The Night Shift for February 22, 2020

by | Feb 22, 2020 | Daily Links, Fun, Night Shift | 298 comments

Between all the personal loss, grief, and the assorted stress and strife going around our little community of sublime silliness, I see it as my humble duty to keep it weird at night.  Of course, presuming that things go according to plan, I should be experiencing my first gliberati meet-up this evening, which fills me with that existential dread that only H.P. Lovecraft, or, Erma Bombeck, understood.  BTW—if you’re reading this as soon as it goes up, just know I’m so very, very disappointed in you.  To wit:

 

I’m hoping that their form of rebellion is to go extinct.  Please, do get on that ASAP.

Not a 1A question, but, could they be successfully sued if someone gets ill from taking any advice they offer?

The newest, exciting chapter in:  Tales from the Room Temperature Challenge.  I love a happy ending; don’t you?

Note to service industry people:  if you don’t like cops, refusing to serve them is only gonna make the cop love-fest even worse.  And, this is coming from a first responder, who gets your gripe (sort of).  Also, why does it seem to always be the cops’ wives that start the complaining when this stuff happens?

I have to admit, I’m somewhat surprise that the twerp had it in him.  Still, you should be careful on whom you bet you money (ahem…).

I keep trying to come up with questions for the glibs, but, do any of you have questions?  For me.  For others here?  Yeah, I’m putting this of onto you.

OK, maybe those service industry folks are on to something.  Good thing it’s Winter.  That was a ‘snowflake’ joke.

I think I see how all this police mishegoss gets started in the first place.  OK, not exactly a police matter, so much as a school system matter.  Also, am I the only one surprised to see that Jazz isn’t jazzing himself over this?

For my rockers and metal-headsFor the ladies (How you doin’?)  The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.

 

You know the drill—comment, link, snark; get weird with it.  Depending on what the glib-up is like, I figure I’ll show up after this posts (::crosses fingers::).  Do me proud, peeps.

About The Author

Sir Digby Classic

Sir Digby Classic

My goal is to make every social interaction awkward.

298 Comments

  1. slumbrew - double secret satan

    Fist!

    *dammit*

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      The proper response. You win a coupon to Kip’s Big Boy (expires May 31, 1978).

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      On topic: as an honorary Jew by reverse-injection, I’ll accept your spelling, but I usually see it as “mishigas”.

      Nonetheless, I applaud your good use of Yiddish.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I looked up the spelling, and saw a number that were considered ‘acceptable’. Know that I take the Yid seriously.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Also: thank you.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Upon further review, seems folks like “meshugas”, which makes sense, given the relation to “meshuga”. I’ll also accept משגע‎.

      • Chafed

        as an honorary Jew by reverse-injection

        If you want to tell pegging stories just tell them.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        If you want to tell pegging stories just tell them.

        I may have to take back that ‘the links are ours’ sentiment.

  2. Lord Digby declares Victory

    Had a good 1st Glibs meet up with Gojira. Only Gojira…

    /you were all missed.

    • hayeksplosives

      Well, Gojira is worth TWO puny Tulpas!! * raises mug and laughs heartily *

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I’d say more than 2!

        Also, Summer-time Metroplex glib-up.

        Notice is served.

      • Chafed

        Do you have a date? I might just get on a plane with enough notice.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Not now, as (I am presuming) it’s best to have a time frame for people to aim towards, as opposed to something set in stone this far out. I think the idea is to start solidifying a date as we get an idea of who/ho many say they’ll (try to) attend.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, if people managed to start hitting me, I wouldn’t last long.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Oh no, there goes DFW!

      • Chafed

        Well done GL.

    • Chafed

      I can’t believe Mark Hamill stood you up. Also, wasn’t BrettL going?

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Is he local to us? No one here, or on the Discord, ever responded.

      • Chafed

        He’s in Houston, which I realize is a trip, but he publicized it at least twice in the links. And now I think I mixed up Sloopy and Brett.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Ah. Well, I think it was actually Gojira who added that notice. Still, would be awesome to be in the presence of giants.

        I included you in that.

      • Festus

        Mighty lonely for Glibs up here but I’d get stage fright and bail on a meeting, probably. A couple of Alberta boys, Rufus in Montreal and 61 North in Alaska.

  3. Trigger Hippie

    Wilder’s headgear and outfit make him look like a gay transformer.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      More than meets the queer eye for the straight guy?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Too menacing. I should have said decepticon.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      You can just say “transformer”.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Sparkles, dude. Sparkles.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Nothing about that video helps your case.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        And, here I was, thinking you and I were internet glibertarian friends….

        You complimented my Yiddish!

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I wield my sense of honesty like a club.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        sense of honesty

        Misunderestimated.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I’m (probably) misquoting Bebe Neuwirth’s character from Malice – “my ex-husband always accused me of wielding my sense of honestly like a club” (I think).

        I always loved that line.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Found it (and ignore my last typo):

        My brothers, my friends, and my ex-husband have all accused me of wielding my sense of honesty like a blunt instrument.

        Even better.

      • MikeS

        These guys make White Lion seem cool.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        No, that fire did.

        (why you gotta hate, bruh?)

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Its what I do

      • MikeS

        Is your avatar Bob Geldof trying to either flip me off or give me the victory sign?

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Wrong musician, but…yes.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory
      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I thought that was gonna be “WonderBra”.

      • MikeS

        Jeezus. Give me some respect.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        So, link to more Lion, then?

    • pistoffnick

      I got the fever for the flavor of a coochie! Mmmmmmmmmh!

  4. Gustave Lytton

    Odds are that the bartender was referring to no longer offering comped meals and they’d have to pay for it?…

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      85%. If it’s not “on the arm” the police are being disrespected. /derp

      • Gustave Lytton

        One of the things hammered home (by a full time cop/adjunct instructor) across several criminal justice classes was that the state law prohibited obtaining anything of value because you were a cop (really, it’s for any public employee/office holder), right down to free cups of coffee. Several stories including visiting out of state cops flashing badges to try & get taxi discounts.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        My cousin was “on the job” for a bunch of years in NYC. Almost everything was on the arm and he regularly “tinned” his way into places. Hell, even retired, he still usually rides Amtrak for free.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      I kinda doubt it, considering the uproar. Plus, in my limited experience, few places comp the meal, so much as discount it (halve it).

      Still, could be.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Even accepting discounts was a no-no here. Or was.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Shit, a friendly McD’s helped keep me fed when I was a jailer. Texas leaves that up to the individual department.

        Draw from the comparison/contrast what you will.

      • Rhywun

        I find that practice revolting. A “bow down to your lord” kind of thing. And I don’t “hate” cops – I think they should be treated like anyone else.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        I also find it revolting. I otherwise love my cousin, but he bought into “copworld” really hard.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        No, the McD’s thing was, like many places, the idea that having uniformed, on-duty cops was akin to a temporary burglar alarm. Bad guys see a cop car, and keep moving on in the search for an easy robbery target.

        I benefited because my uniform was “cop sans gun”, but they were nice enough to extend it to me. That said, I have come to dislike the practice, too.

      • Rhywun

        Sorry, I meant the practice in general, not anything specific to you or Maccas.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        ‘Tis all good!

      • Gustave Lytton

        And the flip sides to that reasoning is businesses put in a position of if they refuse to provide meal/drinks/whatever, they possibly won’t get police protection. And other businesses, who are also paying taxes, aren’t getting the same level of protection because the cops are being paid to be private security.

        On a tangent, stopped at a 24 hour quicki mart in the state of Jefferson last week. The clerk was open carrying his Glock. I smiled when I noticed that and uprated the place a bit in my mind. Passing by the next day, I noticed the clerk out on a smoke break with a couple buddies. And nothing else happened.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        being paid to be private security

        I want to push back on that thought, but….well, I can’t (very much).

        I guess I would agree, if it were the police expecting it. But, this is usually a play by the businesses to get officers to spend their meal time at that establishment. Cops gotta eat–why not here, and have visible police presence. Of course, it goes sideways eventually.

        I will say that in my 19 years, I, personally, have never heard/experienced any officers I’ve worked with refuse to respond to…well, anyone. And, I’ve never seen any officer patronize (heh) an eatery exclusively–they may have a fave, but still mix things up.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ethics rules seem to be either made because of an appearance of impropriety or someone screwed the pooch, not necessarily both.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Too close, apparently.

    • westernsloper

      Perhaps Obama is the new Clinton’s?

  5. Mojeaux

    Excellent tune.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Why, thank you! I’m catching shit upstream, so, much appreciated.

      • Mojeaux

        Don’t thank me too quickly. My musical taste is suspect around here.

      • MikeS

        ?

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Eh, I got no gripe. Plus; compliment!

    • Chafed

      Seriously? The one for the ladies? I thought that would be well outside your wheelhouse.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Hey!–keep to your music side

  6. Trigger Hippie

    Round 1:

    Feeling each other out. Draw.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      New game: Trigger Hippie narrating a porno or the pro boxing match?

      Don’t ruin this for us, just keep commenting.

    • Trigger Hippie

      2: Wilder is fighting a clean fight so far. Tightened up his punches and stance.

      Wilder.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Fury controlled the round, then put Wilder on his ass.

      Fury.

      • straffinrun

        Holy shit. Deontae in big trouble.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Wilder is bleeding out his ear. He has no balance.

      Fury.

      • straffinrun

        I could only see the entrances and fuck Wilder’s. Didn’t care before the fight. Just wanted a good one. Now I’m openly rooting for Fury.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Wilder goes down again.

      Fury.

      • westernsloper

        No shit? wish I was watching.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Wilder’s legs are gone.

      Fury.

      It’s just a matter of time.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Referee stops the fight.

      Fury whipped his ass. No doubt about it.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Correction, Wilder’s corner threw in the towel.

  7. Jarflax

    So the stunning brave policetranny was intimidated by a comment by a kid with a disability? And it keeps its TrannyCop job, but the disabled kid gets confined? I am searching for a bigotted and hatefilled name to call the policePat that properly expresses my feelings on this subject, but I can’t come up with a name that properly expresses my hoope that the heshefuzz, the prosecutor and the magistrate all spend eternity being raped by syphilitic burning hell hounds.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      I…..You know what–have at ’em. You’re on a better roll than I could get.

    • Mojeaux

      brave policetranny … spend eternity being raped by syphilitic burning hell hounds

      Before that, make it walk a beat in a Chicago ghetto.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        God–could you imagine how bruised xir’s ego would be??

    • MikeS

      I am searching for a bigotted and hatefilled name

      I think “Miss Freel” should push the right buttons.

    • Rhywun

      policePat

      *chortle*

  8. Gender Traitor

    Yes, once the “dangerous situation” was brought under control, the school convened a threat assessment meeting. And following standard school policy, the police were called to come to the school and evaluate the situation.

    Further proof – as if any more were needed – that public schools were not designed to teach students to think and/or use common sense or anything resembling independent judgment. The idiots in charge are incapable of doing any of that.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Government = deep pockets. When you make in mandatory, under threat of jail/death, to give up your child, the State had better get it right 100%–otherwise, cha-ching!!

    • Rhywun

      Procedures were followed. Asses were covered.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Truth was told!

    • Jarflax

      So there is actually a cure for stupid after all.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I was gonna try to link to the old headline “New stupid way to die discovered”. But a google search brings up MY using that phrase.

        On January 22.

        I gotta get new material.

      • Rhywun

        I hate when that happens.

    • straffinrun

      Wilder?

  9. westernsloper

    The fight Found it.

    • westernsloper

      Just in time to see the TKO

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Dang, Fury is gigantic.

      • westernsloper

        They’re both gigantic. Saw a show today about the fight and they stated Wilder had a 5′ plus reach with a jab. Didn’t help him much tonight though.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      I should probably look at work e-mails to see if we got any DMCA takedown notices over illegal streams.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Surprisingly, no.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      I hate this song, but this is still pretty cool

  10. MikeS

    Possible night shift theme song?

    But if you’ve ever been put down for nothin’
    You’ll find company here
    No crying, or complainin’ for something
    We already know life ain’t fair
    Ain’t gonna put up or protest
    I found the best way to fight
    Is to have a good time
    Make it a long one
    I feel like drinkin’ tonight.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      As many times the Commodores were linked to, I would have thought it. But, I’m cool with this.

  11. straffinrun

    Now it’ll be AJ vs Fury. Keep your eyes out for my favorite boxer, Usyk. Small for a heavyweight, but the best technical hw I’ve ever seen.

    • straffinrun

      Sorry, Sir Diggs, about all this boxing talk on your fine Late Night Lynx. *Scrolls back to top*

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        You know the drill—comment, link, snark; get weird with it.

        I think we’re covered.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Yeah–it’s links ‘n shit. So, all of ours.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Sorry for the no responses. Got distracted. I must eat some crow here. Fury changed up his style and advanced on Wilder from the start. It took Wilder by surprise and though he looked good for two rounds, Fury’s aggressiveness worked. I wouldn’t be surprised if Wilder got his ear drum busted out. It bled a good bit. He looked he had no equilibrium after that. Kinda disappointed it wasn’t more competitive.

        Still, I was wrong you were correct. Good call.

  12. MikeS

    Black guns matter.

    • westernsloper

      Racist

      • MikeS

        Hold on…I gotta go copy something so I can paste it…

      • MikeS

        ??

      • westernsloper

        I don’t know what that one means. I am assuming you are talking about the Bernie Bro link Digby provided. Maj Toure supposedly was going to interview both guys but I have not came across it. I find it funny that a guy who supports the 2nd amendment thought he would be welcome at a Bernie rally. Skinny white kid had game though.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Skinny white kid had game though

        Gotta admit, that bothers me. I was expecting a thorough ass stomping on him, not by him.

        A 2A supporter should be able to take the bitch down.

      • MikeS

        I don’t know what it means either. I just thought I’d switch it up and not do the obvious.

        Also; ??

      • Chafed

        You’re getting shout out, of sorts, in tomorrow’s GlibFit.

      • MikeS

        Hmmm…it’s the “of sorts” part that worries me…

      • Chafed

        As well it should.

      • westernsloper

        ??‍♂️

      • Jarflax

        I’m not sure how to play your new wargame, I really think you should consider expanding the map to more than one hex.

      • MikeS

        I’m going to wait the full 24 hours before I make a decision on if you are correct or not.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Oh, parkerized guns should just sit in the back of the gun shop, huh?

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Speaking of–anyone around who’s interested in the upcoming PSA 9mm Glock-clone?

    • Chafed

      All guns matter.

      • Jarflax

        He was a bit quick to open the Cobray after the missfire. I’m guessing he had tried it off camera and was confident it was the gun not the primer, but kids, always give your missfire a bit before opening the chamber. Some times Miss =hang

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Well, good on him!

    • Trials and Trippelations

      My wife and I really wanted to see a Canes game this season (yes we are bandwagon jumpers), but alas we have no babysitters that can handle putting the kids to bed.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Heck–I only care the amount I do because I worked for the Stars back in the day. So, jump on that wagon, and go when you can.

        Do they not have any afternoon games you could attend?

      • Trials and Trippelations

        I work weekend nights ?
        Afternoon games are only on the weekend
        Hopefully, next season will work

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Ah! Yep, that’ll hinder the afternoon plan…

        Crossing fingers for your free time.

  13. Gender Traitor

    I’m outta here as soon as I get the sleeping cat off my lap. Should’ve named him Gandhi – he’s a master of passive resistance. When I go to move him, he remains completely limp.

    Thanks, Diggy! Nighty night!

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Night!

  14. Heroic Mulatto

    I don’t understand the whole abortion pill thing. Abortifacients abound in nature. If a woman really wants to miscarry, all she needs to do is drink pine needle tea. It is a powerful abortifacient.

    • Chafed

      I had no idea.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        There you are!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        We, as a culture, could benefit from reconnecting with the herbal knowledge of our ancestors.

        Pine needle tea is a good source for vitamin C as well.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I heard somewhere that the Norse invaders put pine needles in their water for sea voyages to stave off scurvy.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Makes sense. Pine has more Vitamin C than citrus.

      • Chafed

        And it leaves you with fresh breath.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        And, an empty uterus.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Yes, this is the origin of the phrase “pining for the fjords”

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Where’s Swiss???

      • Jarflax

        So the parrot died of scurvy?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        He’s just resting.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        +4,000 “voom”

      • Jarflax

        That parrot is deceased! iIt has ceased to be; it is bereft of life!

      • MikeS

        When he was with me, he did no such thing!

      • MikeS

        I agree. I’ve made a couple tepid attempts to do so, but it hasn’t stuck. It’s very interesting, though. There is a lot of very beneficial plants literally under our feet everyday.

      • Chafed

        I’ve got mixed feelings about this. My mother is a big fan of holistic medicine. I’m sure various natural substances have their uses and I agree knowing about them would be beneficial. I get concerned when all sorts of claims are made for the use and efficacy of all sorts of herbs.

      • Jarflax

        I am sure many herbs are beneficial and useful, but when the zealots start The “For thousands of years we used this [fill in blank] wisdom and modern medicine is a trick by big pharma” they lose me because during those thousands of years we mostly died if we got sick.

      • Chafed

        Exactly

      • Winston

        Jacques Cartier says Hi.

    • MikeS

      So women have to go out and forage to have reproductive freedom? You monster!

      • Chafed

        They have the freedom to forage.

    • Mojeaux

      And the church (Catholic) didn’t really have much to say at all about abortion in most of its history. The middle ages, women (nuns, hags, “witches,” serfs) had abortifacients in their recipe books.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I’m fairly certain I’ve read some of the church fathers’ (catholic) writings on the evils of abortion.

        Ayup

  15. Chafed

    I’m looking forward to video of the Dallas meet up. I assume Gojira really looks like Godzilla.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      No, no, no–you get out here, and run that camera!

      No, but, he was wearing a Godzilla-themed tee.

  16. westernsloper
    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      And yet, people bitch about what gets paid for.

      Did you see Wiggum?! Pure brilliance.

      • Chafed

        I assume your chief uses this a training video.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Yes, but, his last day is Monday.

      • Chafed

        Now we know why.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Well, it’s not so much a video, as it is him shooting items stuck in free fall, and the officers expected to emulate him.

        Potato/po-tah-to

  17. Chafed

    I’m a sucker for drumming on the off beat to start a song: Albatross See also: Balls to the Wall

    • MikeS

      Not quite the same thing, but an interesting drum beat, to be sure.

      • Chafed

        No devil ?? I thought we are friends.

    • MikeS

      As I am in a good mood, and would like to stay that way for the limited time I will be conscious tonight, I refuse to recognize any of the words in that story other than “Lesbia Cante”.

      *giggle*

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        “Hon…what should we name her?”

    • Mojeaux

      Wait. Why is the mother’s bail 10x higher than the father’s and 4x higher than the rapist’s?

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Too busy giggling at her name when inputting the bond amount?

      • Jarflax

        Maybe she had some way of raising the smaller amount and they were making sure she didn’t get released

      • Mojeaux

        That’s fine. Make the dad’s $100k and the rapist’s $100k, too.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I’m thinking she has a criminal history with violence in it.

      • Jarflax

        Bail isn’t a sentence, it has more to do with the risk that you will flee than your culpability.

      • Chafed

        Something is off or unreported in the story.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        This is true–not a lot included, investigation-wise.

        There may be other charges on the mom that aren’t mentioned. Or, the prior record idea.

    • Festus

      Going back through comments. Gut-punch warning, please.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        My apologies, good sirrah.

  18. J. Frank Parnell

    The bartender who didn’t serve the cops should definitely be placed on paid leave while the restaurant conducts an internal investigation into the totality of the circumstances. Procedures should be reviewed and possibly additional training provided.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Also–get the union in on it.

  19. Festus

    Feeling pretty low tonight. Return to work was a disaster and I called someone further up the food chain an “asshole” in a text. They can’t fire me but I’ve made an enemy if he ever catches wind of it. Why can’t Festus keep his fool mouth shut? Well, thumbs in this instance… It’s just that I don’t take kindly to rudeness and I have no filter when someone acts that way.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      I was just about to ask if anyone knew if you were OK. Turns out…ehh. I mean, good that you’re here, bad that you’re low, and a mad texter.

      • Festus

        The stress got to me. I was away for 5 weeks and my relief dropped the ball. Arguing over parts for one of the machines and getting sand-bagged at every turn. I vented. Got the parts though. I’ll keep this treatment in my back pocket. I’d like to see anyone talk to me that way face-to-face.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        I’d like to see anyone talk to me that way face-to-face.

        Challenge: Accepted

      • Festus

        I’ve climbed bigger mountains than you! *coughs and chucks away cigarette* Not in the guts! I’m mid-sized but I do own an awesome RMF that has always stood me well.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        RMF

        Risk management framework, eh? Good on ya.

      • Festus

        I’ve got a Power-Point presentation.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        AmWay…er, CanWay.

      • Gustave Lytton

        CanCon MLM?

      • Rhywun
  20. commodious spittoon

    Both of dad’s kids are suicidal. I don’t get it. Me I get, I’ve got nothing. But Jes has a husband and kids, she’s going to be a nurse. I just hate to think that one or the other of us is going to leave dad upset, he’s also depressed.

    • Mojeaux

      Jes is your sister?

      Is she on meds for depression?

      “…she’s got a husband and kids…”

      There’s this thing that happens to your mind where you truly believe that your loved ones will be better off without you and that your death will be a relief to them.

      • commodious spittoon

        She definitely has that. It’s upsetting. And she’s trying for a third now. WTF? And her kids are great. Like, excellent. One’s a math major in the making, a chess player. The other’s a musician. She has stereotypical tiger mom kids, and she’s depressed about how little she does for them, and she drinks too much and she’s convinced she’s a failure as a mom. Literal WTF.

      • commodious spittoon

        Also it’s midnight and nobody’s supposed to be awake right now.

      • Festus

        It’s the Black Dog and it nips at your heels. Some of us are just wired that way. I wish I could say that you outgrow it but that’s not the way of the world.

      • westernsloper

        and she drinks too much

        Hence the depression. It takes years of practice to drink too much and not be depressed. *making a joke of what I have overcome* I hope you both feel better. Life is too good to be depressed.

    • Jarflax

      I’d ask if drugs fell out of its ass, but since I watched the video upthread and it is impossible to shoot…

    • Chafed

      Spacey feels you.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        What a great motto for a line of t-shirts.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d like to blame the sweet peaty liquid that is vanishing from my glass.

    • Festus

      He was probably a big fan of “Stop and Frisk” and Donald grabbed him by his sweet California pussy.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        sweet California pussy

        Band name?

        Also, westernsloper–I think he’s voting for Klobuchar, so he can neg her and maybe get her to leave office.

        Then, it’s swoop and scoop!

    • westernsloper

      The same person Bloomberg is voting for?

  21. Festus

    The Black Dog aside, today wasn’t a total loss. Worked and had the clippers taken to the hair. Now I look like a cop again, porn-stache and all!

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Mine were shorn a bit more than i intended. But, I am starting to like.

      • Festus

        I just dig the no muss no fuss and being able to shower without anything but a bar of soap. I used to have long hair that grew in ringlets like Shirley Temple but it needed constant upkeep. Don’t have a need for that nonsense anymore. I heard a comic once say that long hair on a man over 35 just makes him look like his mother. It’s twue.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Pffft….mom wished she looked this good

        Was that me? Did I write that out loud?

      • Festus

        Not too hard to look better than a pile of ashes, depending upon the urn. Poor Mom probably got the tasteful cardboard box treatment. Dad too.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        That’s what my mom has decided on. Not sure what the motivation is, other than $.

        She has a non-transferable burial plot, and I have no desire for ashes, but cremation it is.

      • Festus

        I was just making a funny, Diggus. We had/have different family dynamics.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Oh, I got ya; just reminded me of her request from when we talked about it.

      • westernsloper

        I procrastinate about getting haircuts and when I wait too long I am just told I look homeless.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Man, you have GOT to stop hanging out at the Goodwill.

      • Festus

        Do you wear a brand new back-pack and ride one bike while rolling another alongside?

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        y-NO!!

        Oh–westernsloper.

      • Festus

        “What do you call a homeless guy riding a bike? Thief!”

  22. UnCivilServant

    My intestines hate me. They’ve prevented any attempt at getting to sleep.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      If they’re noisy, at least you can entertain yourself.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, they decided they want to get rid of all their contents.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Insta-weight loss.

      • UnCivilServant

        But not too terribly comfortable, none too permanant, and requiring I stay in the wrong room of the house.

      • UnCivilServant

        *well, keep returning to

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        the wrong room of the house.

        Well….right for that scenario.

      • Festus

        Like wipe it with a cloth?

      • Festus

        Sometimes I call them the calliope.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        With this very unpleasin’ sneezin’ and wheezin’

      • Festus

        You guys laugh but wait a few years when farts become untrustworthy. Who’ll be laughing then, smart guy!

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Oh, I treat farts as if they were comedians–make me laugh, but, ultimately not someone I want to be around.

        Now, if I could somehow harness this combination for unleashing on, say, Bernie, or, Lizzie…

      • Festus

        Whelp, I just had to YouTube some stuff just to be sure that I could make it through my work day tomorrow. I also had to sit through 9 idiot presentations from Health and Safety. Fart calliope for the lot of them!

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Festus…are you recording your neighbors in secret, and then uploading it?

      • Festus

        They left me alone for seven years and ever since I’ve had a smart phone they are relentless. Leave me alone. Everyone is happy and you have no worries. Nope. Texts from head office, texts from my “supervisor” texts from random assholes. Festus don’t like change. Change is bad.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        Change is bad.

        Agreed. Except for positions.

      • Festus

        Depends upon the position and how spry the participants are.

  23. DrOtto

    It’s late, I’m drunk and I’ve refreshed several times now and no new comments. I’m calling it – LAST!

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Weeeeeell….not quite. I had a situation to deal with.

      Also: Ha ha; you’re drunk!!

    • Festus

      Not last!

      • DrOtto

        Goddammit!

  24. Festus

    I seem to be following in UCS’ footsteps *rumble…rumble…BARK!”

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Barkletarians.

      #MeToot

  25. Cacciatore

    As early as can be…I LIVE!

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Damn right. You doing OK?

    • Festus

      Hey Dago! Nice to see ya!

      • Cacciatore

        Dago?

        Have I got a nickname now?

      • DrOtto

        Dago WOP genius

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        SUPER genius

      • Cacciatore

        FO Tulpa

      • Festus

        Nah. I just remember twisting your tail a few months ago. All are welcome in the glib tent.

  26. Cacciatore

    I just woke up in a strange place…catching a ride back to base. Feel great considering how tossed I kust have gotten to keel over at a friend of a friends place.

    Lots of hydration and consumption of a potent edible shall precede the Big Sleep.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      the Big Sleep

      STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!!!

      • Cacciatore

        My chambers windows bear much foil.

      • Lord Digby declares Victory

        The grocery store solution!

    • hayeksplosives

      I … congratulate you on what must have been a grand time? I guess?

  27. Cacciatore

    I’m not entirely sure what I got up to this evening. Wore a very expensive watch with bum clothes.

    Should probably get myself tested.

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Bah! You’re just letting people know your common, but, with some style.

      • Festus

        He wants to get get rolled! NTTAWT.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m pretty sure there was art and taxidermy in my evening.

  28. Festus

    Whelp. The dumbest Glib of all needs some shut-eye. Good night you magnificent bastards!

    • Lord Digby declares Victory

      Yo! Excellent sleeps.

  29. hayeksplosives

    I failed in my endeavor to stay awake. I had been up since 5am pst.

    Just got up again to strain the yogurt and put it in the fridge. My first attempt at home made yogurt. I’ll get back to ya on whether it was worth it.

  30. hayeksplosives

    If I play my cards just right, and timing lines up for work, I might find myself I. The DFW area this spring/summer…

  31. hayeksplosives

    I perceive that I am talking to myself. Bye then, I guess!!

    I am still reeling from the Berninantion if the Democrat party.

    Never thought I’d see it.

  32. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. Second night in a row I’ve had off. Second night in row I’ve settled down for a night of Glibbing. Second morning in a row I’ve awakened next to a full unsmoked bowl, an untouched cocktail, and a keyboard and two cats on my lap. Sigh…

    • hayeksplosives

      It’s the dang cats’ fault!

      Catfoot and Catlap are leading causes of temporary paralysis.

  33. CPRM

    Digby, I went to bed early and missed yah, but you linked the wrong Puddle of Mud song.

    • Ted S.

      That’s the wrong link. It should have been this

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    Hello? anybody here? I poured myself into bed a while ago, now I’m here,
    is Bernie still Communist?

    • CPRM

      Does the pope shit in the commie woods?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Free Shit for You!
        everyone else gets the wall!!!!@

      • hayeksplosives

        James Carville ain’t even being delicate about it — he’s saying Dems are dooming is all to 4 more Trump years by nominating Bernie.

      • hayeksplosives

        *disclaimer: I am way better off now than I was 4 years ago.

  35. JD is Unemployed

    Get weird?

    *drops pants*

    • CPRM

      I don’t know Britistani customs very well, but Braveheart taught me that has a long history among your people.

      • JD is Unemployed

        The unhoisting of the trouser is mostly just a ceremonial act these days.

      • l0b0t

        300+ years of attempting to force civilization onto unwilling peoples and the only part that took was the ceremonial trouser unhoisteing and silly walk contest. https://youtu.be/wmuo7BEcpv4

      • l0b0t

        India has the best hats but the Paki’s win the uniform game. Seriously, India, clamdiggers? You’re kitting your soldiers out in clamdiggers?

  36. hayeksplosives

    Sir Digby must be riding his steed about the parameters of his ancestral land in preparation for a well deserved sleep.

    Sorry we missed ya, M’Lord.

    • Chafed

      Oh he’s riding the steed alright. NTTAWWIT.