Bernie Sanders Says There Were “Very Fine People on Both Sides of the Iron Curtain”

by | Mar 5, 2020 | Satire | 256 comments

MIAMI – Controversy erupted as Democratic presidential hopeful Sanders seemingly praised murderous communist dictatorships. This was an especially inflammatory statement as Florida is home to a large number of Cubans who fled Castro’s communism. Sanders later doubled down on his remarks, saying “certainly it wasn’t perfect, but literacy is a good thing and inequality plummeted under Castro’s leadership”. He added “look, the truth is that there were very fine people on both sides of the Iron Curtain. Now I have heard, most likely exaggerated things, by the way, about there being some hunger and even a few executions. Nobody’s perfect and certainly not this country where there are 23 kinds of deodorant and children go hungry.” On the topic of a controversial statue of Lenin in Portland, Sanders said “it’s beautiful work of art and a part of history. We can’t just start tearing down statues because a few ignorant people complain about them. People like Lenin and Castro and Ortega fought to help the poor people who were rising up against rather ugly rich people. And besides, what about Trump, a hatemonger who refuses to condemn the KKK? The hysteria about socialism has to stop. Democratic socialism means that in a democratic, civilized society the wealthiest people and the largest corporations must pay their fair share of taxes. And yes, I know went on my honeymoon in the USSR and displayed a Soviet flag in my office in the 1980s, but that was a different time when I was not running for national office.” Sanders then posed for a selfie with a man wearing a Che shirt and a hammer and sickle face bandana.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

256 Comments

  1. A Leap at the Wheel

    So, I guess you probably wrote this before Tuesday, huh?

    • Tonio

      The Gliberverse is a big place, spanning space, time, and umami.

      • Not Adahn

        Heck, UCS was just saying that he had solved a problem that had been bugging him since tomorrow.

      • Not Adahn

        FYI:

        This exists. The potential to make one’s MSR amazingly gaudy and over the top cannot be overstated.

      • Sean

        That’s kinda weird.

        I was thinking about getting a grip from these guys:
        https://futureforged.com

        I have their halex foregrip and it is very nice.

      • Not Adahn

        Well, there are eleventy billion different 1911 grips ranging from awe-inspiring to tasteful to “stripper shoes, but gun grips.”

        I will admit that my application would be to put silly grips on my race guns, since the MBC means I’m pulling the trigger with my middle finger anyway.

      • Not Adahn

        Foregrips are completely pointless where 16″ barrels are mandatory.

      • Rhywun

        One of the better nu-Who episodes.

      • Not Adahn

        Before Moffat took over?

      • Rhywun

        Yes, though he did write it.

      • Not Adahn

        I noticed that.

        I watched NuWho on Netflix, so I was always a season or two behind broadcast. I noticed people HATING Moffat, but I couldn’t figure out why, because he seemed to write the best episodes.

        Little did I know…

        Writing yourself into a corner works for single episodes. It does NOT work for a season.

  2. hayeksplosives

    What’s alarming is how close this is to actual things he’s said, yet he still got a ton of people to vote for him. WTF??

    • DEG

      Yeah. If people talked like this about Hitler, they’d be run out of town on a rail.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Say what you will about the Nazis, they had a hell of an infrastructure program.

      • Tres Cool

        ..at least it was an ethos, dude

      • C. Anacreon

        Coming in 2021, the new Volkswagen Ethos!

      • Sean

        I’ve been watching Hogans Heroes reruns lately and that doesn’t sound right.

        ?

      • DEG

        Your new avatar looks like Elizabeth Warren sucking a black guy’s cock.

      • DEG

        And yes, I know it is a still from that stupid beer video she did.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Well.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah na, how could you get a camera in place to get that shot? The dude’s back would be in the way.

      • DEG

        GoPro

      • The Last American Hero

        And such a sense of national pride and purpose. A well ordered society, everyone one the same team. Better literacy since they don’t tolerate any mental rejects. No homeless cripples on the street either. I went there for my honeymoon and they had Wagner operas in every theater. I’m sure the regime had some successes, but that isn’t real fascism. I got to travel to Italy and meet Mussolini during the war. Nice guy. He pulled that country into the 20th century. Rebuilt the ports, the navy, the highways and railroads. Such a proud country, and it was nice to see people proud of their government unlike in our country. Sure there were some excesses but that wasn’t real fascism….

    • Tundra

      People hate freedom. It requires too much individual effort. All of these idiots are really just lazy fucks.

      • Not Adahn

        I was late, but the way I get best prices on mags is to google the exact mag you’re looking for.

        For example: cheaperthandirt.com has the best price on CZ75 (10 round) mags, but opticsplanet.com beats them on Beretta M9 (10 round) mags.

      • Sean

        Those lazy fucks can be grain slaves.

        All hail Zardoz!

        Oh wait…this is not a Zardoz post…nevermind.

      • Chafed

        Every post is ZARDOZ post.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        WE’re all ZARDOZ down here……

  3. Aloysious

    HA HA H… wait. Can’t tell if real or not.

    • Sean

      Heh

    • Count Potato

      LOL

    • Chafed

      That’s great. I haven’t seen that before.

  4. Yusef drives a Kia

    The Timeline, how great it is……….

    • Rhywun

      Attn. CPRM

      • CPRM

        I’ll take a look at it over the weekend, see if I can understand how to do it. It would be AMAZEBALLS if I could do this.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Are you saying it makes you…thirsty??

      • Chafed

        That’s what I heard.

  5. AlmightyJB

    Nicely done Derp?

  6. Hyperion

    “Bernie Sanders Says There Were “Very Fine People on Both Sides of the Iron Curtain”

    Sure there were, but a lot of them on the wrong side got starved to death of lined up against a wall.

  7. Hyperion

    “Democratic presidential hopeful Sanders seemingly praised murderous communist dictatorships.”

    But they let the Dodgahs move.

  8. hayeksplosives

    All of Derpy’s “Spot the Not” pieces were just honing his sense of the razor thin margin between reality and paradoy.

    This article is the output of that body of study. Well done.

    • Not Adahn

      When you consider he’ll probably be writing the psyops scripts that get transmitted, the world is a much safer place.

    • mikey

      i starta reading and I’m thinkng “Damn, Derpy’s gone straight reporting.” The slowly I’m pulled to the sarc side.
      Wonderful.

    • Tres Cool

      Prov 27:17


      Proverbs 27:17 King James Version (KJV)

      “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m biting, I’ll let you know, I actually clicked your link,

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Thank you.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        and I’m done, it just made me appreciate my own intellect, I am self owned, he was full of shit,

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The irony is that the Ted K. hated where he felt technology was taking society in the early to mid 90s. God knows what he would have thought of social media. It’s kinda hypocritical to be like “duuuude, the Unabomber was right” on fucking Youtube when Teddy typed up that essay on a manual typewriter in a hermit shack with no electricity in 1995.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, Ted’s still alive, so you could try to ask.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nah, Florence is a great place to live……….

      • Tres Cool

        -1 SuperMax

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I remember reading that he only responds to letters about mathematics.

      • C. Anacreon

        And invites to Harvard Class Reunions.

      • Jarflax

        WAsn’tpart of Ted’s thesis that we were trapped by technology and increasingly large portions of the population had no possibility of escape? Is it hypocricy to recognize that you are enslaved by technology while using the technology to express your state of thralldom? I don’t know that he was completely wrong.

        I think he was capable of survival on his own, and a degree of satisfaction in that, which he romanticized and extrapolated to others. Sure the mountain man and the mystic hermit types would be vastly better off psychologically in a frontier society where they could escape the noise and nonsense, but the 6.5 billion people who would have to die off to get back to that sort of society likely would disagree, and so would 990+ million of the billion survivors as they adjested to their new life as serfs, tenant farmers, and men at arms for the handful who ended up on top.

        TL:DR Ted identified some problems with the modern world but missed the more significant problems of his romanticized world.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Is it hypocricy to recognize that you are enslaved by technology while using the technology to express your state of thralldom?

        Technology per se? No. The heart of all evil that has been responsible for more of the bullshit that Teddy identified than any other source in the past 10 to 15 or so years? Pretty much. It reminds me of the people who rail against capitalism through tweets made via their iPhone on McDonald’s wifi during a WTO protest french fry break.

      • Mojeaux

        After that Vulfpeck, I click on all HM’s YouTube links.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Careful….

      • PudPaisley

        I’m going to see Theo Katzman band on Sunday, which includes half of Vulfpeck. I’m really stoked to see Joe Dart play bass. Dude is a total badass.

      • Mojeaux

        One of the comments in the “Running Away” video:

        “You maybe cool but you’ll never be cool as joe Dart strumming on the bass with his legs crossed cool.”

      • PudPaisley

        How Joe’s head doesn’t fall off when he’s playing defies understanding. I don’t get how he doesn’t have a sore neck after playing.

        A couple years ago I had tickets to see Theo with Joe at a really small club in Iowa, but a stupid snow storm prevented me from going. The opener was Bridgette Kearney, who is the upright bass player for Lake Street Dive. Joe and Bridgette are two of my favorite modern bass players and I would have had a chance to see them play together. Joe played bass in Bridgette’s band and she played guitar. I love this Bridgette song with Joe on bass:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoJOJmu9Vw0

      • mikey

        Love Kearney. It may be a bass that’s she’s playing, but the role is often lead guitar

      • PudPaisley

        Totally agree on the lead guitar role. Bridgette quickly became a favorite of my buddy when I turned him onto LSD. He’s a really good upright player and was slayed by some of her arrangements. Bridgette is also a great song writer.

      • MikeS

        Only pussies don’t.

        ??

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      First, I have surrogate goals, because Humans in the First world solved the hard issues, like food and shelter,

    • straffinrun

      He wasn’t a Nazi, so he’s got that in the plus column.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There’s truth in what in he wrote, but he misses the value of the modern world as well.

      Leisure has given us great pleasure from musicians and artists while it has also given us Instagram. It’s a mixed blessing.

      • Count Potato

        I read his manifesto a long time ago. Like most things, it was half right.

      • The Last American Hero

        Ted you sonofabitch I read your book!

  9. straffinrun

    From San Fran in the Cali to the South Beach of Miami, a “Meat Curtain” has descended across the continent.

    • Spudalicious

      “a “Meat Curtain” has descended across the continent.”

      Ummm…

      *slowly backs out of the room*

    • Tres Cool

      My 1st ‘meat curtain’ experience was a woman named Kim S___
      I swear, they hung 1/3 down her thigh.

      She always wondered why my friends giggled when I made beef jerky jokes….

      • Spudalicious

        So much for out “Family Friendly” rating…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Someone’s gotta do it,
        /Thunder Thighs!

      • Tres Cool

        #ThiccThighsSaveLives

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yummy!

      • straffinrun

        Like a swimming manta ray?

    • Social Justice is Neither

      Hope Solo hasn’t gained that much weight.

    • MikeS

      Cunning.

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    I have ADHD, or OCD, we end up the witches and demons, non conformalist, shunned,
    Kind of like the Glibs!

    • dbleagle

      That is a fine two person method. What if you are alone in the bathroom?

      • Tres Cool

        That coulda been Michael Jackson.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        SShimoneh!
        /moon walks across the Golf course,

      • MikeS

        Why would you be alone in the bathroom?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      It’s true.

      • Jarflax

        Racial chimerism? Interesting. There are curvature jokes to be made here.

    • leon

      What a retard.

      • leon

        That’s actually not fair to Retarded people.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hey! i grew up Retarded, went to retard school, Then I grew out of it…

    • commodious spittoon

      Hard-fought gun rights lost in a generation.

      • straffinrun

        Nah, you gonna need a gun to protect yourself from idiots like that.

    • Chipwooder

      Deleted – what was it?

      • straffinrun

        Guy playing with his gun at his desk on a live feed has it fire accidentally.

      • Tejicano

        I might call that “unintentionally” but it seems too easily foreseen to be “accidentally”.

      • Mojeaux

        Count Potato’s “cool story bro” leads me to believe that CP thinks it was entirely intentional and for clicks.

  11. Lackadaisical

    I thought this was real for the first few lines.

  12. Chipwooder

    Mika Zibanejad with a sensational 5 goal performance. Never seen a Ranger have one before.

    • Rhywun

      Last time was like ’83 or something, they said?

      Incredible game. W00t!

      • Gender Traitor

        I knew that’s what it was going to be.

        Whenever I’m reminded of that song, I remember that when my oldest sister was in high school, she had all the lyrics written out on one of those canvas-covered ring binders. Adolescent angst FTW.

      • straffinrun

        She was an island and nobody understood her. Odds of being unique? One in 7.7bn.

      • C. Anacreon

        I knew a guy in high school who would sing that tune but change the lyrics to:

        I have a cock!

        Big as Long Isl-and!

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ll never hear the song the same way ever again.

        Thank you! ::giggles::

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      I had to look up who this person is.

      All I got from this is that a power-seeking politician finally experienced that power being used against him.

  13. Gustave Lytton

    The Lenin statue in Portland isn’t intersectional enough to be believable. Little Beirut would put up someone more… uh colorful.

  14. Gustave Lytton

    Sometimes Glibs just shock me

    Trolleric the Goth on March 5, 2020 at 11:42 am
    Late question, but I’ll ask it anyway:

    best Johnny Dollar actor?

    The safe choice is Bob Bailey of course, but I really enjoyed the rough and tumble way Edmund O’Brien played the role as well. Surely not as introspective, but maybe I’m not looking for introspection somtimes? If I want that, I’ll listen to Philip Marlowe.
    I wish there were more of the 5 part serial format though, they spoil you with actual character development.
    Reply

    whiz
    whiz on March 5, 2020 at 1:48 pm
    Very late answer: I, too, like Edmund O’Brien as much as Bob Bailey.

    I can’t believe the wrongness in those two comments. Bob Bailey of course is the definitive article. All other “Johnny Dollars” are phonier than a three dollar bill.

  15. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’m doing a Linda Blair right now , my head is spinning and i don’t have a clue,

    • C. Anacreon

      Exorcist Linda Blair, or adult Linda Blair who grew an enormous rack and ended up in a bunch of softcore drive-in movies?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Umm, don’t have a rack so……

  16. RegicidalManiac

    Any Montana or Idaho glibs around? My MBA is fast coming to an end here and I’m looking for work that will let me move to the mountain west to further my career and my desire to live somewhere with a non-zero chance of death by mountain lion.

    If anyone has advice about where someone with tech experience and an MBA specializing in risk management and insurance might go about looking for work in those states (and WY and UT and CO), I’d love to hear it. I promise not to vote like an expat Californian.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Not a Idaho Glib, but off the top of my head Boise has a number of companies that might fit the bill, particularly ones with headquarters there- Simplot, Micron, Albertsons, Idaho Power/Idacorp, the hospital system(s), etc… or Blue Cross of Idaho in CDA.

      • RegicidalManiac

        I’ll have a look, thanks!

    • leon

      Might want to check out the Provo-Orem area in Utah. Quite a few tech companies out there.

      • RegicidalManiac

        Didn’t know that, I’ll have a look tomorrow morning. Thanks!

    • mikey

      Montana has like six actual cities – your only choices. See what companies you can find in each that might have what you offer. It’s not like there are regional centers of insurance or anything.

      Helena – state capitol with all the usual govt hangers on.
      Bozeman and Missoula – Universities and health care. Bozeman is starting to get some high tech.
      Billings. Largest with actual industry. Energy and exraction. Finance I think . Riven lives there.
      Butte. Used to be mining. SP and OMWC used to live there.
      Kallispel. Rich refugees from LA.
      Great Falls. AF retirees. Hi, FdA
      There are those that will say Bozeman, Missoula and Kallispel aren’t really in Montana.
      More likely to be eaten by bears than mountain lions, although we have those too.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        How many Disc courses? that’s how you know the Hippie ratio, True…………

      • mikey

        After reading your post last night I looked.
        For me there are about five nearby. “Nearby” in MT is somewhere within a hour and a half drive. Looks like every actual city has one or two, I never knew.

      • RegicidalManiac

        Thanks for the rundown! I’ll have a look tomorrow.

    • Animal

      I’d avoid Colorado. It’s going full-on Californicated. We’re planning our ColExit.

  17. Yusef drives a Kia

    I keep losing my nice mini disc markers, so I bought 12, in bulk, plus it’s fun to give the kids discs to play with, and embarrasses parents,
    Golf! Walk! Live!

      • Chafed

        Fun song. Terrible video.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        I figured, last night’s dinner.

      • Chafed

        Ewww.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Oh, so you know!

  18. Yusef drives a Kia

    From a Pro, “the worst shot is the one you make from your Living room,”
    Go, Do, Something!

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    Damn! my Kittah is over 20 years old, and just keeps being Kittah, she runs off Bella and sleeps on my chair, Good Kittah!

    • PudPaisley

      Hey Yusef! Every time I see your avatar I think of this album cover, especially considering all the things you’ve went through in the last year.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD1QfXnqLZM

    • Urthona

      That’s an old kittah.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        After all the traveling, and homes she lived in, it’s amazing, she won’t grow old and die,
        Good kittah!

  20. Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

    Marine glibs: Have at ’em.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Crayons are vegan, right?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Wendy ate crayons, so no…

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        It seems crayons are made with tallow, so, nyet.

        Maybe McD’s should start cooking their fries with Crayolas…

    • Heroic Mulatto

      PETA notes that there are more effective non-animal training options, including interactive video games with food procurement components, virtual reality methods that survival experts use to train Air Force pilots, and instructional books and videos authored by experts who have trained U.S. Army Survival Evasion Resistance Escape (SERE) instructors.

      Ok, but what does that have to do with the Royal Thai Marines who were teaching them that skill? Is PETA going to fund the Thai military’s training schools?

    • Chipwooder

      Man, I always wanted to go to Cobra Gold. MACS-4 Det A, my Okinawa squadron, went for years. Unfortunately, my year there coincided with a CO who was from TAOC, the other component of a Marine air control squadron, and seemed to hate ATC. We got left out of everything, including Northern Edge in Alaska, which basically the entire air station other than us went on.

      • Tejicano

        A buddy of mine, on his first Cobra Gold, was on a patrol with a Thai unit. At one point he asked the Thais what those weird trees were – no branches nor leaves, just a trunk about 4 inches wide and 5 to 6 feet tall. He pointed one out to the Thai translator and they started whispering excitedly in Thai – then a half dozen ran out with a machete.

        Those “trees” were king cobras.

    • Tejicano

      “They recommended “interactive video games with food procurement components” and “virtual reality methods” instead of training that involved live animals. ”

      I’m pretty sure that snake which they decapitated was no longer a live animal when they were drinking its blood.

      And, yeah – “interactive video games” and “virtual reality methods” – sure, babe. Not like you’re talking out your ass, nosiree!

    • straffinrun

      Sexism is probably real. So what? By metrics that I consider important (lifespan, suicide and incarceration rates), women have da privilege.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Well, if they can’t work without multiple (eye) rapings every hour, or, can’t even be elected to office, so that they can now tell others what is permissible/no permissible, what possible hope do they have???

      • Akira

        Sexism is probably real. So what? By metrics that I consider important (lifespan, suicide and incarceration rates), women have da privilege.

        They’re also vastly underrepresented in homicide, workplace deaths, and homelessness. They outperform boys in K-12 education and are more likely to get a university degree. There exists legislation and government departments whose explicit purpose is to benefit women. They don’t have to sign up for the draft.

        Anything feminists would bring up to show that women are horribly oppressed is weak in comparison and in fact may be just more examples of women occupying a favorable position in society. My favorite example: The “wage gap” shrinks down to almost nothing when you adjust for every other relevant factor (hours worked, education, job type, experience level). It might even be the case that the average earnings for females are lower because there’s a cultural expectation that the man should be the breadwinner and let his wife stay home if a second income is not totally necessary. This cultural norm means that women are more likely to be able to either stay home, or take the job they enjoy instead of the job that pays a lot.

        I’ve just heard countless professional women idly chatting at work about how nice it would be if the husband would “let me stay home instead of working”. Yet, the feminists want me to believe that every female in America is Dagny Taggart from Atlas Shrugged – an absolute dynamo whose very lifeblood is the satisfaction of her job.

        What pisses me off is that there ARE countries where things are almost exactly like The Handmaid’s Tale, but it sure as shit ain’t the US.

    • Chafed

      I was running out of reasons to loathe her. Thanks for the refill.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Elizabeth “I never experienced a negative that I couldn’t blame on others” Warren.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      So she’s endorsing Gabbard now, right?

    • Tejicano

      Just because nobody is interested in your politics, the character you project, nor your shrill, nagging voice doesn’t mean the rejection is based on sexism.

    • Chafed

      Remember when they told antifa to quiet down? Me neither.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        From the scant info available, do you think it’ll hold up to challenge?

      • Chafed

        Not unless it’s a citywide ordinance. In other words, if it only applies around certain buildings then it’s getting thrown out.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        I get the feeling that the crafters were none too bright. Gotta keep an eye on that one.

      • Chafed

        I doubt they knew or cared. It’s all for the greater good.

      • The Hyperbole

        After having been ordered by a law enforcement officer to cease,
        intentionally making noise that can be heard within a building housing a
        health care facility and which is intended to cause, or actually causes
        either:
        a. Jeopardy to the health of persons receiving health services within
        the building; or
        b. interference with the safe and effective delivery of health services
        within the building.

        Sounds like city wide around certain types of buildings

    • Chafed

      At least the pedo surrendered.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        The “silver lining on the Silver Club”?

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        They go down rather easily?

    • Chafed

      He’s still trying to find a way to frame it so he isn’t the heel.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Congratulations Bill, you manage to come off as an even bigger scumbag that you were.


      The former President has reflected about his relationship with Lewinsky over the years, including comments in 2018 where he seemed to defend himself and said he didn’t owe Lewinsky an apology. Clinton later admitted that the defense was not his “finest moment” — and the former President did apologize “to my family, to Monica Lewinsky and her family and to the American people” during the 1998 National Prayer Breakfast.

      Oh, so his fake apology in 1998 immediately after he got caught cancels out all of the non-apologies, backsliding, and defenses since. Got it.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      I wish she would amaze me by ceasing.

  21. PudPaisley

    I’ve been frequenting a Chicago Bears blog for about 10 years that can get political in the off-season. This winter it’s turned into a non-stop Trump bashing board from the resident socialists. Usually I’ll throw in an occasional snarky comment, but tonight I made the mistake of trying to debate with a full on socialist with TDS.

    What the hell was I thinking? It turned into a complete shit show. Never once were any arguments countered with other arguments of fact. It was non stop projection and assigning evil motives to anything I said. All it did was piss me off and drag me down into the weeds. I feel dumber for the effort. I need to spend more time here at my safe space.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      You simply saw a warthog, and thought that it needed sprucing up–with some lipstick. That’s all.

      Just remind yourself that these are the people who actually believe that they can plan a violent social revolution, and will out-think their enemies.

      • PudPaisley

        Ha Ha! This guy is actually smart and fun to interact with until it gets to politics. He’s a business owner in Cali who’s always talking about jetting all over the world to surf.

        But when it comes to politics it’s all good vs evil, with the D’s being the good virtuous ones. My big mistake was pointing out that Dear Leader’s foreign policy was no different than Bush the evil. That brought the wrath.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Oooh….you touched a psychic nerve on that one.

    • Tejicano

      Heck, I don’t even bother discussing politics with my TDS-infected sister. Nobody has enough money to influence me to go on-line to “discuss” politics with strangers.

  22. J. Frank Parnell

    At the risk of having drugs fall out of my ass: McAfee’s back in.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      Just be careful–John would likely relieve you of them.

      Wait…

  23. J. Frank Parnell

    What Elizabeth Warren’s loss says about us

    Hey, I wonder what word Vox will use to describe her…

    Warren, 70, was perhaps the most competent candidate in the race, even if former Vice President Joe Biden is running as the most qualified. She released dozens upon dozens of detailed policy proposals on a litany of issues throughout her campaign. “Warren has a plan for that” became a familiar refrain. It set her up as a stark contrast to President Trump and a White House often ridden with chaos.

    Yep, there it is.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      Amazing what you can ‘whip up’ when you harangue your lackeys.

      /phrasing.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        No, you’re thinking of Katie Hill

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Preferably, yes. Only, just so–she’s also very cunte-ish.

  24. Derpetologist

    artist’s statement

    There is a statue of Lenin in Seattle. I mistakenly wrote Portland. Wiki sez:

    ***
    The Statue of Lenin, Seattle, is a 16 ft (5 m) bronze statue of Communist revolutionary Vladimir Lenin, by Bulgarian sculptor Emil Venkov. It was completed and put on display in the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic in 1988, the year before the Velvet Revolution of 1989. In 1993 the statue was bought by an American who had found it lying in a scrapyard. He brought it home to Washington state, but died before he could carry out his plans for displaying the Soviet era memento.
    ***

    About 80% of the Sanders quotes in my story are real. I only had to add a few things to make it flow.

    And for no reason at all:

    “Thank you for being with us tonight, Mr Buttchug.”

    “Buttigieg.”

    “Oh, sorry. As I was saying Mr Bootyjudge…”

    “Buttigieg. The name is Bu-tti-gieg.”

    “Right. Anyway, many people have been saying that Pete Bootyfudge…”

    “Buttigieg!”

    “Please, Mr. Buddha’s got jugs…”

    “It’s Buttigieg! Buttigieg, Buttigieg, Buttigieg!”

    “….Susan?”

    “Ooh, you’re doing it *on purpose*! How juvenile.”

    • Gustave Lytton

      I assumed you changed the name of the city to protect the innocent.

      • Derpetologist

        I think it’s because I associate Portland with commies and Seattle with Meg Ryan.

  25. Derpetologist

    late night link!

    Williams College suspended male student for not dating girl after kissing her: lawsuit
    https://www.thecollegefix.com/williams-college-suspended-male-student-for-not-dating-girl-after-kissing-her-lawsuit/

    ***
    Sally “expressed anger about what she saw as Doe’s cultural insensitivity around their prior interaction” – failing to seek a romantic relationship with her after showing physical affection.

    While John told Sally he was “emotionally unavailable,” he again asked to kiss her, and she agreed again. The suit claims that he “asked Smith before initiating any new touching and did nothing without her consent.”

    She rejected his first request to touch her breasts but approved his second request a few minutes later.

    Several days later, John asked Sally why her friends were “treating him strangely.” She told him he had “emotionally manipulat[ed]” her, “tak[en] advantage of [her] lack of knowledge of American cultural norms” and “disrespect[ed]” her own cultural norms.

    But what panicked John was when Sally allegedly said she “had lots of people ready to hurt him.”
    ***

    [head desk]

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      Mastroianni previously approved a similar lawsuit against another Massachusetts private college, Amherst. It settled the lawsuit rather than allow its disciplinary procedures to be examined in a trial.

      Holy shit….lose cash rather than let a procedure be examined by a court, and on the public record. Ostensibly, they think the way they operate is “proper”; just not enough to be transparent with it.

      /I get that personal info that’s considered private may have been at play. Still…

    • Gustave Lytton

      She told him he had “emotionally manipulat[ed]” her, “tak[en] advantage of [her] lack of knowledge of American cultural norms”

      But wait, they’re both foreign students. Why would American norms figure in? Was it a threesome with George Wendt?

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        Eeeewww HAWT!

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        I get the vibe that this is quickly becoming the new “ambulance chaser” area of civil law, albeit a needed one.

        Just set up an office where you (or, someone you know) went to school, with a copy of their policies and student handbook, and advertise that you fight Title IX cases. Pretty soon, you’ll be franchising your Law-Mart practices all over the place.

        Speaking of–any late-nighters want to pontificate on why private schools (that ostensibly make a profit) seem to be far better for standard education, but for-profit is heresy for universities? I mean, what changes? Why are “public” schools better than “for profit” schools? Is there a correlation between the primary school part and the university part?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sucked me in for one more. The crassness of a monetary motive vs noble academia? For colleges, for profit schools are one step above diploma mills or sometimes not even that.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I identify as culturally unpredictable and therefore norm-fluid.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      Wondered what happened to him. Of course, piss on ‘Homemade Vanilla’.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I think it’s 5 years for pissing on it.

        “Go urinate at home, son!”

        “But it says ‘home’ right on the carton!”

        Eh that’s the best I got.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        It works. Especially around my area.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I just learned that the UK has a Bluebell (Blue Bell?) creameries, too, so any expansion may be met with legal troubles. I just like the commercials I hear about 23898 times a year during baseball games.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        I just like the commercials I hear about 23898 times a year during baseball games.

        Oddly enough, I haven’t seen a commercial in a while. I presume something happened due to the whatever-it-was disease that got associated with them a year or two ago–maybe affected their ad budget?

    • Sean

      Not enough time, imo.

  26. JD is Unemployed

    Apparently I had a piece of steel wire embedded at least 1/4″ (just over 6mm for Pie) into the skin just under my right kneecap since yesterday. I didn’t feel it until this morning. I think I must have skinned my knees enough times as a lad to build up a sufficient callus there.

    • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

      Yeeesh! sounds awful.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Only if it gets infected. No pain whatsoever. There was a story on TV the other night about a guy who ended up with severe complications including an infection that led to partial paralysis and chronic pain, all because of an ingrowing hair in his spine.

      • Lord Digby's Spirit Animal

        That is absolutely horrendous. “Spine hair”….

  27. JD is Unemployed

    It’s still just about zero dark thirty for the centrals and westward, but as the sunlight breaks across the Atlantic horizon, the east coast early bird otherwise known as UCS should be logging on any moment.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m a night person, I just have to get to work.

    • Not Adahn

      Hey buddy, I run the psychic racket around here.

    • Gender Traitor

      The shoes come in yellow, blue or pink for adults, and yellow in children’s sizes.

      That seems bass-ackward to me. Of course, I’m appalled that they come in adult sizes at all.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Bourbon for sure but as long as the shower is still working you don’t really need TP.

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t take hygene advice from someone called “Stinky”

  28. Festus

    Another shite-night at work but thanks to Mojo and HM I cracked some brews and fell into a Vulfpeck rabbit hole for an hour or so. Feel much better now.

    • Festus

      “Hey there you duck-walking little bitch! Howsabout we talk about how MY job is totally reactive and if you want the changes that you so plainly wish to see, put on your big boy pants and be proactive for once?” Festus has no hand.

      • Festus

        Ahhhh, just bitching about the situation. The Custodian has no power over who, why and what makes the mess he’s just expected to clean it up. We’ve had some problems lately with the filthy trailers on the dock. I cleaned it last night and the big-wig strolled in after a shift had run over my floors and said it didn’t look clean enough. I was chewing rebar and spitting nails.

      • UnCivilServant

        Was he implying you should have somehow managed to keep it spotless during use, or that it needed to be cleaned again?

      • Festus

        Kinda both. I don’t know what his fucking problem is. We’ve worked together for four years and I thought that I’d trained him in the ways of the building but he is an ambitious little duck. I missed five weeks and am still catching up but this is getting punch-in-the-nose quality unearned criticism. I’m about ready to do that and bail.

    • JD is Unemployed

      You know, having considered this briefly, I’d like to state that Vulfpeck are the real renegades of funk. I mean, Afrika Bambaaaaaataaa had the afro-futuristic cool vjos and the costumes and the drum machines, but it just wasn’t renegadey enough.

      • Festus

        They’re incredibly talented and it doesn’t hurt that the style of music they play reminds me of late-70’s TV theme songs…

      • JD is Unemployed

        This is my all time favourite. So thick and heavy like funk molasses. Imagine me dancing to this at home like Mr. Bean, with a few head spins.

      • Festus

        I always preferred Blackadder to Bean.

      • Shirley Knott

        Yup.
        It’s worth it to find the video of his stand-up act.

      • Shirley Knott

        Ah, and here it is.
        Thanks, Youtube!