In Loving Memory

by | Jan 25, 2020 | Beer | 177 comments

It is with the heaviest of hearts, we here at Glibertarians.com mourn the loss of one of our own.  Arguably the original; one of the finest individuals of all time to don our customary top hat and monocle. Lets give a moment of silence, for Mr. Peanut.

Okay now that’s out of the way, this is my review of Bud Light Seltzer.

The part of Mr. Peanut’s untimely death is the suggestion other beloved cartoon mascots need to die.  I for one think this is ludicrous.  Their five suggested mascots are:

  • Chester Cheetah
  • The Trix Rabbit
  • Talking M&Ms
  • Honey Smacks Dig’em Frog
  • Ronald McDonald

Lets take these one by one.

Chester Cheetah, is the orange cat peddling Cheetos at least since I can remember.  These days he’s a creepy looking animatronic puppet(or CGI) but used to be a cartoon.  He always spoke in silly rhymes and found himself in precarious situations such as getting hit by an enormous wave while surfing.  Which to be honest isn’t a bad message:  go outside and play.  Maybe Cheetos aren’t the dumbest idea if you actually are active.  Sadly, nobody wants to be active anymore and people eating Cheetos are stereotyped as WOW players eating nothing but Cheetos over the course of a three-day weekend, covered in a crusty, orange buildup.  This isn’t Chester’s fault and he doesn’t deserve to die over this.  Besides, what are they going to replace him with, some stereotype meth addict eating an entire bag outside a gas station conveniently covering a bottle of Olde English?

The Trix Rabbit.  Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.  The kids in these commercials are terrible excuses for human beings.  For decades they insisted the fruity cereal was not for this rabbit and ate it in front of him.  Seriously, the rabbit just wants some cereal, its not like its asking you for some of your stash, or asking to crash on your couch, or some drifter walking around the desert asking for a ride to Mesa after you made it clear there’s a gun within arm’s reach in the car and you are going to Phoenix–not Mesa.  Its cereal.  Give the rabbit some damn cereal.

Talking M&M’s.  Okay these are a bit weird, and likely the result of an acid trip.  I am not going to defend their cannibalism, other than to say they clearly are not M&M’s but some kind of species of super M&M’s or full grown M&M’s.  Which means it’s not really their own they are eating, when in fact they are eating their young.  Which doesn’t make it better at all.

Honey Smacks Dig’em Frog.  Swinging for the fences are we?  Next we can kill off the Golden Crisp Sugar Bear.

Ronald McDonald:

Honestly, Ronald, this is a classic “It’s not you, it’s me” situation. When you were introduced as the fast-food chain’s mascot in 1963, consumers knew a lot less about the damaging health effects of fatty and fried foods — and so they could feed their kids Quarter Pounders and Filet-o-Fish sandwiches guilt-free. Today’s moms and dads can’t claim such ignorance — and your smiling clown face serves as a haunting reminder that every time I give in to my child’s cravings for a Quarter Pounder, I’m hastening his own death.

Forecast for today’s nightmare is SUNNY.

That’s not disturbing at all.  I’m pretty sure they have the same menu as they did in 1963. In fact, their menu has gotten healthier and even included salads at one point, because moral busybodies like this lady blamed her and her children’s girth on the clown.  Turns out people eating at McDonalds want a burger–immediately.  Its not the clown’s fault you are fat, its yours.  So if you want a Quarter Pounder (Hell, I might get a double later today to spite these people) or a Filet-o-fish then have one, and leave the delightful Willard Scott out of this.

To be honest, all of these are just ads that are all easily ignored.  Most of these are harmless (Uncle Ben’s, Aunt Jemima, the Tapatio Mariachi guy, etc. excepted) but what really kills me with these are celebrity endorsements.  Do they really expect me to believe a guy like Tiger Woods not only drives a Buick, but that particular Buick?  Given his taste in women, Tiger clearly drives a Camaro.

 

Everyone that thought Bud Light Seltzer was some kind of joke, or a marketing gimmick was sadly correct.  This drink is a joke.  I only got it in strawberry because I found a 12 pack of them at the local Kroger, but did not want to be stuck with 12, so I found this one at a Quick Trip.  Its abysmal.  If they stuck with a citrus flavor it might have worked out better but strawberry is a bridge too far.  Once again, White Claw owns this market niche not only because it does not taste like carbonated piss, it does so without adding more sugar.  Which is what a lot of people are going for with the spiked seltzer thing.  It is very clearly not beer, therefore I will not give it a rating comparing it to beer.

 

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

177 Comments

  1. Nephilium

    And sadly lots of breweries are jumping into the hard seltzer market. Off the top of my head: Oskar Blues, Ska Brewing, and Sweetwater have all announced hard seltzer lines.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Locally here in Cville too – haven’t tried any yet.

      • Nephilium

        Locally Platform got into the hard seltzer market (before they sold to AB-InBev). And at least one craft beer bar (that used to own a brewery as well), has “house made hard seltzer” on the menu (if I had to guess, they’re just mixing vodka into flavored water, kegging it, and force carbing it).

    • Ted S.

      Can you still get your favorite beer?

      I’d say they haven’t introduced seltzer wine, but isn’t that prosecco?

      • Nephilium

        I’ve got more then enough breweries around to keep me in beer, so I’m not concerned about that. I still think the hard seltzer thing isn’t going to last (look towards shandies, hard soda, hard lemonade, wine coolers, etc.), and some of those companies are expanding to get into the hard seltzer market. Some breweries are expanding into the canned cocktail market (Boulevard – owned by Duvel, and Victory/Southern Tier/Sixpoint). Expanding to chase a market has brought down quite a few breweries in the past (New Belgium, Green Flash, etc.).

    • Jarflax

      High school boys disagree strongly that this is sad. Many first hummers will result from the new soda pop (pissed you ALL of there didn’t I) with a kick.

      • Nephilium

        That was the last trend. Henry’s Hard Soda’s, Not Your Father’s/Mother’s, Best Damned, and Coney Island. Most of those have disappeared off the shelves here (to the disappointment of the girlfriend).

    • Aus

      To be fair, you’d be an idiot not to try to get a piece of that cash cow.

      Personally, I’m a big fan of White Claw or similar when outdoors on a hot summer day; at the beach, at a pool, backyard etc.

      There’s a pool near me in Columbus open in summer, full of sexy young professionals that is in complex with a brewery, so the brewery handles the outdoor bar at the pool. Their offerings range from super hoppy IPAs, stouts/porters, etc. *Exactly* what you want on a blazing hot summer day. NOT. It’s so stupid it actually makes me angry. So, I just fill up my Nalgene water bottle with white claw and take it in. Hey idiots at the brewery, just bring coolers full of white claw at $5 each…. retards.

    • The Last American Hero

      People are selling selzer beer and the President is being impeached. Didn’t we play this game in the 90’s?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I can’t wait to find the Tequiza analoge.

  2. Gender Traitor

    I nominate Burger King’s king for a timely demise. He’s just creepy.

    • Mojeaux

      +1 justifiable homicide

      Looks like a serial killer.

  3. Gustave Lytton

    so they could feed their kids Quarter Pounders and Filet-o-Fish sandwiches guilt-free

    Neither one has been in a Happy Meal.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Nor was either on the menu in 1963.

  4. westernsloper

    and your smiling clown face serves as a haunting reminder that every time I give in to my child’s cravings for a Quarter Pounder, I’m hastening his own death.

    Christ what an asshole.

    I almost bought some of these yesterday but purchased instead my usual bottom shelf tequila to make my own hard seltzers.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      You bought tequila instead of a Quarter Pounder?

      I’m not going to say that you have a problem, but…

      • westernsloper

        For lunch I had a quarter pound beef/pork patty with mushroom cream sauce. Does that work?

  5. Rhywun

    I’m hastening his own death

    You could do us all a favor and choke on a Quarter Pounder yourself, you know. Or at the very least familiarize yourself with some dietary advice that isn’t stuck in the 1980s.

  6. Rhywun

    I don’t understand what the source of the alcohol in these things *is*.

    • Nephilium

      It’ll probably depend on the license of the place making it. For the ones coming out of breweries, I would guess it’s corn sugar added to flavored water and then fermented and carbed. There may be some light malts or DME used (depending on state laws on brewing). For those that have a distillery license somewhere in their corporate chain, I would guess it’s just diluted vodka added to flavored water and carbed.

      • Rhywun

        Just read an article on the Bud Light seltzer that says it’s fermented sugar. Huh.

        And it’s brewed in Syracuse.

      • Rhywun

        *cane sugar

    • The Last American Hero

      Did we learn nothing from the failed Zima experiments of 25 years ago?

  7. The Late P Brooks

    the Nutmobile veers off a cliff.

    I’m so sick of hearing about the impeachment trial.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    I don’t understand what the source of the alcohol in these things *is*.

    Everclear would be my guess.

  9. Fourscore

    Joe Camel was tried, convicted and executed by the fed government. Joe was a good friend for 15 years or so but we had to say our good byes when it was the right time.

    • Bob, Builder of things

      I’m going to finish the pack I have and call it good, maybe too late,
      Seeing Wendy breathing the way she is right now isn’t very pleasant

      • Old Man With Candy

        Dammit.

      • Fourscore

        Good luck, Wendy and Bob, on all fronts

      • Bob, Builder of things

        Appreciated, Her breathing issues have to do with the pain of breathing with broken Breastbone, so her O2 saturation is down,
        hence a ventilator,

      • R C Dean

        Ouch. They don’t call it “cracking a chest” for nothing. Open heart surgery has a tough road to recovery. Hang in there, buddy.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        I’ll get by, She’s, well, ouch, You know….

      • Rhywun

        Do it. Even if you go to vapes. I’m so happy I did it almost a couple years ago now.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        I have my pens ready, and Juul pods are easy to jail break as well,

  10. Bob, Builder of things

    Filet o’ fish, mmmmmm
    the Geico Gecko! must Die!!!!!

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe Cheetos aren’t the dumbest idea if you actually are active.

    I have it on good authority that Cheetos are an excellent firestarter. Don’t eat them all, if you’re lost in the back country.

    • Rhywun

      Cheetos light my insides on fire, so it checks out I guess.

  12. Rhywun

    There’s a pic of six-year-old me somewhere with Mr. Peanut’s hand on my shoulder – sorry, getting sexually assaulted (in the current parlance) – on the Atlantic City boardwalk.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      This raises as many questions as it answers.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Cause and effect.

      • Rhywun

        It was just a little innocent fun. At least, that’s what my therapist says.

      • JD is Unemployed

        You should sue your the-rape-ist because they are trying to gaslight you into thinking that wasn’t sexual assault when it clearly was.

      • JD is Unemployed

        *the-rapist

  13. The Bearded Hobbit

    Bring back the Frito Bandito!!

  14. R C Dean

    consumers knew a lot less about the damaging health effects of fatty and fried foods

    I would say consumers knew a lot more about the health benefits of not cramming their pieholes with sugar and carbohydrates. Anyone who looks at the obesity epidemic and says its due to people eating fatty and fried foods is a moron who should be ignored, if not shunned. The obesity epidemic is due to (a) people eating too much of anything and everything, (b) people being sedentary, and (c) the shift in dietary intake toward sugar and carbohydrates, precisely because people like this idiot anathematized dietary fat.

    And don’t tell me “but, muh heart disease”! That’s not due to eating fat, that’s due to being fat, for the reasons listed above.

  15. J. Frank Parnell

    So, on the subject of beer:

    I’m going to be in Phoenix this week – any breweries that I should definitely check out?

    • Bob, Builder of things

      Four Peaks

      • The Last American Hero

        I heard the waitresses there look weird.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I see what you did there.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      There are a couple places in town. Four Peaks has locations in Tempe and Scottsdale.

      Huss is also a good one. Try their coffee kölsch.

    • Old Man With Candy

      What are you here for?

      • R C Dean

        Reminds me:

        When I round in the hospital and talk to patients, I always ask them “What are you in for?” and “How long ’til you get out?” One of the nurses said that makes it sound like we’re in prison. Guess who hasn’t changed what he asks patients.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        +1 Bedside manner, I would laugh, and feel more comfortable talking to you,

      • robc

        A visiting prof when I was at GT said we were the only school she had ever been where everyone talked about getting out instead of graduating.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Atmosphere

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Working all day but hoping to break out in the evenings to hit some brewpubs and/or tasting rooms.

      • Old Man With Candy

        If you’re in sales and calling on customers, I’ll laugh my ass off if you show up. Recognition signal is, “Do you know STEVE SMITH?”

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Ha, no, I’ll be trapped in a meeting room with some Cisco folks all week getting a bunch of network stuff up and running.

    • Tripacer

      We liked OHSO, Helio Basin, Beer Research Institute, and Huss Brewing the best, according to my girlfriend’s notes.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I thought OHSO was a chain restaurant?

      • Tripacer

        I didn’t realize that. It looks like they have 4 locations. We also liked them for being right down the street from her dad’s house.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I don’t know if it is. I’ve seen a couple if them around. The beer isn’t bad at all.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Anyone who looks at the obesity epidemic and says its due to people eating fatty and fried foods is a moron who should be ignored, if not shunned.

    Hamburgers are lethal. Everybody knows that.

    • Bob, Builder of things

      My burgers ARe pretty Killer…

    • Sean

      Remove the bun, add cheddar, bacon, and jalapenos and it’s health food.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        Whole Grain bread, bacon and Colby jack and Cheddar, I don’t like Jalepenos very much,
        Onions, carmelized!

    • C. Anacreon

      And some I’ve heard recently try to retcon that the government “never overemphasized carbs” needs look no farther than some of those cartoon cereal commercials from back then, when they were obligated to say that cereal should be “part of this complete breakfast” — and then showed a bowl of cereal surrounded by a tall glass of orange juice, a glass of skim milk, and a plate of toast and jam. Hmm, that’s zero fat, a teeny bit of protein, and a gargantuan dose of sugar and carbs.

      That’s what our government was trying to tell us we should be eating every morning, and please stay away from eggs, meat and cheese! And many good parents likely obliged. Yikes, it’s a wonder anyone from that era survived without being morbidly obese.

    • AlmightyJB

      Good thing it has nothing to do with growing up playing video games inside and then spending your career sitting in front of a computer.

    • Rhywun

      “You are probably here.”

      *snort*

    • JD is Unemployed

      It has now. Overall that is the best selection of memes I have seen recently*.

      *It is the only selection of memes I have seen recently but it’s not bad – a few ALOLs during the first half

      • Raven Nation

        The Florida alligator…

      • JD is Unemployed

        Excaligator!

        I feel bad for the gator, although clearly other animals are, generally speaking, infinitely tougher than humans. There’s one-eyed cat around these parts who fights off badgers two or three times his size, and wins. There was a deer with the worst broken leg open wound I’ve ever seen skipping about like there was nothing wrong. Bear Grylls would be wailing and crying if he went through some of shit that animals seem to power through. You’ll never see a wild animal feeling sorry for itself. You either get busy living or you get busy dying.

      • R C Dean

        Powerline’s weekly roundup is reliably good.

    • AlmightyJB

      I like the Siri one:)

  17. Gender Traitor

    For Mojeaux and other ailurophiles – the newest member of the GT family finally came out of his ever-so-clever hidey hole to get some affection. He’d been hidden so well I was getting worried. Turned out he was on a low bookshelf (near a heating vent) on top of a Monopoly game and behind three boxes of Cards Against Humanity decks. So far he is amazingly chill.

    • Sean

      He’s a cutie.

      I see an Opus plushie in the background ?

      • Gender Traitor

        Yup – actually two of them, plus Ren & Stimpy (who fart when you squeeze them,) a Sandra Boynton Dog Train dog and a stuffed armadillo named Austin (guess the reference!)

      • Sean

        I got nothing on the armadillo reference.

      • dbleagle

        That is a great song. It almost makes me forgive Texas for being Texas.

    • Rhywun

      When I got mine they hid under the stove for days. I started worrying they’d grow and get stuck down there.

    • JD is Unemployed

      That was the weirdest description of birth I’ve ever read until I remembered you are talking about the cat in the tissue box.

    • Mojeaux

      What a cutie!!!! <3

      We got ours when they were about 12 weeks old so they didn't hide anywhere. They ran around exploring like little Tasmanian devils.

      • Gender Traitor

        When we got him home and let him out of the carrier, he calmly and methodically walked from room to room, then settled down under our bed. A few moments after I went to bed last night, I heard a single low note resonate from the piano in the “dining” room. I came out to cover the keys and caught him nearby looking at me. I suspect he spent the night exploring, then found yet another hiding place.

      • Gender Traitor

        …and he just settled down on my lap! <3

    • Tulip

      Aww. When I first got Oscar, he hid under the bed. I sat on the bed and read, ignoring him. (Look! I’m in the room and nothing bad is happening.) He had a cold, so every now and then I’d hear a tiny kitten sneeze. It was adorable.

    • AlmightyJB

      Looks like our old cat Shadow.

      • spqr2008

        I wonder if he’s related to my old KC or my uncle’s old Shadow (both were remarkably chill kitties, but Shadow could be skittish since he was a rescue who lost most of his tail to abuse).

  18. Rhywun

    Go home, George. You’re drunk.

    “I think there is a kind of informal mutual assistance operation or agreement developing between Trump and Facebook. Facebook will work together to re-elect Trump, and Trump will work to protect Facebook so that this situation cannot be changed and it makes me very concerned about the outcome for 2020.”

    • Jarflax

      And that person, Ladies and Gentleman, gets just as much of a vote as you do.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Facebook basically has only one guiding principle: maximize your profits irrespective of what harm it may do to the world,” Soros said Thursday.

      Talk about progjection.

      • Fourscore

        I’m saving the world, I’m recycling. At least there are no icky profits there.

    • Fourscore

      “I do not stand for homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, sexism, racism, classism, ableism, ageism, sizeism, imperialism, fascism, or any expression of hatred or oppression, conscious or unconscious, towards someone because of their race, gender expression, sexuality, nationality, income level, ability, age, size, or body type”

      Except for Trump, Repubs, Libs and any other people and things I don’t like but that’s the only exceptions.

      Lady comes with a lot of baggage, too much for a geezer to contend with. Could not and would not

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Somehow, she forgot “narcissism”.

    • AlmightyJB

      Not self-absorbed at all. I don’t know that I could put up with her long enough to “would”.

      • Spudalicious

        ^^This^^

  19. C. Anacreon

    Whenever I have heard Elton John sing “Someone save my life tonight, Sugar Bear,” I have always pictured that cartoon cereal-pitching bear in my head, perhaps with his arms wide open, ready to give sad Elton a big bear hug.

    I guess Elton John really appreciates being part of a complete breakfast and its supporting cast of animated characters.

    Oh, and Ronald McDonald has always been a live person in a clown outfit, not a cartoon, si that author is way out of line.

  20. westernsloper

    Uh Oh

    “Telizhenko said that while the meeting was touted as a quote prosecutor’s training program (Ingraham clears throat), much of the conversation revolved around the Bidens and Burisma and it wasn’t the Ukrainians who brought up the Bidens and Burisma.”

    • Fatty Bolger

      Telizhenko attended the secret January 19, 2016 meeting and his statement began: “I was told to work and cooperate with Mrs. Chalupa, a DNC operative, by Ambassador Chaliy
She asked for me to help her get dirt on Presidential candidate Donald Trump
I never coordinated any work with her or the DNC because
I did not support the unethical orders to work and assist one party.”

      He also provided a copy of the White House invitation and a “schedule of the meeting listing two names, one associated with the whistleblower whose name we blocked out, and Elizabeth Zentos, both from Obama’s NSC (National Security Council).”

      Ingraham continued, “Telizhenko said that while the meeting was touted as a quote prosecutor’s training program (Ingraham clears throat), much of the conversation revolved around the Bidens and Burisma and it wasn’t the Ukrainians who brought up the Bidens and Burisma.”

      “Telizhenko wrote: The representatives of the DOJ, U.S. Embassy in Kiev and NSC staff raised the question of the Burisma investigation, most of NSC staff were people from Biden’s team.”

      That’s quite an accusation. I’m sure the Democrats, and Biden in particular, will insist on the immediate release of the transcript and any other notes from this meeting.

      • Rhywun

        It’ll be funny when the Democrats try to trot out someone completely different to take the fall as the “whistleblower”.

  21. AlmightyJB

    White Claw tastes like seltzer water that has had dirty gym socks soaking in it all day. Actually worse than I remember Zima to be.

    • 61North

      I mean, it’s okay, but think about how many high school boys have felt up girls because of it.

  22. AlmightyJB

    Maybe we could have Lucky the Leprechaun shot by 007 while trying to plant a bomb for the IRA in UK Trump’s limo.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Rachel is so many things. And humble too. She says so.

    She’s a smugwump. Would not.

    *I just invented that word.

  24. RAHeinlein

    Read an article in The Guardian (one-sided journalism, I know, but they cover certain topics from a unique perspective). This message greeted me at the end of the piece:

    America faces an epic choice…

    … in the coming year, and the results will define the country for a generation. These are perilous times. Over the last three years, much of what the Guardian holds dear has been threatened – democracy, civility, truth. This US administration is establishing new norms of behaviour. Anger and cruelty disfigure public discourse and lying is commonplace. Truth is being chased away. But with your help we can continue to put it center stage.

    Rampant disinformation, partisan news sources and social media’s tsunami of fake news is no basis on which to inform the American public in 2020. The need for a robust, independent press has never been greater, and with your support we can continue to provide fact-based reporting that offers public scrutiny and oversight. You’ve read more than 21 articles in the last four months. Our journalism is free and open for all, but it’s made possible thanks to the support we receive from readers like you across America in all 50 states.

    “America is at a tipping point, finely balanced between truth and lies, hope and hate, civility and nastiness. Many vital aspects of American public life are in play – the Supreme Court, abortion rights, climate policy, wealth inequality, Big Tech and much more. The stakes could hardly be higher. As that choice nears, the Guardian, as it has done for 200 years, and with your continued support, will continue to argue for the values we hold dear – facts, science, diversity, equality and fairness.” – US editor, John Mulholland

    • Sensei

      The Guardian covers stories of abusive police and other civil rights issues that are commonly ignored by the media in the US.

      Mind you they seem to hate the Orange Man with the rest of the media.

      • Rhywun

        They are stone-cold communists. I will not give them the time of day except to laugh at them.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Yep – that load of horse shit is rich coming from The Grauniad, given that they publish so many egregiously un-self aware opinion pieces from TRUE BELIEVER prog othodoxy fanatics, and continue to publish long and poorly constructed word barfs from dyed-in-the-wool communists like Owen Jones, who is one of the slimiest, most dishonest people in “journalism”.

      • JD is Unemployed

        ps – it looks suspiciously like he has SmoleĂ©d himself recently, but I’m not touching that with a big, shitty stick.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Ugh – disclaimer for any progs and tankies that wander in – yes yes they can publish whatever they want – freedom of the press is absolutely sacred, but that doesn’t excuse them from hypocrisy.

  25. hayeksplosives

    Hi, everybody! I feel productive today after a week of malaise and illness.

    I committed to hooking up my fantabulous Pioneer A/V receiver to the built-in Bose speaker system embedded in the ceiling of my “new” house in California. House was built in 1975 but then renovated in what i’d guess were the late nineties with updated electrical stuff, including the Bose. Also hilariously sports the wired ethernet ports in the wall that were very quickly rendered obsolete by Wi-Fi.

    IT SOUNDS INCREDIBLE!!! Why did I wait so long???? I just played Mozart’s Masonic Funeral music through it, and it brought me to tears.

    • hayeksplosives

      Then I went outside and pulled a few weeds. In the process, I found buried in the flowerbed a bronze sundial in the shape of a lilypad with a frog on it.

      It is engraved “White Swan, 1936” on the bottom. But it lacks the “arm” or whatever you call the shadow casting bit. I am at a loss as to how to replace it, but I really want to. It’s a lovely combo of aged bronze and vertegre.

      Any hobbyists out there who can give me pointers? It looks like this one I found on eBay:

      https://www.ebay.com/itm/Vtg-Sundial-by-White-Swan-Frog-on-a-Lily-Pad-Never-Opened-Made-in-USA-/283596982477

      • Plinker762

        Superglue a pencil to it?

      • Spudalicious

        Larf.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I wonder if they were always cast from the same pattern, and if so even the ones cast in 1993 or more recently would have the “1936” on the bottom? There’s got to be someone “too local” to you that does hobby casting of bronze, brass, alumin(i)um, etc that could make a “thing that goes up” for it (unless California prohibits the owning and operation of home foundries because cancer/danger/reasons). It looks like it would need soldering in place, although you could drill a hole and put a straightish twig in there. It would probably work well enough.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      it brought me to tears

      Gay.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, well, I am a cockhound so….

        Also, it’s in my legal will to have Mozart’s Masonic Funeral March played at my funeral/memorial. Not that I can be around to complain if they don’t do it.

      • JD is Unemployed

        [Sometime later, at the funeral home]

        Part time weekend kid –
        Mr. Undertaker I’ve been going through the DCs and I-

        Undertaker –
        CDs.

        Part time weekend kid –
        Yeah OK, boomer. Well I’ve been going through the SEEEEE DEEEEES and I guess the closest things I found are like “The Imperial March” from some movie, or like, some weird guy with a non-electric guitar called Mason Williams, which sounds pretty masonaic, I guess.

        Undertaker –
        Masonic? Ok whatever, we have Mozart, right?

        Part time weekend kid –
        Mmm. What sort of art?

        Undertaker –
        It doesn’t matter. Just use the Star Wars one.

        [Later at the funeral, the score of Star Trek: The Motion Picture solemnly accompanies the coffin’s slow, dignified, mechanical transposition into the incinerator, as a woman in the pews sniffles tearfully, “this is beautiful, it’s perfect”, before Siri informs her what it is]

      • Jarflax

        Take my carcass out to the woods and feed me to the ravens. It is just meat. Then get drunk and have an orgy. Funerals are morbid.

      • Fourscore

        I told my wife to take me to the woods (when the big ‘A’ bites me), sit me on a stump and tell me, “Wait here, I’ll be back in a few days”.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ok, I’m going to drown myself in the Pacific now to prevent that from happening.

        Maybe I should file the CD with the will too.

        (But I did larf)

      • JD is Unemployed

        I’d suggest providing multiple formats, just to be sure.

      • Ted S.

        It could be worse: they could play “On Eagle’s Wings”.

    • Fatty Bolger

      “Also hilariously sports the wired ethernet ports in the wall that were very quickly rendered obsolete by Wi-Fi”

      That would be a big plus for me. Playing games or streaming 4K content over wi-fi sucks in comparison to a wired connection.

      • Sensei

        When we built a house about 5 years ago I ran CAT5e and RG6 to every room. I’d do it again tomorrow, but with CAT6.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Ditto, except I don’t games or stream 4k content, but ethernet port > wifi. Wifi is alright but if you’ve got something that doesn’t move around like a PC or a smart TV then git ‘er plugged in.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, having both is best.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        ^this…

      • Jarflax

        Yeah, fuck Wi-Fi, it is inferior in every respect, every place I move the first thing I do is run ethernet lines and ports.

      • hayeksplosives

        I confess to having “ripped” all my CDs to MP3 for portability, but I refuse to get rid of the CDs. If you do, you are losing data. Permanently.

        Keep the damned CDs, even if you don’t use them. If you have a good ear and a good sound system, you can tell a CD from an MP3 easily.

      • Sensei

        Storage is cheap now. RIP them to lossless FLAC or hi bit MP3.

        I spent many hours re-ripping all my CDs that I saved and ripped decades ago.

        Bonus- old CDs don’t suffer from the “loudness wars” issues that remasters of today do.

      • Ted S.

        You probably think vinyl is best of all and use gold connectors, don’t you?

      • Bob, Builder of things

        Gold connectors…. Bwahahahah!

      • Jarflax

        *gestures to orphan to polish monacle

        Gold is for peasants. Decent folk use Rhodium.

    • robc

      Obsolete? I made sure they existed in the house I built in 2016. Wired tvs is beyter than wireless.

      • hayeksplosives

        Less “hackable” too!!

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        I’m in the process of installing new wired ports for both my and the spousal unit’s offices. Why waste the bandwidth upgrade to fibre optic just to have your damn wiFi throttle the speed back again? The temporary wired connection I’ve made to the new tower PC is approximately three times as fast as our WiFi on its best day (and it’s a brand-new WiFi modem supplied by Telus).

        Ethernet/RJ45 connectors FTW!

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah. The shortcomings of WiFi aren’t noticed (or even encountered) by a lot of users.

        But, boy, do I feel the pain when I’m on VPN to work.

        I sometimes just say “screw it” and plug in directly to the router.

  26. Nephilium

    Alright, I know there’s some of you in NYC. Fess up, who registered an emotional support beer?

    • Tulip

      Needs a cozy with a vest printed on it.

    • JD is Unemployed

      The only legitimate argument that can be made against this is that all beer is emotional support beer.

  27. 61North

    PBrooks,

    Fritos are a much better fire starter than Cheetos. And much better tasting,

  28. Chafed

    You are a strong man MS. Drinking this crap was taking one for the team.

    • Nephilium

      Chafed… this is not a drill. B5 leaves Amazon Prime at the end of January.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Is it moving to another service?

      • Nephilium

        It’s moving to Comet TV. which appears to be a TV channel. Doesn’t appear that it will be streamable after leaving Prime.

        /checks his external HD with all five seasons and the movies.

      • Urthona

        long as they keep “the expanse”

      • hayeksplosives

        I have the boxed set of DVDs. They can pry It out of my cold dead hands.

        “Never start a fight, but always finish it.”— Captain Sheridan

      • Rhywun

        “Local TV channel 55.2”

        Erm… OK.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I hadn’t finished Andromeda, flawed though it is, and it looks like that’s gone for good, too. Oh well.

  29. Sensei

    My media player is pulling up all my old CDs that I ripped to FLAC.

    Any Level 42 fans?

    Lessons in Love

      • Sensei

        Level 42 puts its bassist front and center.

        Similar to Rush with apologies to Geddy Lee, Rush and the late great Neil Peart made me realize that drums could be played with something other than a syncopated 4 count.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Mike Portnoy wishes you’d look impressed with his big drum kit, and all the boring music he plays on it. Gene Krupa, though, is forever Gene Krupa.

        I never really got into much prog rock, but I do like Rush, mostly.

      • l0b0t

        You ain’t kiddin’, baby! Bonus for stupendously gorgeous Barbara Stanwyck. She later utters one of the movie’s best lines while complaining about her throat – “It’s as red as The Daily Worker and twice as sore!”

  30. Bob, Builder of things

    What sucks about Disc Golf? When the first Fairway and Tee pads are full of people playing a pickup game of foosball, we ain’t playin’ that hole, just putt out and go on….
    /First World Rant Off

    • The Hyperbole

      There’s a Foosball table in the first fairway? That’s my kinda park.

      • Bob, Builder of things

        no, otherwise I would have shot right over there heads….
        Don’t miss….

  31. Mojeaux

    Please save me from receipts. I am drowning in them.

    Taxes coming up and apparently a simple profit-loss statement wasn’t sufficient for the attorney so I have to re-do that part. Also, I vastly underestimated how much we spend on food.

    • Shirley Knott

      That is frighteningly easy to do.

  32. westernsloper

    Anybody have experience burning pinon vs other pine for heat? Been waiting all day for a wood guy to deliver and he said he was out of pine, but I could have the pinon for twice the price. He claims it burns twice as long, hotter and cleaner than other pine. If I wanted wood after waiting all day I guess I have to take his word for it. I invested in only 1/2 cord in case I have been conned. Late in the season I expect to pay premium prices since I am a procrastinator, but double was a bit much. Oh well, it’s only money and I am warm.

    • Jarflax

      Looks like it is better for heating, but nowhere near 2x.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, that is what my research showed as well. It is heavier than the pine I usually get but who can tell if it is all pinon and not mixed. Split, pine looks like pine, which looks like pine to most of us. It does seem to burn well.

    • R C Dean

      Nothing smells better than piñon, though. Worth a few bucks just for that.