The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: Impeachment

by | Oct 2, 2019 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 347 comments

 

“Impeachment,” Hillary said, gently drawing a shaking claw down his face. Her breath was low tide and old blood.

“Impeachment,” he agreed, his eyes wide. He shivered at her touch.

“Child of the sea,” she crooned. “You do have the Innsmouth look about you, don’t you? I can recognize it anywhere.” She licked his neck where his gills would form when he finally went home to the sea.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. He was frozen like a rabbit when the shadow of a hawk wheeled around a field. Her god was older and more powerful than his, even if the ocean was home to them both.

“Adam,” she said. “The name of the first human. Names have power, Adam. Mine means cheerful. Did you know that?”

“No, ma’am, I did not,” Adam said.

“Am I not cheerful, Adam? Am I not filled with happiness?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. His pants felt loose and warm as a small amount of wine-dark urine escaped.

“Adam,” she said again. “It means ‘to be red.’” She pressed a claw into his flabby triceps and watched, panting, as his blood flowed, absorbed as a spreading stain on his dress shirt.

“To be red,” he repeatedly numbly.

“But your blood isn’t really all that red, is it?” she asked leaning in close. “How can you get blood work done with it this color?”

“We have our own doctors, our own hospitals. Massachusetts takes care of its own,” Adam told her.

Hillary licked the tawny spot on his shirt. “I can taste the power in it. I can taste Dagon. But we don’t have to be enemies any longer. The plague of man is almost at an end.”

Adam nodded.

“Impeachment,” she said, a low grumble. “Help me remove this illegitimate President and I will reward you.”

“I’ve been working to remove him, ma’am. Working very hard.”

“Work harder,” she hissed in his face, drops of her spittle burning him where they landed on bare skin.

She stood and took a step back. Something moved under her pants suit, loops sliding past one another, reconfiguration, slithering sounds, the wet slapping of meat.

“I am done with this one,” Hillary said.

Huma walked quickly from a dark corner of the hotel room and helped Adam to his feet.

“Secretary Clinton appreciates your support during these trying times for our great nation,” she murmured.

“Ngh,” Adam managed, and then, “Guh.”

“Oh, you poor man,” Huma said. She took a napkin off the room service tray, shook the small bones off of it and daubed his face gently.

“They will heal quickly,” she said, stroking along her face and neck. “See? They barely leave any scars at all.”

 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

347 Comments

  1. wdalasio

    October looks like a good month for SugarFree’s Lovecraftian bent with Hat and Hair.

    First?

  2. Private Chipperbot

    And this is why lunch is at 11am on Wednesdays.

    • Jarflax

      Wednesdays are days of fast.

      • Animal

        Not fast enough.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    “Secretary Clinton appreciates your support during these trying times for our great nation,” she murmured.

    Just leave your check in the basket by the door on your way out.

  4. Mojeaux

    Her breath was low tide and old blood.

    I had to stop a minute on that. That is a beautiful and brilliant turn of phrase.

    • DOOMco

      It is a fantastic one.

      • Not Adahn

        Hey, in response to your question re: handguns,

        You CAN bring a handgun into NYS, the club often has out-of-state shooters coming to matches.

        The rules are:

        1. It has to be a handgun you legally possess in your hoe state
        2. Has to be transported unloaded, unlocked, and separate from ammo (might as well put it in the trunk too).
        3. You have to be on your way to or from a NRA-sanction event (this one is)
        4. These protections only exist from 48 hours before the match until 48 hours after the match, so you can’ go pistol shooting in the middle of a long vacation to the state.

      • Not Adahn

        2. unloaded, LOCKED

      • UnCivilServant

        Maybe we should just visit Doom instead.

      • Not Adahn

        I actually be in Woodstock, VT in nine days. But I’ll have friend with me — we’re going hawking.

        I just confirmed the reservations yesterday, which was good. I thought it was in Woodstock NY.

      • Not Adahn

        newenglandfalconry.com

      • Not Adahn

        Also, IDPA has a pistol caliber carbine division, so you can join in those events without finding four people unlikely to sabatoge you with the authorities.

      • UnCivilServant

        Can you recommend a good carbine? All the ones I’ve shot have… disagreed with me.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        carbine

        Mini14 is a handsome approach to 5.56

      • UnCivilServant

        Despite what people do to them, 5.56 is not regarded as a pistol caliber for these sorts of competitions.

      • kinnath

        Mini-14 is my next purchase.

      • Sean

        Can you recommend a good carbine? All the ones I’ve shot have… disagreed with me.

        What have you tried and what didn’t you like?

      • UnCivilServant

        So far I’ve only had my hands on the hi-points. So there’s a lot of room to work with.

        Just not a lot of cash to work with.

      • Not Adahn

        I have not tried one, but I have heard good things about the Ruger
        PC9. Though apparently the sights are inadequate past 50 yards.

      • UnCivilServant

        speaking of sights, do you have to use iron sights? My eyes don’t seem to work to well with them, because it’s a case of ‘front sight’, rear sight’, ‘target’ – pick any one. Scopes, red dot, and holographic sights work better for me.

      • Sean

        I have not tried one, but I have heard good things about the Ruger
        PC9.

        Me neither, but I also have heard good things. Adjusting for NYS laws, that may be your best bet.

        Otherwise, I’d wholeheartedly endorse going up market and getting the CZ scorpion evo. Though the NY legal version is hideous looking…

      • UnCivilServant

        Now I’m curious what the ny legal one looks like.

      • Jarflax

        Like this

      • Not Adahn

        In IDPA PCC, you can put anything you want on it, red dots, magnified optic, muzzle breaks…

        PCC Permitted Features and Modifications (Inclusive list):
        A. Sights: Iron, optical, and electronic sights are permitted.
        B. Lights and Lasers: Permitted and allowed for use.
        C. Muzzle Devices: Flash hiders, compensators, and muzzle brakes are permitted.
        D. Action work may be used to enhance trigger pull as long as safety is maintained.
        E. Reliability work.
        F. Internal accuracy work.
        G. Externally visible trigger over travel stops.
        H. Checkering, serrated, and stippling.
        I. Extended and/or ambidextrous safety.
        J. Ambidextrous magazine releases.
        K. Extended, trimmed, and/or ambidextrous bolt releases.
        L. Custom finishes and engraving may be applied.
        M. Aftermarket safeties.
        N. Aftermarket magazine base pads may be used. Weight may exceed one ounce.
        O. Grip enhancements on both the foregrip and pistol grips.
        7.0- PCC Excluded Features and Modifications (Non-Inclusive list):
        A. Removing butt stock
        B. Firearms not designed for use with a buttstock (for example: AR pistols with Sig Brace or equivalent)
        C. Monopods, Bipods and Tripods
        D. Drum or coupled magazines
        8.0- PCC Power Factor: Minimum power factor for PCC is 135,000 (Also referred to as 135).

        If you do get a pistol licence, optics are allowed, but they compete in their own division.

      • Sean

        Now I’m curious what the ny legal one looks like.

        Quick googling, and I may have been wrong. The version I saw was CA compliant, but not NY, due to the muzzle device. I’m not super hip to NYS laws, other than knowing they are abominable.

      • Not Adahn

        Well,you’d have to make it a rifle, since all pistols that have magazine wells external to the grip are illegal. I don’t know if that’s simply having a different barrel installed or having a stock permanently mounted or what.

        Then, if you wanted to make the magazine detachable, you’d have to chop off the pistol grip. In NY any one (1) cosmetic feature that other states use to determine assaulty-weaponhood will get the gun flagged. If you make the magazine permanently attached, then I think pretty much anything goes.

      • UnCivilServant

        I keep thinking about hacking my mosin to turn its integral magazine into a half moon with however many rounds can fit into that. It would probably mandate adding a bipod too, just to keep from resting the weight on the magazine.

      • DOOMco

        I’ll find a range!

      • UnCivilServant

        I might even manage to fish a few rifles out of the river if you do.

      • banginglc1

        Hmm . . .it seems the laws are different here in Indiana . . .that can’t be true though . . .”shall not be infringed” and all that

      • Sean

        it seems the laws are different here

        *looks down to holstered M&P9c*

        Huh…here too.

      • DOOMco

        It is amazing that just a few miles from that place in new York there’s constitution carry.
        Although they did just fucking put a few laws on the books

      • pistoffnick

        “…legally possess in your hoe state…”

        No, You da hoe!

        ;^)

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        No…Idaho

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Is it wrong to not want to so much as pay a nickel of tax on a snickers bar in a state with laws like that on its books ?

      • UnCivilServant

        And it’s closer to a dime on a snickers bar.

      • DOOMco

        Ok. Then I might just be able to bring the sidearm.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s an action pistol match, so I would hope so.

      • DOOMco

        I’ve never done it. This would be interesting though.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s NBD. You just have to remember not to muzzle anybody (including yourself). You’ll need a holster and some extra magazines. Last match they had a stage that took 31 shots, so that many mags, plus extra in case you miss any.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        I saw that the range was adjacent to the Saratoga Airport.

        That might be worth a fly in. Drake, are you interested in flying up from NJ?.

        I will need to get a few more mags.

      • Not Adahn

        Yes, it’s across the street from the airport property, though it’s all woods there.

      • Drake

        My employment situation has to take a turn for the better first! I would probably drive rather than try to fly from NJ to NY with even a gun legal in both states.

      • Jarflax

        Reading this thread makes me very glad I live where I do. When I decide to go shoot I load a bag in my car and don’t have to think twice about the laws.

        Of course whenthe Mountain Staters post I get jealous.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        I probably wasn’t clear, we would fly from Blairstown, to Saratoga directly in my small 4 seat plane.
        No TSA issues, No transportation costs. We know the NJ rules, I just needed to know that the event was NRA related for the NY exemption.

      • blackjack

        In your hoe state?

        My state is retarded, but they just take the money, no nookie involved.

    • SugarFree

      Thank you.

      • Swiss Servator

        It really was good, but also off putting. Gah.

        Also, am I the only one who thought of Homer’s wine-dark sea when reading “His pants felt loose and warm as a small amount of wine-dark urine escaped.”

      • Tonio

        I immediately went there. Also to the riddle of why he described it that way and why nobody talks about the color blue until the middle ages.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Kind of. Homer uses the word kuanos, which came to mean blue in Greek in certain places, but it most likely meant something closer to dark during his time. Blue, the word itself in English, can trace its etymology back to old Norse blār, well before the middle ages. It does appear that blue is one of the last colors to obtain a specific name, purple generally being the last, with the current theory being that those are among the last pigments to be created.

        As for Homer’s specific turn of phrase, there is some debate on whether he lacked the vocabulary, was describing something accurate but rare that we’ve lost the context on, or was simply being poetic and fucking with the audience’s head.

      • CampingInYourPark

        “blue is one of the last colors to obtain a specific name, purple generally being the last, with the current theory being that those are among the last pigments to be created”

        You mean artificially created for aesthetic purposes I assume? Did people not have a name for colors before they were used for “painting”?

      • Caput Lupinum

        They do, but generally not as an isolated abstract concept. Colors seem to get their initial names from common objects that are that color, so instead of having a word specifically for green a language may call something leaf colored. Once a color is isolated though, in pigments, dyes, paints, etc., it tends to get its own name as a color independent from other objects.

        This is all rather theoretical, however, since completely new natural languages with no predecessors containing color words are a bit rare nowadays, and it could all be completely wrong.

      • Jarflax

        This is all rather theoretical, however, since completely new natural languages with no predecessors containing color words are a bit rare nowadays, and it could all be completely wrong.

        If we each donate a newborn orphan to the experiment we can create a tribe on an isolated island and see what develops. HM can conduct the study!

      • CampingInYourPark

        Yeah, I can imagine “sky flower”. Thanks.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        you know, Eskimos have a thousand words for “orange”

      • SugarFree

        I always assumed that Homer was talking about a troubled and dark sea, as if a storm was gathering. Fit the theme of war and idea of sea trips being inherently dangerous.

      • Caput Lupinum

        That was my take as well, but I always assume that poets are being, you know, poetic rather than literal.

      • Not Adahn

        Wasn’t Greek wine nearly opaque and contaminated with pitch, and had to be mixed with water for drinking?

      • Jarflax

        Retsina is not opaque, otherwise correct

      • Yusef

        The Sea after a volcanic explosion is one possibility Is that I heard

      • Akira

        Interesting.

        Several years ago I became fascinated with the classical liberal education and thought about learning Attic Greek, but it seemed less important than the other things I want to learn (as well as, ya know, actual life obligations).

        I enjoyed the English translations of The Iliad & Odyssey, and I just snagged a copy of Virgil’s Aeneid at a half-price bookstore last weekend. Should be good.

      • Jarflax

        +1000 severed limbs and eyeballs dangling

    • Old Man With Candy

      What kills me is how easily and naturally it comes to him.

      • Mojeaux

        And that he can turn them out week after week with such poetry!

        I’m envious. Deeply, deeply envious. I’d tax it if I could.

      • SugarFree

        Eh. I’m a sprinter, though. I’ve never written anything over 10,000 words that I am remotely happy with.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s okay. Write what makes you happy.

      • Jarflax

        Write what makes you happy money.

      • UnCivilServant

        For the most part that’s not going to happen.

      • Jarflax

        Maybe for you, or for me, but SugarFree could write porn!

      • Mojeaux

        That’s a skill I don’t have and thus, am envious.

        People make fun of Harlequins and pulp fiction/dime novels with 50,000 words or fewer, and how fast the authors can write them, but that is a skill I wish I could cultivate. I tried, once upon a time, but I never quite hit the target.

      • UnCivilServant

        That reminds me, I need to finish writing “Stanley and the Ship Trap” and “Stanley and the Naga Queen”. I’ve already bought the cover art.

      • banginglc1

        Thank God, I couldn’t handle 10k words at a time of this

      • SugarFree

        I write normal human fiction too.

      • Jarflax

        As the tentacles entered Ross, he pondered the irony of Wanda’s parting shot that morning.

        “You’re an actuary Ross, the only thing more boring than sleeping with you is your life”

      • Fatty Bolger

        Anything published on Amazon?

      • SugarFree

        No. I’ve thought about it, but never got anything to the point I like enough to bother with it.

  5. MikeS

    Her breath was low tide and old blood.

    Second sentence. The second damn sentence. Bravo.

    • Swiss Servator

      Yeah, I kind of got knocked back by that – great artistry and a horrid thought, both at once.

      • Ozymandias

        MeTooTwoThree

  6. Sean

    *stands to applaud*

    Well done SF.

  7. straffinrun

    Something moved under her pants suit, loops sliding past one another, reconfiguration, slithering sounds, the wet slapping of meat.

    Gross. Get me some fucking bleach bit to kill whatever it is.

    • Tonio

      Bleach will not kill it, straffinrun. At best you can try to send it back from whence it came, but that is rarely successful and the penalties for failure are…harsh.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        bonus points for using the word “whence”.

    • Rhywun

      Wipe it, with like a cloth.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Like, with a cloth?

      • Bobarian LMD

        That’s what I get for not refreshing.

  8. commodious spittoon

    If a crude political animal like Pelosi died, I wouldn’t take much if any joy. She’s a symptom of the rot, and she’d be instantly replaced. But when Soviet apologist Bernie kicks it, I’ll celebrate. Shame it wasn’t today.

  9. Tonio

    “the Innsmouth look”

    [nods knowingly, fingers Elder Sign amulet]

    • Not Adahn

      Unfortunately, the amulet they sent me had the Yellow Sign on it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, we are across the border from Arkham Country.

      • Not Adahn

        I actually did receive a package from an anonymous sender, and it had an amulet with the Yellow Sign on it. There is a company that for a fee will send a series of increasingly-creepy parcels to someone of your choice. It was an awesome present. I was hesitant to do any research about the stuff I was receiving as to not spoil it, but when I in turn had them send my brother stuff, he did. He says these guys do an excellent job of setting up an online presence indicating that the package contents are real.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Sure, when you’re a stranger

      • Not Adahn

        How people can claim the Beatles are the most overrated band ever when the Doors exist is beyond me.

      • UnCivilServant

        Because I’ve never heard people praise the Doors?

      • Mojeaux

        And faces look ugly when you’re alone.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        “How people can claim the Beatles are the most overrated band ever when the Doors exist is beyond me.”

        Pretty sure the Rolling Stones are saying “hold my beer, mate” right now

      • Mojeaux

        Because I’ve never heard people praise the Doors?

        I like them.

        Not LOVE like them, but I do like them.

      • Spudalicious

        Women seem wicked, when you’re unwanted.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not saying people don’t, I’m saying I’ve never heard people say how they are the greatest and so on and so forth.

      • Mojeaux

        And I do not like the Beatles, Elvis, or Johnny Cash.

        There. I said it. Prepare the pyre. I go willingly.

      • Mojeaux

        Streets are uneven when you’re down.

        Women seem wicked, when you’re unwanted.

        At the core of every incel ever.

      • Not Adahn

        People hate on Ted’S musical taste, but I swear Just Say’n is far worse. I mean, I’ve eaten sandwiches with better opinions about music.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Hyperbole is correct: the Beach Boys are wildly overrated.

        And becoming friends with Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey didn’t help their street cred

      • Mojeaux

        Hyperbole is correct: the Beach Boys are wildly overrated.

        Concur.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Johnny Cash wrote for his neighbors; we understand him, and we understand others never will. It is a mistake to crown something tops simply because it is familiar and rings true.

        And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you Big River.
        Then I’m gonna sit right here until I die

      • Mojeaux

        There are just some voices that rub me like a cheese grater on my bare arse cheeks. Johnny Cash’s is one of them. Phil Collins is another. Rod Stewart. Bruce Springsteen.

      • leon

        Hyperbole is correct

        I don’t care if he is, you guys know you’re not supposed to let him know that.

      • MikeS

        There are just some voices that rub me like a cheese grater on my bare arse cheeks.

        Geddy Lee

      • Not Adahn

        voices that rub me like a cheese grater

        Leonard Cohen? Perry Ferrell? Geddy Lee?

      • Mojeaux

        Hyperbole is correct

        I don’t care if he is, you guys know you’re not supposed to let him know that.

        I often think he is correct, but this is another area where y’all are much smarter than I am so I don’t interrupt whilst you’re arguing.

        voices that rub me like a cheese grater

        Leonard Cohen? Perry Ferrell? Geddy Lee?

        Yes, don’t know who PF is, absolutely not.

      • leon

        I often think he is correct, but this is another area where y’all are much smarter than I am so I don’t interrupt whilst you’re arguing.

        I also think he’s often correct, but the rule is that you’re not allowed to tell him that.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Not Adahn was trashing Geddy Lee. *smh*

        Sounds like something Nick Sarwark would do. Trashing Rush is a cardinal sin, in my book.

      • Mojeaux

        Trashing Rush is a cardinal sin, in my book.

        Concur.

      • Not Adahn

        No no. I LIKE bands led by singers with typically-considered terrible voices.

        I love Cash, Cohen, Rush and Jane’s Addiction

      • MikeS

        Not Adahn and MikeS was trashing Geddy Lee. *smh*

        FIFY

      • Mojeaux

        Mike, I love ya, but your inexplicable hatred for Steely Dan is inexplicable.

      • Jarflax

        pegging accident

      • Mojeaux

        pegging accident

        Scared the cats with that LOL.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Steely Dan

        First wife was tone-deaf. I suspect some people don’t get jazz scales.

        Rikki is a really mild introduction with (of course) compelling instrumental competence to say nothing of the Fagen’s subtle chord progression . . . which still raises the hair on my arms almost a half century later.

      • Mojeaux

        Steely Dan-adjacent, I.G.Y.

      • kinnath

        Steely Dan is great. Rikki is awesome.

      • banginglc1

        You know, when I read things like this, sometimes I think . . .maybe. . . . we’re all individuals and have different tastes . . .

      • UnCivilServant

        maybe. . . . we’re all individuals and have different tastes . . .

        BLASPHEMY!

      • MikeS
      • Don Escaped Texas

        Exhibit A

        Cousin Dupree is not a hill that I would die on.

      • Rhywun

        I love that movie.

      • UnCivilServant

        Reading the synopsis, I’d say the appropriate postscript is the real murder of that asshole brother.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, if my brother were Sean Penn….

      • SugarFree

        Damn, that sounds like so much fun.

      • Not Adahn

        I am hesitant to say more, but since you already know it exists…

        mysteriouspackage.com

      • SugarFree

        I don’t have anyone that would appreciate it. I sent a simple bag of toy rats to someone not long ago and she posted about on Facebook all weirded out and unsettled.

        I did get a Bacon of the Month Club subscription for a year once. 12 pounds of small farm weird kinds of bacon? Yes, please.

      • pistoffnick

        I mailed a case of croutons to my friend in college. He mailed back an ice cream cone. I signed him up with every military recruiter in his area.

      • Not Adahn

        Apparently “The Weeping Book” has that effect. I sent it to a friend and her kid freaked out about it.

      • Naptown Bill

        I used to do their subscription box, “Mysteries and Conundrums”, but they’ve since stopped doing it. My problem is I know about the thing and love everything about it, and none of my friends send me shit. Too expensive. I told my wife and she saw the price tag and was done. Plus, she’s not really into stuff like that. I sent myself “The Weeping Book” and tried desperately to pretend, but it wasn’t the same.

        I swapped over to Hunt A Killer and Empty Faces, both of which work on the same principle but they’re subscriptions, they’re much cheaper, and they kind of work with the suspension of disbelief a little better. Empty Faces in particular, which includes a lot of “flavor” stuff even in the solving of certain puzzles in order to establish a mood.

      • Naptown Bill

        Sorry, “Curios and Conundrums”, rather.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This is a perfect gift for my sister. Thanks.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, I tried sending myself the werejaguar one, and it just wasn’t the same.

        However, they do have these “Post Mortem” things that might be fun.

  10. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    “Something moved under her pants suit, loops sliding past one another, reconfiguration, slithering sounds, the wet slapping of meat.”

    This right here is why I refuse to bunk with any of you at the gulags.

    • leon

      We all know you’re trying to reserve you bunk for Tulsi, but we aint gonna let that happen.

  11. Rebel Scum

    Relevant

    “It’s a witch hunt. It’s a real one, unlike the kind of things Trump talks about,” Clinton told NowThis News of the probe.

    “It is meant to raise the specter about my emails, which were investigated endlessly,” she said, bashing the inquiry as “crazy like a fox.”

    “If the Republicans and Trump and his supporters in the media can muddy the waters and raise all kinds of crazy conspiracy theories, then maybe people won’t pay attention to the danger he poses to our country,” she added.

    The Washington Post reported on Saturday that State Department officials have informed up to 130 Clinton aides that they were found to be “culpable” of handling information that was classified lower than they should have been when transmitted through the private server.

    Several former Obama administration officials have tried to discredit the probe by accusing the Trump administration of political retribution, but one official retorted that “the process is set up in a manner to completely avoid any appearance of political bias.”

    “This has nothing to do with who is in the White House,” affirmed another official. “This is about the time it took to go through millions of emails, which is about three and a half years.”

    • Ayn Random Variation

      ““It’s a witch hunt. It’s a real one, unlike the kind of things Trump talks about,” Clinton told”

      lol, she literally is right this time

      • Not Adahn

        Do we get to bind her and throw her in a lake?

      • SugarFree

        “Find him, bind him
        Tie him to a pole and break
        His fingers to splinters
        Drag him to a hole until he
        Wakes up, naked
        Clawing at the ceiling
        Of his grave”

      • leon

        This version of the music video is one of my 3 and 4 year old girls favorite things to watch. I’ll often catch them humming the refrain afterward.

      • SugarFree

        That’s awesome! More young people should know about sea shanties. And story songs in general. Not many of those bands left.

      • Jarflax

        Assassin’s Creed Black Flag helped with this

      • UnCivilServant

        *eyetwitch*

        I’m going to kill those damn sailors if they don’t shut up!

      • Jarflax

        O whisky is the life of man
        Whisky—Johnny
        O I’ll get whisky where I can
        Whisky for me Johnny

    • Animal

      “It’s a witch hunt. It’s a real one, unlike the kind of things Trump talks about,” Clinton told NowThis News of the probe.

      Well, they found one, didn’t they?

    • libertarianjoe

      “…my emails, which were investigated endlessly”

      When was that, exactly? Oh you mean when corrupt FBI officials decided to set the investigation aside completely, so they could devote all their time to investigating the BS russia collusion hoax? Pepperidge farm remembers

      • DOOMco

        Well, they looked at the ones that weren’t deleted.

      • CampingInYourPark

        “endlessly”

    • Bob Boberson

      I think it was Foxnews that was on the leading edge of bombshells reading the news. With no disrespect to Tulsi, I think the R’s might be on the leading edge of running bombshells as candidates…….one wonders how this all ends.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        With us being ruled by Fembots

      • invisible finger

        Big mistake. I don’t for anyone under the age of 70.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      She should take her top off. Doesn’t she have a political director to tell her this stuff?

    • Animal

      <— Makes a note for the upcoming Animal/STEVE SMITH campaign

    • libertarianjoe

      She’s got my “vote”

      • Rebel Scum

        She’s already won my erection.

      • Bobarian LMD

        My chad is no longer hanging?

      • Akira

        I’ll be pulling a lever for her, believe me…

  12. wdalasio

    So, I have a question. If Ms. Clinton is the demonic manifestation of the Elder Gods, does that mean the Hat and the Hair are doing the Lord’s work?

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      I don’t know. I watched Cabin in the Woods twice now and I still don’t get it.

      • Pan Zagloba

        We, the audience, are the monsters, who want to see people killed in ever more inventive ways, or the world of horror stops existing.

        So if you watched Cabin in the Woods because you’re not a horror fan, and you were told it was something different and inventive, you wasted about two hours.

      • Naptown Bill

        I don’t know, I thought it was fun. I think it tried to do something like the Scream series but not as well. It’s very typically Joss Whedon, which works for a goofy, tongue-in-cheek vibe but not so well for a horror movie. But then, obviously, it’s not actually a horror movie.

      • Pan Zagloba

        See, I like Whedon most of the time (did not bother with Dollhouse, and I still hold he fucked Firefly, not Fox), but am not a horror fan. So I was confused by the tone of CitW and gave up in frustration, until Titor explained to me that it’s a narrative but also meta-narrative and that yes, we the viewers are old gods these young people are being sacrificed to.

        Which explained my frustration – this is exactly why I don’t watch horror movies in the first place. And it’s hard to critique a thing by also being an exemplar of that very thing (this is why Scream I could live with, not everyone acted like this is a horror movie while winking “aren’t horror movies kinda dumb?” at me).

      • Naptown Bill

        Well the thing about Scream is that it was made almost as a tribute to slasher movies. You watch Scream and you get the sense that even as they’re poking at the tropes of slasher flicks they’re also trying to make a really good one. It’s almost a love letter to slasher movies, as trite as that sounds.

        CitW, on the other hand, is Whedon doing a kind of ironic hipster take on the genre in the form of a “better” quality of horror movie. Like he’s making a horror movie about how stupid slasher movies are and using that as the “gotcha” in his own genre film, so instead of “Oh, snap, he’s a ghost, too!” it’s “Oh, snap, it’s a movie about making horror movies and we’re the monsters!” Except that, because Whedon, he can’t do it as a horror movie, so it’s sort of a fun action movie that’s a little too precious and snide sometimes. I mean, imagine the same movie done by Guillermo del Toro, Wes Craven, or Takeshi Miike, or even Sam Raimi.

      • CampingInYourPark

        I’m not really a movie buff and don’t keep up with who directs or produces movies, so the only name I recognize is Wes Craven(NoES?). But, you’ve convinced me I don’t need to see Cabin in the Woods. I am grateful!

      • kinnath

        Guillermo del Toro:

        Pan’s Labyrinth {fucking awesome}

        Hellboy and Hellboy II

        The three Hobbit movies

        The two Pacific Rim movies

        The Shape of Water {which I have recorded but not watched}

        plus lots of other stuff.

      • Nephilium

        Another one that’s in the same vein as Scream was Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. It’s based on the people behind the Nightmare on Elm Street movies starting to have issues in the real world.

        The rumor exists that Wes Craven was afraid to ask Johnny Depp to be in it, because Wes figured he’d be embarrassed to be reminded of his first film; however, Johnny Depp commented that he would have done it in a heartbeat.

      • kinnath

        Looks like the second Pacific Rim was writer only and not director.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Pan’s Labyrinth {fucking awesome}

        ‘Tis that. I would simply call it mature, not so much horror.

        Spain is a certain sort of horror: I’m drawn to it and terrified of it both.

      • kinnath

        If del Toro did Cabin in the Woods, it would have been some cross of Pan’s Labyrinth and Hellboy.

        Fuck. I’d watch that in a heartbeat.

    • Spudalicious

      Mind. Blown.

    • leon

      I think they are more High Fey, locked in battle with the Elder Gods.

  13. DOOMco

    Those damn old gods.

  14. Ayn Random Variation

    If they are human, there has to be some secret sauce that’s keeping people like her, Bernie and Ginsburg alive.

    • UnCivilServant

      Bernie’s only 78. It’s not infeasible to be relatively healthy at that age. Admittedly, he did just get medical treatments.

      • kinnath

        My father is 83 and still walks 250 to 300 rounds of golf each year.

    • DOOMco

      Well Bernie just had to stop campaigning for a blood clot.
      Maybe they didn’t get a virgin this time?

      • straffinrun

        Epstein dead and now this happens? Now I’m not saying….

      • MikeS

        Epstein dead

        Hahahaha!

        *stops laughing to adjust tinfoil hat*

      • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

        Wake up sheeple, they swapped him out so they could kill him slow.

      • Jarflax

        You naive fool. There was no Epstein. He was a CIA agent named Ambrose working for the Grey symp faction against the Lizard people.

      • leon

        There is only one known way to find out if someone is a lizard people plant.

      • Ozymandias

        Your gif needs about fifty more bong hits to be more accurate to that guy from Ancient Aliens. And that crazy hair.

  15. Spudalicious

    SugarFree has scarred me for life…and I like it.

    *sobs*

  16. straffinrun

    Styx needs a lesson in phrasing.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      No way, that guy wears a shirt now? Fucking sellout

      • DOOMco

        It’s almost winter in Vermont.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        This is worse than when Kiss stopped wearing makeup for that one album and we were all cursed with the song “Lick it Up”

        Felatio never sounded so unappealing

      • MikeS

        +1 “Wooooh!”

      • Mojeaux

        I have a really sick and twisted story to tell about that song, but it involves girly things, so I will not tell it.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        That’s not how it works. Now you must tell us or we shall shun you in the mess hall at the gulags

      • Mojeaux

        I will start with this: I have never met a dare I wouldn’t take. Now, this presents a conundrum: I’m stupid for taking the dares, but braver than the cowardly little pussyboys who backed down. I’m not sure which is worse.

        English class. Senior year of high school. Southern Baptist private school. New teacher, fresh out of college and this is her first gig.

        My friend-boys made a joke (or not, I never knew) that the lyric was “lick it up, lick it up, she’s on the rag now.” My mistake was thinking this was the lyric.

        Sooooo the assignment was to pick a secular rock song and write a paper denouncing it as Satanic and why. I was dared to do that one.

        It went over about as well as you’d expect.

        She read it in class and yelled at me the entire time. It was glorious because those cowardly cocksuckers didn’t write the papers THEY said THEY would write.

      • SugarFree

        +1 pair of redwings

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        the assignment was to pick a secular rock song and write a paper denouncing it as Satanic

        How so very 80’s.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        If there is a Kiss song that I would deem satanic (and not in the good heavy metal sort of way), it would definitely be “Lick it Up”.

        That song is cursed and you are but one of its victims.

      • Mojeaux

        How so very 80’s.

        Well, there’s a reason stereotypes exist.

      • Rhywun

        the assignment was to pick a secular rock song and write a paper denouncing it as Satanic and why

        Wow, your indoctrination was WAY different than mine in public schools….

      • SugarFree

        See, I would go with “Beth.” While not a bad song in of itself, it did spawn the tradition of the power ballad for hair metal bands, something that gave us quite a few shitty damn songs.

      • straffinrun

        The assignment sounds a little like forming conclusions before doing the research.

      • Mojeaux

        Wow, your indoctrination was WAY different than mine in public schools….

        If it weren’t for the Baptists, I would have left my own church long ago.

        I took perverse pleasure in being the only Mormon there (I guess my green’s as good as anybody else’s). I took perverse pleasure in being accepted to BYU but not having my name on the list of other people who were accepted to much lesser colleges. I took perverse pleasure in knowing my doctrine AND theirs and occasionally embarrassing them with theirs (“So people in Africa who’ve never heard of Jesus are going to hell because they were born in the wrong place? The God I worship would never be that cruel. MY God loves His children.”). I took perverse pleasure in being the Satan worshipper who wasn’t out slutting around, not getting pregnant, not getting black-out drunk at parties, and not landing in jail all weekend.

        But knowing their doctrine backward and forward made me look at my doctrine and see what was better about it. I like our vision of the afterlife, so I went with the flow.

        So to speak.

        I will say this: the Kansas City School District was a mess and I got an excellent education. I also do appreciate my religious training for reasons.

      • leon

        “Born in the USA”?

      • Mojeaux

        The assignment sounds a little like forming conclusions before doing the research.

        You have no idea how many assignments I turned into satire/parody to see if they’d notice I was making fun of the assignment, but they never did.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Baptists aren’t known for being clued in to satire.

      • Mojeaux

        “Born in the USA”?

        Blurgh.

      • Bobarian LMD

        the assignment was to pick a secular rock song and write a paper denouncing it as Satanic and why

        Anything by Boston, because it was by Boston.

        Which is definitely the most over-rated band ever.

        Good thing they only have the one song.

        Too bad they played it over and over across two albums.

      • Mojeaux

        Anything by Boston, because it was by Boston.

        Which is definitely the most over-rated band ever.

        Good thing they only have the one song.

        Too bad they played it over and over across two albums.

        And here we are, 40 years later, still hearing that one song at least once or twice a week.

      • Ted S.

        Good thing they only have the one song.

        Too bad they played it over and over across two albums.

        There’s also the joke that Vivaldi only wrote one concerto, but he wrote it 400 times.

      • Agent Cooper

        Tipper Gore was your teacher?

      • invisible finger

        Write a book about it

      • straffinrun

        He got married recently. His new wife must have done some laundry.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Makes sense. Why else would you get married?

        *instinctually ducks*

  17. straffinrun

    And in case you enjoy stentenfreude, just read the comments. My favorite?


    jeck jeck
    26 minutes ago (edited)
    Bernie’s heart was too big and full of love for US, it just could not take it. Bernie 2020!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdaQfiFIZYY

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Mmmm…I can taste the tears

      • straffinrun

        Half the comments are, “It’s just a flesh wound!”

      • Chipwooder

        “We’re ruled by effete assholes!”

        Preach, brother Renton!

      • Not Adahn

        I was surprised at how good the sequel was.

      • Agent Cooper

        Pffft. Scott Land. That’s like hailing from Jeff Land.

    • Rebel Scum

      Ew. I detest idol worship. *huggs TrumpyBear*

    • invisible finger

      Also only 8 weeks. Why do people think rapid, radical change is good for adults? (I know…vanity.)

    • SugarFree

      The issue is, added sugar tastes nice and it’s also a very addicted [sic] substance.

      She has also been struggling with her addiction to oxygen.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The brain damage indicates that she was partially successful in weaning herself off the oxygen.

      • leon

        Climate Change is the biggest scam Big Oxy has ever perpetrated.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Big Oxy is running the climate change hoax now? Greta. Big Oxy. What other children are involved in this takeover?
        https://soundcloud.com/christian-jarmon

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Oxygen toxicity via the Bert effect has been known since 1878. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4925834/
        Oxygen’s danger as an accelerant has also been known for a long time. www-group.slac.stanford.edu/esh/eshmanual/references/chemsafetyGuideOxygen.pdf
        Yet under even First World countries’ laws, you can get the stuff without a license, showing ID, or even limits on how much you can have on hand.

    • Sean

      I should have known better, but I clicked and read it anyway.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Guess that is a compliment.

  18. AlmightyJB

    Wonderfully horrible as usual:) Well done!

  19. Scruffy Nerfherder

    YAY! MOAR TENTACLES!

    • DOOMco

      Hide yo waifus!

  20. Don Escaped Texas

    Resolved: that a firm which has a long, multi-stage online application process that requires incredibly valuable details like high school graduation dates would be precisely the sort of firm that would be filled with exactly the kind of useless staff that you would probably end up killing before you’ve been on the job a year.

    • UnCivilServant

      “You killed half the staff!?”

      “You hired me as a rightsizing coordinator. We still have half a year before we reach that goal.”

      • leon

        Bonus: you don’t need to pay any severance

    • SugarFree

      incredibly valuable details like high school graduation dates

      Lets them know how old you are without asking directly, which might lead to a discrimination suit.

    • Rhywun

      Sounds like a “clever” way to practice age discrimination.

    • Naptown Bill

      I know for myself any company that wants a complete work history in a multi-page form in addition to a resume and cover letter is likely not for me. If they don’t have the time to actually look at my resume and read my cover letter then they’re probably too big for my tastes. And I don’t want to be in a database for a company before they actually hire me.

      • leon

        Anti-War, Good On Economics, Nationally Popular.

        Pick 2.

      • Jarflax

        Good On Economics

        I pick this one, I just wish a candidate would.

      • Akira

        Online applications are the fucking scourge of my existence (well, not since I landed a job where I plan on staying for a while).

        I hate hate hate applications that have you upload a resume but then sign up on their stupid site and manually key in every single piece of information that is already on your resume.

      • Naptown Bill

        That’s one of those warning signs for me, like “pair coding” or “open office plan” that tell me I’d hate to work there. Oh, and a sneaky one is when they advertise that they’ve got an awesome break room with ping pong and beer or some shit like that. That means not only are they completely against remote work but they expect you in the office for as long as possible.

        “Normal working hours? Work-life balance? Pffft! Why go home and spend time with your family or hang out with friends when you can stay here and be our code monkey?! It’s 6:00 PM and you haven’t seen the sun today? So what? Here, have a Blue Moon and get back to the laptop on a picnic table that we call your work space!”

      • Akira

        Yea, I’d definitely prefer more money than any of that “having fun at work” junk. My attitude towards work is that I want to complete my tasks for the day, then go home and focus on, ya know, my life.

      • Naptown Bill

        Right. For me work is a necessary interruption in the course of my day. I want to knock it out as soon as possible so I can get back to doing things that matter to me. I don’t want to play Madden in a bean bag chair or go to semi-mandatory work-sponsored happy hours.

      • Jarflax

        For me work is a necessary interruption in the course of my posting.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My bitching about work. Different workgroup manager objects to my request to his people to send specific material direct to me instead of the sites, because it’s outside of the process that lists one and only one shipping address per site.

      Yesterday he was complaining about material going missing and needing to be reordered. Why did it need to be reordered? Because it was sent directly to the site and no one know what happened to it.

    • Agent Cooper

      Whoopi actually said “Hillary Rotten Clinton”

  21. CPRM

    Ok, time to start a bidding war. 10 Patrons of $50 a month and I pledge to NEVER animate these tales. Or 5 Patrons at $100 a month and I pledge to ALWAYS animate these tales. Go!

    • SugarFree

      Just remember to make her sad and sallow until the blood rises into her face.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Sad and blood-filled? Like a tick?

    • Agent Cooper

      You call that animation?

      I KID! I KID!

  22. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    https://twitter.com/JulesJester/status/1179366395773177858

    This is the first time in years that I have heard someone unapologetically defend a culture of free speech without selectively screaming “muh…freedom of association” because they don’t like the speaker, but they still want to pretend like they give a shit about free speech when they obviously don’t.

    What a stone cold fox

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Don’t get your hopes up.

      Putin’s stooge has opinions.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        If we’re being honest, only non-idiots are called “Putin stooges” nowadays.

        Look among libertarians. Vichy libertarians who are more similar to neocons than anyone nowadays, have been fretting about how Scott Horton, Tom Woods, and anyone who is not woke is actually a Russian stooge. Cathy Young accused anyone who doesn’t want a war with Russia of being a Russian stooge, because she is legitimately retarded, on a front page cover of Reason. CATO, ever eager to sellout to the lowest bidder, has been purging its foreign policy staff who responded to Russia Fever Dreams with “this is legitimately the dumbest conspiracy of all time”.

        And then among Republicans, everyone from Rand Paul to Amash have been labeled Russian stooges because they won’t war hard enough.

        If you haven’t been accused of being a Russian stooge nowadays then you may suck ass politically.

        My “Russian stooge moment” is one of my proudest, because it was so unhinged and, objectively speaking, stupid: “Ah, I could not remember who was the apologist for Russian colonial expansion that was left here…thanks! “BUT NAZIS!!!” “Near abroad” indeed. Next up, the rest of Georgia, the Baltics, Belorus and Ukraine…. RESTORE THE EMPIRE! YER AFTER THEM, UPPITY FINNS!”

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        “YOU DON’T WANT A PROXY WAR IN UKRAINE! YOU LOVE PUTIN!”

        I mean, Fever Dreamers are way beyond parody. And I will mock them until the day I die.

      • UnCivilServant

        The proxy war should be further south. It’s long past time to end the occupation of Byzantium.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Ah, I could not remember who was the apologist for Turkish colonial expansion that was left here… thanks! “BUT CONSTANTINOPLE!!!” “Near abroad” indeed. Next up, the rest of Mesopotamia, the Levant, and Persia….RESTORE THE EMPIRE! YER AFTER THEM, UPPITY IRANIANS!

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        ^

        Reminder, this is not the ravings of a lunatic, despite all evidence to the contrary

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not entirely sure what you’e trying to say.

      • Jarflax

        He is calling for a restoration of the Glory that was Rome. Deus Vult!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Rod Stewart?

      • Gender Traitor

        Do the Russians still love their children too? I can’t keep up.

        ::Sighs, shuffles back to day job grind::

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The refreshing thing about all of this is that it has answered my question: “Can US politics get any dumber?”

      • Swiss Servator

        Say, who was that anyways?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Was that you?

        I honestly don’t even remember who it was

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Whoever wrote it, though, I saved it because it made me laugh. And just know that I am seriously considering it for my epitaph.

        There was a time when John called me an “Iran lover” on TOS and I truly treasured that moment. But, this surely out did that and I thank you for that.

      • leon

        I’m still sad i didn’t make Hihns list.

      • Jarflax

        I did

        Snicker!!

        BULLY!

    • leon

      *Many Glibs have a sad*

      • Jarflax

        She should have continued her brief honorable profession as an escort.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Reason is a joke. I don’t think anyone outside of their staff thinks they’re anything more than progressives

      • Gustave Lytton

        I had a sammich for lunch.

      • Bobarian LMD

        is through governmental and legal institutions.

        Can ya be anymore libertarian?

        Free minds.

      • invisible finger

        Free? I think they leased their minds to the highest bidders at beltway cocktail parties.

      • Agent Cooper

        Ricky Gervais is more libertarian than ENB.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Somebody please educate this woman on economics, then we can ride her coattails to the libertarian moment.

    • Rebel Scum

      I think freedom of speech is something that is an important, foundational, right in our democracy.

      Now do guns.

  23. Don Escaped Texas

    way OT because we once had a fun chat about horsepower

    I didn’t see any graphs ITFA, but here’s how the Hennessey Venom F5 does it.

    6.6L, so 400 in^3 (that’s 1/4 of a cubic foot in UCF standard useful dimensions)
    400 cubes usually means about 400 lb-ft of torque normally aspirated with reasonable valve-train
    but: twin turbos, so the cylinder charge pressure triples from vacuum (~0.8 atm to probably 2.4ish)
    so peak torque comes in at 1,200 lb-ft
    torque will tend to be mildly flat across the useful RPM range, so let’s assume it’s near 1,200 @ 5,252RPM
    if so, that delivers (no math required!) 1,200HP
    but they spool this beast up to 8,200 RPM
    so that’s 1,200 *8200/5252 ~ 2,000HP and round down for torque drop-off and presto: 1,817HP as advertised

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So how many hours before the engine self-destructs is that?

      • UnCivilServant

        1/120

        You get thirty seconds until boom.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Imma say 1200 ft-lbs combined with an 8.2k redline means a foot-race between the engine and the transmission for who grenades first.

        But just like Buggatti, this is gonna be a purpose built car maxed out for that 300 mph run. They only need to run for a short period of time.

    • Jarflax

      I like the poll a the bottom:

      When considering buying a car, how important to you are the horsepower and torque generated by the engine?
      Very important
      Fairly important
      Only a little bit important
      Not at all important
      No opinion / Other

      LOL, considering buying. Sorry, I am not a Saudi Royal

      • Don Escaped Texas

        I built engines as a kid but am pretty happy buying what I need now.

        Last truck I bought brought all the rednecks out
        Rednecks: what kind of exhaust and chip are you putting on it?
        Me: what fer?
        Rednecks: moar horzpowrh!!!11!
        Me: that’s what the pedal on the right in the floor is for

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Chipping a truck with a modern exhaust system is just asking for trouble of the warranty kind.

      • Animal

        Real rednecks know torque, not horsepower, is where towing strength comes from.

      • Jarflax

        You instantly become redneck legend if you tow something with that car.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve always wondered, with a light weight, high-torque vehicle built to make use of down forces to stay on the road, how do you get it moving with a tow load? Wouldn’t you lose traction before you can apply the force needed?

      • Jarflax

        I say you try a 500 ft long tow rope, get a good head of steam up before the slack ends and*

        *I want to be watching from a safe distance.

      • UnCivilServant

        The shock will snap the rope

      • Animal

        You don’t.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Wouldn’t you lose traction before you can apply the force needed?

        Theoretically, that risk does exist at some extreme. To your point, for a semi 40t GCWR, the tractor probably weighs over 18t.

        On a flat surface at takeoff, you can’t deliver more tension that the weight of the vehicle times its tires friction factor. The trailer also has weight and friction.

        BTW: HP = tension * speed (bet nobody every told you that one!).

        Warning: pneumatic tires are very difficult to model; you can’t get good predictions from one or two variables and a ninth-grade physics text.

        Suppose you weigh 300# and wear boots with friction around µ = 0.5; all you could ever push on flat ground would be 150# laterally. But you could move anything that had a static lateral friction load of less than 150#; there’s merely the practical consideration that the bigger the thing is, the longer it would take you to accelerate it. One man can push a three ton truck . . . eventually.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        A couple of other practical examples occur to me:

        a/ A locomotive pulls 100 railcars. It can’t start quickly, but it gets the job done. In this case, both driver and load have similar friction modes: steel wheels on steel rails (Rearden, of course). You don’t want to spin the wheels though because the dynamic friction between two materials is almost always less than the static friction (start-up can often be thought of as quasi-static).

        b/ Stock clerk in sneakers pulls a 2,000# pallet with a pallet jack . . . easily and quickly. He’s outweighed 10:1 but the wheels have almost no friction (~20#) whereas he can generate almost #100 lateral tension.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Add grocery store slip and fall lawsuits to your practical examples list.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        all day every day

        / grocer’s son

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        From an engineering viewpoint, ice skates are a very interesting case study.

        The pressure from the steel edge is high enough to melt the ice (liquid water occupying less volume than frozen water) and form a liquid barrier between the skate and the ice surface. The corresponding coefficient of friction drops to near zero.

        /nerd off

      • Bobarian LMD

        See the guy pulling the train with his teeth.

    • Animal

      I was just reminded of a story involving a keg party and my Dad’s ’54 Ford dump truck; great grist for the Allamakee County Chronicles, I think,

    • leon

      Yeah but like – one of these times NYT/CNN have to be right…

  24. leon

    @TGA hows that article coming along?

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      I have written zero words thus far.

      I plan on being banned before finishing

      • Jarflax

        Soyboy is one of your names?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        No. I’m not emo and racist.

        I’m just a dick

      • Jarflax

        I must have missed the racism. Did he post something further?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Maybe I’m thinking of someone else. Who was that guy from way way back who got banned for writing racial slurs out of nowhere?

      • Gustave Lytton

        libertymike and some other handles?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Apologies if I misremembered and slurred an innocent commentator.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That was it, over the Smollette story.

      • Jarflax

        FOS, I don’t recall what that stood for, he went full on Stormfront about ((())) and blacks and got the gaze narrowed on his ass.

      • pistoffnick

        I think F.O.S. stood for Fuck. Off. Slaver.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He actually got banned?

      • kinnath

        Did soyboy disappear on his own, or was he banned?

      • Jarflax

        He was begging to be banned and his posts deleted. I don’t think he got his wish. I am just hoping his suicide talk was just more attention seeking.

      • UnCivilServant

        The posts are still there.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      LOL. You think we don’t want to be dragged in further?

      • Jarflax

        If people actually care about the troops they will start pushing for us to fight wars in better climates. It hits 120 there! I say we go after tyranny in Brussels!

      • kinnath

        Charlie don’t surf

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Nuts

    • CampingInYourPark

      Operation Victory from God

      Crap like this really makes me question whether humans are the pinnacle of evolution.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        No we’re not. The lizard people are.

    • Drake

      I’m very skeptical of the numbers and suspicious that these aren’t just Iranian troops dressed up as Houthis. The Saudis were by far the most competent troops I saw in during my time in the Middle East (which isn’t ringing phrase).