Tuesday Afternoon Links

by | Jan 7, 2020 | Daily Links | 382 comments

Jeez, is it only Tuesday? One kid had a night-terror freakout and wet the bed at 4am, and the other woke up at the commotion and decided to just not go back to sleep. But not, like quietly. So I’ve been up since 4am. I had to deal with a cranky 4-year-old freakout at daycare, and I have a whole pile of shit to do. It feels like 4 days have passed since Monday. Can we just give up and start over again on Wednesday?

Damn, were they handing out free iPhones or something? Trump Kills 56 More Iranians (free headline for the Bee)

Cool, now do Comey and other senior FBI officials.

OMWC, call your office.

Fusion and “super-penetration”, what more could you libertarian geeks want?

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

382 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    Dammit, CNN settled with Sandman, but the amount isn’t public. How much they they pay for their slander?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      The fact that they got anything is kind of a huge deal. No way a media corporation is going to 1) demonstrate that they’ll settle and 2) violate their iron-clad echo chamber by admitting they did something wrong like this if they could avoid it.

    • R C Dean

      Ima guess, a round $1mm.

      They’d probably spend nearly that much just getting to and through the trial.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Excellent. One down.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Good for them to have pursued it after the original judgment that almost stopped them in their tracks.

      CNN probably read the writing on the wall and decided to just settle. Would love to know for how much.

      Assholes. The media that is. Who was the reporter – some blonde chick – that interviewed Sandman saying there was something troubling about his stare?

      Douche move on her part.

      • Ted S.

        And of course if Sandman hadn’t just stood there he would have been excoriated for that

  2. Rebel Scum

    The Florida flag is triggering af.

    • Florida Man

      How do?

  3. Drake

    An orgy of senseless violence and death seems the appropriate way to send Soleimani out.

  4. kbolino

    Cool, now do Comey and other senior FBI officials.

    They didn’t lie to the FBI, they lied to the people. That’s virtuous and necessary. Lying to the FBI is subverting the government, which is the paramount institution of America. Remember when Abe Lincoln said “people of the government, by the government, for the government”?

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      I believe that they did conclude that McCabe did lie to the FBI.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Flynn pissed someone off in the intelligence community. That’s why he’s been put through the ringer for “lying” about a conversation that was not material to any investigation and of which the FBI already knew the contents of said investigation.

      • Drake

        He was actually going to re-design the intelligence services – so he had to be set up.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They also used his kid to get him to cop to those charges too if I remember correctly.

      • Drake

        Yep – Strong-armed him into a bs confession to keep them from destroying his kid for sport with the process.

        Those are our noble defenders in the FBI and Justice Department.

      • kbolino

        Let us also not forget their valiant effort to prosecute Hillary Clinton’s wanton violations of the Espionage Act and Federal Records Act by not even slapping her on the wrist.

    • Ted S.

      Didn’t they lie to Congress?

      • kbolino

        In public, maybe. Behind closed doors, who knows. It’s hard to keep track of what’s real and what’s kayfabe with these people.

      • Ted S.

        If they’re under oath and lie to Congress, isn’t it technically a crime?

      • kbolino

        For the little people, sure. The same laws mean different things when the people who matter are involved, though.

      • Florida Man

        The Age of consent debate is the other way.

      • kbolino

        I believe this merits either a golf clap or a narrowed gaze. I’m not sure which.

      • Florida Man

        That’s the spot I like to occupy. People have feelings about me, but there not sure if they’re good or bad.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        *Laughs in James Clapper*

        *Chortles in Eric Holder*

      • Ted S.

        To be fair, I did say “technically”.

  5. Ted S.

    Jeez, is it only Tuesday? One kid had a night-terror freakout and wet the bed at 4am,

    Wait until they start having other nocturnal emissions.

    • Brett L

      As long as they can do it without waking me up.

    • The Other Kevin

      If that wakes up Brett he will be the one having the night-terror freak out.

      • Bobarian LMD

        If that wakes up Brett, the kids are getting a little too old to sleep with dad.

      • Florida Man

        It’s like sleeping next to a paint mixer.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Night Terror Freakout would be a good band name. And of course, Nocturnal Emissions would be their first album.

  6. Rebel Scum

    super-penetration

    Speaking of pelvic exams…

    • UnCivilServant

      We have an underslung gatling dog cannon that fires dogs with chainsaw teeth.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        What are you going to do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Your lack of hyphens in your adjectival phrases leads to ambiguity. But we are talking about a doge-mounted cannon that shoots other doges as projectiles, right?

  7. Tundra

    HI Brett!

    Sorry for your troubles, man. I guarantee tomorrow will be superior in all ways.

    However, getting more energy out of a fusion reaction than was put into it has remained an elusive goal.

    No shit, really?

    • R C Dean

      “Just one more grant, and we’ll have this thing licked.”

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Is that a quote from Divine Brown?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. This process must follow the fourth law of thermodynamics:
      15% of all energy created in japan is absorbed by the mutating of Kaiju

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      What do you mean? The Sun does it every day.

    • Tonio

      We’re ten years away. Ten years, I tells ya.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, then we’ll have plenty of carbon-free energy before the world ends.

      • Tonio

        We could easily reduce our carbon footprint if the watermelons weren’t so pissy about existing forms of nuclear energy.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        It’s almost as if they really didn’t care about real world solutions and just want to create the utopia that exists in their head.

      • Mad Scientist

        It’s as if they don’t really care about carbon at all but just hate themselves, and humanity at large.

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s OK I hate them too.

      • kbolino

        The anti-nuclear thing would be less annoying if they didn’t also discount all other forms of pollution in their quest to slay the carbon dioxide windmill. What’s that, solar panels don’t magic themselves into existence with locally grown organic non-GMO unicorn farts? Say it ain’t so. Next you’ll tell me lithium batteries aren’t manna from heaven delivered by Greta Thunberg’s angelic grace.

      • Rhywun

        And electricity doesn’t just come out of holes in the wall.

      • Not Adahn

        Of course not!

        There are wires involved.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        When I was a little lad in middle school, they showed us a video about the coming solar-car utopia. I asked my crusty old engineer dad about it. “Kid, we’ve been 10 years away from solar power longer than you’ve been alive.”

      • UnCivilServant

        Lies! Coal IS Solar power – frozen into solid state ages ago.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Definitely a believe it when I see it type of thing. Even if I saw it I would be saying they’re actually using zero point energy.

  8. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Khamenei Says Iran Must Directly Attack U.S. Interests

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/supreme-leader-ayatollah-ali-khamenei-reportedly-says-iran-must-directly-retaliate-for-soleimani-killing

    I think Khamenei just sent a message to Iran’s proxies not to do anything dumb. And since we’d retaliate against a direct attack I don’t think Iran wants to go do any retaliations right now either.

    Since the Iranians have long memories I’m not sure that anything won’t eventually happen, just not right away. I think the Iranians are just assessing their options. One of which could be waiting to see the results of the election/impeachment thinking another president would be easier to deal with.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      They’re also cowards in the sense they will try to take down a plane of innocents or something non-military.

      Here, the U.S. targeted a military figure and nobody else.

      In a perfect world, the Iranian keep it restricted to this realm.

      But they likely won’t.

      • kbolino

        They know he shouldn’t have gotten caught in Iraq. They know they started this by attacking the embassy. But they’re shameless and lots of people will run interference for them.

      • peachy rex

        You have to hope that the moderates – quote-unquote – are pointing out that storming an embassy is waaay over the line, and what the fuck did they expect Trump to do?

      • WTF

        The problem is they could be encouraged by the Democrats and the media running interference for them.

  9. Rebel Scum

    Schmuck Schumer

    “Make no mistake, on the question of witnesses and documents, Republicans may run but they can’t hide. There will be votes at the beginning on whether to call the four witnesses we’ve proposed and subpoena the documents we’ve identified,” Schumer said in a floor speech. “If every Republican senator votes for a rigged trial that hides the truth, the American people will see that the Republican Senate is part of a large and awful cover-up.”

    • kbolino

      the American people

      stopped giving a shit about any of this about 5 minutes after it started.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Republicans may run but they can’t hide.

        It isn’t the Republicans stopping the articles from reaching the Senate.

      • Fourscore

        One neighbor yesterday was not aware of the bombing on Iraq of an Iranian, as of yesterday. She’s a voter though and a good Republican voter. Typical fly over country.

    • Drake

      Whatever you do Chuckie, please don’t try to run after them without a sports-bra.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Mansierre.

    • R C Dean

      There will be votes at the beginning on whether to call the four witnesses we’ve proposed and subpoena the documents we’ve identified

      Will there? I mean, I don’t know what process Cocaine Mitch will be using, but if its like the one for Clinton, there will be a motion to dismiss (and arguments). You wouldn’t get to the calling witnesses part until that is done. And I wonder if this will just be dismissed. Comes down to the usual DemSymp Repubs, I guess.

      What if there’s a tie vote on dismissal. Wouldn’t that mean Pence breaks the tie?

      • Lackadaisical

        How badly does pence want to be president?

      • Spudalicious

        Takes 67 votes to remove.

      • Spudalicious

        Disregard. Answered the wrong question.

    • Mojeaux

      ???

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      This is just astonishing. This is from like BabyLifeAndLiteralTransubstantiationNewsService. This is from Reuters.

      VATICAN CITY, Jan 1 (Reuters) – Pope Francis apologised on Wednesday for having angrily slapped a woman’s arm when she had grabbed hold of his hand and yanked him towards her, saying he had lost his patience and set a “bad example”.

      His unusual apology came after he used his first homily of the new year to denounce violence against women, which he compared to profaning God.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        I mean that this isn’t from some fringe conservative Catholic parody site, but it reads like it.

      • kbolino

        To appreciate the irony, first this Pope would have to have some self-awareness.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        That was all removed to make room for MOAR WOKE

      • Agent Cooper

        Humans are fallible. Who knew?

    • Tundra

      The real Pope would never hit a woman. He’d hit on a woman, however.

      It’s how his Holiness rolls.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Yeah, sure, if the woman dressed up like a 12 year old alter boy.

      • Tundra

        Don’t kink-shame the Pontiff of the Prairie, pal.

      • Ted S.

        Well, if you altered a boy you might get a “woman”….

      • Bobarian LMD

        That’s probably up Jimbo’s alley.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Transparency and accountability?

      Pope: Nah

      Conceding to the Chinese communists as they double down on persecuting faithful Catholics and other religions?

      Pope: You know it, fam

      • kbolino

        At the risk of reigniting our previous, ahem, discussion on the Church, I’m willing to concede that the Church kowtowing to China is worse than some of the other things I listed the other day.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I wasn’t too upset with your points, I just disagreed with some of them. Overall, I share the same criticisms, I just don’t think that indirectly supporting Franco was really anything beyond a logical stance. But, I also believe that Franco would not have ever happened if the Republicans had not gone around shooting people with wrong thoughts and then burning churches and raping nuns.

      • kbolino

        The Spanish Civil War is a nasty piece of business that gets less attention outside of Spain than it probably should. I need to read up on it more. You may be right about what enabled Franco to take power, but he was still pretty evil himself. Not Hitler-evil by a long shot, but he was a fascist and murderer in his own right.

      • peachy rex

        When I studied the SCW, I came away hating pretty much everyone. But I hated Franco less than the alternative, which was a Stalinist puppet state in western Europe.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Sure, but I would argue that his arrival was more a response to wanton violence than say Pinochet coming to power, which was more prefaced on “what if”. In the case of Franco, half of the country actively wanted a coup to topple the barbarous Republicans and their Soviet allies (which is the part of the story that’s often ignored by history as it’s easier to frame the conflict as “good” versus “evil”, which is rarely the case).

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Even George Orwell left the Spanish Civil War disenchanted with the Republicans’ cause.

      • Mojeaux

        So King Juan Carlos was Franco’s right-hand man there at the last and Franco turned the keys to the kingdom over to him, either instructing him to or expecting that he would go immediately back to a monarchy.

        I just don’t get that.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Juan Carlos was Franco’s designated successor. Juan Carlos instead decided to liberalize after Franco’s death. At one point, a couple years into Juan Carlos’ rule and amidst his liberalizing reforms, a group of military commanders tried to stage a coup in the legislature and Juan Carlos urged the country to rise-up in opposition. This action by Juan Carlos won him deep respect in Spain that to an extent still exists (even though he had a rocky last few years).

        Juan Carlos choose the Washington route. He could have easily remained in power, but choose to be revered for posterity, rather than ruling in this life.

      • Mojeaux

        I mis-remembered my history, then, because your explanation did spark that knowledge. Thank you.

        I have a crush on Spain and Juan Carlos always seemed to me to be a good man. I was sad when he abdicated but his son seems to be a good sort also.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Spain has a real tumultuous history from Napoleon’s Iberian campaign all the way through to the 1970’s. They went through a series of absolute monarchies, liberal monarchies, dictatorships by military strong men, republics, and even a few juntas here and there.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        “I have a crush on Spain and Juan Carlos always seemed to me to be a good man.”

        I suppose he was OK for a Bourbon

      • Jarflax

        Franco was certainly an authoritarian asshole. He ranks up there on the evil Head of State scale. I mean he is below:
        1. Stalin
        1a. Hitler
        3. Roosevelt
        4. Tojo
        5. Mussolini
        6. Quisling
        7. Petain
        and a few others, but he wasn’t a good guy

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Yeah, I don’t mean he was a “good guy” (few heads of state rarely are). I only mean that his rise to power was fueled by a barbarous regime that engaged in a campaign of terror against its political opponents. He was a natural backlash. To be fair, most (but not all) fascist dictators were a natural backlash to socialist violence.

        That doesn’t mean that the backlash is somehow good or somehow better than the alternative (in some cases, yes, but in other obviously not). It’s just logical and inevitable.

      • Jarflax

        Hmm, I guess I should have gone with the full list then, since you took me as challenging you. I am not willing to say Pinochet and Franco were good men, because they did evil things. But they both did evil things that I think were necessary, and they both kept their evil largely limited to what was necessary. I was trying to make the point that while no Head of State can be both a good person and effective, there are degrees of evil and by that measure I’d say Franco was not anywhere near the monster level.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        I want to emphasize, though (and I know you’re not implying this, but I want to make it clear), that I am not defending the righteousness of any dictator, specifically Franco. I’m only saying that the Republicans were equally as vile, if not more so in some instances.

    • Ted S.

      Or?

      • Count Potato

        Incentives, Ted.

      • Bobarian LMD

        OK, and.

        And would be even better.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Careful, she was friends with Lena Dunham at one point.

    • Rhywun

      This is why you git woke, people.

  10. Lackadaisical

    Lying to government officials should never be a crime. Even sworn documents, that’s a civil matter

    • Rebel Scum

      You could say that again.

    • Jarflax

      Lying under oath in a criminal case, as a witness, not as the defendant, should be the only criminal lie.

      • R C Dean

        If a defendant chooses to testify, they are just another witness. The 5A allows you to stay silent, not to lie.

      • Jarflax

        The State should not be able to tack on perjury if you deny the charges; the punishment for lying in your defense is that as soon as the prosecution shows up your lies you are going to be convicted.

      • R C Dean

        Fair point.

  11. Florida Man

    OMWC, call your office.-

    Do the test, you are a rapist.

    Don’t do the test and miss something, you’re negligent.

    Whadda ya gonna do?

    • Drake

      I have Steve Smith on one shoulder and ZARDOZ on the other…

      • Florida Man

        *Shudder*

      • Bobarian LMD

        STEVE PUT HAND ON BOTH SHOULDER.

    • Fourscore

      Rented an AirBnb that flooded?

    • Drake

      I notice the cops are real reluctant to cuff her and stuff her in one of their cars – or even come within 10 feet of her. One way to prevent police violence.

      • Spudalicious

        Many moons ago, we showed up at a mental health crisis center to pick up a 5150 and transport him to an inpatient facility. As we approached the door, there was a cop looking at the backseat of his patrol car with a bemused look on his face. I asked him “what’s up?. Without looking up he just said, “Jesus just shit in my back seat”.

  12. Lackadaisical

    Lying to government officials should never be a crime. Even sworn documents, that’s a civil matter.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      And government officials lying to you should be illegal.

      • Lackadaisical

        Or at least a matter you can take them to civil court over, if you have any damages, yes.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Lol

    • Jarflax

      How did you squirrel a comment separated by 2 other comments?

      • Ozymandias

        Lazy, weed-smokin’ squirrels?

  13. Count Potato

    Has anyone notice that landline phone service sucks now? It seems mine breaks at least once a year, if not more. I don’t remember it ever not working in the past.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Bring back Ma Bell.

      • Ted S.

        Oh yeah, waiting until 5:00 PM or 11:00 PM when long-distance rates went down.

      • Drake

        Just punch in your MCI #!

      • Gdragon

        She’s got the ill communication

    • Ted S.

      We finally got rid of ours because it kept going out every time it rained hard. The only reason we kept it is because Dad worked for New York Telephone for 30 years and got a free landline (well, he had to pay the taxes on it which kept going up) as part of his retirement package.

      • Count Potato

        Weather seems to have some effect. One time was because, according to the tech, some vandal ripped the lines out of a box.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Copper theft is common by the meth heads. Unsurprising they can’t distinguish between fiber optic and copper when stealing cable either.

      • Count Potato

        Not everyone can be Heisenberg.

    • Mad Scientist

      Dial up too slow to see all the photos of that cow you love?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Haven’t had it for years. I still have a “landline” but it’s actually over the internet, and only costs $15 a month. Handy for having a permanent “official” number I can hand out, but don’t have to actually answer. Doesn’t even ring unless I’ve put your number in the unblocked list. Messages show up in my email and mobile phone app.

    • kbolino

      I don’t think true landlines even exist anymore. There may be a copper wire to your house, but it’s probably getting terminated and turned into VoIP somewhere. All those dedicated copper lines are not cost effective today, even with the sometimes ridiculous prices they charge for it. As for VoIP itself, people seem to treat it as a second-class citizen on the Internet despite all of the “net neutrality” claims (even before Ajit Pai).

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Pretty much this.

        The regulatory and maintenance environment around POTS service rendered it unprofitable many years ago.

        The still existing providers would love to exit the market altogether.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Incorrect. It’s a cash cow and continues to be. It’s just an ever shrinking cash cow. Generally, traditional telecom (voice and TDM data) is about twice as profitable as broadband and Ethernet/IP on a percentage basis.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have a hard time believing the costs of maintaining the lines (and I’m including the pension obligations and healthcare of the union labor) don’t exceed the revenue for most of the US.

        But I’ve been wrong once before.

      • Gustave Lytton

        In my slice of the world, healthcare costs have converged to where they’re the same for union or non-union workforces. Pensions vary, depending on how much they’ve been funded previously.

        A bit hard to strictly break down as the same workforces used to support legacy services are also mostly used to support current technologies, but he real advantage in profitability that legacy services have is that the capital costs aren’t there. Current IP/Ethernet services faces ongoing capital replacement cycles against falling pricing.

      • Count Potato

        POTS used to be “five nines” reliable. So something must have changed.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Government fixed it.

      • Count Potato

        Figures.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Depends on your provider. Still a lot (millions) on conventional telephone switches.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        As for VoIP itself, people seem to treat it as a second-class citizen on the Internet despite all of the “net neutrality” claims (even before Ajit Pai).

        We put a ton of effort into detecting and prioritizing it in the enterprise WAN space. ISPs should have the same tech available to them. Whether they use it or not is a different story.

    • Mojeaux

      Just got rid of ours.

      I was tired of the spam calls so in a fit of temper, I had my phone number of 20 years changed. That didn’t help and I mourned my phone number.

      Then we not only got spam calls, we got collection calls for the person who had the new number last.

      I had been wanting to get rid of it for a while, but we do occasionally need to fax something. (Don’t blame us! It’s our health insurance company!) (Also, the last prize Mr. Mojeaux won required a faxed affidavit.) I finally convinced him to use the web fax I have with my business phone number service.

      Saved us a whopping $10/month, but it’s gone now and the stupid spam calls have too.

      • Count Potato

        You phone bill was only $10?

      • Mojeaux

        Part of our cable/internet package.

        Our cell plan is with AT&T.

      • Count Potato

        Oh, I don’t mean cable modem phone, I mean regular ass phone like your parents had.

      • Rhywun

        I haven’t had a landline since the mid-aughts. And during much of that time I had a phone provided by work.

    • kinnath

      I am required to have a landline for my toilets to work.

      • Jarflax

        How so?

    • Aus

      Only POTS I know of is for elevator emergency phones. Apparently there’s some law that requires these still be old copper lines. I would assume it has something to do with the phone still working during a power outage but idk.

      I occasionally have to order these or troubleshoot when they break, and from what I recall, they are very expensive. My theory is telecoms are trying to price anyone out of keeping / ordering POTS lines, but since we’re required to have them in elevators, it’s a pain.

  14. Rebel Scum

    Not real socialism.

    Today, he finished the job.

    Washington Post:

    “Today, they dismantled the rule of law, assassinating the republic, with the complicity of a group of traitor lawmakers,” Guaidó told reporters outside the parliamentary building.
    How Maduro accomplished the takeover was positively Hitlerian.

    The replacement of Guaidó amounted to a bait and switch. On Sunday, he began the day anticipating his reelection as head of the National Assembly, viewed internationally as the last democratic institution in the authoritarian South American state. Guaidó’s claim as the nation’s true president — recognized by nearly 60 countries, including the United States — has been based on his status as the assembly’s chief.

    But security forces loyal to Maduro formed a cordon around the assembly building in central Caracas, blocking opposition lawmakers — who control the chamber — from entering. Lawmakers who back Maduro — including several allegedly involved in a government plot to buy votes — were allowed to pass. At one point, Guaidó sought to scale the spiked wrought-iron fence surrounding the assembly, trying to force his way in and shredding the jacket of his business suit.

    • kbolino

      The language is a bit hyperbolic, but that is a pretty accurate comparison to Hitler, for once.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      Of course it’s real socialism. Venezuela is a success. It’s just that the media is lying to you, and Guiado is an American puppet.

      Just ask this guy who I fought with on Twitter last week.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        That guy seems unwell. His point suffers from a pretty severe blind spot and I’m frightened by the fact that a supposed adult doesn’t even see the hole in his own argument.

        I split the baby- Guiado is an American puppet who does not command popular support, but Maduro is a murderous dictator who also does not command popular support.

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Wait a second. A Jets fan?!?!

    • Florida Man

      ITS MAAM!!!

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        Doctor: Sir, I have some bad news…

        Patient: Excuse me? It’s “maam”. I identify as a woman

        Doctor: Oh, I’m sorry. Maam, I have some bad news- you have testicular cancer

      • Drake

        Well that makes the treatment a lot less troublesome.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Patient: No I don’t.
        Doctor: My turn. Excuse me?
        Patient: Did you not hear me? I’m a woman. So I can’t have testica…testima…whatever you call it cancer.
        Doctor:

    • kbolino

      I do not believe transgenderism is inherently a mental illness, but there are a lot of mentally ill people taking advantage of the attention and social currency being transgender currently has.

      • Mojeaux

        They may also be unwilling to plumb the depths of what’s really wrong with them and using trans as a less-painful issue.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        See Jonathan Yaniv aka Jessica.

        I’m almost sure that guy has some form of mental illness.

        And his mother is some piece of work herself. Something is weird there.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Actual gender dysphoria is likely a very small subset of claimed transgender individuals.

      • grrizzly

        I think a gender identity disorder is a mental illness by definition. If a person strongly believes that his or her mind doesn’t correspond to the sex they were born–it’s a mental health issue.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s funny how the children of the trans end up being disproportionately trans. Either it runs in families or mom and/or pop are pressuring their kids (which is what my money’s on).

      • R C Dean

        Either it runs in families

        It would be amusing? odd? if something that is a rejection of biology actually has a biological component.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It could be a variant of body dysmorphic disorder and a lot of mental illnesses have an inherited component.

      • Mojeaux

        I asked someone recently how they would feel if their child wanted to cut off an arm because they identified as an amputee? Are you also going to let an eating disorder go untreated? How is this different?

        They had no answer (but I’ll be damned if I can remember who I was talking to). I hope I made them think a little harder.

      • Mojeaux

        better PR

        I think the attention whores have full control of that train now. LGB might want to think about distancing itself from T.

      • Mojeaux

        I do not see a “good reason” in that article.

        Here’s the thing: People have lots of things wrong with them that are burdensome and can’t be fixed. They deal.

        He said it wasn’t quite pins and needles, and it wasn’t quite numbness—it was like a sack of sugar that needed to go.

        Get an EMG and find out if you have a pinched nerve. If not, deal.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The better treatment would be therapy and medication, not lopping off their limbs and not pretending it’s A-OK and humoring them because they have a disorder.

      • Count Potato

        It does have a biological component, but there is no evidence it’s hereditary.

      • Count Potato

        It’s pressuring the kids.

      • Lackadaisical

        I would bet on a little from column A and a lot from column B.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s genetic mutations caused by New Coke that are manifesting now.

      • Mojeaux

        Everybody knows New Coke was a feint so people wouldn’t notice that corn syrup replaced sugar in “classic” Coke when they reintroduced it.

  15. Florida Man

    I’m in the market for a beverage refrigerator. Does anyone have a brand/model they can recommend? I would like dual zone for wine & beer. Thanks.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Its January. Just set it outside on the deck in a snow pile until its the temp you want lol.

      • Tundra

        Newer goddamn fridges don’t work right at temps lower than 50. So now I get to heat my goddamn garage of I want proper performance. My appliance guy tells me it’s because of the new refrigerant. You know, the more environmentally friendly one.

      • Mad Scientist

        You need a proper fridge in your garage. One that keeps you beer cold, and secure.

      • Florida Man

        That’s neat. Just put your most used tools in the little drawers and the rest in a chest.

      • Count Potato

        $419?

      • Lackadaisical

        I got lucky and my house came with a fridge that’s older than I am. Never throwing that thing out.

      • Florida Man

        Brand please?

      • Tundra

        Yes. My neighbor has an 80’s era POS that runs perfectly in a cold garage.

      • Fourscore

        #me too

      • R C Dean

        The icemaker on ours (Samsung, I think) sucks STEVE SMITH balls.

        When we replace it, I will seriously consider getting one without an icemaker. I make most of our own ice in my special clear ice gizmo, anyway.

      • Florida Man

        I have a whirlpool gold for normal fridge which is great. I’m asking about a beverage fridge for the bar I’m having built.

      • Tundra

        We have a U-Line in a built-in. Single zone, but has been good for us. 4-5 years old. We got a great deal on it from Best Buy.

      • Florida Man

        Sweet! Thanks.

      • Count Potato

        One of those new AI refrigerators with the cameras makes “RC Dean” big fancy Ice balls.

      • Florida Man

        *looks outside*

        Umm…what do I do if it’s sunny and warm in January?

      • A Leap at the Wheel

        Set down the LSD.

      • Tundra

        Give thanks, sacrifice a virgin, open a beer…

      • Florida Man

        But…I need refrigerator for beer…catch 22

      • Certified Public Asshat

        How much snow does Florida get?

      • Florida Man

        I saw it snow once in Jacksonville in the 80’s.

      • Tres Cool

        At least enough for a long weekend.

      • Agent Cooper

        Went on a January cruise a few years ago. Landed in Ft. Lauderdale. That night, it was 38 and snowy/rainy.
        During the cruise it never got about 65.

    • Timeloose

      Magic Chef makes a real cheap one that I’ve had for over 4 years. Two zones and fits lots of beer.

    • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

      Get a normal bar fridge. Seriously. It’s what we’ve done, and it works, and it’s (relatively) cheap. Want dual-zone? Get two bar fridges. SERIOUSLY. The others will wildly hose you financially for what you’re looking for.

      • Florida Man

        Any particular brand

  16. Yusef in Space......

    Howdy! Since you asked last night on the post I missed,
    Wendy is in good spirits, still in pain, but what do you expect?
    She speaks pretty normally and is regaining the use of her left arm already,a good sign.
    Thanks for all you support and Blessings Fellow Glibs, Huzzah!

    • Florida Man

      GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!!!

    • Count Potato

      Thanks for the update. Hope she gets better soon.

    • Tundra

      Really glad to hear it. Keep it rolling!

    • wdalasio

      Great news. Best wishes for a speedy recovery for her. Or at least continued steady progress.

    • Mojeaux

      Woo hooooo!!!!

    • R C Dean

      *puts brass knuckles back in drawer*

      Glad to hear it. They give you any shit, let me know.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Will do, Chief!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Good news. Best wishes to the both of you.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Exellent

    • Jarflax

      Glad to hear it!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Huzzah!

    • Tres Cool

      Witness the healing power of the Tall Cans! Great news.

      HEY YUFUS!

    • Spudalicious

      Suweetah!

    • Rhywun

      ?

    • Nephilium

      Good for you man… hope your road gets easier.

    • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

      Siskel and Ebert, two thumbs up!

    • Sean

      ⬅. See avatar.

    • Gender Traitor

      O, frabjous day!

    • Not an Economist

      Awesome. I know you can’t see me but I’m doing a superb version of a happy dance in celebration.

      Hope things just get better from here.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      This is his third time on Rogan, I think. Should be a good listen. Thanks for the heads up.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Your welcome.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        *yore

    • mexican sharpshooter

      “No. I have never fucked a koala bear.”

      • Jarflax

        “But there was this wallaby one time…”

  17. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    https://www.cato.org/news-releases/2020/1/7/cato-calls-congress-investigate-possible-fbi-surveillance-domestic-policy?&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social-media&utm_campaign=addtoany&fbclid=IwAR25pjPXk_IWtLyvLFZPSrhUGT4BT-nTBXYVy__rj08M7PbEo337aBEU38k

    “Cato Calls on Congress to Investigate Possible FBI Surveillance of Domestic Policy Groups”

    Apparently through a FOIA Cato has discovered that the FBI has been monitoring them.

    Considering that for the past three years there was no libertarian outlet that has been more defensive in support of the FBI and the super duper important Russia investigation than people like Julian Sanchez at Cato so this just made me laugh. Maybe they were just monitoring it so they know who are friendly media outlets in the future. Well deserved.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I think the actor who played Skinner wanted to as well. He did marry Scully’s stand in.

      • Sean

        The things I learn here…

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        *actually I just want to get into Scully’s pants

        Oh, baby. #metoo

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Well except for a couple of beloved commentators and Tulpa.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I just want to say, I’m totally not an FBI agent. I swear.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s what they get for disagreeing with Niskanen.

  18. mexican sharpshooter

    Too soon to go off topic? Meh.

    In case anybody was wondering what its like to be mexican sharpshooter, pretty much all day today.

    YOU FOOL

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      So, I don’t get it, you’re actually Japanese and you spend all day fighting other Japanese men? I got to sit down to process this

      • Tres Cool

        Yeah, there’s some stuff to unpack.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I can see how that can be confusing.

        Is this better?

      • Jarflax

        *moves mexican sharpshooter from more or less stable Glibs list to the longer one.

      • AlmightyJB

        When did Adam Ant start doing meth?

      • Tundra

        Don’t judge. It’s getting more difficult to stand and deliver!

      • Rhywun

        classic

    • AlmightyJB

      You were destroyed and vanquished into a black hole?

    • Ted S.

      Is Sandmann getting the drugs that fall out of their ass?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Maybe he will but I doubt the associated NDA will allow him to talk about it.

  19. The Hyperbole

    Still Looking for players for a new Web Diplomacy Game

    Jarflax and Robc, we should probable abandon the 3D game and join the one below, apparently Mike S and Neph are chicken after taking a beating last time and It doesn’t look like we’ll get four more players in that one. Of course it’s only been a day so If you want to see if we get more action that’s cools as well, for those who have never played there are no restrictions to the below game and I for one promise not to back stab any new player until at least the fourth round.

    GlibDip 4 : The Simple One

    Code – No Biffer

    • Florida Man

      I joined. Now what?

      • The Hyperbole

        We wait for two more players, then then game will randomly assign countries to the players and then we start making alliances and back stabbing each other in an attempt to rule the world. It’s kinda like risk but without dice, or cards, or areas other than Europe…actually it not like risk at all.

      • Florida Man

        I feel like we should make an alliance now and stab whoever walks in the door next in the chest.

      • The Hyperbole

        I like the cut of your jib.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *skulks in the shadows, quietly unsheathes knife*

    • Nephilium

      Not chicken, just may have some work travel coming up, for which I generally taper down the active online games I’ve got running.

      • The Hyperbole

        Sure, I understand. *coffchickencoff*

  20. Heroic Mulatto

    h

    • Florida Man

      O

      • Tundra

        p

      • AlmightyJB

        P

      • Spudalicious

        E

      • Florida Man

        ‘S

      • Not Adahn

        #

      • Florida Man

        9

      • Spudalicious

        Did we just make that happen?

      • Tundra

        We did!

        But I’m still a Birchwood Casey guy…

      • Sean

        FP-10

        Dude

      • Spudalicious

        I switched to Ballistol. If it’s good enough for Hickok45, it’s good enough for me.

      • Tundra

        Actually, I use a bunch of different stuff, but I love the smell of B-C oil.

        Sublime!

        Plus, they are a Minne company and I used to work for them…

      • Rebel Scum

        S

    • Rhywun

      Eek!

    • Florida Man

      That’s a good read.

    • AlmightyJB

      The secret is to always be angry.

      • Sean

        Stop reading my diary.

    • Tundra

      They are gonna sell the shit out of that one.

      Bravo.

    • Florida Man

      Bit of a gamble with the Sic Semper Tyranus.

    • Not Adahn

      Can I get one that says “Virginia is for Lowers”.

      • AlmightyJB

        Lol. Nice

    • Agent Cooper

      From the article:

      “those warm nuts have a way of seducing you into believing anyone cares about your shitty takes”

      Umm…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Here we go.

    • Yusef in Space......

      Cool, let the games begin,
      I think Mr. T will play to win, as in, victory conditions, a quaint term, but still useful

    • Florida Man

      Oh goodie.

    • AlmightyJB

      There goes another 20 years.

    • Sean

      I will lose no sleep if that whole country gets flattened.

      • AlmightyJB

        We’ll be paying to rebuild it and police it.

      • Sean

        Oh….That’s right, I can start drinking again today!

        *Pours a glass of rye*

      • Florida Man

        You know there are a whole lot of Iranians that have no say in what their government is doing, just like here.

    • AlmightyJB

      I guess Bolton got what he wanted after all. As did McCain.

    • R C Dean

      The mullahs are dumber than I thought. Not even pretending these are fired by “independent” proxies.

      If Trump is a 5D chess player, he summons Congress and asks for a declaration of war. Make it their problem, either way they vote.

      “Well, Congress has tied my hands. Best thing, really, is to get out of Iraq. Can’t leave the troops there so the Iranians can use them for target practice. Reminds me of when Congress abandoned South Vietnam. Still, under our Constitution, its their call.”

      or

      “You heard ’em, boys. Weapons free. Let’s see if we can’t take out their entire air force and “navy” in 48 hours. Keep your mitts off civilian infrastructure, though. For now.”

      • Spudalicious

        I think putting their navy at the bottom of the ocean isn’t a bad idea. That includes all the small fast boats.

      • Sean

        But that’s where I keep some of my gun collection!

      • Spudalicious

        Guess what? You’re gun collection is going to grow with Iranian made weapons.

      • UnCivilServant

        But Those aren’t any good!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Operation Preying Mantis II?

      • Rebel Scum

        Operation Fire and Fury

      • Spudalicious

        Exactly. Reagan only sank half. Trump will sink more than that.

      • Rhywun

        The mullahs are dumber than I thought.

        This.

      • Tundra

        The mullahs are freaking out. I promise you.

        There is no way they want this fight.

        That’s the problem with proxies, they can be kind of hard to control.

      • Spudalicious

        It’s not proxies, these are coming from Iran.

      • Tundra

        I guess I should RTFA.

        Stupid move.

      • Not Adahn

        Nah, they needed to take credit to save face.

      • Mojeaux

        Too much inbreeding.

      • Sean

        I think it’s going to be #2 and in 12 hours.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Weirdly enough…they are shooting at *Iraqi* bases. After the domestic Iraqi protests the last two months….this isn’t necessarily going to win them a lot of friends.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Probably not much of a concern when the Iraqi government is divided and a portion is Iranian puppets who don’t give a shit about national territorial integrity. And another chuck are straight up opportunists and grifters that blow with the wind.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        If Trump is a 5D chess player, he summons Congress and asks for a declaration of war. Make it their problem, either way they vote.

        It’s a sad commentary on the Republic that following the Constitution as written is considered Sun Tzu-level strategy.

      • Sean

        It’s like you’ve never watched Jerry Springer…

      • Florida Man

        The really sad part is it is easier to summon Congress now than in the day of the founders. Hell, do a tele conference vote if you need to act immediately.

  21. Tundra

    Ricky Gervais, Man of the People

    I won’t excerpt, as it’s the shortest article I’ve ever read at Quillette. Good, though!

    • Rhywun

      I read some of the hoi-polloi were spotted at In-and-Out afterwards. Sorry, Joaquin.

    • Sean

      “and those warm nuts have a way of seducing you”

      The local farmers market has a nut place that fresh roasts their nuts on site. It’s true – “happiness is warm nuts”. If you are lucky, you’ll get there when a fresh out of the roaster batch hits the pan.

  22. cyto

    NBC just broke in with a news report…. MORE ATTACKS ON US BASES!!!!! (OK, actually it was that the Iranian government said that those rockets were theirs. But nice way to spin the lede there, Lester.

    So, here’s what they said. They are the greatest and toughest and they have struck mightily against the United States because of their killing of Sulaiman. If the US does any more attacks, they will retaliate swiftly and with great might.

    I heard them loud and clear.

    “We’ve had enough… Here’s your olive branch. We lobbed a couple of rockets in the general direction of a base. We are declaring victory. ”

    I hope the White House is smart enough to hear them. They are suing for peace with that ineffectual strike. They just offered everyone a way out. Trump can now act magnanimous and begin talks behind the scenes for ending all of the Iranian problems. The Mullahs can pound their chests before their people. Win-win.

    Oh, except for Schumer, Pelosi, Schiff et al. Those guys are in a pickle. Because if Trump is smart enough to take this opportunity, now they’ll be forced to switch sides again and call him a puss for not attacking Iran. That should be interesting to watch.

    • commodious spittoon

      That is never an if that is worth betting on.

      • cyto

        I actually sent the White House an email on the topic because my faith in them is so low. And I know that it isn’t even likely to be read, let alone have anyone pass it up to the president. But they are so goofy that I thought it was worth getting on the mailing list to make the attempt.

  23. Heroic Mulatto

    Hossein Salami, Soleimani’s successor as leader of the Revolutionary Guard, addressed a crowd of supporters gathered at the coffin in a central square in Kernan. He vowed to avenge Soleimani.

    “We tell our enemies that we will retaliate but if they take another action we will set ablaze the places that they like and are passionate about,” Salami said.

    If Salami lays one finger on the Sizzler, I’m going to go all Rambo 3 on the population of Iran myself.

    Asshole.

    • Spudalicious

      And if he lays a finger on an In ‘N Out, or a Five Guys, I’ll be at your side.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You’d think a guy named after a cold cut of meat would have more respect for our traditions.

      • Mojeaux

        Italian. We appropriated someone else’s culture.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

      • Tundra

        Ahem,

        Stai zitto, Libtard!

      • Mojeaux

        *haughty sniff*

        *dismissive handwave*

    • Count Potato

      If Iran hears that Trump is after him, are they going to hide the Salami?

      • cyto

        Ouch

    • Mojeaux

      Krusty Krab.

  24. Urthona

    I’ll admit that i don’t know much about ballistic missiles and their ranges, but it feels like sort of a waste to fire them all next door.

    • Jarflax

      A rock leaving a catapult is a ballistic missile. It’s the IC in ICBM that makes it impressive, without that all you have is another stinking BM.

      • cyto

        I think they mean “it leaves the atmosphere” in the world of munitions.

        But yeah, I had exactly the same reaction. Bullets are ballistic. Mortars are ballistic. Slingshots are ballistic.

      • Jarflax

        It is used to distinguish between guided and unguided. A ballistic munition is aimed when it is fired and follows a ballistic path. It doe not necessarily, or even often leave the atmosphere. Scuds were ballistic missiles, I suspect what are being launched at us are only mildly advanced over scuds.

    • LJW

      Sounds like they were prepared for them given no casualties. I’m curious how long it takes for the missile to go from A to B.

    • LCDR_Fish

      SCUD and Iranian domestic variants are Short Range Ballistic Missiles – see also MRBM, IRBM, ICBM. (And CRBM or Close Range Ballistic Missiles – aka battlefield rockets)

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Well, that’s it. Who would have thought the Iranians would misjudge so badly?

      • Tundra

        Uh, have they hit anything?

      • LCDR_Fish

        No US casualties reported – it’d be real nice to nop this in the bud right now and emerge the bigger man. If damage is minimal, Trump can blow them off and look like a winner. Just needs to take the W and pass it to Congress for the big decision.

    • LCDR_Fish

      I think that’s the Iranians clip everyone’s playing of Iranian missiles being launched – no actual impact footage (and very misleading title)

      • mikey

        Guessing a handful of rockets. Sort of like throwing a handful of rocks at someone across the street.

        “A little to the left Ahmed and a little up. That looks good. Death the Satan!”

      • leon

        Wars ain’t gonna start themselves without a media nudge.