The Night Shift for January 4, 2020

by | Jan 4, 2020 | Daily Links, Fun, Night Shift | 381 comments

So, it’s 2020, which makes this the year of hindsight, or, something like that—I’m not going to hold my breath over it.  Anyway, I’m here to keep doing my late-night shtick, and, give us night-owls a place to chat, listen to music, and kvetch about whatever.  Me–I’m gonna try to enjoy a protracted holiday season with a few more 3 and 4-day weekends.  And, I suppose work on Night Shift posts.  Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

I would like for George Carlin to kick off the new year’s Night Shift.  Take it away, George.

Because, I’m sure some of you were very naughty in 2019, you all get this to start off the year.  Shame!

How the strange and stupid wrapped up 2019.  No, that’s not a link to DU or Kos.

I blame the recent white supremacy happening in NYC.  When even the wind is against you, you may just need to pack it all up, and move.

Is this really the hardest part of being homeless?  I find that I hate people on both sides of the issue, if it can even be accurately called that.  One thing to keep in mind:  It’s good when cops are posting on social media, because we get to see their idiocy.  Also, if they weren’t posting, they’d most likely just be monitoring it.

S’up Kane?!

I asked about gifts received a few weeks ago, so:  Who had issues with gifts NOT received?  It seems like Amazon and USPS were more on point this year, although there were certainly screw-ups to be found with deliveries.  Do you have any stories about items disappearing into the aether?

Caution:  KK bait. Part dos.

OK—on the surface, this sounds promising.  I just can’t shake the feeling that the problem is reckoned as not enough cooperation, and, therefore, not more legislation getting passed.

I had an interesting time at my in-laws for Christmas.  I have always followed my wife’s lead in regards to not asking what her father did for work, as he was a USAF civilian employee of some importance (not a contractor).  It wasn’t a “family secret”, so much as there was a lot that I was told he couldn’t talk about.  Well, it turns out he was high up in the B-2 project.  I don’t know much about what he did on the program, or, afterwards.  Still, I found it cool to have that connection.

I do love me some classics.  What—you don’t like my selection?  Alright; something more Glibs-appropriate.

 

I guess that’s enough damage for the first Night Shift of 2020.  I am hoping that this might catch on more with non-regulars, even if that means them forgoing sleep and other commitments, just for the sake of an ego-stroking (ahem).  Anyway, jump on in, and have fun!

About The Author

Sir Digby Classic

Sir Digby Classic

My goal is to make every social interaction awkward.

381 Comments

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Marvin, Marvin, Marvin…

    • Chafed

      Who knew MikeS is Ted’S sock puppet?

  1. MikeS

    I’d rather listen to Rush and Steely Dan on continuous loop for the rest of my life than Heard it in a Love Song one more time. My gawd that’s a horrible song.

    But hey, I mean, everyone has different tastes, so you do you.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Um, it’s Purdy Little Love Dong, dammit!

      • MikeS

        Ha! I used to think that was what he was bellering.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        “10 feet long…”

    • Yusef in Space......

      My Dad was in ‘Nam with Toy Caldwell,
      Howdy!

  2. Heroic Mulatto

    *unzips*

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      I would high-five ya, or, even offer a fist bump, but the bro gentlemen’s code…

    • straffinrun

      As if it’s ever zipped.

  3. MikeS

    Your musical selections are raising my blood pressure. I think I’m going to blow my fuse.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      I freakin’ love me some Kix! I listened to that cd every freaking day (along with some RATT Reach for the Sky)

      A fave.

    • straffinrun

      Gotta admit that Peanuts version is cute.

      • Rhywun

        That’s what I was waiting for

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        They’s miscegenated!

      • Gender Traitor

        The white guy reminds me of the math genius on the old TV series NUMB3RS. [Full disclosure: lifelong sucker for brainy boys.]

      • slumbrew

        Guy killed me, Mal. Killed me with a sword; how weird is that?

      • Gender Traitor

        ::fans self furiously:: (That’s fan, with an “n.”)

      • slumbrew

        Riiiiiight

      • Nephilium

        Oh… an “N”. I was looking at the vowel to make sure I read it correctly…

      • CPRM

        Is that like jerking off to Ann with an E?

      • Rhywun

        Wow I haven’t heard that in forever.

    • Chafed

      I listened to that yesterday

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Damn right you did!

      • Chafed

        ?

  4. Tulip

    My sister said I should receive my gifts Tuesday. We’ll see what happens.

    • MikeS

      Will there be gin?

      • Tulip

        Probably not

      • Tulip

        Any sales?

      • MikeS

        Haven’t seen any yet. Want to wait a bit more or just pull the trigger?

      • Nephilium

        The party I was at tonight involved a young one (late 20’s/early 30’s) asking about good gin and tonics.

        I strongly suggested Tanqueray Malacca (especially after hearing that he liked grapefruit).

      • CPRM

        Tanqueray

        I’d buy that for a dollar!

      • Nephilium

        If it was only a dollar, I’d have cases of it!

        /believes Tanqueray 10 is better then Bombay Sapphire.

      • Tulip

        Just wait

      • MikeS

        Will do

  5. Gustave Lytton

    Wife’s fryer hasn’t shown up. Email the company. Oh, it was out of stock. Sorry.

    • Gender Traitor

      The appropriate Plan B is jewelry. As is the appropriate Plan A.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Erm, jewelry doesn’t tend to fry up very well.

    • CPRM

      Air fryer or oil fryer?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Oil. I think. It was her order, so not really a present for her.

  6. MikeS

    *zips up*

    • straffinrun

      Frank and beans.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      nice cock bro. a little on the small side, but the shape is overall pretty symmetrical, and your balls have just the right amount of hair. the council rates it 7/10.

      • MikeS

        *blushes*

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Wait a sec–you’ll probably want that blood for other purposes.

  7. Tulip

    Referring to the last thread: derpetologist, echo reminds me of my dog. My dog doesn’t have nearly the problems echo has, but adopting a retired greyhound has its own issues

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Skittish? Greyhounds strike me as such, although I don’t necessarily see that as a full-on negative.

      If not, what are the issues?

      • Tulip

        Mine is a retired racer. I had to teach her to do stairs. She has leash aggression, though that stems from a dog park accident. She doesn’t respond to her name outside the house. There are food issues.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Damn…poor pup.

      • Tulip

        She’s awesome and ridiculously spoiled. She has beds in every room of the house. She gets three walks a day. She gets marrow bones twice a week. Don’t feel too bad for her.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        She’s awesome

        I would have difficulty believing otherwise.

        ?

      • Tulip

        She regularly socializes with the neighbor’s dogs, but if she meets them on the leash, she growls

    • Tulip

      Of course, she’s ‘friends’ with a bernese, that she originally hated. She used to growl, and now the bernese whines if she sees us and we don’t walk over to see her

  8. CPRM

    A christmas gift I ordered never arrived, but I don’t think it’s on the delivery system, I think it is a scam thing, will report it this week.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Not on the “delivery system”? What is the gift?

      • CPRM

        A book off Ebay. They tried to tell me after I bought it that when they checked their inventory it was damaged and asked if I wanted a different book. I said I wanted that book. They say they mailed it in early November and it has not arrived.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        See; here I was thinking that the gift delivery this season had gone rather well, and yet, so many of youse had shit happen/not happen.

        What the hell is wrong with these places??

        /I hope you get your book

      • CPRM

        Like I said, I don’t think it’s a delivery problem, seems more like a scam.

  9. Atreides

    I think that it was Ted S. who forced the ABBA “Happy New Year” song upon my ears.

    I’m still angry about it.

  10. Gustave Lytton

    I had two items marked purchased from my Amazon wish list several years ago and never was gifted either one.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Gustave, I’m actually laughing about this (not because of you) as I imagine people looking at your list and deciding they want the items themselves, or, figure they’d be great gifts for other people.

      That is truly shitty, but, I did laugh. Some people suck.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I have to thank you good Sir. I went to Amazon to figure out what it was and got a pop up from Amazon offering a $5 kindle credit that I could use towards that version of the book (Through the Wheat). Regular price is $.99 so free book.

        Other item was a collection of classic movies which I can’t recall.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        That is a net win.

        Spousal unit ordered can cooler/holders for her brother as an add-on gift. Disappeared mid-delivery in the Metroplex (USPS). Litterally were en route to our PO, and just vanished.

        Amazon refunded the money 2 days after Christmas.

        They were delivered this Thursday.

    • Nephilium

      Worst I dealt with was a Mini owners gift exchange. You signed up online, got a random person assigned, and were supposed to send them a random gift (at the ~$20 range). I found a remote control Mini, and purchased it. The person supposed to send me a gift sent nothing.

      That dick.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        The holidays bring out the worst in some people.

        Maybe that dude will find himself in a small plane with a sickly pilot.

      • Nephilium

        Meh.

        It cost me $20. My Catholic upbringing does allow me to project my guilt on others, so the concept of receiving a gift and not returning it would torture me until I could return the favor, especially for something I signed up for. I do have a random gift I received from the Mini gift exchange the year before (a Mini shaped ice mold) that’s been used at least three times…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Which reminds me: You’re here for NS, so…kvetch!

      • Nephilium

        I’ve managed to get most of the venting out locally, and seeing what Yusef is going through really helps to put in perspective. I can manage to move on (although the psych I was talking to reacted amusingly to some of my upbringing).

        You’ve got my e-mail Yusef… feel free to reach out.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Your upbringing?

        Also, I don’t think therapists are supposed to laugh like that…

  11. Yusef in Space......

    Funny quilt…

    • Atreides

      Happy New Year, Yusef!

      May 2020 bring good things to you and your family.

      • CPRM

        We don’t kindly to Spice traders in these parts.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I never kindly.

      • MikeS

        Is that a new Tulpa? I lose track sometimes.

      • CPRM

        No, I done seen that Tulpa before. I was just going on my hate for David Lynch.

      • MikeS

        Ah. I see. Well, fuck you, then, Tulpa!

      • Yusef in Space......

        I’ll thank you, but watch it Tulpa!, i don’t know you, yet,

  12. slumbrew

    “If you don’t know who Big Daddy Kane is, you can go fuck yourself.”

    Seconded.

      • slumbrew

        You’re dead to me.

    • slumbrew
      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        For shame, Mike–coulda gone with this gem

      • MikeS

        Could have, but I picked the better of the two.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Are you taking up Hyperbole’s role?

      • MikeS

        I was going to, but now I refuse to because you brought it up.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        The best advice/order my mother ever gave me:

        Well, DON’T!!

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Oh, the dog is welcome. Just, not on the pipe, you know?

    • Urthona

      I know Patrick Kane and Cane’s chicken.

    • straffinrun

      OK. But I never really understood that command.

  13. straffinrun

    Has everybody chimed in with their opinion of Suleimani’s death? Are you: a) it’s an act of war OMG b) he had it comin’ c) it was a strategic move to bring peace d) we should’ve impeached him instead e) wait, why are we there? f) the enemy of my enemy is Eric Bienemy.

    • Rhywun

      (e)

    • MikeS

      A; B; C; E; & F

      • straffinrun

        90’s college football running backs FTW. You’ve redeemed yourself.

    • Tundra

      e.

    • CPRM

      g) If the Hat supported it I’m agin it, if the Hair supported it I’m for it.

    • Don Escaped Bloomington

      ¡ e !

    • Tejicano

      g) 19 years in that sandbox, thousands of American dead, many billions of dollars pissed away, and they finally drone-murdered somebody who actually deserved it.

      (And, yeah, deserves got nothing to do with it)

      • slumbrew

        I’m going with ‘g’ as well.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, I change my answer, too.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I’m down with ‘g’, too.

      • straffinrun

        That’s b and c, no? You can throw in e, too because they aren’t mutually exclusive.

      • straffinrun

        Also, there will always be someone there who deserves it.

    • Contrarian P

      I’m sorry, but orchestrating an attack against a US embassy is an act of war. That was not a spontaneous demonstration. Blowing up the architect of that assault is a justifiable response and honestly less than might have happened in a former era. Trump could have just disregarded the embassy attack and given a speech, but he did what he’s done politically: when hit, hit back hard. Trump could have blown up an airfield in response, but instead he delivered a much more forceful message.

      I don’t think he’s very worried about Iran, nor should he be. They aren’t a nuclear power, their conventional military doesn’t have the capability to engage us, we can assault them on two fronts, they don’t have any solid allies, and there are plenty of countries in the area that really don’t like them and would probably be happy to see them go.

      Iran already sponsors terror attacks. Maybe they’ll try to step it up, but really, what else can they do? They’ll rattle their sabres for a while, promise death to America, and nothing else will happen. They’ve backed themselves into a corner. They’ve already promised to destroy the US and Israel. What are they going to do, promise to destroy them twice?

      I’m not arguing that we should be in the area in the first place. We shouldn’t have been and I’d still like to see us find a way to extract ourselves without leading to more problems we have to go back and address. But Trump didn’t get to start at zero. He inherited a mess of a region and has to try to navigate it as best he can, just like Obama, and Bush, and everybody else.

      • straffinrun

        How do you extract yourself from that mess given every single time you try to pull out, some scumbag does something awful to get you to stay? You could make a million small decisions which were justified at the time, but overall lead to an unjustifiable outcome. Just look at Afghanistan if we need another example.

    • Mojeaux

      Eric Bienemy.

      Whom we will not have much longer. ?

    • MikeS

      It’s a silly place.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Git back here!!

  14. slumbrew

    Speaking of gifts received – late gift from my cousin who has apparently started a CBD-products company in VT; what does one do with CBD capsules? Take one before bed or just whenever?

    • CPRM

      You shove them up your ass so they can fall out if you’re shot in the balls.

    • Tundra

      Doesn’t matter. Sans THC, they appear to be snake oil.

      *braces for impact*

      • CPRM

        *braces for impact*

        Not drunk enough to turn that joke back around about you’re daughter, you lucked out.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        * lights another candle in corner TedS shrine *

      • Rhywun

        No idea but “CBD Sold Here” seems to be the new “EBT Taken Here” at every drugstore and bodega I pass.

      • MikeS

        My wife has seen some relief from CBD powder when she gets a migraine.

      • Tundra

        Yep. I was just being a late-night asshole. I know quite a few people for whom it has done great things.

        Just not me, goddammit.

    • slumbrew

      awww:

      He married Caryl J. Peterson on March 21, 1976, the best man at the wedding was “Mean” Gene Okerlund

      • Tundra

        Lol. Minneapolis was a wrestling Mecca. I knew a bunch of those crazy fucks. Cooler than rock stars.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Minneapolis was a wrestling Mecca

        I see what ya did there….dammit.

    • CPRM

      Trump VS The Iron Sheikh, the match to to end all wars! on PPV this spring!

  15. Tundra

    I don’t know much about what he did on the program, or, afterwards. Still, I found it cool to have that connection.

    I knew one of the test pilots for that program. Cool guy who knew a shit-ton about making things fly.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      As I understand it, the AF revealed it w/o warning to the program guys.

      “This is top secret hush-hush.”
      Then, Surprise! It’s on TV.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, marketing seemed to be a huge part of the program.

  16. commodious spittoon

    I’m out of Jim Beam rye.

    • MikeS

      Good. Now you have an excuse to buy some good rye.

    • CPRM

      I’ve never drank a rye. But then again, my stomach now vomits up any whisk(e)y upon contact, so probably never will.

      • Nephilium

        Your stomach is treating you wrong, and should probably be removed…

      • MikeS

        ^ this ^

      • CPRM

        I know, I should sue that fucker!

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        +1 rainmaker

        Talk to Chafed–maybe he’ll take the case for shits and gigs…

    • commodious spittoon

      Walked to the store and got a bottle of Svedka.

      My sister’s texting me about her motherly insecurities, and I am at a total loss.

  17. Derpetologist

    Tonight’s language lesson:

    Salaam means peace in Arabic. Islam means submission (to the will of god) and istislam means to surrender. Salama means to send.

    In Hebrew, shalom means peace and shlomo means peaceful. Shlomo is also a boy’s name.

    In the famous greeting “as salaam ‘alaykum”, it is written alslam ‘alaykum, but the l gets turned into an s when spoken. This also happens in place names like An-Nasiriyah or Ash-Sham.

    The literal meaning is “the peace upon you (all)”.

    In the New Testament, Jesus tells the blind man to go to the stream called Siloam. In Aramaic, Siloam means “sent”. So the guy gets sent to the stream called “sent”.

    There are a lot of words for lion in Arabic and most of them are names too: Asad, Haydar, Hamzah

    There is a city in India called Hyderabad. The Hyder part means lion and the “bad” part means city. So Lion City basically.

    Shere Khan was the tiger in the Jungle Book. Shir means lion in Farsi and Urdu. Khan means king or boss in those languages.

    So Shere Khan is the Lion King. As far as I know, this the only time where a Disney character in one movie is named after a Disney character in another.

    Arabic speaking Muslims and Christians both refer to god as Allah. The word ilaha is used to refer to a god from another religion.

    La iliaha illa alaha, muhammad rasullah

    There is no god except Allah, Muhammad is the apostle of Allah

    The names Muhammad, Ahmed, Mahmood and others all come from the word hamada, meaning to praise.

    A common Arabic phrase is al-hamdulillah – praise be to allah or allah be praised.

    • CPRM

      What is Arabic for ‘Aloha Snackbar’?

      • Derpetologist

        salaam mataam

        hello restaurant

      • CPRM

        Salami madam? What a bunch of sexual deviants,

      • Derpetologist

        +1 Perfumed Garden

        The Perfumed Garden (الروض العاطر في نزهة الخاطر) is an Islamic sex manual, similar to the Hindu Kama Sutra. The full title of the book is The Perfumed Garden of Sensual Delight (al-rawd al-‘âtir fî nuzhati’l khâtir). It is believed to have been written between 1410 and 1434.

        https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Perfumed_Garden

        It’s a spicy meat-a-ball.

      • slumbrew

        “On the Deceits and Treacheries of Women”

        Alpha AF.

        “Prescriptions for increasing the Dimensions of small Members, and for making them splendid”

        Early Pornhub ads.

        “Of things that take away the bad smell from the Armpits and Sexual Parts of Women, and contract the latter”

        I sense a theme…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        increasing the Dimensions

        They were big into math…

      • Derpetologist

        Huh, the translation in modern Arabic is: the perfumed garden in the picnic of danger

        Rawd means garden and rawdah means kindergarten. Riyadh means gardens and is also a city in Saudi Arabia.

        Khatar means danger. In Swahili, the word got garbled into hatari, which is also a John Wayne movie about a safari hunter.

        Safara means to travel in Arabic.

      • Tundra

        I prefer my gardens hanging.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I prefer my gardens hanging.

        OK, Chad…

        Also, Picnic of Danger is an awesome name.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Ask for the foot-long.

    • Tejicano

      I sometimes wonder what people of the muslim world think of Sir Richard Francis Burton (if they have any knowledge of him anymore). On one hand he brought many stories from the middle east to prominence in the English speaking world. On the other hand his was an apostate as he completed a Haj in cognito.

      Any input on this?

      • Derpetologist

        Salman Rushdie is far more widely known than Burton is.

        Speaking of Rushdie, I have a hard time feeling much sympathy for Soleimani when he surely would have cheered the murder of Rushdie.

        Short answer: Muslims hate blasphemers and leaders of enemy countries and are indifferent to everyone else.

      • Tejicano

        Well, Rushdie is much more a contemporary figure.

        I often get this feeling through what we hear via the media and internet that part of the beef the modern islamist has with the West is our lack of understanding, appreciation, or respect for their world. I wonder if Burton’s presentation of the cultures of the Orient in his day – particularly in a rather positive light – is seen as anything good or significant. I guess they either don’t know who translated those works or don’t care about it.

      • Derpetologist

        You answered your own question. The 2 most popular books translated into Arabic are Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

        In Arabic, My Struggle is Jihadi. Jihad means struggle and i is the “my” suffix.

        I want to say I have nothing but respect for my Arabic teachers, who made many sacrifices and took great risks to teach me and others.

        It will be a long, hard fight, but I have no doubt that the good guys will win.

    • Derpetologist

      Modern Standard Arabic is just that – it is based on the Qur’an, but the Arabic used in newspapers comes from dictionaries that are about 100 years old. A college professor from Baghdad would struggle to order lunch in Benghazi, because the spoken Arabic of those places is as different as Spanish and Italian. And the menu would be in Latin.

      • Tejicano

        So when DLI in Monterey teaches a course in Arabic do they offer different courses in different dialects? Or do they try to cover a number of dialects in the same course?

      • Derpetologist

        Dialect courses were the standard when I was there. Most were in either Iraqi or Levantine. Some good students got a condensed course in another dialect at the end.

      • Rhywun

        FWIW, the one “Teach Yourself” Arabic book I had a few decades ago said it was specific to the spoken language in Egypt.

        A lot of languages are like this – where there is no central “standard” so they have to pick a city or region and teach that. See: Welsh, Irish, many others.

      • Rhywun

        Hm.

        The way I remember it is that standard German is closest to what is spoken in a central area that is quite distant – to the south and west – from Berlin, but I’m too picked to go searching for proof right now.

      • Rhywun

        *pickled

        *hic*

      • nw

        When I was there it was a 47 week course in modern standard arabic. Basically
        “how to read a newspaper and listen to the news” with a smattering of
        “how to have a basic conversation while sounding like a newscaster”.

        This was followed by a 16 week dialect course focusing on a specific
        dialect. I think the options were Egyptian and Syrian at the time,
        I got assigned to Egyptian, so I know that one was correct.

        The dialects are *really* different, to the point of mutual unintelligibility.
        Moroccan is particularly strange, even closer than that the
        dialects are pretty different.

  18. Tundra
      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Dennis Quaid pissing ice cubes is still the funniest thing in cinema to date.

  19. Yusef in Space......

    “Art! , Your wife’s home! ,and your house is on Fire!”
    My Wife’s home!!!!!!

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Huzzah!!

      Let the healing and new ‘normalcy’ begin!

    • Gender Traitor

      For real???

      • Yusef in Space......

        Not Wendy, sadly, just a quote from the ‘burbs, great movie,
        she’s improving,

      • Gender Traitor

        I kinda thought that would be awfully soon after her surgery, but I’m so glad to hear she’s getting better! Virtual hugs to both of you, and scritches for your critters!

      • Yusef in Space......

        God, the critters are the neediest, most spoiled creatures,I can hardly sit without them crowding me for love,
        / Great Critters!

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Damn…. But, great that she’s improving.

      • Tejicano

        Glad to hear she is improving. Looking forward to more and even better news.

      • Tundra

        +1

        Great news!

  20. Yusef in Space......

    “May I smoke?”
    “won’t effect the test”

  21. Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

    When You’re a Hammer: An Asshole’s Plea

    Wanting fewer people incarcerated != weak on crime, dipshit. Of course, robust self defense is a must, no matter what.

    • Yusef in Space......

      Smoke two joints in the morning,
      I smoke two joints at night,

    • Tundra

      I’m fine with fewer people locked up for victimless crimes, but fucking thieves deserve what they get.

      Fuckheads.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        This! There are people who do deserve a cell for depriving people of their stuff. Especially when it’s how they define their lives. Tweaking a penal code for a higher threshold is fine, as long as there is a method for stacking relevant crimes into increasing penalties, when it’s called for.

        Otherwise, take out thieves as they commit their crimes.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHITLIB!

      At least one prominent conservative leader is speaking out against the proposal. Reached by telephone, constitutional law attorney and Daily Wire editor-at-large Josh Hammer told TheBlaze that Lopez’s bill is part of a pattern among Democrats and like-minded “weak-on-crime” Republicans.

      “Across the country, we see so many leftist Democrats — joined by no small share of libertarian-leaning Republicans — subscribing to the same weak-on-crime agenda,” Hammer, who has been critical of similar so-called “criminal justice reform” efforts, said.

      • Gustave Lytton

        constitutional law attorney

        Stop right there.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        😉

  22. Yusef in Space......

    “We’re paratroopers, we’re supposed to be surrounded”

  23. Yusef in Space......

    “Maximum Effort”

  24. Tundra
  25. MikeS

    I’m out. Tell Chafed I said hi

    • Gender Traitor

      Nighty night, Mike’S!

  26. Yusef in Space......

    “ohhh, myy, ggod, you finally did it,
    GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!”

  27. Yusef in Space......

    “220, 221, whatever it takes”

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      ………..Scotch?

      • Yusef in Space......

        Mr. Mom

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        +1 Champagne chilling in the background

    • Festus

      Aw fer fuck’s sake.

  28. Yusef in Space......

    “Are we awake?”
    “Are we Black?”

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      +1 Well, let’s play chess….

      • Yusef in Space......

        Food makes me sick….

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Little bastard SHOT ME IN THE ASS!!

      • Yusef in Space......

        Morons….

      • dbleagle

        Mongo just a pawn in the game of life.

  29. Yusef in Space......

    “NO DOVES”

  30. Yusef in Space......

    ” And you can go to the Devil!!!”

    • Yusef in Space......

      Bitches get stitches?

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        In this case, bitches get body bags!

    • Chafed

      JFC. The guy must have been terrified when it happened. And then secretly satisfied when told what he hit.

  31. Yusef in Space......

    This is all guess the movie quote, like this,
    ” Don’t get cocky kid”

    • Gender Traitor

      Oooh! Oooh! I know this one! Star Wars!

      The only one above I immediately recognized was the Planet of the Apes quote.

      • Yusef in Space......

        only ten more to go!

    • Tejicano

      Too easy – 1977

    • Gender Traitor

      “You know how to whistle, don’t you Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.”

      • Rhywun

        One of the most classic movie quotes.

      • Tundra
      • Festus

        Woodn’t care. Still wood Lauren.

    • Yusef in Space......

      A great one, I like the oficial video with all the phallic symbols,
      /Not Ghey
      /NTTATWWT

    • commodious spittoon

      Love some Cure.

      Some fine melancholia. More my brother’s speed, but he got a ton of tail, so who am I to judge

      • Gustave Lytton

        I love when the keyboard opens up in full glorious synth. Always reminds me of watching 80’s Doctor Who for some reason.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, that’s pretty much the quintessential Cure song. There are some I like better but unlike many overplayed songs I never get tired of this one.

  32. Festus

    Holy shee-it. 200 comments when I was trying to catch up. Not fair! Some of us work.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Work? Not fair!!

    • commodious spittoon

      Work?

      *checks calendar*

      Oh, right. That again.

  33. Yusef in Space......

    Why does Bella pick now to patrol the yard? there is no sound, or scent, just an open door,
    little Shit,

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’ve got Bella’s very distant cousin right here. Our dog picks the worst time, like cold or raining, to take her time and sniff around the yard.

      • Yusef in Space......

        But dont you just love em! the best friend Humans ever created

      • Gustave Lytton

        By my feet right now!

      • Yusef in Space......

        Curled up right next me, Heater!

      • Festus

        Our little dog named “Peanut” escaped awhile ago and is hungry all the time and getting stout(er). I quipped to Wifey the other day that “Peanut probably has some cashews”. She didn’t get it for a second and then burst out laughing. We’ve decided that the pups will be named after nuts. Pistachio “Pissy”, Walnut “Wally”, Hazel nut, well you know the drill…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Pissy?? Heh!

      • Derpetologist

        Pistachio is an Italian garbling of the Arabic word for peanut, fistuq.

        Fistuq halabi means pistachio. The literal meaning of that is Aleppo peanut.

        What is Aleppo?

      • Tejicano

        Besides a city in Syria?

      • Festus

        AHERM! I believe the correct term is “What’s an Aleppo?” Judges?

  34. Yusef in Space......

    “We rob banks”

    • Rhywun

      Flashback to the early days of UHF and the indie channel movie commercials.

    • commodious spittoon

      Oceans 11!

      Wait, no, 12.

      Wait, seven, the all female reboot.

      Wait, no, that’s what Willie Sutton said.

      • Yusef in Space......

        1968, Bonnie and Clyde

  35. Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration
    • Gender Traitor

      I larfed. Also this.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Fan-tastic!

  36. Yusef in Space......

    “Plaese, Haalp”

    • Tejicano

      OJW – 1978

    • Tejicano

      Sorry, that should’ve been 1976

  37. Festus

    I was leaning “La Grange” from the last post but I think we have a clear winner in the “Peanuts Cover” sweepstakes! You rock, Diggy!

    • straffinrun

      This. Made me smile without even resorting to a dick joke.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Uh…thanks! I couldn’t have done it without the actual content creator.

      And, Charles Schulz

      • Yusef in Space......

        And Vince Guaraldi, you know, the guy that wrote the music…..

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Well, not the songs that are being Peanuts’d.

        But, yeah–I love the Linus and Lucy jam!

    • Yusef in Space......

      It sucks, they all start out interesting then the quirks come in, see Tim Pool….

      • straffinrun

        There isn’t a person out there that is going to say what I think should be said. I want to hear the important questions at least being asked and you don’t get that almost anywhere these days.

    • Festus

      Yeah. He’s too long-winded and has that “Toronto Theatre Vibe” thing that really irks. He’s so metro that he’s cosmo. I can agree with him but his delivery just goinks it for me.

  38. Gustave Lytton

    Umeshu with boiling water hits the right toddy notes for a cold. Citrus, sugar, alcohol, and warmth.

    • straffinrun

      I always try to order a glass of bar made umeshu when I go to an izakaya. The mama usually is like, “Really?” and a smile spreads across her face.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I think I might try making it this year. Pretty sure the Japanese market in Portland gets ume fruit in late spring.

      • straffinrun

        It’s pretty easy from what I’ve heard. It’s a bit too sweet for my taste, but a glass once in a while is good.

  39. Gender Traitor

    My eyelids are starting to slam shut, so I’ll bid you all a nighty night, gentlemen! And you, too, Diggy! ; )

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Wait…So, I’m not inclu–you know what–never mind.

      ‘Night, GT!

  40. Tejicano

    “Indians put you here?

    T’weren’t Mormons”

  41. Mojeaux

    Okay, well, I’m back from a heavy seasions of sorting pins on my Pinterest account. Man, I love that site. It has pathologized America’s hoarding problem. I might not hoard stuff, but 6 Tb of pretty pictures is my happy place.

    • Tundra
      • Rhywun

        *sigh, the 90s*

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Six?!? Ho-lee….that’s some dedication, Mo!

      • Mojeaux

        I like my Pinterest boards the way I like my file trees: divided, subdivided, subsubdivided until I’m 7 folders deep and my paths are too long.

      • Rhywun

        paths are too long

        Windows SMDH

      • Festus

        “Paths Are Too Long” was the seminal album released by the folk-rock band Tiny Weenie in 1964. It garnered little critical acclaim or sales. The label promptly dropped the band and the members later went on to become your Dads.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        7 folders deep

        Album name!

      • Festus

        By the Frat bros.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Hits include,
        You think Android is better?
        where’s that file?
        at least its not Apple,
        and so much more…

      • Yusef in Space......

        We make me
        Laugh!

      • Festus

        K-Tel for the win, Bob!

      • Yusef in Space......

        Ron Popeil approves

      • Festus

        As do we all. As do we all.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Ronco! For all your music and cheap crap needs.

      • Yusef in Space......

        I had a pocket fisherman, worked perfect, never caught anything as usual…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Well, of course you never caught anything–you shouldn’t fish in your pockets!!

      • Yusef in Space......

        All these years I did it wrong

      • Festus

        I remember being about 8 years old and really wanting one of those Pocket Fisherman gizmos. I was a sucker for cheap, breaky stuff. I had one of the Sears “fly around in a circle biplanes” that you ran with a reel. Lasted all of fifteen minutes. I was the King of Disappointing Toys.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        ::scratches Sea Monkeys and X-ray glasses off gift list for Festus::

      • Festus

        Some of those are collectible!

      • Yusef in Space......

        X ray Specs are a OK!

      • Festus

        I remember my Brother at age 6 being reduced to tears of rage when he got his packet of Sea Monkeys in the mail. Bulb-headed geniuses do not like getting fooled.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        So, he wasn’t a fan of brine shrimp, huh?

      • Festus

        He cared for it not a whit. Mom and Dad laughing really sent him over the edge.

      • Festus

        The first time he went skating he got laced up and thought he’d be Gordie Howe. Of course he ankled around and kept falling down and there were younger kids (girls even!) that were skating circles and pirouhoetting around him. He never tried to skate again.

    • Festus

      Must be that pernicious “thataboutism” which seems all the rage nowadays.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Michael….Boldin?!? Is he related?

      • straffinrun

        Nice to see you boyz up and about. Thanks for the linx, Digbee.

      • Yusef in Space......

        I got half a beer left, Sup straff!

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Most welcome, straff! Thanx for being here.

        /also, my boyz are actually resting right now, but…well, that’s a story for a different venue.

      • Yusef in Space......

        All your orphans are boys? hmmmmmmmm….

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        #UpperBodyStrength

      • Yusef in Space......

        #Conditioning

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Lather

        Rinse

        Repeat

    • westernsloper

      Didn’t the idiots in congress pretty much blanket away any of their constitutional powers as to war declaration if the act or potential act has anything to do with terrorism shortly after 9/11?

      • straffinrun

        IIRC, that was the case. Reminds me of a story.

      • westernsloper

        Right? It is fucked. But the D candidates all fussing how congress wasn’t consulted makes me chuckle after their not caring when President, “I’m really good at droning people” did it. Not to mention blowing the fuck out of Libya. As far as that shit show, pretty sure congress didn’t vote on it and we were under no threat from Qaddafi. Libya went down like this.

      • straffinrun

        Qaddafi was a bad man. Qud fucker was a bad man. It’s the outcome of what happens that keeps me from celebrating and not the death of a bad man.

      • westernsloper

        Oh don’t misunderstand me, I am not celebrating any of it. It all makes me mad. We live in as, Mark Levin, who many hate here and rightly so for the reasons they hate him, “a post constitutional time/country”. On that he is right. Just not reasons he would state. As the dude you linked above argued the framers thought, going to war, engaging in acts of war are supposed to be thought out, debated, and voted on. That takes time and probably was the purpose of making it that way. We are the hell and gone beyond that. The constitution is dead. Check mark in the our government is illegitimate column as far as I am concerned. And the asinine part of it is the assholes who held that power voted it away because they are fucking morons and can’t see past their next election.

      • straffinrun

        It’s sad. Public Choice Theory is a thing for a reason. At least we still have booze.

  42. Yusef in Space......

    I’m going to wait til tomorrow to call Ozy, but we should be headed to Cali to get my shit out on monday. Dale does not fuck around show we should do it in 12 hours or so, but I have to leave Bella, she should be fine, but I still worry. Anyone I could ask to check on her would open the door and let her out, so, she can just nest til I get back, poor puppy…

    • Festus

      All the best to you, Wendy and Ozy! Feel better, the lot of ya!

  43. westernsloper

    I am hoping that this might catch on more with non-regulars, even if that means them forgoing sleep and other commitments

    I just got home from work an hour ago. Not a late night regular. Walked 14 miles today. Indoors. Feet hurt. Need tequila.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Well, you are welcome here, especially if you are providing tequila.

      Tequila + sweet tea was quite tasty.

      • westernsloper

        I have a handle of the finest cheap tequila Mexico has to offer. Two Fingers.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Enjoy, 14 miles is plenty…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Two Fingers: This one’s for the ladies

        Oh, to write ads for them

      • westernsloper

        You do worse music links than Digby.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Hey!! And, after I welcomed ya…

      • westernsloper

        Only jesting. Thanks for the effort on the links. I did like the Peanuts/Rush one. That took some effort too to sinc that. But the Abba was out of line.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        out of line.

        It’s the only way you’ll learn.

      • westernsloper

        Cruel.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        #FirmButFair

        /my nickname in ‘Nam.

      • Ted S.

        You can thank me for posting it originally.

    • Rhywun

      Cool, sure. I can do without the “championing diversity” silliness.

  44. hayeksplosives

    Y’all.

    Stretch. Just waking up ftt try on a dream where the Patriots were eliminated in the wild card round.

    So sad?

    • hayeksplosives

      Oh wait ! It actually happened!!

      • Festus

        It’s like the 70’s era Canadiens or the 80’s era Oilers getting dingleberried. Sweet!

      • Festus

        My team has never won the big prize but when that fluke goal got behind Fuhr in 1986 I might have come a little in my drawers.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Go on….

      • Rhywun

        I’ve been background-noise watching soccer, football, and tennis all day and that one is literally the only result that went the right way.

      • westernsloper

        I worked all day and did not believe this comment and had to go look. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Us??

      I promise I had nuthin’ to do with any of that.

    • Rhywun

      I’m so sorry – it’s “Moops”!

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        What’s going on here? I’m not understanding a damned thing…

      • Derpetologist

        Festus referenced the bubble boy movie. There was a Seinfeld episode where George Costanza played a bubble boy in Trivial Pursuit. The correct answer on one card was a misprint for Moops instead of Moors.

        In another episode, George’s answering machine message is: Believe it or not, George isn’t at home!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ria37d9mInY

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Oh, so it’s about nothing!

      • Tejicano

        Bubble boy movie?

        *scratches head*…. *tries to care*….

      • westernsloper

        This is getting too deep for me.

      • Festus

        Fuck, you guys are good!

      • Festus

        Believe it or not, that was my High School’s Grad song…

  45. DrOtto

    Jesus, there’s a new thread?!? Well, I’m just not reading it. Last bitches (and bitchettes – how is that even possible?)

    • Festus

      Blame the cop-adjacent feller, ’tweren’t me!

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      bitchettes

      ::thunderous applause::

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Also, it’s already 4.5 hours old, so, not exactly new…

        I mean, if you’ve had an erection since the post went up, you’ll be needing immediate medical attention at this point.

      • DrOtto

        Yeah, I blame the whiskey.

  46. straffinrun

    Broccoli, carrot, onion, tater, pork stew is almost finished. *Rings dinner bell*

  47. westernsloper

    Ok, I have to get horizontal. Thanks for the fun Digby and seek help. you too Festus.

    • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

      Ya hear that, Fes; we need help.

      Now, I’m really gonna have to link some musical punishment…

      • Festus

        Yeah, I’m sleepy as hell and didn’t even shovel my own roof. Daughter#1 and her Beau came over and did it for me. They scaled that ladder like spider monkeys and had the whole thing done in two hours while I was at work. Didn’t even get the chance to thank them. Getting old sucks. They owed us. Wifey did the horse chores last week. Still sucks to be unable to climb ladders anymore…

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I think I can climb ladders, and have intention, or desire, to do so.

        So, AFAIAC, you aren’t missing out on anything.

      • Festus

        Vertigo. I get more than twelve feet up and I’m like a fainting goat. I always have to use the cripple bar when showering.

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        I thought you had bathing slaves…er, orphans.

      • Festus

        Dog and cat tongues don’t count. Or do they?

      • Sir Digby's Rockin' New Year's Celebration

        Hmmm….I’ll allow it

  48. JD is Unemployed

    There were a couple of B-2s escorted by F-22s in England last year, for “training exercises” or something. I was fortunate enough to get to see them and it was like seeing UFOs (I’d guess). Eery black shapes sweeping overhead with a dull roar. I’d never seen an F-22 outside of pictures before, either. The libertarian in me is ashamed at the little kid in me getting excited about things that are the incredibly expensive results of billions of tax dollars being sucked into the MIC vortex.