VD Friday Afternoon Links

by | Feb 14, 2020 | Daily Links | 327 comments

In Florida we know how to do VD right. Monkey herpes, antibiotic resistant syphilis…. what? Oh. Valentine’s Day. Meth and/or new teeth are always appreciated by your sweetie. Random acts of senseless criminality are also a hit, but you gotta make sure to get it in the police report and/or press release. “I did it for my baby(mama)!” My wife and I are staying in tonight, but as the MIL is in town, we will be able to get out tomorrow when the restaurants take their price gouging conveyor belt meals off the menu. None of this should be taken as disliking or disagreeing with the restaurants for this. Go get ’em! Finally, I hear rumors that jesse.in.mb is actually jesse.in.fl this week. Welcome! Sorry I can’t make the drive down the coast for a meetup this time.

Deep-state fallout: Flynn case to be re-examined at Barr’s demand, and McCabe will avoid charges. I especially like the McCabe one, because the formal statement include a “totality of the circumstances” statement. Which we all know means, “he’s guilty but we don’t prosecute our own”

“based on the totality of the circumstances and all of the information known to the government at this time, we consider the matter closed.”

Exercise makes people happier than money. Of course, you have to have enough leisure time to exercise.

This NYC couple qualify for honorary Florida citizenship.

Chances for SMOD, rising.

 

And now, Florida Man’s Valentine’s Day song.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

327 Comments

    • Rebel Scum

      Disqualified for failure to comment on a link.

      • Q Continuum

        YOUR MOM IS DISQUALIFIED FOR FAILURE TO COMMENT ON A LINK

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        OOOOHHH, touchy today…………….

      • Spudalicious

        No titties.

    • Chafed

      At least grace us with the lovely ladies of Valentines Day.

      • C. Anacreon

        Does that mean heart-shaped rear ends?

  1. Rebel Scum

    “based on the totality of the circumstances and all of the information known to the government at this time, we consider the matter closed.”

    Laws are for little people.

    • dbleagle

      Did anybody really expect anything else? Rule #1 is to protect the organization, even if it shortsighted. This just further confirms “law” is only for the deplorables and the little people.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He can still be charged for lying on the FISA submittal regarding Carter Page though and that’s a big one. Ah who am I fooling, we all know that’s not going to happen.

  2. Rebel Scum

    What makes people happier than money

    Using it to buy a Waverunner?

    • Private Chipperbot

      Is that you, Kenny Powers?

  3. DEG

    The benefits of routine exercise have been well documented. Blaring headlines tout weight loss, muscle gain, lower cholesterol, improved mental health, sharper focus, stronger bones and a stronger heart, among other improvements.

    What about beautiful people at the gym?

    I remember the controversy over that Guns ‘n Roses song when it came out. That was part of the reason I eventually bought the album.

    • Brett L

      One in a Million should really play at Trump rallies.

      • DEG

        Heh

      • Brett L

        Uh, Ted, that song is One In A Million You

      • Ted S.

        I’m sorry you have such philistine taste in music.

      • Nephilium

        Million-to-once chances crop up nine times out of ten

        –Discworld

    • Fourscore

      “have 35 days of poor mental health a year”

      Hell, I have that every month.

      • Tres Cool

        36 days for Leap Years ?

      • Ted S.

        “have 35 days of poor mental health a year”

        That’s about how long women are having their periods, isn’t it?

        /this is why there are no female libertarians….

      • RAHeinlein

        All the female libertarians are pro-menopause.

  4. Q Continuum

    RE: McCabe.

    Kinda funny Barr chose this week to start chastising Trump over the tweeting about the DoJ. Well, Billy Boy, maybe he wouldn’t tweet if the DoJ wasn’t so fucking useless at policing its own. The guy knowingly signed false FISA documents fer Christ’s sake. If that’s not worth prosecution, I don’t know what is.

    • Lackadaisical

      The guy knowingly signed false FISA documents fer Christ’s sake. If that’s not worth prosecution, I don’t know what is.

      Heh. How much you wanna bet Barr has done the same or similar?

      • Chipwooder

        Yes. There’s probably more than a bit of self-preservation involved here.

  5. Rebel Scum

    Video Shows Man, Woman Threatening Each Other With Knives

    At least no one had a gun.

    Also, would Valarie Castro.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      College roommate was present for a Bourbon Street stabbin’ back in 89.

      Old dude is knifing away at his fat wife in the middle of the street while she continued to cuss his skinny ass out.

      • Q Continuum

        Post-stabbing sex is the best.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        So many more holes to play with.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      No, the first and foremost important factors are cultural. And that isn’t new. Fifty years ago it was Jews disproportionately filling these schools. The Asian community in New York City puts enormous value in education. This explains a lot of the disparity. This is just expected of these kids, and they value it.

      Bingo.

    • Lackadaisical

      Yeah, but just think how much better the crappy schools the Asians will be forced to attend will start doing.

      Dems to Asians: “Just lie back and think of diversity”

    • Fatty Bolger

      Cut those poppies down.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Getting some Bernie supporters protesting that he calls himself a “democratic socialist”. That’s kind of like calling Velveeta “cheese food”. It doesn’t help.— Paul Krugman (@paulkrugman) February 14, 2020

      He’s so much smarter than we are.

    • Winston's Mom

      Tune in later, darling. ZARDOZ needed a handjob this evening.

      • Jarflax

        Zardoz is so old fashioned.

      • DEG

        Good thing you struck out the “job” because otherwise I might wonder what caused Zardoz to turn over a new leaf.

  6. Rebel Scum

    Leftists love poor people so much that they want to price them out of being able to defend themselves.

    State Rep. Jillian Gilchrist is the author of the proposed tax increase, and she tried to shame anyone who would question why only gun owners are being asked to pay for programs to reduce violent crime across the state.

    An emotional scolding from State Rep. Jillian Gilchrest (D- West Harford) when asked whether her proposal to tax gun ammunition by 35% is a punishment on lawful gun owners.:

    “Shame on you, those being punished are the victims of gun violence from Hartford to Newtown,” she said.

    Gilchrest said there has never been a comprehensive plan to fund gun violence prevention programs, and her proposal would do just that.

    An estimated $50 box of bullets with a 35% excise tax would result in about $17.50 being paid to the state.

    In total, Gilchrest expects the proposed tax to raise $7 million for programs to diffuse violence.

    CT is a small state.

    • Q Continuum

      dOn’T yOu CaRe AbOuT vIcTiMs Of ViOlEnCe?!?!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      programs to diffuse violence

      Make the violence less intense are spread across a larger population?

      • Festus

        Sure. Everyone gets a purple-nurple instead of a few gang-bangers being shot down in the street.

    • Chipwooder

      “programs to diffuse violence”…..in other words, graft.

    • R C Dean

      There was a Supreme Court case from way back where somebody was trying to impose a heavy tax on printer’s ink. The Court struck it down, saying “The power to tax is the power to destroy.”

      If stare decisis wasn’t also part of the one-way ratchet, this tax would be struck down as well.

      • Shirley Knott

        That was my first proto-libertarian moment. We were taught, I’m guessing 5th grade, that churches weren’t taxed because the power to tax was the power to destroy. I was fairly religious at that point and it still struck me as deeply wrong.

    • Old Man With Candy

      “Diffuse.” They keep using that word. I do not think it means what they think it means.

      • Festus

        Morans with no ragrets.

  7. Rebel Scum

    Woke Illustrated

    Sports Illustrated has introduced its next slate of finalist models for its upcoming swimsuit issue, and a plus-sized model, a 56-year-old model, and a bald fitness trainer will be among them.

    The magazine introduced the six finalists that the magazine touted as its most diverse ever. The finalists were winnowed down from seventeen hopefuls unveiled last October, the Daily Mail reported.

    Before this year’s winner is announced, the magazine is set to send the finalists to a photo-shoot conducted in the Turks & Caicos Islands, a British Overseas Territory southeast of the Bahamas.

    The finalists include Philadelphia native Christie Valdiserri, a 25-year-old fitness instructor and dancer whose personal style includes are bald head.

    “I was inspired to attend the Model Search in Miami when I finally had enough strength and confidence in myself as a bald woman,” Valdiserri recently said.

    Valdiserri added that she wanted to “educate the next generation that beauty comes from who you are, not from what you look like.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      beauty comes from who you are, not from what you look like

      Of course, it doesn’t hurt to be fit and have nice tits.

      • Lackadaisical

        I thought you said “#peach” at first.

        Also, where’s the Friday funbags at? 😉

    • Pope Jimbo

      Why do they need three gals to fill that punch card? Why not just take a few pics of some fat, old bald gal and be done with it?

      • Festus

        If I were to tuck and squeeze my arms just right I could be an SI model too?

    • LJW

      Sports Illustrated has introduced its next slate of finalist models for its upcoming swimsuit issue, and a plus-sized model, a 56-year-old model, and a bald fitness trainer will be among them.

      In other words “we don’t really want to sell magazines.”

      To be fair I wasn’t going out of my way to buy the swimsuit edition before they went woke.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Hey, growing up in an era without internet porn, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was required reading until everyone at my school found the magazine place nearby that would sell Playboy to teenage boys.

      • Chipwooder

        I can confirm that. By senior year of high school, I had all the Swimsuit Issues from 1989-94 under my bed.

    • Chipwooder

      They did have Cheryl Tiegs in it one year when she was around 50…..but she still looked like Cheryl Tiegs.

      I guaran-damn-tee you every one of those fat girl models fantasizes about the likes of the Rock or Vin Diesel, not pre-weight loss Jonah Hill.

    • Count Potato

      ““It’s been well documented that the 2008 crash was caused by unethical, predatory lending that deliberately targeted communities of color,” said Debra Gore-Mann, president and CEO of the Greenlining Institute, a nonprofit that works for racial and economic justice. “People of color were sold trick loans with exploding interest rates designed to push them into foreclosure. Our communities of color and low income communities were the victims of the crash, not the cause.” ”

      It can be both.

      • Brett L

        To be fair to her position, poor people just wanted to own a house because a lot of intelligent people told them it was a key to not being poor. The banks all thought they’d found a way to never lose money on a loan again. It was the loan repackaging that nearly froze the market, not the loans. Those loans would never have been offered if the banks didn’t think they were immune to the inevitable blowback.

      • cyto

        Not exactly.

        What happened is more complex… and simpler.

        There was the redlining issue – the Feds insisting that loans be made everywhere. They backed this up with support from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to buy up the loans. Buy and hold had become a thing of the past quite a while earlier. The savings and loan crash kind of put the nail in that coffin.

        But the big deal was Enron, SOX and Mark to Market pricing.

        When they introduced Mark to Market pricing, the rule became that you had to value your assets by the market, all the time. Banks have very strict rules about asset ratios.

        So, there’s this real estate bubble. People are refinancing all over the place to take equity out. One day, it has to end… as all bubbles do. And when that happened…. suddenly there is uncertainty. How bad will it be? How much of this portfolio is going to become bad debt?

        Those were unknowns. And what that meant was that nobody wanted to buy Mortgage Backed Securities. Not because they were worthless, but because they were impossible to fairly price.

        So what happens now? Well, if you are an investor you just hang on for a while and wait for things to settle out. Your portfolio of mortgages is still paying. It will continue to pay for the most part. And your losses will be limited by the value of the underlying real estate. You would never sell at this moment, because you’d never get enough money to make it worth it to you to let go of that asset.

        But here is where Mark To Market comes in and fucks all of us. Really hard.

        Because now the bank has to price those assets. Well, what is the price? The rules said it is whatever people are willing to pay. So if you have $600 million in a portfolio of loans that is paying off just fine and someone offers you fifty cents on the dollar, what’s the price? It damned sure isn’t $300 million. Because you would be a fool to take that offer. You’d just hold. But not with mark to market. Now you have to mark down your assets by $300 million. Which means you now don’t have enough assets to cover your ratios. So you have to sell.

        Right in to the teeth of a bear market. You have no real losses. You only fail to have willing buyers. And only because of the uncertainty. But now banking regulators are insisting. You suddenly make that $300 million loss real. 100% because of regulation.

        And what did that do? Well, it further depressed the market, that’s what it did. And scared the crap out of everyone. So now when the other banks come around to find their market price, it drops another 50%. Now things are worth twenty five cents on the dollar. And then banks start going under. The feds come in and force big banks to buy out little banks. Several were perfectly solvent on Friday, and out of business on Monday, without so much as a blip of a warning. All because of a visit by the regulators. I had a bunch of cash in transit at Netbank at the time. Lost a bunch of it exactly that way…. they came in on friday, started selling assets, it spiraled out of control and on Monday my money was gone. Poof. They had to liquidate it to save it, apparently.

        That is why mark to market is such a crock. It requires 2 things to make a market. A willing buyer. And a willing seller. Mark to market doesn’t work when the market stops for some reason. But in regulated industries like banking, you still have to abide by that price.

        It would be as if you had a prized Winchester 1886 in .50-110 and someone offered you $3k for the thing. You wouldn’t sell it at that price – even if you put it on ebay and had no other bidders. You’d be nuts to sell the thing for ten times that amount.

        But Banking rules say that you would have to value it at $3k if you had no other offers. And then if you needed to raise cash, you’d be forced to sell it at that price, instead of holding on to your $60k rifle until a suitable buyer showed up.

      • Shirley Knott

        Thank you for that clear & concise explanation!

      • cyto

        Well, I dunno about concise. I tend to bloviate on this issue. It is personal. I lost a whole lot of money because of that. Our company was collateral damage in that nonsense. Because of the lack of liquidity in the markets, raising capital was impossible for about 2 years. And our company required hundreds of millions in capital markets investments every year.

        But we were still doing fine… poised to take over the market, in fact. But then our investment bank was shuttered because of the exposure of doing investment banking. Regulators told the bank to close up their investment bank, so they did. They sold off all assets at a loss. The fire sale turned a merger in which we were buying out our biggest competitor who was undergoing bankruptcy restructuring into a merger in which they bought us out for pennies on the dollar. My stock options went from a few million to zero in a matter of hours. All because of banking regulators and the capital markets crisis.

        Yeah, I’m a bit pissed. I lost more that day than I’ll ever have. And not a single jot of it was our fault. Well, except for accepting the offer for the investment bank to take us private. We were a $700 million public company. They took us private with promises of access to capital that would help us grow. If they came through with their promises, we would have been worth $2.5 billion within a year, no question. The only thing limiting us at that time was access to bridge loans for our new markets (hundreds of millions required).

        The financial crisis hit mere months after that deal. And 2 years later… pooof. all gone. We were literally weeks away from starting the process of going public. Initial estimates already had us at $1.5 billion, and they hadn’t come across with the new funding yet.

        But at least the guys on the inside got to ride off in their big yachts. Sure, they were set to make hundreds of millions and only made tens. But there were a bunch of us who were all in for a long time at below market rates and got nothing.

        So thanks, Washington. I’m really happy with you guys.

      • Shirley Knott

        Ouch.
        I saw interesting (insert scare quotes as necessary) carnage in the merger/takeover by Qwest with/of USWest. It was ugly and a whole bunch of people got royally screwed.
        That, btw, is where my 5-degrees of separatism from the pointy-haired boss happened. A fun story, but yours is more meaningful and more impactful.
        I’d seen ‘mark to market’ tossed around, alternately praised and blamed, but I’ve never before seen a cogent explanation plus vivid illustration of the meaning and the follow-on impact. It’s appreciated.

      • C. Anacreon

        And then banks start going under. The feds come in and force big banks to buy out little banks. Several were perfectly solvent on Friday, and out of business on Monday, without so much as a blip of a warning.

        And here I thought it was because drunk Uncle Billy lost the deposit money.

      • Mojeaux

        I will join Shirley Knott in a heartfelt thank you for the explanation. I can usually figure out what’s going on around finance, but back then, I had my head in the sand, working at home, taking care of two babies, not interested in watching TV, and generally doing everything I could to avoid going out of the house. I genuinely had no idea any of this was going on or how bad it got. I basically checked out.

      • Tonio

        Home mortgage debt forgiveness!

  8. Rebel Scum

    Enough of that for now.

    *scurries off to the Hallmark store because ain’t no minute like the last minute to get a valentines gift, ensuring I get some tonight.*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is your mistake. I got some this morning. Less opportunity to screw it up.

      • dontreadonme

        But I kinda thought that was the point?

    • Pope Jimbo

      I stopped at the local super market after lunch and got card, candy and flowers in 10 minutes. They have the system purring.

      • Playa Manhattan

        I went to stock up on the Brachs candy hearts, and they were sold out.

      • LJW

        Just buy chalk they won’t be able to tell the difference.

      • Nephilium

        Maybe it’s his way of dieting…

        “I’m a bit hungry, why not a piece of candy?”

        /opens cupboard, sees it’s full of candy hearts

        “Well, I’m not that hungry.”

        /closes cupboard and walks away

    • Brett L

      Makes me think of the Saddam’s ELITE Republican Guard. Its more of an internal elitism than a universal one.

    • Chipwooder

      Break em away, toys!

      -Don’t you mean take em away, boys?

      Er, yeah, what the kid said.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      If the Border Patrol and ICE want to play COINOPS, then the locals they are inflicted upon should do them the favor of acting as insurgents.

      It’s really not that hard to assemble an IED.

  9. Pope Jimbo

    w00t!

    I beat Tundra back from our lunch so I get to claim victimhood of some sort of transgression on his part. I feared for my life!

    • Gender Traitor

      Show us on the doll…

      • Gender Traitor

        Great minds…

    • Q Continuum

      Show us on the doll where Tundra touched you.

    • Playa Manhattan

      More importantly, what did you have for lunch?

      • egould310

        Good point. What was lunch?

        I’m sitting at the McMenamns lounge at Port of Kalama. Sippin an IPA. Waiting for my chicken Caesar salad. Heading back to Seattle.

      • Tundra

        Excellent question. Burger and beer at a neighborhood joint. Something called a Bloody Mary Burger with a Surly Furious.

        Quite good!

    • Tundra

      Such drama! The only thing you feared was that bartender who was giving you the eye.

      • Pope Jimbo

        So you thought that was a glass eye too? I didn’t want to say anything because I was worried she’d overhear.

  10. Juvenile Bluster

    Took my first trip to a legal dispensary here. Jesus Christ stuff is expensive here ($53 for 3.5g of flower and $94 for a 800mg vape cartridge). But we’ll see how this goes. Hopefully I can wean myself off the klonopin totally.

    • Q Continuum

      What’s your delivery system? Do you have a vape?

      • Juvenile Bluster

        I have a vape. I ended up getting the vape and a concentrate syringe to try to start. May get the flower and cook with it at some point. Florida doesn’t allow edibles, which is a shame.

      • Florida Man

        Florida doesn’t allow edibles, which is a shame.

        What? Why? Most “medications” are taken orally.

      • Brett L

        Even John Morgan can only buy so many government functionaries.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        No clue.

        This is what’s at your disposal in FL. Trulieve controls most of the market. https://www.trulieve.com/shop

      • Fatty Bolger

        That’s ridiculous.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Preheat to 135 degrees for 5 minutes to active the oils or it won’t work as well,
        Have fun!

      • Spartacus

        How much was the concentrate syringe? Over in my hood, it’s $65 (Surterra).

    • Count Potato

      It’s all relative. Back in the 80’s sinsemilla was going for $10 a gram.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Cocaine will blow your brain, but the sinsemilla is irie.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        1980, indica, 10$/Gram
        2020 Indica, 8.50-25$/Gram

      • Tonio

        But the weed today is so much better, both in terms of high for the buck and lack of stem, shake and seeds.

      • l0b0t

        Indeed. I only get a couple seeds per year, whereas in the past, I could fill up a peanut butter jar with seeds (that I gleefully planted surreptitiously anywhere I found the opportunity).

        In NYC, top-notch flower is $300 per ounce, pre-rolls are $15 (Tarantulas, pre-rolls coated in hash oil and kief, are $30), vape cartridges are $40, wax/shatter is about $60 per gram, brownies and rice cereal treats are $5.

      • Shirley Knott

        Shatter here in MI seems to run ~ $25 – $85 a gram, with bulk discounts at quantities of 5 to 8 grams.
        I used to wonder what happened to hash. Then I got the vape pen and shatter. Ohh…Myyyyyy………

      • l0b0t

        Have you tried the inhalers yet? I just got one last week and it is AMAZING! I can use it right out in the open at work.

      • Shirley Knott

        I0b9t, thanks! Intriguing, I’ve bookmarked it. I like the idea of metered hits.

    • Enough About Palin

      $424 / once isn’t all that expensive.

      • Shirley Knott

        Heh. I remember paying that for a quarter pound in the 70s.

      • cyto

        If this stuff were to be legal-legal instead of fake legal, you could move that decimal over a space or two.

      • Shirley Knott

        No kidding.

      • C. Anacreon

        Yes. In Chicago suburbs in 1976, a “lid” (ounce) of “Mexican” pot was $15, while the higher quality “”Lumbo” (Columbian) went for $20. Although as said, potency was far lower then, and those ounces had a lot of stems, seeds and shake to clean out (usually done in the center of analbum cover of a double-album record).

      • cyto

        No Stems
        No Seeds
        That you don’t neeeeeed!
        Alcupolco Gold is
        ..pppppphhhhhhtttttt….
        mmmbaddasss weeed……

      • Tonio

        A “lid?” Seriously? What are you, like eighty years old or something?

      • UnCivilServant

        A lid is a hatful of demon weed, right?

  11. LJW

    Database With Sensitive Plastic Surgery Photos Exposed Online

    Sign here to have pictures of your goods stored online for umm errrr research? Yes research that’s it.

    In all seriousness what legitimate reason do they have for storing these images? Protection from potential malpractice lawsuits?

    • Chipwooder

      “No, it’s not what you think, it’s much worse. If you do not reveal the combination to me, we’ll give your daughter back….HER OLD NOSE!

  12. Derpetologist

    Howdy. I wanted to do a humor warm-up before I started my weekly post submission.

    [throat spray, “me-me-me-me” noises]

    ***
    Trump Suggests Clinton Should Identify as Trans-President

    TOLEDO – At a rally Tuesday, President Trump spoke at length about his views of trans-genderism. Below is a partial transcript of his remarks.

    “I keep hearing about this trans stuff. Well you know what folks? I support the trans. I am the most LGBT president ever. The most. It’s not even close, not even close. I’m so LGBT that I support *all* the trans stuff. Women want to be men and men want to be women and bleed out of their whatevers and Pocahontas wants to be Indian, great. Crooked Hillary wants to be President? Fine, she can be trans-President. See how is easy that was? Everybody’s happy now. But since she’s trans-President, she only gets trans-Secret Service. I
    signed an executive order that her current Secret Service detail will start getting paid with trans-dollars. So things should sort themselves out there quickly. This trans stuff sure is great. All you gun owners should just have your A-15s identify as trans-squirt guns. I’ll sign an executive order for that today. Bing, bing, bong, bong, problem solved. I tell you what, this trans stuff can solve everything. Young people should just identify as trans-college graduates. It would save them a hell of a lot of time and money. And if they do go to college and get bad grades, they should just identify as trans-passing. Brexit? Just let The UK identify as trans-EU. And if those sons of bitches in the Senate want it badly enough, I will happily identify as trans-guilty. God bless you, God bless Ohio, and God bless America. Build the wall, drain the swamp, and make America great again! Outta my way Acosta, you shitdick fuckface! Melania, get me a diet Coke.”
    ***

    • Derpetologist

      Oh, fiddlesticks. It looked all lined up when I clicked reply. What you see is what you get? Bullshit!

      • Tonio

        Ha, ha. WordPress is a cruel mistress.

  13. Playa Manhattan

    My wife and I are not in the same state today. I’m considering finding a prie fixe menu for two and eating it all myself.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Eh, Zombie Mike can fly direct to Tokyo and have a setto meal.

    • LJW

      If you’re in different area codes it doesn’t count…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Same here, except Schrodinger’s Cat style, Simultaneously alive, and Dead

  14. Pope Jimbo

    Trump is uniting our country in ways I never thought possible. Look at the Asians and Blacks coming together in an entrepreneurial effort!

    Maybe next time they will work on the followup.

    A tracking device in the money quickly led officers to St. Paul, where they found the getaway car, in which there was a gun, $77,177 in cash, and handwritten directions to the bank.

    • DEG

      Nice collection, but #5 looks especially fun. I’ll take her with a side of #30.

    • Festus

      Lucky #13

    • Chipwooder

      STEVE SMITH QUARANTINE LOTS OF HIKERS, AND BY QUARANTINE, MEAN….

    • Tonio

      This is starting to echo “World War Z” in a most unpleasant fashion.

      • commodious spittoon

        in a most unpleasant fashion

        Because it makes you think of World War Z?

    • B.P.

      I’m sure these people don’t think of themselves as crazy.

  15. Juvenile Bluster

    Michael Avenatti was convicted on all counts today in the Nike extortion case. I’m sure we’ll be seeing Trump tweet about it before long. Still has his trials to come in California for stealing from his clients.

    The amount of schadenfreude on Lawyer Twitter is incredible.

  16. tarran

    Guys, just a reminder that there’s a GoFundMe active to help Yusef Drives a Kia out with the legal & funeral expenses related to his wife’s passing.

    Many of us have donated already. However, the amount we’ve given only takes us about half-way.

    I ask those of you who haven’t to give serious consideration to helping him out.

    https://www.gofundme.com/f/bobs-farewell-to-wendy

    • Juvenile Bluster

      Didn’t know that was running. Just threw in $50 (anonymously on GFM).

      Here for you Yusuf (yes I know that’s not his real name but still).

    • Pope Jimbo

      Thanks for posting the link. All the condolences for Yusef in the world.

    • R C Dean

      You know, you can put your nom du Glib in. Pseudonymous is better than anonymous, in this case.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Yeah, thought of that after I had closed the window.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Bob I cant swing anything financial but I will be back in Vegas tomorrow and if you want a hot meal let me know. Ill whip something up and get it to you.

    • Derpetologist

      I wasn’t sure what to say, but I wanted to say something.

      Bob, you were a very lucky man to give and get so much love. We are here for you. Now and always.

      I’ve never met you, but I consider you a close friend.

      Tall Cans, buddy.

    • Spartacus

      Done. Yusuf, I don’t know you personally, but I am truly sorry.

    • Pan Zagloba

      Thanks for the heads-up, I’ll throw my piece in when I get home.

      • Festus

        Been off work again for over a month. Things are just way too tight at this end. It’s pretty wonderful what you guys are doing.

  17. Pope Jimbo

    What could possibly go wrong?

    A third key difference is that Rights of Nature attempts to incorporate Indigenous worldviews into the Western legal framework. In the Anishinaabe cosmology, Mother Earth comes before people, and there’s a responsibility to care for rivers because they are her veins. It’s a worldview that includes reciprocity between humans and nature, rather than a hierarchy that places humans above nature — and some humans above other humans.

    This shift in worldview means treating both nature and Indigenous peoples differently, including honoring Native leadership. In order for it to be truly different from other environmental protections, the movement for Rights of Nature will need to have “genuine Indigenous voices, thought and leadership,” says Anishinaabe elder Ricky DeFoe. DeFoe says this begins with “each of us doing the work to decolonize our own minds.”

    “If you’re going to be an ally,” he says, “stand behind us, beside us. We have our own speakers, orators, scholars, thinkers.”

    I’m sure the overlap between these people who think that “nature” should be given legal rights and people who sneer at the idea that a corporation has 1A rights is nearly 100%.

    • Brett L

      Rousseau held that this third savage stage of human societal development was an optimum, between the extreme of the state of brute animals and animal-like “ape-men” on the one hand and the extreme of decadent civilized life on the other.

      EDIT: The above is a quote from Wikipedia’s article on Rousseau. I was too ranty to cite it.

      Everyone else uses their time machine to kill Hitler the first time, JJR is first on my intertemporal hit-list. This Rousseuvian view that moral progress peaked when everyone was equally poor is at the heart of modern Western Socialism and the reason why so many progressive causes (gender, race, ecology) are red on the inside. It is fabricated, utterly without substantiation and has become a just-so story in intelligensia.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’ll grant you that it is complete hogwash that European primitives were something that we should be patterning our society on. But my article clearly states that we are talking about Native American elders! Those guys are totes awesome*! Clearly they are superior to Euro-elders because they never developed any of that icky capitalism or civilization here in North America like they did in Europe.

        *There is a class of elders I do have tons of respect for. Usually they were complete hell raisers/bad asses/outlaws when they were younger. Then one day they decided they were sick of being in trouble all the time and get clean. These guys are also pretty good about throwing a lifeline to younger Indians who are also thinking of getting out of the lifestyle. And they are totes hardcorps about it. Backslide once and they cut you loose. No excuses. And the younger guys respect them because of their history of living the life when they were younger.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Uffda. Say what you will about giving nature legal rights, it is way less silly than these solid citizens of Seattle.

      If I were a city councilperson in Seattle, anyone who stood up would have their property taxes doubled.

    • DEG

      Wait, why were they wearing pajamas?

      Rule 34.

      • C. Anacreon

        Next we’ll be hearing about how she shot an elephant in her pajamas.

      • Shirley Knott

        I thought she was skinny…

    • Chipwooder

      And, of course, she also was shoveling hundreds of thousands of dollars of campaign contributions to her boyfriend’s company.

      Is there anything about this bint that isn’t crooked?

    • Pope Jimbo

      Don’t forget that Ilhan Omar baby daddy fired from his Minneapolis City Council job to get more financial leverage on him.

      I’ll have to go buy the Saturday edition of the local paper so I can read all the details in their hard hitting deep dive into this issue…..

    • CPRM

      Wait, why were they wearing pajamas?

      It’s against her religion to be naked with a guy that’s not her husband, duh!

      • Tres Cool

        something something slit in a sheet…..

      • Fourscore

        It was OK ’cause it was her husband’s jammies the dude was wearing. Its possible Ms lham had had a drop of the golden elixir and got the two fellers confused.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Because she’s a good Muslim and she didn’t want to reveal too much?

    • B.P.

      This story has it all: Campaign corruption, 38-year-old staffer divorces his 55-year-old wife to take up with Omar, Daily Mail relentless stalking to obtain photos, one such photo shows new paramour taking beer to Omar’s place, which pisses off the MN Somali population, payoffs to ex-spouses, primary challenges…

      “Significantly one of her challengers, Leila Shukri Adan, 39, is Somali herself. She describes herself as a progressive Bernie Sanders supporter, ‘but to the right of Ilhan.’”

      • Count Potato

        LOLOLOLOLOL

      • DEG

        Yes.

  18. cyto

    So…. I’ve been wondering and speculating about what the DNC establishment was going to do. I mean, we all know that there is no way in hell they are gonna give Bernie the nomination. They were locked in on Biden, so it seemed. But he’s imploding. Impeachment fired Trump’s wad too soon on that one. So who? Mayor Pete?

    Well, I think we may have the answer. Here in Florida the Billionaire has been in heavy rotation on TV for well over a month. It is 24/7 now. Almost no other political ads either, so it really stands out.

    And today they announced a new poll. I heard it on the radio announced as “Bloomberg takes the lead in Florida”. They went on about Bloomberg for a bit, then said he was in first with 27% of respondents. Biden is in second, with 26%. They didn’t report a margin of error, but a google tells me there were 3,000 likely voters. So +/- 5%. So dead heat, not actually Bloomberg in the lead. But they reported it as Bloomberg surging – and also reported that Biden had a 46% lead in January. Of course, he hasn’t been running ads so far.

    But there was another shoe that let the cat out of the bag. In the last 24 hours Bloomberg’s ads have changed. They used to feature Trump and only Trump, and Bloomberg is going to defeat Trump. Now, there’s a new voiceover.

    Our voiceover actor? Barak Obama. Giving a personal testimonial to the greatness of the man, his work, and what he’ll do for the country.

    So they are no longer on the sidelines. Apparently Bloomberg is the chosen one. Grab your popcorn, because this should be interesting.

    5

    • CPRM

      I believe that Obama audio is old stuff he said before, not anything new he did for Bloombug.

      • Sean

        That was my impression.

        Bloomy is trying to associate himself with Obama. Cheesy as fuck.

      • cyto

        If that’s all it was, I would think Biden’s old pal and boss would come out and say something along those lines. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that.

        No, it didn’t sound like newly recorded messages. But I doubt he’d risk it if Obama hadn’t given the OK. This way Obama still claims he has not endorsed anyone, while having endorsed someone.

    • Q Continuum

      Mini Mike is coming for your Big Gulp.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No one needs high capacity sodas.

        /Mayors for Common Sense Soda Control

      • DEG

        As long as they don’t come for my high capacity beers or high capacity porn streams.

      • AlmightyJB

        Trump should do an ad “Tiny Mike is coming for your Grape Drink”.

      • Tres Cool

        ..and menthols, while we’re at it

    • Chipwooder

      Lil’ Mikey is also busy inventing nonexistent Texas sayings:

      Mike Bloomberg: “Now if I were from Texas, I might say Donald Trump is scared as a cat at the dog pound. But since I’m from New York, I put it this way. We’re scaring the living hell out of him, and we’re just starting right now.” pic.twitter.com/HmNwKuTPZL

      — The Hill (@thehill)

      • Count Potato

        Bloomberg is all hat, no cattle.

      • Naptown Bill

        If Mike were from Texas he wouldn’t be in such a rush to ban handguns.

        Also, fuck Mike Bloomberg.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Gun grabbing New Yorker sounds like a winning line. Where’s Pace?

    • AlmightyJB

      So the fix is now in. That didn’t take long.

      • cyto

        That’s my early supposition.

        They were in the tank for Hillary in ’08 until the winds shifted and Obama got hot. And the party turned on her like a stingray on the Crocodile Hunter. (see, I can Texas better than Bloomberg)

        They were luke-warm for Biden. They’ve been flirting with Mayor Pete, but not happy about it. So the Billionaire it is, I suppose.

      • Count Potato

        I think they wanted Biden to be the front runner for the impeachment thing. Part of the sell was he was Trump’s “political enemy”.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeap. Old, White, Hetro, ex-Republican, Constitution hating, 1%’er who ordered cops to shake down black men in poor neighborhoods. Sounds like the perfect Democrat candidate!

    • Naptown Bill

      Oh, God, I saw the new ads. It sounds like Obama’s literally phoning it in, on a train, going through a tunnel. Or maybe they just got some sound guy to piece together bits of audio.

      • cyto

        Now that would be funny. Do an Obama endorsement of Trump, South Park “death of chef” style.

    • creech

      Let’s face it, he sure looks like he could be an Amish terrorist.

    • Tres Cool

      I find this equally appalling:

      “My 8-year-old was holding a sign an hour before that,” Lewandowski told Fox News

      The left isnt the only side to exploit kids. They just do it more.

  19. Derpetologist

    Weekly post submission ideas

    NRA Announces Politician Buy-Back Program

    Sanders Distracts Biden with Room Full of Wigs

    Florida Sues Iowa for Breaching Its Copyright on Screwing Up Elections

    Remaining Democratic Candidates Form Giant Fighting Robot

    Budget Watchdogs Slam Plan for Solid Gold Aircraft Carrier

    Trump Says AOC Can Be President If She Sits in the Corner of the Oval Office

    Army Private Identifies as General

    Buttigieg Regrets Not Spending More Character Points on Charisma

    Trump to Forgive $1 of Student Loan Debt for Each Brick Placed on Border Wall.

    Space Force Struggles with Drill and Ceremony in Zero Gravity

    • Q Continuum

      You need to apply for a job at the Bee.

      • cyto

        Yeah, those are good.

    • Bill Door

      “Trump Says AOC Can Be President If She Sits in the Corner of the Oval Office”

      This one is the winner for me!

      • Shirley Knott

        She’s found days later, emaciated and dehydrated, behind a ficus. A clear trail could be seen along the base of the wall, multiple footprints and drag marks, around and around, were visible.

      • Bill Door

        That poor ficus will have seen things… Too many things…

    • Chafed

      Every one of these is a winner.

  20. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    On TV this morning was a commercial talking about Tom Steyer surging. That’s a phrase I never want to hear again.

    • AlmightyJB

      Lol

    • Q Continuum

      I don’t even think his wife wants him to surge.

  21. Count Potato

    ““A straight politician in a gay man’s body.” He’s straight because he isn’t a hard leftist. I kid you not.”

    https://twitter.com/sullydish/status/1228044496270712837

    “The Queer Opposition to Pete Buttigieg, Explained

    Buttigieg embodies the second kind of gay experience and the second kind of gay politics. In a beautiful essay published in the Los Angeles Review of Books, Greta LaFleur, a professor of American studies at Yale, analyzed a photograph of Buttigieg and his husband, Chasten, that appeared on the cover of Time magazine in May of last year. “This photo is about a lot of things,” LaFleur wrote. “But one of its defining features is its heterosexuality. It’s offering us the promise that our first gay first family might actually be a straight one.” Time had captioned the photo “First Family.” How can a family that consists of two men be heterosexual? LaFleur’s use of the term is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but she explains that the “unmistakable heraldry of ‘FIRST FAMILY,’ alongside the rest of the photograph—the tulips; the Chinos; the notably charming but insistently generic porch; the awkwardly minimal touching that invokes the most uncomfortable, unfamiliar, culturally-heterosexual embrace any of us have ever received—offers a vision of heterosexuality without straight people.” And without women.”

    https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/the-queer-opposition-to-pete-buttigieg-explained

    • Q Continuum

      Word salad is word salad.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I thought Lincoln was the first gay president. Just like Bill Clinton was the first black president.

      • AlmightyJB

        Trump is the first woman President.

      • hayeksplosives

        I thought it was “confirmed bachelor” Buchanan.

    • AlmightyJB

      Do you have to be a retarded asshole to write at the New Yorker?

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Not a requirement, but it helps.

      • Shirley Knott

        No, they’ll train you.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Just smug.

    • Naptown Bill

      Well, maybe if the photographer had gotten there earlier he’d have caught them rollerskating down the street in banana hammocks waving sparklers. Also, I get the impression there’s some projection and a little bit of jelly from Greta. What the hell is it with Gretas?

    • Rhywun

      Who. Cares.

    • kbolino

      For a different kind of delusion, from the Twitter thread:

      The LGBTs who criticize Buttigieg should look at the big picture – that they’re literally an RBG heartbeat from the Supreme Court stripping away their hard fought rights.

      Yeah, sure. First, somebody would have to get standing. That’s going to be very difficult to do. Then they’d have to get the case appealed all the way up the chain. That’s going to be even more difficult to do. Then, finally, they’d have to get Chief Justice Squish to agree to overturn it. Not going to happen. In fact, I’d be surprised if they could get a majority even without Roberts.

      The “worst” that could happen is more religious carve-outs for things like cake baking.

      • straffinrun

        The “worst” that could happen is more religious carve-outs for things like cake baking.

        Where’s Gary when you need him?

    • Festus

      Who the hell names their baby boy “Chasten”? What the fuck did you think would happen?

      • Festus

        Chastity?

    • Rhywun

      The former superintendent there is current working the same magic in NYC.

      • AlmightyJB

        Spreading incompetence, like herpes.

      • Rhywun

        He’s competent at imposing toxic identity politics.

      • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

        Huh.

        There was a principal during the 1980s at an inner-city highschool here in Edmonton — big motherf*cker, no nonsense — who used to carry a baseball bat around the school with him every day. Disruptive, disrespectful students, drug dealers, wannabe pimps, didn’t matter. They straightened up and/or effed off or they got a taste of the bat. Even the police (who’d normally charge in that situation) wouldn’t touch him.

        He almost single-handedly turned that school around, and it’s an inner-city magnet now for academics and media training.

      • Festus

        We had one like that in our school. He never turned the place around but he maintained some semblance of order.

      • Mojeaux

        Well it’s not like those kids learn it at home or anything. *rolling eyes*

  22. Count Potato

    “Happy #NationalPizzaDay to everyone EXCEPT those who make pizza:

    a) With cauliflower crust

    b) With any topping from the ocean

    c) With arugula

    d) With white sauce

    e) In a deep dish”

    https://twitter.com/MsMelChen/status/1226584523405545472

    I’m no marine biologist, but I’m pretty sure anchovies are from the ocean.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m no marine biologist, but I’m pretty sure anchovies are from the ocean.

      And they don’t belong on pizza, so that doesn’t exactly disprove these claims.

      • Rhywun

        ^

      • dbleagle

        I’ve some awesome Fruitti de Mare pizza is Tuscany. I would not trust any American pizza maker to make it.

      • Rhywun

        I generally don’t like seafood anyway so there’s that.

      • pistoffnick

        “And they [anchovies] don’t belong on pizza…”

        How can one man be SO wrong?

      • UnCivilServant

        We’ll continue to investigate your wrongness until we figure it out.

        This self-awareness is a good step on the road to recovery.

      • pistoffnick

        You know how fish sauce makes pad thai pad thai? Anchovies, for me, do the same thing on pizza. Salty umami.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah but putting anchovies on pizza is like dumping a half-gallon of fish sauce into a noodle dish.

      • Count Potato

        Traditionally, pizza marinara is made by tossing on a few anchovies after it comes out of the oven.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Local neopolitan pizza place makes a good pizza with arugula on it. Also a nice fig salad with the same.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      b) With any topping from the ocean

      Incorrect. So very, very incorrect.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Hell, I had arugula on my prosciutto pizza a couple nights ago.

    • AlmightyJB

      I had a Mashed Potato, Bacon and Scallions pizza in Owensboro, KY once that was pretty damn good.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The cauliflower crusts can actually turn out pretty well, particularly with white pizzas.

    • We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

      I had a prosciutto and pineapple pizza the other day that was . . . sublime. The prosciutto had crisped up in the oven, and the pineapple was partially caramelized. Got-DAMN but it was good!

      • Rhywun

        I would try that.

    • commodious spittoon

      Henrico
      @henricehrenblad

      Feb 9
      Lucky anchovies come from cans.

  23. UnCivilServant

    Mmmm… cheese curds.

    • pistoffnick

      OK we agree on that.

  24. Yusef drives a Kia

    Fun stuff,
    Grandson #2 is having his 9th Birthday and party Tomorrow, and with our loss, Destine( my daughter) and I decided to have it anyway, the kids would wonder what the heck happened.
    Gson is Autistic, but a very sweet young man, and He asked about Bob the Builder.25 or so years ago, someone Bought Wendy and I a pair of talking Dolls,
    Bob the Builder,
    and his assistant Wendy,
    He remembered? Wow, so he’s getting them, as well as a Monitor of his own, for his Birthday, and some video games of course.

    • Bill Door

      Those are the gifts and memories that last. That’s an awesome birthday gift.

      It’s just a bit dusty in here. Or allergies… Yeah, that’s it.

    • DEG

      It’s good your grandson will get those dolls.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        they are kind of stuffed, and they still talk, but its sweet he remembered, i was considering going to be with my Sister in Michigan, but no,
        I’m needed here,
        /Thank God

      • DEG

        I agree, staying there and being with your grandkids is the right thing. They’ll have a rough time, but you’re there which will help.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        They love the shit out of me, I’m Silly, they laugh, it’s Wonderful….
        I miss my wife………..

    • DEG

      No. Just lower taxes across the board.

      • Rhywun

        Seriously.

  25. Yusef drives a Kia

    Shout out to Hayek! shout out to all the Glibs!

    • Q Continuum

      Hope it helps brah.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

    • Spudalicious

      You’ll heal, it will just take time.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have a ways to go, but I’m going to mourn for a bit, a few days or so, then on to figuring out what to keep, relatives, it’ pretty complicated,
        But my friends here, you have lifted the burden of How can I pay for Burning her, Ashes will be dispersed, She is at peace,

      • pistoffnick

        “Ashes will be dispersed”

        Check the wind first. /Walter

        I’m sorry for your loss Bob. You are a good nut.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I did Laugh! thanks Nick!

      • Fourscore

        We laugh together, we mourn alone.

        I am amazed at your 24 hour turn around, Pardner.

        You done good

    • Sean

      *raises glass of bourbon*

  26. LJW

    Has anyone seen JoJo Rabbit? Considering watching it tonight, but if it’s a Wes Anderson style knockoff I’m not interested.

    • dbleagle

      I watched it two days ago on a flight. It had moments and the use of AH was a twist that didn’t always work. It is very Wes Anderson-esque. I am very wary about recommending it because I did not enjoy it.

  27. Count Potato

    “Just completed SEVEN marathons on SEVEN CONTINENTS in 81 hours, 38 minutes and 46 seconds! Ready to sleep and take a break from running for at least a week!”

    https://twitter.com/kvogt/status/1228067025135603713

    Damn.

    • UnCivilServant

      Cocaine is a hellofa drug?

  28. Rhywun

    Hang on to your hats, everyone: Bill De Blasio feels the Bern!

    De Blasio will travel to Nevada on Sunday, where he will meet with Sanders for a run of joint appearances ahead of the state’s February 22 caucuses.

    Take your time.

    • straffinrun

      You guys need to put those invisible fence dog collars on your mayors. They keep escaping the yard.

      • Rhywun

        Sometimes fences are built to keep people out.

      • Festus

        Tall fences and wide gates when Straff’s avatar is involved.

      • straffinrun

        Quit looking at my butt! *Peeks back over shoulder*

      • Festus

        *sigh* it was ever thus…

  29. Mojeaux

    VDay dinner post-attorney meeting: Sams Club hotdogs. $3. Woo hoo.

      • Mojeaux

        Nah. If it were just the bk, I’d be all, “Meh, we were stupid and we deserve the shame.” Combined with our kid issues, though, I’m kind of a wreck.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can speak to finances, I can’t speak to parenting.

      • Mojeaux

        Lots of tension in the house between everybody.

      • Festus

        Sorry to hear, Mojo. For us it will be leftovers and Wifey editing her morning photo shoot, Festus Glibbing and not much else. You’ll feel better going forward after that bandage got torn off today.

      • DEG

        Sorry.

    • straffinrun

      ? ? ? ?

  30. UnCivilServant

    Is anyone familiar enough with Audacity to tell me how to merge multiple Label tracks? Everyone that turns up in a search seems to care about audio tracks.

    • Festus

      Did you check the thermostat?

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s working as far as I can tell.

    • cyto

      Ok….

      First…. What’s a label track?

      #NotHelpful

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s a track where you put labels so you can do all sorts of things with the information stored in the audio tracks.

      • Festus

        Labeling gloves are shot?

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh the labels are there, the problem is they’re on more than one track, and export multiple only reads the first label track.

      • UnCivilServant

        *manually moving ninety labels to another track is a bit of a chore.

      • Festus

        You’re a good sport, UCS.

      • commodious spittoon

        Isn’t this the sort of thing you make a quick Python script to do?

        /not a coder

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s the sort of thing that should be three clicks in the application.

      • cyto

        Why would you want all of the labels from all of the tracks if you are collapsing down to a single track? Wouldn’t you want to label that track as its own thing?

        Or did I once again totally miss something?

      • UnCivilServant

        You missed something.

        I get an audiobook from audible. I want to play it on a device that isn’t slaved to amazon. I convert it to mp3, but it’s one giant file. To easily split to multiple smaller files, I load the one giant file into audacity and create labels at every half hour, then do an ‘export multiple’ which splits it at the labels into smaller files.

      • UnCivilServant

        But… the “regular interval labels” tool has some odd problem where it won’t go past 14 hours at a time. It also creates a brand new label track for all the labels it creates for each run.

        So when the audiobook is say, 42 hours long, I get over ninety labels on three separate tracks that need to be on one track to do a clean export.

        There are workarounds, but this should be something easy to do.

      • UnCivilServant

        *I forget the exact numbers.

      • cyto

        Oh….

        So you don’t actually need labels. What you need is something like chapter breaks for your audio books.

      • cyto

        So. I asked google.

        https://www.epubor.com/split-audiobook-into-chapters.html#sma

        It seems this is a common issue. But these folks address it different. They split the big file into individual files for chapters and leave it like that. Seems a bit of a pain.

        There are instructions for audible and audacity though. It seems there should be a metadata that includes markers for all chapters, like there is for video.

  31. We're not saying BEAM's an alien, but . . .

    Let’s keep the fundraising for Bob going:

      https://www.gofundme.com/f/bobs-farewell-to-wendy

    Heh. According to GoFundMe, my new handle’s “But Enough.” If only they’d tacked an exclamation mark onto the end of that . . .

    • Mojeaux

      There are some people in my FB timeline who have/want to donate (one only has Paypal and GFM doesn’t have a Paypal option). They don’t know Bob from Adam, but they are good people. Lots and lots of good folks out there.

    • Sean

      It’s a bug. Refresh the page to see your whole name.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s not how you fix it. Keep hitting the “Donate” button.

      • Mojeaux

        I see what you did there.

  32. DEG

    I think I fixed that ugly bug I was working on last night.

    “I know it is in this area. No, that’s not it. That’s not it either. It has to be in this area. Nope, nope. OOOohhhh… that’s it. I knew I was in the right area.”

    These euphemisms.

    I’m out for some dancing. See you all later!

    • Festus

      “The DEGMan! Cutting a rug!”

    • pistoffnick

      “I’m out for some dancing.”

      Speaking of euphamisms:

      “Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.”

      • Mojeaux

        Swing dancing. More like a topsy turvy expression of wanting to ride a rollercoaster/ferris wheel but having none available.

      • Festus

        I’ve always envied the dancers. I’m more free-form wherein someone gets their drink spilled and I crash to the floor, hopefully before I catch my date with an errant elbow. Yeah, pretty White.

  33. Aus

    Stayed late at work today to try to fix a new Dell Win10 machine that apparently bricked itself when trying to install Win updates.

    Boot up goes straight to “Starting Automatic Repair” then there’s no option that will break that loop, tried everything. Eventually went to command prompt, copied a few files to USB drive, then went to “Reset this PC”, which is akin to a fresh windows install, I guess. Then, even that spit out an error “There was a error resetting this PC…” wow. Great work Win10, so glad I had to ditch Win7.

    Going into work tomorrow to ship it back to the vendor we bought it from, then they can complete the dell warranty process. Fun with computers!

    • UnCivilServant

      If they’d released Winodws 9, we might have had a good product. Maybe Win 11.

      • Aus

        In any case, I will most certainly be checking all the rest of my work PCs tomorrow to ensure they have system restore enabled. That was one option I imagine could have helped me, had it been enabled.

      • MikeS

        You still bitching about 10 because of the settings your employer chooses to enable?

      • UnCivilServant

        Because the interface is crappy, inconsistant, and the whole thing runs slower, even with better hardware. That’s before we get into the telemetry debate and the frequently destructive patches, etc…

      • MikeS

        You appear to be using a different Windows 10 than me.

      • UnCivilServant

        Check the logo, maybe you got XP or Vista.

      • MikeS

        Vista was an absolute shit show.

      • LJW

        I guess I use it differently. I haven’t really run into any major issues with Windows 10. Now windows Vista was a pain in the ass.

      • MikeS

        #metoo

    • Gustave Lytton

      Because President Warren is threatening to steal her stolen wealth?

      • straffinrun

        That’s her Injun name.

    • Festus

      Forgot the red banners in the background. CPRM could make something of that.

    • straffinrun

      We both got dead threaded by Winston’s mom. I kinda liked it.

      • Festus

        “Dead-threaded” by Winston’s Mom… Hard pass!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Dammit. Maybe repost on the other side.

    • cyto

      Holy everloving shit!

      They were specifically tasked to find on the facts of “proportionate” and found nearly half a million to be “proportionate” for a $10k sale? And this, on top of 6 years in jail?

      Screw every one of them in the neck.

      No, scratch that. Oregon is the state that has the law that allows this. So screw every single person of voting age in Oregon, in the neck. You ass-wipes need to get your heads right and fix this crap.

      And so do the rest of us. It seemed like a decent idea back in the 80’s when big time drug dealers were getting caught on small potatoes charges and getting out in a couple of years, but retiring to their multi-million dollar mansions on South Beach that were entirely paid for by the illegal drug trade. After 30 years of watching immigrant farm workers having their life savings stolen by the state as they pass through on their way home…. yeah… F that.

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    Kittah, in my lap, she’s 20 years old, and still killing mice, Good Kittah,