GlibFit 4.0 – Coronavirus Edition

by | Mar 15, 2020 | Fitness, GlibFit | 384 comments

What a difference a week makes. Last week I wrote about the first signs of spring and what do with it staying light out later. This week I’m figuring out how not to kill everyone I see panic buying groceries.

The CDC’s recommendation for social distancing is really working to the Glibs’ advantage but has me wondering about the gym. I’m a spry 55 so I’m not in the most-likely-to-die category but still wondering if it’s worth it. I’ll probably just go. I’ve seen the death rate statistics and like my odds. I have to go to downtown LA for work this week so if I survive that the gym shouldn’t be a problem.

For those of you who are staying in out of fear or you are a shut in, there’s good news. You can still get a good workout at home. But Chafed! you exclaim, I want an excuse to sit on my ass and finally watch Babylon 5. Tough. If you aren’t sick, it’s time to workout.

If you could only do one exercise, then I’d recommend burpee pushups. It’s got everything and you could do them in a prison cell. Some of you probably have. This exercise works most of your body and is great cardio too.

Too intense? I get it. Those things will kick your ass. You could alternate skater hops with split squat jumps for legs. For upper body do clapping, plyo pushups and pull ups.

Still too much? You’re testing my patience. Do some mountain climbers, running in place, and shadow boxing.

That’s still too much? Fine. Just sit home and masturbate.

Let’s hope you all stay healthy and the panic passes before I perform a mercy killing. Here’s some music to keep you going. Watching that I just realized Richie Blackmore and Neal Diamond were separated at birth. Go figure.

 

About The Author

Chafed

Chafed

I'm looking California but feeling Minnesota

384 Comments

  1. Nephilium

    My business trip added ~4 pounds back to me, but the time off for St. Patrick’s Day isn’t happening now. No spin class this week as I was in four airports over the past week. Depending on what DeWine does over the next week or so, there may be nothing at all going on. The weather isn’t helping for the ability to get out on the real bike. I’ve got a grocery order to pick up in a bit, then I’ll be staying in for the week.

  2. MikeS

    *Thinks back to doing burpees in HS basketball practice*

    Nope. I swore back then I’d never do them again. I’d hate to break my word to myself.

    • Chafed

      I’ve long said you’re a man of your word.

      • MikeS

        They are a hell of a workout, though. And I’ve been trying to think of good exercises to do in my 12′ x 12′ office before I get ready for work in the morning.

        I can’t see my self doing burpees shortly after getting out of bed, but it would be a hell of a way to wake up.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I can’t see my self doing burpees shortly after getting out of bed, but it would be a hell of a way to wake throw up.

        FTFY.

      • Chafed

        FWIW I workout in the morning because it’s the only way I can ensure I get a workout in. I give myself at least 15 minutes before starting and always warm up. Try breaking the burpees into manageable sets or a set period of time, then rest, and repeat.

      • commodious spittoon

        Try breaking the burpees into manageable sets

        I do as many reps of zero burpees as I can fit in throughout the day.

      • Fourscore

        This guy understands fitness, keep it up CS.

      • Akira

        HIIT shadowboxing will get you winded real fast.

      • Chafed

        Absolutely. Do it in timed rounds. It’s easy track your progress and damned humbling.

      • Akira

        I do Tabata shadowboxing if something comes up and I can’t do my regular workout. It may not burn as many calories as running for 45 minutes, but it’s better than not exercising at all.

        What I love about it is that it requires zero equipment and only takes 4 minutes, so I’m completely deprived of any excuse not to do it. I could be locked in an outhouse and still be able to perform that exercise.

      • Chafed

        ?

  3. IRBE

    Chafed, this is my favorite group link of the week. So many different perspectives on fitness. Just last week, I was having shoulder pains…and some recommended bar hanging. It provided great relief. Thanks!

    • IRBE

      I recommend hiking as an alt to going to the gym. I got a dog so I don’t have a choice to hike..do it every damn day. To increase intensity find some elevation or go double quick. To really amp things up, fill a back pack or book bags with sand bags (freezer ziplocks hold about 4-5 lbs of sand each..use up to 5 or 6). Wear pack on back and hike. Half way into hike switch pack to front. Really builds the core.

      • Nephilium

        I’ll pass on outdoor activity until the weather stops being rainy and in the 30’s. It looks like there may be one day this week without rain and temps in the 50’s, back then back down into freezing temps by the weekend.

    • DEG

      Chafed, this is my favorite group link of the week.

      Seconded.

    • Chafed

      Thanks IRBE. I really appreciate that.

      I have had a Labrador retriever for 9 years. I completely understand your need to exercise your dog (and yourself in the process.)

    • Ayn Random Variation

      I hang it in bars all the time, and I rarely feel any pain at all. Great advice

  4. Tulip

    Since I don’t have to commute, I can walk Babs longer in the am. I’ll also be walking her at noon. Since it’s light later in the evening, we’re walking longer in the evening as well. I should do more weight type exercise, but this at least is more.

    • Chafed

      Exactly. Do what you can right now and go from there.

      • Tulip

        I’ve been making sure we do the hills as well.

  5. The Hyperbole

    I thought the penultimate link was going to be Captain Jack.

      • The Hyperbole

        It’s Latinx now, shitlord!

    • DEG

      I guess I should have read the comments before posting.

  6. westernsloper

    It’s got everything and you could do them in a prison cell. Some of you probably have.

    It was the county jail, not prison. What do you take us for?

    • The Hyperbole

      Does the drunk tank count?

      • Chafed

        You do you.

  7. westernsloper

    Second batch of egg rolls done. Last night air fryer today oil in a pan. Oil frying > air frying. Ease of air fryer raises its appeal though.

    • Tonio

      Can you spritz oil on the skins to improve outcome and get those hard bubbles?

      • westernsloper

        That’s what I did. Not the same. They were good, but oil frying has better texture.

  8. Brasidas

    Working from home is going to take me away from donuts, cheeseburgers, and stress eating out of the vending machine. Will report on health effects.

  9. DEG

    Just sit home and masturbate.

    I was expecting this

    The Irish pub was busy. Packed. No bar seats available. I got a table which I don’t normally do. I ate my full Irish breakfast and enjoyed a Founder’s Breakfast stout. Then back home.

    My weight is continuing to go down. I had a chat with the trainer at the gym I work with. He is wondering if I’m eating too little. He showed me some work one of his professor’s has been doing to analyze athlete’s caloric needs. The professor has been updating various equations to get better estimates of what athletes need. According to them, I should be eating a little more than I am. So I’ll start adjusting over the course of this week.

    Pain is up and down. Very easy to trigger. At physical therapy we have been trying a few new things with mixed success. When I’m good, there is no pain, but damn is it easy to trigger. My PT thinks there is still a slight impingement.

    I’m enjoying one of these before I go back to work on a bug that my boss and I just can’t figure out.

  10. Shirley Knott

    I’m kind of surprised not to see squats mentioned. I’m very grateful to Ozy for posting what I call “the Ozy challenge” — day 1, 1 squat, day 2, 2, up through 100 days. I’m on day 15, which honestly astonishes me. I’m old, borderline decrepit, and lazy as sin. But somehow, this works for me.
    I may not make it to 100, but I’m already feeling improvements from the 2 weeks I’ve been doing this. I think part of what makes it work, for me at least, is I don’t have to worry about day 100. Or day 25. I did my 15, I know I can do 16 tomorrow. And that’s all the further ahead I have to worry.
    Wherever I end up, I’ll be better off for having done this.
    Thanks Ozy!

    • Ozymandias

      Surely Not! – The “thirties” will make you feel fantastic when they’re over – and I mean that both ways you can interpret it. Probably will have to grind through them a bit, but that’s where I think you start to see some “gains” that you’ll notice in your day-to-day life. I’m really glad to hear you’re giving it a whirl. I watched it transform a friend of mine in her Fifties. She wound up going the full 365 days’ worth! And then adding in rowing on a Concept2 Ergometer the next year, then some more challenging stuff, and now she’s fitter than as long as I’ve known her (over 12 years).
      I’m getting a little more consistent, added in some running lately, and I play hockey each week at least once or twice, but I need to set some goals and start work toward them. It seems to be the only thing that works for me. Give the Ego some goals to achieve and then it will prod you into doing the things you need to (establishing the necessary habits) in order to get there.

      • Shirley Knott

        Oh, I’m already feeling improvement. This has been very good for my lower back. I’ll be 69 in June ;-\ Every little bit helps.

      • Anti Pro State

        I’m the other guy working on a variant of this. Since I started at a higher number, today was 27 reps. I’ve been adding in some exercises along the way. Today’s total was 27 squats, sit ups, toe touches (all continuous), 27 pushups (sets of 9,9,9), 27 bent over rows of 30 lbs, and 17 chair dips.

        The squats and situps are starting to wind me, but not to excess.

        I really like this routine.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      I, too, have been doing the “Ozy Challenge” and am also on Day 15. However, went to start a bit ago an my left knee (the non-artificial one) went *sproing!*. No more knee bends for me.

      I’m a bit upset about this because I’m so out of shape that I need to get into shape to get into shape. I had already been getting results from the last two weeks.

      Back to the treadmill. Been doing two 15-minute walks rather than one 30.

      • Shirley Knott

        I suspect I’d be more than a ‘bit upset.’ That sucks, I hope alternatives work out well for you.

      • Not Adahn

        I started that with crunches back in January… of 2019.
        I’m on day 440.

      • Shirley Knott

        All right, I’m not going to the beach, sauna, hot tub, or gymnasium with any of you people! My pale pasty droopy body would die of embarrassment!

        Honestly, I’ll be pleased with however far I get. I’ll be astounded if I add anything else into the routine, other than some stretching exercises. I got distracted away from looking at those for reasons, but back to it this week.
        That I’m actually doing the squats, and have kept it up for more than 2 weeks amazes everyone who knows me.

    • DEG

      #3 crazy eyes.

      #22. I was improving my side plank until my disc herniation. I’ve tried it when it looked like everything was settling down, but getting in and out of the side plank position causes pain.

      #24. A real squat girl and not a photoshop job.

      #30 Odd that I first noticed her smile.

    • Chafed

      GlibFit indeed.

  11. Gender Traitor

    After the edict came down from Caesar Dewinus on Thursday, I went to my “Cycle & Sculpt” class at the Y after work anyway. Attendance was definitely down, but classes were on and facilities open as usual, with signs asking all with symptoms to go away. I just wiped down my bike, mat, & weights both before & after class.

    We’ll see if Dear Leader decides to flex his muscles any more, if you’ll pardon the expression.

      • mikey

        He’s got those people in lab coats behind him! That make it all medical and sciencey and stuff.

        Bet OMWC looks real genuine in his lab coat!

      • AlmightyJB

        He actually did it. Starts at 9pm tonight.

      • AlmightyJB

        He’s a fucking asshole

      • AlmightyJB

        He’s a socon. I’m sure closing down the bars is making him pretty happy. Prick. Dude needs tarred and feathered..

      • MikeS

        He looks like a toad. The director of the Ohio Department of Health, on the other hand; would test her for Kung Flu, IYKWIM.

      • Rhywun

        He said on Sunday morning people all over the state — including from the Cleveland area — sent him concerning texts about people out on Saturday night.

        And there it is. Democracy in action, folks. Is there a word for “rule by the most freaked out”?

      • Sean

        Wait, that’s what this is about? The plebes aren’t panicking correctly?

        Holy Fuck!

      • Gender Traitor

        He said on Sunday morning people all over the state — including from the Cleveland area — sent him concerning texts about people out on Saturday night.

        But how do those “concerned” people KNOW how many people were out on Saturday night unless THEY were also out on Saturday night?

      • westernsloper

        That was my first thought GT. I hate people.

      • Not an Economist

        Hey there are people out there having fun. Don’t they know there is a health emergency going on. They need to be thrown in prison.

        /sarc

      • MikeS

        Wow. I wonder what part of the Ohio constitution gives him that power?

      • AlmightyJB

        FYTW clause. I would love to see all bars refuse to comply.

      • DEG

        Unfortunately that won’t happen.

        “Nice business you got there, be a real shame if something happens to it.”

      • Tonio

        Even if overruled the process is the punishment.

      • The Hyperbole

        Shit, I better go clean the beer dock out of Strohs. I’m going to have to put on pants, goddammit.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m headed to my local bar & grille in a few. At least until 9pm:(

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m going to inquire about recalling the Governer.

      • Gender Traitor

        If it lasts through April 4th and includes wineries (and I’m sure it does,) the Mister’s gonna be pissed – we, along with a friend, are scheduled for a one-time-only gig (our occasional, ad hoc band French Toast Zombies.)

      • Nephilium

        This is going to fuck over a lot of business owners. It’s not like the bars can offer liquor, beer, and wine to go (some will be able to do growlers to go).

        Fuck you DeWine.

      • The Hyperbole

        Now would be a great time to open a speakeasy in your basement. I heard you have a couple kegs.

      • Gender Traitor

        We can’t help the bars, but I foresee a lot of takeout for dinner at Chez GT. Fuck Dewine indeed.

      • Nephilium

        My niece doesn’t know if the place she works at is going to stay open for takeout or not. I feel really bad for the handful of places that just opened in the past couple of weeks. This could take them out.

      • Gender Traitor

        Apparently there’s some provision for employees to file for unemployment and for bar owners to return alcohol purchased within the last 30(?) days (which passes the loss along to the distributors.) What a cluster.

      • DEG

        I think I mentioned here the other day the friend of mine that spent a year, year and a half and tens of thousands of dollars to resurrect a restaurant near where we grew up.

        He told me he’s not affected by Wolf’s orders shutting down the area because his capacity is underneath “the magic number”.

        When I checked the news this morning, I saw news about Wolf wanting to shut down all restaurants and bars. I’m worried about him.

      • RAHeinlein

        Chicago just announced new rules as well:

        Citing worries of large gathering continuing through St. Patrick’s Day on Tuesday, police will enforce that all business establishments that sell liquor to have less than half of their regular max capacity.

        Additionally, any establishments that sell liquor will have a max capacity of 100 persons.

        Pritzker said he was “disappointed” with all the people he saw out at bars celebrating St. Patrick’s Day Weekend.

        https://wgntv.com/news/chicago-officials-announce-restrictions-for-bars-restaurants-that-sell-alcohol/

      • DEG

        Pritzker said he was “disappointed” with all the people he saw out at bars celebrating St. Patrick’s Day Weekend.

        Pritzker can go fucking himself. The Irish breakfast I had earlier this afternoon was delicious.

      • DEG

        Wow. “can go fuck himself.”

        Thankfully closing bars and restaurants has not come to NH yet.

      • Chafed

        I wonder if that’s related to NH’s respect for the Second Amendment.

      • DEG

        During the Mother’s Day floods about 15 (?) years ago, the National Guard got called out and forced people in some towns to evacuate whether they wanted to or not. I remember seeing articles about people in those towns bitching about being forced to evacuate. No shootings over it that I remember.

    • Akira

      We’ll see if Dear Leader decides to flex his muscles any more, if you’ll pardon the expression.

      You know there will be some “temporary emergency measures” that will be on the books for all eternity, kind of like how emergency powers during WW1 are still there, and many economic interferences date back to the New Deal.

      • Rhywun

        +1 rent control

    • Jarflax

      It is a matter of pride that I have never cast a vote for him for any office.

  12. Fourscore

    I got a later start this morning so I cut a mile off my morning treadmill walk, only 3 miles but I did the weight business. I have added a little weight on the barbells though. Can’t lose the belly or any weight. I blame my slow metabolism, yeah, that’s it, slow metabolism. The spring weather disappeared, I’m able to walk on top of the snow because of the crust.

    Getting ready to start some of the garden plants, peppers and eggplant, they grow pretty slow at the beginning.

    • MikeS

      My wife has spent the weekend starting seeds. We’re almost there!

  13. Spudalicious

    I got extra fitness today walking through three grocery stores to find three items. Carrots, mushrooms and flour. Don’t even think about asswipe paper. What the hell is wrong with people?

    • DEG

      Fuck. I’m pushing off for another day. Will go tomorrow morning after the gym.

    • Chafed

      I went to Costco today. The crowd was lighter than usual. I didn’t need TP but passed through that aisle. Completely sold out. People are really something.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Amazon dumped a load of TP on our front porch this morning. I weep when I think of you poor Third Worlders.

  14. Tonio

    Walking around the neighborhood is both exercise and a chance to socialize from a distance. People seem grateful even for small, fleeting convos.

    • Akira

      Not to mention that being on good terms with your neighbors could be beneficial if things ever get crazy.

    • Ted S.

      I took the dog for a walk, but since it was on state forest land, didn’t see anybody. The mountain bikers aren’t out yet.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Are you sure it’s not Ted K?

  15. Crusty Juggler

    America Is a Sham

    All over America, the coronavirus is revealing, or at least reminding us, just how much of contemporary American life is bullshit, with power structures built on punishment and fear as opposed to our best interest. Whenever the government or a corporation benevolently withdraws some punitive threat because of the coronavirus, it’s a signal that there was never any good reason for that threat to exist in the first place.

    I want to say that once a policy is revealed as bullshit, it gets a lot harder to convince smart, engaged citizens to capitulate to it. That’s one reason why activists are agitating to end cash bail in the coronavirus crisis, or fighting to ensure that coronavirus tests and any eventual vaccine are available to all. Not only would those measures save or better countless lives during the pandemic, but in their common-sense wisdom they expose the absurdity of the opposing view. What kind of ghoul would argue that we shouldn’t vaccinate everyone against a pandemic threatening the health of our nation? The same kind of ghoul, perhaps, who thinks that cancer treatment, or insulin, should only be available for those lucky enough to be able to pay for them.

    “What are your hobbies?”

    “Ghouls.”

    • Akira

      What kind of ghoul would argue that we shouldn’t vaccinate everyone against a pandemic threatening the health of our nation? The same kind of ghoul, perhaps, who thinks that cancer treatment, or insulin, should only be available for those lucky enough to be able to pay for them.

      Both China and Italy serve as counter-examples to the claim that “universal” healthcare would prevent the spread of things like COVID-19.

      • Hyperion

        I think in most of Western Europe, the socialized medicine solution comes down to this.

        Under 65? Don’t get sick.

        Over 65? Take a pill and die quietly at home, geezer.

        No thanks.

      • Akira

        Under 65? Don’t get sick.
        Over 65? Take a pill and die quietly at home, geezer.

        But it’s FREEEEEEE!!

        /American Leftist

      • commodious spittoon

        And don’t you dare think you can just buy your way into better/timelier treatments.

        Unless you’re super wealthy and can fly to Singapore, we’re not going to mention that.

      • Crusty Juggler

        What do they have a bunch of singers who are poor there or something?

      • commodious spittoon

        HOME RUN, CHIPPAH!

      • Crusty Juggler

        Commodious spits muffins!

      • Akira

        That’s the thing – rich people always get good care, even if it means getting it from another country. Average people are stuck with whatever the government gives them under nationalized healthcare.

        I’ve also heard that the British NHS mysteriously gives rich and famous people the treatment they need immediately while others have to wait months and months (no doubt because rich/famous people will make a lot of noise and cause bad PR for the NHS in a way that normal people can’t).

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Not completely true. France (ferinstance) has a blended healthcare system — you can take your chances with the base level of care provided purely through the public arm, or “upgrade” your treatments (either by paying yourself or having your private insurance provider pay). When my French cousins showed me all the different ways you could upgrade, I was floored.

        France may have more available choices for most people than the U.S. They certainly have a lot more than the average Canuck can get.

      • commodious spittoon

        The French are… suis generis in so many respects. I don’t think a lot of their practices would translate well for American progressives, except their liberal immigration policies.

        Suis generis, that’s French, right?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Heh.

        Sui generis, and Latin. But I’m sure you already knew that.  ;-)

      • Hyperion

        Nationalized healthcare is a eugenics program. The goal is to kill poor people. If you can afford private insurance after paying out the ass for the public system, you’re good to go.

        My wife and I have private insurance in Brazil and it’s very good. If you’re poor, good luck if you get seriously ill because your chances of survival are not good.

      • The Hyperbole

        What’s the end game for this ‘kill the poor people’ goal? Give ’em healthcare so we can kill ’em so we don’t have to give ’em health care?

      • Not Adahn

        Simple graft and control of the peasantry?

      • The Hyperbole

        Wouldn’t you need a peasantry to control the peasantry? Killing them seems counter productive.

      • Jarflax

        It isn’t about eugenics, it is about control. People spending their own money make their own choices. The more things are provided by the State the more the State controls. I don’t understand the need to always look for the hidden nefarious purpose. It isn’t hidden at all. Single payer at one blow doubles the share of the GDP the Federal Government controls

      • Hyperion

        “It isn’t about eugenics, it is about control. People spending their own money make their own choices.”

        I didn’t mean that it’s an intentional eugenics program. Unintended consequences is just part of what government control of things results in.

        The poor are NOT going to get better healthcare because of socialized medicine. They’re going to get less healthcare because it is intentionally rationed to control costs.

      • The Hyperbole

        Nationalized healthcare is a eugenics program. The goal is to kill poor people.

        But it’s not intentional. it’s one of those rare unintentional ‘goals’.

      • Hyperion

        ^this^

      • LJW

        Healthcare is right!

        So a 95 year old with cancer will get all treatments available?

        Woh now someone that age will be an unnecessary burden on the system we’ll give them some aspirin and hope they go fast.

      • Hyperion

        You’ll get what some bureaucrat decides you’ll get, and like it. All for only 40-50% of your income.

        Wait until the starry eyed millennials in the USA get the socialized medicine they all think is so great and find half of their next paycheck missing for their ‘free’ healthcare. Can’t afford that new BMW or newest iPhone now? Shut up, you have free healthcare!

      • Akira

        Can’t afford that new BMW or newest iPhone now? Shut up, you have free healthcare!

        The obvious solution is that the BMW and iPhone should also be free and financed by taxing the rich. I mean, duh. It’s like, so simple that even an idiot can figure this out.

      • Gustave Lytton

        A lot of lessons from China and Italy are being ignored.

      • IRBE

        Such as?

      • Crusty Juggler

        WTF WEBMASTER

      • LJW

        Looking like Spain and France are heading that way too.

    • commodious spittoon

      “Little green ghouls, buddy!”

    • Rhywun

      “This crisis proves that we need to enact every leftist policy I’ve been advocating for decades.”

  16. Sean

    I went to the range today and exercised my trigger finger. A little busier than usual too. Some Americans have a hard time sheltering in place.

  17. Crusty Juggler

    Why so many billionaires are fleeing to Teton County, Wyoming

    John Truett made millions as an oil and gas CEO, but since moving to Teton County, Wyoming — a town inhabited by an increasing number of wealthy transplants like himself — his biggest passion has been becoming a “normal person.”

    When he visits the downtown bars, “I don’t tell people that I live in a gated community. They accept me as a local,” he tells author Justin Farrell in his new book, “Billionaire Wilderness: The Ultra-Wealthy and the Remaking of the American West” (Princeton University Press), out now.

    I don’t tell people I live in a gated community either!

    • R C Dean

      “They accept me as a local,”

      They know. They are just being polite.

    • Shirley Knott

      Yeah, he doesn’t have a clue. He was ID’d and scoped out before he’d been in town a week. By week 2, every local informal chat network would have spread it to every local. They’ll go along and treat him like regular folks, as long as he keeps acting like regular folks. But they know who he is and at least roughly where he lives.

      • Jarflax

        And those ‘gates’ on his community are perfect protection against the locals when he stops acting like regular folks. Well except the ones that entertain themselves shooting prairie dogs at 2000 meters. The walls are at least 2 klicks out from the house right?

      • Shirley Knott

        Well, to be honest I have trouble imagining what he would do that would result in him needing protection from the regular folks’. He’d be far more likely just to be increasingly frozen out to varying degrees. This goes triple if he’s married.

    • DEG

      A bit thin.

      Here’s one I like.

      If you dig through her instagram page you’ll find that:

      a) the semester I spent at Penn State – Ogontz (now Penn State Abington) was at the wrong time
      b) She likes guns

  18. Crusty Juggler
    • Sean

      Let them panic buy cheap meats. That leaves the steaks for me.

      • Akira

        Hell yea dude.

        My strength is that half the stuff I eat is weird shit that nobody else wants… While they’re clearing out the ground beef and bread, I’ll be stocking up on frozen squid, dry milk, sorghum flour, and anchovies.

      • Crusty Juggler

        What about liverwurst and olive loaf and tater tots?

      • Akira

        Sounds good except the tater tots, just because I have a neurotic disdain for prepackaged food ever since I got into cooking.

        … But liver is delicious and extremely healthy. Hell, I might see if my butcher has some of that in the freezer case. The other day there were six people waiting on just ground chuck because they couldn’t grind it as fast as people were buying it, but I sure didn’t see anyone ransacking the liver!!

      • R C Dean

        “I sure didn’t see anyone ransacking the liver!!”

        You want to see livers get ransacked? Do a Glibs meetup.

      • westernsloper

        *Belches…. Scratches belly
        Wut?

      • Shirley Knott

        Honey glazed liver with herbs, garlic and onion.

    • commodious spittoon

      We must have a national hot dog reserve precisely for these perilous times!

      I say we appoint the CEO of Wienerschnitzel , even if that’s a German name.

      • RAHeinlein

        You are so going to get it now…

  19. Hyperion

    So, Sleepy Joe debates Bernie Bae tonight. I’m surprised Biden’t handlers let him do it. I think the old commie is going to force Biden into a bunch of gaffes that really puts his dementia on display and the media will scramble to cover it up.

    • commodious spittoon

      For all their abuse of MAGAtards and Trumpkins, they’re in the same boat, having to defend an aging lunatic from his humiliating gaffs, miscues, and ignorance.

      • Hyperion

        Bernie’s idea’s suck and he’s unelectable, but he’s in much better mental health than Biden is at this point. It will be interesting just how much Biden will fuck up tonight, but you can be sure there will be plenty of gaffes for Twitter fodder.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        At this point nothing Biden says will surprise me. Will he challenge Bernie to a push up contest, to compare IQs? He may even try to tough talk him a la the union worker gun guy. Should make for some interesting clips tomorrow at least.

    • Don works from Home

      It’s a big mistake for Biden: no upside.

      Bernie: program X!
      Biden: That’s a laudable goal and we all agree with the spirit of it, but we need to go slow, and the man to do that, someone who can compromise and reach across the aisle . . . I’m that guy.

      Bernie: program Y!
      Biden: That’s a laudable goal and ………..

      If he does that all night, he’s toast.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yep, he’s way ahead. What the hell are they thinking? If he wins he stays ahead, if he loses, and he will because he’s incoherent, he’ll be in trouble

      • Hyperion

        Fuck, they’ll be lucky if he doesn’t start rambling about Cornpop and when he was part of the Obiden/Bama ticket, and other shit we haven’t even imagined yet. The guy is a fucking drool bib wearing idiot at this point.

  20. Crusty Juggler

    A Woman Who Accused Former Casino Mogul Steve Wynn Of Rape Was Found To Have Defamed Him

    As to how absurd Kuta’s claims were, the AP explained that Israel denied her a DNA test from Wynn’s daughter, Kevyn, because a birth certificate showed her birth date being in 1967, years before Kuta said Wynn allegedly raped her in 1973 or 1974. Also, Picasso painted “Le Reve” in 1932. Kuta was born more than a decade later.

    Another 5 diamond award!

  21. Crusty Juggler

    You ever been kissing someone and during that kiss they accidentally transfer a piece of tuna fish into your mouth?

    • commodious spittoon

      Isn’t that how the youts share gum? I think I read that in one of those comic magazines they youts read, Archie or something.

    • Q Continuum

      Sea snowballing.

  22. Crusty Juggler

    With De Blasio’s Blessing, NYC Nightlife Still Buzzing Despite Pleas To Self-Isolate

    “Hundo! Hundo. We’re 100 percent concerned. Definitely,” a woman who works in strategy and branding told Gothamist outside Pianos. We asked why she was going in the bar with her friends anyway. “Because I’m drunk! It’s my friend’s 25th birthday.” She paused, then added, “I’m waiting for the government to tell me I should be more concerned, if I’m being honest.”

    The third member of the group, a man who said he was an investment banker, attempted to put things into perspective. “There’s been multiple pandemics in the history of human beings. This is the first one in the technological era that allows us to be worried all the time.”

    Perfect.

    • Rhywun

      He just closed the schools*, it’s only a matter of time before he closes everything else.

      *No, he didn’t. They will remain open for the same reasons they’re open now and it’s not “education”.

  23. Don works from Home

    Jerome shoots his wad

    No matter what you think of the Federal Reserve, Powell is now out of bullets before the fight even begins. Upside: Trump has nothing left to tweet about.

    The only measures (that I can think of) left are bald, rank nationalization.

    • commodious spittoon

      Start taxing savings. Spend that money, peasants! For the economy!

      • Don works from Home

        cash on hand is only $1.3T

        personal debt is $13.9T

    • RAHeinlein

      Mnuchin has stated liquidity will not be an issue, banks are sound, I don’t see moral hazard. But, yeah, the Fed is out of ammo.

  24. Crusty Juggler

    Our Throw-Away-the-Key Culture

    The prisoners’ complaints, in 1952, are the same complaints I heard from prisoners in the various Texas facilities I covered as a reporter in the seventies, and they’re the same complaints uncovered by Ted Conover when he went undercover as a guard at Sing Sing in the late nineties for his book Newjack, and they’re the same complaints you hear whenever some special commission studies a riot or a murder in the California penal system today. In fact, the violent gangs in ultra-modern California facilities like Pelican Bay and Corcoran make the horrors of Alcatraz seem quaint.

    Good article!

    • LCDR_Fish

      by Joe Bob “Monsterfest” Briggs – he’s doing regular articles there now.

    • Hyperion

      The problem with the American prison system is that too many people in the system are there because of victimless crimes.

      The 2 biggest mistakes this country ever made?

      1. Slavery.

      2. The WOD.

      • westernsloper

        3. Green Jello molds with carrots.

      • R C Dean

        “Alright, the FOUR biggest mistakes this country ever made . . . I’ll just let myself out and we can start over again.”

      • Hyperion

        “3. Green Jello molds with carrots.”

        I can’t believe I am saying this, but I have to agree with you. I had forgot about those damn things since I haven’t seen them since my elementary school days. Good grief, who is the sick fuck who invented those?

      • westernsloper

        It’s ok to agree with me. I am not the hyperbole.

      • MikeS

        I..uh…actually kind of like that.

      • Hyperion

        We already knew there is something wrong with you.

      • MikeS

        ?

      • Fourscore

        Mike S, as a fellow Midwesterner I find Jello goes with any fruit and almost any vegetable.

        I’d eat Jello and Tater Tots, with liverwurst/braunswieger sandwiches if my wife put it on the table.

        Take a stroll through an Asian food store, then go native.

      • Not Adahn

        0. Trump

        /NYT

    • Don works from Home

      My son lost a third of his hours at the courthouse so far.

  25. Tres Cool

    As I’ve previously mentioned, Mike DeWine is a statist POS governor. And was a shitty AG.

    And fuck his horse-faced cunte daughter, too.

    • Crusty Juggler

      The one who died?

      My God man.

      • westernsloper

        Gaaaah! She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

      • Tres Cool

        My issue really isnt with her looks; ad hominem attacks are too easy. But she’s a contemptible POS like her Dad, and lords over anyone how buddy-buddy she is with the FOP and cops.

        (And the last time she walked in a bar, the bartender said “why the long face?”)

      • Gender Traitor

        …and she went crying to Daddy, and now Daddy’s closing all the bars. Just. Great.

      • Hyperion

        Why aren’t you thankful that our overlord betters are saving us? You probably post on one of them fringe libertarian sites.

      • Hyperion

        “Because We Can Do More”

        Umm, no.

      • R C Dean

        Don, you still own the handle/avatar game. Another excellent combo. Building all the avatars on the same chassis is just the cherry on top.

      • Don works from Home

        you’re kind

        Reminder of my habits, creativity, or productivity: on my very best day, it’s all based on laziness. Getting out of trouble and investing the very least is the soul of all my methods, no matter how industrious or ingenious they might seem.

    • Aus

      Fuck Ohio and fuck Columbus. This City is turning into a liberal hellhole and I’m living in the epicenter of it.

      I’m leaving this shit if the housing market doesn’t collapse before I can sell.

      • Ted S.

        You left out tOSU.

      • Don works from Home

        I’ve got a blurb along this line dropping Wednesday.

        Remember to give me a point or two for ideas I had days ago but didn’t come out until everyone had been kibitzing about them for a week!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Panic begets panic and an underreaction can cost you your job if you’re one of these guys so that isn’t surprising. This is something to take seriously but that’s way overboard.

    • Sean

      For a cold virus.

      These people either know something we don’t or they’re fucking insane.

      • Ted S.

        Any excuse to arrogate power unto themselves.

      • Not Adahn

        Everyone needs to show that they are taking this more seriously than the last guy.

        One-upsmanship in re: pants-shitting.

    • Rhywun

      “We have already begun work to develop a third emergency response package,” Pelosi wrote in a letter to colleagues.

      OFFS.

      • Chafed

        Yeah, that’s what got me. It’s the government, not the tooth fairy. Try taking care of yourself first.

      • Hyperion

        What about stopping payroll tax for the rest of the year, Nancy?

        *crickets*

        No, you serfs cannot have more of your own money, how can we save you!?

    • westernsloper

      For most people, the new coronavirus causes only mild or moderate symptoms, such as fever and cough.

      Ya, so let’s shut down the country and send the economy into a recession. TOP MEN!!!! This is getting retarded.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      One of the comments:

      Christoph Elliot
      19 minutes ago
      And this should make the whole world – and especially this country – wake-up to the need for Universal Health Care of all and paid sick time for all. And perhaps it’s time to seriously look at a minimum guaranteed income for all. If people think that this virus is going to be a one-time thing, that there won’t be bigger, badder and uglier viruses to follow, they are truly, truly fooling themselves. The world – this planet – is changing and we humans better learn how to adapt or we won’t survive it.

      Please, for the love of God, give it a rest.

      • Hyperion

        Never let a good crisis go to waste.

      • Crusty Juggler

        He peaked on Letterman imho

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Cabin Boy was good.

      • Tres Cool

        Someone point out to Chris that Italy has exactly what he’s lobbying for.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Top heavy mustachioed women?

    • IRBE

      Mentioned earlier up thread was something about the lessons from China and Italy were not learned. Because everything reported out of China is a lie there is nothing actionable to know and do. Garbage in–>garbage out. Italy is better in terms of reporting but is terrible in terms of execution and they are in the midst of their worst day for new cases and death. No lesson there yet. (if only it had happened to the German’s or Brits first)

      So what do we do…well it seems like reported cases of CV have about a 2 week lag between when the virus actually shows (it has a 2 week head start), but you can’t do anything drastic in a geographic area until you get some cases b/c no one will take you seriously. So we employ drastic measures based on known management of flu while being 2 week behind. Then cases pile up and we assume that the precautions and measures don’t work…Rinse and repeat.

      What needs to happen is to have a “naive” and highly controlled population to test our precaution and drastic measures. See above prisons.

      • Chafed

        If Italy’s underfunded old age pensions start to balance….

    • Not an Economist

      Because we don’t test everybody and we started testing late because of bureaucratic rules, we actually have no idea if the virus is continuing to spread or not. It may have leveled off already — probably not but we don’t know.

      But this is the thing that pisses me off. The people who are making these rules are also the ones who will decide if they are working or not. So they will declare success and pat themselves on the back.

      • IRBE

        We will never test everybody. These test kits are expensive, semi-unreliable and spinning them up is not a trivial exercise since this virus is new and nasty.

      • westernsloper

        Is it really nasty? I realize it is deadly for those of us with health conditions but I am not getting why this is so “nasty”. I could be ignorant to the true deal here but I am not seeing a reason for the freakout. We have never freaked out and shut things down and closed restaurants, bars and liquor stores that I remember. I was working out of the country last big pandemic so I also may have a skewed memory.

      • Nephilium

        I’m right there with you. I went up to Toronto back when the SARS scare was going on, and there was an upswing in people wearing masks. The shutting down of restaurants, bars, and schools at this level is just crazy to me. I was young, but I don’t remember this level of fear back when HIV was first spreading.

      • The Hyperbole

        They didn’t close shit but I remember a lot of ‘what-if’ panic until they figured out that you had to at the minimum swap spit to pass it along. There was enough panic they didn’t want Magic Johnson playing B-ball, One comedian had a bit about how during a game Magic might inadvertently ass-fuck another player. I don’t remember the entire routine but “You hate to see that this early in the season” was one of the punchlines.

      • Not Adahn

        Actually, they (NYC, LA, etc) did close a number of venues. A lot of sex clubs that had been tolerated up until that point were now public health hazards.

      • Not Adahn

        AIDS was worse, because it was 100% fatal and incurable. And at the time there were all sorts of things said such as you could have it and be able to transmit it for two years before the first symptoms appeared.

      • Not an Economist

        For the H1N1 virus, in the first year 65+ million people and 12,000+ people died … in the US alone. And we did nothing like what we are doing for this.

        What is different for this virus? I honestly don’t know.

      • The Hyperbole

        This time we don’t want 12,000 people to die?

      • Not Adahn

        You’re going to be very disappointed I’m afraid. There will be more than 12 kilodeaths in the next couple of hours.

      • IRBE

        So my understanding is the Chicom were working with it in a BL4 lab (full gown-respirator, ect) setting which is same as they work with Ebola. Flu research is done at BL2 (mask, lab coat).

        I think the CV in circulation is not a wild-type (Chicom’s lost control) and has been selected for research to be more robust and infect cells better…

      • westernsloper

        Infect cells better for what? Giving healthy people a cold and killing off us smokers and old folks?

      • IRBE

        Some viruses require a high number or titer in order to infect a cell. Say a wild-type requires 1000 virus to infect a cell 90% of the time. Now you select for a virus that only requires 10 virus to infect a cell 90% of the time. That is 2 orders of magnitude more infective. Infection = disease state. Old people and smokers are more likely to have complications in a disease state.

        Purely hypothetical example.

  26. Not Adahn

    I stopped in at work to pick up the charger for my laptop.

    They have sealed all but two of the entrances, and those are being staffed by people wearing universal precautions who took the temperature of my forehead before letting me pass.

    The cafeteria has boxes of gloves anywhere a person might be tempted to touch something (silverware, napkin dispenser, salad bar, etc.)

    This shit is getting ridiculous.

    • R C Dean

      Oh, FFS.

      • Not Adahn

        I plan on sneezing on the boxes of gloves.

    • commodious spittoon

      I have tires coming in and if they’re not at Walmart on Wednesday, I’m going to break social distancing protocols and hug a motherfucker.

  27. grrizzly

    Los Angeles is out of eggs. We wanted to buy them at Costco first. They only had organic eggs, so we didn’t buy them because as a rule we do not buy “organic” food. After that we tried to buy them at Vons, Walmart (2 stores), Whole Foods, CVS, a Latino supermarket, a seafood supermarket, Albertsons. All of them were out of eggs. Finally, I stopped at Target where they had organic eggs only. This time I bought a dozen–paying more than I would have paid at Costco for 24 eggs.

    • Ted S.

      I bought eggs on Friday, mostly because I thought I only had one left at home. Turns out I already had a half dozen, so now I’ve got an even dozen, which is enough for two weeks.

      • Ted S.

        Forgot to add that there didn’t seem to be a run on eggs yet where I was.

      • Not Adahn

        Since I’ll be WFH three days a week until the economy collapses completely, I’ll probably be cooking breakfast in the mornings. I should get more eggs.

    • Crusty Juggler

      I eat four eggs a day, and have 4 full cartons (as I always do because I prepare for the apoc-egg-lypse.

      • IRBE

        My boy Luke..say he can eat 50 egg..he eat 50 egg!

      • The Hyperbole

        Ain’t nobody can eat fidty eggs.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You must be yolking.

      • Sean

        *Throws Cadbury egg at Scruffy*

    • J. Frank Parnell

      We have eggs down here in Orange County – I just went to Albertsons and the egg section was maybe 1/4 full with store-brand eggs (restocked since yesterday, when they were down to a handful of cartons of organic free-range brown eggs).

      Also, bananas were back in stock.

  28. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Interesting, Britain is considering allowing people to get CV in a managed fashion in order to build herd immunity:

    https://youtu.be/7Q9f1j3fvZ

    A high risk (do we really get immunity once we get it and recover), high reward strategy for sure.

    • IRBE

      They stole my idea..Is it too late to ask Nancy P for that grant money?

    • Chafed

      I’m not positive but I think I heard an epidemiologist say you do get immunity.

      • IRBE

        There are some stories about people getting re-infected or testing positive after recovering. This is from China…

    • westernsloper

      As for Liz, a 29-year-old in New York City, she scheduled a date for Thursday evening. She’s in favor of taking the usual precautions of washing her hands and not touching her face. Otherwise, she said, “someone’s gotta patronize local businesses.”

      Wrong. Lock yourself in your closet.

    • DEG

      I’ve only seen two mentions of Coronavirus on on-line dating sites/apps.

      They’re wastelands and Coronavirus hasn’t changed that.

  29. LCDR_Fish

    No issue with Walmart locally – granted some stuff missing from the shelves and some per person purchase limits for a few items, but still milk, eggs, etc on the shelves.

    • Hyperion

      I couldn’t get any blueberries today. It REALLY IS A CRISIS!

    • Hyperion

      Are those FDA approved? You could hurt yourself on one of those!

  30. Crusty Juggler

    Teenage boy is left ‘broken’ after a female teacher’s aide, 55, repeatedly sexually abused him at the back of the classroom and bombarded him with nude photos

    A teenager sleeps with a knife because he’s so traumatised by what his teacher’s aide did to him in class when no one was watching.

    Nicole Woods sexually abused the student repeatedly at a suburban Melbourne high school and sent him nude images.

    The boy, now 19, says he’s been left ‘broken and I don’t know how to fix me’.

    Dark days, anger pain, can’t sleep properly, sleep with a knife, cutting myself,’ the young man told the County Court of Victoria on Friday of his life after the abuse.

    ‘(I’m) not innocent anymore.’

    Woods, 55, performed sex acts on the boy in a teacher’s aide ‘pod’ at the back of the classroom.

    She abused him up to 25 times over about five months in 2016.

    The Rorsarch origin story…

  31. Yusef drives a Kia

    Deegan and I played another 18 today, low winds, the kid is ripping it, but shooting too high, so after #4 we are talking to Mike the hHomeless, and a guy calls to play through, of course.he rips a 300′ shot pin high, nice shot, then comes up and we have some beers chatting, meanwhile Gson is itching to throw, so Aaron tells him Go Boy! Kid rips it, so we finished the round and 9 more with him giving instruction to the Boy, he throws a 300′ forearm now, smokes me, I love it,

  32. LJW

    The Germans have 5000+ confirmed sick and only 11 dead. What’s their secret?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Zyklon B?

      • Tres Cool

        HEY YUFUS!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Quarantine Howdy! no one at the Park, Glorious Corona Virus is Glorious!
        /Short Cans!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s a good question. I wonder what percentage of them smoke because it seems to hit smokers especially hard.

      • LJW

        I believe they have higher rates than the United States.

    • Tres Cool

      Apfelkorn and Substance N ?

    • Nephilium

      Beer and pork?

    • westernsloper

      Sausage and beer.

    • Sean

      They eat more ass?

    • Chafed

      Lots and lots of hefeweisen.

      • MikeS

        ^this^

    • Tres Cool

      Peter, Paul, and Mary ?

    • Q Continuum

      Larry, Moe and Curly.

      • Gender Traitor

        Marx Bros. > Three Stooges

      • Old Man With Candy

        YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.

        DEAD.

        TO.

        ME.

      • Not Adahn

        You are correct, but since there were five of them, they don’t apply.

      • Gender Traitor

        Six if you count Aleppo.

      • MikeS

        And how many Stooges were there?

    • Ted S.

      The Magi?

    • Tres Cool
      • DEG

        That’s a good one.

    • MikeS
    • Crusty Juggler
    • Rhywun

      Someone’s watching MeTV at 7:35, 6:35 Central.

      • Fourscore

        Father, Son, Holy Ghost

        They’ve been around for a couple centuries

    • Crusty Juggler

      Hold on…………………………………………………………………………

      for this entry

    • Chafed

      Father, son, and holy ghost.

      • Fourscore

        I had a winner until I scrolled down and saw your time stamp. That’s what get for eating a second helping of lime Jello and carrots. Damn it!

  33. Drake

    Never heard of “Burpee Push-Ups”.

    Clicks on link and watches guy do squat-thrusts.

    • LJW

      Bro you don’t CrossFit?

    • The Hyperbole

      I think the difference is the push up and the little jump at the end.

    • MikeS

      I’ve known that as a burpee for over 30 years.

    • Hyperion

      For the USA, looks like a death rate of about .2%. That’s pretty damn low. Even though Germany is 10 times lower, we have different demographics. Who knows, but for the first world, so far the hysteria seems way overdone.

  34. Ownbestenemy

    Now i have find something for my two 15 year olds to do until April 6. NV closing schools….whatever

    • Ted S.

      Put them to work overseeing your orphan labor.

      • Ownbestenemy

        What was I thinking?! Sorry for my lapse in glibbing . They will be immediately tasked with the title of sub-shitloads

  35. Chipping Pioneer

    Carnivore diet continues. This week, eliminating processed meats. Basically going to be unprocessed meat, avocado oil when required, salt, pepper.

    Went to the grocery store yesterday about lunch time. There was no chicken. Like, none. They had pulled down the blind – type things over the poultry section. Fortunately, there’s meat in the freezer, and lots more on the woods.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Keep us updated on the poops!

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Less frequent. Although yesterday and today I cheated and had some salad with lunch. Wrecked my insides both days.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I looked at all my canned goods and realized I was almost out of Fresh meat, plenty to buy so i did, and bought a Fifth of Bourbon, strictly for trade, I don’t do hard alcohol….

      • Chipping Pioneer

        What did you get? I bought some Knob Creek today.

        As part of the carnivore diet, I’ve given up regular beer and wine. I’m not a hard liquor guy, either, but found a tasty recipe for Keto Old Fashioneds.

        In my quest to find the bourbon that I like best, so far Woodford Reserve is my favourite.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Second Woodford…that stuff is nice.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        nope, just some Jim Beam, in the ZombieTime Humans won’t care about quality, except for LH, But He’s dead around here…
        /Sad Yusef…

      • Crusty Juggler

        “strictly for trade”

        Speaking in strictly hypothetical terms, what would you be trading – in theory – for a 38-year-old barely used anus?

        In theory.

        Purely hypothetical.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        You’ll get better value from HM.

      • Crusty Juggler

        lol my racism supersedes any sort of doomsday scenario.

        I would never volunteer my body to those with tainted blood.

      • Ted S.

        Take your tears and that’s not nearly all, tainted blood?

      • commodious spittoon

        I don’t do hard alcohol

        It’s like spinach to my Popeye, it makes me the man I yam.

  36. Ownbestenemy

    From my middle son: News said Trump is Hitler and wants to cancel elections and wants us to die. Then in the next breath, asking him to mobilize the military. Do they not see how idiotic they sound?

    Me: Have a sip of beer.

    • Ted S.

      DeBlasio cancelled a special election, so that makes *him* Hitler, right?

    • Ownbestenemy

      I told him Trump can cancel whatever he thinks he can, except in January, Pelosi will become president if thats the case. At least how I read the Constitution.

  37. Hyperion

    One of my clients found an infected person employee. Looks like WFH for at least the rest of this month. I will continue to sneak out of the house and get whatever necessities we need until the crisis passes. I feel bad for enjoying the crisis, but it is what it is.

  38. Juvenile Bluster

    Kid’s school is closed for at least two weeks (likely longer) and work put everyone on WFH for the foreseeable future. Totally cool with all of that. No need to leave the house except for food, and we’re stocked up pretty good on that.

    • Ownbestenemy

      In the same boat.

    • Hyperion

      People who can work from home shouldn’t be commuting anyway. I’ve argued that for years with no success. They all want to save the planet and all that, but change scares the fuck out of them. There is NO, ZERO reasons why people who can telecommute shouldn’t be able to.

      • Nephilium

        The office I go into specifically requested someone on site for support to help ease their fears and make sure they were getting heard. Once my daily contact there retired, I’ve dialed down the office days to two a week (with more if they want me on site for meetings). But it’s WFH for my company going forward (and most likely for the company I’m supporting). Odds are this is going to cause some real cultural changes for the standard office worker.

      • Hyperion

        I’m seriously considering only telecommute clients from this point forward. My biggest client wants me on site 50% of the time, and I’m starting to regret it besides the great benefits and compensation. Time to make decisions and call bluffs is now.

      • RBS

        So, I am at a point in my law life that probably 90% of the work I do is for prior clients and people I know outside of work (shockingly, firemen have wide array of legal problems…) and they don’t give shit where I work as long as the work gets done. But, my boss thinks it is important that I come to the office so the support staff sees me. They don’t give a shit if I’m there either.

      • Hyperion

        “they don’t give shit where I work as long as the work gets done”

        This is the way it should be. I worked for maybe 3-4 hours today. On a Sunday. Without leaving the house. The miracle of modern technology. But we’re still living in a system designed in the distant past.

      • RBS

        Yeah, the Gov just cancelled school for the rest of March here in SC. As a lawyer, there really isn’t much I can do at the office that I can’t do from home (obvious exceptions…) as long as I can remote into my work computer. As a fireman, I still belong to the city for 24 hours every three days.

      • Hyperion

        First of all, I’m jealous that you live in SC and I’m stuck in MD.

        But just imagine being someone who can do 100% of their work remotely and still forced to drive to an office 2-3 days a week, for no reason.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I don’t need to imagine that. That’s my spousal unit’s situation (although she doesn’t go in that often).

        Annoying as Hell.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Lawyer and Firefighter?

        D00d, you’re the New Age Man!

      • Crusty Juggler

        “Law and Fire, starting Sunday’s on NBC”

    • commodious spittoon

      I had a dream ages ago in which I was a bank teller working from home… I had a cash register sitting on the kitchen table in the house I rented.

      Maybe the gig economy post-virus is we all do these shit jobs from home because we’re all connected and don’t mind looking like drug dealers working out of the house.

      • Hyperion

        I hear Cali has cancelled the gig economy.

      • commodious spittoon

        My buddy at work is dating a woman who does hospital billing from the house. Her virus plan is to pick up overtime hours since the office has been vacated and not everyone can work from home.

      • Gender Traitor

        I work behind the scenes at a credit union, and I’m worried for our tellers and call center reps with school-aged kids, now that schools will be closed come Tuesday.

      • commodious spittoon

        I started working at a credit union out of high school! I was there for years.

        I wish I’d gone straight to college, tbh, I could be a J-school grad working for CNN damning all y’all to hell for being insufficiently woke.

    • westernsloper

      What does a Glib do when told to go work from home? This.

  39. Hyperion

    It’s your fault what we did!

    OK, look, you commie fucks, you fucked up. You didn’t already know what cowardly spineless neutered pussies US politicians are? I thought you guys were smart?

  40. Hyperion

    Fitbit is overpriced garbage.

    I’m really tired of this crap. I’ve had to return 2 of these in the last year and now the 3rd one is failing already. The tap/swipe fails until the battery dies and I have to recharge it. I’m going to buy one of the $30 Chinese knockoffs. I hope it doesn’t some with the virus.

    • Don works from Home

      NewWife is constantly replacing hers as well; even the bracelets break routinely

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Odd. Spousal Unit has had hers for eighteen months now, and loves it. It’s been rock-solid — so much so that I’m almost to the point of overcoming my natural cynicism and buying one for myself.

      • Hyperion

        You’re lucky. Everyone I know who has one are complaining about the shit quality of the hardware for the price. The software is the best, but the hardware needs to be upgraded for the price.

      • Nephilium

        Mine has been solid (Charge 2 for what’s it worth). Battery charge lasts for about a week (less if I’m tracking a walk/bike ride distance with it). I’ve skipped going with the Fitbit bands, and go for the cheap knock off ones at ~$8 each. I’ve had one of those break so far.

      • MikeS

        My Charge 3 has been solid, as well. The band broke after a year, but like Neph’ mentioned, that’s a cheap and easy fix.

      • Hyperion

        Either of you found one that has a decent HR, BP feature, along with fairly accurate steps?

      • MikeS

        No BP on the Charge 3. The steps functions seems pretty darn accurate…except when driving. I’ll rack up hundreds of steps on my way to work. I mentioned this to a coworker who has one and she said hers never registers driving “steps”, so not sure what’s up with mine.

      • Hyperion

        “I’ll rack up hundreds of steps on my way to work”

        They all do this. But I don’t get hundreds, it’s just a few. The technology is not quite there yet to eliminate that.

      • MikeS

        Well, my drive is 50 miles, so there’s plenty of time to get into the hundreds.

        When I was counting steps, I would just go into the app and delete all steps recorded during the time I was driving.

      • hayeksplosives

        My original Fitbit was a piece of poo, one of the models they had to recall.

        My Apple Watch has the same Fitbit features and more, and hasn’t let me down. I am especially fond of the “Stand!” Reminders and breathing exercises.

      • Hyperion

        My type-os are becoming Bidenish level gaffes.

    • LJW

      My wife has had the Apple watch for 2 or 3 years, still going strong, costs more up front but if it lasts longer, it might be worth the investment.

    • IRBE

      I have a LifeTrak Core. $30… no charge needed, in 2 yrs it dies and I throw it away and get new.

    • Don works from Home

      draw whatever you want

      but if the sprinkler contractor gets into the building before the ducts are run, you’re f**ked

      • commodious spittoon

        We have a contractor bitching about not having ceiling room to run ducts in this ostentatious building we analyzed (I work for a structural engineering firm). We gave them column sizes, beam sizes, joist sizes, etc… the one MEP document we got was a scan of a hand-drawn mechanical plan (in pen) on a print of our framing plan.

  41. Yusef drives a Kia

    My Daughter is almost out of TP, I just offered to trade Tp for Weed, what an Asshole!
    She won’t run out of course….

    • Hyperion

      “I just offered to trade Tp for Weed”

      That sounds like the sort of free enterprise we need.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      She is taking me up on the offer, I did tell her I was joking but no, Barter!

  42. Tejicano

    I’ve been trying to get back into full range of motion pull-ups recently. I have also been doing a Soviet lifting program in the gym. So when I found a Russian pull-up program last week I started that.

    The difference with Soviet/Russian programs is doing reps/weight which is challenging but comfortable – not going to failure or close to it. Focus on form and full range of motion. And long breaks between sets – usually with other exercises in between.

    And for full range of motion you have to touch the bar with your throat. That really does change things but it’s part of the program.

    The pull-up routine is 5 sets spread over the day. Let’s say your “comfortable, not excessive” level is 5 reps. So your sets would be 5/4/3/2/1 reps the first day. Second day would be 5/4/3/2/2. Third day would be 5/4/3/3/2. Then 5/4/4/3/2, 5/5/4/3/2, then a rest day before bumping the max day – 6/5/4/3/2.

    Unfortunately for me, I found I was only able to do 3 comfortably. So my reps were 3/2/2/1/1, 3/2/2/2/1, 3/2/2/2/2, 3/3/2/2/2, 3/3/3/2/2, 3/3/3/3/2, then a break day before 4/3/3/3/2.

    Since I am home all day – watching my kids who are out of school and working from home, and have a pull-up bar in the stairway it isn’t too hard to step out and do a set 5 times a day.

    • Tejicano

      Oh, and another point I got from a podcast with Pavel Tsatsouline – always tense the glutes and abs when doing pull-ups. I had been trying to do them with everything loose below the chest and that really doesn’t work.

    • RBS

      You can get strong as shit crushing sub-max intensities with a lot of volume.

    • westernsloper

      *looks up at pull up bar over bathroom door……sips cocktail

    • Tejicano

      For me, one of the main points of Soviet/Russian strengthening routines is getting strong without stressing, thus avoiding injury. Doing pull-ups the way I had always been doing them ended up with injuries which meant I would have to stop and heal for a few weeks/months. Really hard to get any progress that way.

      • IRBE

        I read somewhere that when pulling up with arms..you should try pulling in at the same time. I think the AthleteX guy had a vid on it.

  43. CPRM

    You know, in my entire life I don’t believe I’ve ever been tested for the flu. If I went to the doc they’d take a temp, look at the symptoms. So, unless I’m a complete outlier, how do we even have a death rate for the common flu except those who get symptoms bad enough to that they are hospitalized in the first place?

    • Juvenile Bluster

      We have an assumed death rate which is ~0.1%.

      I’ve been tested plenty of times before. They stick a really long swab down the back of your throat. It hurts like hell.

      • LJW

        Got mine up my nose

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ll die of flu, thanks.

    • LJW

      I wouldn’t be shocked if coronavirus has been in the states since December and people were passing it off as a bad cold or Flu.

      • Tejicano

        I wonder about this too. Obviously nobody was being tested for it so how would they know? It would still be a small enough number of people that I expect the system would just assume any deaths or severe cases were flu.

    • Hyperion

      My parents were religious about flu shots. And they would always get sick with the flu every winter. I didn’t get it nearly as often as they did. So I’m agnostic about it. My wife takes them and she never gets sick.

      I remember back in my 20s and 30s, I would get the flu and think it would kill me. I never get sick like that anymore even though I’m older. Wonder why that is? Modern sanitation in the first world?

      • RBS

        I never get the flu shot. My wife gets it every year. She gets sick every year.

      • Rhywun

        I’ve never had a flu shot. I had something that kept me in bed for three days about ten years ago that might have been the flu but who knows.

      • Count Potato

        I started getting them when I was was an EMT, and it was required, then just kept doing it.

      • RBS

        I get every vaccination they offer but the flu. Mostly because the city gives us random times to get the flu vaccine. “between 1236 and 1341on Thursday the 14th then between 0800 and 0819 on the 26th.”

      • Sean

        I don’t do flu shots either. I loathe needles.

        My doctor keeps trying to get me to do bloodwork and I keep ignoring him. Sooner or later he’s gonna get pissy.

      • Hyperion

        “Sooner or later he’s gonna get pissy.”

        As your customer, you get pissy with me, you’d better be OK with all your remaining customers.

      • grrizzly

        I’m not taking any flu shots since I read this Atlantic article in 2009. It’s a very good article, though a long read. To summarize: flu vaccines are not like other vaccines, their efficacy is poor, blind studies of flu vaccines are not done.

    • JD is Unemployed

      “It is well known that… consensus… projected by experts… extrapolated… tidal irregularities suggesting unseen large bodies in orbit… which had transpired on tuesday of that week… bananas being no more than thirteen cents a pound for the remainder of the fiscal year 2003… cited repeatedly in the report submitted to the UN Security Council… the trail leading ultimately to the same small shack in the Bolivian jungle in which he had spent six years conducting his earlier research until November of 1979…”

    • Tulip

      First time I was ever tested for the flu was when I went in two years ago. Never before that.

  44. JD is Unemployed

    Is it any small coincidence that this seems to have regained popularity in recent times?

  45. gbob

    If I watch the debate, my booze purchase this week might be insufficient. Fuck it.

    It’s going to be a long night.

    • Hyperion

      The old commie is going to beat slo jo around the ring like a red headed stepchild. Either that, or the DNC have bought off the Bernie again.

  46. Count Potato

    “The EARN IT Bill Is the Government’s Plan to Scan Every Message Online

    Imagine an Internet where the law required every message sent to be read by government-approved scanning software. Companies that handle such messages wouldn’t be allowed to securely encrypt them, or they’d lose legal protections that allow them to operate.

    That’s what the Senate Judiciary Committee has proposed and hopes to pass into law. The so-called EARN IT bill, sponsored by Senators Lindsay Graham (R-SC) and Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), will strip Section 230 protections away from any website that doesn’t follow a list of “best practices,” meaning those sites can be sued into bankruptcy. The “best practices” list will be created by a government commission, headed by Attorney General Barr, who has made it very clear he would like to ban encryption, and guarantee law enforcement “legal access” to any digital message.”

    https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/03/earn-it-bill-governments-not-so-secret-plan-scan-every-message-online

    “To establish a National Commission on Online Child Sexual Exploitation Prevention, and for other purposes.

    This Act may be cited as the “Eliminating Abusive and Rampant Neglect of Interactive Technologies Act of 2020” or the “EARN IT Act of 2020””

    • leon

      Fuck the GOP

    • Hyperion

      “Lindsay Graham (R-SC) ”

      Go back to your bunk, you butter teeth goblin, because no one will ever have sex with you, ever.

    • JD is Unemployed

      RIP GOP

    • MikeS

      Lindsay Graham is such a cunt.

    • westernsloper

      Fer Fucks Sake…..God I hope I get Tom Wuhan Hanks disease.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      This is for the kids, why do you people hate the kids?

      How would this be even remotely constitutional?

  47. Hyperion

    Why I want to die at 75

    You first, boomer. Just do it now. I’ll gladly come piss on your grave, you piece of shit.