The Night Shift for January 18, 2020

by | Jan 18, 2020 | Daily Links, Fun, Night Shift | 151 comments

Well, whaddya know–two Night Shift posts in three weeks!  That must be some kind of record, or, something.  Actually, that chest cold was the pits, and not exactly helped by weather that goes from a small ice flurry to 60-degree-plus temps in three days.  Blech.  Anyway, let’s crack on with the links and comments, shall we?

 

Who says Canadians are mild-mannered?  Keep in mind that an anagram of ‘Jessica Yaniv’ is ‘In Jiveass Cay’.  And, as we all know, that’s a reference to Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo island.

Geeze, I’m glad she told us!  I am, of course, referring not only to her repeated crowing about this accomplishment, but also, her cluing us in on her preferred pronouns.  Because…Damn.

OK, Canada—you’re 2 for 2 this week.  Maybe the Kellie Pickler clone is just taking Neil Peart’s death rather hard…?

An homage for my friend, CPRM.

Heinous.  Quite a bit of beating going on in that story.

When meth-heads attack.  Maybe the farts weren’t so bad, by comparison?

Nostalgia.

Coward.  Wake me up when he decides to use the Weed Whacker.

Funny, but, I would have thought this was more an Austin thing.

I hate it when a technicality spoils a perfectly good sword fight.  Part of me wants to say, “Let ‘em.”  The other part refuses to concede that authority to a judge.

Oh, you want music?  Here’s something for last weekP-Funk can take us the rest of the way.

 

As I mentioned to straffinrun earlier in the week, I’m not sure how long I’ll be continuing Night Shift posts.  While they can be fun, and help me as I stay awake into Sunday mornings, I’m finding it difficult to put them together every week.  Of course, if anyone else wants to jump in and put some together, I’m all for coordinating some sort of alternating schedule.  Anyway, chat it up, ya reprobates.

About The Author

Sir Digby Classic

Sir Digby Classic

My goal is to make every social interaction awkward.

151 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Psyche! First, bitches.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Insider trading!

    • MikeS

      Have some etiquette with your fist.

      • Spudalicious

        I always lube my fist first.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Tears and dip spit don’t count as lube.

      • MikeS

        Oh wow…didn’t know we had a lube expert in our midst.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Oh pshaw, I’m just a humble lube enthusiast, I’d never call myself an expert

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        lube enthusiast

        Thaaat’s goin’ in the dating profile….

      • MikeS

        Does that mean you buy it in 5 gallon containers and not by the 55 gal drum?

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Does that mean you buy it in 5 gallon containers and not by the 55 gal drum?

        Only artisanal lube for me, in stylish Weck jars.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Thaaat’s goin’ in the dating profile….

        One of the hardest laughs I ever got out of a buddy of mine was when I describe a girl I was chatting with as a “blowjob enthusiast”.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        That doesn’t seem to be as rare of a trait as I was led to believe. And, that’s just based on statements, not witnessing.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Sadly, I had to take her word for it it (she was in NC, I was in MA and it was just a bunch of talk to that point).

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        just a bunch of talk

        It certainly gets talked about in some circles…may dating days weren’t that long ago (it seems).

  2. DEG

    Not first.

      • Gender Traitor

        Noice!

      • Chafed

        Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

      • MikeS

        Hey, they can’t always kick ass!

        ??

  3. J. Frank Parnell

    Are we sure the teacher was kneeling for the anthem? She might have been about to blow a 14yo.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Having seen pictures of her, I suspect that’s not her thing. Now, seducing 14 year old cheerleaders…

      • J. Frank Parnell

        *clicks through to story to see pictures of the teacher*
        *immediately regrets it*

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Oh, yes–the regret is strong after that story.

  4. Spudalicious

    “Coward. Wake me up when he decides to use the Weed Whacker.”

    And never cook in the nude. Just sayin’.

    • Spudalicious

      Or at least wear an apron.

      • MikeS

        fuck off, salver!

      • Spudalicious

        Hey, if hot oil blisters are your kink, get down with your own bad self.

      • MikeS

        They create their own lube.

  5. DEG

    That Guess Who song is great.

    The reporter was a bit more direct on Twitter, noting, “I’ve never seen a girl hit like that. Tbh you’re more manly than most men, and you belong behind bars. I’ll be seeing you in court, and I’ll visit you in prison. No tampons in mens prison! Sad!”

    No need for tampons as Jonathan Yaniv is a male. I can’t call Yaniv a man because men don’t behave like that.

    “Given platform to stand up for marginalized and oppressed people. Like many before, I respectfully kneeled during Nat’l Anthem because, “No one is free until we are all free,” she tweeted.

    Go fuck yourself.

    “The security guard from Macy’s asked if we wanted to call the police,” Crawford told WJBK. “I asked, ‘What is Macy’s policy if something like this happens? Of course we want you to call the police.'”

    It’s a good thing one of those women had a gun.

    A Massachusetts homeowner was arrested Monday for “open and gross lewdness” after passing motorists spotted him–leaf blower in hand–doing yard work in the nude, according to cops.

    Yet another reason why Massachusetts sucks.

    The organization, which hosts festivals around Texas, said in a Facebook post not to let the turkey’s testes be wasted in vain at its first Texas Testicle Festival from noon to 8 p.m. Saturday in Bankersmith Hall in Fredericksburg.

    I’ve been to Fredericksburg. I like Fredericksburg Brewing Company.

    I’m going to listen to that Guess Who song again then go to bed. ‘night folks.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Yet another reason why Massachusetts sucks.

      *checks link – please don’t be somebody I know, please don’t be somebody I know…*

      safe.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Damn, I just got here, DEG!

      Alright, ya quitter…have a good night.

  6. J. Frank Parnell

    That bathroom story was wild. I mean, some innocent woman is just minding her own business stroking her girl-cock and some crazy transphobic gun-nut threatens to shoot her? I can’t even.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan
      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        So, that’s what it’s like playing a game with someone who makes the rules up as they go along…

      • Rhywun

        Yep, that is never not LOL.

      • MikeS

        Hahahaha. What in the fuck is wrong with these people?

  7. Gender Traitor

    Speaking of leaf blowers, I’d like to dedicate this poem to our neighbor across the street. At least he doesn’t do it in the nude.

    • hayeksplosives

      Oh, man. Every Tuesday, at 6:30 or 7:00 am, the neighbor’s gardener shows up. He doesn’t start with branch lopping or raking—nope, always starts with the leaf blower. Always right next to our side of the property.

      Planning to sleep til 8? Guess again. Taking the day off? Let me wake you up with the dulcet tones of the whining leaf blower.

      It violates the HOA but I don’t wanna turn them in. The man of the house has terminal cancer. After he passes beyond the veil, I’m gonna talk to that effing gardener though.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        I’m damn sure grabbin’ the popcorn for that encounter!

      • hayeksplosives

        It will be hand-to-mano confrontation

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        That sounds kinda….(ahem)….

        OH…right; gotcha.

      • MikeS

        I’ve said it before and I’ll insult people here again; leaf blowers are stupid. Either mulch the leaves (which helps the lawn!) or get off your ass and grab a damn rake. Or mulch the leaves (which helps the lawn!)

        I’d mulch the leaves. (It helps the lawn)

      • hayeksplosives

        I assume he’s paid by the hour. So he just looks industrious and makes noise while blowing all their dead stuff into my property, where I then have to take a broom and sweep all the crap out of my giant aloes and succulents he blows their dead junk into.

        Grrrrr.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        my giant aloes and succulents

        The Lady has quite the word palette.

        he blows their dead junk

        Err, well….

      • Gustave Lytton

        I love my leaf blower. You can pry it from my cold dead hands.

      • MikeS

        If you lived next door to me, that would be a real possibility.

      • Gustave Lytton

        If you lived next door, you’d be welcome to rake all of the leaves to your heart’s content. The big leaf maples put out a lot of leaf, far too much to mulch in place, and kill the lawn if left.

        Got a backpack last spring and it’s so much better than a handheld, except for clearing off the roof.

      • Chafed

        Compost pile. The answer is compost pile.

      • Grumbletarian

        Unless you live next to Rene Boucher.

  8. Rhywun

    Nice to know that Family Feud Canada is just as insufferable as the ‘Mercan variety. Holy shit I watched it the other day and it was… bad.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      I blame the death of Richard Dawson.

      /show does have its moments still

    • l0b0t

      The US version was only rendered somewhat watchable by the presence of Richard Dawson.

      • Rhywun

        Yes, I might have elaborated that it was pretty good back in the day. Each successive host has been worse than the last, plus the questions get stoopider and stoopider.

    • MikeS

      FF is IMHO the worst successful game show in history. Bring back Card Sharks and Press Your Luck!!!!11!!

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        They did bring back PYL several years ago.

        Whammy

      • Rhywun

        I used to watch a lot of GSN and even I couldn’t stand that shit. The original sucked, too.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        ::gasp!::

        No! The original was a constellation of cash and prizes. Loved that stuff on a lazy, school-free Summer morn.

      • Rhywun

        It was so stupid there was that guy who broke it just by watching the patterns.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Stupid? Nah. In fact, that one of t.v.’s greatest love success stories.

        Not the guy’s subsequent life, though. Poor bastard.

      • MikeS

        Yeah, I don’t know how that makes the game “stupid”. What a story. I’m saving that for tomorrow for a deeper (soberer) dive.

      • MikeS

        The original sucked, too.

        That is so disgusting. Someone do something.

      • Rhywun

        Double Dare or GTFO. Bonus: the music was recycled for Card Sharks.

  9. slumbrew - double secret satan

    I’m 2:30 into The Irishman, but I don’t think I can make the next hour – good chance the dog is going to want to go out in the middle of the night and I can’t be dead to the world.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Hey; no shame in that–it’s quite the viewing journey.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Thank you for your blessing.

        G’night, party people.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

  10. Gender Traitor

    Rhywun & Mike, I just checked out the harmony links you put up late in the last thread. Thanks! Mike, my ol’ trio used to do 7BR back in the day. Getting the timing right on the a cappella bits is a certifiable booger. We ran through that one at the end of every single rehearsal. Real crowd pleaser when we got it right, though.

    • MikeS

      I don’t doubt that. It’s a great bit of harmony.

      The song has just a twinge of a soft-spot for me…Every day on my drive to work, I drive on a stretch of gravel road where I cross 7 bridges within 1.25 miles. A real life Seven Bridges Road. Kinda cool in a lame sorta way.

      • Gender Traitor

        7 bridges within 1.25 miles.

        Jeeminy criminy! Do you live in Venice??

      • MikeS

        Haha. No, just a very windy little creek. None of the 7 bridges are longer than 30-40 feet.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Do you live in Venice??

        Oooooh….too soon.

      • Gender Traitor

        Boy, it sure would’ve sucked if your once-in-a-lifetime Venice vacation had been that week.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Inorite???

      • hayeksplosives

        I love a good Eagles tune. That one qualifies.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        good Eagles tune

        Tsk, tsk–Dude would be appalled.

  11. hayeksplosives

    After our brutal 2 and a half week winter in San Diego, it was 67 degrees today, the first spring rose bloomed, and all the fruit trees are sporting nice new reddish-budded branches.

    Bliss. It almost makes up for Newsom, but not quite…

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Yeah, it’d need to be Fiji….or, Prague, for it to balance exposure to the Great Brylcream Bastard.

      • hayeksplosives

        Tell me that don’t stank.

        https://www.google.com/amp/s/calmatters.org/commentary/gavin-newsoms-keeping-it-all-in-the-family/amp/

        This is just one excerpt, but the whole thing runs really, disturbingly, deep.

        One of the Pelosis’ sons, Paul, married Nancy D’Alesandro, who went into politics and has now reclaimed speakership of the House of Representatives. Another Pelosi son married William Newsom’s daughter, Barbara. Until they divorced, that made Nancy Pelosi something like an aunt by marriage to Gavin Newson (Nancy Pelosi’s brother-in-law was Gavin Newsom’s uncle).

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Appalachia sounds healthier than that.

      • Rhywun

        That made my head spin but yeah, I didn’t know any of that. Yet… none of it surprises me.

      • hayeksplosives

        The only thing that separates Russian oligarchs from California oligarchs is that the California one dont need to throw dissenting journalists off tall buildings.

        Because there are no dissenting journalists in California.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Don’t forget Nelson’s ex-wife.

      • Rhywun

        I spotted the wicked ambition in that bastard from a mile away when he was just a city council creature the year I lived in SF.

      • hayeksplosives

        Even if you’re a Dem, you are OK with your party coming up with *this* guy???

        You’d think there would be a little more competition within the party, since once you get the D nomination, you’re in.

        But then again, Minneapolis has Ilan Omar.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t know what you mean.

        /Andrew Cuomo

      • hayeksplosives

        Meet me in Prague at the train station. We make briefcase exchange at third bench.

        Nostrovya!

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        ………”BriefCASE“! Right; briefCASE. Got it.

  12. Trigger Hippie

    Hey, all youz gun nutz punting about here. If sometime in the near future you happen to go out and purchase bullets you just might run into a shortage for a day or two because half the plant that makes most of the ammunition for this country is taking the day off for the Chiefs game. Ha!

    • hayeksplosives

      All my guns were lost in a tragic boating accident, but thanks for the heads up.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        It shan’t be long before the Coast Guard starts interdicting boats looking for unstable weapons transporting.

  13. Gender Traitor

    Diggy, I need to bug out of here shortly, but if you don’t mind my asking – how are things going with your mom? (If you don’t feel like talking about it, I understand.)

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      She actually seems like she’s doing a bit better at the moment–new Dr (long story), new home attendants, getting access to some more benefits from her medicaid…

      Hate to say it, but, just kind of waiting for other shoe to drop. It will, at some point. For the moment, I’m enjoying the relative peace.

      • Gender Traitor

        So glad to hear it! Hope it lasts as long as possible!

        Thanks for doing this. Sorry I gotta bail, but got a birthday party to attend tomorrow. Nighty night!

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Have a good ‘un!

      • hayeksplosives

        Night, GT!!

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Do I spy some sort of hockey apparel?

      • dbleagle

        I think it is a signal flag for the letter E converted to a top. (E= Turning to Starboard)

      • Chafed

        That’s good news SD. Take it for as long as it lasts.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        I am hoping to do so. I was surprised by her overall appearance recently, as she seems to be putting effort into staying “better” (moreso than she has been).

      • DEG

        Best wishes Sir Digby.

  14. straffinrun

    So this is where y’all went.

    • hayeksplosives

      Where the heck were you??? It’s Saturday night, bitches!

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        “Saturday Night Bitches”–not quite SNL, but, certainly more fun.

      • straffinrun

        Project due tomorrow.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ok, fair enough.

        Clearly you need more orphans to help.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Especially for the ghost-writing.

  15. dbleagle

    Hey Digby. Don’t worry about adding lots of links. The last night wing ding can be open post or one post. It is nice to have a place to hang out.

    This afternoon was 79 degrees and the ocean temps were around 83-84. Nice sail and we pulled onto the sand bar and watched life and the Bay for an hour or so before continuing back to the harbor. Not a bad way to spend a winter day.

    Also this morning I noticed the bananas starting a new bunch to add to the two already hanging.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=386a0K1CrII

    • hayeksplosives

      Ooh !! Nice!

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m telling you, we gotta set up the big gun at Barking Sands Missile Range.

      • dbleagle

        I will be there. We are doing a shoot during RIMPAC this summer. The SINKEX day is a weapons fan big noise birthday party.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Barking Sands

        That almost sounds like some weird bowel issue.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      life and the Bay

      Welp, there’s the title for your memoirs.

      Also–point taken about the links. ?

    • straffinrun

      Say hi to Brandy.

  16. hayeksplosives

    Which of the top anchormen wised up to liberalism and cultural relativism as a result of 9/11?

    Wasn’t Dan Rather,?Ted Koppel, or Tom Brokaw.

    Was it Peter Jennings or Sam Donaldson? Am I imagining things??? Somebody made a public shift and killed his career in doing so….

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      I never heard anything like that. The only one that seems even remotely close, to me, is Jennings.

      • straffinrun

        Maybe Beck?

      • dbleagle

        Ron Burgundy?

    • Chafed

      Not quite sure what you are thinking of HS. Koppel always struck me as something of a skeptic regardless of his topic. Maybe he just didn’t go nuts the way some of the others did.

      • Gustave Lytton

        His parents, German Jews, had fled Germany after the rise of Adolf Hitler and Nazism.[3] In Germany, Koppel’s father had operated a tire-manufacturing company. To help the British economy, the Home Secretary invited him and his wife to move the factory to Lancashire, England, where, he was promised, they would be protected in the event of war.[3] They moved the factory there in 1936; but, when war broke out in Europe, in 1939, he was instead declared an enemy alien and imprisoned on the Isle of Man for a year and a half.

        May have had an impact on his word view a bit.

      • Chafed

        I would hope so.

    • Grumbletarian

      Stossel?

  17. Chafed

    Heinous. Quite a bit of beating going on in that story.

    You, sir, know how to turn a phrase.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      ::bows deeply::

      Thank you!! I never know if they shine through, or not.

  18. l0b0t

    Digby, I love the late night posts regardless of links therein. I can only check in sporadically (these groceries aren’t gonna put themselves on the shelf) but I’m glad y’all are here.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Thanks, l0. Duly noted.

    • dbleagle

      Why put them away in cabinets? You will take the stuff out and put it back on the counter to prepare them later. Leave them on the counter and add a music link here while drinking your choice of beverage.

      • straffinrun

        IO works as a grocer IINM.

      • l0b0t

        I have VERY fond memories of watching him busking on the streets of Key West in the early ’70s. White Sport Coat And A Pink Crustacean and Livin’ & Dyin’ In 3/4 Time are my favorite albums from that Oakie who South Florida adopted.

        Fun Fact – the fold out LP cover for Livin’ & Dyin’ features the Key West playground where I spent a great deal of time ashore.

  19. Chafed

    I was watching the last stretch of The Naked Gun 33 1/3 while writing GlibFit. It was not the best of those movies but still damn funny. Leaving aside OJ’s role, there is no way that movie could be made today. The stuff that’s “offensive” is so mild but you know it would be killed at inception in any Hollywood studio. Are there no conservative (and I use the term only to mean not in thrall to Progressive sensibilities) studios?

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Love the lone applause for the feeding dolphins to cats joke.

    • straffinrun

      American version of British droll humor. Love those movies.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I think I need to check if Benny Hill is on dvd now.

  20. straffinrun

    Massie dropping trute ?s.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        An Obama reference? Really, dude? Thanks to your Chocolate Kennedy, gun sales were some of their strongest. Considering how much they hate guns, their Lightbringer sure could sell ’em.

  21. straffinrun

    Everybody got off the train at this station. Either I missed some announcement or that SBD was more D than I thought.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      #GaijinGas.

    • Chafed

      I thought Japan took subway gas attacks seriously.

      • straffinrun

        Heh.

      • Sir Digby's tnetennba

        Bang a falun gong.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Are the train personnel running through the cars and gesturing for you to exit?

      /memories of the first time having the train go out of service. Thought wow, finally can sit down now that the car isn’t crowded.

  22. Gustave Lytton

    Great music Sir D! I remember the Guess Who’s Canned Wheat album in my Dad’s stack of records. Along with Whipped Cream and Other Delights. Shortly before I was born, he got religion in a big way so he never played any of them. But didn’t get rid of them either. On road trips, he’d listen to the oldies station, which was 50’s and limited 60’s then. That was as modern as he’d get.

    • Sir Digby's tnetennba

      Sounds like a great station. And, thank you.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Between syndicated tv shows that were really taking off and my dad’s eccentricities, my childhood pop culture was filed with stuff 20-30 years earlier. This turned out to be a blessing later when I was able to “discover” the actual pop culture of my youth other than fragments and share very similar touchstones with my wife (there’s a bit of a May-December age difference).

        Loved hearing this
        https://youtu.be/BQaUs5J2wdI

    • Urthona

      That’s actually an excellent sign.

  23. Urthona

    I’m just now getting into The Expanse, and it rocks.