Monday Afternoon Links

by | Feb 17, 2020 | Daily Links | 356 comments

Happy Presidents’ Day, to the group least likely to wish that on anyone. I had to work, but my kids were off. I assume my wife will be telling me, “take your kids” as soon as I leave the sanctum of my home office. Unfortunately, the beer is downstairs. This is going to make for some tough choices.

Old men and women shake fists, shout at clouds. Its a good thing I’m not AG. My next IG inspection would be going through pension records.

Why don’t they just wipe their ass with money instead?

You can always count on our local Orange Man to run to the front of the mob and claim he’s leading the parade.

For sale: One nuclear reactor, hardly used.

 

And of course, the song.

 

UPDATE – Almost forgot Gojira’s part:

Attention Dallas/Ft. Worth Glibs! There will be a meetup for all local gang members & well-wishers this coming Saturday, 2/22/20, at 6:00 pm at J. Gilligan’s Bar & Grill in Arlington. It’s a very central location, so as to be equally inconvenient to attendees from either side of the metroplex. Come see all your favorite Glibs, such as Sir Digby, Mark Hamill*, Gojira, and many more!

I’m almost never in a position to be able to post during the afternoon, so if someone can re-post this notice in the afternoon links, it would be much appreciated.

*Mark Hamill may not appear

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

356 Comments

  1. ChipsnSalsa

    the beer is downstairs. This is going to make for some tough choices.

    have you considered to see if GrubHub will deliver to a second story window?

    • Tonio

      Mini fridge. Empties can also be used to hold used beer.

    • peachy rex

      This is why drones are the future of delivery.

    • Gadfly

      have you considered to see if GrubHub will deliver to a second story window?

      If not, I’d consider that a true market failure. Surely there is a demand for that.

  2. Rebel Scum

    “Such behavior is a grave threat to the fair administration of justice,” the former officials wrote. “In this nation, we are all equal before the law. A person should not be given special treatment in a criminal prosecution because they are a close political ally of the President. Governments that use the enormous power of law enforcement to punish their enemies and reward their allies are not constitutional republics; they are autocracies.”

    “You have disrupted our ability to railroad people we don’t like.”

    • Fatty Bolger

      Governments that use the enormous power of law enforcement to punish their enemies

      That’s not what’s happening here with the prosecution of Stone?

      and reward their allies

      Like how McCabe skated after lying to the FBI?

    • R C Dean

      A person should not be given special treatment in a criminal prosecution because they are a close political ally of the President.

      You mean, like having a ridiculously heavy sentence proposed for someone who was (briefly) associated with his campaign?

      Or, like having obvious criminal activities waved off for being his Secretary of State?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Trump should just make it a moot point and pardon the motherfucker.

      • Ted S.

        And specifically say that he’s doing it because the prosecutors have shown that people who lie to FISA courts for reasons the prosecutors like get off scot-free, so the rule of law requires that other people accused of lying to the FBI get off, too.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That wouldn’t be a bad angle to take and I suspect he will get a pardon along with a laundry list of others if he wins reelection.

      • Tonio

        Unlike other Article III courts where the judges are directly appointed by the executive (with the advise and consent..), FISA court judges are appointed by the Chief Justice from the pool of existing Article III judges for seven-year terms. Totes constitutional.

  3. DEG

    A college student in New Zealand tried to sell a “potential” nuclear reactor on a local version of Craigslist. The young man says his goal was to raise money for his tuition. He also says the plasma reactor could be brought online by an intrepid amateur scientist.

    I like his entrepreneurial spirit.

  4. Q Continuum

    KOROWNUHVYRUS!!!!!

  5. DEG

    Armed men allegedly took off with hundreds of rolls of toilet paper in Hong Kong as coronavirus fears have left the bathroom necessity in short supply. Toilet paper has have become a hot commodity since the outbreak of the virus on mainland China.

    It’s almost like Venezuela.

    • Swiss Servator

      DAMN YOU!

      *looks down 2 comments*

      • Tundra

        Or, you know, 3 😉

      • DEG

        🙂

    • SandMan

      I’ve often wondered about what the price of toilet paper would be when the SHTF.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Presidents have their uses. Ribbon cuttings, throwing a baseball on the first day of the season, vetoing legislation…

  7. Rebel Scum

    ///Coronavirus-so-white.

      • Rebel Scum

        That’s what I was referring to.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Look, they wanted to bring in an Asian guy, but that’s too close to white nowadays. And, you know….

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Jesus Christ.

        /Sorry Father but man….these people are fucken ridiculous. Can’t you do something about it Father?

      • AlmightyJB

        Like Bernie, Bloomberg, and Biden?

  8. Swiss Servator

    Why don’t they just wipe their ass with money instead?

    Friend, this ain’t Venezuela!

    /HK dollah

  9. Rebel Scum

    Toilet paper has have become a hot commodity since the outbreak of the virus on mainland China.

    So, in other words, it’s like Venezuela.

    • Old Man With Candy

      With drugs falling out of its ass.

      • Spudalicious

        It’s the leprosy.

  10. ChipsnSalsa

    ‘It’s a photo orgy’; the mating rituals of the outdoor photographer

    Reiffer says.“It’s crowded to the point where you are locking tripods with each other.”

  11. Pine_Tree

    The way in which Miss Harris is holding her opera glasses makes it look a little like she’s drinking a Coke. (Rathbone’s fiancee – had to look up her name though.)

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Self-interested moaning is a human right

    Michelle Wu, a City Council member in Boston, wants everyone to ride for free on subways and buses that crisscross the region.

    Wu says the city is experiencing a “transportation crisis” as ridership declines, rush-hour traffic rises and the infrastructure of the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority continues to crumble.

    The transportation authority needs salvation and money for repairs, commuters and local transit advocates say, but instead of raising fares beyond the $2.90 it costs now if you pay for a subway ride in cash, Wu thinks a solution may lie in dropping fares altogether.

    Her position is shared by other progressive lawmakers across the country who say mobility is a human right, like health care and education, and think residents should be able to freely move around their cities, no matter their income brackets. They propose eliminating fares on city buses, light rail and trains to achieve their vision of universal mobility. But some experts warn that free rides wouldn’t solve the issues besetting many public transit systems, including crumbling infrastructure, infrequent and unreliable service, and routes that take workers nowhere near their jobs.

    ——-

    Robbie Makinen, CEO of the Kansas City Area Transportation Authority, said public transit is the glue that holds a community together.

    “The return on investment for social justice, compassion and empathy far outweighs the return on investment for asphalt and concrete,” he said.

    The Kansas City transit authority partnered with the Center for Economic Information at the University of Missouri-Kansas City to analyze the economic impact of the proposed zero-fare policy. The study found that free transit would increase Kansas City’s regional gross domestic product by more than $13 million a year and improve the livelihoods of regular riders along with new riders encouraged to try public transit without the fare barrier.

    Assume a can opener. Assume a bus. Assume a giant pot of free money.

    Somewhere in this morass of stupidity, somebody points out the fact that it doesn’t make a goddam bit of difference how much the bus ride costs, if it doesn’t go where you need to go, when you need to go there.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Robbie Makinen, CEO of the Kansas City Area Transportation Authority, said public transit is the glue that holds a community together.’

      KC is a personal car town. A far flung commute for nearly everybody in the area. Public transport is sparse in comparison to most cities I’ve been in. Yes, as in any city, people living in the downtown/midtown areas use buses and light rail for their commute, but that hardly counts for the majority even there.

      This person is full of shit.

    • Tonio

      When that doesn’t work they will implement “road diets” (lane closures) and turn all street parking into bike lanes. If demand doesn’t exist, create it by whatever means necessary.

      • Ted S.

        If they really want to create demand for “public” (really government) transit, get rid of all parking lots for government buildings and ban government-sector workers from using cars.

      • C. Anacreon

        People should ride their bikes to work during ice storms!

      • Rufus the Monocled

        That actually happens in Montreal. During the ice storm of 1998 we clipped on our cross country skies, hooked them to th bumper of a car and went ‘snow-skiing.’ The funny part? No one said boo.

        Last deep freeze (-27c) people were rising on their far tire mountain bikes 40 minutes north of MTL.

      • Shirley Knott

        I saw that in Minneapolis and again in Madison.

      • Tonio

        Especially the old, lame and infirm!

      • Drake

        Oh yeah, that’s just what Boston needs.

    • R C Dean

      Robbie Makinen, CEO of the Kansas City Area Transportation Authority, said public transit is the glue that holds a community together.

      “The return on investment for social justice, compassion and empathy far outweighs the return on investment for asphalt and concrete,” he said.

      If you don’t invest in asphalt and concrete, exactly what roads are those busses full of social justice, compassion, and empathy going to drive on?

      • ChipsnSalsa

        unicorn poop

      • Ted S.

        Don’t you know the roads are made of smug?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Don’t get me started on the condition of the roads here in KC, or Missouri for that matter. Near the top of the list for things not done well here. At all. It’s kinda ridiculous.

      • Mojeaux

        The downtown loop. Ugh.

      • peachy rex

        The last time I was on Missouri roads was in 2005. And they were absolute shit – real 3rd world stuff.

      • Tundra

        It’s hilarious crossing into MO from IA. Last time I thought I blew out a tire.

      • peachy rex

        One day of biking : 120 miles, 7 flats. Fuck. You. Missouri.

        However – the most dramatic change in highway quality I’ve seen was crossing from West Virginia to Maryland. Cracked, pitted, concrete-laid-by-Soviet-forced-labour-gangs-in-1936 to glass smooth asphalt.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So the solution to a transit system operating in the red is to make the fares free of charge?

      Sounds legit.

      • Tundra

        Duh. You make it up in volume.

        It’s almost like you’ve never studied Progonomics.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Duh. You make it up in volume.

        I worked for manufacturer that used that system once.

      • Tundra

        Once is all it takes!

      • R C Dean

        Apparently, diverting the budget for roads to subsidize the “free” transit system is also part of the proposal.

    • Rhywun

      What a steaming pile. The fare is already priced so low that anyone who isn’t sleeping in a gutter can afford it – by design. “Social justice” my ass.

    • Chafed

      JFC that is dishonest. The MBTA are the same people that brought us The Big Dig. Graft, ridiculous union rules and wages, along with management so bad it never adequately replaces its capital assets. Writing these fuckers a blank check will bring the system to a halt.

      • Not an Economist

        Writing these fuckers a blank check will bring the system to a halt.

        You say like that is a bad thing.

    • The Other Kevin

      “ The video was uploaded to a porn site that pays per click.”

      Looks like the marketing guy’s getting a raise.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’d like to see those girl reporters in a porn. We need more laws to make people follow the laws that already exist.

      • Enough About Palin

        Sara yes; Sandra and Christy no.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I guess the main set was overbooked.

      • Enough About Palin

        Well I guess that covers that.

    • Chafed

      How am I supposed to measure my outrage without viewing the video?

      • westernsloper

        Exactly. I tried to find it but no joy.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Mark Levine
    @DelegateMark

    Senate Committee voted to study assault weapons bill for another year. We already know weapons of war don’t belong on our streets. I fear mass murder with these weapons between now and then, but I am proud of House of Delegates for doing what we could. We will be back.

    Of course, gun-grabbers never quit.

    • Winston

      Their majority will increase in 2021…

    • Not Adahn

      *tries very hard to not to wish that he succumbs to a violent and ironic death*

      • Gadfly

        *tries very hard to not to wish that he succumbs to a violent and ironic death*

        Chokes on a flower? I don’t know what would be ironic for a gun-grabber. Maybe shot by the police?

    • Q Continuum

      “I fear mass murder with these weapons between now and then”

      More like “I pray for mass murder and a fresh pile of corpses on which to climb and pontificate”.

    • Tonio

      Fuck you, Mark Levine.

    • R C Dean

      I got $20 that says more people are killed by police “patrol rifles” than “assault rifles” wielded by non-cops in VA over the next year.

      • Not Adahn

        Did they ever demonstrate that ANY of the deaths at the Waco Biker Massacre were from anyone other than LE?

      • AlmightyJB

        I’ve never heard otherwise.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Friend, this ain’t Venezuela! Zimbabwe

  15. The Late P Brooks

    That’s not what’s happening here with the prosecution of Stone?

    These people are astoundingly unselfaware.

    • juris imprudent

      Prosecuting Emmanuel Goldstein never goes out of fashion.

  16. Rebel Scum

    Something something constitutional norms.

    “I have some information as well about the Obama administration, which will be disclosed in a lawsuit at some point, but I’m not prepared to disclose it now, about how President Obama personally asked the FBI to investigate somebody on behalf of George Soros, who was a close ally of his,” he said. Dershowitz was responding to the over-the-top hand-wringing going on in the media after Donald Trump tweeted out his disgust at the sentencing recommendation of up to nine years for Roger Stone, which was announced by prosecutors at the Justice Department.

    “We’ve seen this kind of White House influence on the Justice Department virtually in every Justice Department,” continued Dershowitz. “The difference is this president is much more overt about it. He tweets about it. President Obama whispered to the Justice Department about it.” Dershowitz then went on to give historical context and claimed that while not advisable, it’s perfectly constitutional for the president to completely control the Department of Justice, as has been done before. “The president could make a decision to really decide to control the Justice Department…Thomas Jefferson did it.”

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    Affordable birth control

    among women with large‐​employer coverage who use oral contraceptives, “the share experiencing out‐​of‐​pocket spending…declined from 94 percent in 2012 to 11 percent in 2017.” The ACA’s reshaping of the market for oral contraceptives precisely coincided with a dramatic increase in prices for those items. As the mandate began to take effect and as the ACA made oral contraceptives seem “free” to more purchasers, prices for hormones and oral contraceptives began to rise. Once the mandate took full effect, prices began to rise rapidly. From May 2013 through May 2019, while real prices for non‐​prescription drugs and prescription drugs overall rose just 12 percent and 37 percent, respectively, prices for hormones and oral contraceptives rose 108 percent.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is a perfect case study in how third party payers ruin markets.

    • Rebel Scum

      oral contraceptives

      Oral is definitely a way to avoid pregnancy.

      • SandMan

        As long as she doesn’t swallow.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    More transit whining:

    Comparing 100 metropolitan areas of similar size to Kansas City, a 2011 report from the Brookings Institution found that Kansas City’s transit system was among the 10 worst at connecting workers to their jobs, with only 18 percent of jobs in the metropolitan region accessible to job seekers by commutes of less than 90 minutes.

    For that reason, city leaders should not look at eliminating fares as a “panacea” for transit problems, said Hayley Richardson, a spokeswoman for TransitCenter, a nonprofit group based in New York City that works to improve public transit around the country.

    “A bus that comes once an hour that’s free isn’t useful to people,” Richardson said. “The way we make transit useful to people is by making it come frequently and reliable.”

    Instead of eliminating fares, Richardson said, cities need to prioritize creating transit systems that actually serve their customers. The best scenario would be cities where buses arrive every five minutes in dedicated lanes and a country where most Americans can walk to transit.

    Whaddaya mean, our proposals are pointlessly impractical and a massive waste of time and money?

    • R C Dean

      cities need to prioritize creating transit systems that actually serve their customers

      You know, roads for use by privately-owned vehicles are also a transit system.

      buses arrive every five minutes in dedicated lanes

      Well, busses not going where you want to go are as much use as no busses at all. And I would be very curious to know if there is a bus route anywhere in the country that stops every 5 minutes.

      a country where most Americans can walk to transit

      So ableist. Leaving that aside, this would require bulldozing the homes of a good-sized majority of Americans to herd them into high-rise government projects.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        You say that last sentence like it would be a negative to those types.

      • R C Dean

        I have no illusions.

        The fact that they are trying to stuff as many of us onto trains is not lost on me, either.

      • l0b0t

        The City has utterly fucked over The Rockaways by turning our once nice wide roads (2 travel lanes in each direction, parking on both sides of the street) into a gridlocked morass of sensible transit measures (1 travel lane in each direction, no parking on either side of the street, a dedicated bus lane on one side and a bike lane the same size as a car lane on the other).

      • Rhywun

        And I would be very curious to know if there is a bus route anywhere in the country that stops every 5 minutes.

        Quite a few in NYC.

      • R C Dean

        A single route with busses every 5 minutes? Not busses stop at this stop every 5 minutes (which can include busses on a number of different routes).

      • Rhywun

        Single routes. Granted, I’m talking about rush hour.

        Here is one. TW: pdf

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        if there is a bus route anywhere in the country that stops every 5 minutes.

        Disneyworld

      • Florida Man

        You can’t use private transportation. That’s cheating!

      • RAHeinlein

        The bus route with a stop at our Chicago condo (downtown) stop every six minutes.

    • Tonio

      Dedicated lanes for government buses means closure of existing lanes, ie making things more difficult for private individuals, delivery services, etc.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s a lot of bunny boilers.

    • DEG

      Not a good collection.

  19. Winston

    *Mark Hamill may not appear

    Considering Mark’s politics I am not surprised.

    • C. Anacreon

      I was just in Dallas on business twice over the past three months. Why am I only now learning of the great representation of Glibs there? Oh well, maybe next time.

  20. Juvenile Bluster

    It’s amazing how quick the Berniebots swarm if you dare say anything negative about Dear Leader. Had one who said the following (after I talked about how cultish Bernie fans are)

    It’s not about Bernie – it’s about Medicare for All, $15 minimum wage, Green New Deal, canceling student debt. In short, it’s about us.

    I asked the same guy what he’d do in November if Bernie isn’t the nominee, he answered.

    Nobody else supports these policies and I’m done enabling neoliberalism and giving my vote away to candidates who don’t actually earn it, so if Bernie’s not the nominee I’m staying home.

    I really may be underestimating how big a victory Trump will win in November. Hell, Bernie might hand Congress back to Team Red too.

    • R C Dean

      Nobody else supports these policies

      Every Dem candidate supports the Green New Deal, and at least some support Medicare for All and/or some cancellation of student loan debt.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        In his defense, Bernie may be the only one that actually believes that bullshit.

    • Q Continuum

      How’d the MMJ work out?

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Went to the dispensary Friday. Stuff is incredibly expensive here (paid $94 for an 800mg vape cartridge). Got that and a 1000mg syringe concentrate.

        Had some trouble getting the dosage right at first. Friday night was far too deep (visual hallucinations are fun), Saturday night didn’t take enough and it didn’t do much. Last night was 4 seconds on the vape and it was pretty good, aside from the coughing fit I have whenever I use the vape. Helped me get to sleep better than any benzos ever had.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, concentrates can take some getting used to.

        The good news is, you can titrate them more closely (“4 seconds on the vape”).

        Err, at least, that’s what a friend told me.

      • Tundra

        Is the dosage of the vape cartridges more accurate than edibles?

      • westernsloper

        Good to hear. When I was trying to quite smoking cigs I tried vaping. It made me cough more than cigs. A much heavier/dense smoke I guess. I hope you have success with it.

  21. Tundra

    Go get the beer, Brett.

    You’ve earned it, particularly with that musical history lesson.

    *watches for the third time*

  22. Rufus the Monocled

    Loretta….cough….Lynch….ahem….meeting with…cough….Bill Clinton.

    Where were they then? Just a bunch of theatrical cumtards like the fake anti-war movement.

  23. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Tard Tuesday: Early Edition

    This one couldn’t wait. It’s so tarded, it has a shelf life.

    How Democracy is losing to Fascism around the world?

    It’s worse than anyone has told you.

    Fascism is control of governments by corporations and monied interests.

    The one way that democracies (the people) could control corporations until recently was by taxation. That is no longer possible. Big corporations can simply threaten to move their jobs to other countries if you try to raise their taxes. High taxes on corporations is now an obsolete idea.

    The loss of the power to tax is the loss of democracy.

    It manifests itself in the wealthy taking over the levers of power, as they have done in Russia, and some will say, and America. It is difficult to argue against that statement. Two people in the state of Washington have as much wealth as half of America. This is the way wealth is now being distributed around the world.

    If we look closely, Fascism is winning this war. You may call this defeatism and surrender, just negative comments to demoralize the people? I would say it is closer to reality than any of us have realized.

    • Tundra

      Fascism is control of governments by corporations and monied interests.

      That’s true! I remember how Italy was ruled by the board of Mussolini SpA!

      Fucking idiots.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Bonus comment tardation::

      It’s a real war, not imaginary. The other side cheats because the end justifies the means

      Democrats don’t cheat because we were taught some kind of moral code other than Crush the other guy and take everything he has. Remember the Peace Corps? Republicans crushed it. Remember ACORN? Crushed. ACA? In the crusher waiting for the Roberts court to turn the switch on.

      Republicans/Dixiecrats, are no longer Americans, just plantation owners and their enablers

      • Certified Public Asshat

        >Democrats don’t cheat

        Feel the Bern.

      • Tundra

        Al Franken is just the guy for that.

      • Rebel Scum

        Republicans/Dixiecrats, are no longer Americans

        Goddamned deplorables. We should force them to wear an identifier, some sort of patch perhaps.

      • Tonio

        I’m working on something involving simple geometric shapes and color combos.

      • Mojeaux

        Rhombus with a pink to yellow gradient.

      • RAHeinlein

        Rothko would approve.

      • Mojeaux

        Indeed, but I can’t see what’s special or valuable about his work.

    • R C Dean

      Fascism is control of governments by corporations and monied interests.

      Well, if that’s not exactly backwards, its at least 90 degrees off.

      The one way that democracies (the people) could control corporations until recently was by taxation.

      I could have sworn that laws and regulations could apply to business enterprises, as well as individuals.

      • AlmightyJB

        “I could have sworn that laws and regulations could apply to business enterprises”

        Exactly, if you want to stop the influence peddling, take away the governments power to hand out special favors.

    • Rebel Scum

      The loss of the power to tax is the loss of democracy.

      The power to tax is the power to destroy.

      Fascism is winning this war.

      Sorta correct but not how you mean.

      Fascism is control of governments by corporations and monied interests.

      Bass ackwards. But you people think fascism is just anything you don’t like.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Instead of large, expensive city-run buses, we could turn the clock back to a time when entrepreneurs were free to provide transport service to individuals or groups with neither let nor hindrance. Gypsy cabs, jitneys, carpools, employer bus services…

    I know, I know, unfettered wild west capitalism ruins everything.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Dude, Uber is already murdering employees. Why would you invite more to the party?

    • Trigger Hippie

      The first Mexican owned and operated rickshaw seen in a hipster neighborhood would make their heads explode.

    • AlmightyJB

      Also, cut Corporate (hidden consumer taxes) taxes to zero.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Do you want the few survivors of the repeal of net neutrality to die?

  25. Winston

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._H._Green

    Thomas Hill Green (7 April 1836 – 26 March 1882), known as T. H. Green, was an English philosopher, political radical and temperance reformer ….

    He was one of the thinkers behind the philosophy of social liberalism.

    Hmmm….

  26. The Late P Brooks

    The loss of the power to tax is the loss of democracy.

    Dizzying.

  27. Rebel Scum

    *Chuckles* Yeah, sure. Oh wait, you’re serious.

    Co-host Whoopi Goldberg said, “A lot of people want to see you on that ticket, first as vice president.”

    Abrams said, “Of course, I would be honored to run for vice president with the nominee.”

    She continued, “As a woman of color, especially a black woman — this is an unusual position to be in for someone to be considered possibly the next vice president. And it would be doing a disservice to every woman of color, every woman of ambition, every child who wants to think beyond their known space for me to say no. Or to pretend, ‘Oh no, I don’t want it.’ Of course, I want it. Of course, I want to serve America. Of course, I want to be a patriot and do this work, and so I say yes.”

    Goldberg asked, “You also see yourself running as president too.”

    Abrams said, “Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.”

    She added, “I want to do good, and there’s no stronger platform than president of the United States. That’s a position I want to one day hold.”

    Someone hopes to be dictator one day.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      And even if she loses, she actually won, the other side just cheated!

    • Fourscore

      ” I want to be a patriot and do this work, and so I say yes.”

      ‘I’m headed out the door right now to enlist so one of the other people will be spared another deployment”, said Ms Abrams to no one within hearing distance.

      • Not an Economist

        Hey she is the rightful Governor of Georgia. The other guy only won because he actually did his job and followed the law.

  28. westernsloper

    You know who else had 30 dicks?

    *I have no memory of that song being played during school house rock

    • Gadfly

      I was not expecting a Q link to have so many dudes.

      Although the description of how the festival came about was somewhat amusing:

      More and more villagers wanted those lucky paper talismans and the ritual grew in size. But they realized that when they went to grab the paper it ripped. Their clothes just got in the way too, so they eventually did away with them and exchanged paper for wood, said Itano.

      • Rhywun

        exchanged paper for wood

        ?

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Democrats don’t cheat because we were taught some kind of moral code other than Crush the other guy and take everything he has.

    I guess LBJ was a Republican.

    • Ted S.

      THE PARTIES SWITCHED SIDES!

    • Winston

      Well he was a Warmongering racist Texan so he is an honorary Republican.

    • R C Dean

      I read that, and thought “And people wonder why I am convinced some people live in an alternate reality.”

    • Rebel Scum

      Progjection.

    • Drake

      The guy on the left of picture at the top was also a Democrat.

  30. mikey

    In the Long Ago and Far Away Yosemite had a real fire fall. They’d have a huge bonfire at the top of Glacier Point, let it burn down to embers and then at dusk push the embers over the edge. It was way cool.

    Greta would not be amused.

  31. Rebel Scum

    Doom.

    Pelosi said, “I can’t even envision a situation where he would be reelected. But we are not—we don’t take anything for granted.”

    She added, “As I say, we have to have our own vision for the future. But everybody knows that we must be unified and making sure that he does not have a second term. Our country is great. The American people are wonderful. We’re a resilient country. We can withstand one term. But the destruction that he would do to the courts of our country, and the environment where he says I’m not going to use science as any basis for decisions on the environment. When he says, Article 2 says I can do whatever I want. He must be defeated.”

    • AlmightyJB

      “I can’t even envision a situation where he would be reelected”

      Someone needs to tell her.

      • Drake

        No, please don’t – I want it to be surprise.

      • Rebel Scum

        It’s funnier if she finds out on her own.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        She needs to keep a brave face, which means her plastics surgeons will be busy.

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      Imagine the meltdown that will happen if he is reelected.

      There will be flash flood warnings due to a sudden, nationwide increase in prog tears.

  32. westernsloper

    That bait gun in the kid selling his reactor story is awesome.

    • Brett L

      I had the same thought.

      • westernsloper

        Two, maybe three trips to the hardware store and that could be done for $100 I bet.

  33. Chafed

    Great song choice Brett.

  34. Certified Public Asshat

    These are the most overrated candies

    To be clear, overrated does not equate to bad. A measurement of overratedness considers societal expectations relative to objective performance. Only candies beloved by the masses, ones with good-or-better reputations, could be assessed here (likewise, underratedness mostly applies to candies of net-negative repute)…

    Hershey’s Kisses, Butterfinger, Twizzlers, Haribo Goldbears, and Jolly Ranchers

    I have no problem with this list, except I would bump Butterfinger to the #1 most overrated. I like the idea in theory, and may have even had one once at some point that was on point, but it is largely always a disappointment.

    • Winston

      Calling things overrated is so overrated.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Your mom is overrated.

      • Rebel Scum

        She’s a nice lady.

      • Tundra

        Tremendous. The best lady.

      • AlmightyJB

        For the money though…

    • AlmightyJB

      I like Butterfingers.

    • westernsloper

      Butter Fingers only work when blended with ice cream in a Blizzard. And anyone who doesn’t like Twizzlers is a fucking commie.

      • kinnath

        I hate twizzlers.

      • RAHeinlein

        Aligned on both points.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Twizzlers are good, but real (not twizzlers) black licorice is better. Once you go black you won’t go back.

      • westernsloper

        I am a big fan of black licorice but the night out at the movies combo of theater popcorn and Twizzlers can’t be beat. Throw in some Dot’s and you have the hat trick of movie snacking.

        PS kinnath is a commie mole.

      • Rhywun

        Sno-Caps or GTFO

      • westernsloper

        I can honestly say I have never had a Sno-Cap. Which after typing that I find hard to believe but I can honestly not say what they are. I know I have seen them.

      • Rhywun
      • MikeS

        *clicks link*

        Oh…those fucking things?! Gawd dam, Rhy (and Jarflax!). What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?

      • Spudalicious

        Those are horrific.

      • Jarflax

        ^ I’m with Rhywun. Sno-caps are the best Movie candy by far.

      • Spudalicious

        You are both mentally touched. Milk Duds or gtfo.

      • Jarflax

        Milk duds? Carob and wax over tootsie roll?

      • Spudalicious

        And malt balls. Don’t forget the malt balls.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Maltesers. Gained many a pound back when I was a wee lad on those things.

      • MikeS

        Malt balls are the best kind of balls.

      • Mojeaux

        You’re all wrong.

        Junior Mints or Dots.

      • Spudalicious

        I’ll give you Junior Mints. Dots are a chick candy.

      • Jarflax

        You eat Peeps. They make Tripe look appetizing. You have no say.

      • The Hyperbole

        Jujyfruits >>>> Dot’s.

      • westernsloper

        I am going with = to. I will take either. For some reason I never see Jujyfruits anymore.

      • The Hyperbole

        It’s because The Man doesn’t want us to have movie theatre candy options and with Big Cinema decided to only sell the lesser Dot’s at all the multiplexes.

      • westernsloper

        Are these the same people who run Big Bay Leaf?

      • The Hyperbole

        Probably. Somanabatches.

      • MikeS

        This seems like a good place to bring this up; In last night’s post, you seemed to claim that Myles Garrett was acting in self defense when he assaulted Mason Rudolph. Did I misunderstand your comment, or are you actually the troll many believe you to be?

      • The Hyperbole

        Rudolph started it, Miles got the better of him but was backing away when Rudolph and his friends rushed him. Self defense pure and simple. Not trolling, that is how I see it. For libertarians whom I assume believe in ‘stand your ground’ (in principle if not in the way the laws are written) I am surprised by how many of you seem to think Garrett is in the wrong here. Unless you have only seen the tail end of the altercation it’s evident that Rudolph not only initiated the conflict he continued to pursue it when it could have been over.

      • Spudalicious

        You don’t swing a helmet at a guys head, period.

      • MikeS

        Didn’t you steal a base or two, here?

        Miiles picked him up off the ground by his face mask, tore off his helmet, and hit him on the head with it. What happened after that has nothing to do with it.

      • Jarflax

        Dude you are being such a homer right now lol.

      • MikeS

        @ Jarflax. Yep. Didn’t even think about location. That’s what it is.

      • The Hyperbole

        Rudolph tried to rip Miles’ helmet off. That is what started it. Nap/stand your ground/self defense would excuse Miles retaliating by ripping Rudolph’s helmet off. Having succeeded that, Miles then backed off, he was back peddling when the linemen and Rudolph rushed him. Lethal force is justified when one is being assaulted.

      • MikeS

        There’s nothing a person can’t talk themselves into if they want to bad enough. Go Browns!

      • Jarflax

        Rudolph tried to rip Miles’ helmet off. That is what started it.

        I just watched the video 3 times trying to see anything you can interpret as this. It ain’t there Hyp. I hate both teams with a passion, and no, Rudolf did nothing of the sort. He got hit late and wrestled with Garrett on the ground then Garrett went Psycho on him. Garrett was in the wrong from the late hit on.

      • The Hyperbole

        Go to 1:47 of this video. Is Rudolph not tying to rip Miles helmet off? After Miles shows Rudolph how to rip a helmet off is he (Miles) not backing away? do the lineman and Rudolph not escalate the situation by attacking Miles? Its right there on video.

        Someone tries to harm me and I get the better of him and he continues to aggress? I can use whatever force I want to end the threat. That’s self defense 101.

      • MikeS

        Ooooooh! You mean after he illegally brought him to the ground well after he got rid of the ball? Yeah, you’re still grasping at straws.

        And you keep ignoring the fact that Garrett picked Rudolph up off the ground by his face mask.

      • Jarflax

        Hmm, from that angle there is a second where he looks to be pullling on the helmet, but

        Someone tries to harm me and I get the better of him and he continues to aggress? I can use whatever force I want to end the threat. That’s self defense 101.

        Not what happened after that, nor is it the accurate beginning. Garrett late hit, wrestling on ground (I’ll give you Rudolph got nasty there) then Garret rips the helmet off and tries to kill Rudolph. Rudolph at that point is talking not hitting.

      • westernsloper

        I am staying out of this one due to my long standing rule of never agreeing with Hyperbole.

      • The Hyperbole

        I’ll ignore the ‘well after’ subjective spin and instead say that late hits/hard tackles are part of the game. Ripping a helmet off isn’t and Rudolph did that first, well he tried but just because the gunman that comes for you has bad aim doesn’t mean you can’t shoot back, thus Rudolph initiated the extracurricular violence, he broke the NAP and Miles’ reactions are justifiable by any rational criteria. Even picking him up by his face mask is excusable, I’m not ignoring that I’m condoning it, in this situation.

      • MikeS

        So late hits/hard tackles are part of the game, but scuffles when someone loses their temper isn’t?

        Even picking him up by his face mask is excusable, I’m not ignoring that I’m condoning it, in this situation.

        You’re saying that if I try to draw my gun on you and you stop me, that’s not the end of it. You also get to draw yours and shoot me in the face, just because I tried to break the NAP.

      • The Hyperbole

        So late hits/hard tackles are part of the game, but scuffles when someone loses their temper isn’t?

        Exactly, hits, tackles, blocks these are part of the game, scuffles aren’t, tempers lost or no. There are no guidelines for legal scuffles. Legal hits, legal blocks, legal tackles are all part of the game there is no legal scuffle. So while one may argue the merits of a tackle or a hit or a block, once you try and rip a guys helmet off there is no wiggle room, there is no legal helmet ripping off. Once Rudolph started down that road the gloves were off.

      • MikeS

        You’re saying that if I try to draw my gun on you and you stop me, that’s not the end of it. You also get to draw yours and shoot me in the face, just because I tried to break the NAP.

      • MikeS

        …there’s also no legal late hitting.

      • The Hyperbole

        If you continue to aggress, then yes I get to shoot you in the face. You’ve shown willingness to cause me great harm and no willingness to stand down. I don’t see where it’s up to me to find the least violent resolution to this situation that you instigated and then escalated.

      • MikeS

        Forgetting (or lamely excusing) for a moment that your aggression started it all?

      • The Hyperbole

        Late hitting is subjective, you can hit, you shouldn’t late hit, what is a ‘late’ hit is up to interpretation. Not so much yanking on a dudes helmet. There’s no legal helmet yank, “Well, Bill, the QB yanked on the helmet well before the whistle was blown” is not a defense one will see for helmet yankers.

      • MikeS

        I know you’re a smart and considerate guy. For you to equate flailingly grasping at a guys helmet while being driven to the ground, with getting up and pulling another person to their feet by the face mask, and then pulling the helmet all the way off, and then hitting them in the head with it, tells me I am either being punked, or you’re blinded by fanaticism for your team.

      • MikeS

        And a “late hit” is much more clear than you’re trying to make it. After the whistle, after the ball has left his hand…both apply here and you know it.

      • The Hyperbole

        You’re right He should have stopped in this split second when Rudolph still had the ball and he was half a foot away from hitting him, obviously a late hit. Eye roll emoji thing here.

      • MikeS

        Oh stop. It wasn’t the hit, it was the dragging him to the ground and you damn well know it.

      • The Hyperbole

        “Dragging him to the ground”, oh did the widdle quarterback get dwagged to the gwound! oh nowes! It’s football ladies, take the hit and man up. Christ, if you people had your way Turkey Jones would still be in prison.

      • MikeS

        Holy shit, talk about arguing in bad faith. Tempers can or can’t be lost, and rules can or can’t be broken, depending on what color uniform the player is wearing apparently.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The only thing I’ll quibble with is the theater popcorn. Air/oil popped popcorn with melted (real) butter and kosher salt is so much better that it can hardly be called the same thing.

      • Mojeaux

        Air popped with Orville Redenbacher’s butter oil and salt.

        I have one of these. I stalked the thrift store appliance aisles for months waiting for that.

      • westernsloper

        Again in agreement. I feel an artery narrow after I eat my own popcorn. But if I am sneaking something into a theater it is not popcorn with cold real butter.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Fair enough. My “theater” is about 20 paces from the kitchen, so I get the best of both worlds.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        If not liking twizzlers makes you a commie I’m to the left of Bernie Sanders.

      • MikeS

        Chocolate Twizzlers > Red Twizzlers > Black Twizzlers

      • LCDR_Fish

        classic Cherry twizzlers (hard to find the normal (not pull-apart garbage) ones in most stores 🙁 ), are far better than strawberry.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Take 5 is the most underrated.

    • straffinrun

      Hershey’s Kisses, Butterfinger, Twizzlers, Haribo Goldbears, and Jolly Ranchers

      Those aren’t candies. Those are things my wife no longer lets me do to her.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        What, pray tell, does a Haribo Goldbear involve?

      • Sean

        Honey, a candle, and a butthole…

      • straffinrun

        Yep. Just a little bit o honey.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m intrigued…

    • Cannoli

      Butterfingers were great until they changed the recipe. I’m still mad about that.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Butterfingers reminds me a lot of the Canadian “Crispy Crunch.” How in God’s green earth could you “change” a recipe that’s that simple to begin with?

    • Mojeaux

      In no particular order:

      Peeps – best when totally dried out and the outside is crunchy like Lucky Charms “marshmallows”
      Twizzlers – strawberry. Fuck off with the black licorice, people.
      Payday – better than Snickers for fighting off the hangries.
      Skittles – ruined my whole fucking life when they changed lime to green apple. GTFO
      Brach’s maple nut goodies – I have to be in the mood, but when I am…
      Bit o’ Honey – Oh, honey.
      Tootsie Rolls fruit rolls – stop me before I clear out every store in the city
      Charleston Chews – in moderation
      Ghirardelli caramel squares – only 1 or 2 at a time please; very rich
      Ghirardelli peppermint bark squares – only from December 1 – December 31 and then– Oh, wait, maybe THAT’S what happened to all my money.
      cherry cordials – only from the fancy schmancy fudge shop at Crown Center
      Starburst – unwrapping them is a pain but one I must endure
      Heath – also too rich for mass consumption
      gummy worms – getting a little more picky about gummy candy lately
      Spree – tart tart tart and more tart, must have tart

      • MikeS

        Peeps – best when totally dried out and the outside is crunchy like Lucky Charms “marshmallows”

        +1,000,000

        When I was a kid I would purposely leave the marshmallow bag open to achieve this state of nirvana.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yay! Fellow fans of stale dehydrated marshmallows!
        Everyone I know has always thought I was crazy for letting marshmallows sit out to dehydrate.

      • MikeS

        Surely, you don’t listen to the haters?

      • Spudalicious

        Peeps and Circus Peanuts need to be aged a couple of months to reach their peak.

      • Jarflax

        @ Mojeaux
        MIkeS
        Shirley
        and Spud

        Just no. You say things like this and I hope you end up eating nothing but Pineapple Deepdish FOR EVER!

      • Mojeaux

        A. I don’t like pineapple.
        B. I’m not a huge fan of any pizza.
        C. You’re totally wrong and you’re going to hell for it.

      • MikeS

        I’m a discerning stale marshmallow connoisseur: I like plain white, stale, marshmallows. Peeps have too much sugar on the outside. And circus peanuts are…weird.

      • Mojeaux

        I would go so far as to say circus peanuts are gross. Like Necco Wafers gross only spongy.

      • Jarflax

        All marshmallows are gross. They are all gross always in every form. They are candy asif the Communists ran the candy plant.

      • Spudalicious

        Chocolate Necco Wafers rock.

      • Rhywun

        I like the white ones, whatever flavor that is supposed to be.

      • westernsloper

        Circus Peanuts are the Nick Gillespie of candy. That is too harsh I take that back. Nick is better than Circus Peanuts.

      • Jarflax

        If you’d eat Peeps you’d gas (((Us)) in the camps. Peeps are literally Hitler.

      • Fourscore

        This long, long, long discussion but not a word about a Holloway Sucker. A nickel, would last all the way through the previews, a 3 stooges short comedy, a Walter Lantz cartoon (I’m looking at you, Woody) a newsreel and until Roy, Dale and Gabby caught up to the rustlers and were ready to duke it out with them.

        I’d only have a nickle left after I’d paid my 20 cents (if there was 6 cartoons, otherwise 12 cents) and a Holloway sucker was the best value. Mild duds were good but I didn’t have a dime.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Here’s my little ten second insight for the day. The “media” personalities who so desperately want us to respect and admire them for their wise insights and analysis, are nothing more than transcriptionists for their preferred political actors.

    That article about mass transit is just some credulous ninny copying down whatever those politicians and consultants blurt out.

    The Stone sentencing story is nothing more than some media dope acting as a stenographer for those “former DoJ prosecutors”. Could any of those people have an axe to grind? It hardly seems worth asking, does it?

    And we see, on a daily basis, weeping and wailing about the lack of respect and admiration for journalism.

    • Drake

      The same dicks who think Andrew McCabe shouldn’t be prosecuted for lying his face off to get warrants are upset an old civilian man won’t do 9 years for maybe lying about some political gossip in an investigation that never charged anyone for the potential crime they were supposed to investigate. Nobody has ever explained to me how Stone’s interviews had even the tiniest bearing on the Mueller investigation.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The braying for Stone’s head is about vengeance, not justice. I’m not a fan of his, he’s a blowhard and a bullshit artist, but 7 to 9 years for what he did is ridiculous on its face.

      • Drake

        I never heard of him before this case. He just seems like an old man they hate.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He used to make the Alex Jones and similar circuit which is where I know him from (I find Jones funny in small doses). Stone’s a dick swinger and an in your face guy and it’s no wonder they can’t stand him but that obviously shouldn’t play a part in sentencing decisions.

      • The Hyperbole

        Far as I know he’s been a political creature, opportunist, consultant, etc for ever, I’d be surprised to learn that he ever held an honest job in his life. I have absolutely no sympathy for him, live by the swamp, die by the swamp.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Stone’s been a sack of shit since before the Nixon administration but he still shouldn’t get more than he deserves.

      • Raven Nation

        “Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?”

      • Jarflax

        The whole goddamn law is blatantly at odds with any sane theory of justice, and unconstitutional. Making false statements to a Fed is a felony? No oath, not giving evidence, simply talking to a fed, and lies, and exaggerations land you in prison. I couldn’t care less about Stone qua Stone, but jailing people for lying, not perjury, just plain old lying, is wrong.

      • The Hyperbole

        So you won’t be calling for Jussie Smollet to be punished.

      • Naptown Bill

        Did Stone call Congress and make a false report of a felony assault in order to advance his career?

      • Naptown Bill

        No, it isn’t, and in every other jurisdiction lying in and of itself is not a crime. To the best of my knowledge, the only time you could be jailed for not being helpful is when Congress demands your assistance. Which, honestly, Stone’s character aside, is my problem with all this shit. I have no reason to believe he’s not a scumbag, but this is the abuse of power to punish political foes, not justice.

      • straffinrun

        You don’t have the right not to incriminate yourself and I’m gonna say that you have the right to lie.

      • westernsloper

        I think lying about what you previously said to some asshat politicians or even the FBI and filing a false police report about a fictitious assault you orchestrated are not apples to apples.

      • kbolino

        To the best of my knowledge, the only time you could be jailed for not being helpful is when Congress demands your assistance.

        You can be jailed for failing to follow any subpoena including court-issued ones. You can also be jailed for failing to follow a National Security Letter, which comes from the executive branch. Really, the only time you cannot be compelled to assist the police is when your actions might incriminate yourself or someone who enjoys a recognized form of legal privilege with you, and even then there are exceptions.

      • kbolino

        A gross oversimplification that ignores causality and agency.

      • kbolino

        I like how the unhinged crazies in the comments get exactly the same number of “respect” points on every single one of their posts. It must feel good to have all your sockpuppets respect you.

      • The Hyperbole

        Mueller was trying to find out who knew what and when about the wikileaks leaks of the dems stolen emails because Russian and Stone was going around bragging that he could get access to them for Trump, thus Mueller looked into what Stone Knew and Stone lied and tried to get others to lie to cover his lies and then threatened to ‘get’ some dudes service dog. Plus he’s goofy looking and wears stupid sunglasses.

      • Raven Nation

        “wears stupid sunglasses”

        That’s the straw…

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Don’t forget his Nixon tattoo. He should be jailed for that.

      • kbolino

        If only the FBI had a computer forensics unit…

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Our country is great. The American people are wonderful.

    Well except for all those white supremacists and Republikkkins, right Nancy? It’s a shame you have to share the world with the sort of deplorable losers who watch cars go around in circles and vote for Trump.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s a German project, let them pay for it.

      • AlmightyJB

        You know what else Germany started?

      • juris imprudent

        Paternalistic welfarism? [Thanks Otto!]

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Public education?

      • Rhywun

        Government schools?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Octoberfest?

      • Drake

        I’m not sure how a stripper singing a country song makes me feel. Confused mostly.

  37. Raven Nation

    All your (New Zealand) children belong to us.

    “There is a renewed plea for the government to introduce a strict monitoring regime for all children under five years old in New Zealand in the wake of a four-year-old Flaxmere boy being brutally beaten two weeks ago…Judge Bain repeated the recommendation for compulsory registration and monitoring of children up to the age of five including scheduled and unscheduled home visits in his report into the death Moko Rangitoheriri, another toddler brutally abused and tortured.”

    • AlmightyJB

      They should put cameras in everyone’s homes.

      • Drake

        Or make it illegal to beat kids to death.

    • Winston

      You Know Which Other New Zealanders wanted to ensure that Maori children had a strict monitoring regime?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “ He said all children need to be registered with government agencies from birth, so that under five year olds could be seen on a two to three monthly basis on a doctor’s premises or in their homes.

      “Wallace Bain referred to entering a private house more specifically because then we could see the environment that these children are living in and knowing that they’re living in a safe and healthy environment.””

      I don’t see how that could go wrong.

      • AlmightyJB

        I think NZ needs some woodchippers. Oh that’s right, they disarmed themselves. Nevermind. Prepare to be mounted.

    • juris imprudent

      Was Moko a child of color?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That will prevent exactly zero abuse cases and criminalize any number of innocent parents.

      • RAHeinlein

        If they could just find a way to ensure the visits coincide with the time of the abuse, it would all come together.

    • Naptown Bill

      So NZ is gonna register and monitor all children under five to make sure their parents don’t injure or kill them? That sounds like a great plan. Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to protect children than to have low-level bureaucrats make unannounced “visits” to people’s homes in order to determine whether they should be allowed to keep their children.

    • straffinrun

      “Compulsory registration”. Virtually every country already has this. Some call it “muh social contract”. You are the property of the gang who claims the turf you were born on.

    • creech

      Why do they hate 6+ year olds?

      • Ted S.

        Too old for OMWC.

    • kbolino

      That’ll do wonders for the birth rate.

  38. mikey

    “Her position is shared by other progressive lawmakers across the country who say mobility is a human right, ”

    Now do No Fly Lists, the TSA and RealID

    • Winston

      Green New Deal

    • Rhywun

      like health care and education,

      Uh…

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Not providing is taking.

  39. Spudalicious

    Banjos wanted something reposted this afternoon. Does anybody remember what it was?

    • Spudalicious

      Found it:

      “Attention Dallas/Ft. Worth Glibs! There will be a meetup for all local gang members & well-wishers this coming Saturday, 2/22/20, at 6:00 pm at J. Gilligan’s Bar & Grill in Arlington. It’s a very central location, so as to be equally inconvenient to attendees from either side of the metroplex. Come see all your favorite Glibs, such as Sir Digby, Mark Hamill*, Gojira, and many more!”

      • Ted S.

        I guess we know who doesn’t read the posts. :-p

      • Spudalicious

        AM links? Hell no.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        I’ve been known to read them over coffee. For some value of the term “read,” more or less.

      • Ted S.

        I wasn’t talking about the AM Links, or Animal’s post.

  40. The Bearded Hobbit

    Happy Presidents’ Day

    The “official” name of the holiday is Washington’s Birthday (observed).

    (pushed glasses back up nose)

    • straffinrun

      Gotta give Brett props for his choice of picture.

  41. CPRM

    Most of my training today was general stuff. How to keep customers happy and rules for treating a customer well even when they are treating you poorly. I had to read this:

    Christian Herter was running hard for reelection as Governor of Massachusetts, and one day he arrived late at a barbecue. He’d had no breakfast or lunch, and he was famished. As he moved down the serving line, he held out his plate and received one piece of chicken. The governor said to the serving lady, “Excuse me, do you mind if I get another piece of chicken. I’m very hungry.” “Sorry, I’m supposed to give one piece to each person,” the woman replied. “But I’m starved,” he repeated, and again she said: “Only one to a customer.”

    Herter was normally a modest man, but he decided this was the time to use the weight of his office, and said, “Madam, do you know who I am? I am the governor of this state.” “Do you know who I am?” she answered. “I’m the lady in charge of chicken. Move along, mister.”

    Then the lady running the orientation asked me which of the rules of customer service the lady broke.

    I said none, it’s the politician that broke the rules. He’s the one selling something, trying to get reelected. She’s just serving food at a barbecue, it doesn’t say she’s selling anything.

    Her response was,’I’ve never had anyone see it like that, but yeah, that makes a lot of sense.’

    • straffinrun

      You got a job at KFC?

      • CPRM

        I found out today that my department is treated very secretively within the company, caught me off guard a bit. We must have the secret recipe.

      • straffinrun

        Hope it went well.

    • Naptown Bill

      The only rule she broke was failing to stab him with a pair of tongs when he said, “Do you know who I am?”

      • Spudalicious

        Kind of hard to get tongs to penetrate. Now a barbecue fork…

      • Ted S.

        She’s supposed to call out loud enough so everybody at the shindig can hear, “Does anybody know this man? He doesn’t seem to know who he is.”

    • CPRM

      Also, after I read that aloud she said I should be on the radio. Heh.

      • The Hyperbole

        She was hitting on you, file a sexual misconduct suit against her and the company.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Do you even pay attention to this stuff, Hype?

        First, sleep with her.
        Then file the suit!

        Honestly, kids these days . . .

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Hyp is too eager to find the Devil’s Advocate position to take full advantage of the situation.

      • Shirley Knott

        Contrarians unite!

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Also, after I read that aloud she said I should be on the radio.

        I, too, have been told that I have a great face for radio.

    • Spudalicious

      That’s ironic, given her loose grip with reality. Especially given that her crime and the fact she wants clemency from Trump.

    • straffinrun

      The biggest threat to Americans isn’t Russia. It’s that we are approaching the inevitable conclusion of Public Choice Theory.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I figured the biggest threat was our educational complex.

      • straffinrun

        Part of PCT.

      • kbolino

        We are reaching the inevitable result of ignoring public choice theory.

  42. Mojeaux

    Baby Bloomy’s campaign just called me. No robo-call. Actual human being that didn’t have any background noise of a call center (he must have shelled out for great noise-cancelling hardware). Anyway, he asked for me by name. I said (as per usual), “Who’s calling please?”

    “Mike Bloomberg’s campaign–”

    “Fuck off, slaver.”

    • AlmightyJB

      well played

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      Not all heroines wear capes!

    • Gender Traitor

      ::fist bump::

  43. Juvenile Bluster

    “President Warren” is currently trending #2 on Twitter.

    In case you want nightmare fuel.

    • Spudalicious

      She’s dun. D.U.N. done. Like Biden, she just doesn’t know it yet.

    • Rhywun

      An oldie but goodie: Do not click

      • MikeS

        My shitty internet started buffering at the 30 second mark. I took that as a sign to get the fuck out.

      • AlmightyJB

        Gay

    • Jarflax

      This freaking out about each Dem as they rise to the top is silly. Your choices are Bloomberg-Mussolini, Gay-Castro, Librarian-Lenin, Hot dish Stalin and Grandpa Gulag. Obama got us 1/2 way to socialized medicine, and created the CFPB which fines financial institutions billions for daring to look at credit or ask for repayment and hands it to communist NGOs. Next D that wins we are EU socialist, second term give it up and expect the gulag.

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      Warren is such a lying sack of shit.

      When even the prog Dems don’t want to put up with you anymore, you know you are politically dead in the water.

  44. Juvenile Bluster

    My wife’s viral cat video was on Greg Gutfeild’s FOX News show last night. She says “I’d better get licensing money for this”. ~25 seconds in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apSjWCfkg10

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re famous!

      Can I touch you? Or borrow some of your dirty socks?

      For science of course.

    • Rhywun

      ?

    • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

      That was awesome.

    • MikeS

      Ha! I kept waiting for sparks to fly off that cat’s feet. Congrats to your honey on her 15 minutes seconds of fame!

      • Juvenile Bluster

        I thought that came when it was on a Japanese TV show rather than on FOX News at 1 AM. They even interviewed her over Skype!

        We’ve made like $8k over 4 years in licensing fees for this video. Not too bad all things considered (though it messes with my tax withholding and I’ve had to end up paying out to the IRS the last 4 years).

      • MikeS

        No kidding?! That’s awesome! (not the fucking IRS part) I had no idea how any of that worked. Good for you guys!

    • westernsloper

      Someone posted that a few days ago. I hope she cashes in. In spite of you being a Twizzler commie.

    • AlmightyJB

      Poor Kittie!

  45. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    Is there any conclusive evidence that Clinton and LL didn’t have a torrid affair on the tarmac?

    I mean, Slick Willy + Airplane + 30 minutes + no witnesses.

    Maybe we are misreading this and he is lying but it is all just a coverup for them “knocking boots”?!

    • MikeS

      Mr. Clinton, when did you stop banging Loretta Lynch?

  46. straffinrun

    Can’t help but wonder if Hype ever played organized sports. Fouls, penalties and even pushing, shoving and even the odd punch are all somewhat part of the game. Bashing someone’s head with a helmet? No. Not in any sport I’ve played. There’s a line and you know it when someone crossed it.