Friday Afternoon Links – 03/27/2020

by | Mar 27, 2020 | Daily Links | 471 comments

Hey Glibs, I’m endeavoring to put together links that are Coronavirus free, or at least Corona Lite, but it’s difficult when even stories about Prince Harry (and I guess Meghan, Duchess of Sussex if you’re into that sort of thing) moving to LA has to be about the ‘rona: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have moved to Los Angeles amid coronavirus outbreak. We get that whoever is in charge of your clickbaity-SEO bullshit has told you to do this, but just include some pictures of his butt* that were supposed to stay in Vegas.

  • MTA train operator dies while evacuating passengers from a fire. I’ll bet his family wished he’d gotten home safely.
  • And lions and lambs shall lie down together in the Knesset.
  • SPACE FORCE secure communications network, rocket porn.

*not exactly safe for work, but you’re working from home so take a gander

Work in the time of Coronavirus PSA: Employers are giving their staff some kind of CISA critical employee letters. The employees are then sharing them with their friends saying they allow you to be out of the house during the shelter-in-place event. It’s complete horseshit. Don’t feed the fear if you’re in a position to.

About The Author

jesse.in.mb

jesse.in.mb

Think Mark Twain without the wit or the wisdom.

471 Comments

  1. Tres Cool

    Its good to be King! Err….Prince!

    • AlexinCT

      The Queen wants a word with you…

  2. bacon-magic

    That’s a big sword you have there guy.

    • jesse.in.mb

      😉

      • Chafed

        This is what gets you to comment!?! Sheesh.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’m active in the comments anytime I do the links, or if TPTB call my attention to something. I am never truly far away.

      • Chafed

        Feel free to drop by other times too. We’re one big happy, if dysfunctional, family.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I guess I operate well enough in dysfunctional family settings.

    • Tres Cool

      /run swordswallowerjoke.exe

    • Tonio

      You trolling me, bro?

      • Tonio

        Sorry, was meant for Jesse.

        SCA weapon?

      • jesse.in.mb

        The sword is Guts’ from Berserk. According to legend this image was a nerdy anime fan’s older brother posing with a sword he’d made to cosplay or something similar. The guy in the photo doesn’t have context for the ridiculous giant sword, but certainly looks good handling it.

      • AlexinCT

        Hah hah hah!

      • bacon-magic

        Grin and bear it. If I troll anyone, it’s with no malice. #swordenvy

    • C. Anacreon

      Is that the moistened bint that lobbed his scimitar?

  3. grrizzly

    I gather Prince Harry was admitted to the US only because his spouse is still a US citizen. Otherwise he’s a furriner who cannot come to the US in our challenging times.

    • AlexinCT

      He is special. The rules only apply to the unwashed masses…

    • Rhywun

      Now, it’s out with Toronto, in with Los Angeles.

      Is CBS aware that Vancouver Island is not, in fact, in Toronto…?

      • grrizzly

        One thing is clear: they’ve recently traveled quite extensively everywhere in Canada, Britain and the US as late as the beginning of March. Corona-carriers, for sure.

      • Tres Cool

        I was going to point that out, but figured I didnt read close enough.

        The article didnt warrant a second glance cause….is this news?

      • Agent Cooper

        Because LA is rona-free.

      • Chafed

        Probably not.

    • gbob

      I would love it if Trump enforced the travel ban on the nitwit.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      O- whatever visa.

      • grrizzly

        I meant this.

        Ban on travel from the U.K. for people who are not U.S. citizens or green card holders will go into effect Monday at midnight.

        President Trump announced the 30-day travel ban from European countries Wednesday night to slow the spread of the coronavirus, a significant escalation in the administration’s efforts to address the pandemic. He initially made an exception for the U.K., though, which has reported over 1,140 cases of the coronavirus and at least 21 deaths.

        There were exceptions for spouses of US citizens and parents of minors who are US citizens. But not for any visa holders.

  4. Q Continuum

    “And lions and lambs shall lie down together in the Knesset.”

    I saw that one on PornHub.

    • C. Anacreon

      And the lamb lies down on Broadway.

      • Tonio

        What C should have linked to.

  5. Michael

    That MTA story is one hell of a gut punch. I truly wish peace and healing for that man’s family and friends.

    • Tundra

      +1

      That’s how you hero.

    • Sensei

      Amen.

      In de Blasio’s NYC the amount of violent mentally ill homeless people has increased exponentially. The cops have essentially been told to do nothing about them.

    • westernsloper

      Roger that.

    • Q Continuum

      That guy is an actual hero.

    • R C Dean

      I wonder how many Heroes in Blue were on that train and made damn sure they waddled home safely, leaving him to die.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    President Cartoon Villain finds new, innovative way to put our lives at risk

    With air travel at a near standstill amid the COVID-19 pandemic, the Department of Homeland Security is extending the Real ID enforcement deadline a full year to Oct. 1, 2021.

    “The federal, state and local response to the spread of the coronavirus here in the United States necessitates a delay in this deadline,” DHS acting secretary Chad Wolf said in a statement.

    States across the country have temporarily closed or restricted access to departments of motor vehicles, which has prevented millions of people from applying for and receiving their new state-issued Real IDs, the statement said.

    Great. Now we’ll all die from terror attacks.

    • Mad Scientist

      So, Real ID is just a bunch of unnecessary horseshit? Who would have guessed?

      • leon

        You mean 20 years after the terrorist attack that precipitated this, we are finally getting around to it, but it is super important for saftey.

      • C. Anacreon

        Real ID is actually just a way of preventing illegals in states where they can obtain drivers licenses from slipping through the cracks and becoming ‘citizens’.

        My mother substitute teaches in Florida and tells the story of a colleague teaching ESL down there, who was talking about the US government one day when she was asked what was the point of becoming a citizen. She responded that well, among other things, you can vote. Apparently all the non-citizens (aka illegals) in the class looked at her dumbfounded, saying, no that wasn’t true, they already could vote, and had been doing so for years.

        A third-hand story, of course, so I can’t vouch for the authenticity.

      • R C Dean

        Given what a dumpster fire our voter registration and election security is, I don’t doubt them for an instant.

  7. Tulip

    I know a total progressive who is always going on about how the U.S. is so terrible, especially Trump. I just sent her the link about Harry & Meghan. “Look! Even British royalty prefer the U.S.” I wish I could watch her head explode.

    • Tundra

      Cognitive flatulence won’t allow her to recognize your point.

      Very common amongst proggies.

    • Drake

      Everyone knew there was never going to be enough attention to whore for her in Canada.

      Poor Harry, dragged of to LA and sometime soon subjected to California divorce court.

      • Nephilium

        Can a head of a sovereign state lose half their stuff to community property?

      • R C Dean

        No idea. Pretty sure Harry can, though. Although I’m also pretty sure the Crown’s lawyers know a few tricks. I’d be shocked if Meg didn’t have to sign a prenup, and a lot of whatever assets he still has are tied up in trusts and whatnot that will take Meg’s lawyers more years to penetrate than she has left on the planet.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Probably not. Jurisdiction issues and diplomatic immunity would keep the lawyers in clover for a long time. However, Harry has all but abdicated. Say what you want about Megan, but she really knows how to play the game.

      • Drake

        He was a Prince, living on multiple estates and receiving a 7-fgure income for his services.

        Now he’s a pathetic civilian with no income and no title. She’ll fleece him for whatever he has (already has his balls) and send him scurrying back to grandma.

      • jesse.in.mb

        It’s just like that time Eve kicked Adam’s teeth out and spit the apple down his throat like he was a baby bird, those women, with their wily agency-destroying ways.

    • Rhywun

      LOL

    • leon

      Geeze. What could she possible be talking about to look like such a petulant child.

      • Drake

        Just about anything?

      • Hyperion

        She got the Gretel Syndrome.

  8. Tundra

    Thanks for the lynx, jessie!

    I hope you are well and the your G&Ts are flowing like wine.

    Uh, wait…

    • jesse.in.mb

      I’m making my way ever so slowly through a bottle of Suntory Roku gin right now. It was recommended by someone on here (sorry for not remembering which one of you lovely gin-swilling folk it was) and then two days later by one of the booze-nerdiest bartenders at my favorite local brewery. I’ve been telling the BF that all the tonic water is medicinal.

      • Tundra

        Nice!!

        Health first, eh?

      • Sensei

        Trivia: Roku = six

      • Pope Jimbo

        I have a huge mental block when it comes to anything from Suntory. I remember being burned by various rot gut of their’s back in the ’80s/’90s.

        For you Minnesoda Glibs, it would be like Phillips coming out with something decent. How hard would it be for you to accept that?

      • Fourscore

        Could be gin, could be vodka,
        I’d better try another just to decide.

        Ummmm, Phillips

      • DrOtto

        Recently spotted a bottle of “Ed Phillips & Sons” something or other. Nice rebrand, not falling for it.

  9. Michael

    Here’s one that has the M4A mobs all riled up today:

    https://gizmodo.com/teen-who-died-of-covid-19-was-denied-treatment-because-1842520539

    Let’s not even entertain the possibility that the urgent care clinic was likely could have been unequipped to address his condition and would have sent him off to an ER even with insurance. The article weirdly fails to mention whether an ambulance was called or if they just told the kid to consult Google Maps and pound sand.

    • Drake

      Sure…

    • Michael

      …was likely could have been…

      And I am woefully unequipped to proofread my own drivel.

    • The Other Kevin

      Wow what kind of archaic insurance laws do they have in California?

    • Tonio

      M4A?

      • Raven Nation

        Medicare for All?

      • Tonio

        Ah, thanks. But under such a scheme there would still be places that don’t take Medicare, or any insurance, because of the hassles.

      • Q Continuum

        Mimes for aposematism?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Mammaries for All!

      • Rhywun

        Men for animals?

      • Tres Cool

        Its not so baaaaaaaaaad

      • Private Chipperbot
    • commodious spittoon

      The implication being that healthcare practitioners, not a billing specialist or adjuster or insurance CEO, decided not to treat the guy. How incredibly insulting is that?

      • Tonio

        Also, if they suspected him of C-19, they may not have had the protective gear to keep them and the other patients safe. Etc, etc.

        We will never know, but why did he end up there in the first place? Were his family/friends/whoever that ignorant that they didn’t know the difference between and ER and a doc-in-the-box? Ignorant in the literal sense of information deficit.

      • commodious spittoon

        “We must shutter these fly-by-night chop shop clinics to prevent this sort of tragedy from ever occurring again.”

      • Tonio

        “chop shop clinics”

        Planned Parenthood?

      • Nephilium

        ESSENTIAL!

    • Rhywun

      It’s almost like they want to gin up some panic.

      • Q Continuum

        MUH HOBBY HORSE

    • Tonio

      The staff at the urgent care facility told the teen to try the emergency room at Antelope Valley (AV) Hospital, a public hospital in the area, according to the mayor.

      En route to AV Hospital, he went into cardiac arrest, when he got to AV hospital they were able to revive him and keep him alive for about six hours,

      So, he was directed to a specific facility with an ER where he could have gotten treatment under EMTALA.

      Unclear whether he was being transported in an ambulance, but Ima say no because they have defib, oxygen, adrenaline and cardiac needles, etc, and could presumably revived him.

      When a teen is that sick that he dies of a heart attack he’s pretty damn sick. Why didn’t they just dial 911 on him days earlier?

      • C. Anacreon

        Yep. Urgent Care Centers are not under EMTALA and are not the right place to go for high-acuity symptoms.
        With that being said, however, if he looked emergently sick they should have called 911.

      • Tonio

        Agreed that they (the facility) should have called 911, particularly if they sensed the overall incompetence at seeking healthcare for a very sick family member.

    • R C Dean

      he didn’t have health insurance, according to R. Rex Parris, the mayor of Lancaster, California.

      How would the mayor know this?

      Roughly 27.5 million Americans—8.5 percent of the population—don’t have health insurance based on the latest government figures.

      But, muh ObamaCare!

      En route to AV Hospital, he went into cardiac arrest,

      Which tells me what happened at the urgent care made no difference whatsoever. He would have arrested and died no matter what they did.

      Mayor Parris explained in his YouTube video that the 17-year-old is believed to have had no underlying conditions that may have contributed to his death.

      The Mayor is mysteriously well informed about things he has no business knowing.

      • kbolino

        Never let a crisitunity go to waste.

    • kbolino

      Obligatory but unnecessary reference to Trump.

      Also, what was Gizmodo’s beat again?

  10. Tonio

    So the latest example of “do somethingism” is well-meaning people who are sewing protective masks for healthcare workers. Apparently state health officials say handmade masks are “not recommended.”

    • Private Chipperbot

      I thought I read some union found like 55 million n95 masks either yesterday or today.

      • Raven Nation

        Wow, that’s an odd story. That distributor had 39m masks lying around and hadn’t told anyone?

      • Tonio

        I’m sure because Bad Orange Man told them to hoard them and not give them out to sick people.

      • R C Dean

        I have a number of questions:

        Where exactly were those masks, and how did the union find them? Who do they belong to? Its weird that they refer to a distributor, and also say the union will make them available, etc.

        Where exactly is this (apparently) previously idle mask factory, and why wasn’t it in production already?

      • Tonio

        Me, too.

      • R C Dean

        I will laugh and laugh if it turns out the masks were stuck in a warehouse, and the production facility wasn’t already making masks, because of a union strike.

    • Raven Nation

      Here’s some other folks making things themselves.

    • kinnath

      My wife made two of those. They have a pocket. She puts a piece of 3 micro air filter in the pocket.

      Does it filter out 95% of all particles 3 microns or bigger like an N95 mask — highly unlikely.

      Does it filter out 0% of all particles 3 microns or bigger meaning total failure — seems pretty unlikely.

      Do they protect the person wearing the filter from sars-cov-2? maybe, maybe not.

      Do the prevent the person wearing the filter from spreading contagious diseases, like sars-cov-2. yes to an extent.

      • Rhywun

        And it’s not like there isn’t a shortage of non-hospital masks too. I don’t even know where the hell to get them around here if I wanted them. I looked on Amazon and it’s like a month wait from China.

      • R C Dean

        Don’t tell anyone, but there’s not really a shortage of any kind of masks for healthcare, with some local exceptions.

    • Drake

      What about My Facemasks? Actually pretty cool.

    • jesse.in.mb

      A physician friend of mine posted this.

      Conclusions

      This study is the first RCT of cloth masks, and the results caution against the use of cloth masks. This is an important finding to inform occupational health and safety. Moisture retention, reuse of cloth masks and poor filtration may result in increased risk of infection. Further research is needed to inform the widespread use of cloth masks globally. However, as a precautionary measure, cloth masks should not be recommended for HCWs, particularly in high-risk situations, and guidelines need to be updated.

      In this study–which they note is just a first of what should be many random control trials–they found that cloth masks actually increase the rate of infection in ILI cases.

    • kbolino

      [SEIU-UHW President Dave Regan said] “[w]e urgently need the federal government to step in and drive a coordinated national response to the PPE (personal protective equipment) shortage.”

      That’s a real fancy way of saying let’s get some fedbux into SEIU coffers.

      • Michael

        Jesus. Even the Teamsters put forth more effort than that.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Failure

    In the United States, we can neither manufacture nor effectively distribute critical medical supplies. The health care infrastructure of our greatest city is already strained to the breaking point, with makeshift mobile morgues parked outside hospitals that have begun to churn out bodies by the dozens every day. We are approaching a national shortage of doctors and nurses.

    This crisis was preventable. It remains treatable. The response in nations including South Korea and Singapore have proven that effective government measures are possible. But here in the United States, our institutions and leaders continue to fail us.

    At the top, of course, is President Donald Trump, who publicly downplayed the severity of the disease for months, and who punted on establishing a functional testing or screening system until the virus had already reached the United States. Other countries that got their act together on testing are not in free fall as we are.

    Et c, et c…. This is a time of great trial, and our government, hamstrung by libertarian saboteurs and radical individualists, cannot save us from every conceivable adverse event.

    The most surprising thing (to me) is that HuffPo is still around.

    • leon

      This is why we need central planning

    • commodious spittoon

      The food is awful, and the portions are so small. Trump is a psychotic authoritarian, and his powers are much too limited.

      • Tonio

        [opera applause]

    • Hyperion

      “In the United States, we can neither manufacture nor effectively distribute critical medical supplies.”

      We can’t?

      We can’t != we don’t. But I’m going to assume it is anyway if it helps get rid of bad orange man.

    • Q Continuum

      “who publicly downplayed the severity of the disease for months”

      Once again, suspended travel from China while being impeached and was called racist for it.

      But let’s not let that get in the way of the Big Lie.

      • Raven Nation

        Not to mention all the NYS & NYC officials who basically told people to go out and enjoy themselves in large public gatherings.

      • Rhywun

        The Lunar New Year celebration, no less.

      • Hyperion

        Liars is what they are. No one even knew about the Virus until it got leaked out of China despite their best efforts to cover it up. By the time anyone knew about it, millions were already infected. These people are disgusting spreading this bullshit. It has nothing to to with Trump, but they can’t stop trying to make it so.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        No, see, he suspended travel from China because he’s racist.

        If the travel ban slowed the spread of the disease, well, that was just an accident, so he shouldn’t get credit for it.

      • Hyperion

        Exactly. I should make American citizens stay in their homes eve if it means they lose their job, and that’s good. But stopping Chinese tourists flying into the country to walk around Disney World and NYC streets to take selfies, that is just racist.

        It’s too bad at least half the population of the USA are literally retarded, a condition much more dangerous than any virus.

    • Tonio

      “makeshift mobile morgues parked outside hospitals”

      So, a reefer truck.

      • Mad Scientist

        It’s reefer madness!

      • Spudalicious

        Mobile butcher.

      • westernsloper

        I was going to say cardboard compacting dumpsters but thought that was too gross. After yours, I no longer think that.

      • Spudalicious

        Too soon?

    • Count Potato

      “At the top, of course, is President Donald Trump, who publicly downplayed the severity of the disease for months, and who punted on establishing a functional testing or screening system until the virus had already reached the United States.”

      Also the same guy you called “racist” for trying to keep it out of the country.

      • Hyperion

        Your facts is racist.

    • Fatty Bolger

      But here in the United States, our institutions and leaders continue to fail us.

      And they will continue to do so. So maybe we shouldn’t put more power and responsibility into their hands, mmmkay?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        haha no what sort of crazy talk is that we just need better top men.

      • Mad Scientist

        This is all the Electoral College’s fault!

      • kbolino

        We used to have institutions and leaders outside of government. You destroyed them, marginalized them, castigated them, and otherwise drove them from the picture. Now you have only the government to turn to, and you complain?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Whatever dude….

    • TARDIS

      The most surprising thing (to me) is that HuffPo is still around.

      I surprised AOL paid $315 million for them.

      • Hyperion

        Well, it’s even more shocking that AOL is still around.

      • TARDIS

        If I cared, I would look into what it is they do now. Just reading the letters AOL makes me feel old.

      • Nephilium

        They should be building more thrones!

      • TARDIS

        I would happily put that in my basement!

    • R C Dean

      The health care infrastructure of our greatest city is already strained to the breaking point,

      Once again, we see the parochiality of the media.

      makeshift mobile morgues parked outside hospitals

      In the entire state of New York, there are just over 500 CCP Virus deaths. Let’s say they were all in NYC. Nearly 5,000 people die in NYC every month, on average, or around 160/day. Even if all of those CCP Virus deaths were excess deaths, there is no way NYC hospitals are stacking the bodies in their hallways waiting for the corpse wagon to come around. I’ll grant a handful of exceptions, possibly very small hospitals, or possibly hospitals which have busted refrigeration units in their morgues. But come on.

    • Count Potato

      “Congressman Massie has tested positive for being an asshole.”

      This guy was literally Secretary of State.

      • Drake

        A really shitty one.

      • TARDIS

        Is that better or worse than Herself?

      • Raven Nation

        Vague, off-the-cuff recall: Kerry blathered a lot. Herself accomplished real, actual shit.

      • Drake

        As in literal shit – none of it good.

      • R C Dean

        Herself accomplished real, actual shit.

        Cashed over $100mm in checks from foreign countries.

        Uhh, trying to think, what else?

        Oh yeah – gave every competent intelligence agency on the planet access to the SoS’ s emails.

      • kbolino

        Don’t forget her crowing achievements of setting off the Libyan Civil War and getting an ambassador killed.

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, that’s what I was getting at: Kerry did very little. Herself did a lot of bad things.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Kerry tried to get us into a shitty Iran deal.

      • bacon-magic

        Did he bring James Taylor for back up?

      • kbolino

        The only thing I remember about his august tenure was when they sent him to Antarctica, the one place in the world he couldn’t do anything of consequence.

      • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

        Takes one to know one?

    • Nephilium

      Psychostick has announced they’re doing free livestream concerts every Thursday until they can leave the house again.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Main concert ended, now they’re jamming acoustic.

    • DEG

      Lotsa good choices. I’ll take ’em all.

      I actually am more productive working from home than in the office.

  12. LCDR_Fish

    Another quick reminder that Gordilocks did another podcast on Mar19th on the Year Zero podcast about trucking in the age of Corona. Not sure where he is – since he mentions twitter, but I haven’t seen him under his old handle recently (there or here).

  13. The Late P Brooks

    I’m stunned

    The goal is to make sure the millions of job losses caused by the social distancing restrictions imposed by governments don’t spark a wave of foreclosures. That domino effect would crash the real estate market, amplifying the considerable economic pain inflicted by the health crisis.

    But that wave of missed mortgage payments threatens to spark a crippling cash crunch in the real estate finance industry unless the Federal Reserve steps in with even more emergency lending. Analysts expect the Fed to step in soon after the stimulus package becomes law. The House of Representatives is expected to pass the stimulus bill Friday.

    The problem is that mortgage servicers, even after granting homeowners forbearance, are still on the hook with investors to continue paying principal and interest on the mortgages. They also must make payments to mortgage insurers, property insurers and local tax authorities.

    We can’t just put the entire economy on “pause”?

    • Q Continuum

      Feature, not bug.

      • Anti Pro State

        And just like the hypothetical college loan forgiveness, anyone who paid off their debt is the sucker left holding the bag.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’ve certainly taken note of that.

      • Nephilium

        I was just contemplating that as I was scheduling my next mortgage payment.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Once again, suspended travel from China while being impeached and was called racist for it.

    Distraction! Misdirection! Deceit and perfidy!

  15. Certified Public Asshat

    Government may be the only thing that can fail miserably and then get bigger as a result.— Andrew Yang? (@AndrewYang) March 26, 2020

    Libertarian moment?

    • Q Continuum

      In the words of the Virgin Mary: come again?

    • kbolino

      But bigger government = better government!

      /Niskanen Center alumni

  16. Count Potato

    Stores have been out of rice and bleach for over two weeks now.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      You could just buy white rice.

      • Tonio

        [golf clap]

    • C. Anacreon

      Rice is already white, it shouldn’t need bleach.

      • Hyperion

        racist

    • Hyperion

      The only thing I see a lack of now, is TP. People are fucking retarded. We really are doomed.

      • Ted S.

        When I was in the local Hannaford yesterday, they were out of TP/PT, as well as pastas and canned meat/fish. They also didn’t have store-brand Italian sausage.

      • Count Potato

        There was plenty of canned tuna. Not that I bought any. I didn’t look to see if they had pasta.

      • Count Potato

        TP isn’t even that much of a necessity. There are other ways to clean your ass.

        I don’t want bleach for any coronavirus reason. I just need it for laundry.

      • Hyperion

        But Trump said you can drink the bleach for a cure? Don’t you watch CNN? How do you get your news?

      • Q Continuum

        I just want to bleach my asshole! Is that too much to ask?

      • Spudalicious

        That’s not how you prevent AIDS.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m running low on OdoBan disinfectant that I use for mopping out the garage. Really need some back in stock.

      • westernsloper

        I ran to the store today for a few things. After dood finished scanning my items he asked if I needed TP. They are keeping it behind the counter like cigarettes.

      • R C Dean

        “Psst, hey, buddy . . . . “

      • Fatty Bolger

        It’s being hoarded as the new currency hedge. Gold is nice, but you can’t wipe your ass with it.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Flour and yeast are the hardest hit in my area….I would wager that a lot of it has been wasted on failed attempts to make bread by the YouTube generation that panic purchased.

      It would be nice to have since my mom was a good mom and taught me how to make bread.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Winston’s mom taught him how to make some bread too.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Not the yeast I am looking for

      • R C Dean

        Dayum, OBE.

      • Hyperion

        Social Distancing: Winston’s mom hardest hit?

      • bacon-magic

        I would say a gloryhole counts as social distancing.

      • Sean

        ROFL

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        She’s very kneady.

    • Rhywun

      I went shopping today and everything was in stock. ?‍♂️

      And the liquor store was, surprisingly, open too. I feared it would be closed because many mom ‘n pops (which includes all liquor stores) around here are closed even when they don’t “have” to be.

      • Count Potato

        Huh, I figure Brooklyn would have been one of hardest hit areas.

  17. Don escaped Oklahoma

    I’m down to three liters of scotch

    and beer:30 is coming earlier and earlier

    • TARDIS

      I just restocked my bar (cheap stuff only) with combat bottles. I’m ready for my shelter in place time.

    • Hyperion

      I have 26 beers at last count. And toilet paper, that most valuable of all commodities. Soon we’ll be using it as cash. A roll of TP will soon buy you a kilo bar of gold. Idiocracy was the most visionary film ever made.

    • C. Anacreon

      When we started hearing about the hoarding and the potential liquor store closings, my wife went for a run to BevMo and asked if she could get me anything.
      Although I had a barely-opened bottle of Bulliet Rye, I asked her to grab me another so I’d be set for the duration.

      Then two nights ago some friends and I were about to have a Zoom happy hour, so I went to get some rye. What? Only one bottle left, with only an ounce or two in it?
      Turns out 18-year-old son had snatched it all for a pot-luck party of ten or less kids that he went to, thinking that I “had so much I wouldn’t notice it gone.”

      A minute later I think I was more hoarse than any virus could ever make me.

      • Don escaped Oklahoma

        18-year-old son

        Mijo loved scotch from the git go; all I can tell him is riding herd on his genetics is a full-time job

      • Private Chipperbot

        I have to laugh at this. We have great kids and booze all over our house. They know the only thing I’ll notice is if bourbon or whiskey is missing.

      • Tres Cool

        “A minute later I think I was more hoarse than any virus could ever make me.”

        Some scotch would help that throat.

      • KSuellington

        “It probably would have gone bad by the time you could have drunk it anyway, Dad.”

      • R C Dean

        I’m thinking having him pay for a new case, out of his own pocket, wouldn’t be out of line.

      • C. Anacreon

        His eyes did go quite wide when I told him what a 750ml costs.

        “I thought it didn’t cost all that much because the bottle wasn’t that big,”

      • R C Dean

        Oh, to be young and stupid . . . .

        Praise Allah he didn’t make off with your bottle of Macallan 21.

    • Private Chipperbot

      We have two liters of whiskey; 7 two hearted, and the mrs. has a fridge full of claws and wine and other non-essential items. I need to get some beer tomorrow. I’ve been trying to grab a growler a week from our local brewery to make sure they are still around when this nonsense is over.

      • Hyperion

        Our local deli was out of Heineken. So I bought Stella instead. The uppity store is stocked fully, whatever you want to buy.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve been ordering from the breweries that will deliver, and I’m planning on swinging by a couple of them tomorrow afternoon.

      • Hyperion

        We can get Drizly here, at least we still could last weekend, I ordered some stuff and they showed up.

      • Nephilium

        Drizly exists here as well, but they charge. The breweries are offering free delivery. There are quantity (different at each place, some are dollar amount, some are quantity) and distance (most are 10-15 miles) in place. Some of them are offering up crowlers/growlers that they’ll deliver the same day you order them as well. Also, since it’s coming directly from the brewery, the brewery is getting more of the profit.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, they charge, but they’ll show up in less than 1 hour.

      • R C Dean

        Hitting up Sentinel Peak Brewery for two growlers on the way home.

    • Nephilium

      Just picked up fish and chips from a local place and filled two growlers. Yuengling does indeed count as a domestic at this location, and they filled a growler for $5. All craft fills are $15, they were unfortunately out of Mad Elf.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    CISA was issuing letters directly to companies, but it’s so generic that anyone can claim it’s their letter. I’ve got one tucked under the visor just in case, along with a business card.

    • Fatty Bolger

      I have a letter in case I get stopped, too.

    • The Other Kevin

      Don’t forget to keep some local currency on hand too.

    • Animal

      I have a letter, too. It’s called the First Amendment. Fuck these stay-at-home orders.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m sure the courts will agree. Just like with Korematsu. May take 40 years to say “oops” and pinky swear they won’t do it again.

    • Nephilium

      I’ve got e-mails from the company I work for, and the one I support. The only difference between the two is what the rational for essential is. Both recommend carrying around your access badge as well.

  19. Don escaped Oklahoma

    arbeit . . . . heute !

    Trump has ordered General Motors to make ventilators under the Defense Production Act hours after criticizing the company for not acting quickly enough

    baby, all you had to do was ask nicely

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Everybody hates fascism but they really seem to want it.

      • Don escaped Oklahoma

        I could scratch out some Trump Facist Bingo cards to go with Neph’s online game.

        What should the squares read?
        * habeus schmabeus
        * commodity coupons
        * Watts burns
        * bread lines
        * election delayed
        * nationalized Guard
        * press control
        * price control
        * gun confiscation
        * curfews
        * papiere bitte

        jk: this will all blow over in a decade or so

      • Gustave Lytton

        Fedgov is already cost sharing the guard. Leaving it under state control (for a number of reasons) but reimbursing the states.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Cue up 1 Samuel 8.

    • AlmightyJB

      When’s the recall?

      • Below Sea Level Hell Centro

        They will all have faulty transmissions.

      • Tres Cool

        + 4L60E

    • Tonio

      So, assuming they could do so how would those get FDA approval?

    • kbolino

      I’m not sure anyone deserves the kind of punishment that is getting medical equipment made by General Motors.

      • C. Anacreon

        The ventilators will likely come with a lot of fancy-looking but useless and cumbersome polypropylene attachments.

      • Hyperion

        They’ll look really good, but break after 60 hours.

      • westernsloper

        Someone needs to meme a Gremlin into a ventilator. Maybe a Pacer would be better. Ya, a Pacer.

      • westernsloper

        Oh shit, my bad.

      • Gustave Lytton

        George Romney successfully used those brainwashing techniques that he was subjected to.

      • Ambassador Tripacer, A.S. A&P

        Leave me out of this

  20. westernsloper

    Just heard the Prez repeatedly say 6.2 trillion like it was a good thing.

    We are fucked.

    • Mad Scientist

      I caw a couple in Harbor Freight the other day wearing full on Army surplus gas masks.

    • Hyperion

      I think designer masks may be the hottest new trend soon. Trendy hip parents will be standing in line at Nike to get their kids the ones with the flashing lights.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        RZ Mask

        I’ve got one for outside work

    • Fatty Bolger

      I want to dress in the full costume, and walk around poking people with a cane.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I want this mask

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      It’s a fine line between cool and disturbing.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I smell an ethicist…

      • Hyperion

        “ethicist”

        We don’t really need that word. ‘Control freak’ worked perfectly well.

      • Drake

        It’s nuts. We have a viral epidemic which is new to the world so there are literally zero approved treatments for the illness. Purely following the guidelines means making the patients comfortable and waiting to see if they die.

    • RAHeinlein

      Sounds like Trump is right about her. Although, I object to calling at 48-y/o woman “young” – that deserves and OK, Boomer.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Your Governor thinks she’s a doctor and decides to ban the most effective treatment for ChiCom virus.

      Not to worry; if she or anyone close to her tests positive, they’ll be able to get the medicine they need.

    • Tres Cool

      Ya know….why dont they just put a kill-switch on her mic?

      Or a tranq-dart.

    • Private Chipperbot

      I posted earlier, but she’s going to close schools for the year as well. Our last day is June 15th…

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Just heard the Prez repeatedly say 6.2 trillion like it was a good thing.

    It’ll have to do, for now, until we can get something serious teed up.

    Obama must be chewing on the furniture, thinking about a multi-trillion dollar political influencer slush fund.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      No shit, think of all the community organizer that could have helped so many with that money.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, there goes Obama’s legacy for good. Oh Muh legacy!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s just six or seven coins.

      • westernsloper

        Ha!

        Did you see my thanks for the router suggestion? After seeing how they have this process set up I see what you mean. You can’t run it like a normal woodworking jig. Getting a new router tomorrow hopefully.

      • Mad Scientist

        Ah, glad to hear someone finally heeded my invaluable advice! I’m going to show your message to my wife. IN YOUR FACE, WOMAN!

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      It’s going to the the biggest stimulus ever. The best. Really great. You’ll be so stimulated, you’ll be tired of stimulation. Speaking of which, Melania, I love you, baby.

  22. Gustave Lytton

    Scenes from grocery shopping:
    – more people are wearing masks (good) and gloves (unnecessary, and a mixed bag)
    – people are giving each other wide berths, because imo, most people aren’t jerks
    – shelf stable staples are being restocked, but still a number of things like rice and evaporated milk are sold out
    – Orowheat isn’t delivering any of their rye breads, just the more popular ones. Sucks because I’ve got pastrami and need rye.
    – paper products are still mostly gone, starting to see one or two packages of TP left like people aren’t taking the last one if they don’t need it
    – cleaning supplies particularly bleach and sanitizing stuff is gone, even color safe bleach is cleaned out. Yet I saw bottles of sanitizing wipes still on the shelf over in the picnic/paper plates area. Go figure.
    – stores are starting to be methodical about clean and dirty carts, and actively sanitizing carts
    – plexiglas barriers at registers or cashiers wearing clear industrial face shields at smaller stores, tape marking distances at nearly every store

    • jesse.in.mb

      Mark Bittman’s Onion Rye is easy to execute and delicious. You may be able to find dark rye flour still on the shelves because people don’t know how to bake delicious things anymore. I’m not sure if the Google Books link will work properly, I’ve had mixed results, but google the recipe and click the books link and it’s the full deal.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ll have to bookmark that for the future. Did the weekly shopping so wouldn’t be until after the pastrami is gone. And have house projects that I’m behind in.

      • Nephilium

        At the local grocery store when I went, all of the regular white flour was gone. But the whole wheat flour was still there.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I ended up with a 25 pound bag of white flour because it was that or gluten free mix and I had some projects I wanted to work on. I never realized how fast I get through flour though, it hasn’t been a bad purchase.

        Cook’s Illustrated’s all wholewheat pancakes are awesome (I don’t have a link handy), the brown bread from sodabread.info is excellent and is 3/4 whole wheat. This Guinness brown bread is almost entirely whole wheat. Use yogurt instead of buttermilk if you don’t have it handy.

      • Nephilium

        Appreciate the thought, but I’ve been working with my wheat flour just fine. I also processed most of the grain from my brewday on Sunday into spent grain flour. I do appreciate the tips though.

        My niece swung by earlier this week to take some of my sourdough starter so she could get going. So far, she’s done a pizza crust.

      • jesse.in.mb

        A buddy asked me to split my starter. I guess he’s been having a hard time finding commercial yeast in stores. I have a bag of SAF Instant I’ll probably give him some of that too. I apologize for attempting to breadsplain to someone who clearly knows what he’s about.

      • Nephilium

        No worries at all. As a brewer, I’ve also got several different yeasts sitting around already. And brewers yeast can be used to make bread as well.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’d wanted to do some spent grain baking, but my boyfriend abruptly stopped brewing after I asked. Maybe I’ll try to get some off the local brewer I know.

      • Nephilium

        jesse:

        One of the chefs at a local place (at the time they had a brewery, bar, and restaurant) made his own spent grain rather then go for the brewery byproducts. It also depends on if you’re looking to add a small amount of spent grain to bread, or if you want to make something that’s fully spent grain flour.

        Keep in mind that depending on the beer that is made, the grain can have a big impact on the bread. My most recent batch was a DIPA, so just 2-row with a couple pounds of crystal. It’s as basic of a malt bill as you could have. If it’s a porter/stout, then the grain will have a lot of roasted notes that can translate to bitterness after baking.

      • jesse.in.mb

        That’s helpful. I was initially thinking of using spent grain for the grains content in a struan-type bread and then working in more from there as I got comfortable with the flavors. Without a steady source of it, I’ve mostly just stuck with playing around with things lie amaranth, millet and buckwheat if I want to deviate from my standard loaves.

      • Nephilium

        jesse:

        To spend your own grain is really easy. Put the grain into a food safe bag (also available at every home brew store in either disposable or reusable versions), mix in with water that’s at ~150 F. The grains will have reached conversion at ~15 minutes (mashes usually go for 60 minutes to get more sugars). You could then also use that wort (the sugar water) as part of the water in your bread recipe to get more malt flavors into the bread.

      • jesse.in.mb

        Well shit, I may have to rethink plans for my next loaf of bread.

      • westernsloper

        spend your own grain

        What is this sorcery? *trying to think of what grains I have on hand*

      • Nephilium

        jesse:

        Glad to throw a spanner in the works. 🙂

      • The Hyperbole

        What process did you use to make your spent grain flour – oven, dehydrator, clothes dryer, other? I could see myself trying this now that my brewing mentor has ramped up production again.

      • Nephilium

        I went oven. Mainly at 170F, turned up to 300F briefly to get the convection fan ability as well. Then fed it through a food processor. For some items, I’ll need to run it through a sifter to get out some husks, but overall, I’m happy with how it came out. Being all work from home made it a lot easier to babysit the drying. The other reason was that I wasn’t happy with my efficiency on that brewday, so there was a lot of residual sugar in that grain.

      • jesse.in.mb

        Nice. The original article from CI gives you the option to wet mill wheat berries into the batter in a high-powered blender (if you have one) and the fresh-milled wheat pancakes are revelatory. I don’t have a powerful blender and the food processor didn’t really work as well as I’d expected, but I have a Mockmill kitchenaid attachment, so I’ll do the wheat and then make the pancakes.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        You can also sub a portion of the batter with stuff such as cooked steel-cut oatmeal, or, if’n you wanna get really weird, some riced baked potato (more or less the way foccacia gets made in some recipes). It’s really amazing what you can do with starches . . .

      • jesse.in.mb

        I was reading a comment on KAF’s website that was all “I do this recipe but I put a half cup of potato flour in”

        I tried a more modest quarter cup and made no other changes and was surprised by how good the results were. I’ve also toyed around with tangzhong a few times. Incredible how in some recipes it’ll make a world of difference and in some none at all.

      • Nephilium

        I’m slowly trying to teach the girlfriend to cook and bake. She’s now freaking out about this recipe, since you have to let the sponge sit overnight. The sponge has buttermilk and sourdough starter in it. It’s already spoiled, as long as there isn’t mold in it, you’re good.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’ve cycled my starter down to 225g discard/use and 25g for refresh. Maybe I’ll up that slightly. Those look like fun.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Oatnut is safe! It’s the various ryes that aren’t. Particularly the Jewish rye that’s perfect for reubens

    • Count Potato

      I wore gloves. Seems like a good idea.

      Unfortunately, I only have nuisance dust masks, so I didn’t wear one. I’m still not sure if that was the right decision or not.

    • Count Potato

      There were plexiglass barriers at registers.

      Some people were not social distancing enough.

      No bleach, rice, or disinfectant.

    • Count Potato

      There was no good rye bread either.

    • salted earth

      Costco—Lots of people wearing gloves, masks, and I only saw one gun. Had Plexiglas at the register. Didn’t check the paper product aisle, saw Clorox wipes in a lot of carts. They had the bread I like.
      Target—Spacing decals on the floor by the registers, which they didn’t have earlier in the week.
      Grocery—Still no flour or white sugar. Glanced at the paper products aisle, still bare. Mom and two younger kids wearing masks, one of the kids pulled his mask down. That made me smile. Spacing decals replaced the blue x’s.

      New ringtone? Don’t stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me!

    • westernsloper

      Wow, that is…..well, wow.

  23. RAHeinlein

    GM responding to Trump signing Defense Production Act – “we have been working…around the clock…for a week”

  24. Nephilium

    Mentioned in the morning links, but if anyone is interested, I’ll spring for a month of the premium Zoom account and host some online party games. I’ve got the first 3 Jackbox party boxes, all of which allow you to use your phone/tablet/web browser to join a game, and support from 3-100 players.

    • RAHeinlein

      Very nice gesture, Nephilium, thank you. I’m not an online gamer, but lots of other nerds in this lot.

      • Nephilium

        These are party games, not necessarily online games. They’re things like a drawing game where you have to draw clues (on a phone or tablet with a finger and a single color… with no eraser), or bluffing games and the like.

    • Hyperion

      What are you going to do about the Zoombombers? I’m pretty sure most of them post at Glibs. Are you prepared for Zoom bombing?

      • Nephilium

        We would probably scare them off with our misogynistic, racist, and violent jokes.

    • creech

      Apparently it is safe for Trump to sign the bill with a dozen or more flunkies standing shoulder to shoulder but it is the height of insanity for Massie to ask our brave congressmen to attend to their business per the rules. If workers at essential businesses can “risk their lives” then so can our elected so-called representatives. Heck, the Senate showed up, why not congressman azzhole?

  25. Annoyed Nomad

    Today was my last day of work. I’m now retired. Some people think I’m crazy to go through with it “in these uncertain times.”

    • Don escaped Oklahoma

      we don’t have but a few retirees . . . maybe four?

      • Hyperion

        I think Suthen said he’s retired. Not sure who else.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Yo, retired d00d here.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Don’t believe Fourscore if he tries to tell you that he is retired.

        No one may be employing him now, but those who have met him will all tell you that he works way harder than anyone working for The Man.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Now that I have more time available, I could do an article about how I planned for retirement, if that could be of interest to the Glibs. I’m 58, so slightly early retirement.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Everyone with their article tease. Of course it would be of interest! And if it isn’t, the glibertariat will just go OT. And probably will anyways.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Okay, I’ll make a commitment. And will keep my expectations low for the response.

      • Fourscore

        There is no free time when one is retired. Ain’t gonna happen, particularly if one in married. Remember those fishing trips you missed when you were younger? You’re still gonna miss them.

        Just kidding, AN, Good Luck and enjoy your time, doing what you want and as little of what you have to.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I’m not kidding. I’ve been amazed at how much other people I know (mostly, but not purely, family) have looked upon me as a “free slack resource” because I’m retired. In fact, one brother has basically disowned me because I had the temerity to move away from the Vancouver area, thus denying him constant access to my time and assistance. Dumbass.

      • RAHeinlein

        Yes, very interested – Glib on FIRE!

      • Shirley Knott

        I’m one (retired, that is). Mostly loving it, impoverished though I may be.

    • C. Anacreon

      Congratulations!

      Do you have big plans for your free time, once you’re allowed outside again?

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Well, my wife and were planning to do some travel, starting with a trip to Europe in April. That was cancelled and we’ll need to rebook it. Hopefully our trip to Machu Picchu in September won’t be effected.

      • Fourscore

        The missus has taken many trips, we initially did the US, Alaska X 3 and then she started the overseas business. Not me, I spent too much time in airports in foreign places already. I took mine a little closer to home with a fishing rod in my hand. She has one scheduled for next year to Norway and the Arctic Circle, I’ll do about miles and boat behind the truck.

    • westernsloper

      ?

    • Tonio

      Congrats, and welcome to the club. Good luck.

    • Spudalicious

      Congratulations! Welcome!

      • Annoyed Nomad

        Thanks everybody!

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Glad you joined the club. Hope you get to enjoy the membership lots.  ;-)

    • Sean

      Congrats.

    • Count Potato

      Congrats!

    • Trigger Hippie

      Congrats!

    • DEG

      Congratulations!

    • mikey

      Congrats. Welcome aboard.
      Everytime the folks get the whinng about meetings and other office shit it makes me smile – yeah, I think I remember that.

    • MikeS

      Kick. Ass. Good for you, man. Never listen to “some people”.

    • Don escaped Oklahoma

      I hate everyone

      that’s the safe play, but I’m told I need a brighter perspective

      • Hyperion

        “that’s the safe play, but I’m told I need a brighter perspective”

        When do we get the legal drugs already?

    • LJW

      Youngsplaining aka telling your kids how the real world works only for them to ignore you until they become an adult and realize holy shit you were right. And the cycle continues with their kids.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, we all been there and done that. When I was 17, I knew more than anyone who had sever lived since beginning, only to find out, like you said, life experience really matters.

        But at least then I didn’t have have the media to reinforce my naive stupidity.

      • Fourscore

        Two grand daughters here for a few days, just starting to dip their toes into real life. One has a teaching contract in an Alaskan village, the other trying to get her own niche company started, this shut down is really affecting both in their plans.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Wow, so this is incredibly misogynistic, right?

      Yes, yes it is. And it gets much worse!

      The online spread of the word didn’t see much momentum until 2019, where it was mainly used on the /r/MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) subreddit — a misogynistic male supremacist group the Southern Poverty Law Center identifies as being “on the borders of the hateful incel community.”

      Oh.

      • Q Continuum

        Didn’t you know? Voluntarily opting out of male-female relations is totes misogynistic. That means gay men are the biggest haters of all.

      • SugarFree

        Whatever, cuck.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Look, if you don’t do a girl’s homework for her, buy her stuff even though she’s not your girlfriend, or give her a shoulder to cry on as she rants about her terrible boyfriend (who she’ll still be sleeping with tonight), you’re a horrible misogynistic pig. And even more so if you call out other guys for doing those things.

      • Fourscore

        Some things haven’t changed much, I see.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I enjoyed that movie. It did a good job lampooning the genre at the time. That scene also shows you how dated it is. Nowadays she would have been shot on sight.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Nah, the SRO’s would have been hiding behind the bleachers calling in backup, and the responding cops would spend 10 minutes setting up a perimeter around the stadium before doing anything.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Orowheat isn’t delivering any of their rye breads, just the more popular ones. Sucks because I’ve got pastrami and need rye.

    Bummer. I’m a big fan of the Oatnut. Excellent when slathered with peanut butter and red currant jelly.

    • Gustave Lytton

      No, Oatnut is there! That’s what I got instead.

    • Fourscore

      Peany butter and homemade raspberry, whew…. Brooksie hits homeruns, too.

  27. Aus

    Holy shit, this fucking City I swear…

    “Columbus Public Health will step up inspections on businesses to assure they are complying with the Ohio Department of Health’s orders… Teams of sanitarians will visit businesses to assess the number of people working, if they are able to work at a safe distance from one another and if soap, water or hand sanitizer are readily available. Those not in compliance will receive a warning letter. A second violation will result in citations and could lead to criminal charges.”

    • Gustave Lytton

      Teams? I hope they’re staying at least six feet apart at all times, including in shared car. Who sanitizes the sanitarians?

      • C. Anacreon

        People with sanitary napkins?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Eeeeewwww…

      • Pope Jimbo

        Are those still a thing? I thought they were a product of an earlier period and no longer in use.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I still occasionally see them at small family diners.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      . . . sanitarians . . .

      Will Hugo Boss be designing their uniforms?

    • Agent Cooper

      Isn’t a Sanitarian just a really clean Unitarian?

    • Tres Cool

      City workers have to come up with a reason to label themselves ‘essential’.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    that’s the safe play, but I’m told I need a brighter perspective

    I always expect the worst. If I’m wrong it usually involves a pleasant surprise. When I’m right, I derive the grim satisfaction of having my low expectations fulfilled.

    • Hyperion

      “I always expect the worst.”

      Me too and yet I consider myself a ‘glass half full’ type person.

      Expect the worst and when it doesn’t happen, be happy.

      • C. Anacreon

        Ain’t got no place to lay your head
        Somebody came and took your bed
        Don’t worry, be happy
        The landlord say your rent is late
        He may have to litigate
        Don’t worry, be happy

        Ain’t got no cash, ain’t got no style
        Ain’t got no gal to make you smile
        Don’t worry, be happy
        ‘Cause when you worry your face will frown
        And that will bring everybody down
        So don’t worry, be happy

  29. Count Potato

    “The team of immunologists examined more than 180 cases of Covid-19, to gain a more accurate picture of the virus’ incubation period in humans.

    Published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, the findings suggest that, on average, it takes just over five days for symptoms of Covid-19 to develop.

    97 per cent of all people who get the virus will develop symptoms within 11 days from the time when they were first infected, the study also found.”

    https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/health/coronavirus-symptoms-how-long-it-can-take-coronavirus-symptoms-appear-and-what-are-they-2446853

    Seems like a small sample, but what do I know?

    • hayeksplosives

      I figured the sample size would have to be more too.

      • Don escaped Oklahoma

        It’s only 60 miles from Duncan to Wynnewoode:

        how many tigers do you own!??!11!?

    • Don escaped Oklahoma

      It’s one of those times where marketing so oversells a borrowed idea

      When I see Sequoia, Silverado, or Sante Fe as a badge my blood runs cold

      • Gustave Lytton

        Your memory has just been sold?

    • IRBE

      That video is the “The Weight” –The Band.

    • Nephilium

      Yeah… that rent thing? We aren’t paying it.

      I’m thinking Darden may be in trouble too. The Yard House at least has decent beers at their locations.

      • Gustave Lytton

        which it said just days ago was enabling the company to “operate sustainably at present”

        Apparently not.

      • westernsloper

        When I was in town today every food establishment had signs up begging people to use their new takeout offerings.

  30. Pope Jimbo

    I’m sure you guys covered this already, but the story about the dean of that fancy arts college responding to refund requests with a video of her dancing is a real hoot.

    If anyone ever deserved the “OK Boomer” insult it is her. Her response to cricism?

    NBC New York received the following statement from Green:

    “The focus of my career as a performer, choerographer, and dance educator, and my most authentic mode of expression, has always been dance. In the video, I shared the song with which I have welcomed first-year students to the Tisch School of the Arts for the past eight years. It is a piece that — as I explained in the accompanying email — speaks to frustration and disappointment, and that helped see me through the loss of 30 friends to AIDS — another difficult period for artists.

    She lost 30 friends to AIDS you monsters! Give her a break.

      • C. Anacreon

        The gays and the straights
        And the whites and the spades
        Everyone has AIDS!

    • commodious spittoon

      This is why you should diversify your friends.

      Nah, I kid. Divest them all.

  31. DEG

    Train operator Garrett Goble, of Brooklyn, was found unconscious on the roadbed in front of the No. 2 train when first responders arrived to the 110th St./Central Park North station about 3:15 a.m.

    Fuck you. Garret Goble was the first responder.

  32. DEG

    Fuck Sununu

    Government restrictions and fears over the growing health crisis have forced many businesses to shutter or scale back operations. Sununu on Thursday issued a stay-at-home order for New Hampshire that goes into effect late Friday night in an effort to prevent people from spreading the virus, but that could lead to more people losing their jobs.

    “You have a lot of folks that are having trouble just putting food on the table,” the governor said.

    “It’s going to be a long haul and a very tough journey,” Sununu said. “We are going to get back on our feet.”

    The worst week during the Great Recession recorded 4,058 new initial claims in January 2011. But the state’s latest figure dwarfs that.

    “It’s a big number and we’re probably going to see more big numbers going forward,” said Laconia economist Russ Thibeault.

    Thibeault this week estimated that by late April, the pandemic’s effects could cost more than 100,000 Granite Staters their jobs.

    I did my bit to help out local businesses. I picked up some take-out from one of the local brewpubs. They decided to open today and Saturday for take-out orders only. It was a bit chaotic in there as they hadn’t quite figured out how to run take-out. They my name wrong on the order, but had the right order. I asked one of the staff if they might be open every weekend for take-out. The guy said, “Hopefully. I like being employed.” I wished them well.

    • Nephilium

      Ouch. The places here have restrictions as to where to line up and the like, but I’ve yet to see someone else in when I’m getting pick up. They’re staying open for now, but I’m really curious if the places are making money, or if they’re just losing less.

      • DEG

        This place rarely does take-out except for growlers and crowlers. Most every time I’ve been in there for dinner, people sit down to eat.

        There were no restrictions on entering and waiting. There were four or five or us waiting, and not that many of us observing social distancing protocols.

        My gut tells me the places go from losing less than they normally would to breaking even. My friend in PA with a restaurant says he’s getting by with being open for take-out just at lunch time.

      • Nephilium

        Most of the places around here don’t really offer takeout either (minus the pizza places and the like). I don’t think the places here are even close to breaking even. At the German place I grabbed dinner from last week, they had one other take out order prepped, it was two 6-packs of imported beer. Today the place I grabbed from had my order, and one other behind it. And $5 growlers of Yuengling.

    • Fatty Bolger

      “You have a lot of folks that are having trouble just putting food on the table,”

      Well, Governor, I guess that’s on you.

  33. DEG

    NH woman sues Bellows Falls, VT police department over sexual harassment claims

    A New Hampshire woman is suing the Bellows Falls, Vt., Police Department claiming that she was sexually harassed by the chief and a sergeant when she worked as a dispatcher.
    Gavel with book

    Alisha Beam, of Acworth, N.H., filed the lawsuit this week in the United States District Court in Rutland, Vt., claiming that while she worked as a dispatcher she was sexually harassed by now former Police Chief Ronald Lake, and harassed by Sgt. Mario Checci, and that the town management failed to protect her from the abuse.

    Beam claims that she reported the abuse to the municipal manager but she was eventually forced to resign.

  34. Mojeaux

    @MikeS, you said something about strawberry blonde being rare. In sorting pictures, I realize I am not a strawberry blonde naturally. My hair has faded over the years and when I don’t dye it it looks dirty and I dye it lighter than it really is because I do NOT want to have “oh honey you’re trying too hard” red hair.

    My hairdresser’s hair is/was pitch black (she’s white as a sheet with blue eyes–totally black Irish). She covers her gray, but she gets told all the time it’s not natural.

    So here is my not-strawberry-blonde hair at 34 and my not-strawberry-blonde hair at 48. The second one is a year after I’d shaved my head and no, I am not going to post that pic. So my hair has faded. It’s half white. It doesn’t look white or dignified or anything. It just looks dirty.

    • Nephilium

      Last business trip, something came up about age. It turns out I was the oldest one there by six months, and the only one who owned his gray. Shaved head, and my beard has gone less from streaked with grey to… grey with streaks of color.

    • Rhywun

      The before photo was the exact color of my mom’s hair and I believe she followed the same strategy over the years.

    • C. Anacreon

      My wife is a natural strawberry blonde with hair that gets redder in the wintertime (with less sun) and lighter again in the summer.

      Back when she was in her twenties some hair color company even ‘borrowed’ some of her hair clippings to help them make their ‘strawberry blonde’ hair color.

      Is it really rare? Before my wife I dated a surprising number of natural strawberry blondes (carpet always matching the drapes), I guess they’re who I was always most attracted to, but they never seemed all that unusual.

      • Tres Cool

        Drunk Tres- “does the carpet match the drapes?”
        Redhead at bar- “Yeah but not the upholstery”

        Tres- “I like the way you think”

    • MikeS

      Bah!

      Pic 1 is a cute redhead. Pic 2 is a cute, mature redhead.

      34 year old me would prize the very red hair of Pic 1. 48 year old me appreciates that we all change, and that the strawberry-blonde-with-icing look is HAWT.

      • MikeS

        *re-reads*

        What I’m trying to say is; Mr. Mo’ is a lucky man. His wife is a cute redhead (full stop). There’s way more guys that want to say that, than can say that.

  35. C. Anacreon

    Signs that the shelter-in-place is starting to show cracks:

    Big top post today in our little suburb’s NextDoor website:

    Stop flying the drone over my house

    • Raven Nation

      New Zealanders are much more community minded.

      • C. Anacreon

        Hamish Oliver in Christchurch said not everyone in his South Island community was policing themselves and people were searching for exceptions to the rule – some in his neighbourhood had been arranging ‘drinks on the driveway’.

        For Shame!! Rheeeeeee

      • westernsloper

        Hamish Oliver in Christchurch said not everyone in his South Island community was policing themselves and people were searching for exceptions to the rule – some in his neighbourhood had been arranging ‘drinks on the driveway’.

        Heh, I might know some of those guys. I worked with some Christchurch fellas. Are you a former kiwi or an Aussie?

      • Raven Nation

        Born in NZ but grew up in Australia. Been in the states for almost 30 years.

      • westernsloper

        Aaah, thought so.

      • C. Anacreon

        Unfortunately I’m in California, and though ten years ago we did have the privilege of touring New Zealand, and still have some friends from there as a result, but that post about Christchurch came from Raven Nation’s link, not mine.

    • C. Anacreon

      Here’s the full post:

      Stop flying the drone over my house
      This is the second day in a row where a drone has been hovering directly over my house. Today I followed the drone back to where it started.(near the intersection of XXXXXX) This is a friendly warning to stop invading my privacy by hovering over my house, whatever your intentions are. CA Civil Code Section 1708.8 forbids the using drones to record another person without consent.

      I would guess it would be easy to figure out whose neighbor’s house it was and just knock on the door, but of course it’s a lot easier just to put it out on social media rather than solve the problem quickly in a neighborly way.

      • Nephilium

        it’s a lot easier

        More passive-aggressive maybe. Of course, the easier way to deal with it would be a slingshot or net.

  36. JD is Unemployed

    Drugs ex asinus, but in the UK the cops are using drones to shame people who take a walk too far from their houses. I take some relief in the fact that there at least has been some pushback against this, according to the story.

    Someone flew a drone over my back yard once stopping to hiver and check me out. I mouth “fuck off” like the classless bumblefuck I am, and then a couple of days later my neighbours were having a party. As I walked in I saw the same drone, and found out it belongs to a young kid from round here, who couldn’t have been more than seven or eight. Oops.

    • JD is Unemployed

      That was supposed to be a reply to C. Anacronomicon but w/e.

    • Lady Zorg aka Babalu

      That’ll teach him to stay off your lawn.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    Got the CBS news on. They’re talking about taking plasma from people who have recovered, and mining it for anti-bodies.

    The FDA has graciously “given permission” to do this.

    The roaring in my ears is beginning to subside.

    • Mojeaux

      It’s just plasmaphoresis, IVIg. They do that for lots of stuff. No biggie.

      Aside: Ever heard of a fecal transplant?

      • Tres Cool

        Shitty idea.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I have IBS. Tell me about it.

      • Mojeaux

        It doesn’t work?

      • Tres Cool

        Not till they perfect the taste.

      • TARDIS

        I laughed. I apologize for being a bad person.

      • westernsloper

        Do it every morning after coffee number 2.

    • JD is Unemployed

      That’s a smart kitty.

    • The Hyperbole

      Wow! I’m in physical pain from just looking at that picture. The spindles should be on the outside of the railing, the spacing is ‘I can’t even’, and did they really break the cap (the top board where one might rest one’s beer) on the first post in from a corner. Do I need to write a book? fuck people, this ain’t that hard.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        My deck guy made similar comments. It’s clear that the same guy who fucked up the rest of the house also built the deck. For example, it was 2.5″ off square over 10′. That’s criminally bad.

      • Tres Cool

        2.5″:10′

        G_d…..sounds like I built it.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Heh.
        When the spousal unit and I were looking for our first house (here in Edmonton, almost 25 years ago) we ran into one house with a really cool octagonal tower that was stupid cheap and just a block off of one of the coolest streets in the city (Whyte Avenue). We couldn’t believe our luck . . . until we went inside.
        The guy who renovated it had eyeballed everything. There wasn’t a plumb or level thing in the entire house. He kept talking about how the house had “broken” him. I’m thinking he was already broken, and the house just allowed everyone else to see it.
        Eventually, he did manage to sell it, but I’m glad it wasn’t to us. I don’t have OCD, but that place woulda triggered the Hell out of me.

      • The Hyperbole

        And I zoomed in… Jesus Christ there are nails standing a good 3/8″ proud! fucks sake! I…I… might be having a stroke.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yeah. I’m a little annoyed the refinisher didn’t take the 10 seconds to pound them back in. Banging them in is the First thing I’m gonna do tomorrow

      • Tres Cool

        Some euphemism.

      • MikeS

        They’re nails and not screws? (no euphemism)

      • Mojeaux

        I will admit, nails instead of screws made my eyebrows rise.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Ring nails woulda been, okay, I guess . . .

      • MikeS

        Right? I can’t imagine any deck built in the last 30-40 years being nails instead of deck screws.

      • Nephilium

        Just realize that’s what a lot of us deal with daily with end users on computer systems.

        I feel your pain.

      • Jarflax

        You should see the tile work in my bathroom. The idiot contractor screwed the black/white pattern along one edge and it drives me insane.

      • Mojeaux

        I’d brag about the job I did with my black-and-white-diagonal-checked tile floor, but it was peel’n’stick.

      • Jarflax

        I hope you did better than this.

      • Nephilium

        That hurts what little soul I have left. If I wanted to make people suffer, I could go take pictures of the basement bathroom which had faux wood paneling that was then painted over in a pale green color (with streaks of the white paint underneath visible in parts).

        One goal is to redo that, but at the present, it’s a second bathroom in the house.

      • The Hyperbole

        Gimme a Sharpie and some Wite-Out and I’ll have that fixed in no time.

      • Mojeaux

        It took me a while and then I saw it and now I can’t un-see it.

        *scratches arm compulsively*

    • Tres Cool

      That’s not his dog, either.

  38. Sean

    This new batch of concerned corporations talking about how our world has changed forever REALLY rub me the wrong way.

    • Sean

      *commercials

    • Mojeaux

      Well, it probably has.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I see it as an extension of the troubling trend where HR or even the entire C-suite is filled with propagandists for progressive leftism’s issue du jour.

      • C. Anacreon

        They’ve all got a certain….. Wessonality.

      • Mojeaux

        Oily blondes?

      • Mojeaux

        Right. Florence Henderson = blonde peddling oil.

      • Tres Cool

        Mama Tres and Granny Tres could both make divine fried chicken, that was quite a competition between them. One of the arguments was “oil v. shortening”, with Mama Tres insisting on the latter.

      • Mojeaux

        Um…lard?

      • Mojeaux

        Waitwaitwait.

        Was this your mama and HER mama or your dad’s mama?

      • Tres Cool

        Tres Sr’s mom, being of direct german descent, was more about jagerschnitzel.

        Mama Tres mom was much more…provincial. Fried (anything) and greens.

        So it was (redneck) Mama Tres and her Mom.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    This new batch of concerned corporations talking about how our world has changed forever REALLY rub me the wrong way.

    They’re busy working on a Cheerios commercial as we speak featuring Granny in a iron lung chatting happily with her mixed race special needs grand-tranny who is feeding her cereal via a robotic arm.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Jesus. Now the Bozeman news is on. Gallatin county has the most cases of the plague because of the natural beauty.

    No mention of the busiest fucking airport in the goddam state.

    now- the lockdown

    “We’re not going to throw you in jail for going to work (yet). That’s not in the statutes.”

    No kidding. While you’re looking at the statutes, find me the part where it says the governor can shut down the state on a whim.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    News guy was just talking about panic buying and crowded stores, from people trying to get in front of the lockdown.

    I hate people.

    • MikeS

      People are bad. News people are worse.

  42. quincy

    I saw toilet paper on a store shelf. I heard joyous laughter in a public space. Today was pretty good.

    • Hyperion

      “I heard joyous laughter in a public space.”

      Sounds like the last time captive Baltimore City residents were adjourned from jury duty.

  43. Hyperion

    Is anyone still alive besides me? Just checking.

    I mean I was told that the virus is expanding ‘exponentially’.

    So either top men don’t know what exponentially means or I’m the only one still alive.

    • Ted S.

      Nope. I’m dead.

      • The Other Kevin

        Me too. I died because of net neutrality.

      • Hyperion

        As did multitudes of others, like exponentially.

      • MikeS

        Thank god’s.

    • The Other Kevin

      Testing might be expanding exponentially…

      • Hyperion

        I heard that there are no tests because bad orange man.

      • Tres Cool

        “Show me the test, and Ill show you the contagion (to panic over).”

        -Laverntiy Beria (kinda)

    • Mojeaux

      It decimated the world.

      • Sean

        *faints*

      • MikeS

        I agree 110%

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      I died from boredom. Wuhan boredom. Woredom.