Wednesday Afternoon Links

by | Jan 1, 2020 | Daily Links | 256 comments

So, I went to the gym a little late this morning because my wife wasn’t awake at my usual time of 6:30am to watch the kids, it was her day off to sleep in. And there were all these, these people in the gym. I wonder, is it like that every 10am, or did the Resolution Fairy sprinkle people in my gym to bother and annoy me. Also, my first nap of 2020 was epic. 100 minutes of dead-to-the-world sleep. And now if Alabama would lose, all would be excellent.

Florida Man shot (by himself or his buddy) celebrating New Years.

I did not realize there is an Order of Chinggis Khaan (Genghis Khan) in Mongolia. New life goal, unlocked.

I’ve heard that Amazon Women were actually the first on the Moon.

If you ever wanted to read the Talmud, I hear they’re starting over again soon. I think that’s a cool tradition.

 

Lets do some throwback rock.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

256 Comments

  1. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    First on the 1st! Yeah, baby.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There goes my resolution. Thanks a lot buddy.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        I aim to please and shoot to kill.

  2. Count Potato

    I just accidentally dropped a new roll of toilet tissue into the toilet. On the upside, I’ve managed to go my whole life without doing that until now. Does it dry out OK?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Just keep flushing until it goes down

      • Count Potato

        I pulled it out so it’s only half wet.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh, how many times have I used that line?

      • Sean

        Lol

    • The Hyperbole

      Microwave on low for 12 minutes, it’ll be perfect.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Was it quilted?

      • Count Potato

        Not as far as I can tell.

      • Mojeaux

        Squeeze it.

      • Count Potato

        I’m leaving it alone on the back of the toilet.

      • Fourscore

        To properly dry it has to be unrolled first, re-rolled from the big end right onto the holder, sans the cardboard insert.

      • Count Potato

        Then I guess I’m just throwing it out.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Are you really in such financial dire straights you need to “waste not, want not” your toilet tissue?

    • Sean

      Spray with jalapeno juice and let it dry.

      The jalapeno juice will keep the fibers intact.

      • Mojeaux

        ^^^ This is the correct answer.

  3. JD is Unemployed

    I lost all my bets today. I need better analytics.

    • The Hyperbole

      You’ll just need to double your bets tomorrow to get back up, easy.

    • mrfamous

      Actually, if this keeps up, they’re rock solid. Just run them and bet the opposite.

  4. Plinker762

    Are you spying on me? I watched that same Devo video this morning.

  5. Count Potato

    “I did not realize there is an Order of Chinggis Khaan (Genghis Khan) in Mongolia. New life goal, unlocked.”

    Weird they use first initials instead of first names.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    I lost all my bets today.

    Let that be a lesson to you.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Yup.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Cancel kkkapitalism

    The hyper-revving of the engine of mass-market consumerism arguably made life seem easier for some families. Free shipping, fierce competition among mega-retailers, the rise of online shopping, and money-losing delivery start-ups: These trends assuredly made “stuff” cheaper and more accessible for millions of customers, particularly relatively rich ones in urban areas.

    But lower-income consumers have faced higher rates of inflation than upper-income consumers. Retailers pivoted to the one-percenters and left the 99 percenters behind, and who could blame them? Businesses go where the money is. The cost of services—elder care, preschool, veterinary care, dentistry, a college degree—sucked up every penny working-class families had, and more. Cheap baby clothes are nice, but publicly financed day care would be nicer.

    The 2010s were a decade that left families fragile, unequal, and divided. These years made clear, if it wasn’t already, that the system is rigged for big businesses and the already-rich. They demonstrated that even a very good economy does not necessarily work for the middle class. The 2010s showed how bad everything could feel when everything was going great. This decade, we made it to late capitalism. We became late capitalism. We are late capitalism.

    Maybe you think capitalism is a successful and efficient system for producing and distributing goods and services.

    Well, you’re wrong.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      The 2010s were a decade that left families fragile, unequal, and divided. These years made clear, if it wasn’t already, that the system is rigged for big businesses and the already-rich.

      I don’t disagree about the fracture in the system. My generation is very split between successful and… erm… not. However, this class struggle bullshit is exactly wrong. The split is between the thinking and the unthinking. You can achieve whatever the heck you want. All you need is enough drive to get off your lazy ass and do the required legwork.

      • mrfamous

        Eh. There’s a real problem with leverage in the current American economy. If you are in the right position, you can keep yourself more or less immune from competitors (both at a business and individual employee level) by leveraging that position to crowd out competitors.

        You can essentially develop something worth hundreds of millions of dollars, but if you are in the wrong position, the vast majority of that value will accrue to someone else with more leverage than you. What you’re “worth” and what you get are two different things, because there are substantial artificial barriers to entry in most markets.

        The rent-seeking and regulatory capture and graft are real and legitimate barriers to a more fee market growth economy. Socialists are often not that bad at identifying problems. They just tend to come up with truly horseshit solutions.

      • Bob Boberson

        Socialist internal monologue:

        “The sand is slipping out from between my fingers……..
        I know, squeeze harder!!!”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Is he actually arguing that Amazon only serves the one percent?

      • Chafed

        She and yes.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      lower-income consumers have faced higher rates of inflation than upper-income consumers

      A minimum-wage increase should fix that.

      • Chafed

        I’d like to see the citation for this “fact.” I suspect she pulled it out of her ass.

      • C. Anacreon

        lower-income consumers have faced higher rates of inflation than upper-income consumers

        I’m not even sure how this would be measured. Are lottery tickets and malt liquor prices rising more than imported sedans?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Their income as a multiple of the minimum wage is shrinking?

  8. Count Potato

    “In a landmark discovery revealed earlier this month, archaeologists unearthed the remains of four female warriors buried with a cache of arrowheads, spears and horseback riding equipment in a tomb in Western Russia – right where Ancient Greek stories placed the Amazons.

    The team from the Institute of Archaeology of the Russian Academy of Sciences identified the women as Scythian nomads who were interred at a burial site some 2,500 years ago near the present-day community of Devitsa. The women ranged in age from early teens to late 40s, according to the archaeologists. And the eldest of the women was found wearing a golden ceremonial headdress, a calathus, engraved with floral ornaments – an indication of stature.

    The discovery represents some of the most detailed evidence to date that female warriors weren’t just the stuff of ancient fiction, according to Adrienne Mayor, author of The Amazons: Lives and Legends of Warrior Women across the Ancient World.”

    Being buried with weapons might be a sign of stature, but it doesn’t mean they were warriors.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      This ain’t the movies, female warriors would have been crushed in up close and personal combat so I have my doubts. Maybe they could fight with bows but the men would have been able to outrange them there too.

      • commodious spittoon

        Am I on a list now?

      • Chafed

        That’s pretty damn impressive.

      • SandMan

        Hawt!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        female warriors would have been crushed in up close and personal combat

        You’re assuming they would have been front line. There are many historical examples of societies that used women as rear-echelon troops or irregulars (e.g., the onna-bugeisha, etc.), in part, to tip the cost-benefit analysis of rape and mayhem away from the invaders’ advantage.

      • Bob Boberson

        Also Scythian’s didn’t, to my understanding, engage in phalanx style fighting like the Greeks. They were primarily light cavalry and mounted archers…..something a woman trained at from childhood could be quite adept in. Women aren’t at a huge disadvantage as equestrians and archers.

      • Not Adahn

        IIRC, equestrian sports are the only olympic sport where men and women compete in the same grouping against each other.

      • Jarflax

        Equestrians maybe, archers? I am skeptical. Combat archery involved bows with a draw weight of 80-120 lbs, and before the compound bow, the hold weight was the same. It takes pretty significant upper body strength to be able to draw, hold the draw while aiming, then repeat.

  9. Spudalicious

    I detest Jim Harbaugh, therefore I root for Alabama.

      • Spudalicious

        And ‘Bama is going to win.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        There’s still 2 minutes for a space rock to be guided down by Mr Lizard (PBUH)

      • Spudalicious

        Saban doesn’t like Harbaugh either.

  10. Playa Manhattan

    I did not know who was in the Rose Bowl until I went to the grocery store this morning, and then it became painfully obvious.

    This hotel is directly across the golf course from me, and it’s at 100% capacity with Rose Bowl fans. I probably shouldn’t go out to dinner around here tonight.

    • The Last American Hero

      It’s Wisconsin. Just stay clear of Applebee’s or the Olive Garden and the crowd will be smaller.

    • Agent Cooper

      I hope they enjoyed the 2-hour journey to the stadium.

  11. DEG

    And there were all these, these people in the gym. I wonder, is it like that every 10am, or did the Resolution Fairy sprinkle people in my gym to bother and annoy me.

    I figured it is a little early for the Resolution Fairy people and instead it was regulars that slept in.

    The sheriff’s office says two man were firing guns off Gandy Beach around 1:20 a.m., when one of the men was shot.

    Sounds like a duel to me.

    Today, December 30, The Hu band members, who recently arrived home, received the Order of Chinggis Khaan in person from Head of the Office of President of Mongolia Z.Enkhbold at the State House.

    I think this is one of their songs.

    The team from the Institute of Archaeology of the Russian Academy of Sciences identified the women as Scythian nomads who were interred at a burial site some 2,500 years ago near the present-day community of Devitsa.

    When I started reading the article, I suspected Scythians. Yep. Also, from the Amazon women article:

    They found she died from battle injuries. Their report in the International Journal of Osteoarchaeology noted that she had an arrowhead buried in her leg and that her bone and muscle structure indicated she was a horse rider.

    These euphemisms.

    The Talmud is divided into 37 volumes, known as tractates, each of which deals with different aspects of Jewish law, from vows to marriage to the logistics of offering sacrifices in the ancient Temple.

    Anything about busty Jewesses hooking up with weirdo Gentiles like me?

    Rabbi Yosef C. Golding, an organizer, told The Record newspaper that he has worked with more than 50 law enforcement agencies on security for the event, and that more than 300 uniformed state police were to be in the stadium. The event was broadcast internationally.

    I thought they wanted to be safe?

    • Playa Manhattan

      Catherine the Great?

      • Mojeaux

        Ouchie.

    • egould310

      I jog daily. It’s funny how crowded the jog paths are in January. It dwindles pretty rapidly until it’s the same 15 or 20 people you see every morning.

      Then, at the beginning of June it gets crowded again. This time the paths are filled with school teachers on Summer vacation. They tend to run in groups of 2 or 3, and just cluck, cluck, cluck the whole time. By the end of June, they too disappear.

      • commodious spittoon

        That’s why I schedule my workout resolution for March. That way when March comes and goes it’s not as obvious that I broke it.

    • Mojeaux

      The resolutionists are coming! The resolutionists are coming!

  12. Count Potato

    “The New Year’s Day event celebrated the completion of the reading of the 2,711-page Babylonian Talmud, a process that takes 7 1/2 years.”

    They should make a podcast.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That article is a treasure trove of winces

    • Homple

      Did it get bigger also?

    • Shpip

      “Approximately five days prior, his significant other accidentally bit him on the tip of the penis during sexual intercourse,” says lead study author Marc Zosky

      And here I thought vagina dentata was a myth, like the Loch Ness Monster or the female orgasm.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Quick Twitter twats, let’s ruin these ninth graders’ lives.

    • Mojeaux

      I am equal parts disgusted with the lack of etiquette and social propriety in saying the n-word (i.e., “know your audience”) and the fact that teenagers, who are stupid, can’t do vaguely stupid things without ruining their lives.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Indeed. Why is this a thing that people are discussing?

      • Mojeaux

        Because they have nothing meaningful in their lives. They are husks, empty, fragile, waiting to be filled with meaning and purpose yet collapsing under the weight of vaguely uncomfortable ideas.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        What you said plus they get accolades and affirmation for hating on people for the “right” reasons. Twitter is the worst social media format by far.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I’m asking why we are discussing this.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Being bemused at outrageous outrage is about 1/2 of this site.

      • The Hyperbole

        I know and it pisses my off.

      • Gustave Lytton

        So much for the proofreading resolution.

      • Bob Boberson

        Hyperbole is outraged at our outrage over the outrage of the outraged.

      • The Hyperbole

        So much for the proofreading resolution.

        16 hours and 8 minutes, that might be a personal best.

      • Mojeaux

        It was presented for discussion.

      • Mojeaux

        We’re also talking about wet toilet paper, so clearly our standards are quite low.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Masturbation Wednesday was on topic.

      • DEG

        Masturbation Wednesday was on topic.

        Masturbation Daily would be a better topic.

      • Chafed

        Because they are hot?

      • DenverJ

        The post was from another 15 year old girl. I, for one, am shocked to discover that teenage girls are nasty, mean, gutter sniping bitches. Shocked.

      • Mojeaux

        This is my shocked face. ?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Speaking etiquette, when did public spitting become acceptable?

      • Mojeaux

        In the U.S. or … ?

        It’s gross, but a lot of people do it, especially if they chew tobacco.

      • Gustave Lytton

        In the US. It’s mostly not chewing tobacco, which is not that common around here compared to other tobacco products contra other part of the country. It’s just hocking spit whenever.

      • DenverJ

        I have allergies. No way I’m swallowing that nasty stuff.

    • Bob Boberson

      https://twitter.com/gay_wrath

      “She even said Pence is a good man and wears a “reclaiming the rainbow shirt” to school often. The only think keeping me from decking her is the fact that she’s a child.”

      The peace loving, tolerant left everyone.

      I disagree with what you’re saying but I’ll die defending your right to say it. so I’ll violently assault you for holding the wrong beliefs

    • Ted S.

      No, I wasn’t wondering.

    • Rebel Scum

      Naggers?

    • Agent Cooper

      Tweetz protacted.

      Also, every decade is stupid.

  13. Rhywun

    Bill De Blasio rolled out of bed this afternoon and said to himself, “What do I want to be ignorantly and paternalistically wrong about today?”

    • Bob Boberson

      How dare you try to turn a profit by providing a good that’s instantly available in a high demand market!

    • Mojeaux

      I at once hate gouging, but appreciate its necessity and opportunity. I have, in fact, done it myself.

      • Bob Boberson

        To me ‘gouging’ is often used really out of context. I break down in East Buttf***k and have no choice but to get my car fixed at the only mechanic shop in town and the proprietor charges me an exorbitant rate; that’s gouging.

        Someone offering a good or service at a high price because they’re selling in a high demand market where I’m at liberty to go without isn’t much of a gouge IMO.

      • Mojeaux

        I very much like that disinction.

      • robc

        I dont see the distinction.

        1 can be very high demand in East Bumfuck.

      • C. Anacreon

        Last night our 7pm Uber ride into San Francisco from the suburbs was $31. The exact same return trip at 2am was $116.

        After original disbelief and my wife saying ‘should we take public transportation?’ I said no, it was worth it to get home in 30 minutes rather than the two hours public transportation would take, and what’s 90 minutes of our life worth when we want to get safely home and asleep sooner than later? But also, that I believe in the laws of supply and demand rather than considering this to be gouging, and if $116 is what it costs now to entice a rider to drive us all the way to our front door, that’s what it costs.

      • Bob Boberson

        I agree. Also, while I consider gouging (as described above) to be unethical, I in know way thing “there outta be a law”

      • Rhywun

        Yes, higher price based on momentarily high demand and low supply is not “gouging”.

      • Rhywun

        Agreed and if I hadn’t been so lazy and stayed home, I would have been facing the same choice myself last night. Last time I took the subway home at 2am but… ugh that choice is less and less appealing as I get older.

    • Ted S.

      How much would the pizzas have sold for at auction?

    • Count Potato

      “Despite the added cost, Banik did brisk business with hungry tourists who were waiting in holding pens for the annual New Year’s celebration, with one saying, “It’s absolutely worth it.””

      waiting in holding pens

      • mikey

        Being herded into a “holding pen” by armed men is is just peachey. It’s been offered the opportunity to buy a pizza that’s evil.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yeah, this. And it’s the price of the pizza that’s the problem?

      • Rhywun

        Meh, that’s part of the deal. If you have an alternate plan to manage a willing crowd of one million people within a few square blocks I’m sure they’re all ears. It’s not for me but let’s not make it out to be some sort of “police state” thing that it’s not.

      • Count Potato

        Except it is. NYE in Times Square was a thing long before 9/11, and they just let people roam around — no pens, no searches — people managed themselves.

      • Rhywun

        they just let people roam around

        *faints*

        🙂

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, I remember when that guy got me-tooed a couple years ago.

    • Playa Manhattan

      I feel sorry for all of those people who were forced to buy pizza.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Papa bless.

    • robc

      At $14.49, they are gouging at the regular price. But that is almost assuredly due to NY taxes.

    • commodious spittoon

      If there’s something New York isn’t known for, it’s expensive meals.

    • Chafed

      But Rhy, it’s the only thing he’s good at.

  14. mexican sharpshooter

    And there were all these, these people in the gym.

    REZZOS GHAAAAAAH!

    …But without them to subsidize the gym with their annual membership, I’d have to pay more than $50/month.

  15. Tres Cool

    If nobody posted THIS today, I haz much disappoint.

    • Ted S.

      Nobody want to listen to U2, so no it didn’t get posted.

      • slumbrew

        Correct.

      • Chafed

        Seconded.

      • blackjack

        I’m in. Hate ’em.

    • westernsloper

      It’s all quiet on new years day.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Kkkiller Kkkapitalism

    Billionaires, CEOs, and even the financial press have joined intellectuals and community leaders in a symphony of laments about rentier capitalism’s brutality, crassness, and unsustainability. “Business cannot continue as usual,” seems to be a widespread sentiment even in the boardrooms of the most powerful corporations.

    Increasingly stressed and justifiably guilt-ridden, the ultra-rich – or those with any sense, at any rate – feel threatened by the crushing precariousness into which the majority are sinking. As Marx foretold, they form a supremely powerful minority that is proving unfit to preside over polarised societies that cannot guarantee non-asset owners a decent existence.

    Barricaded in their gated communities, the smarter among the uber-rich advocate a new “stakeholder capitalism,” even calling for higher taxes on their class. They recognise the best possible insurance policy in democracy and the redistributive state. Alas, at the same time, they fear that, as a class, it is in their nature to skimp on the insurance premium.

    ——-

    Confronting rentier capitalism and fashioning firms for which social responsibility is more than a marketing ploy requires nothing less than re-writing corporate law. To recognise the scale of the undertaking, it helps to return to the moment in history when tradable shares weaponised capitalism, and to ask ourselves: Are we ready to correct that “error”?

    The moment occurred on September 24, 1599. In a timbered building off Moorgate Fields, not far from where Shakespeare was struggling to complete Hamlet, a new type of company was founded. Its ownership of the new firm, called the East India Company, was sliced into tiny pieces to be bought and sold freely.

    Tradable shares allowed private corporations to become larger and more powerful than states. Liberalism’s fatal hypocrisy was to celebrate the virtuous neighborhood butchers, bakers, and brewers in order to defend the worst enemies of free markets: the East India Companies that know no community, respect no moral sentiments, fix prices, gobble up competitors, corrupt governments and make a mockery of freedom.

    Kill the rich.

    • Mojeaux

      Shares, banking, insurance, trade, all that, existed long before the dawn of the 17th century. Merchants. They were a thing. They made the world go round—or at least, they made Marco Polo go halfway around it.

      a new type of company was founded

      Except not really.

      • DEG

        This book made the claim that Capitalism began in 1492.

        Yeah. Right. Uh-huh.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yeah, look at Ancient Athens. Banking and co-op style insurance to finance and protect shipping trade along the Mediterranean coast. It’s been years, decades really, since I looked at this, but I remember the striking number of ‘capitalist’ forms were created.
        So it’s not so much really new stuff, it’s yet another try, with variations, and this time caught on. Why that variation at that time?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      in order to defend the worst enemies of free markets: the East India Companies that know no community, respect no moral sentiments, fix prices, gobble up competitors, corrupt governments and make a mockery of freedom.

      And the left-wing dog of collectivism manages to reach around and bite its ‘alt-right’ national-populist tail.

    • commodious spittoon

      Well, the good news is they don’t preside over society. They preside over their companies.

      And some more good news: it’s pretty easy to be an “asset owner.”

      • C. Anacreon

        Pfft. I’ve been told that only rich straight white males are able to own ‘stock’. The barriers to getting stock are just too high for everyone else.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Even worse, they would tell you, with a straight face, that saving money and not spending every available penny is a cultural tic of western culture.

      • commodious spittoon

        I bet this is something Paul Krugman unironically believes.

      • Fourscore

        Hey, I made the cut !

    • mexican sharpshooter

      1598. Great idea. Lets adopt 1598’s sanitation standards as well, and we can all die of plague while we’re at it!

    • Rhywun

      Kill the rich.

      Yeah, that’s pretty much the threat they’re trying to whip up.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    In this system, calls for a gentler capitalism are mere fads – especially in the post-2008 reality, which confirmed the total control over society by mega-firms and mega-banks. Unless we are willing to ban tradable shares, first introduced in 1599, we will make no appreciable difference to the distribution of wealth and power today. To imagine what transcending capitalism might mean in practice requires rethinking the ownership of corporations.

    Imagine that shares resemble electoral votes, which can be neither bought nor sold. Like students who receive a library card upon registration, new staff receive a single share granting a single vote to be cast in all-shareholder ballots deciding every matter of the corporation – from management and planning issues to the distribution of net revenues and bonuses.

    Suddenly, the profit-wage distinction makes no sense and corporations are cut down to size, boosting market competition. When a baby is born, the central bank automatically grants her or him a trust fund (or personal capital account) that is periodically topped up with a universal basic dividend. When the child becomes a teenager, the central bank throws in a free checking account.

    So THAT’S what they mean by post-scarcity economics.

    All we need now are warp drives and replicators.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Imagine that shares resemble electoral votes, which can be neither bought nor sold. Like students who receive a library card upon registration, new staff receive a single share granting a single vote to be cast in all-shareholder ballots deciding every matter of the corporation – from management and planning issues to the distribution of net revenues and bonuses.

      What this describes is, quite literally, Fascism.

      • commodious spittoon

        You look around and see a great deal of poverty in pockets around the country, but not nearly the poverty that existed just a handful of decades ago. Even setting aside the dismal records of fascism and communism, wouldn’t a reasonable person prefer to use a proven system for eradicating poverty to clean up those pockets?

        (To the extent it’s possible to direct society toward eliminating poverty without creating more poverty.)

      • blackjack

        Tell me, I grew up dirt poor in the 70’s. 70’s poor is nothing like present day poor, trust me. I can only imagine 1930’s poor. or 19th century poor, for that matter. Of course, I’m only talking USA here, not the third world.

      • R C Dean

        “every matter of the Corporation” phrase proves their utter ignorance. Thousands of decisions are made every day in a big corporation. We’re gonna vote on every one of them?

    • mikey

      “…all-shareholder ballots deciding every matter of the corporation – from management and planning issues to the distribution of net revenues and bonuses.”

      Funny, but no mention is made of the disribution of losses.

      • commodious spittoon

        That’s when you execute the wreckers and saboteurs, and reallocate their shares.

      • C. Anacreon

        There actually are corporations that have something of this model, and they are partnerships. I work as part of one, with about 3,000 partners.
        But every partner is not just a shareholder and a voter, but actually responsible for all aspects of the company, including losses and liability.

        In this author’s mind you only get to say how the company is run without any responsibility. What could possibly go wrong?

    • Chafed

      The ignorance baked into this is astonishing. There is no accounting for incentives or the lack thereof much less the creation and destruction of enterprises. It’s a completely static model. Smh.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    I’m asking why we are discussing this.

    Whaddaya mean WE, (off)white man?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      By asking that question, you have entered the discussion.

      I’m going to write a paper about that and call it Brooks’ Paradox.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    What this describes is, quite literally, Fascism.

    The guy’s a Greek, so…

    • Heroic Mulatto

      I noticed that. The only difference I could see between his platform and Golden Dawn’s is on the “JQ” as they call it.

      • Ted S.

        Jesus Quist?

    • mexican sharpshooter

      The guy’s a Greek, so…

      Be wary accepting gifts from him?

  20. The Late P Brooks

    I’m going to write a paper about that and call it Brooks’ Paradox.

    Oh, shit, now I’m stuck to the Tar Baby.

    *looks vainly for briar patch*

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The moment occurred on September 24, 1599. In a timbered building off Moorgate Fields, not far from where Shakespeare was struggling to complete Hamlet, a new type of company was founded. Its ownership of the new firm, called the East India Company, was sliced into tiny pieces to be bought and sold freely.

    Tradable shares allowed private corporations to become larger and more powerful than states.

    *Cue spotlight- Medicis wave from their private box*

    • Mojeaux

      *pan left to the Templars stolidly guarding their vaults*

    • Rhywun

      Ugh.

      Stunningly Brave Victory For Equality” LOL

      Oh, they’re serious?!

      I guess New Soviet Man has no interest in the female breast.

      • Bob Boberson

        Leering at breasts is patriarchy. It must be the result of male privilege and in no way ingrained in the male psyche. Once we get true equality up and running men won’t care about boobs anymore I suppose.

      • R C Dean

        There are no boobs in the grave.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not quite as poetic as His Coy Mistress.

      • DenverJ

        There’s a theory that male fascination with boobs is because they replace looking at the buttocks during sex. IDK about that. I’m definitely an ass man, and really don’t usually care about breast size.

      • The Last American Hero

        Discovery channel had a documentary on this. Other reason dudes like boobs is they indicate fertility.

        But they did call them a butt for the front.

      • MikeS

        Discovery channel had a documentary…

        How many decades ago was that?

    • Urthona

      I actually don’t think there should be laws against topless children because who gives a shit? They are non-sexual.

      • Rhywun

        If I read the article correctly, it’s already legal for 10-and-under. There is a law for 11-and-above.

        I actually don’t think there should be any law in this area – but the notion that eliminating that law is going to stop the sexification of boobs is patently ridiculous.

      • Urthona

        Gotcha.

      • The Hyperbole

        I actually don’t think there should be laws against topless children people of any age/gender. because who gives a shit? self-ownership and liberty.

      • Urthona

        Would you draw the line at bottomless though?

      • The Hyperbole

        Nope, now obviously property owners can make whatever ‘no shirt, no shoes, etc, etc..’ rules they want. But on my property if I wanna mow my yard while shirt cocking that’s my business.

      • Urthona

        “Government has no end, but the preservation of property.

        Except whereas it concerns prominently displayed dongs”

        — John Locke

      • Chafed

        Damn it. I was sick for that class.

      • Urthona

        The problem is if no one wears bottoms, it ultimately makes people who aren’t myself feel inadequate or depressed.

    • Gustave Lytton

      11-Year-Old Girls Can Now Walk Topless In Public

      *cough* parents *cough*

    • DenverJ

      I can’t wait! First yoga pants, and now this. This really is the best timeline.

  22. chipping pioneer

    On the steppes of central Asia, you can see for miles and miles.

  23. Playa Manhattan

    DHS is dirtboxing the Rose Bowl. I would love to know what the legal basis for the warrantless search of half a million people is. FYTY?

    • Mojeaux

      I am trying to google “how to block dirtboxing” and variations thereof amd the front page is filled with nonsense.

      ?‍♀️

      • chipping pioneer

        Try searching on Pornhub

      • Mojeaux

        Nothatsokthx.

      • westernsloper

        Challenge accepted.

      • DEG

        Also accepted.

        /searches

        Hmm….. I don’t know about you, but I’m unimpressed with the results.

      • commodious spittoon

        I imagine dirtboxing is equivalent to Dale Gribble’s pocket sand, but I’m not going to confirm that.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, dirty feet is not my thing. At. All.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Turning your phone off is the only way.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Throw in a helping of “you have no rights if your devices broadcast the data & 4A doesn’t apply to business records”. Also, judicial rationalization of unconstitutional actions.

  24. westernsloper

    dealing with everything from what to do if your camel knocks over a candle and sets a store on fire to the consequences of embarrassing another person while he is naked.

    Prior to the fire, a man was found naked with a camel would be a good headline.

    • Mojeaux

      Pretty sure Martha Stewart just gave knitting classes.

      That’s a helluva shiv tho.

      • AlmightyJB

        Martha Stewart will cut a bitch.

      • Mojeaux

        There are a lot of things about her I don’t particularly care for, but I admire the hell out of her.

      • Bob Boberson

        Didn’t she do time for dong the exact same thing Critters do all the time with their extra-legal exemption they gave themselves?

      • The Hyperbole

        If I remember correctly her case wasn’t even remotely as cut and dried a case of ‘insider trading’ as what the congress critters get away with all day long.

      • leon

        I thought they ended up giging her for perjury cause the insider trading wouldn’t stick.

      • Mojeaux

        Official reason:

        felony charges of conspiracy, obstruction of an agency proceeding, and making false statements to federal investigators

        I seem to recall thinking that part of the problem was that she refused to snitch on somebody.

      • C. Anacreon

        It’s a good thing.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m not sure why, but I find watching her cooking shows very relaxing.

    • Rhywun

      OFFS. Like she isn’t going to one of the country-club style prisons.

      • egould310

        Maybe it has less to do with self-defense? And more to do with “strong mind/strong body” kind of Bruce Lee stuff?

  25. Sean

    Intimate moments with a Glib:

    I recently mentioned my grandfather (maternal). He passed away Christmas 1996.

    Here is a photo of me on his lap in 1977 at Christmas, after having received the gift of the (toy) gun.

    https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/Ek98r-U9TraIWVoGTJNaaQ.YoLVSwjju_G0VAVRAE41yG

    The dude with the rocking moustache is my dad.

    Fun story, some time in the following decade, the town was launching 4th of July fireworks in the field across the street from his home. Pa saw some smoldering remnants land on his roof. The young firefighter he alerted got smart with what he perceived was a cranky old man. That smart ass got taken down to the ground with such ferocity, I bet he still feels it to this day. My mom rushed me out of the line of sight of the altercation. ?

    Though I don’t remember grandpa having any ill effects from issuing an ass whooping, and the fire company did spray down his roof.

    • westernsloper

      That is indeed a rocking mustache.

    • DEG

      I like the picture and the story.

    • Bob Boberson

      Similar story: My dad called the fire department when they smelled something burning (possible electrical fire) at his local gun club. The firefighters came in and wanted to do demolition style methods to try and find where the electrical problem was. My dad tried to intervene in the interest of not having the clubhouse torn apart unnecessarily. The fire chief went instantly cop-authoritarian on him to where it almost came to blows. Petty tyrants are everywhere.

      • Sean

        Grandpa was born in the 1920s, and busted his ass his whole life. He did hard outdoor excavation work well into his 60s. WW2 vet, etc. Seriously old school. He didn’t mess around. When he passed, there was no warning signs, he went in his sleep from a massive heart attack.

    • Sean

      Thanks guys.

      I have boxes of awkward photos. I may do more of these.

      Also, it might be fun if other Glibs did some too.

      • Rhywun

        I have one of me sitting in my deadbeat dad’s lap from the early 70s. It looks pretty much exactly like yours and every other pic from that era.

  26. R C Dean

    Deadthreaded this:

    Thinking about VA gun legislation.

    Needs to be detailed out, but I would be happy to buy guns at $1 apiece, or perhaps hold guns as collateral for loans, in the event there is a need to extract firearms from a tyrannical state. Your could always redeem the loan or buy them back later.

    • Homple

      Repo market in guns?

    • Rebel Scum

      They will all be extracted by unfortunate boating accidents.

    • commodious spittoon

      Nothing’s ever really gone.

  27. We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

    How’s 2020 going?

    Meh. Spent most of the day painting or prepping for painting. Not very satisfying — in fact, it’s almost the perfect combo of slow, messy, exacting and tedious that makes me wanna either scream or fall into deep somnambulence. The only upside is the rooms we’re painting will indeed look better when we’re finished, and for a lot less money than the restoration folks wanna charge our insurer to do the same work on an even more inconvenient schedule.

    • DenverJ

      Slow and tedious is what should prevent messy.

  28. Aus

    Holy shit this guy is stupid:

    Mayor Bill de Blasio
    @NYCMayor

    Jacking up your prices on people trying to celebrate the holidays? Classy, @dominos.

    To the thousands who came to Times Square last night to ring in 2020, I’m sorry this corporate chain exploited you — stick it to them by patronizing one of our fantastic LOCAL pizzerias.

    https://twitter.com/NYCMayor/status/1212427695595905024?s=20

    • commodious spittoon

      Stick with what you’re good at, arresting churro vendors and turnstile jumpers….

      Savage.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t care about the churro vendors but the turnstile jumpers are thieves and deserve to be treated as such.

      • commodious spittoon

        That’s fair, but I dearly hope Comrade de Blasio goes to his grave knowing that, whatever his national and global ambitions, his horizons never really expanded outside the city. Two-bit has-been mayor of just another corrupt Dem city.

      • Rhywun

        Agreed.

        I’m just very familiar with the thinking behind the sentence you quoted (which boils down to something like “the poors have no choice but to steal train service and sell food down there”) and it irks the shit out of me.

        There’s a million things to go after Comrade Bill for without resorting to social justice BS.

    • Ted S.

      Did guns fall out of DeBlasio’s ass?

      Or the pizza’s ass?

    • Rebel Scum

      Supply and demand: What is it?

      • commodious spittoon

        A capitalist conspiracy against the People.

  29. AlmightyJB

    I want to be a geologist so I can find some artifact and create an entire fake mythology around it.

  30. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    We’re in the process of desensitizing the 2 year old to Bucky Badger. She screamed the first time he came on screen.

  31. Yusef in Space......

    I think we should create an entire mythology around Bucky Badger, what ever that is….

    • westernsloper

      I had to search youtube to figure it out and all I can say is Bucky Badger videos need moar cheerleaders.

    • The Last American Hero

      Steve Smith’s effeminate 3rd cousin?

  32. hayeksplosives

    I am going to cue up Joe Vs Volcano

    I love that movie so much

    • westernsloper

      Now they are just making shit up.

      • Count Potato

        Now?

    • Agent Cooper

      Stacey Abrams didn’t win shit.

    • slumbrew

      Sad to say, I don’t think my wife would arrange to have me smuggled out of a foreign country if I was facing charges.

    • Bob Boberson

      “Sanders was criticized when he said that inmates should be able to vote. But that was an admirably socialist thing to say: some rights should not have exceptions.”

      Now do the first and second amendments.

    • Rhywun

      That Nathan fellow seems like a nice, caring guy. The More You Know™.

    • westernsloper
    • Gustave Lytton

      (I did not choose the “make america great for everyone” title that appears on the page. I do not care for American Greatness rhetoric even of the egalitarian sort and am an internationalist.)

    • DenverJ

      This is why I argue that, while the fall of the Soviet Union was a boon to those behind the Iron Curtain, it was disastrous for the future of the West. Remember when people used to say things like “what’re you a communist?” or “what is this, Russia?”.
      Make the USSR great again!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Agreed. Roaches are thriving without getting a light shined on them. Of course, they’ll argue that the USSR, like North Korea/China/Cuba/Venezuela/Bolivia, isn’t real socialism.

      • The Last American Hero

        No shit. The TSA has tuned airports into East Berlin.

      • DenverJ

        Great avatar btw. I loved that show

      • MikeS

        #metoo

        Interesting trivia:

        The symbol on Ralph’s uniform resembles the Chinese character for “center” ㊥. As the symbol is red in color with white background, Hong Kong television station TVB termed the Cantonese-dubbed version of the show (飛天紅中俠), translated to mean “Flying Red Center Hero”, in reference to the red Center tile in mahjong tiles.