Sunday Morning Super Links

by | Feb 2, 2020 | Daily Links | 284 comments

Well, the Big Day has come, though the best teams are missing. Nonetheless, it will be fun. Our Dutch visitor asked SP, “So which is your team?”

“Neither. My team was eliminated.”

“Well, which one is OMWC’s team?”

“Neither. His team was eliminated.”

“Then why are you watching this?”

“It’s the Super Bowl, duh!”

And besides the Super Bowl, today is a birthday for the usual odd assortment of people, including the crappiest novelist to ever get a cult following; and another contender for the same award; one of the icons of my youth; another of the icons of my youth; another of the icons of my youth; and the erect nipples that launched a billion boners.

So, without further delay, the news.

 

Not unexpected, but I wish he were playing today.

 

“I hate the NFL, but I love my team.” Seriously, fuck those guys.

 

“No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?”

 

I don’t know which is more delicious, this news story or this news story.

 

Maybe this one. Or perhaps this one. Or maybe this one. You choose.

 

Even Biden can say something actually funny every now and then.

 

Trigger warning: nut punch. And really, if there were ever an appropriate place for woodchippers, this would be it. Every cop, judge, caseworker, drug warrior, and hospital worker in this story. With the drug warriors who created this bullshit in the first place fed in feet first to prolong the agony.

 

Speaking of drugs, Old Guy Music is the most appropriate song for today.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

284 Comments

  1. Ted S.

    including the crappiest novelist to ever get a cult following;

    Not L. Ron Hubbard?

    • Old Man With Candy

      That occurred to me, but god help us, Rand was a worse writer.

      • sloopyinca

        I’d pen a Randian response to this, but there’s a 74-page limit on rants here.

      • Shirley Knott

        But Elron built a larger, more successful, and far more profitable cult.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Yes, he was a much better cult leader and a somewhat better writer.

      • Pi Guy

        Rand villians were awesome, though.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. “Ellsworth Toohey” slides off the tongue with all the slime the character embodies.

    • juris imprudent

      Remember that Hubbard was inspired by that Smith fellow.

      • Tundra

        STEVE?

      • westernsloper

        *snort

    • DEG

      Ted beat me.

    • Agent Cooper

      James Patterson. Jesus. The guy has some sort of Orphan writing farm in rural Michigan.,

  2. straffinrun

    The NFL has changed the name from “shotgun formation” to “Hogg formation”.

    • sloopyinca

      But the 80s Redskins aren’t playing.

    • Trigger Hippie: Hair Jizz

      Is that the formation where the qb calls in armed members of the state to steal the defense’s cleats in the name of saftey?

    • Chafed

      I wish that were true.

  3. straffinrun

    Yet Coca-Cola has long been regarded by some as one of the world’s greatest plastic polluters.

    Don’t blame the guy who chucks his empty bottle out the window. Blame the company that made it. Why?

    • Ted S.

      Who are these “some”?

    • sloopyinca

      Ah yes. The classic “by some” response. Can be used at the writer’s leisure without any need to substantiate the claim since there’s a few nutballs out there that will say anything.

    • Pi Guy

      Spoons made me fat?

      • Mad Scientist

        Rosie approves!

  4. Rufus the Monocled

    So the NFL almost loses a good chunk of their fans because of the idiotic faux-warrior Kaepernick fiasco and now they pull this? Not sure if the average fan, who I presume are pro-gun, will know about this.

    Why would the NFL approve ads from a shithead nanny gun grabber like Bloomberg.

    Man oh man. If that 2A falls.

    All they need to do is poke a hole in it and…..

  5. Rufus the Monocled

    Rashida was reminded about the Clinton Dead Body Count – the CDBC.

    Tulsi better watch her back. She may commit suicide with a two bullets to the back of the head.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I thought Rashy was thuggin’ PLO style, but I guess even they can’t protect ya neck from the CDBC.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        The PLO are punks. The equivalent of a low-level street gang.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Yeah well I just wanted to work in that Method Man link with a Wu-Tang reference but I suppose you are correct.

  6. Fourscore

    “Even Biden can say something actually funny every now and then.”

    “My wife left me”

    All I can say, buddy, you should buy a lottery ticket, this kind of luck doesn’t come often…

    /Almost 46 years/

    • straffinrun

      “Were you sniffing her often enough?”

  7. Fourscore

    Things I’m tired of:

    Kaepernick
    Impeachment
    Corrinavirus
    Climate not hanging fast enough, too much winter
    Democrat presidential aspirations

    • Rufus the Monocled

      I’m surprised Kaepernick has lasted this long.

      • Ted S.

        He stands up for things the sportswriters believe in.

    • straffinrun

      Corona virus will, at a minimum, kill a few thousand if it hasn’t already. It’s a bigger story than 95% of what the media wastes its time on. Potentially, could be real bad.

      • westernsloper

        NPR says it is making people racist.

      • Sean

        No,no,no…Trump is making people racist.

      • straffinrun

        We weren’t racist before Trump?

      • Raven Nation

        Radio New Zealand is doing the same. They had a story on their weekly summary about the virus and the whole thing was peppered with “their have been no reports of racism associated with the Corona virus – yet.

    • AlmightyJB

      Not the never ending Kobe testimonials?

    • Agent Cooper

      Phil didn’t see his shadow, so #4 might be on the way. Of course, the rodent sucks at prognosticating if you look at his record.

  8. Gender Traitor

    the crappiest novelist to ever get a cult following; and another contender for the same award

    Thank you for this! With Rand, I got further in Fountainhead than I did in AS, but still couldn’t tough it out. I think I made it through Anthem, but only because it was mercifully short. As for Joyce, I think I plodded my way through Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, but I don’t remember a damn thing about it. I’m grateful to you for suggesting that the fault may not be with me.

    And though I haven’t read any Hubbard, I think Ted may be on to something.

    • straffinrun

      I’ve read both and L Ron is the Enron of novelists. Rand at least has some interesting theory behind her stories despite the wooden characters.

    • sloopyinca

      What’s sad is that Joyce is still regarded as the best Irish novelist when he couldn’t carry Flann O’Brien’s jock. That man could write a damn book worth reading. Joyce? Not so much.

      • Gender Traitor

        Just looked up O’Brien. Would you recommend At Swim-Two-Birds or one of his others?

      • sloopyinca

        That’s solid. I prefer The Third Policeman, but that’s just me. The Poor Mouth was fantastic and was translated to English incredibly well.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I only got through the first two pages of Finnegan’s Wake. I eventually audiobooked it and slogged through.

        Afterwards, I read what some “experts” had cobbled together as a plot summary. It bore no relation to the gibberish that I listened to for 10 hours.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I know there are people who claim to have read Finnegans Wake in its entirety, though I’m not sure I believe any of them.

        Most people who claim they have read Ulysses are also lying.

      • Gender Traitor

        A few year’s back, I stumbled across a book called Gilligan’s Wake that I tried valiantly to like, but it seemed most concerned with how clever it could be and how many pop culture references it could cram into every paragraph. Didn’t make it through that one either.

      • Florida Man

        I read Ulysses but I needed an online guide to help me understand what I had read after each chapter.

      • The Hyperbole

        I read The Third Policeman, didn’t hate it but I had no desire to follow up with any of his other books, maybe I’ll give him another go.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Ditto. I need an optivisor to read my copy of AS. I’m sure there’s a larger print version out there but thank goodness for audio books.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I admit to never having made it through more than 10 pages of a Rand novel, which makes it doubly amusing when someone accuses me of having been brainwashed by her sludge.

    • gbob

      The key to Joyce is reading it out loud. There’s a lyrical quality to his writing. It’s meant to be felt, I think, more than it is to be pondered over. He’s the scat jazz of writing. (Although, those who view him more of the scat porn of writing have a point as well.)

      And drunk. One HAS to be drunk while reading Joyce out loud.

    • LCDR_Fish

      I’m long overdue on rereading my “Collected Works of Flanery O’Connor”

      • LCDR_Fish

        Wow…my tags just disappeared [not a novel]

  9. JD is Unemployed

    Repost from the tail end of the night shift, but, stupid is as stupid does?

  10. gbob

    I’ve been back and forth on who I’m rooting for tonight. Most years it’s easy. “Who is playing against Tom ‘sits when he pees and kisses his son on the mouth’ Brady?”

    This year? Two great teams who are exciting to watch.

    My deciding factor, however, is this rap by Mac Lethal. Holy crap. His 47 second rap he does with a single breath is an amazing physical accomplishment. So that settled it. Go Chiefs!

  11. PieInTheSky

    Goddamn it stop the damn heat. It is February. Global warming is out of control. gah. what are we going to do?

    • Chipping Pioneer

      I believe if you let AOC run the planet that’s supposed to solve the problem.

      • juris imprudent

        Early spring for the winter that wasn’t?

    • Old Man With Candy

      It will be 26° here today (in metric temperature). A bit warm for me.

      • PieInTheSky

        here 17 but the highs should be negative in February. And there is a goddamn drought. At least some rain if not snow, especially since i need to test the new roof

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Can’t you just piss on the roof?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        77? C’mon, that’s nice weather, the wind however….

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Apparently, anybody can “write” for Inc. What a bunch of annoying nonsensical yammer.

    • Mad Scientist

      They’re Joyce fans too?

    • Agent Cooper

      At first, I thought, “this is a decent article because it doesn’t seem to be pushing an agenda” but by the end, I was “what was the point of that?”

    • Ted S.

      I’m surprised there’s no claim from the CBC that the practice hit non-whites harder.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Which is weird because I believe that is the case.

      • juris imprudent

        Not weird at all, that’s precisely why it is over-looked.

      • Ted S.

        No; the CBC would be criticizing the practice if it hit non-whites harder.

  13. westernsloper

    and the erect nipples that launched a billion boners.

    Truth.

    • Pi Guy

      Same

    • R C Dean

      I think it’s more than a billion.

    • Trigger Hippie: Hair Jizz

      My favorite memory of her was back in the mid-late nineties when she went on Letterman and was obviously either sauced, pulled out, or both. She just mumbled and rambled incoherently, looking around like she was confused about where in the hell she actually was.

      Letterman ended the broadcast by saying “And I’d like thank Farrah Fawcett for almost being here. Goodnight.”

      • Trigger Hippie: Hair Jizz

        *pilled

        Fucking auto correct

    • Fatty Bolger

      My wife’s grandfather (who is now 98) still has that poster hanging up in his garage.

      • westernsloper

        Respect!

  14. Sean

    Happy sportsball day.

    • Sean

      ?

    • JD is Unemployed

      Sort weird lookin’. I bet it’s a real Candida hibernaculum down yonder, too.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    He says he wrote his textbook “because democracy’s in a crisis and the crisis is democracy itself. Whether governments of and by the people can still deliver the things that make a republic worth having, in essence lives with greater safety, security and opportunity for ourselves and our kids. That’s the question on the table.

    “And set against the declining trust that Americans express in their national government is a quieter story that’s rising across the country, from cities that are well-governed. And that’s a story of rising trust, of smarter government, of taking advantage of the tools that no prior generation has had, to model, measure and map changing human dynamics in ways that allow us to make better and more timely decisions.

    “Whether those better results are improving student achievement or reducing violent crime or turning around a 300-year decline in the health of the waters of the Chesapeake Bay, I consider myself to have been very fortunate and blessed to have served at a time when this new way of governing was just emerging.”

    Such focus seems timely: with the federal government in Trump’s sclerotic grip, cities in particular have begun to take a lead. On climate change, for example, some US mayors have reacted to Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris deal by saying they will simply pursue its aims themselves.

    That showed one way Trumpism might be challenged, away from the polls and the corridors of power. It is also challenged on the streets of the cities themselves.

    Yes, yes, of course, O’Malley. True democracy means doing what’s best for the little people, especially when they’re too stupid to know what’s good for them. Security and opportunity means surrendering to the gentle caress of an iron fist in a chain mail glove.

    Learn to love Big Brother, or suffer the consequences.

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      The irony of is statement is is that there are, indeed, towns, cities, and municipalities that are doing a great job of self-governance…

      but not a single one of them are run by Progressives.

      • Rhywun

        The Guardian probably thinks Baltimore is one of them.

    • Rhywun

      some US mayors have reacted to Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris deal by saying they will simply pursue its aims themselves

      Proving that its aim all along is to control and impoverish.

      • juris imprudent

        If you can’t lord it over the proles, what is the point of having a good, progressive govt?

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      #YesALLMen

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      She’s a real asshole.

  16. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    LMAOOOO at the whole Impeachment thing dying with a whimper.

    I have been anticipating that happening for awhile but the pure shad of actually watching it peter out without a trace is pretty enjoyable.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Don’t enjoy it too much, they’ll impeach him again on something else as soon as they get half a chance.

    • The Hyperbole

      Oh, there’ll be traces, every time some new bit of news remotely tangential to Trump and U-Crane pops up, or someone else comes out with new ‘revelations’ the Libs will cry and wail about how the R’s in the senate should have held witnesses/ran cover for Trump etc…. This isn’t going away.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I agree that it will continue to be referenced for years by the Dems. It is not going away.

        I suppose it is just the fact that the blatant partisan hackery of the Dems, who have turned the TREASUN1!1!!! rhetoric up to 11 but simultaneously aren’t willing to do anything about it beyond bitching hysterically to the media, is finally being exposed as a sham that I find amusing.

      • Rhywun

        Trump should buy out MoveOn-dot-org and redirect it to his campaign site.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        ^This would cause heads to explode in hilarious fashion. Can you imagine?

  17. Rhywun

    You choose.

    The PETA story. LOL derp.

    • MikeS

      Yes! Fish and snakes “appropriating” kneeling. Ha-ha! Delicious.

      • Rhywun

        PETA “appropriating” BLM. Black bodies are animals.

        It’s a rich vein of quality derp.

      • SugarFree

        As a white person, you are responsible for everything PETA does.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    “Each of us has to make our own decision in these unprecedented times,” O’Malley says, “about whether we want to be silent in the face of suffering being inflicted on other people at the hands of our government, or whether we stand up to it.

    Rise to the challenge of living a good life in Trump’s America. Choose to be an insufferable priggish douchebag.

    • MikeS

      Heh

  19. Animal

    “It’s the Super Bowl, duh!”

    I know I’m in the minority on this, well, almost everywhere, but I’ve never watched or had any inclination whatsoever towards any kind of sportsball. Probably because the Old Man absolutely loathed television and through much of my youth refused to own one; partly because in my formative years it would have been difficult to keep me indoors long enough to watch a game.

    I have watched pro rodeos a time or two, mostly because my cousin was a bull rider for a while. But sportsball? I never got it. If folks like to watch it, groovy. But I’ll eschew that particular American pastime.

    Now, Mrs. Animal and I have found Super Bowl Sunday a wonderful time to go have a nice, quiet dinner in a restaurant that has no televisions. We often have the place pretty much to ourselves.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you don’t enjoy watching a bunch of physical freaks throw around a ball for insane amounts of money you can just go back to Russia.

      • UnCivilServant

        There’s not even that much of that. Mostly it’s watching physical freaks stand around or sometimes get into a line.

    • Tundra

      I have always loved sports, both playing and watching. I remember so many great Sundays at my grandparents’ watching football with my gramps and going outside with my cousins for a pickup game at halftime or between games.

      But hey, to each his own.

      • Animal

        My grandfather used to say, “every cat its own rat.”

        Which, looked at from a certain point of view, is a pretty damned libertarian statement.

      • Tundra

        There was a time when that was the default attitude amongst most men.

      • Rhywun

        Most American men, you probably mean.

      • Tundra

        Naturally.

      • Rhywun

        Can probably add some others like Canada and Australia. Maybe England if you squint right.

      • The Last American Hero

        Not England. if that were the case, their history with Ireland and Scotland would be a lot less…complicated.

      • Fourscore

        Mrs Fourscore says that as much money as the players are making they could each afford their own ball and wouldn’t have to fight over the only one they have.

    • DEG

      Yes.

  20. Tundra

    Good morning Old Man!

    And of course to the rest of you fabulous freaks!

    Rand’s Anthem wasn’t bad. And blessedly short.

    I always assumed Joyce wrote the way he did out of a deep hatred for humanity. Asshole.

    Iggy is always a trip. I can’t think of any other football songs, but it is sunny and gorgeous here, so here we go.

    Have a great day and GO ‘NINERS!

    • Tundra

      Actually, it’s MR that’s weird.

    • Count Potato

      “The top strap is drilled and tapped for a scope mount. ”

      OFFS

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ugh, that thing’s got to be a wrist breaker.

    • juris imprudent

      Friend on FB linked that. OK, you designed and built it – you shoot it.

    • Rhywun

      Good kitty!

    • Sean

      Ha!

  21. Suthenboy

    *slurps last bit of coffee, reads links, glances around to see if the vodka bottle is still out*

  22. Mojeaux

    Go Chiefs!

    The Fountainhead was better than Atlas Shrugged. Fight me.

    What was wrong with the Manitoba woman that somebody had a watch on her and she had an “alert”? Good heavens that’d be terrifying. And what if you don’t have enough money to fight it? (XY actually half-assed threatened to get CPS on us. I told him to go ahead and see how he liked being with a new family, since that seemed to be what he wanted anyway.)

    Re poppy seed bread. I was warned ahead of a drug test to tell them I had had poppy seed bread. It seems weird, that so few seeds can send up a red flag, but WTF were they thinking?

    Our SB party will be me and Mr. Mojeaux in our recliners eating potato chips and Beddar Cheddars.

    • AlmightyJB

      Why default to taking the baby away? Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? F’king assholes.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Go Chefs!, The Fountainhead was good,
      I’ll be here, with Bella, alone……

    • straffinrun

      The Fountainhead had a more narrowed message. It was a good book no matter what the haters upthread say.

    • Gender Traitor

      Our SB party will be me and Mr. Mojeaux in our recliners eating potato chips and Beddar Cheddars.

      Likewise Mr. GT & me, except we’ll have “BBQ” meatballs (the sauce is really Heinz chili sauce & grape jelly, but you know what I mean,) and we may have some toasted ravs in the freezer.

  23. DEG

    including the crappiest novelist to ever get a cult following;

    I was expecting L. Ron Hubbard.

    Colion Noir, a 2A advocate with more than 1 million follows his Facebook page, posted a video title “NFL bans pro 2A ad but Approves Michael Bloomberg’s $10 Million Super Bowl Gun Control Ad,” pointed out the NFL in 2014 rejected Daniel Defense’s Pro-Second Amendment Super Bowl ad but “rolled out the red carpet” when Bloomberg wanted to run an anti-Second Amendment ad.

    I’m going to guess the pro-2nd Amendment ad folks didn’t pay enough money. On the other hand, fuck the NFL. I’m happy they’ve never received any of my money. On the gripping hand, I’d go out shooting if I wasn’t still sick.

    • DEG

      The Colion Noir video. I just watched it. If it was linked in the story, it didn’t show up on my browser. It’s good, Noir is right, though I think he’s off a bit in that the destruction of gun rights in New York predate Bloomberg.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    The headline is What if Brexit Works?

    After some mealymouthed “maybe it won’t be the end of civilization as we know it” we get to the grand finale:

    Voters in the Midlands and the North of England, where many districts abandoned the Labour Party to embrace Mr. Johnson’s promise to “get Brexit done,” have a very different vision of what Brexit means from the free-market evangelists in London, who want to remake Britain as a kind of Singapore-on-Thames — an enclave with little regulation and low taxes.

    “The pain will be felt differentially,” said Mr. Powell, the former chief of staff to Mr. Blair. “Sunderland and other places that voted for Brexit will be hardest hit,” he said, referring to the industrial city in northern England where the early returns from the June 2016 referendum foretold that the country would vote to leave the union.

    With Britain likely to hammer out some sort of trade agreement with the European Union, the most alarmist predictions about Brexit — food shortages, trucks lined up for miles at ports — are not likely to happen. Rather than a triumph or a tragedy for the country, Brexit may end up being a long twilight.

    “We’re not going to go off a cliff,” Mr. Powell said. “It will be more of a glide path. Britain is going to have to come to terms with being a small country.”

    tl;dr- It won’t. England is doomed to play a minor role in world affairs because they turned their backs on the glorious experiment of a United Europe.

    After all, they’ll never be able to sell their bananas in Munich if they don’t conform to the EU spec sheet.

    • Rhywun

      Brexit “working” is their biggest nightmare. You know they’re rooting for the opposite.

    • The Last American Hero

      If England can grow bananas in that climate, they are smart enough to do just fine.

      • Shirley Knott

        They can and did.
        I heartily (and repetitively) recommend The Busiest Man in England: A Life of Joseph Paxton, Gardener, Architect & Victorian Visionary by Kate Colquhoun.
        We forget this era at our peril.

  25. Count Potato

    “Many of the ads you are watching were paid for by Mini Mike Bloomberg. He is going nowhere, just wasting his money, but he is getting the DNC to rig the election against Crazy Bernie, something they wouldn’t do for @CoryBooker and others. They are doing it to Bernie again, 2016.”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1223837731056427009

    • Count Potato

      “Mini Mike is now negotiating both to get on the Democrat Primary debate stage, and to have the right to stand on boxes, or a lift, during the debates. This is sometimes done, but really not fair!”

      https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1223839756234215424

      • juris imprudent

        Fuck you for polluting this space with Trump tweets.

  26. PieInTheSky

    A row over scientific fraud at the highest level of British academia has led to calls for one of the country’s leading geneticists and highest-paid university chiefs to leave his posts.

    David Latchman, professor of genetics at University College London and master of Birkbeck, University of London – a post that earns him £380,000 a year – has angered senior academics by presiding over a laboratory that published fraudulent research, mostly on genetics and heart disease, for more than a decade. The number of fabricated results and the length of time over which the deception took place made the case one of the worst instances of research fraud uncovered in a British university.

    https://www.theguardian.com/education/2020/feb/01/david-latchman-geneticist-should-resign-over-his-team-science-fraud

    • westernsloper

      £380,000 a year

      Holy shit. For a professor?

      • Rhywun

        And master of Birkbeck!

        (?)

      • PieInTheSky

        well I am sure there are much higher payed ones in the US

      • Rhywun

        Only if they’re coaching football on the side.

      • Rhywun

        Jeebus

      • westernsloper

        Holy Shit, if accurate that is crazy. I had no idea.

      • DEG

        Fauxcahontas didn’t make the cut.

      • juris imprudent

        No wonder Reich bitches about inequality, poor guy is only taking home $300K from Berserkely.

      • Chafed

        He’s just a regular guy.

      • Shirley Knott

        Worth noting that most of these folks are directors of research arms or similarly managerial, Not “just” professors, which accounts for a goodly chunk of those salaries.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    What do we want? Gender Justice!

    But instead of being showcased as a sex object, with little value beyond being ogled, the women who will be seen in living rooms and dens across the country Sunday will project images of power and strength. World Cup champions Carli Lloyd and Crystal Dunn are featured as football players in a Secret commercial – to air before the game. San Francisco 49ers assistant Katie Sowers, the first woman to coach in a Super Bowl, stars in an ad for Microsoft Surface. And Olay has an all-female team of astronauts.

    It’s reflective not only of changes in how women are viewed in society, but of how advertisers, marketing agencies and even the NFL are waking up to women being a significant portion of the fan base and having a greater role in buying decisions.

    “We’re not doing the typical ‘macho beer commercial’ ad,” Kathleen Hall, corporate vice president of brand, advertising and research for Microsoft, told USA TODAY Sports. “The venue has changed. There’s a lot more – I don’t know if I’d use the word broad, but more inclusive advertisers for sure.”

    ——-

    Watch any broadcast of an NFL game – or most sporting events, for that matter – and many of the ads are geared toward men. The actors are men. The products being promoted – beer, cars, underwear and erectile dysfunction – are for men.

    “The sports world is viewing it as a man’s game because men are playing the game. Also, because there are fewer women in ads, and fewer women in front of and behind the camera,” said Lynn Branigan, president and CEO of She Runs It, a group that encourages and promotes women’s role in the advertising agency.

    “What you’re seeing with (some of the Super Bowl ads) is the best-kept secret of business unfolding here,” Branigan said. “Women are watching the program, and it’s a missed opportunity for marketers if they don’t market to women.”

    ——-

    Football isn’t just for men. It’s high time the NFL and its advertisers recognized that.

    Women don’t drink beer or eat Doritos. And they derive no benefit from a rigid boner. They don’t drive or ride in automobiles. They don’t even need shoes, what with being kept barefoot and pregnant and chained up to the warshin machine.

    • PieInTheSky

      Right.

      OMWC, from now on ban SP from watching football.

    • Rhywun

      the best-kept secret of business unfolding

      Now that I think about it, I hardly ever see commercials targeted at women.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, there’s no trope of the preternaturally dumb and incompetent husband.

    • hayeksplosives

      Women are watching the program, and it’s a missed opportunity for marketers if they don’t market to women.”

      ——-

      Football isn’t just for men. It’s high time the NFL and its advertisers recognized that.

      I am sick of this nonsense. Women who like football already watch it and have done so for decades.

      Pussyfing NFL isn’t going to attract more women; it will just turn off the men and women who love the sport as it is. (Or was—those women sideline reporters and commenters already drag the game down and are eye rollingly awful.

      • PieInTheSky

        Women who like football already watch it and have done so for decades. – next thing you’ll tell m there are women who play video games

      • The Last American Hero

        I don’t care what level you got to on Candy Crush. That does not make you a “gamer”.

      • Gender Traitor

        I say make Condi commissioner already! I don’t think she’d “pussify” the game, and maybe SOME critics would STFU (though they’d probably claim she’s “not a REAL woman.”)

      • hayeksplosives

        Condi has said being NFL commissioner is her dream job, but if she were up for consideration, I’m sure W would go back from being “centrist friend of Mooche Obama” to “evil GOP warlord” again, and then they’d throw that shade on Condi.

      • DEG

        No one explained to them that it is easier to keep an existing customer than it is to find a new customer.

      • Q Continuum

        The purpose is not to try and improve ratings, it’s to skinsuit and ultimately destroy another nominally apolitical cultural institution.

      • hayeksplosives

        This is very plausible.

      • Agent Cooper

        My wife will tell you she went out and bought Dos Equis beer after seeing the “Most Interesting Man in the World” ads. She watches more sports than I do. That, and American Pickers.

    • westernsloper

      If I owned an NFL team most of my staff would be broads cuz you can pay them less. So I’m told.

      • Mad Scientist

        Don’t stop there. Save 30% on you player salaries too!

    • Rhywun

      I don’t know if I’d use the word broad

      At least she has a sense of humor.

  28. PieInTheSky

    Studies have shown that implicit bias—the automatic, and often unintentional, associations people have in their minds about groups of people—is ubiquitous in the workplace, and can hurt not just employees, but also a company’s bottom line.

    For example, employees who perceive bias are nearly three times as likely to be disengaged at work, and the cost of disengagement to employers isn’t cheap—to the tune of $450 billion to $550 billion a year. Despite the growing adoption of implicit bias training, some in the field of human resources have raised doubts about its effectiveness in improving diversity and inclusion within organizations.

    But what if a smart device, similar to the Amazon Alexa, could tell when your boss inadvertently left a female colleague out of an important decision, or made her feel that her perspective wasn’t valued?

    https://news.northeastern.edu/2020/01/29/how-about-a-smart-device-that-could-catch-implicit-bias-in-the-workplace/

    • Tundra

      It’s really too bad women can’t leave jobs they don’t like or, you know, start their own businesses.

      • juris imprudent

        If only there was some kind of example?

    • Rhywun

      some in the field of human resources have raised doubts about its effectiveness in improving diversity and inclusion within organizations

      *falls out of chair*

    • Rhywun

      employees who perceive bias…

      …need to get their heads screwed-on right instead of dragging the rest of the world down to their level of mental imbalance.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        ^This. For God’s sake don’t indulge them, that’ll just make it worse.

    • Mojeaux

      to be disengaged at work

      WTF is this “engagement” business? Are they doing the jobs they’ve been hired to do? If not, you’re wasting money. If so, you’re getting what you paid for.

      I hate workplaces that “engage” you, especially socially. I worked at one place where the boss took everyone on a cruise to the Bahamas every year. I bowed out and volunteered to keep the office open and fuck you, give me the cash. I don’t like any of you anyway and especially you, boss, and fuck you for not telling me I was the 17th admin you’d had in 2 years, you fucker.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Forced coworker mingling is the worst.

      • R C Dean

        + 1 Weinstein

      • Q Continuum

        “He didn’t have testicles.”

      • Gustave Lytton

        Engaged employees is another wet streets cause rain story. “Sucessful” companies have more engaged employees? Let’s engage employees to be sucessful! And it being pushed by places like Gallup that offer both survey and consulting services on either end.

    • Q Continuum

      “But what if a smart device, similar to the Amazon Alexa, could tell when your boss inadvertently left a female colleague out of an important decision, or made her feel that her perspective wasn’t valued?”

      But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.

      • Ted S.

        What if Alexa could tell the boss which women were catty, backstabbing yentas?

    • R C Dean

      “employees who perceive bias are nearly three times as likely to be disengaged at work”

      That’s how you steal a base – use “bias is perceived” as proof “bias is real”.

      Also, assume that they are disengaged because they perceive bas, and not the other way around. Or even that they are treated differently because they are disengaged.

      • Q Continuum

        Kind of like how acquitting Trump on charges of colluding with foreign powers is giving him permission to engage in said collusion.

    • Count Potato

      “The monkeys were introduced to the area in the 1930s by a local cruise operator, Colonel Tooey’s Jungle Cruise, which released 12 monkeys over a series of years onto a man-made island inside Silver Springs State Park. The monkeys swam to freedom and reproduced at alarming rates and are now wandering around residential areas.”

      Hasn’t Australia taught people anything?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Army of the 12 Monkeys? WERE ALLL GONNA DIE!!!!

    • PieInTheSky

      I never knew when the spring break thing in the US was happening

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Back when America was a Christian nation, We called it Easter Vacation, and it still comes on, the week of Easter

      • Q Continuum

        But we still all got drunk and laid.

    • Ted S.

      I thought they were supposed to freeze in the winter.

  29. gbob

    The Sunday award for clueless lack of self awareness has got to go to Jeff Baker, a CNN legal analyst. Or anal rapist. One of the two.

    https://twitter.com/thejimbaker/status/1222930376911355906

    Jim Baker
    @thejimbaker
    ·
    Jan 30
    If Obama had asked the FBI to investigate DJT’s Russia connections + publicly disclose what we found in late Oct ‘16 to hurt DJT because he thought it was in the public interest for HRC to win, I would have refused to participate, reported him, and resigned if he didn’t back down

    • westernsloper

      Is he saying that did not happen because he did not report the Obama administration and resign, or that he does not know that is what the Obama administration did?

      • juris imprudent

        Remember, Obama never knew about the bad things going on in his administration until he read about in NYT/WaPo. So obviously, that excuse must work for his underlings too.

    • R C Dean

      Err, the FBI was sirveilling the Trump campaign in 2016 after fabricating FISA warrants. They didn’t release any dirt because there wasn’t any that would stand up. The attempt to leak the Steele dossier was a failure for that reason – not even the DemOp media could report it with a straight face.

      This is actually a clever denial that is what actually happened.

    • Fatty Bolger

      How hypothetically brave of him.

      So if the investigations that unquestionably DID happen had turned up usable dirt, he would have refused to release that? Sure, pal. I totally believe you.

      As far as Obama asking the FBI to investigate, we know that didn’t happen, because apparently Obama never told anybody to do anything. Stuff just happened, all on its own, over and over.

  30. Florida Man

    “I hate the NFL, but I love my team.” Seriously, fuck those guys-

    I would boycott but I’ve never watched a NFL game in my entire life to begin with.

    • juris imprudent

      Sounds like people talking Congress and their representative.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Well, whaddaya know. it’s snowing.

    • DEG

      I recently saw an interview with Angela White where she talked about working with a transvestite. “Transwomen are women too.” Oh boy.

      • Q Continuum

        We don’t love her for her intelligence.

      • Q Continuum

        This tells me that she felt shame deep down for her career choice and needed justification for it. Don’t be ashamed Angela! You’re making millions of people very happy!

    • Q Continuum

      That’s basically what it is.

      Just like martinis are a double shot for people too classy to order one.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    “Roving band of herpes-ridden monkeys now roaming northeast Florida”

    Is it spring break, already?

    • westernsloper

      #10

    • DEG

      I think #1 would look better in the bikini that gave her the tan lines.

  33. hayeksplosives

    Happy palindrome day!

    • Count Potato

      Happy Groundhog Day!

      • Q Continuum

        He didn’t see his shadow.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yay!

    • R C Dean

      02/02/20?

      Not a palindrome, unless I am missing something.

      • hayeksplosives

        02/02/2020

      • Rhywun

        02/02/2020 or 2020-02-02 in God’s notation

      • Mojeaux

        2020-02-02 FTW, particularly when naming digital files.

        OCCASIONALLY I will use 20200202.

      • DEG

        Yes. YYYYMMDD is great for including a date in a filename.

      • AlmightyJB

        1200202

  34. The Late P Brooks

    For example, employees who perceive bias are nearly three times as likely to be disengaged at work

    Stop whining and do your goddam job.

    • Mad Scientist

      employees who perceive bias

      AKA, snowflakes.

    • R C Dean

      “ I can’t because I am weak-minded!”

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Tom Brokaw is astounded by how prosperous Iowa is.

    Thanks, Obama!

    • Q Continuum

      You mean these rubes are capable of dressing themselves and holding down jobs?

      May wonders never cease!

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m still amazed that Yed Cruz won the Iowa GOP primary despite his vocal opposition to the ethanol subsidy.

    • The Last American Hero

      Give the guy a break, he never leaves districts 1 and 2 except for every four years.

  36. Q Continuum

    “I don’t know which is more delicious, this news story or this news story.”

    It’s absolutely hilarious watching the Dems try to put the toothpaste back in the tube. They hitched their wagon to the Hard Left EuroSocs and are only now realizing that while it may play well in West Hollywood or Brooklyn, it’s not so successful in national elections.

    The depressing flipside, however, is that the educational system has been corrupted so much that Bernie is even in the conversation. It’s been less than 30 years since the Soviet Union collapsed and already this damned ideology starts springing up. It’s harder to eradicate than kudzu or bedbugs.

    • R C Dean

      If only we had proggy states or cities so people could see how bad an idea it is.

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      It really is astounding and terrifying that an honest-to-God Communist could become POTUS. It’s almost like the kids were purposefully never taught about history in school…

  37. Q Continuum

    So the schizophrenic winter continues here: 66F today before dropping to -6F on Tuesday with snow.

    • westernsloper

      66? lucky bastard. We are going to break 50 so I’m not complaining other than that means I can’t keep the beer on the porch.

      • Q Continuum

        It’s gonna be the same in Denver as it is in Miami.

        Bizarre.

  38. Not an Economist

    Bill Murray actually likes Ground Hog Day now.

    Brought back a bunch of the original actors as well.

    • Mojeaux

      That was cute, particularly since I just watched Groundhog Day a couple of weeks ago.

    • hayeksplosives

      Cute!

    • Rhywun

      Nice. He wins the SB commercials and it hasn’t even aired yet.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Butthead is on ABC. Something something party of fresh faces.

    Fresh faces who can be held up as a blank screen on which voters can project their desires. No track record to be examined.

    “I couldn’t fix South Bend, but I can heal Trump’s America.”

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Yang plays buzzword bingo.

    • westernsloper

      lol

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Letting the patients run the asylum is never a good idea.

    • Rhywun

      Am I crazy or does the headline bear no relation to the content of the article…?

      • Q Continuum

        You’re not crazy. They probably wouldn’t publish it without some cheap shot at rich people/capitalism.

    • AlmightyJB

      Yes, the Tech Giants should all leave. That will fix everything.

      • Q Continuum

        RICH PEOPLE BAD

      • Rhywun

        Why, yes. Then all the mentally ill drug addicts will be able to afford a nice apartment near their workplaces.

      • KSuellington

        Heh, heh. Exactly. Fuck the tech giants, but they have exactly zero responsibility for the mess that has been created here.

  41. CPRM

    Concerning the Bloomberg ad:

    When it comes to times a station cannot say “no,” the experts explain that stations are required to offer “reasonable access” to federal contestants. This means that a broadcaster generally must allow candidates to buy time of any class and in any daypart. There is an exception for spots during newscasts.

    As far as I can tell, they couldn’t turn him. An offer they could not refuse, so to say.

    • DEG

      “Reasonable”. A hole you can drive a truck through and/or a prosecutor’s wet dream.

      • Q Continuum

        Prosecutors have fantasies about loose vaginas…

    • PieInTheSky

      locals still commit more crime terrorism is not a reason to worry brexit bad

  42. The Late P Brooks

    So, the activist group released its masterpiece on Friday, which shows numerous animals — including a fish and a snake — “kneeling” Kaepernick-style as “The Star Spangled Banner” is hummed in the background.

    This immediately jumped into my head.

  43. Q Continuum

    Well, I’m down for the count with bronchitis so instead of gorging on junk food and guzzling beer today, I’ll be popping steroids and sipping codeine cough syrup.

    • UnCivilServant

      I plan of cooking pizza and wings and maybe write some more. But I have to do laundry.

      • The Hyperbole

        How does laundry stop any of those other things? Are you beating your clothes on a rock in the river?

      • UnCivilServant

        once upon a time, I had to go to laundromats. But now it just takes focus away from other stuff.

    • CPRM

      sipping chugging codeine cough syrup.

    • AlmightyJB

      I’m thinking about going out for the game.

    • KSuellington

      Get yo lean on Q.

  44. KSuellington

    Along with the Niners winning today and Shakira’s ass, I am actually somewhat looking forward to the Bloomberg ad (although not nearly as much as the former two things). I think it will backfire spectacularly. The Super Bowl is exactly the wrong venue for this type of shite. A complete bummer commercial right between two utterly bizarre ads trying to be funny and witty? Yeah, that is going to convince absolutely fucking no one. I look forward to making fun of it as I sit between my very pro gun and somewhat anti gun buddies today. and fuck the NFL for not taking that 2nd Amendment ad. Of all the major pro sports leagues, the NFL takes the cake as far as shitty organizations.

    • The Hyperbole

      There may be many reason to fuck the NFL (their unfair treatment of the Cleveland Browns, the bad calls against the Cleveland Browns, Airing Cleveland Browns games at any time other than 1pm ET, Etc…) but this seems like manufactured outrage. The ‘banned’ ad is the 2014 Daniels Defense thing, not only a 6 year old ‘scandal’ but it wasn’t even banned by the NFL. Some local stations refused to air it based on their own policies, also it sounds to me like a publicity gambit from DD, and it worked they got tons of attention without shelling out millions in Ad money.

      • KSuellington

        I guess you are saying the NFL didn’t let you down one last time in this instance?

    • LCDR_Fish

      Anyone know what movie trailers are premiering today? Maybe a new Wonder Woman ’84?

  45. westernsloper

    I have a problem. My newish toaster oven bit the dust last night. I have no idea what happened but it just up and stopped working while cooking some shrimps and I don’t want to drive to town to get a replacement. Now I can’t bake my dip. I am thinking crock pot and a propane torch for top browning.

    • peachy rex

      Tannerite.

    • Mojeaux

      You do not have a regular oven?

      • westernsloper

        Nope.