Friday Afternoon Links

by | Feb 7, 2020 | Daily Links | 382 comments

Good afternoon and hi there! I’d just like to remind all of you who have managed to attract a special someone (or take a hostage, I’m not judging) that you have one week until our culture requires an external display of affection. I’m reliably informed that showing up to their place of employment in your birthday suit is not encouraged, and possibly illegal. Dinners, cards, chocolates, booze, and flowers are more socially acceptable. You have been warned.

Florida Man becomes officially oldest driver at 107. As long as he stays on the south side of Tampa Bay, good on him.

Another lawsuit win for Trump. I bet he’s getting tired of winning.

It turns out that testifying against your boss may be a career-limiting move.

I’m guessing Florida Man is the answer to this mystery, but other suspects include OMWC and French carnivores.

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

382 Comments

    • UnCivilServant

      Wouldn’t that be Matrix 2?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Matrix 2 x 2

      • Plinker762

        Matrix 2 x 2; The search for Eigenvector

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Wachowski lost its mind a while ago and will wreck it. Guaranteed.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Almost like they are living in their own simulated reality?

      • Nephilium

        Well, I don’t think they’re working together anymore. So… maybe only one of them is terrible?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I don’t think either one is stable.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Yeah I was referencing both of them being TG.

      • Nephilium

        I don’t think stable is required for good directors…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ok, how about not a total lunatic?

    • Spudalicious

      Mmmm, Carrie-Anne Moss.

      The movie’s going to suck.

      • Ozymandias

        In tight leather, no less.

      • Florida Man

        Fun fact: my sister in law did costume design for that movie.

      • AlmightyJB

        That’s pretty cool

      • Ozymandias

        Tell her a giant “thank you” for Ms. Moss’ wardrobe on behalf of all cis-hetero-shitlord males.

      • Spudalicious

        ^^This^^

        And if she got to put a tape measure to Carrie Anne’s sweet body, we would be grateful for the details.

  1. AlmightyJB

    Valentine’s Day was my wife and my first real date. She made me dinner.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Go on…

      • Chafed

        Bow-chicka-bow-bow

    • C. Anacreon

      Valentine’s Day 2011 my wife’s father passed away.

      Valentine’s Day 2012 I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer.

      Since then, we’ve pretty much passed on celebrating February 14th at our house. Mostly, we just hope the day goes by quietly.

  2. Certified Public Asshat

    Dinners, cards, chocolates, booze, and flowers are more socially acceptable.

    Anyone else hate cards? You wasted $5 on meaningless words. A $5 gift card for coffee would have been more appreciated.

    I guess unless it is handwritten. That’s kinda nice, but still, a face to face thanks is more than enough.

    • Mad Scientist

      I read them, smile, and toss them in the trash.

    • Tundra

      My kids used to make them for me for my birthday and father’s day. I loved every one of them.

      Otherwise, meh.

    • Gadfly

      Buy packs of cards, so they come out to something like $0.50 apiece. Then handwrite a short note inside. Quick, cheap, and classy.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      My wife loves cards. I dare not ever dispose of any she has given me.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Trader Joe’s has cards for a buck apiece. They’re mostly bland but there are no bad squirrel nuts or flatulence jokes inside either.

    • Jarflax

      Write her a letter, or a poem if you can. Hallmark has a great scam going, and I appreciate it as a business, but seriously crappy doggerel on a cheesy $5 card just screams “I only got this out of social obligation” when you want to be proclaiming your love.

    • Grumbletarian

      Buy a Thanksgiving card and write inside “I’m thankful to still be with you.” Shell lose her clothing faster than Charlie Brown on the mound.

  3. Donation Not Taxation

    Any thoughts about whether or not Mitt Romney (R-Utah) should run for the 2020 D nomination for President of the United States of America?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        His historic act of being the first US Senator in history to vote to remove a president of his own party will be almost five years old come election day of 2024.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      He’d fare better than the others.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        “better than the others” primary, general, or both?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        General

        The Dems are screwed in the primary. The inmates are running the asylum.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Someone is going to be the nominee. Maybe they should consider Don Blankenship, Don Grundmann, and/or Charles Kraut, the three running for the Constitution Party nomination.

    • Jarflax

      I will buy all the popcorn when Mr, I’m a good Mormon, I swear! Ignore my soft socialist record as Governor! has to announce his new pro choice stance.

    • Spudalicious

      Romney is done and he knows it.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Eye of the beholder

    “Another win just in. Nervous Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats in Congress sued me, thrown out. This one unanimous, in the D.C. Circuit,” he added later in a post to his Twitter account.

    The lawmakers could seek review by the full bench of the D.C. Circuit or the Supreme Court, but it seems more likely that the battle over Trump’s private businesses’ receipts from foreign sources will continue through other cases currently pending at two other federal appeals courts.

    Congressional Democrats who led the suit lamented the new ruling but stressed that it was not a stamp of approval for Trump’s actions.

    “This dismaying decision adds to the already widespread fear that the checks on unbridled presidential power, corruption and self-enrichment have been seriously undermined,” said Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.). “But today’s decision was not a decision on the merits of our allegations.”

    Dismay and dejection. Gloom, despair, agony.

    • creech

      “power, corruption and self-enrichment”

      Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t he the dude who falsely claimed to have fought in Vietnam?

    • R C Dean

      the checks on unbridled presidential power, corruption and self-enrichment have been seriously undermined

      I think they are pretty much unchanged. I don’t think any serious legal thinkers ever thought this had a chance, as it would pretty much prohibit any President from having any kind of business interest while in office. John Kerry, for example, would have had to divorce his wife to meet the standard the Dems were pushing.

    • Bobarian LMD

      The TSA in a statement called the alleged behavior “unacceptable and an affront to the hardworking and committed members of our workforce.”

      “And as soon as we find any hardworking and committed members of our workforce, we’ll be sure to lodge their complaints” the TSA failed to add.

    • Jarflax

      Faux news reports this and the pictures are of a concourse. This is not the standard I expect! Can we get a Dairy Mail link for this?

  5. Mojeaux, trainwreck aficionada

    you have one week until our culture requires an external display of affection.

    We will be at the lawyer’s, signing the papers. Is that romantic enough?

      • UnCivilServant

        Okay. I was worried new issues came up.

      • kinnath

        There is life after bankruptcy. It takes a decade, but it can work out just fine.

      • robc

        A friend of mine filed about 2002 or 2003, he is in a great place now.

        And if you want to hear a rant, ask him about the Alternative Minimum Tax.

      • Mojeaux, trainwreck aficionada

        We were discussing the AMT the other day in a long-dead thread. I think it was Spud who said he was a victim.

      • Drake

        This tax season it wont be too bad, but a couple of years where the wife and I both did very well, we gort crushed by thw AMT.

      • Spudalicious

        I got ass raped by the AMT.

      • Tundra

        Quicker if you don’t require financing.

      • Mojeaux, trainwreck aficionada

        Thanks. 🙂

        I am at once very ashamed that I’m bailing on my debts but also relieved that I’m getting the monkey off my back.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        “getting the monkey off my back.” See avatar.

      • Enough About Palin

        I threw my wife out 20 years ago. She got half. In order to keep my house, I had to mortgage half of its value (we owned it free and clear). I also got stuck with all of the marital debt because I told her that as long as the agreement drawn up by her lawyer allowed me to keep the house, I’d sign it. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.

        Anyway, there was no way I could pay both the mortgage and everything else by myself and I ended up filing Chapter 11 reorganization. Had to live poor for five years but once the process was over, I was debt free and have been for many many years now. I own my house, have hundreds of thousands in the bank and have a credit score just under 800.

        The second best decision I have ever made was filing for bankruptcy. The BEST decision I ever made was throwing out the succubus.

      • Fourscore

        . “Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it”.

        I had few assets or liabilities but ended up paying alimony anyway, even with full custody. Worth every penny…

      • Festus

        Who said there are no happy endings? Good on ya, EAP!

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Embrace the shame! It’s the only thing that’ll keep you from digging yourself another hole.

        We were never in a position to declare bankruptcy (most of the debt was student loans), but the thing that most keeps us on the financially healthy path is the shame of at one time having just short of $1M in debt and future interest hanging over our heads.

        Bankruptcy is only as good as the plan that comes after it.

      • Mojeaux, trainwreck aficionada

        Thanks. I like Aerosmith, too. In fact, I was playing them in the early 80s after their star had blinkered a little, before Run DMC lit them up again. My classmates had no idea who they were.

        Of course, they didn’t know “Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room” was a cover, either.

      • Jarflax

        Be ashamed. As Trashy says below that is what can keep you on the straight and narrow afterwards. I am honest about my own BK because I want to keep that shame in mind forever. I defaulted on 3 agreements I had made. I will always have that on my conscience, but I will not make those errors again because I am ashamed of it.

      • Jarflax

        As above, so below. Ok I can’t read the threading indents.

      • Mojeaux, trainwreck aficionada

        Well, I can’t NOT be ashamed.

        If we ever win the lottery (and by now everyone should know that it is quite possible Mr. Mojeaux could do that if we ever actually bought any tickets), we will repay it all.

      • Tulip

        Bankruptcy exists to give people a way out. It isn’t all that easy to qualify, but the point is to let people start over. Don’t feel bad for using it.

      • Jarflax

        I filed November 2010. If you are responsible about things and careful it gets better within 5 years. It is humiliating and you will feel shame at various points as you face your own errors, but when it is over and you are discharged it really is a fresh start and if you use it as a learning experience and really learn the lessons it can be a bit of a rebirth. Debt is not a good thing. Consumer debt is absolutely your enemy.

  6. robc

    Going OT early, but I posted this on the dead thread:

    Kite question: I now live 20 minutes from the beach and I think my 4 year old would like flying a kite. A good recommendation for a beginner, since her Father knows nothing about it either (I may have one twice as a kid)?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I, too, have told my children to go fly a kite on occasion.

    • Brett L

      If you live near a beach, buy the cheap-o one at Walmart and mess around with it for a while.

      • robc

        My plan was to go cheap, but I was hoping for something that would actually work too.

      • Brett L

        We’ve had fine luck with them on the Florida beaches. They’ll probably only survive so many hard landings, but our garage is far more lethal to kites than crashes by my data.

      • robc

        Okay, works for me.

      • JG43

        There you go. And they’re cheap enough you can throw it away when you’re done and not feel obligated to fix it because it will break.

    • Drake

      I have a Jimmy Newtron kite you can borrow. Works fine if there’s a decent wind.

  7. Donation Not Taxation

    “but other suspects include OMWC and French carnivores.”

    Was OMWC in central Florida when these events occurred?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Something seems not kosher with this.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Neither split hooves nor chews cud

    • UnCivilServant

      Too many heavily inked individuals.

      Camo cast and little black outfit makes an interesting combo though.

    • Festus

      #23 Sundress season is just a few short months away…

  8. Mad Scientist

    It belonged to HotRod, a 21-year-old paint gelding, according to news reports.

    That’s WAY too old for OMWC.

  9. Brett L

    Late link (h/t Grand Moff Serious Man) — SMOD outpolling Trump among NH Dems and independents.

    EDIT: Now with AKSHUAL link

    • Gadfly

      Moderates most pro-SMOD. Libertarian moment?

  10. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Greetings from somewhere over flyover country at 33,000 feet.

    I’m traveling with a bunch of lung impaired slot machine pullers that don’t know how to cover their cough.

    • UnCivilServant

      “It’s emphazema, not Corona” *hacks out lung.*

      • Fourscore

        The local casinos are full of these folks. I’m thinking an oxygen bottle exchange would be a great way to start a small business inside the casino. Next to a cigarette machine. The smokers are supposed stay in a restricted area but apparently can’t read well either. Even with the ventilation systems my clothes smell the next day and I’m only there for a couple hours to eat and only a couple times a year for the crab leg special.

        Is it the same in Vegas?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not as old and decrepit usually, but yes, the casinos are a Mecca for unhealthy folk.

      • Tundra

        Kind of. The air handling stuff in the better casinos is waaaaaaay better than Mille Lacs. I was sitting at the bar a couple seats down from a dude smoking a cigar and I could barely tell.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ” I was sitting at the bar a couple seats down from a dude smoking a cigar and I could barely tell.”

        That would not have been at the Linq.

        I’m not staying there again.

      • Tundra

        The Wynn.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s my hotel of choice in Vegas.

        In this case, someone else was paying for the room so…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Have you been to Sinatra’s over at the Encore?

        It’s worth it just for the wait service that picks up your crumbs before they even hit the floor.

      • Tundra

        I’ve not. Happily, instead of going to Vegas multiple times every year, I go only rarely now. I will definitely check that out next time, though. Thanks!

      • Spudalicious

        Mmm. Le Cirque.

    • Nephilium

      Been nice knowing you. You’re sure to have the Coronavirus now.

      I’ll be out there in April.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The old chain smoking bingo ladies were sure to get me eventually.

      • Festus

        *nods in solemn agreement*

      • Jarflax

        Another 50s burlesque thing?

      • Festus

        Gah! They ran a burlesque fundraiser of some sort here and I think the “dancers” fulfilled every stereotype. Maybe they were same chain-smoking bingo ladies what done in Neph.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        “Burlesque” is French for “fat strippers”

      • C. Anacreon

        and “Burlives” is French for ‘fat snowmen’

      • Ozymandias

        ?

      • Festus

        yep

      • Nephilium

        Yep, hosted by John Waters. All part of Viva Las Vegas. There’s also pinups, classic cars, and a couple of bands

  11. Private Chipperbot

    Mini-Mike paying influencers to boost his brand.

    For a fixed $150 fee, the Bloomberg campaign is pitching micro-influencers—someone who has from 1,000 to 100,000 followers, in industry parlance—to create original content “that tells us why Mike Bloomberg is the electable candidate who can rise above the fray, work across the aisle so ALL Americans feel heard & respected.”

    “Are you sick of the chaos & infighting overshadowing the issues that matter most to us? Please express your thoughts verbally or for still image posts please overlay text about why you support Mike,” the campaign copy tells would-be Bloomberg stans under the heading “Content We’d Love From You,” asking influencers to “Show+Tell why Mike is the candidate who can change our country for the better, state why YOU think he’s a great candidate.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Trump did some similar things, including paying for followers on his social media channels.

    • Bobarian LMD

      “Mike’s really great! He’s the candidate most likely to bring on the big igloo!”

      • C. Anacreon

        “I Like Mike! He can stop and frisk me anytime.”

    • Donation Not Taxation

      “so ALL Americans feel heard & respected.”
      Including “deplorables” who vote for President Donald J. Trump? Firearm owners? People who want to keep their health care? People who do not believe in apocalyptic manmade global warming? People who do not want the New York Citification of the country?

    • pistoffnick

      THAT explains why Michael Douglas is shilling for Bloomberg on local radio

      • C. Anacreon

        Kirk must already be rolling in his grave.

      • Festus

        Wasn’t he a big ole Lefty?

      • RAHeinlein

        Yes, see The China Syndrome.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yup, wasn’t he one of the big names who crossed the Hollywood blockade against the communists?

      • Chipwooder

        He claimed that he broke the blacklist by naming Dalton Trumbo as the screenwriter for Spartacus, but the director later said that Kirk overstated his importance to that.

        Something along those lines.

    • Gadfly

      …the electable candidate who can rise above the fray, work across the aisle so ALL Americans feel heard & respected.

      What la-la-land people actually believe that any such candidate exists? Who buys this stuff?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        People who think the political “center” is a morally justified position.

      • Gadfly

        Which always strikes me as funny, since the fascists occupied the center of the the political spectrum in their day.

      • grrizzly

        But even the centrists don’t want ALL Americans feel heard and respected. It’s immoral NOT to shun far right white supremacists, racists, sexists, xenophobes and Nazis.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I didn’t say they believed it, just that they bought it.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Mike Bloomberg BUYS this, or is trying to.

      • Jarflax

        The two sides no longer start from the same axioms. There is no bridging this divide. If your axioms include equity you are correct to come to different conclusions than me, and I am correct, based on my axioms, to believe you will bring evil.

    • B.P.

      New Glib revenue stream?

    • Festus

      $150 bucks, same as downtown.

  12. Fourscore

    “When you leave somebody, try to make it that they’re saying, ‘I’m glad that I met that person.

    When I leave all I hear is, “I thought that SOB was never gonna leave”. Makes me feel like I’ve accomplished my mission and made people happier.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Now I’m going to do something for you that you can’t do for yourself and leave.”

      • C. Anacreon

        “Act like a tree and get the hell out of here.”

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Don’t you want to feel safe?

    “Virginians are demanding real action to combat gun violence — today, legislators proved they are listening. I’m grateful to my colleagues in the House of Delegates for passing our commonsense gun safety legislation. Make no mistake: these measures will save lives,” Northam previously told CNN.

    The bill passed the public safety committee in a party-line vote of 12 Democrats to nine Republicans, but not before opposition to the measure was voiced by pro-gun Virginia residents and groups.

    ——-

    Gun safety advocates, however, hailed the advancement of the bill as a “needed step towards banning weapons of war” in the state.

    “These weapons — assault-style semi-automatic rifles and pistols, along with high capacity magazines — have no place on our streets,” Vice President of Policy at the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence Christian Heyne said at the hearing.

    “The bottom line is this: no civilians should have to ever intervene to prevent their fellow human beings from being massacred while out for a movie, dancing, checking out a favorite band, worshipping, getting an education, or just walking down a crowded street,” Heyne added.

    Wut? There are chickens (the feathered, egg-laying kind) who could come up with a more logical argument than that.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      “The bill passed the public safety committee”
      “logical”
      As long as the bill passes both houses and Governor Blackface signs it, they do not need “logical”.
      How many counties are “sanctuaries” who will refuse to enforce it?

    • Gadfly

      Gun safety advocates, however, hailed the advancement of the bill as a “needed step towards banning weapons of war” in the state.

      So much for sic semper tyrannis.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If we ban war, the world will know peace.

      • Rhywun

        Why do you hate gun safety?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Huh, I’m all for gun safety.

        #1 Treat all guns as if they are always loaded. …
        #2 Never let the muzzle cover anything that you are not willing to destroy. …
        #3 Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on target and you have made the decision to shoot. …
        #4 Be sure of your target and what lies beyond it.

    • Chipwooder

      “The bottom line is this: no civilians should have to ever intervene to prevent their fellow human beings from being massacred while out for a movie, dancing, checking out a favorite band, worshipping, getting an education, or just walking down a crowded street,” Heyne added.

      Yeah, no shit they shouldn’t have to, you simpering idiot. Alas, criminals sometimes do not obey the law. Crazy thought, I know.

      • kinnath

        A yardstick for lunatics, one point of view

      • Rhywun

        That is the most sixties thing ever.

      • Festus

        No with even more “Baa Baa Baa Baaaa”! From K-Tel!

      • R C Dean

        The bottom line is this: no civilians should have to ever will be permitted to intervene to prevent their fellow human beings from being massacred

        If the bodies pile up while the cops are waiting for SWAT to get the donut crumbs off their tacticool vests or for the shooter to off himself, so be it.

      • Festus

        That was inspired!

  14. Tundra

    The old dude with the sweet ride actually seems like a great guy.

    “If you wake up in the morning, get out of bed,” he said.

    • Brett L

      He’s been stringing along his fiance for 17 years. “Alright baby, if I live to be 100, we’ll get married”… 10 years later, “No, baby, I said if YOU live to be 100 we’ll get married”. Now he’s hoping for the big one before the end of March.

      • Tundra

        I hope I have game like that at 100.

      • Ted S.

        You’re going to have a fiancé at 100?

        Whatever floats your boat.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    create original content “that tells us why Mike Bloomberg is the electable candidate who can rise above the fray, work across the aisle so ALL Americans feel heard & respected.”

    How bout a black teenager, with his pockets pulled inside out and his hands on top of his head, surrounded by morbidly obese NYPD officers? Too subtle?

    • Drake

      Have one of them getting choked out for selling a cigarette.

    • Jarflax

      I agree, Democrats winning the Presidency, House, Senate, and a majority of State legislatures and we face a catastrophe. And, in absolute sincerity, if the US goes, it will trigger a dark age that makes 476 to 800 AD look like a golden age.

      • Gadfly

        And, in absolute sincerity, if the US goes, it will trigger a dark age that makes 476 to 800 AD look like a golden age.

        So the Amish will inherit the earth.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I for one, look forward to our new pasty, bearded overlords.

      • J. Frank Parnell
      • Rhywun

        Nu-smile TW, asshole!

      • Festus

        That’s what they call the “Put something in my mouth” pose that all the wrong people are doing?

      • Rhywun

        Nu-male smile is a thing.

      • Jarflax

        In a real dark age the Amish are serfs slave labor. The world can feed many more than 7 billion using modern techniques. It can’t feed half of that using pre industrial techniques. Modern techniques depend on a reliable global distribution, supply, and exchange network that exists largely because the US remains functional.

    • Florida Man

      So we are running out of fresh water and it’s going to rain more? Maybe Joe can set out his rain barrels.

      • Festus

        Double duty as straight razor rusters.

    • Raston Bot

      if only there was a PM link about it.

    • Raston Bot

      @RepThomasMassie

      I’d fire him. I listened to his testimony in the SCIF. He’s a leaker, not a whistleblower. Vindman was upset that @realDonaldTrump didn’t follow the script Vindman prepared for the phone call. Current Commander in Chief doesn’t take orders from a Lt. Col.!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Revenge would be more akin to prosecuting them or having them droned.

      • Drake

        Give him a battalion command. I want to see how before his own men shoot him.

      • Ted S.

        Deploy Vindman and the top several hundred Pentagon officers to Afghanistan for a year.

      • Drake

        Living on MREs and patrolling in the mountains might get him back to height/weight standard.

      • Chipwooder

        Aren’t MREs like 2500+ calories though?

      • Brett L

        If you can stomach them.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Between not eating all of the components and burning 5,000+ calories a day, it works out.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My dream scenario is Vindman gets demoted for his insubordination and disrespect during his congressional hearing, then gets chaptered for being a fat body.

      • C. Anacreon

        Your dream fits well with the current top-trending hashtag on Twitter:

        #VindmanDeservesBetter

      • Jarflax

        Make him the military attache to our delegation to Somalia, appoint Romney Ambassador recall the staff and withdraw the marine guard.

      • grrizzly

        This is the slowest coup d’état that I lived through: it’s already 3.5 years long. The first two lasted either three days or a few weeks.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    I’m sorry America is such a shithole

    “I apologize personally that they had a bad experience on the campaign. I really work hard to try and build a campaign and a work environment where it’s diverse and open and everyone is welcomed and celebrated and gets to bring their whole self to work every day,” Warren said. “But I’m also aware that racism and oppression have left a long legacy. And it creates a toxicity where people, power structures, people take advantage of other people — it’s something for which we have to be constantly vigilant and constantly determined to do better.”

    She added: “I take responsibility for this and I’m working with my team to address these concerns.”

    The floggings will continue until morale improves.

    • PBRstreetgang

      Now she’s even appropriating toxic masculinity culture!

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      “The floggings will continue until morale improves”

      So Problematic.

    • Festus

      “Whole self to work everyday”? She’s been in academe and government her entire life.

      • Rhywun

        That stuck out to me too. “Bringing your whole self to work everyday” is the problem, as are the people who want to do that.

    • Jarflax

      She is a vapid, dishonest, self absorbed cunt. I relish her pain as she loses this.

    • Tulip

      Note that she’s not firing the people that created the hostile environment. If she truly believes these women, why not?

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    U.S. House Democrats propose electric vehicle charging network

    Democratic Representatives Andy Levin and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez released legislation dubbed the “EV Freedom Act” to create a network of high-speed charging stations within five years along the public roads of the national highway system in the United States at a U.S. Capitol press conference.

    “This is the infrastructure bill that we need to be rallying around.” Ocasio-Cortez said. “A lot of naysayers will say, ‘They are trying to get rid of cars.’ Well, we’re not trying to get rid of cars. We’re trying to actually advance and improve our fleets… We have to go electric.”

    Levin represents a suburban Detroit district that includes many autoworkers, while Ocasio-Cortez of New York helped unveil the “Green New Deal” earlier this year to transition the U.S. economy away from fossil fuels. The effort is backed by environmental groups and the United Auto Workers union.

    Do electric vehicles (long term) really help the UAW?

    • Gadfly

      There is literally no need for this, as Tesla has already done this, and I imagine they are not the only one to have installed such chargers.

      • Rhywun

        It’s almost like the market will take care of the demand. Nah, that’s crazy.

  18. commodious spittoon

    Is three in the afternoon too early to go back to bed?

    • Sean

      Not if you take someone with you.

    • kinnath

      Depends on who is waiting there.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      The last 20th century small-l libertarian who was an LP presidential candidate was 2004. Choose to self-identify as a 20th century small-l libertarian. Then it is a political statement if you choose to take a NAP.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Circling the drain

    Ford announced Friday it will replace the president of its auto unit, three days after it announced a disappointing earnings outlook and financial results, sinking its stock.

    The company replaced Joe Hinrichs, a 19-year Ford veteran who previously worked at General Motors. Jim Farley will assume the role of chief operating officer of the company, reporting to CEO Jim Hackett. He previously served as president of new businesses, technology and strategy.

    “Jim Farley is the right person to take on this important new role,” Hackett said, adding that it’s important that Ford accelerate its move to electric and autonomous driving vehicles.

    “We’re just not destroying this company fast enough!”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They’re looking to become a zombie corporation feeding on government goodies

    • Mad Scientist

      All the auto manufacturers are going electric. It’s just too damn difficult to pass current and future emissions requirements. There will come a day when a big manufacturer will announce they’re no longer making internal combustion engines at all. I predict within a decade.

      • Florida Man

        I wonder if going electric kills the tuner/mod/gear head community. I guess you can reflash computers, but it’s not as sexy and tearing apart an engine.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh I don’t know about that. The electric motors have an amazing amount of torque that you can play with.

        But good luck getting past the proprietary software protections.

      • Florida Man

        I’m not saying electric motors are bad, just how much tinkering can you do. No intake, no exhaust, no fuel injection. You’re left with body kits, suspension, paint, wheels. That’s about it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        As long as I can install candy crush on my vehicle, it’s cool.

      • Festus

        So about the same for 90% of the poseurs out there…

      • Florida Man

        You dissing my obscenely large wing on my otherwise stock Civic, brah ?!?

      • Festus

        *hides smirk* Perish the thought!

      • Gustave Lytton

        There will come a day when a big manufacturer will announce they’re no longer making internal combustion engines at all.

        It’s already happened. Studenbaker, Nash, Hudson, AMC…

      • Ozymandias

        I was just at a friend’s house and he was riding his new electric Harley Davidson. Yup. I couldn’t fucking believe it.
        Battery technology has improved so much that we can have things like drones and electric Harleys, but I think there is something unique, cool, and sexy about the internal combustion engine, right down to the throaty growl, brake stands, and that brief instant between throttle and response.
        Plus, jet engines crush batteries and they’re not going anywhere, at least not in my lifetime.

      • Tundra

        So HE was the guy who bought it!

        Seriously, I think they are considering killing it already.

      • Tulip

        Can you hear it?

  20. Chipwooder

    Reminder: news types almost uniformly regard themselves as utterly brilliant, and certainly much more intelligent than you dumb yokels.

    Kyle Drennen
    @kjdrennen
    .@KatyTurNBC worries about “gerrymandering” helping Republicans get elected to the SENATE, Washington Post’s @pbump has to awkwardly correct her

    Embedded video
    579
    3:11 PM – Feb 7, 2020

    • The Hyperbole

      Sadly, they are probably right. The average person is incredibly stupid.

      • Chipwooder

        No dumber than Katy Tur, though. Not a chance.

        Katy Tur was also the moron who said on the air that George Washington was “a native son of New York”.

      • The Hyperbole

        You think the average person knows where Washington was born?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Washington DC, of course.

      • Festus

        It’s pronounced “WashingTOWN” /illiterate pedant off

    • Juvenile Bluster

      Also ignores that at 52-48 they were 19 votes short of convicting him, not 3.

      • Festus

        Fucking Cheerocracy! How does it work?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *HM intensifies*

    • Festus

      Her Father must be so proud.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    “This is the infrastructure bill that we need to be rallying around.” Ocasio-Cortez said. “A lot of naysayers will say, ‘They are trying to get rid of cars.’ Well, we’re not trying to get rid of cars. We’re trying to actually advance and improve our fleets… We have to go electric.”

    I ask again: how much energy, in megagigawatts, are currently used by the current internal combustion fleet in this country?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Gasoline accounts for about 1.3 billion megawatt hours anually.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      1.23 gigawatts.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        +1 Mr Fusion

    • cyto

      One point twenty one.

      There is a huge difference between building better cars and attracting buyers as Tesla is doing, and mandating it from the top down as a means of centralized control over the core aspects of people’s lives, as AOC advocates.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Deploy Vindman and the top several hundred Pentagon officers to Afghanistan for a year.

    Issue each of them a single ten round magazine for their assault rifles.

    • Ozymandias

      I am aware of a great story where something like this actually happened when Al Gray was the CG of 2nd MarDiv. Real events at GitMo formed the basis for “A Few Good Men.” Unlike in the movie, however, when Gray got wind of some of the nonsense going on down there, he took a trip down, held a Battalion formation and relieved the Bn Commander on the spot in formation. My friend, who was right there, close to Gray, said that his exact words were something akin to: “You’re fucking fired. You will never work in my Marine Corps again. Now get out of my site.”

      THEN, he ordered every Staff NCO and officer into the base theater and started asking pointed questions, chief among which was people’s overseas control dates: the OCD used to be used as a manpower tool to ensure that everyone was “carrying their fair share” of the deployments. My buddy said that he saw several people get asked by General Gray “When was the last time you were deployed?” and if there was any hesitation, his response was something to the effect of, “it’s been too fucking long if you can’t remember.” Then he would turn to his aide and tell him to “correct that.”

      A lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth as REMFs started to find out what it’s like to be on the “pointy tip” of the spear.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Gasoline accounts for about 1.3 billion megawatt hours anually.

    Ramping up electricity production to cover that should be a piece of cake. . should be a piece of cake, then.

    *Thanks for enacting my labor

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re going to have to pedal harder.

      • Nephilium

        Enough to earn say 15 million credits?

    • Gadfly

      Gasoline accounts for about 1.3 billion megawatt hours anually.

      So, only 220,000 windmills. And the US already has 54,000!

      • Jarflax

        1.3 billion megawatts is 1.3 petawatts which is about the annual electric usage of India or roughly 1/3 US electric power consumption. That seems low for gasoline, but maybe.

    • cyto

      This is why energy production should be a private sector affair (and largely is, but probably in an overly-regulated market).

      People would be buying electricity. Producers would have incentives to increase production and/or raise prices. New sources of energy would be brought on line until an equilibrium is reached…. exactly the way that oil production technology improved until fracking was a viable technology, bringing vast reserves into production.

      • Homple

        “New sources of energy would be brought on line until an equilibrium is reached…. exactly the way that oil production technology improved until fracking was a viable technology, bringing vast reserves into production.”

        Except the politicians who want to force electric vehicles on us are dead set against any new technology that would provide the additional required electricity. Wind and solar won’t do it, absent rationing.

    • Festus

      Super easy! Barely an inconvenience!

    • Ozymandias

      That’s an incredibly touching video to me. I don’t know why, but I feel like he should have taken the hand, even if just to acknowledge the kindness. You can always go back to fighting snakes.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “You can always go back to fighting snakes.”

        You’d never say that to Samuel L Jackson.

      • Florida Man

        I feel ya, brah, but orangutans are ridiculously strong. Maybe he helps the dude out the river. Or maybe he tears his arms out his sockets.

      • Festus

        I would have gone for something more base and profane but you do you, FM.

      • Ozymandias

        Maybe I feel such sympathy because I’m built like one: short, squat, hairy, and arms slightly too long.
        (Ideal for deadlifting, though!)

      • Florida Man

        HAWT!

      • Jarflax

        I agree with Ozy. That is very touching.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yup.

    • Tundra

      Cool as hell.

      “Right turn Clyde!”

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Too bad I still can’t operate my fingers properly. I’ll blame the computer.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    You’re going to have to pedal harder.

    “They all laughed when I sat down at my perpetual motion machine.”

    • Rhywun

      deceptively edited video

      Now do The Daily Show and its many imitators and descendants.

      • Festus

        Grassy knoll!

  26. cyto

    This occurred to me earlier, so I’m gonna point it out one more time. Here is the conspiracy, laid out by the actual conspirators in the New York Times on March 3, 2017.

    Examine this lede in light of what you know now:

    In the Obama administration’s last days, some White House officials scrambled to spread information about Russian efforts to undermine the presidential election — and about possible contacts between associates of President-elect Donald J. Trump and Russians — across the government. Former American officials say they had two aims: to ensure that such meddling isn’t duplicated in future American or European elections, and to leave a clear trail of intelligence for government investigators.

    American allies, including the British and the Dutch, had provided information describing meetings in European cities between Russian officials — and others close to Russia’s president, Vladimir V. Putin — and associates of President-elect Trump, according to three former American officials who requested anonymity in discussing classified intelligence.

    Separately, American intelligence agencies had intercepted communications of Russian officials, some of them within the Kremlin, discussing contacts with Trump associates.

    None of this is true, except that the leakers are bragging about their efforts to bring Trump down before he takes office. Sound like a backup plan in motion?

    How about this:

    At the Obama White House, Mr. Trump’s statements stoked fears among some that intelligence could be covered up or destroyed — or its sources exposed — once power changed hands. What followed was a push to preserve the intelligence that underscored the deep anxiety with which the White House and American intelligence agencies had come to view the threat from Moscow.

    For those who have not followed it: the “sources” were FBI and CIA agents who were trying to set up low level Trump advisers. That is all. All of the stuff about “intercepting communications inside the Kremlin” was a lie. It was all about lying about someone who was working with the CIA to spy on Russians in order to make it look like he was spying for the Russians.

    The NYT has since publicly admitted – no, not admitted.. bragged? Simply stated? – that it was their mission from the time Trump was announced as the nominee to “get Trump”, primarily using the Russia story as the foundation of that campaign. A story that we know to be a lie. So the NYT not following up on this story makes sense.

    But where is the rest of the media? This story is a flaming red flag. It screams of treason. Of a failure to peacefully transfer power. Of abusing the powers of government to protect personal power and harm political enemies. And not one news outlet followed up on it.

    • R C Dean

      Anyone who has been paying attention knows that this is by far, not even close, the biggest scandal in American history. That this whole thing was a frame job, a set up, to simultaneously cover up the crimes of the Obama administration, the DNC, and Hillary Clinton.

      Anyone who hasn’t figured this out by now, never will.

      And everybody, with the best case scenario of a few fall guys, will walk away scot free, many keeping the positions they used to perpetrate the scandal.

      Proggies always project and divert. Their current obsession with “democracy” should be taken as its exact opposite: that they have no intention whatsoever of ever letting something as picayune as an election stand in their way. They are probably going to have to suck it in November, but I have no doubt that their efforts to seize and hold power, in the own words “By Any Means Necessary”, will continue.

      Anybody who votes for them is a damn fool.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      For me, this is why Trump has to win in 2020.

      If he isn’t, there is zero chance that any of this will be exposed and there will be no repercussions for any of the bad actors. Even with his reelection, the odds aren’t great.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Trump has to win because the other side are legitimate communists. No other reason.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        This is what scares me. These economic ignoramuses jiggering the economy to fit their notion of what is right and then getting confused as to why their theories haven’t produced the expected results. We know how to create a wealthy society. Anyone who says differently is the true science denier.

      • Tundra

        And the enemy.

      • Gadfly

        They are very eager to make it so Trump holds the record for best economy in US history, by replacing the imperfect system we have with something far worse. If I wasn’t an American I would find that funny.

      • cyto

        Great comment. And, in the now deeply ingrained words of our current president and reality show in chief – Sad!

      • Ozymandias

        I will absolutely vote for the Cheeto-in-Chief in November, words which I would have pointed at and laughed if someone had ever told me they would be coming from me.
        It’s completely insane; and I cannot believe that Trump is the accidental hero who happened to be the monkey wrench chucked into the democrats’ “demographic inevitability” that would keep them in power in perpetuity.
        They may win eventually, but given what I’ve witnessed in the 2016 and follow-on, he really is the firewall between the dems and power right now. It’s amazing because by policy preference, Trump is a moderate democrat, but his enemies have made him into the best republican in my lifetime, probably, by judicial appointments alone.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes

        And for God’s sake, STOP SPENDING

      • Ozymandias

        Congress does the budget, Bro. I know, I know, but still – that is specifically assigned to those 435 assholes in the House and the other 100 chuckleheads in the Senate.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yeah… I know.

        But Trump ain’t helping.

      • Ozymandias

        Like I said, he’s a moderate dem by preference, but here we are.

      • cyto

        If the press is to be believed, he’s about to. Apparently the next budget is all about spending.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        I’d settle for slowing growth of government to less than the growth of the private sector.

      • Homple

        Amen, Ozymandias.

      • cyto

        There are a lot of us. You can probably find over 1,000 comments here and at Reason from me stating that Trump is an idiot, will never get a single vote, is running as a joke… followed by another 1,000 saying “stop making me defend this guy”. And finally – I’m all in. It is down to whatever Trump really is behind all of his surface histrionics, and complete and utter destruction at the hands of people who have absolutely no understanding of what America stands for.

        The last 3 years have made it clear where the imperative lies. They are coming for me and mine. Time to fight back.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        This.

        Trump is a middle finger to those who would destroy me and my way of life. While I’d love for it to be a pristinely clean middle finger, I don’t really care all that much that the finger has some dirt under the nail.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      HM is not even here, and yet his presence is felt.

      • Florida Man

        That’s one of his fetishes.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        His fetish is named Legion, for they are many.

    • cyto

      What?

      Why???

  27. J. Frank Parnell

    Wasn’t someone here opining the other day that elections are decided by GOTV efforts rather than swing voters?

    An Unsettling New Theory: There Is No Swing Voter

    tldr: Elections are decided by firing up the base rather than appealing to (nearly) non-existent swing voters. But let’s jump to the 2020 predictions:

    Bitecofer has already released her 2020 model, and is alone among election forecasters in giving the Democrats—who, of course, do not yet have a nominee—the 270 electoral votes required to claim the presidency without a single toss-up state flipping their way. She sees anyone in the top tier, or even the second tier of candidates, as strong enough to win back most of the Trump states in the industrial Midwest, stealing a march in the South in places like North Carolina and Florida, and even competing in traditional red states like Georgia, Texas and Arizona. The Democrats are likely to pick up seats again in the House, she says, pegging the total at nine pickups in Texas alone, and have a decent chance of taking back the Senate.

    And in a view that goes against years of accepted political wisdom that says the choice of a running mate doesn’t much matter, the key she says, to a 2020 Democratic victory will lie less in who is at the top of the ticket than in who gets chosen as veep. A good ticket-mate would be a person of color like Stacey Abrams or Julián Castro, she suggests, someone who can further ignite Democratic partisans who might otherwise stay home. The reason Trump won in 2016 was not, she says, because of a bunch of disaffected blue-collar former Democrats in the Midwest; it is because a combination of Jill Stein, Gary Johnson and Evan McMullin pulled away more than 6 percent of voters in a state like Michigan. These were anti-Hillary voters, yes—but they were anti-Trump voters especially, and they are likely to come to the Democratic fold this time around if they’re given a reason.

    • Rhywun

      Talk about alternate reality….

      • Viking1865

        Eh she’s not totally wrong. Turnout is key. Getting the base excited is the key to winning, because if your base is excited not only do they show up to vote, they talk about how awesome their lizard is, way better than the other lizard, they donate, they volunteer. You can’t win without your base being energized.

        Like, if every Trump voter in Virginia had voted for Ed Gillespie for governor, then Gillespie would have crushed Northam by over 200,000 votes. But Gillespie, like all milquetoast Republicans, was so fucking convinced there were these giant chunks of “centrist independent moderates” that would jump in the boat if he steered it just so. He distanced himself from the Trump voters, so they went straight home on Tuesday night.

      • Rhywun

        Nobody is going to stay home if Sanders or Buttercup doesn’t pander hard enough with their VP pick.

      • Viking1865

        Yeah I’m not sure how much a VP choice affects things, although there’s an argument to be made that for the Democrats it’s going to basically be a rule that someone on the ticket has to check a diversity box, going forward.

        Political campaigns love to push crossover voters as the deciding factor, and they do matter of course. But there’s really not that many people, as a whole, who genuinely switch back and forth from Dem to Rep based on the candidate or what have you. Some people come to the bar every Saturday, some come sporadically, but once they’re at the bar, most people order the same drink.

        Every political campaign should be energizing the base, getting them excited. The Democrats had Obama, who was absolutely beloved by their voters, so they actually came out and voted for him. Hillary did not excite them. By contrast, no one was excited for Mitt, but they loved them some Trump.

      • Rhywun

        But there’s really not that many people, as a whole, who genuinely switch back and forth from Dem to Rep based on the candidate or what have you.

        True. Though my mom was one of them.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        My mom is one of them, too. Granted, she votes against all of the incumbents. I’ve stopped talking with her about it because it’s anyeurism inducing. Love her to death, but the nightly news and the anxiety meds have done a number on her brain.

      • Festus

        VP pick is critical because all the front-runners are older than God.

      • Spudalicious

        Booty-gag will be Bernie’s VP pick. You heard it here first.

      • Jarflax

        Betcha dollar they cockblock Bernie

      • Spudalicious

        I think they’re screwed, because Biden is done. Who are they going to go with, Klobuchar?

        I agree that they’re going to try and cockblock Bernie, but I don’t know that they have the horsepower this time around.

      • Rhywun

        “Loading…”

      • Jarflax

        I won’t predict who. But I’ll bet $50 donation to the sight that Bernie is not the nominee. and another $50 that Trump is reelected.

    • Ozymandias

      LOL – WUT?

      Maybe I’m wrong, but I seriously think whoever wrote that has lost their mind. I read the article and I’m calling bullshit. She got lucky on one election and now she’s selling something the left wants to hear: that they’re a “lock” for 2020 (yet again!). These people never fucking learn because they can’t.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        IT’S HAPPENING

      • Rhywun

        Stacey Abrams is the key to 2020, bruh. It’s so obvious.

      • AlmightyJB

        Who?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The rightful governor of Georgia

      • C. Anacreon

        who is shaped like her namesake tank.

      • Festus

        That’s just mean! An Abrahams tank is a thing of beauty.

    • Q Continuum

      What about swinger voters?

      • C. Anacreon

        They only cost nineteen dollars and ninety-five.

      • Rhywun

        Same as downtown.

      • C. Anacreon

        One of the all-time great commercial jingles

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      That was me, and it has been the case for a long time.

      Voter turnout in 2016 was low across the board, which is why the polls were so long. A lot of likely democrat voters sat on their hands because Hillary sucked. Similarly, a lot of likely republican voters sat on their hands because Trump sucked.

      2020 is shaping up to be a high turnout election. Drama abounds, Trump is a polarizing figure, and both bases are riled up. Usually high turnout favors the Republicans because it offsets the democrat vote fraud machines that operate every election cycle. However, there are a lot of people out there that simply don’t like Trump personally.

      • robc

        Based on Iowa, its gonna be lower turnout than 2016.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I’d be hesitant to read too much into Iowa. The Democrat lineup is not very inspiring. However, don’t underestimate the power of TDS to make people hold their noses and vote for the idiot with a D after their name.

        That said, I’d happily eat my words if this turns into another contest where most people sit it out.

      • Jarflax

        I was playing cautious this time because I was right last time against all odds and I wanted to preserve that. But Im now all in. Trump wins this time, and gets more EC votes than last time. Book mark it and mock me if I’m wrong.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I’m afraid that there’s a large contingent of low information voters who hear nothing but “Orange Man Bad” from the usual sources, and will come out of the woodwork to thwart the reelection of Cheeto Hitler in the same way they came out of the woodwork to elect Obama.

      • Jarflax

        I thought the same, but the State of the Union showed me that Trump has the natural instincts of Clinton (Bill not Hillary)

      • Grumbletarian

        More votes were cast in 2016 than were cast in 2012. Doesn’t seem like a case of low turnout. Tons of people went third party because both candidates were appalling.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        2016 was roughly a 55.5% turnout
        2012 was roughly a 57.5% turnout

        That said, methinks that the “low turnout 2016” meme is more wishful thinking from the left than actual truth.

        FYI: the range of turnout seems to bounce from the low 50s to low 60s.

    • Homple

      I’m happy to hear that. Coming from Jorge Ramos, it makes me twice as happy.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      And if one of those entrapped people carried out a terrorist attack?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think that would have been classified as a success.

  28. C. Anacreon

    Our son just called from the high school parking lot, he can’t drive home because all the roads are blocked by police. Not far away a SWAT team is cordoning off a house, apparently a hostage situation with some guy with a rifle as the instigator (according to our local NextDoor.) Big news for our sleepy little suburban town. You can hear sirens nonstop although this is happening 5-6 miles from our home.

    • C. Anacreon

      And here come the police helicopters!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s the black UN choppers.

        The boogaloo is on.

      • C. Anacreon

        Local police, assisted by special enforcement elements from neighboring towns, are dealing with an unfolding standoff with a man believed armed with a shotgun on Hall Drive.

        The incident began to unfold shortly after 2 p.m. Pacific Friday afternoon. Police established a cordon around a residence in the 200 block of Hall shortly after police in had attempted to stop a car with a man inside.

        That car is believed to have driven to the residence on Hall Drive. A police special weapons team is currently moving into the area, police and media helicopters are overhead and attempts to establish communication with the individual are underway.

        Neighbors report a heavy police presence in the area with a BearCat armored car and other assets deployed on scene.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Bystanders report dozens of little cop stiffies in the vicinity.”

      • C. Anacreon

        Another NextDoor post shows a photo from a neighboring town’s special police vehicle just arriving, a big white RV that on the side is painted “Mobile Police Command”.

        The picture is too blurry to tell if it’s a GMC EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle.

      • Festus

        Man. So glad I don’t leave the house no mo.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I didn’t want to say anything, but we’re kind of glad too.

      • Festus

        Hey!

    • Walford

      Keep your dog inside.

      • C. Anacreon

        Thinking the same thing. Which one of them will be responsible for bringing the Cinnabons?

    • robc

      Local PD assisted by the FBI and the Servants of Cthulhu attempt to destroy the Robot Sea Monsters.

    • Ted S.

      That would be one of those Indiana rifles, wouldn’t it?

    • Ozymandias

      No worries, Moj! It’s a Friday afternoon and well past beer-thirty!

    • Festus

      Babies babies babies! They all want babies but neglect the reality of what babies do to breasts. Now they want a do-over.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        *Looks at wife’s chest*
        *listens to sobbing toddler on the baby monitor*
        *looks back at wife’s chest*

        Yeah, not seeing anything to complain about on that front.

      • Tundra

        God bless the Hooter Fairie.

      • Festus

        It’s a roller coaster ride.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        They go up and down, but they never quite reach the height they started at?

  29. The Bearded Hobbit

    OT:

    We’re here in the far NW to visit my sister who is dying of cancer. One of Mom’s goofy friends dropped by with an article about using dog de-worming medicine as a cancer cure. It’s called Procur-c. There seem to be a lot of articles about this “miracle cure” on the intertubes but this is the first that I have ever heard of it. Anyone have any experience with it?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Deworming medicines are typically poisons. Sounds like a poor man’s attempt at chemo.

      I’m sorry about your sister.

    • Some Random Asshole pt 15

      Not here, but sorry about you and your Sister, I’m close with mine, it must suck….

    • Festus

      Sorry to hear, Hobbit. Don’t fall for quackery and I hope that she exits gracefully and with a modicum of dignity.

    • Tundra

      I’ve got nothing but prayers for your sister and you, dude.

      Good luck.

    • Spudalicious

      Sorry to hear that, Hobbit.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Sorry to hear about that, hobbit! We’ll be thinking about and praying for you and your family.

      Regarding the dewormer, unknown “miracle cures” get a healthy dose of skepticism from me. If the top 10 pharma companies pass on making and selling a highly lucrative drug, either its not highly lucrative, or there’s some complicating factor involved.

      I’m guessing Scruffy has it right about it being a poor man’s chemo.

    • Q Continuum

      BOMB CARACAS

      /Bolton’s mustache

  30. Some Random Asshole pt 15

    I shot another 30 just now, keeping me #5 at My course for the year, practice practice, practice,
    then practice some more,

    • Festus

      It’s good to have a hobby! That’s pretty righteous, Bob.

      • Some Random Asshole pt 15

        and my course is 1.4 miles away, I played 3 disc practice from 2pm til 3:30, came home, pounded a beer, then shot my 30,
        Tomorrow is,
        18 holes
        Walk Bella,
        Lunch
        18 holes
        Beer
        18 holes
        if I can still walk by then

    • Ozymandias

      Damn! Look at you, All Big Man on Campus the Disc Golf Course!

      • Some Random Asshole pt 15

        Here’s the secret, I play by the Rules, I don’t care how far you throw, if you’re OB, you take the penalty, no, you don’t throw 6 discs and then score the best shots, no the tee box isn’t that big. I don’t say a word, we aren’t in a tournament, so however you want to play, enjoy!

      • Spudalicious

        Practice like you play.

      • Festus

        ^^^ Spud gets it! Honorable score or don’t bother keeping score.

      • Some Random Asshole pt 15

        ^this, I hope to play some tournaments this year, doing it “right” is a good thing, IMO

      • Festus

        Cheat at golf, cheat at life. I used to shave a stroke or two when I was a kid but you have to live with yourself later and there is no escaping the cranium. Play it square and let the dust settle.

      • Fourscore

        Can’t cheat yourself.

    • Homple

      I thought the U.S. military had weight and fitness requirements to stay in. If that’s the case, Vindman should have been escorted out of the Army.

    • Festus

      So many Fredos…

    • Festus

      She’s purdy and she probably hates commies. Why can’t my candidates look like her? It’s probably because I used to touch myself at night, isn’t it?

      • AlmightyJB

        Used to? I’m sorry.

      • Festus

        I’m a married man. I don’t need to do that much, anymore…

      • Q Continuum

        That is some pretty fine pussy you got in your avatar.

      • Festus

        He’s my best friend, and my screen-name. I..I mean he’s my avatar and my friend! My screen-friend and my best avatar! My best avatar and my screen name! Stop it! It’s all so confusing… *slaps Festus*

      • Fourscore

        Sorry to hear about your broken arms, Festus

    • AlmightyJB

      Cute

      • Festus

        Isn’t Cubana kinda off the scales on the hot/crazy matrix? That’s if I’ve been reading the intertubes right.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s right in there with Puerto Rican.

        HAWT

      • Aus

        Yes. I dated one for a couple years. 90lbs of sexy hot crazyness. She was a uber SJW though. Sad.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’d pull a lever for her.

      • Q Continuum

        Top choice.