Thursday Morning Links

by | Feb 27, 2020 | Daily Links | 500 comments

Better win this year, because there won’t be a next year.

Penn State beat Rutgers, Nova beat St Johns, and UVA seems to have righted the ship completely, as they knocked off their fiercest rival. The biggest ticket-sellers in the country look to end some confusion (and crowd out competition, obviously). Your hockey winners were Colorado, Vegas, and LA. And in the UCL, a pair of stunning results as Man City won at Real Madrid, and Sergio Ramos will have to sit in the return leg. Lyon also beat Juventus. And Rangers knocked Braga out of the Europa League, who play the rest of their second legs today.

Maybe these girls can help straighten the poet out.

Roman Emperor Constantine, who was the first Emperor to accept Christianity, was born on this day. He shares it with poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, boring author John Steinbeck, golf legend Gene Sarazen, the lovely Joanne Woodward, the more lovely Elizabeth Taylor, automotive industry-assassin Ralph Nader, Iron Maiden’s Adrian Smith, acting legend Adam Baldwin, first daughter, journalist, and philanthropist grifter Chelsea Clinton, and crooner Josh Groban.

Right, let’s get on to…the links!

Christ, what an asshole. Too bad they can’t, you know, just hang the bastard.

It looks like we have the first coronavirus case in the US that wasn’t imported. We’ll have more today.  Meanwhile Trump taps Race Bannon to head up our response. SO be prepared for someone else to be on the Team Red ticket this fall when Pence does something wrong (or that causes a media meltdown when he doesn’t manage to do the impossible) and Trump discards him.

Give this man a new trial. (And start trying government officials for the same thing when, you know, they do the same thing>)

The Roger Stone case gets weirder by the day. I can’t see how this doesn’t result in a mistrial, but it’s the DC circuit, so nothing would surprise me at this point.

Some crazy asshole decided to settle the “Less Filling/Taste’s Great” debate once and for all. What a gutless prick.

As if they don’t have real problems to deal with in those shitholes. Those who would erase art from the past are the worst of the worst. But I guess it takes the spotlight off the horrible job these people have done actually, you know, teaching kids.

I would imagine this comes as no surprise. It sure didn’t from me.  Birds of a feather, and all that.

Maybe Bernie Sanders can say how Hitler, for all his faults, at least cared about proper anti-viral protections now.

Sorry, CDC, I’ll take my chances. I mean, most of those masks are useless anyway. And I have full hazmat suits hanging in the closet anyway, suckers!

Anybody who would trust Tesla’s autopilot like this will end up like this. Seriously, don’t rely on autopilot if you’re playing games on your phone. Learn to multitask better and handle both duties on your own.

The birthdays and the links gave me this song for the day. Enjoy it.

Go have a great coronavirus-free day, friends!

About The Author

sloopyinca

sloopyinca

500 Comments

  1. hayeksplosives

    Now I want to get the coronvirus just to show that it can be survived.

    In related news, time to buy stock!!

    • Nephilium

      I’ve got a large chunk of my investments in robo-advisor accounts. I’ve been getting notifications the past several days that they’ve been on a buying spree to rebalance the accounts. Adds an interesting change to the usual dollar cost averaging theories as well. I add the same amount of money every month, and it usually triggers a buy. It’ll be interesting to see if that continues after this rebounds.

    • hayeksplosives

      What do you know? Hayek’s first FIRST!

      • AlexinCT

        Speech. SPEECH!

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        You get up early, lass!

      • Pope Jimbo

        Everything is coming up Hayek!!

      • Jarflax

        Wow that is barely a euphemism.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Didn’t you say you have some auto-immune problems and that pneumonia nearly killed you last time?

      • hayeksplosives

        Yup. Had to advocate for myself. Literally made an excel chart showing my decreasing lung flow capacity (while confined to bed) and forced the doc to see it.

        I grabbed her by th sleeve as she made her perfunctory “well this one won’t make it” rounds, looked her hard in the eye and said “This is not how I intend to go out.”

        She looked at the chart on my laptop pc for 10 seconds without saying a word. Then stood up straight, proclaimed that she loved engineered, and ordered the tests that proved me right—and treatable.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Care to name or at least hint at this doctor? That’s a shocking attitude to take toward a patient of not-advanced age.

      • hayeksplosives

        Allina “Mercy” Hospital in Minneapolis.

        Don’t recall name of doctor but could probably look it up. It was a bad year for the flu, higher than average flu mortality, and I think they were just resigned to the fact that they were gonna lose some.

        No biggie until it’s YOU.

        (Charlie Guard agrees)

      • R C Dean

        “Eh, we get paid the same either way.”

      • hayeksplosives

        My particular autoimmune thingy is psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. It’s surprisingly all-encompassing.

    • Drake

      By stock in Dinty Moore and whoever makes medical masks domestically.

      • hayeksplosives

        I happen to have a whole box of surgical masks at home. Wondering if I should price gouge on eBay…

      • Nephilium

        Wondering?

        /tears off a corner of Hayeksplosives’ Glib card

  2. Gustave Lytton

    The CDC is not recommending shaving beards due to corona virus. That graphic, which various media outlets keep spreading, was from a blog post two years ago on how to properly seal a respirator (like N95 masks).

    https://blogs.cdc.gov/niosh-science-blog/2017/11/02/noshave/

    • hayeksplosives

      “The CDC is not recommending shaving beards due to corona virus.”

      Michele Obama breathes sigh of relief that she won’t be kicked to the curb.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *golf clap*

    • Sensei

      Look Mr. Lytton all of the internet has picked up this story. What’s important is to to “do something” it doesn’t matter if it is either futile or at best tangentially related.

      • UnCivilServant

        Send Stalwell to Wuhan.

      • AlexinCT

        DO WHAT THE TOP MEN TELL YOU…

        it’s for your own good. After all, when you are distracted by stupid shit you are less likely to realize how inept these fucks really are.

    • The Hyperbole

      Thanks, I find it intereseting how these things spread. Someone find some old infographic and three hours later everyone is reporting that the CDC wants men to shave, and hardly no one questions it.

      • Lackadaisical

        I didn’t know people were taking that seriously.

      • The Hyperbole

        If they are being snarky they hide it well, I went to fact check last night and nearly every article was like sloops link, headline CDC tells men to shave and then the infographic with no mention that it’s years old and was a workplace/chemicals/fumes thing. And the people repeating it sure didn’t seem to be joking.

      • Naptown Bill

        It feeds into popular tropes about government agencies being inept and overreacting to events that may or may not be actual crises.

    • straffinrun

      This infected the overnight thread and I was typhoid Mary.

      • Sensei

        Well the coronavirus has made me beef up my Japanese.

        I learned 消毒する last week. The character for extinguish or erase followed by poison.

        For a change that actually makes sense!

      • UnCivilServant

        Lets see… “Radio Transmitter” “Explosives Detonator” “Tumbling Stickman” “Fancy Three”

        You blew up three people with a radio-detonated explosive?

      • straffinrun

        Those hand santizers have been around for a while. Was it dengue or zika that hit the shibuya area a couple years ago? Just take a squirt and hope for the best.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too! Mine is 中止- suspended or cancelled. I kept seeing it stamped over various images in news stories.

      • Not Adahn

        center-correct means cancelled?

      • Sensei

        Think “stopped in the middle”.

      • Sensei

        正しい – You have the line above for “correct” or “true”.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Meh, the masks don’t work with a beard, that’s standard protocol and has been for decades.

      So you don’t have to shave it but your wasting your time with the mask if you don’t.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        I just breathe through my nose and depend on my nose hairs to filter out the bad stuff.

      • AlexinCT

        They should also recommend a lot of people learn to shave their asses and walk backwards so we can avoid being frightened by their ugly mugs…

    • R C Dean

      Oh, FFS. People think we are all going to be walking around wearing viral-rated N95s? Hint: not all N95s are suitable for viruses; the cheap ones are for dust.

      If it’s that bad , we are well and truly doomed.

  3. Nephilium

    I think I have a better chance at injury (I’d probably get at least one nick) shaving my beard off then from the coronavirus.

    • pistoffnick

      “…(I’d probably get at least one nick)…”

      Hey! I don’t come that cheap!

  4. Tres Cool

    Fourth!

    And mornin’, ya’all

  5. Rebel Scum

    Too bad they can’t, you know, just hang the bastard.

    He won’t last long in prison.

    • sloopyinca

      Only if they don’t treat it as a sex crime against a minor. They segregate those people from general population now, don’t they?

      • Rebel Scum

        I have no idea. But I’ve heard that people who mess with children are not held among high regard among other inmates.

    • straffinrun

      He should. They put him in prison and didn’t give him the death penalty. It’s a gross injustice when inmates, which happens all too often, end up murdered in prison. If you want the death penalty for rapists, pedos or whoever, pass that law. Otherwise, the state is fully culpable when a prisoner is murdered.

    • Gender Traitor

      I want to know what happened to the ninth kid she didn’t escape with, if it did, in fact, survive.

  6. hayeksplosives

    That idiot in Tesla crash should never have been behind the wheel. I can tell you from experience that Tesla makes it very clear that the driver is to maintain control and vigilance. In fact, the car “nags” you once in a while when it’s on autopilot to tug the steering wheel a bit or do some other action that prove you’re “with it”. Car will fling you straight into autopilot jail (can’t re-engage until having pulled over) if you don’t respond.

    Just like a firearm, the car doesn’t have agency. It’s a tool in the hands of the user, however much an idiot he may be.

    • Lackadaisical

      Is it wrong that it matters a lot to me what game he was playing?

      Also, the whole front of that Tesla disintegrated (from the fire), these things love to burst into flames.

    • Atanarjuat

      Exactly right. One cannot, and should not, idiot-proof tools.

      Among the recommendations is for tech companies to design smartphones and other electronic devices so they don’t operate if they are within a driver’s reach, unless it’s an emergency.

      Chairman Robert Sumwalt said the problem of drivers distracted by smartphones will keep spreading if nothing is done.

      “If we don’t get on top of it, it’s going to be a coronavirus,” he said in calling for government regulations and company policies prohibiting driver use of smartphones.

      Fuck off, fearmongering slaver.

      • Atanarjuat

        Wow, I should have scrolled to the very next post down (currently).

        But seriously, we shouldn’t idiot-proof tools. Imagine a hammer with some complex airbag to prevent you from bopping your thumb when you drive a nail. Just leave people responsible for mitigating their own risks.

      • hayeksplosives

        If we are all confined to our homes, we would not get in car wrecks or skiing accidents or catch coronavirus.

        In fact, if we all gathered at state sponsored central facilities and plugged into a source of nutrients, we’d be quite safe indeed.

        Some sort of “Matrix” , if you will.

      • Drake

        Are you looking 3 months into the future?

      • hayeksplosives

        Natch.

        (Nods, winks, sees black cat walk by twice…)

  7. Sensei

    From the Tesla article:

    “If we don’t get on top of it, it’s going to be a coronavirus,” he said in calling for government regulations and company policies prohibiting driver use of smartphones.

    I guess this is going to be the new new thing for every problem.

    • hayeksplosives

      It’s just too bad that it’s going to become ElonGate, because that shit will be stretched out forever…

      • Sensei

        I’ve mentioned that Tesla’s autopilot drives like a teenager with a learner’s permit. It also likes to drive along in large truck’s blind spots for extended periods too.

        It’s perfect example of Elon over promising. I especially like all the many videos of summoning fails where it runs into objects and other automobiles.

      • hayeksplosives

        Restating: Just like a firearm, the car doesn’t have agency. It’s a tool in the hands of the user, however much an idiot he may be.

        It’s still 4000 lbs of fury. Treat it with respect and responsibility.

      • Sensei

        Yup.

        Today’s news adds that the guy who killed himself in the same spot where he noted the autopilot repeatedly fails was playing a game on his phone.

        Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

      • Tundra

        If I’m on a long trip and getting tired, I don’t even use cruise control. As you say, 2 tons of sudden death is nothing to fuck around with.

        I agree with Sensei, though, that this feature was marketed completely wrong. If he would have just called it super-adaptive-cruise or something I think fewer people would be trying these stunts.

        I am baffled by the trust in technology.

      • UnCivilServant

        Ait, you own a car with cruise control? I thought you didn’t own anything new enough to take unleaded fuel.

      • Tundra

        Well, it’s a brick on the gas pedal. But I call it cruise control.

      • UnCivilServant

        I see, aftermarket parts.

      • banginglc1

        Well, it’s a brick on the gas pedal. But I call it cruise control.

        My dad always tells the story of when he used to own a Pinto. Him and my uncle installed “cruise control” with a metal rod, a sleeve, and as wingnut to hold the pedal down.

      • WTF

        Yeah, just think about how often your computer has glitches and issues, and think about whether you want to trust your life to something like that.

      • straffinrun

        I trust my computer to find porn. It’s better at that than I was.

      • UnCivilServant

        In other words – stay off a modern airplane.

      • WTF

        That’s why planes have pilots, in case something goes wrong and they need to take manual control.

      • straffinrun

        Yep, even with your flying gloves on, I’d trust the computer more.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t.

        Luckily flying has become so onerous that I’m not forced to weigh the risks and just stay on the ground.

      • Tundra

        Airplanes have redundant systems AND pilots. Also far fewer things to hit.

        The comparison to a car is silly.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I am baffled by the trust in technology.

        I’m not. People are generally lazy and don’t care to know how or why things work, only if it will provide some short term benefit to them.

      • invisible finger

        Me neither. These are generally the same idiots that trust government. In other words – the majority.

      • Tonio

        ^So much this.

      • Jarflax

        I don’t know that ‘lazy’ is a fair comment. Sometime, just as an experiment, spend an hour or two being conscious of every tool, service or process you interact with. Then think about what you know about and understand about how those tools or processes work under the surface, and of the ones you DO understand fully how long it took for you to become actually expert. The modern world is too specialized and complex for anyone to understand more than a fraction of the systems they interact with. You have to have confidence in others to do their part competently. I think we are going to see an ever increasing advantage to high trust societies, unfortunately at the same time I fear a decline in trust…

      • SDF-7

        Booo! Boooooooo! 😉

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘It’ll be the next coronavirus’

      What a maroon.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Flavored e-juice has a sad. It was ready to step into the limelight as the new Public Enemy #1 and now this.

      • Swiss Servator

        Wait…I’ve got it! Vape pods spread coronavirus!!!!!

        *high five*

  8. Rebel Scum

    Jackson told Stone’s lawyers that it didn’t matter if she posted articles critical of Trump because that would not mean she could not render a fair verdict.

    Oh, well, ok then.

    • AlexinCT

      Why do the people that end up rending their clothes, gnashing their teeth, and prognosticating the apocalypses because of orange man think we should suddenly believe their claims they can be impartial and avoid the usual asshattery seriously? I am seriously asking this, because this sort of disconnect should be reason enough to disqualify them from any and all serious activities.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’d have to see what she actually posted, but none of my interactions with the TDS infected lead me to believe they can be in anyway impartial.

      • hayeksplosives

        Because fear sells clicks?

    • UnCivilServant

      Stay home if you’re sick instead of infecting others.

      Given that it’s confirmed contagious when asymptomatic, that’s not easy to manage.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s correct. But if you are experiencing symptoms or a fever, stay home. Which one should be doing already.

        Containment is probably not possible at this point. I don’t think it is, but I like to be a Pollyanna and keep hoping. The best outcome is to slow the spread so that cases that require hospital level care (which is potentially a good chunk) have access to resources. Unchecked spread such as initially happened in Hubei or is now apparently happening in Iran could quickly overrun healthcare capacity. That’s not just for Covid-19 individuals, but everyone else that needs it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This. It’s going to spread. We’re into herd management now. Minimize health resource impacts until a vaccine is developed, at which point we will get the zombie apocalypse.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Best case is probably two years away.

        Hopefully it will lessen as weather warms up as influenza and common colds do and also not mutate into something more virulent. In the meantime, start preparing for localized quarantines to be used to slow the spread. Social distancing does work, but there are lot of costs to it.

      • straffinrun

        I’m assuming the goal is to slow it down so that medical services don’t get overwhelmed. Spread out the infections because you’re not going to stop it.

      • straffinrun

        Probably should’ve read your earlier comment. IOW, This ^.

      • Gender Traitor

        “…zombie apocalypse.”

        We have multiple cases of Thin Mints in our basement freezer. When the ZA arrives, they will become the currency of choice. We will not only survive but thrive.

      • Jarflax

        Pfft you piker! OMWC has entire cages of Girl Scouts in his basement.

      • Q Continuum

        Judging by the assholes at my workplace, there are many people who can’t seem to figure this out even if they’re half-conscious, leaking phlegm from every orifice and breaking ribs from all the hacking.

      • UnCivilServant

        *Coughs on Q*

        You need to use the new cover sheet on the TPS reports.

      • Lackadaisical

        ^so much this.

        I woke up and felt a little fatigued (figured I just slept bad) so I went to work when I was sick by accident, but I went home as soon as my symptoms worsened and I figured it out. I’ve literally heard my coworkers say ‘oh yeah, I’m pretty sick *cough cough*, but I came in anyway”

        Why you useless shit? I hear you gossiping over there all dya everyday anyway, why bother?

        Now, this is at a government office, so its not like they don’t have time off to use.

      • invisible finger

        The idea of government employees fatally infecting each other doesn’t upset me.

      • Chipwooder

        Hey! Some of us are OK,

      • Bobarian LMD

        “I’m OK, you suck!”

        We had a Army Major come in sick last month and give every mother-fucking one of us Influenza A.

        I’ve been hazing the shit out of him since.

      • R C Dean

        We have magnetic signs with people’s names on them that we put outside their offices. I had one made with the biohazard symbol and “PATIENT ZERO”, which I use to replace the nameplate of anyone in our offices who gets the flu or a bad cold.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think there is a generational divide on this. I’m Gen X, and I was raised by my Boomer parents that work ethic means coming into work even if it means you die. Even though I know better now, I still feel guilt when I call in sick from a cold.

        Millennials and Gen Z, on the other hand, already call in sick out of petulance when their startup’s game room’s free beer keg is out of IPA, so….

      • R C Dean

        No shit. We have a new mandatory sick time law in AZ, passed as voter referendum “Prop 206”. We are not allowed to do anything to confirm that they are actually sick. The lazy fuckers don’t even pretend to be sick, when they call in, they just say they are taking their Prop 206 time.

        We are doing an internal study right now on how much the crap work habits and entitlement attitude of millenials cost us. Our overall staffing and FTE count has gone up much faster than our patient volume (as in, our workforce has increased by nearly 1/3, while our volume has gone up by 12% or so), and the productivity of our work force has plummeted as the number of millenials has increased. I’m expecting the annual cost of having a millenial workforce to be at least $10mm for us, and it could be two or three times that.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The lazy fuckers don’t even pretend to be sick, when they call in, they just say they are taking their Prop 206 time.

        That would drive me to murder, and I dare you to find 12 men who would convict me.

      • leon

        I’m a bit the same, a Millennial raised by Boomers, and yeah i would go to work even if i was very sick. I think i might have had Swine Flu back when i was working at a Subway Shop and went to work every day, and then would get home and pass out.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *picks nose*

      Wut?

    • Pope Jimbo

      What about those of us who tend more to having masturbating hands (rather than fucking hands)?

      • straffinrun

        Put down the Jergen’s and use holy water. It only burns for a moment.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You’re thinking of Pie who has troubles with holy water as lube. Just like that time he thought he was meeting up with a buddy to masturbate with and it turned out to be Van Helsing who was a master staker. That was funny.

      • Aloysious

        You really should have a good pair of masturbatin’ gloves. Makes all the difference. It’s really made my Wednesdays a more satisfying experience.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Back in the dotcom boom a couple buddies and I would laugh and plan our new internet product: The Glove.

        Basically, it was a glove with mouse functions built in so you could beat off while clicking the forward/backward buttons on pr0n videos. The fun was coming up with marketing stuff to hide the fact that The Glove was for jacking.

        “The Glove automatically exudes a 100% organic hand lotion to help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome”.

      • AlexinCT

        You guys patent this work?

      • Bobarian LMD

        They’re hoarding it for themselves.

    • Pope Jimbo

      What about toes? Do you need to keep your toes clean?

      FORT MYERS, Fla. – A hospital worker at Gulf Coast Hosptial in Fort Myers was arrested after being accused of sucking a patient’s toes, according to a Lee County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

      The patient said they felt their right foot being touched around 11 p.m. on Monday. They assumed a nurse was checking for swelling, until they were touched again. Then, the patient felt it happening a third time — this time they felt something wet between their toes. When they looked up, they said they saw Frantz Beldorin, 23, on his knees with his head bent over their foot, according to the report.

      • sloopyinca

        “My name’s Buck. And I’m here to fuck suck.”

      • Jarflax

        Why are you making me remember the stupid quick time event in the middle of one of my favorite games?

      • AlexinCT

        WHAT YA WEARING ON YER FEET???

    • Endless Mike

      They outlawed the most effective antibacterial hand wash on the market (Triclosan), so that’s great.

      – avoid touching your hands to your face… Welp, I’m dead.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You could still get it in toothpaste until a few months ago.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Bruh. They banned it because it makes you grow boobs.

        I don’t know about you, but I’d rather die than have bitch tits.

      • Endless Mike

        They had zero evidence of that. They had a study where they gave insane amounts of it to rats and it disrupted their thyroid levels.

        What the FDA claimed was that it was “no more effective than washing your hands with soap” – which is true until you walk away from the sink.

        Standard soaps have no residual antiseptic properties, which means you start reapplying bacteria the moment you dry your hands with a towel.

  9. hayeksplosives

    Hilary Clinton has to be the most hated woman in American history. She is simply vile.

    • robc

      She is literally the reason I am voting for Tulsi on saturday. Anyone she hates that much can’t be all bad.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        As a libertarian, it’s fun to vote for people bound to lose the election. I take it as a badge of honor that I don’t vote for “winners”.

      • robc

        I did in 1988, and have regretted it ever since.

        I have never voted for anyone who finished 2nd in a presidential election.

      • SDF-7

        The one great thing about being stuck in Cal-freakin-fornia is that I can write in Tim Sandefur and know it won’t hurt an actually good candidate.

        And you never know… so why not? Though in all honesty, he’d be better on the Court.

      • Atanarjuat

        Yeah, I switched to Democrat so I could put in a doomed Tulsi vote.

    • WTF

      About half the country thinks she’s wonderful. Which is why we are doomed.

      • JD is Unemployed

        In the emphatic words of a amily member to me back in 2016, “she’s a pragmatist!”

        I suppose they mean she does what is pragmatic toward furthering the warfare machine, trashing the Constitution, amassing power, scapegoating and belittling over half of the country she wants to lead, and destroying anyone who might pose a risk to her efforts to claim the throne?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Pragmatic in the sense that she’d do anything to sit on the throne?

      • JD is Unemployed

        That seems to be about the long, short, and curly of it, yes.

      • AlexinCT

        Oh, plenty of these people know she is as corrupt and evil as they come, but since she is part of their team, they love her for it.

    • invisible finger

      Weinstein was never known for giving money to women without sexual favors in return.

      • SDF-7

        “Ewwwwwwww~”

      • SDF-7

        Dangnabbit — that was supposed to have fake markup “Teenaged Girl” tags. One of these days I’ll figure out formatting here. 😛

    • Pope Jimbo

      I would have loved to have been a fly on Hillary’s wall when Klobuchar said that nominating a woman for president would stop sexism on the internet.

      “I have an idea for how we can stop sexism on the internet: We can nominate a woman for a candidate for president of the United States,” Klobuchar said.

      “I think that might go a long way if we showed our stuff as a party,” she added.

      You know she threw something at Bill and screamed about how she was the first female presidential candidate.

    • Pope Jimbo

      You know the history books will shortchange her achievements. They will probably mention that she was First Lady and the first female candidate for president. They won’t mention that she was the primary reason that we elected three presidents. Bill, Obama and Trump all owe their victories to her. Without Hillary they would never have reached the Oval Office.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        *applause*

      • Jarflax

        Belva Lockwood beat her by more than a century

  10. Tundra

    Good morning, Sloop!

    It’s good to see such a tremendous work of art featured so prominently this morning.

    “Hey Kurt, do you read lips? Fuck You! Next time I’ll call Robert Ludlum!””

    The rest of the lynx, however, are pretty depressing. People really are shit.

    I’m gonna regroup though, listen to Elfman and the boys, and try to get my head right.

    Have a great day!

    • sloopyinca

      That movie was simply awesome. Thornton utterly destroying Dr Bombay during the lecture nearly gave me a woodie.

      • Chipwooder

        “Hard work? Listen Sherlock, while you were up here working on your ethics, I was busting my hump in the real world. And the only reason guys like you have somewhere to teach is because guys like me donate buildings!”

      • Tundra

        Lou is my favorite.

        “I know your pop thirty years. He understands. He’s a nice guy, and he’s tough. Like me. I’m nice, and I’m tough. I’ll give you an idea what I mean. My two boys, I put one through college and the other I put through a wall. Your papa loves you. He’s lookin’ out for ya. Look out for him.”

      • WTF

        Shit, I don’t know what I did there.

      • JD is Unemployed

        A similar thing happened to me the other day. Once posted, my link had mysteriously grown a link to the comments page on the front end, rendering it FUBAR. I had privately suspected something was awry with the site, but chalked it up, put it down, and ticked it off as my boneheadery. Now I’m starting to suspect something in the Glibworks was fed after midnight, in violation of OSHA regulations.

  11. Rebel Scum

    ‘The days of painting early white Americans as saviors are over’

    I always took it to be portrayals of pioneers, not saviors.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Don’t you DARE contradict or question The Narrative.

      • Rebel Scum

        Interesting that leftists infantilize indigenous north-Americans the same way that they infantilize black Africans. They seem to not realize that natives were adults with there own geo-political goals that were doing the same things and having the same conflicts that everyone else in the world was through all of human history.

      • Lackadaisical

        Progs: “indians lived a peaceful life before evil europeans showed up”

        Natives: “kill everyone, those that live we will kidnap and force them to assimilate into our tribe”

      • Q Continuum

        You forgot “rape every female over the age of 12”.

      • SDF-7

        That’s part of the “assimilate into our tribe”…. STEVE SMITH ASSIMILATE ALL INTO TRIBE!

      • hayeksplosives

        There were several Pol Pot style skull pyramids with hatchet and arrow wounds found in caves of the Peaceful Natives.

        Ya know, same guys who drove Bison Antiquis and other megafauna to extinction.

        (Cue closeup pic of mammoth with single tear rubbing down cheek)

      • Tonio

        Cool. Where?

      • leon

        The last i read, most scientists don’t believe that the Natives could have hunted Mammoths and other megafauna to extinction, and that it was something else that really did them in.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        I blame man made climate change.

      • invisible finger

        So were going with scientific consensus on this? Let me guess, they’re environmental scientists.

      • hayeksplosives

        Tonio, I’ll have to dig up the specific sites.

        I’m just going off recall from my Cultural Anthropology course in college.

        (Had to take a Humanities elective but refused to do psychology or sociology. My other Humanity elective was World Regional Geography)

      • SDF-7

        I’m not saying it was aliens…..

      • Atanarjuat

        SDF-7, exactly. Some of the erosion evidence is pretty compelling, and then holy shit do they take a left turn.

      • Tonio

        Ima say some from Column “A”, some from Column “B.” There was low population density in most of North America, and a huge abundance of natural resources. But in times where the hunting and gathering were scarce I’m sure the violence went up.

      • Tonio

        It’s easy for them to do that with Native Americans who had no written language and left no records.

    • Q Continuum

      Take up the White Man’s Burden.

      • Tonio

        Half-demon and half-child!

  12. straffinrun

    a patient in California with no recent travel history to coronavirus hotspots or known contact with infected people.

    Well? Was the guy of East Asian descent? I’ve seen quite a few articles talking about how Asians have some special receptor or something in their lungs that make infection easier/worse. I’d google it, but I don’t wanna get on a list.

    • Sensei

      I wonder if part this is the high smoking rates especially among Asian males.

      • straffinrun

        It’d be nice if you didn’t have to swing between Zero Hedge and CNN to try to figure out what the hell is going on.

      • Jarflax

        If you use CNN and Zero Hedge for your news, don’t you just end up blaming (((Them)))? It seems to be what both sources do.

  13. AlexinCT

    The Roger Stone case gets weirder by the day. I can’t see how this doesn’t result in a mistrial, but it’s the DC circuit, so nothing would surprise me at this point.

    The swamp needs to fuck Stone over to dissuade anyone else from ever helping anyone that works against the swap. This case should not have been a mistrial, but they should be investigating everyone involved. Stone may be one of the biggest asshats you could think of, but he is being railroaded by people that need to get rid of orange man to hide the massive corruption, ineptitude, and abuses of the weaponized bureaucracy the Obama administration not only fostered, but enhanced (all so they could sick them at their political enemies).

    I for one never trusted our legal system. I now really believe none of us would ever get a fair trial if we crossed the unelected bureaucracy or the more corrupt members of the elected douchebaggery. But if we let these people keep doing shit like this – especially what is being done to Flynn – we should kiss any pretense of having a republic and not a banana republic away.

    • straffinrun

      Even if he got a retrial, it wouldn’t matter much given they got him dead to rights on lying. The whole problem is that this stupid case was brought to trial in the first place.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Why does it look like he is just happy that everyone is paying attention to him? Seems like all his pictures he has a silly grin that looks like he’s a pig in slop over this.

    • Pope Jimbo

      dissuade anyone else from ever helping anyone that works against the swap

      You fuck with DC key parties at your peril. It is known.

      • Not Adahn

        DC key parties

        Ewwwwww. Politics is for ugly people.

    • R C Dean

      What a joke. The questions were basically “Hey, this guy y’all just convicted? You did that totally objectively right? No need for us to try him again and give him a chance at acquittal. You still think he should go to jail, right?”

      Confident prediction: no retrial.

  14. JD is Unemployed

    I am an Oingo Boingo apologist. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone IRL who liked them. Maybe they just didn’t make it big in the UK? Elf Man says he embarrassed by his Boingo period, but it’s a lot better than the kooky schtick he turns out for Tim Burton.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, the later band has a number of fine tracks to be proud of.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I know he wasn’t fond of the MTV era. My understanding is that he wanted creative control over the videos but never got it.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I saw Boingo at the Hollywood Paladium for New Years when I was in College.

        Put on a great show.

    • Q Continuum

      They’re two different things. It’s like saying “I took the minivan truck to the store”. They both serve the same general purpose but are fundamentally different.

      So… WRONG.

      • UnCivilServant

        minivan truck reminds me of those short bed long cab abominations.

      • leon

        Or the Minivan Sedan. Aka the hatchback.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t forget the sedan truck – the El Camino

      • sloopyinca

        Wouldn’t that be a coupe truck?

      • UnCivilServant

        A coupe truck would have no doors, since a lot of regular tucks have two.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I think you mean “coupé utility“, or if you’re an Aussie, a “ute”.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I own a ’72 Ranchero that I bought from an Aussie.

        I can attest.

  15. Q Continuum

    I’m trying real hard to muster up some sympathy for the smartphone game Tesla guy.

    Not having a lot of success.

  16. Rebel Scum

    “He contributed to Barack Obama’s campaign, and John Kerry’s campaign and Al Gore’s campaign and everybody’s campaign,” Clinton added.

    So, in solidarity with female abuse victims you are all going to take the amounts donated by Weinstein and donate it to a charity for women, right?

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Is there something that connects all those candidates? Like a group that they all belong to?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Hair Club for Men?

      • Bobarian LMD

        The Epstein Island Hopper Club?

    • AlexinCT

      Yeah, Hillary agrees with your premise and offers up the Clinton foundation as the best possible candidate for said donations Scum…

    • sloopyinca

      In an interview with CNN in 2017, Clinton said it wasn’t possible to give back all of the money Weinstein donated but would instead contribute $13,000 to a woman’s organization.

      Lol, she simply doesn’t give a fuck.

      • WTF

        Clinton said it wasn’t possible

        You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

    • Chipwooder

      “See? All major Democrats were happy to take money from a rapist!”

      I don’t think she thought this line of argument through.

  17. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I just got a LinkedIn invite from an equipment sales manager in Wuhan. Am I infected now?

    • UnCivilServant

      Only if you clicked it.

    • straffinrun

      Shave your balls. Can’t be too safe.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Huh, never thought of that. Makes sense.

      • Endless Mike

        If you don’t, the mask won’t fit right. Although I guess you could leave a Hitler-stash landing strip.

    • robc

      I am rereading Snow Crash, so I am going to say “yes”.

    • Q Continuum

      Did she look clean?

    • hayeksplosives

      Come on and get down with the sickness!!

      • Nephilium
      • JD is Unemployed

        A youtube classic!

  18. Rebel Scum

    Tesla Autopilot, distracted driver caused fatal crash

    They should stop calling it “autopilot” seeing as it is actually cruise-control with lane-assist (I think…).

    • hayeksplosives

      Yeah, there is much confusion among silly reporters/bloggers about the terms Adaptive Cruise Control, lane Change Assist, Navigate on Autopilot, and Full self Driving.

      We early adopters are effectively beta testers for these packages, and not every Tesla driver chooses to pay for the full suite.

      Full self driving won’t roll out for a few more years. Even then, the law has to allow it after the tech is proven.

      I just love the improvement to my commute and the joy of instant torque.

      • Tonio

        Yeah, there is much confusion among silly reporters/bloggers…

        You could have stopped there, hon.

      • Pope Jimbo

        My last employer was heavily into the automotive industry. It was super cool seeing their demos of self-driving technologies. Amazing the things that they can do now.

        I’m sure all those Germans are shaking their heads about Elon releasing shit when it isn’t 100% complete. Crazy American cowboys leaping in with both feet.

        One of the problems is that for it to approach the levels of reliability you need, you need all the cars to be able to join mesh networks to declare themselves to the other surrounding cars. Fuckers like Tundra in his ’94 Honda Civic are going to gum up the system.

      • Tundra

        Sigh.

        I’m sure someday your dreams of flying cars will be realized. Just yesterday, I linked a story about some autonomous shuttles in Ohio that had to be shut down because one of them stopped suddenly and injured a passenger.

        We do not have the sensor/camera/AI tech to deal with all the crazy variables. Fucking road salt makes the alarm on my stupid back up assist go off!

        We cheat death everyday when we successfully make it from point A to point B. That’s one of the costs of freedom. Hideously complex and expensive solutions so you don’t have to take the wheel seems overkill.

        Hire a car service. It would be cheaper!

      • Nephilium

        Speaking of cheating death:

        Cyclist gets hit by car, then sued for $700

        I expected when reading the story to have it slanted to the side of the cyclist, and blame the driver. Then it got to the point where the driver claimed the cyclist was biking at 60-80 (depending on the report) MPH. At that point, I’ve got to side with the cyclist.

      • Ozymandias

        I must have watched that movie 20 times when it made the rounds on cable in the 80s. Loved that movie.

      • KSuellington

        Great flick, and an awesome scene.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You drive an expensive car, donchya?

        Explains a lot.

        Personally, I’d like a fully self-driving car. I don’t like driving. I am not saying that the current technology is ready for that level of autonomy yet.

        Like most emerging technologies, I’m pretty sure the eventual solution will surprise everyone and anyone who claims to know anything is just shilling for their particular solution.

      • Tundra

        Lol. A pickup truck. But even those are full of stupid-ass tech.

        I know you hate driving and the way the world is going, you will probably get your wish.

        It’s sad, though, because it’s just another disappearing freedom.

        I knew we were on the wrong track when the automatic transmission became common.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that guys like you don’t lose any freedom. The final solution might just require you to have a chip in your car that would respond to other cars so that they knew you were there. Nothing else in your car would prevent you from driving when/where you want.

        My gut tells me that the winning solution will more likely be a mesh network where cars near each other talk, but no central authority is in actual control of shit.

        My brain tells me that the ruling class won’t fuck up again like they did with the internet and will demand that the solution include a central authority.

      • Tundra

        They already loaded my vehicle with privacy crushing tech. My license plate (another) is likely read by a machine daily. Fucking cameras everywhere. The black box, the GPS, the “”convenience apps…

        Nah, the war is almost over anyway.

        I’m gonna buy one of these and head West.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Ummmm….. How much did you pay for that car?

        (CNN)The science is looking pretty unanimous on this one: Drivers of expensive cars are the worst.

        A new study has found that drivers of flashy vehicles are less likely to stop and allow pedestrians to cross the road — with the likelihood they’ll slow down decreasing by 3% for every extra $1,000 that their vehicle is worth.

        Researchers from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas speculated that the expensive car owners “felt a sense of superiority over other road users” and were less able to empathize with lowly sidewalk-dwellers.

        *And don’t you dare call this a bogus study. The numbers also prove that car drivers are racist and sexist too.

      • Sensei

        Can we now break this down by race and gender?

      • Pope Jimbo

        FTA:

        Researchers used one white and one black man, and one white and one black woman — also finding that cars were more likely to yield for the white and female participants. Vehicles stopped 31% of the time for both women and white participants, compared with 24% of the time for men and 25% of the time for black volunteers.

      • sloopyinca

        They left Asian women out of the study in the name of safety.

      • The Last American Hero

        In my part of the country, it’s that the owners of these cars make a fuckton of money at tech companies, but come from countries where they didn’t drive or drive very much. So you have a 35 year old with a year of experience behind the wheel driving a top of the line German sports sedan or Porsche SUV. And they drive it like somebody’s great grandma and an idiot teenager at the same time. I don’t begrudge them their financial success, but I would appreciate it if BMW made you pass a driving test before handing you the keys.

      • Sensei

        Common here as well. They come from places where the affluent have drivers and the roads are crazy.

        Their parking lot antics are also hysterical.

      • WTF

        Hence the joke:
        Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
        A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

      • banginglc1

        I just love the improvement to my commute and the joy of instant torque.

        That’s gotta be a euphemism.

        BLC1 2020!

      • Not Adahn

        Vote Veto!

    • Drake

      My brother has one. I turned on the lane-assist on the highways and felt really uncomfortable letting the car do as it pleased at 70 mph. I had trouble trusting it on an open highway in Maine. In traffic with road construction and barriers? No way.

      • leon

        If you ain’t going 80, get off the freeway.

      • UnCivilServant

        There are a lot of spots around here where if you are going 80, you will be ticketed by every pdunk police jurisdiction along the road.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There are spots around here that you’d roll your car or be flying off a hillside or both if you do 80 on the freeway.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      An interesting segment on Reason’s YouTube channel about a cellphone powered self-driving system:

      https://youtu.be/Nnh5TQ60hek

      It’s innovative and all but that’s a no go for me.

    • The Last American Hero

      I think there were 3 in the whole collection that still had the original serial numbers. Not 3 women, 3 boobs.

  19. AlmightyJB

    “Among the recommendations is for tech companies to design smartphones and other electronic devices so they don’t operate if they are within a driver’s reach, unless it’s an emergency.”

    I don’t understand why they just don’t ban cars, and people for that matter. Some ah playing video games dies when his autocar crashes into a concrete wall. Nannies: We better punish everyone then. Typical. FTN.

    • Chipwooder

      How exactly would the phone know it’s an emergency?

      • WTF

        It would rely on a computer algorithm..Oh!

      • invisible finger

        There are no emergencies except weather and amber alerts.

      • UnCivilServant

        Because the car tells it.

        Clearly.

      • AlmightyJB

        They’ll be an emergency button on the phone. It will pull up a 10 page form for you to fill out and submit to the NTSB and they will evaluate whether it’s an actual emergency. They’ll let you know by mail when they’ve unlocked your phone.

      • Nephilium

        Easy! It detects an accident!

        Duh…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Passengers are really going to love it. And dumbass drivers will just mount the phone in the passenger area and reach over.

  20. Rufus the Monocled

    “Tesla’s partially automated driving system steered an electric SUV into a concrete barrier on a Silicon Valley freeway because it was operating under conditions it couldn’t handle and because the driver likely was distracted by playing a game on his smartphone, the National Transportation Safety Board has found.”

    Natural selection. I wish to subscribe to its newsletter.

  21. leon

    Something that i find funny:

    In the past people such as Lincoln, Teddy R and such were the great nationalists because they sought to subordinate the states, and hamper their autonomy. These days sepratists are often called nationalists. Such as Catalan nationalists, Scottish Nationalists, etc.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Quebec nationalists are separatists too.

    • The Last American Hero

      So does that make many of us here…statists?

  22. Rhywun

    This is hilarious.

    Did you know that Latvia and Montenegro are better places to raise your kids than the United States? Also Bosnia and Saudi Arabia. It must be true. It’s what the experts say.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Yeh. No.

    • AlmightyJB

      I thought everyplace was better than the U.S.?

    • leon

      Here’s the great thing about those kinds of studies. No one cares what bullshit proxy you used or what formula you used. Because you said something that one of the political parties wants to say to get their policy proposals in, they will not fact check it, or they will even fact check it as true.

      Such is the “Party of Science”

    • Rebel Scum

      That’s why everyone wants to come to the US.

      • AlmightyJB

        You would think it would be the Democrats who would want to build a wall, to save people from coming to such a shit hole.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I thought everyone was dying to get into Latvia and switch to Latvian Orthodox!

        I like the hats.

    • robc

      You know the proper way to measure the best place to raise kids? The ones that parents are moving to.

      Not migration is the way to measure that. Or attempted net migration.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you torture the relevant data sufficiently it’ll admit to anything you want it to.

    • Jerms

      Gonna check zillow for a nice little place in Saudi Arabia.
      What did you think about the Kreider signing?

      • Rhywun

        He’s having his best year ever (I think?), so I approve. 7 years seems a bit much but I guess that’s how it works.

    • AlexinCT

      Did you know that Latvia and Montenegro are better places to raise your kids than the United States? Also Bosnia and Saudi Arabia. It must be true. It’s what the experts say.

      Isn’t this precisely why the unwashed masses have decided they want no more rule by experts?

  23. Pope Jimbo

    Stupid journalos! I really want the back story on this shooting in northern Minnesoda.

    Deja Mattison, 18, and Lauryn Jones, 19, are accused of luring 18-year-old Antonio Parkhurst to the home in an attempt to rob him, according to the Beltrami County prosecutor.

    According to court documents, Parkhurst then shot and killed 20-year-old Lupe Rosillo and shot an injured 17-year-old Jacob Brummit when the two ambushed him wearing masks inside the home.

    Parkhurst has been charged with second-degree murder in connection to the shooting. Parkhurst claims the shootings were in self-defense.

    I’m guessing drugs were involved and the local cops are using this as a golden opportunity for a twofer. A couple bad guys get shot and the other bad guy can be put in jail for shooting them.

    I’m also interested to know if Parkhurst is some super cool gunfighter with skillz, or the two would be robbers were some Tim Conway/Don Knotts types.

    • AlmightyJB

      “two would be robbers were some Tim Conway/Don Knotts”

      That’s why they’re two-bit criminals.

    • Tejicano

      “I’m also interested to know if Parkhurst is some super cool gunfighter with skillz, ”

      My guess is, guessing from the ages of all involved, the two dudes who got shot were thinking “we got gunz and we bad” and were not ready to actually start shooting while the dude who was surprised by the whole thing thought he was going to get shot if he didn’t shoot first. It was a point stressed by many of the real shootists of the late 19th century that deliberation was more important than speed or even accuracy.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I can’t count how many easy shots on game birds I’ve missed because I got excited and muffed the first shot. I can only imagine that rate gets worse when you factor in the idea that your target might also be shooting at you.

        I’m thinking too that like fist fights, the person who shoots first wins most of the time.

      • Tejicano

        The way I read how the above situation went down was..

        (In the mind of the guy being robbed) – “SHIT! I’d better shoot these M*****F*****s before they shoot me. BLAM! BLAM!”

        (In the minds of the two doing the robbing) – “We got this fool fo sho. Right? What? Is that a gun? Wait! I wasn’t gonna shoot you! Stop! Don’t! Damn! Ow! Why don’t you shoot this fool? Ow! How does this work? Ow!”

  24. Urthona

    I hate to be the contrarian here, but if you’re traveling down the highway and your car just suddenly steers you into a concrete wall how much time do you have to react? I saw the picture and it didn’t look like a gradual glide into a barrier.

    • Nephilium

      Probably not much, which is why you should have your hands on the wheel.

      • Urthona

        Apparently it doesn’t work without your hands on the wheel.

        He may have been distracted. I’m curious to know how they really know that.

        But the photo shows a car in the fast lane turned almost 90 degrees left into a concrete barrier. The article doesn’t mention the speed he was traveling, but I think you have to be superhuman to stop that if it were normal highway speeds.

        Also buried in the article is the fact that the crash wouldn’t have been fatal had the government been able to repair the barrier properly in time. So maybe he wasn’t going that fast? Dunno.

      • Sensei

        Tesla time stamps and logs everything. They also have his cell phone records. They cross referenced the two.

      • Urthona

        eh these app logs aren’t that great. we don’t know whether he just checked his clash of clans base two minutes prior or was actively trying to raid someone. 😉

        but seriously. one of the preferred ways to ban cellphones while driving is to show that the vast majority of people before car crashes had accessed their phones within a few minutes. which is probably true. everyone does. but also probably a broad attempt to simplify. certainly cell phone use has not increased vehicle accidents or fatalities and not has any attempt to ban them decreased.

        for me, the most dangerous thing i do is probably changing the song. i can’t get out of this habit.

      • R C Dean

        the vast majority of people before car crashes had accessed their phones within a few minutes. which is probably true. everyone does.

        I don’t. I don’t look at my phone at all when driving. If it rings, I don’t answer because 90% of calls are spam. If it texts, I don’t know because i can’t hear it over the stereo.

        If the vast majority look at their phones every few minutes while driving (which, based on observation, I believe), the vast majority are idiots.

        certainly cell phone use has not increased vehicle accidents or fatalities

        I seriously doubt that.

        not has any attempt to ban them decreased.

        True. Because people ignore the bans.

      • Mojeaux

        I’ve taken a little heat for not wearing a seatbelt, but I do NOT look at my phone while I’m driving. I’ve even put it on silent so I don’t have that stupid pavlovian reaction I hate.

    • Raston Bot

      “Alexa! How did Dale Earnhardt die?”

      • RJD

        HAHA, you win

      • dontreadonme

        LOL

  25. Rebel Scum

    All your rights are belonging to us.

    Biden began his comments by suggesting that “no amendment is absolute,” adding, “None of you can stand up on the First Amendment, free speech, and yell ‘fire’ in here [or] you’ll be arrested.”

    He then transitioned to Second Amendment rights, saying, “From the very beginning the Founder[s] said, ‘Not everyone is able to have a gun and you can’t have any weapon you want.’”

    Historically illiterate or dishonest gun-grabber? You decide!

    • SDF-7

      Oooh! Oooh! I wanna pick both!

      Letters of marque / privately owned *warships* much less standard artillery pieces should make this completely obvious to anyone.

    • sloopyinca

      Historically illiterate or dishonest gun-grabber? You decide!

      Yes.

    • leon

      I mean he’s right. They wouldn’t let slaves have weapons. And after the war they quickly went to making sure those freedmen couldn’t have weapons. The 2nd Amendment has always been restricted.

      • Viking1865

        Slaves were not free men. Free men have rights, slaves do not. From Dred Scott v Sanford

        ” It would give to persons of the negro race, who were recognised as citizens in any one State of the Union, the right to enter every other State whenever they pleased, singly or in companies, without pass or passport, and without obstruction, to sojourn there as long as they pleased, to go where they pleased at every hour of the day or night without molestation, unless they committed some violation of law for which a white man would be punished; and it would give them the full liberty of speech in public and in private upon all subjects upon which its own citizens might speak; to hold public meetings upon political affairs, and to keep and carry arms wherever they went. And all of this would be done in the face of the subject race of the same color, both free and slaves, and inevitably producing discontent and insubordination among them, and endangering the peace and safety of the State. “

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      What if there’s a fire though? That right seems to be absolute as long as you aren’t harming or defrauding someone.

      • Viking1865

        “Fire in a crowded theater” was a thought experiment created by Justice Holmes to rationalize throwing a war protester (or maybe a draft dodger, can’t remember) in prison. It’s always been a specious argument.

        If someone, somewhere, were to fraudulently yell that for the purpose of causing a stampede, then I’m sure you could get a reckless endangerment charge to stick with the right jury, plus a civil suit. There’s not any rationale for prior restraint.

        Which is of course, the same with gun rights: murder is already illegal. Arrest and convict the murderers of murder. Pretty simple.

      • leon

        Sometimes its fun to take a persons argument and show them where that argument came from. This is a perfect example. I think you could still get a bet of horror from a leftist when you pointed out that the “You can’t say Fire in a crowded theater” argument comes from a judge who was justifying throwing a War Protestor in jail. Especially since the left has a hard on right now for speech restrictions, and assure everyone that it will only be used for “hate speech”.

      • Jarflax

        Schenck was protesting the draft… Yes, Holmes was comparing protesting against compulsory military service to deliberately (and falsely) causing a panic in a crowded theater.

  26. leon

    Have any of you seen the “if you had a billion dollars” Bloomberg commercial? Interesting tact to try to gloss over the Mike Bloomberg is a Billionare problem. Also screw that chick who would take guns off the streets with a billion dollars. I’ll tell you what you can pay me a billion to buy one of mine.

    • UnCivilServant

      If I had a billion dollars… The amount of passive income I could generate would have me out of New York and focused on writing full-time instead of working around my day job.

      Hell, a tenth of that would be enough for that.

      • Enough About Palin

        I liked Louis C. K. saying that if he had Bill Gates’ money, he’d buy every MLB team and make them wear dresses on the field.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I haven’t seen the commercial, but please tell me that at least one blue collar type said “two chicks at the same time”.

      That level of self-mockery would make me vote for MiniMike

      • Nephilium

        I just saw my first Bloomberg 2020 sign in the wild the other day. I saw a Warren sign the same day. Still seeing Trump signs daily.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I haven’t seen one Klobuchar sign and I live in her home state.

      • robc

        Nothing but Tulsi signs around me. She may not have been in the Charleston debate, but someone made sure everyone in town saw her signs every 10 feet.

    • sloopyinca

      If I had a billion dollars, I’d spend about 1/10th of it buying as much contiguous land as I could. I’d put a fence around it, incorporate it, and then create a libertarian state. And I’d be king.

      • AlmightyJB

        The only thing banned would be the letter M.

      • sloopyinca

        ::rousing applause::

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Founded today, raided tomorrow.

    • Naptown Bill

      That’s easy. Peel off a couple million to buy a plot of land in the mountains and a plot of land on the water–not oceanfront, probably either the eastern shore or maybe southeast VA, either right on the bay or near it on a tributary. Build a couple decent houses: nice, but not requires-staff nice. Buy a nice RV. Then invest the rest and live off dividends.

    • Mojeaux

      What would I do with a billion dollars:

      1. Spend a large amount of money to advertise my books to make a small amount of money.
      2. Buy a ritzy condo, hire a housekeeper and cook.
      3. Go travel with Mr. Mojeaux.
      4. Give money to people who are struggling.
      5. Take art lessons.

      • UnCivilServant

        Sheet, with a fraction of minimike’s ad buys we could probably become bestsellers.

      • Mojeaux

        Also, I would play golf and patronize the arts.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hrmm… an art school for classical realism that specifically strives to create new masters in the mold of the old masters.

        Condescention towards ‘modern’ and ‘postmodern’ art is mandatory.

        /yes, I’m an ass.

      • Mojeaux

        All I care about is being able to illustrate my books and do a graphic novel and portray everything I see in my head.

        I’m not going for great art here.

      • Tejicano

        I’m not sure how well this is understood outside the study of things Japanese – but Japanese woodblock prints were not considered “art” in 19th century Japan. They were more like the “Anime” of the time in Japan.

        The lacquerware and porcelain which the whaling ship captains brought back to their wives were wrapped in these prints which their wives began collecting and appreciating. It was only when Japan started to understand that the outside world saw their “trash” as art did the upper class begin to see value in those prints.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, I’m not going to be attending such a school but If I had a billion, I could probably found it.

      • Mojeaux

        Eh, too much work. I’m 52. I’m not looking to have to work if I’ve got a billion dollars. I’ll find me a few art teachers and get lessons.

  27. Sensei

    TW: Gizmodo

    However this is useful when discussing Mini-Mike.

    The Complete List of Everything Banned by Mayor Michael Bloomberg

    Smoking in commercial establishments like bars and restaurants (2003)
    Smoking in public spaces (2011)
    Cigarette sales to those under 21 (2013)
    Sales of “flavored” tobacco products (2009)
    Smoking e-cigarettes in public spaces (2013) ***
    Cigarette in-store displays (2013)
    Cars in Times Square (2009)
    Cars from driving in newly created bike lanes (2007-2013)
    Cars causing congestion below 60th Street in Manhattan (2007) *
    Speeding on residential “slow zones” (2013)
    Illegal guns (2006-2013) **
    Sodium levels in processed foods (2010) **
    Trans-fats in restaurants (2006)
    Loud headphones (2013) **
    Styrofoam packaging in single-service food items (2013)
    Sodas larger than 16 ounces (2012) *
    Collection of yard waste and grass clippings during certain times of year (2003-2013)
    Organic food waste from landfills (2013) **
    Commercial music over 45 decibels (2013)
    Chain restaurant menus without calorie counts (2008)
    The posting of signs in “city-owned grassy areas” (2013)
    Non-fuel-efficient cabs (2007)
    New cabs that aren’t Nissan NV200s (2013) *
    Greenhouse gas emissions (2007)
    Government buildings that aren’t LEED-certified (2005)
    Non-hurricane-proof buildings in coastal areas (2013)
    Black roofs (2009) **
    Construction cranes over 25 years old (2013)
    No. 6 and No. 4 “heavy” heating oils (2011)
    Less than a 2-1 ratio of female and male restrooms in new public buildings (2005)
    Cell phones in schools (2006)
    Two-term limits for city elected officials (2008) *

    * Overruled/appealed ban
    ** Suggested/voluntary ban
    *** Proposed/pending ban

    • Nephilium

      Illegal guns

      But… wouldn’t illegal guns already be banned by the nature that they’re illegal?

      • Tundra

        Can’t be too careful.

      • Sensei

        It’s not the guns’ fault. I prefer to call them undocumented firearms.

      • hayeksplosives

        I welcome anyone’s undocumented firearms into my sanctuary house.

    • leon

      He banned two-term limits?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Didn’t he have them repealed so he could serve a third term so kind of?

      • Rhywun

        He convinced the city council to do it for him – it’s how he got his third term.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Cell phones in schools (2006)

      But Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Schools Chancellor Joel Klein have staunchly refused to drop the ban. They insist cell phones are a distraction and are used to cheat, take inappropriate photos in bathrooms and organize gang rendezvous. They are also a top stolen item.

      Because of all the learning that happens.

  28. Raston Bot

    https://www.foxnews.com/politics/gop-rep-shouts-down-hearing-witness-for-claiming-nobody-has-died-due-to-gun-restrictions?fbclid=IwAR3gwZPP8UiZXtA1BjDdZemXSaHPacoo73tGR5zXUHwFSwCiAUNHL0DNRY4

    Toward the end of Massie’s time, witness Timothy Jenkins, who serves on the board of social justice organization Teaching for Change, criticized Massie for steering the hearing in what he believed was the wrong direction. To underscore his point, Jenkins claimed that “nobody has died” because they were deprived of the right to carry a gun. Massie was quick to tell him otherwise.

    “Mr. Jenkins, that’s absolutely false. I can give you multiple examples,” Massie replied, only for Jenkins to insist, “No, it’s not false!” This prompted Massie to raise his voice while recalling a tragedy involving a former staff member.

    “I had a staffer who worked for me whose husband was shot in front of her in a gun-free zone!” Massie said. Committee Chairwoman Carolyn Maloney, D-N.Y., then told Massie that his time had expired, but after Massie requested permission, she allowed him to continue.

    “What you’re saying, Mr. Jenkins, is absolutely incorrect,” Massie said. “I had a staffer … who worked for me. She watched her husband be gunned down in front of her in a gun-free zone, because her firearm — she followed the law and left her firearm in the vehicle. So do not tell me, and do not tell her that nobody has ever died because they were deprived of their right to keep and bear arms.”

    • ChipsnSalsa

      *fist pump*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The other side will just argue that he wouldn’t necessarily have survived if she had her gun, which is true, but at least he might have had a chance.

      • Tundra

        Fuck that. How about those toxic males In Aurora who shielded the wmen they were with and died for it. I bet a slim chance would have looked pretty fucking good to them.

        Gun grabbers are the worst.

      • hayeksplosives

        Seriously, what is up with the gun grabbers mental obsession?? Don’t want a gun? Don’t get one. Why don’t you want me to have one?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Whatever isn’t prohibited, is mandatory. It’s their entire way of thinking.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Just like straws, plastic bags, or single use utensils.

      • Tejicano

        They can only imagine all the terrible things they would do if they owned a gun and expect that you will one day do what they think about.

        They also want to be able to tell you want you can and cannot do and understand that if you are the only one – between the two of you – who is armed their desires might not get very far.

      • AlexinCT

        You are coming at this from the wrong logical premise that they are concerned about anything other than the fact that armed people can and will resist their totalitarian aspirations/plans. Unarmed people are much easier to oppress.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And the counterpoint to that is if the chance was greater that his victims were armed, the criminal wouldn’t have attempted it in the first place.

    • Atanarjuat

      Awesome guy. There is a brief documentary about him and his beautiful homestead on Amazon prime called “Off The Grid”.

      • hayeksplosives

        I loved it. I really appreciated his stuff on Tesla model S batteries vs Model 3 when it comes to kluging your own Home battery storage.

      • UnCivilServant

        What? No love for the toxic fumes of a homemade lead-acid cell?

    • leon

      What an absolutely absurd thing to claim. How far up your ass do you have to be or just absolutely ignorant to think that no one has died because they were not able to have access to a weapon. How about every kid and teache shot in a Gun Free school zone?

    • sloopyinca

      Jesus, there’s loads of stories where people were killed because they couldn’t just go buy a gun. Wasn’t there some asshole in SoCal who gunned down his wife and others at the salon she owned because she was stuck in her waiting period to get her gun when he came in and killed her and a few other people?

    • Naptown Bill

      Dammit, I wish that man could hold multiple seats in the House.

      • Viking1865

        The House of Repeal. 50 representatives, elected from the country at large. When you file your taxes, you include your top 10 people for House of Repeal. Only people who are net taxpayers get their votes counted. Top 50 vote getters nationwide get elected. The House of Repeal can strike any federal law with 30 votes, and must consent to all new federal legislation with a 2/3rds majority.

      • robc

        If McConnell would retire, he would take his Senate spot easily.

    • Viking1865

      The definition of what a defensive gun use actually is has been debated. If there’s a shifty looking dude skulking around your back shed, and you step out on the porch with a pistol in hand and ask him what hes doing and he runs off, do you count that as a DGU? I would. The gun grabbers usually don’t, they would say it was the verbal challenge not the presence of the gun.

      https://www.rand.org/research/gun-policy/analysis/essays/defensive-gun-use.html

      Money quote here:

      Estimates for the prevalence of DGU span wide ranges and include high-end estimates—for instance, 2.5 million DGUs per year—that are not plausible given other information that is more trustworthy, such as the total number of U.S. residents who are injured or killed by guns each year. At the other extreme, the NCVS estimate of 116,000 DGU incidents per year almost certainly underestimates the true number.

      When even the people who want to take your guns away admit that there are over ten times as many DGUs a year as there are murders committed by gun, it’s absolutely absurd to suggest that guns are a net harm.

      It’s also basically impossible to count the number of violent home invasions that don’t happen in the US because theres roughly a 50/50 chance the homeowner is armed, compared to other countries.

      • Naptown Bill

        I was walking to Midnight Mass with my dad when I was in high school and we stopped at an ATM to grab some cash for the plate. Two shifty-looking guys who had been standing around immediately started walking towards us when they saw him start touching the keypad. He noticed and lifted his jacket up enough for them to see the pistol he had on his hip. Wordlessly, they turned around and walked the other way. I count that as a DGU.

      • Tejicano

        I have benefited from two DGU’s in which I was armed. Another aspect of these statistics would be the number of potential victims vs the number of assailants. For these two situations there were four potential victims (myself once in each case and two friends in one case) and about 12 assailants total. But the total number of rounds expended was zero. At the presentation of the firearm nobody wanted to play anymore.

      • Rebel Scum

        they would say it was the verbal challenge

        A verbal challenge backed with the threat of use of force allowed for by the presence of the firearm. Words are the bark. The gun is the bite.

  29. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    When you think of non-interventionism do you think “David Patraeus”? Of course not, because you’re not ignorant of very recent history. But, the Quincy Institute sure wants you to believe that if we just repackage status quo foreign policy opinion and label it “restraint” that it magically becomes so.

    https://www.theamericanconservative.com/state-of-the-union/david-petraeus-and-the-art-of-staying-the-same/

    FTA:

    “His remarks Wednesday, however, put that rosy notion to rest, quick.

    In short, the “sycophant savior” believes the U.S. still needs to be deployed abroad (including Afghanistan) to control terrorism; we “almost always have to lead,” and yes, this “campaign” can be forever, as long as we are willing to spend the blood and treasure to sustain it.

    And he really, really doesn’t like the word “interventionism.”

    “Are we ‘intervening’ by having 30,000 troops in Korea? What do you mean by intervention?” he quipped to Jonathan Tepperman, editor of Foreign Policy, who had gently raised the idea that the American public was ripe for new non-interventionist approaches. It was Petraeus’s first flash of real personality in the 30-minute exchange, but it came off a bit testy. He ticked off a few other “endless” (and ultimately positive) U.S. occupations, including Germany and Japan. The usual jive, and a non-starter with this crowd—they’d heard that tune before.

    Plus, wasn’t this supposed to be about a “new vision for America in the world”? The problem with Petraeus, a former general and CIA director who spent years around yes-men and failed up into a lucrative consulting career for the military industrial complex, is that he hasn’t had to be “new” at anything. Like Wednesday, he sprinkles a few anecdotes about being “downrange” in the last six years of his military career, and how “nobody wants to end endless wars more than those who have been fighting endless wars,” before offering assessments and solutions that are barely distinguishable from what he has prescribed for audiences over the last decade. More importantly, there is no sense of enlightenment or growth. Just a stubborn adherence to the status quo.”

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Controlled opposition do as controlled opposition does

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Patraeus’ entire career and place in the world was built around interventionism. It’s no surprise that he’d defend it.

    • leon

      “Are we ‘intervening’ by having 30,000 troops in Korea? What do you mean by intervention?”

      Yes, Yes we are. Fuck yourself David, and please try to keep the classified info away from the mistress.

      • Gustave Lytton

        He ticked off a few other “endless” (and ultimately positive) U.S. occupations, including Germany and Japan.

        I’m ok with ending those too.

    • leon

      Look, i’m not saying i’m in favor of war or whatnot. But a large part of why NK exists to this day is because the US is intervening there. If not the Japanese and South Koreans would have taken them out a decade or so a ago.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        The Ron Paul Institute called this over a month ago. They were noting how a lot of the Quincy Institute’s speakers and staffers are super pumped about our proxy war in Ukraine, but totally opposed the Iraq War after the fact. Literally, the NYT editorial page. The Quincy Institute wants us to believe that the NYT editorial page is “non-interventionist”. Woah- if true.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Elizabeth Warren✔
    @ewarren

    Donald Trump is bungling our response to the coronavirus. We need a real plan to fight back—and I’ve got one.

    Tomorrow, I’m introducing a plan that takes every dime Donald Trump is spending on his racist wall, and diverting it to fighting the coronavirus. #CNNTownHall

    A bold strategy…

    • leon

      I mean by the time she’s in office the coronavirus will barely be in the public memory. If only she was one of a hundred people able to enter legislation into the Senate.

    • hayeksplosives

      Is it wrong of me to want to gift her a blanket upon which a corona virus patient has wallowed?

      • leon

        Not if you then take it back and tell her you will give her a new one but she has to move to Oklahoma.

      • hayeksplosives

        Hi five!

        And “How”

      • Rebel Scum

        Her campaign trail is destined to end in tears anyhow.

      • Jarflax

        Why? did she hurt her knee?

      • Rebel Scum

        Her campaign trail is destined to end in tears anyhow.

      • Rebel Scum

        Dangit.

    • Atanarjuat

      racist wall

      Yep, we better get that wall built quick or some Latins will get in and the USA might lose its reputation for being one of the most racially pure nations on Earth.

    • tarran

      I think I should tell Elizabeth Warren about my new foundation, “Tarran’s Foundation to Combat Coronavirus Infections & Climate Change”

      As it says on our website, it is very effective at combating both things. Also we have never failed to hire a black, trans, or lesbian eskimo midget left-handed ninja albinos. We’re very diverse. And sustainable.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s pretty clear the Dems are going to politicize the fuck out of this no matter what happens. Hopefully the public will have enough sense to see through it but I’m not too hopeful.

    • Rhywun

      That is how you grandstand.

    • R C Dean

      Nothing says “epidemiologic best practice” like “wide open borders with no hope of quarantine”.

      Supposedly, even the “open borders” crowd says we should still screen for infectious diseases. I think another mask has been dropped.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        TFW you remember that Ellis Island was a quarantine station for immigrants.

        If you’re worried about disease, doesn’t it make sense to incentivize people to enter through a recognized port of entry so they can be checked as opposed to sneaking past?

    • Naptown Bill

      How can a wall be racist? Does the wall let white people through? ‘Cause if there’s some magical wall that only white people can walk through I want to check that shit out just to say I did it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Now is it calibrated as per the one-drop rule? Or does it let anyone who can pass pass?

      • Naptown Bill

        And are we counting Italians? I don’t mean northern Italians, I mean, you know…Sicilians. Also, what about…(((them)))?

      • Nephilium

        There’s a big sign up on it that says: “No Irish!”

      • UnCivilServant

        Lies! We’re whiter than the Anglos.

      • Naptown Bill

        Yeah, but you’re like _ethnically_ white.

      • Nephilium

        Man, next you’re going to act like Catholics are people.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why would I do that?

        /Ulster Unionist

      • Mojeaux

        “ethnically white”

        Is that a thing? I thought we were all mutts.

      • Tejicano

        I figure that once you’ve got a bit of that Neanderthal in you there shouldn’t be much room to be pressing that “racial purity” button. I mean, like once you’ve been mixing with other species race shouldn’t even be a topic for discussion.

      • Not Adahn

        Next you’re going to tel me that there’s no such thing as a purebred Labradoodle.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Getting nervous

    Democratic megadonor Bernard Schwartz has started reaching out to party leaders, particularly House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, to encourage them to back a candidate for president in order to stop the surge of Sen. Bernie Sanders.

    Schwartz, the CEO of BLS Investments, told CNBC that in recent days he’s been trying to speak with Pelosi and Schumer about making a pick, in the hope that voters will follow their lead and end up denying Sanders the party’s presidential nomination.

    “We should know who is the best person to beat Donald Trump, and with all due respect, Bernie Sanders cannot beat Trump,” he explained, describing the message he has relayed to the two Democratic leaders.

    ——-

    Schwartz’s links to Democratic leaders could move them in the direction he hopes they will go. He has been a key financier for congressional Democrats in the 2020 election cycle. He has donated over $885,000 to the House Majority PAC, a super PAC dedicated to helping Democrats get elected to the House of Representatives, while giving more than $620,000 to the Senate Majority PAC, according to the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics.

    During the 2018 congressional midterms, Schwartz gave more than $3 million to Democratic causes. The New York Times reported in April that Schwartz was organizing dinners on how to handle Sanders’ run for president with Pelosi, Schumer, former Gov. Terry McAuliffe of Virginia; presidential candidate former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Neera Tanden, the president of the Center for American Progress.

    Keep threatening to kill and eat the geese who lay the golden eggs, and they might fly the coop.

    • AlexinCT

      The funny thing is that they all loved saying the same shit Bernie is saying, but now that Bernie is getting the votes and might actually be the one in charge, they all are going these ideas are batshit crazy and we should not have them. Tells you that they really know the shit they peddle is evil and bad, but they figured they would pretend to be providing social justice while enriching themselves in the process. Bernie of course, would send the lot of them to a gulag.

    • Raston Bot

      not just socialism, but mob-rule socialism. i feel much better about it now.

      • AlexinCT

        The majority will decide how the camps and killing will be done, making it all totally legit!

        Speaking of which, this is why Bernie keeps defending Castro. He is looking forward to doing the same shit.

      • Rhywun

        “book claims”

        *snort*

        Never change, The Guardian.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Well, he hasn’t got much more time to fulfill his dream.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Jesse Jackson will mutate into whatever the Democratic Party is into this week. They guy has changed his positions on everything over the course of his life. It’s more than fair to call Jackson and hack and roundly ignore whatever he has to say. Also, the Sun Times is just getting shittier. I really don’t know how that is possible, but it’s somehow managed to accomplish that.

    • Tundra

      He’s talking about extending social guarantees like those offered in other advanced countries, such as Denmark and Sweden.

      Advanced?

      • Raston Bot

        “advanced” and “developed” are racist dog whistles. everyone knows this.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        a whitesle maybe?

    • Rebel Scum

      Adding the modifier “democratic” does not a moral philosophy make.

      • leon

        Really?

        :trashes the Democratic Murder for Profit Party signage:

    • wdalasio

      Yes, because I should feel much better about being fleeced and enslaved because, instead of one thief a thousand miles away, I’m being fleeced and enslaved by a thousand thieves one mile away.

    • Fatty Bolger

      If they mean welfare, not socialism, then they should just say so. Otherwise we’re going to believe it’s the same socialism that has been peddled to ruinous effect around the world.

    • banginglc1

      I don’t want drugs falling out my butt.

      But you’re fine with the shooting yourself in the testicles?

  32. Rebel Scum

    What do Democrats and ChiComs have in common?

    “The U.S. travel restrictions on China and criticism of China’s quarantine strategy to contain the COVID-19 have been seen as a racist politicization of the epidemic,” China’s state-run Global Times declared on Wednesday, without demonstrating that anyone other than themselves sees the situation that way. …

    The yellow peril stereotype, borrowed from Europe by American white supremacist writers in the 19th century, has long affected the Western cultural psyche. The idea that “sneaky Asians” would destroy Western nations became a racist trope used to justify hostility toward societies exploited by colonization and imposed underdevelopment. This explains modern-day delusions from US Senator Tom Cotton about biological warfare.

    Muh racism.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Neveryoumind the biological warfare lab down the street and to the left you bigot.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Standard commie propaganda, straight from the USSR days. Focus on any inconsistency, hypocrisy, or division. If you want a laugh, read any random day of China Daily.

      Leaving aside the efficacy and usefulness of travel bans, China used them internally to greatly slow transmission (for now) and… they’ve just announced mandatory quarantines for incoming visitors from high risk countries.

    • Endless Mike

      He was visibly ill and sweating during the “All is Well! Everything is Under Control” presser on state media – not the best optic.

      • Raston Bot

        that was a different spox. this is the cunt that was the spox for the 1979 hostage takers..

        https://youtu.be/wB3HjAysN7Y?t=310

      • Endless Mike

        Oh, my bad. Ouch, still not looking good for the Iranian Government. Sad face,

    • leon

      Trump is bringing us to the brink of war with his careless disregard. By not funding the CDC apropriately they didn’t have a cure for this unknown virus. He did this on purpose to agitate against Iran.

      • R C Dean

        I’d be curious to know what percentage of the CDC budget is actually spent on infectious disease research, epedemiology, contingency planning and supplies for epidemics, etc.

      • UnCivilServant

        1%

        /random-assed guess.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Washington Monument strategy. Coronavirus is something that CDC should be working on, therefore must try to divert attention from all of the other crap that they shouldn’t be.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        2.5 x 10^15 chess

  33. hayeksplosives

    I looked at my work calendar today and reckoned my odds of having time for lunch today are approximately 3,620 to one, so I made Eggos with kerrygold butter and Cary sugar free maple-ish syrup.

    • hayeksplosives

      I meant Odds Against, of course.

    • Raston Bot

      if someone walks into your office and says “leggo my eggo” while you’re eating you can kill them. it’s the law.

    • Nephilium

      Giant Eagle just released their own brand of Irish butter, it was on sale, so I picked up some to see how it compares. First test will most likely be some soda bread for St. Patrick’s Day.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Who speaks for the black man? White pollsters, of course.

    “Black Americans are remarkably unified in their opposition to Trump,” reads a memo breaking down the PRRI data.
    More than 3 in 4 African Americans held a “mostly” or “very” unfavorable view of Trump in 2019, with a whopping 56% of those saying they view the President “very” unfavorably.

    The lowest — lowest! — the President’s unfavorable rating got in the PRRI polling was 72% in August. The highest unfavorable score? How about 83% in December.
    Interestingly, the PRRI poll showed that while a majority (55%) of African-Americans identified as Democrats, another 31% said they were independents and 10% as Republicans.
    Almost 9 in 10 black Democrats view Trump unfavorably while 3 in 4 black independents say the same. Trump’s unfavorable rating among black Republicans is, perhaps not surprisingly, low — at 36%.
    Now, it’s possible that even with those dismal numbers, Trump might improve on his showing among black voters from 2016 in 2020. That’s because Trump did so incredibly poorly among black voters, winning just 8% of their votes in 2016.

    South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott, the lone black Republican in the Senate, predicted last week that Trump would get 12% of the black vote in 2020, adding: “And that is game over.”

    If Trump could get to 12% support in the black community, it would match the best showing for a Republican presidential candidate among that group in the last four decades. (George H.W. Bush in 1988 and Bob Dole in 1996 each got 12% of the African-American vote).

    Get Jesse Jackson to hunt down the race traitors and drag them back to the farm, before it’s too late.

    • Rhywun

      If Trump could get to 12% support in the black community, it would match the best showing for a Republican presidential candidate among that group in the last four decades.

      In other words, “Black Americans really, really don’t like Donald Trump Republicans”.

      • AlmightyJB

        Fake news. If they vote for Trump they don’t count because they’re not “really” black.

    • Viking1865

      “The lowest — lowest! — the President’s unfavorable rating got in the PRRI polling was 72% in August. The highest unfavorable score? How about 83% in December.”

      Spin never stops.

      If Trump got 15% of the black vote it would be a body blow to the Democratic Party. If he got 20%, which is still an abysmal actual share in raw terms, he’d basically snuff out the Democrats chances in half a dozen states. If 17% of black voters view him favorably (compared to 83%), and are willing to vote for him in November, its incredibly harmful to the Dems vote count. If 28% (compared to 72%) then you’re looking at a landslide.

      The danger to the Democrats is not “Republicans winning 50% of the black vote” it’s “Republicans keep winning white people and then peel off enough ethnic minorities to doom the Democratic Party.”

      • Ozymandias

        ^^^^This is why I think Trump wins in a landslide. I know the eternal pessimists here keep saying that the Dem vote-rigging can’t be beat, blah blah blah, yet Trump still defeated Hillary with only 8% – and there was rampant voter fraud. (See Jill Stein recount efforts and what was found in multiple locations.) If Trump gets 15% of the black vote, there isn’t enough skullduggery to save them. Identity politics has worked for so long for them, but it’s always had the weakness that you can only scream RACISTS!!1!!1!! for so long before white voters, who are still overwhelmingly the largest bloc in the country, will start voting their race. Strangely enough, it’s what happens when you keep unjustifiably calling them racists. (The TL/DR version is “there are only so many white-guilted Progs who vote.”)

        Worse for the Dems is that in 2016 Trump openly courted blacks with nothing more than logic: “You’ve tried dems for decades and what has it gotten you?” Everyone laughed, but he got about what every other Republican got, notwithstanding a massive, unceasing media smear campaign calling him a racist. Now he can point to the unemployment rates, along with having at least some famous blacks coming out in his favor (Kanye), and he can say, “Scoreboard, bitches. I told you I wasn’t racist and look at what I’ve done.” And the polls I’ve seen suggest he’s made inroads. I predict he gets something around 15%, and I think it could go higher, but we’ll see.

      • Raston Bot

        who counts the votes in Broward County? he’s not going to get 12%.

      • Ozymandias

        I don’t know what you’re saying. Sorry – I don’t know Broward County so I have no way of contextualizing your response. You disagree that he’ll get 15% overall, or…? You think he’ll get less than he did this last election?

      • UnCivilServant

        Broward County is one of the places where obvious vote fraud goes on unprosecuted where boxes of ballots are ‘discovered’ places they should never be, and the vote count is always last in, so they know how many democrat votes need to be fabricated.

      • Ozymandias

        Funny you should mention that.

      • Ozymandias

        Judicial Watch has won several lawsuits over cleaning up voter rolls, including in California. Not that it will matter there, but a bunch of conservative legal interest groups have started realizing that you can sue and win on this issue and it may (we’ll see) make a difference. The Jill Stein recount fiasco effectively ended Hillary’s chance to steal the election when all of the impossible results started being tallied.

      • UnCivilServant

        I haven’t gotten my hopes up that this will have an effect soon enough.

      • leon

        Judicial Watch has won several lawsuits over cleaning up voter rolls, including in California

        Isn’t that the case where the courts ordered the state and counties to clean it up and they just said “Yeah, were not going to do that”.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I just got my sample ballot from Florida in the mail the other day. I haven’t lived there in over 15 years.

      • leon

        What drives me mad is that these cleanups are then called “GOP Voter suppression”,. If you are completely opposed to maintaining the integrity of the voting system, you are the bad guy.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, but this time the Dems are running with a bunch of African-American candidates. No whiteys at all.

      • Homple

        Republicans are sick with fear that someone will catch them noticing white people vote too.

    • wdalasio

      South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott, the lone black Republican in the Senate, predicted last week that Trump would get 12% of the black vote in 2020, adding: “And that is game over.”

      You know, part of me wonders what the hell would happen if Trump actually did do well enough among black males (which seems to be the bulk of his support in the black community) for them to be a “suspect” in his re-election. Would they become the new “white adjacent”? My guess is that the recriminations and response might just be enough of a sh**storm to have a major effect on American politics.

      • leon

        I think they would focus more on the “Male” part and ignore the racial aspect. It goes too much against the narrative to try to craft something. And since even though 15% showing would be a huge hit to democrats, it still will be that 85% that didn’t vote for him. No even if the minorities pushed him over i think they would focus on the other margins that are easier to explain.

      • wdalasio

        I think the “professional Democrats” would respond much as you suggest. Honestly, though, I’m not sure the Bernie Bros or the rest of the progressive activist base would be able to hold their tongues.

    • leon

      Yeah, when you look at what the usual numbers are 1 n 4 is actually pretty good showing for a republican, as opposed to 2 in 10.

      • Ozymandias

        I believe the “usual” number is 1 in 8; so if Trump pulls 1in 4 it would be double what any other ‘Pub has ever done. It would crush Dems. Most importantly, it would destroy The Narrative that has animated that party since the 60’s… you know, when the Parties “switched.” /hard sarc
        If enough blacks start to vote off-plantation, the DNC and Team Blue is in deep shit.

      • leon

        This is one part of why i don’t buy the “Demographics will mean that the US is doomed”. It assumes that voting patterns will be static from here on and forever. I see no reason why minorities will always be voting for the democratic party and as they increase in percentage of the population, the solidarity of the block is bound to fail.

      • R C Dean

        This is one part of why i don’t buy the “Demographics will mean that the US is doomed”.

        When I say this, I am referring mainly to the pro-socialist indoctrination of younger generations.

        The march through the institutions is over. The Left won. That plays out demographically, since one of the institutions was education. The other institutions (media, entertainment, government) serve to reinforce and preserve the indoctrination the education system provides.

        Maybe the young ‘uns will follow the historic path of being brain-dead lefties while in their ’20s, and grow up when they get real jobs, families, etc. But I think a lot of the influences that might lead them to grow up are weaker now. Time, of course, will tell.

      • leon

        I think that is a more defensible point, though i don’t see it as much demographics as just problems with indoctrination. Though i can see what you mean, since as the Old die off and the young replace them that demographic switch of generations.

      • Ozymandias

        In fact, I believe that second or third generation Mexicans/Latinos vote a lot more like white people than is suggested. I can’t find the article at the moment, but I remember reading a pretty detailed study that suggested that darker-skinned people tend to start voting like middle class white people… when they start buying homes and otherwise acting in ways you would expect people to act as they climb the economic ladder. It makes Dems’ efforts to keep people poor look a lot more rational – and evil – when you consider that as people succeed they’re not so motivated by the envy/punishment of others that Dems flog daily.
        What we’re seeing with college kids today (the dumbfucks that got shitty degrees) is another tactic in the same old Dem strategy of generational impoverishment: create people who are indebted to Big Daddy govt and they’ll vote accordingly. It’s just a new form of welfare.
        I think that’s why the DNC establishment types hate Bernie – he doesn’t get the scam and may very well cancel that debt. Then what?? How will they keep those kids on the plantation and voting Dem for life if they’re out from under their debt and start making a living??
        This doesn’t address how it will drag the rest of us down, but I begin to see the method to the madness.

  35. Rebel Scum

    Containment is probably not possible at this point.

    You shoulda listened to Styx a month ago.

    • Below Sea Level Hell Centro

      +1 Spoon clank ?

  36. AlexinCT

    DA FUQ???

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just think of it as a way to part fools from their money.

    • Nephilium

      Meh. It’s no different then other pro sports.

      • AlexinCT

        Really? So you telling me the 300 lbs 5 foot 5 inch tall guy with an orange dick, because he spends his game off-time watching porn and eating Cheetos, is as big of an athlete as the people actually doing a physical activity?

        Not sure I get your logic.

      • Nephilium

        They’re reaction based and tactical. How is it different then pro bowling, pool, darts, and the like? There’s millions of dollars being spent on eSports already, and watching them is a popular past time for quite a few people. No one is being forced to pay for it, and for the most part the events are paid for by companies and sponsors instead of government.

      • AlmightyJB

        Saw people competing to climb slippery stairs on ESPN Tuesday night.

  37. Raston Bot

    so the Milwaukee MillerSAB shooter reportedly had a suppressor on one of his handguns so now it’s back to BAN SUPPRESSORS all over again. and i just paid my fucking $200 tax stamp too. cunts.

    • R C Dean

      reportedly

      Ima need to see a pic. Odds are, given the ignorance and dishonesty of the press and the grabbers, that he had a Mag-Na-Port or similar. Which actually makes the gun louder. Which is why I don’t port my guns.

      • Not Adahn

        One of the steel shooters is getting his 10/22 ported to enloudenify the bangs. Otherwise, he has to reshoot strings sometimes because the shot timer can’t hear it.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought we were just going to tape the timer to the gun.

      • Not Adahn

        The vibration from the bolt sliding home can trigger an extra shot reading.

    • dontreadonme

      Yeah, because all those poor bastards would still be alive today if he didn’t use one. Sure.

    • AlmightyJB

      Wait until someone uses an oil filter.

  38. JD is Unemployed

    Ayo the BEE is LIT rn sksksksks #andioop

    • AlmightyJB

      Wow. Lol.

    • Tejicano

      He forgot to mention lifetime employment?

    • AlmightyJB

      I’m anticipating the Climate Change-Corinavirus connection article.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Bravely asking the question none dare ask

    But in all these debates the Democratic Party’s prospective presidential nominees have not been asked the most important question: What should happen if Donald Trump is defeated and then refuses to leave office?

    In a moment when Trump is systematically undermining the rule of law, ignoring the Constitution, purging the government of anyone who places loyalty to democracy and the Constitution over personal subservience to him, and in total acting as though he were a king or dictator, the answer to that question is essential for the future of the country.

    As of the first week of February, Donald Trump has “joked” at least 27 times that he plans to stay in office past the two terms allowed by the Constitution. Trump’s propagandists have made similar statements, including outlandish claims that because Trump was impeached he is somehow now allotted extra time in office.

    ——-

    Why haven’t the Democratic primary candidates forcefully and clearly stated what they will do if Donald Trump is defeated in 2020 and then refuses to surrender power?

    There are several reasons. To confront such an increasingly probable outcome would create an epistemic crisis, where what is taken to be true, constitutes knowledge, and exists as empirical reality and verifiable facts would be left upside down and discombobulated.

    ——-

    What should be done?

    The American people must force the Democratic Party’s presidential candidates, and its eventual nominee to answer this crucial question: What should be done if Donald Trump refuses to leave office in 2020?

    How a given candidate answers that question is like a final exam which should help the American people assess if that person is capable of being the next president of the United States — and capable of doing the long, hard, difficult and necessary work to restore and repair America after the great harm caused by the Age of Trump.

    Why won’t anybody (except Salon) stand up and accuse President Cartoon Villain of being a totalitarian dictator? He has tied America to the railroad tracks, and here comes the Super Chief! Won’t someone come to America’s aid?

    • ChipsnSalsa

      here comes the Super Chief

      I thought you were talking about Warren for a moment there.

    • leon

      What do you mean he won’t leave office? Like he won’t get out of the oval office? They make it sound like he could simply say No and that then everyone would have to go along with it. If a president tried to “stay in office” all you would have to do is say “whatever sweetie, and then hold the inauguration anyway and move on.

      • Ozymandias

        It’s (yet another) example of Progjection – maybe the perfect one.
        Just think about what that means for a minute.
        Remember when Hillary was jumping all over Trump and claiming that he “wouldn’t accept the outcome of the election?” (Pepperidge Farm remembers!) Look at what’s happened since. Now tell me what the writers at Salon would do if it were them.

      • Rhywun

        Salon doesn’t believe any of the shit they write any more than Donald believes he’s going be to King forever. It’s just shit-posting all the way down.

    • Fatty Bolger

      after the great harm caused by the Age of Trump

      Yeah, the country sure has gone to shit in the last 3 years.

    • Tejicano

      I really don’t get this argument. So what if any president decided he wasn’t going to leave the white house after losing an election? So you hold the inauguration for the guy/gal who won and set up a new “white house”. There’s nothing magical about the street address 1600 Pennsylvania, WDC. Let the loser hang out until nobody cares anymore. Run the government from a different address. WTF people?

    • Rhywun

      increasingly probable outcome

      *snicker*

      • creech

        The way I heard it yesterday is that Trump will cancel the election due to coronavirus epidemic and never get around to lifting a ban on public assembly.

    • RAHeinlein

      This is completely backwards – the question should be “will you (Dems) accept the results of the election?” Important since they still haven’t accepted the results from 2016.

      • R C Dean
    • Heroic Mulatto

      The Founders answered that question in 1787, you dope.

      It’s called the 2nd Amendment.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    I know jack shit about “video” games, or any other suchlike weird witchery. But- let’s just say, for the sake of argument, certain types of games are a good incubator of innovative thinking and problem solving skills. If I were director of a government intelligence/security agency, I might assign some people to scout the game world for talent.

    *I have no doubt such programs already exist.

    • Nephilium

      You mean something like America’s Army?

    • Homple

      The Robin William’s movie “Toys” had kids with video controllers operating remote military drones. Maybe fiction got there first.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        None of you nerds remember the Last Starfighter?!?!?!

      • Sean

        Thank you.

  41. The Late P Brooks
    • Heroic Mulatto

      Is this guy serious?

      1946 Warner Bros Looney Tunes cartoon featuring Bugs Bunny invading the dream of Elmer Fudd, turning it into a nightmare. Excerpt 3 shows the theme of paralysis, helplessness. Sometimes the sensation of paralysis is accompanied by rationalizing imagery, offering for an explanation for immobility.

      The only way to make Bugs Bunny worse is to psychoanalyze that shit.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      What are you talking about? One of my daughter’s best friends is from Sud…

      Oh.

      Never mind.

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Conceived by Colonel Casey Wardynski, the Army’s Chief Economist and a professor at West Point, the idea was to provide the public with a virtual soldier experience that was engaging, informative, and entertaining. Wardynski felt that the best way to convey this was through the booming video-game market.

    I should be ashamed, I guess, but I had no idea the Army had an actual titular Chief Economist.

    • Not Adahn

      I’d imagine it spends more than quite a few so-called “countries” out there. Yeah, I’m talking to you Tulavu.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Trump will never be able to poach black votes, now that Congress has passed that anti-lynching law.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And every last Republican senator and rep voted against it because they’re racists

      /forthcoming narrative

  44. The Late P Brooks

    War on Journalism

    The Trump campaign has filed a libel lawsuit against what it called the “extremely biased” New York Times, saying the paper’s March 27, 2019 op-ed titled “The Real Trump-Russia Quid Pro Quo” amounted to a knowingly false smear intended to “improperly influence the presidential election in November 2020.”

    “They did a bad thing,” Trump said at a coronavirus press conference later Wednesday, before apparently promising more litigation. “There will be more coming. There will be more coming.”

    The lawsuit seeks “compensatory damages in the millions of dollars,” as well as punitive damages and legal fees. Knowing that then-Special Counsel Robert Mueller was about to exonerate President Trump, the campaign argues in the lawsuit, the Times sought to quickly “damage” the president’s campaign “before the Mueller Report would be released debunking the conspiracy claims.”

    “Today the President’s re-election campaign filed suit against the New York Times for falsely stating the campaign had an ‘overarching deal’ with ‘Vladimir Putin’s oligarchy’ to ‘help the campaign against Hillary Clinton’ in exchange for ‘a new pro-Russian foreign policy, starting with relief from … economic sanctions,'” senior Trump campaign legal advisor Jenna Ellis said in a statement.

    President Cartoon Villain will go to any lengths to conceal the truth about his treacherous depravity.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    And every last Republican senator and rep voted against it because they’re racists

    /forthcoming narrative

    The Constitution was written by slave owners!

  46. Not Adahn

    So, that transman that had their cooch removed without their consent? Apparently they didn’t notice for more than a week. Also, they did opt for the addadicktome, so I guest they were more of a transhermaphrodite than a transman?

  47. The Late P Brooks

    In a statement, the Times shot back: “The Trump Campaign has turned to the courts to try to punish an opinion writer for having an opinion they find unacceptable. Fortunately, the law protects the right of Americans to express their judgments and conclusions, especially about events of public importance. We look forward to vindicating that right in this case.”

    I didn’t say Elizabeth Warren subsists on the blood of children. I said she strikes me as the sort of person who could.

    That’s just, like, my opinion, man.

    • leon

      Fortunately, the law protects the right of Americans to express their judgments and conclusions, especially about events of public importance.

      Didn’t the NYT publish an editorial about how we need to limit freedom of speech?

    • R C Dean

      “The Trump Campaign has turned to the courts to try to punish an opinion writer for having an opinion they find unacceptable.”

      I’d have to read the actual article at issue, but this sounds like a statement of fact to me:

      “Today the President’s re-election campaign filed suit against the New York Times for falsely stating the campaign had an ‘overarching deal’ with ‘Vladimir Putin’s oligarchy’ to ‘help the campaign against Hillary Clinton’ in exchange for ‘a new pro-Russian foreign policy, starting with relief from … economic sanctions”

      While the line between fact and opinion can be fuzzy, saying “in my opinion” before a statement of fact doesn’t convert it to opinion. If I say, “In my opinion, Nancy Pelosi sacrifices children to Moloch in the Capitol basement”, I have still made a statement of fact. Probably a false one. Probably.

      • tarran

        Looking over the suit, a big problem leaps right out:

        It’s a lawsuit in the NY State Court system. It’s likely to be heard in NYC itself. I can’t imagine a jury being impaneled that would not allow TDS to govern what facts they find.

      • UnCivilServant

        It won’t see a jury before the election. It’ll go through so many rounds of motions and appeals of motions before then. Really, other than PR, the objective is probably to force a settlement.

      • tarran

        Ordinarily, I’d agree; most of these things end with settlements by the end of discovery.

        But this is extra-ordinary. The NY Times cannot afford anything less than a ‘victory’, and Trump doesn’t give a shit if he loses a jury trial.

      • tarran

        But this is extra-ordinary. The NY Times cannot afford anything less than a ‘victory’, and Trump doesn’t give a shit if he loses a jury trial.

        After commenting the above, I think I’ve figured it out.

        I expect the NY Times will try to slow-walk this procedurally, and Trump will try to move this to trial as quickly as possible.

        The NY Times has three possible defenses:
        1) It’s factually true
        2) Though it was factually false, the publication wasn’t motivated by actual malice (this is the hurdle applied only to public figures that tilts the field against them)
        3) It’s an opinion with sufficient factual basis to be non-libelous.

        For the trial, a pool of shared evidence has to be created. It is filled by both sides through a process called discovery, and only facts in the pool can be presented at trial.

        Trump can produce the results of the justice department investigation. He could also subpoena data from the NY times, which could result in delays as they put in motions to quash or limit his subpoenas. I suspect he won’t do that.

        The NY Times could voluntarily disclose the evidence they have that they didn’t lie willfully. But we all know that evidence is not credible. So they will likely try to subpoena records from the Justice department that provide the fig leaf they need to justify any of the possible defenses.

        And there they are fucked. Because if Trump directs Barr to not quash those subpoenas, and the FBI nevertheless tries to, it looks like the FBI are guilty of something. If the FBI discloses everything they have honestly, the mistreatment of Trump is laid out before the public again, and the NY Times will be behind it! The only hope for the NY Times is that the FBI feigns compliance while trying to hide evidence, and that is quite a long shot at this point, since Congress has gotten hold of the records and can check the FBI’s production against what they have.

        This lawsuit looks like a great opportunity to force Trump’s enemies to publish information they would really prefer to keep under wraps.

      • tarran

        HELP! EDIT FAIRY!!!!!

        Only the first para was supposed to be blockquoted!

        Could you help me out?!?

        (//curses work computers that won’t permit installation of Monocle)