Thursday Afternoon Links

by | Jan 16, 2020 | Daily Links | 383 comments

Hopefully, this is a signal of a return to normalcy here at Glibs. I know some of you get angry when Wapner does come around on schedule. All of the bad stuff has been chastised by SP and slunk off to die, so we won’t have to worry about that any more. It could be worse. I got to my hotel Tuesday and their registration system was down (much credit to the three young people behind the desk who were writing down names on a piece of paper and keying cards based on the housekeeping cleanout report. They got everyone in a room.) and then they directed me to a set of elevators run off of a touchscreen on the outside. That was not something that made me hugely comfortable. So its not just us here at Glibs. But you don’t care about that, you want links!

This one is for Count Potato. (h/t Playa Manhattan)

Three arrested for keeping kids in cages. Spoiler alert, none were employed by a law enforcement agency.

Canadian neo-nazis and their US supporters arrested ahead of 2A protests in VA. I’m going to be honest, I’m not really comfortable with armed and armored foreign agents “joining” a protest. /noracist

I guess we can dial back the “officer safety” talk, then and get on to “don’t be someone you hate”?

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

383 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    What did i miss?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *checks first link*

      WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

      • Swiss Servator

        WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

        How much time do you have?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Less than 12 years now.

  2. Count Potato

    “This one is for Count Potato. (h/t Playa Manhattan)”

    No.

    • Chafed

      It’s good to know you have limits.

    • Tonio

      Ima think she’s a more Tres Cool kinda gal.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Don’t you dare throw shade on Lizzo! She’s Minnesoda’s very own treasure!

      *I guess. I still have no idea who she is, but I always see gushing headlines about her in the local rag. And from what I can tell from the pictures, it is going to be very hard to throw shade on her because even if you find something big enough to shade her, her own mass will bend light around that object.

      • Fourscore

        Skip the local rag and you won’t have the problem. Or if you had gone to the same school as I you wouldn’t have to worry about reading…

      • cyto

        The article in Teen Vogue touting her as a fashion icon was the killer for me. I had never heard of her…. and, damn. Just… damn. “As seen in Walmart” comes to mind. Not her physique – her fashion choices.

        I definitely get the feeling that there is some “no way am I going to be accused of body shaming” going on with that article and her coverage in general. Praising someone for wearing ill-fitting clothes that would be ugly and mismatched even if they did happen to fit is not “woke”. It is cowardly.

    • Mad Scientist

      Right? Lizzo needs to gain a few pounds to be as hot as Demi Rose.

  3. Rebel Scum

    I see that we are operational again. Thanks to the site being down I actually had to work today.

    • Tonio

      HR departments everywhere wonder why today was so productive.

      • Nephilium

        Only in law firms and IT shops though…

      • Caput Lupinum

        I work in IT at a law firm, what column do I put my hours in?

      • Brett L

        Real hours in IT, the law firm will make sure to double bill you.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Wait, but I work for the firm, I bill them? Fuck do I hate timecards.

      • Ted S.

        I tried working it at a law firm once, but they threatened to have me put on a registry.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Lawyers are sticklers for proper briefs, it’s your fault for wearing boxers.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That wasn’t it. He was fired for hanging salacious pics of Miss Grundy on his cube wall. (SFW)

  4. Tonio

    Canadian neo-Nazis? Now I’ve heard everything.

    • Ted S.

      Well, Quebec is an apartheid state.

      • AlexinCT

        THEY ARE NATIONALISTS!!!

      • Chafed

        National socialists?

    • PBRstreetgang

      Say what you want about Canadian Neo-Nazis, but at least they’ve got an Eh-thos

      • Plisade

        Nazis are all a-boot oppression.

      • Not Adahn

        Sorey aboot the genocide.

      • Agent Cooper

        I’ll allow it.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        You must be poutine me on.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Oh no, please don’t syrup-titiously start doing puns again. Swissy maple out the narrowed gaze again.

      • Jarflax

        The Alberta’s labrador toronto Prince George’s newfoundland because of these puns.

      • Animal

        If you’ve got a problem with Canada, you’ve got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!

      • Jarflax

        Just because you are a bear don’t think Yukon intimidate people!

      • Animal

        Pump the brakes there, Big Shootz.

  5. Ted S.

    I guess we can dial back the “officer safety” talk, then and get on to “don’t be someone you hate”?

    And start arguing that the job isn’t as dangerous as some people would have you believe.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Garbage Men and Fire Fighters.

      Most dangerous municipal jobs.

  6. Rebel Scum

    Canadian neo-nazis

    At least they are polite racists, eh.

  7. Count Potato

    “Officials said one of the three, Patrik Mathews, a former soldier in the Canadian army, entered the U.S. illegally. Mathews, a trained combat engineer, was discharged from the Canadian military after his white supremacist ties came to light, The New York Times reported.”

    Because Canada isn’t white enough?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Gotta chase the devil.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Great White North.

    • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

      Because Canada isn’t white enough?

      Only in the winter.

  8. Tres Cool

    Lizzo is kinda small for my tastes. But I could work with that.

    • Chafed

      By all that is holy, please tell me you’re kidding.

      • Tres Cool

        I like the larger ladies. What can I say ?

        Skinny women make me nervous- all that friction can start a fire. Not to mention splitting them in 2 like a piece of dry hickory.

      • Timeloose

        There’s a couple orders of magnitude in body types between a skinny girl and Lizzo.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Big appetite?

    • Mad Scientist
  9. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Canadian neo-nazis and their US supporters arrested ahead of 2A protests in VA. I’m going to be honest, I’m not really comfortable with armed and armored foreign agents “joining” a protest. /noracist

    VCDL, who is organizing the 2nd A rally, sent out the below message. They’re trying to keep the focus to 2nd A as best as possible. Also received a separate alert that Gov. Blackface may be planning to declare a State of Emergency on rally day (we call it Lobby Day). Presumably this will be to used to (illegally) ban firearms throughout Richmond and call out the National Guard against VCDL members. VCDL has already their attorneys engaged and prepared if this does happen.

    SITUATIONAL AWARENESS: There have been many rumors, videos, and articles flying around the internet. We cannot stress enough that this is a peaceful day to assemble and address our Legislature about protecting our right to keep and bear arms. Lobby Day is NOT about statues, flags, racism, sexism, or anything other than protecting the right to keep and bear arms for ALL law-abiding citizens.

    Yes, we hold a rally, but the point of the day is communication with our legislators. (Note that a rally is not the same thing as a protest.)

    To our knowledge there are no credible threats of violence. That being said, please practice appropriate situational awareness. IF YOU SEE A BAD ACTOR flag down a police officer and point it out. If someone tries to provoke you, smile and walk away. There is probably someone secretly recording the interaction, with the intent of capturing some kind of inappropriate reaction on your part. Don’t take the bait. It’s not worth the bad press. Again, you might want to notify law enforcement of such bad actors.

    The eyes of the nation and the world are on Virginia and VCDL right now and we must show them that gun owners are not the problem. Lead by example. We have been, and continue to be, in close contact with several law enforcement agencies and will keep them informed of all potential threats that we become aware of. Law enforcement will be in abundance at the event, both uniformed and plain clothes, to provide security and we are sincerely appreciative of their efforts to keep everyone as safe as possible.

    • Ted S.

      If someone tries to provoke you, smile and walk away.

      Worked for Nick Sandmann.

      • Chafed

        CNN now thinks so.

      • Tonio

        A good curb-stomping will do that to one.

      • The Hyperbole

        Save the whole walk away half.

      • leon

        DC is a Sand Your Ground Smiling law district

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Where was he suppose to walk to? He’s a sixteen year-old waiting for a bus and an old indian dude starts drumming in his face.

      • The Hyperbole

        I didn’t say he should have, Ted’s said he did, I merely pointed out that he didn’t.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        You let Ted be salty. That’s his thing. Your thing is being contrarian. Don’t step on Ted’s salt

      • Not Adahn

        So you’re saying that he never left? That he’s still standing there to this very day?

      • The Hyperbole

        No, but when he left he didn’t walk he moseyed.

    • Tonio

      State of Emergency already declared by Governor Big Pussy.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Annnndddd….just like last time *silence* from civil libertarians. The most thoroughly discredited group of the Trump era.

      • The Hyperbole

        “The ACLU-VA believes that the governor, Capitol Police, and Virginia State Police are well within their existing statutory and constitutional authority to prohibit people participating in demonstrations on state property, including Capitol Square grounds, from carrying weapons,” Executive Director Claire Gastañaga said.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No, not silence. The ACLU is vocally supporting the ban.

      • Nephilium

        The ACLU’s mask has been pulled off for quite a while now.

      • Tonio

        WE are the actual civil libertarians, Tulse. ACLU still be wearing Roger Baldwin as a skinsuit, but it ain’t working.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Damn. I think we’re going to see the State of Emergency powers expanded. I was under the impression they had already banned firearms in the Capitol Building using a separate executive order.

  10. Chafed

    “This one is for Count Potato. (h/t Playa Manhattan)” That’s fat, not thicc. Photos like that make me think fat shaming serves a useful purpose.

    • Bobarian LMD

      fat shaming serves a useful purpose.

      Less competition at the buffet?

  11. Sean

    I bet I.B. McGinty could make a real nice kid cage.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Polished wood and dovetail joinery,Fabulous!

      • Tres Cool

        That weird japanese assembly with no nails, screws, or fasteners

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, no. That’s not weird or joinery.

        That’s fucking sorcery.

      • Mojeaux

        As I said, sorcery.

        Sorcery of the highest power ever sorcelled.

      • Tonio

        Are you saying he’s a joineryman?

      • Plisade

        I inherited a desk from my grandfather built like that. In America. Pre Civil War.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      A true Glib would force their orphans to make their own cages.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Who needs quality? As long as you nail one foot to the middle of the cage, you can pretty much skimp on the bars as much as you want.

      • Florida Man

        Nailed me.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s true, I want to leave people alone and be left alone.

      Which means I hate non-whites and want to dominate the only people I don’t exterminate.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      If we can just be a little more unprincipled, though, I feel like the Left will stop calling us Nazis.

      • Tonio

        Where is my friend Tulse, and what have you done with him?

      • leon

        Nazis were known for being strict adherants to principle.

    • cyto

      She saw the kerfuffle over the Romance Writer’s association and had her cockles warmed, knowing that Gamergate was still relevant.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Keep your filthy lucre out of our noble politics

    Behind the scenes, a younger generation of heirs has begun commandeering their family foundations and convincing their socially minded, but largely nonpartisan, elders to stop spending all their money on charitable institutions that don’t actually address structural issues in society. They’re trying to shift millions that have long gone to alma maters and senior centers toward electoral combat.

    Every industry has been deeply politicized in the age of Trump, and the family charity is no different.

    It’s all a new movement for the left, which for all its wealth has historically struggled to lavish the same billions on political advocacy groups that it has on libraries, universities, and museums. Gifts to those traditional charities are increasingly criticized as ineffective. Meanwhile, in the decade since the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision opened the floodgates to new political spending, conservative advocacy groups have vastly outspent liberal groups by some $400 million that has helped elect Republicans up and down the ballot. This has left some Democratic operatives feeling they need to better organize the billionaires in their ranks behind political nonprofits.

    ——-

    If the kids win, liberals think they could usher millions of dollars into progressive politics that are currently trapped on the philanthropic sidelines.

    “That’s what every political fundraiser’s dream always is,” said Alexandra Acker-Lyons, an adviser to many younger Silicon Valley political donors.

    More and more charities — from the Southern Poverty Law Center to the NAACP — have started their own political arms upon realizing after Trump’s election that they were ill-equipped to execute their social justice missions without exerting political influence.

    Every industry has been deeply politicized in the age of Trump, and the family charity is no different.

    No kidding? How did that happen? Where did it come from, this inescapable politicization?

    Articles like this truly fill me with dread and despair.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Morris Dees’ shakedown outfit is a charity? Ok…

      • JR Robble Dobbs

        Every time I see Morris Dees on this site, my brain reads it as Morris Day and I keep thinking, “Why all this hate on, The Time”.

      • Agent Cooper

        OH WE OH WE OH

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        SQUAWK!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They’re trying to shift millions that have long gone to alma maters and senior centers toward electoral combat.

      Stupid never goes out of fashion.

    • PBRstreetgang

      Rather than political grifters, just give all that money to actual poor folks.
      Hard to buy influence that way, though, I suppose

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      “Today’s rich heirs want to beat Trump. They may have to beat their families first.”

      If it wasn’t apparent to people already that progressivism is primarily a religious movement for higher income whites, then you weren’t paying attention.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Any of you that work in a white collar profession know that this is true.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      they were ill-equipped to execute their social justice missions without exerting political influence.

      Persuasion isn’t working. Must use force.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    at least they’ve got an Eh-thos

    *boos, throws shoe*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re never going to be able to hit him when you’re throwing from way back there. Hit reply and get up real close.

    • PBRstreetgang

      And rather than a shoe you should throw Aboot

      • Not Adahn

        I don’t think this pun got enough appreciation..

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Also received a separate alert that Gov. Blackface may be planning to declare a State of Emergency on rally day (we call it Lobby Day). Presumably this will be to used to (illegally) ban firearms throughout Richmond and call out the National Guard against VCDL members.

    Will he ban cars, too?

    Because… you know…

  15. Rebel Scum

    Mike Watson_Virginia
    @MikeWatson_VA

    So the Governor has declared the Capitol Grounds a “Shelter” in order to get around the law. I’m curious how many times a 14 acre plot of land has been designated an emergency shelter?

    The relevant legislation applies to buildings, not land.

    • Rebel Scum
    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You just know that the Dems are praying for some otherwise basement dwelling asshole to do something stupid.

      Unfortunately, it’s probably going to happen.

      • Tonio

        Um, they already have the basement-dwelling nutjob paid, primed and ready to go.

        Have you seen the trailer for the Richard Jewell movie?

    • leon

      Has to be a parody….

      • PBRstreetgang

        She IS married to David Cross, so I’m pretty confident its real.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Hey, he’s only two decades older and fugly to boot.

      • Tres Cool

        From a Norm bit- “Catherine Zeta Jones has admitted she’s bipolar. Half the time she’s deliriously happy; the other times she has to suck an old man’s cock.”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Amber is actually that stupid.

        But then again, so is Cory Booker.

        “She came forward. She sat here. She told her truth.”

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        She writes for the NYT, so this seems really on brand

    • Bobarian LMD

      Her truths just happen to be all lies.

    • Agent Cooper

      RUSS! Come get your people.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    libertarianism is the cross-section of nihilism, apathy, and hedonism

    It’s not a bad starting point.

    • Tonio

      Crikey, they don’t even know the difference between intersection and cross-section.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The appropriate solution would be string up the cops in the village square.

      But the Brits are a broken people, so that won’t happen.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      At the centre of the review’s findings is the horrific death of 15-year-old Victoria Agoglia, originally from Rochdale, who was placed in the care of Manchester council at the age of eight.

      Victoria died from a suspected heroin overdose in September 2003.

      50-year-old Mohammed Yaqoob, who had been forcibly injecting her, was later cleared of manslaughter and jailed for three-and-a-half years for administering the noxious substance.

      Fucking Yakub is up to his tricks again.

      On a more serious note, don’t any of you dare to extrapolate any observations about broader cultural issues at play. You’ve been warned.

      • Tonio

        Brits are pussies.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s the only logical conclusion.

        I don’t get it. How broken can you be?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Too Late. It is Western civilization’s misogynistic rape culture that is doing this.

  17. Rebel Scum

    The Desperate Smearing Of Virginia Gun Owners

    Moms Demand Action, for example, issued a “fact sheet” that’s short on actual facts but long on attacks on those attending the Lobby Day activities. In it, the gun control groups claims that gun owners are hoping to intimidate lawmakers when in fact we’re just hoping they’ll listen to what we have to say.

    The group also refuses to call Second Amendment Sanctuaries by their name, referring to them instead as “Lawless Counties.”

    “”Lawless County resolutions hold no legal weight, undermine law enforcement, and create a dangerous environment for people who may hurt themselves or others: Policy experts, state attorneys general, and law enforcement alike agree: Lawless County resolutions, or as gun extremists call them, ‘Second Amendment Sanctuary’ resolutions, which threaten that officials will disregard their duty to enforce duly enacted and constitutional laws, have no legal force. The resolutions also threaten the safety of communities nationwide by fostering distrust in law enforcement and may deter people from reporting individuals that may hurt themselves or others.””

    The attempt to enforce constitutionally dubious gun laws will create a dangerous environment. And way to sick to context and tone down the rhetoric.

    • Rebel Scum

      Moms Demand Action then tries to claim that the streets of Richmond are going to be filled with angry white supremacists hoping to spark a civil war.

      “”In the wake of Charlottesville, where “a day of volatile street-fighting ended with a white supremacist plowing a car into a crowd of counter-protesters,” Virginia officials, legal experts, civil rights leaders, and leading editorial boards are worried that January 20th will turn into another violent, hate-fueled disaster. According to Alex Friedfeld, a researcher at the Anti-Defamation League, “White supremacist ‘accelerationists’ have seized on the standoff [over gun safety laws in Virginia] as the potential beginning of a civil war that will destroy the United States and allow them to build a white nation in its ruins.” Governor Northam has already held multiple meetings to prepare for legions of heavily armed, out-of-state protestors descending on the Capitol. As Mary McCord, the legal director of Georgetown Law’s Institute for Constitutional Advocacy and Protection, put it – these resolutions have “spurred extremists who want to stand up local militias to engage in armed rebellion against the state — action that isn’t just dangerous but that also runs counter to the Constitution.”””

      You crazy gun-fetishists are all just violent, extremist, white-supremacists. Especially that Noir fellow.

    • Raston Bot

      /ordering more mags + ammo

      but seriously, SCOTUS could put a stop to this bullshit in a second. but they won’t. NYSRPA will be decided narrowly b/c Roberts is a spineless milquetoast beltway cocktail socialite. and Worman v Healey will be decided in another year and it won’t be good for mags and semi-auto centrefire rifles/pistols. again, b/c Roberts.

    • Rhywun

      All laws are subject to selective enforcement. They knew that going in.

      • Nephilium

        On one hand, I appreciate not getting pulled over and ticketed every time I’m going over the speed limit.

        On the other hand, I think the only way to start rolling these laws back is to strictly enforce all the rules, and piss the people off.

      • NoDakMat

        The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.

        -Abraham Lincoln

    • Suthenboy

      “officials will disregard their duty to enforce duly enacted and constitutional laws,”

      Now see, that is exactly the opposite of what they are doing.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Another little skirmish in the giving wars:

    Ila Duncan is the sixth generation of the Lumpkin family, which founded what would become one of the country’s largest telephone companies in the 20th century. Before 2016, her family and its foundation would fund things like local museums, nature centers, or musical instruments for a rural school.

    But when Trump was elected in 2016, Duncan felt shaken and knew she had to do more. She began directing about $30,000 a year of her own money to community-organizing work.

    The problem? Her father voted for Trump.

    He would decline to fund her friends’ social justice proposals, seeing the work as just “identity politics.” Or maybe he’d “lowball” her and give token amounts, she said.

    “I was just incredibly upset. Conversations that we had got heated. I took them very personally. They didn’t end very well most of the time,” she said. “At first, it was really crushing.”

    Now, the father and daughter basically separate their giving entirely. That’s the risk for these new, younger donors who want to change the world by changing their families.

    “Wait, what? You want me to take money out of my allowance to fund my pet social activist groups? That’s not fair.”

    • Festus

      Did she feel “shaken” by Trump’s win or “literally shaken”?

    • Gustave Lytton

      What a shock. I bet richie revolutionary would be happy to throw dear old dad in a camp to rehabilitate his thinking.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It appears she went to Wellesley.

      A grave error on the part of dad to allow that to happen.

    • Rhywun

      I don’t remember asking anyone to “change the world”.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Only because you’re an entitled cis-gendered white man. As those are the only people who like the world the way it is.

  19. grrizzly

    JOE SCARBOROUGH:

    We don’t know how this ends in the Senate. These shameless Trumpsters will remain shameless Trumpsters. But we do know how the story ends. We do know how history writes this. We know that everyone who defends Donald Trump right now will be exposed. We know Mike Pence will be exposed for what he is. We know that Barr will be exposed for what he is. We know that all of these characters, Rudy Giuliani, will be exposed for what he is.

    History, it will be bleak. And their families, their children, their grandchildren—everyone who has their last name—will carry that around with them, if they decide to continue lying for a failed reality TV host who will show them no loyalty.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m surprised Mika took her dick out of his mouth long enough for him to say all that.

      • Festus

        It’s a small one. He can just move it to the corner of his mouth like a ciggie.

      • Agent Cooper

        Other way around, Scruff.

      • Agent Cooper

        Dangit. I read it the wrong way. You were right! Sorry.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Joe Scarborough, more vindictive than an entity that firebombed two cities just because people in it wanted to have buttseks with angels.

      20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.

    • Tonio

      So, they shall be cursed unto the third generation. Classy.

      It’s like the political equivalent of Original Sin.

      (Hi, Eddie, you lurkety, lurking, lurker.)

      • Tundra
      • Chafed

        That’s what I was expecting.

      • Rhywun

        DAMMIT

      • Festus

        The sheer hatred exhibited by some of these people toward His Royal Orangeness is simply awe inspiring. What has he done to merit such vitriol?

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        It was HER turn.

      • cyto

        exactly so.

        And there is also “the fish rots from the head down”.

        Remember, that was the year that the DNC rigged their own primary to prevent Bernie from getting the nod. The media participated in more than their usual “biased coverage” ways too…. in how they moderated the debates.

        But when Hillary lost and refused to come out and concede…. the battle lines were draw. They have not actually conceded an election since Reagan-Carter. Every single time they come out with cries of voter suppression and racism. But it is the post 2000 era that has cemented it. They tried desperately to rig the Florida election and then the recounts… yet failed. And proceeded to throw a temper tantrum of epic proportions.

        By the time the bizarrely worshipful Obama years were done, they were primed with the expectation that they could not lose. After all, Obama had won with a terrible economy after his first term… following a blistering defeat to Romney in the first debate, Romney appearing to abandon the field. With Obama using the IRS, CIA, FBI, DOJ, NSA and State Department (at a minimum) against their political enemies, they were right to assume that they would win. It was all but sealed.. with a 90-10 ratio of negative to positive coverage of Trump, the media was doing their part. All that was left was for the coronation. And then they lost to a buffoon who spent half as much on the campaign.

        Within hours of the defeat, her people were already talking impeachment. You won’t convince me that some of this talk wasn’t directly related to the knowledge of the Clinton team of the “plan B” for dealing with Trump.

        So that explains the rage. They lost a fixed fight to a cartoon character. It wasn’t just hard to accept. It was literally unbelievable.

      • Suthenboy

        Their long march to communism….they were soooooo close. They were so sure Obumbles had it t’d up and Hillary was gonna hit it out of the park.
        Strike. Out.

      • Festus

        I realize this but it’s unfathomable to hold such hatred in one’s heart unless someone had done something grievously evil that affected me personally. I’m like Nancy, I don’t “Hate, hate” anybody. /s

  20. The Late P Brooks

    History, it will be bleak. And their families, their children, their grandchildren—everyone who has their last name—will carry that around with them, if they decide to continue lying for a failed reality TV host who will show them no loyalty.

    Blood guilt. Why can’t we just kill the first born son of all those traitorous thought criminals?

  21. Hudson

    PSA: Back up your data, use strong passwords, and don’t use generic accounts.

    Our company got hit by some ransomware overnight because we failed at two of those items. On top of that our MSP dropped the ball on the brute force attacks on the domain admin account. Fortunately we have several layers of backups that appear unaffected and the damage was pretty small relative to what could have happened.

    • Ted S.

      By generic accounts, you mean “admin@domainname.com” or equivalent usernames for non-email accounts?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Yes. Better to make your admin user name oiH(as08J()&9du than admin.

      • Ted S.

        You mean something like “correcthorsebatterystaple”, because nobody’s going to remember those strings.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        No, that is a terrible secret string. It is full of dictionary words. Don’t get your information theory from cartoonists. Get it from me, an anonymous stranger on the internet.

      • Ted S.

        Obviously you want nobody to be able to contact you as the admin.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Snarky answer: Yeah
        Honest answer: Yeah, not directly.

        you should have different communication channels for personal and then for different admin duties, none of which have permissions greater than what is needed for those responsibilities.

      • cyto

        I use something with less entropy, but still pretty strong.

        A combination of moving your hands on the keyboard to nonstandard locations and initialisms. I got the initialism thing from a guy who worked for me who was a typical “do not suffer fools” sysadmin. He would do password resets with seemingly random passwords like iaaiwcrhpakptsatrmbIaad.

        IAmAnIdiotWhoCannotRememberHisPasswordAndKeepsPesteringTheSystemAdministratorToResetMyPasswordBecauseIAmADumbass.

        So, shift your hands and use one of those passwords and you can remember it and still get full number/symbol coverage with a semi-random set of characters.

      • Mojeaux

        You forgot one numeral, one special character, and one capital letter.

      • Ted S.

        FuckMojeaux1!

        :-p

      • Tonio

        Still fairly susceptible to dictionary-based attax. Just saying.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Ted’s so salty that his blood pressure is through the roof.

        Doctor: You got to stop being so salty. It’s not good for you.

        Ted S: *glances over to picture on doctor’s desk* Is that your family?

        Doctor: Yes, that was us last year in Bermuda

        Ted S: My wife has the same outfit that your wife is wearing

        Doctor: That’s interesting

        Ted S: Yeah. I didn’t know they made that in plus size

      • Mojeaux

        *gasp*

        I’VE MADE IT INTO TED’S PASSWORD KEEPER?!

        *swoon*

        I feel so privileged. White privilege. White woman privilege.

        Offset by poor non-privilege. How many carbon credits does that get me?

      • Mojeaux

        Wait, what? No carbon credits?

        *slumps away grumbling*

      • Tonio

        There are protocols around this. *THE* holy admin account is never used and its password closely guarded. Everything is delegated to . the org_admin login, which is rarely used. Daily admin is done through delegated authority to various admin logins such as tonio_admin.

        This is annoying af to those of use just used to root privilege, but you get used to it.

      • Nephilium

        I always dislike shared accounts. If for no other reason then logging doesn’t tell you who put in that change that broke something else.

      • R C Dean

        If you can tell who logged in to a shared account your security sucks. Our IT security team runs those down routinely.

      • R C Dean

        As in, you have to log in to any computer using your credentials. If you then log in to a shared account, your initial login tells who logged in to the shared account.

      • R C Dean

        Oh, should be “if you can’t tell who logged into a shared account, etc.

      • Jarflax

        Does tonio_admin restrict Tonio’s access to various Tonio systems?

        Tonio: “I think I will rub one out at work.

        Genital Stimulus Application error code 401.5 User access denied during work hours, contact tonio_admin to change these settings.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Crap…

      *rolls all passwords to scruffy04*

      • Tres Cool

        That’s the combination some idiot would have on his luggage!

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Remind me to change the combination on my luggage.

      • Hudson

        That would have been an improvement. Dictionary word with a capital first letter.

        *Insert Picard facepalm here

  22. Not Adahn

    The affidavit states that Lemley and Mathews bought about 1,650 rounds of 5.56mm and 6.5mm ammunition and later retrieved some of the ammunition as well as plate carriers to support body armor.

    OH NOEZ! They had nylon vests!

    BAN NYLON!!!!

    • Raston Bot

      first time i’ve heard of somebody buying 6.5 creedmoor!

      • Not Adahn

        It could have been 6.5 PRC if they were truly hip with the long range kidz these days.

      • Count Potato

        Could be Grendel

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Its never lupus Grendel.

      • Drake

        I want a 6.5 Creedmoor so I can shoot things many miles away.

      • Spudalicious

        I’ve got a Kimber Hunter in 6.5 Creedmoor.

      • Suthenboy

        I think it has come into fashion as some AR platforms are chambered in it. I dont see the point. We already have 243 Winchester.

      • Not Adahn

        Supposedly it has a better ballistic coefficient. It’s very popular among the $1000 rifle with a $3000 scope crowd.

  23. Not Adahn

    The affidavit states that Lemley and Mathews bought about 1,650 rounds of 5.56mm and 6.5mm ammunition and later retrieved some of the ammunition as well as plate carriers to support body armor.

    OH NOEZ! They had nylon vests!

    BAN NYLON!!!!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Double tap!

      • Not Adahn

        Excellent splits too!

    • Tonio

      You know who else wanted to ban personal armor?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Oh that was a fun H&R.

        John lost his frickin’ mind.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        He has some odd, but obviously long considered positions on things.

  24. Rebel Scum

    Epstein didn’t kill himself.

    “The blood settles after we die. The so-called lividity, if your hanging, the lividity is on the lower part on the legs,” he said. “These would be like maroon/purple, front and back and they aren’t.”

    The pathologist went on to reiterate that the manner in which officials ruled Epstein’s cause of death was “very unusual.”

    “The initial death certificate was issued at the time of the autopsy, it’s pending further study, getting more information,” he said. “Five days later it was changed to hanging suicide and one of the things the family wishes to know, the estate wishes to know is, what was that additional information that caused them to change it when five months later and the family still doesn’t know what happened to in the first encounter and what happened to him when he was found dead.”

    This is not the first time that Dr. Baden has raised doubts about how Epstein’s death was ruled, having recently told CBS This Morning that his injuries “are more indicative of a homicidal strangulation than a suicidal strangulation.”

    “What stood out to me the most was that the ligature mark was made after a few hours,” Dr. Baden said. “He had been dead for a few hours at the time he was discovered. And that there were multiple fractures of the Adam’s apple, the thyroid cartilage and the hyoid bone that are more indicative of a homicidal strangulation than a suicidal strangulation.

    • Tonio

      So he wasn’t a maroon?

  25. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    How can people concern themselves with Canadian Nazis when notorious Grand Wizard, Tom Woods, has a podcast?

    “Tom Woods

    @ThomasEWoods

    In a society that thinks capitalism = Nazi, let’s cheer the de-platforming of “extremists.” Why, I can’t imagine how this brilliant strategy could backfire!”

    Count the number of characters in this Tweet, its around 88 (ie. Nazi dog whistle). HOW MUCH MORE EVIDENCE DO WE NEED!

    #JailTomWoods

  26. Rebel Scum

    Well, if anyone is familiar with fake news…

    Brian Stelter✔
    @brianstelter

    HBO just announced something I’ve been working on for a couple of years: A documentary titled “AFTER TRUTH: DISINFORMATION AND THE COST OF FAKE NEWS.” The film will premiere on TV and online this March. Directed by @a_rossi!

    • leon

      Remember when the corporate press started with the Fake News shit, and then freaked out because Trump called CNN Fake News, and now they are back to it?

    • Brett L

      I assume this is the 2004 Dan Rather story.

      • cyto

        That one gets a pass, because even though the story was a part of a collusion between all of the broadcast networks and the Kerry campaign and the story was fabricated by Rather’s team, it had the power of “truthiness”. So, even though their story was a lie, it was a lie that revealed the deeper truth.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Had no idea he was that old.

      • Not Adahn

        His dad was in WWI.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I guess I just never thought about it.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Toxic masculinity

    New Orleans police on Thursday issued an arrest warrant for Cleveland Browns wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. on a complaint of simple battery.

    Video surfaced this week showing Beckham slapping the buttocks of a Superdome security guard in the LSU locker room after the Tigers’ national championship victory over Clemson on Monday in New Orleans.

    The New Orleans Police Department public affairs office confirmed that the security guard filed the complaint.

    Louisiana statute defines simple battery as battery committed without the consent of the victim. Punishment in Louisiana can include a fine of no more than $1,000 and imprisonment for no more than six months, or both.

    “We are aware of the incident and have been in touch with Odell and his representatives on the matter,” the Browns said in a statement issued Thursday. “They are cooperating with the proper authorities to appropriately address the situation.”

    Was the security guard male or female?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s called “cashing in”

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Watch the video. It was a dude, but it wasn’t a chummy, celebratory “sports-tap-on-the-butt”. This seems pretty reasonable given what is shown on the video.

      • Rhywun

        So, he’s just an idiot? Checks out.

    • Drake

      Mad that he didn’t get any of That cash Odell was handing out?

    • Festus

      Doesn’t matter. It was “bad touching” by a multi-millionaire (signs and wonders) Some cunte is looking to retire early.

    • Raston Bot

      looked male. and wtf was he doing harassing that lineman?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        It looks like he was very concerned about the contents of that portly gentleman’s beverage, but can’t tell for sure.

      • Tonio

        That struck me, too.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Apparently they were there enforcing the Superdome’s no smoking policy and some of the players were smoking cigars. If they were selling loosies it could have been far worse.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s management’s fault for sending them in there to enforce it.

    • Tonio

      I would totes take a celebratory tap on the butt from those guys. Jus’ Sayin.

    • AlmightyJB

      You gotta be a pussy to file that complaint.

      • Fatty Bolger

        This

  28. Rebel Scum

    Drunk or senile? You decide!

    This is a very important day for us and as you know I reference temporal markers that our Founders and our poets and others have used over time to place us in time, to emphasize the importance of time, because everything is about time, how we use it, how we mik-, how we mark it and today is an important day because today is the day that we name the managers, we go to the floor to pass the resolution to transmit the Articles of Impeachment to the Senate and later in the day, when we have our engrossment, that we march those Articles of Impeachment to the United States Senate. As I’ve said, it’s always been, Our Founders when they started “When in the course of human events it becomes necessary” when, Abraham Lincoln “four score and seven years ago,” Thomas Paine, now are the times, “These are the times that try men’s souls, the times have found us.” Again and again, even our poets, Longfellow, remember, “Listen, my children and you will hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere, on the 18th of April of ’75, hardly a man is now alive that remembers that famous day and year.” It’s always about marking history using time. On December 18th, the House of Representatives impeached the president of the United States, an impeachment that will last forever.

    • Ted S.

      Why not both?

    • Drake

      Trick question! Drunk, senile, and over-prescribed.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Agile Cyborg?

  29. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    Thanks for helping us get back to normal. Weird not having y’all around.

    Almost as weird as getting on an elevator with a suspect control system. Take the damn stairs, man!

    I feel sorry for Lizzo. She knows that she is fucking unhealthy but she is surrounded by idiots who encourage her to kill herself. Pathetic.

    • Agent Cooper

      Watch her live to be 88 years old for no good reason.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Watch her live to be 88 years old for no good reason.

        Like my FIL. D00d was the most unhealthy, super-overweight person I’d ever met, and lived to be 80, dying in his sleep. There ain’t no justice.

      • cyto

        My parents took a turn for the worse in their early 60’s, health wise. So every day when the phone would ring, I was expecting to hear that one of them had died. Mom finally fell and died from a brain bleed a year ago just before reaching 80. Dad is still trucking along, failing health and all. So for 20 years now, every time the phone rings I have been expecting to hear the worst.

        And I’m an over-the-top, pollyanna syndrome sort of optimist. It really takes a toll, over long periods of time like that. I’m not sure how mom made it so long. And in some ways she was the healthy one.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    it wasn’t a chummy, celebratory “sports-tap-on-the-butt”.

    More like a get-tha-fuck-out-da-way slap?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      More like a “I have poor impulse control and you are doing something I don’t like, so I want to get your attention and inflict just a little bit of pain so you know that I am the dominant male here”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *briefly reflects upon own behavior*

        Nope, not familiar with that concept.

      • leon

        who hasn’t given a but-tap like that?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Based on the profile picture, I’m worried J. Michael Straczynski’s has cancer or something.

    • Agent Cooper

      I seriously consider Paltrow a troll. And a good one at that. She knows this is all bullshit.

    • Spudalicious

      That’s funny, right there.

  31. Pope Jimbo

    The complaint accuses Lemley and Mathews of transporting a firearm and ammunition with intent to commit a felony and it charges Lemley and Bilbrough with allegedly transporting and harboring aliens and conspiring to do so.

    The FBI done fucked up now. I’m going to run home so I can watch the massive protests against ICE/FBI for hassling illegals and their supporters. They better not have tried arresting them in a sanctuary city or shit will really fly!

    • Bobarian LMD

      Noice!

    • cyto

      I call BS on “with intent to commit a felony”. And good call on the twist with the Canadian illegal.

  32. Festus

    OT – had the surgery today and everything went off without a hitch! We’ve been going through some shit lately (not as serious as many of our fellow Glibs, to be sure) but it feels pretty great to finally put one in the W column. I’m actually feeling pretty positive for once but that might just be the drugs talking…

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      I forget, where you the one getting a penis enlargement, or where you the one getting a couple of conflict diamonds implanted under your skin “just in case”?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        or where you the one getting a couple of conflict diamonds implanted under your skin “just in case”?

        Hey, that’s quite the idea…

        I wonder…

      • Pope Jimbo

        Why the “or” and not an “and”?

        What do you think they are using to plump up that bigger beefier salami? Festus is really going to have an erection that is hard enough to cut glass with as soon as the stitches are out.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        “Can you pound a six-inch nail through a board with your penis?”
        “Well, not yet.”
        “Girl’s gotta have her standards.”

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I used to work with a Filipino guy who had previously worked on merchant ships. He said some of the crewmembers would implant ball bearings in their penis in order to better pleasure the prostitutes in port. It must get boring and lonely at sea.

      • Festus

        Oh, Glibs. Never Change!

      • Pope Jimbo

        Huh. I would think the scrotum would be much more natural spot to insert ball bearings into.

      • Count Potato

        pleasure the prostitutes?

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Just repeating what he said. It didn’t make sense to me either.

      • Spudalicious

        Why not just get a Prince Albert when you’re on shore leave? Anybody can get a tattoo.

    • Count Potato

      Go you!

    • Ted S.

      Congratulations on your transition, Madame Festus!

      • Festus

        “IT’S MA’AM!”

    • The Other Kevin

      Does this change your preferred pronoun?

    • Tundra

      Good job, Festus!

      Happy for you, dude!

    • Fourscore

      I’m gonna need your snow blower tomorrow and someone to run it. Try to get here before noon, that’s when the snow will be piling up.

      Good news, Festus! Hope you’re out of recovery and ready to kick some butt. How long before you’re up to speed? Winter’s only 1/2 over.

      • Festus

        Four weeks, give or take. I’ll be climbing the walls long before then, though.

    • Spudalicious

      Awesome news, old man.

      • Festus

        Thanks, Guys! In and out of there in less than five hours. The treatment was night and day compared the last time.

    • Sean

      Excellent news.

  33. Rebel Scum

    How about no.

    Kamala Harris✔
    @SenKamalaHarris

    The Senate is receiving the articles of impeachment against President Trump today. We should not advance any more judicial nominees while we take on this solemn responsibility of the president’s trial for high crimes and misdemeanors.

    • Drake

      Cocaine Mitch: “Ha”

    • Festus

      The Dems have all run off to see the impeachment circus so Mitch and the Reps are ransacking the Judiaciary in their absence. It’s really amusing.

    • Sean

      The balls on that bitch…

      • cyto

        In a sane and just world, every democrat who had a hand in the Kavanaugh hearings would be a social pariah and basically unemployable.

        I don’t think most of them realize just how far over the line they went on that one, with the Sandman kid and with Russia/impeachment nonsense.

  34. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    https://mises.org/library/fbi-spying-and-gaslighting-america

    Good podcast from Bob Murphy about the IG Report.

    Anyone who listens to Bob Murphy knows that he’s very measured and tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. Worth a listen

    • leon

      I totally have been thinking about writing an article w.r.t. the Russia investigation called “the gasslighting of America”. I don’t know how Bob Murphy got into my head but he did.

      Also – Yes this is a fantastic take on the whole IG report.

    • Ted S.

      Did drugs fall out of their asses?

      And I misread your first sentence as “monogrammed penis”.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Sorry Ted. We can’t give you the standard monogrammed penis. We can do just two initials in our smallest font.

  35. Rebel Scum

    Sanders Clarifies His Gulags Will Be Democratic Gulags

    “These aren’t your regular, totalitarian, Soviet gulags — not that there’s anything wrong with that — these are democratic gulags,” he said in a clarifying speech. “We vote on the prison camps so it’s not like a nasty dictatorship thing.”

    He then sent a memo to his staff reminding them that the gulags weren’t supposed to be revealed until phase 2 of his plan.

  36. Raston Bot

    “free”

    https://nypost.com/2020/01/08/ruth-bader-ginsburg-says-she-is-cancer-free-following-radiation-treatment/

    Ginsburg cancer treatment over the summer came just months after she had lung-cancer surgery the previous December, when part of her left lung was removed. While recovering from surgery, she missed arguments at the court in January, her first illness-related absence in over 25 years as a justice.

    She also suffered from colorectal cancer in 1999 and pancreatic cancer once before in 2009.

    • Tundra

      Then release the PET scan results, lady.

      • Raston Bot

        RBG: “The what? The doctor told me the tumor shrank and is not showing up on scans anymore.. therefore I’M CANCER FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!”

    • AlmightyJB

      God’s trying.

  37. Rebel Scum

    Senate Asks Pelosi If She Can Send Over Copy Of Impeachment Articles Without Wine Stains All Over It

    “Hey, Mrs. Speaker, sorry to bug you,” McConnell said, “but it looks like you’ve got some purple substance all over these articles of impeachment.”

    “Don’t mess with me!” Pelosi snapped back. “I’m a Catholic. Wait — do Catholics drink wine?” When an aide informed her they do, she realized the jig was up and sheepishly agreed to transmit fresh articles of impeachment.

    An embarrassed Pelosi came over to pick up the old ones and deliver a fresh copy. She smelled the stains and confirmed they were a “delicious 1982 vintage — very good year.” A concerned aide tugged the paper out of her hand as she began to nibble at the corner.

    Unfortunately, the new copy was covered in bourbon.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I think Sanders was saying something along the lines of the US being too misogynistic to elect a woman as President.

      Just like a woman, (TIWTANLW) Warren took that to mean that a woman couldn’t be President.

      • Rhywun

        That is what I was betting it was. The knives are out now.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      From that angle I would say would in MILF sort of way. However, I need more documentation to make a final determination.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        She’s a solid “wood” from me.

        Also, openly bi, so maybe she’ll bring a friend.

      • Count Potato

        Tulsi Gabbard?

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I’ll be in my bunk.

      • R C Dean

        I’ve met her. Hard would.

    • AlmightyJB

      I would

    • Spudalicious

      Absolutely.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Kamala Harris✔
    @SenKamalaHarris

    The Senate is receiving the articles of impeachment against President Trump today. We should not advance any more judicial nominees while we take on this solemn responsibility of the president’s trial for high crimes and misdemeanors.

    She admits they can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? Points for honesty.

  39. Pope Jimbo

    Speaking of Minnesoda Morons…..

    PolyMet is trying to build a nickel-copper mine in Northern Minnesoda. Recently a court blocked one of the permits that they were issued. Right on schedule Ilhan Omar stepped up and showed off her intellectual chops.

    What an important victory for the people of Minnesota!

    This is what happens when communities come together to oppose mining projects that will line the pockets of fossil fuel execs at the expense of our planet. https://t.co/H1iHhGbuLm

    So you shitlords won’t be able to kick Gaia around with your copper burning SUV’s!

    Yup

    • The Other Kevin

      That was Just a cut and paste error.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Oh so sort of like a search warrant. Forgot to cross out MJ and type in cocaine.

    • Tres Cool

      I wonder if she’s been briefed on the mines in africa, and how those people are treated for rare-eath metals she has in her phone, car, house, etc.

      • Jarflax

        She’s upper class Somali. She has no objection to slavery in Africa, slaving has long been a major industry of her people.

    • Rhywun

      For someone who hates humans, I see she has polluted Gaia with no less than three children. How does she carry that shame??

      • Trigger Hippie

        It’s not overpopulation if you can afford to send your kids to a Montessori school.

    • Fourscore

      https://polymetmining.com/

      Rape Gaia. Then abandon the huge hole, it’ll fill up with water and some DNR guy will put fish in it and all the 10K Lakes paraphernalia will be out of date.

    • AlmightyJB

      Same with public sector unions. That’s how BO got all his money.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’d expect no less.

    • Florida Man

      Is there a republican equivalent of tax dollars funding an organization and then that organization only backOmg republicans?

      • The Hyperbole

        No idea if they give solely to Republicans, and not really a organization, and too lazy to check, but maybe the military industrial complex?

      • Florida Man

        That’s a good example, but I’m pretty sure the pork flows to both sides.

      • The Last American Hero

        Maria Cantwell (d-Boeing) agrees

    • Florida Man

      So after a little digging, there is a donation funded political arm, separate from the tax exempt PP. The solution would be to end tax exempt status for all organizations and end government funded private institutions, but we ain’t gonna get it.

      • Count Potato

        Money is fungible.

      • Florida Man

        Not legally. If audited and PP funds are transferred to the political arm, that would be a crime.

      • Count Potato

        “Not legally.”

        LOL

      • Florida Man

        “Planned parenthood votes” is not the same organization as planned parenthood.

    • Count Potato

      I wonder if she can still sing. She wasn’t that good back before her OD.

      • AlmightyJB

        I don’t know any of her songs.

    • KSuellington

      She’s okay, but Shakira is doing the halftime show. Caliente.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “ A spokesman for Miami-Dade police said that the naked woman, who was seen on Twitter by another bystander later jumping on top of a patrol car in busy traffic outside, was taken into custody Monday night for an involuntary mental health evaluation.”

      She’d be a fun date.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Just don’t fall asleep after.

      • Festus

        Nice call-back to that poor Ukranian fellow!

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Looks pretty good from the back.

      • Sean

        ?

      • Festus

        Yes indeedy.

    • Count Potato

      Never judge a woman how she looks from behind.

      • Spudalicious

        Unless you have no intention of looking at the front.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Well I could handle it behind her
        And I like it on the side
        But don’t make me look around her man ’cause she’s
        Ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkDnW5xAus8

      • The Hyperbole

        Well you ugly too.

    • AlmightyJB

      Cops will do anything to create a crime

    • Spudalicious

      Shit that didn’t happen for $1,000, Alex.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      People be crazy yo

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Sounds like a job for STEVE SMITH.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Head Desk….

    • Heroic Mulatto

      NO FUN ALLOWED!

      • Not Adahn

        He is suposed to be representing the AMERICAN PEOPLE not making jokes and slandering the defenders of our constitution!!!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He really is a horrible person and a Putin puppet to boot. Thank God Saint McCain called him out on his treason.

      • Not Adahn

        The only reason he performs eye surgeries for free is to fool people into thinking they don’t need single-payer healthcare.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Diabolical.

    • Spudalicious

      There’s some fine stuff in there.

  40. Tulip

    Oscar has taken our talks to heart and instituted a reign of terror over the mice. Last night, I found a head (i’m surprised you all didn’t hear the screaming). The exterminators are coming tomorrow.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Nothing wrong with a little head.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Said the Guy with the Lamp at the beach…

      • Spudalicious

        *golf clap*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Disc golf?

      • Spudalicious

        Nobody claps for disc golf, because the only people watching are the ones that are playing.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        actually not so, Dog walkers will hang out on the terraces and laugh at us..

      • Not Adahn

        That’s not very nice, bringing dogs along and not letting them chase the frisbees.

      • Spudalicious

        I think UCS nailed it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m not a Hippie, i kill Hippies for fun……

      • The Last American Hero

        My caddy usually claps.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oscar: “just doing my job Ma’am”

    • Tulip

      I love him, but he is a psycho.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sounds like my Wife and me….

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Kittah decided to go explore, I’m worried about Hawks, she’s tiny

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        If she keeps to underbrush or slinks along the sides of structures, trees etc., she’ll be fine — most birds of prey can’t dive-bomb that close to stuff like that. A Merlin tried to dive-bomb my Shih-Tzu Gizmo many years ago, but he was too close to the garage. The Merlin basically knocked itself silly and then hid under one of our deck chairs while Giz barked at it. Took it about 30 minutes to recover enough to fly away. If it survived, it probably learned a good lesson that day.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        he is a psycho

        i.e., he is a cat.

      • Tulip

        Yep

      • Mojeaux

        he is a psycho

        You say that like it’s a bad thing…

    • Tulip

      My greatest fear at the moment is that he will bring me a mouse while I’m in bed.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        “Behold! I am a mighty hunter!”

        “Why do you reject my gift?!”

      • Tulip

        I know. He is a sensitive kitty. He gets upset if I tell at him.

      • mikey

        Our cat would always share. He once left a pair of frog’s eyes on our pillow for us.

      • Tulip

        Awww! I want him to be selfish. No sharing!

  41. Not Adahn

    NRA sweepstakes entry form came in the mail. I took excessive pleasure in checking the “NO, I will not be making a donation” box.

    • RAHeinlein

      So woke – that’ll show those gun-grabbers!