Saturday Morning Links of Fortune

by | Jan 11, 2020 | Daily Links | 281 comments

So another crazy work week, but with a happy ending this time, sorta. We had to prepare for, then undergo, an ISO9001 audit. The auditor grilled me on product development procedures and systems, probing deeply into the details to ascertain our compliance to the letter of the la… what the fuck, I’m not fooling anyone, I was through in ten minutes and I think the only thing surprising was the auditor’s white cane and guide dog. Good if your goal is the ISO merit badge, bad if you want to achieve genuine improvement. I wanted the latter, the commercial guys (who made the call on which registrar we would choose) wanted the former. I guess all in all, this was good fortune. And I’m dearly hoping for good fortune tonight when the Ravens are scheduled to grind the Titans into extra-large hamburger.

Sadly, I have not heard back from Greta Thunberg or her people. I guess the survival of the planet is less important that the virginity of her puckerhole.

Let’s get to birthdays, mostly because they include a piece of shit statist who has become a fetish-object for the Left; a guy who was a master of playing with his organ; and a guy who was the object of an absolutely hilarious Bill Cosby monologue.

Now let’s get to the news.

 

I sense the fine hand of one of our Founders.

 

The Caboose is loose.

 

Marijuana legalized, pets hardest hit. 

 

The fourth largest bush fire in Australia will wipe out life as we know it.

 

There’s some shit you just can’t make up.

 

Retardation: A Celebration

 

SP will be on the next plane.

 

 

 

Old Guy Music was something weird that I just couldn’t stop listening to.

 

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

281 Comments

  1. Lackadaisical

    The Hamilton worship is equivalent to tearing off the mask.

    “If only those rubes hadn’t destroyed democracy”

    • Lackadaisical

      My first first. Be gentle.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Here, I put on some extra lube.

      • Ted S.

        I think Lackadaisical is a bit too old for you.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Courtesy.

    • Ted S.

      Daring casting is to have a man who died in his 40s played by a man in his early 60s (said actor being the most memorable thing about the movie).

    • Hyperion

      I’m not sure how many of the celebrants would have signed onto the Federalist Papers. Just sayin.

      • CPRM

        Most people don’t even know there were anti-federalist papers, which help secure the bill of rights, because Hamilton super duper promised the government would never be naughty.

      • Chafed

        It’s as if a group of adults couldn’t agree and had to hash out their differences.

      • juris imprudent

        Also he advocated the FBotUS on the basis of “the constitution doesn’t say we can’t”. Opportunist, unprincipled fuckwad; no wonder he is revered amongst so many.

      • Frank Lloyd Righteous

        You just described “Louisiana Purchase” Jefferson to a T. Fucking Jacobin apologist garbage.

      • Jarflax

        Yes, because a man who bowed to expediency when faced with an opportunity that simultaneously eliminated a massive risk to the Nation and gave it a tremendous boon is exactly the same as one who wanted a strong central government as a matter of principle. Let’s cast out every historical hero for failing our purity tests!

  2. Ted S.

    SP will be on the next plane.

    I read once that they used to pay by check but had to switch to cash because so many people would keep the logoed checks as souvenirs, which is a bitch for accounting.

    • Spartacus

      They should have switched to non-negotiable souvenir checks so they could get all their shoveling done for free.

  3. Timeloose

    ISO: say what you do and do what you say you do.

    • Ted S.

      And date this post 2020-01-11.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The superior dating method is 11-Jan-2020, followed by being hooked up by a mutual friend.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        yes

    • Old Man With Candy

      In theory, yes. I’ve dragged two other companies through ISO, and honestly, I have much more appreciation for tough auditors who will give me real input on improvement. My best one gave me a cluster of minors and a big cluster of OFIs, but during the audit, would repeatedly pull me aside and say, “Now, I can’t tell you what to do, but if I could tell you, this is what I’d say…”

      • Timeloose

        I do appreciate good feedback, but once a place is at a certain level some auditors get to a chickenshit level to find things.

      • Animal

        I have to maintain a catalogue of at least forty ISO and IEC standards just to be able to conduct business. It’s a pain in the ass, and worse, it’s an expensive pain in the ass.

      • Jarflax

        My best one gave me a cluster of minors

        Why was the auditor bribing you? Doesn’t that usually go the other way?

    • Timeloose

      Auditor says, “The OI says you hit the side of the vacuum chamber with a 5lb. mallet when the actuators jam. Has your mallet weight been calibrated to 5lbs?”

      Operator shows the mallet calibration records to auditor.

      “Good, now demonstrate how you hit the side of the chamber and where.”

      I have my internal audit coming up. I’ve worked with start ups, established company’s and several in between on preparations for quality Audits.

      They have shown the same mission creep as any other regulation body. Some of the stuff they ask us to do in product development is getting ridiculous.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Yeah, I’ve heard horror stories, but haven’t experienced them yet. Registrars get certain… reputations. Initially, the company president here wanted to have my department (R&D) excluded from the scope because of his worry that following ISO would be too big of a constraint. I gently pointed out the difference between constraint and discipline, and of course specifically designed our processes to make sure that we wouldn’t get constrained. The idea is that we would still be forced to keep critical equipment calibrated but not shortcut really necessary processes in taking products to commercialization just because someone in Sales was impatient.

      • Timeloose

        That’s the critical difference. I have made the point to many engineers and scientists that we need to have some systems to ensure we are doing what we need to do to develop products that are needed and meet our requirements. We should also be sure to keep the system from stifling their creativity.

        I don’t want to have two redundant systems, one for the auditors and one that the team uses for their real work.

      • Ted S.

        I don’t want to have two redundant systems, one for the auditors and one that the team uses for their real work.

        Like Volkswagen?

      • Timeloose

        that is one good example of where a company’s actions can by pass internal systems if their upper management allows it.

      • Homple

        “…not shortcut really necessary processes in taking products to commercialization just because someone in Sales was impatient.”

        Quite a few people at Boeing would agree with you.

    • MikeS

      We’re ISO and API certified. The difference being that API also tells you how you need to do it. Our audit is next week and I am very new in my position. Hopefully I can answer the majority of questions with something smarter sounding than, “I don’t know, but I will find out for you.”

    • Florida Man

      This thread makes me happy to hear there are people hard at work inventing and innovating. Sometimes I worry progress will stall with all the regulations.

    • Fourscore

      The lady on the right front has it down, the old guy on the left needs to take a break.

      Thanks Tes’D, good stuff.

  4. Rebel Scum

    I sense the fine hand of one of our Founders.

    Benedict Arnold was an admirer of Gustavus Adolphus but I wouldn’t consider him a “founder”.

    • leon

      Good thing. The swedes were egging us on.

  5. Plinker762

    “Piece of shit statist which became a fetish object of the left”

    Doesn’t narrow the field down much.

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, considering that over the last couple of years, John McCain and Lindsey Graham among others became overnight lefty heroes. And now it looks like the Stache of War could be next. Max Boot haz a sad, his war boner gone all limp.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Shovelers will go through the same stadium security procedures to ensure safety, including metal detectors. No bags, backpacks or purses will be allowed inside for the shovelers, who must be at least 18 years old.

    Will there be brats?

    • Old Man With Candy

      When SP and I went to Lambeau a couple years ago, she set off the metal detectors. “Oh, I have some flasks.” “That’s fine, honey. Next!”

      Love going to Lambeau.

      • Florida Man

        Letting a child in with alcohol? For shame, Lambeau.

  7. Rebel Scum

    Faced with a major winter storm striking their home stadium before they host an NFL playoff game Sunday, the Green Bay Packers are seeking up to 700 snow shovelers.

    They are used to packing it in.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    the more than one billion animals estimated to have died in the crisis so far.

    Counting ants, maybe. And fleas.

    *sobs uncontrollably*

    • Atanarjuat

      Last I read about Australian Flora, eucalypts are adapted to destructive crown fires* and it has happened for countless millennia.

      *similar to local Florida scrub, which burns fully on a regular cycle, sand pines don’t even open their cones without a crown fire

    • Mad Scientist

      Just think of all the carbon pollution those billion animals will no longer exhale!

  9. Rebel Scum

    Why Utah’s Mike Lee Might Actually Vote to Remove Trump

    Because libertarian leaning GOP reps are following in Amash’s footsteps?

  10. Rebel Scum

    When volunteer Sarah Price found a baby kangaroo frightened but miraculously alive in the pouch of its dying mother surrounded by the embers of Australia’s bushfires, it seemed fitting to name him Chance.

    Should have let that rat die when you had the chance.

    • Atanarjuat

      No way, they should release them into the Everglades just to give them a chance.

      • Spartacus

        You know, maybe it would be a cool idea to turn the Everglades into Exotic Species Thunderdome. Take animals from all over the world that don’t normally interact with each other, and just release them into the swamp. Last one standing gets Miami.

      • Florida Man

        Spoiler alert: it’s the ?.

      • Hyperion

        +1 internets

  11. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “ Why Utah’s Mike Lee Might Actually Vote to Remove Trump”

    If you just believe hard enough it’ll happen. He might be pissed at the admin for telling them to keep quiet about the military vis a vis Iran but he isn’t insane and he isn’t Romney.

    • leon

      The CIA/Military saying: you can’t debate this or your emboldening our enemies is vile.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I agree and it’s something that needs to be discredited independent of the Senate trial.

      • leon

        Perhaps by abolishing the CIA/NSA and dismantling the standing army.

      • l0b0t

        YES, PLEASE!

        I sometimes enjoy the conniptions I induce in DerpBook lefty friends when the accuse me of being a Republican warmonger (veteran who loves arms/munitions) and I am the only one in the conversation advocating the wholesale abolishment of the US Army.

      • Atanarjuat

        The Army is probably a lot more expensive, but getting rid of the CIA would be a massive win for humanity in general.

      • l0b0t

        It has always chapped my ass that the CIA, a jobs program for Ivy-League nit-wits, has been so spectacularly wrong at every single turn over the entirety of its existence yet still bedevils the world.

      • juris imprudent

        Is there a more classic description of a govt agency?

      • Mojeaux

        I dunno. The CIA has contributed a large amount of money to the GDP of the Mormon church via hiring all the foreign-language-speaking returned missionaries.

        The CIA cruises BYU like it’s a singles bar.

  12. leon

    It’s also Michael Malice’s birthday.

    • Lackadaisical

      I’m not sure i see the appeal

      • leon

        I recommend guys newest book.

      • Atanarjuat

        I read it. I’d like to watch his Night Shade podcast but have technical bissues with it, do you?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I just tried it on an iPad and it isn’t working for me either. If you’re a big fan he just appeared on Rogan’s show four or five days ago.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Like with a cloth?

    Judicial Watch today released 37 pages of new Clinton emails recently found by the FBI that show former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton used her unsecure, non-government email to transmit classified information. The new emails also show Clinton used text messages for government business. The documents, produced to Judicial Watch after a review by the State Department, include 13 new Clinton emails. The State Department did not provide information about where the emails were found; why they were not previously produced; or if additional records are anticipated. Last month, a Justice Department attorney could not tell a federal court judge how and where the FBI discovered the new cache of Clinton emails. The State Department previously claimed it had produced all releasable Clinton emails, including emails recovered by the FBI that Hillary Clinton tried to destroy or withhold. The State Department initially claimed all responsive emails had been produced in 2018, but then found more emails which were produced, for the first time, early last year. Then in November 2019, the State Department first disclosed to the court that the FBI had found this latest batch of emails.

    • leon

      On and on about the emails. She’s trying to run for office!!

      • Hyperion

        She has to be careful. I’m sure old Uncle Joe owes the Clinton’s plenty of favors, if you get my drift.

  14. leon

    People love to stand on any dead body to advocate for laws that won’t help and denigrate those that could.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Why don’t people ever look on the bright side? These Australian bush fires might serve as a catalyst for the development of new adaptations; new species, even. You know, like flame retardant venomous lizards capable of hypnotizing their prey from a distance and shooting detachable teeth like poison darts. Or carnivorous kangaroos with opposable thumbs.

    • robc

      Me, maybe? A few weeks ago?

      • Lackadaisical

        Probably. That’s the right time frame. So… thanks.

      • robc

        I need to read the rest, only read part 1 myself before I posted.

      • Lackadaisical

        Me too, honestly by part 7 off the free trade stuff it was getting a little old, he starts reiterating the same points in different ways. Not bad, just redundant for me. He really did change my mind about trade.

  16. Atanarjuat

    But bed manufacturer’s Airweave have confirmed that the frames will be able to withstand up to 200kg loads

    Huh.

    • Sean

      Limited to 2 occupants per bed.

      *sad trombone*

      • Hyperion

        Fatphobic alert!!!

  17. The Late P Brooks

    But bed manufacturer’s Airweave have confirmed that the frames will be able to withstand up to 200kg loads

    Static, or dynamic?

    *limbers up*

    • leon

      Lenna Dunham has a sad

      • Chafed

        Lol

    • Rhywun

      Part of Tokyo’s successful Olympic bid was to stage the most sustainable Games in history, with medals set to be made out of recycled mobile phones

      OFFS.

      • Chafed

        I’m going to laugh if the medals are made from plastic.

      • Jarflax

        No, they pay Bangladeshis pennies to remove the gold and silver contacts and the wires for the copper. This is environmentally friendly because it removes the micro gram of precious metal before the battery and case get tossed into the nearest river.

      • MikeS

        Don’t forget about the Bangladeshis who get lifted out of abject poverty into only extreme poverty.

    • Atanarjuat

      It is designed to fully withstand the rigors of Japanese sex, which involves a pixelated 100 pound woman who never moves and only whimpers.

      • peachy rex

        Hawt.

  18. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “And if you’re wondering whether a tiny bit of cannabis might chill your dog out in the same way it can be used to relieve human anxiety, think twice. “We don’t have enough research on it to recommend anything,” says Kratt. “More research is needed, and I’d want to see the science behind it first.””

    I see a lucrative and fun research grant in someone’s future.

    • banginglc1

      I knew several people in my college years that got dogs high regularly. They didn’t seem to mind and a couple of them would eat pot if you left it laying around.

      • Hyperion

        Never did that. But I used to get my dog drunk often. He loved beer and wine too.

      • banginglc1

        The dog at our fraternity house was an alcoholic. He’d go down to the basement after a party and drink beer off the floor until he passed out.

        Sometimes he’s come up to you while you were sitting on the couch with a toy. You’d set your beer on the table to play and he’d drop the toy, knock the beer off the table and start drinking off the floor. After the cocaine incident, we finally made the two guys who owned the dog give him to someone who could properly care for him .

    • Hyperion

      We’ll publish the results in 20 years as soon as that big sponsor grant rolls in and we know what the results are sposed to be. /researchers

      • Spartacus

        I can already tell you the main finding: “More research is needed.”

      • Hyperion

        That’s just the default side finding. There has to also be an agenda or side finding will never be realized.

    • chipping pioneer

      Anecdotally, we put our dog on a fairly low dose of CBD oil for her anxiety and red-zoning issues. It’s made a YUUGE difference. It’s almost like she’s a different dog.

      Anyway, since it’s not entirely THC free, we were concerned about the effects on her liver and kidneys. The bloodwork came back yesterday A-OK. Carrying on.

      FTA: reported increases are in percentages. Check the absolute numbers.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Haunting images of koalas with singed fur, possums with burnt paws or countless charred kangaroo carcasses have flashed around the world and have come to symbolise a nation and an environment buckling under the weight of a crisis fuelled by climate change.

    *laughs uncontrollably*

    • Rebel Scum

      It’s a crisis fueled by leftists not allowing proper land management that would mitigate the effects of these fire’s that are natural and have been occurring forever as far as we know.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        So California but bigger?

      • Homple

        A couple of hundred arsonists are said to have something to do with the fires. I guess global warming causes arsonists.

    • Ted S.

      I’m not haunted.

      • Sean

        ???

        Boo.

      • Ted S.

        Is that a ghostly boo, the opposite of applause, or this?

    • Rhywun

      In Victoria state, where the fire season is still in its early stages,

      Wait… climate change has “seasons”? GTFO.

    • banginglc1

      Fires have always happened. Things have always died. Nature is a cruel bitch sometimes. Have any of these people not seen a cat play with a mouse for hours before final dispensation? That’s a metaphor for nature in general.

    • Hyperion

      “countless charred kangaroo carcasses”

      Free food for the homeless?

      • Not Adahn

        Not unless it’s correctly labelled with salt and fat content and prepared in a certified commercial bush wildfire.

  20. Rebel Scum

    Hamilton was America’s founding statist. It is fitting that leftists wrote a musical lionizing him.

    • Hyperion

      Needz moar Burr’s?

      • Rebel Scum

        For sure.

    • The Last American Hero

      He was also the first republican in a lot of ways.

  21. Hyperion

    “That’s not to say that Lee is likely to vote to convict. Indeed, it’s very possible that all 53 Republicans will vote to acquit. And I haven’t seen any reporting at all suggesting that Lee is among the handful pushing for witnesses to be called and documents and other evidence to be collected and presented. Nevertheless, I still think that if there are (say) four votes to convict, Lee would probably be one of them.”

    So, we’ve went from ‘CIRCLING WAGONS, WALLS CLOSING IN, THEY GOT HIM THIS TIME!’, to that?

    What a sad time in our democracy, badorangeman wins, camps for all the woketards and orphan migrants next.

    • Atanarjuat

      “This is not to say that there was any point in writing this op-ed.”

  22. Lackadaisical

    “Marijuana legalized, pets hardest hit. ”

    More likely, people are willing to admit what happened now that they won’t be thrown in jail for it.

    • Hyperion

      “now that they won’t be thrown in jail for it.”

      I wouldn’t be too sure. Pet murder by drugs might become a real thing in this bizarro world we live in.

      • Lackadaisical

        Argh, don’t give them any more ideas.

  23. Hyperion

    “Packers seek 700 snow shovelers before NFL playoff game”

    But… I thought the robots done took all our jerbz?

  24. Atanarjuat

    Mongolian throat singing is great. I often have a song queued up for when I pick my son up from school, because he hates it.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Oops

    Iran admitted Saturday that it mistakenly shot down a Ukrainian passenger jet, blaming human error and “US adventurism” for the crash that left 176 people dead.
    In a statement, the nation’s armed forces said it targeted the passenger plane unintentionally. It attributed the crash to radar activity and fear of US action.
    “The Islamic Republic of Iran deeply regrets this disastrous mistake. My thoughts and prayers go to all the mourning families,” Iranian President Hassan Rouhani said.
    Ukrainian Airlines Flight 752 crashed Wednesday after takeoff from Tehran’s airport. The crash came hours after Iran fired missiles at Iraqi military bases housing US troops in retaliation for a drone strike at Baghdad airport that killed Iranian commander Qasem Soleimani.

    A plane which took off from Tehran was shot down because you thought it was an American bomber? Good work, boys.

    • Rebel Scum

      That some mighty fine military work, Rouh.

      • Hyperion

        Twink of the North was going to hold a press conference and scold the Iranians over all the dead Canadians, but then his almost non-existent testosterone numbers fell into the negatives…

        At least the Yellow Limey said something.

      • chipping pioneer

        +1 regime change

    • Hyperion

      They learned it from US cops. That looked like a drone to me! It was coming right for us!

      • Fatty Bolger

        The plane failed to comply with shouted commands to stop flying. The plane made a sudden move, and a missile was fired, hitting the plane. No military pilots were harmed in this action. The motivations of the plane are unclear at this time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Iran while beating wife: “Look what you made me do!!!”

      • JD is Unemployed

        Sadly that is quite accurate.

    • chipping pioneer

      Not only took off from Tehran, but was just over a minute into its flight, IIRC. So, like, the airport’s just over there, and the plane is in its initial climb. Nice work indeed, boys.

  26. Rebel Scum

    CNN: Death to America!

    In a brief segment cut from a 15-minute interview, Amanpour asked the Iranian leader whether the strike that killed Quds Force leader Qasem Soleimani had brought Iranians together.

    “I’m saying that the American government — the American president — made a serious miscalculation. They made a serious mistake by assassinating, by taking this terrorist action against Commander Soleimani,” Ebtekar said.

    She suggested there is a “wave of awakening in many countries,” an awakening against “the terrible actions of the American government” which has “brought the Iranian people together.” She further argued that Iran has been “righteous.” Laughably, Ebtekar suggested that Trump ordered the strike against Soleimani not because of an upcoming attack Soleimani planned against U.S. troops or because of the storming of the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad, but because the Quds Force leader had fought against the Islamic State (which she referred to as DAESH, the abbreviation of its Arabic name).

    “That’s the main reason he was targeted, because he stood up against terrorism, he was a symbol of the demise of DAESH,” she said.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Could you personally lift up a gun and put it to the head of one of these people and kill him?” the journalist pressed. “Yes, yes,” Ebtekar repeated.”

      She sounds nice.

    • Hyperion

      I’m all for CNN moving their permanent headquarters and all their staff to Tehran so that they can better cover this.

  27. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    And a good morning to your minions!

    Thanks for the excellent (and numerous lynx). Currently, it is -3 and my dog is staring at me, waiting to go for a walk. You have enabled me to procrastinate and for that I am grateful.

    I had never heard the Cosby bit on his Cobra and you are right, it’s hilarious. So sad that Cosby turned out to be such a pice of shit, because he was genius level funny. Here’s the bit if anyone’s interested.

    The goddamn Mongorions are terrific! Best comment:

    Berserker
    1 week ago
    If I had women like this at home I’d never leave the house to conquer anything.

    Word.

    Well, time to brave the elements. I hope you all have a fantastic day!

    Me? I’m cold.

    • Atanarjuat

      Thanks for that bit. Mongolians are very pretty, I met a few working for a circus. I wonder to what extent conquerers bringing home the most desirable slave girls affects that.

      • Tejicano

        I like how the old guy in the background is just walking around with a hunting rifle for no particular reason. Not many countries where that would be considered normal. Maybe I haven’t been paying attention but I can’t remember seeing that in American country music videos.

      • Rebel Scum

        So you want triple delight?

  28. CPRM

    Getting in to shovel snow at Lambeau is almost as hard as getting a ticket to a game, they turn people away every time.

    • Rhywun

      I wonder why they don’t just use plows.

      • CPRM

        It’s to shovel the stands, not the field and parking lot.

      • Rhywun

        Ah. *duh*

  29. Shirley Knott

    Well, 2 inches of rain so far and the temperature has dropped from 50 to 35 between 6 and 9 AM; both are still falling.
    Not gonna be a good day to be out and about. Fortunately, I don’t have to.
    Mid-Michigan sucks at times like this.

    • Rebel Scum

      Warm all weekend here, with thunderstorms possible overnight. So far a mild VA winter, but that can change at any time. It is not unheard of to get a bit of all the season over the span of a week here.

      • banginglc1

        We got over two inches of rain yesterday, another inch and half at least today. flooding all around!

    • Hyperion

      There’s no way this ever increasing division of people into identity groups pitted against each other for identity totem pole slots is ever going to backfire on them in spectacular fashion.

    • banginglc1

      I always find his writing so well done. He’s 83 now, it’ll be a sad day when we lose his voice.

      • Rebel Scum

        Flanked by stern white military men

        Saw this the other day. I can’t imagine why their skin pigment, or lack thereof matters. Tur is a racist, progtard, but still would.

      • Hyperion

        Most Persians are pretty white, BTW, but you can’t expect any progs to know that. They think everyone who is not living in Western Europe or America is brown by default.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Look at Khamenei…get rid of the turban and slap a red suit on him and he looks like an English Father Christmas.

      • Lackadaisical

        The only Iranians I’ve known have been at least as light as me. Also both hotties.

    • Atanarjuat

      I’ve been seeing articles about how Prince Harry’s “black” wife had to leave because of her skin color. It’s amazing that anyone would intentionally seek racial division.

      • Hyperion

        “It’s amazing that anyone would intentionally seek racial division.”

        It’s become a major platform if not the main platform of the left today.

      • Festus

        When I was a wee tad we were the Pepsi generation. Not so much, nowadays.

      • Festus

        When I was five I came home and recited a joke that I’d heard on the playground. The punchline involved “nigger”. Mother slapped me so hard across the face that I fell on my bum. “Don’t you ever say that word!” And I never did again, much.

      • Lackadaisical

        My wife everytime: she’s not black and her kids won’t be mixed race.

        Guess she missed the one drop memo.

      • Florida Man

        If I was applying to college today I would put mixed on the form. I have the 23andMe to prove my 1 drop black.

      • The Last American Hero

        Race is a social construct. You don’t need to science the shit out of this.

  30. Hyperion

    52 here, but all cloudy and gloomy looking. Supposed to be around 70 tomorrow. But where’s my sun? This global warming is not working! I want a refund!

  31. The Late P Brooks

    We’re saving the planet

    It was following a chance encounter on a bus outside Copenhagen in August 2016 that the Dane embarked on her next mission – fighting food waste. She started chatting to a fellow passenger who showed her an app called Too Good To Go.

    “I was not fully aware of how big of an issue in society food waste really is,” recalls Mette. After doing more research she was shocked to learn about its climate impact. “That was mind-blowing to me.”

    Five young Danish entrepreneurs had launched the online marketplace several months earlier. Restaurants and shops post what leftover food they have available, together with a time-slot for collection.

    Members of the public can then purchase discounted meals or groceries through the app. The surplus food is saved from being thrown away – the firm makes money by taking a cut on meals sold.

    “The fact that we can help solve such a massive issue and then leave everyone as winners in the process, I thought that was really powerful,” says Mette.

    ——-

    According to the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation, one-third of the world’s food is wasted. When ranked alongside countries, food waste is the world’s third-largest producer of carbon dioxide after the USA and China.

    Why does every new recycled business idea have to come cloaked in some sort of messianic balderdash? I’m all in favor of increased efficiency and cutting waste, but you can do that without turning it into some sort of church.

    • Hyperion

      There’s delusions of grandeur and then there’s this. It’s one thing to believe that you’re really an admired celebrity when you’re probably just a tired old fat guy living in a trailer park, posting on your free intertoobz. But when you believe that you are actually going to save a planet by changing the climate, all by recycling your garbage, buying a Prius, and running your mouth on the internet, you are truly beyond hope.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I doubt she actually believes that but it looks like she’s pretty good at selling her service to the people that do.

      • Hyperion

        Of course those profiting from it don’t believe it, but unfortunately it appears all of their useful idiots do. Didn’t matter if the Bolshevik leaders didn’t really believe in communism, their minions still got it good and hard.

    • Rebel Scum

      According to the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation, one-third of the world’s food is wasted.

      Clearly we need centralized control of food production and distribution. What could go wrong?

      • Hyperion

        Planned starvation to reduce population and save the planet? I mean surely they’d never think of anything that malevolent, right?

    • Fourscore

      I visited my doctor yesterday, just to get a prescription renewal. Anyway the doctor is early 40s, maybe a little younger, and portly. We were talking about the holidays and he mentioned the difficulty of weight control (by him, not me). I said “We suffer from abundance”. At the conclusion of my visit he lamented, “There is an abundance of food in this country”

      Now I hear on the radio that “1 in 7 of my neighbors suffers from hunger”. Looking around, I’m not seeing any skinny folks, those with eating problems are part of “The Obesity Epidemic”.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Issues associated with abundance can be avoided or mitigated, issues associated with scarcity cannot. Just eat less doc.

      • Hyperion

        “There is an abundance of food in this country”

        You should have said, well you should have left some of that for the homeless, tubby.

      • Florida Man

        Tell him to exercise. That’s the advice I get every time for my triglycerides despite doing 10 workouts per week.

  32. Festus

    FWIW Old Man, I laughed heartily at your Greta post and felt no vapors. Snide and malicious are my keystones.

    • Festus

      Secret (((one of you)))

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, but come one. She might be 17 in years, but she’s 10 going on 9 mentally and emotionally. Isn’t there some clause about ‘Thy shall not fuck the retarded in the ass’? I dunno.

      • Festus

        ((his))) Bible is different than yours. Nut-hole was the clencher.

      • Mojeaux

        I laughed until I choked and coughed, then I had to explain to Mr. Mojeaux. He just shook his head in a pained manner and muttered, “You have weird friends.”

        Fun fact: Despite watching the news regularly, he had no idea who Greta Thunberg is, doesn’t care, and when told, said, “Huh.” So now I’m wondering how many gabillions of people have never heard of her.

        Mornin’, Glibbies!

  33. Rufus the Monocled

    The old man holding a rifle and the guy dressed as Santa while they sing Jingle Bells makes the video.

  34. Rufus the Monocled

    This UN criminal human trafficking story ain’t going away.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_i5lTAXcGM

    Has anyone asked Angelina Jolie and other celebrities for comment? Doubt it.

    • Festus

      Remember the kids that always got picked for exchange programs? I do, I was one of them.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Katy Tur’s pretty upset that those military guys behind Trump the other day were white. Why? I don’t know exactly but it wouldn’t be tolerated for any other group.

    Would it have made her feel better if they were scruffy malnourished black teenagers with AK47s?

    • Festus

      “I am Captain now!”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That one guy behind Trump’s left was hilarious, he has the most intimidating resting bitch face I’ve ever seen.

  36. Rebel Scum

    Sure, except for all the scandals.

    From the campaign trail with 2020 Democratic hopeful, former Vice President Joe Biden, Kerry said, “I find that Joe Biden’s breadth of experience and leadership with any number of issues from the Violence Against Women Act to the Assault Weapons Ban to arms control agreements, to pushing an administration to make peace where it didn’t want to initially be involved, I think those things will really ring strongly against the other candidacies in this race. That’s why I’m here.”

    “I believe Joe Biden is the only person who has the set of relationships around the world, who has had this unbelievable breadth of experience as Chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee and then as vice president for eight years, and an administration, by the way, which never had a whiff of scandal,” he added.

    If saying it would only make it so.

    • Hyperion

      “Kerry said, “I find that Joe Biden’s breadth of experience and leadership with any number of issues”

      IOW, Biden is one the worst pieces of statist scum who has ever lived.

    • Q Continuum

      Libya, Syria, Iran, Fast and Furious ATF agents and various FISA court judges would like to have a word…

  37. The Late P Brooks

    From that Walter Williams piece:

    Michael Moore gave us his racist warning: “Two-thirds of all white guys voted for Trump. That means anytime you see three white guys walking at you, down the street toward you, two of them voted for Trump. You need to move over to the other sidewalk because these are not good people that are walking toward you. You should be afraid of them.”

    That’s better than telling them they should try to convert me to their True Faith.

    • Rhywun

      …when I see Michael Moore walking toward me I see two people I should be afraid of…

      *snort*

      • Fourscore

        “when I see Michael Moore walking toward me” its time to cross the street, ’cause the sidewalk isn’t wide enough for both of us

    • banginglc1

      Like Michael Moore ever walks anywhere.

      • Fatty Bolger

        He walks to the bathroom. A lot.

    • creech

      He’s borrowing Jesse Jackson’s meme about young black men?

  38. Rebel Scum

    Because fuck your hearing.

    Under Levine’s bill, H.B.961, Virginians who have undergone the legal process to acquire a suppressor would be labeled felons after the passage of a six-month grace period in which suppressors can be transferred to persons out-of-state who are allowed to own them, destroyed or rendered inoperable, or surrendered to a “state or local law enforcement agency.”

    On January 9, 2020, Breitbart News reported that Levine’s bill also makes it a felony for Virginians to possess legally purchased AR-15s and “high-capacity” magazines. Virginians who own AR-15s — and other rifles that Democrats describe as “assault weapons” — would be able to apply to the state police for an ownership license, which would allow them to keep their guns and avoid the felony charge.

    Levine’s bill stipulates that the state police would put together a database of all “assault weapon” owners in the state, based on license issuance.

    I believe the term in the bill is actually “assault firearms”. And I am sure there is no way that this would be abused or used for confiscation, not that I expect anyone to comply with this in the first place. Additionally, while we are at it we might as well compel gun-owners to wear some sort of identifier such as a small, yellow patch or something. That way the masses will know who is icky and bad.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      2 years, I just have to make it 2 more years before I can move out of this shithole…

      • Rebel Scum

        It’s a shame, really. VA is a nice place geographically. But leftists are intent on destroying it.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It is. I tell my wife regularly that it’ll be hard to leave VA the land, but the DC area people and the city itself are making it really easy.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        There’s always West Virginia.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The commute is a bitch and a half from there. I know of some who do that, but I value my time enough to avoid the 2.5 hour one-way drive.

      • The Hyperbole

        Plus you’d have to get divorced and then marry your sister.

      • banginglc1

        My father’s side is from West Virginia and i still spend a lot of time there. I used to hunt with my aunt’s (by marriage) Uncle-great uncle Bob.

      • Hyperion

        All we need is that high speed rail from Harper’s Ferry. Just don’t make it two way unless you reside in the West destination or it will turn into Blue hell before you can say high speed rail.

      • Hyperion

        “2 years, I just have to make it 2 more years before I can move out of this shithole…”

        Yeah, it’s pretty sad that you could at least escape to some degree of more freedom by crossing the state line into the People’s Republic of Murland. Sad, but true…

        We’ll gladly welcome you up into Carrol county, once I get there. Whole bunch of us shitlords and libertarian rascals hiding out up there.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        We moved to VA thinking, among other things, that we moved to the safer gun rights state. Joke’s on us.

        Oh well, off to get a haircut and to hit the range before they stick me in a rape cage.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Punitive actions against the otherwise most law abiding segment of society out there isn’t a good governance strategy.

      • Rebel Scum

        the otherwise most law abiding segment of society

        Good observation.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Gun owners certainly qualify and suppressor owners are gun owners who went through even more scrutiny. Suppressors aren’t cheap and the difficulty getting one tends to give perceived value to ownership so I doubt many of them would be handed over. Going after these people with registration lists, lack of grandfathering, and possible felony charges is just stupid and is as unjust as it gets.

      • Tejicano

        The father of a close friend of mine retired to VA many years ago. We’ve been shooting before and I understand he has acquired a good deal more hardware – including a few NFA items – since then. He is getting on in years, wife passed a couple years ago, so I highly doubt he would be complying with this horse-excrement.

        I have no idea where these leftist freaks intend to take this – whether they would send in a SWAT team for somebody like my friend’s father. I truly hope the “sanctuary” LEO’s will stand their ground but I’m not naïve enough to believe they all would under any circumstance.

      • Q Continuum

        This kind of nonsense is going to come to a head sooner or later.

        Either the Supremes are going to have to strike down these rules (I’m not holding my breath) or there will be civil disturbance. Sending SWAT teams for law-abiding Joe Sixpack because of his scary black rifle that he bought 20 years ago is not going to play well.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s not coming to a head in the deeply red counties where everybody is going to turn a blind eye. There are probably 4 or 5 counties where shit will start. Purple counties trending blue that are near a blue epicenter. That’s where the tinderbox will explode if/when excrement strikes the impeller.

      • Gustave Lytton

        law-abidingnewly minted criminal Joe Sixpack

        Fify

      • R C Dean

        It’s not coming to a head in the deeply red counties where everybody is going to turn a blind eye.

        Talk is cheap. Let’s see what happens when an LEO is eyeball to eyeball with a sweet confiscation and arrest. Or when the State gets around to figuring out how to sanction or punish the noncompliant counties and departments.

      • Gustave Lytton

        The OKC bombing isn’t celebrated as a blow against tyranny.

      • Florida Man

        I hope this doesn’t come FL. I love this state and don’t want to move. So the choice is stand my ground and get killed, abandon my home or knuckled under. I don’t like any of those choices.

      • Lackadaisical

        Eventually there will be nowhere left to run.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I woke up from a dream this morning where for some reason my flight to Greece involved a short stopover in Florida, which I hated, and I missed my flight for some reason, and ended up getting cut off at some airport bar where I ended up, stranded, and drunk.

        This has some precedent in real life, where a combination of ground crew incompetence, and “secondary processing” by CBP caused me to miss my connecting flight, paying a $99 “rebooking fee” to then get to Dallas via Chicago instead, so I just remember trapsing through MCO in a somewhat sour mood, unappreciative of either the TSA pat-down, or Buddy Dyer’s disembodied voice on the monorail.

      • Florida Man

        I don’t get buddy selling Orlando on the monorail. I’m pretty certain most people have heard of it, since they’re in the airport.

      • Q Continuum

        “There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.”

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Ground blizzard conditions here since lunchtime yesterday. The power was out for about six hours last night. I was too lazy to fuck with the generator, so I just went to bed.

    The wind is supposed to subside (drop below 30 knots) later.

    • Festus

      Wifey fucked up the blasted shear bolt on the snowblower yesterday. Now I have to go out to replace it and then clear the driveway before it gets to minus 30 American later today.

      • Fourscore

        Good luck, Festus. You can borrow my ‘blower, I replaced the shear bolts a couple weeks ago. My driveway is clear but its a -15 US so wear warm clothes.
        I’ll have the adoption papers ready too…

      • Festus

        Aww. Thanks, Pops!

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Virginians who own AR-15s — and other rifles that Democrats describe as “assault weapons” — would be able to apply to the state police for an ownership license, which would allow them to keep their guns and avoid the felony charge.

    Come on, you paranoid psycho. Put your name on the list. What are you worried about?

    • Festus

      “Just the tip! I promise!”

    • Hyperion

      Isn’t there something in law about how you can’t charge anyone with a crime by passing a law after the fact? I mean making felons out of people who own guns before the law was passed? Oh yeah, they already got away with that. And besides, it’s all covered by the FYTW clause.

      This could get real interesting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s not the past possession, it’s the continued possession after the change in law.

      • R C Dean

        Or the refusal to comply with the new registration requirement.

        I’m serious – I (we) need to do a little digging on how to extract outlawed weapons for VA Glibs who want to go that route. I think (but haven’t researched), that the proforma sale/loan of a weapon would require an FFL transfer, which would suck.

      • Lackadaisical

        I realize that’s probably the most people in free states can do at this juncture, but it doesn’t really help the underlying issue at all.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Alternatively, what’s the legality of storing your firearms out of state (such as in a storage locker)? Portions of federal law are conditioned on the state laws of your residency.

    • Rebel Scum

      5 & 10

  41. Q Continuum

    I’ve read that the Olympic Village is essentially a scene from Caligula.

    What would be the easiest event to qualify for…

    • banginglc1

      You know, i don’t need to be an athlete, I’m perfectly willing to just stay in the dorms and guard stuff while they are out.

  42. The Late P Brooks

    What would be the easiest event to qualify for…

    Why do you think curling is so popular?

    • Festus

      *Fun Fact* My small city is hosting the Women’s World Curling Championship soon. Have you seen the caliber of those girls? Rowahr!

      • Gender Traitor

        the caliber of those girls

        .45/.22/.38?

      • Florida Man

        Whatever it takes.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I see what you did there. Or at least I’d like to.

    • banginglc1

      Hmm . . .after some research, you can find the video of them having sex on stage on Pornhub. I’m sure her father is proud.

    • Rhywun

      So transgression, much edgy ?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The very definition of genius

    • Lackadaisical

      Ladies, if you have vines growing out of it down there please see a doctor. Some men like to do some Bush whacking, but that’s just not healthy.

  43. straffinrun

    Who the fuck are you to say I can’t hold my liquor?

    • Q Continuum

      You can’t hold your liquor.

      • Festus

        *Wifu grabs bottle and smashes over Straff’s head*

      • straffinrun

        Which one of you did you that?

        *swings wildly*

      • Festus

        *hearty chuckle*

      • Festus

        *Status Update* Wifu changes target and smashes bottle over Festus’ head

      • straffinrun

        You know I love you, baby. I’d never hurt you. Remember that time I took you to the beach? We are so great together.

      • Festus

        Straff gets it.

    • Florida Man

      Despite drinking daily, I find my tolerance dropping as I age. Not a bad thing. I get on buzz for cheaper.

      • Festus

        The meth maidens start to get a little rough around the edges as they near the 20 mark.

      • R C Dean

        Pretty sure that’s your liver wearing out.

      • Festus

        No Ragrats

      • Jarflax

        So you are saying the savings will get better over time?

      • Florida Man

        It the perpetual motion machine of saving money!

      • Lackadaisical

        Whoops.

  44. Q Continuum

    “Many, particularly on the environmental Left, go even further and advocate “de-growth,” essentially urging societies to consciously reduce their economic wealth. This agenda requires that energy, housing, food, and other consumption costs steadily increase, or be legally prohibited, so that ordinary people will be unable to eat meat regularly, use more energy, live in larger spaces, and travel freely. There’s even a quaint notion that we need to return to a more primitive state of existence, essentially cancelling out the progress of the last few centuries.”

    https://quillette.com/2020/01/09/the-growth-dilemma/

    But that doesn’t matter as long as dirty hippies can have shameful intercourse during concerts for 4th rate rock bands.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Excess capital being redirected to Top Men of course.

    • Festus

      Oh Dog I loathe them seeing as I used to be one of them. Not to the point of a little book or an AK but still… I was a soft commie, the second wave of ditch-sleepers.

    • The Last American Hero

      Hey now, Dave Matthew’s band is third rate.

    • Rhywun

      Good stuff.

      Also, we’re fucking doomed.

    • Festus

      Make it a State but annex Alberta to balance the electoral college.

      • Lackadaisical

        Can’t we just kick them out?

        Place is a black hole of funds.

    • creech

      Well, with all the outmigration at least Puerto Rico is no longer in danger of turning turtle.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe it’s bums

    Federal health officials are inspecting Yosemite National Park’s food service areas after at least a dozen people have fallen ill with stomach issues.

    The National Park Service and the U.S. Public Health Service told the San Francisco Chronicle they launched an investigation after employees and visitors reported the problems this month.

    Federal officials said they haven’t identified the illness or the origin of the outbreak. Park officials said those who had gotten sick are getting better or already recovered.

    Federal officials were working with Aramark, the concessionaire that operates Yosemite’s restaurants, snack shops and hotels, to clean up and disinfect food service facilities in the park, including the famous Ahwahnee Hotel, Yosemite spokesman Scott Gediman said.

    Sloppy.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The local rag did a dump of the state’s health & sanitation inspection records of grocery stores. There were a couple chain locations on there, mostly locally own small ones, a few free standing ones, but the overwhelming majority of the 21 worst groceries were ethnic groceries. The rag turned off comments at the beginning of the year so couldn’t enjoy the hemming and hand waving that the goodthink denizens would throw over it.

      • R C Dean

        One of my regular reads in the local rag is the weekly update of restaurant inspections. Ay caramba!

      • Lackadaisical

        I believe it, there are a few stores run by Nepalese refugees that I absolutely will not shop at. Filthy. Can see how all of Haiti got the runs.

  46. The Late P Brooks

    Isn’t there something in law about how you can’t charge anyone with a crime by passing a law after the fact? I mean making felons out of people who own guns before the law was passed? Oh yeah, they already got away with that. And besides, it’s all covered by the FYTW clause.

    *Judge Ginsberg denies standing*

  47. The Late P Brooks

    “Many, particularly on the environmental Left, go even further and advocate “de-growth,” essentially urging societies to consciously reduce their economic wealth. This agenda requires that energy, housing, food, and other consumption costs steadily increase, or be legally prohibited, so that ordinary people will be unable to eat meat regularly, use more energy, live in larger spaces, and travel freely. There’s even a quaint notion that we need to return to a more primitive state of existence, essentially cancelling out the progress of the last few centuries.”

    Listen, dummy. Do you want us to save your soul, or don’t you?

    • Lackadaisical

      You just don’t know your own best interests, you deplorable duck.

    • Chafed

      This type of thinking has been around since industrialization began. It’s never gotten traction. It won’t now.

      • Rhywun

        Well, not without a little “help”.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        ^^. It’s not successful on its own, but it’s an effective mechanism to get the guilt-laden urbanite and suburbanite support behind your broader cause.

    • R C Dean

      urging societies to consciously reduce their economic wealth

      In spite of the fact that advanced societies have been reducing their actual consumption of raw materials without reducing their wealth. Why, its almost like greater efficiency actually leads to greater wealth, and the Greens, having pushed for efficiency, are now realizing that it is contradictory to their true goal of impoverishing the masses to make them easier to rule.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    If you skim through the headlines on teh googlenooze fast enough , you can convince yourself California is trying to become a “no-kill homeless shelter state”.

    Unfortunately, California homeless shelters do not currently euthanize unclaimed bums, no matter how long they have been there.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I can see the Bee headline now: ‘California homeless shelter adoption program offers free slaves for progressives with “good intentions”‘

    • Mad Scientist

      Bums don’t stay in shelters anyway. They’re not allowed to drink, snort, or shoot up there. Underpasses have no such rules.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Well run shelters don’t allow it. The homeless activists here are trying to get rule free government provided housing established because those meanie Christian shelters won’t put up with it and they say grace before the meal. And kick people out during the day.

  49. DEG

    Haitham takes power as domestic challenges loom large, from strained state finances to high unemployment in the indebted oil producer, and at a time of heightened tension between Iran and both the United States and its ally Saudi Arabia.
    “The wildcard is whether any of Oman’s neighbors might try to pressure the new sultan as he settles into power,” Kristian Coates Ulrichsen of Texas-based Rice University’s Baker Institute told Reuters.
    Oman, whose bonds are rated junk by all three major rating agencies, plans to raise over $5 billion in local and foreign debt this year to partly cover its deficit.

    Huh. I thought Oman was in better shape than that.

    University of Sydney professor Chris Dickman said his estimate of more than one billion animals killed was “highly conservative”.

    Go fuck yourself.

    The Packers will provide shovels and pay $12 an hour but they won’t be letting shovelers into the game.

    I wonder if any of the “Fight for $15” people will show up.

    Old Guy music is interesting.

    • R C Dean

      they won’t be letting shovelers into the game

      Well, unless they have tickets, I assume.

      Every Packer game is completely sold out with season tickets and has been for decades. And the wait list for season tickets is decades long. So, no, they aren’t handing out tickets to people who shovel. There is (or used to be) a thriving and completely tolerated secondary market for season tickets at the tailgate parties before the game.

      Hell, I’m surprised they even pay. From what I have seen, Green Bay would show up to shovel Lambeau Field for free.