Wednesday Afternoon Links

by | Feb 5, 2020 | Daily Links | 360 comments

I, for one, am happy that we live in this, the greatest of all possible timelines. Once I embraced the fact that Utopia was impossible, this meh-topia we live in, with its moments of sheer ridicularity (I guess that’s not a real word, so call it a portmanteau) is the greatest. I thank SugarFree for dreaming it into existence. Trump as the destroyer of the 20th century American political order is just too wonderful. I don’t have high hopes for how the pieces will fall out, but I’ll enjoy watching the world burn.

Speaking of ridicularity, this person rode into Chiefs history. And also the KC (I’m assuming MO) jail.

Trump’s consigliere calls for Pelosi’s resignation.

Vox calls Trump racist for giving El Rushbo (also accused of being a racist) the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Sloopy, who I can only assume misread the word racist in the attack on Limbaugh for a different word, put forth that someone should point out the same honor was given to Bill Cosby. Racist, Sloopy. With a ‘c’.

“I think that this situation really requires a stupid and futile gesture be done on somebody’s part” — House Dems, also Otter from Animal House.

 

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

360 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    And Spud slips it into the finest timeline first.

    • Tundra

      You on the roof?

      • Ted S.

        I don’t hear any fiddling.

      • Not Adahn

        I think Spud’s a gentile.

      • Bobarian LMD

        He was “checking” the gutters.

  2. BigLoveTomato

    Talk about crashing a Party….
    First!

    • Spudalicious

      Loser!!!

      • BigLoveTomato

        OK Tony……
        /Stewart

    • BigLoveTomato

      or second, but ON TOPIC!

      • Spudalicious

        Ahem.

        “ I, for one, am happy that we live in this, the greatest of all possible timelines.”

      • BigLoveTomato

        Brett is a link?
        The More you Know……..

      • Spudalicious

        They’re more guidelines, instead of actual rules.

      • Enough About Palin

        Rules? Rules? There are no rules in a Glib fight.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        False. No biting,

      • ChipsnSalsa

        he has a link.

      • Spudalicious

        Suck up.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        no spank you.

      • Enough About Palin

        He has it to this day.

  3. LCDR_Fish

    Loved reading the Vodkapundit drunkblog of SOTU this morning (followed by a nice Stossel article and KDW’s new piece at NRO).

    In other news…. https://twitter.com/MisterAntiBully/status/1224822548778582017

    Gotta love 4chan. Track down terrorists and forward the info leading to a missile strike, watch a video of the sky and track plane info from around the world to find a flag in the middle of nowhere, and now calculating how many bodies burned using smog readings.

    • Count Potato

      “weaponized autism”

      • Not Adahn

        HWNDU Season 3 was amazeballs.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      +1 “nice Stossel article”

  4. Count Potato

    “Speaking of ridicularity, this person rode into Chiefs history. And also the KC (I’m assuming MO) jail.”

    I was expecting a horse.

  5. Count Potato

    “Asked what they will look at, if it’s just Ukraine, Nadler told reporters:
    “We are talking about everything,” referring to continuing the probes that have been launched since last year.”

    Well, glad to see it’s for a specific crime, and not another partisan fishing expedition.

    • Drake

      Just keep it going until November. It will be great.

      • Not Adahn

        They they overestimated the length of the new cycle last time. Their schedule needs to be:

        October 12 – bombshell whistleblower revelation proving Trump MUST be impeached
        October 19 – bombshell whistleblower revelation #2 proving Trump MUST be impeached
        October 26 – bombshell whistleblower revelation #3 proving Trump MUST be impeached
        October 28 – Recluctantly conclude this cannot be ignored, open impeachment inquiry
        October 30 – Tearfully conclude from the overwhelming weight of the evidence presented that Trump must be impeached on the following 63 articles of impeachment
        Nov 1 – Present articles to the Senate
        Nov 2- opening arguments for the House managers.

  6. Juvenile Bluster

    SMOD/Cthulhu 2020. Because we have to be sure.

    • UnCivilServant

      SMOD is not a natural born citizen!

      • BigLoveTomato

        Maybe he’s coming Home?

      • Shirley Knott

        Well, nor is Cthulhu, not that he cares.

      • Charles Easterly

        Hastur!
        Hastur
        Hast….

  7. Gadfly

    “Ridicularity” is a great word. It should be in the running for those dictionaries’ “new word of the year” prizes.

  8. Winston

    Trump as the destroyer of the 20th century American political order is just too wonderful

    I’m still shocked that it was Donald Trump of all people. I mean I never in a million years thought it was he of all people that would really shake up the two-party duopoly.

    • R C Dean

      That is exactly why I will vote for him in November. Our current political order/ruling class is a stench in my nostrils, compared to which Trump is a fresh, pine-scented breeze.

      I don’t have high hopes for how the pieces will fall out,

      Its all relative. The current Klown Kar of Elites was driving straight into crony capitalist socialism. I honestly don’t think the Trumpening will seriously alter that outcome, but I think its likely to delay it. Some.

      • Winston

        The current Klown Kar of Elites was driving straight into crony capitalist socialism.

        I thought Weed, Mexicans and Ass-Sex along with some Econ textbooks would turn them into minarchists?

  9. SugarFree

    Vox called someone a racist?!?

    [faints]

    • AlmightyJB

      Call everyone a racist, let God sort them out.

  10. Rebel Scum

    “You have to protect the constitution, whatever the political consequences. Second of all, no, as more and more lawlessness comes out, I presume the public will understand that.”

    Team Blue loves the Constitution, what with all its limits on government authority ‘n such.

    • Rhywun

      Don’t the House Dems have enough on their plate delivering the “radical, fundamental change” that Americans are clamoring for?

    • Gadfly

      Team Blue loves the Constitution, what with all its limits on government authority ‘n such.

      And its protections for speech, and its protections for guns, and its protection for property. They totes love it.

  11. Chipwooder

    Stolen from AoSHQ – Mitt Romney shall now be known as Pierre Defecto

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I prefer to know him as a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit.

      • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

        Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        *Dons blue leisure suit and seeks out Stinky’s boss*

      • Enough About Palin

        WTF is wrong with dog-kissing?

      • pistoffnick

        You KNOW where that tongue has been!

      • Enough About Palin

        I never said on the mouth.

      • Spudalicious

        Umm…wait…..umm….could you please clarify?

  12. DEG

    Pelosi has shredded decades of tradition, decorum, and civility that the nation could use now more than ever.

    Maybe fistfights and caning should come back.

    President Donald Trump opened his State of the Union speech touting strong economic conditions for black Americans and their decorous record serving their country — before later announcing in the same speech that he would award a racist radio talk show host the Presidential Medal of Freedom and concluding on a very whitewashed version of US history.

    I really wish the person that wrote this had drunk the Flavor-aid.

  13. KSuellington

    Ha! It looks like Mittens is angling for his post Senate career as a cable news talking head. I can’t believe he will withstand a primary challenge after voting to impeach.

    • Gadfly

      Utah isn’t big Trump territory (it went 45/27/21 for Trump/Clinton/McMullin), so he might survive a challenge.

      • leon

        He’s got 4 years before re-election anyway. So i’m not sure about the importance this will play then…

      • Gadfly

        Which I forgot to add is the lowest percentage vote in favor of Trump for a state that he still won.

      • Urthona

        It wasn’t. Because Mormons are nice and Trump is nasty. But I predict it will be now, because every single aspect of American life has improved under his presidency.

  14. Juvenile Bluster

    Fun fact: Mittens is the first Senator to vote to convict a President of his own party in an impeachment proceeding.

    So it’s 52-48 instead of 53-47. Meh.

    • Gadfly

      It’ll probably still be 53-47, as I think Manchin is leaning towards acquittal (WV went 67% for Trump, so it’s the smart play).

      • Chipwooder

        No, Manchin voted to convict

      • Gadfly

        I guess I wasn’t following the story closely enough then. I’m actually kind of surprised.

    • Urthona

      He had also voted for witnesses.

      So if you already had enough evidence that you MUST convict him, why the witnesses? It’s as if the entire purpose was to damage his public perception.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        No, its to help us appreciate Jeff Flake*

        *…not

  15. Donation Not Taxation

    Not First!

    “Trump as the destroyer of the 20th century American political order is just too wonderful.” — Entertainer in Chief

    “giving El Rushbo (also accused of being a racist) the Presidential Medal of Freedom” — will go over well with those who wish Rush MAGA Dittos.

    “Once I embraced the fact that Utopia was impossible, this meh-topia we live in” — would be improved if government were funded by voluntary donation instead of taxes and borrowing to be repaid by taxes and non-government is legally allowed to compete with government providing any checks, goods, services (examples: schools, garbage collection, postal services, farm subsidies) where government currently has an artificial monopoly.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      What does anyone think of MAGA dittoes instead of mega dittoes as a joke?

  16. Juvenile Bluster

    I’ve been told to taper off the klonopin in anticipation of starting the MMJ and it fucking sucks. I’m probably addicted to the stuff, so I need to do this anyways, but still, I’m a mess psychologically.

    • Ozymandias

      JB, can you start smoking the Devil’s Lettuce as you taper off?
      I’ve got some first-rate ganja from Santa Cruz I can send you ahem, recommend.

    • Q Continuum

      How long of a taper did they do for you? My sis is an ICU doc and she’s seen people brought in from trying to go off benzos too quickly. Just be careful.

      • Brett L

        Yes, this. Benzos and alcohol are the only physical withdrawals that reliably kill people.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        He told me to step down by half a milligram a day per week (started at 3 mg/day, so on 2.5 now). Physically I’m not feeling any symptoms, so I’m likely not really addicted but dependent. I’m in the middle of a 4-day long anxiety attack and haven’t been able to sleep much lately as a result, was a zombie sucking down Red Bull on my drive up to Orlando today.

      • Tundra

        Good luck, JB. Getting that shit out of your system can only be a good thing.

      • Playa Manhattan

        I actually think quitting the SSRIs is riskier. There’s a 2-4 week delay between cause and effect, so mistakes are not easily corrected.

      • Playa Manhattan

        Go as slow as you need to.

        Some meds are easy to quit, others aren’t. If you quit ADHD meds, you can just sleep it off. If you quit anxiety meds, you get….. even more anxiety.

      • DEG

        Best wishes.

      • Count Potato

        Benzos aren’t addictive. The problem is people conflate “dependence” and “addiction”. It’s like the difference between an alcoholic and a heavy drinker. If someone is consuming the same amount of something every day in a controlled way they aren’t an addict. Addiction, by definition, is out of control.

      • Ozymandias

        Really? That’s the definition?

      • Jarflax

        Addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences.

        ASAM* definition

        *American Society of Addiction Medicine

      • Playa Manhattan

        I see what you’re trying to say. However, your definition of addiction is incorrect.

      • Count Potato

        I don’t see how.

      • Count Potato

        Akshually, suddenly stopping many drugs can kill you.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Benzodiazepines (and other downers) especially.

      • Count Potato

        Also anti-convulsives, anti-depressants, etc.

        I had a friend who died after suddenly stopping prozac.

      • Tres Cool

        Meet my good friend Baclofen. On the few times I ran out for a couple days, I was paralyzed

      • Playa Manhattan

        Always keep an emergency stash. Always.

    • Gadfly

      Call in sick and spend the day snacking on junk food and playing video games (or whatever your personally equivalent is).

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Can’t. Busiest time of the year for securities lawyers is between now and mid-April, and on top of that I’m working on a registration statement for a public company merger and on top of that I’m in Orlando for the Florida Bar meetings because I have to head up a committee meeting.

      • Not Adahn

        Well, if you’re doing lawyer stuff, just up the number of prostitutes you’re having visit you in your hotel room.

      • Ted S.

        If you have fewer than 24 billable hours a day, you’re not doing it right.

      • Gadfly

        Well that sucks. Good luck pulling through. Hopefully you can take some me-time in late-April.

      • R C Dean

        And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am in-house.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Stay strong. Take it easy. Bitch here if you need to. We’re pulling for you.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Bitch can’t stop copying TheBern!

    Warren descended upon Iowa on a private jet and can be seen on camera deboarding and seemingly strategically placing herself behind a staffer after purportedly noticing someone taping her coming off the plane:

    Warren is an adamant supporter of both the Green New Deal and what she has dubbed the “Blue New Deal” but has largely failed to address her use of air travel and the impact it has on the environment.

    When asked to name the specific steps her campaign is taking to reduce its carbon footprint during a Q&A on New Hampshire Public Radio in October, Warren said she “mostly” flies commercial:

    • Juvenile Bluster

      I saw someone say it on Twitter and it’s true: Bernie’s a fucking commie, but he’s honest. You know exactly what you’re going to get with him. Warren does not seem to have the ability to think for herself and just parrots whatever she thinks will get her elected, and you have no idea what she’s actually going to do.

      • Ted S.

        Well, we have some evidence with the CFPB….

      • one true athena

        She will do whatever is closest to Mussolini she can get away with.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        but he’s honest.

        An honest politician?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Similar to Trump, he’s as honest as a politician can be.

      • DEG

        Huh. Apparently the official lyrics are “Denver man can be”, but when I hear that version of the song, I hear “government man can be.”

      • Bobarian LMD

        I always thought the line was ‘honest as a gamblin man can be’

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Vox called someone a racist?!?

    At least they didn’t call him an upstart. That could lead to a declaration of war.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I knew a man once; he didn’t like to be called ‘high handed’.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I see what you did there.

    • BigLoveTomato

      4, 14, 23 is thicc,

    • DEG

      Too many RealDolls.

      • Tundra
      • Tundra

        Nice.

      • Spudalicious

        Tundra winds this thread.

    • BigLoveTomato

      Razorfist ripped her up good today,
      Tim pool is right now,

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “ You’re making John McCain and Arizona proud, Kyrsten Sinema.

        Sending you love, prayers, and a heartfelt thank you from New York City.”

        Fuck. Off.

    • Count Potato

      Boo!

    • R C Dean

      As I noted earlier, I don’t think she’s ever bucked a party line vote.

      Can’t imagine this will affect her re-election in four years. Oh well, at least I have the hottest Senator on my TV.

      • RAHeinlein

        She desperately needs some fashion guidance – WTF was she wearing last night?

      • R C Dean

        Not a white “Resistance” outfit.

        When I met her, it was a shortish skirt (just above the knees) and black leather boots. Mrowwr.

      • Chipwooder

        It did accentuate her curves nicely, at least

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Warren does not seem to have the ability to think for herself and just parrots whatever she thinks will get her elected, and you have no idea what she’s actually going to do.

    I think we can be sure she has no intention of leaving office broke.

    • The Other Kevin

      And she has every intention of leaving office with everyone else broke.

  20. Rebel Scum

    4:32 PM: Trump acquitted (“not guilty as charged”) 53-47 on the second article.

    4:20 PM: Trump acquitted 52-48 (“not guilty as charged”), with Romney joining the Democrats, on the first article. Clerk now reading the second article.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      Can we put this shit behind us now wait lol

      • Ted S.

        Can we move on?

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Someone should start a group with that in mind.

      • The Other Kevin

        Maybe an organization?

      • Winston

        Time to re-impeach!

      • Grumbletarian

        His party to which this Protector of the Constitution cheerfully belongs wants to shit on 60% of the Bill of Rights and do an end run around the Electoral College.

    • Ted S.

      I’m stunned they released the pig’s mug shot.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      40% of pigs *ADMIT* to being domestic abusers.

    • DEG

      Perrault’s husband Michael Perrault told authorities that he and his wife were arguing when she pulled out a gun and shot herself.

      She shot herself in the back of the head right?

      • BigLoveTomato

        What did she know about HRC?

      • Jarflax

        So if you are killed by a cop does that qualify as shot like a dog?

    • Playa Manhattan

      “Perrault’s husband Michael Perrault told authorities that he and his wife were arguing when she pulled out a gun and shot herself.”

      Rule #1: don’t tell lies that are easily proven false

      • Gender Traitor

        What does “proof” have to do with this case? #BelieveAllCops /sarc

      • R C Dean

        What on earth makes you think there will be more than a pro forma investigation that would have any chance of implicating him?

      • Playa Manhattan

        County sheriff is investigating, and he’s a city police officer.

        Also, hired in 2018, so they can claim that he was a bad apple who slipped through the cracks.

    • Chipwooder

      “Do you know what they do to cops in prison?” Gosh, seems like committing a serious crime was a really poorly thought out decision, then!

      • Chipwooder

        I mean, in a decent society where cops weren’t above the law, it would be a poorly thought out decision.

      • leon

        Its crazy how some guy who is a criminal gets to keep the protected status of being a cop.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      From another article on the subject:

      Alexander’s father, William Ollie Alexander III, pleaded for a lenient sentence, saying the defendant was a caring father and dreamed of being a law enforcement officer.

      “It was a fulfillment of a lifelong desire” William Ollie Alexander III said about his son’s law enforcement career. “He wanted to serve and protect. It has been devastating knowing he won’t be able to be have his career. It is just heartbreaking.”

      William Ollie Alexander III said he knows his son made a mistake, but he asked for his son to be sentenced to probation due to fear for his son’s safety in prison.

      “I understand he made a moral mistake,” he said. “My son is a law enforcement officer. I think you, I and all the men and women of the jury know what happens to law enforcement officers in prison.”

      He can’t be a cop anymore. And really, is there any worse punishment than that?

      • Chipwooder

        As Frank Drebin said on the subject, “Just think, the next time I shoot somebody, I could be arrested!”

    • Viking1865

      “should serve in the community.”

      So is he going to be a wilderness firefighter? A flagger on the interstate? Working as a garbageman? Is he going to be sent around to do yardwork for elderly people free of charge?

      Is he on house arrest, permitted 4 hours a week to run errands on pain of prison?

      What’s the actual punishment part of his probation.

      • R C Dean

        Yukking it up once a month with his pal, the probation officer?

        “Yeah, I told her I could get her off (heh heh) that ticket, but I’d need a little sumpin’ to make it worth my while, ya know? Damn, I miss those days.”

  21. The Late P Brooks

    used the “do you know what they do to cops in prison?” defense.

    Something similar to what you did to that woman?

    • Chipwooder
  22. leon

    CNN Talking head: History will be on the side of Romney.

    I find discussions of “Being on the right side of history” strange.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I don’t know, history didn’t judge Judas too kindly.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        What a raw deal too. The dirty hippie was asking for it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I guess it isn’t the most apt comparison but nobody likes a turncoat.

      • The Last American Hero

        Not kindly? They judged him so terrible that the other Judas is almost never spoken of.

    • Jarflax

      Romney is a grandstanding vile dishonest piece of filth.

    • Rebel Scum

      As I like to tell the died-in-the-wool Bernie/Buttedge-edge loving Team Blue lady-friend, I am on the RIGHT side of history…

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Do you know who else thought they would be on the right side of history?

    • Gadfly

      I find discussions of “Being on the right side of history” strange.

      Yes, it is strange. The “right side of history” is whatever the victors say it is when they are triumphant, so claiming it in advance is often rather delusional. Plus you can be on the right side of history at one moment but the wrong side on another as opinions change over time. Plus, why is being popular in the future so important? What if the future is wrong?

      • Fourscore

        According to Mrs F I’m always on the wrong side of any discussion.

        “That’s just your opinion, Ma’am”

    • R C Dean

      I find discussions of “Being on the right side of history” strange.

      Its a Marxist trope. Judge people who use it accordingly.

      • Winston

        Actually it was a classical liberal trope the commies used against them very effectively.

      • Winston

        And the Whig Theory of History, The End of History and Creative Destruction are basically the same thing.

    • Winston

      Jacobins and Communists liked to argue that when killing people.

  23. Rebel Scum

    Curious

    Aside from Mitt Romney’s sour relationship with the president, the Utah senator has his own ties to the notoriously corrupt Burisma Holdings—where Hunter Biden served on the board making over $80,000 a month despite lacking experience and qualifications.

    Democrats argue that Trump inappropriately pressured Ukraine president Zelensky to investigate the Bidens because of Hunter’s position at Burisma and former Vice President Joe Biden’s pressuring of Ukrainian officials to fire the prosecutor investigating the company corruption.

    Romney’s vote to convict on the charge of abuse of power might very well be connected to his own links to the company via one of his top advisers. The Federalist reported back in September that “top Mitt Romney adviser Joseph Cofer Black, who publicly goes by ‘Cofer Black,’ joined Burisma’s board of directors while Hunter Biden was also serving on the board.”

    • Tundra

      Oh, that’s priceless.

    • Viking1865

      “Mr. Black joined the CIA in 1974, eventually becoming director of the National Counterterrorism Center in 1999. He was appointed as ambassador at large and coordinator for counterterrorism by President George W. Bush in 2002 and later worked at Blackwater as a vice-chairman before joining Romney’s 2012 presidential campaign as a “special adviser” on Romney’s Foreign Policy and National Security Advisory Team.”

      Swamp Things gonna swamp.

      • one true athena

        With Extra Swamp.

        From government wonk to pulling down tens of thousands a month on the Burisma board (unless he was getting way less than Hunter, but that seems unlikely, since Hunter’s buddy was pulling the same). Most of that money laundered from aid money, I presume. What a racket.

      • Viking1865

        I’m sure Mr. Black made sure that all his decisions while working for the American taxpayer were in the best interests of the American taxpayer, and not in the best interest of a foreign oil company he would later get a cushy no show job with.

        Just like all those career policy makers at State who went on to work for Saudi funded think tanks and NGOs after their career in government.

  24. Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

    Mormons don’t (didn’t?) like Trump because he’s uncouth and if there is one thing we Mormons value more than our magic underwear, it’s propriety. Half our culture is straight out of 1950s WASP country club. Fortunately, I can tell the difference between doctrine and culture.

    Romney’s ass-kissing is disgusting and loathsome.

    • Sensei

      That’s been my thinking on this too.

    • R C Dean

      It’ll be interesting to see how the magic underwear people vote in November.

    • Chipwooder

      Given my Irish and Italian family heritage, the one thing I can’t fathom about Mitt Romney is that he’s doing this on behalf of the very people who so savagely attacked not only his track record, but his character and faith, in 2012.

      One thing about both micks and wops – they sure as hell know how to hold a grudge.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Thank God he was never president, it would have been a disaster.

      • Sensei

        True enough!

        And yet the Jewish vote for Team Blue always amazes me.

      • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

        doing this on behalf of the very people who so savagely attacked not only his track record, but his character and faith, in 2012.

        Why don’t they like meeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!

    • Old Man With Candy

      Funny thing is, knowing you IRL, “propriety” is not in the top ten words I’d use to describe you.

      Smart, funny, direct, *very* incorrect, sure.

      And use the right term- not “magic underwear,” they’re called “Jesus Jammies.”

  25. Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

    The dude who drove down the parade route before the parade— It was reported that he was drunk and didn’t even know there was going to be a parade at all.

    • Q Continuum

      “I didn’t notice balls in the sack”

      This is the hard-hitting journalism I’m looking for.

    • Count Potato

      “In 2019 more people (141 million) voted for their favorite videos on Pornhub than voted in the 2016 US presidential election (139 million)”

      • Bobarian LMD

        I could vote more than once… er…

        Ummm…

        I heard someone could vote more than once.

    • Chipwooder

      Jeez, couldn’t they have gotten some of the hot ones to do it?

    • Q Continuum

      “‘The cosmos of sexual pleasure has been restricted to a few boring and chauvinistic narratives for the pleasure of the male gaze,’ Li told Page Six.”

      SHUT THE FUCK UP SEXTARD

  26. Certified Public Asshat

    Mind-blowing stat: 48 Senators who voted to convict Trump represent 18 million more Americans than 52 Republicans who voted to acquit— Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 5, 2020

    Whoah man.

    • Chipwooder

      Who the fuck is this guy??

      Writer:
      @motherjones

      Oh, now it makes sense.

    • Rebel Scum

      And? The Senate is the house of the States.

      • BigLoveTomato

        It used to be…….

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Yet another attack on our democratic institutions.

      • Rebel Scum

        Their problem is republican* attacks on Democratic institutions.

        (*i.e. the Constitution)

    • Rhywun

      Muh popular impeachment vote!

    • R C Dean

      Relevant stat:

      Senators representing two more states voted to acquit than to convict, with 9 other state delegations splitting their vote.

      I wonder how Mother Jones counted the populations of the states that split their votes?

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        He also is making the assumption that 100% of the people in each state agree with the Senators. That certainly is not the case for me here in CA.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      If only we could have a nationwide election sometime in the next 12 months where we could vote him out.

      • Bobarian LMD

        If only… but I see little chance of that happening.

    • Cannoli

      Even if you concede the ridiculous premise that that’s a relevant stat, it still doesn’t come close to the two thirds needed to convict.

  27. Sensei

    Nissan dealers can’t stand their current products, but there is something to be said about the Frontier. TW – Jalopnik

    Murphy says the truck still has its original engine and transmission. He managed to get the clutch to last 801,000 miles, and replaced the timing chain prophylactically at 700,000 miles. The radiator and alternator were comparatively piss poor quality, and only managed to run 450,000 miles before needing replacement.

    After A Million Miles This 2007 Nissan Frontier Still Looks Like Brand New

    I think the 801k miles on the clutch is amazing.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Frontiers are good trucks. They last just as long as Tacomas but they lack the brand cache so you can get better deals on them new or used. I still want a Tacoma though.

      • Tundra

        I’ve been watching the prices creep on on both the Frontiers and Xterras. I don’t think it’s a secret anymore.

    • Tundra

      Eric Peters always has good things to say about his.

      I had one as a rental – I didn’t hate it. Simple and drove fine.

    • kinnath

      My daughter is still driving the Xterra that I bought new in 2002. My 2014 Xterra is running strong at 101,000 miles. I expect to go 300K before I buy anything to replace it.

      Just do the scheduled maintenance and they run forever.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        And don’t own a Nissan with their CVT.

      • kinnath

        The CVT in the new Rogue sucks. I hate it. But it’s my wife’s car, so I rarely drive it.

      • Chipwooder

        I’m up to 109k on my CVt-equipped Versa. Fingers crossed…..

      • cyto

        My Quest CVT died in the middle of the highway at 3 am in podunk South Carolina.

        Geico covered the 5 grand to fix it under my major mechanical coverage. Plus rental van and tow. Thanks, geko.

        The CVT is amazing… but still not reliable enough.

        Meanwhile, Musk and Tesla showing us the way to a no-transmission future. Apparently intends all his cars to be million mile vehicles in the near future.

      • Bobarian LMD

        My ’89 Hardbody Truck was totalled by the insurance company in ’97.

        I ended up selling it in ’06 after putting another 65K miles on it.

        Only because I didn’t want to drag it to California.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      It looks brand new because Nissan refuses to update it. Hey-o.

    • Tundra

      “My truck deserves to rest, but I’ve got to keep busy,” said Murphy.

      That’s the saddest quote I think I’ve ever seen.

      Bullshit. That’s a great quote. Useful people are awesome.

  28. Rebel Scum

    WalkAway

    C-SPAN asked people to call in and give their opinions on the SOTU. What happened after that was brilliant. “I’m a Democrat, but I no longer will vote Democrat,” said one caller. “I think it’s outrageous that they sat there when all these good things are happening to our country and how much we love our country. And they looked like they hated our country…It’s outrageous and I will never vote Democrat again.” She went on to say that all her family voted for Hillary last time but this time they will never vote for a Democrat again.

    But she wasn’t the only one. A man called in and said, “Let me put it this way, I’ve been a Democrat for 70-some years and what I saw tonight was appalling to me…it was very disrespectful to this president and I didn’t vote for him…but that man is the president and we should respect him.” He continued, “What I’ve seen tonight of the Democrat party, I am changing my mind…I’ll probably stay home. I’m embarrassed being a God-danged Democrat for what they did in the House today.” Then he had me rolling on the floor with this. “They looked like a bunch of dadgum idiots sitting there.” Hear, hear!

    A woman from Mississippi called in to give the Democrats a piece of her mind. “I watched my president give a speech on everything great that’s happening in our country but yet, Nancy Pelosi and the others who were dressed in white, I might add, just sitting over there, never standing, never clapping for anything that might be good for the country—I don’t understand it. I used to be a Democrat, and I am no longer a Democrat.” And there’s more than that. It’s a slaughter. Listen.

    • Chipwooder

      it was very disrespectful to this president and I didn’t vote for him…but that man is the president and we should respect him.

      Damn, man, this is one helluva conundrum for me – my general disdain and disrespect for political officeholders set against my utter loathing of the Democratic Party.

      • Q Continuum

        Whose plan to enslave me is the least mature? That’s who gets my vote.

  29. leon

    CNN has a senator on spinning the vote. This is of course a travesty because the republicans are being partisan, the democrats are just being faithful to the truth.

    • Rebel Scum

      being faithful to the truth

      And all preaching their faith to the constitution. Funny that the constitution says “high crimes and misdemeanors” and not “things Democrats don’t like”.

      • cyto

        that constitution that has an electoral college they want to ban, 1st and 2nd and 9th an 10th amendments they want gutted…. I’m sure there’s more…

  30. Certified Public Asshat

    What if I told you the President tweeted a video of sad democrats during last night’s speech with “Love Hurts” set behind it…

    pic.twitter.com/lj8RUqcz37— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 5, 2020

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I would have held off. Don’t interrupt your enemies when they’re destroying themselves. But then I’m not a disruptive President, so what do I know.

      • cyto

        Nancy Pelosi Tweeted about tearing up the speech while she was still in the room. Hm…. something tells me grandma doesn’t actually send her own tweets, even though it said “I” and was written in her voice and was about her thoughts.

        I wonder how her Twitter person knew her private thoughts. Unless…. nah… could it be that grandma planned her little tantrum in advance?

    • R C Dean

      Wow. The replies . . . .

      I’ll enjoy watching the world burn

      #MeToo #SMOD2020

      • RAHeinlein

        What’s SMOD?

      • kinnath

        sweet meteor of death

  31. leon

    CNN: The Senate is on trial here

    The house however is pure as the driven snow.

    • Rhywun

      Actually, CNN, it isn’t.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    FAKE NEWS

    The jobs market kicked off 2020 in grand fashion, adding 291,000 in private payrolls for the best monthly gain since May 2015, according to a report Wednesday from ADP and Moody’s Analytics.

    That was well above the 150,000 estimate from economists surveyed by Dow Jones and more evidence that the U.S. still is a good distance from full employment even with the jobless rate at its lowest point in more than 50 years. The total also was a sharp gain from the 199,000 in December, which was revised down 3,000 from the initial count.

    Growth came across a swath of industries.

    That can’t be right. People are starving in the streets.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      This just means that even more people are being exploited by the 1%.

    • Rhywun

      Trump’s cruel reduction in the food stamp rolls is causing people to seek *gasp* employment.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      They needed all those new employees to pick up the bodies.

  33. RBS

    I’m out in the driveway drinking a Captain Lawrence Mandatory Training, cooking steaks while my kids work on one of those paleontologist in a box things. Well, the 1.5 year old is throwing chunks of mud at the 7 year as he tries to build the triceratops skeleton.

    Meanwhile my liberal friends are acting like the world has ended.

    • Playa Manhattan

      The kids always promise to clean up the mess from the excavation, but they never do. Ergo, no more paleontology at my house.

      What, exactly, did your liberal friends think was going to happen? I see an issue with expectations management.

      • RBS

        The usual. They just spout talking points I haven’t heard an original thought from any of them in 4 years.

        Also, in working 80+ of the past 86 hours I may have forgotten that it’s only Tuesday.

      • Playa Manhattan

        I don’t have the heart to tell you.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    CNN: The Senate is on trial here

    The house however is pure as the driven snow.

    the Senate had one job, and that was to rubber-stamp the Articles. Shameful abdication of their responsibility to be impartial and openminded.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    I think the 801k miles on the clutch is amazing.

    If you don’t use the clutch as a fifth brake disc (my brother is Exhibit A of this behavior), it will last a lot longer.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I guess there’s no reason to do a burnout in a Frontier either.

    • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

      fifth brake disc

      Do you mean engine braking?

    • YDAK

      Downshifting is for road Racing, Brake rotors and pads are cheaper and easier to replace than a clutch,

      • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

        Also for snow. I used my clutch liberally in the snow.

      • Tundra

        Yes. Being able to freewheel on ice is awesome.

        Also, starting in 2nd or 3rd gear. When I am made Supreme Ruler, all manufacturers will be politely requested to make manuals for all of my peeps who want one.

      • DEG

        You used to be able to start Ford automatics in second. I did that often in my Crown Vic and old Town Cars in bad weather. You can also do it with my Genesis’ automatic.

        When I am made Supreme Ruler, all manufacturers will be politely requested to make manuals for all of my peeps who want one.

        This is a good idea.

    • mikey

      He’s “saving the brakes “. Not a bad idea if you’re driving a1938 Buick. It just keeps getting passed down the generations.

      • YDAK

        Oh I know how to shift, lots of mountain road where I grew up, Road racing Angeles Crest Highway, 62 miles of shifting,
        WAY FUN

  36. Winston

    So why aren’t the full Iowa results in? Need a lot of time to fake it plausibly?

    • YDAK

      They need more time to rearrange the deck Chairs…

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Do you mean engine braking?

    I mean re-engaging the clutch on a downshift when the engine is at idle. That’s using the clutch as another brake disc to slow the car (truck), not engine compression.

    You need to match engine rpm to speed when you let the pedal out, so the engine does the work.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Brake rotors and pads are cheaper and easier to replace than a clutch,

    Much easier to get to.

    • YDAK

      Yep,

    • YDAK

      And YT just recommended a video on F1 Braking systems, they are quick!

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      ugh, First read that as Jacobite and got confused.

    • Rhywun

      I still think there was no “handshake snub” but I’m not a Politico writer so what do I know.

      • grrizzly

        I agree. Trump didn’t intend to shake hands with Pence or Pelosi. He handed them their copies of the speech and moved on with the program.

  39. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    Really hard to see how any of the Prog candidates can tack back to the center for the general at this point.

    Not that the crazy bastards give a shit. They are convinced that a majority of Americans secretly want Gulags and less than twenty kinds of deodorant, it would seem.

    • Winston

      Do the masses have a big enough attention span?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        SQUIRREL

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        What were we talking about?

      • Tundra

        Had to be tits, music, booze or cars…

    • AlmightyJB

      I think the nominee will be Biden or Bloomberg. If I had to bet, I’d say Biden.

      • Winston

        What is Buttchugger, Butt cheeks?

      • AlmightyJB

        He’s just missing that certain something. Gravitas? Height? IDK. Needs to light a fire or something. Just don’t see it.

      • Rhywun

        Winning Iowa might help.

      • grrizzly

        Too late. He had to do it two days ago. In 2012 Romney was proclaimed the winner in Iowa after the caucuses. But a few days later it was reported that it was actually Santorum who won–Iowa caucuses make no sense even when they work “properly”– but it was too late and he got no momentum.

      • AlmightyJB

        Iowa. Lol.

    • R C Dean

      That would be Trump Jr. replies.

    • Tundra

      Ouch.

    • AlmightyJB

      How’s Unemployment:) lol

    • The Last American Hero

      The pic with Carson – slam!

    • Tres Cool

      “I just may start a fire, a bonfire, and burn it all,” Cain said, laughing.

      An open burn in Summit County? He better get a permit from the Northeast District Office of the OEPA. And they’ll say no.

  40. Chipping Pioneer

    I’ll just start by pointing at Congress Democrats and saying “Ha! Ha!”.

    Now that that’s out of the way, 10-year Bulleit bourbon is tasty. I’m not a hard liquor guy, but, carnivore diet.

    Also, I learned to pour drinks the way my Dad does: pour in 2oz of booze, then fill up the rest of your glass with mix. However, you lose the taste of the sweet sweet liquor. So, instead, I’m just adding enough mix to take the edge off the booze. Much better. Probably those of you who appreciate liquor more knew this, but I did not.

    • AlmightyJB

      Full glass of ice, pour in bourbon. Stir, that’s enough edge off for me.

      • robc

        3 cubes, full glass of bourbon.

      • AlmightyJB

        Good stuff.

      • AlmightyJB

        I like my liquids icy cold or steaming hot. No in between.

  41. hayeksplosives

    Well, today’s medical adventures are off to an inauspicious start

    • hayeksplosives

      Oops. Hit enter too soon.

      I decided to come in early so I could do my blood and urine samples while I’m here. Doctor ordered more testing to try and figure out why my iron, platelet, and ion counts are so low.

      I was in the restroom and gave a nice full jar for the sample. Then I took it to the sink to screw on the cap and tidy up. There was soap or something on the floor, so my right leg slipped and wrenched my knee, and I fell to the ground before i could screw on the cap.

      • hayeksplosives

        So there I was on the floor, with my own pee splashed out on the floor and an empty jar. Had to pull the “help needed” chain.

        Ugh. I just drank some water and am hoping to be able to give a sample after the biopsy.

        Wheee! I feel so dignified. (Facepalm).

      • Tundra

        Biopsy?

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, a little lump that my doc is almost sure is benign but wanted me to get it out anyway.

      • Tundra

        May I offer my prayers and best wishes?

      • hayeksplosives

        Appreciated! They are going to test it, but surgeon said everything looked clean and fully contained.

      • Tres Cool

        “So there I was on the floor, with my own pee splashed out on the floor…”

        Who HASN’T been there, amirite ?

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Usually there’s vomit involved too.

      • Spudalicious

        The part that was missing was the doctor’s office.

      • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

        OMG, How is your knee feeling? I will assume you spilled the sample…?

      • hayeksplosives

        It hurts, but I don’t think it needs intervention (the knee).

        My ego was hardest hit?.

        Yeah, almost all the sample is literally down the drain. But i can go give another sample whenever. At least they got the blood sample without issue.

        Now just waiting for the minor surgery.

      • DEG

        Sorry. Best wishes to you.

      • YDAK

        Well, you were in the right place,
        ewww, Bummer!

      • hayeksplosives

        All done now! Surgeon is happy with it, and it is still numb, so I feel fine.

        And even mustered a new urine sample!

        Off for a cocktail, methinks.

        Cheers!

      • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

        I read “mustard.”

        I’m going to bed …

      • Tundra

        *Raises glass*

      • Spudalicious

        Sounds like hayek needs some Spud blood too.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Blood?

      • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

        Spud has iron levels that could rust him from the inside out and some of the mythical uncirons around here are a little Fe-deficient.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Spud’s blood will give you a craving for potatoes and an inability to articulate a full English sentence.

      • Jarflax

        English sentence? Like Transportation for life, with 7 years indentured servitude? That’s just Irish immigration.

      • DEG

        Good news!

  42. Winston

    if Romney had won in 2012 then Trump wouldn’t be President today. Oof.

  43. LJW

    Kirk Douglas dead… Honestly had no idea he was still alive.

    • grrizzly

      A month ago I watched Seven Days in May and was surprised to find out that he was still alive.

    • Winston

      103 Good run.

      Also Spartacus is no shit Communist propaganda.

      • Ted S.

        See, some of us are mature enough to overlook our political difference when it comes to the movies.

      • R C Dean

        Or, maybe some of us just really like gladiator movies. A lot. NTTAWWT.

      • Urthona

        ever been in a Turkish prison?

      • Charles Easterly

        “Or, maybe some of us just really like gladiator movies. A lot.”

        “ever been in a Turkish prison?”
        Nicely done, U.

      • Winston

        I didn’t know you were Peter Graves…

      • Charles Easterly

        Peter Graves

        Also nicely done, Winston.
        Do we get trivia points here?

      • Ted S.

        Champion is a really good early role from Douglas, as a boxer who finds life at the top isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And it’s got one of several Oscar-nomitated performances from underrated supporting actor Arthur Kennedy.

        Ace in the Hole is also extremely good.

      • Urthona

        Those aren’t real movies. Come on.

      • Winston

        There haven’t been any real movies since Fred Ott’s Sneeze.

      • Ted S.

        Reporters haven’t changed a bit in the 70 years since Ace in the Hole.

        And cops haven’t changed in the 70 years since Douglas played a dirty detective in Detective Story.

        Lonely are the Brave is another good Kirk Douglas movie.

      • Winston

        How could you ignore the Strange Love of Martha Ivers!

      • Urthona

        Unless Samuel L Jackson tries to recruit Martha Ivers to join the Avengers in a post credits scene, I’ve probably not seen it.

      • Winston

        Except the left won’t make an exception John Wayne or D. W. Griffith

        And at least the movie didn’t include the parts of the book that blamed the decline of Rome on homosexuality.

    • Ted S.

      He was excellent as Vincent Van Gogh in Lust for Life, and as movie producer Jonathan Shields in The Bad and the Beautiful.

      And unlike Burt Lancaster, he was willing to work with John Wayne on The War Wagon despite their political differences.

    • Urthona

      Last year they wheeled him up on stage and he tried to honk Catherine Zeta Jone’s boob.

      At the age of 102.

      Epic run, Kirk.

  44. R C Dean

    Ruh-roh

    Looks like the sequel will be The Empire Strikes Back.

    • Urthona

      I predict nothing of note happens.

    • R C Dean

      *makes note to ask plastic surgery section chief if silicon or botox can cause brain damage*

      • Jarflax

        It is Cher. There was never a brain to damage.

    • Rebel Scum

      But is he really strong enough?

    • AlmightyJB

      Now that’s someone who has their shit together.

    • Not Adahn

      You are just about the last person I expect to be pushing Nightcore.

    • Tres Cool

      Too much autotune bs
      This is the RNS

    • Rhywun

      “Next Wednesday, B&N stores nationwide will close for 8 hours of bias training for all employees.”

    • Gender Traitor

      maybe they just realized it was stupid?

      …after lots & lots of people told them it was stupid.

      B&N, I love you, I love my Nook, but…that was really stupid. It should never have gotten past the caffeine-addled brainstorming session that came up with it.

    • Mojeaux, Gilmore v2

      if #barnesandnoble wants to promote diversity, why not just promote classics written by diverse authors?

      She’s not wrong. Alexandre Dumas wants a word.

      The original concept was for books on which the characters were assumed white with no literary context, but they forgot cultural context.

      • Ted S.

        Or Pushkin.

  45. Count Potato

    “[BREAKING] Korean Girl Gamer Son Hye-ju becomes richest eSports athlete in the world after coming first in Fortnite World Cup finals, winning 36 billion KRW (30 million USD)”

    https://twitter.com/sonhyejuice/status/1224710208758468608

    Really?

    • Urthona

      wow. that’s more than I make in a year!

    • Rhywun

      FML

    • creech

      Crissakes, that’s about what Charles Koch lost in the latest stock market meltdown.

    • Jarflax

      That is a parody account and a picture of a Kpop singer.

  46. R C Dean

    The unmitigated clusterfuck that is the Iowa caucus continues. Seriously, read the whole thing, it has some internecine fingerpointing between the Iowegians and the DNC apparatchiks.

    With 75% of precincts reporting, former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick had not received any state delegate equivalents.

    When the number of reported precincts reached 85%, he’d earned 21 state delegate equivalents. That immediately surprised Iowa politicos, because Patrick had spent very little time campaigning in Iowa and was not actively competing for support here.

    The party’s website said 1,677 people supported him on the first alignment and 1,768 people did so in the final alignment.

    After the Iowa Democratic Party released its corrected results, Patrick again was down to receiving zero delegates.

    Huh. turns out that some of Bernie’s support was mysteriously allocated elsewhere.

    • Urthona

      I mean I kinda can’t blame them. He hasn’t been a Democrat for decades. It’s weird. He’s clearly just using the party. Maybe they should fuck with him after all.

    • Charles Easterly

      “Huh. turns out that some of Bernie’s support was mysteriously allocated elsewhere.”

      Slightly related…. There is this (3:52 to 5:24) from individuals who I think consider themselves to be progressive.

  47. Spudalicious

    As for the front page picture, it was captured beautifully. Trump and Limbaugh have been friends for decades and Trump wanted Rush to know how much he appreciated it. Melania obviously has a lot of affection for him too. As for Rush, he knows there’s a good chance he’s dying. A very poignant moment.

    • Rhywun

      I didn’t even recognize who that was. Dang, he old.

      Also, isn’t she a sneaky one?

      • Spudalicious

        Pelosi is a senile cunte.

    • Urthona

      Looking forward to President Bernie giving medals of freedom to Rachel Maddow and Samantha Bee.

    • Urthona

      I thought they just changed the policy? Because like 75% of Brits thought it was fucking stupid.

    • Rhywun

      That rakish hair… *swoon*

  48. Old Man With Candy

    Honest to Yahweh, I never understood the Rush Limbaugh fanaticism. I tried listening to his show maybe three times and couldn’t get through more than 10 minutes. Really dull, and not particularly smart or clever. Two times, there was a caller involved, and apparently an IQ over 60 will get you excluded from the show.

    We need a CPRM show. He has a good voice and the right attitude.

    • Rhywun

      I used to crack my friends up with my Rush impersonation… “Ladies and gentlemen…”

      I have never listened to his show.

    • creech

      The few times I listened to Rush, all I heard was hyperbole, misquoting of his enemies, and laughable comments about how brilliant he was. He was Trumpian before Trump!

    • Jarflax

      When he started out there was no real source for news and commentary from the right. He was also very funny, in the same way Trump has been funny, during the Clinton era commenting as an opposition party guy. All those types are less entertaining when their guy is in office. He is also quite politically astute in a tactical sense and a good bit of the blowhard stuff is deliberately over the top schtick. I am willing to overlook his failings because without him, Breitbart and a few others largely coat-tailing on him there would not be any rightwing communication channel.

      • cyto

        And he understands that the job is to be entertaining, not to preach. That’s why he changed the face of Radio and Maddow has had to live on an ideological subsidy.

        He does shtick. That’s what the “talent on loan from gawd” stuff is. It is a mix of barber shop conversation, parody, news commentary and performance art. Not everyone’s cup o’ tea, but it is a formula that works. The ones who understand that it is about entertaining the audience do well. The ones who believe their own hype don’t.

    • MikeS

      A grand total (maybe) of 30 minutes to not only form a lifelong opinion of Limbaugh, but his listeners as well. How scientific!