Monday Afternoon Link – Little Farting Koalas edition

by | Jan 13, 2020 | Daily Links | 431 comments

Oscars Shut Out Women in Best Director Category Again

After a historic year for women directors, the Academy Awards have followed the regressive path established this awards season by the Golden Globes, SAG Awards and the BAFTAs by not nominating any women for best director.

Despite having been shut out in the run-up to the Oscars, “Little Women” director Greta Gerwig was still considered a frontrunner for an Oscar nomination, especially with the movie surpassing the box office milestone of $100 million worldwide. Lulu Wang, the director of “The Farewell,” was also thought to have a shot at a nomination.

But the Academy’s director’s branch thought otherwise.

“Little Women” received six nominations overall, including for best picture. Gerwig did receive a nomination for best adapted screenplay. John Cho and Issa Rae announced the nominations early Monday morning in Los Angeles, and after reading adapted screenplay, Rae commented, “Greta done slipped in there.”

Instead, the Academy went with all men, nominating Martin Scorsese for “The Irishman,” Quentin Tarantino for “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Bong Joon Ho for “Parasite,” Sam Mendes for “1917” and Todd Phillips for “Joker.”

“Congratulations to those men,” said Rae, after reading those nominations.

A movie about four white girls doesn’t tick many diversity boxes.


My Husband Farts All the Time and Now He’s Taught Our Daughter She Can Also Fart Anywhere and Everywhere, Oh God

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband is a human who farts a lot. I cannot stress enough how often and how loudly he farts. I’ve gotten used to it, but I grew up in one of those repressed households where girls (like myself) were supposed to feel shame and apologize for any passing of gas or burping.

Our daughter is 6 and thinks farting is hilarious. Who can blame her? She farts a lot and with no shame or remorse. She’s started to get teased in kindergarten for “having the stinkiest farts.” When she told us this last week, my husband counseled her to say “So what?” and then if the kid persists, lean in, sniff his breath, and tell him: “Yeah? Well your breath smells like poo.”

Most of me says: “Yes, stand up for yourself, Small Child. Don’t take any crap.” But the prude in me who gets so tired of the farts wonders if this is the best way to handle the situation. I want our daughter to feel comfortable in her body and trust that she is natural and fine, but I also know that being tagged as “the kid who farts all the time” could make elementary school even harder than it has to be. We teach her to chew with her mouth closed and not yell in people’s faces; surely fart management is part of the social contract?


Massive water main break floods Upper West Side, delays subways

A water main break turned several streets on the Upper West Side near Lincoln Center into rivers early Monday, flooding the basements of several buildings and shutting down subway lines.

The FDNY received a call around 5 a.m. about a leaking fire hydrant at 1881 Broadway, but officials realized the problem was far more severe due to the volume of calls about the flooding, a fire official said at a press conference.

What firefighters discovered was that a 3-foot-wide main broke at Broadway at 63rd Street, spewing water across a wide swath — flooding parking garages, the 1, 2 and 3 subways and a number of basements, said Vincent Sapienza, commissioner of the Department of Environmental Protection.

It took about three hours to finally stem the flow because shut-off valves are located in manholes, which were submerged, making them difficult to access, he said.


Reporter Tricked Into Wearing Armor to Hold ‘Vicious’ Koala

Debi Edward, a reporter for the British outlet ITV News, was tricked by Australian koala carers into wearing a full suit of protective body armor to handle a “drop bear”– a fictional “vicious” relative of the koala.

“So Deb’s gonna be holding a drop bear. She’s got the drop bear suit on,” declared the Australian cameraman, as Edward put on protective armor and gloves.

“They do go for the legs,” another man remarked, giving Edward a pair of heavy boots.

Image result for Debi Edward



Dem Deathwatch

A twofer considering that I missed Marianne dropping out. I was under the influence of a dark psychic force last Friday, so I missed her.

Cory Booker was never as interesting after Beto dropped out. They were such a matched pair–light ebony and tanned ivory, touching each other in such gentle harmony. I assume Booker no longer has any use for a beard, so Rosario Dawson is back on the job market.

The field is narrowing: Biden–riding the centrist and black vote–leads most Iowa and New Hampshire polls with a sad 20%; Warren, who turned hard left, tried to course-correct and now has the stink of the flip-flopper on her; Bernie, America’s Soviet Grandpa; Mayor Pete, popular with the centrists, but polling at 0% among black voters in North Carolina; and then, well, the rest… lingering like an old fart.

Despite all her trial balloons, Hillary might not even want to try and play the savior this time around. Maybe she thinks her enemies in the DNC deserve another four years of looking like idiots in this three-legged tard race that they are still managing to lose. Maybe she thinks 2024 won’t be too late, hoping for a sympathy boost after Bill succumbs to the multiple antibiotic-resistant STD blizzard raging on his privates. Maybe she’ll settle on grooming Chelsea for a House of Rep. run.

Bonus Link: Bernie Sanders told Elizabeth Warren in private 2018 meeting that a woman can’t win, sources say


Three words: HIGH ABUSE TOILET

600 ACORNS!!!

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

431 Comments

  1. invisible finger

    Forget about the vicious, the koala’s likely got chlamydia.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Beat me to it

      • gbob

        Me too, Nd I’ve been beating off Koalas all day.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      So, wouldn’t?

      • R C Dean

        Can’t catch it if you got it, amirite?

  2. AlexinCT

    Are we supposed to advice the people in these stories?

    • Florida Man

      Sure why not. Let the kid fart I say. What possible ramifications can there be for eschewing social norms?

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I once knew a small girl whose farts were supposedly so pungent that she had made friends vomit on several occasions. I was seriously impressed, as a sixteen year-old boy.

      • Florida Man

        Maybe she should eat more fiber…or less. I don’t how these things work.

      • Ted S.

        Hawt.

      • zwak

        And there is your target for ass-eating!

    • Plisade

      I’m glad I never caught wind of my kids doing such things in school.

      • C. Anacreon

        What a break.

    • Ted S.

      Dear Abby advice, or Zardoz advice?

      • AlexinCT

        YES!

    • Mojeaux

      So I went through a phase when I was around 20 where I thought it was funny to burp loudly. I didn’t do it much, just with my dude pals when we were goofing off. Once I yawned in front of my grandmother and accidentally let one rip. I thought it was funny, but she told me I was going to do that on a date some day when I didn’t want to.

      Sure enough, I did. I was on a date with Jeff Flake’s brother. Yes, THAT Jeff Flake. His brother. Oh, he was hawt.

      *sigh*

      • R C Dean

        Generally, yawning is enough to put a date on life support. The belch probably just pulled the plug.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, my bad. I wasn’t yawning. I think I laughed or chuckled or something.

      • C. Anacreon

        “I was thinking of your last name, Flake. And that made me think of corn flakes. And corn flakes always make me burp, so it must have been some Pavlovian thing. Sorry.”

      • Mojeaux

        He was hawt. *sigh*

      • leon

        That burp saved you from being Jeff Flakes Sister In-Law.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You got lucky

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yup. Don’t care how hawt he was or how great he was. If things had progressed you would now have Jeff Flake as your BIL. No cock, no matter how long or how girthy, is worth that shame.

      • Bobarian LMD

        And Jimbo is an expert on long and girthy.

      • Cy

        And shame…

  3. Count Potato

    “Instead, the Academy went with all men, nominating Martin Scorsese for “The Irishman,” Quentin Tarantino for “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Bong Joon Ho for “Parasite,” Sam Mendes for “1917” and Todd Phillips for “Joker.””

    I saw all of them, except 1917. I’m guessing Bong will get robbed.

    • Lackadaisical

      That good?

      Also, the Irishman sucked.

  4. Florida Man

    Maybe she’ll settle on grooming Chelsea for a House of Rep. run.-

    Send her to some sort of turd polishing school. Then Hil-dawg can pull the strings of power.

    • AlexinCT

      Her father, Janet Reno will likely object to her doing this to their daughter.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m not sure Zombie Reno has much to say about it these days.

      • Tonio

        [fingers Elder Sign talisman]

    • Pope Jimbo

      As long as some Clinton has an office to sell, then the Foundation will be able to continue raking in money.

    • The Last American Hero

      I’m calling it now. Biden nominates her as VP. He’s already flirting with a one term Presidency and she would raise money like a mother.

      • The Last American Hero

        Hrc not Chelsea

      • prolefeed

        I would think even an idiot like Biden would have enough survival instincts not to put HRC one death away from being president.

  5. Pope Jimbo

    The next generation of Glibs is making the news! Man are the cops pissed that they didn’t get to beat up someone and get called a hero.

    Alarmed drivers on a Northern California highway spotted a young girl Saturday evening in a vehicle holding up a handmade sign that read “Help me, she’s not my mom!! Help!!” California Highway Patrol officers say.

    After motorists on Highway 99 south of Elk Grove called 911, CHP officers and a K9 unit performed a high-risk stop on the vehicle near 8 Mile Road in Stockton, CHP officers wrote in a release.

    Then they discovered it was just a hoax cooked up by the girl, who “thought it was a fun thing to do,” CHP officers wrote. The girl’s mom, who was driving, was not in on the prank.

    • Mojeaux

      it was just a hoax cooked up by the girl, who “thought it was a fun thing to do,” CHP officers wrote. The girl’s mom, who was driving, was not in on the prank.

      “Here’s a duffle and $20. Don’t let the front door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

      • Florida Man

        She was just funning. No need to go nuclear.

      • Mojeaux

        Know what to do when the first bomb doesn’t get someone to surrender?

        Drop the second one.

      • Florida Man

        What comes aftee kicking them out? Releasing the hounds?

      • Mojeaux

        Not immediately getting in your car to go look for them.

        You wait until the next day.

      • Pope Jimbo

        When my daughter was 5 we were getting her and her baby brother ready to go out somewhere. Once we had the baby strapped in we looked around and couldn’t find her. After several searches of the house and some yelling in the back yard she hadn’t shown up. Frantically we drove down to the park to see if she had gone there. Nope. We were just about to start banging on neighbors’ doors to see if they had seen her when she climbed out from under the bench seat in the mini-van and said “surprise!”

        Classic example of wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time. Her explanation was she was “practicing how to hide”.

        Funny story now, but we spent a week or so with a 1000 yard stare.

      • leon

        Classic example of wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time. Her explanation was she was “practicing how to hide”.

        She was just getting ready for life in Trumps America.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That kid was a runner from the git go. You had to keep an eye on her or she would be gone.

        When she was four, she got bored on a shopping trip with my wife and sister in law at a local mall in Kobe, Japan so she lit out and walked back home. The mall was about 5 blocks away, so it wasn’t far, but the kid spoke no Japanese, had no ID on her and just decided it was time to go.

        I wasn’t there when it happened, but my wife still gets a haunted look on her face when someone brings that story up. (to be fair, at the time it was our only kid so if she had gone missing we didn’t even have a backup)

      • Gustave Lytton

        Language immersion at a young age is the way to go. Obviously a self starter.

      • Gadfly

        That kid was a runner from the git go. You had to keep an eye on her or she would be gone.

        This is why they make child leashes. Of course, then you may have learned that she was an escape-artist as well, so there are limits to what can be done.

      • Mojeaux

        Huh.

        I wrote a character who did almost that exact thing when she was 6, only in Paris.

      • zwak

        Yeah, I did that in ’70s downtown Philly. My parents were not amused.

        Almost as good as telling my mom I went to Belfast after HS graduation in the ’80s.

      • hayeksplosives

        She is going to ruin some men’s lives with false rape accusations someday.

      • Tres Cool

        Mattress Girl !

    • Gustave Lytton

      Then the mom got the CHP officer to put the kid in cuffs and take them to the station to teach her a lesson?

      • leon

        Nah man… She might have been mad, but even then i don’t think the mom wanted her daughter actually dead.

    • R C Dean

      What does the dog bring to the party?

      • Lachowsky

        probably cause to search. just in case

      • kinnath

        Watch the video people

      • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

        OK that was creepy, and funny…

      • Mojeaux

        Not to a mom whose kid would’ve done that if he’d thought of it. Not to be evil. To be funny.

      • C. Anacreon

        And that toddler grew up to be…
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        Kate Middleton.

      • Agent Cooper

        The kid looks like a young Parker Posey.

      • MikeS

        Oh wow.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I immediately thought of this when I read the headline.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I keep lots of happy photos of my kids with me at a wide variety of ages on my phone. Lots of people think any adult male with a little girl is a creep…

    • Count Potato

      Lucky they both didn’t get shot.

  6. grrizzly

    The race and gender of Oscar nominees is all that matters.

  7. Timeloose

    Lux Interior.

    • Count Potato

      They put on a good show.

      • B.P.

        Concur. Saw them several times back in the day.

    • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

      There’s a great cover and here in DFW called the Gorehounds. Awesome show, exactly as youd expect.

    • mrfamous

      Gone but not forgotten

  8. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    surely fart management is part of the social contract?

    You know who else thought gassing the public was part of the social contract?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      The people across the bench from Ozy?

      • Ozymandias

        +1 Motion to Dismiss

    • Plisade

      Drew Brees?

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Eric Swalwell?

      • R C Dean

        You almost gotta feel sorry for a guy whose bid to go to the next level was completely derailed by a fart.

      • Suthenboy

        Instead of his threat to nuke Americans. What does that say about the Dem party?

    • Tonio

      That Japanese cult that gassed the subway?

      • JD is Unemployed

        Aaaauuuuummmmmmm Shinrikyo?

    • MikeS

      Rosneft?

    • Tres Cool

      Sadam Hussein ?

    • C. Anacreon

      The Rat Pack?

  9. Count Potato

    “My husband is a human who farts a lot.”

    It’s Slate, so I guess mentioning he’s human was necessary.

    • AlexinCT

      One could mistake em for a AGW producing cow?

    • Gadfly

      Alternatively, “human” could have been an instance of showing that the husband is gender-neutral. The line could have been phrased as “my husband is a man who farts a lot” or even “my husband farts a lot”, but they decided to go with the most awkward phrasing.

  10. Gustave Lytton

    grooming Chelsea for a House of Rep. run

    That small? Might as well for NYC city council.

  11. A Leap at the Wheel

    I need to get one of those toilets, but it seems like if they are going to test out vegetables, they should have gone with corn.

    • Tonio

      That looks like a jail cell toilet they’ve tricked-out.

    • Tundra

      It’s impressive, but I guarantee a small child could plug it. For some reason, putting half a roll of tp down it is a problem…

      • B.P.

        I’m not sure that jamming a small child into the toilet would create an effective seal.

      • Sean

        Sounds like someone needs a research grant…

      • Pope Jimbo

        Crossing a small child and a toilet would result in some mutant seal? WTF? Where did you get you biology degree?

  12. R C Dean

    It took about three hours to finally stem the flow because shut-off valves are located in manholes, which were submerged,

    Who could have seen that coming?

  13. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    Hey, you didn’t cross out Corey Booker.

    • AlexinCT

      Spartacus was slain!

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        He says he’s not gay, but then he references the movie Spartacus and dates the only female celebrity whose jaw line is more pronounces than her bust. I’m sorry, but dude has to be honest with himself.

      • Count Potato

        She’s pretty.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Shut up, potato man

      • Count Potato

        Listen, she can be pretty, and he can be gay, at the same time.

      • bacon-magic

        That’s pretty gay.

      • Gadfly

        He says he’s not gay, but then he references the movie Spartacus…

        How’s this gay?

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Deval Patrick makes me believe that cloning is possible, but much like the movie “Multiplicity” taught us, the copies are significantly worse than the original

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Deval Patrick steps on what three rakes right out of the gate and he just keeps going. That’s impressive in it’s own way.

      • Drake

        I had no idea he was even running.

      • C. Anacreon

        Not a true clone, but shadow clone jutsu.

    • R C Dean

      Top row, fourth from the (heh) left.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        That’s Deval Patrick

      • R C Dean

        I thought he was second tier (snicker), far (hah!) right.

      • kinnath

        They all look the same to me.

      • hayeksplosives

        “The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Shouldn’t he be crucified on the road to Rome?

  14. Gustave Lytton

    Can’t wait for the “Yang Gang” to go away.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      And morph into a violent street gang

      • leon

        Look if we don’t get UBI roves of unemployed truckers are going to be going around and blowing up all our shipping fleet and stealing our shit.

    • RAHeinlein

      “and don’t worry seniors, that $1000 is on to of Social Security – making it the biggest increase in history!”

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      I saw a Yang supporter in real life for the first time this week. He was driving a F150 with an American Flag on a flagpole mounted in the trailer hitch and probably a dozen bumper stickers everywhere but in the bumper.

      • leon

        He was driving a F150 with an American Flag on a flagpole mounted in the trailer hitch and probably a dozen bumper stickers everywhere but in the bumper.

        So you saw my neighbors truck?

  15. Tonio

    “CHUD vomit”

    Greatest city the world has ever known, amirite?

    • peachy rex

      “Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the Pimps and C.H.U.D.s.”

    • Florida Man

      So, it’s a tampon with a needle? What about crazy exes using this for one last romp?

    • Count Potato

      Isn’t that from Snow Crash?

      • Chafed

        Very similar. I think the devise was called vagina dentata or something like that. It contained small hypodermic needle filled with some drug that would knock out an elephant, as I recall.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Theres something pretty similar on the market in S Africa for a few years now.

  16. R C Dean

    Maybe she thinks 2024 won’t be too late

    I hope that’s where her head is. Because 2024 will def be too late.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      The only way Romo could become a more popular color commentator would be if he beat the living shit out of Joe Buck

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Please start a GoFundMe.

      • MikeS

        I’ll contribute right now if we can add Collinsworth to Romo’s hit list.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Really? I like Romo and Collinsworth for the same reasons. They both sound like they are pretty damn happy to have been paid millions of dollars to play a children’s game, and then pretty damn happy to have been paid millions more to talk about it all day.

      • MikeS

        I don’t even know you rit now

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Romo knows the play before they’re at the line of scrimmage. That’s what I like about him. His experience as a quarterback has obviously given him good insight into commenting on the games.

        Joe Buck is useless on the whole

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        You don’t sit on the edge of your seat to hear Joe Buck Sonorousness Intonations? Sure, he doesn’t really care about football or what’s on the field, but if he see’s someone make a cultural faux pas you can be sure that he’ll spend a year talking about it

        And where would we be without that?

        Yeah, I’ll take Romo’s spergy ejaculations any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I heard a rumor he was told to stop with the play predictions but just can’t keep them down.

      • MikeS

        Joe Buck is useless on the whole.

        He’s very useful on the hole!

        /Troy Aikman

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Are you insane? Collingsworth?

      • Bobarian LMD

        This.

        Romo is probably the best since Facenda or Summerall or Dandy Don.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m with Prairie-breath. I’d pay to see Collinsworth beaten to a bloody pulp.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Huh. My response to Tony Romo is usually wishing that he’d shut up for a while.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I don’t even know you rit now

      • MikeS

        HyEx is not going to be happy with you.

      • hayeksplosives

        Not “unhappy”, simply uncomprehending…

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I’d feel the same way, except he really knows his stuff. Most commentators talk because they have to talk. Romo talks because he’s got something to say.

      • C. Anacreon

        “Romo is Mr. Ed?”

        (“He will yakkity-yak a streak and waste your time of day, but Mr. Ed will never speak, unless he’s got something to say!“)

      • Rhywun

        I’ll take the middle road on this one: he DOES blather a lot, if not as much as the likes of Collinsworth or Booger. But that’s part of the job.

    • Tundra

      I got spoiled years ago with Summerall and Madden.

      • Count Potato

        #metoo

      • Chafed

        Ding ding ding!

  17. Brochettaward

    Bonus Link: Bernie Sanders told Elizabeth Warren in private 2018 meeting that a woman can’t win, sources say

    Elizabeth Warren can’t win because even most women hate her. She makes Hillary look charismatic.

    • Brochettaward

      Also, the woke epicenters are always where you find the real discrimination.

    • Pope Jimbo

      It is impressive that the Dems have a bench so deep that they could find someone even more odious than Hillary to run in the very next election.

    • Lachowsky

      id still take her over hillary. She may have all the same horrible economic ideas, but at least she is not a murdering sociopath. probably.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        she is not a murdering sociopath. probably.

        I suspect that’s due to a lack of opportunity more than some core principle. Give her the power and she’ll start making all sorts of “difficult but necessary decisions”.

      • Mojeaux

        difficult but necessary decisions

        It won’t require murder murder. Just lots and lots of compassion and a sympathetic court. See: Charlie Gard

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      “The description of that meeting is based on the accounts of four people: two people Warren spoke with directly soon after the encounter, and two people familiar with the meeting.”

      So it’s basically a game of Chinese Whispers. Couldn’t they work in someone familiar with Sanders’ thinking?

      • R C Dean

        I assumed she had cutouts.

        This was a coordinated dump by her people. Of a confidential meeting. Nice.

  18. AlexinCT

    OT: Now this shit really shows you how showing your customer dissatisfaction could be problematic….

  19. Rebel Scum

    Thief who robbed four banks is FREED on New York’s no-bail policy – then knocks over another bank 24 hours after shouting ‘I can’t believe they let me out’

    A serial bank robber targeted four New York banks, was released under the city’s new law which requires no bail for holding suspects, only to strike a fifth financial institution, police claim.

    The suspect, Gerold Woodberry, 42, is alleged to have robbed banks in New York’s Midtown Manhattan, Harlem, West Village and the Upper West Side, since December 30, sources said.

    However, under the new ‘no bail’ law, he was released on Thursday.

    ‘I can’t believe they let me out,’ sources said he was overheard saying on the way out of the New York Police Department’s headquarters, reports the New York Post.

    ‘What were they thinking?’ he added, allegedly striking a fifth bank in Downtown Brooklyn on Friday, the sources told the Post.

    • Brochettaward

      I think my real question is why robbery is considered non-violent.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Everybody knows the insurance companies pay out and nobody actually loses any money.

        Victimless crime.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Same reason fare jumping isn’t theft.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Because he didn’t use a gun? He just walked in and said “I’m a Congressman, give me all your money!”

        I mean, you can’t lock people up who demand money based on some social contract. That would be anarchy.

      • leon

        Hitting a bank is a Federal Crime, so I’m a bit confused too.

        But most bank policies are to hand over the money, so if you did it without a gun, maybe its not violent.

        Also i was sure that this was a Babylon Bee article.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meanwhile, the guy selling loosies was confined to solitary until his trial.

      • Ted S.

        I thought he was choked to death.

      • Spudalicious

        He died from an asthma attack.

    • wdalasio

      I honestly think the No Bail law was a variation of the “Benedict Arnold statue versus the Playground” ploy by the NY Democrats. A moderate revision of existing law could have cleaned out the genuine unfair hardship cases. But, that would have had virtually no opposition and wouldn’t put the government in the role of protector of the poor and downtrodden from the outraged middle class.

    • MikeS

      I thought bank robbery was a federal crime? Wouldn’t they have a different detention facility? Or at least need to sign off on release, bail or not?

      • Tonio

        ^This.

    • Rhywun

      The new law, designed to reduce jail overcrowding

      Bullshit. It was designed to appeal to the collectivism crowd, because too many of the wrong sorts of people were winding up in jail. They talk about this openly.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, I’ve literally never heard it pitched as a way to reduce overcrowding.

      • Rhywun

        Crime is down like 80% over the early nineties peak. The idea that the jails are full is preposterous. Rikers is half empty.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      “Truth, Justice, and Straight-Up Murder Without Consequence”

      Fuck you, Superman.

      • Shirley Knott

        Who does he think he is, Obama?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Wow. What year was that animated in? That looks like cell-shading with the camera rotations, but it looks too old to be computer generated.

      • Chipwooder

        Looks like it says 1980 in the credit at the end

    • leon

      I love how bad the catch phrase is:

      “Never say yes to a cigarette”

      Kids just hear: “say yes to a cigarette”

      • Agent Cooper

        Love Trumps Hate.

        is

        (You) love Trump’s hate.

    • Count Potato

      He’s an illegal alien.

  20. Rebel Scum

    Oh, well, we wouldn’t want that.

    Schiff said, “It would convert the Senate trial into the same kind of a sham proceeding that the president sought to have Ukraine undertake. There’s been no factual basis for these allegations against Joe Biden. No factual basis that Ukraine, not Russia, interfered in the 2016 election. That is a Russian propaganda talking point. To ask the Senate to do these investigations that the president fraudulently sought to get Ukraine to conduct would merely turn the Senate trial on its head. Now, that’s something that the president would love, but that’s not a fair trial. That’s a sham trial. I think what the senators ought to do is take their oath to be impartial seriously and make this a serious and fair trial, fair to the president, yes, but also fair to the American people.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “That is a Russian propaganda talking point.”

      Translated: “I’m lying”

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Adam Schiff said that he saw evidence proving some elaborate Russian and Trump campaign coordination to do…something (no one was ever clear what exactly the allegation was). Yet, we’re still suppose to pretend like he’s not insane. That’s cute.

      • Brochettaward

        Calling him insane is insulting to the insane who can’t help their delusions. He’s just a mendacious cunt.

    • Ted S.

      And here I thought they impeached Trump because of that phone call with the Ukrainian leader where he was alleged to have done the very thing Biden has admitted doing publicly.

    • leon

      but that’s not a fair trial. That’s a sham trial

      These people can fuck off with this rhetoric. I said it this morning and i’ll say it again. Fair trials are about concerns for protecting the innocent. IF Trump’s claims are so outlandish and false then making them won’t help his case. If your case to prosecute them is so poor that it cant stand a defense then you can fuck off.

      • C. Anacreon

        The local morning news had some other Dem congressman saying “the Democrats want a fair trial. McConnell wants a cover-up. So our choices are either a fair trial or a cover-up.”

        I’m wondering if JournOlist 2.0 has already spread the word that any impeachment hearing not run by Nancy is to be called by all Democrat spokespersons as “a cover-up”. Will have to check tonight’s newscasts.

    • Pope Jimbo

      In a rational universe, anything that Schiff says (given his track record) would be instantly discounted as a huge lie.

      How many times has he assured everyone that he’s seen super secret evidence that totes proves Trump steals babies from their cribs at night and eats them? When he starts up like this, the reporters should turn their backs on him and raise his Russian Collusion memo (the anti-Nunes memo) in the air in silent protest.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      “No factual basis that Ukraine, not Russia, interfered in the 2016 election.”

      The Dems keep pushing the Ukraine, not Russia meme, and the media keep letting them get away with it. Meanwhile, I’ve never heard Ukraine not Russia from the Repubs, only Ukraine AND Russia. Why is that so hard to understand?

    • Agent Cooper

      There are zero consequences for being an insane elected official in a safe district.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The poor Pali victims of the cycle of oppression. No agency for their situation.

      • hayeksplosives

        How the hell is banning a food item being MORE inclusive.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        ALL ARE WELCOME NOW GET OUT

      • Suthenboy

        Freedom is slavery Hayek.

    • Chafed

      Let’s give some credit to the college’s administration. They rejected the ban.

  21. Brochettaward

    Lefties have this fascination with Aaron Hernandez that won’t die. It fits their attempts to attack football too well, especially since he was so gay and all. It can’t simply be that he was a wannabe thug. Football culture and CTE have to be responsible!

    The hysterical science around CTE seems just a cunt hair more credible than global warming.

    • Mojeaux

      Whether the CTE research is or is not credible, my sticking point is this:

      Football is a violent game. You know that before you ever put on pads and a helmet. You work and sweat and pay for the privilege of getting your head bashed in. Then, you get to college where, if you’re lucky, you get some filthy lucre, but at least you get a shot at the NFL. Then, if you get your slot in the NFL, you are paid a bazillion dollars to play.

      You aren’t being paid to play. You’re being paid retirement for when you can no longer play because your body gave out. Because football is a violent sport. Which you knew all along.

      YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE HERE SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY THE FUCKING GAME.

  22. Pope Jimbo

    Note to male Glibs: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

    Make sure to spring for all the bells and whistles models, including PantyMap®. That is how you let the little lady know you really care.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Is this “Jimbo Circumvents The Office Web Filter” day?

      • Pope Jimbo

        LOL. It is “Jimbo’s team is having their priorities reset today and Jimbo might as well go back in time and look at old Cruel.com links” day.

        Seriously, it is amazing how much crazier the web was back in 2005 or so. Rubes everywhere with crazy idea after crazy idea. And it wasn’t like everyone was a credulous moron who believed in them. They flamed a ton of the crazier ones, but they flamed them for being crazy. Not for misusing pronouns or not offering spike filled tampons for men with vaginas.

        And no one seemed terrified of the internet mob. No one was couching all their opinions in ways to protect themselves from being the next victim of the social justice guillotine.

      • Tundra

        That’s because there wasn’t a mob. Just weirdos.

        It was fun!

    • Brochettaward

      My go-to gift is always a vacuum cleaner.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Would dude’s daughter

    • mrfamous

      Black 14th. I’m 1 for 47 so far on Valentine’s Day dates, and it looks for all the world like 1 for 48,

    • whiz

      Darnit, I was hoping that one was true.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      I’d pitch in to a GoFundMe to make those t-shirts and distribute them to the Congressmen who voted for impeachment. Heck, I’d hand deliver it to Swalwell’s office.

  23. mexican sharpshooter

    I must have that toilet.

    • Gadfly

      More importantly, all public restrooms must have that toilet.

  24. Lachowsky

    http://imgur.com/gallery/30XnKB0

    This is what my desk looked like this morning. I think my guys are trying to tell me something.

    • Sean

      Not exactly subtle, eh?

    • Tundra

      Correct the grammar and spelling and return them…

      on the new forklift.

      • Brochettaward

        You’d be rewarding them for the time lost making sticky notes by doing that. Write-ups.

    • Ted S.

      I would have guessed a bunch of drawings of a dick and balls.

    • Ted S.

      They all look like the same handwriting.

    • leon

      Looks like they need more sticky notes.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Beats week old roadkill.

    • Count Potato

      How do you keep your desk so clean?

      • Count Potato

        I’m still surprised those things are legal.

      • R C Dean

        If my effing bonus hadn’t got hosed when our metrics fell apart at the end of the year, I’d be seriously looking at getting one of those instead of another gun. They’ll even sell you the additive for napalm.

        I was talking to somebody about mass shootings, and pointing out that, really, rifles aren’t the best tool for the job. I pulled up that website and showed them.

      • Lachowsky

        I throw away important shit that i will need later on a regular basis.

      • Jarflax

        With a forklift, duh.

  25. Gadfly

    …but I also know that being tagged as “the kid who farts all the time” could make elementary school even harder than it has to be.

    Not only elementary school, but all of life. Not many people will put up with a constant farter unless they are otherwise really likeable, so you best commit to that being your only personal flaw.

    • Spudalicious

      You’ve obviously not spent much time in a firehouse.

      • Gadfly

        I have not, but I did qualify my statement so I get to weasel out of this.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        All that chili…

  26. whiz

    Re: Booker dropping out. We just had a door-knocker last night from his campaign wondering who my wife was supporting in the caucuses.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      I’m strongly considering going to the Dem caucus this year and voting Tulsi.

      • Tundra

        Wear this.

        Two things the proggies hate on one shirt.

      • R C Dean

        I’ll be disappointed if the Apologist doesn’t already have one.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        >available in 3XL

        They know their audience.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’d consider it too, but she’s a socialist. How do you square socialism and freedom together?

      • Suthenboy

        It cannot be. Mandatory participation is one of the cornerstones of socialism.

      • Fatty Bolger

        You can’t, they are mutually exclusive. That’s my issue with her, too. There are so many real-life examples, how can she not see it?

      • Suthenboy

        My understanding is that Tulsi is a gun-grabber. I don’t care how good her foreign policy, or any other policy position is, gun-grabbing is a deal breaker for me. Jesus Christ could run and I wouldn’t vote for him if he is a gun-grabber.

      • R C Dean

        She’s pretty much an off the shelf proggy, with a few exceptions. She signed onto the Green New Deal, wants to give illegals free healthcare, is pro-gun control. You know, the usual.

        Probably the best of a bad lot, I’ll give her that.

      • Tundra

        What if Jesus was a Glock guy? Would you vote for him anyway?

      • Suthenboy

        Glock? I dunno….
        Now if he is a 1911 guy I wouldn’t hesitate to vote for him.

      • Tundra

        I knew it!

  27. Gadfly

    They were such a matched pair–light ebony and tanned ivory, touching each other in such gentle harmony.

    There’s a film about this somewhere out there, isn’t there?

  28. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    https://twitter.com/SparkleMeghan/status/1215534400181620742

    “I have ensured there are no single-use plastics on my private jet back to Canada this morning.

    ✈️

    What are you doing to save the environment?

    #Megxit #MeghanAndHarry #meganandharry #HarryandMeghan”

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      It’s funny, until you realize that she probably actually thinks this way.

      Canada is going to implode when Megan and Trudeau meet and have a free style woke-off

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        *glances nervously at world’s longest unsecured border*

      • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

        The Blackface Nazis!
        Together at last!
        On tour in 2020!

      • grrizzly

        I think it’s a parody account: there’s no blue check mark.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I know it’s parody

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Trudeau: My pronouns are “he” and “him”

        Megan: I don’t believe in pronouns, because I don’t think it’s necessary to gender people in conversation. I always default to “they”

        Trudeau: *rolls up sleeves* I’m trying to pass a law to force all public schools to carry free tampons in their restrooms

        Megan: I’m working to educate young boys about how to use tampons, because some men have periods

        Trudeau: *Wipes sweat from forehead* I’m going to end thousands of good paying energy jobs, because Gaia can’t wait

        Megan: I’m funding a solar powered re-education camp to transition those energy workers into death. Because too many people endangers the environment

        Trudeau: I had sex with a gay man in college, because I don’t see genitals

        Megan: I’m married to a woman

        Trudeau: *turns away and whispers under his breath* bitch

      • hayeksplosives

        This nearly killed me.

        Well played.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Need this trending on Twitter. I suggest @redsteeze

      • Rhywun

        Have some delusion from a Meghan fan.

        Their most fervent wish, after all, is to break free of their financial dependence on the British taxpayer, to find some sense of normalcy in North America for themselves and their baby son, Archie, and to unshackle their minds and bodies from the torments of royal life.

        LOL I guess hawking knick-knacks is a sort of financial independence. I hope the cost of their security details are subtracted from their profits.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Leaving the royal family to profit off of the fame you’ve received by being a member of the royal family is not admirable or brave. It’s a silly gimmick.

      • Gustave Lytton

        What security detail?…

      • Gustave Lytton

        I know. Just having a little fantasy that M & H wake up in the morning and find the guard shacks empty with a business card for a private security firm left behind.

      • hayeksplosives

        I love the fact that when she handles cash in Canada she’ll have to see the Queen’s face on every bill.

      • mikey

        Handle cash? Are you kidding?
        She has people for that.

    • Tundra

      Excellent.

      KiwiKate??
      @kiwikate2
      ·

      Replying to
      @SparkleMeghan

      Did you just throw them out onto the tarmac??

      Moaning Markle
      @SparkleMeghan
      ·
      Jan 10
      I’ll ask The Help

      LOL!

  29. Chipwooder

    The myth of St. Nelson Mandela gets a bit of much-deserved puncturing.

    • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

      I knew the ANC were commies from way back in the 70’s, this is not a new thing,

    • Drake

      He was the least bad alternative – shows how desperate the South African government was to find any sane Black politicans.

    • Brochettaward

      There’s no accounting for taste, but one wonders if Barack Obama would have said that if he’d known his hero batted for the opposition during the Cold War.

      Oh, the naivety.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Martin Scorcese sucks. S-U-X. He should be buried under a pile of dead pigs for that masturbatory excrescence Gangs of New York.

    • Agent Cooper

      Tell us how you really feel.

    • LCDR_Fish

      That was a fun flick.

  31. B.P.

    Pew Trusts discovers that interstate migration may be affecting politics.

    https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/blogs/stateline/2020/01/13/texas-south-face-political-changes-as-movers-arrive

    “Texas, Arizona and parts of the South are seeing the nation’s largest population bumps — and the people moving there from more liberal states may be feeding political change in those red-state conservative bastions. As people from California and New York discover the South and Southwest, they’re finding friendly people and lower costs but aren’t sure how they’ll fit in politically. “Politics is something I’ve learned not to discuss with the locals,” said Mimi O’Brien Reese, who moved from the New York City suburbs to Oak Island, North Carolina, in 2017. “It’s not my job to change the world so I just let it be. Where I live has a lot of transplants from New York, New Jersey and Connecticut, so I don’t feel out of place.” There’s dispute over whether the newcomers will change state politics in the South, as they may have in North Carolina, which elected a Democratic governor in 2016, or are “leftugees” fleeing liberal policies who will embrace conservatism.”

    • Chipwooder

      Fucking locusts. Ruining their own states, then coming here to ruin ours.

      • Winston

        I thought immigration was supposed to make us all libertarian thanks to the magic American dirt?

      • Winston

        Conversely Beijing and Shanghai dirt isn’t magic and people moving there will become libertarian.

      • tarran

        I thought immigration was supposed to make us all libertarian thanks to the magic American dirt?

        For me, it was the experience of how much more wonderful life was in a free country as compared to a fascist one.

        But I guess people who don’t really believe that people can be persuaded think of the process as magic dirt. 🙄

      • Brochettaward

        *throws rotten cabbage at Tarran’s head*

        GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FRROM!

      • Winston

        For me, it was the experience of how much more wonderful life was in a free country as compared to a fascist one.

        Well I was being snarky but the issue is that: is your experience universal? Does everyone who emigrates from their country or state or town or whatnot think that their native land has faults and their new home is better and do they realize that the faults of their native lands were due to its unlibertarianness and the benefits of their new home is due to its libertarianness and that that libertarianness should remain and should become even more libertarian?

      • Winston

        And if these immigrants are libertarian then will their descendants still be? And before you say anything I have these exact same concerns about the “natives” too.

      • tarran

        I would think the answer is really obvious.

        is your experience universal?

        No. Of course not. Some people don’t like freedom. It’s messy. It’s scary. They get burned by bad decisions etc.

        Does everyone who emigrates from their country or state or town or whatnot think that their native land has faults and their new home is better and do they realize that the faults of their native lands were due to its unlibertarianness and the benefits of their new home is due to its libertarianness and that that libertarianness should remain and should become even more libertarian?

        No, being human, they are just as prone to being fearful, or ignorant, or misguided as any kid who grew up in the U.S. who embraces Bernie Sanders.

        And if these immigrants are libertarian then will their descendants still be?

        Not unless someone actively and successfully educates those later generations on the blessings of liberty.

        At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Winston, you just can’t sit there and hope that people come to see things our way; you have to actively convince them. Many of your criticisms of Classical Liberals of the past and present appears to me to boil down to your unhappiness that utopia didn’t just happen inevitably. It’s not inevitable. The culture of freedom has to be cultivated and when it isn’t becomes overgrown with the weeds of collectivism.

        Often you quote articles by the people you are criticizing, and it’s pretty clear that their point sailed completely over your head. I have formed the opinion that rather than trying to learn from them, you are just engaging in knee-jerk sneering. A great case in point is that article about Alexander Hamilton you were sniffing at.

      • Winston

        At the risk of sounding like a broken record

        Thank goodness no one accuses me of doing that! 😉

        Many of your criticisms of Classical Liberals of the past and present appears to me to boil down to your unhappiness that utopia didn’t just happen inevitably. It’s not inevitable. The culture of freedom has to be cultivated and when it isn’t becomes overgrown with the weeds of collectivism.

        Actually my critique is more that many of the classical liberals of the past and present were and are very guilty of thinking that freedom is inevitable.

        Cities were supposed to be bastions of liberalism since they were free of aristocracy, connected to trade routes, places were new technology was being created, locations of modern factories and less influenced by Catholicism. However it turns out urbanites can be statists too. Herbert Spencer in 1884 pointed out that the large cities were and still bastions of Whigs yet he was complaining about the state of liberalism.

        Immigrants would emigrate from unfree areas and immigrate to free areas and immigrants from free areas would emigrate to unfree areas and learn the glories of freedom and support classical liberal policies. Sounds nice in theory but how does that work in practice?

        Foreign travel and trade was supposed to teach us the errors of border controls and trade barriers and therefore embrace freedom. However some people it turns out embrace statism after foreign travel and using foreign goods.

        The Public Schools and the universities were supposed to each everyone (including immigrants) the glories of freedom. We all see how well that attitude turned out.

      • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

        Off, Fuck, You

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      That’s funny. I’m a fourth generation Californian, and I don’t like talking politics with the raving progressive carpetbaggers who come here from other states either.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    It took about three hours to finally stem the flow because shut-off valves are located in manholes, which were submerged, making them difficult to access, he said.

    You can’t just let any old dope with a snorkel go down there. You’ve got to get one who’s union certified.

    • LCDR_Fish

      TBF – January in NYC sewage probably commands a premium.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    It’s not my job to change the world so I just let it be.

    Give that girl a cookie.

    • Brochettaward

      She’s still voting blue.

  34. R C Dean

    Warren proves how trustworthy she is.

    Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont told Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts that he didn’t believe a woman could be president, according to several media reports.

    Sanders made the comment to Warren in a closed-door meeting between the two of them in December 2018, CNN, which first broke the story, reported.

    CNN’s reporting was later confirmed by The New York Times and BuzzFeed News.

    Closed door meeting between the two of them. Then, somehow, CNN, NYT, and Buzzfeed all have independent accounts of the meeting. Gee, who could that have come from?

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      She’s got the bitch vote all wrapped up

    • Brochettaward

      Look, the reporting was confirmed by Buzzfeed. CONFIRMED. You can’t question it.

  35. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    Canada is going to have both Megan Markle and Justin Trudeau in the same country. In case you thought that Canada couldn’t get any more insufferable.

    • Winston

      They can have lovely blackface parties. Of course the Liberals are crypto-republicans so that will be interesting.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And in BC.

      • hayeksplosives

        No coincidence that BC is the seat of Canadian film and television making.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Will she appear in a Lifetime movie or (reappear in) a syndicated cable series first?

      • hayeksplosives

        Looks like she’s making a deal with Disney to do voice work.

        And no, I’m not making that up.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I saw that. If I buttonholed someone to give my wife a job, she wouldn’t be very happy with me regardless of my good intentions.

  36. Winston

    The Fourth version of Little Women to get Oscars noms needed more because we need more original films. Also what quota of white women, black women, black men, Asian men, Asian women and women, blacks and Asians as a whole need to have to be progressive?

    • AlmightyJB

      Happens to everybody.

    • AlmightyJB

      1, 4, 17, 24, 26, 27, 33, 35.

    • Spudalicious

      There’s a lot to chose from in there.

      • Tundra

        2 wins.

        39 places.

        25 shows.

  37. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/eulogy-for-neil-peart-champion-of-freedom/

    Driving and travel serve as metaphors for liberty and individualism throughout his writing

    But didn’t his travels to Africa convince him of the need for more government and state-owned healthcare?

    And what about all those people who visited the USSR, Cuba, Chiba and became convinced of the glories of Communism? Or John Rushkin and Pol Pot?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I don’t really give a flying fuck what his politics were, he was a hell of a drummer whose music I like and that’s all that matters.

      • The Last American Hero

        Seconded. Not even his false equivalency of Sunday Churchgoers and fanatical Muslim terrorists could turn me off from his music.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Chiba

      Everyone shits on Chiba. So far from God, so close to Tokyo.

      • Winston

        Shitty Wok!

  38. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Well I’ll be dipped, there does seem to be a black person left to try and get the Dem nomination. Who the hell is he though?

    • Winston

      Deval Patrick?

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Yes. Duval. Featherweight.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        *snort*

        “0%”

      • C. Anacreon

        Are we not men?

        We are Deval.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Sadly, he pronounces it like Robert Duvall’s last name.

    • AlmightyJB

      I’m sure the media will refer to him as Blacky McBlackBlack.

    • R C Dean

      The Hillary pic with “loading” always gets a chuckle.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        She’s still got time and I’m confident she’ll step in to try to save the nation (and get revenge on the cocksuckers that rejected her the first time, mostly get revenge actually).

      • Rhywun

        And it’s at around 50% now. LOL

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Won’t be any unintended consequences to that law, nosiree.

    • C. Anacreon

      Wow, then California can be just like some Southeast Asia countries I toured about 30 years ago, where we would be the only people in the restaurant and about a dozen young guys all standing around hoping to do something for us. Because if you have to pay for them anyway, might as well have your excess employees that day onsite.

      • Rhywun

        Saw the same in China. It was disconcerting.

      • B.P.

        “They’d also earn wages for “on-call” shifts, when employees are required to be available without the promise of getting called into work.”

        I envision on-call status being eliminated, resulting in either: (1) Those who happen to be at the workplace being required to stay for another shift, resulting in tired, overworked staff; or (2) As you say, those who would have been on-call being required to come to work and expected to do something productive while there. So, trained nurses cleaning baseboards, ordering office supplies, etc.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Unintended consequences are a drag aren’t they?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Lovely how everything has to be filtered through the lens of race and ethnicity.

    • Suthenboy

      If I were running a business I know I would want a gaggle of half-wits with no business experience telling me how to run that business. I mean, how can you lose?

    • Agent Cooper

      The Two Jareds!

  39. wdalasio

    Leaving the royal family to profit off of the fame you’ve received by being a member of the royal family is not admirable or brave. It’s a silly gimmick.

    I’d go further than “silly gimmick”. It’s downright douchey.

    I’m a republican and don’t approve of even constitutional monarchies (although I can see the logic of having a non-political head of state separate from the head of government). But, I expect and somewhat hope that QEII gives H&M a royal smackdown. From what I’m to understand, they’d proposed the whole “stepping back” thing and QEII insisted they not go public with their plan while the crown tried to figure out how to manage it. Harry pretty much blew off the demand from his grandmother and gave his father and brother all of ten minutes notice that he was doing so. And it’s pretty much common knowledge that they’re looking for avenues to monetize the status they derive from Harry’s membership in the family he’s blowing off.

    Being a Windsor has been pretty damned good to Harry. He’s got one of the best gigs you could imagine out of it. But, hey, I understand if he doesn’t want that life. But, to try to leach off the status you get out of that while prattling about “being your own man” and giving a giant f**k you to the family you derive all of that from makes you a pretty crappy person.

    • B.P.

      He needs to get a multi-million-dollar gig sitting on the board of a foreign oil and gas company, like a commoner.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Eh. They want to earn their own living, and not spend all of their “working” time waving to crowds at parades. I can respect that.

      • Rhywun

        If I believed for a moment that they were actually going to be on their own – and not profit off their stripped titles – I’d say sure, go for it.

        I don’t believe that.

    • Spudalicious

      Britain brings in way more tourist dollars because of the royal family than they pay to the royal family.

      • Tundra

        They got plenty of mine.

        I actually enjoyed the tours. I have no interest in a monarchy, but I would absolutely have cocktails with Liz and Phil.

      • hayeksplosives

        I thoroughly enjoyed visiting the Tower and viewing the Crown Jewels, the pageantry, etc.

        I’ve heard the “tourism pays for itself.” I believe it to be true, or at least plausible.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Then there’s the centuries old bargain that in exchange for turning over their property to the state, the state would hand out an allowance.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The Queen is publicly supporting him after the royal conference call. But who knows what’s going on behind the scenes.

      If those two are still married in 10 years without credible affairs by one or both, I’ll be very surprised.

      • wdalasio

        But who knows what’s going on behind the scenes.

        Oh, I can take a guess.

      • hayeksplosives

        It is no secret that Phillip was livid that Diana was dating a Muslim man whom he called an “oily bed hopper.”

        He might not have planned the tunnel crash, but I reckon he was pretty relieved at the news.

      • Spudalicious

        “Oily bed hopper” is some creative bigotry.

      • Mojeaux

        Naw, that was an assassination.

        I used to be not such a conspiracy nut, but at this point, I can believe anything. Diana was not only off the reservation, she was sleeping with the enemy.

        Whether I liked her or not, whether I thought she was good/bad/indifferent, she was a real national security risk.

      • hayeksplosives

        The NSA thought so too. Their files on Diana remain Top Secret. They claim that she wasn’t the target of surveillance, which is either a lie or implies that they were surveilling Dodi Fayed.

      • Ted S.

        Perhaps 9f the drunken cunte had been wearing her seat belt she might still be alive.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yup. Doesn’t help that her driver was DUI either.

      • Ted S.

        It always irritated me how so-called “polite society” ignored thus so they could have their Hate Week against the trashy paparazzi.

      • Mojeaux

        It would not have mattered in the least bit. If they didn’t kill her then, they would have found another way.

      • hayeksplosives

        Mojo, if you’re wanting to sniff out conspiracy truffles, look at this Wiki link, particularly the “analysis of the tape” section.

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squidgygate

      • Drake

        She had one job – be faithful to her husband, bear him legitimate children, act royal. She failed completely.

      • MikeS

        Can’t tell if sarcasm…

      • Mojeaux

        Not kidding. That is a noblewoman’s job and she is trained from birth to do it.

        I’ll lay money that marriage was arranged when she was still a girl.

        IF Harry is Charlie’s kid (don’t think so), then after she bore the heir and the spare, she could go do what she wanted to do but she was to be DISCREET about it.

        The problems start when she’s unfaithful before she got the spare birthed.

      • Winston

        I think he is making a reference to the rumors that Harry is not Charles’ son. But William would still be a legitimate child….

      • Winston

        Eh Aristocratic women cheating on their husbands is nothing new you know?

      • MikeS

        I’m not sure about the “failed miserably” part.

        a. She was being cheated on practically from day one of the marriage if I understand correctly
        b. she did bear him legitimate heirs
        c. I guess I thought she did this, too. At least while married to that dipshit.

        It’s my understanding that she didn’t start the affair with the guy who some people think is Harry’s dad until after he was born…

      • Mojeaux

        Aristocratic women are not allowed to run wild until AFTER the heir and the spare are born.

        What Charles did is irrelevant. His role in the whole thing is just to be the heir apparent. Noblemen are given wide latitude as to behavior even if they are also given the side-eye for it.

        I know that the affair with the guy who is supposedly Harry’s dad supposedly started after he was born, but I don’t believe that.

      • MikeS

        You know, him not being Chuck’s kid could explain a lot of this. Maybe he finally found definitive proof (DNA) that he isn’t a royal and he wants out as quietly as possible. If so, expect MM to put out a tell-all the day after she serves divorce papers in 2-5 years.

      • MikeS

        Fine. That’s one out of three.

      • Mojeaux

        I give H&M 8 years.

        She must have a magic hoo-hoo to have been able to so completely emasculate a kid who used to be a bit of a wild child.

      • MikeS

        Yeah. I had higher hopes for the kid. He’s a combat vet helicopter pilot, but some tart comes along and he turns into a kept man.

    • hayeksplosives

      Tough for Harry to be his own man when his balls are kept in Wallis, er, Meghan’s purse.

      • Drake

        Weird how he seemed totally red-pilled in his 20s and blue-pilled in his 30s. The opposite of most men.

    • hayeksplosives

      Serious question: if a total disaster befell the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and their whole family was wiped out, does Harry become next in line, or has he essentially abdicated?

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s why the question off whether his “stepping back” counts as abdication of his place in line.

        Fortunately the Cambridges have good security. I don’t think the Brits would welcome Harry back with open arms.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Renouncing his claim. And so far, I don’t think he’s done that or give his titles. Give MM a couple of months.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      I assume it’s all a big publicity charade for season 10 of The Crown.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was just wondering if their viewership has taken a sharp uptick.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Whatever.

      Inbred welfare recipient wants to try to get off the dole. Not gonna fault him for that.

      Just don’t be preachy.

    • Tulip

      I still think the funniest description of the marriage announcement is: successful actress marries unemployed former soldier currently doing volunteer work.

    • Gustave Lytton

      China has been running pro-Taiwan advertising in Hong Kong for the past six months.

      • peachy rex

        Xi could hardly have made reunification seem less appealing.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Oh, bother!

  40. Charles Easterly

    (Mostly to” Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”):

    “What is the left’s problem with Tulsi Gabbard?”

    • Gustave Lytton

      Based her positions on principles not opportunism and calls out hypocrites in her own party.

      • hayeksplosives

        She’s not sufficiently war-mongery for the Statists.

      • R C Dean

        Based her positions on principles not opportunism

        Principled Big-Govvers make me even more nervous than opportunistic ones.

      • Tundra

        Anyone who wants me disarmed makes me nervous.

      • Suthenboy

        Oh, why is that? Are you mentally ill?

      • hayeksplosives

        RED FLAG ALERT!!

      • Tundra

        ???????????

      • LJW

        Speaking of red flags a judge in Colorado shot down the first red flag request since the law was enacted.

      • Tundra

        Excellent. Link?

      • MikeS
      • Gustave Lytton

        CS Lewis had something to say about that.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        True, true.

        I have the urge to send that quote to someone several times a week.

    • Fatty Bolger

      She can’t be trusted to tow the party lion.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      The Left has the same problem with Tulsi as Beltway Libertarians do: she’s legitimately antiwar and they’re not, but they pretend like they are.

      It’s not at all surprising that Ron Paul has had kind words for Tulsi while Reason writers and the NYT have threaded a retarded “Tulsi may be antiwar, but she’s not pro-peace” argle garble nonsense.

      She exposes them and they know it

      • Suthenboy

        ‘Beltway Libertarians’. Perfect description.

        It’s like the establishment class divides themselves up into teams. “Ok, you be the libertarians, you bunch over there play the neocons, and you guys *snicker*…nobody wants you on their team so you guys get together and play the democrats”

        In reality they are all in the same class and look after the interests of said class. Everyone else, the small L libertarians and the deplorable get fucked while simultaneously have the privilege of paying for it all. I will say it again: the establishment needs to go.

  41. Winston

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/scaachikoul/joker-oscar-nominations-todd-phillips-joaquin-phoenix

    Pretty sure they were upset about the “Will it cause people to shoot up movie theatres?”

    Normally, diversity isn’t a zero-sum game. Producing or watching a movie featuring women people of color, or made by people of color, doesn’t mean that white people get fewer shots. But in awards season, it does, indeed, mean that: There are only so many Oscars to give out every year and thus, only so many pieces of the pie. So Phillips and his movie getting nominated means, in practical terms, fewer slots for directors like Greta Gerwig (Little Women) or Lulu Wang (The Farewell) or Alma Har’el (Honey Boy) or any of the countless other women who maybe should’ve had a shot at winning.

    • Ted S.

      And watching movies featuring white men doesn’t mean women and people of color get fewer shots, right?

      • Rhywun

        I would love to see all the deplorables give up their nominations to the preferred sex and races. C’mon Hollywood – put your money where your mouth is.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Whatever

      We’re now arguing about equality in the most superficial contest of all.

    • R C Dean

      “Producing or watching a movie featuring women people of color, or made by people of color, doesn’t mean that white people get fewer shots.”

      Yes, it does. Diversity-by-quota is,in fact, a zero sum game.

    • The Last American Hero

      To be fair, the Joker is like the whitest dude on the planet.

  42. commodious spittoon

    Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, you insist. Where is your god now?

    • Ted S.

      I’m right here.

    • MikeS

      He’s retching.

    • Tundra

      I’d try it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Looks like it’s got measles

  43. DEG

    “Congratulations to those men,” said Rae, after reading those nominations.

    I detect sarcasm.

    What is not sarcasm is that I like that Cramps song.

  44. DEG

    US Supreme Court refuses to hear “Free the Nipple” case

    The Supreme Court on Monday decided not to “Free the Nipple,” refusing to hear an appeal by three women fined by a city in New Hampshire for exposing their breasts in public who argued that banning female but not male toplessness violates the U.S. Constitution.

    The justices left in place a 2019 ruling by New Hampshire’s top court upholding the women’s convictions for violating an ordinance in the city of Laconia that makes it illegal to show female breasts in public “with less than a fully opaque covering of any part of the nipple.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I hear Ginsburg was going to go topless during arguments and everybody else nixed it, just to be safe.

      • Neil Peart's Celestial Woodchipper

        Need some brain bleach.

  45. DEG

    Vermin Supreme wins LPNH primary

    With nearly 60% of the vote, Vermin Supreme is victorious in a closed primary vote held by the Libertarian Party of New Hampshire! The entertaining, longtime satirical candidate has run for President of the United States under both the republican and democrat parties over the year and this time has thrown his boot in the Libertarian party’s primary ring for their 2020 nomination.

    Supreme has spent a lot of time campaigning in New Hampshire, including an epic, armed pony march on Concord’s state house last month. His New Hampshire campaign manager and national chief strategist, Richard Manzo said this about his decisive win in an exclusive interview for Free Keene, “I think this is very much a proof of concept, that recruiting younger members to the LP is possible with the right messenger. I think the young people we recruited to the party tipped the scales in Vermin’s favor.”

    • LJW

      Pretty much solidifies the fact that the LP will never be taken seriously.

      • Winston

        Vermin Supreme or some ex-Republican?

      • LJW

        The ex Republican solidified the fact that Libertarians can’t take the LP seriously.

      • C. Anacreon

        Well, at least Howard Stern was a solid candidate.

      • Tres Cool

        Stern was loving all the ass-kissing from fans and publicity, and likely would have won but for 1 thing- he refused the financial disclosure.

    • Urthona

      sigh

    • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

      Libertarian Party, that’s funny..

      • Suthenboy

        No shit.
        Last time, watching the fat guy strip down on stage at the convention I just sat and watched poker-faced while everyone else seemed amused. I was not amused. The only explanation Ii can think of for anyone supporting Johnson is some kind of bizarre virtue signaling. No one, not even Johnson, seriously considered him a candidate.

        Someone from stage left needs to reach out with a hook and drag the whole stupid party off of the stage.

      • KKK Kia and the Jets.....

        “But we tried!”
        /exactly

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        The only explanation Ii can think of for anyone supporting Johnson is some kind of bizarre virtue signaling.

        I voted for him last time for LP ballot access. My city went 85% for Hillary, the state went 60% – my vote is otherwise meaningless.

        I think last time I found it my ward was just about 90% Hillary, with the Jill Stein getting far more of the remaining 10% than Gary.

      • MikeS

        This is exactly why. With the giant douche vs. turd sandwich at the top, it was a great year to try and get the LP over the “major party” threshold. It’s too bad Gary was the choice, but I think a lot of people plugged their noses and pulled one for Johnson to just try and help the party. I did.

      • R C Dean

        Me too. For the last time.

      • The Last American Hero

        Seconded.

    • Urthona

      Let’s be honest. Vermin Supreme is still more likable than Elizabeth Warren.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Lucifer is more likable than Elizabeth Warren.

  46. AlmightyJB

    Guess I’ll root for Athen’s boy Burrows.

  47. AlmightyJB

    Donald and Melania got a nice reception.

    • Rhywun

      USA! USA! USA!

  48. Gojira

    I got LSU in this one.

  49. straffinrun

    The farting girl could’ve livened this up.

    • MikeS

      He knows the foreign policy.

      Well said old guy who also said old guys are what we need today.

    • Tundra

      That can’t be real.