID one. I asked a couple gun shops in New Mexico to confirm that they accept the non-Real ID as proof of state residency for purposes of gun transfers. I am expecting that this will change before too long and they will require Real ID for gun purchases.

      • Gustave Lytton

        some states (CA, what a shock) are particularly nasty about out of staters maintaining out of state residency even when they meet the requirements (which were looser and more correct pre Real ID days).

      • BakedPenguin

        No state income tax in FL, but I’m pretty sure you have to pay “fees” for DL renewal. Which I’m going to deal with pretty soon.

      • BakedPenguin

        Also, Lo siento mucho, Tejicano. Eso apesta.

      • Tejicano

        Agradezco lo digas.

    • Tejicano

      I have a step-brother back in NM who is a lawyer. He did me a solid to get me a two-year renewal last year. But it was a one-time shot – he took a small risk for me.

      I’ll probably end up renting a room from someone and getting a phone line set up to the address.

      • Sir Digby

        A land line? Oh, they’ll spot you a mile away if you do that.

        I think I’ve surprised people by having a home line.

  31. straffinrun

    Lady with filthy and wild hair and dressed in standard issue homeless clothes just sat down next to me on the train. Held my breath as long as I could. Finally took a gulp of air and she smelled like…shampoo. No feces or urine aroma. Just plain old shampoo. *Shrugs*

    • Sir Digby

      Maybe she was chugging it?

      • straffinrun

        Or snorting it. Whatever. It was a pleasant surprise.

      • Sir Digby

        Don’t look a gift horse in the mane, eh?

      • straffinrun

        Don’t hate her because she smells beautiful. Or maybe I’m having a stroke.

      • Sir Digby

        Nah–that would be toast you’d be smelling, I think. Is there a Japanese food item that fits into the category of “toasted bread”?

        Or, Asian shampoos that cover that base?

    • Tejicano

      I’ve seen homeless dudes over here empty out half a train car just with their stench.

      • straffinrun

        It’s always fun to watch people rush to get that open seat on the train only to realize it’s open for a reason.

      • Tejicano

        Forty years ago when I was stationed at Camp Fuji a guy in my unit told about getting an open seat on a standing room only train – sitting in one of those booth seats facing some old geezer jerking off without a care in the world

      • Sir Digby

        Sounds like the crazy naked guy a friend of mine and I encountered at a nature center in the southern part of Dallas county. Dude was gray-haired, and only wearing work/hiking shoes of some kind. Lying in some kind of shallow, bowl-like crevice, and doing his best impression of a sun dial that, apparently, needed constant adjusting.

        Not a care in the world. What I can recall of this is that he probably should been in porn, IYKWIMAITYD.

      • straffinrun

        Sometimes a seat is worth the price.

      • Sir Digby

        “I’ll take a shot from the geezer, if it gets me down the road in comfort…”

      • Sir Digby

        The ol’ “George Carlin”, if you watch Kevin Smith films.

  32. l0b0t

    Urgent medical help needed… kinda sorta. I need a medical reason why I must wear shorts so that I may dodge a workplace horror. My Dutch overlords, or, more likely some HR jerk in our branch of the US subsidiaries, has instituted a dress code. Well, they’ve always had one but it was significantly different for those of us who only work overnights (when the store is closed) but they have decided to apply to us now. I wear BDU shorts almost exclusively (I have some dungarees for winter freezes, some overhauls for doing dirty work, and a pair of slacks for job interviews/funerals) and the freedom to avoid bloody Saxon trousers is a VERY important part of my employment considerations. I love wearing cut-off MARPATs for work as they are, far and away, the most durable of all the US offerings (I also collect military items and get all excited when I get to craft shorts from Alpenflage, or the Romanian versions of the Brit Type 57 pattern, etc.). But now cargo pants and shorts of any kind are banned from the store and our cotton t-shirts have been upgraded to polyester, long-sleeved, golf shirts. I spend my nights pulling pallets off of trucks, breaking those pallets down onto carts, and shelving all the groceries; I’ll die if I have to do that in a long-sleeved polyester shirt and a pair of Dockers.

    • UnCivilServant

      Polyester? Those savages! Do they at least permit a cotton poly blend?

      • l0b0t

        I’m tempted to wear my kilt every damn shift and start filing EEOC complaints if they say anything. “They’re discriminating against me! Lousy racist Dutchmen!”

      • UnCivilServant

        I was going to jokingly suggest something like that, but I personally wouldn’t so it.

        (I also wear full-length trousers by preference, so there is that.)

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m sure you have some sort of skin condition, as in it crawls at the thought of wearing 100% petroleum byproducts.

      • l0b0t

        I do have the Heartbreak of Psoriasis. I can’t imagine sweating through a plastic shirt will help with that in any way.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ugh. That stuff is no fun – not just the skin effects but the related symptoms: psoriatic arthritis, etc. Hope yours is mild. That COULD be your out re: the plastic clothes.

      • l0b0t

        Oddly, mine has been very, very, very mild until about a week ago when it manifested on my nostrils and upper lip. It’s still a mild patch but it looks gross and I have to keep slathering it with cortisone to keep it in check. I hate complaining about it though as I know several people who have pretty aggressive cases and it makes their lives rough.

      • UnCivilServant

        That is an… unfortunate spot to have a break out.

  33. l0b0t

    This was a brilliant episode and the production values, particularly the audio transitions, have improved so much from the beginning of the series.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’d like to thank the voice actors and script writers. The voices are uncanny and they’re coming up with ever better lines.

  34. Sean

    ?

    30 degree temp drop from yesterday. I guess I’m wearing pants for the first time in 4+ months.

    We need more global warming.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Frost warning here for past several days. More unseasonable weather.

      I suppose I should change the oil in the generator soon.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      High of 98 here

      Sigh

  35. Gustave Lytton

    I hate MS Teams. First time using it for a conference call and it blows. Skype was at least useable, so of course can’t incorporate that functionality from their own other product.

  36. MikeS

    A Dane Cook joke!

    Excellent! Very good, CPRM. Good show!

    Also, I actually kinda like Dane Cook. Sorry, everyone.